#i honestly dont know how im going to survive y13
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#idk how to vent this one cause i just feel like screaming#im so tired and depressed and exhausted#i was contemplating things yesterday#id never go through with anything and i could never do that to people but man#theres people i know that have offered to chat whenever i feel and i know that theyre being genuine#i just cant help but feel bad for bothering anyonr#i have no passions for anything particular and i need to decide what uni course or apprenticeship im doing within the next 2 months#ive already been thinking for a year#theres nothing that pulls me#i dont feel like doing any of it#i dont want to leave here#i havent had a proper hyperfixation for months either which is so strange for me#i cant bring myself to be excited about anything#i think of the future and im just filled with dread#my childhood is almost gone and i feel like i wasnt here for any of it#11 year old me thought id be gone by now#so i never thought about my future#and now what#i need to tell someone that but i also dont wanna put that weight on their mind#i honestly dont know how im going to survive y13#it hasnt even started yet and im already ready to wander off somewhere and never come back#my grades are good i know i have the capability to get the highest ones possible but theres nothing that i want to work for#i dont know what im doing#everything just feels utterly pointless
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