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katstarry · 3 years

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all is found

peter maximoff x fem!reader

masterlist ☆

a/n: i had an idea while listening to this song, so we’ll see how it turns out lol. lmk what you think!! this is my first time ever posting something, so, kinda scary.

warning: fluff! and angst?

summary: in which the reader and peter meet and eventually have children but one day something goes wrong in a mission. (i think you know what happens next.)

also ig a modern au? because the movies frozen 1&2 exist here.

i think i let myself get a bit too carried away, but i hope people enjoy long fics as much as i do! i also hope it isn’t boring, please lmk! feedback is appreciated:)

where the north wind meets the sea

there’s a river full of memory.

y/n y/l/n and peter maximoff.

the couple most unexpected—yet perfect match—at xavier’s school for gifted youngsters. the speedster who always loved to go fast, who loves pulling pranks, and had a certain thing for causing a bit of trouble. and the other, who can control the element of water and who is known for always being patient, reserved, and kind.

but they do say opposites attract right?

although peter always sets the front of being the “laid-back” sort of guy to others, he can be a totally different person—like being so incredibly sweet, thoughtful, caring, and just so adorable, but yet being the same cheeky and sarcastic guy, but only around his closest friends like the x-men and his family— and then there’s you.

when he came along to find the profesor and saved the school, he was taken aback by you. the way your y/h/c hair fit you so perfectly and the way your y/e/c eyes shined. you were just you. it’s so cheesy i know, but it’s true. when he saw you he just knew he had to talk to you, he just wanted to get to know you.

and that was the best decision he’s ever made in his life.

now here you both were nearly six years later, with two kids in a home. a boy and a girl, named arie and anastasia. they both have yet to develop their own abilities.

you both had your very own family, together, as it should be.

you all lived in a cottage by a small river, surrounded by beautiful plants and trees, and with a breathtaking view of the open sky above.

on nights like these, warm with a slight breeze and the sun about to set, all of you would go to the back yard and have a little campfire.

“ana! don’t get to close to the edge or you’ll fall!” you sighed as you walked out of the house, balancing the items in your hands for making s’mores later.

as you set down some of the items on the picnic table that’s in the yard, you flicked your hand slightly to use the water from the river to push your 3 year old away from the edge, now making her to be right by your side.

“sorry mommy!”

as she let out a small giggle you couldn’t help but pick her up and give her a small squeeze on her cheeks, causing her to let out another adorable sound of joy.

“hello! to my two favorite ladies, aside from my mom and sister of course.”

you were about to turn around, but you already felt arms wrap around your waist and a soft kiss to your cheek. arie was by you as well, giving a hug to your side.

“and hello to my two favorite boys, aside from my father and brothers of course.” you said smiling back as you returned the sweet action to your husband and a soft ruffle to the hair of your son.

“mom! noo! my hair was perfect today!” arie complained as he put a few the items he and peter had gotten from the store down onto the picnic table, since he was only 5 years old, and attempted to fix his long shoulder length hair. as you gently laughed at arie and used your power to get water and flatten down his hair, you set down ana to the ground, and she went straight to her older brother wanting to see what they had brought, peter still hugging you close, already having put down the other items they had brought with his super-speed.

you sighed in content. seeing your kids interact with each other, having your love of your life by you, and the weather being just so perfect. both you and peter looked at each other, and after the years you’ve both been together, he still somehow makes you feel so, so, loved and all mushy inside.

as you leaned up slightly to kiss him, you whispered “i love you.”

“i love you too y/n/n.”

smiling in the kiss, you broke apart with the sound of your kids fake gagging.

after eating dinner outside and playing for a while in the river, you all decided to go back to the yard.

“c’mon the moon’s out now! let’s make the s’mores!” arie said as he excitedly started to get the crackers and chocolate out of the bags.

making s’mores, always his favorite time on family days like this ever since you and peter first showed him how to make one.

“ok, ok, we’re coming.” peter said as he got up from the grass he was laying in and helped you pick up ana who was sleeping on top of you, and pulled you up with him.

“ya know that’s supposed to be my spot,” you heard him whisper to ana as you both made it to the table, and playfully slapped his arm.

“hey! i mean i’m not wrong am i?” he had his signature smirk on his face, and you loved it so much.

“i don’t know.. ana is a very good cuddle buddy. you’ve got some competition now babe.”

peter dramatically gasped—but not too loud of course, ana is still asleep.

“i cannot believe this! my own daughter has betrayed me.”

laughing, you responded to him jokingly to shut up.

after making s’mores (ana had woken up by now as well) and getting everything back into the house, it was now late. so of course, it was time for bed.

“all tucked in, love?” you whispered to arie. who nodded his head softly.

“and you? sweet little bagel?” you heard peter ask ana, in which she nodded back as response but giggled at the nickname peter had randomly chosen this time.

“ok, well goodnight then kids.” you kissed arie on the cheek and repeated the same actions to ana. peter did the same.

as you and peter made your way out the room, his hand on the low of your back, ana’s voice stopped you.

“mommy? will you sing us the song again? from the other night? pleaasee?”

“yeah! it helped me sleep better.” arie added.

“well, if you really want me to.. how could i say no to my favorite kids?!”

as you and peter made your way back into the room, ana had excitedly gotten out of her bed and into arie’s. you in the middle and arms around both of them and one holding onto peter’s who was on ana’s side, one of his arms around you at the back and the other resting on ana’s shoulder, on top of yours.

you took a small breath before starting.

“sleep my darling safe and sound, for in this river all is found..”

as you finished singing, they were both sound asleep.

“will you ever tell them that you’re singing them a song from a movie?” peter asked you, re-tucking ana into her bed gently.

“mmm, maybe for now i’ll let them believe that i have amazing song-writing skills.” you joked, “well of course! but we don’t even have the movies, so maybe we should buy them next time we go to the store.”

“they’ll be so excited to see the movies, they’ll think they based it off you.”

you were now both in your own shared room in bed, peters arms around you with your face towards him, legs tangled together.

“yeah.. but elsa is way more hotter though, you got to admit.”

“what! hell no. you definitely are, baby.” he said in a teasing tone, his face now buried in your neck. not even in a way that had other intentions, he just wants you to see the way he sees you. to him, you’re the most precious thing in the world, he doesn’t know what he would do without you.

as you took in a deep breath, your head now buried in his chest as well, his scent taking over your senses, you couldn’t help but feel so appreciative and just happy. you had two wonderful kids, an amazing and appreciative husband who never made you doubt his love, a beautiful home, the most greatest friends, and the best team you could ever hope for.

“i love you peter.” you whispered as you were finally falling asleep from the amazing day you both had.

“i love you y/n.”

the last thing you felt before falling asleep was a soft kiss to the top of your head, and arms pulling you closer.

everything was perfect.

when you woke up the next morning and flopped onto peters side, peter wasn’t laying under you and playfully shoving you off as he usually would. you didn’t think much of it at first until you heard a voice in your head saying “open the door y/n!” and it was a certain redhead friend of yours.

that’s when you hurried up and changed into decent clothing (although they’ve seen you in literal pajamas or at your worst), brushed your hair and went downstairs. you opened the door, where the x-men were at.

oh wow didn’t expect that. what was going on?

you were glad you decided on looking decent.

“y/n! ah it’s so nice to see you again. even though we saw each other, what was it, last month? at the little get together jubilee did for everyone.” the professor greeted you with a smile, and you greeted everyone else as well, letting them in.

“we just got here, i’m so sorry for waking you up so early in the morning. but there’s something happening.” jean had told you when you went to greet her, “oh no! don’t worry it’s totally fine. the kids are still asleep and if it’s an emergency then it’s totally understandable.”

you were freaking out internally though. the team has never just randomly appeared at your doorstep and where the heck was peter?

“so.. what’s going on.. right now?” you asked as you sat yourself beside jean who was sitting on your couch.

“well, first we tried calling you and peter but no one would answer. and it was an emergency so we had to come as quick as possible.” scott responded.

“ok, but that still doesn’t explain what’s happening? what’s the emergency?” you were getting slightly frustrated.

finally, the professor started to explain. seriously what’s with the tension build up in every situation like this?

“there’s a new creature that’s been causing chaos,” he sighed, “it’s made up of fire and we need you. with your power over the water element we could really use your help with this.”

oh. oh wow. so the team needs you. and there’s a new fire creature thing burning things, peter is gone somewhere, and the kids are still asleep. what do you do? you can not just leave the kids here alone.

everyone was looking at you expectantly, waiting for an answer. only making you even more anxious. oh geez, where was peter?!

just in time, he came through the door whistling some tune with a small plastic bag in hand. oh so he went to the store, okay that’s fine, at least you know now that he’s okay.

still unaware from the people in the room he dropped the bag onto the table in the kitchen.

“uh hum.” ororo cleared her throat.

that’s when he jumped and turned around seeing all of us.

“oh my god, what!? what are you guys doing here!” he looked both happy yet so confused at the same time. it was adorable.

after he greeted everyone and sat by you, he abruptly stood up, “wait did someone die?”

“peter no, no one died.” the professor shook his head. “oh ok, good. that’s good,” he said with a sigh, sitting back down.

“wait, so what’s happening right now then?”

after the team explained it all to peter. he also looked back at you conflicted. eventually he pulled you into the small hallway away from the others.

“so.. what’re you gonna do y/n?”

“i mean, what other choice do i have really?”

“i could go. it’s dangerous y/n. what if something happens to you?” as he said this he grabbed both your shoulders, giving you that look.

“yeah and what if something happens to you, peter?”

“well then, how about we both go?”

“yeah, and what about the kids?! we can’t do that. i’ll go peter. i’ll be fine, i’ve made it this far in, right?” this happens mostly every time during a mission, the fear of loosing one or the other. but we’ve always made it out alive.

“okay, fine. but come back to me okay y/n? promise me.”

“i promise peter.”

you went back to the team and told them your decision. as they said goodbyes to peter and told him to tell the kids they said hello, your turn was next to say goodbye.

“stay safe. okay?” peter said as he hugged you tight, with you hugging just as tight right back. “of course. always.”

you went back upstairs to say goodbye to arie and anastasia, who were both still asleep, giving them both kisses on their cheeks.

you went back downstairs to peter, with one last hug, kiss, and “i love you.”

you joined the others.

dive down deep into her sound

but not too far or you’ll be drowned.

well, the mission wasn’t exactly going as to plan.

it was supposed to go:

the team attempts to get the creature distracted.

storm causes, well, a storm.

you come up and increase the water, or even attempt to freeze it.

and now the distractions did not work.

so now everyone was improvising.

which wasn’t a good idea, it’s never a good idea. everyone was being torn down, you even saw some being burned very badly, you couldn’t bare to see it.

there’s no other way. you had to do it.

storm made some of the air into rain, and you increased it.

it wasn’t enough. the creature was still big and burning, destroying things like buildings and your friends.

you focused on the creature in front of you. you ignored the screams telling you to stop. you had to do it.

so you did it, to save them.

you used all the power that you had.

the water increased, you couldn’t see it, or at least you thought you couldn’t, all you saw was white blurring your vision and loud noise around you. maybe it was all the water, you didn’t know at this point.

but then it all stopped. the white around you disappeared, the loud deafening noise was gone. and so was the fire creature, you had just been able to make out that it had evaporated.

you did it, everyone’s safe now.

you were so relieved that you didn’t notice you were out of breath, and so, so, thirsty.

you were falling to the ground, you didn’t know until you looked around and everyone was running towards you looking worried.

your mind kept thinking about your family. how much you loved them. how grateful you are of them. you couldn’t wait to go back to them and tell them all that happened.

but then, all you saw was black.

yes she will sing to those who’ll hear

and in her song, all magic flows.

peters pov.

i watched as she boarded with the team.

as she looked back one last time and waved goodbye, smiling. her smile.

if only i hugged her just a bit more tighter.

or held on to her more at night.

if only i hadn’t gone to the store, maybe it would’ve been me that went.

maybe it could’ve been both of us that went.

i layed in our bed most of the day when it happened. arie and ana agreed to go with scott and jean for the day. i felt extremely guilty for it.

how would they feel when they found out? how do you tell your kids that their mom has died? or do you just let them figure it out as they grow older?

i hope they won’t hate me.

maybe it is my fault.

i should’ve fought harder, i knew it was dangerous.

i can’t stop crying, she’s really gone. now what was i supposed to do?

she promised that she would come back, that she would stay safe. but that didn’t happen.

why me?

she would’ve hated seeing me like this, especially over her.

she would’ve hugged me and told me that it’s alright, that she’s here for me. but she isn’t this time.

my thoughts were interrupted by the knocks at the door downstairs, probably scott and jean bringing the kids back.

so i got up. i may be devastated about what happened but it doesn’t mean i have to push all my friends away like i used to do, and i’m still a father.

“dad!” arie exclaimed as he ran up to me, while i crouched down to his height, and hugged me. “i missed you yesterday!”

ana walked up to me as well and i picked them both up on each arm.

“yeah! i did too.” she laid her head on my shoulder. i struggled to keep my tears back, but i managed somehow.

“i missed my babies too.”

i turned to look at my friends, who looked at me with sympathy.

i put the kids down and they went to the living room to play with their toys that were left out from the other day.

as soon as i was about to turn back to jean and scott, jean was already hugging me.

that’s when i nearly broke down again.

not wanting ana and arie to see we moved over to the kitchen, where the bag i brought from the store still layed unopened.

“peter.. i’m so sorry.”

i felt the guilt again. why would i send the kids to them after it happened? they were her best friends too, they’re grieving as well.

“no, no. i’m sorry. i should’ve done something more, i shouldn’t of had sent ana and arie over, you guys were dealing with the situation as well. i wasn’t thinking. i’m so, so sorry.”

i didn’t know if they could even understand me, i was trying to catch my breath, not wanting to completely loose my cool and have them deal with one of my break downs.

but the tightness in my throat and tears in my eyes were making it really hard right now. great.

now scott was hugging me.

“peter, what happened wasn’t and isn’t your fault.”

that’s when the tears started to come down again. so i hugged him back. jean joined in, making into a small group hug. i really needed this.

“and don’t apologize for sending the kids to us, it was totally understandable peter. you needed some time.”

we stayed like that for a few minutes until ana came into the room.

“dad- oh sorry.” she came in with the toy car her and arie were playing with. one of its wheel was now broken.

we all quickly wiped our tears away.

“hey donut! you want me to fix up that toy for you?”

after that, scott and jean reassured me that i can call them or the team anytime for anything—which i’m so grateful for—they then went back to their own home.

i decided to not let my sadness affect my relationship with ana and arie. i could never let that happen. they still need a parent, and even if y/n is gone, i’ll still try to be the best she expected me to be and believed i could be.

i miss her so much.

the kids decided they wanted to have a movie night.

“daddy! will mommy come home today? uncle scott said she was still busy at work.” arie looked at me after grabbing a juice box from the kitchen. “i miss mommy.” ana looked at me as well from beside me on the couch.

oh no. what do i say?! don’t cry. don’t cry. stay strong.

“well,” i grabbed ana and put her on my lap, arie sat himself on where ana was sat before, now leaning on my side, “mommy won’t be here for movie night today. she won’t come home for a little while..”

“but why?”

clearing my throat to let myself be able to talk, i responded. “she was.. assigned a big task at work. which is a big deal, and it’s going to take some time to finish.”

i hope i’m doing the right thing. i’ll tell them when they’re older. it’s too soon right now.

“how long? i feel like it’s been ages already!” arie said dramatically, leaning back into the couch, which made me let out a small laugh.

“it’s going to be a long while.. but! that doesn’t mean we have to sulk around while she’s gone right now. we can always tell her about the fun things we’ve done. she wouldn’t want us to be sad while she’s away, okay?” as i finished what i said, i started to lightly poke ana at her sides.

“okay, okay!” she giggled as she moved away and sat on my other side at the couch.

“okay,” arie said smiling.

“so what movie will me watch tonight dad?”

“i have the perfect movies to watch—but first! popcorn and snacks!” we all ran to the kitchen to get everything ready for our movie night.

while we waited for the popcorn to be ready in the microwave and the kids chose the candy they wanted from the cupboards, i grabbed the bag from the other day that was still sitting on the table, and pulled out both movies of frozen.

we watched the first one. and the kids loved it. they kept making comments about y/n.

in my head i kept thinking, i told you so! they would love it.

“there’s a second movie daddy! can we watch it? pleasee! it’s saturday! arie doesn’t have school tomorrow!”

looking over at arie, who was nodding eagerly, i couldn’t say no.

“okay if you loved it that much—”

“we did!” they both said in unison.

“fine, fine! we’ll watch it.” laughing i walked over to the disc player and put in the second movie.

a few moments in and the scene where ana’s and elsa’s mom sang to them came up.

arie gasped, and ana dramatically left her jaw open.

“that’s the song mommy sang to us!”

wrapping my arms around them both, i nodded, and they continued to watch the movie.

after it ended and we put everything away in the kitchen, i tucked them both into bed and kissed them goodnight.

i was now in me and y/n’s room, in our bed. it still felt so weird and wrong. and i know that it’ll feel like that for a very, very long time.

i turned over into y/n’s pillow, her scent intoxicating my senses. tears immediately filled my view, and they once again rolled down my cheeks for what felt like the millionth time today.

“i miss you.” i whispered into the air, where no one heard, but i hope she did.

“i love you.” i definitely hope she heard that.

but can you brave what you most fear?

can you face what the river knows?

eight years had passed.

it passed by way too quick for peter. ironic right?

arie was now 13 and anastasia is now 11 years old.

ana looks so much like y/n it was scary. y/h/c hair, y/e/c eyes, her personality is like yours too. it’s as if you’ve been resurrected into your own daughter.

arie was tall, his hair still long and his mutation came too! he had gained peters super-speed, and had super strength as well. ana still has yet for hers to come right now.

at the moment, they were visiting y/n’s grave.

they had a funeral for her, in which ana and arie attended, but were much too young to understand properly. they knew something happened, but weren’t so sure.

so as the kids grow older, and asked more questions about her whereabouts, peter told them what had happened. they were sad, of course, but they understood.

so here they were. it’s now been eight years since it happened.

“hey mom!” ana said she she placed down some of y/n’s favorite flowers.

“hey mom.” arie said as well, putting in some water into the vase for the flowers. he had tears in his eyes, they all did.

peter leaned down, kissed his fingers and pressed them back onto the top of your headstone.

whispering, he said, “hey, love.”

they caught you up with everything that’s been happening. to school work, little things at home, campfires they’ve thrown—just them three—or sometimes inviting their friends over as well. everything.

after they finished talking, they stood there for a few moments. just in silence with their thoughts, and said their goodbyes then headed back home.

they still lived in the same cottage, the same cute cottage. it’s special and means so much to all of them, they couldn’t bare to leave it.

as they approached the house, they didn’t go inside yet. they stayed outside.

the air had a slight breeze, the sun was about to set, and warm. it felt nostalgic, it felt perfect.

they made their way to the picnic table that they still had, which was by the river.

“i remember when mom used to freeze the river during the winter. and we would attempt to ice-skate on it. we all sucked, but mom didn’t.” arie said, looking at the water flow, softly smiling.

“i remember her always using her power to use the water from it to push me away from the edge.” ana added, giggling and looking to arie to peter. which they all laughed at.

“you could be quite clumsy ana,” peter told her, “and arie was as well.” smiling at them both, as they turned back to watching what’s around them.

peter looked at them, he felt happy. he had his kids, who were a reminder of the love he had—and still has—for you.

even with you gone, he still has a meaning here, which at first seemed impossible for him. but it’s to watch ana and arie grow, and to make good in the world that you always were and wanted there to be. he didn’t have the love of a father growing up, and he wants to give it all to them both. for them, for himself, and for you.

and now they all sat in silence. just listening to the sounds of nature around them, reminiscing the memories they had with you.

the birds were chirping, the soft rustling of the leaves in the trees, the frogs croaking in the distance, and the sound of water from the river.

and after all this time, peter felt like everything was okay.

there’s a mother full of memory

come, my darling, homeward bound

when all is lost, all is found.

62 notes · View notes

not-a-christmas-tree · 4 years

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i watched the dallas theater company les mis and here are my observations part TWO

i recently watched a modern adaptation of les mis from 2014! i took hella notes bc les mis being set in modern day has a LOT MORE than you would think! i just posted my act one notes, so here are the ones from act two. enjoy! :D

ACT TWO

(Building The Barricade)

oh javert,,,you and your red beret-scarf combo

everyone shakes hands the same way?? they all like. half bro hug. young people ig 🤷‍♀️

oh on my own is gonna hurt me huh

éponine has her hands up when she goes to take the letter to cosette that’s an interesting take

jvj looks so done lmao “really bruh just give me the letter i’ll give it to cosette it’s FINE”

omg first time i’ve ever seen éponine not take the money after the letter!! that actually makes so much sense bc she doesn’t take marius’ money when he asks her to find cosette’s house either. that,,,yes that’s good

the modern era begs the question... why didn’t marius just ask for cosette’s number?? i’d assume it’s just a thing that jvj doesn’t allow her to have a phone bc The Cops, but. maybe marius and cosette are the straight version of cottagecore lesbians they just write letters for ~The Aesthetic~

(On My Own)

i was right on my own was gonna hurt me

first time i’ve ever seen an éponine disguise where she actually passes as a boy lmao

FINALLY A VERSION OF OMO WHERE ITS NOT JUST FORLORN SELF-CARESSING THANK YOU

surprisingly i have less notes here that’s fun i thought i’d have more

(Javert at the Barricades)

WOAHHHHH THEY DID NOT SKIMP ON BARRICADE SET PIECES THAT SHIT IS COOOOOL

oh the barricade scenes are already hitting too hard

cops are in riot gear cops. are in. riot gear.

oh the javert spy thing that also hits funny because obviously

gavroche is armed with a bat i love you son

FULL VERSION OF LITTLE PEOPLE AT THE BARRICADE AYEEEEE

(A Little Fall Of Rain)

wait hold on why is marius not,,,singing to éponine on “why have you come back here?” he’s like. scolding someone,,, huh??

oh enj goes to help marius with ép!! and he calls over who i assume would be joly i STAN

MARIUS CRIES AFTER ÉP DIES KILL MEEEE

(The First Attack)

i like how jvj does the second confrontation here. he looks less angry and more like,,,compassionate and that MAKES SENSE bc yk. he’s telling javert he’s wrong but he’s not doing it out of spite he’s doing it bc this guy NEEDS to know what he does as a cop and realize that being a cop isn’t just enforcing rules, and it never was just that.

i do love the exasperated “gO” from jvj that’s kinda great ngl

(Drink With Me)

i’m very sad that there won’t be any exr from these boys

v e r y sad here

i do see grantaire looking PRETTY sad though

bold of y’all to assume that the modern day amis would all be straight

okay i can tell that grantaire really is going hard on the Existential Singing like,,,sure he’s just standing there but like. damn bro

SO THERE A R E LADIES ON THE BARRICADE WHY TF ARENT THEY FIGHTING

BETTER SEE SOME CHANGE THERE

i just realized that the cockades are buttons that is the BEST

(Bring Him Home)

jvj actually looks kinda happy in BHH and tbh i kinda like it?? it’s only on the “he’s like the son i might have known” line but i like it

oh those vowels oh boy they TALL

(The Final Battle)

enjolras is for some reason, still angry...why...why bro....

the staging for gavroche’s death is INTERESTING bc he’s reaching up at the sniper on the tower. hm. i dont hate it

OH SOMEONE ON THE BARRICADE IS RECORDING I THINK!!! GOOD ADDITION!!

i can’t imagine how many blood packs they went through

oh enjolras’s death okay so. he’s in a like. No Man’s Land almost, and the riot cops come in after him. it’s an interesting take because it almost mirrors the scene in the book, except obvs grantaire isn’t here. they also have an added scene after he dies where cops are checking out and using radios that is. that is EERIE.

jvj walks over to enjolras’s body 🥺

HE ALSO FUCKIN S C R E A M S WHEN HE SEES MARIUS ON THE GROUND GODDAMN MAN O U C H

thenardier steals combeferre’s glasses wow thanks for that added pain

thenardier and jvj have a mini fight oh that’s kinda cool hm

(Javert’s Soliliquy)

javert opens his soliloquy with some SPICY SADNESS OH B O Y he sounds broken already!! start strong!!

emotions go broken - anger - confusion? - mAJOR confusion - hopelessness

javert can FLY! no legit he’s on ropes

(Turning)

turning is. turning is almost a funeral.

OH THEYRE N U N S !

nuns are visiting the barricade 🥺

OH DAMN “what’s the use of praying if there’s nobody who hears?” THAT CERTAINLY HAS WEIGHT NOW THAT THEY ARE N U N S

it has just occurred to me that people have been dead on the floor for like. a solid five minutes

(Empty Chairs At Empty Tables)

“now my friends. are dead. and gone” he pauses like he’s realizing it just then oh OUCHIE

wait is marius,,,at the barricades? is he legit singing to his friends dead bodies? oh shit oh NO

OH N O OH NONONO THIS IS WORSE

THE BARRICADE BOYS RISE UP FROM THE FLOOR OH N O OUCH OUCH

they group up and salute him and wALK OFF NO OWWWW

*cosette and marius kiss* jvj: *COUGH COUGH*

marius and valjean’s lil conversation is interesting in the way valjean seems to ask marius “who am i?” rather than ask himself. he phrases it in a way that makes me think he’s like. quizzing marius lmao

(The Wedding)

omg i think baby cosette and éponine are flower girls 🥺🥺

“go away thenardier” *madame mouths ‘dammit!’*

thenardier your boat shoes hurt me

madame: “get up! get up!” thenardier: “stop—STOP IT!”

TWO GUYS ARE DANCING TOGETHER AND WAVE AT THENARDIER ON “this ones a queer, but what can you do”

yeah i think i found my new favorite thenardiers thank you dallas theater company

fantine sits on the bench when cosette comes by, cosette sits on bench next to her, and fantine tries to touch her but can’t 🥺

jvj just gave a hand-over-heart head nod to cosette but fantine gave it back i,,,ouch

ENJOLRAS AND GAVROCHE ARE WITH FANTINE AND ÉPONINE FOR JVJ’S DEATH

the chain gang is in the epilogue i repeat the cHAIN GANG IS IN THE EPILOGUE

the orchestra rests on the last “say do you hear the distant drums” and that was the coolest thing i’ve ever heard

that final harmony is MONEYYYY and i want to cry

OVERALL NOTES:

this javert has the most interesting interpretation because up until his FINAL SCENE he is the stone cold police officer, and he plays it SO WELL. like i have never been truly angry at a javert up until this guy, and whether that was because it was modern and resonates A LOT in 2020 or he just looks like a cop i want to punch, I DON’T KNOW but he plays it SO WELL and i love it so much!!

these thenardiers are the fucking BEST NGL they are the perfect mix of funny and cruel. madame t is also funny as HELL and i wish i had her talent lmao

i said it before but the police costumes in this show are. woosh. kudos to the costumer i took one look at those guys and was like “haha, no!.” vaguely related to that, i think this was the first time i nearly cried at Look Down like. the first song at the show, simply because of the convict getting the SHIT beat out of him on the floor. that hurt me and i hate that it is completely accurate to what happens in prisons today.

lovely ladies was,,,a LOT and tbh, i feel like it didn’t need to be. obviously it does show how horrible it is for sex workers, but that is why the music is there. the music and lyrics is there to tell what you don’t show visually. (though i do love the male prostitute lmao he took no shit)

i also said this before but the fact that there wasn’t bigger of a relationship between enjolras and grantaire kind of annoys me simply because they are revolutionaries in the present day. you can’t tell me that ALL OF THEM WERE STRAIGHT. with how many people i know now that identify under the queer and trans umbrella, and also how queer they are (to me) in the brick, the absence of any exr in a modern interpretation hurts a little.

in conclusion, this show was fucking FANTASTIC and even though i’m six years late, it still resonates hard given the time we live in today. i think i nearly screamed when i saw the cops in riot gear on the barricade because that is LITERALLY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. this just reminds me how timeless the story of les mis is because you had to change LITERALLY NOTHING from the story to make it make sense in the modern age, and that is really the lesson you should learn from les mis; these things happen everywhere, and they need to be fixed.

thank you for listening to my rambling, i am sure i forgot something because there was just so damn much but i hope you enjoyed otherwise! not-a christmas-tree out! :)

#les mis #les miserables #les amis #les amis de l'abc #dallas theater company #jean valjean #javert #fantine #cosette #marius #enjolras #grantaire

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sunsetfanfics · 4 years

Text

All I Want

(Jadon Sancho x Reader)

Jadon imagine where he really likes you but knows you won’t be with him because of his fboy lifestyle and you always joke about it and he tried to get you or something along those lines please if you can x

Warning: a bit of harsh language

You drag yourself into the break room, feet aching. Tom, your coworker, watched in amusement as you plopped down into the chair across from him, a sigh escaping your lips.

"Tired?"

You look up to see him smile, which you can't help but reciprocate.

"A bit, yeah."

"Only an hour left now, then you get to go home." He replies, to which you nod.

"Yeah, only an hour. You say that as if it'll magically make me feel better."

He shrugs. "It should. You've already worked for seven hours. Plus you have off tomorrow."

"I guess, can you get me a water?"

He chuckles and nods, getting up and walking over to the mini fridge in the corner.

"So, do you have any news on you-know-who?" He asks, receiving a groan in response.

"I think he knows, to be honest. It's not like I'm blowing him off or anything, but his lifestyle just,, isn't for me."

Tom nods, walking back over to hand you an ice cold bottle.

"Thank you." You mutter, receiving a nod in response.

"Well, do you like him?" He questions, sitting back down.

You twist off the cap and don't hesitate to take a swig of cold water.

Once you feel somewhat replenished, you put the bottle on the ground and twist the cap back on.

"To be honest,,," you pause, "I do. I really really do. I just,, I wish he wasn't such a fuckboy. Because underneath that layer is a really kind individual.

"I would date him if he didn't play this,, character. I just-"

But you didn't get the chance to finish as the bell rang outside.

You threw your head back, "fuck my life!"

Tom giggled as he watched you stand up and hurry back out to the desk.

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

As the last hour wound down, there wasn't much to do, but you still managed to keep yourself busy.

Once your shift finished, you went back into the break room, saying goodbye to the few coworkers that were in there on your way out.

Nobody knew about this whole 'situation' with Jadon except for a few people, each of whom you trusted with every fibre of your being. You trusted them to keep this within the group, knowing that if it got out your name along with 'Jadon Sancho's girlfriend' would be everywhere.

As you walked out to your car, you got a text from Tom.

'Did you see his new post on ig?'

You instinctively rolled your eyes. What new flex would it be this time?

'I'll look at it when I get home' you replied as you dug your keys out of your pocket and unlocked your door.

On the whole ride home, you couldn't help but think about him. Even if you tried to think of something else, your mind would somehow twist whatever you were thinking about to always go back to him.

Pulling into the driveway, you had finally managed to stop thinking about him, since you were now thinking about what to eat for breakfast, seeing as it was only 7:18am.

You turned the car off and opened the door, practically hauling yourself out of the driver's seat.

Today was the most difficult 8-hour shift you've done to date, which meant you were beyond worn out.

Your sore feet somehow carried you into the house where, no surprise, your best friend was nowhere to be found.

You both typically worked opposite shifts, so you rarely saw each other, but sometimes you could catch each other just as one was returning home and the other was leaving.

Though it defeated the whole purpose of owning a house together, it was kinda nice to have the space all to yourself after a tough shift.

As you sat down, rather forcefully, on the couch, you flipped your shoes off and grabbed the tv remote sitting on the coffee table. You fully stretched out as you turned the tv on.

This was the routine you had grown accustomed to: you got home, let yourself relax for a bit, then got to work doing something else for a while, then went to bed.

As you pressed the button to turn on Netflix for perfect background noise, your phone went off.

You ignored it, deciding to wait till you had the show set up to check it.

DING! DING! DING!

Notification after notification piled up until you couldn't take it anymore.

You angrily dug your phone out of your pocket and looked at it, the screen lit up with even more texts from your coworker group chat.

You roll your eyes and groan, shifting your attention back to getting The Great British Baking Show on.

Once it started playing, you finally read through the texts.

'Y/N!'

'HAS ANYTHING HAPPENED WITH JADON'

'PLS TELL US'

'omg look at his latest post'

'DAMNNN'

'yall did y/n look @ the post'

'idk but 👀👀'

'he looks like a fboy to me tbh lmaooo sorry Y/N'

You couldn't help but laugh at the last one.

Switching to instagram, you check to see what all the fuss is about.

The post in question? No surprise, a few photos of him shirtless on his friend's expensive yacht.

You roll your eyes, "my god Jadon."

Despite posting classic fuckboy photos on instagram, you couldn't help but get a few butterflies in your stomach.

You double tap on the photo, then go back to the groupchat, only for a new text to pop up.

Jadon ⚽🔥 hey 😛

Another eye roll.

'hey Jadon'

'I saw you liked my recent 👀👀'

Uh oh. This won't end well.

'yeah'

'do you like what you see? 😜'

There it is.

'eh, ig. cr7 has better abs, though.'

'sure, for now.'

'right. I'll hold you to that.'

'wish you would hold something else, if you know what I mean 😉'

Jesus Christ.

'haha. what were you even drinking in that photo?'

'something exotic 🍹'

'yeah, it looks it.'

'haha yeah. anyways, wyd?'

There it is. The holy grail of fuckboys. The three letters everyone dreads. Oh no. Oh god.

'relaxing, I just got home from work.'

'really? it's almost 8 in the morning.'

'mhm. I worked 11p-7a. I'm tired.'

'are you still working @ the hotel we met at?'

'mhm'

'niceee. I'll be in town tm if you wanna meet up'

'yeah? who's the new lucky girl you'll bring this time?'

'no one. it'll only be us.'

'right. that's what you said last time.'

'this time will be different. I promise. you off tm?'

'yeah'

'ok. meet me at our café.'

'I have things to do too, you know, it's not all ab you Jadon.'

'damn, ok. well, if you decide to come, I'll be there at 12:30.'

'ok.'

'see you then, boo 😘'

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

12:15, you showed up early, as per usual. You were sitting at the table you and Jadon would sit at every time you came, aka the closest to the window.

12:30. You were watching out the window, not taking your eyes away. He was nowhere to be seen.

12:45. He still wasn't there. Why were you even surprised?

1:00. Still no sign of him. You were almost finished with your coffee, and you were getting restless.

1:15. Everyone who had been there when you arrived were long gone, all the tables filled with new customers. You probably looked pathetic.

1:30. An hour after he said he would meet you, and you were fed up. Why did you even bother?

1:35. Nothing. No new messages or anything. You were done.

You walked out, trying your best to conceal your anger. You should be used to this. You should've known. Over an hour of your life wasted.

Just as you get back to your car your phone goes off. With a quick glance, you can tell it's Jadon.

'hey! sorry, something came up. can you do next week? I wanna make it up to you.'

You couldn't believe your eyes. You wasted over an hour,,, for that.

'no, I can't. I'm actually busy next week, and the week after that, & every week for the rest of my life.'

'haha, thats funny. what day can you do next week?'

'I just told you, I'm busy. I just wasted an hour of my life that I could've used doing literally ANYTHING else just for you to say that something came up,, & it was YOUR fucking idea!

'I like to think I'm a patient person, but that just sealed the deal. my god Jadon, I knew you were a fuckboy, I mean, we both joked ab it, but I didn't think it was this bad.

'stop dragging me out like this. just say you're using me for sex and go. I'm sick of getting my hopes up just for you to let me down again. I'm over it, and I'm over you. please fuck off Jadon'

It was marked as read the second it was sent. The three dots would pop up, then disappear, then pop up again. It went on for 2 minutes.

The final result?

'I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you.'

You left him on read.

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

The next day you were back at work for a 3pm - 11pm shift. You had told everyone what happened, and they were angry and upset for you. A few were tempted to text him, but you told them that it would only escalate the already tense situation.

Around 10pm, you were winding down. There was only an hour left in your shift, and you had had a relatively slow day for once. And it seemed like it was going to be a normal shift.

You were sitting in the break room with some of your coworkers, watching a rerun of a golf game which you were, for some reason, invested in.

The bell rang outside, and although you were a bit upset to have to abandon the game, you weren't that upset, considering this was the slowest day you've had in a while.

As you walked out to greet the patron, your heart stopped and your stomach dropped.

It was Jadon, standing there with a white box and a teddy bear.

You glared at him, and a part of you filled with hatred, but the other part gushed at his gesture. He really was going to be the death of you.

"Hey, y/n. I'm really sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to keep you waiting for over an hour. The reason why I didn't come was because I wanted to get you this."

He paused, gently setting the small box down on the desk, "I tried to get in quickly and pick this up, but the line was so long, I wanted to come and give it to you, but I figured I had kept you waiting long enough, so I called it off."

You're not convinced, but you wanna be. Every part of you wanted to forgive him,, but your stubbornness wouldn't let you.

He sees your shifty glance and sets the bear on the counter as well.

"I'm so so so sorry. I know I fucked up, and you have every right to be angry at me. But even if you never wanna see me again, can you please open it? Just for my sake?"

"If it'll make you leave faster." You respond, intending to sound bitter, but instead sounding shaky.

"I will. I know I can't keep promises, but this one I will. If you don't want to talk to me anymore, I will respect that."

You bite your lip and nod, looking down at the box and undoing the red ribbon. It looked very professional and well done.

As you lift the top off, your eyes widen and fill with tears. You can't help but slap a hand over your mouth.

Inside were all of the polaroids you've taken, ranging from the first time you hung out together, to a few months ago. There were ones of him playing football, and of you in various places doing a gesture that soon became an inside joke. You used to travel together all the time, you miss those days all the time.

The light blue camera used to take all of these photos was inside as well.

Jadon watched as you looked through the photos, a shy smile forming on his face.

"The camera still works, if you want to try it out." He said, voice barely above a whisper.

"Jadon, I-" you hesitated, and for the first time in your life, you were truly speechless.

"There's a, uh, there's a note on the bear." He muttered, looking down and scratching his neck.

You looked at him, and couldn't help but smile a bit. Only Jadon would do this.

Your attention turns to the bear, and sure enough, there was a note attached to its paw. Gently removing the handwritten note stuck to the paw, you read it carefully, clinging on to every word.

'Y/N,

I'm sorry if I hurt you yesterday. And I'm sorry if you feel that all we are is friends with benefits. I've always wanted more with you, but was too afraid to act.

I put up this fboy facade hoping I would attract someone who would be into,, that. But the one thing I didn't take into account was if I fell for someone.

Because my whole life changed when I met you.

I kept this act up, thinking you would be into it and fall for me, but that's not what happened. In fact, when the exact opposite happened, I was shocked.

Nobody liked the real me. That's why I started doing this, because that's what brought people in. And it worked, because it seemed as though everyone else fell for it, everyone except the one person I wanted.

And if I'm being honest, let's talk about the elephant in the room: we both know that I've loved you from the moment we met in this exact building 3 years ago.

You're all I've ever wanted. You're all I will ever want. I'm in love with you.

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be with you, but it's up to you on whether or not you'll accept.'

A grin appeared on your face as tears streamed down your cheeks.

You looked up at him, a soft yet nervous expression on his face.

You came out from around the counter and threw your arms around him, burying your face in his neck.

"I'll take that as a yes, then?" He joked, making you laugh.

You look up at him. "On one condition."

"And what's that?"

"Stop being such a douche."

"Done. I don't need the facade when I have what I want."

------------------------

thanks for reading! this was my first footballer fic & im actually really proud of it! requests are open, and feel free to use one of the prompts I posted before!

this was for you anon, hope you liked it ;)

#jadon sancho #jadon sancho fanfiction #jadon sancho fanfic #jadon sancho fic #football #soccer #football fic #football fanfic #soccer fanfic #borussia dortmund #dortmund #fanfiction #fanfic #mine

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youarewarmth · 4 years

Text

Trying to mend my broken heart

(a very long post that started off as a letter to myself and others; I wasn’t going to post it, but my therapist said I should try, because it might encourage people to do the same if they’re struggling, so here it is)

So... I’ve been thinking if I should it. Do I have a right? I knew nothing of them – of him – until weeks ago. Can I even speak up? I have to let it out. Will I be scrutinized or listened and understood? I hope it’s the latter.

I knew SHINee was a thing, a band. A Korean band. I think my little sister was into them for a brief moment. I saw the band’s name mentioned on Twitter every now and then, but I never really cared. Just another K-Pop product, as they all are.

I fell into YouTube’s rabbit hole, as we all do sometimes, after I suddenly felt like listening to one of the songs I used to like. “Up next: SHINee – Forever or Never”. I thought “hm, what a coincidence!” and hit “play”.

“Wait… How is this the same song… but better?” I was so confused, but also thrilled. I don’t really like music that much. I have a hard time finding stuff that I really like and once I do, I stick to it until I memorize every note. I liked the version of the song. I really, really did, but I wish I never looked at the comments. That’s where it all started. The spiraling.

“R.I.P Kim Jonghyun you'll be forever in our hearts”

“Rest in Peace, my angel, you did well”

No.

My heart dropped. I looked up one phrase after another. I looked up SHINee, I looked up Jonghyun. Countless videos on YouTube. Of their first performances, of them having fun on stage, music videos, talk shows. Videos of Jonghyun breaking down in tears on stage. Videos of Jonghyung talking about the scrutiny, judgement and – again – breaking down in tears, wanting to be understood and accepted. Of his last show and the pain and emptiness in his eyes. Of how he died. Of his letter. Of them performing without him for the first time. Of “From Now On”. Of “Our Page”.

I couldn’t sleep that night. I’ve been sleep deprived ever since, because my thoughts keep racing and bring tears that I can’t contain. And with tears, immense grief. That’s all I can feel right now.

Why did it hit me so hard? Why him, why now? Maybe because we’re same age and I understand the struggles of getting older in the world where only the youngest can achieve something, though it was much worse for him. Maybe because I know what it feels like to lose a friend so suddenly. Maybe because I know exactly how he felt, even though we had completely different life experience. Or maybe we’re just kindred spirits that experience emotions a little bit too intensely.

You see, I’ve been dealing with depression ever since I was seventeen. That’s when my heart stopped. It was still beating, still keeping me alive, but I felt nothing. Nothingness slowly turned into pain. And hatred. I’ve achieved nothing. I’ve done nothing in my life. I’m a waste of time, waste of space. I was crying for help, but nobody ever listened. I would scream into my pillow every night until I fell asleep, I didn’t want to feel this pain. I wanted it to be gone. _I _wanted to be gone. I can’t count how many times I was minutes, seconds away from the irreversible. I didn’t do it and I felt like a coward. I was too weak to even do this much.

To this day I don’t know how I kept on living despite nobody giving a damn. I wanted to live, but I didn’t. And I think he felt the same. He desperately wanted to live. He was open about his condition, he reached out, looked for help. Except I got the help I needed. He, on the other hand, got scolded by his own “doctor”. He was told that it’s all because of his personality. What personality? A sensitive, compassionate angel? A loving friend? A gentle soul that wanted nothing, but to be an artist? Was it his fault that he was overworked, stressed, judged for every little thing he did? People didn’t really help either. They would ask “is crying the new way of promoting your music?” Or say that SHINee doesn’t need Jonghyun, that he’s the ugly duckling of the group, or that he doesn’t have to pretend to know how to sing. And I’m angry. I’m so angry, because how fucking dare you?

I can't get the images of his last performances out of my head. They override everything good and sweet about him, because good and sweet is not how he felt in his final days. He felt pain and sadness, he felt old and lacking, he felt like he was so much less than he was. And he was so precious, warm and soft. Just like the fluffy blankets he loved so much. Did he feel his Blingers' love when he looked at them this one last time? Was it any comfort to him that he WAS loved by so many, after all? Did he know how far that love goes?

In his last performances he looks like he accepted his fate. And he just looks empty. He knew. He must have known what was going to happen. He was taking everyone and everything in, he was saying his last goodbyes. And it undid me completely. When he was recording the Shinin' video, did he know? Did he already know and sang "always be with you" to us to let us know that he will always be here even when his body is not?

We lost this pure soul to a disease that could’ve been treated. It was preventable. He could’ve still been with us if he got the help he need. And it truly fucks me up, and I can’t hold back tears – yet again – because he wasn’t supposed to be gone. He was supposed to be here and enjoy his life. Hold hands with girls, kiss boys, date like crazy (for the love of god let your idols date!), marry or not, have kids or not. He was supposed to make all the choices we all take for granted. But depression is a bitch that sneaks up on you and eats you alive, eats you whole, until you’re a shell, an emotionless zombie, and the thought that he probably felt like that… My heart aches for him so much I want to tear it out. I want to go back in time and do SOMETHING. I want him to be happy, grow old and depart when the time comes and not a second sooner. Would he be happy in this time line? Could I pass the strength I've gained over the years to him, so he can power through this life like an absolute champion he was?

I was watching old videos of Jonghyun interacting with other band members and I noticed that he was always craving closeness and human touch. He’d always stroke someone’s back or neck, held hands with them, hug, lean on, pat. And they weren’t big gestures, it looks like he did it all without even thinking. He enjoyed these little gestures that spoke volumes. Or how in the Excuse Me Miss video, where he’s introducing all the SHINee members, almost hyping them up, and when he introduces himself it’s in a much calmer, quieter manner. Can’t put my finger on it, but my first thought was the obvious “he’s so humble”.

In this short time he had such a great impact on my life that I miss him immensely, even though I've never met him like you guys did. I feel guilty, because I feel like I have no right to miss him, and yet I do. And I'm so utterly sad that it's hard to get up in the morning and carry on with my day, that's why I'm writing this. Will it get the sadness out of my system? I don't think it will, but I hope my thoughts and feelings will be less chaotic now. That I will be able to accept the painful reality, stop daydreaming, thinking "what if" and blaming myself even more for something I couldn't possibly help.

The last thing I want to say is that – as crazy as it sounds – I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jonghyun, that I couldn’t save you. Even though it was impossible, I’m sorry I didn’t do anything, that I wasn’t aware of your suffering, that I couldn’t be your shoulder to cry on when you needed one. I feel like it’s my fault, somehow, and that I should hop into the Future Gadget 204, 2nd Edition Ver. 2.31 right now and beg you to hold on. I wish I could. I wish it was possible. Because it does get better. It gets better. It gets better. It gets better. I don’t want any more people to feel like they’re lacking, like they aren’t enough, like they didn’t do well enough.

So, to whoever reads it and will possibly read this in the future, even if you stumble upon this “letter” a year from now, five hears, ten years; even if you’re not even born yet and it somehow survives, know that I’m here for you and I will always be here for you. If you’re looking for a sign not to do it today – let this be the sign. If you want me to remind you daily that you’re worth more than every star we’ve ever discovered – I’ll do it. I will be your friend, your shoulder to cry on, your safe haven and your protector.

And believe me, Shawols, when I say this - I wouldn't hesitate one bit if I could trade my life for his. This is the point where you go “damn, this woman crazy” and ridicule me to hell, but it won’t change the fact that if I were presented with the opportunity, I’d take it, because I have nothing to lose and there would be so much to gain. I know how many lives he affected and how many people are still hurting, and will be hurting until they meet him again. I don't believe in heaven or hell or afterlife, but thinking that he left this world in pain and there was nothing else waiting for him... I don't want it to be real. I wish he could make you all smile again. With his performances, with his IG Lives, with his wise words that touched so many, with his art, with his beautiful, gentle soul. And I'm selfish, because I want him back even though I know he didn't want to be around.

To you, my dear, dear, Jjong – you were loved. You were SO loved. You still are. You were a kind soul, a light of our eyes, that wasn’t meant for this cruel world. And your people are so proud of you. I truly hope there is life after life and that I will meet you there. And then I will give you the hug I couldn’t give when you were so alone. You will forever live in our hearts, some of which you touched even after your departure, and your legacy will never be forgotten.

I promise I will work hard. I promise to be more kind to people, but also to myself. I know you wouldn't want us to be hurting. You told us many times that we worked hard and we did well, even if they were the smallest things we managed to do at the time.

You were in my dreams the other night. You were sitting at a dining table in what had to be the strangest meet and greet ever and you signed a CD for me. For some reason it was a generic disc that was in one of those flimsy paper CD envelopes, because even in my dreams I have to totally embarrass myself. But you signed the envelope, smiled your beautiful smile and asked me if I'm well. I know it's all my brain's doing, because I've been thinking about you constantly lately, but I like to think that it's because you still very much care about your Blingers and want to check on them. Even on those that came long after you left. Hearing you now hurts, but I know that with time it will feel like warmest homecoming.

You worked hard, Jjong. Very hard. And you did well. And I thank you for that.

#tw: depression #tw: suicide #shinee jjong #jjong #jonghyun #shawol #shinee #kim jonghyun

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protectbatson · 5 years

Note

i'm really mad asf, a bbrae fan just said damirae is toxic and abusive , can you please explain why damirae isn't abusive, but cartoon bbrae is , this salty shippers need to be shut down , since when?! cause i cant remember a single scene where damian and raven hurt each other, physically and emotionally! they also said damirae fandoms are toxic too, yet they're the ones being so loud and wont let us enjoy our ship

First I want to make it clear that I will no longer answer asks about ship war... I've had a lot of chase with this fandom and all I want today is distance....

Second, no... Damian and Raven never hurt each other physically or psychologically. The only time Damian said something that MAYBE hurt Raven's feelings was when he called her "witch girl". The truth is that, since New Teen Titans, calling Raven a witch was used in a pejorative way. But when Damian called her that, he still hadn't had what we call and know as "character development". Damian was spoiled, immature, brat and he felt obliged to be there because it wasn't what he wanted... Think, Damian was created to be something big, he was never among teenagers like him and so, he is sent for a team full of teenagers and being led by an alien... He was a kid. He freaked out.

And then, when he chose friends over his own blood, he changed... He grew up and understood... Damian never called Raven a witch again, never treated her like that again... Not even when they discussed in Judas Contract about Raven knows about Tara... In comics, he even goes so far as to say that she is the only Titan that maybe who comes closest to what he is... She is his right arm.... He trusts her and vice versa.

I can't say about bbrae in Cartoon because I never saw a real feeling there, Garfield loved Terra until the end. In comics, it's another thing... Garfield in comics has always been misogynistic, even when he wasn't with Raven... Even a long way from that, in the 80's. He was always a sexist character and when they wrote the couple in comics (bc fanservice of the cartoon) they made it VERY worse. Even afterwards, when they broke up, there were times when Gar hurt Raven... I don't want a yo-yo relationship to me... I don't want a relationship where I, having self-esteem problems, hear that "I'm not good at smiling". I don't want a person (who do people say is the love of my life?) To come into my room and make fun of my choices saying "I never imagined you being a normal girl". And the problem is not even these attitudes because charging non-sexist attitudes in comics from 2000 and little is like kicking a dead dog, but it always bothered me what came next. Every sentence, every fight was always masked with a hug afterwards, with an "I'm happy for you"... This is abusive. It's like saying "I do this, because I love you". Damirae never had that... And if it did, I wouldn't be a shipper... I HATE abusive relationships, it makes me disgust the characters on a level that I can't see him in front of me... For many years I hated Gar, things have changed at rebirth and I am so happy now that he and Raven are good friends (almost brothers by choice).

And third, I don't know why everyone is saying that Damirae is a toxic ship. We have endured years of free hatred from all the other fanbases... We had fanfics pursued and full of angry comments, fanarts with angry comments saying "Just bbrae" (I have prints of this)... I was chased by a bbrae shipper who reposted and mocked each one of my posts, even of my personal photos on IG simply because I said I didn't want to read fanfic bbrae because, while I was looking for fanfics on my ship, I bumped into the one that was on the Damirae tag and in fact it didn't even have Damian on history.

Damirae is not toxic, we just won't accept all this hate now in silence... We now fight back, we won't let it be thrown down and made of a punching bag... We didn't do anything to receive this hate and we won't accept it, simple as that.

Anyway... My ask was full of ship hate and I honestly don't want to start over again. The last post I made was the outburst about what was happening on twitter and I received so much support from people on other ships that now everything is fine... Every big ship has bad people but it also has mature and understandable people... Don't let bad people scream at you, they are just angry people....

If any shipper is chasing or harassing you can just block it, report this or ignore it... Don't let this put an end to your vibe, don't fall for their teasing. As my mother says: When one doesn't want, two don't fight.

Be fine

💜

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manrocket-mo · 5 years

Note

You and Mo adopting a puppy together in Toronto

Ya’ll I know we’re all mopey and really sad and I hope this helps even a teensy bit.

When the Leafs’ community relations team reached out to you and the other wives and girlfriends to ask you to be a representative at the Toronto Humane Society adoption event pre-game, you knew that you should’ve sat this one out. It wasn’t that you hated animals, it was quite the opposite.

You wanted a puppy so bad, you and Morgan but you both always kept a level heads about yourselves. With Morgan’s schedule in-season and you being in your last semester at university, it just wasn’t a good idea. But every time you went back to Vancouver with Morgan and you saw him with Maggie, and every time you went out and you stole some puppy time away from strangers, the part of your heart that wanted a puppy grew and grew.

But who were you to turn down an opportunity to not only steal some more puppy play time but also do good in the community on behalf of your boyfriend? So you stupidly agreed, your Rielly jean jacket slung over your shoulders and a bag of treats ready to go for the good boys and girls awaiting you.

“Have a great game, babe,” you smiled readjusting Morgan’s lapels before pressing a kiss to his lips. He smiles into your peck and before you could pull away, lifts you up.

“Mmm, don’t be late,” you mumble, cupping his cheek. “I don’t want Babs mad at me.”

Mo chuckles before setting you down on the counter.

“As if Babs could ever be mad at you. He loves you!” You roll your eyes at him and place your hands on his broad shoulders. “Mmm, you’re wearing your jacket.”

You grin at him. “I have this thing today and I have to represent this guy, so I have wear this little thing.” You shrug your shoulders but the smile ripped across your cheeks told another story.

His grin matches yours. “I love seeing you wear my last name and my number,” he whispers seductively against your skin, his hands tracing the 4’s along your sleeve. “But more than anything, I love knowing that you’re representing us in the community. It means so much to me.” He pressed a kiss to your cheek, sweetly.

“Of course. Anytime.” You press a kiss to his lips once more before you shooed him, jumping off the counter. “Now, you really gotta go! You’re going to be late by your standards.”

Now it’s his turn to roll his eyes at you and leaned down to give you one last peck on the lips.

“Wait!” You yelled after him before he could walk over to grab his keys. “Don’t forget your pin!” You grab the blue Leafs paw print pin off the counter and moved back to your boyfriend.

“I got it.” You stood there in the foyer of the home you shared with Morgan and pressed the backing into the pin so that it hung perfectly on his suit. “Perfect.”

You caught Mo giving you the heart eyes again. “Thanks, babe.”

“You’re welcome! Now go get, ‘em. Score me a goal!” You teasingly swatted at his butt, directing him to the door. “Come on, come on.”

Mo laughs and leans back before you could close the door on him. “One more?”

You giggle, pressing your lips against his once more before pushing the door shut.

An hour later and you were on Maple Leaf Square out of treats and completely in love with the pup in your arms.

“Y/N,” Aryne chastises. You stick your lip out in a pout and give her puppy eyes, similar to the ones the little chocolate lab in your arms had been giving you the entire time you held him.

“Aryne…” you whine. “He’s sooooo cute.”

“Mo is going to kill you,” Steph sings knowingly.

“Yeah, but he’ll have a little friend to comfort him once they lower me into the ground,” you mumble stroking the pup’s soft fur.

“Ma’am, I think that family over there is going to sign up for that puppy, if you want to let them..” one of the humane society representatives said reaching out.

You panicked, clutching the puppy to you, your eyes searching for Steph’s. She giggled at you, knowingly. She knew from the very beginning how this would end. Truthfully, so did you.

Morgan would surely kill you. That was for sure.

You looked down to the good boy in your arms, so warm, so content and once he looked up at you, it was over.

“That won’t be necessary. I’ll adopt him.” You were determined and moved toward the sign up sheet for the little devil and picked it off the table. “Where do I sign?” you ask, one arm holding the dog and the other a pen.

Steph laughed loudly from behind you, earning an elbow to the ribs by Christina. “Wait til Syd hears about this!”

You roll your eyes but sit at the adoption table where you begin the paperwork, smiling for a photo when you finish up.

“…can we not post that til tomorrow? I need to tell my boyfriend what I just did.” This time the circle of wives and girlfriends surrounding you laugh in unison at your expense.

“And here you go… here’s his crate, some puppy food, a couple of toys and some treats. And not to forget, his first little bandana. Mac with the number 44, is that right?”

“Aww, MAC!” Steph cooed as she grabbed the crate for you.

“Yes, thank you.” You grabbed your belongings, slinging your purse over your shoulder while clutching to your new puppy.

“So what are you going to do?” Christina wonders as she reaches over to give Mac a scratch between the ears.

“I’m going got go home and figure out how to explain what I just did to my boyfriend when he gets home.

You get another phone call, your third that you send to voicemail out of pure guilt. You watch as Mac runs around the office and can’t help the shame you feel as your phone buzzes with another text.

You pick up your phone and send him a text without looking at what he sent.

I’m okay. Don’t worry.

You put your phone down. You knew Morgan would be home at any time with the game ending almost an hour ago, even sooner now that you weren’t there to greet him post-game.

When the front door opens and slams shut, you get off the floor and creep toward the door.

“Y/N!” Morgan yells, looking for you.

You push the door of the office open and shut it softly behind you.

“Mo, I’m here.” You watch as he turns to you and in three long strides pulls you into his arms.

“I was so worried! You didn’t answer my calls and my texts and Steph said you never made it to the game and you weren’t there waiting for me and—“ he was panicking, he was worried.

You grabbed his face in your hands and spoke to him. “Morgan, I’m here. I’m okay. I’m here, okay?” You nod with him. “I’m here.”

“Why’d you leave?” Morgan asks confused.

You shake your head and you’re sure it does nothing to relieve his worries. “Morgan, you’re going to be mad at me and that’s okay. I deserve it.”

Mo’s blue eyes grow. “Y/N…”

“Morgan, you need to be calm when I tell you.”

He nods quietly but before you could build up the courage to spill what you did, there are the sounds of little paws on hardwood, little puppy barks.

“Morgan, please don’t be mad.” You lean down and away from Morgan to pull your new little pup to you.

“Momo, meet Mac…” you smile sheepishly, looking up to take him in giving you a look of relief.

“That’s it? This is why you thought I’d be so mad that you didn’t answer my phone calls?” He’s skeptical.

“I thought you’d be so mad you’d break up with me for being irresponsible…”

Morgan lets out a breath and puts his arms around your waist. He can’t help but laugh at the look that must be on your face.

“I’m not mad, okay?”

You nod and pull Mac to you. “Look Mo, he even has a 44 on a Maple Leaf on his bandana! You can’t be mad! Look at that face!” You angle Mac’s little face up so Morgan can look at it and as soon as Morgan leans down, Mac takes a lick at his face.

“Mac, eh?” Morgan reaches over and pets his soft, chocolate brown fur. “Mac is going to make Maggie a very jealous girl when we get back to Vancouver for the summer. She’s not going to be happy with me.”

You smile, your heart and ovaries bursting as Morgan takes hold of Mac and nuzzles his fur.

“How old is Mac?” He wonders.

“10 weeks and he’s all up to date with vaccinations and has had a full work up by the vets and I’ll take care of him, you won’t even have to worry—“

Morgan silences you with his lips.

“I’m not mad at you,” he promises.

Suddenly Mac yelps and starts wiggling out of your boyfriend’s arms, prompting him to be set down on the floor.

“Oh, you wanna play, Mac?” Morgan gets down on his knees and calls for Mac when he turns around and goes to the other room where he knows he has toys.

“I’m glad we got a little gremlin of our own, even if you pretended you were strong enough to go to this event. I was really starting to miss Mags again and I want you to have someone when I’m away.”

You settle down on the floor next to Morgan hearing the jingle of Mac’s tags against his collar as he ran back a toy almost the size of his body being dragged from his mouth.

“So the right call?” you wonder, bumping shoulders with your boy. “Because this family was eyeing him and..”

“Ah, right call? Still out there as questionable,” Morgan teases, his arm going around your shoulders, pulling you to him. “But good call? I’d say so.”

He quickly presses a kiss to your temple before patting the floor in front of you both with two hands, signaling for Mac to jump into his arms.

“I’ll let Maggie make the final decision when she meets our little guy in a few weeks.”

Mac lets out a little bark and you and Morgan laugh pulling him closer to both love on him.

Y/IG/H

Toronto, ON

Liked by morganrielly and 2,927 others

Y/IG/H Mags has a baby brother and @morganrielly didn’t kill me! Everyone meet Mac Rielly! #Bub

View all 392 comments

morganrielly How could I be mad with that face on Bub??

marner_93 Mo daddy and Mac daddy

stephlachancee STILL laughing but cuteeee 😍

sydneyesiason Steph wasn’t kidding! 😹Can’t wait til he meets Jax!

MO SOFT/THIRST NIGHT! (cont’d)

#morgan rielly #morgan rielly imagine #morgan rielly imagines #nhl imagines #mo soft/thirst night

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remedymoods · 5 years

Text

BANDI: Can I ask you a question?

Fandom: Andi Mack

Characters: Buffy Driscoll and Andi Mack

Summary: Buffy Driscoll has an important question for her best friend, Andi Mack.

Other Characters: Marty from the Party,

Warnings: None.

Author Notes: Major thanks to @dancerdramatic14 and @iloveboyz27 for guiding me with this story. @iloveboyz27 without the image below it would have been missing the key point. Thank you! Tagging @purplefacey who has requested.

"OMG! Andi, this looks so good!”

Twenty-six-year-old, Andi Mack was putting the final touches on her current art collection when she was interrupted by the voice of her best friend, Buffy Driscoll.

It's been eighteen days since Buffy went on a trip with her boyfriend, Martin “Marty” Pacione, to Italy. In friendship time that’s ranges in forever, so it wasn’t a surprise when Andi took a step forward in a sprint motion towards her friend, "Red light, Andi!” yells Buffy.

Just like that when they were seven, Andi halts her movement. “Nooo,” she dramatically responds as she drops her head.

“I promise if you just give me a second to put our scorching drinks down and remove my coat. We both will get what we want,” Buffy teases as she places the drinks down on the table.

“Greenlight,” shrieks an impatient Andi as she jumps on Buffy and pulls her into a hug.

"Oomph," Buffy responds as Andi’s body is now on top of her, "Did you miss me,” she asks.

"It's been eighteen days since I have seen or talk to you. Do you think I care about having liquid on my clothes? I’m an artist. We laugh at water, paint or clay,” Andi bursts into evil laughter as she hugs her friend tighter.

"This is the main reason why I refuse to let you borrow my clothes."

"Enough about clothes, unless you have some goodies for me.” Buffy smiles, “Well, we can talk about that, the food, the wine, the art," she arches her eyebrows, "the sexxx."

Buffy laughs as she is finally able to remove her coat and grabs her cider. The warmth starts to relax her throat, and her attention moves to the collection in the room. “The collection looks ... good,” she shares as she removes her gloves off, and pulls her sleeves down over her fingers.

"Thanks, it's becoming a favorite.” Andi pauses and then speaks, “ No, I want to hear about your trip. The lack of posting on IG from you and Marty was just… dreadful. How can I be jealous if you don't post?”

"Silly, girl! “

“No, seriously, I think Walker and I posted about seven posts each day during our inspiration trip in Turkey. When you went quiet, I check on Marty’s page, but no, he was quiet too. Did you enjoy Italy or just .. enjoy each otherrr... give me details.”

Memories of Buffy trip with Marty flowed in her mind.

"Well, on the first night, we arrived in Rome and had dinner at Da Enzo al 29. I had ordered this pasta with black truffles”, Buffy mouth becomes moist as her memory takes over. "the sauce was just so creamy, and I actually dip my bread allll around the bowl. The third night we made it to Sicily. We had this bet in regards to who could find the best gelato. It turned into this colossal scavenger hunt with the results of a how-to stop a brain freeze and recover from gelato coma. “

“Where can I find the best gelato when we go this Spring?”

“Oh, that simple, the best gelato spots… are the ones who give you two scoops for the price of one."

Laughter explodes through the room, and then a comfortable silence enters.

Andi grabs her phone and pulls up her Instagram account. "Yes, I remember the gelato photo, which is your last post. I guess you guys were staying in the moment."

Buffy smiles and takes a sip of her warm apple cider, she places it down in a swift move pulls her oversized sleeves up. "You can say that."

Andi leans in and looks at her friend Buffy, her long curly hair was framing her face. She noticed the red sweater that Andi believe was hers, which highlight her now red cheeks due to the cold weather. Before Andi could ask a question, Buffy did something that caught Andi’s attention when she ran her fingers through her hair.

Buffy’s voice becomes softer as a whisper, "So, on the fifth night, it was Marty's turn to plan our activities. The only clue I had was that I should wear comfortable shoes for dancing I picked the white crochet wrap dress we found at the vintage store when we were home last month, with my red ballets."

Andi places Buffy’s hand into her palm, as her thumb ghostly traces the thin band and around the center diamond. She held her hand, letting the emotions rise to her eyes, remembering the first time, the seven-year-old held her hand, and now here they are twenty-six, and her best friend has a ring on it.

As she exhales and makes eye contact, "Dinner was lovely, we had pizza nothing really glamorous, but pizza in Italy should never be compared to the States, especially how well it goes with wine."

"Just like your first date,” whispers Andi.

Buffy bites her bottom lip and nods, "I should have known something was up because we only have pizzas on our anniversaries. After dinner was over, we shared a minty gelato. "

"No Gelato wars?", interjects Andi.

Buffy shakes her head no.

"The ride to our location was quiet. I thought Marty was entering a food coma, so I just moved his arm around my shoulders and kissed his neck … Andi, we stop at the Teatro Greco Taormina. "Her eyes move back to her hand, "It's this massive open Greek theater that was carved out of rocks. It’s gorgeous, and I was still oblivious … then my eyes saw the candles, my ears could hear a piano playing … then this tall, heavy-set man started to sing, and we were the only two people in the room."

"Oh .. Buffy.”

"For the first time I was speechless.. then Marty went ... down on his bend knee. When he asked me to marry him, and I said yes, the kiss was so different. He wasn’t my boyfriend but my fiancé soon to be my husband. That kiss completely moved all my emotions in overdrive.”

Andi finally lets her shriek out. "So fucking happy, for you both. The ring, Buff..” Andi looks back at Buffy’s hand "He did very well."

"Yes, he did."

“This is great news but not on your page or his, why?"

" Well, we have three reasons why we ghosted social media. The first reason, I really wanted to stay in this glow of just us. We were just engaged, and you have seen it Andi, every time someone becomes engaged. It's follow up with when’s the wedding, where’s the wedding and oh... congratulations. It's like we don't give the new couple time to just be engaged."

"Okay."

“Second, I wanted to share the news with our parents. This is big news, and to think of sharing it through facetime was ... yucky" frowns Buffy.

"Buff, it’s been two days since you have been back."

Buffy grab both of her best friends hand for over eighteen years hands, "Right, but I’m just seeing you, today. Andi, you have been my best friend since we were seven years old. We have been through good and bad, dumb fights, dance parties, different high schools, college .. but… you were the first person that knew I had some type of feelings for Marty before I would even admit to them. You were the first to give us a couple name, "Muffy."

"I also gave you Barty too."

"Yes," Buffy laughs at her friend, "You were the first one to actually say, that we would be a great couple. Our first double date ... that was with you and Jonah ... you were rooting for us before there was even an us” Buffy exhales, "How could I post a photo on Instagram and not share this moment with you in person?"

"Buffy," whispered Andi. "I love you .. Muffy will rise."

"Um.. okay.. but for us to rise, I need one more thing." Andi wipes her tears on her, backhand, "Sure, what can I do?"

"No other place to see us rise, then standing next to me. Andi Mack, will you do me the honor of being my Maid of Honor.”

"That depends. When I say, yes, will you finally post on IG or let Marty?”

#andi mack #buffy driscoll #marty from the party #buffy x andi #andimackau #bandi andi mack #andi mack fanfic #andi mack fanficiton

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lightsandlostbells · 6 years

Text

Druck season 2, episode 4 reaction

I want to thank turtleneck boy because I truly miss the fandom running wild with every detail and coming up with theories, I mean that sincerely. God bless you, sweater man.

Episode 4

Clip 1 - Motto selection

We have the graduating class looking at mottos. Amira and Leonie are leading the meeting. Leonie sure likes to lead school activities. We also have Mia, Hanna, Jonas, and Matteo in attendance. I really like seeing more school activities, especially since the hero party thing wrapped up last season, and this seems like a particularly German tradition from what I can tell, so it’s a cool thing to include.

Jonas is wearing a fedora today and like, he’s rocking it and twirling it around and stuff, but baby, you gotta be aware of the implications.

They’re picking out a motto, but as Leonie emphasizes with finger quotes, these are “the best” and Amira says none of them are great. “Photoshop-Philipp” put together some examples of the logos. His name is Markus. He’s the theater kid from the first season, with his hair tied back and I never would have recognized him if fandom hadn’t pointed him out.

That dude in the black turtleneck sent us all into conspiracy mode. Initially he was giving me German Even vibes, too. Was this their version of kosegruppa? He smiles when Matteo starts laughing at Photoshop Philipp, and his body language is angled toward Matteo, kinda, could that be a clue??? Why would they give us a random close-up of that guy when Jonas starts talking about CannABIs, when he doesn’t have a line at that moment or anything? Why was he tying his shoe for so long? Surely Druck is trying to tell us something!

Yet apparently it has been confirmed that he is not German Even, but is some random extra who’s been popping up in school scenes. That was a fun few days of speculation, though.

When the cannabis-themed logo pops up, Jonas says that there are some students in this school who are critical of the dangers of smoking weed, and he’s definitely directing that toward Hanna (he looks at her at the end, and Hanna looks over her shoulders and rolls her eyes). Nice bit of passive-aggressiveness there.

Another one is a parody of the alt-right Germany party (AFD) logo. Jonas likes that direction. Some random girl doesn’t like it and doesn’t want to give more attention to the party, but Amira and Mia think it’s funny. You know, kinda cool that these random students are getting a voice this season - like in the classroom debate, or the discussion here. It’s not just the main characters having all the dialogue in these scenes, it makes it feel a little more like an actual school, if that makes sense. (ETA: @randomfinny and @hyperfictional pointed out that she’s actually German Sara. Lol, I never would have recognized her, so thank you!)

I laughed at Jonas and Matteo being lazy in the back of the class. and them both putting their heads down. They’re in sync!

Suddenly there’s Axel walking in! Good thing Kiki isn’t part of this meeting. Did he join just to hang out with Mia?

I will say this, I am not complimentary toward Alex, but we’ve seen more of a personality from him thus far than with William, imo. He’s been shown to have some political opinions, and this shows a little bit of creativity/initiative on his part. He seems pretty pleased with his design/logo. He thinks it’s pretty gangster.

His logo is Abi Chaker Clan 2019, which is a reference to a family in Berlin with ties to organized crime? It doesn’t mean much to me as a non-German, but I’m going to take that it’s clever. Most of the group seems to like it. Jonas and Matteo approve. Markus doesn’t understand it. He’s like the only one other than Mia who’s not on board, lol. They take a vote, everyone puts their hands up except Mia. Hanna tells her that it’s better than others, so Mia reluctantly raises her hand. Even when she does so, she’s pointedly looking away from Alex.

As they leave, Jonas sticks his fedora on Matteo’s head. Be still my heart.

They’re going to have another meeting on Friday, Alex offers his place. Mia isn’t gonna be happy about that!

I will say this, this is what I wanted for Noorhelm remakes - give them something to work on that isn’t them dating, like a school project or whatever. Although now I’m like … they could have started with this stuff, the graduation committee, and not gotten into the whole renewed Kiki/Alex angle which makes this all messier and more complicated and harder to be on team Alex or team Winterberg. And I get that’s probably what they were going for, throwing more obstacles into the story so Mia still has doubts about being with Alex, but it also means I need that I need certain aspects addressed before I can fully get on board with this ship, and I’m afraid they won’t do that. Or I’m afraid that Mia’s flaws will be addressed but Alex’s will be excused.

That being said, I’m on team Amira with the decision to let Alex into the group. Sometimes you have to put personal feelings aside, and Alex’s involvement will benefit everyone else in the class by making the yearbooks cheaper. And tbh I don’t think it’s right to exclude someone from participating in a school group like this unless they’re actively disrupting the group itself, regardless of how much that person may have wronged me or my friends romantically.

When Mia starts to argue, Amira says that she knows the cost isn’t a big deal to Mia and some others, but other students came to her and said they couldn’t afford it. I wonder if Kiki was one of them… she probably wouldn’t tell that to Amira, though. Not in those words.

This isn’t Amira’s big secret, though, is it? Like Pawel isn’t some dude at the printing company, and she was just trying to keep it under wraps so Mia didn’t find out? I feel like her secret has to be bigger and more personal than that.

The question is, did Alex do this to get on Mia’s good side or to hang out with her? Or is he trying to engage and do something nice without expectations? Because I respect that second one more, obviously.

Amira is so lovely, I truly hope we get her season.

Clip 2 - Alex is hyped for Game of Thrones to return

Mia runs into Alex. She says they need to talk. He smirks and says, “Winter is coming,” and GOD FUCKING DAMMIT that made me laugh out loud. It’s so obvious but I laughed.

You know, Mia looks a tiny bit like Daenerys Targaryen.

There’s a shot of them walking down the path thing with the divider in the middle, oooo, ~symbolic. They meet at the end.

Mia tells him to stop grinning, and he says yes, sergeant Winter, and salutes. FUCK OFF that’s the second time I’ve laughed in this clip at this dude. I hate myself.

She chews him out for becoming a “committing patron” and he’s all “??? I wanted to help??” And I will give this to him, he did actually help out the group regardless of intentions, so maybe let that one slide, Mia, in the spirit of utilitarianism. Then she mentions NYE and the midnight voice message, which he does deserve to be chewed out for.

SOMEONE IS WATCHING THEM. It’s Sam??? Oh shit, she saw them talking! Hopefully she assumes Mia is just yelling at Alex. But she’s going to know Mia and Alex are in cahoots. Will she end up using this against Mia, or will she go to Mia and offer her support when Mia feels like she can’t tell anyone what’s happening?

Clip 3 - Ironing soothes the soul

Mia checks her phone and sees a bunch of messages from people praising Alex’s motto and hyping him up as the man. She gets off the bed, puts on a Chopin record and we are treated to a slow-montage scene of Mia ironing her clothes, including stuff like pajamas and socks, things that do not really need to be ironed if you asked me.

But I like the purpose of this scene! Mia feels out of control and frustrated and helpless with Alex’s inclusion in the group and everybody praising him and talking him up, and on top of it she doesn’t feel in control of her own feelings, so she has this ritual where she puts on music and makes her clothes neat and orderly. She uses order as a coping mechanism. Even the way this is shot makes it feel very precise and serene, the way she goes about this ritual so calmly, the way she smooths down her ironed items, the way the camera moves upward at the end, like all Mia’s anxieties are just floating away. You can just sink into this moment and realize how Mia clears her head.

Also that it’s classical music - something that also feels very orderly. And as we learn later in the episode, Mia can play piano including classical pieces so perhaps she has a strong history with it.

This was something indicated with Noora - for example, she was throwing out and getting rid of stuff once William had left her, and tidying up her room before she was supposed to meet with William prior to him going to London. She was thrown out of balance when Eskild ate her fish cakes. So I like that they’re going into it with Mia, and as others have mentioned it might be another sign of Mia’s ED. (Perfectionism is a common trait in people with eating disorders, and excessive tidiness/need for order is a sign of perfectionism).

Ironing complete, Mia searches for Alexander Hardenberg online. She considers following Alex on IG - too far, girl, he’s gonna take that as a marriage proposal.

Mia’s phone background includes Hans, awww.

She finds various links including one talking about his sister Sophie, who was two years older than he was. There are theories that Sophie will take over the Niko role, but I don’t buy that. For one, Alexander got very defensive over people talking about his “sister” in the classroom debate, and I don’t think he’d care if his sister was a creep. Second, it would be in EXTREMELY poor taste to have the biggest wlw rep on this show be a woman preying on and assaulting another woman, especially as a counter to Mia and Alex’s heterosexual relationship that’s probably going to be True Love. Just. The worst. I wrote this speculation post, but I think Sophie’s probably dead or something bad happened to her. Björn is some dude who was involved in what happened to her.

I don’t know what song this is as Mia is falling into the Alex Hardenberg rabbit hole, but it sounds like classical to me, and it’s like her coping mechanism/mental safe space is getting conflated with this guy.

Hans bursts into the room saying the Mia needs to look at his dick, because he thinks he has an STD, specifically tripper (gonorrhea) and he needs her to compare with some picture online. OK, I have to say, I have never ever heard that term for gonorrhea before. I’ve only heard it called the clap. Did Druck just teach me something? Yes, it did.

I have to praise Milena’s reactions here, they are restrained but suitably horrified.

Hans exposes his junk to Mia and she notes that yeah, it looks similar to the picture. He storms out and yells his fury to the heavens. When Mia asks if she should go to the pharmacy for him, he says he needs a chamomile tea first. LMAO. I feel like it was implied Mia would make the tea, right?

Clip 4 - Dingalings

Matteo’s just hanging with the girls as they talk about Hans’ clap, I guess. This child is not in a good state. He doesn’t seem very engaged in this conversation, but then again … would you want to hear about someone’s gonorrhea?

The girls are like HERE LOOK AT THESE GONORRHEA PICS and Matteo is just sitting there shooting them looks of WTF.

Sam calls it a “dingaling”. It’s nice to know she uses the same euphemism as my mom. She wants to know what a “gay penis” looks like, compared to a straight penis, I guess. Babe, you can go onto the Internet and find that out with a few clicks.

I laughed again at Matteo giving this side-eye to the girls while he looks at something on his phone. Or him nervously looking at them while they talk about what gay penis looks like.

Matteo picks up a banana as Sam asks about his dingaling. Druck going for that subtle symbolism, I see.

Sam asks Matteo how he measures dingalings, and he’s like, “...what?” There’s a nice moment where Hanna and Mia react and Mia tries to change the subject and divert attention from Matteo, in case this gets into uncomfortable territory for him. I liked that! Different from Eva and Noora having a fun time with Isak’s mysterious sexuality.

However, Sam really wants to know. Matteo mumbles that you do it with a ruler and Sam immediately gets out that ruler like she’s prepared to put this into practice. Not at the table, darling. Matteo isn’t even looking at them as he explains the rest.

Sam writes down “only when it’s hard” and underlines it, like she’s taking notes and this will be on the final exam for Dingalings 101.

Matteo sees Jonas walk in, and Matteo waves him over, probably thinking OH GOD SAVE ME, but Jonas just backtracks out of the room. NOOOOOO. I saw people think he was mad at Matteo, but I thought he was trying to avoid Hanna, which was confirmed in a text. If he and Matteo had a tiff, Matteo probably wouldn’t be waving him over so chill, unless he didn’t know Jonas was mad at him.

Matteo is not even looking at Hanna when she asks if Jonas has someone, just at his phone. What is he so engrossed with on his phone? Is it something specific or just generic sad teenage disengagement? Is it just him being one of The Youths?

Matteo waited until Sam left to tell Hanna that Jonas waits for her to post stuff on IG, IDK if there was a reason he waited. And there wasn’t any real reason Sam had to get up and leave during this scene, so is it at all important? Unless they just wanted the three sadsacks at the table together for the end of this clip, and Sam is not sufficiently angsty about her love life right now.

But Matteo tells Hanna that Jonas doesn’t have a new girl, he waits around for her to post new IG stories. Hanna is confused why, and Matteo is like, why does someone spend an entire evening stalking someone? Ohhh, damn. Mia is gonna feel that comment resonate uncomfortably.

Also, nice of Matteo to help out Hanna and Jonas’ relationship instead of snaking on her. As far as we know. (I think he’s being nice, not a snake this time.)

In case we didn’t get the connection, Axel texts Mia if she prefers wine or beer, for the yearbook meeting tomorrow, I guess. Checking in to see what she likes, her preferences.

We see Mia, Matteo, and Hanna at the table, all of them a little out of sorts. Mia thinking about Axel, Hanna thinking about Jonas, Matteo thinking about … something ... or someone … dude is very busy on his phone.

Clip 5 - After party at Axel’s

Mia brushes her teeth before going over to Alex’s - I guess that’s supposed to be her showing interest in him? A sign that she wants to be at her best? Or, you know, a sign that she practices good oral hygiene.

Hanna texts her and hopes she’s coming soon, because Hanna doesn’t want to be there alone because of Jonas. Damn, kids, you’re really tearing my heart out about this. Get back together already!

Axel texts Mia that she doesn’t need to bring a toothbrush because he has a new one ready for her. Well, that’s rather presumptuous. Mia seems a little amused, though.

She locks herself out of the apartment and texts Hans about it. Hans will be back at midnight to let Mia in. Also the tripper situation is still causing him pain and he stole money from his sick aunt to pay for medicine? Hans is so much more of a mess than Eskild was, like he’s going to have to evolve fast if he’s going to adopt Matteo.

This next part is beautiful, as we cut between Mia getting on the bus and traveling to Alex’s house, and shots of the characters looking into the camera as someone reads the comments about them. Isn’t this kinda like those character descriptions from pre-season? That promo stuff? So maybe it wasn’t just for promo, but an overall theme of the season, about the labels we stick on people or the shallow ways we perceive them.

Hanna - Gets bitch, red devil, arrogant. Who called Hanna a bitch?? Red devil?? Get the fuck out. Ex-BFF is from Leonie. Someone calls Hanna the “best decision of my life” and I think that was probably Jonas, please take that dagger out of my heart, oh my God.

Amira - Gets “hijab” like 8 times. So sad that this is all people know about her or think about her. They see the hijab and think that’s the sum total of who she is, rather than part of it. And it’s also othering, because the hijab stands out, it’s different from everyone else. I feel like Amira is used to it, too, like she probably expected that response. She also gets called ISIS. Man, fuck that edgy piece of shit person who wrote that. At least she gets some other comments like how she’s cool, like the people who actually know her and don’t stereotype her or judge her think she’s the best.

Matteo - Basically he’s a chill bro and fades into the background, although one person thinks he’s a good kisser. Hmmm, has he been going around smooching girls like Isak did?

Alex - gets almost all negative comments about how arrogant or jerkish he is, or his car compensating for his lack of dong size, except for some comments about how he’s hot. Look, if you want me to feel sorry about that, how people are just judging him unfairly, you’ve gotta show me more proof that he hasn’t been a major asshole throughout his high school career and this isn’t an accurate assessment of how he’s treated people or behaved this whole time, even if he’s supposed to be a nice guy underneath.

Mia - gets lots of comments on how hot she is, with some about her feminism or being boring. Habibi comes from Amira. Lesbian? Final one is “prettiest woman on earth” which probably was from Alex, honestly, and she seems kinda OK hearing him read that one out loud. (Although my kingdom for those “lesbian?” and “prettiest woman on earth” comments to have both come from like, Kiki.)

Matteo is once again lying on the couch on his phone, checked out. Someone send that kid an Even to bring him to life.

They talk about whether everyone should be able to cross out comments and that they don’t have time to chase everyone down, but I agree with Mia that everyone should be able to censor theirs, not just the committee. Alex agrees with Mia and gives a sensible option, that people have two weeks to contact the staff if they want to censor their comments. He says he doesn’t want to censor his comments because in twenty years he wants to remember what an arrogant ass he was, and everyone laughs, and you can take that as a sign of character growth that he wants to evolve past being an ass, or him thinking it was a fun time rather than something he regrets.

There’s turtleneck boy again. Who isn’t Even, but maybe could be German Julian Dahl.

Alex ordered pizza and beer, and the meeting gets more like a party. Hanna and Matteo throw pizza at each other and Hanna gives him the finger, cute! Alex arm wrestles Markus the theater photoshop kid. All throughout the evening, Mia seems attuned to Alex’s presence and keeps looking his way. I know that kind of feeling, I’ve been to parties where I was Mia and someone’s presence was like a magnet.

Hanna and Matteo talk in the kitchen about Jonas. Hanna asks where Jonas is, seeing as he’s not at the meeting, and Matteo says he doesn’t know, Jonas wanted to come. Which is a lie seeing as Jonas told Matteo he wasn’t going in a text message that we saw. At least Matteo is trying to spare Hanna’s feelings.

Mia is in Alex’s bathroom, looking at the stuff on the counter. I guess she’s just inspecting his stuff? She opens a jar and it’s overflowing with condoms, lol. I guess Alex got over his “latex allergy” at some point or learned his lesson about not wrapping it up. Maybe he had his own adventure with tripper. (I’m imagining him in his own version of the scene with Hans, wailing and opening his robe to a befuddled Toilet Sam.)

Hans texts her that now he won’t be home until 1. When Mia comes out of the bathroom, everyone else is leaving. Now Mia’s first option is that she could totally leave with her friends and chill with them, and if she’s locked out, she could crash at Hanna’s. But Amira has to study, Leonie has a date, and Hanna is going to the cinema with her dad. (What if Hanna was going to Jonas’ instead ... no, I won’t get entertain that happy delusion.) Anyway, Hanna suggests that Mia just kill time at Alex’s until she can go home.

Mia and Alex look at each other across the room. There is some nice nonverbal tension. The toilet flushes and Markus comes out of the bathroom. Now there are three of them, I like this shot of them in a triangle. Lol, Markus is so drunk he doesn’t know if he puked on himself. He doesn’t know how he broke up the Mia/Alex staring contest.

Alex and Mia look at each other and laugh after Markus leaves, which is a genuinely nice moment. Mia explains her situation and says she’ll go to the cinema or hang out in the park until then. Alex says she could stay and he’ll drive her home later. There’s a funny bit where Mia says he’s not allowed to drive, and Alex says he’ll call his chauffeur, and then does an imitation of Mia’s inner monologue - “Is he that rich? No … or maybe he is?” I do like that they’ve given Alex so much more of a sense of humor.

Lmao, Alex jumping on the random skateboard and gliding across the floor, I have to say if I lived in a big empty place like that, I’d be doing shit like that a lot. Speaking of, that is one big, spacious apartment, like there’s some art on the walls and stuff but it still gives off that cold lonely rich kid vibe.

I like Mia walking around examining the place as he makes her rosehip tea. Alex mentions that his sister used to live here - again, we don’t get more details than that, like whether she moved or died, what happened to her. It seems like he might have cut off that line of inquiry when he asks Mia if she wants honey in her tea - either a coincidence or a deliberate attempt to change the subject.

However, that does throw into context Björn’s appearance in the next clip, because Björn was showing up to the sister’s old apartment. Why was he messing around in there? I think that dude might be the sister’s boyfriend or ex.

There’s a piano. In that same room are a lot of moving boxes; either because Alex was moving in, or because the sister was moving out. Or maybe they were packing up Sophie’s things because she died?

Mia asks him whether he plays or whether it’s there to impress girls. Alex says no, so I’m betting it was the sister’s piano. He also asked whether they should go sit in the other room to drink the tea, I think that he didn’t want to answer questions about the piano or be near it, like it probably reminds him of whatever happened to the sister.

Gold star to Mia for not playing without payment and for not negotiating. I love her.

Was that the theme music from Titanic she was playing and acting like she was really into?? Lmao.

Finally, she plays something legit, “Montagues and Capulets” (or “Dance of the Knights”) from the ballet Romeo and Juliet by Prokofiev. HMMM could there be any connection to star-crossed lovers with this subject matter? Hey, it’s subtler than a banana.

At first I was wondering why her playing seemed out of sync and was like ... did they get a body double to play for her or something? Because I think Milena can really play. But then we see that it’s intentionally out of sync, as we see them eating and talking over the music. Perhaps to symbolize things being out of sorts; earlier this clip we had Mia using classical music as a way to restore order in her life, and here that order is rapidly dissolving, so the music isn’t really soothing, and the images aren’t neatly in line with it.

When Alex asks what song that was, Mia says it’s Drake. L M A O I adore her.

Hans texts Mia that he’s not coming home tonight as he’s met some other dude with gonorrhea and they’re going to hook up. Er, have fun with that, Mr. Currently Peeing Shards of Glass. Anyway, he asks if she can stay at Hanna’s. Alex says Mia can just stay there, she can take the bed and he’ll take the sleeping mat. Mia asks why doesn’t he just sleep on the couch and he says the fridge is too loud. We are treated to the sounds of the thunderous fridge. Actually, it is pretty loud for a fridge, if you’re sensitive to that kind of thing I can see it being a problem.

He says she can rent his bed for the night, like in a hotel. Which is what seems to convince her, him framing it not like a benevolent gesture but a transaction. So Alexander sets up the bed for Mia. He gives the new toothbrush that he had mentioned, and she pays him back what he gave her.

Mia climbs into bed and smells the fresh linen. She checks her phone and Hans says that Emilio finished fast so he’s coming home, and Hanna says Mia can come over. But Mia pulls an Isak, telling Hanna that Hans is home and Hans that she’s with Hanna. Wow, there is no chance of that backfiring, not with these two people who appear to be on friendly terms.

They don’t share a bed as Noorhelm did; true to his word, Alex sleeps on the floor, and she gets the bed. I think that’s indicative of where they’re at with each other right now; they still have distance between them, but they’ve developed a state of comfort and can let down their guard to a degree.

They wish each other good night, and she calls him Axel. That makes him smile. And then he asks that that wasn’t really Drake, was it? Which makes her smile. Let him go to his grave thinking it was Drake, Mia.

Social Media/General Comments

I’ll say this, Chris Veres is doing well as Alex, performance-wise. Previously he was my least favorite William, and I thought he was very flat in S1, which I guess was intentional, since I heard he tried to play Alex as very cold and unfeeling. Now we’ve seen him showing more personality and especially glimpses of humor and levity. So regardless on my thoughts of the character overall, I think the actor is doing a fine job.

A lot of people seem to have hopped on board with Alex after this episode, even people who hated William, and I think that largely has to do with the performance. I’m not sure I would say I’m completely on board with Alex as a character - he still has a lot of stuff to account for, and there are things that I really need Druck to redeem about him in order for me to like him. I especially need apologies - or at least some sense of regret and humility over his specific mistakes, rather than him trying to defend himself and Mia falling for it. But I get why fandom is starting to like him, he’s showing more charisma here. There are things I certainly like about him compared to William, for instance that he seems to have more interests and opinions on things that don’t have to do with his love interest. He had some genuinely funny lines in this episode.

Also, I’ve said it before, but I wasn’t sold on Mia entirely in S1, but Milena Tscharntke is really winning me over this season. Mia feels like her own character, certainly one with traits in common as Noora, but also not a Noora clone.

Kiki was totally absent this episode, and I wonder if that was to lull us into forgetting the Kiki/Alex drama so we, like Mia, could start to fall for him. In putting Kiki aside for an episode, it’s kind of like we don’t have this reminder of what Alex and Mia have done to her, something that I’m sure will come crashing back and causing conflict in the next episode. It also makes you wonder what Kiki has been doing since we last saw her. How is she coping? Breaking more hearts?

The music needs to be used more sparingly. This episode had some good selections but basically it’s falling into a pattern that’s plagued some of the remakes, where the music always gets used the same way: a song at the start of the clip, a song at the end of it, so that it starts to lessen the impact of the music because we can predict when it will appear. I think it happens in some remakes, like Skam France or Druck, because they run some previews/production credits at the end, and they want music to go over it instead of silence. But last season I think they did have some clips that ended with silence over the credits, or things like Hanna sighing, or random banter, and that didn’t bother me, that helped to retain the atmosphere of the clip.

There’s a theory that S3 and/or S4 have been running in the background of this season, and while I can see evidence for that, I really hope it’s not the case. Especially after this last clip - I thought it was great, the pacing worked and there were some inspired directing choices, so imagine what we could get with Matteo or Amira’s seasons with that kind of style. It would work so well with one of the long Evak or Yousana clips, something like Mekke øl or The Best of Islam.

Mia is like, “Won’t we get in copyright trouble for this?” as a feeble attempt in the committee chat not to pick Alex’s motto, lol. Give her credit for fighting a losing battle to the end.

Hans had like three text messages about his clap. First he accuses a dude of infecting him with the clap, while the dude is like, nah, just went to the doctor yesterday, I’m good, and Hans is like … oops … embarrassing. Then he goes after the next dude he banged, who reciprocates his electronic shouting match. Finally messages Michi, who’s like, thank God, I thought you were breaking up with me again. Dude. Hans. I know you find Michi a bore, I guess, but some dude whose reaction to hearing he has the clap is “at least you didn’t break up with me” to the dude who gave it to him, is someone you might wanna hang on to. And not in a boomerang way, in a “this is a keeper” way.

Matteo and Jonas text and apparently Jonas planned to skip the yearbook meeting/party because of Hanna. So that’s probably why he ran away in the dingaling clip, because he saw Hanna there. I’m wondering if they’re going to get back together this season or if they’ll string us along for a few more.

According to Matteo’s IG stories, that was the first time Photoshop Philipp/Markus got drunk, and Matteo made sure to document the highs, followed by the inevitable lows.

I’m not German, so feel free to correct me if I missed anything.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

#druck reactions #druck

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artificialqueens · 6 years

Text

Pink Sandcastles Pt. 2 of 2 (Trixya) - VonChoke

Summary: Trixie Mattel is a popular YouTube travel vlogger. When she receives an invitation to stay at a resort at La Union, Philippines, she had no idea that this particular trip would help her find out what home really means.

*She’s complete!!!*

Read part 1 on Tumblr Read part 1 on AO3

“Let me get this straight,” Kim said testily on the other side of Trixie’s laptop screen the next morning. Today she had white highlighting foundation that she has not yet blended in due to Trixie’s timely interruption again. “You were invited to La Union to review the beach and the resort there, but the real reason was Katya used her resort to lure you there and get closer to you?”

“Seems like it,” Trixie huffed.

“But you just found out last night from a comment on one of Katya’s IG pics that she’s in a relationship with, your words, a gorgeous, skinny burlesque star?”

“Exactly.”

“And how did you discover this?”

“I was checking Instagram on my way back from the bathroom and the first thing I saw was Katya’s newest post. Then I read someone named Violet Chachki commented ‘miss those hands on me babe’ on it and… ugh.”

“What fucking rom-com shit are you living in?”

“Goddamnit I know right!” she almost yelled, burying her face on her hands. “I didn’t even know she was flirting with me since VidCon and I don��t know if I might have accidentally flirted back!”

Kim snorted. “You dense idiot,” she said. There was a beat of silence and then, “So what are you going to do about it?” Another pause. “Have you guys talked yet?”

Trixie sighed, brushing back a pink strand away from her mouth. “Not yet.” As she said it, a notification lit up her phone’s screen. It was one of eight she has not replied to yet. “Katya’s uh… inviting me to brunch. She said she’s serving pancakes and a full explanation.”

Hopefully the whole story instead of the basic gist she was served last night; After Katya’s quiet confession that she was in a long distance relationship with another (way more gorgeous) person, Trixie felt completely embarrassed for believing she was getting to the big time for having someone personally invite her, all expenses paid, to another country for a free stay at their resort because she delivered quality YouTube content. Looking around at the silent group around her, she felt deeply mortified that they probably knew that Katya had taken a huge amount of effort to basically get some pussy. She wasn’t even someone worth seducing, what the hell? Her pride in her work was hurt so she quickly faked an upset stomach, excused herself, and ran back to her room.

“I really don’t know what to do, Kim,” she groaned.

“Well,” Kim said slowly. “How do you feel about Katya?”

Trixie dug deep into her mind. She and Katya well… clicked. Like two hurricanes merging into one destructive force. She does like Katya as a friend, but realizes that she knows nothing else behind the macabre and filthy humor and wide smile. Come to think of it, what sort of place does the dark humor come from?

“I… care for her,” Trixie finally said. “As a great friend. Other than that, I don’t know anything else about her. We don’t talk much about our past. Because when we’re together, it’s like… nothing else matters? I don’t even think about my own shit. I forget everything and only enjoy my time with her.” She locked eyes with Kim. “That’s weird, isn’t it?”

“Ehhhh yeah,” said Kim. “But that’s probably a good place to start.”

“I’m going to meet her for brunch, aren’t I?” Trixie said, looking lost. “Because I really don’t know what else to do.”

“Come up with a list,” the Asian girl prompted whenever a friend needed direction. “Three things.”

“Okay,” Trixie breathed, sitting up. “One, talk to Katya. Two, decide what to do from there. And three… Oh right fuck. Vlog.”

“That’s a plan.” Kim smiled.

“It’s a plan. Thanks Kim, I’ll see you around.”

After disconnecting the call, Trixie sat back on her chair and allowed her mind to wander out the window. What exactly does she want with Katya? She wasn’t even sure if she wanted a relationship right now with all the traveling she’s planning on doing. During the day, she can freely say that she is self-sufficient and can hold her own without anyone by her side.

But midnight is a different story. Whenever Trixie lays on her pillow to sleep, her caged heart roams free. Like any other lonely person, they’ll never admit that she secretly cries out for a companion and longs to relate to love songs. The yearning filled her with agony sometimes, but she bears with it as she knows it’ll pass the moment she falls asleep. When she goes on through her day, Trixie no longer takes the time to dwell on wanting a romantic partner. Her desire of having someone to kiss and to take care of are buried under a modern day woman’s sensibilities.

She can do this. She’s old enough to know what she wants and which of Katya’s bullshit she’s not willing to put up with.

—————————

“Salamat po,” Trixie quietly thanked the waiter in Tagalog, something Jiggly taught her last night, for laying out her breakfast plate and orange juice in front of her. Across her, Katya had a coffee, a fluffy pastry, an orange, and a cigarette. She too looked anxious.

Trixie ate quietly, using the food as an excuse not to talk first. She didn’t make eye contact, instead looked out to the view of the ocean. When a breeze picked up, she tucked her hair behind her ear.

“I really like your hair,” Katya finally said, getting her attention. Smiling, she added, “It’s like catnip for pussies.”

That seemed to break the ice wall between them. Trixie stared at her for a second in bewilderment and let out a snort and giggle of amusement. She did get a lot of lesbian attention online for her hair. In return, Katya laughed with relief at the reaction and let herself relax. She can do this.

“So… I owe you an apology. I guess wasn’t honest with you in the beginning,” she said.

“Really, you guess?”

“Shut up, Toby, let me be real for once,” Katya said, smirking. Continuing, she stared at a point above her as she gathered her words succinctly. “I… was already interested after we met at VidCon. I wanted to keep what we had going but I didn’t because life happened.”

She waved a hand at the building behind her. “The resort opened and I became extremely busy. Then when I watched your latest Japan vlog, I thought you looked so beautiful and happy and… I kind of missed you? Then I talked to Sasha, we thought that I should invite you here to Elyu so we could… talk more and the rest was history.”

Trixie nodded. Time for her to speak. “I guess I was… hurt. And embarrassed.” To Katya’s subtle questioning expression, she carried on in softer tones. “I thought you invited me here because I make great travel vlogs and wanted the best for your resort.”

“Oh mama, you are the best,” said Katya sincerely as she leaned forward. “I checked out all your videos after we met at VidCon and those are the five pinkest hours of my life I cannot get back.” She was relieved when Trixie let out a trill of giggles. “I’m really sorry for embarrassing you. That wasn’t my intention. I thought this was going to be a great way of getting to know you better but yeah, that was probably a dumb idea.”

“Not entirely,” Trixie said. She looked out to the ocean sparkling under the sun and the carefree shouts of other tourists and breathed it all in. She felt the distance from her drafty little apartment in Chicago stretch all the way here, a sunny and spacious bliss while sitting across a woman who found her weirdness worth the effort to be around.

She held her breath before letting out, “And Violet?”

Lowering her cigarette, Katya gave a small sad smile. “She was on vacation here when we met. It’s an open relationship because she’s always on tour with her troupe and I’m just here. I thought was okay in the beginning because I’m like seven different shades of fucked up and wasn’t sure I could fully commit. Now I don’t know if I should let her go or stay with her cause it was my fucking idea in the first place to ask for more. And god, there were the drugs…”

“Drugs?” This was the first time Trixie heard Katya talk seriously about drugs. She mostly chalked it to her dark humor and never thought it came from a real, scary place. “Oh wow, I didn’t know. I’m sorry I thought you’ve only been joking about those.”

“I wasn’t joking, bitch,” Katya laughed without humor and began peeling her orange. “Although… I do hate being serious all the time. I can’t take life too seriously anymore, otherwise I get sucked back in to the dark.”

“Oh yeah I totally get it. Joking as a coping mechanism. Oh honey, did you have an abusive step-dad too?” Trixie said in her driest tone.

Katya’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, looking as though she didn’t know whether to laugh or not. “W-well, no. I was raised by a team of greasy Taco Bell employees who took me in when I was young,” she said seriously.

“What?” Trixie gaped. How did that even happ—oh, she was kidding. She glared at Katya wheezing in laughter and slapping her knee. “You bitch, I almost believed that,” she cried out, joining her in the hilarity.

“Hidden talent,” Katya cackled. “I swear I am able to drop into the pain of my personal experiences so effortlessly that allows people to believe in my bullshit.”

“Now I’m doubting this entire conversation,” Trixie sniffed before Katya quickly shook her head and sobered up.

“Oh no no, I’m not. Sorry, that’s on me. I need to say something stupid before I get into any serious topics.” She cleared her throat before speaking again. “I’m sorry you had to go through… that. Are you good now?”

Trixie leaned back into her chair and nodded, drawing her eyes downwards. “Yeah, I’m good. I don’t talk about him anymore.” She sighed, letting the moment breathe before bringing the topic back on track. “So, uh… Violet.”

“Right, yeah, Violet,” Katya sadly said. Steeling herself, she continued, “So I thought I was okay with the distance because I believed that Violet didn’t deserve me, didn’t deserve that, didn’t deserve to deal with my problems on top of her touring schedule, airport drama, hotel conflama…”

“So why were you hitting on me then? Why are you still together?” Trixie made an effort to keep her voice steady. Her heart was already smarting for being in the position of ‘second choice’.

“I don’t know. I guess cause you’re you,” Katya said. There was a screwed up expression on her face as she battled her frustrations. “You get my psycho humor. I fall over from your wit. I like who I am around you. And… I’m still with Vi because I’m a fucking coward.

“Do you see the irony, Trix? I hate myself and believe that she doesn’t deserve me, yet I’m still with her because of the stupid fucking hope that she doesn’t see me the same way I see myself.” She drew a breath before continuing, “Would you honestly have given me a chance if I wasn’t with her?” She made a move to grasp Trixie’s hand in sincerity but the younger girl pulled away, frowning. It wasn’t fair that the ball was in her court now.

“Katya, I don’t think you should break it off with Violet just for me if you still want to stay with her,” Trixie slowly said, acknowledging the disappointed expression on Katya’s face. “Plus, I’m only getting to know you a little better now, so I can’t say yet.”

“You’re right.” Katya nodded in understanding, leaning back and sucking on her cigarette. “I’ve been a fucking idiot about this whole thing.”

“Absolutely, yeah.” Trixie’s familiar dry tone was back and it brought a smile to Katya’s face. “Inviting me to a beautiful tropical paradise to seduce the panties off me.” She shrugged. “I’ve had worst dates.”

“I have some work to be done today, but I’ll make it up to you tonight. And I can take you sightseeing tomorrow,” said Katya, sipping her coffee. “So, friends?” She tilted her chin up as she held out her cup. Trixie picked up her half full glass and clinked it.

“Friends.” It was a clean slate to start off from and that she can manage.

—————————

The rest of Trixie’s day was spent outside with camera work where she took more aerial shots of the beach with her drone and the gorgeous people surfing the ocean. She got into work mode as she checked if her “light” and “natural” makeup was still in place to give an on-camera narrative of the authentic and cultured peaceful ambiance of Elyu. She also made sure to get some playful shots for her Instagram Stories.

On her itinerary was to visit and feature Phi Phi’s speakeasy bar on her vlog. While the sun was setting, she made sure to get shots of the tasteful artwork hanging on the walls and interviewed Phi Phi about her collections.

“I love collecting artworks that were made by visitors here at Elyu. Take a look at this. It’s my newest piece. Sasha made it,” said Phi Phi, pointing out a contemporary graphic design of a crown, red lips, and a unibrow. To its right, an abstract piece composed of turquoise, bronze, and gold brush strokes hung near the door. “That one was made by Katya. She said she was inspired by the view of the sea from her office and how it helped relieve some of her anxiety.”

Trixie aimed her camera at the paintings. Through the lens, she stared hard as though hoping to learn something new about the way Katya’s mind worked. She thought she discerned a hopeful beauty and some sort of sadness from the colors and the strokes.

Next she visited Ongina’s place, a small eatery that served a variety of Filipino dishes. Taking the vegetarian option, Trixie dined on sweet and savory marinated fried tofu with green beans. She washed it down with a soda while taking down notes about the place.

“So, have you and Katya talked yet?” Ongina said, leaning her forearms on the counter.

Trixie quirked an eyebrow. “Why is everybody bringing up Katya today?” she said. Ongina shrugged.

“You girls seem close. It would be a shame if your friendship got permanently ruined after last night,” she said while wiping down the bar counter and taking away Trixie’s clean plate. “And it’s nice seeing her in a different mood that wasn’t lovable bitch.”

“So what the hell is she now?” said Trixie after another bubbly sip.

“Still a lovable bitch, but we don’t want to punch her this time,” Ongina said breezily. The pink haired vlogger squawked gracelessly.

Lastly, Trixie took up Jiggly’s offer of a tour of her brightly colored hostel. It was simple in its accommodations yet a favorite for bigger groups that came to visit for its rustic bunk beds and kitschy wall decors. As Jiggly gestured her arms dramatically towards the building, she declared, “Do you know who stayed here for months the first time she was here?”

Trixie snorted. “If the answer is Katya, I’m leaving,” she said dryly. Jiggly was taken aback and dropped her arms. Trixie was about to regret her sass when the hostel owner burst into booming laughter.

“H-how did you know?” she squealed. Trixie grinned apologetically.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude… It’s just that everyone has mentioned her name to me so many times today, I’m starting to get a little suspicious,” she said sheepishly. Jiggly got around to coughing herself into composure and smiled a little guiltily.

“Have we been that obvious?” she asked a little meekly, patting her long straight hair into place.

Trixie nodded. She turned away to look at the hostel with the intention to hide her smirk from Jiggly. She didn’t want to give her and the other girls the satisfaction of knowing that their big plan to keep Katya fresh in Trixie’s mind all day kind of fucking worked.

—————————

The sun had long given away its stunning strokes of orange and yellows clouds, setting a blanket of dusky purple and blue over the beach. Katya had invited Trixie out to a post-dinner walk along the dimly lit beach. It was peaceful, Trixie had thought. Her bare toes enjoyed the feel of the fine sand, something she was not able to tolerate under the heat. There was something to be said about connecting with nature by listening to the waves move in its natural that could melt away the city stress. She glanced sideways at Katya’s profile, admiring the shape of her nose and how her skin looked luminous among the smoke of her cigarette escaping from red lips. It was quite the vision Trixie wanted to capture for her own self and never release such beauty to the world. She contemplated how some people compare themselves to the sun, fiery and outgoing, and how their veiled eyes see the other as the quiet beauty of the moon.

The sea and the sky kissed and blew out a cold breeze that smelled of the salty ocean. Trixie shivered.

“Aren’t you cold?” she asked.

“No ma’am. I always stay warm from the fire in my pussy,” Katya replied, grinning proudly around her stick. This earned a Trixie-screech that scandalously broke the tranquil air. There was a beat of silence after she had composed herself that Katya eventually ended.

“Trixie,” she began. “You know why I stayed here?”

“Why?”

“Three years ago, I spent almost all of my savings to check myself into rehab. I had a psychotic mental breakdown that my own parents had to call the police on me because I was running buttfuck naked out of the house.” There was a solemnity in the way Katya spoke about this that Trixie had to stare, wondering if the woman was dead serious or not again.

Katya then opened up about her struggle with drug addiction to a length that she had to light up another cigarette. Trixie held on to every word, determined to better understand her history. Rehab was successful, although the relapses never went away, they were easier to manage.

“So when I got here, it was so different from the city and the suburbs and for the first time in fucking history… My mind went quiet.” She gestured a flatline across her forehead before turning to Trixie. “Have you ever been to a place, in all of your travels, where it felt like all the noise just goes away?”

Trixie smiled with nostalgia. Blue and white villages came to her mind as she remembered the smell of warm flaky pies in the afternoon. “Yeah… It was my third trip, I think. Greece. Like I took off my earphones because I didn’t need the music to stop the noise in my head.”

“I never intended to hang around for long,” Katya continued as she nodded, inhaling her stick. “But I met Karl and Sasha, and we struck a deal together. Made it work. I invested in a share of the resort and it felt like I had purpose again. Also, the locals here? Oh mama, they know how to live life properly.” Trixie nodded silently. She could tell Katya was off to a long ramble by the way her hands began to gesture wildly to punctuate and to emphasize. She found herself not wanting to cease the stream of its course.

“But what I absolutely loved was the people that came to this place. I love the stories they told, I love talking to people, did you know that? Oh my god, the things they’ve seen, all their dreams and fears and shit…

“And then they leave. It’s like reading an anthology. I provided strangers an ear or advice. Sometimes I couldn’t help them and that’s a-okay. It’s like… I get to be the fixed point in their journey where I get to answer some lifelong questions. There were so many lives I learned about—remind me to tell you about Craig, he’s the bestest when it comes to movies—and it’s fucking redonkulous how everything we want in life is rooted to just wanting to be loved. Like in all our searching, the meaning of life comes from each other.”

Trixie folded her arms in contemplation. If travel taught her anything, the most memorable places weren’t about the sights or the food, it was about how open the locals were to connecting with foreigners.

Katya sighed. “And yet, I’m just here.” She waved a vague hand over the beach. “I’ve been here for a long while now and sometimes I feel lost myself. Or cut off from the rest of the world.” She grabbed Trixie’s hand and looked at her straight in the eye. “I’m sorry again for not telling you why I wanted you here. The loneliness was becoming unbearable and everything was empty and my head was becoming chaotic… I think that’s why I contacted you.”

“Maybe you need a new home?” suggested Trixie.

“I think I’ll find home on my own terms,” Katya replied softly.

Trixie frowned in confusion over Katya’s choice of words. What did she mean to ‘find home in her own terms’? In all of her travels, all the places she has visited and documented, has she ever found what home really means? Yet there was something familiar with Katya, in her words, in the scene she described here on the beach, looking out to the horizon—

“BITCH!” Trixie shrieked all of a sudden, stopping her tracks and startling Katya. “WAS THAT CONVERSATION ABOUT THE ‘CONTACT’ BEACH SCENE?!”

She received confirmation when Katya doubled over and began rolling over the sand in soundless laughter, nodding in glee. Trixie stomped away before she could wrap her fingers around her friend’s throat. She yelled that she was going back to her room, leaving Katya to pick herself up when she was done. She wanted to believe that Katya was bullshitting about everything, doubt her sincerity, but deep inside she understood. The search for love is life’s greatest trial that many leave messages to the universe, hoping to hear that they aren’t meant to be alone forever.

Trixie turned to look back the same moment Katya did. It could have been a passing nanosecond fancy, but Trixie swore to the stars above that she felt the phrase “I’m falling for Katya” shake her core. It was a strange feeling, she imagined, to experience a possible concept transition into powerful words. And it made the whole situation scarier now as it was one step closer to solidifying into reality.

She waited for the sense of hopeless despair she usually felt when she catches feelings for someone, but it never came. Instead she felt a glow filling her chest, a thrill that zipped through her nerves and made her gasp softly in surprise at how quick these sensations engulfed her. How does one stand by the ocean and feel like drowning? How does falling for someone feel like flying?

Their eye contact was broken by Katya sheepishly looking away, as though she had realized she had been staring too much. She lit up another cigarette.

“Your an idiot,” Trixie finally said into the silence.

“Yes and?” said Katya, smiling a little.

“And I said ‘you’re’ without the apostrophe r e.”

Katya gasped, eyes sparkling once again in mirth. “You take that back, you uncultured, illiterate, wretched heathen!”

Trixie began to walk back to the direction of the resort, calling over her shoulder with a playful laugh, “You deserve it!”

“I can’t even look at you right now,” Katya hollered, following her footsteps. “How dare yo—this changes everything I feel about you.” Trixie stopped in her tracks and so did her heart. She arched an eyebrow until Katya caught up with her.

“And how exactly do you feel about me?”

Katya blew out a cloud of smoke, appraising her friend for a beat while smirking. Trixie momentarily glanced at her rose red lips that doesn’t blossom open as much as it caterwauled inelegantly throughout the open space that probably needs to be ticketed for disturbing the peace. She could feel the anticipation stretching out, wondering what Katya was going to admit to her under the moon and stars… until the bitch simply winked and sashayed away.

The next morning, Trixie woke up early to catch Vivienne’s surfing lessons. It was a struggle to get out of bed that Trixie had to remind herself that her surfing lesson was also for the vlog. She grabbed her camera that was on her bed side, turned it on, and grumbled into it.

“Hey guys, it’s five in the morning and I have a surfing lesson today.” She rubbed her bleary eyes. “If you like watching me fail at stuff, keep watching because this might be my last video before I drown myself. Or get snacked on by a shark, whichever comes first.”

She turned off the camera and got up. She stretches hard before slowly encasing herself in a long sleeved blue and pink wetsuit that cut off inches above the knee over her swimwear. She met Vivienne right outside the resort, who energetically waved at her in contrast to Trixie’s sleep fuzzy brain. Her wild wavy black hair was tied up in a high bun and Trixie’s brain seemed to jolt awake up at the view of her abs above a pair of black shorts that covered half of her thick thighs. Good morning indeed.

Three hours later of learning the basics and trying to balance on the surfboard, the sun rays were soft and beautiful over the sparkling water and Vivienne’s morena skin. The teacher and student now sat on a low stone barrier facing the shore as Trixie was catching her breath from the session.

She unstrapped the camera from her surfboard. “I had just finished my first surfing lesson here with Vivienne, who is the most patient and wonderful woman to ever teach my ungraceful, clumsy ass,” Trixie said into it. Vivienne waved and smiled as Trixie affectionately laid her stringy wet head on her shoulder.

“She was a natural,” Vivienne said.

“Am I?”

“At wiping out.”

“Bitch,” Trixie laughed. She then gave a narrative of her first time on the board, how she was worried about slipping and hitting her head underwater, and how much fun she had learning despite catching not a single wave. She jumped off the stone barrier to focus her camera for a gratuitous shot of Vivienne’s enviable curves and abs, which she thought deserved a whole post of its own. Vivienne modestly giggled at the attention. Trixie was about to launch into a litany of worship of Vivienne’s hard work when a pair of wide gray eyes suddenly filled the frame. Trixie jumped back with a surprised yelp. “Katya!”

“Morning! I was watching you whores all morning,” she cackled. She was wearing her sunglasses on her head, black shorts, and a red floral silk shirt that had the sleeves folded up to the bicep and the front casually unbuttoned only halfway through, exposing bare cleavage. To cap off Trixie’s raging lesbian fantasies, Katya had her shirt in a French tuck and a motorcycle helmet dangling off her hand. Trixie gaped. The sight was all together stunning and was all too much for one morning.

Vivienne eventually broke the staring contest with laughter and hopped down the barrier to cheek kiss Katya. She gave Katya’s outfit a one over, checked Trixie’s reaction, and winked at the blonde before enveloping Trixie in a proud hug. “I’ll see you girls later! You did a good job today, Trixie.”

“T-thanks Vivienne!” Trixie said, returning the hug and waved as she walked away, picking up Trixie’s rented surfboard along the way. That view was looking good too.

“So,” Katya coughed. “How was it?”

“Hmm? Oh! It was great! I mean I wasn’t that great, but I had fun,” Trixie said in a giddy rush, glancing back at Katya.

There was something sexy about feeling the rush of adrenaline in the early morning and being under the control of someone very attractive in something as temperamental as the ocean. Looking into Katya’s eyes, aglow with the morning rays of light, filled her heart with something that felt like promise and care. Emboldened by her own high spirits, Trixie held eye contact while she unzipped her wetsuit to reveal underneath a green and white polka dotted bikini with a high waist bottom that accentuated her hips. With her pink hair, it was a whole watermelon fantasy and Katya’s raised eyebrows and unbridled smile was the cherry on top. As Trixie walked back to the resort, she called over her shoulder and extended her hand, “Are you coming for breakfast?”

Between two potential lovers, it’s most often that the palms kiss first before the lips do. It was as if Trixie had held out a magnet, and Katya’s own body responded like it were cold hard steel. Her feet quickly shuffled forward as her arm immediately extended to accept the invitation of Trixie’s hand. Both girls discreetly blushed at the new words their bodies just learned and intertwined their fingers together. And neither had let up until they got to their breakfast table.

————

Trixie sighed before sipping her late night cup of coffee at Velour’s. The sun had set, the beach’s nightlife was awake, and here she was waiting for Sasha to finish helping her staff with a large order so she could talk. Tonight, Sasha was wearing glitter red lipstick, an artful eyeshadow, and fake freckles across her nose. The whole look seemed to brighten up the ambiance of the cafe.

“What’s the occasion?” Trixie asked, nodding at the patterned outfit appreciatively as Sasha gracefully took a seat across hers.

“Art gallery viewing at Phi Phi’s. The gallery is called ‘Press and Play: Movement in Flow’. Would you like to come? I’m also hoping to meet potential business partners to expand the cafe,” Sasha replied. Even the way she crossed her legs were elegant. Trixie shook her head in regret.

“I can’t. I have to work on the vlog before I leave tomorrow, see if there’s a scene I might have forgotten to shoot,” she said.

“That’s right, it’s your last night here,” Sasha said in somber tones. “So what did you do today? Vivi told me you went surfing this morning.”

Trixie lit up as she recounted the rest of her day; Katya had taken her on a historical sightseeing tour via her motorcycle. As she spoke of the old churches and an old watch tower leftover from the Spanish occupation era, memories of tightly clinging to Katya’s midsection as the latter’s motorcycle zoomed down almost empty roads surfaced to her mind’s forefront. While she was describing the grape field Katya took her to, she thought of the way the light dappled on the older woman’s face underneath the grape vine leaves and forced her to stop moving so she could take a photo. When she told Sasha about the delicious dinner they had of burgers (hers a vegetarian option) and iced tea on the second floor of a beach front restaurant, all she could think about was how the sound of the waves crashing became the soundtrack of Katya’s wildest life stories, ranging from serious topics about her battle with drug abuse to the nasty and hilarious one of how she had once shat on her friend Courtney’s bed.

She remembered how she had wanted to hold Katya’s hand again while they were walking but chickened out, so she compensated by leaning her head on her shoulder while they rested. Or she swears that Katya had been staring because when she looked back, Katya quickly turned her head to the other direction. She recalled shivering whenever Katya leaned in closely to whisper something in her ear.

This woman had no shame in her being. Her unfiltered words, her animated expressions with her freedom to be. It enamored Trixie. Like the ocean they were facing, she felt unlimited. In that moment, she believed that a lot of things didn’t matter anymore just as long Katya kept her eyes bright with her enthusiasm of discussing whatever topic came to her head.

“Trixie?” Sasha punctured her thoughts. “Trixie, are you okay?”

“I think I like her,” Trixie said simply after a long pause. Sasha raised her eyebrows and her mouth fell open in delight.

“Do you really?” she gushed.

“I do.” Trixie smiled bashfully, glancing at Sasha’s little head tilt of interest.

“Have you told Katya that?” she said, chuckling.

Trixie nodded. “I did. She was talking about… God, I can’t remember now… But it was about something and she was stuttering like an idiot, trying to get her words right and… I just laughed. And when she asked what was I laughing at, I was like ‘Nothing, I just really like you.’”

Sasha gave a little gleeful gasp and a grin that stretched all the way across her face. “And then what did she say??”

Trixie shrugged, grinning. “She looked shocked, then happy. Like really happy.”

“Sooo what happens now?” Sasha prompted. She delicately laid her chin on the back of her hand and patiently waited for an answer. Trixie huffed, glancing at the shore as though hoping the answer to that would walk by.

“I don’t know…” she sighed. “Whatever I say to her, it’s not going to change the fact that I’m leaving tomorrow. Plus, she’s still with Violet so it’s not like my feelings are going to matter, doesn’t it?”

“Oh I think it will. Where is Katya anyway?”

“Her office. Said she had some business to get done first,” said Trixie. She finished the last sip of her coffee and was about to take out her wallet to pay when Sasha waved it off.

“On the house,” she said, smirking at Trixie’s surprise. “It’s your last night here and you’ve made my friend very happy these past few days. Just promise me one thing.”

“What is it?”

“Tell Katya your truth.”

Trixie sighed. “But I’m not sure what is the truth…” she said. Sasha waved a finger.

“No. Not the truth,” she repeated. “Your truth.”

———

It was nearing midnight. The rest of her evening had been spent answering emails and sorting through her pictures and videos from the time she left the airport to the latest ones she took earlier today. She organized them by day and sub-labeled them by activity, knowing full well that if she did this after she got home, she’d be too exhausted to even start it. For the first time in her travel history, she made a new folder for one person.

Trixie rubbed her eyes from underneath her glasses. She knew she had snapped Katya in more artful shots, but she hadn’t realize just how much she took all in all. There was one from her first night with Katya’s other friends drinking, and she used the light nearby to give Katya an almost noir look with the wispy cigarette between her fingers. Scrolling down, she perused a goofy one of Katya; jaw wide open in mid-shriek and her eyes squinted close. She forgot the joke that was said but she can almost hear the breathless wheezing laughter coming from the picture.

The last one took her breath away, the one from the grape field. The shadows of the leaves played around her face and to her chest as her lips were closed around a grape. Trixie shook her head, trying to fight off her bubbling feelings for the woman she was going to leave tomorrow.

It was truly better off they stay friends, Trixie was thinking. The spaces in her mind cautiously played out a daydream, one where she imagined being Katya’s girlfriend, holding hands with her and traveling the world together. It was a pleasant feeling, knowing that someone will always be there to fly alongside with her. But the moment she imagined kissing Katya, she could feel herself flush and quickly shut the daydream down. It was way too good. Reality was going to be a bitch to face had she let it play out.

Trixie heard knocking on her door. Her gut already told her who was on the other side as she swung the door open. She was right.

“Hi. Can I come in?” Katya asked softly, hands tucked inside the pockets of her shorts. Trixie blinked. The first thing that drew her eyes in was the way Katya’s red lipstick framed her slightly open mouth. Next she noticed how her dark, smoky eyes lined a beseeching expression that was cautiously asking to be let in. She was still wearing her mouth-watering casual clothes from earlier and her dirty blonde hair seemed as though a hand had ran through it several times. Trixie minutely chased the thoughts away and opened the door wider to let her in.

The room was a little tossed up with most of her electronic and camera gear on the desk and half folded clothes and shoes on the bed. A hot pink empty suitcase sat nearby the window. Trixie apologized for the mess and quickly straightened up her things, explaining that she had been meaning to pack but needed to work while she was still inspired. Katya silently nodded as she sank down to sit on the edge of the bed, eyes darting around the corners of the room. Once she was done fixing, Trixie leaned against the table with her arms lightly folded over the pink with white “TRAVEL BARBIE” lettering cropped hoodie she was wearing. Both women said nothing. There was a new charged energy in the room, an anticipation as thick as molasses. It was possible that something could happen in the next five minutes, and Trixie couldn’t find the right words to break the tension.

“Trixie—”

“Katya—”

The both giggled. “You first,” Trixie said, smiling.

“Right, here I go.” Katya returned the smile quickly before huffing out a breath. “I just… want to thank you for accepting my invitation in the beginning. Sorry I was weird and I hope you still had a comfortable stay at my resort. If there’s anything else I can help you with, I’d be glad to do it for you.” Trixie nodded, her expression serious.

“I had a really great time here, despite being seduced by a Sugar Mommy. I’ll send you my therapy bills, you fucking cougar,” she quipped dryly, causing Katya to squint in breathless laughter and to flail her legs over the bed. “You are like, what? 57?”

“That fucking pink hair—I knew you didn’t strike me as the type who, you know, actually works hard for her money,” Katya wheezed through her laughter. Trixie’s mouth dropped in fake outrage.

“Oh bitch excuse me, I built my vlog with hard work. But if I wanted a Sugar Mommy to pay for everything, I could’ve gotten one.”

“Because you are what? Poor.” A teasing grin splayed across Katya’s face. Trixie felt the shade dive deep all the way to her childhood in rural Milwaukee and shrieked in laughter. Katya then rolled around the bed to her favorite sound and bizarrely ended up in a pose with one leg stretched in to the air. They felt more at ease now with humor introduced into the serious conversation.

Then Katya decided to stab the atmosphere with her own knife. “Oh and by the way I also broke up with Violet.”

“You what?!” Trixie gasped, her laugh halting to a screeching stop. Of all the dumb decisions—

“It’s okay, it’s okay!” Katya said quickly, sitting back up on the bed. “I Skyped her awhile ago and we talked for hours. I told her the truth and… well, she wasn’t happy with it.” Trixie meant to interrupt but Katya held out both her hands. “But-but she also couldn’t promise me when she’s coming back home here. Or I’m not sure if she wants to call this place a home… Do you know how hard it is to buy rhinestones in this country?” She snorted humorlessly. Trixie shook her head, but deep inside she understood what Katya was implying. Based on their conversation the night before, she realized she was looking for a place to call home too. And she wasn’t talking about four walls and a roof.

“But Katya… I’m leaving too,” Trixie said almost angrily. Why did Katya have to love those who has to leave her? It wasn’t fair. She folded her arms again. “I don’t know if I can come back here. Or if you can even leave your resort.” Or, Trixie didn’t want to verbalize, if she could manage her travel vlog career from a different country just to be with Katya. It was her greatest passion and she would not give it up that easily. Traveling made her whole and she wanted to be a complete being for whoever she will give her heart to.

“I know, I know,” Katya said, grinning mischievously that, Trixie had learned, preceded a heartfelt comment. It was her defense mechanism in play when she was about to reveal a deeply vulnerable truth. “But it doesn’t matter. Wherever you’re going next, so does my home.”

The weight of the words sank in between the silence and flowered out to fill the room. Trixie’s mouth fell open and she couldn’t stop the blush creeping up her neck. Katya had just handed Trixie a part of her to carry around in all her future travels as she acknowledged that the resort was no longer considered her home. Katya lowered her head, if it was possible, in dignified embarrassment.

“Okay,” Trixie began, breaking the silence. Time to let the feelings out. “Again, I really had a nice time here. And I don’t mind having your batshit ass around.” She lowered her eyes. “I like talking with you and I think you’re one of the strongest persons I know because you’ve had shitty stuff happen to you before but you never became an asshole because of it. You’re like, really fucking smart and hard working and really good to people… and… uh…” She swallowed. There was no going back now after this. “You’d definitely have a chance. With me. If you’d still like.”

Katya’s gaze softened as she looked up to her favorite person. “All I need is one chance. Just one,” she said, standing up from the bed to meet Trixie’s eyes in all seriousness. Trixie inhaled sharply and too stepped forward, charmingly towering over Katya’s sinewy frame. The air thickened and all it takes is one move to push things to no return. Who will make the move?

“Trixie Mattel, I’m not going to let you leave this resort until I kiss you.”

Trixie’s brain short-circuited as her eyes glazed over. It was whispered so softly had she not been a breath away from Katya, she would not have caught it. “Where?” she teased lightly, buying herself some time to breathe from the situation. A shark like expression erupted from Katya’s face.

“You brat.” She smirked, eyes sparkling. She continued, “On your cheek. Or your fingertips. It doesn’t fucking matter. Wherever you want. That would be enough.” Trixie pulled back ever so slightly to stare at the small genuine smile on her face. There was a rare sincerity to Katya’s voice that wasn’t suffixed by a guffaw and melted her heart.

Trixie hesitantly turned her head to the side to hold her cheek out, allowing. As Katya slowly moved closer, Trixie caught a whiff of the ocean, smoke, and perfume. The twist of scents rapidly triggered her brain to overload with picturesque memories. In the full space of a second, her universe was filled with the smell of the seaside from her balcony at night time, moments of staring from the back of the motorcycle at Katya’s glistening neck that probably tasted like saltwater, and the sensual wisp of cigarette smoke emitting from between her fingers over a hearty laugh. If this is what caused Trixie to change her mind, she had no regrets about turning her head to meet her lips with Katya’s at the last millisecond.

All of Trixie’s thoughts quieted, died down, but such as nuclear explosions do, her brain went from white blank to exploding into colorful chaos. It didn’t feel like the simple action of two lips meeting, but a pull towards the being that is Katya. She decided that lips weren’t enough physical contact so she wrapped her arms around Katya’s neck, bringing her home. The older woman, who had frozen in surprise, immediately pushed Trixie against the edge of table, closing the space between their hips. Trixie could feel the heat spread throughout her entire body from the pleasurable delight of being trapped against a solid object with only a pair of well-manicured hands on her waist holding her down.

Her leg slowly moved up to Katya’s calves and rested over her ass, pulling in to lessen the distance, if there was any left possible, and to anchor herself against the storm. Katya groaned, losing her fucking mind over the eroticism of her right pelvis pressed against the apex of Trixie’s thighs. She deliciously squeezed said fleshy thigh, feeling the soft, smooth skin and roundness that was uniquely woman. Trixie gasped at the sensation. Her hands began to roam as she lowered her raised leg to meet Katya’s fingers, which slid down from her thighs to clutch the back of her knee. Trixie inhaled sharply and her breathing grew shallower when Katya thrust her tongue inside her mouth and, at the same time, cleverly moved her middle finger up and down, and circling rhythmically, over the crease of Trixie’s bent knee, a female version of stroking a guy’s finger with a promise of the real thing coming soon. With little left to the imagination of where this was headed, she pulled away from Katya with a loud moan.

Both women stared at each other, breathing heavily, wide eyes searching for any sign, any hint, that they’re going to be okay. That this terrifying and exhilarating feeling was okay. With the help of the bright harsh light of her room, Trixie’s eyes hungrily took in Katya’s swollen wet red-smudged lips, dark blown out pupils, mussed up blouse exposing one shoulder and a nipple, and dirty blonde hair that she had definitely grabbed with her own hands. And Trixie thought she was the ravished one.

Katya let go of Trixie’s knee, lifting her fingertips up to the younger girl’s cheek, wordlessly asking if they could go further. She felt a shock throughout her entire body when Trixie gently pushed her away and walked to the door. Katya felt her heart drop all the way to the bottom of her stomach, believing that she had made an absolutely huge mistake and that Trixie was going kick her out of the room and tell her that she didn’t want this, that she was too old for her, and deserves way better than a former drug addict. She could feel her throat choking up, was about to wrap her arms around her stomach, until Trixie simply switched off the lights and bathed them both in moonlight from the window.

———

The sun was high and bright at mid-afternoon. The rented car sped past small bungalow houses, rice fields, traffic laden highways, to a bustling city, and soon, they would be at the Clark International Airport. Trixie was curled against Katya’s body almost the entire ride. It wasn’t much of a difference in position of how they woke up that morning, especially with Katya stroking Trixie’s cotton candy hair as dawn’s light seeped through the window. Verbal promises were whispered all night as the non-verbal ones were kissed onto naked skin. It was as though Katya wanted to soon fill Trixie’s heart with something before the painful absence sets in between them hours from now.

“I wish I could stay,” Trixie said quietly. The car was in the same city now as the airport and she could feel the hourglass sand running low with her remaining time.

“I wish you would,” said Katya, continuing to stroke Trixie’s hair before giving it a kiss. “But you have a life of your own.”

Trixie sat up, suddenly filled with guilt. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to be one of those who leaves you again—”

“Don’t be.”

“I want to keep you.”

Katya struggled for an answer to that one. Coming up with nothing, she could only gather the younger girl back into her arms so she would not see the stray tear she was wiping away.

With her head against Katya’s chest, Trixie traced the tattoos on her forearm from where her sleeve has rode up. “What does this one mean to you?” she quietly said to the left one. “Is it a Tarot card?”

Katya nodded. “The Fool,” she answered. “New beginnings, naivety, leap of faith.”

“And this is Death?” Trixie glanced at the other arm.

“Yep. It means change, mortality, letting go…” Katya glanced down to meet her eyes. “It, uh, depends on which side you see them. Things can change their meanings if you look at it in another way, you know?”

There was a moment of silence as the two women stared at each other. The car was pulling into the airport’s security checkpoint and they both felt time starting to slip away quickly. “You know what’s one thing I lo–like about you?” Trixie said, staring straight into her gray eyes, trying not to give away that she almost slipped. “You absolutely have no filter. You are so free to be yourself. Don’t ever change that.”

Katya’s mischievous smile returned. “So why does it feel like I’m the one trapped here?” she said.

“Come with me,” Trixie blurted out. She regretted it immediately, thinking how much she sounded like a child. “I mean…” Her words were hushed with a kiss.

“Let’s just see which back alley life takes us before it fucks us up, okay?” Katya whispered to her lips then grinning. They finally pulled up to Departure. Katya helped her with her suitcases and other bags before she was unable to take it and pulled her into a tight embrace.

“I can’t wait for the video,” Katya said into her ear. “You’ve always been so talented with storytelling and a camera. Remember that’s also why I brought you here.” Trixie nodded into her shoulder, fighting back her own tears.

“I hope my vlog would help bring more stories your way,” she said, releasing her hug. There was an intensity in Katya’s staring, one that fiercely declared “I love you, Trixie”, only held back by her tongue thinking that after one night of sex was too early to say out loud. Yet Trixie picked up on the expression, but couldn’t say it back either. She poured what words she cannot say yet into a tearful, lingering kiss. As they parted, Trixie picked up her bags before walking to the doorway of the airport.

Katya watched Trixie until she was no longer in sight. With a heavy heart, she got back into the car and was silent throughout the entire ride back to La Union.

———

THREE MONTHS LATER

Trixie was about to hang up after the ninth ring when her online call was finally picked up.

“Hello?”

“Sasha?” Trixie said softly.

“Darling, how are you doing?” Sasha’s low voice cooed from the other side of the world.

“I’m… I’m doing great,” the younger girl said, trying not to sound too fragile. “Just wanted to know how you’re doing.”

There was a pause before Sasha replied. “I’m doing wonderful. The cafe is doing great and I may be opening a second one somewhere in Metro Manila soon. It’s going to be at Bonifacio Global City, which is a huge deal!”

“That’s good to hear,” Trixie said, smiling. She exhaled heavily. “Sasha—”

“Are you okay, Trixie?”

“I just talked to Katya and…”

“Oh dear, is anything wrong?”

“No, none at all. I just… I just really miss her and it hurts,” Trixie sniffed, clutching the side of her bed where she was sitting on. “It hurts so much, Sasha. I just got back from my trip to Australia and… I thought traveling again would make it easier. But I don’t feel complete anymore.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” Sasha said sadly. “I remember how happy you looked when you told me you liked her. Trust me, darling. It hurts for Katya too. It may even hurt for her even more.”

“Why?”

Trixie could imagine Sasha pursing their glittery lips before answering in a tone that felt like she was sitting in a Philosophy lecture.

“Because the absence of a lover is felt more strongly by the one who is left behind. Such as in ancient times, it’s man who goes off to hunt or to sail, and the woman waits for him to come back.”

Trixie fell silent. It finally clicked now when Katya had told her at the airport how she felt trapped or when she talked about ships docking at her port, only to leave later at some point. Guilt permeated her heart as she thought of Katya going through her day on the beach, hoping that one day, or someday, the girl she loves will return. While Skype sessions were frequent, it was the bodily absence of each other that was putting them through a longing that had no end. The agony was real.

“I want to keep her around,” she said, sniffing back her tears. “But my friend Bob said that the long distance is going to be hard when we live in different timezones. What do we do?”

“You know, dear, you have the option to not pursue the relationship if it’s too taxing on both of you,” Sasha said. But before Trixie could interrupt, they plowed on. “BUT that doesn’t mean you have to give up. I think you know what I mean when I say that the older you grow, the easier it is to lose contact with friends along the way, yes? So if there’s someone worth keeping in your life, it’s going to take a lot more effort to hold on to them. It’s hard, but we do it anyway because they’re worth it.”

Trixie burst into sobs. Her heart and mind both agreed strongly that Katya was worth everything, and the intensity of those feelings spilling out were overwhelming. There was a sense of relief that she still could feel her humanity capable of loving someone so much it caused her pain. She tried to compose her voice, only cracking a little. “D-doesn’t it sound stupid that… Traveling makes me feel right at home, that moving around feels like home? But this last trip didn’t feel like it…”

Sasha paused to think. “It seems the journey is more important to you than the destination… Correct me if I may be wrong, but have you ever thought that you were escaping from something?” they said. Trixie’s mouth fell open in realization. Indeed, why has she been traveling in the first place?

She began to narrate her history to Sasha through her sniffles, who patiently listened. When she was eighteen, Trixie left her family home to find a new life away from her abusive step-father. When she thought she had gotten away, she continued to run from the voices in her head that yelled that she wasn’t good or smart enough to make it in a big city. And when she had finally found monetary success in her YouTube travel vlogs and other side hustles, she had immediately worked herself to exhaustion to run away from idleness, terrified that the moment she rested, her income will fall and will be back at poverty. It was why Kim and Bob called her a workaholic, something she had honestly believed was a good virtue for a while. Until Katya, damn that girl, spoke of finding something, or someone, real to stand still for. She wanted to stop running. She had to do something.

“Trixie?”

“Hey Sasha, that business contact you have in Manila… What’s his name again?”

———————

FIVE MONTHS LATER

THE REAL TEA BEHIND MY LA UNION VLOG—AND A SURPRISE ANNOUNCEMENT 842,711 views

“Hi guys,” Trixie softly beamed to her viewers. It felt strange for her to start a vlog without the hyped up, perky energy she usually puts on. She shyly tucked her hair behind her ear before saying, “I’ve, uh, been wondering for months if or how I should be telling you guys this story… But I think now is the perfect time.”

Her beam turned into a grin as she couldn’t help reminisce the good times she had on that sliver of paradise. A glow lit up her face.

“Several months ago, I was invited to La Union by a friend I met at VidCon. Turns out I had been casted by some almighty force above to star in a Greg Berlanti rom-com starring me and Charlize Theron from Atomic Bland…”

She snorted. Her cheeks slightly pinked before stating the words with a glowing smile. “What I mean to say is… I met someone.”

With a fluttering trail of photos and funny videos included into her vlog, Trixie told the story of how she met Katya, her friends, their brief conflict, and how they bonded even further after she left Elyu. Then she gave a quick rundown about the past few months where both ladies worked tirelessly on closing a business deal that gave Katya a brand new opportunity.

“So without further ado, may I bring to the stage… The incomparable, the legendary, the festering pile of garbage I could not scrape off my shoe, my new travel vlog partner Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova. Or as your dad calls her, Katya!”

Messy dirty blonde hair and straight perfect teeth, the glory that was Katya slid into the seat next to Trixie. While her body language stayed polite and composed, she had a wild manic grin that promised to bring crazy shenanigans to Trixie’s next world adventure. A pair of tiny plastic hands topped both of her pointer fingers.

“Katya will be joining me on my future travels until she dies of arthritis,” Trixie explained.

“I’d die of diabetes actually,” Katya injected as-a-matter-of-factly.

“Why?”

Katya quickly turned to lick Trixie’s face, causing both of them to flail, scream, and crash off-screen. A quick jump cut edit had them both back into the frame.

Trixie took up the lead. “We’re also thinking about doing a short vlog series of us talking about whatever we want when we’re not on the road. Feel free to comment below what we should talk about first—”

“And we’ll see if we can try to stay on topic,” said Katya, grinning deviously. “Oh! I bet you’re all wondering what happened to the resort,” Katya said to the camera. “I sold it to my friend Karl and his partners at FP Ruview Enterprise, god bless those hoes. Then I took the cash, buried it into a hole, and then I fucked it.”

“And then it grew into a money tree. Fuck you dad, money does grow on trees,” Trixie chimed in. Turning to her girlfriend, she said, “Would you make a good financial adviser?”

“I would!”

“Great cause I can’t wait to be stranded in the middle of Germany with you with no money.”

It was the first time Katya wheezed and flailed on Trixie’s vlog while batting at her with the toy hands. Later on, Trixie read with gratification that her viewers ate their banter up and wanted more.

“Ooh ooh! We can look for a strip club in Germany and wiggle there for extra cash,” Katya exclaimed. She got up from her seat and began running her hands up and down her torso and hips in the least sexiest way possible. Trixie watched with open amusement, wondering with utter delight what she had gotten herself and her vlog into. For a few seconds, she played out a daydream; twisting around to the plane seat next to hers and seeing Katya’s wild and excited grin, looking forward to their trip together. It felt like she was back at Elyu’s beach again falling in love with her for the first time. This is what it felt like to be whole again.

“So, we’ll see you guys until our next video. Until then, I’m the adhesive allergy drag queens get on their balls for wearing too much duct tape, Trixie Mattel!”

“And I’m the dumpster bookshelf you’re dragging to your apartment at midnight when this stranger helps out and you pay him in wigs and a quick fuck, Katya!”

———

“Where are we going to next, by the way?” Katya asked after they turned off the camera. Trixie blinked. After Katya moved in with her, Trixie had to take a step back and wonder how did she get it right this time. There was a person in her space that she could always expect to see at the end of the day that could make everything better. When Trixie thought about home, she had never imagined it would be the sound of a hairdryer at 9 in the morning, or the faint smell of cigarettes in the late afternoon. And when Trixie said she wanted to be able to relate to love songs again, she didn’t exactly think that she herself would be blasting Taylor fucking Swift and singing “She is the best thing that has ever been MIIIIIINE” while cleaning their bathroom. She knew Katya hated Ms. Swift, but she also knew she was probably secretly smiling over the fresh clothes she was folding.

The concept of love is simple, yet so terribly easy to complicate. So it gave Trixie great pleasure to reply in all its uncomplicated glory, “Let’s stay home for a while.”

#vonchoke #trixya #travel vlogger au #cisgirl au #lesbian au #beach au #fluff #flirting #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #rpdr fanfiction #pink sandcastles

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morifinwes · 4 years

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hi laura!! sorry this is a bit late i barely survived finals week :’) i just woke up after sleeping for like 18 hrs after my last exam fjdns

oooo yes i love yanqing too!! they’re my fav ship apart from wangxian (also jc/lwj w h a t why would anyone do that o.O)

halsey!!!! i love her sm i’ve followed her from the time she released badlands (i was such an emo kid istg that album was everything to me) omg your music taste is so similar to mine wtf??? the other side by ruelle AND mystery of love AND folklore ur taste is exquisite. i’ll check out the other songs i’m sure i’ll like them! (also based on your music taste i recommend u listen to the loch ness monster by matilda mann 10/10 would recommend)

okay today’s questions!

�� since i asked about non-canon ships last time, what is your favourite fic you’ve ever read in the mdzs fandom? or a favourite trope?

🎀 tell me about your favourite show(s)/movies other than cql/mdzs! i need something to binge watch over winter break hehe

hope you’re doing well! it’s getting cold where i live so if it’s the same where you live i hope you’re staying warm >.< now that i’m free i will try to send asks more often! - 🍵

hey c!! don't worry, you have to take care of yourself, i'm glad that you finally have more time for yourself too!

sleeping 18 hours after being stressed is valid, after a panick attack i once slept like 16 hours simply because i was extremely exhausted.

i listened to the song and it's!!! so good!! i really like this part of the song: now you've faded, / with no traces, /so who could ever tell. / what you've taken's, / been misplaced / but your name doesn't ring any bells, / since the day that they took you to hell.

halsey is!!! i remember hearing badlands when it came out but i only really got into her mid 2018? i listened to hopeless fountain kingdom then and realized that badlands and hfk where both from the same person!! folklore is @/keepyourlife's fault, annika reblogged a bunch of things and just went crazy over it, so i listened to it. i don't listen to much else from taylor, i like getaway car a lot tho tbh. i saw mystery of love in a wangxian edit on youtube and went !!!!!! over that song, so now i'm obsessed with it.

1. i've got a bunch of favorite fics but _none of them are finished _and ajdkskks i do have some that are finished but i can't remember for the life of me what they're called. so here are five of my favorites: love, in fire and blood by cicer (which i'm recommending to all of my mutuals always) which is a 212K wip of immortal/yp!wwx + war prize au with no rpe/noncon but in the first two chapters lwj is afraid of that happening. it doesn't. then there is this time/universe/dimension travel fic called a song to bring you home by neoserenity, where basically canon!lwj who mourns wwx meets a modern!sick wwx and apparently there is no modern equivalent of lwj? or at least wwx doesn't seem to know one. the updates are sparse but i reread this so often in hopes that updates will appear. an arrow through time by syrus_jones is a young!lwj time traveling to post canon mdzs and pining after "husband" and wwx at the same time and feeling guilty over it bcs he doesn't know wwx is "husband" and then there is the murder of crows by cerbykerby which is a yilingwei sect au. here is a modern office au: hello, IT. have you tried turning it off and on again?* **by overmountainandmeadow, which us just really funny so i've been reading this for stress relief. i actually quote like time travel aus? also just wangxian meeting other versions of themselves is fun!! i have a bunch of modern college au tabs open but i don't actually seek them out, if i see one and like the plot then i'll read it. there are a lot of good time travel aus in this fandom!! also i like it when people get wangxian together earlier than in canon, it's just really fun to see how that would go. i don't remember the name but i think there was one fic where lwj tried to flirt with wwx and wwx just didn't notice? until somebody pointed it out to him i think? that was fun to read because lwj was just so frustrated!!

2. i feel like i forget what shows i watched after i watched them? movies too, though i like to stick to rewatching movies i already know. but here are some shows: dark on netflix, if you have netflix it should be there, it's a german netflix show about time travel and fate and things being really fucked up. basically there is this endless loop of the world apocalypse happening in 2019? 2020? i'm not that sure of the timeline rn but it's either 2019 or 2020!! and jonas, the male lead, wants to prevent it but this shit gets complicated because this is a time loop, everything he has done has been done before him. there are some really great quotes in the show about things, there is a wangxian gifset that actually uses a quote from dark, and that's the one about having three deaths. (i'll probably add a link to the gifset when i find it) also martha, the female lead, seems not that important in the first season but don't be fooled by that. the ending is.... complex and cool and holy shit there is still one thing we don't know and ahdkksks it's a surprise tho so 👀👀. i recommend watching it in german if possible and with subtitles. i've watched a few scenes in english and idk the voice actors don't seen to fit, but i don't know about other languages. the 100 is also a pretty good show but it's.... it has queerbaiting. and to be honest, the queerbaiting is probably the only reason the show made it to a seventh season. lexa, a lesbian, dies and they use her death for the queerbaiting since she gets together with clarke, the lead character. clarke is a character that gets a lot of hate from both fandom and the characters, a lot of unfair hate if you ask me. she has to do a lot of decisions that are just not meant to be for a single human being, @/solntserises and i and a lot of arguements over placing the blame on her or placing the blame on society and the situation itself. clarke basically does what she needs to do, what she needs to do in order to protect her people, her friends, her family. she often just doesn't have good options, and if she has then she deems the risk too high or something too good to be true (which, she often is right about???). after s1 her friends push her into situations where she has to make the hard choice, but if it doesn't work out how they want it to work out they get mad at her. which is not fair. i remember hearing that raven finally understands what clarke goes through in s7? but i haven't watched the season. i gave up the moment lexa died and didn't want to watch past it, but when @/solntserises started we watched the other seasons together.

there is also shadowhunters which is an okay show ig, i've watched vikings until s5 too and i quite liked it, prison break has a lot of cool stuff to offer but i'd be careful watching it in case of any triggers you might have. i don't remember 100% of the plot but enough to say that one of the characters is a pervert and an awful person, so lots of murder, a lot of blood and yeah. the two main characters are brothers and mostly innocent in this but yeah. they break out of a prison y'know.

lucifer is !!! i think it goes after dc comics? so ig it's somehow part of the dceu but they're like.... never mentioned so idk. it's really fun tho!! you probably have heard from the vampire diaries right? yeah well, there is a spin off called the origianls and it's actually really good. it had some times where i was going to call it off but it's fine, legacies is both tvd's and to's spinoff and from the quality it can't really compare, it's still fun to watch and seeing the new generation grow up. (also a lot more canon gays)

for some movies: i don't really watch many but i've watched every movie in the mcu so far, i have the extended special editions for both the lord of the rings and the hobbit trilogy, the half of it is about ellie chu, an asian girl living in a small town with her depressed dad and falling in love with aster flores, and just.... finding herself, finding out what she wants, who she is and trying to figure out where life takes her. the movie is great!! the romance process is really slow and not that much of the main focus, but more of ellie finding her place in the world? the old guard is a fantastic movie that i watched because of @/keiraknigthly, it's really fun to watch!!

i look forward to talking to you more often!! 🥰💞

#C 🍵#mdzsnetcc #ask #i hope you're staying home and healthy <3

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twdmusicboxmystery · 7 years

Text

Carl/Beth Entanglement Details: S4 Vs. S8

Okay, so here’s what I want to talk about today. In the past few days, I’ve posted both of these memes, and I’ve been promising a Carl/Beth post. (Btw, the Carl one has already gotten more than double the likes on IG that my pics usually get. I know that’s because of Carl’s bite, but still. People are obviously connecting with this.

I was actually going to do this post before the MSF aired, and I just didn’t get around to it. Now I’m kind of glad I didn’t. Now with confirmation of Carl’s bite, it’ll just be a little more concrete. I want to remind everyone of some early intersections between Carl and Beth symbolism, so it’s a little more obvious that Gimple always planned it that way, and that Beth has to come on the heels of Carl’s death. Here we go:

I originally wanted to talk about the parallels between the train tracks sites from the second edit. I’m going to change it a bit and talk more about Carl than Daryl. By the way, if you haven’t read my “Beth Greene was Never Gimple’s Sheriff” post, I’d advise you to do so. This will make a lot more sense if you have that as background.

So let’s talk about the structure of S4. I’ve already talked a lot about how the structure of various episodes in S4 foreshadowed future events but I’m going to talk about the overall structure of episodes. In 4x08, the prison went down, right? Remember that there were a ton of callbacks in 8x08 to the loss of the prison in 4x08. So if the two seasons are being paralleled, the two MSFs line up pretty well. S4 = loss of prison. It’s burned down. S5 = loss of Alexandria. It’s burnt down/blown up.

Then everyone was separated into small groups. Rick and Carl, later joined by Michonne were one. Beth and Daryl another. Tyreese and the girls, which Carl joins fairly quickly. And then Maggie/Sasha/Tyreese. Things are a little different here, but I would like to point out that that is the start of @thegloriouscollectorlady’s 4 Arcs for 4 Communities theory. She theorized that the groups would = living situations/leadership in the future, and she was right. (Mostly. Not all of it, especially Daryl’s, has been confirmed yet, but I believe it will be.) So Rick/Carl/Michonne = Alexandria. Carol = Kingdom. Maggie = Hilltop. We had a forth group in Glenn/Tara who were joined by Abe/Rosita and Eugene. We have a 4th group now in Aaron and Eugene, though neither of them were in S4 to be paralleled with. The odd one out is really Beth and Daryl, who obviously aren’t running a community on their own, but may at one point.

So then we have episode 4x09, from which the top picture, this one,

was taken. (Ignore the arrows; they’re from a different meta and I was too lazy to retake the screenshot. ;D) Now, the reason I’m bringing this up is that the bottom picture was something they focused on in 8x06. In fact, Daryl rode past it on his bike, and I felt like it was a callback to S4.

So Rick and Carl leave the prison, and there is some interesting symbolism in the first place they go (pickles) but I want to focus on the house they stay in, because we have two major sequences that both foreshadow Beth’s arc.

The first is Rick. He lies down to sleep and falls into a semi-comatose state. Really, his body is just exhausted from the fight with the Gov, and he sleeps for more than 24 hours. But it’s kinda like he’s in a coma for a time, and Carl really can’t wake him up. Then we even have a scene at night where Carl things Rick has died and turned because his breathing is so ragged. Carl tries to shoot him, but doesn’t. (And thank goodness, because Rick isn’t really dead.) But the point is that Rick is in a coma and no one can wake him. At one point, TF (just Carl in this case) thinks he’s turned, even though he hasn’t. And specifically does NOT shoot him. All things we believe happened with Beth.

Oh, and Rick has a Beth-ish wound:

Then there’s Carl himself. He goes out on his own and leads walkers away from the house. This is where we get the visual parallel above to where he was bitten. So that sequence where he falls down and the walkers pile on him in S4 was a foreshadow of that happening in S8, only then he was actually bitten, where in S4 he obviously was not.

Then he goes into the pudding house. The first room he goes into, he sees a bird cage, much like the ones we saw in Beth’s cell in 4x01. It’s open, though, and there’s a dead bird on the floor beside it.

I have no doubt at all that that represents Beth, the song bird, being “killed” when she tries to escape her cage (Grady). And that by itself doesn’t suggest resurrection so much as just death.

However, as we go along, some interesting things start to happen. Carl opens a door and walker lunges at him. Carl falls onto his back but gets his gun and shoots the walker in the head. He shoots it in the EXACT same place Beth is shot: left side of the forehead. The walker face plants in front of him. For about a second and a half. Then it jumps back up again. Carl looks shocked that it didn’t die.

I mean, that alone should tell everyone that Beth’s wound wasn’t fatal. Or at the very least that it didn’t transect her brain stem to keep her from turning. If it was possible for that particular wound to do so, this walker wouldn’t have jumped back up. So it’s both proof that her injury was survivable AND a foreshadow of her living. Because right after Carl sees the dead bird and the cage, he sees a walker jump back up after sustaining the exact injury that Beth did.

Then he goes into the nautical-themed bedroom. This is where we get all kinds of crazy S7/S8 symbolism. Carl uses a lamp from the front yard to fight the walker (Lamp Theory). The nautical theme is ALL over the bedroom (Oceanside). There’s a yellow bat in the background (Negan). And of course in fighting the walker, he loses a shoe. (Lost shoes/feet theory). Oh, and after he gets out, we see a pair of yellow-handled scissors by his foot. (Yellow = escape/Beth’s yellow polo/opening credits flash; scissors = what she stabbed Dawn with.)

So all these crazy symbols come together in this scene. Then Carl eats his pudding and returns to Rick. The next day, Rick wakes up from his coma alive and well and everything is okay.

So here’s what I’m taking away from all this symbolism. First off, Carl could = Beth here, because he heads out on his own and has to save himself/take care of himself, which he does.

But as far as Carl’s arc is concerned, I feel like this represents him being the sheriff, being an adult, and making his own decisions. Remember they said twice that this was “his show.” This sequence in S4 represented his show. And only after the sequence that foreshadowed him being bitten did we see the dead song bird coupled with resurrection. (Meanwhile in 8x08, we saw a burning phoenix.)

On top of that, it wasn’t until after he escaped from the walker in the nautical room that Rick (also a parallel of Beth) awakened. (Of course in terms of the plot, we think she awakened a long time ago, but TF and the GA don’t know that. So I guess maybe it’s better to say that she’ll appear.)

So this foreshadows that sometime after Carl was bitten, at a time in the story when both Oceanside and Negan are in play, Beth will appear. And even more than that… remember yesterday I talked about the last stand at Hilltop, and most of us have thought for several weeks that Aaron and Enid will run into her at Oceanside. So I said maybe she would come with the Oceansiders to save TF’s bacon from Negan during the last stand. I almost feel like we have that foreshadowed here. The details, of course, could be very different than I’m thinking (they usually are) but think of it this way.

Carl (Beth proxy) defeats the walker inside the nautical/Oceanside room, suggesting victory will come from Oceanside. The bat in the room (Negan) is yellow, as are the scissors outside the door. Beth used scissors to stab Dawn, which ultimately led to her defeat, and Negan has lots of parallels to Dawn. At the very least, Negan is Daryl’s Dawn. (Is everyone following? I know this is a lot. Sorrynotsorry.) So I feel like the message here is that help will come from Oceanside specifically to defeat Negan, in the same way Dawn was defeated.

In fact, since Beth was kind of sacrificed to defeat Dawn and the system at Grady, and since Carl is the one in this scene, I think it shows that Carl in a way was sacrificed to defeat Negan. Gimple was super weird about what will happen next, but he keeps saying that Carl’s death will play into the story in 8b and people will understand why it was necessary.

So maybe it’s something about Siddiq? Such that if Carl hadn’t made that sacrifice and brought him into Alexandria, TF wouldn’t have won against Negan? (And keep in mind that in the books, Siddiq has ties to Oceanside, so it really could all work together.) I don’t know. Just spit balling here.

But are we all seeing how this was foreshadowed in S4? And this sequence was many episodes before 4x16 where the hat was actually placed on Beth’s head. As I said many weeks ago now, Carl was never Gimple’s sheriff. Beth was always going to be the future.

Another thing I wanted to mention is that the shot in 5x16 of Carl and Judith looking at the music box in front of the Morse Code poster makes a lot more sense now. We always just thought that was about Beth and the music box, but it was more than that. They could have shown anyone with the music box. Someone closer to Beth, like Maggie or Daryl, might have made more sense anyway. But they went with Carl, and that was obviously purposeful.

In the season where Beth disappeared, and TF found a new home, they showed the music box singing, I think, to symbolize that she was still out there. But once the “new home,” including the Morse Code poster, which we saw being destroyed as Rick and Negan fought, was gone, then Carl would die. He’s even wearing his hat in this scene. And the new sheriff (symbolized by the music box) would appear.

In a way, it makes more sense than ever that the music box disappeared after S5. The last time we saw it was during the last season Beth appeared in. That’s because this arc that’s been running ever since wasn’t about her and wasn’t something she would ever be a part of. This was TF at Alexandria. We probably won’t see the music box again until she reappears, and her time as sheriff begins.

So what does that mean for 8b? I’ll give you a few possibilities I’ve thought of. Keep in mind, this is all just conjecture and could very well turn out to be wrong.

Aside from the Oceansiders showing up with Beth to save the day, which I think may not happen until the season finale, I’m still hoping that we, the audience, will see her earlier than that.

I think 8x09 is a possibility, but I’m really on the fence over whether they’d have her return in the same episode in which Carl actually dies. That might get some hate from the audience if they feel like one character is being exchanged for another and Carl’s death isn’t getting the respect it deserves. So on the one hand, I would think they’d stay away from that. But on the other hand, some of the stuff Gimple has said suggests that maybe something about Carl’s death might actually usher in the change in the story in a way that the audience will like and connect with. So maybe we will see her in 8x09? I can see it going either way and honestly don’t know which is more likely.

Returning to what I said at the beginning about 4x08 and 8x08 lining up, the parallels with Carl and Rick happened right after, in 4x09, so that suggests maybe we will see her very soon. But on the other hand, predicting things like that has never worked out especially well for us. I don’t think Gimple always lines up episodes exactly. I think he purposely shies away from that so things aren’t predictable. 4x10 was Inmates, where we had Beth’s diary voice over, and a backward progression that definitely foreshadowed some things. (Details here)And then Bethyl happened in 4x12/13. So you see what I mean? It really could fall anywhere and almost every episode is a possibility.

One scenario that occurred to me is that perhaps they’ll parallel season 5. I would actually really love it if this scenario happened, but again, it’s just conjecture on my part. So in 5x08, Beth seemed to have died, but actually didn’t, right? So in that MSF, much like this one, we didn’t have any major character deaths. The death came in 509, with Tyreese. Similarly, Carl will die in 8x09. The thing about 5x09 is that Beth was in that episode as a part of Tyreese’s death hallucination. And that episode was so bizarre and abstract, with a ridiculous amount of foreshadowing and Beth symbolism in it. (Details here.)

So I was thinking that maybe in a similar fashion, all of 8x09 will be Carl in the throes of death, just as 5x09 was for Tyreese. But maybe instead of a hallucination, we’ll see flashbacks from the missing 17 days after Grady, and Beth will be in them? It would be an awesome parallel. And again, no idea if it will be this way. It might work out completely different, but I’m kind of hoping. If that WERE the case, Beth would be there, but we might not necessarily find out she’s alive. They would just be flashbacks.

(And I did draw a parallel between the slide show in 5x09 and Michonne’s line about it being Carl’s show. Just saying.)

So that made me consider that in 5x10, the music box woke up. If they were to parallel S5, maybe we’ll finally see her in ep 10. I’d never seriously considered ep 10 as a possibility. A finale or MSF just seemed more likely. But that would be super-interesting as far as the music box is concerned, wouldn’t it?

In short, I have no idea when she’ll appear, but I wanted to point out/reiterate some of these entanglements. As I’ve said many times now, these are things we noticed years ago, but just didn’t understand the full extent of what they meant. As the seasons pass and the foreshadowing is fulfilled, we can see that it was planned and foreshadowed this way from the beginning. Now all we have to do is sit back and wait.

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance #beth is almost here

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