#whole series a continuing cycle of abuse

[hhighkey]

i will say after reading the acotar trilogy and getting to the mess of book 4/5…. and then being removed and seeing ppl talk abt SJM shit writing … IC sucks. rhysand sucks. cass sucks. mor sucks. azriel sucks. i mean fuck having elain and nesta included at the end of 2 ruined it for me. but they’re all abusive manipulative adults who need severe therapy. tamlin never shoulda teamed up w hybern but he had every right to do what he did. rhys a known damaeti… why would u believe an illiterate feyre could write u a goodbye letter. rhys is nothing but a grandstanding mayor of velaris when SJM writes him as a “good character with a mask” that is a LIE based off how he treats his people. his character would be better literary wise if he wasn’t portrayed as perfect when the mask is stripped for feyre. and let’s just take the main characters bodily autonomy away!!! feyre needed time to fucking breathe not date two men almost marry one and then marry another by 20. watched her dad die. fought a damn worm. fought in a war. yet she’s a strong girl boss?? who knows exactly how to strategize and play people?? when other fae had to fight and spy and shit for centuries she’s just perfect? okay. and now she’s having a kid?? i can’t even finish acosf and i won’t read whatever acotar books come out later but will keep up. anyways hope im not the only one

i’m at the point where i fucking hate acotar with a passion and despise the IC and seeing tik toks on it piss me off (don’t get me started on nesta but rhys as a whole is EW. and azriel would def be the type to cheat on his mate bc grass is greener! /s)… but i love lucien and eris (praying tamlin gets his healing arc) with passion. i WANT eris … and i keep getting more passionate about it and all the writing plot holes and character regressions since i eat up everything eris and have been slowly writing for him … i haven’t been able to get eris out of my mind for months and it infuriates me bc he’s too good for acotar

ALSO sjm pls have feyre leave rhys’s ass. you’d redeem urself as an author to me (but not as a person)

[jubileemon]

Explaining Huskerdust slowburn

Huskerdust is one of the most popular ships within the Hazbin Hotel fandom, which started with their first interaction in the pilot.

From the outset, Angel Dust shows a clear attraction towards Husk, which is evident from his immediate flirtatious behavior upon Husk's arrival as the hotel's bartender. This attraction is not subtle as Angel Dust is overt in his advances, often pushing boundaries. On the other hand, Husk was initially dismissive and annoyed by Angel's flirtations, responding with expletives and a general attitude of disinterest. Yet, this sets the stage for a relationship that promises to evolve slowly over time.

Although they started off bad, with Husk often finding great irritation in Angel's continued advances, their relationship would begin to deepen as the series progresses.

In the beginning, Husk made it no secret that he was forced to stay at the hotel because of his ties to Alastor and would gladly get as far away as he could if able to. He's addicted to gambling, much the same way Angel is addicted to drugs and sex. He used to be an Overlord but gambled away his bound souls until he got desperate enough to sell his own soul to Alastor.

While his words were poorly timed, pushing Angel's buttons after he'd just suffered a night of abuse from Valentino in "Masquerade", it's hard to deny that Husk is right to be frustrated with Angel's sexual harassment. He's cuttingly accurate when he points out how Angel's lewd and carefree behavior is all a self-destructive act that he hides behind to avoid his problems, and that nobody in the Hotel is particularly impressed with or taken by the front he puts up.

In the episode "Masquerade", a pivotal moment occurs when Husk rescues Angel from a potentially dangerous situation at a club that shows a protective side under his gruff exterior. Afterwards, Husk continues to remind Angel that he can stop his act. However, Angel, shedding tears and expressing his sadness, lashes out at Husk as they argue, explaining he needs to be who he is in order to break himself, both to wash away his misery and escape Valentino.

Saddened by this, Husk helps Angel recognize the parallel misery, which led to them both admitting their regrets and Husk revealing his past as an Overlord to Angel.

Husk getting through to Angel Dust in the manner he does makes a considerable amount of sense when it's taken into account that the first step to overcoming drug addiction is usually getting the addict to acknowledge they even have a problem. Angel hasn't been able to get better despite having some genuine interest because he's been utterly refusing to admit he has a problem to fix, the moment he does his mood drastically improves as does his motivation.

The song 'Loser, Baby' became an uplifting melody for Husk and Angel Dust's relationship. It encapsulates the message that while they may see themselves as losers, they aren't alone in their struggles.

The whole song is just "Stop thinking you're special". Some people may see that as a bad message (at first) considering what Angel goes through, but like him, staying in that mindset of "No one knows what I'm going through, no one else knows what it's like to be me, etc." would not be good for him at all as it would create a barrier of isolation. To be clear, the point is that Husk calls Angel a loser because people, especially very hurt people, need to break their cycle of self-loathing somehow. And sometimes, sometimes, people need to hear that they are, in fact, a loser. But that's okay because a lot of other people are too. This is even reflected in the song, with Angel initially assuming Husk is mocking him, but eventually picking up what he's actually saying. The message isn't "You're not special lmao," it's actually "You're not alone in this, and embracing that is a big step in getting out of it."

A small detail many fans have noticed is that whilst Valentino is very forceful with Angel Dust both emotionally and physically, during the song “Loser, Baby,” Husk is never seen grabbing Angel Dust at all during the song, only ever offering his hand out for him to accept. It's apparent that Husk is expressing more interest in Angel Dust, after seeing that he isn't as shallow as he comes off to be. Since then, Angel and Husk have formed a special bond through being vulnerable and honest with each other. But this scene also shows Husk's concern for Angel's well-being, especially when it comes to drugs and a potential relapse.

In the episode "Welcome to Heaven", Cherri invites Angel and Husk along with Niffty and Sir Pentious to a bar. During this scene, Cherri tries to motivate Angel to take drugs as a way to relieve stress. Husk reminded Angel it would destroy his progress. Husk then admits that Angel succumbing to drugs would really disappoint him. Angel declines the offer, making Husk smile, but later starts heavily drinking, something Husk disapproves of.

This concern is reciprocated when Angel Dust takes care of a drunk Niffty, suggesting a shift from his earlier, more self-centered behavior. The confrontation with Valentino, where Husk is ready to defend Angel Dust, further cements their bond.

Angel was very attracted to Husk and didn't hide it, with his constant boundary pushing flirtation. After being called out for this behavior, Angel not only begins a genuine bond with the cat demon but also stops the annoying, aggressive flirtation.

As they were preparing to fight the exorcists, Husk unconsciously makes a sex comment saying that "Angels won't stop coming", and Angel laughs at this remark. Husk realizes the double meaning of it, and laughs admitting his mistake.

During the bar scene in "The Show Must Go On" an instrumental of "Loser, Baby" plays in the background during Angel and Husks' conversation, which further underscores the hidden depths of their bond. Angel takes Charlie's words to heart about living however you want that night since it may be your last. How does he choose to do it? By simply having a drink with Husk and Cherri Bomb. Husk even notes that he's changed quite a lot since he came to the hotel.

Also, the way he looks at Husk and the little piano reprise of "Loser, Baby" playing in the background. Angel's feelings for him may run deeper than they seem... 😍

[lookingforhappy]

TUA wasn't "always meant to end like this" nor did it build up to a tragic everybody dies ending in any way

sorry this is long and rambly but im noticing a lot of people coming out of the woodworks saying that the ending wasnt even bad actually and i just.. its not a redeemable ending to me and yes it does ruin the rest of the show for me and i wish i had the strength to make it not so but im stuck rn.. anyway:

i don't think i can forgive the ending, more than anything that happened in the final season

they had interesting character points, in an interesting setting.

and yeah they didnt tie up anything, and several people were out of character this season but thats nothing new in this fandom

eudora was forgotten, diego and luthers personalities didnt develop they were altered to be more palatable for the audience, grace and pogo became cameo characters instead of finishing their arcs or development in a meaningful way, reginalds plan has made less and less sense as the seasons go on, the commission was entirely changed from its set up in s1 and then forgotten.

thats all forgivable as long as the season is self contained and satisfys the tone and story.

s4 did none of these things - its not self contained as it leaves jennifer and abigail severely underexplained, and then flips the tone and message of the entire series on its head.

people have already noted that the theme of the show is that recovery from abuse haunts you into adulthood but with love and hard work and perserverance you can overcome it. the apocalypse has always been a metaphor for the cycle of abuse and how it continues to harm people after its been done, and how allowing it to dictate your life will end up in it imploding in your face etc.

but theres also just the general tone of the show.

the final season tries to make out that the siblings are themselves responsible for the apocalypses and only their death can prevent more apocalypses (twisting the meaning to be that of "if you have trauma then you should kill yourself" which like.. clearly bad, no explanation needed)

but to pull through on this ending the previous seasons need to have ended in tragedy too, or hinted towards it tonally. they never do.

the obvious way to do this would be to write each season ending/apocalypse to be sad/tragic. have the focus be on the people dying horribly in pain, show the remorse of the siblings, punish them by making it personal, show that they killed everyone and they know it.

the only season that even slightly does this is s1 as patch is killed because of diego, pogo and grace are killed because of luther and viktor, and the rest of the supporting cast is killed due to viktor.

but even season 1 isnt framed as a tragedy or a story leading up tot a tragedy.

its a story of hope. the siblings arent upset by the apocalypse because they can survive and prevent it and theres hope for the future and more specifically for THEIR future. nothing else remains from this timeline other than them because the whole show is centred as their recovery story. their hope.

if this was ever going to be presented as a hopeless tragedy then we needed to see characters like claire killed brutally. we needed to actually see Grace's lifeless body. we needed to see the consequences and see that nothing they did was fixing anything by having these consequences follow them and not just in a "this happened and im sad" but in everyone around them and them becoming worse as time goes by.

if they wanted the whole "we cant exist" ending to work then we needed to frame s1 and all subsequent seasons to actually show that it was their actions that caused the apocalypses.

viktor causes the first apocalypse because of reginald's abuse.

the US government causes the second apocalypse because they tortured an innocent to the brink of death and then got upset and aggressive when that had consequences (viktors powers overspilling and destroying the fbi building). like sorry that apocalypse was never viktors fault - its like false confession under torture, it doesnt count as real because he only did it to make torture stop.

the 3rd apocalypse is caused by Harlan accidentally killing their mothers, which again is not even his fault. he didnt want to kill them he just lost control and he had no idea that it would end the world (logically it shouldnt because this apocalypse defies the laws of time that they themselves established for the show).

the final apocalypse isnt even caused by them its caused by abigail and reginald. as are, technically, all of the apocalypses as abigail created the marigold and reginald released it and created the broken timeline by allowing it to travel with him to the umbrellas world.

in s2 the apocalypse has no consequences because they prevent it. ray and sissy and harlan get to live. klaus' cult memeber get to live. they even punctuate this ending by showing that theyre moving on and progressing in their healing because ben is finally allowed to move on with his afterlife, and he is no longer kept there, stalling their recovery from his death. even five's integration into the family again in s1 showed growth and recovery and HOPE.

in s3 the world is saved, and luther is brought back to life and five and diegos limbs are returned. everyone who was erased/died like lilas family and reginald are brought back to life because there is HOPE.

if they wanted to sell a tragedy and sell it well then we needed to see consequences. allison should have died in s1. five should have given up and returned to the commission in s2. luther should have stayed dead in s3. their families should have died and caused them pain.

nothing about this ending followed through on the theme of hope.

there are ways to do it. and its been done well.

romeo and juliet works because they are remembered. star wars prequels are loved because its a doomed from the beginning story that ends with hope in the form of luke saving his fathers soul and returning the jedi to their true state - protectors and peace keepers. frodo and bilbo return from their journeys ill and grieving and forever changed, and they and the magic beings of middle earth have to pass on before their time because of the harm of their stories. macbeth dies in the end because his story was one of a hero becoming a villain.

theres so many good examples of tragic endings but s4 wasnt one of them.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

What Carmy wants

IMPO it's pretty obvious that what he wants is Reparation by Opposition.

In Psychogenealogy and Transgenerational Therapy this means that when you come from a family that was the source of trauma, your responses can only be 3 potential ones: Repetition → status quo that only serves to perpetuate the trauma, Opposition → breaking the cycle but in spite, not as a reparation but as defiance, again: trauma response, OR REPARATION BY OPPOSITION → the only response that includes real healing and liberation from that trauma, which entails not perpetuating the toxic cycle, not acting in spite and just to challenge the status quo to prove "them" wrong or that they don't own us, etc. It's the only mature and healthy response, although the other two do not necessarily imply a conscious conflict. Some people can lead a seemingly "conflict-free" life even when perpetuating the status quo or opposing to it in an act of vengeance, like our case study here:

He wants his legacy to be all he never had growing up:

A panic-less environment.

Anxiety-free.

Be square with everything and everybody.

To make it good, he'd have to filter out the bad.

I already went over this in terms of the show in general because I firmly believe those lines are nothing but a huge foreshadowing of the show's whole arc, and as usual, Storer hid it in plain sight:

That is why MEAT was in the background, in the frame, in the center, because what Carmy was saying was the whole "meat" of the show:

However, as for Carmy, individually speaking, those lines are ANOTHER PIECE OF HARD EVIDENCE, we, Sydcarmy truthers can and should hold onto and go by, to back up our SYDCARMY ENDGAME claims and wishes. We are not delulu. Well, not because of believing in Sydcarmy endgame anyway...

There is no way on Earth Carmy can achieve all that with the C person. Someone who represents his past and triggers his trauma to the point of causing panic attacks, someone who he associates with the "old Carmy" he wants to outgrow to get to where he wants to be and spend the rest of his life in (his purpose). Of course, she represents the status quo for him, the literal girl next door who is totally familiar with his past family trauma and all the things he wants to leave behind. She is what his toxic family wanted for him. She is in no way, shape or form a symbol of progress or healing, you can read about that in pretty much ALL my C Person meta, here ↓

The only character on the whole show that represents change, evolution, growth, and progress, is:

Every one of Carmy's breakthroughs, had her presence in them, in one way or another.

He started turning The Beef around when she came along, even when everyone was still opposing his leadership because he wasn't alone anymore:

He accepted his shortcomings and vowed to change:

He shared his dream with her because he trusted her fully, even when he had only met her for a few months at that point (he didn't even trust C with his right number even after knowing her for years)

He shared her dream:

He put everything in her hands and then couldn't live with the guilt of having let her down, which triggered ALL HIS DEMONS.

She was also there when he gathered the strength to confront his abuser:

Summing up, the only one who can bring out this Carmy we all want, including himself, is Sydney and he already knows that, he told her:

Bonus track: What Syd always wanted and still does is this ↓

The great news is that what Syd and Carmy want are FULLY COMPATIBLE things.

which is the key to any healthy and lasting relationship love story. Not wanting the same things, none of us want the same things as our partners at all times, it's impossible and or childish because we are dynamic beings and individuals, and any relationship that annuls or censors our individuality can't or shouldn't last. Now, finding someone with whom you can be yourself, NOT LOGAN:

Being accepted by them and at the same time inspired and driven to change for the better, as opposed to remaining stuck in the past, THAT IS LOVE and that is at the very least PROMISING. A relationship based on that and on trust can only be a good one, no matter how toxic or hard it gets at times, as most relationships at some point do or might because that means that all the tools to "fix" it, are there, at hand.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[casscainmainly]

I think the recent Cass and Jason discussion is very interesting bc like, Jason or even steph in her first appearance take these actions of righteous, murderous (or near murderous) justice bc of the fact that not only have they've been abused, but they're also able to recognise that fact, and feel that despite everything, they didn't deserve to suffer like that (Jason with his murder, Steph with her childhood abuse)

Whereas Cass struggles for most of her series to recognise that she was abused and struggles to properly resent her abuser on the grounds that she didn't deserve it. She resents David for being a killer and making her love him, for making her a killer, but rarely for the actual abuse that came with her training. She eventually recognises it right before the end of pre-52 in batgirl 2008, but not after a long time, and she still tries to save David at the very end after contemplating letting him die.

she does grows to resent Bruce after some time, and confronts him, showing that she's slowly gaining higher expectations for how she should be treated after developing relationships outside the batfamily (coincidentally with Steph, someone who can relate over having a shitty dad, along with her love interests like Kon and Tai)- though Bruce, despite his multitudes of bad parenting moments never truly abuses cass like david did, so there's nuance, and after her fight with bruce, she still has trouble fully reckoning with her abuse (still calls david shooting her 'a game' in front of tim- she knows its wrong but still doesn't act upset about the fact it happened to her).

She kind of sees all the training she went through as a necessary evil in order to have the skills to be a hero- which is somewhat true, but I think it also contributes to her being unable to see herself, even partially, as a victim for large portions of her narrative.

She can understand abuse as something that molds you into a killer, she can't understand being abused and then choosing to be a killer bc of the righteous fury you have at what happened. In Cass' mind her abuse is synonymous with killing. That's the worst thing Cain ever did to her and the reason she ran away. She can't understand someone like Jason choosing it as a way to cope/deal with abuse.

I don't think this is necessarily a ground breaking thought but I think abuse is an interesting lense to look at both Jason and Cass' stories- pre52, Jason's story is about continuing a cycle of abuse. Criminals hurt him, he hurts criminals, and anyone who gets in his way of hurting the criminals, bc even tho he pursues justice, he also pursues retribution, which is hard to do justly. Between that and the whole zombie/living ghost thing, it's downright gothic. Whereas Cass' story is about breaking out of a cycle of abuse- nobody dies bc she let one person die and will never let it happen again. It's just an interesting way to view their differences I think. Good Cass and Jason posts recently!

I LOVE THIS!! I absolutely think abuse informs the way Jay and Cass see the world (and Steph - Steph, in many ways, is the median point between Jason and Cass).

It's the fundamental question that drives Jason and Cass apart. For Cass, her question is: how can I be the victim if I'm the villain? And for Jason, the question is more: how can I be the villain if I'm the victim?

I love this line: "Cass struggles for most of her series to recognise that she was abused and struggles to properly resent her abuser on the grounds that she didn't deserve it." This is doubly complicated by the genuine love David Cain had for her - that panel of them watching the stars kills me every time. This is another key difference between Jason and Cass' abuse (taking Jason's abuse to be his death) - Jason had no love for the Joker, but Cass did love David Cain.

It's why it's so easy for Jason to want to kill the Joker, and so hard for Cass to even be angry at her father. And your point here - "In Cass' mind her abuse is synonymous with killing" - is absolutely on point, because Jason's conception of abuse is the helplessness of being murdered. They are both acting in ways to prevent what abuse means in their minds: as Batgirl, Cass will never have to kill again, and as Red Hood, Jason will never have to be helpless in the face of murderers again.

Any rebuke of their moral codes feels like a denial of the abuse they suffered. It's why Cass can't allow others to kill, and why Jason can't accept Bruce's reasoning for not killing the Joker. It's why these versions of them could never get along. Argh there's been such good Cass and Jason commentary recently, they drive me insane!!!

[iridiss]

Something I don’t think people have noticed, because it’s not present in canon, is the fact that Zane was in the Nether for three years, and what that means.

From how many days passed in the overworld before Ungrth broke Laurance out of the Nether, I assume that Laurance was in there for about a week or two in overworld time. We also know that time passes differently in the Nether than it does in the Overworld, and though I don’t think we’re ever given an exact equivalent of like…”one day in the Overworld is three days in the Nether” etc. it can still be assumed that in the Nether, it at least feels like longer than that (especially since the Nether has no visible day/night cycle so you have no idea how much time has passed in the Nether)

Laurance was in there for 1-2 overworld weeks, and he came out absolutely traumatized. He was in terrible health physically and took days to recover back to his usual self, and mentally speaking it left him with a permanent scar and likely PTSD. He never stops speaking to Aphmau about how being in the Nether and being turned into a Shadow Knight was a traumatic and horrific process.

Zane died in late season 2, season 2 ends, and there’s a 3 year time skip between the end of season 2 and the start of season 3, when Zane breaks out of the Nether. Meaning, if he was turned into a Shadow Knight immediately after he died, which is extremely likely—he was in the Nether for three years. Which is a whole lot more than two weeks!! Now, he’s not shown as traumatized or physically damaged at all, but it is confirmed in a flashback that he was still highly painfully tortured during his time there. Its even implied that the other Shadow Knights are out to harm him or physically abuse him in some way because they remember how Zane Ro’meave hurt them in life and they want their revenge. So, it’s possible that on top of the torture of being turned into a Shadow Knight, he suffered abuse from the other Shadow Knights during his time there.

Now, of course there’s only so much kinds of “torture” that a PG-13 Minecraft cartoon series (written by Jess) will be willing to show, so instead of physical torture, the Nether itself is “burning away his soul” and that’s why he’s in excruciating pain. But nonetheless that seemed to be enough of a torture method for Laurance to be traumatized, so by that logic Zane should be MUCH more severely damaged both physically and mentally than he is at the start of season 3. My man should be BROKEN IN. If Laurance could barely walk or stand after coming out of the Nether, then Zane should be fucking keeling over unconscious. This boy should be UNWELL. With SEVERE trauma/PTSD my man should be put through the Wringer. That man is NOT coming back the same man he was when Aphmau & the gang last saw him. Laurance certainly wasn’t!!! For every trauma attack Laurance has from his 2 weeks in the Nether, Zane should be having twenty more from his 3 years spent in the Nether, he should be fucking BROKEN

Canon!Zane goes through the one process that is consistently canonically deemed to be the most traumatic and horrible process known to man, and he comes out of the Nether completely unchanged as a person, virtually no different than he was before he died. If anything, he’s in his best era!! He’s a hyper powerful immortal being now, he’s prancing around like he’s living the evil dream !! and meanwhile Laurance continues to decay from his trauma and gets worse and worse as it eats him alive. What is this, a skill issue??? Laurance and Vylad and Sasha and Vincent can be traumatized by the events of their death and their turning, but Zane is having a fucking blast??? This man who was tortured for three years straight?? (and don’t even get me started on how damn long three overworld years might have actually been in the Nether with its time distortion)

man should be broken. irreparably. man should not be half as “don’t stop me now by queen” as he is in canon. man should be the target of the worlds worst whump fic with no comfort. give me whump hurt/comfort MCD Zane material. which, thankfully as a fanfic author, I am capable of doing !! and will be treating season 3 Zane accordingly from now on

[zukosdualdao]

i don’t begrudge people interesting aus, and i get why someone might be interested in exploring a plot where azulon didn’t really order ozai to kill zuko and that whole series of events went differently from what zuko was told and what the narrative says (and the comics, contentious as they are, further cement.)

that being said: when it comes to canon, i strongly dislike the argument that it can’t really be that azulon ordered ozai to kill zuko because it’s illogical when he just berated ozai for disrespecting iroh and lu ten after lu ten’s death…

because like… yes. it’s illogical, and unfair, and absurd, especially when he’s ostensibly doing it in the name of love for iroh and respect for the family line (which is not actually what it’s about, but more on that in a minute.)

it’s not logical or reasonable. that’s the point.

abusers don’t care about logic, not as it pertains to them. abusers will often give illogical orders or make unreasonable demands and then treat everyone else as the problem when they can’t live up to them or else point out the flawed nature of them.

(we also see how it affects zuko and azula, who have both been taught this behavior both by example (and, in zuko’s case, by being on the receiving end of it. the demand he endlessly search for a deity-like figure no one’s seen in a hundred years and most people believe to be forever-dead springs to mind.) in the storm, zuko unreasonably demands that they continue their search for the avatar and that the safety of the crew doesn’t matter, but the whole episode is about deconstructing that mindset and showing how he got there, and in the end, he chooses to do the right thing, saving a crew member and deciding to get the ship to safety instead of following aang. azula, by contrast, orders her own soldiers to pull in the ship despite the tides, and only doubles down (and violently threatens) when questioned, showing a lack of respect for the laws of nature itself. this is her first proper episode, and she never truly grows out of this mindset. see also: cherries accidentally left un-pitted being treated as evidence of high treason.)

there is a story about intergenerational trauma and the cycles of abuse being told here. azulon is contradicting himself. he’s a hypocrite! abusers often are! he doesn’t care, though, because why should he, when he defines what’s right and wrong—just as ozai does and as he teaches azula to—not through any consistent moral conviction or code but through what he decides to do and therefore what he perceives as his right to do? in his mind, the only ‘right’ is his final word, and the highest ‘wrong’ is going against it.

and while he couches his outrage at ozai’s attempt to usurp iroh’s place in the line of heirs in language that suggests it’s about loyalty to iroh and respect for the family line—it’s not really. it’s outrage that ozai, the son he clearly doesn’t care for, dares to question iroh’s place, and therefore azulon’s judgment and authority, as the rightful heir, the respected general, the golden child.

but it’s not even about genuinely respecting iroh or what he would want, whatever azulon may tell himself. iroh, who, even at the height of his imperialist indoctrination and military power, i very earnestly believe would have been horrified to learn azulon ordered zuko’s murder and that it was done, ostensibly, on “his behalf”—even though he never and never would have asked for it. and, especially coming just after lu ten’s death, i think he would hate for his grief at the loss of his son to be twisted and used in this horrendous way.

anyway. azulon’s order doesn’t match up with what he say he values and is trying to defend, but that’s because those things are not what he’s truly so angry about. it’s about control. he has it, and he will make any illogical, cruel, sadistic order he wants when someone challenges it, because he can.

which, by the way, is ozai’s whole MO as well.

[marvelstoriesepic]

Breaking Chains (2)

Pairing: Biker!Bucky x reader

Series Summary: Leaving behind an abusive and possessive boyfriend, and finding refuge in the hometown you once yearned to escape, certainly wasn’t a chapter you anticipated in your life’s story. Yet, eyes as blue as the sky at dusk, belonging to a mysterious biker drew you into a world of unexpected possibilities, where a job at his bar becomes more than just a means of survival - it’s a pathway to freedom and self-discovery. Though, breaking away from your past proves daunting when shackled by invisible chains.

Chapter word count: 6.3k

Warnings: flashback to toxic relationship, abuse and possessiveness; vomiting; toxic parents; nightmare; self-preservation; anxiety

Author’s note: Here’s the second part. Let me know if you want to be tagged on the next one. Thank you for the support!!

Series Masterlist | Masterlist

“Michael!”

“Michael, stop!”

You chased after your boyfriend, steps pounding over the wooden floorboards of your apartment that felt little like home since you shared it with him.

Your heart was hammering against your chest, lead filled your stomach and your cheek was still stinging from a few moments earlier when his palm had met your face in a swift motion.

The sound of the mixer lid opening reverberated through the apartment and panic surged within you as you quickened your pace.

You rounded the corner into the kitchen where he stood beside the kitchen counter, the mixer sitting innocently next to the microwave. Michael held your phone precariously over the open mixer, his other hand poised to turn it on. Tension crackled in the air, though that was a known occurrence by now. As was the dangerous glint in his eyes.

Another call lit up the screen of your phone - your coworker who had tried to check in with you a few times this week, since you haven’t shown up at work for a while now, Michael not letting you leave the house. However, the many messages and unanswered calls in the last minutes reached the peak of his rage, and his patience - there wasn’t much to begin with - wearing thin.

“You’re not going back there again, do you understand that?”

The deadly calm of his threat weighed heavily on you, bearing you down, suffocating you.

“Michael-”

“Do you understand?” He roared, his whole body shaking with rage.

“Yes. So leave it be. Put it down Michael, you don’t need to do this!”

You walked towards him, eyes wide and arms out in front of you. Trembling hands reached out to grab your phone, pulling it out of his white-knuckled grasp. Before you could retreat, his grip wrapped around your arms instead, his touch like a vice. His hard gaze sent shivers down your spine, his dark eyes burning with a fury that seemed to consume him from within. His voice was laced with venom.

“You fucking bitch!”

You knew what came next, got used to the routine by now - the shouting, the violence, the destruction. It was a cycle that seemed impossible to break, a cycle that left you feeling numb. When he shoved you aside, your body collided painfully with the counter, but you barely registered the pain. It was a familiar sensation. So you stood there, frozen in place, as he continued his rampage, his voice cutting through the air like knives. His arms were wildly thrashing around, aggressive shouting meeting the walls of your apartment.

Picture frames crashed to the ground, their glass surfaces shattering into a thousand pieces, mirroring the shattered fragments of your once-hopeful relationship. The couch bore the scars of his anger, indentations where his feet had collided with its surface in a fit of fury. A book lay abandoned on the coffee table, its pages now crumpled and torn. You had forgotten about the plot anyway.

As he stormed through the room, his voice booming with unrestrained anger, you found yourself detached from the chaos unfolding before you, his words not registering in your mind - a protective barrier. You had been here before and it would happen again.

Bile rose up your throat. All the things he destroyed were remnants of the life you shared. The life you despised. Usually, you were able to swallow it back down but your eyes drifted to the coat rack where your jacket molded with his, and the nausea churning your stomach threatened to overwhelm you.

With a desperate lurch, you tore yourself away from the chaos unfolding in the living room and sprinted across the hallway toward the bathroom. You stumbled inside, barely managing to reach the toilet before the contents of your stomach erupted in a violent rush. The sound of Michaels' raging voice echoed in your ears like a distant storm.

“Ugh, you disgusting bitch!” Michaels' curses reached your ears and you squeezed your eyes shut. You heard keys jingling, indicating that he was making a hasty exit. “You better get a grip before I come back, or you’ll pay!”

His parting threat hung in the air like a dark cloud as you heard the door slam. You slummed against the bathroom floor, cold tiles pressing against your back. Tears streamed down your cheeks, mingling with the bitter taste of bile still lingering in your mouth.

You didn’t know how long you laid there. But as you pushed yourself up from the floor, your muscles protested and your back felt sore. Avoiding your reflection in the mirror, you leaned heavily against the sink, reaching for your toothbrush to scrub away the remnants of bile.

As you leaned down to spit out the foamy toothpaste, your eyes caught something beneath the sink, lying on the floor. Your heart skipped a beat, a jolt of adrenaline coursing through your veins. It was your phone. You had snatched it from Michaels' grasp before his anger spiraled out of control and he hadn’t retrieved it before he left in haste, not wanting to deal with a vomiting girl.

Clammy hands reached down to pick it up and you and unlocked it. Michael had changed your password but seemingly forgot to delete your fingerprint. In a blur of urgency, your fingers flew over the screen, calling back your coworker.

Carol had eased you over the phone and left her own apartment with a quick ‘hold tight, kid’ in a rush to get to you. Relief flooded your senses as she gained herself access to your home by picking the lock. You didn’t know how long Michael would be gone and you felt your heart beating erratically the whole time you packed your few possessions into the boxes Carol had gathered. She had offered you her place to stay but you declined, knowing you had to put some distance between him and yourself.

Your eyes flew open, the sudden jolt rippling you from the clutches of the memory that had ensnared you in its chilling grip. You tried to catch a breath, feeling sweat coating your skin like a clammy shroud.

A hand was running soothing patterns on your back and your eyes focused on Wanda sitting beside you in your bed, concern etched deep into her features. She was talking but her voice didn’t reach your ears, distant words that seemed lost in the disorientating fog of your mind.

It took some moments for her voice to pierce through the haze. “I need you to breathe Y/n, come on!” She urged softly, not letting up to rub your back.

You managed to draw in a few shaky breaths as you clung to the sheets beneath you. Your racing heart calmed down and the room seemed to come into sharper focus. A heavy sigh left your lips.

Wanda’s touch gently withdrew from your back after your breaths visibly evened out again. She kept sitting on the edge of your bed, a sigh in her breath. A sense of tranquility hung in the air, a heaviness settling like a veil of velvet.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Surprisingly, that was all you needed. You sat there, bathed in the soft glow of the moon filtering through the windows, and a sense of comfort washed over you. You had kept your struggles hidden for so long, afraid to burden her with your troubles but the weight of your past pressed down on you like a heavy cloak and she obviously knew something was going on. Your friendship had taken a soft blow due to your silence and you refused to grant Michael the satisfaction he would most definitely feel of prolonging it.

So after your small nod, Wanda slid under your sheets, enveloping you in a cocoon of warmth. With each word that tumbled from your lips, you unburdened yourself of the weight that had been taking residence in your chest for so long.

You recounted the early days of your relationship with Michael, the tender moments and sweet gestures that had initially swept you off your feet. His charm had been intoxicating, his affection seemingly boundless. That was as far as you told your friends.

But then you also told her about the darker, more sinister side of Michaels' personality, that came out after a while. How his possessiveness had escalated gradually and the need to control everything - dictating where you could go, who you could see, and what you could wear. Raised voices and heated arguments had become the norm, his temper flaring at the slightest provocation.

You let her examine the bruises that still littered your wrists from the day before - the day you left. You had become adept at hiding the evidence of Michaels' abuse, concealing the physical manifestations of his cruelty beneath layers of clothing and make-up. Yet, as they lay exposed for Wanda to see, a strange sense of relief washed over you.

Tears were shed, both, Wanda's and yours and it took a while until everything that gripped at your heart was laid bare, sunlight now filtering through the curtains but Wanda listened intently. She held your hand when you choked on words and offered you the kind of comfort you had been craving for years, a weight being lifted from your shoulders.

She embraced you in a tight hug after you were done. “I’m so sorry, Y/n! I’m so sorry!” It was the only thing she could manage, struggling to find her voice.

****

Brick walls stared back at you hauntingly. They had a different color now. The sunlight played upon the textured surface, casting shadows that danced across the facade, accentuating the subtle variations in color.

You noticed the meticulous attention to detail that had gone into the renovation of your parent's house. The one you grew up in. Though it felt little like the house you knew. The mortar between the bricks appeared fresh, neatly applied to fill in any gaps and cracks that had formed over the years you lived there. Your parents seemed to have taken care to restore the exterior, washing away any indications that you had lived there not long ago.

The wooden doorframe gleamed with a fresh coat of varnish, the scratches on its surface you were responsible for, when you were a kid not visible anymore. The brass doorknob was polished, reflecting the sunlight in dazzling glints.

In the driveway, parked in the spot, where your old family car used to rest was a vehicle you didn’t recognize - a sleek, modern model that seemed out of place in the suburban neighborhood. Your parents never told you about the new car or anything else they did to the house, living their life without you.

A bucket of ice water could have been poured over your head and you wouldn’t have felt much colder than you already did. It was a sunny day, you even had to squint your eyes and still got blinded but nothing could make you feel warm at the sight of the house in front of you that looked so familiar, yet foreign. You felt disconnected from the life you once had here.

Your mother never had a hand at gardening, her forgetfulness to water the potted plants she still put in every corner of your house and in front of it, resulted in withered blooms and dried leaves strewn across the ground until she got annoyed and threw them out. A reflection of your relationship.

So you found yourself staring at the tended flower beds and carefully arranged pots now littering the front yard with a bitterness that left your mouth dry. The sudden burst of enthusiasm for gardening she must have had felt like a slap in the face, the realization that your departure had inadvertently paved the way for your mother to rediscover herself in ways she had never before considered.

You thought about knocking. Maybe it was a fleeing wish your parents would welcome you with open arms and a smile on their faces. But that possibility was small - or not there at all. Sorrow filled your stomach at the thought of facing your parents, or confronting the painful truth that they had moved on without you. You had become a distant memory in their lives already, a footnote in the narrative of their newfound happiness.

Your arrival wouldn’t be met with relieved smiles and comfort, it would only serve to reopen old wounds and stir up long-buried resentments - you would be a burden. The weight of reality bore down upon you with crushing force.

“What are you doing there looking like a lost lamb?”

Your head snapped away from the house with the lost fragments of your childhood, gaze meeting the weathered visage of an elderly man slowly making his way towards you on the sidewalk you have been standing on for who knows how long. He leaned on a sturdy walking stick, a flat hat resting atop his grey hair.

Your eyes widened upon seeing him better. “Mr. Clark!” you exclaimed, a warm sensation making way in your stomach at the old shopkeeper of the gardening store further down the road you always passed on your way to school as a kid.

You vividly remembered the time you had stumbled and fallen on the sidewalk, knees and hands scraped, and tears streaming down your cheeks. He had seen you trip through the windows of his shop and rushed out to ease you and take you home. He had been more gentle than your mother was.

Upon hearing his name the old man’s gaze sharpened and a slow smile crept across his face. He halted a few inches away from you, hooded eyes scanning your features. “Well, well,” he mused, “Would you look at who’s come back to town.” His gaze lingered on you, it looked like he could see right through you. “Been a while since I’ve seen you around, child. You look different. Almost didn’t recognize you.”

Did you look different?

You had no idea what you looked like the last time you were around.

“Yeah, I haven’t been here for quite some time.”

A sheepish chuckle escaped your lips and your eyes drifted back to the house.

Mr. Clark followed your gaze and he took a big breath. “I’m sorry about your parents kid. It’s a shame they left town. I don’t even know where it took them.” He kept his eyes on the building but your gaze burned in his side.

Your heart constricted inside your chest, feeling like it had just been pierced by thousands of small needles. You didn’t feel yourself breathing and were unable to blink.

Left town?

Your parents had left town?

You guessed that was the confirmation you needed. The final blow, the definite proof that they had moved on without you. You had clung to the hope that perhaps, deep down, they still cared and that there was still a chance to mend the fractured relationship between them and you. But now that hope felt like nothing more than a cruel illusion - a mirage in the desert of your longing.

Slowly, your eyes shifted back to the house in front of you. The neatly arranged pots of plants, the well-tended front guard, the fresh coat of paint, the new car - it all made sense now. It wasn’t your parents who had renovated the house, but rather the people who lived in it now.

Guilt consumed you like a relentless beast, tearing at your insides with its sharp claws and gnashing teeth. If you hadn’t left and just followed the path your parents had laid out for you, then perhaps they would still be here. If you finished college they probably would still be a part of your life. If you-

“Is everything alright, child? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

The voice of Mr. Clark once again snapped you back to reality with a subtle flinch. You tried a smile reaching your lips but it might have come out as more of a grimace.

“Uh, yeah. I-” you started, choking on your words, but Mr. Clark had already resumed his walk, indicating you to follow him with a wink of his walking stick.

“I think you could use some water, dear.”

A weary sigh left your lips but you felt too tired to relent, so you met his pace, walking side by side.

You neared the gardening store, he still seemed to have kept in his old days. “The boys will be there already,” he remarked. You turned to him confused.

“The boys?”

You saw the bikes first. Two of them, parked in front of the gardening store that - other than anything else in this town as it felt like - hadn’t changed at all since you left. You recognized those bikes. They stood outside the bar the day before yesterday when you dragged Pietro home and met some of the bikers for the first time. The telltale dent in the front of one of them caught your attention as it had that evening. A stark contrast against the pristine surface of its companion.

Then two figures came into sight. One leaned casually against the wall near the opening of the store, exuding an air of nonchalance, shoulders shaking with a laugh as he had his arms crossed in front of his chest. The other stood before him, his body language tinged with irritation. A hand came up to run over his face.

As you drew closer to the store the figures standing in the shadows began to take shape and you recognized them immediately. It was Sam and Bucky. Sam was leaning against the wall, his teasing grin on display, a laugh in his breath. A groan from Bucky met your ears and although he stood with his back to you, annoyance radiated from him in waves.

Sam seemed to have spotted you, judging by the smile that lifted his cheeks as he pushed off the wall and uncrossed his arms. “What a way to meet again!” he called out to you.

You surely hadn’t expected to meet them here and it threw you off the loop for a second but Sam’s bright grin managed a genuine smile to reach your eyes. Bucky had turned around and you met his gaze briefly but before you could conjure up another smile or read his expression, Mr. Clark walked past you with a jingle of his keys, to open the door to his shop.

“That girl stood there pale as a ghost. Thought some water would do her well, eh?” he declared, letting out a gruff chuckle. “Don’t want her passing out on the sidewalk.” His voice, weathered by age, held a hint of concern, albeit expressed in a rather blunt manner that had a blush creeping up your cheeks in embarrassment.

The old man entered the store and you quickly fell into step behind him, not needing the two guys to dwell on your momentary discomfort.

You picked up that Sam had been about to say something but then a grunt escaped his lips behind you, followed by an aggravated “Damn you, man,” directed at Bucky who had evidently delivered a punch to Sam’s side.

You never really had entered Mr. Clark's store before - Never really were in need of a gardening supply but the interior bore the marks of age with a weathered elegance, the wooden shelves displaying an assortment of gardening supplies with a sense of rustic charm. Vintage gardening posters and faded photographs adorned the walls, adding to its nostalgic allure.

However, you barely had a moment to take in the store's ambiance before Mr. Clark practically ushered you into a wooden chair behind the small counter and disappeared behind a nearby door.

“Mr. Clark, you really don’t have to-” you began calling after him but your words were swiftly interrupted as he reappeared, handing you a glass of water.

“Drink the water, child,” he ordered and diverted his attention to the two guys standing a few feet away, seemingly caught up in a glaring contest. “And you two boys, stop with the stalling and get on with the work. That’s what you are here for, aren’t you?.”

With a final warning glare towards Sam, Bucky’s demeanor shifted from tense to purposeful as he began to pick up a lawn mower standing next to the entrance and moved the heavy machinery to where Mr. Clark indicated.

Meanwhile, Sam took charge of the flower pots, rearranging them with care. From your vantage point behind the counter, you observed their actions, nibbling at your water when Mr. Clark sent you a glare across the room. They didn’t appear to be here out of obligation or duty, but rather out of a genuine desire to assist an old man who needed a helping hand - not being able to do it on his own anymore, but without wanting to give up his well-loved shop.

It seemed so ordinary for them to be here and do the work for this old man, it made you wonder what else they did around town - what other acts of kindness they might be involved in. Guilt found its way back to you, settling in your stomach and making it churn. The revelation that they actually appeared to be good-hearted people, had first dawned on you after your first initial encounter two days ago, but seeing them like this, engaged in such a well-meant act of kindness, solidified that understanding even further.

You took a few more sips of the water, hoping its coolness would calm the fluttering sensations in your chest. But the effect was fleeting, especially when you caught sight of the smile Bucky directed towards Mr. Clark.

It wasn’t that kind of smile you knew of Sam but it was more you had seen of him at the bar. It lit up his features with warmth and sincerity, small crinkles formed at the edges of his eyes - it was disarmingly charming.

He had shrugged off his jacket to better tackle the task at hand, revealing toned muscles rippling beneath his long-sleeved shirt. Lifting another lawn mower with ease, Bucky’s back muscles contorted visibly. His hands were both covered with gloves and you noticed the little specks of dirt that had accumulated on his jeans throughout but he didn’t seem to mind.

You quickly averted your eyes upon noticing you yourself were watched. Dark eyes were fixed on you and your peripheral could make out the knowing smirk that grazed Sam’s face. Glancing around the gardening store once more, trying to maintain a fond of indifference after being caught ogling at his friend, you saw Sam turn back to his task but the smirk on his lips didn’t leave his face.

You took in the store a little more, looking out the forefront and imagining seeing little you walking by on your way home from school with your little backpack on, the zipper broken because it was always a little too packed. Sunlight filtered through, casting a warm glow over the interior and illuminating the dust motes dancing in the air. Wooden floorboards creaked under heavy boots.

You found appeal in the idea of helping out here yourself. It was a cozy place and you were in need of a job.

After your nightmare yesterday and the heartfelt conversation with Wanda, you had found a small sense of solace again. You both went to Pietro to check up on him and spent the day. When you also confided in him about your troubled past, Wanda and you had to ease him out of buying a ticket to Seattle to ‘show him how he deserves to be treated’. You had spent the whole day with them, filled with take-out and movies, bringing back that comfort you had missed for so long.

Nonetheless, Wanda had to return to her job today. After all, she had completed her graphic design degree and was working from home, designing a new logo for a local startup company. Not wanting to disrupt her creative flow, you had decided to take a leisurely walk around town earlier in the hope it would clear your mind and perhaps explore potential job opportunities in the area.

However, as you strolled through the familiar streets, you found yourself in front of your parent's house - well, which wasn’t their house anymore as it seemed.

Perhaps you might have even fled out of your new shared apartment with Wanda earlier. Watching her immersed in her graphic design work only served to amplify the ache in your heart. The urgency to secure a job as quickly as possible might stem from the deep-seated longing and regret that consumed you. You could have been in the same position as Wanda, pursuing a degree in graphic design and building a career from it.

You might not have been as talented or passionate as Wanda was and probably not as happy, but you also weren’t happy in the place you found yourself in right now - essentially losing three years of your life, along with the love of your parents and the sense of identity you once possessed could do that to a person.

“Do I need to get you some water as well, son? Work isn’t finished yet.”

Once again, Mr. Clark's voice jolted you back to the present, snapping you away from the tangle of thoughts that had consumed you. You turned your head, watching Bucky getting pulled out of wherever his own mind had drifted, grumbling a quick response to the elderly man and hastily making his way back towards the entrance to fiddle with a few gardening tools.

Sam wore that knowing smirk again, as he continued with his own task. It was clear that he had noticed Bucky’s momentary lapse in focus and was likely already formulating a teasing remark to poke fun at him later on. Well, that was how you imagined their kind of relationship to be.

You were intrigued to find out what might have caught Bucky’s attention that left him almost bashful after being caught.

Mr. Clark walked by you and you stood from the chair, taking the chance to talk to him. “I could help you out as well, Mr. Clark-” you started but got boldly interrupted again.

“I’ve got the boys already, child. They’re more than enough to keep an old man busy. No need for any more fuss,” he declared, dismissing your offer and taking the glass out of your hand to refill it again despite your protests, handing it back to you. “Don’t you have more pressing matters to attend to? A better job?”

You shook your head, your fingers tightened their hold on the glass. “Uhm. No, I’m still looking for one.”

“You’re looking for a job?”

Sam's voice behind you made you turn around to see him standing up and dusting off his jeans, his gaze on you.

“Sam,” Bucky warned sharply from his place, turning to him as well after adjusting a wheelbarrow, his movements stiff.

Sam seemed used to ignoring Bucky, his grin just widening and undeterred by the way Bucky’s hard glare burned holes in his side.

“We could use some help in the bar,” he continued, his voice casual but he still wore that ever-present smirk. The kind that made you think he knew something you didn’t.

Surprise etched your features and the tension that crackled in the air as you exchanged glances between Sam and Bucky left you a little unsettled. Bucky wasn’t meeting your eyes, his shoulders tense and his arms were held at his side awkwardly, fingers twitching.

Nonetheless, you couldn’t deny it was alluring - Sam’s suggestion. It would certainly be more exciting working in their bar than a gardening store, managed by a moody old man. The prospect of immersing yourself in the vibrant energy of a bustling bar scene appealed to the sense of distraction you could definitely use right now, in your current situation. And the bar surely held some sense of charm.

Bucky’s reaction though left you a little uneasy. Sure, it was a demanding job and not always that easy or even safe. Rowdy patrons, bar fights, and unwelcome advances from strangers were something you had to expect to happen in a bar, but you had experience, having worked in a bar in Seattle before Michael had put an end to it. He wouldn’t get a chance this time.

Perhaps Bucky didn’t believe you were capable of handling yourself in a bar environment. Yes, you had flinched this morning by the mundane sound of the kettle clicking off but did you actually look that helpless? A pang of indignation elicited in your stomach at the notion that Bucky might have already formed a judgment about your abilities grated against you. After all, you had navigated heated situations before with finesse - admittedly, you were lacking that kind of confidence now that you still had back then but you couldn’t help the small flicker of anger simmering inside you.

Your assumptions about Bucky’s reactions could possibly be off base, you had to acknowledge. You had been wrong about these guys before, forming your own judgments based on your imagined version of bikers so you considered the possibility that his apprehension had little to do with you, but rather himself. Whatever was going on inside his mind. He did seem like an overthinker if you were being honest.

But regardless of the reasons for his reaction, there was one thing you hadn’t lost; the stubborn sense to prove yourself.

Sam seemed to have read your answer in your expression, because his grin widened and he pulled out a gardening chair, sitting down and gesturing for you to take a seat on the one you had occupied before.

“We’re having a job interview,” he declared after you blinked at him in confusion, making it seem like it wasn’t utterly surreal to do this in the midst of a gardening store.

“Here? Now?”

A deep frustrated sigh caught your attention and you observed Bucky running a hand over his face in exasperation, mirroring his earlier actions outside the store. With another unsure glance at Sam, you hesitantly took a seat in front of him.

“Sam, don’t do this,” Bucky sighed, clearly done with him but Sam just pressed on with his agenda - leaning forward in his seat and fixing you with a feigned serious expression.

He started asking you about your full name and age, saving it in his phone. It was actually impressive how Sam managed to ignore the sharp glares of Bucky, while they made you shift on your rickety chair uncomfortably, although they weren’t even meant for you.

The relationship between those two remained a mystery to you. They were like opposing forces, caught in an eternal tug-of-war - Their banter full of irritation and teasing. You got a glimpse of their bickering at the bar and it seemed to be a normal occurrence. But then you noticed the subtle glances from Sam, as to check on Bucky and the almost fond clap on his shoulder after entering the store - they were breadcrumbs leading to a hidden story.

Eventually, Bucky redirected his attention back to the few gardening tools scattered in a corner - trowels, rakes, and a rusted watering can and started rearranging them. You watched him from the corner of your eye.

You offered Sam a court sketch of your past - the brief experience of college life that you abandoned to see the world beyond your little town. You left unsaid how your departure fractured the relationship with your parents, how their silence became a chasm. You skirted around their disappointment, the unspoken ache that wrapped around you like a well-worn scarf. The plans they had woven for you - the threads of stability, the safety net of expectations - and you had shredded them like old love letters. There was no need to delve into the guilt, the jagged edges of remorse.

To your surprise, Sam’s expression remained unclouded by judgment. His features were soft, understanding etched into the lines around his eyes and you felt yourself relax into the chair. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed the falter in Bucky's movements and the way his body stilled at one point of your recap, curious eyes flickering toward you. You kept your gaze on Sam.

“Where’d you go?”

Sam's inquiry hung over you, a weight pressing down on your chest. Your throat tightened and you cleared your throat before forcing yourself to respond, the word escaping in a curt tone.

“Seattle.”

Sam eased back into his chair, arms folding across his chest. “Impressive move,” he remarked with a smile and a slight nod of his head, “I’ve never been to Seattle, but it’s got that buzz for sure.” His words held a quiet enthusiasm, a stark contrast to your own muted tone. You longed to see the city through Sam’s eyes, to rediscover its vibrancy beyond the shadows that clung to your past there.

“Why did you come back?”

You should have expected Sam to ask that but your breath hitched nonetheless, the room seemingly closing in on you. Your mouth opened but nothing came out. Fingers fidgeted with the fabric of your jacket in your lap and your palms started getting clammy. Feigning indifference, you hesitated, as if carefully selecting your words.

“Uhm,” was all you managed, silence stretching like an eternity, though it was likely mere seconds only.

“You don’t have to answer that!”

Bucky’s voice cut through the air and your head snapped toward him, a touch startled. For a moment, you even forgot he was there, the clattering of the gardening tools had ceased probably a while ago already and he stood there standing in your direction. His gaze locked with yours, sincerity emanating from his blue eyes and something that looked a lot like a heavy understanding.

“Now stop this Sam, this is ridiculous.” Bucky’s gaze hardened again as it swung back to Sam. Said man rolled his eyes in a comical display of exasperation, arms flailing in the air.

“Can’t have fun with this guy,” he quipped, voice dripping with mock seriousness. Bucky exhaled a heavy breath as he returned to his work, the lines of his jaw etching in frustration.

Sam's attention shifted back to you, clapping his hands together with enthusiasm. “Alright, well,” he declared, “Welcome to the team! The job is yours.”

“You can’t decide that,” Bucky stated flatly, his back still turned to you.

Sam smirked, undeterred. “Sure can, man,” he countered, rising from his chair.

You observed them both quietly from your chair, grateful that the attention had shifted from you. You took a deep breath, savoring the momentary respite. However, the creak of the backroom door reminded you of the presence of Mr. Clark, who reappeared, his hooded eyes sweeping over you three.

“Is this a clandestine gathering, children?” he rasped, pointing his stick at each of you in turn. “Your work is done here, sons. Now get out of here, will you?”

Sam grinned and gave Bucky a clap on the back as he walked passed him to the entrance. “Until next week then, Mr. Clark,” he threw over his shoulder.

Bucky shot you a brief look and followed Sam with a nod to the old man.

“It was nice to see you again Mr. Clark,” you said before making your way to the entrance as well. Bucky held the door open for you and you thanked him as you stepped into the daylight.

“Need a ride home?” Bucky’s voice was gruff, yet gentler than you had heard before. Sam perked up at his question, surprise dancing across his features that quickly morphed into an amused smirk.

“That’s really nice, thank you,” you replied, your smile genuine. “But I’m not far, really.”

Bucky nodded, a fleeting smile curving his lips. “Alright well, get home safe then.” He swung his leg over his black bike - the one with the damaged front you noticed.

“Well Y/n, I guess we’ll be seeing you soon,” Sam remarked, throwing you a wink as he got on his own bike.

You exchanged quick goodbyes and soon enough the rumble of their bikes faded into the distance, leaving behind a lingering echo.

You chose the longer route home, deliberately avoiding the street that led past your parents' former house. The sun dipped lower secondly, casting elongated shadows on the pavement. The pebble you kicked along the sidewalk became your silent companion, its journey mirroring your own - a solitary wanderer seeking solace.

The irony of your situation didn’t escape you. A few days ago, the notion of accepting a job at a biker bar would have been laughable for you. But as you had learned, life had a way of upending expectations, revealing the hidden layers beneath the surface.

And as yesterday, Bucky etched his way into your thoughts. He was still an enigma to you. His gruff exterior, a fortress of stoicism, belied the intricate layers beneath. You got a glimpse of it again today. A softness that defied the world-worn facade. Determination stirred within you, urging you to unravel the mystery that surrounded him.

Since you would work in their bar now you were aware you’d see him more often and it filled you with a fluttering sensation - both thrilling and treacherous. You knew the risks, the precipice upon which you stood, but curiosity tugged at your sleeve.

He wasn’t easy to read, this biker with eyes like storm clouds. You wondered if you would ever learn to see behind the broodiness, the armor he wore like a second skin.

Perhaps you would find the key to unlock the enigma - the heart that beat beneath the leather.

“She’s battling things her smile will never tell you about”

- Jonny Ox

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[renthony]

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(Drop a 🏳️‍🌈 in my inbox and I’ll respond with a queer media recommendation!)

Everybody who follows me already knows that The Dragon Prince is my favorite TV show in the whole world. Created for Netflix by Aaron Ehasz (an alumnus of Avatar: the Last Airbender) and Justin Richmond, it's an epic fantasy series that kicks off with a trio of plucky protagonists who are determined to return an egg kidnapped from the dragon queen by a dark mage, because the kidnapping of the dragon prince (hey! the title!) puts the entire world at risk of war.

One of the fundamental themes is exploring the cycle of violence and abuse, and how that cycle can only be broken when people commit to it wholeheartedly. It also shows that, even when someone wants to break the cycle, there are others who are invested in continuing it, and peace takes incredible and painful work.

The worldbuilding is phenomenal, the character and creature design is incredible, the story is gripping, and the writing is...*chef's kiss.* Every season is better than the last, and the increase in animation quality across the years is unreal. Season six was utterly ethereal.

Phase one of the series spanned seasons one to three, and we are currently in the final stretch of arc two ("Mystery of Aaravos"), encompassing seasons four to seven. Season six just dropped, and according to the official Instagram account, it's been #1 on Netflix for the past five days! That's really great news, because they're trying really hard to get greenlit for arc three--so now is a really, really great time to get into the show! You want to do it, you want to do it so bad. Use the hashtags #TheDragonPrince, #ContinueTheSaga, and #GiveUsTheSaga if you do! Please, for the love of fuck! 😭😭😭

Currently there are six seasons of the tv show, several books (including novelizations, original comics, and art book, and in-universe guides), a tabletop roleplaying game, a board game, and a brand-new video game that launched this week. This world is huge, and it's so fun to explore!

Here's the trailer for season one of the show:

Here's a trailer for the most recent season, for those who saw the early seasons but didn't keep up:

And here's the trailer for the mobile game:

As far as why I'm recommending it as a queer show, there are so many queer characters. The show prompted some griping early on because it had a pair of tragically dead lesbian queens, but in the seasons since, they've introduced a gloriously alive lesbian battle couple who get married on-screen, a married pair of gay men, three different trans characters (one of whom joins the main cast in season 4 and remains a major character), and a general lovely air of casual queerness in a high fantasy setting. The tabletop roleplaying game has multiple canon queer characters, too, and the show's cast and crew have made it clear that they have queer people among them, they fully support queer people in the fandom, and they want to include queerness in their world. It's awesome.

(And I'm still sticking with "when one man looks at another man and says 'our baby was so cute,' that's canon enough for me." So there's some fantastic queer villainy that's, like, the perfect icing on the cake for me personally. The Dragon Prince: for all your unholy dark magic mpreg bug baby needs!)

Also, this show has my poorest, saddest, littlest, wettest meow-meow babygirl of all fucking time: Lord Viren, (former) High Mage of Katolis, the most turbo-divorced man in all existence. If you follow me, you've seen that motherfucker. You know who he is. You have seen his sad miserable little face. You know who I am and what I'm here for. This paragraph is not a surprise to you. You know.

Here's a picture of me in Viren cosplay, as both a shameless cosplay self-promo and a reiteration that, no, seriously, this is my favorite TV show ever:

Ask For a Rec | Other Media Recommendations | Support Links

[perseas-wellyboots]

People are like Rick Riordan is such a great author who's not afraid to change status quo and ignore major flaws in his stories like JK Rowling and I'm like are you sure?

That sentiment might have worked if PJO was the only series in Riordanverse but with the addition of HOO and ToA it rings entirely false.

In PJO the major problem that needed to be tackled storytelling wise was Gods not claiming their children and their neglectful nature along with rise of Kronos.

Both those issues were ignored by Zeus and then in the end when they swore an oath on Styx, we assumed that it will be better.

However straight into HOO series from The Lost Hero, we see that Zeus did not change at all and instead made a bigger mess of events by closing Olympus and forbidding Gods from leaving Olympus. So we learn that not only does he ignores a problem that could potentially end the Gods twice???? but he's actively part of the problem.

The Gods could be better as a whole if they had someone competent in charge.

The Trials of Apollo series however changes the status quo entirely, the previous both series were from POV of demigods, so they and along with them we could only assume how Gods work and that the Gods neglecting demigods is a choice by them. But in ToA, Zeus goes from zero to hundred, not only is he a incompetent paranoid leader but he's also a tyrant and abuser. He abuses all his children and any disrespect results in huge punishment.

The Gods like a human family are stuck in a cycle of abuse but unlike in human family their abuser would not just die naturally one day. He is with them forever.

Apollo even identifies himself with Meg and thinks Zeus as a Beast for himself and yet no resolution is found at the end of the series and we just go on.

The Sun and the Star and The Chalice of Gods only continues the status quo.

True change of status quo and revolution would be Zeus being overthrown. In the root of both wars the major issue that causes high casualties is Zeus's carelessness.

I would love a book from Apollo's POV where he recruits his siblings and plans a revolution to overthrow Zeus because the immortal and mortal world and demigods, all of them would benefit being free of him.

TL;DR: Most of RR's writing has very similar problems as JKR's writing and even though I enjoy the PJO series more than HP series, I think RR fans should stop preaching holier than thou attitude.

JKR is problematic outside of her poor writing in HP (racism transphobia) and so is rick (with his neutral stance on genocide in palestine and playing both sides card, using this to promote his book, his islamophobic writing and not to forget how badly piper was wrote in TLH and she did not get much better until ToA)

[yall-hate-kids-tourney]

Round 3: Maria Ushiromiya (Umineko: When They Cry) vs. Amane Momose (MILGRAM)

Propaganda below the cut

Maria Ushiromiya (9)

She's really obsessed with occult and witch stuff and acts inappropriately when her family gets murdered because she was told by the culprit that everyone was going to the Golden Land (a super special witch afterlife where you get whatever you want). She also has meltdowns like any autistic child. Because of this, some Umineko fans say that she deserves to get abused by her mother.

----

People really do be saying that this literal nine year old who's been abused and neglected by her mom for her whole life is evil

----

Some people in the Umineko fandom have decided that she's annoying because she's a 9 year old with autism. Personally I think she's based. She has a hard life but still tries her hardest to see the goodness in everything. She's kind, even feeling sorry for a wilting flower and hoping it'll get better. She's a very smart young girl who just isn't given the proper love a child needs from their parents to thrive. She deserved SO, SO much better than the cards life dealt her. I mustn't talk too much else I'll get emotional but Maria is peak.Best autistic witch girl.

Amane Momose (12):

Amane was voted guilty in the first trial so that she would acknowledge her guilt. It backfired, and now she’s considered a threat. Well, everyone is a threat, but nobody’s threat level has been as heavily discussed and debated as hers. Consider the next prisoner in line, Mikoto. He’s objectively more dangerous and cannot be restrained. He beat up the guard in trial 1, and he was able to hold his own when the other guilty prisoners were attacked. But a good incentive to forgive him is so that he will calm down. You know what? That’s a good incentive to forgive Amane too! But she *can* be restrained, so a good portion of the discussion went into how she should be voted guilty so she *will* be restrained and not a threat. Since her vote was a near 50/50, of course a good chunk of the voters expressed dissatisfaction with her forgiven verdict. Some are already planning to vote her guilty for trial 3, calling her a “lost cause”. She hasn’t even done any concrete harm yet. Hold the pitchforks until she actually causes harm, please? And what if she *was* voted guilty in trial 2? We’ve been warned that she will continue to deny our judgement. A second guilty verdict won’t make her better either, and then what? She’d be called a “lost cause” as well. There is no winning with her.

----

Where do I even start? So first of all she’s an cult child who was physically and mentally abused and tortured by her parents and then (presumably) murdered her mother after her mother killed a cat that she took care of.

Now everyone in Milgram is a murderer but when Amane came and her MV showed her murder and circumstance in an admittedly highly fictionalized depiction of it the audience decided to…repeat the cycle of abuse!

She was voted guilty for the main reason of “teaching her” and helping her “realize that she was abused.” I would like to note that this tough love approach is something her parents utilized against her. “We are only doing this to help you.”

So the audience replicates Amane’s abusers and repeats the cycle of abuse and that’s pretty shitty but it isn’t exactly “Fuck Em Kids” level.

And then Trial 2 happened. Cause Amane is bitter and angry and horrifically traumatized so she acts aggressive and hostile. Especially towards another prisoner.

Now, again, everyone here is a fucking murderer (of atleast could be constructed as one) These people being able to Harm is a core concept of this series.

Yet for some reason it feels like people treat Amane as a “delusional creepy kid who wants to kill people” which completly takes away the nuance of her character. She does have the capacity to harm! Everyone here does! She’s not Uniquly Dangerous! She just has a Reason to be Dangerous. A Reason we GAVE HER by REPEATING THE CYCLE OF ABUSE.

In short: In a series full of Murderers I’m honestly a bit pissed that the 12 year old abuse victim is the one who’s treated like the guy from American Pyscho.

----

TL;DR: "We metavoted this abused, indoctrinated child guilty in trial 1, but it didn't work. Now she is a threat to three grown adults: one who is fully free and two whom she has been shown to get along with. Please metavote her guilty again so she will be restrained and unable to attack them, even though that means subjecting her to further psychological torture." Amane Momose is the youngest of ten murderers, prisoners of Milgram who are to be judged innocent (forgiven) or guilty (unforgiven). In the first interrogation (voice drama), she said that what she did was in line with her religion's doctrines. If we judged her the "wrong way", she said she will just deny the verdict. Combining the voice drama and music video, you could piece together that she was raised in a cult and abused, even though she is cheerful and downplays her pain. She never shows *who* she killed, only *why* she did. After the first day of her vote, she was 81% innocent, but this wouldn't last the whole three months. Many people voted her guilty so she would "see her sins", part of the practice commonly known as "metavoting". Her innocent percentage rapidly decreased, and she hit guilty in the last 15 days, finishing at 51% guilty. At the end of the first trial, Jackalope (who is something like a host) went over all the prisoners' verdicts and commented on the general reasoning. When he got to Amane, he *laughed* at the audience for voting that way to make her realize her sins. Trial 2 rolled around, and it was revealed that Amane's victim was her abuser. On day one, she was at 74% innocent. Seems like a cut-and-dry case now, right? Well... in the intermission, two of the prisoners (Fuuta and Mahiru) were badly beaten up and became reliant on the care of Shidou, a doctor. Amane became hostile to Shidou because what he was doing was against her beliefs. She visited all three of them on their birthdays to convince them to change their ways. She seems to be especially close to Fuuta, who is now murmuring about salvation. Guilty prisoners are psychologically tortured, forced to listen to voices that reject their beliefs. Fuuta and Mahiru both say that the mental strain is worse than their physical injuries. But Amane, who also looks worse for wear, was thrown under the bus because she isn't injured and is considered a physical threat to them (never mind that she gets along with them). She's considered a threat to Shidou, a grown man who is twice her size and fully free, while she is partially restricted by the long sleeves in her trial 2 uniform. She might indoctrinate Fuuta even though, in a prison of ten people and one guard, she's the only voice of her cult. Fortunately, she got a break. Her vote was falling at a similar rate to the first trial. But this time, it stabilized at 51% innocent, 12 days before the end of her vote. But there's no way this is over.

[theloganator101]

I'm not sure if I did an ask about this, or if you did a write up about it, but isn't funny how we never hear what exactly makes UA such a prestigious school?

I did some research on Japan's 10th grade public high school education, and from what little we see of their classes, it matches it. It's nothing especially advanced or rigerous, so we can cross academics off the list. The only thing we know about extracurricular activities is that Hero Course students aren't allowed to participate in them, so it can't be that either.

We only know for sure that All Might and Endeavor are UA graduates. What about other highly ranked heroes on the Billboard (excluding Hawks and Mirko, who were explicitly stated to have not gone to any heroics schools)? This arguement holds some weight - that it's based on their alumni, but not really.

What extra advantages does UA have over other schools like Shiketsu or Ketsubutsu? Do they have Sports Festivals or internships, too? What about Work-Studies? What's the passing rate of those who take the Provisional Licensing Exam amongst the hero schools?

And this isn't even counting all of the bad press UA has racked up through the series.

This is something I've been trying to think about myself as my dad was a high school teacher himself, but when you try to think of UA as an actual school it doesn't make a lick of sense.

Even though it's meant to be the main setting of the series most of the time, we hardly get any chances to see how it functions as a school, how it's different from regular schools, or why it's even considered the number one hero school in Japan.

And I know I've ranted on this before, but I hate how they literally work their students to the ground and forcing them to be mini adults instead of allowing them to be fucking teenagers when they can. Which I get, it's an elite school where the work is gonna be hard. But I'm sure other elite schools ALLOW their students to breathe and have time for their hobbies and interests so they're not burned out and numb when doing their work!

SPEAKING OF HOBBIES AND INTERESTS!!

Why doesn't UA have any school clubs or extracurricular activities? Wouldn't that be a good thing for the hero students to do so in case they decide doing hero work is not their thing, they would have something to fall back on and not be fucked in the job department?

Is heroics all that this school cares about? Because apparently fuck the other departments and what they do! If they can't fight then they are not important! It would've been nice to see how they fair compared to the heroics class, how they contribute to society when they graduate and what they actually think of 1-A instead of the whole hate wagon that was going on.

UA being a horrible school could've made for some good story telling how it's a good school ON PAPER but in practice their flaws really show. Because you have teachers that don't seem to teach anything, show clear favoritism and biases against students, victim blame and punish the wrong people while the true aggressors go Scot free.

It would've been refreshing to see people in the story call UA out for wanting to put their reputation and image first before the safety and well being of their students, how it utterly failed most of their students while praising the ones that would probably go on to abuse their power and continue the cycle of being full of corrupted heroes.

[rash0mon]

reason of living: akutagawa ryūnosuke

debatably, bungou stray dogs is easily the most existentialist anime out there, as the main premise of existentialism (in a rough sense) - that reason of living is something individual to man, is an underlying compartment of the series, making it as awe-inspiring as it is. each character is seen to either have, or be striving towards finding their distinct reason for living. now, i wanted to retrospect a bit into akutagawa's character and how his reason affected him, his actions, morals - as well as how it possibly shifted (especially in recent chapters of the manga and anime episodes). keep in mind that at i am just laying down my opinion and observations of akutagawa`s character - some things may be fairly obvious, some uncertain or not matching your opinion, which is why i leave space for conclusion, theory, discussion.

pre-mafia

generally, we know little about akutagawa`s life before the mafia, other than small snippets shown throughout the main manga as well as in beast (although beast is an AU, it can still effectively aid in understanding his character in the canon universe). as akutagawa's companions were annihilated, it seemed that he had no reason to live. where, as we all probably know, this soon happened afterwards. from then on, everything changed.

mafia

after that night in the forest, akutagawa's life completely shifted - or moreso, he got a new life. his whole new reason of living being - pleasing dazai, getting validation from the person who gave his life a new meaning. exploring the relationship and dynamic between these two is a whole another post, which is why i shall keep it short. now, i would like to note that even if akutagawa has an unhealthy attachment to dazai, and is being emotionally manipulated by him - he is very much sensible of it. in fact, akutagawa is remarkably self-aware and perceptive, especially of the people around him, just more subtly, through his cold layer of stoicism. he is not the cold-blooded murderer with no sense of morality that many like to paint him as. yes, he is intently focused on achieving dazai's approval, pursuing that ideal in a way familiar to himself. he knows that it is not what is considered "right" by general moral rules, but he does not do much about it, as his reason of living would then diminish. dazai leaves him with a looming sense of inferiority, as he feels he is worthless no matter what he does, unless he is to achieve dazai's attention and approval. this sense of inferiority haunts him, and guides his recklesness and death-or-glory actions.

he sees the ethical issues in his own actions, and he knows there is a better life for him. he just doesn't pursue it. this is also portrayed well in his relationship with kyouka, which could have been yet another repetition of the abuse cycle started by mori and continued by dazai - but it was not, as kyouka found the world of light. he is even happy for her, as we can see. this is one of the few snippets where we can see his sensibility when it comes to others. when he stated "i knew a man with the same eyes as yours", referring to himself, in a way, he sees that he also could`ve found the world of light. but at that point, it seemed to be too late... or at least that is what he thought.

akutagawa doesn't hate atsushi. he sees him as a reflection of himself, himself if he had a different reason of living, if he met dazai a bit later, if he pursued the world of light. he is jealous of him in a sense, yes, but he does not blame him for the fact that he didn't get dazai's approval as many like to speculate. atsushi is the first person who challenges akutagawa's "way", philosophy of living. as he sees himself in him, he fulfills their promise of not killing anyone for 6 months... perhaps because of a faint hope for the world of light? he holds onto this even as a vampire, which shows his pure determination. and it makes me think, that he did not go and protect atsushi only because of dazai, as often speculated, due to the points stated beforehand. as dazai stated: “Akutagawa—he’s like a sword without a sheath.” Dazai grinned from ear to ear. “He’ll surely become the Mafia’s strongest skill user in the not-so-distant future, but for now he needs someone who can teach him how to put that sword away.”

perhaps, atsushi is that person for him rather than dazai.

chapter 88 and vampirism

as stated beforehand, akutagawa obviously does not go to save atsushi only due to his wish to be approved by dazai. there is something deeper underlying, and we have seen numerous times before that akutagawa genuinely cares about, and admires atsushi in the same way he admires and is happy for kyouka - although he would not admit it explicitly, of course. akutagawa fights fukuchi alongside atsushi, leaving himself in a completely vulnerable state, in a simple wish as to redeem, or prove himself in a way. to fulfill his meaning. he is in a special rush to do so even so because of his lung disease, which has a severe impact on the intensity and ruthlesness of his actions throughout entirety of the series. he lays his life down, but he does not go down without a fight. he stays true to his purpose...until his last moments.

at his last moment, in the given panel, however, something changes. we see a different vision of akutagawa. as he lets go of his coat, and is able to manifest his ability without it, i would say that his reason shifted. he states "i don't need words, but only actions", which is the most important sentence in understanding his character and development if you ask me. words being dazai`s words of approval, which he lets go of, like the coat he gave him. a new reason emerges, "actions". he does not need dazai anymore. he only needs himself, raw. this is further emphasized as his coat is lost in the sea by atsushi, who he gave it to. there is no reason to hold on to the past anymore... as a new era emerges.

a new era where akutagawa is not alive, apparently. he is a vampire. however, we can still see that he holds on to some of principles that caused him to change in the first place, such as not killing aya, and keeping the promise he and atsushi made. even when not concious of his actions and controlled by fukuchi, he still holds on to it. which leads me to believe, that there is truly hope for him. atsushi shares the same line of thought... as his perception of akutagawa gradually shifts to a positive one, which is why he wants him to snap out of his vampirism. atsushi understands akutagawa to the core, as they are two sides of the same coin. which is why he hopes for him. if possible, i wish for him to let go of the vampire curse and continue on developing his new reason of living... his new life. we can only long for that at this moment.

we have seen the gradual evolution of akutagawa's character throughout the series in terms of seeking his reason of living - something that is central to each character in bungou stray dogs. which leads me to end this post with what dazai stated to kyouka, which quite well describes his, and all of the other characters ordeals in striving to find a reason to live:

Your anguish isn’t yours alone. What should one do, when what they want to be isn’t what they’re best at? Everyone fights, searching for the correct way to live their lives. What do they seek by fighting? How ought they live? No one can say. All we have is the right to waver. Like stray dogs that have hit rock bottom.

[mostotherthings]

The curse- it's a curse that's was freed. It's a fairy tale come true.

I waited for the entire series to end and for my life to be in a somewhat stable state before I watched the entirety of Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo and I was very glad that I did.

This show is highlighting Asian trauma, dailed up to 500%.

I watched episodes 2 to 4 in a sort of stupor- what is Dohee doing? WTF man, what are you doing? Only to realise at around episode 7 what he's done to himself.

He's done it. the ASIAN trauma cycle of death. The one where you think about it forever and never let it go and it takes you 20 years to get to a point where someone else kicks it into your head that you don't HAVE to live like that. Where you have to perform CBT on yourself so heavily before you can even have a semblance of living some sort of normal life.

Leaving home and going "no-contact" has it's own baggage. The term "filial piety", drilled into us since birth (and Korea is a Confusian society, so this is even more...drilled?). It's also because his father is a "respected" man of society, it must have been so stifling that his mother ran away and left him alone to be beat up for the next 10+ years.

And also it's knowing that what he's doing with Juyeong is wrong. Real world is not as forgiving as we hope it can be so. Abused since youth + father is a respected man in society (hence nobody will give a f- if he yells in pain) + the appearance of a boy he wants more than anything he ever wanted in his life (and scarily, probably the university entrance exam) somehow = the worse thing he could ever imagine (the boy he wanted being sent away, his father getting away scot-free, the trauma continues). Nobody is left to save him.

If life is so unfair, I'm going to make it fair for me. I don't really understands it, and I don't think he really did too and before he knew it he's in too deep but there was just one scene in the whole show that really got me.

The one where he's sitting in a cafe studying, and Juyeong walks past and he hides away, ashamed, in tears.

I left my home, disgraced. I was the smartest boy in class, but I can't seem to get pass this stupid exam (Can someone Korean explain to me, the scoresheets? How bad, did he do? Why did he take the exam so many times? Was it for fun? those gaga subs deserve to die for how shitty they were)

Somehow, the boy I liked, became the son to my father that I never could be. And for some damned reason, my father seems to like this guy

I love him, I love him so much that I want to stay around him, I love him I love him I love him I know where he is but he can never find out where I am, he can never find out because I am so ashamed, I am living a lie and he is everything right and honest and oh my god

Then my father dies. The shackles are supposed to be free.

Then the boy he loves returns. But the lie is too deep now, he will leave me when he finds out

But there's no way left... no. way... left.

But his love saves the day. He loves me. I'm not worthless. I'm not ashamed. My father is dead and the boy who took my place as his son loves me still and...

Will it be ok? Am I really free from this curse?

Oh Dohee, it really became okay. You were given a second chance. How very, very lucky you are.

[bg3ficreviews]

The Loving Master series - #BG3 FanFic Review

Review by Apollo (@apollo-stories)

Good timezone my friends, I am happy to present another constellation in the bright sky of fanfiction: The Loving Master series by calqmity on AO3. (You can find the author on Tumblr at @calqmity and on Twitter.)

A note from the BG3 Fic Reviews team: As always, mind the tags, and for this wonderfully dark work in particular, as it includes numerous controversial and dark themes. These include NSFW; dead dove; necrophilia; non-con elements; and abusive relationships; among others. Our review is continued below the fold due to the heavy nature of the content in this particular series.

Virtual photography by @xandirge.

The series is comprised of three separate works exploring the dark desires of our favourite bloodsucker Ascended Astarion. It starts with The Doll Collector, a fantastic title in and of itself with no small amount of sinister foreshadowing. 

In this story there is a constant and ominous theme of dehumanisation as well as an exploration of Astarion’s relationship with death. The author details Ascended Astarion’s recently devised methods of collecting his new vampire spawn cohort, as well as the addiction he develops in controlling their lifeless bodies. (Reminder: mind the tags!)

Astarion is obsessively controlling, and takes great delight in stripping any sort of independence or autonomy from his spawn that they may have once enjoyed in their former lives. It is a dark work, and there is no healing to be found here. This is an excellently constructed examination of Ascended Astarion’s dark mind and how he fulfills his most toxic needs as his spawn become his latest possessions to play with at his leisure.

The Unbearable Pressure, the author's second work in the series, is no different to its predecessor in its exploration of Ascended Astarion's growing darkness and cruelty. This work focuses more on on his relationship with his most disobedient spawn, Blaze, and his efforts to break her and ensure her obedience. 

The theme of dehumanisation and dollification gets more pronounced the further we read. Astarion wants to control every single part of his spawn. And even despite the obvious sadism of his actions, Astarion genuinely believes he is doing his spawn a kindess, and grapples to understand why his spawn are not more grateful for his 'assistance' and what he considers his dedicated 'care'. The author has expressed Astarion's delusion of benevolence well, as our narrator is wonderfully unreliable.

Haunted By Your Touch, Aching For Your Love is our third and final work in the series, and quite possibly my favourite of the three! (I would call it a crowd pleaser, but that requires that the crowd in question likes breaking characters down and making them suffer oh so deliciously.)

The cycle of abuse and the affection for one’s captor can be difficult to write in fiction. There is a common mistake of stepping back from the scene and becoming more clinical in order to convey why the cycle is happening and why it continues, and, in so doing, create a disconnect between the reader and the characters. This work sees that tripping point coming from miles away and does cartwheels over it. 

We are deep in Astarion’s mind and psyche in this work as his delusions and twisted perspective have completely erased any distinction between reality and his wicked desires. It is left to the keen eye of the reader to pick up on the subtle hints and evidence of his delusions, which are expertly described by the author via the reactions of the other characters that suffer Astarion's whims and mistreatment.

The Loving Master, as a whole, is a wonderful exploration into dark themes and abusive relationships. Astarion’s character is portrayed consistently through the entire series using beautiful metaphors that I could hear Astarion himself repeating in his own voice. And beyond our lead antagonist, the author's original characters are well-written and developed, becoming well-established personalities in their own right. Each one has their own clear motivations and responds to Astarion differently, adding to the depth of the overall narrative with every line. These stories are also structurally sound, as you can look forward to a healthy mix of short and long paragraphs and sentence structures that makes the story easy to read and easy to enjoy.

Mind the tags on AO3, as The Loving Master does not shy away from NSFW elements and very heavy themes. 

Enjoy your dove, but be aware. It is very, very dead.

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We have included a snippet of The Doll Collector below for your enjoyment, as well as the author's tags as they are currently listed on AO3 for this particular work. Please remember to support the author by leaving kudos and comments on their work on AO3. 🫶

The Doll Collector

"One more bite, is all it would take."

And now his beautifully pliant Lydia laid underneath him, fully submitted to his one desire: for her to become his. Her jet black hair framed her round, delicate face. Through her long, black eyelashes, her dark purple eyes stared up at him, wide and vulnerable. The indigo moonlight skin that bruised wonderfully under the force of his fingers was soft and warm to the touch.

"Be gentle," her quiet voice trembled.

There was nothing gentle about forging an undead monster out of an innocent, precious soul—his perfectly obedient, beautiful little monster, yet a monster nonetheless—but he could pretend, for just a moment.

He brought her wrist up to his mouth, laying a feather light kiss on top of the flesh, eating the garnish before digging into the main course. He cradled it in his hands before sinking his teeth in. Her quick yelp from the sudden pain sent a raging, hot inferno through his abdomen, encouraged by the red delicacy on his tastebuds.

Eventually he forced himself to pull away, letting the bloodied, shaking hand fall from his grasp. He leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of her head, trapping his prey.

"You have given me everything...thank you." His words came out breathy and in between sighs of pleasure. The taste of her blood lingered on his lips, but it wasn't enough. He needed every last drop. While the ritual had rid him of the hunger caused by his supernatural curse, it had been replaced with a new hunger: to take, to take, and to take, from everyone around him. He wanted it all.

She look terrified out of her mind about what was about to happen, her eyes glancing at the liquid ruby dripping down his chin. In this moment, she looked like a porcelain doll. Her plump lips and flushed cheeks had a warm glow cast on them from the candle light in the tavern room. But when his fangs pierced her neck, she did not crack—only screamed. It was like biting into the plumpest, ripest fruit in the orchard, and her cries of pain were the beautiful notes of the birds' song high above in the sky.

[meowchela]

random ass lps popular thought but i literally dont understand people who treat brooke like shes innocent solely because her mom is shitty??? like to me it seems like a very clear "villain origin story that explains why they are the way they are but doesn't redeem them". her mom is neglectful and abusive, yes, but a lot of her actions through the series are like. completely divorced from that conflict. brooke may be taking ques from her mom with the whole cutthroat social attitude she has going on but her actions are still very much her own, like she only got the baseline ideology of "you need to stay at the top to have any worth" from her mom and everything else (the manipulation, cheating, blackmail, etc) is all stuff she chose to do herself to attain that goal. and even THEN she's doing it all completely to serve herself, her mom couldn't care less about her daughter's status in high school. brooke probably knows this and is doing whatever she can to derive self worth from her social status alone because she's all too aware that her mom just doesnt give a shit. so everything she does is still on her

i guess a more succinct way of putting it is like. brooke's backstory is more of a frame for her mindset than something you should feel sorry for her over, yknow? because as badly as she's treated at home she turns around and treats everyone around her the exact same way. abuse is cyclical and it's crystal clear that brooke is willingly continuing the cycle because she's obsessed with the power it gives her, power that was stolen from her that she's now stealing from others. and the kicker here is she HAD chances to make positive changes, both with her dad treating her nicer while he was still alive which establishes that she does know how to be kind as well as savy being willing to reconnect and give her genuine friendship again which could've helped her out of this toxic mindset. but she threw both of those chances away because she's so power hungry and is CHOOSING to continue acting like her mom because that's what gets her the most power/worth.

she needs help, but she doesn't deserve forgiveness or sympathy because of all the heinous shit she's done. also, you can't help someone unless they accept the help and/or are willing to change, and we've seen that brooke is NOT willing to change at all. idk man i just dont think we should be so fast to absolve her of accountability when she hasn't shown any willingness to overcome her circumstances. like not even "oh i want to change but things are so hard" no she doesn't want to change full stop. shes stuck in her mindset and that's her downfall and that's the point

anyway brooke would fucking love marina and the diamonds. unrelated to everything