#yet i feel bad about being exhausted
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
In Q3 of 2020, 31% of US users access the Tumblr app daily.
Text
every holiday i berate myself for not working harder during term time and i wonder how i so easily slip into the cycle of missing lectures -> spending free time catching up on lectures -> missing lectures to catch up on coursework/revision rinse & repeat etc and why can’t i keep up all-day productivity when it should be easier to do so if i’m already up&out for lectures ... but the start of each term has been overwhelmingly stressful and i fail at all-day productivity immediately then its like oh i have a diagnosis.
#biomed eng#i shouldnt rant here its not healthy im just. tired#it's the first monday of summer term#this morning was pretty good - went to two lectures then got 100% on two maths tests absolute win#came back home intending to skip double mechanics bc that's just easier to watch online#but ive done not very much at all.#made curry ig? that's dinner for 4 days in the freezer#and i've done some planning- figured out when to take maths tests and got my exam timetable etc#but very little Actual work#bc yeah this morning was just one morning of lectures but so much of that stresses me out#it's the interacting with people on my course#panicking i'll be late#even walking into the lecture theatre#idkk its the social pressure on top of really challenging content#exhausts me#yet i feel bad about being exhausted#i'd like to get at least some mechanics done but my flatmate is talking to a friend next door#he's been at it for hours#this flatmate is transferring so he's got no work to do and is spending all day every day chatting ....i love him but shut up.#his voice is grating when it's through my wall#and i know even if i ask him to be quieter he won't see the message#rippp#sorry abt this.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
5K notes
·
View notes
Text
Btw just want to be clear that Time and Time Again is set to, and will if I don't pause, conclude in May 2025!
Webtoon didn't want to renew or give me any extra episodes so I'm trying to work with what I have. I'm sorry it's ending sooner than I'd like, it's been difficult to come to terms with and challenging to condense my plans.
You deserve a solid conclusion, and I've spent months writing to try and reach that. If there's anything you'd really like to see before it ends, do let me know in case I can (and want to) fit it in.
I'd rather not work with them again, and I hope I won't have to! But coming off of years being overworked and underpaid does not make that easy, to say the least...
I'm doing my best, and I hope you like what I have coming up.
#years of being overworked. underpaid. and literally manipulated and gaslit lmfao#it does not feel good to beg to be treated equally. and then told to be satisfied with less than that#it has been repeatedly demoralizing and insulting#and im not doing it again#i would rather nanny again (most exhausting job ive ever had) than work with them again#but. i would rather not!#I'd rather continue to make comics#but to do it full time i would need like 500 patrons on the $5 tier minimum...#which is SO MANY PEOPLE and incomprehensible to me#ive already proven to myself i can live on 25k a year but obviously its tight (i live in socal)#this. is not what this post is about#it's so hard for me not to complain about them#i feel bad for my current patrons i only share stuff on discord as of right now#well i do the merch packages but like#it's mostly just my discord#just dont have the time or energy to manage my patreon#cause idk if yall know but patreons site is TERRIBLE from the creator side???#it takes like 5 minutes to upload a single post it's ridiculous#so i cant manage it rn. I've thought about hiring someone to help me with it but i cant afford any help#anyways ultimately this is informing people its gonna end#and is turning into a vent around all of the stress surrounding that#like i literally had to take a couple months to just be sad its gonna end and come to terms with that#its hard! it's hard feeling so tossed aside and having your stories controlled even in part by someone else#anyways yeah#i havent finished writing the last arc yet#so theres space for me to fit stuff if theres something people really want#so id like to get in what i could if i can!#text post#sorry i always turn any thoughts about comics into vents about webtoon#theyre so ass man..... it's fine. im gone in may...
113 notes
·
View notes
Text
Being a human is literally like this weird combo of being okay and not okay that goes on forever except there is also death
#(i'm fine)#(personally) (mostly) (really)#this has just been an absolutely terrible year for our planet and its people and animals#and it's fucking insane that as an american living in relative safety and comfort and experiencing the pleasures and guilt of that...#...i can experience this horrible yet ENTIRELY SURVIVABLE blend of acute pain over so many things at once#including war and genocide and the utter hopelessness of that#and also things like being really really sad that matthew perry's life was so hard and he died#and also so many bad and weird things have happened to family members this year but we mostly have the resources to come together and deal#which is amazing and bolstering and exhausting#and my brain still has space to be excited about writing and numb to writing and angry/impotent about writing#desperate for feedback yet private and retreat-y and weird#always hoping to hit upon The Perfect Thing :-/#and i live in a place that basically is not a democracy any more and also the u.s. is so cursed we've never been what we said we were#so a lot of my own perceived safety is incredibly fragile#but still so much more solid than what the people i am mourning for had#and none of the comparisons make a lick of sense and are in and of themselves deeply unfair#to the point that it's humiliating to feel guilt (making it about me) and simultaneously humiliating that i don't feel guilt *constantly*#and i have therapy this week but also this deep sense that while my therapist will be a fine person to talk to it will feel unuseful#i've always been a muddle of optimism and pessimism and i am very adamant that life is super beautiful and this is precisely why...#...all the violence in the world is so brutally devastating#it's just that the casserole of all these thoughts feels increasingly horrible#and feeling that way is 100% sane#and even intersectional frameworks and intentional attempts at gentleness only get you so far in the grapple#for meaning and for ideas of what to do#so i end up contacting my reps about various awful things#and zooming in and out on my fixations and having excellent days and terrible days#often dependent on what feels like a camera setting i only partially control#and i'm sure i'm not alone in feeling embarrassed that deep empathy and grief for people i've not met somehow ends up being...#...at least a sliver about ME and my little world#about me
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
Yeah I've just realised it's been months since I posted or reblogged or replied to anything on here, so. Yeah. Obligatory announcement that I am still alive and well. My mind got wiped midway through exam season at the end of january and since they then I've been vibing in a stress free world where I am not worried about anything or doing anything
#no kidding#it's like someone pressed a turn off button on me#and it got stuck and you cant turn me back on#i feel like ive been floating through life in a bubble for the past few months#like#hell#since this started in the middle of exam season that would be a good example#1st half of the season: worried#2nd half of the exam season: i am gonna read an entire semester's worth of notes (several hunreds pf slides) the night before the exam and#not be worried in the slightest about passing despite not knowing anything and my brain being scrambled#currently entering exam season yet again and i literally STILL don't feel anything#no stress#no pressure#it's kinda annoying because stress and pressure are my only way of avoiding procrastination lol#but yeah ive been kinda out of it for thr last few months#same with tumblr#i lurked here at least once or twice a week but just#nope#pressing a reblog button? replying to anything or anyone? posting anything? exhausting#i dont think ive actually checked my notifications and messages in months?#sincere apologies if ive been ignoring anyone for months XD#idk how active i am gonna be in the near future but hey i am here#for the record i don't think this is burnout or anything like that? and i am not in a bad mood or anything#i am pretty good actually XD i am just not doing... literally anything unless i absolutely have to#at the last possible second because procrastination my behated#ema rambles
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
—
#having a time again#I fucking hate rsd#I hate just feeling the overwhelming urge to go scorched earth and abandon everyone and everything I’ve ever known#I thought I had it under control and it got triggered again recently#and it leaves me fucking exhausted and regretting all my life decisions in the end#hate fucking relapsing#hate being unable to read people’s minds#being built fucking Wrong#and having people hate me for reasons I’m not even Aware of because I can’t pick up on it and no one just fucking Talks#no one just Says when they’re bothered they let it fester and then it’s My fault#I didn’t Completely burn this bridge yet but god I am staring at it with a lighter and gasoline in hand#all that’s stopping me is that what I’m about to burn meant and still does mean a lot to me but#I can’t keep fucking doing this#it always ends like this#it never fucking changes and I don’t know why I bother I should stay in my little hole Alone where no one can hurt me#and I can’t accidentally hurt anyone else#idk man#having a fucking time#and maybe I shouldn’t even be Talking about it here#becuase who cares it’s social media#but if I don’t spill my guts Somewhere then I’ll fucking explode and cut ties with Everyone in my life at a trigger’s notice#and I need to pour this out somewhere Else#so I Don’t do something I know is Bad#in a moment of fucking rsd anxiety panic attack#lays down under my rock and dies#becomes a mushroom#if I’m a mushroom I’ll have no more problems#the mushroom hive mind will understand me and I will understand the mushroom hive mind
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I cannot fathom the level of self importance some people must have to behave this way
#it’s more so selfishness lmao#idk I’m getting unnecessarily worked up about this but 6 months ago I kinda vanished off of everywhere and then I noticed she deleted some#messages#girl I would’ve responded later calm down gosh the messages aren’t going anywhere nor are they disappearing#dora daily#I think of all people who should be mad you’re the last one because tell me why you were so viscerally rude to me since the beginning and#played a massive part of the roaa situation by being complacent when oh ! I thought you’d side with your alleged best friend ME#girl you have no right to complain at all not to mention you take FOREVER when you have no excuse to reply back but when I’m struggling I#apparently have zero excuse ☠️ girl bye#not to mention the fact that when I was so frustrated with myself having these bad headaches and being so incapable of doing anything when#exams were so close all you had to say was what can I do#well bitch what could I have done when you were at hospital#I guarantee you I was the only one texting you 24:7 asking how you were#reassuring you that it’s okay to feel upset about being in the fucking hospital and you don’t need to have such toxic positivity all the tim#oh but when the other girl had freaking back pain from her period or something apparently that’s more of a concern#girl bye#not me who has chronic headaches and cannot even study and nothing sticking cause it’s that bad#oh but go ahead compare it to your chronic illnesss like yes it’s horrible and yes it impacts you a lot#but I don’t think it impacts your brain and memorisation capacity#not to mention how fucking jealous she is of everything like I can say oh god I was so stressed and girl she has not felt stress in her life#compared to what I go through yet she is jealous of the fact I can stress ? tf?#and when I say I almost passed out cause of exhaustion she doesn’t give a shit when I was being so serious#in truth I’ve come to realise nobody does seem to care at all lmao they all think I’m lying#why would I lie about that be so fucking fr rn#anyways this is why I simply don’t want to talk about my physical condition with anyone anymore because they’ll think I’m a liar anyways ���♀#not to mention the fact if you even knew me a little you’d understand that it’s so impossibly hard for me to feel comfortable enough to#complain to talk about me feeling sick or sad or whatever I only do it here cause no one follows me and no one will rlly see it at all#but even here I feel like my throat closes up and I can barely breathe when I do complain#so pls …#this one sided friendship thing is crazy cause girl how do I shake you off?
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#day 4847362 of having to be the emotional pillar for people (which to be clear I’m perfectly happy to do) and help them work through their#problems and them being triggered by something going on in their personal life or someone looking at them wrong and taking it out on all of#us and forcing me to be the doormat and apologize for something I didn’t do#but meanwhile I can’t say that I’m triggered by the constant swearing and sex jokes and have to take an hour after social events to calm#down and stop panicking about the state of my own morality because that makes people feel bad#or better yet we turn my discomfort into a joke#(which I’m willing to admit I participate in because I’m not comfortable expressing my own discomfort)#two more days of this (in person) surely I can survive yes?#but I can’t help but feel like I’m constantly being taken advantage of because I’m so easygoing and so desperate for people to like me#anyway sorry rant over I’m just so exhausted and discouraged
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
i do not want to get out of bed omfg. this week has been so fucking insane im exhausted but we have aprogram tonight until 7 and i have to facilitate and there are a million things to do today
#but i got my p*riod and cotaught on tuesday and broke up w my counselor on monday and a few days before that redacted redacted so im ph#physically and emotionally exhausted but we have this program tonight until 7 and then 2 trainings tomorrow andi have like 2 meetings inbetw#between those. and i just want to sleep and/or lie down w a heating pad bc my cramps have been brutal this time around. literally could#barely get work done on tuesday bc i was in AGONY and forgot my heating pad and no one could bring it to me from home but it s like i have n#nowhere on campus to lie down or get checked out or anything bc im not a student anymore so i need to just writhe at my desk (<- i have one#of those now finally btw 🥹💗) and jusf hope i don’t pass out. and i didn’t but it was so bad and im not recovered from it yet. idk.#everything is so much. there are some intense and in some cases horrible things happening. iwwish we had time to pause and process them and#that we weren’t so tired and stretched all the time. i wish we didn’t have all these pressures to worry about. i wish we could just have#time to love each other and check in truly and to support each other bc we are friends before we are colleagues methinks and i jsut want us#to be ok and happy and rested and healthy. idk. augh#delete later#purrs#also i think i am not normal when it comes to cramps btw. i think maybe it might not be normal to be in this much pain. or maybe im just#weak or have a low pain tolerance but i feel like it’s a lot worse than it used to be + i get cramps at Other times too and it’s ummmm bad.#ask to tag#like how absolutely insane that this is a huge part of my life and i feel like i can’t even talk abt it and it’s so embarrassing but it#literaly is like.. every other week im scared that im gonna be unable to function bc of pain but i literally say nothing at all and just smi#smile and pretend im fine and barely talk abt it. i don’t think that’s good or normal. and i think ppl should talk abt p*ripds more so it’s#not as weird or bad or gross or cringe whatever to talk abt being in pain and to accommodate urself or whatever despite other ppl knowing#abt it. cringeeeee augh i don’t want to be one of Those people but like. it’s bad and i fucking hate it
10 notes
·
View notes
Note
“louis slipped something else into that interview that the never broke up squad #are all confused about #but that seems hella obvious if you rub two braincells together” are you talking about his comments on harry jen? or something else?
(this is for you as well, dead curious anon!) No, not the obvious comments on Harry, it's when he mentions the band breaking up as feeling like "another loss," and at that point, he hadn't yet lost two vital members of his family, but in my own head canon (my own spicy UO, so don't at me about it), that's right around/just after I'm thinking h/l had some kind of breakup (and it's after/around when he broke up with his proxy [Eleanor] the first time, too, which goes unsaid by the interviewer but not unnoticed by me, lmao)
#seriously that's my own head canon#i think they've had a really messy on again/off again thing#believe what you wanna believe#but it was an interesting thing to say given timing#and i think it's hella funny when the hashtag they never broke up crowd is out there not getting it#because of course they don't!#hashtag they never broke up#they only fucked one person ever--each other!!!#HANYWAY that interview was an interesting goldmine of negative space#with a lot of room to hang a lot of things#the bad faith read of it being bad is just so fucking dumb#but whatevs#i don't see that take on my dash--i only see it when lurking#i'm so glad to have clear thinking/no rancid handwrings from 'exhausted' people#my dash is an oasis of thoughts that make cents#but i do enjoy a quick lurk of people who are so confused when they're literally not on the payroll#yet feel entitled to a whollllllle lot of shit and not at all curious about what he's actually saying
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i need vent but i dont want to burden anybody about it#but like everything feels wrong#i hate hate hate being at my job or any job in fact cause my body is so bad at keeping up with society#i feel like i am also bad at keeping up eith society#there is so much pressure to be everything and perfect#there is so much pressure to know what im going to do#im only one person but feel like i am supposed to be a whole family in one person#i cant keep living like this it's exhausting#this is what life is supposed to be it fully sucks#then the one person i actually like is doing something completely and utterly different from what i want#and ibe only known them just over a month so i cant factor them in yet#and they are allergic to dogs which wont work for me i need a dog in my life#i want to move to colorado and have a found family and a community garden snd bunch of dogs#and i want to help the environment and the community
1 note
·
View note
Text
late sunday night. you know what that means!
#oversharing time! that’s right oversharing time! we’re so tired we’re going to sleep soon but we have pent up rants so. apologies#it’s so exhausting how many times our abusers have been given second chances. oh but you can’t hate them! they’re family!#they’re your neighbors! they’re a part of the community and it’s wrong to cast them aside for something that happened so many years ago!#and besides! it wasn’t like they hurt you that bad! you’re being overdramatic! so many people have had it way worse!#tired of being forced to forgive and forget. be the perfect quiet little victim that heals perfectly and is unaffected by their trauma#also sick as hell of the victimblaming and standards we’re held up to because we survived our trauma. y’know?#people eye us and back up the moment we mention we’ve endured neglectful abuse and csa. hi?#i dunno guys is it wrong to be sick of constantly being regarded as a ticking timebomb that will harm others and keep the cycle going?#i feel like something could be said about how tragically hilarious it is that our abusers are regarded as like they won’t ever hurt anyone#again. while i’m viewed as already bad if not worse than them simply by still being alive after all of that#i need to eat drywall. sorry for rambling we just have Thoughts and we haven’t had our consultation with our therapist yet#having a cannot shut the fuck up night. truly
0 notes
Text
very bad depression ughh
#just one of those days where im like. what am i fucking doing rn why am i doing this#im getting in all these paranoid little spirals where im being left behind#and not having any of the social contact i want and being overworked as hell not wanting to do anything#cuz im exhausted and i end up cooped up doing nothing when im off which makes me also miserable#since i dont feel safe here i just stay in my spot cuz its predictable and i can put up with predictable#its not like i have time for anything else anyways#i think i really am as bad as everyone says i am and my misery is all my fault#cuz i cant seem to feel enough to give a shit about anything important#im telling myself i can slow down or get distracted i gotta focus#yet i dont even know what im working towards anymore even though ive had plenty of time to figure it out#and everyone pisses me off it seems
0 notes
Text
Thinking about what happened in the summer
Kids are... Really different when it comes to spending three weeks without their parents
Some start crying near the end of first day
Some start crying after couple of days
And some don't show anything while feeling the same
And being... I think English has a good word for that, let's go with a teacher but mix it with caretaker a little bit
I think seeing a kid cry at the end of that first day finally short circuited my brain, teens are way harder to understand that pre-teens who are literally still kids
They come around after a week, settle down and find new friends and your job stays the same mostly to be the one controlling their behavior
And then you'd have a kid crying again, because they miss home and the only thing you can really do is comfort them that they're not stuck here forever and that time flows so fast they won't notice it
And maybe they didn't. Time really did flew and they were leaving
Parents visited kids sometimes, of course, and it was so scary at first but they were mostly friendly and nice
Maybe because of that group chat that let them see that their kids are fine and are having fun
In the end for kids it was painful at first, but fun in the end. I got hugged more times than I could count when they were all leaving
And then poof
Back to your own life you go, like nothing happened
#not art#irl stuff#some thoughts#Every time I tried mixing my 'usual' behavior with the one I had back in the camp it felt like adding acid into water in the wrong order#Because it didn't feel right and it felt right at the same time#Like I just suddenly got a brand new way of behavior all together and it was so different that I stopped recognizing myself#Literally I'd work all day without much of a thought head full of WHERE EVERYONE IS ARE THEY SAFE??? And then at break near night go 'huh'#And at first I tried desperately to catch the usual behavior and bring it back on the break#And it never led to anything good because I'm supposed to be fully like in daytime 24/7#I did that one sketch of silly guys to just keep at least something in my head aside from being fully aware 24/7 of every passing second#I still don't know if I miss that or not#It felt so nice to not feel like I have no goal in mind anymore#A goal of 'get to the end of this with all of the kids fine and safe' without ever swearing or making them feel threatened was... Exhaustin#I never became some super sweet person to know so I did what I knew best - talked a lot telling about the things they liked#And if a kid is curious being interesting by telling stories that they didn't know about the things they liked is a way to be liked#Most of them probably forgot about me existing there but some probably didn't and would return next year again#Honestly I don't know why I failed so many exams when becoming a teacher is the only thing that makes me truly happy now#And super tired because THAT'S WORK and it's exhausting as hell some kids love to fight and you need all your diplomacy to work with it#Maybe that's just me missing my time with siblings when they were little I didn't get much time being a good elder sibling to them#I can't associate this work with becoming a parent for a month because I'm still not so different from those kids#Like... I've literally have been told by older kids that they mistook me for a teen like them#Excuse you but I'm like 7 years older than that#It was funny tho because I was considered a bit closer to them all instead of being a big bad grown-up#Yet some kids despised me because of that in the first group because welp not being an authority figure sucks#That being my first job sucks even more because I had no idea about the unspoken rules while everyone had aside from me and mom#Second try was way better because I knew exactly what I had to do even if I was terrible at making us participate in dances and songs#Thankfully it started raining and don't you dare let kids get cold from being in the rain at night that's just ridiculous#So it was like we had a slumber party with me letting them watch GF on my laptop and read some comics#It was way better than being forced to look at the other groups winning all over again. Kids disliked losing so many times in a row#And in the end the things we planned weren't exactly enough but when they were kids were happy and I was happy because we put so much effor
1 note
·
View note
Text
.
#idk how to vent this one cause i just feel like screaming#im so tired and depressed and exhausted#i was contemplating things yesterday#id never go through with anything and i could never do that to people but man#theres people i know that have offered to chat whenever i feel and i know that theyre being genuine#i just cant help but feel bad for bothering anyonr#i have no passions for anything particular and i need to decide what uni course or apprenticeship im doing within the next 2 months#ive already been thinking for a year#theres nothing that pulls me#i dont feel like doing any of it#i dont want to leave here#i havent had a proper hyperfixation for months either which is so strange for me#i cant bring myself to be excited about anything#i think of the future and im just filled with dread#my childhood is almost gone and i feel like i wasnt here for any of it#11 year old me thought id be gone by now#so i never thought about my future#and now what#i need to tell someone that but i also dont wanna put that weight on their mind#i honestly dont know how im going to survive y13#it hasnt even started yet and im already ready to wander off somewhere and never come back#my grades are good i know i have the capability to get the highest ones possible but theres nothing that i want to work for#i dont know what im doing#everything just feels utterly pointless
0 notes
Text
HOW MANY TAGS AND WORDS MUST I FILTER TO HAVE A MOMENT OF HAHA FUNNY FANDOM TIME ON THIS GODDAMN WEBBED SITE
#I'm not saying I dont care about whats going on#its just exhausting having it constantly shoved in my face on all media platforms#tv and in papers and magazines#on campus fliers and talked about in every day conversation#I feel powerless and all I want to do is get through finals without offing myself#and this shit isnt making it any easier#its hard to care when you cant contribute in a way that matters#ffs#fuck me for being an asshole though I guess#for not caring about something I cant change#this semester has been utter fucking hell#my cat passed a month after it started and I couldn't take a break#I miss her so bad and yet if I dont care about other stuff and other people im a heartless asshole#I gotta take care of ME#it feels selfish to protect my peace#fucking hell#im so fucking done#i would love to take a break from socials but I dont have the self control#rant#personal#venting#vent post
1 note
·
View note