#everyone thinks i’m stupid i’ve been on orientation for like 2 months know and i’m still the same useless stupid novice airhead new grad

[bo0zey]

when gerard way said “when i grow up i want to be nothing at all” i felt those words in my gdamn soul bro

[lilysdaydreams]

“But we’re happy (and that’s all that matters)”

Synopsis:

“Taehyung called them the least romantic couple in the world.

otherwise known as five times the boys thought that they were the least romantic couple in the world and the one time Namjoon knew they weren't. ”

A/N : I wrote this a while ago and since I’m going to be getting back into writing, I decided to post it here. I hope you enjoy 💛 (I’m posting from my phone so the formatting might suck sorry)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taehyung called them the least romantic couple in the world.

1

At 11.00 pm on a Tuesday night, the seven members of Bangtan were all sitting in a circle in the middle of their living room. “Descendents of the Sun” was paused on the TV and Namjoon rolled his eyes when they fell upon it. Taehyung was once again mourning the breaking up of the song-song couple for the 8th time that year. Taking a deep breath, he turned his attention back to the boys sitting in a circle. Namjoon had called a group meeting 10 minutes ago on their kakao chat, saying that he had “something important” to discuss. Most of the boys were in the living room so they only had to wait for Hoseok to finish showering and now it had been exactly 1 minute and 43 seconds of absolute silence.

Jin finally broke the silence, looking up from his phone and aiming an exasperated look at Namjoon. “What is it?” He demanded, putting the phone into his pocket.

Namjoon clenched and unclenched his hands for something to do. He wasn't that nervous, he knew none of the boys would have huge reactions or hate them or anything but it was still a little nerve racking.

“Um, I have something to tell you” he finally managed to get out. A cough from his side made him look up into Yoongi's face, whose eyebrows had ridden up in question. Oh right.

“Sorry. Um, we have something to tell you” he said pointing to Yoongi and himself. Yoongi moved slightly closer to him, not touching but close enough that his presence managed to somewhat calm Namjoon down.

Looking around the circle, he could see Jungkook’s confusion and Tahyung, who was leaning on Jimin, looking between them with calculating eyes.

With a deep breath, he decided to just blurt it out.

“Yoongi and I are dating.”

There were a few seconds of silence and then,

“Huh” said Hoseok, leaning back onto the leg of the couch and flickering his eyes between them both. “I don’t see it’

That broke the rest of the boys out of their shock and suddenly all of them were talking at once.

“What? No way!” yelled Jimin, his eyebrows raised high. At his side, Jungkook simply cocked his head as if he was confused as to how this could happen. Taehyung had stuttered over “w-wait what?” as Jin had started laughing and then stopped when he realised they were being serious.

5 minutes later, Hoseok was still muttering about “how he just didn't see it”

Namjoon furrowed his brows. “What do you mean, you dont “see it”” he said making his fingers into bunny ears to emphasize the words.

“I mean, you're not that affectionate y'know. I’ve never seen you and Yoongi hug or cuddle, not like Jimin and Jungkook do at least.” He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

Nmajoon shrugged, “It’s not like being affectionate is the most important part of relationships. We respect each others space and we know that we’re there for each other. If you think about it, showing love through grand gestures is mostly for the societies benefit. Most of the time couples only do big romantic gestures because they have this pressure on them to be romantic and to show that they're in love, which is even more highlighted due to the amount of romance dramas and sho - “

Jin threw a pillow at Namjoons head, effectively getting him to shut up.

And that was that.

2

Namjoon rolled his shoulders and groaned as the sound of cracking bones filled the studio. It was 4 in the morning and his eyes were struggling to stay open. Deciding to call it a day, he rolled his chair over to the couch where Jungkook was laying half on the couch and half on the floor. A kick to the shin and the half that was on the couch had also fallen on the floor.

“Get up, let's go home” Namjoon mumbled, shaking his legs to get rid of the pins and needles. Jungkook groaned and started stuffing the papers on the table into his backpack. He had been here for the past 4 hours with Namjoon, trying to finish the song he had been stuck on for a few weeks now.

They ran the five minute walk from the studio to the dorm, arriving in 3 minutes instead. The warm air enveloped them and Jungkook immediately went into the kitchen to rummage for food.

“Hey hyung” said Namjoon to Yoongi, slipping into the armchair closest to him and grabbing the blanket on the floor. The scene was extremely similar to the one in the studio. Yoongi was sitting on the floor, with scrunched papers all around him and a pen in his mouth. Grunting in response to Namjoons greeting, he rolled his shoulders and rested his head back onto the couch.

“You know, I don't get it.”

Namjoon tilted his head back to look at Jungkook, who was holding half a banana and staring at them both in confusion.

“Don't get what?” muttered Yoongi, starting to gather the papers around him.

“It's been three months since you guys came out about you dating, and I have never seen you hold hands!” said Jungkook, his voice getting higher at the end.

Namjoon exchanged a bewildered look with Yoongi.

“Are you like just shy? Or do you just never wanna hold each others hands?” he said furrowing his brows.

“Well” Namjoon began hesitantly, “What's the point?”

When Jungkook continued to stare at him, he hastily added “I don't need to hold his hand to show everyone we’re in a relationship.”

“That's not the point! It's not marking each other or something, it's just wanting to be near each other because you love each other.”

Yoongi grunted from where he was putting all the papers in the bin. “We’re in the same room. And we literally live together. We’re practically together 24/7.”

Jungkook groaned and stalked off to his room, muttering about stupid idiots and how he shouldnt have bothered.

3

They don’t kiss hello or goodbye. They don't cuddle much either and are perfectly happy to ignore each others presence for a few hours.

“Why are you even together?” Jimin demanded after spending a week sharing a hotel room with them. They had come to shoot a magazine cover, just the three of them, for their upcoming collaboration, and the company had just booked a bg suite for all three of them.

“What’re you on about?” yawned Yoongi as he took another sip of his coffee. Namjoon stood up to grab him another one as he saw Yoongi throw the plastic cup in the bin. He could probably make decaf so that Yoongi wouldn't be up the whole night.

“For all the romance you have, you might as well go back to being friends. You can sit in the same room and sit in silence without needing to be in a relationship.” Jimin continued, drinking his protein shake from the straw. It was green and had black dots in it and Namjoon was gagging just looking at it.

“Cmon Jimin” he muttered, trying to find the sugar in the cupboard.

“No, I'm serious!” countered Jimin. “You sit on the sofa, Yoongi's at his desk and you don't speak to each other for hours - you may as well be alone, not in love. I swear, I haven't seen you kiss all week. Are you sure you want to be in a relationship? I'm speaking as a friend, I don't want you to sell yourself short, or just be in a relationship because it's convenient.”

Two pairs of eyes glared at him as if daring him to keep going.

“You’re an idiot” said Namjoon exasperatedly, placing the coffee cup by Yoongi as he walked by and slumping onto the sofa. “How would I get any work done if all I did was hug and kiss Yoongi. How would he be able to compose if I just held his hand all the time?”

“Oh forget it, you're both hopeless.” Jimin muttered, turning back to his phone.

Namjoons phone pinged a second later, lighting up with a new message.

MIN : i can literally taste the difference between decaf and caf, youre not subtle.

Namjoon smiled.

4

“Are you just like, really kinky in bed?”

Yoongi choked on a piece of watermelon, tears automatically coming to his eyes. Thumping him on the back, Namjoon glared at Jin from over Yoongi's shoulder.

“What the fuck?” He hissed at Jin, as Yoongi caught his breath and started to also glare at Jin.

“Don't swear at me, I'm your hyung.” Jin retroted without any heat and then took another bite of his ice cream tub. They were supposed to be on a diet but Jin had decided that he would just go to the gym and burn extra calories in the morning. Yoongi and Namjoon had both exchanged a look at that. The excuse had been used the past 3 days and Jin hadn't even made it to the elevator in the mornings.

“I mean, your sex life has to be really kinky right? You're so vanilla in front us, I bet you’re freaks in th -” Two cushions smacked him in the face causing him to drop the ice cream tub and then scrambel to pick it up so it didn't drip on the carpet.

“Yah!” he wailed as he picked up the tub and started fussing over it, forgetting about Yoongi and Namjoon.

5

They don't celebrate Valentines Day.

A few days earlier, Taehyung and Yoongi had been sitting in the living room. Yoongi was on his phone and when Taehyung had called out a tentative “Hyung?” he had looked up and raised his eyebrows at him.

“What are you getting Namjoon hyung for valentines?” he had asked more excitedly, now knowing that he wasn’t annoying Yoongi.

Yoongi's eyebrows furrowed for a second. “Nothing,” he said, turning back to his phone. “We don't celebrate Valentines Day”

“Why?” asked Taheyung, a pout clear on his face. How could they not celebrate Valentine's Day? It was the day of love and romance and couples practically lived for it.

Waving a hand, Yoongi just muttered “ask Namjoon”, already sucked back into whatever game he was playing.

5 minutes later, Taehyung regretted asking at all.

“Valentine's Day is simply a consumer oriented holiday that puts pressure on couples and their relationships. It's a capitalistic holiday that signifies that material goods are more important than emotio -”

+ 1

(Despite what Jungkook had seen or not, they do hold hands. When the Grammy nominations come out, they hold hands under the table, intertwined in such a way that Namjoon can't tell which fingers are his. Jimin might think they don't kiss, but he isn't there at one in the morning, when Yoongi's lips press lightly over Namjoons. They press on one cheek and then the other and then on his nose, his eyes, and finally a soft kiss, placed on his forehead, with Yoogni breathing out the words “I love you” before he settles down to sleep next to him. They tell Jin that whatever they do in the bedroom, is no ones business except their own. In truth though, they don't do much that would be interesting for him. They make love, Namjoon being gentle and caring and repeating “I love you” at least 50 times throughout the entire ordeal. They don't celebrate Valentines day, but they do celebrate their anniversary. Yoongi sneaks him out to the convenience store and they get banana milk and sit at the edge of the curb, their sides pressed against each other, speaking in whispers. They smile as they remember being here one year earlier, promising to themselves to try.)

Taehyung called them the least romantic couple on earth.

Namjoon knew he was wrong.

[bitterbetterbun]

I had the strangest dream last night:

I love this world, this realm. I smile to myself because it feels so nice to walk amongst the theaters I so love. Even though there are no performances right now. I meet up with some friends and we take a train to the Dark City. I'm excited to start a new job I just landed.

Some of my family members work in the Dark City so it'll be nice to know some people. Maybe we'll be in the same division! Superstition keeps a lot of people out of the Dark City but the benefits and wages are really tough to compete with. And yet, they are always hiring! Great for a young adult like myself trying to save.

On my first day, during orientation, my friends and I are interrupted at lunch. Two figures dressed in black demand I come with them. I do so and oh boy, how I wish I hadn't. They take me to him. To Hades. I'd never met the keeper of the city but the rumors got it wrong. He isn't menacing. He's fucking rude. I cannot tell him enough during our first meeting that my name is not Persephone. I understand I have a connection to her, yes, past lives and such. But that does not make her "written fate" the same as mine. I leave.

Though I return to the Dark City the next day with my friends. Despite his annoying confrontation, I need this job. And yet, he needs an answer other than "hell no." I find that I am weaving through out crowds to avoid the people he sends to persuade me to meet with him again. I am constantly avoiding him. I mean constantly. I even run into him a few times at the Tower elevators and I yell "leave me alone!" as I run in the opposite direction, middle fingers up. What kind of weirdo wears a fucking black cape in today's day and age anyways?

One of my friends already working in the Tower sees me avoiding Hades' men and says "maybe you should think about it." I stop and turn to watch her mop and she shrugs and laughs, "That's all I'm sayin'."

A few days proceed and I'm finally done with training! My next shift, I'll be on the clock! To celebrate, I am relaxing with my friends and family at a park in the Dark City. I ask my Dad what he thinks of the whole ordeal. He tells me to do what makes him happy. This annoys me but I love him. I spend the night at a friend's house mulling over how hard my family is working...and them too... If we all had the proper support in a society like this, maybe we wouldn't all have to work so damn hard all the time...

The next day, I set my things down on the Tower's top floor and go to greet Hades' men. They take me to him. He is in his office, "Have you decided to stop being petulant?"

"Have you decided to learn to act like a gentleman?"

He stands, "Your answer?"

"I will consider...marriage."

I swore I heard a small sigh of relief but I can't say for sure. He approaches me and says "come with me." I follow him down the hall. As if everyone had been prepared for this, some of Hades' staff adorn me with a white cape that matches his black. I think it looks silly because I'm wearing...normal clothes but everyone else seems to approve. I let it slip even though I hadn't given a full "yes."

Hades tells me I must accompany him for the day "as is tradition." I start to deny the offer because this is my first day of work! But he declines my decline and says we will continue our conversation after the work day.

The day creeps by, me boredly pacing behind Hades as he visits different parts of the Tower in the Dark City. I stop to talk to all of my friends that I see. And Hades does not hesitate to voice his annoyance with me holding up his busy busy schedule. I retort with some insult and continue to say hi to everyone. I'm sure I've halved his tasks for the day with the amount of times I stop to chat excitedly with family. I run into one of my moms and talk a bit about whether I am making the best decision. (We are out of earshot btw). She takes a puff of her blunt and says, "Does he have money?" And I say, "He's one of the three kings! Of course he has money!" And she laughs and nods in approval.

Hades asks me why I'm huffing when I return to his side and I tell him to fuck off. To which he responded about how I have no manners, some other things I'm not paying attention to. Near the end of the work day, he's stopped by a worker about something and tells me to "move freely" about the Tower as he finishes up something by himself. I take the very welcome opportunity to go say hello to my friends on the factory floor. It's 2:57pm, three minutes to close. Everyone looks exhausted but I am just happy to see their faces. I start to think about my decision.

Man. Six months here and six months out, huh? I mean, there is the Dark City, which allows me to see my friends and family outside of the Underworld at any time of year. So long as they come. But I still cannot leave. I want to save up to move somewhere sunny... I am grateful for the opportunities that the creation of the Dark City has given people that want to work for fair wages. "A deal with the devil" was a joke before but now, the Dark City brought that metaphor to life with it's sparkling benefits and high pay rates. You couldn't expect any less from a city bred from the Underworld itself.

Even so, even though Dark City was in the human realm.... I won't be able to travel away from it for six months every year.

My thoughts have me wandering to the elevators. I don't want to be in the Tower during close. I don't want to see my friends tired faces. I wonder if I could maybe leave before Hades and meet him when he's done. I'm certain one of his workers can escort me to his home. As I approach an elevator, I am surprised when I run into him. He doesn't speak on my obvious discomfort.

"I will collect my things from the lower floor and then we can leave together."

I enter the elevator with him and of course, there's no one around because it's closing time and everyone is busy wrapping up the day. "I left my things on the top floor," I say after Hades presses the bottom floor button. "I need to stick them in a locker, at least."

He sighs and says "very well" before pressing the top floor as well. The ride is long and quiet as we descend to his destination first. I feel...overwhelmed and exhausted and have no idea how I'm going to get through the evening. I plop onto the floor in the far corner of the elevator.

Hades looks at me and my crumpled cape for a few seconds and then, to my sudden surprise, he sighs and lowers himself in the corner furthest from me. He looks...awkward and uncomfortable from his crouched position on the floor. But it makes me smile inwardly. He is looking at the numbers on the elevator go down and starts saying them softly. "137...136...135...134..."

The trip passes like this, him hushing after speaking twenty or so floors aloud. By the time we reach the bottom, we are both on our feet. He steps out, expecting me to stay put but I follow him off. He is walking fast but I catch up because I have to ask him something...something important that can't wait. "Wh.." I catch my breath as I skip next to him. Him and his stupid long legs. "Why do you even want to marry me, huh?"

He stops. I continue.

"Is it cuz I'm 'Persephone' or because you think that you love me?"

He lets out an exasperated sigh and leans down in my face, "Let me assure you, I love you to bits. But I do not like you." He snarls the last bit and I am left angry and speechless as he swiftly walks away.

Back on the top floor, I collect my things and find a worker to help me get assigned a new locker. An older gay couple I met during training finds me and they rush to give me a hug. They explain they didn't wanna leave without saying goodbye and ask how the day went with "you know who."

I shrug and start to say something insulting... but then I remember the stress from the past week with being chased down. I recall Hades smart remarks and our arguments as I try to avoid him. And I recall him sitting across from me on the elevator floor, his boots wrinkling his black cape at the effort. I recall his "I love you to bits" and such...

"It went alright, actually." I look up at the couple, rubbing my stomach from the jitters that have made a home there because it's dawned on me that in less than an hour, I will be within Hades home making the biggest decision of my life. "Fuck."

One of the men in the couple adjusts his coat and looks at me with concern, "What's wrong, love?"

"I think I have a crush on him."

And then I woke up.

[guessmonsta]

Kuroo x Reader- Wingman

Inconsistency is key. Everything I write is for my dear friend Emily. Anyway, here’s some fun, low-key raunchy, high-key reference-y Kuroo content for everyone in quarantine rn. Stay safe and wash your hands <3

Kuroo was, at some point tonight, going to lose his mind. 

He knew showing up to Bokuto’s stupid little “house party” was going to get him in trouble one way or another. By “house party”, Bokuto meant he was going to try to cram the volleyball team starters, his roommates basketball friends, a couple of girls, and miscellaneous friends on the side into his college campus dorm room. 

It ideally didn’t sound like much fun, but he was going to take whatever chance he got to get out of his dorm. As much as Kuroo got out in high school, in college he felt bound to chemistry textbooks and volleyball practice. He liked to joke around with his friends and say it wasn’t easy being smart, athletic, and sexy, but there really wasn’t anything sexy about under eye bags and lab goggles. 

He usually showed up to Bokuto’s dorm before anyone else did. His roommate was out of town, so it was just some volleyball guys and a few others for the night. Kuroo didn’t really mind, the basketball guys were too much to handle for him right now, anyway. A cluster headache started forming behind his right eye, and he must’ve made a stank face, because Bokuto started stifling laughter from the bed across the room. 

“Do you have to go take a shit or something?” He asked, picking up a pillow from the bed and chucking it at Kuroo’s head. 

“Nah. I’m just starting to think I peaked in high school.” 

“See? This is why you should’ve majored in business like me. I keep it cool, I keep it classy. I focus on three things, volleyball, whatever business majors do, and boobs.” Bokuto made a gesture as if he was flipping hair over his shoulder. Kuroo shook his head. 

“When I come up with a cure for stupidity twenty years down the line, you’re not getting any of it.” Kuroo stuck his tongue out, and Bokuto feigned shock. 

“I thought we were bros.” 

“Bros support bros. And you’ve gotta support me through fucking-” Kuroo took a deep sigh then exhaled, “Chemistry-y.” 

“Hey listen, you sound like a big major bum right now and it’s making me wanna hit you with another pillow.” 

“Do it, I dare you.” Kuroo grabbed the pillow previously thrown at his head, and spiked it back over at Bokuto, who dodged it. 

“I’ve got some cool people coming over though.” Bokuto exclaimed while contemplating on throwing the pillow back.

“Oh, like the guy who chugged three beers in a row last time and puked all over that one girls lap? And you had to calm her down from crying because All Star started playing from Shrek on the TV and we all were holding back laughter so she wouldn’t cry harder?” 

Bokuto made a face of disgust in response. “Absolutely not. It’s just gonna be me, you, Tendou ‘cause he’s got the goods, Ushijima ‘cause he makes me think god might just be a man, Yukie ‘cause she makes me remember god is actually a woman, a couple of Yukie’s girl friends ‘cause girl power, and __ too ‘cause she didn’t come last time and I miss her.” 

__ was Kuroo and Bokuto’s mutual friend they met in their first semester of college. She sat with them during their freshman orientation course, and they hit it off from there. She was a funny thing, always had bright eyes and a smile on her face. Kuroo noticed his cluster headache wasn’t as bad as he previously thought. 

There was definitely something about her that made Kuroo wish he had time for a serious relationship. Even then, he would make all the time in the world for her if he really could. He hadn’t seen her for a couple months- his only contact with her was sharing memes back and forth on Instagram. The thought of seeing her again made something flutter in his stomach. 

“Oh wait.” Bokuto must have noticed the look on Kuroo’s face, because he started laughing. “O-oh man I forgot you had a thing for __!” 

“I haven’t seen her in forever bro.” Kuroo looked up at Bokuto and fake pouted his lower lip. “Like if I could make that one puppy eye emoji face in real life I would do it.” 

“Awh, does somebody have a cwush?” Bokuto teased in a baby voice. 

“Yes.” He replied, in the same fashion. Then a smile extended on his face. 

“Du-ude if you told me __ was coming over I would’ve made myself look nicer. I’ve been wearing the same gray joggers for like, three days.” 

“College do be doing that to you, doe.” Bokuto got up, then flopped on the couch next to Kuroo. “Listen though, I’m your number one wing man. I gotchu.” 

“Do you mean that, bro?”

“Always, bro.” 

Without knocking, Tendou burst through the dorm door, holding a big brown bag of god knows what under his arm. 

“Your king has arrived.” He announced, and Ushijima awkwardly followed in behind him, muttering a respectful, “hello.” 

“I’m sorry, did I walk in on something… intimate?” Tendou glanced over at Kuroo and Bokuto, who were sitting closely together on the couch. 

“No bro, we’re just two bros, sitting on a dorm couch, one inch apart cause we’re comfortable with our sexuality.” Kuroo winked, and Tendou clutched at his heart in mock embarrassment. 

Yukie and her friends followed soon after, all carrying different bags of chips. 

“Just so y’all know.” Yukie announced, “All this food? It’s mine. None of you can touch it.” 

“Would you trade the bag of popcorn for a brownie?” Tendou winked. Yukie tilted her head, and nodded slightly. 

“I’ll see. Our offer still stands.” 

Another widespread conversation started, something about which movie to watch this time, or something along the lines of that. He heard “Bee Movie” and “Shrek 2”, but nothing more. All he could really think about was when __ was going to show up. He felt stupid for feeling nervous about seeing her again, especially when they were always so comfortable with each other. He had to stretch to try to calm the butterflies down in his stomach. 

Then there was a knock at the door. Bokuto quickly kicked him in the shin as a sign to stand up and get the door. Kuroo shot him a look, to which he only stuck his tongue out. Why the hell did he feel nervous getting the door for her? As far as he knew, they were only friends, just buddies, just bros. But god, even if he was dying to see her, he was sure hesitant to open that door. 

One he did, he was met with a bright smile and a playful punch to the forearm. 

“Aye!” She exclaimed, quick to then pull him into a quick hug. “I haven’t seen you in forever!” 

“I know! What happened, __? What have you been up to?” Kuroo was almost hesitant to hug her back, but allowed himself to for it. His hand creeped into her hair and he allowed himself to exhale deeply. Whatever was remaining of his headache from before vanished. 

“Man, it’s been the absolute pits. I’ve been swamped with work ‘cause of the new semester.” 

“Well, I’ve-” Kuroo caught himself quick before he could continue. “Bokuto and I have missed you a lot.” 

“Awh, really?” She chuckled. “I missed your dumbasses too.” 

She set her jacket down by everyone else’s, then was quick to take a seat next to Bokuto, who already pulled her into a hug and ruffled her hair. He was saying something to her, but Kuroo didn’t hear it. There was a quiet white static in the back of his mind that was dragging him in and out of reality. “The Road To El Dorado” was playing on TV. Who’s executive decision was this, again? 

Kuroo sat down next to __, and Tendou and two of Yukie’s friends sat down too. The couch was definitely too small for six people, but somehow they were making it work. Tendou was pretty much half a person, anyway. But what Tendou didn’t have, Bokuto definitely made up for.  Kuroo then noticed that he was right up against __’s body, and it took a lot of power in him to keep his cool. She had really nice thighs, really nice thighs that were touching his. He wondered if she knew that, that she had nice thighs. It was definitely a terrible day to be wearing gray joggers. 

Kuroo then quickly assessed the situation in his head. On one side of him, there was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. She was dressed in this cute little oversized sweater and she smelled like a mix of pretty girl and coffee shop. On the other side of him, was Tendou, who didn’t nearly have half the sex appeal as __, so it was a conflicting situation for Kuroo for sure. 

“To pop a boner, or to not pop a boner, that is the question.” Kuroo thought to himself, then immediately made a face at his own thought. “Tetsurou, you’re so weird. You’re acting so weird right now.” 

Kuroo then looked over at __, who was now watching the movie with what seemed like half interest, half confusion. 

She really did look like an angel. 

“Tetsurou, do you hear yourself? Do you even hear yourself?” 

She then leaned her head against his arm, and he heard Bokuto snicker quietly, and shoot him a look. He could see his face out of the corner of his eyes, but refused to look over at him. 

“Oh my god, Tetsurou, you’re gonna pop a boner. You’re gonna pop a boner because she’s touching you and she’s so pretty- Do I go to the bathroom? Should we go to the bathroom?” 

Kuroo noticed her look up at him, and he was quick to catch her eye. 

“Is this bothering you?” She muttered. 

“Nah.” He smiled. “I get it, chicks dig these volleyball arms.” 

__ giggled quietly, and her attention was directed back to the movie. 

“Chicks dig these volleyball arms? Are you KIDDING me right now?” 

A couple more minutes passed in silence. There was a quiet mumbled conversation between Tendou and Yukie about those brownies, but Kuroo toned it out quickly. Suddenly, __ announced. 

“Y’all know what? Honestly? Tulio could get it.” 

Kuroo watched as Bokuto quickly shifted, and cleared his throat to reply, 

“Don’t you think Tulio kinda looks like Kuroo?” 

__ lifted her head up from Kuroo’s shoulder and looked at him, to which he tried to hold back a smile. Bokuto might not have been the smoothest wingman, but he made it work. 

“Oh shit, you’re right. I can see it.” 

Kuroo then sat there, saying absolutely nothing. He knew if he said something his voice would probably crack. There was nothing sexy at all about being related to a cartoon character, but it was kind of sexy that she said that he looked like a cartoon character that could get it. In some fragment of his mind, he started thinking about how she could totally get it. One of his arms slowly and inconspicuously fell between his legs. With the other, he flashed a quick peace sign and made a kissy face. 

Oh my god, he was gonna die tonight.

“__, do you think Kuroo could get it too?”

“I, for one, definitely think Kuroo could get it.” Tendou announced. Well, there goes his pants issue. 

“Thank you, bro.” Kuroo managed to spit out. 

“Kuroo could get it.” Ushijima muttered from the ground, which was the most anyone had gotten out of him all night. 

“I dunno, he’s not my type. But in the perfect world he could get it.” Yukie laughed.

“I mean shit.” __ shrugged. He wasn’t sure if it was from the lighting, or what, but Kuroo noticed her face flush red. “Yeah Kuroo could get it.” 

And pants. 

There was a wavering silence for another half hour. He was still hyper aware of her leg touching his, and every other minute detail about his setting, despite the movie. What was the movie even about, anyway?  It was about halfway through, then __ announced, 

“I have to go pee.” 

“Thank you.” Bokuto muttered in reply. 

As she stood up, Kuroo found himself grabbing her hand. 

“Hey, lemme go with you.”

“To… to pee?”

“No this, this is a guys dorm. You don’t wanna get lost going down to the general bathrooms and get caught by somebody.” Kuroo stammered slightly, but followed her out of the room. “You never know what kind of guys there are out there.”

“Awh, are you protecting me?” She cooed, bumping into his side lightly.

“Yeah. I am.” He shot her a quick smile, then looked away. His heart was pounding in his chest. This was the perfect opportunity to back her up against the wall and just kiss her, or something, but he couldn't find it in him to do it. 

People always liked to say he was the sexy friend. The attractive friend. The lady killer. The sex god. He had absolutely none of that, and it showed. 

“Hey, uhm, I hope you didn’t think it was weird when I said you could get it.” 

“Hey, hey, no offense taken.” He chuckled. “I’m just offended you weren’t serious.” 

The moment he said that, he quickly regretted it. She started laughing, but was quick to stop. 

“Wait, are you serious?” 

Kuroo then stopped walking and sighed, almost dramatically. 

“Listen.” 

“Listening.” 

He noticed her clasp her hands together underneath her baggy sweater sleeves. He inhaled sharply, then exhaled. 

“You’re really important to me. As a friend and as a human being.” Kuroo watched her sniffle, and her face go red. “I would use a stupid pickup line on you right now but I’m way too nervous. I really like you, __.” 

He watched a goofy smile spread across her cheeks. Her face only got redder as she looked down at her feet, then back up at him. 

“I never knew if you liked me or not cause you jokingly hit on everyone.” She smiled. “I like you too. I thought I made it pretty obvious.” 

“Oh my god, come here.” Kuroo then scooped her up in a hug, and placed a soft, tentative kiss on her lips. She stumbled a little bit, and he backed her up against the wall. He pulled away for a brief second to chuckle, then kissed her again, his heart slamming against his rib cage. He couldn't believe he actually did it, after all this time of pinning and waiting over her texts- 

__ then pulled away, but not before planting a soft kiss on his nose. 

“I like this a lot, Kuroo, but I still have to pee.” 

[artificialqueens]

Stupid For You, Chapter 9 (Crygi, Jankie) - Metaluna

Chapter summary: After the day from Hell, Crystal and Gigi have an important conversation.

Being a happy person is something that Crystal prided herself in. No matter what, she always tried to have a positive outlook on life, even when Ryan was bad to her, or when her parents weren’t around. She could always look on the bright side of life.

That was until she and Gigi fought. She’d never felt such negativity in her eighteen years. Just when she thought it couldn’t get any worse, Brita’s party happened, which led to Vomitgate. Vomitgate was singlehandedly the worst thing that had ever happened to her social life. Now, she couldn’t go to work without someone whispering about her in the breakroom. Everywhere she went, someone was there to make her feel embarrassed, usually people she didn’t even know.

While she sat in the breakroom, she saw a girl that Gigi worked with, whose name she thought to be Dahlia, whispering to some girl Crystal didn’t recognize. The moment Crystal looked in their direction, the other girl shushed Dahlia and they both laughed.

Finally she had enough.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Crystal demanded.

“Excuse me?” the girl asked coolly.

“I know you and everyone else in this fucking park is talking shit about me.”

Dahlia rolled her eyes. “We’ve got good reason to.”

“Are you kidding? You can’t tell me you haven’t been messy at some point. In fact, I’ve heard stories. I know you’re messy.”

Dahlia sat dumbfounded as Crystal turned her back.

“Hey, girl,” Heidi said as she sat across from Crystal.

Crystal grunted in acknowledgement.

“Don’t pay attention to them.”

“What’s wrong with them?” Crystal whined.

“I don’t know. I know for a fact Miss Dahlia over there definitely got sick at my party and completely missed the toilet,” Heidi said staring at Dahlia, making sure she’d heard every word.

As Crystal lay her head on the table, groaning dramatically, she felt her phone buzz.

Gigi.

Heidi saw the shock on Crystal’s face. “It’s not your boyfriend, is it?”

She shook her head. “Gigi.”

Raising an eyebrow, Heidi said, “Oh, shit. What’s it say?”

Crystal read the text aloud to Heidi.

Hey. I know youve been going through it, and that really sucks. Id like to talk things through if youre down

Crystal’s thumbs couldn’t move fast enough.

oh my god its so good to hear from you. yea things have been Awful… i definitely wanna talk when are you free??

“She wants to talk about things,” Crystal said to Heidi, as she feverishly tapped her fingers on the table anxiously awaiting Gigi’s response.

Okay awesome! Im soft closing tonight, so Im off at 8. Games is off at 8 at the latest right? Meet me at the ferris wheel.

“Wait, why does she want to meet at the Ferris wheel?” Crystal asked, looking up from her phone to Heidi.

“The grand tradition,” Heidi said dramatically. “Anytime there’s any grief with two people at the Isle, you take a ride on the Ferris wheel to talk it out. Mainly because the two of you are stuck together, so you either sit awkwardly or talk through your shit.”

“That’s… weird. Okay.”

Crystal quickly typed up a response..

ill be there!!!!

Crystal felt relieved. Things were finally turning around. Or so she’d hoped.

Later on, Crystal’s shift at the ring toss game was interrupted by a middle-aged mother’s tirade at not winning a single time. “Can’t I just buy the prize?”

Normally Crystal was sympathetic, but considering it was the third time that day and she was already having a terrible day, her responses were short, much like her temper. “No. You have to win the game.”

“You’re ruining my little Lucy’s day!” the woman motioned to her little devil spawn.

“Sorry,” Crystal mumbled.

“I know you probably don’t give a fuck and probably don’t even want to be here, but you’re literally ruining our vacation! We paid good money to be here and now I can’t even win this fucking game? Are you serious?”

Crystal shrugged as she accidentally let out the yawn she was holding in.

“Young lady, you are being extremely rude!”

“I can call my supervisor if you want,” Crystal offered, taking the radio off her belt.

“No. I’m going straight to guest relations.”

“It’s to your left as you leave the park.”

Just as the woman turned to leave, the woman turned around and spat in Crystal’s face. At first, Crystal was in such a state of shock she didn’t realize what happened. By the time she processed it, she let out a scream.

Thankfully, Widow stopped the woman from leaving as Ben called Brooke who came out to handle the situation almost instantly. Before long, there were two security guards who came to escort the angry woman and her child out of the park.

Just as on her first day, Brooke comforted Crystal. “Are you okay, honey?”

Hot tears ran down Crystal’s face as she shook her head. “No.”

“Let’s get you out of here.”

Brooke led Crystal back into the money room. As Brooke gave Crystal a bottle of water, the floodgates opened. Every single negative emotion Crystal had been feeling the past couple of months rose to the surface. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d cried this hard.

“Let it out, honey,” Brooke rubbed Crystal’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Crystal apologized. “I’m sorry you’re stuck taking care of me again.”

Brooke smiled compassionately. “I like taking care of you all. It’s kind of why I do this.”

Crystal wiped her eyes. “Really?”

She nodded and hesitated before she continued. “I feel like there’s something else going on. Being spat on is disgusting, but I feel like just from what I’ve seen with you interacting with guests and just in general, you aren’t yourself right now, are you?”

This only made Crystal cry harder.

“Deep breaths. Talk to me.”

Once she caught her breath, Crystal told Brooke everything. Starting from her fight with Gigi, ending with Vomitgate, she put everything on the table.

“Vomit…gate?” Brooke questioned. “Okay. Well. That’s terrible. I’m sorry your peers are being so immature. I can try to say someth–”

“No!” Crystal shouted. “Sorry… I mean… that’s not necessary.”

“Don’t worry about it. Also, Crystal, every season I feel like there’s a new host who just has the worst luck with guests, and it’s always the gentlest souls, too. I’m sorry to say that it’s you this season.”

“Oh fucking great,” Crystal muttered. “Sorry.”

“I don’t fucking care if you swear,” Brooke said laughing. “But, because that woman did spit on you, which is considered as an act of violence. So, I’m going to need to take you to HR and you’re going to have to file a report.”

Brooke immediately saw the panic on Crystal’s face.

“You aren’t in trouble, not by any means, Crystal. It’s just to make sure that this is on record. Do you want to press charges?”

Immediately, Crystal shook her head. “No. That’s okay.”

“Are you sure?”

Crystal nodded.

Once Crystal managed to stop crying, Brooke grabbed a Kleenex to fix Crystal’s makeup, and led them to the HR building. Crystal hadn’t been to the HR building since orientation on her first day.

Brooke led her into the room where park orientation was held. Instead of there being rows of chairs, there was a table with two office chairs on either side. A woman who looked like she shopped exclusively in the clearance section of TJ Maxx with a tall stack of papers in front of her was sitting on one side.

“Do you want me to stay?” Brooke offered.

“Yes, please,” Crystal whispered as she sat across from the woman.

“You must be Crystal,” the woman began. “I’m Monique. Please, sit.”

Crystal pursed her lips and didn’t say anything. Brooke, who was sitting next to her rubbed her back in reassurance. “Yes.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened today?”

No. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Okay. Start from the beginning. I’m just going to write what you say, okay?”

Crystal nodded. “So… I was at the game–”

“Which game?” Monique interrupted. “Sorry. You have to be as thorough as possible.”

“It’s okay. I was at the ring toss game today at like 2:30. This woman and her kid come up to play, and they lose, and she gets pi–…. Mad at me and starts yelling at me like the guests normally do. Maybe I could have been a little bit warmer with my responses… Whatever. Anyway. I asked if she wanted to talk to Brooke, and she said no, she’s going to HR. I told them where it was, since it’s kind of hidden, you know? I think she thought I was being cocky or something. Next thing I know, she spits in my face.”

“What do you mean, could have been warmer in your responses?”

Crystal sighed. “I don’t know. I was nice to her like I always am. But usually I listen more? I don’t know.”

“Did you say anything with malicious intent?”

“ What? No! I just… kind of wasn’t super into my responses.”

“What do you mean ‘into’?”

“I just kinda was monotone with it, I guess? Which, like, I know isn’t good, but I had a bad day and–” Crystal cut herself off as she felt tears forming. Brooke noticed immediately as she slipped her a Kleenex.

“We strive for excellent guest service here.”

“I know,” Crystal whined. “I just…”

“I think that she’s given you more than enough details, Ms. Hart,” Brooke said.

“Okay, okay. Can I just have you write everything you just told me?” She slid Crystal the stack of papers.

The sheer amount of paperwork was massive. There were so many spots to initial and sign that by the time she got to writing her statement, she felt like she couldn’t write anymore.

Monique rose. “I’ll leave you two to it. Just leave the statement when you’re done.”

“Crystal, hey, you’re okay. It’s okay. It’s a lot, but just write everything that happened. You don’t have to say that you weren’t as nice as you could be. I’m sure you were kind like you always are. Just write it as detailed as you can, okay?”  Brooke’s tone comforted Crystal as she began to write.

By the time Crystal finished writing her statement, she’d filled nearly all the lines on the paper. After signing her name one last time, she dramatically threw the pen down and stretched.

“Can we go back yet?” Crystal asked.

“Not quite yet,” Brooke said as she led Crystal to the back of the HR building.

“Why not?” she whined.

Wordlessly, Brooke led Crystal into a room she had to scan her badge to enter. The lights flickered a few times before coming in to reveal a breakroom that looked like it hadn’t been renovated since the park opened back in the eighties.

“You, my dear, need some ice cream.” Brooke went to the freezer and pulled out one of the overpriced ice cream bars that were sold to guests, which Crystal gratefully took.

“You’re the best,” Crystal said as she took a bite.

When she made it back to her game booth, Crystal was convinced her day was going to be better. If nothing else, she got to take a break for an hour and eat ice cream. It was going to be a good rest of the day, or so she thought.

On her second break, Crystal went into the restroom. As she locked the stall door, she heard a group enter. It was at least three people judging by the voices she could hear.

“Anyway yeah,” one of the voices began. “Gigi’s gotta hate her by this point. Those were some nice ass shoes she was wearing.”

“I thought they already hated each other? They never are with each other anymore. They were together so much,” a second voice said.

A third voice spoke up. “Yeah it was weird as fuck they were together so much you’d think they were dating or something.”

“I don’t know,” the second voice continued. “Either way, I’m glad Gigi’s not friends with her anymore. She’s annoying as fuck.”

“Right? The bitch doesn’t stop crying ever.” the first voice agreed. “Plus what’s up with her makeup? Sweetheart, the circus isn’t in town until next month.”

The other two laughed.

Of course her day wasn’t going to improve. Why would it? She knew that she shouldn’t let people’s words get to her. Crystal was used to being picked on for being eccentric. But with the day she’d already had, Crystal had enough.

Crystal forcefully slammed the stall door open. She didn’t even know the three girls, but vaguely recognized them as being in Dahlia’s gang. They were all standing in front of the sink fixing their makeup and hair. Crystal body checked one of the girls to get to the sink.

“What do you think you’re doing?” the girl jeered.

“Really? You’re going to talk all that shit about me and not even get the fuck out of my way? Next time you’ve got some shit to say, say it to my face, you cowards.”

When she got back from her break, she was visibly shaken. When Brooke made her rounds to check on everyone, she noticed just how upset Crystal looked. “Are you okay?”

Crystal shook her head.

“Today’s just not your day, is it, honey?”

“Nope.”

“Well,” Brooke began. “We’re overstaffed right now. Do you want to go home?”

This was music to Crystal’s ears. “Absolutely.”

“Go clock out. I’ll take care of it.”

In Crystal’s relief of leaving the hellhole that was work, she forgot all about meeting Gigi.

Gigi checked the time on her phone. It was 8:10. Five more minutes. She’d wait five minutes to see if Crystal would show. Gigi decided to not text Crystal, and decided that if she wanted to show up, she’d be there.

Five more minutes passed. As Gigi looked around The Boardwalk, there was no bright red hair to be seen. Maybe she just got held up. Gigi decided to give it another ten minutes, before giving up and defeatedly walking back to her Jeep.

Fuck you, Crystal.

Later that night, Gigi laid on her bed staring up at the ceiling wondering how she could let Crystal play with her emotions so much.

Just as she was about to wallow in her self-pity some more, her phone buzzed, notifying her that Jan was calling on Facetime.

“Hey, gorg!” Jan greeted, as she was lying in bed with Jackie.

“Hey guys,” Gigi said glumly.

“How’d it go?” Jackie asked.

“It… didn’t.”

Jan’s eyes widened. “She didn’t show up?”

Gigi shook her head as she felt herself starting to cry. “I’m so stupid.”

“Listen here, Gigi,” Jan began. “You are not stupid.”

“Did you text her?” Jackie asked.

“No, because I figured that if she really wanted to see me, I shouldn’t have to remind her,” Gigi explained. “But why do you think she didn’t want to see me?”

“I don’t know, Gigi,” Jan said. “Who knows what’s going on in that weird little brain of hers.”

Gigi plopped face down on her pillow as she screeched. “Fuck her. If she doesn’t want to talk to me, then it’s her loss. I don’t even care anymore.”

“You have to do what’s best for you,” Jackie said.

An alert informed Gigi she got a text. From Crystal.

“Fuck. It’s her,” Gigi squeaked.

“What did you say about not caring anymore?” Jan teased.

oh my god gigi i am so sorry you have no idea holy shit i had the worst day of my life. someone spit on me and i had to file a report and then these girls were talking about me and literally everything was terrible today to the point that my supervisor let me go home early and i came home and i fell right asleep and i just woke up like ten minutes ago and i feel terrible and you probably don’t want ot talk to me but oh my god gigi please im so sorry please please please talk to me

Gigi went back to the call as she reread the text. “And the impressive part is there was not a single punctuation mark in that entire text, and only one typo.”

“Wow,” Jackie said. “What are you going to do?”

“What should I do?”

Jan shrugged. ���What do you think feels right?”

“I really still lo… like her a lot.  As a friend,” Gigi managed ro recover smoothly. “I don’t really want to ruin that.”

“Then tell her that,” Jan suggested.

Gigi carefully composed her response.

Wow that sounds…. terrible. Im really sorry that happened to you :(( I’m definitely still down to talk. Same place and time tomorrow?

Crystal texted back immediately.

ill be there.

After Jan hung up, she rested her head on Jackie.

“We’re good friends,” she said confidently.

“We are,” Jackie said as she kissed Jan’s cheek.

“I feel bad for them though.”

“I do too,” Jackie agreed.

“This feel selfish to say,” Jan began, “but even though they’re having a bad time, this is probably one of the best summers I’ve had in a while.”

Jackie smiled. “Do I have anything to do with that?”

“Baby, you have everything to do with it.” Jan snuggled closer to Jackie.

“Hey, Jan?” Jackie began nervously.

“Yes, Jackie?”

“I have to talk to you about something.”

Immediately, tears began to well in Jan’s eyes. “Do you not want to do this anymore?”

“What? No!”

“Then what?” Jan was near hysterics.

“Jan… This has been the best summer I’ve had in a while, too. And you’re the reason for that. Every second we spend together is the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. I spent so much time in high school planning the next step, but when I’m with you I live in the moment. I stop worrying.”

Jan didn’t say anything, so Jackie continued. “I know that we had a rocky start, and every day I regret that. I just want you to know that I’m ready.”

Jan looked up at Jackie. “Ready for what?”

Jackie was fairly certain that Jan knew exactly what Jackie meant. “Jan. I’m asking you to be my girlfriend.”

Jan remained silent.

“Jan?”

“Shh…” Jan closed her eyes and raised her hand in front of Jackie’s face.

Jackie raised an eyebrow. “Did you just shush me?”

“I want to remember this.”

“Remember… what?”

“I want to remember the second I became your girlfriend,” Jan said smiling.

“God, you’re dramatic, honey,” Jackie said rolling her eyes.

“You love it,” Jan teased.

The next day at work, Gigi couldn’t focus on anything. She desperately wanted for her shift to be over so that things could be right again.

Luckily for her, the park was busy since it was a weekend, and it had rained all day, so guests were taking shelter in the store which kept her busy. Gigi couldn’t sell overpriced plastic ponchos fast enough. She was so focused on meeting Crystal that a woman yelling at her for how cheaply made the ponchos were didn’t even register.

When it was time for Gigi to clock out, she couldn’t run fast enough. Quickly, she changed into whatever t-shirt and shorts she had in her work bag before making her way to The Boardwalk.

Gigi was surprised that she beat Crystal there, considering Crystal worked right next to the Ferris wheel. She tried to not think about it too much as she took a seat on a nearby bench. To pass the time, she anxiously bounced her knee up and down as she scrolled through social media. After what seemed like hours, she finally saw Crystal approach her.

Since it had just stopped raining and the outdoor rides had just started running again, there was no wait. As they stepped on the platform, Crystal said, “After you, my love.”

Gigi took a deep breath as she sat on the damp cabin of the Ferris wheel. Before Gigi could even fully sit down, words poured out of Crystal’s mouth so quickly she barely understood what she was saying.

“Gigi, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your shoes… I know they were your favorite. I’m so embarrassed.”

“They’re just a pair of shoes, Crystal. Don’t worry about it.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Also, I’m really sorry that people are giving you such a hard time about it. Don’t listen to Dahlia or her little clique. They think they’re hot shit but everyone in Sales hates them. Even Jan won’t talk to them.”

“Damn. They must be bad considering that Jan would talk to a wall… Anyway, thanks Gigi. I’ll try. I don’t know what their problem is.”

Gigi shrugged and repeated, “Like I said, they think they’re hot shit.”

The two girls sat in an awkward silence as Gigi tapped her fingers against her thigh. Gigi hoped to God that Crystal would speak up before she did.

“About National Roller Coaster Day…” Crystal began. “Me going with Widow and Heidi instead of you guys wasn’t because I wanted to hurt your guys’ feelings or didn’t want to hang out with you. I miss you guys a lot. Anyway, I legitimately had no plans of going because Ryan was being needy. But, Widow showed up on my doorstep sobbing since her boyfriend broke up with her. I asked if going to the after-hours thing would cheer her up and she said it would. I made up some dumb excuse to Ryan and went with Widow and met up with Heidi. I was thinking about texting Jan that but I felt like it’d be weird to text her that, and I figured we wouldn’t run into each other, anyway.”

“And then we did.”

“And then we did,” Crystal sighed. “Gigi, please know there was no malicious intent with that one. I miss spending time with you.”

Gigi also sighed. “I miss our car rides.”

“No one else I know will listen to me sing One Direction the way you do.”

“I miss your coffee-making abilities,” Gigi admitted.

“We had some great times earlier in the season. But I had to go and ruin it. All of it.” Gigi didn’t say anything and let Crystal continue. “I should have never used any of what you told me against you. I don’t know why I did it.”

“You were pissed and said whatever came into your mind.”

Crystal sighed. “It’s still no excuse. I said some awful shit.”

“You did. I probably shouldn’t have insulted your boyfriend,” Gigi admitted.

Crystal sighed as tears formed in her eyes. “It’s… complicated.”

“I can’t even imagine,” Gigi said sympathetically as she looked at Crystal’s arm that had a bruise identical to the one Gigi found. “I know that you didn’t mean it. We all say stupid shit when we’re upset about stuff. Crystal, you don’t have a mean bone in your body. I hate seeing you this sad.”

“I feel like I’m such a bad person,” Crystal said, wiping her eyes.

“My mom told me this a while ago and it stuck. Crystal, bad people don’t think they’re bad people, and they sure as hell don’t try to become better people.”

“Your mom’s a smart lady.”

“She’s been through hell and back, that’s for sure.”

As the conversation dipped into another lull, the Ferris wheel reached the top. Admiring the cotton candy sky, Gigi thought long and hard about what she wanted to say next. She decided if she and Crystal were going to make their friendship work, everything had to be on the table.

Well, maybe not everything. Crystal didn’t have to know she was in love with her. But, Gigi figured Crystal should at least know the part of her she was hiding.

Slowly, the Ferris wheel reached the platform, and before Gigi could speak up, Crystal stepped out and held out her hand to help Gigi get out.

Shit.

[freetheshit-outofyou]

Connected Deeper Than Blood

The mystery of the silver .308 cartridge has been solved. It was a gift from an old Army buddy, we’ll call him “Smalls” for the purposes of this conversation because, well, it’s his name. 

I’ve told his story a few times before but I’d like to share why it’s important to me. It is a story of never forgetting the person to your left and right regardless of how far apart you get. It is also a story of never giving up on those who were there when you never thought you’d live past the next hour.

To tell Smalls story I have to tell you a little bit of mine. I met Smalls in 2006 when I back filled a unit that had taken more than a few losses in Southern Baghdad. There is little harder to do in the Service than filling the space of the dead and or wounded. People look at you like a placeholder, a fill in for a good soldier no matter how good of a soldier you are. Normally only time and experience can show them you are more than just a placeholder, combat is the exception. Combat shows people's true colors quick, fast and in a hurry. As fate would have it my very first patrol of my second deployment to Iraq would be a freaking mess.

Meet Smalls. We were out about 3 hours when and IED goes off just under the rear end of my guntruck kicking the whole truck into the air at a 35 or 40 degree down angle. We slam into the ground like we’d been hit by a train, the truck is full of smoke, dirt, dust, I can taste blood and I can’t hear or see. I am trying to scream to my driver to keep going at the same time I’m fishing for my gunners legs to make sure he was still in the truck, in 2006 we were not wearing people dummy cords yet. I find one leg and give it a tug and he kicks me, now I know he is alive. I’m trying to get anyone on the Radio, flicking my VIC headset from truck to Squad and back and I’ve got nothing that’s when I realize the the weight and pain I had been feeling in my left leg was part of the BFT (Blue Force Tracker) and SINCGARS mounts that had broke off and I was partly sitting on it and partly under it so the radio(s) all of them were out. Its dark, the truck is in shambles but its running and my Driver is trying to drive strait but has no idea where were are, what our orientation is but we know we can’t just sit there, its right about now that we realize they are shooting at us and my gunner has been shooting back.

All that shit right there is what broke apart and was under and over my legs.  At this moment 10,000,000,000 things have happened all at once and it seems like its been about 20 minutes and not the 90 to 120 seconds it’s actually been. I’m yelling at the driver to clear his vision and find his NOD’s (Night Vision Device) and yelling to Smalls to tell me what he sees, where are the other gun trucks and what does our damage look like from the outside. He is yelling in between bursts with the 240B that the LT’s truck behind us looks like it lost a wheel and the L-RAZ (Laser Thermal system, I don’t remember what they are actually called, my trucks never had one.) and all the trucks behind us have their day lights on now and the hole in the road is massive. And right now is when we smashed into the rear end of the gun truck in front of us. It had a positive side effect thought I got the damned radio and BFT mounts off me. We are still taking fire, not very accurate but accurate bullets will still kill you, I get out and met up with SSG Smith (Yes, his real name.) the TC from the truck we just hit. I told him we were good I did not know about the LT’s truck and that we have no “Coms”, he said we were headed to the IA (Iraqi Army) check point about a kick away and to just follow them. We scrambled back to our gun trucks and away were went. The shooting has stopped and we pull in to the IA checkpoint on MSR Tampa smoking and clicking and smelling like we’d shit in our gun truck, because we’d just shit in our gun truck. As soon as we stop I get my crew out check them all over and start the process of figuring out what the damage is, getting the ammo sorted and the gunner back up and ready to rock. The IED has been deep and big, but because it was deep it just blew up like a big asphalt bubble and popped basically just chucking our truck and the LT’s truck into the air and dropping us back down with little damage. The LT’s truck blew the right front wheel when it came back down and we were in the process of changing that when wave 2 of the shit storm kicked off. We were just getting the spare tire off one truck to put on the LT’s truck when a freaking RPG zips by the IA barricade and flies into the field behind it. We all hit the ground, the tire is no longer bolted to the rack and falls off onto MEEEEE, those damned tired are heavy. They get the tire off me, we start shooting, the IA are shooting, and the dismounts are working like a damned NASCAR pit crew to get the tire back on the LT’s truck so we can get the fuck out of Dodge. We get the tire on WE are just making tracks back enroute to FOB Falcon. The rest of the way back it’s quiet, if there is any talking it is a joke about how we almost died on my first run out of the wire and there is much nervous laughter. The radio mount is now in the back seat, the inside of the tick is full of smoke and the smell of burning oil. We still have no lights but I can see our Rhino mount is bent about like 45 degrees to my side of the truck and down, periodically skipping off the ground and sending out showers of sparks. It went under the truck we hit, well most of it went under that truck some of it was just smashed off.

There is the tire that fell on me. Fucking tire always had it out for me.  We get back to FOB Falcon and everyone can take a deep breath, we all got back relatively minor injuries all around, it was a good ending to a shitty start. It is at this point that Smalls says “SSG why the fuck did you get out of the truck during a fucking firefight?” I looked at him for a moment trying to think why did I do that, it seems stupid hearing it out loud. I said the only thing I could say “The radio was out.” He laughed and laughed. When we did our own AAR (After Actions Review) it was full of the normal contact report crap, 3 things we did right, 3 things we did wrong, and 3 things we need to sustain. When it was over Smalls says “SSG, how were you so fucking calm thought he whole thing? I mean you were like do this, do this, are you good, are we on fire, can you shoot, then shoot back and all so calm I thought you had a head injury.” I was like man I was freaking the fuck out the entire time, I was just trying to keep us alive, if it looked like I was calm it was just an illusion, I was shitting. That kind of set the tone for our relationship, Smalls kelp me alive or helped keep me alive for the rest of that deployment and we grew closer than blood. But there was one day he saved me from myself and I will always be in his debt for it.

Just a filler photo, I like this one of our old gun truck.  About 3 months after I’d got there I got an email that my wife had dropped off our son with her folks said she was going to the store and didn’t come back, our son was 18 months old at the time. Turned out she has bolted with Jodi and had no plans to come back. I was a fucking mess, my son was with my in-laws, Jodi was in my wife and I was in Iraq. The month prior had been rough on all of us operational pace was eating us up, homefront falling apart was eating away at me when the war wasn’t and I was done. At the time we were on Patrol Base 2 off ASR Bug and I’d decided I was done and going to punch out. The thing was Smalls had a feeling I’d broke and that little fucker would not leave my side. I’d send his ass someplace and ZZZIIIIPP he’s right back. It was like having a stake in your pocket and a puppy on a leash, that fucker was never leaving. One night were sitting guard and in the dark he says “Don’t kill yourself SSG, I need you here.” Now I am wide awake, I’m like what, I’m not going to kill myself, only pussys do that shit.” He was like man I know what is what and I know you are crushed right now but I promise I’ll get you through this if you get me through this. That was it, he just let me know he could see me, that he needed me as much as I needed him to STAY ALIVE. That was it, that little wakeup call was what I needed. Shit still stayed fucked up until we redeployed, but I did not punch out. Smalls had been stop-lossed so he ETS’ed (End Tour of Service) 90 days after we redeployed back to Fort Hood, with the promises of keeping in touch. Honestly I’d said that a lot over my 20+ in the Army and kept in touch with 2 people, randomly. But Smalls and I kept in contact, a call once or twice a week just to touch base, talk about family, the weather, and who had opt’ed out of life from our unit, and there have been a few. This whole time Smalls has been going to school to be a family counselor, helping folks is just in his bones. He is working 2 jobs and using his GI Bill to pay for school when he gets a part time job in a crisis center call center. All the lights turn on for him, he loves what he is doing and feels like he is making a difference one crisis call at a time. He shifts his entire major from family counseling to be more directed at crisis intervention, he now has a Masters in counseling with an emphasis in crisis counseling and mitigation. He quit his other side jobs and became a full time crisis phone counselor. That was not enough, he was taking calls from Veteran after Veteran and needed to do more. He applied for a job with the VA’s crisis centers, he was turned down over and over again until he was offered a job in a mid-West call hub. He jumped at it, he called me about how happy he was about the offer but crushed that he could not afford the move and that he was trying to see if he could get a spot within the West coast hub since he lived in CA. He just could not afford to move him, his wife and 3 kids and get a place to live in the mid-west. I knew this was where I might be able to help pay a debt I owed him. I talked to my Bride about what was going on, she always joked about Smalls being my Butt Buddy because we talked so damned much. She understood though and told me what we could afford. After some planning I called Smalls and said I’d move them Just let me know what they were planning. Of course that did not go as smoothly as one might think but we got it sorted, A tractor trailer, a massive U-Haul trailer and my F350 packed to the top we were on our way to the Mid-West. 5300 miles round trip for me, a busted windshield on the truck from a rock in Utah and 5000.00 on his move and it was all worth it. Smalls has been a VA crisis counselor for a few years now, and still loves doing what he does. He’s still saving lives to this day. I’m damned proud to have him as my Brother. I told you that whole thing just to remind you that the people to your left and right who had you back on the thick of the shit still have your back today and you need to have theirs. If you are thinking about punching out, pick up that phone, reach out. The world can be a shitty place but you can make a difference if to no one else but to those to your left and right.  Thank you Smalls.

[knoxhq]

► ( rudy pankow & cis male ) according to the school’s records, knox drury is a 22-YEAR-OLD senior studying political science, and he lives over in moriarty. he is a gemini, so that must be why others describe him as dignified, humorous, cowardly and naive. when i see him, i’m reminded of walking into class an hour late with sunglasses on, the feeling of anticipation as you wait for a firework to fully blossom, the sound of party music leaking through the walls of a bathroom. ( gibby, 20, they/them, est. ) ◄

hello everyone !! so i won’t even lie to u guys, i am NERVOUS and it’s literally only bc this is the first group i’ve joined in so long like dfdhkjsfjad the last group i was in was almost a year ago but i ended up having to leave due to personal reasons and didn’t get to write so like !!! idk i’m excited !! anyways w that in mind, pls bARE with me bc i have like one (1) braincell and i forgot how to write intros. anyways enough of me rambling, lemme give you knox !!

also this is a bad intro pls dont judge me im trying 2 like. rewrite what i had b4 the storm took it out n like, i lost the braincell

basics. 

full name: knox hale drury.

nicknames: drury.

age: twenty two.

gender and pronouns: cis male and he/him

sexual & romantic orientations: bisexual, biromantic, femme leaning.

major: political science.

housing: moriarty.

backstory.

triggers: implied bullying, police and incarceration ( dw i didn’t make him jj 2.0 ).

nobody gets to pick their beginnings. it’s something that people tell knox all the time, hell, it’s plastered in every stupid coming of age movie, book, film, everything he’s ever seen. you don’t pick who your born into, you don’t pick who you get to be. and to an extent, he does think that this is true but he can’t help but wonder if maybe, if people could pick, if they’d pick differently. because he knows he certainly would pick differently.

it’s not that he even came from a bad home - hell no, he had the most loving family ever. his mother was a saint, a warm sensation bubbling up in his chest when he thinks about her warm cookies or the way she tried to still tuck him in even as a teenager. his father had his flaws, we all do, but he was a good and honest man. hardworking, he showed knox what that stupid american dream is that everyone likes to preach about. 

no, it had nothing to do with them but rather the overall opinion on him and his family. see, the drury’s weren’t well liked - they were seen as lowlives and as shady, the kind of people who you’d only go to if you wanted to get stabbed in the back. generations of drury’s fit this narrative but no, his father was determined to change that. and so was he, even if nobody around him seemed to want to give him a chance. 

knox would go throughout school with this name attached to him like a dagger to his throat - whisperings in the hallway of, “oh, my mom said the drury boy might be steal things if you let him over,” and other random, rude remarks. of course, the people that get close to him know better - they see him for who he really is.

that person is knox. he’s a golden light, often more selfless than the rich pricks who run that small town. he’d give his jacket or umbrella to people even if they didn’t ask if it just so happened to be raining outside, and despite the fact that his family didn’t have a lot, he’d still go out of his way to try to give when he could. 

he eventually graduated high school - one of the top people in his class due to his father’s encouragement, and after a lot of debate, settled on attending haddon university - miles away from that sweet, small little hometown he knew, but a fresh start where he didn’t have to work for anything. he could just go in being him, with nobody attaching a new narrative to him. it was what he wanted, what he dreamed of.

and he loved it. his first semester there was memorable as he found himself surrounded by new friends and people he even considered family. back home, however, things were slipping.

the drury family was never rich, ever by any means, but business was low. nobody wanted to go there, fearing that his father was just as shady as his grandfather. as things got worse, his father had to resort to other needs - stealing, lying about taxes, and doing everything he could to try to make it by. 

it finally caught up to him when knox came home for spring break - red and blue lights flashing outside as loud noises went on throughout the house, until finally someone swung knox’s door open and briefly blinded him with a flashlight, demanding to know where his father was. by the time knox got a grasp on the situation, his father was being rushed off in the back of a cop car. 

he plead guilty almost immediately and for the next few months, knox did school from home to stay with his mother. it was then that he switched his major from what had initially been just a vague, business degree to political science in hopes of going into law after getting that degree - a way of changing things, of helping people so they never got to that point. 

for now though, he’s gone back to haddon’s campus where he study’s away and occasionally finds himself slipping and partying, glasses always covering his eyes as he slinks back class, getting almost nO sleep every night.

study.

so i need u to know right now... knox is baby, FDSHJDFSHAJK

like he’s not by any means like he’s kinda a gross dude like, absolutely randomly burps n is like lol oops n shit, very little manners, will grab clothes off of the floor to put them on kind of man BUT LIKE as a whole ?? he means very well FDSJFAHJ he’s very gentle and will sit there and admire flowers on a bush and then get mad if u pick one bc ur hurting it like. he’s baby.

he also is very loyal to the ppl he’s friends w tbh like. damn he will never leave ur side

that also makes him kinda... super, actually, naive. you see, while knox is incredibly loyal, he often finds himself ignoring signs of toxicity for the sake of preserving a friendship - he fights for people who won’t fight for him, he lets people back in too easily, he just. he sees the good in everyone, even if there isn’t any good.

regardless, he’s not easy to just... manipulate to an extent. while he’ll fall for you being innocent, you can’t ever try to make him think he’s something he’s not - he knows his intentions and he knows they’re usually pure and he’s not gonna fold for anyone if it comes down to him or them. 

bt like again he’s baby

like i dont think he ever gets mad but damn when he does its probs scary as shit like bc he nEVER gets mad !!! hes like. a golden retriever ig

if u cannot tell im trying really hard not to make him too much like jj bc i realize that might be a big thing ppl do n i dont think jj is baby bt like. knox? knox is baby DSFHJKFDHKJ 

he’s just. idk. he’s very protective and cares about his friends a lot and will walk you home even if you went to HIS place and like is always ready to give you a jacket if it’s raining and he’s just lowkey a big, kinda dumb at times, teddy bear and i think that’s valid tyvm 

wanted connections.

friends. — please. knox will lOVE ur muses just let him be their friend tyvm plus he’s a bit of a social butterfly now and i think he’d honestly have a lot of friends.

best friend. — i’m gonna keep this to one muse bc idk i think it’d be really cute if knox got to have his own like, ride or die where they care abt him as much as he cares about them and they’re always there for each other and like !!! that’s cute !!! also found family trope bc i think that is.. again, kyoot, ty

frienemies. — so these are always like, super fun to plot out and i think there’s a lot to work w here... like give me ppl who are happy that knox is loyal and would defend them but would push knox to the side n not do the same for him... also friendships where knox fucked up ?? where knox, despite his goodness, couldn’t keep his mouth shut and revealed a secret to their friend group bc u see he can kinda be a gossip fsjfdaskj. idk there’s a lot u can do n i’d love to brainstorm!

enemies. — pls. like. we can brainstorm this too so i dont just ramble but pLEASE?? please.

flings. — honestly romantic ships are not the point of rps but romantic flings and stuff can be really fun to plot and i love getting soft about them so like ?? idk dude lets fling it up n have muses date for two weeks n then break up like thats swexi, dramatic, 10/10

exes. — i mean this is kind of like flings but i have an idea... give me an ex of knox’s who really was like. everything knox wanted. hell, the two had a really good relationship - they were in love and etc etc gushy details but they ended up breaking up bc they just. they weren’t meant to be! as sad as it is like it was as simple as that! and then the angst comes in after they break up bc god they still love each other so much but they just aren’t meant to be and they see them with other people and oh it just hurts but like, bonus points if they manage to become good friends even after this !! (sidenote, idk i wouldn’t want this to be a full ship tht gets back together bc idk i think there’s a bittersweetness in stuff like this n its just. like. its ok !!! idk !!! )

roommates. — and they were roomates- fdshjkfdsahjk

other things. — honestly these are half assed plots but i’m down for anything !!! i’m still fleshing out knox a lil too bc i really did make him on the spot so pls bare w me :)

[thebonggirll]

Chapter 2 - Training

Chapter 1

After the incident, Midoriya's whole behavior changed in a strange way. But Y/N dismissed the thought and waited for him to open up himself. It took him some time, but Midoriya never failed to talk about the problems he faced. She couldn't suggest solutions for everything but she was there to listen to him and it was enough for Midoriya. He just wanted a friend who would listen to him without looking at him in pity and believed in him. That was the difference between all the people that surrounded him. He considered Y/N a good friend because she didn't treat her differently like everyone did. She talked to him in the same way she did to everyone - without pitying or bullying him.

Two days later, after getting minimum texts from Midoriya, she wished him a good morning and went out to train herself. She first started with some yoga and stretches because with the kind of quirk she had, flexibility was a huge advantage. She was going to start on her water quirk when she heard a voice - a familiar voice.

"Hey hey hey it's pretty comfy up on this fridge. How are you doing down there?" Y/N heard a man talk. Ofcourse she knew the voice, everyone can recognize it. It was All Might - the number one hero. "People move this everyday you know. And most of them don't even have super strength."

"Well yeah, there's an extra 600 pound with you sitting on top of it." Another voice said. Y/N recognized this voice too. She heard this voice everyday, but recently she didn't get to hear it much. It was Midoriya. The fact that he was talking so casually with All Might was a huge shock to Y/N. She knew how much of a fanboy Midoriya is and if he got to meet his idol, he wouldn't stop rambling. She continued hearing the rest of the conversation.

"Nah, I've lost weight. I'm 560 pounds now. In this form atleast." All Might said.

"Great much better. Why are we dragging trash across the beach anyway." Midoriya said.

"Take a look at yourself. You're not ready for my power." All Might said as Y/N heard shutter sounds.

Y/N wasn't able to keep herself quiet as soon as she heard that statement. In a state of confusion and shock, she stumbled back hitting on a piece of garbage leading to the whole pile falling down with it.

Shit.

She was ready to run away, but got busted immediately. All Might was standing right behind her with fierce eyes and his usual smile.

"How much did you hear?" He asked with a calm voice.

"Some of it. I did hear your...power.." Y/N said feeling embarrassed for getting caught.

"I know that voice." Y/N heard Midoriya say as he ran towards their spot, "Y/N?! What are you doing here!"

".....training." Y/N said looking down.

"So this was your spot?! Why didn't you ever tell me?" Midoriya asked.

"I don't think you get to ask me questions after ignoring my presence for two days straight. I need an explanation." She said frowning.

"Uh.." Midoriya looked at All Might nervously, "She's a really good friend of mine. And I trust her very much. You...you can trust her too."

".....very well. Since young Midoriya trusts you, so do I." All Might said.

All Might then explained everything to Y/N - from top to bottom while she sat there and heard him attentively. In short, All Might's quirk can be passed down and he has selected Midoriya as his successor. His power goes in the name of 'One for All'.

"Okay, I get it now. Um," Y/N said looking at All Might hesitantly, "Uh..can I..train for my strength too? I surely do yoga for flexibility but I lack in strength which is not good for combat at a close range."

"Ha ha ha! Sure young Y/N! You can train under my care from now on!" All Might said.

Sure, this was an unexpected but definitely a happy beginning to their training. For the following 10 months, Y/N and Midoriya was now under extreme level of training and diet.

It was around 8:40 a.m. when the Y/N saw Midoriya finally arrive at U.A. High Entrance Exam location. She knew Midoriya and All Might needed some time for themselves before the entrance exam, so she didn't go to the beach. Apart from that she also needed energy to fight in the exam.

"I made it just in time." Midoriya said walking up to her, "I was so worried about missing the exam that I didn't get time to test the power."

"Didn't All Might already give it to you?" Y/N asked.

"No, he gave me this morning. He gave me his hair to eat. Apparently to gain his power, I needed his DNA. I might have swallowed the hair but I don't feel anything different yet." Midoriya explained.

"Stupid Deku." Both of them heard an angry voice say, "Get out of my way now before I set you on fire."

"Your fire won't affect me though blond head." Y/N said back as she observed Bakugou. His appearance was the same except that he was wearing a scarf. "Cute scarf Bakugou."

"Tch, shut up adopted freak." He said walking towards the building.

"It's weird to see him not bullying you." Y/N said.

"Yeah, ever since that day Kacchan has been going easy on me." Midoriya sighed in relief.

Midoriya looked deep in thought as they both walked in. Except that he was about to do slam his face on the ground when suddenly he got stopped and started floating in the air.

"Are you okay?" A girl said.

"What happened?" Y/N asked turning back.

"I stopped you from falling with my quirk. I'm sorry I didn't ask first. But I figured you wouldn't mind me catching you." The girl said smiling.

"Well you're clumsy as ever. Don't fall down in the practical test." Y/N said.

"Oh you guys are friends?" The girl asked.

"Yeah we are school buddies. Both of us wanted to join U.A. so here we are." Y/N said, smiling.

"Oh. But isn't this all way nerve-wracking? Well, I guess I'll see you inside. Bye!" The girl proceeded to leave.

Y/N looked at Midoriya and quite expectedly, he was blushing.

"Holy wolly, I just talked to girl!" Midoriya exclaimed blushing.

"Technically, you didn't. And you talk to me as well. What am I then? A tree?" Y/N said huffing.

Inside U.A. Entrance Exam Orientation, Present Mic explained how the Entrance Exam worked, which begins with a practical test and then afterwards a written test. Their goal in the practical test is to dispatch as many villains (which are actually robots) as they can to earn a high score.

They sat according to their examinee numbers - Y/N was after Midoriya. Although their numbers were one after the other, they were assigned different battle centres - Bakugou got A, Midoriya got B and Y/N got C.

"They're splitting us up so that we can't work with any of our friends." Bakugou said while Midoriya tried to get a peek at his card, "Get your eyes off my card Deku. Damn, I was really looking forward to crushing you."

"Yeah keep talking like that and you'll become a great hero." Y/N said.

"You really think you can get into U.A. with your bare minimum training?" Bakugou said smirking.

"You'll be surprised darling." Y/N said grinning, "Good luck." She left the hall wishing Midoriya leaving a confused Bakugou behind.

He was caught off guard. Bakugou knew she used 'darling' in a mocking tone ofcourse, but he didn't expect her to be this open and friendly. He decided to concentrate on the practical test instead.

Chapter 3

SEASON - I

Ignite

MASTERLIST

[bhumblebih]

Into the Unknown (Bang Chan au)

Genre: angst+fluff

Warnings: I suck at this pls bear the shitty fic i wrote. I just thought i could do something lol

You know how there are days, where you just feel super lazy and don’t feel like doing anything because you’re just so done with everything. With life, with opportunities that you could’ve taken if you had made a different decision in the past. It all comes down to that one butterfly effect that changed it all. This was exactly how Kara felt until a special someone comes into her life.

It all started when she moved away for University. She had chosen to move to a different country for her Bachelors in hopes of finding new, better people to befriend with and also because she wanted a change in her lifestyle. She could’ve gotten into a university of the same worth in her hometown but triggered by the changes caused by some of her decisions, she decides to go to a University where she knew no one, in hopes of finding a new group and ultimately thinking that it’d change her life for the better.

The first semester goes by quickly and she realizes that her friend group is totally different from her and its been very hard to make new friends, so she just sticks with the people that she met on the orientation day. She was totally devastated by the fact that this was, in fact a hasty decision and that it’d have been way better if she had joined the University in her hometown. At least she’d have been able to meet her friends frequently. Deeply depressed by this realization, she continues to live her life like this until she met someone that forced her to think differently. 

Waking up at 7:00 made her regret her decisions even more as she had to take the bus for her to make it on time for her first lecture, which to her dismay was the lecture she hated the most. On her way to the class, she realizes that she forgot that she had lend her book to her groupmate for an assignment they were working on. 

She calls her friend and says “Hey Hyena, the class will start in about 5 minutes. When will you come?” to which her friend, Hyena replies “Hey, I wont be  coming today because I’m sick but don’t worry, I had Chan take it with him so he’ll give it to you as soon as he can so let me know when you get it.” 

The conversation soon ended with Kara telling Hyena to get well soon. Chan and Hyena were neighbors and he is also Hyena’s childhood bestfriend. Kara and Chan never got along. Kara always thought that Chan had a personal vendetta to tease Kara as much as he can. And as for Chan, the fact that someone other than him is getting close to his bestfriend didn’t sit well with him so he just thought he’d do something to scare off the new girl. Thing with Chan is, even though he had other close friends but he was the closest to Hyena because of spending a huge part of his life with her. He experienced most of his firsts with her and vice versa. Also being in different departments made him think that their friendship would fall apart as he had seen his other friends slowly get distant, to the point, they rarely talk or meet now. This kind of stuff scared Chan because he thought of losing friends as a segment of his life falling apart. 

Kara looked at her phone again to see only 5 minutes were left till the lecture started and she was basically losing her shit because she didn’t want to get embarrassed again in front of so many people. Thing with this professor was that he was very serious about teaching and just wanted the students to be attentive and actually gain something good out of this class instead of cramming. But Kara, clouded by the negative thoughts and absolutely regretting her decisions, put no heed to this. Only 2 minutes eft, and Chan was still not here but so was the professor. After 5 minutes, she saw him running towards her with her book in his hand. 

“Hi, sorry about being a bit late. I couldn’t find a spot to park and came as fast as I can” said Chan while breathing heavily. He was actually hoping to mend his relationship with Kara after having a really talk with Hyena about it. Maybe they could be a group of 3 and just enjoy their university life as it is. After all, Chan did believe that everything happens for a reason and maybe Kara coming into their life was a good thing? 

Kara was fuming when Chan finally approached her. She was sure that he did this just to spite her so she’d get embarrassed in front of everybody. Thinking this, she angrily said,  “Don’t ‘Hi’ me! I never thought you’d be so petty to come late just to get me embarrassed. You could’ve just told Hyena that you didn’t want to do this! Next time at least try to come up with a better excuse. Everyone knows that you travel by bus.”  

Chan was dumbstruck by what he heard. He thought that she’d be thanking him for bringing her book and they can finally start off with a fresh start but boy, was he wrong. He had recently bought a bike to travel around because his apartment was kind of far and traveling by bus just seemed like a hassle to him because it took a lot of time to reach his stop. He saw Kara angrily walk away towards her class. He thought maybe he had done something wrong but he just couldn’t understand what it was. Thinking this, he went to the cafeteria to meet his friends.

Kara enters the class and she is relieved to see that the professor hasn’t arrived yet. She sits in the second row, next to her other groupmate, Seungmin. He was a good friend of Kara and they got along pretty well. If anything, Seungmin and Hyena were the only good friends Kara had. She didn’t interact with anyone else enough to be good friends with anyone else. “Wow, its very rare to see the professor come late. I wonder what’s taking him so long?” Kara muttered while opening the book to the topic they were supposed to study today. 

“Yeah but look he just messaged in the group that he would schedule a makeup class for today later this week. Damn! he could’ve messaged earlier so i could sleep a few more hours. I’ve got a practice baseball match for the sports week next month.” Seungmin said sadly. Hearing this, Kara lost all her motivation to study. Could it get any worse?, she thought. 

“That’s stupid. Messaging us last minute that he isn’t going to come. Are we a joke to him?” Kara went on to rant about it. Seeing this, Seungmin smiled to himself. He just thought how cute Kara was being, ranting about all that stuff. He always thought that she is a nice person who thinks too much. He hoped that she’d lose that ‘I’m so done with everything’ look from her face. He always tried his best to cheer up Kara as much as he can. 

“I know its pretty frustrating but isn’t it good in a sense? We can spend some time together since I’ve got nothing else to do. Do you want to go to the cafe?” asked Seugmin hopefully. “Sure. I haven’t had my breakfast yet.” Kara replied, feeling a bit better that at least she wouldn’t have to spend all this free time alone. 

Walking towards the Cafeteria, she laughs at a dad joke Seungmin made when she realizes that she forgot to message Hyena about the book. She quickly messages Hyena and lets her know that she got the book. After a while, they reach the cafeteria and Kara can see from a distance that Chan sat there with his group of friends. She tries to sit as far as she can from their table only to end up finding the only spot lest was beside where Chan sat. 

“Oh god, its been so long since we spend time together. I’m glad professor didn’t come today!” Seungmin exclaimed. “You’re right! It has been long. I really miss the time where we used to chill around and stuff, yknow?” Kara replied.

“Yeah, those were the fun times but anyways I have this practice match later today. Do you want to come watch me play? I heard the buses will go later than usual today because of the upcoming sports week.” Seungmin asked. 

“Oh sure. My introverted self wouldn’t want to interact with anyone else so I’d rather watch you play than sit somewhere alone and have to make weird eye contacts with strangers.” Kara laughed. “That’s amazing then. I can walk you to your bus later as well since I’m planning to go to a gaming zone with Chan later. I’ll be leaving with him.” Seungmin said. “Oh, but the busses would’ve left by then. How do you plan to go to the gaming zone?” Kara asked curiously. She was hoping that it wasn’t what she thought it was. “Oh Hyena didn’t tell you? Chan recently bought a bike which is so cool at least we won’t have to wait for the bus.” Seungmin exclaimed happily. Whereas Kara wanted the ground to swallow her. She was so embarrassed over the fact that she didn’t give him time to explain his part of the story and she outright bashed him about something he wasn’t even wrong about. “That’s nice. And no, she didn’t tell me about it.” Kara said sadly once she realized that she was in the wrong. She made a mental note to apologize to Chan about what she said but deep down she still thought that maybe he did something wrong because in her head, it all seemed too good to be true. For Chan to go out of his way to give her book just didn’t seem true.

Time skip to the practice match

Kara sat in the bleachers waiting for the match to start. She saw Seungmin waving at her from afar and she waved back happily hoping for him to win when suddenly hears a familiar laugh from her right. She looks over and sees Chan screaming “OI FELIX! YOU GOT IT BRO!” to a blonde haired guy who looked embarrassed. Chan sat down next to Kara excitedly until he looked to his left to see Kara looking at him, annoyed by his screaming. Chan wanted to do it again just to annoy her but remembered that he had a talk with Hyena about how he will try to be nicer to Kara and decided not to do it and gave Kara an apologetic look. Seeing this, Kara feels bad and decides that this might be the right time to apologize to him. 

“Hey Chan, I wanted to apologize for being rude to you in the hallway. I didn’t know you had bought a bike until Seungmin told me about it.” Kara said apologetically. This warmed Chan’s heart and made him think that maybe Kara wasn’t as bad as he thought. “It’s okay! It is partly my fault for teasing you so much. Obviously you’d think that. But I really hope we can start over?” Chan asked hoping for her to give him a chance. “No, its my fault too for never making an effort to fix things between us but yes, I’d love to start over.” Kara replied happily. 

After this, they happily rooted for their friends to win and Chan even bought popcorn and drinks for the match. Kara was overwhelmed by the fact how genuine Chan was. He was a carefree guy who deeply cared for his friends. They later exchanged phone numbers because of how much fun they had.

Time skip to a few months later    

One Sunday night, Kara wakes up in the middle of the night with an ache in her heart. The same familiar ache that she got when she missed her old life and regrets making some decisions. She missed her family, her friends, her home and basically everything she could think of. She felt horrible over the fact how she has misjudged her decision of moving somewhere else would resolve her short term problems. Even though the past few months have been amazing, she still missed her hometown. The past few months, she’s been meeting Chan and Hyena everyday where they’d make short trips to the park or the pet cafe near their university or just hang out and chill in the campus somewhere. Her life did get a bit better than before but she just wasn’t in the right headspace at the moment. Kara decides to take a walk to get rid of the ache in her heart. She walks to the park near her apartment and buys chocolate milk on her way. When she reaches the park, she sits on a swing and thinks about how drastically her life changed just from that one decision. Oh, how she wished her life would go as she planned it to be.  

Chan was walking home after a long game of football with his friends. His apartment was close by so he just walked to the football ground. On his way, he passes the park that him, Hyena and Kara sometimes hang out in. He sees someone on the swing sipping a juice or something. He couldn’t see properly because of the dim lights. He thinks that it might be Kara because of the body structure but he wasn’t sure. So to confirm, he messages Kara where she is to which she replies that she was in the park to get some fresh air. Chan had noticed this before as well that Kara frequently goes to the park to get some “fresh air”. He goes over to the swings and sits beside her. Kara looks shocked to see him. She didn’t think he’d show up like that but she doesn’t say anything.

“What’s on your mind?” Chan asks. “It’s nothing. I just came out to drink chocolate milk.” Kara mutters sadly. Hearing this, Chan is sure that something isn’t right. “You know you can talk to me right? I don’t like seeing my friends sad. You can share it with me if you want to. I wont judge.” Chan says genuinely wanting her to open up so he can help her. Kara looks at his eyes and she realizes that he’s being genuine and she feels warmth in her heart knowing that someone is willing to spend their time in making her feel better. She ends up telling him everything. By the end of it, she’s crying and Chan hugs in hopes of calming her down. He knew that she was in pain and wanted to do something about it. “Come on, I have to show you something.” Chan says. Kara looks up at him confused as to why would he randomly say that but nonetheless, stands up and follows him to his bike. 

They travel for about 15 minutes when Chan suddenly stops and makes her close her eyes. He leads her to a high ground where they can see the whole city from above. They sit down near an edge and Kara is too mesmerized to say anything so Chan starts talking. “I know that it can be hard for you to adjust to a new environment. And that whatever you planned didn’t come true but this is life. Its unpredictable. We all have our ups and downs but you know what the best part about it is? Its that its never going to be the same. Things change. Its sad now for you but it wont be the same always. Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought life would be and learn to find joy in the story you’re living. So don’t worry, you’ve got me and I’ll always be there for you. You’re not alone. And like I always say “Don’t be sad, Bitches need cash”” 

Kara laughs at what he said but deep down what he said touched her heart. It all seemed so genuine and she started to realize that she had to look at life from a different perspective and maybe life wasn’t too bad. But one thing was for sure that the guy sitting beside her has her heart and she doesn’t regret moving here and meeting this pure soul.

[shawn-does-stuff]

Oakland (Night 2) Q&A

Fan: “You mentioned supporting human rights in your tweet about A$AP Rocky, with these things, [immigration raids and the Sudanese crisis] going on, do you plan on speaking out on these topics + using your platform?”

Shawn: “This is really important for me. I want you guys to know that because I say something about something else, doesn't mean that I don't care about other things. I care so deeply about what's happening, especially in these camps with these children right now. To be honest with you, I’ve been researching the exact thing to say. I’m trying to find the perfect article that explains what’s going on, I'm trying to find the perfect charity to donate to, and I’m trying to find the perfect statement to say because what I don't wanna do is go online and say, ‘Look, this is bad guys.’ I don’t wanna say that because everyone else is saying that. I wanna go online and say, ‘Look, this is what’s going on. This is effecting me. This is what you can do to help. These are the people who are helping. If you don’t know what’s going on, read this article.’ But, I’m not just gonna go online and say something vague. When I posted that about A$AP, I had a really hard day that day. I did feel like there are so many things going on that I should be talking about and I’m not. It’s not because I don’t care. If you knew me as a friend, I talk about that stuff almost more than anything. I deeply care in my heart. I’m trying to figure out how to not only talk about it, but to help people take action to change the world. It’s not just about making it known, it’s about the steps to change it. So, it’s coming. I promise you. I’m reaching out to this incredible woman named Brené Brown. I’ve been researching this company that’s been doing this funding for these lawyers going in to these camps and really make a difference. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. I want you guys to know that. I care with all of my heart. I’m shaking, my heart’s racing talking about it. It’s so important to me that you guys understand that I don’t wanna go online and say a blanket statement. I wanna go online and use my voice in a way that’s like, ‘Look, this is how I feel. Here’s the information. Let’s change the world. This is how we can do it.' And that's what I'm getting at. Thank you for bringing that up though, I'm happy you did.”

—

Fan: “What's your favorite song by Kings Of Leon?”

Shawn: “I would be lying if I didn't say 'Use Somebody'!”

—

Fan: “What's your favorite part of the Bay Area?”

Shawn: “It's so tourist-y of me, but I loved walking across the Golden Gate bridge!”

—

“I love the Bay Area! It’s so fun here. I really love it.”

—

Fan: “I’m in my first year of college, have you ever felt like you’re stuck? What advice do you have for that?”

Shawn: “I think there’s too much pressure on everyone to have direction. There’s just too much. I don’t know the person who said when you’re 20 you have to know what you’re doing in life! Or you have to know your life’s purpose. The point is waking up every day and that day, being like, ‘What is the most brave thing I can do? What is the most fearless, loving thing I can do today?’ I can’t talk about tomorrow. You’ll watch yourself grow and take steps and then all of a sudden you’ll look behind you and be like, ‘This is my purpose.’ There’s no need to decide. You don’t need to be a brain surgeon today. When I was 15, I didn’t wake up and think that I’d be in Oakland playing a sold out show. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Forgive yourself and it’ll come to you.”

—

Fan: “We've been best friends for like 5 years and-”

Shawn: “Amazing. Back when we were all literal babies. We were so young. I was like a Tik Tok-er back then. I was a viner, but it was equivalent to Tik Tok-er's! I don't know anything! I love Tik Tok-er's, I love viners!”

—

Fan: “If you could be in the audience of a crowd for any performance, which would it be?”

Shawn: “I wish I could do it at the Rogers Centre in Toronto. I wish I could go out and watch Shawn and be Shawn at the same time!”

—

Fan: “Pre-show rituals?”

Shawn: “I used to sing through my songs before the show in my bathroom, but I realized that I was just doing that to check if I could do them, not because I wanted to. I don’t do anything physically. I’ll breathe and do a couple slides. All I do is sit there and remind myself why I do this. Why do I sing? I fucking love to sing. Sorry for swearing!”

—

Fan: “How has the power of music given you special relationships with people around the world?”

Shawn: “It's like a little superpower. So I write something very personal about myself and I release it and every single person who’s heard that song, already feels like they know me. So we skip the part of not knowing each other and every single one of you guys that walk through the M&G, it’s just like I’m already seeing my friend for the first time.”

—

Fan: “What’s the craziest thing a fan has ever done?”

Shawn: “I haven’t experienced that much crazy things. You guys are pretty chill. Everyone thinks fans are crazy and I’m like, ‘They’re not!’ They’re just chill.”

—

Fan: “What makes you stay humble and family oriented after becoming famous?”

Shawn: “I have a million reasons to be humble and I think the first one is that’s the only way to be. And I have the most incredible friends and family around me at all times and they, no matter what happens in my life, no matter how much success, they don’t forget to remind me what’s important in life.”

—

Fan: “If you could go back to any day, what day would you go back to?”

Shawn: “I think I’d go back to the very first show I played with Taylor Swift.”

—

“They’re gonna love you no matter what you say, how you say it... at any time of the day. Nothing I say means anything close to what you say. You’re their world! I cannot possibly come close [to that].” -Shawn as a fan came out as bisexual and asked for a video for their parents!

—

“I’m a parent and I’m going to be honest. From the beginning you already know who your child is. Your parents know in their heart what you are about.” -A parent in the Q&A added on to what Shawn said to the fan.

—

Fan: “What’s the easiest song you wrote on your album?”

Shawn: “I wrote ‘When You’re Ready’ really fast.”

—

Fan: “What inspired you to write ‘Youth’?”

Shawn: “I was in Europe when the Ariana Manchester attack happened, I was in London when the bridge attacks were happening, and I was just really overwhelmed about everything. I was just like, ‘This is crazy, what’s going on right now?’ Then Khalid and I wanted to write a song together and then I remember being in Europe and I texted him ‘Dude, we have to write a song about what youth is, what it means’ and that was it. He said ‘Yes, I’m so down’ then literally fast forward 3 months, we got in the studio and wrote it in an hour. It just poured out of us because it was complete honesty and emotion. To this day, one of my most proud songs that I’ve ever wrote is that song.”

—

Fan: “What is your favorite life quote that gets you through the day?”

Shawn: “I think my life quotes change a lot, but the one that I’ve been saying to myself all the time is ‘Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change’. I love that one.”

—

Fan: “How do you think you were able to break free of the [association with Magcon]?”

Shawn: “I think it's unfair to say they haven’t broken the mold ether. Cause I think they have in their own ways, and I think everyone’s on their own path. My goal was to be a musician from day one. My goal wasn’t just to sell M&Gs and that’s it. I wanted to come and meet you guys and play and sing and be performing for you goals. That was my goal always. So there was never a mold in the first place.”

—

“I love how emotional everyone is today. It’s gonna be an amazing show, I can feel it.” -Shawn during Q&A today in Oakland!

—

Fan: “How do you deal with anxiety?”

Shawn: “Anxiety is so different for everybody. The one thing that makes anxiety worse is when you start to judge yourself because you’re having it. The one thing that always helps me is forgiving myself. When I have anxiety, I literally go to a mirror, I look myself in the eyes and I go ‘Hey dude, I forgive you!’ and then I feel better! I don’t need to judge myself, there’s no one here, it’s just me here! Just forgive yourself, and it floats away.”

—

Fan: “What’s one piece of advice that’s resonated with you since the beginning?”

Shawn: “Oh my gosh, you guys are really going for me today. I love it, this is why these are my favorite things to do! One thing that changed myself was that you never know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. You can never  assume what they’re thinking. Once I learnt that you can never assume, if we’re having a conversation and in my head I’m like ‘Oh no, she thinks I’m dumb. Oh no, I just said something stupid, she thinks I’m dumb, she’s not interested, she wants to leave.’ And I’d be like ‘Look, honestly, what I’m telling myself right now is that you think I’m dumb, is that true?’ And 99% of the time, the person will say ‘Honestly, I was just thinking you had cool hair!’ It breaks down the wall of crazy voices in our heads that make us believe things that aren’t true. I am brutally honest at all times and it only ever helps.”

(questions and answers from @MendesCrewInfo on Twitter)

[dancingwithasstranger]

I meant 1 through 85 😎

Well you already know 1 and 85 so

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Of course, being in a good relationship will always be worth it.

3. Are you a virgin?

Yeah, unfortunately.

4. Are you in a relationship?

Yessss

5. Are you in love?

Absolutely

6. Are you single this year?

Nah

7. Can you commit to one person?

Already am

8. Describe your crush

My girlfriend is my crush so; curly brown hair, brown eyes, little taller than me (just a little jum), beautiful smile, smart, funny, the coolest girl there is and idk she's just very fucking amazing.

9. Describe your perfect mate

My girlfriend.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Nope, I think that's just feeling attracted to someone, it takes a lot more than just looking at each other for 5 seconds to be in love idk.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Yeah I can't wait to marry my girl.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Depends on why this person betrayed me of course.

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Kind of, I just keep it inside until I forget about it because I know I'm just being stupid.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Besides my girlfriend, not really.

15. Do you have any piercing?

Yeah and I'd like to get some more.

16. Do you have any tattoos?

Nope but I'll definitely get some.

17. Do you like kissing in public?

I would if I had someone to kiss :(

20. Do you shower everyday?

Yes

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I know someone does.

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

I know someone is.

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I think I can last an entire life in a relationship and not cheat, if not then why am I even in a relationship?

24. Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?

I really hope so.

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I am in one.

26. Has anyone told you they don't want to ever lose you?

Yeah, and that made me really happy.

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

I think so, it was kind of a poem I guess.

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Nope.

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Nope.

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

I've considered changing my nose but now I know I don't want to.

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Yeah, lots of times.

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

At first I thought it was unrequited and was obviously heart broken but then last year I found out she loved me too but was just too scared of people knowing about us so bitch.

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Ugh, no.

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

No :(

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yeah.

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah, that didn't end well.

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yeah and they were absolutely right about her.

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?

Yes

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn't have?

Yeah that hurt a lot.

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

I tried a few times but that didn't work.

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

Nope

42. How long can you kiss until your hands start to wonder?

I honestly have no idea like maybe ten minutes(?

43. How long was your longest relationship?

Six months, seven at the end of this month.

44. How many boyfriends/ girlfriends have you had?

2

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

I can barely remember what I did yesterday, Idk probably 0 because I was 9

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

0

47. How old are you?

17

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I'd probably be too busy crying my eyes out to think about something to say.

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend what is your favorite thing about him/her?

Everything about her is my favorite thing tbh.

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Ugh, nope.

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yes c:

52. Is there anyone you've given up on? Why?

I haven't, is more like someone gave up on me.

53. Is there someone mad because you're dating/talking to the person you are?

Not really but I know my parents would if they knew about her.

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Yeah there are some friends I'll never forget.

55. Share a relationship story

I cut my hair like two weeks ago on video call with my girlfriend, I didn't even know how to do it so I'd ask her every 5 minutes "does it look straight?" And Idk I really loved it.

56. State 8 facts about your body

- I'm fat

- I'm small

- I have hairy arms

- Short hair

- fat legs

- small eyes

- nice eyebrows

- brown eyes

57. Things you want to say to an ex

I'm sorry because I messed up too.

58. What are five ways to win your heart

You can't because my heart already belongs to someone else.

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture)

60. What's the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

A year and a half.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Well their face, obviously.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Dance for me, kiss my neck, just touch me for no reason.

63. What is your definition of having sex?

Maybe just this intimate moment with the other person, being naked, touching, giving each other pleasure, Idk it really depends on what you think having sex is it's different for everyone.

64. What is your definition of cheating?

When you betray someone's trust in any way.

65. What is your favorite foreplay routine?

Telling the pizza she's pretty before I eat her.

66. What is your favorite roleplay?

I don't think I have one.

67. What is your idea of a perfect date?

Just connecting with the other person, doesn't matter where or when it you connect that'll be for sure a perfect date.

68. What is your sexual orientation?

I'm very attracted to being a disappointment.

69. What turns you off?

People who think they're better than everybody else and criticize everything.

70. What turns you on?

Just being treated well.

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

I've just had regular wet dreams nothing weird.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

73. What's something sweet you'd like someone to do for you?

Just come an visit without telling me and spend the day with me.

74. What's the most superficial characteristic you look for?

Nice hands(?

75. What's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?

I lost a very important conversation on WhatsApp and she offered me to send me screenshots of it and they would be at least 2 thousand.

76. What's the sweetest thing you've ever done for someone?

A letter

77. What's your opinion on age differences in relationships?

I think I'm no one to judge but there are some limits.

78. What's your dirtiest secret?

I'm actually an alien

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

I can't remember.

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Like 10 minutes ago

81. Who are 5 people you find attractive?

- My girlfriend

- My girlfriend

- My girlfriend

- My girlfriend

- My girlfriend

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My sister.

83. Who was your first kiss with?

One of my neighbors.

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

We lived in a small town so we were scared of being judge and that didn't allow her to completely express how she felt about me and I just got tired I guess.

I'm very sorry about the boring answers.

[grimoire-of-geekery]

Adult asks answered!

Warning: I am a curmudgeon, and some of these opinions may come across as mean, rude, or overly critical.  This is intentional.  Get off my lawn.

1: Exactly how long have you been in your current relationship?

15 years almost exactly with my first husband. Closer to 9 years with my second husband, 7 with my third, and 4 with my fiance. And yes, I'm still with them all, so they all count as "current relationships!" *laughs maniacally in polyamorous*

2: Most recent purchase over $500.

Phones. LOL we had to get everyone new phones, like last year.  We’re still three iGenerations behind.

3: How much of the furniture you own is the kind you have to build yourself?

None. All of the furniture we have is bought from places like Rent-A-Center, from a vintage or thrift store, or we inherited it.

4: If you were to acquire a baby tomorrow what would you name it?

Uhhh... "Someone Else's Problem." Or maybe "Cauldron," last name "Fodder."

5: How often do you change your sheets...really.

Like once a month. Yeah, I know...

6: Biggest adult decision ever:

Buying a house!

7: More immature thing you do on a regular basis.

Get into stupid arguments for no reason?  I dunno, I try to curb my immature impulses.  I like being a geek, some people think that’s immature.  I don’t think it is, though, so they can suck it.

8: Biggest bill you pay.

Mortgage, probably.  It’s not a bad payment though.

9: Smallest bill you pay.

Netflix.  Either that or our subscription to Final Fantasy XIV.

10: What small responsibility do you get the most excited over?

Having a house key (which I don't always carry with me), because I wasn't ever allowed to have one as a kid.

11: List your kids from most tolerable to least tolerable based on the past 24 hours.

...

Tada! That's the list!  *laughs even louder in child-free*

12: Favorite year of school?

I hated school. Mostly because of the other students.

13: Have you actually thought about retirement?

Yes! We have a plan, actually. Where we want to live, what kind of house we want to have, who will have to die or "disappear" so we can live there without issues... It's a whole big thing!

14: Is sex better now than it was in high school/college?

Eh, it's good, but I'm not in as good of shape as I used to be, so I'd say probably about even.  We’ve gotten better in technique, and we know each other better after all these years, but my health’s gotten slightly worse.

15: Do you own sex toys?

OF COURSE?!  Who doesn’t own sex toys these days??

16: Favorite place in your home?

My living room. :D  That or my ritual room.  Neither is perfectly set up yet, though.

17: What's making you feel old?

There are people in this world having CHILDREN who have never existed in a world without Spongebob Squarepants. :/

18: What do you drive?

I don't drive personally. But our family car is an Escalade.

19: What adult responsibility do you loathe?

TAXES.  That and the DMV and getting my stupid ID renewed.  Oh, and probably voting.

20: The last time you did shots?

Not a thing I do.

21: What aggravates you about teenagers nowadays?

The same thing I've always hated about young people, ever since I was one. Casual cruelty.

22: 5 biggest pet peeves.

1) Cisgender heterosexual men, like everything about that entire social role. The smug superiority that comes with being a cisgender male with conventionally average sexuality... dude, it doesn't make you special, it makes you boring and probably dangerous. Shut. The fuck. Up. 2) People who put their damn food or soft drink on my altars! Makes me want to sit on their lap and pass gas. RUDE. 3) People who touch my hair or jewelry without asking, and people who get offended if they ask and I say no. Swear to gods, next person gets a throat punch. 4) How people use social media. People never post anything really good or important, they only ever post their inane and often-poorly-researched opinions, or lies they want people to believe about their lives. 5) People who use their mental illness, marginalized status, or other misfortunes as an excuse for abusive behavior. Being neurodivergent doesn't justify being an asshole, nor does your fibromyalgia, poverty state, sexual orientation or gender identity, or any other feature of your life. Speaking as someone who has mental and physical health issues, a marginalized religion and queer identity, and who is a person of color- THIS DOESN'T EXCUSE US FROM BEING ASSHOLES.

23: What are your shows right now?

Rewatching Once Upon a Time, which is awesome, cuz I have never related to a TV character so much as I relate to Regina Mills. I'm also a big fan of Dragon Prince, and the new Charmed, Sabrina, and She-Ra!

24: Have your political views changed since you left school?

Nope, they've just grown.

25: What's changed the most since 5 years ago?

I'm way more tired than I used to be. And fatter. And my back's fucked up.

[missguomeiyun]

Homecookings [March ed.]

How was everyone’s March 2020??!

Here’s mine: Started off the month with staycation, which I didn’t get a lot done (nowhere close to what I had planned) but at the same time, I got quite a lot done. I’m referring to a newly self-taught skill, which is ink painting. I busted out my ink block FINALLY. Those ones where you gotta swirl & melt it in a water reservoir. It’s super old-school & it’s how oriental ink painting is supposed to be done (the liquid ink bottles are modern-style). The ink block has been around for so long; & for the longest time, I didn’t want to start using it bcos I didn’t wanna ruin it lol I wanted to “save” it. But you know what? LET’S GET IT!!!! Every day, I worked on a painting, & I actually ended up with 10 in total. It wasn’t as hard as I thought; I tried different styles, & after 10, I think I have a good grasp of the technique!

^ Just sharing one :)

I rarely talk about current events on this blog bcos it’s a place for me to document my food adventures as well as travel-related (but mostly food-related) topics, with the rare appearance of Kpop/Kdrama talk. But things have been CRAZY in Alberta! With the COVID-19 ‘formally’ entering the province early March, & ppl hoarding things, to school closures & online classes.. . now semi-lockdown, where only essential service is open, etc.. . The province has, is, & will be going through a lot of changes, as a whole.

To say the ‘official entry’ hasn’t impacted me/my life at all is a lie, however, the impact has been very minimal. Since starting mid-March, there has been daily updates regarding the cases by our Chief Medical Officer of Health, Dr. Hinshaw. *My personal view only* Everyone’s situation is different, & I fortunately, am able to keep my lifestyle pretty much the same at this point. I’m a pretty big home-body to begin with, & as much as I love seeing my friends, I don’t see them that often anyway due to shift work *shrugs* so in terms of the practice of social distancing to my social life, in all honesty, not much impact. 

Well, what about my work?! Am I sent home to work???! No. Don’t wanna go into too much detail here, but I will share a little. As a medical laboratory technologist, PPE at work + hand-washing practice is “normal”, as in, there’s nothing to change about it. I may wash my hands more, but ppl that hang out with me know I sanitize/wash hands often anyway so. .. I’m still going to work as a regular full time, doing the things I do; we are an essential service & we gotta be open no matter what! The company has adopted some recommended guidelines put forth by Public Health, such as, “sick leaves” (+ follow up) have now expanded in definition, & staff gets mandatory temperature check at the entrance before we enter the facility. The biggest change at work has been the change in work volume - we are so used to busy, busy, busyyy & now it’s like “let me pick up the next phone call pls!”

Anyway, didn’t mean to start off with such a loooooong update ... Let’s start the real deal: homecookings this month!

Hmmm .. . what do you think I did with this?

^ KitKat-covered wafer rolls. I find milk chocolate reallllyyyy sweet so I melted some tiramisu KitKat with some brewed coffee (1. to de-sweeten, & 2. to make the mixture more runny). I crushed majority of the KitKat but I aimed to keep some wafers as large-ish pieces to fulfill texture-building. Then I poured the mixture on top, let cool, then cut into individual pieces.

^ I then up’ed my game, & nearly tripled the amount of coffee that I used the 1st time. The resulting melted KitKat + coffee mixture was very bitter - just the way I liked it. I didn’t use as much wafer rolls this time bcos I couldn’t; that’s all I had left in the house. But I had some chocolate mix left; thus I just scooped some over Oreo thins.

PS: Oreo thins wins!

PPS: For both experiments, I used half of the large KitKat bar! mmm.. coffee amount was pretty much YOLO-’d.

^ Kimchi + chicken mini tacos. Stir-fried up some chicken breast & cut up kimchi, & scooped on top of soft corn flour + wheat tortilla tacos. Added some mozza shreds & green onion after.

^ Another fusion soft taco, consisting of Costco fries & basa fish fillet that’s been cooked in pasta sauce. Decided to add some bacon ranch dressing as well. This was surprisingly a success! I’m not a huuuuge fan of fish, in general. I’ve never tried basa with tomato + herb pasta sauce. I was gonna eat the basa on its own like that, but then I thought, let’s fish taco-it! Got a nice crunch & softness of the basa in 1 bite :D

^ Beef + cabbage with flat rice vermicelli noodles. This is like my home-made bun bo hue but with a looooooot of cabbage bcos I love cabbage! I used the canned pho soup (diluted it with water), some fish sauce, & fire chicken sauce! Doesn’t look like much, but it was spicy!

^ baked salmon - used coarse sea salt, fresh ground black pepper, furikake, & white truffle olive oil. YUM!

^ another baked salmon. I know this probably sounds stupid, but I’m 100% transparent about it haha I have a foil sheet on my toaster oven tray, & I’m not a fan of changing it out every single time, so I’ve come to a consensus with myself that I’ll bake, but use some other dish as a vessel, instead of “baking” on a tray or pan. The last salmon, I used a white dish - it was SO hard to wash afterwards. So this time, I used one of these stainless steel dishes my mom has (& uses for steaming). It was less of a mess!

Anyway, what flavour is the salmon here? Salt, fresh ground pepper, garlic, & honey!

^ cheese tortellini with pan-seared chicken breast. I made the sauce using: milk, butter, salt, dried parsley, & 2 slices of Kraft mozza singles. Topped with more dried parsley & fresh ground black pepper. (Don’t worry! I had steamed broccoli on the side for my “greens” portion.)

^ Vegetarian bibimbap. The fried tofu was store-bought, but I cooked it in Korean soy sauce + sugar, so kind of like braised tofu. Mixed salad greens at the bottom, then rice, then the tofu; lastly, some sesame seeds + bibimbap paste.

^ Ramyeon with mixed greens + chicken breast. Gotta keep it healthy! haha you might find that this is weird - to put salad greens in soup. But let me tell you, use a small amount & try this the next time you buy these veggies. Like just try! If it fails & you don’t like it, you won’t waste too much of it. When you pour soup over it, the greens start to “cook” & decrease in size significantly. With these salad greens, this ‘sorta cooked but not cooked’ texture is another way I personally enjoy them.

A glass of milk.. . the base for dalgona “hot chocolate”. Do you think it worked or not?

I used 2 tbsp hot chocolate powder with 1.5 tbsp sugar & also 1.5 tbsp of warm water. I manually whisked for a loooooong time, but it didn’t really froth. It became more dense if anything. But anyhow, I ended up with a somewhat heavy product, but was able to *feel* there was some air in it. I went for it.. . scooped it on top of the milk.. . And.....

This happened! It did not build up on top, but settled nicely at the bottom lol. You try with hot chocolate powder & let me know if it worked for you or not! :P

^ Post-night shift brunch =] I try to eat somewhat cleaner when I’m on nights by doing less meat compared to my usual diet. I don’t know what it is. .. I just crave more vegetables + non-meats. So I made braised tofu (just soy sauce & sugar) & cabbage soup (seasoned with gochujang & salt, so it’s a little spicy). It looks really red but it’s actually very mild.

All in all, pls stay home if you can during this time. If the sacrifice isn’t done now, the result will be much more devastating later down the road.

Talk to you later~

[anogete]

Hi Anogete! I think of you as someone who has her financial shit together. Can you give me some advice? I’m starting a new job that pays $18k more. I’m making more money than I’ve ever made in my life by a significant amount and I’m worried I’m going to spend it stupid shit. How can I keep my lifestyle from creeping up to meet this new salary?

Hey, anon!  First, congrats on the new job.  That’s amazing and definitely something to be proud of.  Second, I’d love to drop some advice for you.  My day job is actually helping people with their finances--how to save money, how to retire, how to invest, etc.  I’m in the US, so these answers are assuming you are, too.  If you aren’t, they may still apply.  So, let me give you three fairly easy things to do.  They are in order of ease.  You can do one or all of them.  The more you do, the better.

1) Find out if the company you work for has a retirement plan.  Most retirement plans will allow you to make a payroll deferral.  This is money you ask the payroll person to take out of your check. Sometimes (especially with 401(k)s, which are common in the private sector), the company will match some of your contributions.  Oftentimes, they will also have a profit-sharing component where they will share a portion of the company profits with you in the same account.  You’ll get the profit-sharing regardless of what you do, but the matching will be lost if you don’t contribute.  Asking the payroll department to take contributions out of your paycheck will help you save since you’ll never see the money AND it will help lower your tax bill AND it will get you started toward saving for retirement.  If you do this, then you’ll have to tell them how you want your money invested.  Most plans have target date funds.  Pick the fund with a year closest to the date you’d be 65 and have all the contributions (from you and the company) go into that fund.  Leave it alone, don’t mess with it, don’t try to change the investment based on what you’re hearing in the news.  Just forget about it and let it grow.  SIDE NOTE: If your company offers a Roth component to the retirement plan, then you should consider it.  If you think you’ll be making more money later in your career, then putting money in the Roth portion is going to help you in retirement.  Roth money is the same as all other retirement money, but it has been taxed.  This means when you take it out later in life, you don’t have to pay any tax at all, even on the growth.  With all the other retirement money, you have to pay tax on all of it.

2) Open a savings account and have your bank automatically move money over every time you get paid.  Let’s say you get paid twice a month and you’re comfortable sending $100 of each paycheck into a savings account.  Set it up on auto.  Build the savings account up to an amount that would cover your monthly bills for 3 to 6 months.  Once you hit that point, you should start investing the excess cash that you were directing to savings.  Getting a financial advisor would be ideal, but most of them won’t want to work with you if you’re just starting out and don’t have a lump sum to invest.  So, you can do it yourself.  Go to Vanguard’s website and open an account.  Have them start pulling that money you were putting into savings into the account there.  You’ll need to pick a fund or funds to invest the money in.  If you are young (under 50), pick a mutual fund(s) that is growth-oriented.  Keywords would be growth, capital growth, equity, aggressive.  Stick to one or two funds for now.  Don’t go crazy with various ones because it won’t help you at this point.  Like I said above, don’t fuck with them.  Don’t change them.  Set them and forget them.  You are not smart enough to outsmart the markets.  The account will go up and down, sometimes dramatically.  Don’t freak out.  It’ll be okay.  Once you’ve built that account up to about $30,000, you should go talk to a financial advisor who can help you.  Interview them.  Ask questions about their philosophy on investing, the services they offer, how they are compensated, what they would recommend for you and what the cost would be.  Pay close attention and go with your gut.

3) Everyone hates this one, but it will help you supercharge the first two items.  Make a damn budget.  For real.  Go on Mint.com and sign up for an account.  Link your banks, credit cards, and loans.  It will download the data and guess what your transactions are--grocery, utility, housing, shopping, medical, etc.  You’re going to need to teach it.  Go in and check the coding, correct things.  It will learn.  Once you’ve done this for a couple months, you’ll begin to see what you’re spending money on and (sometimes!) where you can cut back.  Now, make a realistic budget based on your own history.  The website will help you.  Once you’ve got a budget, go through a couple months and make sure you can stick to it and make sure you were being honest about your spending.  If you were, now you will easily be able to see any money you don’t need that will get blown if it lands in your bank account.  Go back up to steps 1 and 2 and divide up that money between them.  You should favor the retirement account because it’s going to help you more over time, but don’t neglect saving outside of the retirement account.  When all is said and done, you want at least a third of your savings in a non-retirement account like the mutual fund account in step 2 when you retire.  Try to stick to your budget and continue to save.  If something unexpected comes up, dip in your savings account at the bank that can support you for 3-6 months and replenish it over time.

Basically, figure out what you don’t need and get it out of your checking account before you buy shit you don’t need.  Have your company take it out of your check before you even get paid or tell your bank to take it out when your paycheck arrives.  Like right away.  Immediately.  If not, you’re going to spend it.  I know because I do the same thing.  Honestly, so do most other people.  Even wealthy people who never have to worry about money have this problem.  I’ve seen people blow through a million dollars in a couple years because it was there and they wanted, wanted, wanted.

I hope this helps.  If you (or anyone else) ever have any questions, my inbox and asks are open.  I’m happy to answer if I can.  Good luck with the new job and with saving.  You can do it!

[too-old-for-fangirling-but-idc]

My little Squeaky Toy Pt.2 (Tom Hiddleston x Reader)

Title: My little Squeaky Toy Part 2(Tom Hiddleston x Reader)

Summary: After the London incident you tell your friends about it, not mentioning the fact that it had been Tom who helped you out. For some reason, Tom inspires you to draw again and you head to the nearest art gallery. The luck is on your side that day.

Warnings: cuteness overload, some fluff (like somewhere in the middle, maybe), clumsiness, Tom is a ridiculous gentleman (again), light flirting

Notes: I’ve written this instead of sleeping so I have absolutely no clue if it is even remotely good. (Pls don’t kill me)  -> this is a repost from my old blog, so I’m sorry for tagging some of you guys in this again.

Word Count: 1936

Requested by: @eye106

Tag List: at the end

Here is the First Part 

It had been three months.

Three months since you saw him in London. Three months in which he hadn’t written or phoned you.

But what did you expect? He was famous, a celebrity. He surely didn’t even remember your name. And, of course, he had better things to do than dealing with someone he had merely given directions to.

But you remembered everything. His legs, his hand lying gently but dominant on your lower back, his incredible fair eyes underneath the glasses, the freckles you had just barely been able to spot.

It had been three months and you hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him for more than one second.

Despite your embarrassment you had somehow hoped that he would have called, or sent a short message, or asked if you had arrived at the hotel.

You had told your friends about your experience and your encounter with Tom, although you hadn’t mentioned his surname, because you had known exactly that they would have laughed. That, they had done anyways, but at least they hadn’t scolded you for not recognizing him and for not asking him for a selfie or an autograph. However, you were certain that, even if you had known who the man had been, you wouldn’t have asked for something like that. After all, you were too shy.

The only thing you had hoped, wished for, was a small text, a call, anything.

But what did you anticipate? You had to scale down your expectations. You should have done that way earlier. But somehow your heart didn’t want to listen to your head. It kept looping around the first time you had met him, in which you hadn’t even recognized who the person standing next to you really had been. You had been falling for him before you had actually identified him. Since then you hadn’t been able to wipe that stupid grin off your face, let alone your thoughts which had been circling continuously around the freckles, and the smile, and the legs… oh, jeez, those legs…

It hadn’t only been his body that had attracted you almost instantly, but also his character and pure and polite behavior.

You let out an exhausted sigh. Being enamoured was sort of stressful. Although you had to admit that your urge to draw had increased since you had met him. The only problem now, was your lacking inspiration.

Earlier that week, you had heard about an art gallery in London and, of course, you just had had to buy a ticket almost immediately. On the one hand because you would be able to maneuver your thoughts to something else than that ridiculously wonderful man, on the other hand because you knew there were going to be beautiful paintings, and therefore, a lot of inspiration to finally draw again.

Although it was one of the closest art galleries, you needed over four hours to arrive via train. You had gotten up early to be there at the opening time, so that you would be able to use the whole day for spending your time in the gallery.

Of course you hadn’t forgotten to bring your little squeaky toy. A new one, naturally. Somehow you had to control your swearing, at least. But you had to admit that you weren’t as fond of the new one, as you had been fond of the old one. However, you kept reassuring yourself, that Tom was taking good care of it.

There had been some problems thanks to your terrible sense of orientation, so the idea to depart earlier had revealed itself as a pretty good one.

Just shortly after the gallery had opened, you arrived there and, thankfully, the line wasn’t that long. It was a modern exhibition, so you weren’t the only younger one to be there, which eased a bit of the tension off your shoulders.

You had to show your ID and let your bag be controlled and, of course, you got weird glances as the security guards spotted your squeaky toy. Besides all your fears, they had just put it into your bag again and had given the latter back to you, so you could finally pass them.

Once in the building, you had to leave your bag in one of the lockers in the hallway, which wasn’t a problem since you could easily put your mobile phone and your anti-stress toy into the pockets of your light jacket. You had dressed up, even had put effort into your hair. For the first time in months you actually felt like you looked beautiful. It scared you a bit, that newly developed self-esteem. But not because you didn’t like it, no. It scared you because you didn’t know where it came from. You had been insecure for a long time of your life and now, all of a sudden, you wanted to shout out how happy you felt, for all the world to hear.

The gallery was amazing. You couldn’t tell which painting fascinated you more. That was until you stopped in front of an impressive painting of a woman in a blue dress. The blue a piercing colour that caught your eye almost immediately. It was a royal blue that emphasised the natural curves and the fair skin of the woman. You didn’t know what exactly it was that made that painting so mesmerizingly stunning, but you just had to stop and admire it, agape and nearly frozen on the spot.

“Overwhelming, isn’t it?”

You hadn’t realised that someone stood beside you. The deep baritone made you jump slightly. You would recognize that voice everywhere. But how? How was that possible?

“The blue makes it all the more beautiful, don’t you think?” He smiled, definitely, you could literally hear him smirking.

Maybe you shouldn’t have chosen the light blue summer dress that didn’t even cover your knees (it wasn’t that short, though, but now you felt like it was). You felt your face flushing and you continued to stare at the painting, unable to move or react in another way.

“Am I allowed to say that you look rather lovely today?”

That didn’t help you with your blushing at all. Thanks to that you were sure that your skin must have turned as red as a tomato, or as something in an even darker shade.

“Thank you.” You finally mastered to look at him. But momentarily you wished you hadn’t done so.

In the broad daylight that shone through the large windows of the gallery, he looked even more beautiful than the last time you had seen him in person. He wore a cream-coloured suit with a white button-down shirt, which fitted his slim figure more than perfectly. With the better lighting you could easily spot the light freckles you adored so much. When your gaze finally travelled up to his face, you nearly forgot to breath for a second or two. His hair and the beard hadn’t changed but his smile left you weak and in awe.

It still was a miracle to you how someone could look that good.

“Still on vacation?” After fidgeting with the collar of his shirt, he put his hands into the pockets of his trousers.

“Actually…no.” You smiled awkwardly and averted your gaze. “I’m hoping to get inspired by some of the paintings here, to be honest.”

For a brief instant, he remained silent, focussed on the artwork in front of the both of you again.

“And? Did it work?”

“That I don’t know yet.” You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling.

“Are you an artist?” A soft warmth filled your chest due to the genuine interest he showed. It made him all the more adorable.

“No… I mean, not really. It’s more like a hobby.” You bit your lower lip as you felt his gaze on you again.

“I like what you did with your hair, it looks rather nice. One can see your artistic giftedness through that.”

You hadn’t known that it was possible to blush even more. But you did.

“Sorry. Did I go too far?” Tom hurried to ask, obviously insecure himself now. Though you weren’t sure about that. It could have been his natural gentleman like behaviour as well.

“No! No, it’s fine, really… I…” You stumbled over your own words and paused to collect yourself again. “Thank you.”

“(Y/N), right?”

Oh god, he remembered your name! After three months he still knew how you were being called.

He strolled down the corridor in a slow pace, so you could easily keep up with his tempo. Considering the height difference, you still had to run.

“You are remembering my name.”

“Of course, I am. After all, I got this utterly beautiful anti-swearing squeaky toy from you. Which, I have to admit, is rather useful from time to time.” He didn’t tease you, quite the contrary. His voice sounded honest and candid.

“Is it really?” Your instinct told you to be careful about instantly believing in what he had said, but your heart nearly burst at the compliment, pounding too fast and loud in your chest.

“Yes, it is!” There it was. The excitement you had seen on him only in some of his interviews so far. Slightly childish, but in an absolute sweet and cute way.

“Don’t you get weird glances by your colleagues when you carry it around?”

“Sure. But that doesn’t matter. It’s important to keep on doing things that help you and that are good for you. That is why I don’t think that a squeaky toy that helps you deal with an urge to swear is in any way something strange or odd.”

At first you didn’t believe a word he said. No one (at least no one you knew) had told you something like that until that moment. Tom really was up for a lot of surprises.

“You’re the first one to say something like that. Usually everyone thinks I’m just odd.” Fumbling with said toy in the pocket of your jacket, you smiled when you both came to a stop in front of another painting. Sadly, your whole focus lay on Tom, now that you had finally met him again.

“Well, if they are defining odd, what is normal, then?”

A soft chuckle escaped you when you heard Tom say that. You thought of a witty response, but none came to your mind, so you stayed silent and observed his profile for a while. His perfectly shaped nose, the sharp outlines of his jaw, his Adam’s apple…God, that man was ideal.

Eventually, he did notice that you were staring at him and shifted, looking a bit nervous all of a sudden. You could tell he wasn’t uncomfortable by the way he slightly turned towards you, even leaning down a bit, and returned the look, a hint of amusement reflecting in his eyes.

You viewed the rest of the gallery in a peaceful silence, just here and there exchanging a few words about the paintings and your thoughts about them. It was amazing. You had never experienced something like that, even though you weren’t talking that much. For some strange reason, walking next to each other and relatively close to each other, felt really intimate at that moment.

“So, when are you leaving London again?” He turned around to face you, as you reached the exit of the art gallery.

“Today, probably.” You couldn’t cover up the slightly depressed undertone that was evidently audible in your voice.

He nodded, clearly fumbling for words.

“I was wondering if you might want to meet again? Maybe for dinner?”

Tag List: @fiammablade3466 @zainab2 @the-lululemon @superanimenatural @blackirisposts @thejemersoninferno @nwmtagsb @signalnotfound0 @emyhonny @kimanne723 @alexakeyloveloki @spookycatqueen @disneyoncerlover815 @aaminah12 @mrshiddleston-uk @loobnknoob @lykaonimagines @caticorndancingonpainbows @finney13s @alexxandra-the-great @lilyrosebae @sarahivi @michellearel1

[sabraeal]

Sic Semper Monstrum, Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Obiyuki AU Bingo Post-Apocalypse AU

There is no worse sound than the sirens.

Science agrees: every day, papers pile up in her queue, every last one of them tagged with the word kaiju and trauma. Everything from former Rangers to survivors of those first attacks to the children who still live in the cities along the coast, growing up in the looming shadow of the kaiju threat -- every single one of them has a lasting, ingrained reaction to the noise. Siren Anxiety, some papers call it, sanitized from the PTSD of other papers. Worse are the epigenetic ones; the endless articles speculating about what the alarms have done to the human psyche, calling it the next great epigenetic event in human history, not tired to any one ethic group or restricted region, but instead the entire coast line of four continents, none of them able to bear the whoop and moan of the evacuation siren.

Shirayuki isn’t sure how much of that she believes; she believes in science, not divination, and the plasticity of the human mind is far beyond their understanding. Still, it’s a sound that certainly has a starring role in her nightmares.

Along with, she’s coming to realize, the Marshal wants to see you.

“Doctor.” His voice is clipped, terse, but still polite as he stands, gesturing for her to take a seat. He’s a busy man by any standard, but no one can say his mother didn’t teach him his manners. “I’m glad you could take the time to see me.”

It’s not as if she had much of a choice; she might be one of the few civilians here, but as far as the Pan-Pacific Defense Corp is concerned, he’s her boss. Garack might be the head of K-Science, but in the shatterdome, the Marshal’s word is law.

Someone else might not know the extent of that power, might think that a summons sent to the civ division of the dome was just a polite ask, but Izana --

Well, if there was anything like royalty left on this coast, it would be the Wisterias. Three generations of Marshals since the first kaiju ransacked San Francisco, and it could be said, with little exaggeration, that his grandfather practically built the PPDC from the ground up. If anyone knows the power behind that title, it’s him.

“It’s no problem,” she chokes out, sinking into a chair. Beside it sits a steaming mug -- her mug, she realizes with a jolt -- filled with green tea and muddied up with cream. Just the way she likes it. “I had time.”

He nods, hand hooked over the back of his chair, gaze fixed to the wall. The one that would look out over the Pacific, if they weren’t underground. She’s been here six months, and training up to take Garack’s place hasn’t left her much time, but --

She’s been in this office a few times, in an official capacity. And every time she can’t shake the feeling that he shouldn’t be here. That he belongs in some high-rise, looking out a fortieth floor window, surveying his domain, crunching numbers and worrying about stocks. Not down here, half-buried beneath what’s left of LA, talking to her about monsters.

None of them should be here, really, but that’s just the way things have panned out. For now. There’s no accounting for who they would have been, if not for --

“You’re settling in?”

Shirayuki nearly scalds herself on her tea, only just clamping her lips around her teeth to keep it from spilling out. She take a moment to swallow, liquid burning all the way down. “Ah, yes. It’s been...slow, but I think the rangers are acclimatizing to the shift.”

Finally, she wants to add. And only because of your brother.

It’s a mistake to say any of that. Bringing up Zen, here, right now --

Probably not career ending, but she’ll certainly approach the limits of Izana’s current goodwill. She may be the psychologist in this room, but he is the one who could sit back in his chair with that enigmatic smile of his and flay her alive. There’s no amount of insisting that will get him to believe that Zen is only her patient, and --

And, with the way Zen acts, she can’t say she blames him. She’s a professional, but no matter how much she swears to herself that she would never cross that line, would never make a patient more than that --

Well, she’s read the papers. Everyone living under one roof like this, never a day’s rest when kaiju don’t believe in filing for paid time off, civilian and military alike -- it’s a recipe for disaster. Zen wouldn’t be the first ranger to read something more in his sessions.

And she wouldn’t be the first PPDC psychologist to encourage it, if she did --

Which she doesn’t. She’s told Izana all this before, shoulders straight and stance stoic. But he’d only smiled that infuriating smile of is, and asked, but if he wasn’t your patient...?

She didn’t have a good answer to that. And the Marshal wasn’t one to miss a detail like that.

They’d been...at an impasse since then. Zen still takes his sessions with her, and she keeps her distance.

Well, as much as he allows. Which is quickly trending towards not enough and also too much.

“Good.” His fingers tap idly at the leather of his chair, expression uncomfortably thoughtful. “Garack speaks highly of your skills, you know. Best investment I’ve forced you to make.”

It’s useless to hide her blush. She knows she’s well-regarded -- there’s not many psychologists clamoring to get into the PPDC, and even less rangers wanting to talk to one -- but still. Garack practically invented the idea of trauma therapy for pilots. It’s not only a compliment -- it’s a reinforcement of her whole life’s work to date. There’s no point in hiding that she’s happy about that.

“And my brother, of course,” he mentions mildly. “Not a day goes by where he doesn’t sing your praises.”

Oh, so -- so he is going to bring this up.

“Studies have shown that having a mental health professional available to pilots has decreased the likelihood of risk behaviors as well as nearly all forms of self-harm.” Her cheeks heat, and oh, how she wish they wouldn’t when she talked about this. “A-and it isn’t unusual for pilots under stress to believe they’ve formed and intimate bond with support staff. As long as the professional--”

Izana holds up a hand with a huff of a laugh. “You don’t have to preach to me Doctor. I think we are both tired of that particular conversation.”

Her fingers tighten around the mug, and she grimaces at the pinch. “Then I must admit that I’m at a loss for what we need to discuss.”

She only just manages to bite off, if I’m not here to defend my professional credentials. By his look, he still hears them, loud and clear.

His eyebrows raise, but she’s not one of his rangers; there is no pressing need, in her mind, for her to call him sir. Some of the other civilians here might fall in line -- lord knows Suzu trips over himself to do it -- but she’s not some lab scientist, taught military hierarchy in a day’s orientation. Oh no, she’s written papers about the long term effects of the military complex under martial law, and --

“I have need of your expertise, Shirayuki.”

All her protests dry up in her mouth. She hadn’t expected that.

“Oh,” she replies eloquently. She lifts the mug to her mouth and takes a long, meditative sip, trying to buy herself some time to come to terms with -- with this. “I, uh, well...”

“I’m bringing in a new ranger,” Izana continues, graciously ignoring her sudden inability to form coherent sentences. For once, it’s a mercy she can appreciate. “I think he might present a...unique challenge for you.”

“A ranger?” The room feels off-kilter now, tilted. Izana may make this announcement so casually, but a shatterdome is a complex ecosystem of egos, an exquisitely delicate biome that can collapse into total anarchy with a single breath. And now he wants to upset that balance. “When?”

“Soon.” His mouth quirks, gaze distant. “I’m flying out today, in fact, as soon a we’re done here.”

Pressure pulses threateningly just behind her eyes. “Who would you--?”

Her mouth shuts with a click. Most of the pilots here were experienced teams, working together for years, but there was one -- one -- jaeger that has been lying in wait for half a decade, stuck in shatterdome purgatory until his single pilot managed to find a partner --

And it just so happened to be the single ranger that Izana Wisteria, prince of the Pacific, would burn half the world for, if it meant finding someone drift compatible.

She twists the mug in her hand, anxious. “Does he know?”

A stupid question, when she already knows the answer.

“No.” An easy answer for a complex situation. “And he won’t.”

She bridles in her seat, mouth pulling thin. “You called me in here to ask me to lie? Is this some sort of test of loyalty, because I don’t appreciate mind games, Marshal.”

“No. I asked you in here because I have...concerns.” He grimaces, as if it physically pains him to admit it. “About...reintegration.”

“You should be more concerned about what this will do to the dynamic of your pilots,” she tells him, setting aside her tea. “You should be telling him that --”

“Doctor, you have been here long enough -- and privy to my brother’s thoughts long enough -- to know there is only one copilot he will accept.” Izana looks at her now, and he seems so -- weary. Not even thirty, and here he is, shouldering the hopes of the world. “We don’t have the luxury of waiting for him to be reasonable about this. I would rather he had less time to plan his objections than make a misguided attempt at trying to appeal to his logic.”

Her lips press together, annoyed. She wants to fight on this point, to tell him he needs to prioritize Zen’s comfort --

But unfortunately, she agrees. Were this a mediation between two brothers about a family legacy, she could counsel caution, could recommend respect -- but this is a dispute between soldier and commander, and in this, she’s loath to say Izana has the right of it. It had taken hardly a handful of sessions to see where, precisely, Zen’s hang up lied in regards to the drift.

It’s her job to provide support, to empathize, but oh, sometimes she wishes it included telling someone they were being belligerent, ridiculous. That they were risking lives for pride, for a reward that had never been promised and would never come.

“I still think he should know,” she insists stubbornly.

“Of course you do.” Izana mouth curls in that infuriating grin of his, too knowing. “You are eminently fair, even to a fault. It’s part of why you are so good at your job.”

She frowns at the compliment. Kind words, but she knows the Marshal too well to believe a kiss won’t come with a sting.

“However,” he drawls, “you won’t tell him.”

“No,” she agrees begrudgingly. “I won’t.”

“I won’t lie to you, Doctor,” Izana says, suddenly serious, fixing her with a look so intense that it’s almost a burden to bear. “This is a very...unorthodox situation.”

“I think you’ll find that I’ve seen nearly everything the PPDC has had to show me,” she said, forcing a smile. “There’s very little left that can surprise me.”

His mouth twitches, smile turning to something almost self-deprecating. “So you might think.”

Her office is empty when she returns to it, dark. The offices along the entire hall are empty, probably for dinner.

Good. She’d rather do this without anyone around to see.

It’s not as if this isn’t in her purview; Zen is her patient, and this, inarguably, will have a direct impact on his current mental health. It’s only...

There’s a difference between hearing trauma from a patient, freely given, and finding it out through a dispassionate report that is more date than substance. She’d sworn she would wait -- Zen was neck-deep in trust issues, and if flying blind would make him feel more comfortable, make their relationship seem more natural, it was a small price to pay.

But now with Izana talking about a new ranger, about reintegration --

Shirayuki may not be fluent in the Marshal’s particular dialect of doublespeak, but she’s able to read between the lines: he’s bringing someone back, someone’s from Zen’s past, someone no one will be happy to see. She only knows one ranger that fits the profile.

She flips further in Zen’s file than she’s ever let herself: far past his current benching, far past Kiki’s unexpected and upsetting arrival at the dome, even flipping through Mitsuhide’s all-too brief tenure as his co-pilot --

Right to the hole in Rex Tyrannis’ pilot history, to the year that every ranger talks around: Atri.

She doesn’t have access to his file, so she’s only gets half the story -- an endless string of appeals filed by Zen, insisting that some unexplained petty crimes could not have been perpetrated by his co-pilot. A run of misconduct charges that are strenuously sanitized. A laundry list of official complaints lodged at about Izana’s enthusiastic reprimands, Zen passionately insisting Atri was being singled out by the Marshal because of his background. And then, finally, the removal of Zen from the duty roster.

Absence of Drift Compatible Personnel, it reads. A simple way to name the gaping wound he still carries with him.

She knows the specifics of this part at least; Mitsuhide kept Zen’s past close to his chest, but he’d slipped on this, tongue lubricated by a few after hours beers. Court Martial In Absentia was what it would read on Atri’s file, since he’d been long gone with his stolen goods before Zen had caught wind of his plan. Mitsuhide had recovered the parts before they went to market, but Atri himself had never been found.

And now here he was, about to waltz back into Zen’s life, complicating the peace she’s worked so hard to maintain.

Shirayuki sits back, rubbing at her temples. If only that would be the worst of it. Having a man most of the pilots thought of as a traitor slink back under the shatterdome would be hard enough, but --

But if Izana could find Atri, that meant he knew where he was. And no matter what the Marshal would say about it, Zen would never believe he hadn’t known the whole time, that Izana hadn’t just let Atri get away with some awful proviso where Atri never contacted Zen again.

Her head tips back with a sigh. Knowing the Marshal, he probably had, too.

She reaches out, grasping to catch the handle of her mug, meaning to take a sip of the tea she inevitably had cooling in there, but --

But her hand swipes at air. It isn’t here, it’s back in Izana’s office. Or rather, in the kitchen, where he doubtlessly sent it after she left it there with half a cup of cold tea.

Shirayuki rests her head in her hands and groans. There’s nothing she can do about this now -- the Marshal will do what he thinks is best. That’s his job.

And it’s hers to deal with the fallout.

There’s only one room in the dome with windows: the mess.

Curved glass wraps around the rounded outer wall, gazing fearlessly out over the Pacific, as if daring the kaiju to come, inviting them. It’s PPDC pride at it’s finest; making a grand show of defiance when it was all just an illusion -- the glass was engineered at Shao Industries, able to withstand anything just short of a nuclear blast.

It’s always easy to tell who is new in the mess; no one but experienced personnel ever sit facing the windows. It was a game the rangers played sometimes, making the newest recruit sit on the bench opposite the window, waiting and watching for them to break, for the anxiety to overcome them and send them bolting out of the room, meal wasted.

Shirayuki’s mouth thins. Those had been some of her first patients here -- the recruits who couldn’t stop shaking long enough to eat their food.

“It’s the math.”

She jolts out of her reverie, gaze scrambling up to meet Suzu’s, hoping he hasn’t noticed that her attention drifted. He’s always been a bit sensitive about things like that, about being dismissed. A common problem, when your thesis is about trying to apply algorithms to kaiju attacks.

There’s no need to worry, of course; she tries to look attentive, but he’s too busy attempting to eat the sloppy joe spilling out over his fingers to appreciate it. “It’s worrying me.”

Yuzuri lets out a groan load enough to make a kaiju rethink an approach. “Are you on about this again?”

“When am I not on about this?” he snips around his bun, circling around for another bite. Ground meat drops down to his tray, splattering sauce everywhere. Shirayuki has met a lot of people, but until she met Suzu, she’d never known one with a splash radius. “It’s important, even if you don’t think so--”

“Me, Marshal Wisteria, everyone with a brain--”

“Hey,” Shirayuki murmurs. “Do you hear that?”

The Formica shakes under her hands, gentle at first, and she can feel the collective breath of the mess stop, every body going tense. The rangers two tables over are half out of their seats, heads twist over their shoulders.

Shirayuki follows suit, watching the waters churn at the edge of the flight deck, ripples slapping hard against the metal. Kaiju don’t typically come this far down the coast -- just the once, just that first time when Yamarashi rose up on Long Beach. The most recent, most deadly attacks have been on the other side of the rim, Russian and Japan and China, all fighting off more kaiju every month --

But that doesn’t mean it can’t happen here. That things can’t change. They all learned that lesson well, after the kaiju came.

“Chopper,” Suzu says with a sigh, settling back into his seat.

He’s the only one; already there’s bodies crowded along the windows, faces pressed eagerly to the glass as the helo swings down to the flight deck, skids bouncing once, twice before settling flat.

“I guess His Majesty had returned,” Yuzuri observes dryly, mouth ticking up in a grin. “I wonder who he’s with.”

Izana alights from the chopper first, hair whipping out in a golden banner behind him. It’s no wonder everyone is jostling to see; he cuts a striking figure on the tarmac, Marshal blues neatly pressed, golds stars shining along both shoulders. Angel of the Pacific, they’d called him right out of training. The name had stuck, though it came out with more irony now.

He half turns, gaze swinging back to the helo as a man slides along the seats. Shirayuki holds her breath, jaw clenched tight. His head is ducked, hair a wild black hedgerow, but for a moment he looks up, and --

Ah, that’s -- that’s not Atri at all.

She refuses to run.

Shirayuki is a professional, a doctor. Unless her life is on the line, she walks briskly, with purpose. Her pace this time might leave her breathless, might leave her feet aching in what she would have called sensible flats this morning, but it’s still not a run.

She gets there just in time to see it happen.

Zen’s waiting in the hangar, Kiki and Mitsuhide flanking him to either side. This is an ambush, she knows; Izana couldn’t have has enough time to officially page him, but the rumor mill works fast inside the dome. It wouldn’t have escaped him what purpose his brother’s guest would serve.

The man himself is calm, preternaturally so for a one walking into a room with hostility so thick it’s practically a wall. His mouth is curled up at a corner as he looks around, taking in the view, hands hooked in his pockets, casual. Cocky, even.

She hesitates as she draws closer, as she finally able to see his eyes, and she amends her assessment. He mimics calm, exudes it, but his eyes are half-wild, darting around the deck like he thinks the jaegers might come off the wall and stomp on him. They’re nearly all pupil, she can see it even from twenty paces away, but as they stop, as they catch on her --

She could swear his eyes are gold.

His gaze jumps away, and by then Izana has rallied, that he’s already started to speak. She can’t hear a thing, close as she is. With the whirring of drills and growls of machinery, she’d have to be nearly on top of them, part of the conversation itself. She wants to be, she should be, but --

It’s too late. Zen’s jaw sets with just one look at the man, and she knows -- that’s it. He’s done. There won’t be any drifting with what’s washed up on the deck.

No matter how angry he is, Zen keeps his head, giving Izana a tense nod as he makes introduction, as he clearly tells him this man’s purpose in the dome. She knows the exact moment it happens; Zen clenches his jaw so hard she’s surprised he doesn’t crack a tooth. His gaze shifts to the other man, forbidding, but --

But the pilot slips one broad hand out of his pocket, holding it out to him. A peace offering.

Zen stares at it like he’s been offered trash.

The man’s smile goes sharp as he pulls it back, hooking his thumb on the loop of his jeans. He doesn’t seem surprised, just -- amused.

Zen spins on his heel, stomping away, Kiki and Mitsuhide trailing behind him. The man’s mouth slants into a smirk.

“Well,” he says, easy to hear over the sudden lull, “I think that went well, don’t you, Marshal?”

No one knows who this mystery man is, but it takes no time as all for them to divine why he’s here -- another ranger for Zen Wisteria to fail to drift with, another pilot to be shown the marvel that is Kain Wisteria’s legacy and fall short. There used to be a betting pool about how long it would take to find someone compatible, someone Zen would accept, but it’s long since dried up. No one thinks Rex Tyrannis will be coming out of its box anytime soon.

Shirayuki wants to believe it will, that Zen will find someone to be his copilot, even if no one else does, but --

She doubts it will be this one.

“He’s a jackass,” Zen grumbles, head tilting against the back of her couch. A mug steams in front of him, filled to the brim with a coffee more cream than bean. “He keeps on showing up everywhere, saying ‘don’t forget, master, we have a drift to fail.’ Last time he followed it up with, ‘come on, I want to get home already.’ Just, you know...asshole stuff.”

Shirayuki nods, sympathetic, and sips at her tea. She’s good at that; it’s her job to listen, to withhold judgement. Zen’s comfortable with her like this, with a drink in front of both of them, pretending this is a social call and not an appointment, pretending that she’s the one person in his life that doesn’t need to give her opinion on every thought that passes through his head.

It’s easy to do, mostly. She has practice at non-interference, at knowing the precise time to chime in with an observation that will be heard, instead of dismissed. Trust is the most important bond she can forge with a patient; if she needs to voice a scathing remark, she can always save the impulse for her actual friends, for when she steps out for dinner and listens to Suzu talk about numbers with steadily increasing incredulity.

After all, she doubts Zen would appreciate being told that he is making this man wait, that his whole life has been put on pause until Zen gets over himself enough to decide he’s ready to try.

She presses her lips together, biting down on the impulse to speak. It’s easy to forget that he isn’t a friend, most of the time, that he isn’t some handsome ranger that she just happened to meet at work and hit it off with. But sometimes --

Sometimes it’s not.

His eyes roll up to the clock, and he starts. “Aw, sh--oot,” he mutters, throwing a wary glance at her. “Our time’s up.”

“I don’t have anyone after you today,” she says lightly, busily straightening her notes. He doesn’t have to know that’s how she usually plans it, just so she can make this offer. “You can linger, if you want.”

“Nah, I have to go.” His cheeks flush ruefully, and he gives her a shy glance from the corners of his eyes. “Izana wants to meet with me. You know, about this guy.”

Of course he does.

“Oh, go ahead then,” she tells him with a smile, swirling the last dregs of tea in her mug. “I can finish up alone.”

He hesitates, and this is the problem, this moment here, where he looks like he was to protest, like he wants her to never feel alone, but --

But instead he just nods, giving her a tense smile and a murmured see you before walking out the door.

The tea goes cold.

Shirayuki sticks out her tongue at the sour taste. She’s been working a while, knee deep in catching up on the papers weighing down her queue, but she’d thought -- only for an hour, maybe two.

Her stomach growls. Okay, maybe four.

She gets up, wandering down to the mess with a limp in her walk, foot still half asleep from being tucked under her for so long. She takes a step through the doors -- and blinks.

It’s nighttime. Well, she certainly didn’t mean to read that long.

Dinner sits in chafing dishes, rubbery and unappetizing, but it’s better than the nothing she’ll have if she turns her nose up at it. She takes a plate in hand, picking what seems the most edible and taking it to a table by the window.

It’s quiet this time of night; everyone is on-shift or sleeping. She has nothing to do besides go over her notes and eat, looking out over the Pacific and wondering about Suzu’s numbers.

“Anyone sitting here?”

She blinks, and suddenly there’s a man in front of her, mug of coffee steaming in one hand, and an equally unappetizing plate in the other. It’s the new ranger -- Obi. The asshole.

He’s not wearing the uniform. She’s not sure he ever has.

“Ah, no!” She moves her papers, stacking them on the seat next to her to make room. “Just -- thinking.”

He smiles, the kind that doesn’t bare teeth, and -- well, it’s not a bad look on him. “Thanks. Didn’t think I’d find a place to sit down. This place is packed.”

She turns, taking in the ocean of empty tables, and when she looks back, he’s grinning, trying to hide it behind a sip of his coffee.

“I haven’t seen you around,” he says, and for a moment, she wonders if he remembers her, remembers that moment their eyes met on the deck. He doesn’t seem like the type. “Not part of the jaeger crews, I take it?”

“No.” It’s annoying how her cheeks flush under that stead gaze of his. This close, she knows for certain: his eyes are gold. Even if she can’t seem to manage to meet them. “I’m mostly...below decks.”

“Ah,” he hums, eyes lighting. “Scientist?”

“Psychologist.”

His smile pulls tight, eyes crinkling with strain. “You don’t say.”

Ah, she should have known. Military personnel aren’t usually...fond of her position. Not at first, at least.

“You know,” he says, voice still thin, “I think His Majesty is going to tell me to see--”

“What are you doing here?” Zen demands, just over her shoulder.

“--you more often,” Obi finished, taking a long drag from his mug. “Just having some coffee, taking a break. Making friends, since you’re so happy to keep me here.”

“Oh, I see. If you can’t bug me, you’ll come bug my -- Shirayuki?” Zen’s cheeks flush an angry red, like he’s been slapped on both cheeks. Still, he keeps up is glare. “Can’t you just go away already?”

Obi’s eyebrows twitch, the rest of his body going still as he looks at him. “Love to. Just set the date, master.”

The flush spreads all over his face, eruption immanent. “I--”

“Did you need something, Zen?” she asks, pointed. It’s more than she means it to be, but still less than this sort of behavior deserves.

She takes a breath, calming. She’s not here to take sides.

“Yeah, I--” Zen casts a nervous look around the room, and that when she sees Kiki and Mitsuhide lingering at the door with amused and concern expressions, respectively. “I left my jacket here. After dinner.”

“It is over there?” She points to another table, one with a vest slung around the back of a chair.

“Oh.” He coughs, scooping it up. “Yeah.”

Still, he lingers.

“Is that all?” she asks innocently. “We were just going to finish up dinner.”

“Yeah. Right,” he bites out, glare sweeping in Obi’s direction. “Sure. See you.”

It’s silent as he walks out, as Kiki and Mitsuhide fall in behind with only a lingering look. Shirayuki sighs, heavy, and turns back to her plate.

Obi’s mouth bows with concern. “You didn’t have to do that.”

She sits, staring at her food, barely seeing it. She really, really didn’t. It was a mistake, a trip-up that might have cost her some of her hard-won trust with Zen, but --

“I know,” she says, spearing a noodle. “But I did.”

She doesn’t add, and we’ll both have to live with it. By the steady gaze he sets on her, he hears it anyway.

“Yeah,” he coughs after a moment, eyes skittering to look anywhere else. “You did.”