#idk how to vent this one cause i just feel like screaming

[not-equippedforthis]

.

[llitchilitchi]

.

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.

I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃

[cosmo-the-overseer]

Gender/sexuality struggles below I’m pondering the Frivolities again and it’s not going well I’m inscrutable even to myself

it’s long be warned

What is gender. What does it feel like to yall

same goes with attraction

Cause like. I’m not sure if I’m feeling it

I know that I like women more than men but like. It’s in a way that I’ll see a guy everyone is calling hot or attractive or handsome and it’s like. Wow that sure is a guy. He looks. Neat. I guess? Idk and then I’ll see a woman who everyone is calling beautiful or hot or attractive and I’ll say something like wow she looks very pretty :) and I’ll see someone androgynous or something and I’ll be like wow they look so cool and. Idon’t know what I am anymore? And also I’ve never had a crush??? So no help from myself there and with gender it’s. ????? Not there????? i want to look androgynous or slightly more masculine and fuck up what people think of me as, but yet I try to ask myself what gender I am I come up with nothing. I’m used to being female, but it feels flimsy or nonexistent. and so does being male. And yet I feel too gender to be non binary and yet I also am not gendering???? And yet I still typically go by she/her??? But also not????? Smh my head I’m getting confused over the trivial again 😔

in conclusion I think I’ve just written a better paragraph than what I’ve ever written in English class with the whole 2 points of evidence and stuff and yet it’s still disappointingly mid smh my head😔 anyways this has been my tri-yearly identity crisis- gender edition! Am I aroace? Am I gay? Am I agender? Am I cis? Who the fuck knows! Certainly not me!

[urrockstar-xe]

never enough - j.m x fem!reader

posted nov 2nd, 2023 12:16 am

hey, sorry i ghosted, I'm not doing to hot but here's something, I'm trying a little November challenge where i try and cope with life things where i write an imagine/blurb inspired by something that happened during my day, here's an argument i had with my mommy in a jj fic lol this isn't my best work but i hope u like it :3

this includes wording stating that the reader's hair is a texture that is easy to play with and the use of y/n and probably inaccurate JJ but i needed his comfort sue me

summary: How do you deal with having to have the very same (or at least very similar) conversations with your loved ones that involve what you're currently going through? Because that's the exact problem you’ve been having with JJ. angst to fluff??? kinda? hurt/comfort? idk

masterlist

wordcount: 1k

“You never do anything to show that you love me, JJ! You throw your arm around my shoulder and call it a fucking day”

Eventually what once was calm and civil and even mature conversations turn into screaming matches.

“I don’t know what else you fucking want from me, Y/n!” JJ’s voice bounced off the walls of the chateau which was luckily empty due to the small fire in the back.

“JJ, I expressed what I needed, I used my words and my actions to show and tell you exactly what I needed and you still couldn’t do me one small favor? I just wanted you to run your fingers through my hair a few times is that so fucking hard?” Your own voice was wavering in volume, sometimes louder and sometimes quiet, defeated even. 

“I listen when you vent, I do better when we have a problem, I even fucking cancel my plans to spend time with you, nothing I do is ever fucking enough for you!” and there it was, the words slipping out of your dear boyfriend’s mouth before he could even think about it, the words that thrown in your face so very often, the words that made you question everything about yourself

He was trying, he was listening and he was being incredibly patient and understanding with you.

The look of regret from his words alone was enough to realize that. 

Until that gross feeling of pride came onto you, possessing your entire being with the rage you’ve had building inside of you for months.

“Fuck you, JJ. fuck you, because I got upset with you and when I tried to walk away and blow off steam you got pissed and bitchy and didn’t fucking let me, and then when I explained my issue to you, you gave me a fucking attitude.” Your words were fast now, spewing out like a soda when you shake it too hard.

“I needed you! And I told you that! Just like you asked me to! How am I supposed to properly communicate with you when you tell me one thing and then turn around and do the fucking opposite!” it was less of a question and more of an accusation but at this point, it was hard to care.

You had tried responsibly talking to him, getting to a better place with him, but it wasn’t getting anywhere. Your relationship with JJ getting heavier on your shoulders and piling what smelt like loads of shit onto what you’ve already been struggling with.

“Y/n, baby-” JJ started but you were already out the door, feeling the guilt from ignoring him as you walked away yet still ignoring his calls even as your friends called out at the sight of you leaving what was supposed to be a night of freedom for the pogues.

When the next day came around the avoiding calls started, when JJ and Y/n got into a fight it caused tension in the entire friend group. There's a reason “pogues don’t date pogues” is such a big rule for you and your friends.

It wasn’t a rift it was just a fear, a fear of losing everything you all had,

all that you guys had. 

But you couldn’t deal with the confrontation today, so you turned off your ringer and went about your day as normal, morning routine, work, go home, homework.

5 pm rolled around and you thought that maybe they had given up (feeding your delusional anxieties and fears at no fault of the pogues but still)

Then there was the knock on your door, and then another after you ignored the first,

This pattern repeated until eventually, you sighed, getting up from your bed to go down the hall and answer who you knew was your impatient boyfriend at the door. 

“Hey, beautiful!” JJ’s voice was quiet as if he was astonished at the fact that you actually opened the door. The array of flowers sat loosely in his hands before he watched you look down at them and back up at him, wordlessly. 

“Oh! This is for you, I uh, wanted to apologize.” JJ was almost stumbling over his words as he went to hand you the flowers, carefully examining you as you took them and moved back into your home, 

He followed, mumbling more apologies before you set the small bouquet on the kitchen counter and turned to him. 

“Listen, Y/n, You were right, I did ask you to be more clear on things you need from me and you were, and I, I dismissed you completely, I was just drunk and all over the place and I’m overworked like hell lately but these aren’t excuses and I’m sorry, my sweet girl, I really mean it” JJ’s words were calculated, he had thought about them all day and he did mean it,

despite this, there was still an aching feeling in your chest,

and the confusion and guilt you felt for still being upset about this stupid mistake caused the recurring tears to well up in your eyes as you stared at JJ’s chest, avoiding his eyes.

“Oh, baby” he whispered, quiet and delicate like if he spoke any louder you’d fall apart in front of him.

Carefully, JJ pulled you into him, not knowing what else to do but you let him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt as sobs wrecked through your body, broken apologies barely being heard through your tears and shaky breaths but JJ still held you, 

Playing with your hair and shushing you and whispering “It's okay, baby” to every little apology that slipped past your lips. 

You stood with each other like this until you eventually calmed down, JJ had managed to lean against the counter and in turn, get you to lean on him.

“I’ll do better baby I promise” He whispered into your hair, hoping you could hear it through the small pains of your hiccups from crying.

“I’m sorry there's always something wrong with me” you mumbled back, the soft laugh from JJ catching you off guard as he pulled you back just enough to hold your tear-stained cheeks in his hands.

“There’s always somethin’ wrong with us, we’re pogues.” He teased, earning a quiet scoff from you before he shut you up with a soft kiss pressed to your swollen lips and then one on your nose, and another on your forehead. 

“We’ll be okay, pretty lady, we’ll get through it,” 

[adventuringblind]

I HEARD MAXOSCAR THOUGHTS HOLD PLS

SO ghoulverse - i feel like that clip would've been oscar explaining to max why he didn't want to eat, and what was his reasoning and all that and THEN max just gives him a look and then oscar goes: ........ but maybe i can reconsider..... and then awkward crabwalk away

NOW LET'S MOVE OUT OF THE GHOULVERSE AND INTO ONE OF MY FAVORITES... dark?mob? idk what to call it but it's in one of those themes

max, our dear head of the... mob/mafia/whatever it is... would be fiercely protective of oscar. nobody knew why the big boss was taking such an interest in a new recruit, but then said new recruit showed his skills (if this were a 3some situation he'd protect max's gf and they both go 👀 i want him now and we'll see some struggle about 'but they're my bosses???') in like... well... have you seen oscar isn't that the kid who could do pretty much everything and still mantain a straight face and bonus he can hold his liquor pretty well??

and then cue tipsy confessions from either the big boss or the not-yet-missus?? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

but also alpha osc and omega max - a combo no one saw

and then of course there's black cat osc and orange cat max - let's be real max won't be a golden retriever that's lando

signed, 🥘 (aka a moot (i think?) that wants to go on anon for a bit)

OHMYGOOOOOOOD YOUR AMAZING

Okay first off ghoulverse Max and Oscar are so beloved to me because in md(abmtoumm) on ao3 I love the platonic brotherly relationship!! Just Max dragging Oscar everywhere when they first meet cause he's got a playmate now and then dragging him to political shit he doesn't want to do. They have a special place in my heart T_T

Okay, but mafia boss Max being like "this is my new favorite" and pointing to Oscar and everyone giving Oscar so much shit for it until they realize WHY. Just imagine Oscar is sitting somewhere, probably eating with Max's girl, who he's been charged to protect and he pulls a gone on someone while taking bites of his waffles.

"Don't ruin my breakfast, mate." But guess what?! Breakfast gets ruined and Oscar looks so grumpy and now there is some guy with a bullet in his head while the two of them finish eating.

Hence! Being Max's favorite and Oscar just shrugging when people ask how it happened.

Alpha Osc and omega Max?!?! Max screams independent omega who doesn't want to be independent? Idk if that makes sense BUT HEAR ME OUT-

Oscar is just so easy going and laid back that I feel like when Max gets annoyed and lashes out he'd just take it on the chin and let Max vent his frustrations with active listening skills.

The last one I'm gonna be honest that idk what the orange cat thing is... CANT GET MAD BECAUSE IM NOT GOOD WITH THOSE THINGS

(I love these two your honor)

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

sorry if you’ve already done this 😭😭😭 but could you do Avery and Gigi headcanons!! Like when they meet and become friends ((((:

avery and gigi head canons

OMG YES! i honestly didn't think of making head canons for those two, but now that you mention it, i'm extremely intrigued. might not be as good as my other posts considering we don't know a whole bunch about gigi but i'll do my best. i've also been working on requests/posts for literal hours so my brain might be out of head canon making power. hope you like them though <3.

gigi is always asking questions about avery's childhood bc avery has the weirdest stories ever bc of the way she grew up.

avery taught her self-defense after some guy tried to come after her. gigi is now better than avery and will most definitely end you if you try to hurt her (she may or may not have also learned self-defense in order to kill duncan)

gigi loves talking to avery bc she doesn't really talk often which allows gigi to spill her guts out. she always has so many different stories to share and stuff, but most people don't spare the time to listen to her.

gigi forces avery to do tiktoks with her (dances, grwms, etc) bc avery looks so awkward and uncomfortable, and it makes her laugh.

she will steal avery's coffee bc no one allows her to have any. avery knows she steals it but doesn't say shit.

gigi forced avery to talk about sheffield and what he did to her. gigi now despises (but still sort of loves him cause he's her father) her father. she didn't think he had it in him to do smth like that to a literal child.

she encourages avery to talk about her emotions and let everything out. gigi is like the mental health advocate (for everyone but herself)

gigi loves ice skating and wanted to bring avery to the ice rink with her. avery didn't know how to ice skate though so gigi taught her how to (their lessons involved a lot of falling, near death experiences, concussions, etc)

avery is like an overprotective mom. if gigi is getting bullied or smth, she heads to that person's house/school or whtv and beats the crap out of them (verbally). they always run away in fear and never bother gigi again.

gigi buys avery clothes all the time. she thinks avery is really pretty and likes dressing her up.

avery gives gigi her credit card and tells her to spend money on whatever she wants (gigi calls avery her sugar mommy)

for some reason, avery is a really good twerker (is that even a word) and gigi forced her to teach her how to shake ass.

gigi feels comfortable enough to open up to avery and ask for advice/vent. she finds avery to be really non judgmental and straight forward which she appreciates.

avery and gigi will constantly gang up on grayson and pull pranks n him (they once replaced all of his expensive skincare with cheap shitty drugstore skincare and he actually screamed)

avery helps gigi with her homework when she's struggling. gigi is convinced avery is a saint bc she always explains the stuff to her better than her actual teachers.

gigi is bi (at least in my head), and avery was the first person she came out to.

they both talk about how much of a fucking coward grayson is when it comes to his feelings for lyra(?). they'll be watching grayson and lyra and they'll be saying things like 'omg how fucking dense can a man be, like, just fucking confess', and gigi will be like 'i fucking hate men'

avery bought her a cat (idk if its been mentioned in tbh if gigi actually has cats or if she just likes them, but if she does own cats, just pretend avery bought her another one)

they go out together and buy her cat(s?) cute little outfits (tutus, gucci coats, bows etc).

gigi has (not anymore though) a tinder account, and avery found out about it. she absolutely freaked and deleted the account telling gigi that it was dangerous and that she'd find a man for her if she was that desperate.

avery never got to experience things that most kids got to experience (she grew up too fast/didn't have the opportunity), and gigi finds it sad, so, she brings her out to like trampoline parks and stuff. it makes gigi happy seeing how happy avery is.

avery is always apologizing to gigi about her father. she blames herself and thinks she should've found another way to escape (when she was kidnapped). gigi reassures her by telling her that there was no other way and that, after everything her father did, he sort of deserved to die.

they shit talk men. they fucking hate them.

in my gigi and grayson post, i mentioned gigi loves knitting. avery knows this and buys her yarn all the time. when she's out with max (or alone or with gigi), she goes to stores that sell yarn and looks for smth cool for gigi.

gigi and her family don't have much money after what happened in tbh. avery gave them all a huge amount of money. acacia feels bad, but avery insisted. when gigi found out, she was so fucking happy she literally knelt on the floor telling avery she was a literal god. she then cried in her arms.

gigi gets her to dress up in the most scandolous shit ever. she somehow found out avery's bra size/underwear size and buys her lingerie whenever she goes out. avery secretly loves it but pretends to be scandalized.

[tokillamockingbird427]

so, i decided to (temporarily) hop off the fluff/crack ask train and was thinking about all the possibilities how mama walker died(besides the usual she passed giving birth to logan cause well…ANGST.) and well, my tired brain came up with this while in public. this is also the angsty ask i mentioned(once) in my previous ask :). (this is pretty heavy angst…i think. idk i go into detail, so fair warning. also, this is probably dead dove:do not eat…oops.)

mama walker probably had cancer, leukemia, pneumonia…really any life threatening disease/illness that started out small. vomiting, high fever, non-stop coughing, symptoms of a cold basically. nobody thought anything of it—elias never thought anything of it, he thought mama walker was fine, just sick of the cold or flu, until they went to the doctors when she wasnt getting better after weeks, where she was diagnosed with stage 1-2 with the terminal disease.

now, hesh & logan were probably young when mama walker passed away, but i like to think they were at an age they would remember the events well. not exactly—but well. like around the ages 6-8 and 8-10 or to make it worse— 10-12 and 12-14 (im probably evil as fuck for that.)

after that doctor visit, it was slowly starting to get worse, especially with chemotherapy. chemotherapy probably even made mama walker depressed, as it made her feel sicker and beginning lose her hair, along with trying to fight the disease as hard as she can for her boys. Elias of course is trying to comfort his wife as best as he can, along with logan & hesh, which is helping, but the depressive thoughts keep entering mama walkers head in the end.

as the disease is getting worse, and way more visits to the hospital, elias and mama walker break out into a fight regarding mama walkers health cause now she doesn’t feel like going to the hospital, the argument ends with tears with mama walker stating how shes tired of everything and basically venting out her feelings, with elias basically not being able to help his sick wife beside comforting her into fighting the battle. (the brothers probably overheard the entire fight too. oops...)

one day,when the brothers are at school and elias is on leave, mama walker randomly faints and her hearts not beating as fast as elias would like it to be, so of course being the good husband he is, elias RUSHES to the hospital panicking, where the nurses/doctors rush towards him and take care of mama walker. luckily, mama walker survives that, however she has to stay in the hospital until her doctors decide shes able to be discharged as her terminal disease as officially gotten way worse than what they’ve anticipated. elias stays with her until he needs to get back to the house to the boys, however he informs her that the minute he leaves the hospital, he’ll call her to keep her company with logan & hesh, so no sad times there.

after many(tearful) visits from elias, logan, and hesh, and mama walkers health seeming to get better, they thought she’d win the battle and be discharged anytime soon—but sadly, it began to somehow get worser from there. at first, mama walker began coughing, it was a light cough every 30 minutes or so, then it repetitive until she couldn’t breathe at all, with elias screaming for a doctor and mama walker being rolled away and later being put on a breathing mask. ( logan and hesh were also there when this happened)

in the end, the final visit was when mama walker had logan on her side, hesh laying his head near/on her, and elias sitting down. it was during this time she was at her absolute worst, yet she tried for her boys. she passed with her family surrounding her, which was how she wanted to pass, with her final words being something with “i love you.”

bonus:

-logan, as he is mama walkers carbon copy(that man has his mamas genes.), gets called mama walkers name by elias sometimes, which elias automatically apologizes for but logan looks at him with a sympathetic look.

-besides the walker family, this death hit the ghosts team hard, as they all saw mama walker as a mother figure(besides rorke)

(im evil as shit im sorry. i really wanted to post this ask today for angsty feels LMAO. also sorry that this is quite long.)

(also this is based on how elias was bringing up mama walker in the beginning of the game :))

—🎧 anon

I'm fine.

You're so evil, you're so so evil. (In a good way.)

Drop the fic. If you don't write and you're scared that's fine but bro, first step is fucking around, second step is finding out, and it's equally as possible to be loved as it is to be disliked. You've already got the ideas going for you with how thought out this is and that's like 80% of it lol.

Here's an idea: Little Logan growing his hair out so his mama can style it because hers is gone and he knew she really liked her hair. After she passes he refuses to let anyone touch it, to the point that he'll scream about it if someone tries. In a random fit he kinda snaps and cuts it all off, never letting it grow out past his shoulders from then on out. (And then many many years down the road, after the Luxor and the pit and the war... Hesh realizes his brothers hair is past his shoulders for the first time in years.)

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

the thing that most concerns me about the billboard is the harassment people in the fandom will definitely start getting again. it’s just so exhausting and I wanted it to be over.

I saw a post yesterday spreading the guz khan/taika rumor and it had 25k+ notes. I’ve seen other posts shitting on us that have thousands of notes. it drives me fucking insane when people act like we aren’t The Thing to Hate on Tumblr right now or that we’re overreacting when we talk about it, just because they’re lucky enough not to have seen the abuse we get. I don’t look at twitter as much but I’m sure it’s the same there. sure, maybe it is just chronically online people who hate us, but it seems like there are a fuck ton of chronically online people now. enough to drive people out of the fandom with harassment imo.

Hey hon!

That's totally a fair concern. I get it, I would really like there to be less harassment and drama around everything. That Guz Khan/Taika rumor is especially frustrating because it's not true. Can it be reported for misinformation? Idk if tumblr does that or not, I haven't tried it. If you send me the link, I'll try?

I wanna be totally clear that you are not overreacting when you express your concern over it! Your concerns are absolutely valid. You've gone through a lot of trauma of dealing with people being shitty to this fandom, and that will cause a LOT of anxiety when people in the fandom do things that could potentially cause more drama. I've seen quite a bit of the abuse, especially over the last few months, and it's unfair and unkind, and totally fucked. The difficult part with it is, we dont know if it will cause more drama or not, and if it does, we have to figure out how to deal with it.

If you're seeing a lot of that harassment I would 100% block those folks. It's not worth your time and effort if they're just going to be trolls. It one thing if someone disagrees, it's another if people are just harassing and being cruel because they have a bone to pick. Idk if it helps but I feel like we're actually getting more fans? Ive seen a whole lot more people on tumblr (idk if they are twitter converts or not). Are you seeing a lot of folks leaving? Is it something we could help with, by providing a safe space to vent? Feel free to ping me if you wanna talk about it more.

PS: (not to make light of the above conversation, but since I have you here I have to say it) You posting that cryptid factor clip yesterday nearly broke me, I'll have you know, I cackle screamed and scared my cat (<3)

[nessieseadreams]

Twst characters as things I did as a child

I had no idea what my first post should be so here is some crack hcs ig you can call them based on things I did when I was idk 13 and below :)

yuu (malleus is the person in question) - became close friends with someone who developed a crush on them. mf was hugging, holding hands and patting their back and all they thought was “oh wow what a good friend,” cause they’re fucking oblivious to flirting cause they’re aroace.

riddle - forced himself to like girls before realising he too was aroace

Trey - was the priest in the playground for a guy who wanted to marry his carrot

Cater - vents in his notes app and forgets, so when he goes back into it he gets flashbacks

Deuce - started sobbing after someone made a joke about him not having a dad (it was a rough day)

Ace - called someone a wanker and riddle had to make him apologise to the kid

Leona - mother admitted he was “an accident” but was still loved and somehow interpreted that as her admitting she hated him

Ruggie - stole a pack of gum and thought he would go to jail only for no one to notice. that’s how his theivary started

Jack - father thought his obsession with a werewolf show was demonic and banned him from watching it

Floyd - punched someone when they said his drawing looked like baymax

Jade - walked (or swam…fuck idk) around the school playground and talked to himself cause he had no friends

Azul - made an entire obstacle course in primary school and made people pay him in seaweed (leaves) and it got so bad the teachers had to tell him to stop cause there was no seaweed left around the school (all the trees didn’t have leaves)

Kalim - hid in a huge shopping centre when he and his family were on holiday in a different country and got half of it closed to search for him. he just wanted to play hide and seek :(

Jamil - got told “d-d-dora…d-d-deported,” and just laughed in confusion.

vil - keeps away from mario kart cause he knows if he plays it he would become way too fucking competitive and curse out all the children playing it and scare them.

Rook - secretly burned the tops of his fingers cause he liked the feeling

Epel - ate an entire shrek lipbalm cause it was apple flavoured and he fucking loves apple flavoured stuff. then got sick right after

Idia - got told off for wearing cat ears to school

idia again - screamed bloody murder when his favourite character died in an anime and then sobbed louder when it turned out the character reincarnated, his brother rushed up the stairs thinking he was dying

Sebek - saw his teacher from years ago after a long time and yelled “OH MY GOD YOU HAVE GREY HAIR,” the minute he saw her.

Silver - helped a kid once because he felt bad for them since they were lost but now continuously runs away from them cause they KEEP ON FUCKING FOLLOWING HIM EVERYWHERE AND HE CANT TELL THEM TO STOP BECAUSE HIS VOICE IS TOO FUCKING QUIET

Lila - grew up witnessing horror and seeing gruesome shit (playing resident evil at 5 and watching pewdiepie play corpse party) and now has a weird fascination of horror and gore.

Malleus - constantly gets told ‘are you okay?’ or ‘are you tired?’ no bitch that’s his resting face, asshole

[et-cant-phone-home-no-signal]

okay so i couldn't help but have more thoughts watching s2e8 so here's my further rambles as i get through the episode besides me just going "oomf women <3" - spoiler alert under the cut

okay oomf women <3 sorry y'all just totally in love with the dynamic of this team it's so good and i'm sad we didn't get more of them

listen,,,,, the dark troopers are objectively terrifying and i hate them but man, they're so overkill at times sorry it feels so hopeless to watch that trooper totally annihilate and withstand din like that

on a similar note, din my beloved, how many head injuries do you have? because goddamn that's one hell of a beating and idk that "he has the helmet on!" so???? you think you can get punched in the head continuously by a beskar droid and come out with no damage?? at the very least his ears are fucked from the sound, at minimum my man has a concussion rn, and at the most he's got some serious shit going on (don't get me started on s1e8 because that's how I started writing my mando oc into the show, cause the medical issues that din most definitely would be dealing with are solid and i had to vent those medical frustrations somewhere)

apologies for the medical rant about din btw (not actually sorry tbh but yeah) cause man, that shit gets my brain working overtime, anyways i think it's so funny to watch din get thrown around like a ragdoll and then proceed to just yeet all these terrifying high tech murder droids out into space, because what ever happened to them??? i don't think we see them again?? are they just floating around in space???? that's scary bro

din lifting that trooper up by the neck with the spear with total ease,,,, yeah okay cool cool cool

on that note i fucking miss the spear so much :((( loved watching the spear choreografie and it felt so raw instead of just blaster fights, i wish we'd gotten more of that kind of stuff before it got melted down

i absolutely adore than din does not give a single fuck about literally anything other than his child. darksaber? don't know it and don't care to, just give me my kid. i respect that so much like, he doesn't care about the power it brings nor does he seem to really understand what the darksaber is or does, he just wants his kiddo to be safe with him and leave all that political bullshit to others. totally understandable

moff gideon is such a cool and complex character, and i think giancarlo esposito was the absolute perfect casting for this because he brings immense nuance to the role. why did he have me genuinely believing he was gonna let din leave with grogu? why are din and me both this gullible? is it because of his masterful delivery, or because we both want to see the best in people? maybe we'll never know

cue one of my absolute favourite fight scenes perhaps from the whole series - obsessed with the choreographie of this scene and the hand to hand combat. the spear kick and flip literally makes me pause and rewind every time like, i can't help but make a "ooh" sound out loud because i love it so much. gods we should have gotten so much more of this style of fighting!!! nothing screams mandalorian more to me than this battle y'all

DIN HOLDING MOFF GIDEON AT THE END OF HIS SPEAR OHHHH MAN yeah this scene really does it for me in so many ways i'm truly just a girl when watching this episode (not to mention he just casually accidentally became the one to rightfully claim the throne of mandalore, i'll never not find this funny as fuck, especially bo katan's reaction later i'm already giggling)

gideon's glee at bo katan not having the darksaber is actually so amusing and it rubs off on me cause why am i also cackling at her seething anger towards din rn. my man does not give a shit about this weapon, is fine just giving it to her, but because of some stupid ass ancient tradition she can't take it?? comedy gold right here. Like,,,

"the darksaber. it belongs to you." "now it belongs to her." "she can't take it. it must be won in battle. in order for her to wield the darksaber again, she would need to defeat you in combat." "i yield. it's yours." "oh no. *cackling* it doesn't work that way. the darksaber doesn't have power, the story does. without that blade, she's a pretender to the throne."

AND HER FACE THROUGHOUT ALL OF THIS IS PURE "i will murder you" AND IT TOTALLY SENDS ME!!! her grudging little "he's right." and din still not getting it, "come on, just take it." because ??? he doesn't care in the slightest, he just doesn't want the damn thing. he's got his kid so nothing else matters. i wonder if that alarm hadn't gone off, if bo would have taken it because she seemed to genuinely be considering it before the alarms went

hey remember when i said we never see the dark troopers again? yeah i totally forgot about them coming back to the ship lol sorry y'all i only ever watched this episode once because i'm too emotionally attached to the first season and never properly rewatched the second one until now. i have seen season 3 but i genuinely do not remember a single fucking thing about it so that's also gonna be fun

i think one of the reasons i find the dark troopers so genuinely unsettling is because they give off massive ww2 germany vibes, and by that i mean they visually feel reminiscent of the helmet style and it gives me luftwaffe vibes. in holland we get a lot of education on that stuff, especially since i'm from the east so we focus on that quite a bit since we were the first to be invaded (if my opa was still alive i think he would have hated star wars because of the overtness of the real war implications) so idk it sets off massive red flags and bells in my head and sends a bit of a chill down my spine. the music isn't helping though

(also this is not an open invitation to discuss war and war uniforms, i don't wanna talk about that stuff i just wanted to voice why the troopers unsettle me this much)

din patting grogu on his little head, "don't worry kid, i'm gonna get you out of here." *sobs*

all the subtle signs before luke is revealed is so *mwah*. a single x-wing arrives, grogu perks up once it enters the ship, gideon looking nervous as hell, the troopers stop and immediately shift their focus from our heroes to the newcomer,,, yeah great buildup

also luke is so damn dramatic with it, i love this kid <3 i was not a star wars child because my parents were never into it, so the mandalorian is what got me into star wars, but i really enjoy the original trilogy! a new hope is probably my fave, as simple as that sounds, just because i adore the trios dynamic in it so much, and i never thought i would get so into the lore and fandom but it's so cool?? i'm glad i could get into star wars even if it was later than most people

gideon taking his chance, din DIVING to the floor to protect his son oh my GOD, dad of the year award guys. also gideon's dramatic ass attempt immediately being foiled by cara is so funny to me, pathetic little man vibes rn

how,,, did grogu get up on the control panel?? he's so small. his dad watching him with such obvious care and love even through the helmet,,,, i love how important body language is with din and how well it's conveyed both through pedro and his stunt double (i know who it is i swear, my brain is just empty rn so if anyone wants to comment it please do). idk i love when din uses his whole head and body to convey his feelings and thoughts; tilting his head very obviously when he's confused or considering something, leaning in towards people he's really listening to, the slutty little knee (though that's mostly pedro tbh)

gods the fight choreographie *MWAH* i love it, obsessed with watching luke swipe through these troopers with such grace and ease, using the force so sparingly yet so effectively, it's not even that showy or anything, it's (mostly) very practical and i adore that!!

din and grogu having this silent conversation, they both know what has to happen next

cgi hamill can't hurt you, cgi hamill can't hurt you... but they couldn't have given him a slightly better haircut?? 😭 his unmoving face unsettles me i think this cgi is worse than what they did in rogue one for moff tarkin (that was some amazing cgi i have to say)

"are you a jedi?" ......din you're so stupid i love you so much

jedi and mandalorians are so similar in so many ways and i don't think either group likes that very much lmao, they both put younglings/foundlings at the top of their priority list, have ancient traditions that they stubbornly stick to, follow a creed of some kind and are very stuck in their ways.... maybe that's why they hate each other historically so much

had to pause on this scene because i was getting too emotional at their farewell and i couldn't see the screen through my tears ✌️ he's a good dad even if he's pretty dumb sometimes. he's a simple man in a complicated situation and he loves his son so much,,,,,,, yeah cool this is fine

LIKE COME ON THE FUCKING HEMLET TOUCH??? GROGU STARING UP AT HIS BUIR WITH THE BIGGEST WETTEST BROWN EYES THAT RIVAL HIS DADS??? DIN BREAKING HIS CREED, AGAIN, JUST FOR HIS SON???? JUST SO HE COULD SEE HIS FACE PROPERLY FOR ONCE BEFORE THEY SAY GOODBYE??? I AM EMOTIONALLY RAVAGED HOW DARE THEY I'M SO UPSET 😭 😭 😭

din why did you put your one foot tall son on the floor instead of handing him to the jedi directly lmao he's the size of a rotisserie chicken - GROGU WHINING AND HOLDING ONTO HIS BUIR'S FOOT????? I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THIS Y'ALL I'M NOT OKAY - R2 my beloved <33 favourite droid in the whole galaxy fr

luke holding grogu specially so he can see over his shoulder, i see you and i love you for this

din "brown eyes" djarin breaking my fucking heart - love the little detail that all the others are actually behind din so they haven't necessarily seen his face! just the back of his head! so luke and mayfeld are the only people that have actually seen din's face (IG-11 is a droid so i'm not counting him) - but anyway pedro is so good at the "kicked puppy wet eyed look" that i think it's gotta be his signature thing by now right?

could you imagine how fucking funny it would have been if boba appeared just in time to see luke get into his ship and he's like "isn't that the asshole jedi that sent me flying into the sarlacc??? din what's he doing with the kid???? YOU LET THE GUY THAT CONDEMNED ME TO YEARS OF PAIN AND SUFFERING TAKE YOUR CHILD AND YOU HAVE NO CONTACT INFORMATION FOR HIM??????" he would've murdered din on the spot i'm cackling

i forgot there is an after credits scene let's goo - bib fortuna looking GROSS i adore the practical effects so much more than the cgi sorry y'all you cannot beat prosthetic work goddamn he looks amazing

fennec <3333 boba's entrance mmm just straight up killing bib is such a slay honestly, the setup for bobf is so good and i love this duo, i wish we'd gotten so much more of them!!!! the hype was so real i remember being so excited when it first aired

wow what a lot of words my bad y'all sometimes i can't help myself!! hope it amuses some of you and feel free to fangirl with me over this stuff cause yeah it's awesome 👍

[xxskyethetiredemoxx]

I just need to vent rn. Tw for suicide mentions/ideation, sh, and depressing shit.

I feel so alone tonight. Or today I general. I wanted to have a day to rest, cause I've been really tired lately, and I wanted a day where I don't have to do anything. I did almost nothing today, I got 11 hours of sleep, and I had an almost nap (like I was kinda semi conscious? Idk, I can't have normal naps most of the time). But I'm still so drained.

Everything's just been making me cry, for some reason. I've been breaking down so many times today, and idk why. I've been thinking about my past. Idk how I could ever forgive my parents for everything they've done to me, but I pretty much have to act like I don't remember it all, or don't care anymore, and have put it all behind me. I've tried so hard to put it behind me. I can't. They've done so much, and they don't care or realise what that's done to me, and I'm sick of having to live with it while they get to just move on completely.

My father's admitted that he made a lot of mistakes in the past, but he doesn't realise everything that's done to me. My mother probably doesn't give a shit. I sometimes wonder who I'd be without the abuse and trauma I've had, but I don't wanna mourn the person I never was. It's pointless.

I'm so worried for my friend. They attempted recently, and I haven't heard from them today, and it looks like they've blocked me, which they sometimes do when they're going through a really bad episode. I don't hold that against them, I understand why they do it. I used to get worried that they hate me, or I'd feel resentment towards them, but since they've explained a lot of why they act the way they do, I'm just worried for them now. So fucking worried.

It's 2am for me, and I can't get the idea of attempting or relapsing into sh out of my head. I can't do this anymore. I don't wanna do this anymore. Everything is going too fast, my future feels hopeless, and I'd have been dead at 14 if it weren't for other people. Why am I alive just for other people?

I have no one to talk to about any of this shit rn. I feel alone, like I'm screaming into a void, and no one's there to answer. I can't cope. I keep wanting to end the pain forever.

Why the fuck have I had to deal with so much in my life? Why do I have so much trauma, why can I almost never feel happy, why do I just get more shit thrown at me every time I think it's getting better? I'm 16, I've had my childhood ripped away from me, and replaced with the most fucked up shit life can throw at me. And I'm just meant to believe it gets better? That I can just think more positively? That life is a beautiful thing worth living, when it's been so cruel to me from the beginning? How? Why?

I'm so sick of this. I'm so done. There's no point. Maybe I'll continue living for the sake of it. Why tf not. I'll just get beaten down again and again, might as well just accept it already, and stop throwing myself a fucking pity party every time something bad happens. As though, what, I'm special? People go through worse. I fucking hate myself so much.

Whatever. I'm going to sleep. Take care of yourself, whoever is reading this. You are loved.

[sideeve]

hiiiii

i just wanted to send a message cause your vent kinda hit home for me as im sure it hit you 10x worse, imma just talk in points cause i talk in circles so yea 😅

- your writing, everybody has a writing block and feels sometimes their work isn’t good enough, a hiatus is always recommended don’t feel forced to write anything

- idk about your relationship so i don’t wanna dig too deep into it but if it’s anything of him not talking to you or anything he may wants to give you space because he knows something wrong with you or he distancing himself for other reasons

- stop looking at his exes page, it’s not worth it allll. comparing yourself never ends up good. no matter the body comparison or face comparison you’re always gonna feel a certain way but that’s okay as long as your comfortable in your body.

- i noticed you said you don’t know if you be alive before your boyfriend and ex, and while i hope that joke to feel better i hope you aren’t having suicidal tendencies or thoughts, i understand having doubts about everything and anything about yourself may hurt but you need to be able to have level head, if you are feeling suicidal something i did when i felt the same, i would keep a count of how many thoughts i had of unaliving or relapsing and make it a goal of keeping those thoughts at bay, i wouldn’t recommend doing it through an all but rather on paper. (for me to stop it took two years )

- with becoming into you head and letting thoughts consume you, you may feel like you can’t function. all you need to know it’s okay to shut down and not want to do anything, sometimes it’s okay for your body and yourself as in your conscious to relax, take a break and work on yourself, try different hobbies other than writing and try to keep it often so while relaxing your always moving away from thoughts you wanna keep away

- with weight loss i can understand completely, i had two ed’s back to back and trying to healthily eat was hard and it’s still hard. if you’re naturally skinny it’s gonna be like this all the time, gaining and frequently losing weight, same thing your plus size. but start with small meals, they don’t even have to be meals!!, have snacks that can constantly eat without getting a sweet tooth. drinking things can also help, mostly cranberry juice and it can be any variation. what also helps is it just being able to give into your desires, be a gluttonous, and random meals during the day can help also, don’t use a scale!! that’s your worse friend, let your body gain the weight it needs to

- cry, cry everyday if you need to, talk to yourself or someone about everything you’re feeling, scream it into your pillow, speak it out. it makes you feel better even if you don’t feel like it does in the moment. it definitely helps. getting ahold of your emotions helps you become emotionally intelligent. crying is one way of releasing built stress and other emotions.

ik i yapped a lot but i can’t stand to see someone hurting in such an important time in their life (i saw your blog said level 16, so i’m guessing you’re 16) and remember these are normal teenage emotions and it’s okay to be a teenager about it. i hope your okay and know your loved by anyone

i hope this finds you well <33333

thank you very much.

-i even cried while reading this ngl😭i had talked it over with him and he and i came to the conclusion we are distancing ourselves because of mental issues going on in our lives and on top of that, not being able to see each other :(

-the eating situation is due to body dysmorphia, my mind constantly telling me how fat i am (tho i’m literally under 140 at this point)

thank you for even writing this all out for me😭❤️it helped me more than you know

[shadowwolf146]

For someone who went to school to be a journalist I sure fucking suck at following through.

So my mom's asked me idk how many fucking times the last few weeks to cut my sister's nails. (She can't do it herself cause shes disabled.) And I didn't. I forgot or I remembered late at night when she was asleep (neither of those are good excuses for me since I dont have anything that makes remembering shit hard) and to cut a long lecture/yell short I fucked up. My sis scratched herself up in her sleep and she scratched mom too, both could've been prevented by me doing the one thing I was asked to do. Problem is that my sister's caseworker people are allowed random inspections whenever so if they show up and my sis is all scratched up they leap to conclusions and take her away to a home somewhere where they'll scoop out her organs or steal her kidneys for other patients or r*pe her or other awful stuff I've been told. So then I got yelled at, (justifiably) because yeah that's fair (and I'm an idiot) and I really do hate myself cause I'm falling back into old habits of not following through or procrastinating when i know i shouldn't and it ALWAYS bites me in the ass. And then I end up doing it again and here we are. Long and short of it is I'm venting, I'm being a idiot who doesn't like criticism and I'm being a little bitch baby about it and hoping this will help me get it out of my system so I can...fuck idk, not do it again? Either way that sucked and I'm fucking being stupid and self depreciating and all that even tho I KNOW it doesn't help. I got nothing, just wanted to vent and didn't wanna tell my friends cause they'd just only have my side of the story to go on and thats not fair to my mom. All this to say that although she didn't intend to, momma did indeed raise a weak lil bitch. It's me. This isn't helping me FIX anything and Mom already clipped my sister's nails and screamed at me (again, fair this is my fault) so it's kinda over and I just gotta sit with it. I guess. How does ANYBODY DO THIS SHIT? Like genuinely. HOW? It feels like I'm always fucking something up and then I don't really know what to when I get called out and I just-DAMNIT. (So yeah I wanna be dead lmao)

Anyway nobody will probably read this and that's cool just getting my stupid shit out somewhere I guess. I don't deserve any pity for it either cause it's my fault and it's just my brain eating itself and shitting out bullshit I guess. So yeah.

[casual-eumetazoa]

another personal crisis here we go again woo

So long story short, the last eight or so months of my life have sucked ass and now I want to quit my PhD program.

The longer version is that in October of last year I got a kidney infection that landed me in the emergency room, then the worst autism burnout of my life hit (I couldn't even communicate verbally and was absolutely dysfunctional for weeks), then I got a toxic thyroid nodule that was overproducing hormones and made my whole body go to hell. For context, at baseline I already have ehlers danlos syndrome and dysautonomia so the thyroid thing was just too much. Then I got a horribly inflamed wisdom tooth (that still needs to be removed as of me writing this), and my OCD got so bad that I couldn't eat anything for days, lost weight until my BMI was around 15 and a half, and almost ended up in a psychiatric hospital with a feeding tube.

I have only started recovering from all this in May and had to immediately jump back into uni work cause I missed so much and sick leave is not really a thing in the program. I was supposed to be on break until October but I need to scrape together some semblance of work to pass the so called mid term evaluation cause I'm a second year student and we're supposed to already have a bunch of stuff done at this point.

Well, after all I've been through, I kind of lost the ability to care about work. I've been losing interest in science for a while now but I think getting so ill was the nail in the coffin of that special interest somehow. I used to be extremely passionate about what I did, during my Master's I was working/studying 70 hours a week and I was the happiest I've ever been. Now I can barely make myself work on a meta-analysis for an hour or two a day. I'm currently doing some work for a class and it's almost physically painful. I just do not care so much and having to drag myself kicking and screaming into it feels like chewing through a wall of granite.

I want to quit this program so bad but the issue is that my stipend is almost the only source of income for me and my partner (the 15% or so being his student stipend). If I were to quit, I would need to find a job, and I just do not feel able to jump into anything any time soon. We have a decent amount in savings but I don't know how long that would last us.

So I don't know what to do. On one hand, I feel like I'm wasting my life on something I do not care about while I could be working on video essays and books that I am immensely passionate about. On the other, quitting now seems like a childish tantrum and I don't know what I would do without this money. I guess I could go to my parents for help but they aren't doing that well financially and I doubt they would be able to support me. Which means I am stuck.

Idk why I'm even typing all this, I guess I just needed to vent. I am so tired of my body and brain being like this. My supervisor and research team also suck but that's a whole another story. Basically, I feel trapped by this stupid PhD and I don't know what to do. I wish I never had entered this program tbh and I'm constantly wishing I would get kicked out of it for other reasons. But I've no idea how I would get money without it. So yeah. Sucks to suck.

[moremysteriesthantragedies]

And don't get me started on how I've basically discovered there's seemingly a war between sex repulsed and sex favorable aces. As if you fit into one of two binaries and we have to be enemies because...? I am laughing in trans.

Like idk my dudes, sexuality is complicated and for a lot of people it's not just "sex repulsion or full on sex!". I think people calling for representation outside just those two options aren't doing so because they think those two options don't deserve representation, but more of because aces like me writing about my own experience risk people saying I am not writing asexuality right. Even inside my own community. It can just be extremely isolating not perfectly fitting into either box because it feels like both sides are screaming at the top of their lunges, and if you gently try to mention a middle ground, you suddenly hate them and don't want "their team" to win.

I'm tired and would like to scream at both asexual camps "I relate to and love both of you. Now stop fighting about who allos hate most and just support each other." Please for the love of Hell stop letting allos expectations of asexuals cause you to hurt fellow asexuals by acting like children all fighting over the same toy. Please stop fighting over getting representation as if there are only a few ace characters that can ever exist in the history of the universe and just bolster each other's want for representation.

I totally get people venting about how so many sides of the ace community need representation yet are shut down, and how both sides might feel neglected because ace representation is kind of nonexistent right now. But that does not have to lead to wild claims saying a whole part of the community with a ton of individuals personally doesn't want you to get the rep you need, or even implying those individuals aren't a part of the ace community.

Also, sorry but if you're one of those clowns screaming in fandoms because you think a character is a set type of ace without the text ever confirming or showing this as an excuse to harrass other ace fan creators, well, as I said, I think you're a clown. We all are desperate to project onto the few ace characters that exist, we can recognize we all just want to be understood and leave it at that.

I promise I will return peacefully to my little side of things but I just had to get that off my chest.