#who I’d be

[ineffable-romantics]

Who I’d Be

[Part 1/6]

Once upon a time, after a long night of rich, dark wine and untouched cupperties, the angel Muriel asks Mr. Crowley what he thinks he might have liked to be, if he weren’t a demon.

And no, dear readers, the answer is neither angel nor aardvark.

Inspired by the song Who I’d Be

Re-upload of this post

[autisticmuppeteer]

I need someone to do a production of Shrek the musical that is exactly the same except Shrek is a butch lesbian ogre instead of a man ogre and Fiona is not only in conflict with her ogre identity but is also battling comp het and that is why she is so invested in the perfect story book outline of a relationship and adds another layer to why she is willing to marry a man she has never met.

[yujateaandpi]

POV taking psychic damage from Twin Glare ^2

[Image description: digital art of the Pines family from Gravity Falls. They're all glaring at the viewer in front of a supermarket background. Dipper and Mabel are grimacing, while Stan and Ford have more judgmental frowns. Mabel is carrying Waddles in her arms who has a neutral pig face. End ID.]

[chloesimaginationthings]

Springtrap making friends in Dead by Daylight,,

[8pxl]

14 yrs ago i started playing magic the gathering as a kid, and i had the dream to do art for them

3 yrs ago i tweeted about those dreams:

today i’ve released 11 official magic the gathering cards, and it’s honestly so surreal and insane to me! i did that!! i fulfilled a childhood dream, and i honestly couldn’t be more proud 🥹

[rystiel]

i keep seeing people say the doctor shouldn’t have feelings for rogue because he’s married to river…? river song… who has also married multiple people… one of the most polyamorous characters in the show…?

[stars-obsession-pit]

The sound of John Constantine’s incredulous voice entered the meeting room before his body did. “Fight an Infinite Realms ghost? Are you insane?! Do you want to get us killed?”

Zatanna spun and almost snarled at him. “What would you have us do then, Constantine? Maybe you’re okay with sacrificing people sometimes, but we’re the heroes. We can’t just let it keep wreaking havoc. There’s no reported deaths yet, but we don’t know how long that’ll last.”

He leaned against the wall nonchalantly and lit a cigarette. “Well, what’s it yelling about?”

“What?”

He took a long drag before continuing. “Realms ghosts– they’re basically immune to our magic, but they’re easy marks if you know how to deal with ‘em. They all have some sort of Obsession. Just work with that and they’re remarkably simple to manipulate.” His voice turned to a grumble, “Doesn’t mean they can’t be a huge pain in the fucking ass sometimes though.”

Tapping some ash off his cigarette, he looked straight back into the room again. “So… what’re they yelling about?”

[foldingfittedsheets]

I worked retail for a long time and people really do treat you like shit sometimes. But between selling sex toys, mattresses, and jewelry I can say definitively I got treated worst selling mattresses.

All three of my jobs were in sales but selling sex toys we were allowed to put people in their place, and in jewelry people didn’t want to misbehave in a fancy setting. But people at the mattress store had no problem yelling at me, hitting on me, or insulting me to my face.

For a while I was managing my own store for the company. I ran a small location and had struggling employees placed with me for rehabilitation. If their numbers improved they could go back to bigger stores. If not, they got fired.

So this meant I was the manager of problem employees. At one point both of my people had a foot out the door. The company was going downhill and changed computer systems and they were fed up. Consequently, they made a ton of mistakes, because they just didn’t care about the job or learning the new systems.

I strolled into work on what was essentially my Monday to a shit show. Deliveries scheduled without product, wrong things on orders, poor expectations of the process, you name it. I spent the entire morning getting yelled at for mistakes that weren’t mine.

The final straw came when a man called furious that his moms bed for her nursing home had a delivery window he couldn’t accommodate. This wasn’t a huge disaster since we still had time to deliver it before she moved. I ran him through the options and he just kept screaming at me. Not for a solution but because I was there and he was frustrated.

My heart filled with malice and a cold fury. A calculating part of my brain had a realization in that moment that I could stay a punching bag or I could strike back.

I quavered my voice delicately, taking in a shaky, warbling breath like I was trying not to cry. “Sir,” I quivered through fake tears, “I don’t know what you want from me! I told you what I can do, I didn’t make this mistake I’m just trying to fix it!” My voice broke pitifully on the last syllables, sounding in all ways like a sweet innocent person being yelled at who’s just trying her best, really!

It was like I’d doused him with cold water. My emotional act was the realization that he was screaming at someone who was just doing their damn job, and he was being an asshole. He hastily made an excuse and hung up.

I had a third employee covering with me from another store that day who heard everything. When I hung up, I looked over to see them watching me with an awed expression. “Did… did you just pretend to cry?”

“I absolutely fucking did,” I said with feeling, “and I’d do it a thousand more times. If that’s what it takes for someone to realize they’re behaving like a fucking prick, they deserve it.” The employee looked at me like I was their hero.

The man called back, apologizing profusely, having magically arranged his schedule to accommodate delivery. He came in later that week with an apology Starbucks gift card. I was gracious in my acceptance.

I pulled it a few more times before leaving the company. I felt no shame in the ruse. If someone behaves so poorly that it’s plausible their behavior would drive someone to tears they deserve to feel absolutely wretched about it.

[vmkhoneyy]

I think if I could be the kind stranger in someone’s memory, that’d be enough.

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

[rendevok]

“Take my hand” pages 16-18

1 -> 3 - day 4 - swap

[luminarai]

Most people will tell you that giving your pets any kind of medication in pill form is an absolute nightmare, meanwhile I have the exact opposite problem.

A friend of mine was watching my cat Mim while I was travelling this weekend and when he went to split her weekly allergy pill (made to split into 4 small pills when you press down on it with a finger) to give her the usual 1/4, he fumbled it and sent it skittering across the floor where my ridiculous pill-loving menace of cat immediately gobbled down the whole thing, leading to me receiving a panicked phone call at 11 pm from said friend who was understandably freaking out (everyone’s fine, a single high dose won’t cause any problems as long as it’s just this once).

Behold: the villain herself, basking in the success of her crime (she’d be planning her next pill-related heist but, as you can see if you look closely, there’s there’s nothing but elevator music behind those eyes)

[chloesimaginationthings]

Vanny finally meets FNAF tape girl in person...

[buggest]

“women and enbies” “everyone but cis men” “afab people” “femmes and thems” “girls gays and theys” “women and everyone else” SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

[calmbigdipper]

I believe Fugo and Trish would be besties in the most awkward way possible

[st-hedge]

*gestures* Zelda, the hero of time 🫰