#which is frustrating as someone with hyperempathy

[kami-kun1003]

at this point i dont think i really like Lilia for who he is and its more of the fact that his relationship with Silver so INTERESTING to me

take your fandom goggles off for a moment and just look at them from an outsider’s point of view. Lilia is far from a perfect father, but Silver talks about him like he’s some literal god who rescued his ass from the pits of hell. most children don’t feel the need to “repay” their parents for raising them with love and care, which is completely valid because that’s the bare minimum of what a parent’s supposed to do.

Lilia has many flaws— he looks down on his schoolmates because he believes that he’s wiser and they’re just weak, fragile little humans. he takes people’s trust for granted and impulsively does whatever he wants without considering others’ feelings, probably because he doesn’t understand them as well as he thinks he does. he acts friendly and outspoken, but never reveals anything truly personal about himself because of the emotional brick wall that even his sons could not tear down.

Silver is the opposite. he views everyone as his equals, sometimes even regarding himself as inferior. he’s always considerate of other people and tends to be more empathetic than he realizes. he’s very quiet but genuine and doesn’t mind talking about his own personal experiences and turmoil.

deep down, i think there’s very little trust between them. they love each other more than the sun and moon, but would rather cut off their left hands than admit they both have issues. Silver doesn’t wish to be a burden, and Lilia refuses to let anyone see beyond his mask of being nothing but an easygoing and wise bat fae.

[metalheads-trash-bin]

Good morning everypony, the trolls fandom needs to handle different opinions better 😀

I can think he’s a silly ass goose while also knowing he’s a loser !! It’s called a complex character! Creek is extremely complex to me because I have hyperempathy, a minor in psych for multiple reasons, a hyperfixation on trolls, and understand there’s only so much you can do with a character in the length of a movie 😭

People are allowed to headcanon Creek as a severely mentally destroyed person if he lived, and how he most likely regrets what he did.

He’s also, surprise surprise, a living being!! Living beings are inherently selfish creatures. I argued with this dude about a makeshift trolley theory bc he couldn’t handle me calling the guru “silly”. Creek begged for his life, saying he’d do anything out of desperation and fear. I don’t believe he expected that to go how it did, with him having to lure the village out or else he’d be devoured. I dunno about you, but i don’t think any being that has baseline selfish desires would pick themselves to die if they were in that situation. Creek was a young adult, he had a lot of life experience that still needed to happen. And on top of that, I don’t believe he was very content with his life if he was so quick to “drop the mask” and sacrifice others. He was seen as a god in the village, do you understand the mental effect that can have on someone? Especially if his whole “perfect guru” thing was a facade. All eyes were on him everywhere. From beliefs, to help, to practically worshipping him.

Saying to me how he joked with poppy doesn’t do shit, because if we’re digging into my headcanons then i have an idea about that too. I feel Creek did that so she’d stop fixating on him and actually do her damn job as queen: saving the kingdom. Poppy was a childish person, love struck and obsessed with Creek. She wanted him safe, and that meant ignoring the impending doom the kingdom was going to face if chef found the trolls in the village. For her trolley problem, she picked him first and assumed she could run back and protect the rest after.

In the end, the plan she executed worked out. But it’s understandable for people to be frustrated with her saving Creek and prioritizing him.

If he knew the situation, which he at the least did when confronted by her, he was most likely frustrated and disappointed she cared about him more than anyone else. She risked the lives of the entire snack pack for him. If he had baseline empathy and the “perfect guru” thing was a facade, he’d of felt guilty and a bit embarrassed he was put above everyone. All those lives were blood on his hands if any of them died while saving him.

Creek did technically do what he did for her, forcing her hand to hate him and focus on the kingdom. And he wasn’t lying when he said he’d have to live with what he did for the rest of his life.

But thats just a theory!

A trolls the-

[harukapologist]

rambling about Haruka

As an ND person I just hate how Haruka's character is either completely infantilized or reduced to a selfish, evil murderer, when, to me, he is so much more than that.

Especially the latter; I hate when any MILGRAM character is called evil because what's the point of MILGRAM, then? They're all morally grey! That's how they test us. But Haruka in particular because I feel like it comes from a place of ableism, intentional or not.

I'm not sure if I should put TWs, but well I talk about ableism, murder (obviously lol), childhood trauma and well... it's Haruka

Haruka's outburst in the VD and his implication of killing animals (I know it's basically canon but erm... i can explain why I think it's an implication later) (i just finished writing the post and actually i explained why at the bottom of the post but its not a full explanation so lol) are the reasons I see people calling him either evil or childlike, and while I do think that Haruka is stuck in a childlike state in some aspects, this is emotional dysregulation of an ND and/or traumatized person, to me.

The uglier sides of being ND/traumatized, the ones that get heavily stigmatized and seen as intentional or evil; I think this was a display of one of them. And I really wish to see more people focusing on Haruka's disability in the ways it can affect his communication and day-to-day life skills more than "oh, poor baby, he has a disability that makes him feel unwanted" without actually understanding the details of the disability and, well, the reason why it is a disability.

Like, the emotional dysregulation that comes with being autistic, which is my headcanon for him. The hyperempathy and literal thinking that might make him harder to communicate with, and get people frustrated with him more often.

That and being severely neglected; I think neglect is one of the lesser discussed forms of childhood trauma and the fact that Haruka was shown to be neglected as well as abuse really means a lot to me, because I think some people don't quite understand just how much neglect and isolation fucks you up.

All those factors combined are a recipe for an unstable, impulsive, clingy shell of a human, and him getting called evil for that really saddens me. It's important to remember that these MVs are extracted from the prisoners' own memories and thoughts. It comes from their perception of their surroundings, their murders, and their own selves. The manic look that Haruka has on his face for a lot of AKAA, for example. The makeshift shirt he's wearing, as if he's desperately trying to sew himself together into a normal person, the exhausted, frustrated look when he picks up the necklace, it's important to remember that this is how he sees himself. A monster who has lost control of himself. The line "I'll keep killing to be your good boy" was a shock, but the way he meekly apologized to Es at the end of his VD, I really think that shows that he feels guilty, that he wants to convince himself more than anyone that he was a good person, that he was really trying to be one despite how his unlucky life frustrated him to his breaking point.

As for his infantilization, it has already been addressed by many thoughtful members of the fandom and I'm grateful to see that, but I also want to say it myself since god knows I hate being patronized.

It feels very ableist saying he's just "someone stuck in a childlike mindset/age regressor" Yes, and how does age regression as a coping mechanism develop? Usually through prior trauma that makes you "stuck" at said age, and that can present differently. It can be longing and yearning for a simpler time, for an actual happy childhood, or having flashbacks to a traumatic event that happened at a certain age; it is not uncommon for trauma survivors to be "frozen" at the age their trauma took place.

I think both of these are the case for Haruka. Frozen at that moment, but trying to reduce himself to nothing but a little, unaware child to avoid reliving it again, relishing in the innocence and purity of his good younger times (emphasis on purity--Haruka's murder was by strangulation, yet there's a shot in AKAA where he's covered in blood. I know it's after he killed the animals, but he's in the stitched-together outfit here; I think there's more to this MV than just killing the animals. Since this outfit is... not very likely to be worn in reality, did the animal killing happen at all? Even if it did, I think this shot remains an indicator that he sees himself as impure; guilty. I have a LOT to say about the inconsistencies in Haruka's MVs, but I'll save that for later... Anyway, back on topic) It is NOT "having the mental capacity of a child, so being unable to date etc." Haruka has still lived 17 years, maybe even more, since he isn't too interested in remembering his age. How do you treat actual neurodivergent people if this is how you see him?

When I rewatch the MVs, relisten to the VDs, reread the interrogations and timelines, I see no evil, just an incredibly broken, misunderstood person.

[system-of-a-feather]

Vent-ish, Advice Welcome

But man, being in a relationship with someone who has empathy (possibly hyperempathy) as someone who has almost as low affective empathy as you can get is fucking hard man. Even with good communication and awareness of how one another are in regards to empathy talk, theres just shit that comes with being hyperempathetic and no-empathy that just inherently are hard to match as the opposing polar

Cause when hes bad, he would really like someone who can have and understand that - at least - affective empathy mindset and approach and that is NOT a bad thing about him, nor is it an ableist thing or anything, its fair to want and feel the need for something like that as long as its not taken out or judged as an intentional trait. It's a compatibility and communication issues that, ideally, could be handled by asking exactly what he would like me to say and how he would rather I approach it and just general what he needs from me in those moments - but in practice, he just does not really have that self knowledge and awareness to tell me what he specifically means and needs when he mentions that and so its just left off with a "this is not what I need / want" without any actual productive or constructive criticism

Which I TOTALLY understand and I'm not mad about cause I get it, I get how it is, but much like its fair that he wishes I could provide that, it is fair that I am frustrated that I can't be given more instruction on how to help provide him with what he needs.

And honestly - if I'm being real - I'm getting really frustrated and tired from this at work, but being autistic in a not-autistic environment, being low-empathy in an empathetic world is just EXAUSTING cause there is jsut so much people EXPECT you to just, infer and know about how theyd like to be interacted with and what they 'actually mean' and tend to perceive it as an intentional and personal decision rather than them just not really making their communication clear to those that aren't to the neurotypical standard.

Its just ughhh can someone write a universal manual for the empathy-intact non-autistic mind that universally answers how to navigate every communication situation with them for autistic people (/hj) cause ughhhh I'd LOVE to meet you at your language and communication style and meet your requests for how you would like to be approached in situations but I can't do that without you knowing what you need ughhhhh

I've asked some of my empathy-intact non-autistic friends how to deal with stuff like this and there are thigns like "just listen" and "acknowledge the struggle without giving advice" and what not and sometimes that works and helps but a lot of the time its just like that too comes off as an incorrect dating sim selection and I'm just like ughhhhhh

Why do I keep getting this symbol above heads

Or even worse

[warriors-rewritten-chaos]

foxleap x jayfeather hypokits?

Warrior Cats Ship Hypokits: JayFox Edition

I remembered nothing about Foxleap as a character going into this, but once again the Warriors Wiki saved me

In this AU, Medicine Cats are not only allowed to have kits but are encouraged to do so, as the position is passed hereditarily. Jaykit was the lucky kit of his litter to be chosen as his mama Leafpool's successor due to being the best at working with herbs. He got quite a bit of a swelled head but is eventually humbled when the Clan joker and prankster Foxpaw attaches himself at his hip. They bicker constantly, with Foxpaw teasing Jaypaw because he enjoys his reactions and Jaypaw lashing out in frustration at his antics. The two become emotionally attached as well and enjoy each other's company (even if Foxpaw is the only one who will admit it- and does so happily, much to Jaypaw's embarrassment). Foxchaser and his sister Icecloud earn their warrior names at around the same time Jayfeather gets his Medicine Cat name. Foxchaser of course ruins the sweet moment by joking that he would have named Jayfeather Jaybird (essentially "birdbird") instead and the two start fighting again. When they go to the mountains and meet The Lunar Feles, Foxchaser attempts to show off for everyone by catching an eagle by himself. He fails and is nearly carried off by the eagle but is saved when Swooping Hawk pushes him out of the way, at the cost of her own life. Foxchaser becomes despondent after Swooping Hawk's death, blaming himself and wishing that he had been taken instead. Jayfeather comforts him and shares in his grief, and when the patrol returns to ThunderClan the two come back closer than ever as mates.

They have four kits together with Icecloud as their surrogate:

Asphodelswoop- white molly with pale ginger patches and green eyes. Cis molly, aromantic lesbian. Named after Swooping Hawk. Asphodelswoop has always been a very quiet kit and rarely talks, even to her family. She is easily upset and can be very petty when she feels that she has been wronged by someone. She isn’t very well-liked by a few of her clanmates, but she doesn't care about their opinions- they don't try to understand her anyway. Asphodelswoop isn't all bad, though. To those who care for her and take a chance on her, she is incredibly loyal and would lay down her life for them at any point. She adores her family and is the biggest supporter of all of them, and they support her in turn. She is a Hunter.

Larchpool- dark ginger tabby tolly with blue eyes. AFAB Agender, pansexual. They use they/them pronouns. Named after Larchkit and Leafpool. Larchpool is an open, playful, and friendly cat who makes friends wherever they go. Despite this, they aren’t childish and are surprisingly mature. They weren't chosen as Jayfeather’s successor because they have no interest in being a Medicine Cat. Larchpool has extreme hyperempathy and is pacifistic to the point of refusing to battle at all. They do hunt but still feel bad for the animals they have to kill (they’d probably only eat plants if it was possible). They are a very good Mediator though, and are well-liked by many despite their various eccentricities. They are a Mediator. 

Shiverfrost- very pale gray tom with green eyes. Trans tom, bisexual. Shiverfrost is a cat whose name draws attention to a very unfortunate problem: he is always cold (and shivers a lot). His fur is very thin and patchy for some unknown reason which makes him very vulnerable to the elements. He feels rather useless due to this trait and often debates leaving the Clan to become a kittypet but never does because he would miss his family too much. He eventually becomes a sort of Tunneler in ThunderClan because it shelters him from the elements. His fathers are very proud of him for figuring himself out. He doesn't really have a sense of humor and is a bit hostile to those who challenge his views, but is trying to change with the help of his siblings and family. He is a Hunter.

Bluebellsong- gray smoke molly with dark blue eyes. Cis molly, lesbian. Bluebellsong was Jayfeather’s choice for his successor, and she took it much more humbly than he did from his mother. She is a polite and level-headed cat who is very responsible and motivated. She has a good bedside manner and is the picture of a perfect Medicine Cat. She has a major problem, though: she tends to bury herself in her work and has basically no outside hobbies of her own. Due to her difficulty separating herself from her job she has no friends or cats besides her family that she is close to. Bluebellsong doesn't expect to ever take a mate of her own or have biological kits, so she’s declared her cousin Alderpaw as her apprentice and successor (after he asked if he could take that role- no forced MedCats here). She is a Medicine Cat (obviously).

[ojiro-s-hellish-site]

自閉症のモノマのヘッドカノンをいくつかやってもらえますか?

Here are some Autistic Monoma headcanons, I personally see him as someone with ADHD or OCD but I can understand where you came from.

Monoma is definitely the type of guy to either scratch at his palms, hit his hands on the desk/ any surface or open-palm smack his own chest as a distress stim.

His tactile sensitivities usually act up when he uses his quirk too much or touches something greasy/ sticky, which would lead him to distress stim.

Monoma definitely struggles with hyperlexia and silted speech.

He suffers from frequent overstimulation episodes due to the nature of his quirk and his autism diagnosis.

He was diagnosed at 3 years old due to the fact that he was sensory seeking for every sense except his touch.

His mom doesn't like to acknowledge his diagnosis so that results in a lot of screaming and stimming as well as a his already prominent inferiority complex.

However, Monoma has echolalia and it usually comes in the form of repeating sentences or laughing at the same time someone else laughs.

Monoma when deeply distressed or frustrated becomes nonverbal and sometimes pout while sitting criss-cross on any surface he is near.

Also, as a kid; Monoma would walk away from conversations that didn't involve his special interest or hyperfixation.

Monoma's special interest is Theatre and Hero-work but he has a hyperfixation on French culture and Fashion.

Monoma, both due to his quirk and his autism; struggles with near debilitating hyperempathy, once when was a kid, he cried to what felt like near dehydration due to seeing someone break their leg.

Monoma has delayed-echolalia and mild immediate-coprolalia,but only when already in distress; which result in situations like:

----------------------------------------------------------

Shinsou: Hey, Neito! Do you want a cookie or a Klondike bar?

Monoma: *aggressively curls index finger at Shinsou* Milkshake!!

Shinsou: What? No, I asked if y-

Monoma: Hey! Cookie! Milkshake!

Shinsou: ...Nevermind...

----------------------------------------------------------

Monoma's eating habits are either time oriented or completely erratic, there are no in-betweens like he will eat frosted cookies with chocolate milk at 2:30 pm or he'll eat a BLT sandwich (it must be put together like a sandwich), but he won’t eat it that way, he will pulls it apart and eat the contents separately. However, he won’t eat it if it’s not made in the sandwich formation first.

Finally, Monoma has like no volume control, so he once scared Shihai awake in the middle of the night while having a conversation with Kendou.

[dreamlspinner-blog]

Making a post about low empathy less gooooooo So, first off - when people talk about low empathy, they usually mean affective empathy, which is the ability to feel what other people are feeling (there is also cognitive empathy, which is understanding what other people feel) some fun facts about empathy and low empathy: - both affective and cognitive empathy are not fixed traits, contrary to popular belief. it often depends on the situation and the person you're talking to. a lot of people with low empathy (ahem, me) usually feel very low amounts of empathy but have a couple exceptions, like for a favourite person, for example. Cognitive empathy is a skill that can be trained and honed (tho I am pretty sure this isn't true of affective empathy) - while the capacity for empathy is genetic, low empathy is often learned. - I find this interesting: while affective empathy is an incredibly complex emotional reaction and involves many areas of the brain at once, from what I've read, it involves a lot of activity in something called the anterior insular cortex (also frontal lobe and amygdala) - also involves the MNS (mirror neuron system) pretty sure this is often impaired in ppl with low empathy - it's all super super complex and I'm probably wrong about something but I encourage y'all to read up on the science cause it's cool af, could also help with understanding why low/no empathy can, like, be influenced to come about sometimes, ya know - lack of empathy does not mean a presence of malice - we are, most of the time, indifferent, if irritated because we have to withstand peoples' emotional reactions ;-; - one should also not assume a lack of empathy is intentional. we don't shut off our empathy willingly, it's just who we are. As a person with low empathy, it's very frustrating. I don't naturally connect with people and my social anxiety plus the low empathy combine to make talking to people extremely uncomfortable and irritating. I often can't bring myself to emotionally care about other people and their feelings - however, what I can do is willingly choose to invest in other people, usually because I find something personally useful about them or just... nice, I guess. This is hard, though, and has led me to losing relationships before because I do not care all that much and forcing myself to relationship good is difficult. I do not lack empathy, however, so I still have emotional reactions to other's emotions, it's just very muted. I don't know much about the experience of a lack of empathy, so apologies if I didn't touch on it very much. But like, in general, low/no empathy doesn't mean someone's evil or bad or malicious, it's just something that hinders us, just like hyperempathy can hinder somebody. I'm sorry if this post is too jumbled or sciencey, that's what I'm personally interested in so that's the stuff I researched, also I ramble too much. I hope this is a fun cool post tho

[dog-teeth]

Did you experience any emotional changes when you started T? How was it

yeah, a whole bunch! i guess ill start with anger. pre-T, my anger often skipped over the part where i was angry and went straight into feeling frustrated, helpless, sad, or worthless. i think part of this is biological and part of it is because of how women are conditioned to not feel or express anger. when i got really angry pre-T, i would just cry. i remember feeling white-hot rage, so so fucking angry, and i would just be weeping, and whoever i was angry at would be like aww are you okay / not take me seriously bc i was crying which just made me More Angry which just made me cry more!!!! it was one of my least favorite feelings ever.

now on T i get angry more quickly, i’m more prone to being snappy with people and reacting with anger before realizing i don’t want to react that way or don’t feel that way at all. anger is a response i go to more quickly and more often now. however, it also goes away faster, and leaves less residue behind. i used to never be able to fully let go of my anger, i would seethe and fester because it just wouldnt go away bc i had no outlet to let it out. when i did have anger breakdowns even then it was just bc i had reached a snapping point and it didn’t do much in terms of catharsis. i wanted to burn alive. i wanted to burn the whole world, but i couldn’t, i felt helpless and small, and the feeling of frustration never went away. but now i can actually let go of my anger, it comes and goes faster and doesnt leave behind that terrible deep frustration. i get angry, i want to run really fast or hit or break something, i let it out in a healthy way (usually sprinting) or an unhealthy way (snapping at someone) and then it goes away.

and then, basically the opposite is true with sadness. i used to just cry and release my sadness and then feel better (though underlying deep depression-type sadness was still there and still is). but its harder for me to cry now. sadness lives deep in my heart in a way that is slightly more suffocating now when it gets strong. its not quite as prevalent as the anger thing bc i can still have catharsis for my sadness without crying, crying just helps a lot. also, and this was true pre-T as well, i cry much much i more over media than i do over my real life.

i think it has to do with my hyperempathy because of adhd/autism. not sure why, but media i feel strongly about can make me cry INSTANTLY whereas i rarely cry over the very real grief and sadness i experience in my own life. in general tho i am less sad.

next on the list is sex and romance! (slight nsfw warning) idk how deep i wanna go into it but i will say that my sex drive increased and the things i wanted out of my sexual and romantic life changed a lot, in terms of things like what gender i was attracted to, what dynamic i wanted to have during sex (top/bottom, dom/sub, what activities i wanted to do, etc). who i wanted to be in a relationship and in bed both changed. the way i experience desire and attraction is different, both romantically and sexually.

and now i’m much more confident! now that i’m not nearly as dysphoric, i have no problem meeting new people bc im content with how they will perceive me physically. i used to hate talking because i hated my voice, i didn’t even really see it completely as dysphoria, like yeah i wished it was lower but i thought i just hated my voice for no real reason. but all thats gone now! i love talking to people, i love meeting people, i love being around people (until my introvert instincts kick in then i love being alone at home but its not bc of gender lol)

i didnt even realize how dysphoric i was until i stopped being dysphoric and i realized how prevalent and crushing it was in my life. i’m also more confident because i can be more myself. since im physically more androgynous, i can do things that are seen as feminine without feeling dysphoric or getting instantly misgendered. to be androgynous i used to have to put all my effort toward being masculine to balance out my body’s perceived femininity. i used to only be able to wear out ‘masculine’ clothes and even then i would still get misgendered and be dysphoric.

now i’m growing my hair out, i can wear dresses and skirts and eyeshadow and have much more fun with my gender presentation. im much more confident and happy with myself! i had no idea how much it would improve my life.

its been really strange experiencing basic fundamental emotions like anger and desire and social connection in a different way! but i’m 100% happy with all of it!!

[david-watts]

pls do us a favour and drop the evidence of how brian was autistic

strap yourselves in folks because the original report I had for this is several hundred words long. also none of this is from a psychological perspective and I’m in no position to give an official diagnosis HOWEVER I am an autistic person myself and you do tend to notice these things if you look closely 

ok firstly I believe that brian’s interest in transport was his first special interest. firstly I’m gonna quote my m*m on the matter ‘nobody [neurotypical] is interested in transport!’ which is in reference to me excitedly telling her about my idea for the article (it was for school and I did indeed submit this for a mark. the teacher found it very interesting though). then again she’s not a reliable source and that quote was probably in comparison to my dad and I both being fascinated by railways (thanks dad). ok so back to the fact brian was so fascinated, in laura jackson’s biography on him it discusses how he would love going to see steam locomotives as a young child, which true, lots of young children are fascinated with them, however he kept that fascination into adulthood because wasn’t there that snippet that he collected things to do with transport? also he used to construct mock crashes using real fire idk if that’s anything to do with it though 

brian would also listen to blues records over and over again to figure out how to play them which is very dedicated of him, but also he named two of his kids after julian adderly. that’s dedication. he went as far to get metal piping from a scrapyard in order to play slide guitar, and when the stones were supporting bo diddley brian dropped all of bo’s material from the stones’ set out of sheer respect. admittedly I haven’t got as much info on his interest in the blues because I focused too much on his interest in transport because overlapping interests will drag you places, but I can see his interest in it??? someone else with more knowledge might be able to piece it together better than I can 

also on the music thing and teaching himself slide guitar, something that I did learn from another autistic person (it was someone on youtube I think it was aaron ansuini?) and the topic of autistic people finding it easy to figure out how things work came up and the example he used was instruments. now according to laura jackson’s biography (yes I reference this a lot it’s the only solely-brian-focused stones bio I have) brian learnt piano very well, and taught himself saxophone after learning clarinet alongside mastering all reed instruments by EAR, but also taught himself slide from records, and we all know how many damn instruments brian played 

this is a weird one and I did learn this from when I was getting my orthotics fitted at the end of last year so it’s not in the original document thankfully BUT. autistic people tend to walk on their toes, which leaves differences in our feet because it’s simply a different gait, your feet will wear differently. one of the things brought up in that appointment was the fact that the toes will curl for grip and the like. front of the foot will flatten - if you make a fist and look at your knuckles it will make a curve, now imagine if that was flattened and apply it to your feet. now of course naturally I remembered seeing a picture of brian without shoes a few days earlier and I can’t believe I’m saying this but I willingly stared at his feet to try and figure out if he also happened to have those... trademarks. I couldn’t really make out much but using that Iconic™ photo of him shoving his feet into the camera, I did notice his toes do curl, especially the two outermost toes. I can’t quite make out whether the front of his feet were flattened or not but it does seem like they might’ve been from the other picture I stared at for way too long, but looking at the more iconic photo I can’t tell either way due to there appearing to be a curve however there should be more shadows if that were the case. ok weird bit over I hate that I stared at his feet for so long 

because I talked about feet here’s a section on animals. there’s the story I think you told me about the time brian tried stealing kittens when he thought they were being mistreated, the time brian befriended a goat when another member of the stones (unknown which one it was but anyone else picturing keef?) decided to lift its back legs up and pretend it was a lawnmower due to the fact that someone said that a goat would keep the lawn down and I think brian took that literally (we’ll come back to that). and how could we forget the time the white goat was led out and brian literally said ‘me’ (harry told me that one and I have NO way of verifying it but holy shit). now this is something I have noticed and that’s autistic people do tend to get along better with animals. this is either hyperempathy, or lack of empathy because I’m on the ‘I have zero empathy’ end of the scales and I had more animal friends as a kid than human ones. I’m not an expert but at least in my case it was not needing social skills in order to communicate? 

so we all know brian was like. a square peg in a round hole right. the fact that he used to be a golden child who’d help serve out the morning tea buns (probably just so he could get the leftover crumbs at the bottom of the tray but we’ve all been there) to like. one of the most rebellious figures in swinging london. that entire narrative is something very neurodivergent, especially with autistic people who tend to get frustrated with the world because they’re very obviously different (pat andrews did say that when she met him in 1960 he was considered a loner). a lot of other ‘square pegs in round holes’ such as nikola tesla, einstein and so on have been thought to be on the spectrum. brian also used to refuse to put on his uniform and as I’m typing this I’m literally wondering if that’s a sensory thing because school uniforms are uncomfortable to the ordinary person, they can be utter hell if you’ve got sensory issues. speaking of brian’s school career he also didn’t see the point in certain things such as ‘games’ as he said in an interview, and that’s something a few autistic people do find, that they can’t find the point in certain activities they don’t find interesting or enjoyable. 

also have I mentioned that I think brian might’ve stimmed by putting his fingers in his mouth? there’s several pictures of him, and I mean several, where he’s got his fingers or his thumb in his mouth or near his mouth in a situation where stimming would happen, aka basically anywhere because stimming is just something we do, y’know??? 

ok so I hope this was interesting??? I have been sitting on this information for over a year. hopefully my teacher doesn’t find this but if she does, hi. ignore my blog please. 

anyway I’ve compiled this from laura jackson’s biography, several personal anecdotes, information i have seen on various sites both about brian and on autism, various autistic youtubers, and other documentaries and thingies about autism because I have watched a few out of curiosity! hope this was interesting 

[riddlerosehearts]

okay so i made this post:

literally like 2 days after moana came out and back then my only real reasoning was “idk i just find moana really relatable and her grandmother is a lot like her so they’re autistic” and someone called me a troll over it but now i, an autistic person, do in fact have specific reasons for this that i’d like to write down! more so for moana than for tala since tala doesn’t appear all that much, but:

moana’s special interest is anything to do with the ocean and that makes it even harder for her to understand why most people seem to hate it and don’t want her to go near it when it’s so fascinating to her

that’s also why she’s the only kid who isn’t afraid of gramma tala’s story, she loves it because it relates to her special interest

gramma tala, who’s thought of as crazy by the rest of the village, is the only one who indulges and encourages moana’s special interest because sea exploration is her own special interest and she understands what it’s like to be kept away from something you love so much

tala loves dancing along with the water and it might be something that’s stimmy for her

moana probably has trouble with social norms since she just barges into the middle of a village meeting shouting that she knows how to save the island and doesn’t seem to get why that’s considered rude

echolalia with the way she repeats “we were voyagers! we were voyagers!” over and over

uses scripting by practicing over and over what she’s supposed to say to maui, and gets extremely frustrated and has to start over whenever her script is interrupted

clearly has trouble making friends since the only people she seems to consider friends before befriending maui are her grandmother, a couple of animals, and the ocean

i don’t think this has any canon evidence but i imagine she likes to fiddle with the beads on her necklace as a tactile stim

she experiences hyperempathy--her empathy for the baby sea turtle is the canon reason why the ocean chose her, she talks to the ocean and considers it a friend (which i know the narrative validates by making the ocean an actual character, but still), she insists on keeping heihei around for no real reason other than she has an attachment to him, and ultimately her empathy for te ka/te fiti is what saves the day

i’m autistic and i can do what i want!

[labyrinthus-magici]

🔥!!!

Was looking at my muse list to think of something that stood out but since I couldn’t pick one I’ll just go w something that affects a lot of them but anyway like 

As an autistic person I personally thing the large majority of the magi/snb cast is autistic coded! The fandom as a whole (although it’s not just the magi fandom tbf it’s kind of all of them I’ve been in) ignores that a lot! 

I have seen autistic Judar before which is VALID but it’s really frustrating when Judar and Morgiana are the only two you see (and Mor as an afterthought) bc they’re the ones with the more “stereotypical” traits (i.e Judar being antisocial/struggling with empathy which is probably due to trauma and not even his autism considering that. studies show that it’s allistic people who lack empathy for autistic people usually and not the other way around but I digress!) and I’ve been told that other characters who are autistic coded can’t be bc they’re like idk??? competant lmfao??? I don’t get when allistic people say a character can’t be autistic bc im like lmao good to know you know every autistic experience and trait! Maybe you can educate me on my own disorder that you don’t have bc you clearly know so much about it that you couldn’t possibly be overlooking something! 

Anyway my muses that I intentionally play as autistic and some of their main traits are bellow the cut bc it’s lengthy (The others I’m probably going to accidentally autistic code bc I. am autistic and it affects my writing but ahiodfhg)

Morgiana: Mor is a pretty obvious one, although I do love her autistic coding! So like most of these characters but with Mor esp you have to keep in mind that she canonly has c-ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder but when it’s not a single traumatic event but living long term in a traumatic environment such as an abusive home or any other variation) so that affects how many of her autistic traits present themselves. I do think that she’s become very good at masking (i.e hiding autistic traits) due to them being punished and because of that she is exhausted because masking is very taxing. I think that she started to unlearn this considerably once she joined the caravan with Leila’s encouragement but it was subtle bc while she did become close with Leila and Sahsa she didn’t open up entirely. 

Once she gets to Sindria though and starts opening up I think that she’ll relax a lot because she can see others with the same traits who don’t have to hide them. Masrur especially points out that it’s important for her to stim and because she’s not the only one who deos this, everyone is understanding and accommodating at times when she’s non verbal/not able to speak.  

One thing that really stood out to me about Mor is her hyperempathy. Because she doesn’t talk much, it’s hard for some people to pick up on, but Morgiana often has strong feelings of empathy for others. At first this is something that she struggles with, because it’s something that others have taken advantage of and used to hurt her, and because she’s afraid of her emotions as a whole. Later though, she learns that this can be her strength. Morgiana’s most powerful moments (in my opinion) like when she rescued Nadja, when she confronts Alibaba about the consequences of what the fog troupe is doing, and many other instances, are very emotionally charged. She’s also the first to empathize with the pirates that Madaura has brainwashed, and is able to get the others to empathize with them too. 

Morgiana was my first favorite magi character (the reason I even got into magi in the first place tbh) bc it was so empowering to see someone with many of my traits in an empowering role of a hero because of those traits and not just with them as an afterthought! 

Masrur: I’m going to focus on snb just because that’s what I’m more familiar with as I haven’t read the parts of magi that Masrur is spotlighted in in a long time although honestly all of this stuff applies to Masrur later but it presents itself differently because whilst autistic people never grow out of their traits, just like anything in a person, it changes and becomes more nuanced as a person gets older and gets more experience. 

But Masrur is another autistic coded character! A lot of his traits can technically be explained away by canon/plot details however in this house we don’t  think that because there’s technically an argument against autistic headcanons that it’s at all valid so ANYWAY 

To start we have the way he sees himself as different from others, the way he goes to sit by himself because he feels like he can’t fit in with everyone, how he’s not like them, how he’s just a monster with a single purpose that’s already been fulfilled. Normally, I wouldn��t count this exactly as an autistic trait however Hinahoho is the one that comes to talk to him because he can relate to this experience which is autistic coded so! One thing that’s a common experience in autistic people is feeling quite literally inhuman, usually in the form of an alien, fairy, or fictional character (as it was in my case). This is becuase of the isolation that we normally face in childhood. For Masrur, he feels different from the others, like who he is isn’t someone that would be wanted and that’s something that I can relate to quite strongly. It’s not until he comes to the Sindria trading company, a place full of Neurodivergent coded characters (the ones that aren’t autistic coded are coded as other disorders as well such as ADHD and BPD among others I don’t think there’s actually one person  there who’s neurotypical considering that. The entire theme of the Sindria trading company is that they take in people who are outcasts and in need of help and usually those people tend to be ND.) that he comes to realize that he does belong and that he is valued. 

In addition to that we do see him stimming or doing stim like behaviors at times, he sometimes is talkative and others seems mostly or entirely non verbal, he tends to misunderstand social queues, struggles with subjects that he’s not interested in, etc. 

I think it’s super important to take into account Masrur’s autistic coding because Masrur gets to be HAPPY. Like, yes, he does experience a lot of traumatizing things, but by the end of Magi he still has his family, he’s happilly married and a good father. These are things that people think autistic people can’t have or don’t deserve, and we never get to experience this things in character’s that are canonly autistic. So for me seeing an autistic coded character with such a positive development was something really positive, it’s the same way for a lot of these characters, seeing so many autistic coded characters getting the development that the deserved was what drew me to magi inittially if I’m perfectly honest. I didn’t know it at the time bc I had no idea I was autistic until last year (coincidentally from autistic friends also from this fandom!) but it really was what drew me in. 

Hinahoho: Oh God where do I even START with autistic icon Hinahoho? I think, out of any snb characters Hinahoho is the most heavily autistic coded. Like there is literally no other explanation for his character I can think of whenever I see him I get so happy bc I’m like!!! Yes!!!! Autistic dad!!! I love him!!!  

His backstory first and foremost focuses on his separation from the rest of the people in his tribe because he has unconventional interests (art!!) and that he isn’t able to pass the test and become and adult at the proper time. To start, being a “late bloomer” in things (or alternatively doing things too soon in some cases) is a common autistic experience. A lot of us due to many reasons (mostly due to ableism and lack of accommodations) we aren’t able to do the things that our peers do at the same times like drive, attend college, or move out of the house etc. This isn’t a lack of competence just that we aren’t able to go about things in a way that we are able to thrive in, and this is exactly what Hinahoho’s development highlights! He never does pass the warrior’s test in the way that is most traditional, instead Sinbad (whose an Adhd ND icon if you ask me but I haven’t added him to my muse list yet so aidofhg more on him and the other adhd icons in this series later ahidofhg) mentions how there’s multiple ways to be strong, how he doesn’t have to do things the same way as everyone else to be worth something. 

There’s also the ableism that he faces from others in his tribe. In addition to judging him for not having become a warrior yet, he is bullied by others and treated like a child when he shouldn’t be. The others are so unkind to him for being “different” and “weird” and having “a personality like a fish left to dry” (WHATEVER THAT’S EVEN SUPPOSED TO MEAN LMAO I STILL DONT GET IT) that in his introduction he starts sobbing bc Sinbad said thank you to him like. Like God can I relate to this, honestly his experiences though not exactly the same as my own deeply resemble how I was before I found out that I’m autistic. 

Then, after he learns to love and accept himself and marries Rurumu (Oh!! That’s another thing, people acted like he was unlovable but Rurumu always loved him. He never had to change who he was or mask his autistic traits and that’s SO important because honestly I can’t even imagine someone who isn’t also autistic wanting me romantically especially when I see shit about people taking autistic people to homecoming and calling it “inspiring” and “selfless” and a “learning experience”) he then turns around and teaches others to do the same. I noticed that he becomes very close to both Drakon and Masrur who are both autistic coded and he helps teach them to love themselves like??? LIKE???? and with Masrur he literally points out that he can empathize so points for hyperempathy again. I’m loving how many magi characters have hyperempathy that is ultimately good. Bc it’s usually a weakness in character’s that have it. 

Drakon: Honestly once again idek where to start when his entire development is deeply autistic coded but we’ll start with his backstory. So to start there’s the power imbalance between him and his (neurotypical) siblings. Whilst he is the youngest, I think that the reason that he’s unfavored in the family and is the one always catching shit is because he’s autistic. This is something that happens so often is that when an autistic child has allistic siblings the allistic one is favored or if not favored they definetely get treated better because autistic children are particularly vulnerable and easy to manipulate. With Drakon’s childhood, although again the circumstances in my case aren’t exactly the same, I really am seeing my past self. 

He was from a young age branded as a prodigy, told he was already basically an adult even though he was still a child, and this is so common with autistic children who show a semblance of talent in something. However, he isn’t praised for this in a healthy encouraging way, instead he’s given the responsibilities and expectations of an adult already. In addition to that, he is conditioned to mask his autistic traits, in addition to being taught to devote his entire self to his cause. The fact that he internalized everything so deeply that he had a breakdown when he realized that he wasn’t wanting to die for his cause, that he thought he had to follow everything to the letter all the way down to his deepest feelings, is in my opinion an autistic trait as I showed exactly the same traits for other matters, internalizing things at the same intensity. He social scripts quite a bit, meaning that he has a strong sense of “this is how things SHOULD be so if they AREN’T this way then everything is in RUINS and we have to fix it IMMEDIATELY” he has the roles he’s been given and he strongly believes that everyone else has a role. This does become far more healthy once he’s unlearned the toxic things that he was taught but he still does it, but in a healthy way. Everyone has a role to fulfill, and he’s strict about this, when people aren’t doing what they’re supposed to be becomes irritable and struggles to keep functioning as normal. 

Then there’s the fact that his entire development is learning as a teenager that he’s become a monster, literally in this case, learning that he is hated so much that he resolves to leave his humanity behind, only to gain love and acceptance and learn to love himself in the form that he takes. While I don’t think every monster is autistic coded (as that would be problematic for obvious reasons) developments like this resemble our experiences so well? It’s a perfect metaphor for what it’s like, honestly. 

One reason I think that it’s important for me personally to acknowledge Drakon’s autistic coding is because he’s a strong leader and people think that autistic people cannot be leaders, that we’re incompetent. So to see a character with my traits be someone noble, to become king even, and to thrive is something super positive for me because again it’s something that people think we cannot do that we cannot have but we really can. 

Leila, Sahsa, & Nadja: With these three it’s mostly projecting just because we don’t see enough of them for them to really be that autistic coded HOWEVER tis my blog and you get to hear all my hcs asdfgh. I like to hc these three as autistic 1. bc Leila and Sahsa’s relationship is beautiful, and to contextualize that as a romance between two autistic women is really nice for me who as I mentioned before struggles to ever see myself having a love like that. 2. Leila and Sahsa take to Morgiana and encourage growth in her and I like the idea of them helping her to relax a little on hiding her autistic traits. 3. Because as an autistic person it’s difficult for me to interpret characters as not autistic (where not autistic is other’s defaults for me autistic is the default, so it would be more accurate for me to say I have some allistic headcanons rather than autistic ones lmao) I actually started headcanoning Leila as autistic by accident because I wrote a fic where she had a shutdown (which is when there’s too much stimulants i.e sound or sights etc. and we have to go lay down and rest and shut out the stimulants that are bothering giving us sensory overload.) and was like oh!! Time to make both her and Sahsa autistic bc who’s gonna stop me lmao. 

Also one headcanon I have for Nadja (in addition to her joining Leila and Sahsa’s caravan with her family) is that after Morgiana rescued her she developed a special interest in adventure and heroism which is really cute on one hand bc she always wants to learn stories of heroes from the locals of the places they visit and her parents are like aw she’s talkative sometimes! She’s making friends!!! But on the other hand she tags along on Leila and Sahsa’s “oops lmao just fought an entire band of thieves again” adventures and is that “Let me see what you have!” “A KNIFE!!” “NO!!!” vine so ahidfohg be careful u fuckin superb lil baby. 

Myron: Hers is a bit shorter since we don’t have a whole lot of her in canon, but her strict following of perceived social standards and social scripting makes me headcanon her as autistic. I also like the idea of her being autistic because so often people think that we can’t be proper or socially conscious but more often than not we overcompensate, the deal is that we struggle to understand neurotypical social cues not that we hate socializing. 

Titus: Oh man I shouldn’t have put him so far down on my muse list bc this one is going to be lengthy. There’s a reason whenever I info dump about my son to people that I always call him Autistic Gay Icon Titus Alexius.  

I’ll start with the fact that he struggles in social settings, i.e Sphintus thinking he’s so fuckin awkward at first. (Even tho I hc Sphintus as autistic too but like I said autistic is the default for me ahidfg) He has a special interest in magic, evidently, and is very info dumpy about it as times (though not as much as notable autistic icons Yamuraiha and Ugo). Also his best friends are Sphintus and autistic adhd icon Aladdin so like. Convenient. that the three most autistic coded kids at school becomes besties. asdfgh. Also none of the 4 magi are allistic tbh. 

ANYWAY that aside and glossing over the whole separation he feels from the others (which I could go into length but it’s similar to Drakon and Masrur’s and Hinahoho’s deal and this is getting so long already oof) can we just talk about how fucking POSITIVE his Hyper-Empathy is for his character and the story? 

Okay so like. Let’s start with the 5th district, how after just a little while there he immediately jumped into action with LMAO TIME TO BLOW A HOLE IN THE SKY IM BUSTING EVERYONE OUT LADS. Like. Was it dumb? Yes. Was it noble and valid? YES! And he STILL SHOWED UP TO CLASS READY TO FIGHT THE NEXT DAY. He also tried to call out Mogamett how many times? And still stood his ground with the 5th district, even when Mogamett tried to manipulate him by saying he only cared out of his selfish desire to befriend Marga, he immediately analyzed himself critically and came to the conclusion that no, he really just wanted everyone there to be safe and happy. 

Then, when he goes to Reim and Just. Hhhhhh HE’S SO GOOD. AND HE HAS SO MUCH EMPATHY. The fact that he immediately begins changing things, is firm in that, but his main motivation is that he so desperately wants everyone to be safe and to live happily, the fact that his people’s problems are by extension his own because he feels real pain when others feel it. That’s hyper empathy and though it’s something that can be manipulated he doesn’t let that happen, he uses it for good! 

When he gives his speech about why they need to abolish slavery in Reim asap, he begins to cry and exclaims that any one of them could die tomorrow, that they need to priooritize the people that are in the now who are suffering that they have the power to help their people and to liberate their country and appeals to everyone’s emotions that way and breaks through. Also the other changes he makes?? Like making the Colosseum into a LARPing spot? That’s so fucking good? What a nerd? I love him???? 

I can go into more detail with Titus but for time reasons I won’t but. We stan Autistic Gay Icon Titus Alexius here. 

If you read all of this I love you sm thank you for reading this rambly mess. ahdiogfg 

[avian-traffic]

this is really personal but i've been holding onto it for too long

This is my opinion only, but... It's weird to me that people share really personal stuff on Tumblr. And um, this isn't what I want but it makes me kind of... bitter? I already sound like a jerk, but you can either stop reading at this point or hear me out.

I have hyperempathy, which means I'm alert to other people's emotions to the point where I can't filter them out. I've been told I would make a good therapist because of this, but this is honestly the worst idea I can think of. Being unable to filter out other people's emotions means I can be easily set off by someone else's negative feels. I can't help them an inch and end up drowning myself.

But here's the flipside. I also can't share. It's not tolerated. In the past I've overshared and been shot down at the speed of light, sometimes because the circumstances were inappropriate, other times just parental embarrassment. Once because someone found my raving 'pointless'. It should have been fine. But over the years I've internalised this so much that it's impossible for me to share more than a scrap of what I'm feeling, even if someone asks. It's physically impossible to speak the words and I end up crying out of frustration until they politely move away. Hence why therapy doesn't do shit for me.

So yeah. I can't feel, other people feel more than I can bear. It builds up into resentment. I hate this.

[lilietsblog]

tag meme

tagged by @kerowyn-ankh​ man you keep tagging me in these wonderful things and I keep leaving them open in a tab to do later and then just. not doing that. im so sorry. i love them. please do this forever

Name: Hanna! or Anna. If you call me Ganna you'll be technically correct but I might just cry. LILIET FOR Y'ALL MY NAME IS LILIET

Nicknames: eeeh I'm assuming you are not trying to refer to my memories of being bullied from kindergarten to middle school nor asking about all the vast landscape of RP characters I've made on RP forums where your character's name had to be your nickname... so, um, Liliet. Or if you're asking for pet names / diminutives for my actual real life name, Anya, Anyuta... basically anything that Russian allows except Nyusha and Nyura I will fucking deck you for that

Zodiac sign: Equius what do you mean that is not a zodiac sign

Height: 156 cm

Orientation: aro ace last I checked

Nationality: Ukrainian

Favorite fruit: THIS IS LIKE ASKING WHICH OF MY PARENTS I LOVE MORE. I'll go with "tomato" just to underscore the feeling of being utterly lost that I experience looking at this question.

Favorite season: UHHHHHH. I HAVE TROUBLE PLAYING FAVORITES OKAY. I'll go with "summer" I guess bc WALKING BAREFOOT ON THE GRASS. And hiking. And swimming. And horrible, horrible stuffy heat you cannot escape from okay look I have trouble playing favorites okay

Favorite book: AAAA. HOW. ALL OF THEM. You know what I'll go with "Demon's Dance" by Zimina bc while she has very tenuous grasp of spelling, punctuation and grammar of the language she writes in her books have brought me hours of joy. It's trash. It's my favorite trash.

Favorite flower: uhhh roses. They are pretty. There's a reason they are a popular choice. SO MANY COLORS

Favorite scent: outdoors without exhaust fumes. I AM A BIG CITY CHILD. I literally don't give a fuck what it smells like give me cow manure and rotting swamp JUST AS LONG AS IT'S NOT EXHAUST OR CIGARETTE SMOKE.

Favorite color: fuuuuuuu this is REALLY HARD OKAY. I DO NOT DISCRIMINATE AGAINST COLORS. Maybe pink but like so many different shades of pink it's not even the same color so I guess I'm cheating by picking pink? Whatever.

Favorite animal: rats, cats, foxes, dogs, ravens, dolphins, rabbits, horses yes I did in fact give up thank you for noticing.

Coffee, tea, or hot cocoa: Tea, because it's much easier to make tasty than cocoa, doesn't cause headaches like coffee (COFFEE I LOVE YOU WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN TO ME) and has SO MANY VARIATIONS. I love all of them. Except the gross ones. Which ones taste gross to me varies day by day but thankfully tea is VAST AND DIVERSE.

Average sleep hours: hmmm if I say I go to sleep at 11 pm and get up at 7:30 that gives me 8:30. Sounds about right. Except for when I go to sleep at 2 am :>

Cat or dog person: I am a rat person. I love rats. I want to get a rat as soon as we move to our new house. I also love cats and am a cat person and have dreamed of having a cat for years and now my cuddlebug cat is my greatest joy. I love every single dog I've ever interacted with and we are going to get a dog and I'm so happy and I'm a dog person. I DO NOT DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN WONDERFUL AND JOYOUS PETS OKAY

Favorite fictional character: urgh. You are not making it easy on me. Basically I have several Types that I love every single one of: 1) nerdy stoic/emotionless bookish smart girl not good with people, aka me. Twilight Sparkle, Ayanami Rei (yes I group them together here bc I love them in the same way), Hermione Granger, the list goes on. You know them when you see them; 2) a kid who's been doing horrible things because of parental issues and struggles with the concept of empathy and being a good person bc they weren't really taught how. Vriska Serket, Marvel's Loki, I KNOW THEY ARE ALL TERRIBLE THAT'S THE SELECTION CRITERION BUT THEY ARE MY CHILDREN AND I WILL PROTECT AND GUIDE THEM TILL THE END OF MY DAYS; 3) a dark-haired (preferably LONG haired) stoic/emotionless pretty guy who's Been Through Shit and as a result acts offstandish to everyone but really just Suffers. Often overlaps with 2), like Marvel's Loki. Popular examples include Uchiha Sasuke. The fucking trashiest examples I get angry at myself for even acknowledging include Kylo Ren. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.

Apart from that, I also love TRAITS in characters that make them my absolute faves: - hypercompetence. Does not necessarily mean "can do anything they need to" but "has a very good idea of their own ability and can tell how hard a challenge will be realistically ahead of time". That's literally all I ask for how hard is it to provide writers (I am an anxious baby okay this is Important For My Mental Health) - hyperempathy. Gimme Heart of Gold who will sympathize with and forgive literally the person who is currently trying to kill them. Gimme someone who is legitimately tortured over not being able to help everyone at the same time and is running themselves to death forgetting self-care. GIMME - trickster traits. Like yeah I fucking hate pranks and the kind of joke where you're supposed to know the other person is not speaking seriously but tricksters - strategists, pranksters, shapeshifters, teleporters - are still delightful and wonderful and REALLY FUN. OH LOOK THIS IS ALSO LOKI FUCK THAT GUY FOR HOW MUCH OF MY HEADSPACE HE TAKES UP. wait not even a guy all the time Loki's genderfluid PRONOUNS ARE HARD - a politician who is selflessly working for the good of people. I WISH I WAS JOKING BUT I AM NOT. I have SUCH a hard-on for political fantasy and GO WATCH LOG HORIZON IF YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. This is one of my most favorite things in the book world

actually now that I've remembered Log Horizon I would like to nominate Shiroe as my Absolute Fucking Fave bc while tumblr provides very little content re: him and I cannot flourish in a fandom without other people, he is like the dense concentration of all my favorite things in one character. I can't even say that it's a flaw that he's a guy bc a certain flavor of selflessness and caring is much more fun in a guy bc girls are already socially expected to be like that and Fuck That Noise. I love him the way he is I love EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM /goes off to cry also he's aro ace fight me

Number of blankets you sleep with: one, but a REALLY BIG AND HEAVY one. I don't care how hot it is I will wrap myself around the blanket instead of the blanket around myself I NEED IT

Dream trip: hmm. This is actually an interesting question because I've never thought of it that way. I'd like to go everywhere possible but logistics of travel are hard and frustrating and I like hiking and grrrhh. I dunno. I want to be able to fly

Blog created: 4/13 2014, around midnight. I WILL NEVER FORGET

[redxheart-blog]

@illusivexemissary  / @jatamansi

“ but hell, while we’re here? michael and castiel have always struck me as being the most strongly autistic of heaven, though. if i’m entirely honest. i’d be curious to hear @illusionofwill​ / @redxheart​‘s opinion on that one, because of their attachment to michael?? “

rubs my tiny hands together Oh Boy Here We Go 

my michael has both autism and bpd, which is important, because the comorbidity leads to some difference in symptoms.

she tends to fluctuate between hyperempathy and zero empathy - while a lack of empathy doesn’t mean she has a lack of compassion, she just ... simply can’t put herself in someone else’s shoes, and attempts to do so will just frustrate her, because some people’s viewpoints - even if they’re close to her, e.g. gabriel or lucifer, just don’t make sense. she can’t step back and see possible reasoning for their side of things, or understand why they would take that side, so she has a habit of ... plowing forwards.

she’s not good at social cues, and often gets overwhelmed by sensory input, especially if it’s people-related - people touching her, crowds, too many people talking at the same time.

unconsciously, too, she’s known to stim, or to do things for sensory reasons - the reasons she goes to certain places or develops certain routines is in part for that routine, for having things be in a repeating pattern, and as a stim.

with bpd and autistic comorbidity, her moodswings can lead to her “shutting down”, or becoming nonverbal or rocking. splitting can lead to the same. and she’s more likely to be hyperempathetic to her fp.

....i lit can’t think right now it’s one am but michael’s v autistic and it’s important to me