#we read your journal
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i have decided im not gonna journal anymore
#tell me why when i come downstairs to eat breakfast before going to school my parnets are like#we read your journal#EXCUSE ME#no????#thats not -#like i dont understand#i made it so i wouldn’t have to talk to anyone but you read it#EVERYTHING IS IN THERE#from my sexuality crisis to how excited i was for short n sweet and like thats not#i understand safety and whatever but thats mine#my memories my thoughts my feelings my anxiety like#this is why i want a kid to raise fucking right#ugh#⊹₊ ⋆ may yaps#oh soz for the rant#if you got here 😚😚
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Honestly I should probably keep my mouth shut on the matter but who gives a shit I'm in a bad mood. The proshipper argument of "fiction doesn't affect reality" is not only untrue, but even if it WAS I personally think it comes down to your PERSONAL morals. Yeah, it's fiction, and yeah I think there's SOME room for nuance in the discourse. but when I see incest/pedophilia on someone's blog my morals and my ethics tells ME that it's fucking wrong and gross to see that shit proudly posted on the internet.
And the fact that you DON'T, tells me we're morally incompatible and I don't want you interacting with me in any way. That's all I need to know about you.
#jane journals#discourse tw#tw pedophila mention#tw incest mention#even if we never get them off the internet or out of the community#which we probably WONT#and even if they never change their mind you can still draw your boundaries#on what you should and should not have to see on the internet#in YOUR internet space#and im sorry ruby if ur reading this#i saw two posts in a row talking about it and i thought id get my thoughts out too
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sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs
#i know the ahem. channel. of some awe....... that whole situation kind of scared people off from using the word review#but like we live in the future now. you can make a review. i believe in you#AND LIKE i like a good video essay!! but im picky. because i read academic shit for fun#when i see a capital E essay im expecting theses. im expecting sub headers. im expecting multiple examples AND footnotes with asides#(and i know this is a controversial topic but i do expect them to be long. because if you read aloud a 4 page journal article its gonna)#(take a bit of time LOL maybe i just read too much academia shit. but i dunno man. theres not a lot you can say about like a big huge)#(topic with multiple angles if you only have like 10 minutes. maybe i just talk too slow. i need to breath <3 )#theres other formats too. surveys. retrospectives. informative essays. persuasive essays. etc#and like i also read lots of reviews not just of like movies and books but of like gallery exhibitions and shit!! they can be extremely#interesting a lot of work and some really beautiful writing!! nothing wrong with a review!!! theyre important#but i do get annoyed with like. the odd air of pretention i see in a lot of video essays. especially cause its usually not backed up by#the content. i dont care for those airs in academia either. nor do i like it in documentaries#just talk naturally. you'll find your voice. there might be pretention in it in the end but it'll be yours#if im making sense. i hear a lot of people talking in a pretention that is not their own. something they put on because thats what they#think they should do. you need to find your own pretention. be pretentious in a way that feels natural to youuuuuu#hell im being pretentious. about this LOL but like its my own. it is a pretentiousness ive built over the past half decade#play around. write a blog. i dunno. find your voice dear youtubers. find your voice
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give me a complex rundown of samuels personality in your mind when i say complex i mean complex like 3 paragraphs
shiiiit okay here we go fasten your seatbelts (guys idk if i’ll be able to stretch this shit out into three paragraphs but I DID get the best score on my essay about bottled water for a standardized test soo…,) also im going to be stealing a lot of stuff from genius annotations and other things beware
ALRIGHT HERE WE GO so how i see him personally is just this annoying, stuck up guy who is the #1 george III glazer (/j) + he views himself as above the revolutionists and sees them as these vulgar barbarians who are trying to lead people to “the dark side” (don’t let them lead you astray) BUUUT although he acts all righteous, hamilton pushes him off of that high horse of his (and almost his box…,literally) with his AWESOME EPIC WITTY writing and argumentative skills showing that seabury wasn’t even all that in the first place (and NOT ELOQUENT!!!! cmon man you can’t be acting all high and mighty and then epically lose a debate to someone young enough to be your son HUMBLE YOURSELF BEFORE THAT 19 YEAR OLD DOES IT FOR YOU😭😭) another thing ive noticed is that whenever hamilton speaks there’s little to no instruments in the background maybe showing that he doesn’t even need music for support of his arguments and to completely obliterate samuel (just listen to the instrumental trust…….idk where im going with this alright it’s 12:10 as im typing this part)
okay some other things i want to add are little details about this whole shabang like how seabury’s accent seems almost forced, as if he’s trying to create similarities between him and the beloved figure of his majesty (/sar 😛) and the fact that seabury went by the name A.W. farmer in his papers about the revolution which IN THE MUSICAL could maybe be another example of my previous point since one of the king’s nicknames was “farmer george” (although as far as i know it was used some with political satirists….SAMUEL FCS DO SOME RESEARCH BEFORE MAKING YOUR KING GEORGESONA OR SMTH😭😭😭) secondly i really like the detail that lin had both seabury and the king’s songs both include instruments like the harpsichord + they both use formal vocabulary meanwhile The Revolution People (TM) use more modern slang + instruments in their songs, showing the growing contrasts and conflicts between the loyalists and patriots!!!! so cool we love you LMM anywho also the fact that seabury soon realizes after hamilton starts interrupting him that he won’t be able to beat hamilton with words so he might as well try to physically get ahead of him (pushing the box in front of him ect ect) and then doing his big “FOR SHAME” near the end as a last resort, “modulating the key” as they call it /j (this one was said by thayne himself) lastly just the fact that you can hear the guys making barking and whining noises after hamilton makes his epic mange joke….,,like that’s so silly i love that for them
i did it i technically did three paragraphs ARE YOU HAPPY ANON /j
#i really enjoyed doing this thank you mysterious anon i’ll dream about you tonight#OHHH my god this is so long if you read all of this i owe you five bucks and a jolly rancher of your choice#guys was i eloquent with this be honest /j#GIRL THE SONG WASNT EVEN TWO MINUTES LONG WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUTTT 😭😭😭😭#if i was obsessed with a character with an actual good amount of stage time yall would be cooked#i need to write all of this shit down in a journal i swearrr#yap yap yap#this took me over 30 minutes sanity down BUT WE 🆙#hamilton#hamilton musical#hamilton the musical#farmer refuted#samuel seabury#alexander hamilton#thayne jasperson#lin manuel miranda#never let me cook yall this is what happens
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JOHNATHAN AND MINA AUUUGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *CRIES AND SCREAMS*
#dracula daily#THEY ARE PEAK ROMANCE YOUR HONOR#THEY ARE THE MOMENT#i get it now okay WHY DON'T WE HAVE A GOOD FUCKING ADAPTATION FOR THIS PART ALONE IM GONNA FUCKING CRY#but bro......... promising to never read the journal; chat how do we tell them 😭😭😭#she made such a big deal of sealing it up and it was so meaningful for them....... that ain't about to last very long 😭😭😭😭#also the hilarious irony of her claiming she would never be jealous wrt johnathan. while she's Like That about lucy. lmaooooo#mina girl do i have news for you..........#the rollercoaster that is today's entry though. literally the we're so back meme in its entirety
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everyone stop reading sellout and where are your boys tonight and START reading my most beloved work on emo ever judith may fathallah’s emo: how fans defined a subculture. none of the men who keep writing the same exact surface-level books about 2000s emo understand 2000s emo even a fraction as much as her. this one frames emo as a queer/feminine internet subculture and tracks emo trinity fandom online from early 00s to late 2010s. just a hot tip from your local emo scholar who has been researching emo and gender in college and grad school for an unjustifiably long time
#i read the intro of where are your boys and went fantastic another one. cant believe i spent $32 on this#i’ve read all of the books referenced here and many more and they all have pros. not a callout post for sellout or boys they’re fine#everyone read this book so we can talk about this. you can find hard copies or it’s in academic journals#emo#where are your boys tonight#mcr#fob#patd
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If you wanna see a loser bitch get mad as hell tell a fanfic writer to PROPERLY tag their fic as rape. Not just write "noncon" in the post but go into the notes and actually tag it as "tw rape" because they get mad asf when you call them out on it. How the fuck am I supposed to find good smut fics when each and everyone of yall are sexualizing and romanticizing rape and using the excuse that it's "dark content" no nigga you're fucking weird. You're a weirdo with a rape fetish and you're projecting it through a fictional character who has nothing to do with that and you refuse to tag it because you want notes and interactions with more people who say shit like "Omg X character nonconning his darling is sooo hot 🥺💗🎀🌸".
Don't get mad at me for calling you out on it because if you didn't write it in the first place, and if you actually tagged it I wouldn't have to see it at all.
#rants n rambles#it's so fucking pathetic#this shit has been going on for YEARS#like since 2020 I literally saw the rise in it#I've heard so many excuses for it#“it's just fiction” PLEASE DEVELOP A FUCKING BRAIN PLEASE REALIZE THAT FICTION CAN AFFECT REALITY and that when you constantly put it in a#good light you'll end up becoming numb to IRL and thinking its okay#“it's my coping mechanism” based on your a/n its not and second just cuz you're “coping#doesn't mean we have to be exposed to it. buy a journal hoe or keep that shit in the notes app.#“dont like it don't read it 🤬🤬🤬🤬” dont like criticism? gouge your eyes out. or dont post it. OR TAG IT PROPERLY.#this exact reason is why I dont read smut of a certain mha character#because yall are potential rapists projecting onto him#yes fiction doesnt affect reality but there is a difference between fictional murder and fictional rape#neigh#i shall not tag him#mha smut#cod smut#<- seen it here a few times#shigaraki tomura#<- tagged it#shigaraki smut#<-#tagged it again 😔
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considering the state of US education in recent years, and the fact that a considerable amount of this site's userbase is like 20 or younger fresh oit of the system, it's completely understandable that almost everyone on here is a fucking moron who has developed no critical thinking skills whatsoever & probably doesn't even know how to use context clues. bomb the country NOW what are they doing to our youth
#i do think if you're like 18 or younger (with very few exceptions) and you're on here engaging with discourse posts or theory or some shit#you should shut off the phone or tablet or computer and go to your local library once per week and ask the librarian what they recommend#and you read and you read and you read#and you don't stop reading#and you actively keep a little reading journal where you outline what you understood from the text chapter-by-chapter#we used to do that every single day when i was in school from kindergarten until 9th grade#we got little manila journal books and we could decorate them with stickers and we had book cubbies we brought with us to each grade#and we got new books every week and read one chapter per day and wrote in our journal what we understood from that chapter#i literally still do this as a fully grown woman because it keeps your brain sharp and trains your comprehension skills#and critical thinking as well#>
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y’know if there’s one good thing that came out of the book of bill, it’s that you can’t take it as canon and be a proponent of same coin theory at the same time
#IF you take it as canon#<<<< that’s the worst thing to come out of book of bill#folks going ‘you IDIOT haven’t you read book of bill??? it confirmed blah blah blah!’#book of bill::::#-just came out not too long ago#-is hazardous to folks who are sensitive to unreality/derealization (cough cough us cough cough)#-not everyone will be able to afford it right now- especially since it just came out#-god forbid anyone lives in a country that doesn’t have access to the book right now (or possibly ever)#idk. maybe ae’m an idiot for not reading it but ae’d rather be an idiot than even more disconnected from this reality than ae already am#the book being enforced canon just seems kinda cruel? like ae don’t know what’s in there and ae’m not going to be able to find out#same goes for folks that can’t afford or don’t have access to or aren’t willing to potentially risk their mental health for it#also why is book of bill considered canon and something like the time traveling choose-your-own-adventure isn’t??#or mabel and dipper’s guide isn’t??#idk. the only reason ae’ve ever considered journal 3 canon#is because it shows up in the actual show and the pages we see between the two are pretty damn consistent#you don’t get that with book of bill or any of the others#idk. aey ramble is stupid and so am ae. don’t take anything ae say too seriously cause it probably makes no sense
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i've gotten so used to my daily practice of reading french aloud that now when i have to read something boring in english for work i default to reading it aloud. which takes way longer and also i feel like i retain even less information than i would otherwise, somehow. the upside is that my oral reading cadence in english, even of dense scientific articles, is rather excellent nowadays. i could read scientific articles out loud for a living, if that was a thing people needed me to do. which they do not, because screenreaders are a thing. maybe i could read crusty PDFs out loud for a living? but anyway all this is to say shoutout to my man alexandre dumas and also my other man victor hugo for training me to read run-on sentences in my second language. after that, dry journal articles in my first language are easy peasy.
#this practice is giving me some insights that are relevant to my actual job though#i mean we already knew this but. try reading your sentences out loud. can someone understand them without seeing them?#if not...your sentence may be too complex and may need to be broken up into multiple sentences.#my clients have to write complicated shit in a readable manner and one of my coworkers had this whole#initiative for a while just trying to get them to write shorter sentences. but they completely ignored him lol#reading out loud also helps you catch typos. i caught so many in this published journal article just now (embarrassing for them)#i probably would have caught most of them if i had read it silently but you never know#it's really interesting to me that i think this skill of parsing syntax on the fly to modulate sentence-level prosody in french#seems to transfer to english. i mean that i've been practicing reading french aloud and it seems to have made me better at#reading english aloud too even though french and english have different syntax and punctuation conventions.#so that's convenient#french#syntax#prosody#my posts#i cannot believe i STARTED this daily practice with the count of fucking monte-cristo. way to start on hard mode. jesus#and then followed it up with les misérables of all things. am i a masochist??#don't answer that.
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Shout out to my brain for convincing me that I'm still missing something in regards to preparing myself to start my new job next Monday, despite the fact that I've read a million "prepare yourself for work" articles and listicles and I have either everything already prepared or at least a plan to prepare that thing this week.
Its like when you're going on holiday and your brain is like "well what if you shit yourself every single day?? What if you pee yourself every five minutes even though you've never struggled with that at home?" Except it's my brain going "hey what happens if they expect you to bring your own phone headset?" Like???? They explicitly DONT, they have TOLD ME WHAT THEY EXPECT OF ME, can we STOP WORRYING OH MY GOD!???
#it doesnt help that the psych i found a couple weeks ago did NOT gel with me so im also on a psych hunt#which is now on pause til the new year because Im about to work 9-5 for five days a week for the first time since 2019#im not going to have TIME for therapy#im gonna maybe go do some helpful chores to shut my brain up and then play minecraft#which is not helpful because going to my partners therapy sessions has started helping me unmask#so its like im this banana thats been half peeled because oh! we were gonna start to make banana bread! (a metaphor here for therapy)#but then Ive realised I actually don't have the time or money or energy to make banana bread (do therapy) so ive had to just???#duct tape that unpeeled banana back together again#and the skin doesnt quite fit back properly so the flesh is poking through the holes and those exposed places are REALLY easy to damage#which like i know logically will be better in the long run for my banana bread but i have no sort of kitchen support at all#like the souix chef has fucked off the garbage boy never showed up for his shift the gravy kitchen hasnt worked in months#and the patisserie chef is way too distracted making eclairs out of chocolate laxatives to help with the fucking banana bread#anyway ive lost control of this metaphor which is actually a hilarious metaphor for my life and how im feeling about it right now#fingers crossed something comes of eventually getting on some sort of medication to help my brain because this genuinely isnt sustainable#especially with my brain going huurrr bdurr youre struggling??? heres a great way to regulate! *jazz hands* harm urself!!!!!#like fuck off kevin we both know thats not even remotely going to help#le sigh#okay thanks for reading if you got this far#im okay im fine im safe im just venting my feelings because journalling Just Wasnt EnoughTM this time#personal#raven rambles#work vent#mental health
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when i say get me OUT OF HERE. yeah ok so i redownloaded the devils app (tinder) and after swiping through all the like spam and couples and random men that popped up and stuff i got to someone and i was like Oh theyre hot they seem cool geeked abt seeing if we match. HALT! is that my friend sams roommate. fuck. right. and is that another gay girl that maybe tried to slide in my dms once but i was so far up film girl's ass at the time i didnt think about it. in their one photo. right. and what's their name? we dont need to talk about it. im sick
#i might just see if we match...#no. is that weird? what are the lines of weird. oh who cares#my fucking dating pool feels like the worlds tiniest puddle. so. i dunno.#abby talks#its actually silly though. hey ive been in your house. lmfao <3#i might also be giving myself too much credit re the other girl. i am not good at reading things i dont know#well and as u can see im not normal about things#me journaling yesterday basically im a creep im a weirdo i dont fit in i dont want to fit in what the hell am i doing here i dont belong he
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‧˚₊( ˶ ⁰∀⁰)‧˚₊ happy friyay!! i hope everyone had a v great tgiving & are ready for a fresh new day!! ꒰ ¨̮ ꒱⸝♡ i work all day today but im gonna try my hardest to catch up w stuff!! ilyasm!! see ya later!!
#ᕱ⑅ᕱ.* journals!#sorry i wasnt on sm yesterday :// my tgiving was…a lot…lmaosnsj ૮꒰ྀི ´∩∩` ꒱ྀིა but im excited for a brand new day!!! <33#i work w the public & its blk friday so im not sure how busy i’ll be!! theres at least 6 fics im DYING to read today so i hope i can!!!#also trying to think of a possible lil ship name for kaeya & i hehee ૮꒰っ´༥'ς꒱ bc i have fallen HARD for him!! like!!! eeeep!!!! <333#ily ily ily!! im so happy you’re here & i hope your friday is the v best!!! your faves & i are smotherin you in smooches as we speak! MWAH!
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#YOURE CONFUSED AND IM UPSET ⁉️ but we never talk about it 🫨🫨#wow she read my journal#😅🤣😝‼️#music tag#spotify#sabrina carpenter#short n sweet
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it is painful to learn the "normal" ways that people reasonably around my age were motivated to do things their parents wanted, ie chores or getting good grades in school. this is a pain that has built over time because, seeing it around me as a kid, i could reason that maybe every single one of my friends were just spoiled. but, eerily, every time it seems the topic of motivating children comes up in whatever conversation is bringing it up, it seems like. and it still feels presumptuous to say. but most people as children were rewarded for good behavior. the one i was most envious of as a child was that multiple of my friends got paid money for getting As, and it was actually very shocking to me to find out that that is at least kind of a little more universal than i really really was sure it was not, but that's not the big thing that causes me pause now. generally, it seems, children are rewarded in some way for doing things their parents ask of them. writing and then stepping back and reading such a sentence makes me feel like an alien trying to puzzle out the function of the human pancreas lmfao but i dont know. in the wider conversations where this happens to come up, describing these motivators is never the point, which is maybe part of the difficulty for me. it's really hard to process that not everyone was doing what their parents said to do out of cold pure fear for their life. there's so many things it turns out other kids were getting. stickers and movie tickets and candy and praise and love. i am so sad.
#abuse tw#its hard to evensay because in a way somehow im still sure every single person is going to turn on me#despite this having been a long growing revelation based on things other people have said without it even being possible for me to have#influenced what they were saying i am like#deeply sure somehow that everyone will Know i really am just the entitled spoiled ungrateful one#idiot dont you know everyone gets screamed at and hit and chased down until theyre cowering with their back to the wall begging for mercy#all possible exits blocked because you didnt want to go out to eat with the rest of your family after church service? why would you even sa#something stupid like what you just did. you know it was right after all. just like when you got a B in that class you remember and you kno#you KNOW what happened was right#you only whine to other people because youre such a fucking bitch trying to smear the good name of your poor parents. they suffer to the da#<- in my mind i write this and immediately every person i know comes out of the shadows to say this to me because its what theyve believed#and known all along and then they all leave me and i die here#i probably need to go back to therapy but ive spent 5 years doing weekly sessions + months in an institute and i dont know if at this point#anything is going to help#5 years of my life 5 years#ive heard what feels like fucking everything#i crack open a work book or jusgt a like a normal book on the topic of (insert mental disorder) and i have already read it a billion fuckin#times and i keep up with the meditation and the journaling until it drives me freaking bonkers and i have to take a break from the frustrat#-on like WHAT do i do. at this point fuck it we ball + just make sure to stay on alert for snake oil salesmen bc i know im vulnerable#in this sort of position
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you're an angel
i'm a dog ---- SO TRUE
#mitski#the land is inhospitable and so are we#she does it again#i'm your man#she's my man#mitski has been reading through my journaling
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