#would a tulpa help

[wouldatulpahelpthem]

Would A Tulpa Help or Hinder:

Light Yagami from Death Note?

Death Note is an anime about a teenager, Light Yagami, who picks up a shinigami's (death god's) notebook that has the power to kill anyone whose name is written inside. He decides to secretly use it to rid the world of crime, and anyone who stands in his way. Trying to find and catch him is a mysterious genius known only as L who uses methods that are morally questionable at best. Ryuk, the shinigami who intentionally dropped the Death Note, follows Light around primarily out of curiosity.

I think it would really depend on the nature of the tulpa that Light creates, and what his intention was when creating the tulpa. Would Light create one to do all the boring homework and pretending to be a normal highschooler so Light could focus his attention on not getting caught and stopping anyone in his way, including L? Would he have created one before he got the Death Note, who objects to how the note is being used and how it's affecting Light? Or would one with a strong detachment from humanity view it all as a game to win?

I think it's an interesting thing to think about. Not quite enough to write fanfic about - and I already have ideas for a Death Note fanfic about the cat and mouse game between Light with his Death Note and a girl OC whose guardian angel gives her a Life Note, and how them killing and resurrecting some of the same people over and over affects each other and of course those poor people, like can you imagine? "This is the third time this week I've woken up in the morgue, this is getting ridiculous."

What do you all think?

[cambriancrew]

Edward Elric is a short-tempered (seriously, don't call him short) prodigy in the field of alchemy - transforming things from one form to another. He and his little brother Alphonse used alchemy to do what is forbidden - human alchemy, to try and bring their mother back to life. The alchemy backfired, and cost Ed his left leg, and Al's whole body. Ed sacrificed his right arm to fuse Al's soul to a suit of armor. Ed got replacement limbs made of automail, and now the two of them are on the hunt for the fabled Philosopher's Stone so they can get their bodies back.

Would having a tulpa help him in his and his brother's goal? Or at least stop him from raging every time someone is confused about him being the older brother even though he's much shorter than Al in his armor body?

[pluralhottakes]

willogenic systems are 100% valid and not faking! Most of us don’t even claim to have DID/OSDD,so yh

-💗🌸/🩵🎀

.

[system-of-a-feather]

We are going to finally go and try to chart out / document our system / known parts for our old/current therapist and since we make a lot of organized sheets and stuff for fun I'm sharing a copy of a template for alter information ^^ Feel free to use / make a copy and use on your own and modify and all.

Its BASK + Extra stuff that we find relevant to our system

[kindaeccentric]

I'm trying to re-read The Vampire Armand as research for something and I used to be able to read it easily, but the fragment in which Armand describes how Marius would come home, take him to the bedroom and rip his clothes off off him and how he made Riccardo play music on the other side of the door to the bedroom as Marius fucked* him and how Marius then fed Armand blood for the very first time weirdly enough (not really, it's quite expected actually, that's what I thought he'd do) exactly when Armand was literally half asleep as Marius was pushing his tongue into his mouth made me feel a bit sick. And it's not the content, I know what happens, but the way Armand is describing it. Boy, you would have loved Ethel Cain 'Gibson Girl'.

*'vampires don't fuck' first off, Marius sure did do it when turning Pandora, besides, what he's doing definitely counts as sex, or rather *cough*molestation and assault*cough*

[nexus-nebulae]

As a system based around trauma ourselves, we will always always make our blog a safe place for plurals of all forms, be it endo, willo, spiritual, proto, or anything and everything and each combination. When we were young and scared and didn't know who we were, it was not the system medicalists that took us in- it was not DID-centric communities that took us in- it was tulpamancy communities. It was those people who taught us that this did not have to be wholly scary, that we could feel comfortable in ourselves. It was those people who guided us through the experience of finding out we were never willogenic to begin with. It was those people who gave us real resources on how to move on from trauma, instead of insisting that if we were showing real evidence of healing and growth or even felt happy ever we were never really plural or traumatized to begin with.

Our whole life we have been surrounded by people who refused to believe our identities and experiences at every turn imaginable. We spent 20 years with undiagnosed physical illnesses because everyone told us we were lying about our pain. We spent 10 years being called a "theyfab" and a "straight infiltrator" because we weren't a masciline enough trans man who was open about being aromantic and asexual. We spent 8 years moving from psychiatrist to psychiatrist because each new one straight up did not believe certain disorders existed, let alone that we could have them. We spent 5 years fighting for a place to fit in, because when we were amnesiac enough to not even remember we were plural, we were called fakers.

We have never been granted the right to self-determination. We have never been believed about any of our experiences. We have never been accepted for who we actually are, not until we took matters into our own hands and forged our own safe spaces out of blood and sinew. It was draining. It was exhausting. It was traumatizing. And we will never, ever, ever dare to do that to another person on this planet. Never again. You do not deserve the pain we went through. You do not deserve to feel hated for who you are. You deserve to feel safe.

Plurals of all forms are always welcome here.

[talentforlying]

tommy: john? constantine: mm? tommy: he had your laugh.

the way this almost made me cry just now, like!! the family man looking like john's father (who john resembles) and reminding john of himself, the demon constantine being his own double, the tulpa of the happiest possible version of himself who still turned out to be a raging monster — his scariest enemies keep ending up being versions of him.

his greatest fear is becoming a monster and he keeps coming up against that fear again and again and again. no wonder he avoids his own eyes when he looks in the mirror.

[hardcolorfest]

✨️ AM I PLURAL? ✨️

Please help me, I have gone back and forth on this for years, at least 10 years which is literally like a third of my life so far!

Please, I am desprate for ANY outside views and opinions, I feel like I need others to read my experience and help me understand why I keep on getting into this cycle of "this is plural/no actually its not."

EDIT: this is LONG and I ran out of energy near the end so the writing gets really sloppy so I added a timeline of events up top. I'm so sorry, this ended up turning into more of a vent towards the end, but if anyone wants to read my life story and give me... uhhh........ feedback? I'm sorry words hard now I'm so tired.

I'm getting tired of the doubting and accepting cycle, the "is this normal and I'm just attributing it to a plural thing" floating around in my head constantly. I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'll need to lay everything out so anyone can get a full picture of what I'm/We're working with.

First of all, sorry this is posted on a random empty blog with a title and description totally unrelated. I was going to use this blog for something else but the crisis in my/our identity keeps getting in the way of doing much of anything solid for the last like year now. That's how bad this has gotten now, I hardly feel like a real person anymore and I don't know what to do. Secondly I'm really sorry if there are typos or anything like that. Sometimes my phone autocorrects something and I won't notice that it's changed it to something really weird, like it sometimes switches "I" to "you" and so on for like literally no reason so idk.

Now on to the meat.

🌲

The timeline so far goes > 2012 discover systems > understand I'm not one even though I'd like to be > follow and watch systems online while reading any resource or information posts > learn about tulpas > "make" first tulpa > seemingly gains sentience and gets angry > leaves > 2016 reset > 2016 does not care about being a system > fuzzy memory bullshit here, none of it has to do with this posts topic > 2019 reset > mostly uninterested in being plural > in 2020, 2019 me decides to try make a tulpa again > goes surprisingly well, much faster than last time (which I barely remember at this time) > he eventually talks without my focused effort > I doubt his existence being real > he gets angry, we argue for weeks > eventually he disappears, vaguely sometimes feel like he's "checking in on me" > the 2021 fuckery (more trauma) > homeless and feeling alone > now have stable housing > vaguely refer to self as plural and make a pk and list out like 6 headmates including yourself as one and the past tulpas > goes well and smoothly for a while, everyone's pretty happy despite acknowledging past trauma and working on that together > 2023 reset happens > make new accounts again and feel upset about all these past events > is happy and having a lot of fun all year > occasionally still feels like the logged pk headmates are vaguely around but can't really talk to them much anymore > sometimes fully switches out anyway but not too long > remembers these resets happened before and makes posts to 2019's freinds > mixed reception and lots of questions, 2023 gets overwhelmed and never answers back > now I feel guilty

✨️ I will now explain in more detail.

So for the last 10 years, probably a little longer by like a year or two but I can't be precise, I've known about plurality, DID, tulpas and other concepts like this. I've also been aware of kins/therians/otherkin/fictionkin and so on and related concepts for much longer, 20 years or so, give or take a year or two again. I've never been very good at role-playing, and I struggled to "play" anyone but myself.

Since learning about systems, I took an interest in them. In the concept of being able to step back and let someone else take control. The idea was extremely appealing. I've been traumatized from a childhood of neglect and abuse, and life was starting to get to the point it was wearing me down to nothing. I wanted to take a break, to "die but not die" as I had put it back then. To "go away" with little financial consiquence and come back when I felt recharged. I wasn't really sure how I felt about sharing my life, but was willing to if it meant I could sometimes take a break. Gladly.

So I did a lot of research, quietly reading and observing people online. Maybe it was a little creepy, like watching a fandom from afar and learning what the show they liked was about secondhand through them. I think after I learned about how DID presents, I decided it wasn't really how I was at all and concluded for sure I was not and never could be a system since I did not talk to voices in my head, loose control of my body, nor have severe trauma (to me at the time, this is definitely not the case) and therefore I was not a system. I still watched from afar though.

I think I learned about tulpas around then. I knew I wasn't ever going to have DID due to my conclusions at the time, so I guess I could emulate a headmate until my brain thought it was real. And I still do think you can do this, don't get me wrong, I am fascinated by the human mind and how we process things and the nature of consciousness from a scientific level. I don't think its too far fetched for our brains to be able to do this, genuinely, even if I choose weird ways to describe it.

Anyway, I did try to make a tulpa a few times, maybe twice honestly, but each of them eventually got angry with me once they got to the point they could talk freely. The anger was about me doubting their existence after they were no longer being consciously forced and could do things without my input. Each time, after a little bit of arguing for weeks, they would disappear and I would be left feeling alone in scilence and upset at the fact that I ultimately caused them to leave me.

I have, in the past, "reset" myself somehow. I don't think I did it intentionally, I'm not even sure if there's a common trigger. It's happened a few times. It's happened in the past but I have no real memory of them except for vague feelings and fuzzy memories that feel like I'm seeing someone else's life. However I do remember more about the last two times than any other times.

The first of these was around 2016 I think, and that version of "me" now feels like a complete seprate being who has their own name, likes and dislikes, interests and hobbies, spiritual and political beliefs, and vision of themselves in terms of looks and self-concept. And then in 2019 that version of "me" got packed away into the back of my mind and suddenly I was someone else.

This 2019 "me" had some leftover interests, and of course had any knowledge nessicary to still life the continuous life that having a body and a presence requires, like knowledge of family and friends, jobs and schedules, and so on. It felt like taking over someone else's life, but none of their stuff is really yours. Their freinds suddenly feel like strangers, or at best acquaintances you could say "hello" to but really couldn't hold a conversation with anymore. Even interests and hobbies that carried over were either dampened feeling or the focus of that interest/hobby changed significantly enough that it wasn't really expressed in the same ways. 2019 "me" enjoyed art and drawing with a lot of the same enthusiasm that 2016 did, but with less of a focus on furry and more of a focus on anime, and in particular diving into the world of en ess eff double-yew, which 2016 was not interested in the least but 2019 was vigorously passionate about lol

The further back in versions of "me" we go, the fuzzier it gets. But the general feeling is the same. You wake up in a room with someone else's clothes, books, toys and collections and you have to fight yourself to not immediately throw them all out. You know that would just make them sad. And they do kind of pop back in, although usually only for a short time, a few hours to maybe a day or two, where you just suddenly feel like the past you is you again and everything from the name association, hobbies and beliefs come crashing back like a tidal wave, washing "current you" out of the picture for the time. And besides, they miss their friends. You think about their freinds from time to time, wanting to talk again, wanting to make the lingering sadness happy again...

Its happened again, 2023. I remember more clearly about 2019, since that was the "me" before me.

During 2019 me's "life" I went through another pretty traumatic event involving others who I trusted at the time, ended up homeless and really effed up. Obviously I made it out okay for the most part, I'm still alive and I'm here. I think 2019 me started dying around that time though.

And as it felt like 2019 me was dying, "others" started to feel like they were there. Past "me's" and the past tulpas and others as well who I never tried to intentionally create or who I remember as being a "reset." They would sometimes take over, like in that I would feel like I would suddenly be them and identified myself with their name, enjoyed their likes and hobbies, the dislikes, the views and opinions. And I wasn't actually "me" anymore, I was fully "them" in my opinion. Like a shape shifter who still feels themselves in the back of the current "you." Not really like a performance, like it was natural and correct.

At this point I want to notice we had stable housing and a stable job. Things were looking up around the time it felt like 2019 me was fading. While homeless "I" was the only one present, struggling to stay alive takes your full effort and attention and leaves very little room for thoughts pondering your potential identity. But after having a safe place to live is when we had that boom of sudden activity.

A lot of not much happens except daily life and occasional switches logged, happily accepting self as plural. Quietly too, I never ended up announcing it to anyone, and for most people we appeared as a single entity that just sometimes got into specific "moods." I was never actually interested in being loudly plural, even when I desired being plural from afar. Even back then I agreed (with myself lol) that if I ever found out I was plural we would keep it to ourselves and enjoy each other's company like an in-joke nobody else would ever be aware of but us.

But we did start to fade a bit, and after maybe just a month into 2023 everyone disappeared.

After the 2023 reset, I was left all alone, with all the knowledge of everything that happened. I felt again like a stranger in someone else's body, in their life. I knew inherently to keep up the charade and not tell anyone. I knew I couldn't just go up to 2019's friends and tell them "I'm sorry but you're a stranger to me now, like my sibling's friend's friends, and I'm really hurt by this because now i feel alone and empty." Nobody takes that the right way.

And I found a new fandom to be interested in so I could just pretend and "be someone else" and not have to address to 2019's friends why I suddenly stopped talking to them. New accounts, new personality. No name. Had several months of happy fun fandom time before the really bad feelings about abandoning my freinds and not explaining what happened at all to them started to set in.

Still, I was happy. I got to exist freely this time, maybe I could openly be plural online! But you know, the whole emptiness and they disappeared thing. It sucked, but I got little whispers here and there. Now that I think about it, I think they never really disappeared but just got super weak.

Whatever, the point here is I want them to come back but we keep having strained communication and difficulty with fuzziness any time any "non-me's" try to take over.

And I felt guilty.

So I messaged some of 2019's friends recently with mixed reception. Some of who just seemed like they were happy to hear anything at all after I disappeared completely for almost a whole year. Some who never really responded, Some of who I'm not even sure if they have seen it. Nobody really angry or anything. I didn't use any words like "plural" or "headmate" or anything. I explained it all as the past me being packed away completely, including the things they cared about, but still feeling that little sadness about it. Nobody brought up plurality either. I'm okay with that, I don't know if it's good to just suggest that out of nowhere to someone. But the lack of any question about that, especially from people who I know actually do know about systems, made me think really hard about if anything I expereinced here was even a plural thing or if it was just a mind trick I did because I was struggling with long lasting traumas. And I understand how ridiculous that sounds. I'm aware. I'm just trying to get it down in words that can be understood, it evokes that feeling of knowing you're right but fearing you're mistaken.

I'm so sorry I'm really tired and I didn't realize how long this post would take to type. I just got out of an exhausting shift at work and am so low on my battery words are starting to feel a bit strange for no reason.

So to cut the rest, the point in making this post is outside validation that I either AM or that I AM NOT making shit up because I wanted to be plural 10 years ago, or that I fucked up my brain by trying to make tulpas, or that I just discovered being a system through making tulpas I guess, or like what.

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I am super upset and feel really bad and guilty and responsible for not being attached to anything from 2019's life, including their freinds and I have no idea why I have these "resets" and is that just a normal "living and growing as a person" thing or is that what splitting or whatever feels like or like... is that just me being an asshole?

Am I an asshole?

I feel so empty, no name, no freinds, no real personality except the emulation of an anime character... abandoned everyone I cared about for almost a whole year... its hard and requires a lot of effort to "be" the others, or even talk to them... I'm so tired.

[namedaftercommunists]

'Meant to be' Daisuke (Mouthwashing) X Reader -OneShot

[Story takes place before Daisuke boards the Tulpa] [Fluff] [Romantic] [Gender Neutral Reader] It’s chilly out, and the menthol cigarettes you’re puffing on only add to it.

Ice fills and drains out your lungs with every inhale and exhale you make, and the smoke you make reeks of tobacco –a scent you hate, but admittedly, find comfort in. It hits your face when the wind picks up.

Now your clothes smell of tobacco.

“Stop that.” A familiar voice half-heartedly scolds before a hand from behind takes the cancer stick away from your mouth before extinguishing it with the heel of his worn Converse. The once-white soles are now yellowish with time and weather exposure.

“I hate when you do that.” You groan out -but your tone lacks venom. “-and I hate when -you- do that.” Daisuke says with a sigh before sitting next to you on the concrete rooftop.

He puts his hands out to you wordlessly, and you take out the small spray of antiseptic alcohol on your pocket to spray some on his hands. He never liked the smell of cigarettes, both of you know his parents would flip if he ever came home smelling like tobacco.

“I can’t help it.” You lazily defend yourself as you pocket the spray back. “It helps me keep my mind off things.” You add, despite Daisuke having heard this excuse time and time again since you started smoking years ago.

He rolls his eyes at this but doesn’t continue his nagging after. He knows you won't ever quit, not even with his constant lecture and reprimands. The best he can do is snuff out the cigarettes you light when you two are together.

“Your dad called.” Daisuke starts, and you already know that your father is calling for your whereabouts. You can only sigh and slump your shoulders at this.

“-and what did you say?” You ask, still looking at the city ‘view’. It’s a dilapidated thing, city walls covered in aging -sunbleached posters and tarpaulins that just get pasted and installed over one another since it was cheaper than taking the previous ones down.

It’s a view both Daisuke and you have watched grow and age while growing up.

“The usual. 'I don’t know’” He says with a shrug. “-and like always, he doesn’t believe me.” He continues.

“I don’t know why he bothers asking me. I give the same answer, you know?” Daisuke says with a chuckle, and you can only return it -the two of you never went a day without laughing together.

“You cave in sometimes.” You say, and he can only sheepishly nod at this. “I do- but that’s only, like, when I don’t ‘actually’ know where you are,” He says before awkwardly tucking a lock of his hair behind his ear to see you better. "Can you blame me for getting worried?" He rhetorically asks, and you're unable to talk back to that. Your nightly escapades are only a cause for concern when Daisuke doesn't know where you are.

“So what’s the matter?” He asks with a tilt of his head, referring to why you are up on the rooftops again. You respond with a shrug, which he sighs at.

“C’mon, what’s wrong?” He asks, leaning on your side and playfully nudging his shoulder on yours to get you to budge. You can only chuckle at his intrinsic nature to act childishly.

“Nothings wrong.” You answer, nudging his shoulder back. “I’m just –thinking about things.” You answer truthfully.

“Things like?” He asks, wanting you to expand on that. “I don’t know -just things in general.” You respond with an unsure shrug.

There’s a short silence between you two, with only the city ambiance filling the space before Daisuke inevitably breaks it.

“Are you moping because I’ll be going on that internship in a few days?” He asks somewhat jokingly with a boyish -teasing grin.

You can only scoff and roll your eyes at this. “Not everything is about you, loser.” You say with your own grin -your mood lightening up a bit.

“So you’re -not- sad about me leaving you for a year?” He asks with a raised brow, nudging your side with his elbow a bit. “I mean --I'm bummed out.” You downplay, making him dramatically pout.

“That’s it? Just bummed out?” He repeats with an unserious frown. “I was expecting, you know, tears in your eyes -or something.”

You let out another scoff at this. “I don't see -you- crying. Why should I when you aren't either.” You point out with a dramatic puff of your chest -making Daisuke laugh.

“You don't know that. Maybe I already cried.” He argues, still chuckling at your matched dramatism.

“Did you?” You ask with a curious brow -a bit taken aback.

“No.” He responds with a Cheshire laugh, and you roll your eyes at this again.

“Thought so.” You jokingly grumble before looking away from him -feigning hurt. He only laughs at this some more.

He takes a few moments to calm down, his laughter fading as his demeanor softens and he leans on your side some more.

“But I am sad,” Daisuke admits, his voice just barely above the sound of the city ambiance below you two.

“…”

You don’t know how to respond to this -looking back at him as he rests his head on your shoulder, leaning down a bit since he's just grown a few inches taller than you over the years.

“Aren't you?” He asks, looking up at you, his hair tickling at the skin of your neck. His voice is soft, and it's one of the few times you've heard him be -this- vulnerable with you.

“I am.” You answer truthfully, your shoulders slumping a bit.

You were sad -from the moment he told you about the internship even. It's a whole year apart without the person you've been joined at the hip with for more than a decade now.

It's terrifying and outright depressing just imagining going a day without seeing, talking, joking, and laughing with him.

-to not share these moments with him.

Your hand snakes its way to his, thumbing the bone of his knuckles, and your skin feels the warmth of his.

Daisuke was always warmer than the average person. It's a welcome contrast to how cold the city air was.

He holds your hand back, squeezing it for a moment.

“I'll think about you, like, all the time.” He says, and you can only snort at this a bit.

“You're corny.” You comment, and he can only childishly pout at this. “I'll think about you too.” You continue, your own voice growing softer as you look into his familiar, warm brown eyes.

“Thanks.” He says with a boyish grin, also looking into your eyes.

There's another comfortable silence between you two before he breaks it again.

“You wanna go buy ramen when I get back?” Daisuke asks, and you snort at this once more, tears pricking at your eyes from laughter as he continues to look at you with endearment.

“You didn't even go to space yet -and you're already making plans for when you get back?” You teasingly ask, and he can only laugh at this.

“Well I'm coming back, aren't I? Like, where would I go if not back here?” He argues back with a grin.

“You've got a point.” You say with a nod -following his logic.

“You gotta pay though -it's the least you could do after leaving me here.” You say, with feigned bitterness for his internship. You don't actually envy him, the thought of being in space already makes you nauseous.

“Fair -fair.” He says with a dramatic nod of understanding -the two of you chuckling right after.

You two calm down a few moments later, still smiling at one another, grinning ear to ear. Daisuke's cheeks were red, and your ears were burning the same color.

“I can't wait for you to get back.” You softly say, squeezing his hand. He mimics the action back.

“I can't wait either.” He says it back with the same softness.

It's funny. The city was far from quiet, and yet it felt as if there wasn't anything in the air other than the sound of both of your breaths. Your faces are just inches off of each other.

You always did find his moles pretty. . . . His cheek feels soft on your lips before you inevitably pull away.

There isn't any shock in Daisuke's expression, nor disgust or confusion. Your kiss on his cheek, just on his left mole, felt natural.

Like you were almost meant to place a kiss on it, to kiss his cheek, to kiss him.

Despite it feeling natural, he couldn’t help the rushing of blood to his cheeks, his face flushed.

A few moments pass before it’s his turn to close the gap, the heat of his breath hitting your cheek before his lips then press themselves against yours.

Like Daisuke, you can’t help the blood rushing to your head, the tips of your ears burning hot.

They’re soft. His lips are soft. As expected from someone who carries around a stick of chapstick in his pocket.

It's a simple peck to the lips, nothing more.

It…doesn’t feel like anything- at least not at first.

You’ve kissed others before, same for Daisuke, and like all others -there was no spark or fireworks in your gut afterward.

No. Instead of the usual burning or butterflies in the stomach that films and books always seem to insist upon -this kiss with Daisuke feels…normal.

Like your lips were always meant to be pressed together like this.

He pulls away after, and the two of you just sit in silence at this, looking into each other’s eyes. You two were neither pulling away nor moving closer.

His lashes are long and pretty, it’s an aspect of his that you’ve noticed early on in your youth.

This feels right -just being next to each other like this. With you eyeing every feature, crevice, and fold in his appearance.

Simply drinking the sight in -as if his face wasn’t something you saw daily for as long as you can remember.

Judging from how he’s looking at you, he may be doing the same.

You’ve both grown and changed over the years, yet, you still look like each other.

Daisuke, even with his taller height, the bit of muscle he’s put on, and the longer hair -still looked like the young Daisuke who ran around the classroom with playdough underneath his fingernails, and who boastfully sported the failed eyebrow slit he gave himself.

“I really like your nose. Did you know that?” He says.

The timing is awkward, and you can hear the slight shakiness in his voice despite his soft tone -like he was nervous. Despite this though, his sincerity comes across -it always does.

Your lips are on his again.

It doesn’t go further than that, but when either of you pant and pull away, the other is quick to join their lips again once they’ve caught their breath.

It’s warm despite the chilly night wind that pricks at both Daisuke's and your skin.

You squeeze his hand.

You can’t wait to spend more moments like these after he gets back.

[plurapony]

Endogenics need to realize the world doesn't resolve around them.

Let's lay out some ground rules first, endogenics aren't systems and endogenic plurality is nothing like having a CDD.

We once compared endogenics like a small fly that keeps buzzing in your ear and no matter how much you swat at it you can't quite kill it, and I still very much agree with that analogy. They infiltrate CDD spaces like a disease and are so prevalent that trauma survivors have to call themselves traumagenic systems (an entirely redundant term as you need trauma to be a system) and have to put endogenics in do not interact to distinguish themselves from endogenics.

I don't care if endogenic plurality exists, I really don't. My disorder is a trauma disorder and my experience with my parts is not a pleasant one. Overall I share the same sentiment as many other CDD systems would - that I would give anything not to have this disorder. I love my parts but if we could be singular and never go through what we did I would do it in a heartbeat.

Being endogenic doesn't make you special, it doesn't make you cool and it doesn't make you an individual. Sure in your echo chamber on Tumblr, you may find solace but in the real world or any other place online you look like an attention seeker and a fool. I remember once me and my wife found the tulpa subreddit and it was completely ridiculous, so much that it was humourous.

Truth be told, I don't care if someone is genuinely endogenic and plural. I've even told my wife from time to imagine herself as someone else to complete difficult tasks. I think the majority of it is nothing more than an imaginary friend, and if it's something that helps you - good for you. But the problem lies with the attention seeking and the need to prove themselves. Prove that they're real, prove that they're victims, prove that they are just as "valid" as trauma survivors that developed a CDD - to the point where they will harass anyone who disagrees with them.

So be endogenic and be plural if you want to. Just know that you're nothing like traumagenic systems and allow them to have their own spaces with their own boundaries. And for God's sake stop harassing people that don't like you, not every single person is going to like you just block them and move on.

[wouldatulpahelpthem]

Sorry this one took awhile. Got lost in the weeds researching/reading entirely more than was actually necessary. We've played a little bit of Undertale but it's just too hard of a game for us and we have a low threshold for frustration. 😅 But there's so much to it!

So today we ask:

Alphys is a reptilian monster character from the video game Undertale. She is a shy scientist with depression and anxiety. She's also a bit of a geek, loves anime and manga, and has a crush on Undyne. She also has a dark secret which I won't reveal here. (Really wish Tumblr had spoiler tags instead of just Read More cuts!)

Requested by @servantofwrath. Thanks for the request!

[sophieinwonderland]

Hi sophie (again) one really quick note, the reason i read through your ENTIRE blog is because my dissertation is on facetious disorders portrayed and influenced by social media and the likes of such- it is literally a 250 page document about people like you. It's literally a part of my research to read long-winded things like this and write about them. My livelihood revolves around this. I don't expect to see a Dr. before your name, but you can damn well expect to see it before mine.

The only reason I sent that ask and wrote a targeted post was to get a response from you. The only reason. Had some writers block lol, I needed some material 😅😅

Another note to add to the grooming part was not about LGBTQ or transgender people as I am both myself. Please do not take it as a jab to your gender identity, and I apologize if it came off that way. It was in no way meant to insult you in that regard.

First, thanks for clarifying about the use of grooming. I don't mean to suggest you did intend it as a remark about my gender identity.

But I do think it's important to note in a "you are not immune to propaganda" way. Because I think, consciously or unconsciously, anti-endos have adopted transphobic talking points.

I assume and hope that this is unconscious. That rather than looking at how conservatives have used these talking points to harm queer communities and going "yeah, we can use that talking point too with these people we don't like," this absorption and repetition of these talking points is happening on a subconscious level. In which case, I think it's important to understand where they've originated and what the history is behind them.

As well as what misusing these terms normalizes. Because repeating them does contribute to a culture that is okay with using "grooming" this way to associate people they don't like with child abusers.

Now, allow me to first commend you on starting work on your dissertation so early. Working on it at just 20 is quite impressive indeed.

Although I have to question the subject matter.

A factitious disorder is when somebody is faking a disorder or pretending to have a disorder. It seems strange that you would seek to use examples of people who do not actually have a disorder and are not claiming to.

Even if endogenic systems were lying, unless they're presenting themselves as having a disorder they weren't, they wouldn't qualify for criterion B.

If you do want to write about people who have plural experiences without having trauma or a disorder, you might want to actually read my studies and research page. I'm sure that you could find stuff there that could help you on your journey.

And if you plan on writing about tulpamancy, specifically, Dr. Samuel Veissiere's Variety of Tulpa Experiences is probably most useful in understanding the tulpamancy community and viewpoints on the practice.

I would also recommend Learning to Discern the Voices of Gods, Spirits, Tulpas, and the Dead, as it offers a great comparison between tulpamancy and other forms of non-pathological voice hearing.

I imagine that these studies are much more productive uses of your time than scrolling through over 11,000 Tumblr posts, and would look better as sources in your dissertation.

Finally, if you are committed to doing a dissertation on factitious disorder, I would highly advise learning how to spell factitious. Because it's not "facetious" disorders, and spelling it that way might look a bit awkward on your dissertation about factitious disorder.

[t4tharuspex]

castiel would absolutely take deans personification of baby literally and at first dean would be like aw he calls my car she :) just like i do. my best friend likes my car. but then he would start asking her consent for shit like buckling his seatbelt and putting a tape in, and taking a little pause and going Thank You Baby before proceeding. and dean would be like okay bro ur autism is showing a little the car isn’t sentient. and cas is like? she enjoys being included and acknowledged dean you know this. and over time he notices that baby Behaves for castiel. like rewinds tapes at the end for him, handles easier when he drives and always unlocks in time for him to reach the handle. and dean would be like Shit Cars Haunted and try to seance and shit but there’s no spirit poltergeist demon angel Anything. and he goes to sam like girl help car is haunted by a secret second thing we don’t know abt. and sam never sees any of the shit going on firsthand so he chalks it up to dean winchester mind disease and is like if it’s anything it might be a tulpa. cas has powerful faith, it once held up god in heaven and kept legions of angels in line for milenia so he probably has stronger influence than a regular person, therefor being able to power a tulpa car spirit solo. and deans like shit that almost makes sense. so he confronts cas and is like dude i love u but u have got to quit making my car alive it’s creepy i know u created a chitty chitty bang bang ass tulpa. que cas being like wtf are u talking abt no one being can manifest a tulpa it takes group hysteria to do such a thing. and deans like then explain herbie over here! and cas is just like dean are you stupid baby had a soul long before i ever met her. dean runs into oncoming traffic.

[apocalypseornaw]

Meant to Be (Pt 1/5)

Dean Winchester x Reader

You're Sam's best friend. That's the only connection you'll ever have to Dean...isn't it?

Warnings: cursing, mention of death. The usual

@lacilou s idea and I kind of ran with it

Also Bobby's alive past the Canon storyline cause I said so

You'd gotten dragged into hunting at a young age. Your aunt was your legal guardian and a full time hunter meaning you were raised bouncing between motel rooms much the same way Sam and Dean had. That was how you met them, Bobby may never have had his own kids but he had no issue in stepping in to help with both you and the Winchesters. When you were deemed too young to leave alone, too young to hunt you'd end up being dumped off at Bobby's.

You'd met Sam when both of you were ten and had gotten dropped off at Bobby's due to the flu. Your aunt had been mid hunt when she realized you were too sick to keep in a motel and Dean had demanded Sam be taken some where he could actually rest and get meds in him.

A quick friendship formed over the course of the next week while Bobby kept the two of you confinded to the living room. You both slept on the couch, curled up on opposite ends. Bobby would keep a schedule to meds that you both had to take along with feeding you enough soup to feed an army and constantly remind you both to drink more water.

When the week ended and your aunt along with Dean and John came to retrieve the two of you neither of you had wanted to leave each other's side, finally finding a friend that lived a similar life.

Your aunt and John ended up synching schedules on the three of you getting dropped off at Bobby's. Dean needed more training while you and Sam were just starting.

Dean was a smart mouthed fourteen year old, he didn't know why he had to get dropped off "like the little kids" he didn't want to train on the guns or knives with you and Sam, made fun of any movie the two of you watched and just seemed like he couldn't wrap his head around you being trained as a hunter.

You tried to be nice to him because he was your best friend's brother and you thought he was cute with his bright green eyes and splash of freckles.

Over the next few years you and Sam grew closer and Dean even started to accept you as a hunter and a friend of sorts. When Sam graduated high school with honors you were in the stands next to Dean, when you got your ged a couple months later they popped up at Bobby's to take you to dinner as a surprise.

While Sam was at Stanford you and him spoke regularly. You knew about the falling out between him and John when he'd headed for college. You'd encouraged Sam to chase his dreams outside of hunting, he deserved it.

You never told Sam how often Dean would track your most recent number down to check on him. You didn't mind Dean calling but seeing him was an entirely different story, the smart mouthed fourteen year old who was "kind of cute" and didn't quite get females as hunters had turned into a twenty five year old with a smirk that made your knees weak and a swagger that made women throw themselves at him no matter where he was.

--------------

You would never admit under torture to the crush you had on the eldest Winchester brother. You told yourself it would go away and it was easily buried for years after all dealing with loss after loss and an apocalypse or two would push anything to the back burner.

You had assumed the feelings were remnants of the fact that Dean had been your first actual crush. Over the years you'd had a few boyfriends here and there and as most hunters a few hookups under your belt as well. Hell Dean had more than a few hookups under his belt and had taken a year off hunting when he'd thought Sam was dead to be with Lisa. You had gotten over the feelings for Dean or so you'd thought anyways.

-------------

What pushed you back fully into the Winchesters' gravitational pull was when you'd gotten hurt on a hunt. A damn tulpa of all things. The embarrassment of getting rolled by something that only existed because a certain number of people believed in it was horrendous. What was even worse was the fact that while you were recovering at Bobby's he'd given you am ultimatum, find a hunting partner or quit.

"Bobby I've only ever been a hunter. I don't know anything else" you'd argued and he'd come right back with "Yeah and I've done lost too much to lose you. Please, I promised your aunt when you were just a kid I'd look after you. This is me looking after you"

You'd given up after that. Two days later Sam and Dean had rolled through Sioux Falls. Bobby had brought up wanting you to have a hunting partner and before Sam could agree to it Dean had spoke up "Hunt with us Y/N. You'd a damn good hunter I've seen you in action. You're Sam's best friend plus me and you get along"

You tried to ignore the little flip your stomach gave when he'd smiled at you, those green eyes as mesmerizing as always. "We'll do a trial run. I'll hang with you two for a few weeks and see if the dynamic can work full time" he'd grinned at that almost as if he'd taken your words as a challenge "Oh sweetheart. I'm a delight to be around and you know it"

You'd rolled your eyes and told Sam "Your brother is too damn full of himself" Sam had laughed and teased both of you by saying "Gee thanks Bobby for recommending me be with these two all the time"

@lacilou

[sysmedsaresexist]

We're curious, since you apparently were anti-endo in the past Was there any specific event or conversation or experience that got you to start contemplating the idea you might have been wrong? I know you've mentioned talking to a buncha big name docs and going "okay I think I'm on the wrong side of this debate" but what got you to the point of even bringing it up with them in a genuinely open minded way? We think its an interesting topic for people who've escaped any kind of shithead mindset, not just anti-endo stuff, and so we're oft curious what pulls people out of those pits

This has been a loooonnggggg time coming.

I wish there was just one event that did it, if it was that simple I'd be putting everyone I come into contact with into that situation.

I spoke with Kymbra Clayton in early 2021 about her paper, Critiquing the Requirement of Oneness. It was on a bunch of, "proof endos exist," lists, and it didn't sit right with me. I was surprised to find that she wasn’t... quite anti endo, but she was upset that her work was being used to support them. Her paper was specifically about the shift in clinical circles from final fusion to functional multiplicity as a possible treatment goal. It sort of sent me deeper on the anti side, but it made me realize that, holy crap, I can talk to these people???

So I emailed Colin Ross later that year, desperate to prove someone else wrong, and despite numerous back and forth emails, he was completely pro endo. I never spoke about that conversation until I made my post about it... jeez, what, two weeks ago? What even is time.

But from there, I worked through other doctors, pro and anti, from both my personal, professional circles, and anyone else who would respond to inquiries about their work on whatever social media they were active on. Mostly, as therapists, they stressed the importance of understanding and kindness, regardless of personal beliefs.

I ended up helping a lot of endogenic systems learn about DID, and I realized that, wow, shocking, being nice facilitates conversation. As I got nicer, people were more willing to talk to me about their experiences. I saw how many people were really struggling and I realized that I wanted to help them more than I wanted to be right.

I got REALLY goddamn tired of hearing, "we don't have DID," and I realized I had to concede on that point. There was ZERO conversation to be had if I couldn't get my head around that. But if not DID, then what?

The more I heard, the more I shaped my own thoughts and understanding, the more I broadened my academic searches (wow, there's more terms to Google than just "DID trauma"), and the research was just overwhelming.

I wanted so badly to see the Stanford Tulpa studies fail that I actually started to enjoy the other work of the doctors involved (specifically Tanya Luhrmann, Michael Lifshitz is a little out there for me, but he sure is passionate). The more I read, the more I understood what they were hoping to accomplish and prove, and the more I saw ways that this kind of research can help people.

I don't agree with everything, but I'm still excited to see where it goes, and I realized it's okay to have mixed feelings and opinions, as long as I could be respectful about it.

I've been sneaking out endo safe content for about a year now, adding it on as the last tags. I've discussed at length about my changing beliefs. I'm shocked that no one noticed??

But I didn't actually change my stance publicly until the antis turned on me.

With this new round of antis from TikTok, they were posting stuff about DID that wasn't correct. At all. Some of it was disgustingly wrong. I tried to correct them, gave them pointers and resources to use, explained things they weren't understanding. I gave an amazing play by play of how @sophieinwonderland was going to tear their post apart, and managed to get it pretty damn close to what actually happened! That was fun.

And in return, they called me an endo and started an actual smear campaign against me.

(Hi, friendos, another reminder to get off my blogs and block me, please)

It was the straw that broke the back. I had held on the anti label specifically to be able to work within the anti community, but I was clearly not anti, these were clearly not my people, and they weren't interested in learning. Their actions and behaviour were beyond low. I wanted nothing to do with them.

But, I mean, I guess some people noticed my slow shift, because when I did reach out into the endo community just before I made my first Colin Ross post, they were quick to pull me in without question.

The acceptance and kindness that has been shown to me is... breathtaking. I can't think of a better word. The conversations that I've been having with people have been more interesting and beneficial than ever before.

Syscourse needs to involve actual conversation, and I've finally found that on the pro side.

TL;dr I wanted to prove endos wrong SO badly that I accidentally proved them right

[kitsunemist66]

Explaning Rei as a character and some small backstory things

Although now a "cryptid-human and bunny person" Rei originally started off as a type of Tulpa like character, in a way accidentally made by Sebastian because he was trying to cope with his situation

Although he could only really access Rei via dreams, Rei is more in the subconscious mind area if that makes any sense

Since he often sleeps to escape the bizarre situations he would stick around Rei in said dreams, befriending them more and more

Because Rei is a type of coping mechanism,i made it so that they protect sebastian mentally at least by defeating creatures in said dreams that represent the household (as you know bad thoughts create nightmares which also causes many more issues to a person already suffering lol)

Reis main purpose of existence is to protect Sebastian

Although wanting to make a bigger impact on protecting him via real world, they would set off to try and enter the outside world

I plan to make a comic going more in depth on their journey but to keep it short , despite being informed that they cant leave without an actual vessel to possess they still went for it

When they did manage to spawn into the woods they experienced Amnesia and forgot their purpose and who or where they are , with no vessel to posess their body at the start was really flexible and floppy like a rubber hose animation (their whole being trying to adjust to reality with no real body) + their vision being based off of the way they perceive people (this effect stayed)

They Stumbled upon Present day problem robert takeuichi in the woods who attempted to recruit them, spent a week traveling the woods together before being fully seperated by a "werewoof infected person" (not sure what to call them) attack

Rei pretty much ran into the roadside where they got hit by the ivory familys truck and was then taken home because Luther wanted to help them recover (main reason why Rei really is respectful towards him and sees him as a normal human) although would later allow Randal to keep them as his pet

Since they forgot who sebastian was they had to completely start over, again Rei made it their main goal to escape the house with him (thats all i could think of at the moment.)

So very much ReiSeb (oc x canon because im insane)

I am cringe but free.