#which ive been meaning to do for literal years

[bugflies00]

i have so many thoughts about the tommy song/video and theyre a jumbled mess. i wouldnt call this an analysis this is just. most of my thoughts surrounding the video and what it shows about tommy

one of the things that stuck out to me (outside of how depressing and just like. is this guy okay) is something that ive always respected tommy for because he's always stuck with it and its his like. fervent conviction in people doing things theyre passionate about. thats always been one of the things he talks about all the time!!!

when AI started appearing he was talking about death of creativity, with the internet he's always talking about how the real tragedy is the algorithm killing people's passion by driving them with views and money, and even when he talks about youtube itself, and nowadays standup, its so full of passion.

and i think thats really important because it would be extremely easy for someone like tommy, who's in the process of maturing his online image from a very loud, immature and PASSIONATE persona, to make fun of it. it would be so easy to do like so many other creators and laugh at how "cringe" it was and make a quick cash/attention grab with a funny clip of him laughing at himself. but he never has. well don't get me wrong he's laughed at himself or old videos but it's always just. good natured taking the piss out of himself, it's never this like. mocking your younger self who was so excited to do what they did only because now its "cringe".

not only is he constantly giving that advice to other people (its been years of him replying, to any kid in his chat or donations asking advice on how to be a creator etc, "just go and do it if you love it!!"), he's coherent with how he applies it to himself. he realised he was making cash grab tiktok react vids and hated it so much he just stopped uploading for a while.

i dont know i just think there's something admirable about being able to still be sincere in a time where everything especially online has to be processed through a layer of irony. and its even funnier because he's more sincere THROUGH the irony i mean he's literally going into standup.

letting yourself create something that "means" something is fucking hard especially when half the internet still sees you as a kid who screams around. except the thing is that kid DID make stuff that mattered and that meant something because he was, in his own words, having fun.

i think thats what the format of the video was about too. i mean i think it was pretty clearly not a song thats meant to be streamed, its not purely music, its also a video because tommy is also first and foremost an editor who went to film college. its also not a "comedy" song like he's made some before, because those were all intentionally created to land as many jokes and make a big buzz— which doesnt mean they were bad! im philza is a contemporary lyrical masterpiece. but they had a specific purpose and it was to make people laugh and i think this video was completely like. opposite of what peoples expectations are of tommy. the "wow hes not a child anymore hes being mature🤓" reactions are the most obvious aspect of this (which, like, its been a while, get with the program).

i think the point of this was to make something that genuinely meant something but that was also like. as unpalatable to the algorithm and to the TommyInnit Viewer as possible. even now that he's gone into making quieter, more reflective videos, we've never had the flashing texts and the projector images and just all of that. hes always talking about how he hates the way the "youtube formula" has dictated the course of content and stolen all creativity for youtubers. its not meant to be a YouTube Video tm. its just meant to mean something to someone, and obviously process some sort of personal emotions, and i just think thats. yeah. yeah

i mean he even says so outright. "this needless, self indulgent spiral of self gratification" is pretty damn explicit. its not meant to be funny content its really a cry for help or for just. anything at all really

it was also a lot about perception, yknow the "entertainer" dilemma, "its all attention porn"... theres a layer of this point thats universal, everyone struggles with how they're perceived and i think any "artist" or "entertainer" figure can see themselves in it, but there's also a layer thats completely impermeable to most of us because it touches upon the sheer absurdity of a "youtuber". especially one of tommy's popularity. especially one who blew up so so fast so young. i honestly think its IMPOSSIBLE to process that. its about the ethics of having millions of people's time so readily available to you if you just press the right buttons to make the algorithm happy and then you've got them. im like 75% sure i remember him saying this on stream once, something like "your time is valuable" and if a fan didnt value him as an entertainer they should drop him.

and even here^ thats the saddest "lmao" ive seen in my life SORRY LOL but its really just. yeah im not gonna repeat myself it speaks for itself. perception and internet expectations and all that

one of the other images that stuck out to me was also this:

"yeah i know its too much like bo burnham but it wont be in a year though. in a year it will be like tom simons. just let me figure out what that means, ok?"

a lot of the video is about. influences and inspirations. the bo burnham references are so obvious he's poking at them, but i think he's raising a good point about the creativity that he's constantly praising. its never something that springs up on its own, its all about looking at others work and making it your own and feeding yourself with all those experiences and slowly, surely building your own way of doing things (tommyinnit "minecraft talent show" and "a tribute to dream smp" serial quackity + schlatt impersonator would know all about that) ->

and its daunting! its fucking scary to move away from that! which is also the main vibe i got from the video which, outside of his own issues with how he's perceived online, was the sort of existential dread that comes with actually creating. its one thing to preach you need to be passionate and create, its another to sit down and create something thats BY you. its a part of growing up! and we're literally seeing him do it live (well the bits that he chooses to show obviously)! thats also part of why i think tommy's so relatable to so many people is that he's so like. honest and real about what it's like to grow up, simple as that, and growing into yourself.

"this was everything to me" and using the picture of his younger self... man. theres obviously so much sadness underlying the whole thing but i think the nostalgia and melancholy in mourning being someone who was only inspired/excited by your interests and role models is universal. and obviously for tommy a lot of those influences turned out. well i think it was pretty damn clear who/what he was referring to here. ->

i don't think i need to go too in detail about that, especially cause a lot of the video was clearly a way to process his own personal emotions. especially with those next few images. i just hope he's okay and that god doubles his pain and gives it to mr beast to quote my friend bronzetomatoes. man.

of course he had to end with a funny clip about a hot anime girl and i think that kinda. sums it all up in a way. if that makes sense. at the end of the day its about the fact that he has to use humour to make the thing work when its out in the open, even when he tries not to and to be actually honest, but theres also the fact that hes literally a comedian and creating something "honest" IS through humor. its kindof a double edged sword

right well that was my jumbled mess of psychoanalysing tommyinnit i hope he is alright and all that because well that was. something

[softringing]

There's always been a question that bugs me about sampo. Obviously, there are several, but this one specifically, has to do with his ideologies involving elation.

If sampo cares about people so much and desires to make everyone happy, why did he not take direct action in those 8 years he remained in belebog?

We all know sparkle said sampo has a line that he won't cross, and that line is very clearly not hurting people, well at least the ones who have already been hurt enough.

We see this from sampo's actions in the underworld vs overworld. For some reason, even tho sampo is a scammer and values money, he has never attempted to scam underworlders. In Hook's companion mission, hook's father had a rare mining item that was stolen by an npc named Skipper(?) I believe.

While Skipper was trying to sell this item to sampo, sampo kept insisting that he was selling it at such a low price. His direct words were "Are you sure you want to sell this at this price to me?"

And he kept hesitating until hook and tb found skipper and took the item back. We can see cleary that sampo means no harm to those who are weak but when he's in the overworld, he's known for scamming ppl like Chavez from Anti-Blue Scam Society without much remorse.

From all this, it's clear sampo has never done something to hurt anyone seriously, and to add to this, shields is the name for the belebog currency. Yet, in sampo's idle, we see him holding a different currency.

This pretty much implies that to sampo, belebogian currency would be useless. Although we know he's a scammer, we don't really know why he cares about money so much other than this text we got in game from him

Sampo seems personally tired of doing this :( but says that he has to to feed few mouths which we can take as him trying to help the ppl in the underworld with the money he 'earns'.

So, here we return to my initial question, why didn't sampo directly help ppl of belebog with their disaster if he has so much power?

He is hiding from a certain someone-- as mentioned by @/samposillies, in sampo's LC, the exact same currency he's holding is shown & his eidolon

(money model from @/kittykattz)

If u look really closely into his LC, you can see not only that it's from a POV of a sniper, but also another assasin behind sampo, holding a gun and wearing a foreign attire to belebog. The description also matches that someone's obviously trying to kill him, as told by the sniper himself.

At first, I assumed it was the ipc but their outfits lean towards red rather than plain black. Plus, although it looks like sampo isn't in belebog, there are two posters in the lc on the brick background and you can find these coffee posters in belebog at the location "Backwater pass".

But the thing is, sampo uses the non-belebogian currency (assumed to be Kalevalan currency) to convince the sniper to talk to him.

The lc's name is Eye of the Prey-- and although it's from sniper's POV, Sampo is clearly the Hunter, while the sniper is the prey.

This led me to think that someone from Kalevala is perhaps trying to kill sampo while he was in belebog, which is strange bc the world believed Jarilo-IV did not exist before the astral express saved them. Meaning that whoever is trying to kill sampo probably always knew about his whereabouts hence sampo decided to keep a low profile and decided to help underworlders in such a silent approach.

Not to mention, the currency sampo's holding doesn't have the usual hsr language on it (pointed out by @/samposillies)

(maybe it needs horizontal flipping ill check it later)

Therefore, we can assume sampo didn't help belebogians directly by bringing an end to the stelleron bc he's being chased by someone. and even tho sampo appears non-chalant or calm about it in his lc, maybe he just doesn't want that person to come and specifically show up in belebog.

We don't know why that person's trying to kill sampo but there are lots of reasons, just like the fact that sampo is LITERALLY the 'device' from Kalevala as referenced in his event. He CAN legit create ancient relics,

he laughs it off as a typo BUT HE CAN CLEARLY MAKE THESE RELICS!! GEPARD ALSO MENTIONS IN HIS LINES ABT HIM THAT HE SELLS A NUMBER OF ANCIENT RELICS!!

"ancient" MEANS OLDDD, like really old!! How can a normal person make such things?? Not to mention sampo can make his bombs and is immune to their poison and a MEMORY bubble (in autheirum wars), which had the description of being "abnormal or unusual"!! Only memokeepers can make memory bubbles, and herta has several of them in her space station. So he either stole one or knows how to make one himself!! Sampo also made those items in his pop-up shop event with some materials the tb brought so there's no doubt he's the object that's supposed to 'bring wealth'.

Or could it be that sampo is like Giovanni? He prefers natural endings rather than artificial ones? he's still a masked fool no matter how different his aesthetics are after all... LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU ALL THINK!!

Edit: Here's the flipped image of his money but I still can't read what it's supposed to mean and tried to google translate in Finnish but didn't. Work

[pepprs]

hi, everyone. i hope you all are doing well. i’ve been meaning and wanting to check in here for many months but i have also been too afraid to. but i want to do it now because im potentially at a turning point and i want you all (especially close friends and mutuals who i haven’t talked to in a long time) to know what’s going on because unfortunately i do not have the strength to reach out individually right now, as much as i desperately want to.

when i left this place a year ago my depression was extremely bad. i didn’t know how long i was going to be gone or whether i was leaving for good, but i knew i needed to make some changes in my life before i could be here healthily again. well… 2024 has been a year of IMMENSE change for me! a lot of it has been for the good. i made some progress in my life by moving out, and i’ve had a lot of joy and healing in (very slowly) building a home for myself and figuring out what kind of life i want to live and how i want to live it. (im learning how to drive! i have string lights and stuffed animals and a wii! i am capable of solo travel!)

but… a lot of the changes that have happened this year have been for the worse. in almost every respect 2024 has been one of the most difficult and painful years of my life (and that is saying something!). this year a couple of traumatic things have happened to me and around me, and it has been extremely hard to live my life despite and beyond them. i have been dealing with physical and mental health issues that have greatly impacted my quality of life and make it unbearably difficult for me to get through every day. i am constantly running on negative spoons. one of the most damaging outcomes of this is that i have almost completely withdrawn from society both online and off and that is not an exaggeration. ive stopped talking to all of my friends and family except for people i see every day at work. i impulsively isolate myself when im in pain / distress despite knowing both emotionally and logically that it makes literally everything worse and i don’t know how to (and often can’t muster the mental strength to) work through the shame and grief and anxiety to seek connection and support. and im struggling to take care of myself including physically and its having severe consequences in every aspect of my life and in the lives of people who care about me. i live alone and i still think that was the good and right choice for me to make, but i am profoundly and agonizingly lonely. my depression was extremely bad when i left here, but i think despite everything it might be even worse now.

all of this is to say: this week i finally decided i can’t suffer like this anymore, and i began the process of seeking a formal diagnosis for my depression and other mental health issues and exploring additional treatment beyond talk therapy (most likely meds but there may be other things too / instead; still at the very beginning stages of figuring it all out). i am extremely anxious about many dimensions of this but also hopeful that it will help me hurt less because when i tell you at this point my brain and heart physically ache from depression like 85% of every day…. lol. im really hoping that once i get my mental / emotional pain under control i’ll be able to start tending to the parts of my life that have withered while ive suffered and repair the damage of my neglect as best i can. (which is to say… if you’re my friend and you’re reading this please know i love you and i miss you terribly and i am so sorry we haven’t spoken and i am so sorry im telling you this in a tumblr post you may not even read instead of a reply or a call back. i still love you and i want you to know it is not you specifically i am ghosting, its everyone. i am trying to build the strength and im scared i can’t but i hope i can.)

that said… i have decided i am not going to be coming back to this blog. i miss this place and the community i felt connected to here, but the way i was using this website as a public diary was extremely unhealthy, and as much as i miss it and still crave the instant comfort/validation i see clearly now with months of distance how damaging it was. (i truly cannot believe i was oversharing like that lol i am so private now (yes due largely to mental illness but still!)) i am so grateful to everyone who reassured me when i was struggling and celebrated my successes. this was the first place, online or off, where i (misguidedly but it’s true!) could actually be honest and candid about things happening in my life and my reactions to them instead of communicating it all through metaphors in my art and poetry, and it truly mattered that i had that experience here so that i could seek out more spaces like it in my offline life. i know i already said thank you in a previous update but really… thank you. 💗🫂

im not planning on deleting this blog. i may come back here and share updates like this one from time to time, but otherwise i will leave it as it is. but… i do want to get back to using a few of my fandom-centered sideblogs because looking at and compiling art of things i like is a low-energy thing that makes me happy! so you may see activity there every once in a while (tbh during this hiatus i have opened tumblr from time to time to look at art and save a bunch of posts that i wanted to reblog eventually lol). but… if i notice myself slipping back into bad habits i may private the sideblogs or abandon them completely.

i don’t know how to end this post. actually wait yes i do. one of my all time favorite artists is anna-laura sullivan (@/annalaura_art on instagram) and this is one of my all time favorite drawings of hers (so much so that i made it my lock screen so i can look at it every day!). this saying has brought me a lot of comfort and i hope it (and her other art) will bring you comfort too if you’re also in a dark place.

one more thing: not to be kind of a freak but in writing this post i discovered a longer version of my goodbye post from last year in my drafts. i don’t remember why i didn’t post it and obviously it’s outdated now but i want to share the draft because i went into more detail about tumblr having been helpful for me specifically when it comes to my mutuals + info / disclaimers about how to reach me and i want you guys to hear that in my past self’s voice lol! i put it under the cut if you want to read it!

2023 tess said it best: i hope you know how much it’s meant to me to be in your company. thank you for sharing and thank you for listening. i love you. happy [almost] new year. be well. good luck. shine bright. until we meet again ☕️🐈🫂💗

[sphyrne]

last nights sketching

[bacchuschucklefuck]

okay unironically I love so much that porter is like this world SUCKS its BAD here and it HURTS you why do you care abt it!!! and literally every single bad kid is like ngl we just hate ur ass it does not matter what ur philosophy is

[al-luviec]

compiled whatever this is (and I run out of tag space)

meh HoT gifs (3/?)

[ghost-bard]

something has possessed me i think bc why am i in the year 2024 thinking about merlin/gwaine but also merlin/lancelot but also gwaine/merlin/lancelot. what have i done to deserve this

[girlthativealwaysbeen]

it's not sinking in that today might be the last day in my house and town for many months to come

[riiviir]

hey guys so I just started reading Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott and OMG AHSBNSBSBSNSNBSHZHSHDBFHGGHFHGRJ2KSHSBSNSK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THINKING ABOUT THE RELATIVITY BETWEEN DIMENSIONS!!!!!!

[iiota]

Teeth are the dumbest fucking part of a human body

[lesbuoyant]

everybodys all lets condemn people with Morally Impure Interests until all of a sudden you have an interest that is suddenly considered Impure and wanes in and out of Public Opinion for many years because nobody actually knows how to think for themselves online. personally i think we'd all be very lonely if we chose and broke friendships based on.... What Video Games They Like and like absolutely nothing else regarding the person's character

[shortnsweetgf]

i need to vent about something that happened and i’ll do it in the tags of this post and i dont really know how to trigger it but it may be triggering so yeah maybe dont read it idc i just need to talk to the void

[britneyshakespeare]

Nothing I love more than having a little tea w the office ladies

[nomairuins]

bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏

[deoidesign]

please take as much time as you need to rest and recover. burn out is so hard and takes so much to heal from. your art and your supporters will still be here when you get back :) take care <3

Thank you very much

Unfortunately, my situation doesn't really allow me to take the time I need. I've got a ~two month hiatus scheduled for my midseason, but much like my first hiatus I'll most likely be working double time during it...

It's unfortunate because I could really really use a bigger break!

Having the time and flexibility to work on other projects really fires me up and keeps me going, and being able to take a guilt free day off for family and friends is necessary to my mental health, and I've been having to turn people down lately...

This is a very kind message, and I'm sorry to vent in response! But I just feel transparency about the pressure I'm under is necessary and important. I'd love to take the time I really need, but due to deadlines and that pesky "needing money to live" I can't.

But, once the series is over I intend to take a pretty big break before I start whatever I'm doing next! I've got so many short stories and projects planned that I want so badly to get to, I can't wait to really get to truly dive in to them!

[red-dyed-sarumane]

people who think the only series songs are the ones directly tied to aru sekai shoushitsu by title are so funny. theres 11 songs and the same major motif is in all but 3 of them. but they dont have a certain kanji in the title so they must not be related right. "marshall maximizer & kanon are their own side thing" "kugutsu ashura isnt a series song" fascinated by this world view. kugutsu ashura is the outlier here so i'll get to that in a second but

aru sekai shoushitsu is the starting point & the reason we can pick out its a series & theorize about where its going. most people can pick out that kyuuyaku hankagai, shuuen touhikou, & oumen mokushiroku are series songs based on the fact their titles start with the same kanji that are emphasized in lines in aru sekai shoushitsu. which is true and great.

we also have the "nami no ne no yume wo miyou ame hodo no uruoi wo" melody that appears in most major & side songs & ultimately serves to distinguish which characters maintain a self of self and get to live and try again and which dont (those that lack the melody in their respective song.) it initially shows up as a repeated line in aru sekai shoushitsu & basically describes that whole concept of getting to continue or "being reborn" that it symbolizes. and then its in kyuuyaku hankagai at 4:51 mixed into the instrumental behind the vocals and more notably at 5:16, shuuen touhikou during the chorus at 1:20 2:34 & 2:47, oumen mokushiroku which is also the Only song where its sung & not apart of the instrumental aside from aru sekai shoushitsu itself at 2:30 & 2:51, unplanned apoptosis at 0:46 (very hard to make out because of the vocals if u listen to the instrumental only u can pick it out easier) & in the chorus at 0:57 1:07 2:17 & 2:26, marshall maximizer at 2:23, kanon at 2:19, and kannagi at 3:31 & 5:45.

that's of course not the only melody to denote a connection between songs there's also rute furute woa which is used exclusively in songs that happen in the past. it's in kyuuyaku hankagai behind the fractal wa kurikaeshita lines at 2:24 4:33 & 5:01 and more notably at 5:30, shuuen touhikou at the whole most of the song when theres not singing& also in behind the chorus at 1:06 2:13 & 2:22, kannagi as a lyric at 1:30 3:00 4:31 & 5:01, POSSIBLY oumen mokushiroku at 1:42 and POSSIBLY kugutsu ashura at 2:47 as the melody for the initial parts of those lines* *saying these two are possible because i know these parts sound like a series motif but its just different enough to keep me guessing. i'm continuing my research as we speak rest assured

and then there's not so much a melodic motif but the inclusion of a singular glass breaking noise thats a bit of a niche thing to notice & it creates a timeline for everything that happens after oumen mokushiroku, with the exception of unplanned apoptosis. marshall maximizer has it at 1:41, kanon at 0:22, laboratory at 2:42, and yamete kudasai at 0:00. oumen does not have this sound effect at its that song's events that break the glass (as told in kanon) and unplanned apoptosis does not have it bc the art implies it to being happening after the glass has already broken.

which leads us to only kugutsu ashura which lacks any immediately obvious motifs and yet is still a series song. it does not have the nami no ne no motif because thats reserved for characters who live or in series terms are "reborn with the next world" and she as both ashura and a puppet lacks her own "self" and her actions are not for her own gain or purposes. i do not believe its intended to be a future/present/modern song & is otherwise a bit estranged from the group that has the glass breaking noise in their songs so it makes sense that wouldnt be in the song. the only remaining thing would be the past motif & due to other details (how the lyrics are written, strong ties to shuuen touhikou & kyuuyaku hankagai, a few other minor things) it does seem to be intended to be a past song but the only place the motif could possibly be is in the last lyrics particularly the ugate ine sono rensa/ yagate mitsu sono koe wa/ mukae rinne sono mei wa/ ata e urufu sono sei wa parts sound a bit like a fragment of the rute furute woa melody. and in the event thats just me making things up because i have listened to every single one of these songs several thousand times without exaggeration, ignoring literally everything else the very last line in the song is mata ibuku you ni literally "so we may breathe again" which is a direct parallel to part of the lyrics in the nami no ne no part in aru sekai shoushitsu "umareyou mou ichido nakusedomo nai keredo/hodo ni" or "let's be born once more though there's no way to lose life/as though life can't be lost" which is a strong enough point to claim its a series song on its own. not to mention if u actually want to go digging into the wall of text that kugutsu ashura is (i dont. i did i once and keep putting off going thru it again even though i really need to) there're more connections to be made to other songs.

this isnt to say every hiiragi magnetite song is a series song because thats also not true. a lot of what makes series songs series songs is the wording; they have a lot more precise words to describe things & usually end up sounding odd if youre thinking of them as stand alone songs. compare to uni for example that, yeah sure it does talk about the rain which is also a series staple & major symbol, but its not a series song. its just a fun little song with comparatively simple lyrics that happens to take place when its raining.