#<<<< that’s the worst thing to come out of book of bill

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

y’know if there’s one good thing that came out of the book of bill, it’s that you can’t take it as canon and be a proponent of same coin theory at the same time

[cinnamorollcrybaby]

How do you think Nanami would announce your pregnancy to Gojo and the jujutsu high cast…. Possible fic idea?

Rainbow Baby

Tags: Nanami x fem!Reader, ANGST, HURT/COMFORT, TW- mentions of a previous miscarriage, (is not described, but it’s heavily referenced), grief, tooth-rotting fluff at the end, happy ending that you and nanami deserve.

An: This is def not the fic that I accidentally wrote about the wrong character for. I definitely did not write this entire fic about Satoru before rereading your request and seeing that you clearly wrote for Nanami.

Nanami is a private man — not secretive, just private. While he loves when you visit school to see him because your presence eases his weary mind, he doesn’t flaunt you around to his coworkers. It’s honestly just a known thing around the school that Kento has a very pretty wife who he doesn’t introduce to anyone.

There is only one exception to the rule: the man who isn’t afraid of anything and has no concept of social boundaries, Satoru Gojo.

Nanami watched in utter disdain as Satoru always found a way to inset himself into yours and Nanami’s conversations. He never bothered to hide how much Gojo gets on his nerves.

However, Satoru gets a pass. Nanami may shoot him death glares and give him short, irritated responses, but Nanami will never shoo him away.

Satoru gets a pass because he was the one who made sure you and Nanami didn’t drown in grief when you two lost your first little one.

Nanami hadn’t even told anyone that you were pregnant yet — it was so early on. You two were still enjoying keeping it a small secret between you two. However, Gojo picked up on it immediately after seeing you. You weren’t showing, but he could see the small bundle of yellow and orange energy radiating from your tummy with his six eyes.

To Nanami’s surprise, Satoru didn’t make a huge deal out of it. He shook Nanami’s hand while whispering a quiet congratulations into his ear. Nanami laughed as he realized that Satoru knew, and he pulled the white haired male into a hug.

Satoru immediately knew something was wrong when Nanami didn’t show up for work the next week. Deciding to check up on his friend, he stopped by yours and Nanami’s house.

Nanami looked like a wreck compared to his normally put together self when he answered the door. His skin was pale, dark bags under his puffy red eyes from crying. He was wearing a shirt and grey sweatpants. You looked even worse…

Satoru didn’t need an explanation whenever the small bundle of energy was no longer present in your tummy.

If it wasn’t for Satoru, Nanami was sure that the grief was going to consume both of you. You were… you were understandably a wreck, and Nanami was so heartbroken himself that he struggled to hold you together. He was the man of the relationship, but he lost a child too. He had to witness his wife go through the worst pain imaginable, and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

Satoru checked up on you two often. He never mentioned what he knew, which was comforting. He was just always there with a kind smile and food plus desserts. Even though you and Nanami barely would eat anything, Satoru would come over anyways.

He was the only thing constant and stable in yours and Nanami’s lives. He was the only one who knew, and he helped you two out with a level of empathy and care that Nanami didn’t know he was capable of. The house would get cleaned. Food would be served. Different bills and other miscellaneous items ended up being paid.

Soon, the grief became easier to deal with. You and Nanami learned how to cope with the loss and start living again. The grief books lie by the way. You never truly get over the loss of a baby. You just learn how to live with the subtle ache in your heart.

It sneaks up on you sometimes. You see a small baby on tv, and you’re in shambles. Nanami watches Kusakabe announce his wife’s pregnancy, and he has to excuse himself to the restroom for a breather.

Satoru spent father’s and mother’s day with you and Nanami. It’s not like he had any family to celebrate with anyways. He brought you two gifts - making sure to remind you two that you are still parents. Your little one just isn’t on this earth.

So when you see those two pink lines on a test a year later, you feel your heart stop. You can’t take another heartbreak. You’re so scared; you don’t even want to tell Nanami. You two weren’t exactly trying for another baby, but you weren’t preventing one either.

You and Nanami celebrated, cried, laughed, rejoiced, mourned, grieved, every emotion hit you two like a truck when you revealed your pregnancy to him.

You don’t stop by the school for a little while. You and Nanami are both not ready for Satoru to find out… especially not during the first trimester when it’s possible that miscarriage can happen again…

Once you hit 20 weeks and know the baby’s gender, you finally think it’s time to let Satoru know. Nanami reluctantly agrees — also because Satoru has been hounding Nanami for weeks about where you’ve been. Satoru misses the cookies you’d always bake for him.

“Do you have plans for dinner tonight?” Nanami asks the white haired male at work that evening. Satoru immediately perks up, knowing this is basically an invitation to come over.

“Nah, I was thinking about getting hot pot. Why?” Satoru asks, trying not to sound overly excited, but it’s a rarity when Nanami formally invites him over. He also hasn’t seen you in so long. He wants to spill all the new tea to you since you like that sort of thing, unlike Nanami.

“My wife baked those cookies you love so much. You should stop by tonight.” Oh, and Satoru was getting sweets? Hell yeah.

Though, the cookies wasn’t the biggest treat of the night. When Satoru enters your home behind Nanami, he walks to the kitchen where you’re standing over freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Your tummy is rounded, and there’s a strong accumulation of golden energy residing in you.

“You’re-!?” Satoru’s eyes widen and he flicks his head quickly between you and Nanami. Your husband playfully rolls his eyes, but his smile tells you everything you need to know. He’s proud to be announcing your pregnancy.

“Yes, she’s pregnant.” He answers with a laugh, and Gojo pulls him in for a tight hug. Even if Satoru lacks some social skills, he’s able to read people like a book. He knows that this is all you and Nanami have ever wanted — a little family to call your own.

Now, imagine his big blue eyes welling with tears when he sees the cookies have writing on them.

“Nice to meet you, Uncle Toru!”

Now, imagine how fucking ecstatic Nanami is when he finally gets the privilege to announce your pregnancy to the rest of the school. He’s private with his life, but after everything you two have been through, he happily announces your pregnancy to anyone — everyone.

Oh, and your baby girl, Satori, was born happy and healthy. Besides you and Nanami, Satoru was the first one to meet your sweet baby. Yes, he cried like he was the baby when he found out about her name.

[jennaflare]

So Disco Elysium is the only game you've ever really liked

I get it! It's a phenomenal game with superb art and writing, and its themes are consistent and deeply explored. It sets a high bar for video games. But there are other really, really fantastic games out there. This is a list that is 100% my own taste of things that aren't necessarily similar, other than the fact that they're really fucking good. (A lot of these are on sale for the Steam Summer Sale until July 11 2024!)

In Stars and Time

In Stars and Time is a time loop game where you play as Siffrin, the rogue of a party at the end of their quest to save the day by defeating the King, who is freezing everybody in time! But something is wrong: every time you die, you loop back to the day before you fight the King. You're the only one who remembers the loops, so it's up to you to figure out why it's happening, and how to break out.

In Stars and Time is a heart-wrenching dive into mental health, friendship, and love. It's about feeling alone, and how awful it is when the people who love you don't notice (and how awful it is when they do). It's about falling deeper and deeper into your worst self and your worst tendencies, and how to come back from it.

The creator also did one of my favorite Disco Elysium comics ever, which is only tangentially relevant but worth mentioning.

Roadwarden

In Roadwarden, you play as the titular Roadwarden for an undeveloped and "wild" part of the kingdom. Monsters roam the forests and roads, and it's your job to keep people safe. On paper, anyway. Your real mission is to find out what is of value in the area, and how to take it from its people. How well you perform this task is up to you. It's an oldschool text-based RPG, and I take a lot of notes by hand when I play.

Roadwarden explores exploitation and industrialization by making you look in the face of your potential victims. You can only learn what your bosses want you to report on by getting close to the residents, after all. There are mysteries to be solved, secrets to be gathered, and hearts to win.

The Longing

The Longing is an adventure-idle game where you play as the solitary servant of a sleeping king. Your task is to wait for him, for four hundred days. Time in the game passes in realtime (for the most part). There are caves to explore, books to be read, and drawings to make.

The Longing is about loneliness and depression. It's about whether or not you decide to stay in that hole, and if you do, what you do with yourself while you're there. Maybe you'll wander. Maybe you'll stare at a wall. Maybe you'll just sleep until it's all over.

Papers, Please

Papers, Please casts you as a newly hired customs officer in a country that is rapidly tightening its borders as its fascist government tightens its fist. This game is stressful. Sometimes you intend to help out the revolutionaries when they asked, but then you got so stressed out trying to make your quota so you can feed your family and pay your bills that you didn't notice the name of the person they were hoping to contact while going through their papers. Sometimes someone puts a bomb in front of you and expects you to defuse it. Sometimes someone suggests you steal people's passports so you can get your family out, and with the horror you see daily, the idea tempts you more than you'd like.

Papers, Please is all about hard choices and testing your moral fortitude. Everything you do has consequences. Being a good person in this game is hardly ever rewarded, but not in a way that feels overly cynical. Papers, Please asks you what kind of person you want to be and what you're willing to sacrifice to get there.

The Return of the Obra Dinn

From the creator of Papers, Please, The Return of the Obra Dinn is a game where you play as an insurance investigator for the East India Trading Company. The ship the Obra Dinn has just floated back into port, its entire crew missing or dead. It's your job to figure out what happened aboard the vessel. For insurance reasons.

I don't know how to go into the themes of this too deeply without giving away too much, but the mechanics of the game itself make the game worth playing. You have a magic stopwatch that allows you to go back to the moment of a person's death, allowing you to try and figure out who (or what) killed them, and how. And the soundtrack is extremely good.

Outer Wilds

In Outer Wilds you play as an unnamed alien, and it's your first day going to space! Your planet's space program is pretty new still, so there's still lots to explore and discover on the planets within your system. There are ancient ruins from a mysterious race that once lived in your system, long before your species began to record history. Why were they here? Where did they go? How are they connected to the weird thing that keeps happening to you?

The fun of Outer Wilds is in the discovery and answering your own questions. The game never tells you where to go, and it never outright tells you anything. There are clues scattered through the system, and it's up to you to put them together and figure out your next steps. It's about the way that life always goes on, no matter what, even when it seems like the end of everything, forever. I'd recommend NOT reading anything else about this game. Just go play it. Seriously, the less you know, the more fun this is.

If on a Winter's Night, Four Travelers

In If on a Winter's Night, Four Travelers, you explore the circumstances of the deaths of four individuals.

This is a short one that took me about two and a half hours to play. If for no other reason, play it for the stunning pixel art. The game explores sexism, racism, and homophobia in the Victorian era and leans heavily into horror themes. Best of all: it's completely free!

Pentiment

Pentiment takes you to the 16th century, where you take the role of Andreas Maler, a journeyman artist working on his masterwork in the scriptorium of an abbey. When someone is murdered, Andreas takes responsibility for finding the culprit.

The game is set over 20~ years and you get to watch how Andreas' actions affect the village in various ways (who's alive the next time you come by, have people gotten married and had children...). It's an exploration of how the past affects the future, and what parts of that past we choose to keep or discard. It has beautiful art, and fans of both Disco and Pentiment often compare them.

Other games you might wanna check out

Night in the Woods, Dredge, Oxenfree, A House of Many Doors, Inscryption, Slay the Princess, Citizen Sleeper, Chants of Sennar, Loop Hero, The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood, The Pale Beyond, Where the Water Tastes Like Wine, Elsinore, Her Story, Before Your Eyes, Pathologic (not delved into above because the venn diagram of Pathologic fans and Disco fans is basically a circle)

[ckret2]

Reading the book I couldn't help but notice how weirdly touchy Bill is when it comes to his previous romantic relationships. He stops himself from talking about his exes and loses his cool whenever the topic is brought up. What's up with that?

Bill is a toxic, controlling person who's perfectly charming and likable (albeit manipulative as the devil) when he's getting his way, but the moment he isn't getting his way, he gets abusive—emotionally, verbally, physically, psychically...

Look at his relationship with Ford: regardless of whether you interpret that as romantic or platonic, Ford is somebody he liked enough that he went on a bender that ended with grossly sobbing in a fast food restaurant when their partnership fell apart; and yet, as much as Bill liked Ford, when Ford refused to do what he asked, Bill had no trouble mangling him, publicly humiliating him, getting him in legal trouble, attempting to emotionally torment his brother, and threatening worse. That's what he does to a person he likes.

Do you think he was any kinder when he didn't like what his lovers did?

I think every one of his relationships ended not just badly, but SPECTACULARLY horribly. "Hours long screaming match" horribly, "break all the furniture" horribly, "quickly and secretly moving out while Bill's distracted" horribly, "looking up how to file a restraining order from the hospital bed" horribly. Bloody Mary ghosting him is probably one of the softest breakups he's had (and I suspect it's because she saw the red flags and ran before Bill could show his worst side).

NONE of those breakups were amicable. All Bill's exes hate his guts—the ones that survived him, anyway.

And I'd bet you anything that how abusive he got correlated with how much he loved them. (And let's not have any "but that isn't REALLY love" nonsense—performing love as an action and feeling love as an emotion are two different things, and abusers are capable of feeling love for someone they think they've got the right to hurt.)

The more he likes this person, the more it matters to him that they stay forever in the little box he's put them in and the farther he's willing to go to ensure they don't defy or leave him. The more he loved them, the more he hurt them, and the more devastating the breakup.

But if he liked them that much, then the fact that it's OBVIOUSLY his fault wouldn't make getting dumped hurt less. Getting dumped is the thing he was trying to prevent by making them too scared to leave!

All Bill's memories of his exes are memories of people he loved telling him how much they detest him and cutting him out of their lives. Of course he doesn't want to talk about it.

Bill says himself, "love is just the pupa stage for hate." In his experience, that's how it always ends.

[revolutionsingingintherainnn]

Sajda 𓆩♡𓆪

Summary: Lando found his greatest love at the worst time. Yet she would always be there with him.

♥ ln x desi!reader [important author's note below] ʚɞ

♥ angst + fluff ʚɞ

♥ tw: death [lemme know if there's anything else] ʚɞ

author's note: i know this says desi!reader, but there's only one thing in hindi that y/n says, and the meaning of it will be revealed later, so y'all can read this, despite it being a desi!reader. and, this is kinda long (that's what she said). the max i mention in this is max f, unless i mention otherwise.

masterlist ☾☼

lando had met y/n in the most unusual way possible. he'd been in a cafe, waiting for his coffee and scone, when he'd seen her walk in. she hadn't looked anything extraordinary to anyone. she looked like the average university student with too many books, and not enough hands to hold them. yet somehow, lando had been intrigued by her. he'd seen many college students around in monaco, yet something about her had made him forget about everyone else, and everything else.

he'd watched, even though he didn't want to come across as a creep, as she fell into a nearby seat, resting her arms and breathing heavily. lando didn't know why she was breathing so heavily. she hadn't ran in, and the weight of her books couldn't have been so much that it was physically draining her.

lando waited for someone to offer her water, but no one did. she was hunched over, her chest falling and rising rapidly, and he couldn't sit back anymore. quickly walking over to the counter, lando requested for a bottle of water, apologising for not ordering at the cash counter. the woman had been kind enough to hand him a bottle, and just said that she would bill it later, before he left.

thanking the woman, lando walked over with the bottle in hand. she was still hunched over, her hand to her chest, and she was still breathing too heavily. he knocked on her table twice, making her head shoot up, staring at him. wordlessly, he offered the bottle to her. she hesitated, but grabbed it, and quickly drank from it, almost finishing the whole thing in one go.

"thank you," she said. her accent was different, and her voice was soft and velvety and kind.

"are you okay?" lando asked.

she nodded, "i am now,"

"would you like help with anything?"

she stared at him for a few seconds, "i'm not accepting help from a stranger,"

lando's eyes widened, "oh, i'm so sorry. i'm lando, it's nice to meet you." he held his hand out for her to shake.

"i know who you are. i follow f1," she said as she grabbed his hand and pulled herself up. staring at her smaller hand in his, lando noticed her ln bracelet.

"so, i take it you like how i drive?" lando smirked, a little cocky.

her eyes narrowed, "sometimes."

his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "what do you mean 'sometimes'?"

"well, y'all are mighty rich and arrogant, and i'd rather not give you the satisfaction by saying i'm a fan of yours," she said, taking her hand back from his. lando hadn't even realised that he was still holding onto her hand.

"that seems ru-" lando broke off when he saw her fighting a smile. he smiled as well, shaking his head.

"i'm y/n. and, i am a fan of yours," she introduced herself, a teasing smile on her lips.

she had a dimple, like lando did, and out of everything that he had noticed in the few minutes, her dimple was his favourite.

"would you like to join me? i could order you something?" lando asked bashfully.

"just because i'm a college student doesn't mean i'm broke," she said dryly.

his eyes widened, and he rushed to correct himself, to let her know that he didn't mean it like that, and he just wanted to do something nice. but then, she laughed. a loud laugh and lando froze.

that laugh, her laugh, was more beautiful than the sound of any of his cars. her laugh was more beautiful than hearing his national anthem at the top step. her laugh was more beautiful than anything he had ever heard, and he wished he had recorded it because he wanted to listen to that laugh till he died.

"i'm just kidding. thank you, i'd appreciate it." she said, still smiling.

she was shorter than him, and almost looked fragile. lando hated himself for thinking like that, given his history of dealing with bullying, but her arms were thin and he worried. he worried for a girl he met a few minutes ago.

lando picked up her books, as she grabbed her bag and the bottle of water. he led her to the seat he had previously occupied. he gently kept her books on the table, and pulled out the chair for her, being a true gentleman.

"you don't have to worry about me being the bus stop girl. i won't lie on the internet," y/n said, and lando burst out in laughter. he liked her. he liked her dry humour.

"no, go ahead and lie, i'd be fine with it," he said, as he settled into the chair across from her.

"you're not worried that i'm some crazy fan who's going to go on twitter and tiktok and i don't know where else to post a made up story about you?" she asked, settling into the seat.

somehow, she looked smaller in it, and lando felt the need to protect her, to make her realise just how much space was available for her to occupy because he didn't like that she was shrinking herself.

"are you going to?" he retaliated.

y/n smirked, "i might,"

"then, i'd like to see how creative you can get."

she smiled, showing her dimple again, and lando thought for a moment if she would scream at him if he asked to take a picture of her dimple.

the woman from the counter placed his coffee and his scone on the table, and turned to y/n, asking if she needed anything. y/n ordered for a coffee, and apologised for not ordering at the cash counter.

the woman hushed her, as if it was an every day occurrence for the two women.

"do you come here often?" he asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

she nodded, "every day. it's the cafe closest to my apartment, so i spend a lot of time here."

lando's head tilted in confusion, "how come i've never seen you before then?"

"maybe you weren't looking for me then," she was flirting. lando wasn't sure. but he hoped she was.

"maybe i wasn't ready for you before. the universe does work in mysterious ways, y'know,"

she leaned forward, a mischievous glint in her eye, "oh, honey, you're never going to be ready for the storm i am,"

he laughed once again, and he liked that. the pressure of the world championship was catching up to him, despite his efforts to not let it affect him. he hadn't properly laughed like this in a while, but somehow, he was glad that he was laughing with her, a woman he met a half hour ago.

they kept talking, making each other laugh, falling into comfortable silences, asking questions just to get to know the other better. they didn't speak much about lando's job, or why she was breathing so heavily when he had first approached her. the two recognised that those were uncomfortable topics.

lando knew that y/n, as a fan, would have her own opinions, and while he didn't know what she thought of his driving or his team or his teammate or anyone on the grid, he also knew that he didn't want to hear it. the world had an opinion on everything but they didn't know the truth, and lando refused to get influenced by the opinions of someone who had no idea what happened behind cameras.

y/n had also subtly changed topics any time it came close to her breathing, or her general exhaustion. lando desperately wanted to know, but he didn't want to overstep, especially because this was a friendship he wanted to keep in his life.

lando had stayed at the cafe way longer than he was supposed to, but he didn't really mind, and he knew that max would understand. when y/n began packing up, ready to leave, he shyly asked for her number, and asked if he would see her again.

"you're a lot more confident on social media than you are in real life," she mused, a soft smile on her lips letting him know that she wasn't judging, but instead, just making an observation.

"i know what people want me to be online. it doesn't always mean that's who i am,"

"wise words, mister norris,"

lando ducked his head, "thank you, miss y/l/n,"

she had given him her number, quickly calling her phone to make sure that she had it as well. just as she turned to leave, she hesitated for a second, and lando watched, not wanting to miss a second of her existence.

she was second guessing herself, he knew, but nothing could have prepared him for when she leaned up slightly, her hand on his arm, and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, before turning away and walking out.

lando stood there frozen, a goofy smile on his face, feeling excited about seeing her again.

the two fell into an easy friendship. lando found out that y/n tended to sleep quite often, and because of that, she used every little energy she had in studying and maintaining her gpa. he found out that she was from india, and was attending university here on a scholarship. he found out that her favourite drink was hazelnut coffee, with a lot of whipped cream. she was a sucker for kinder, just like he was. he found out that she was bad at texting, often leaving him on delivered for hours, sometimes days, though she always apologised profusely and said that it was out of her control most of the time. lando also found out that he forgave her quite easily.

they spent most of their time at the cafe, sometimes working together in silence, sometimes she explained to him what she was studying with a passion he hadn't seen anywhere else. sometimes, they just talked about everything and nothing, and it became lando's favourite thing.

when it was time for lando to head to the mtc for work, to focus on the last three races, he had felt gutted. he wouldn't see her anymore, and he hadn't realised just how much of his mood had began depending on her. the day before he left, he walked her back to her apartment, refusing to let her walk alone in the dark.

outside of her apartment building, she pulled him in a hug, wrapping her arms around his waist. she had dropped her bag on the floor, just so she could hug him. lando immediately wrapped his arms around her neck, keeping her to him.

they didn't say anything, just breathed each other in. it wasn't goodbye, lando knew that, yet it felt like it. it felt like a goodbye, and lando was not ready to let her go just yet, no matter the reason.

as she began to pull away from him, he pressed a kiss to her hair, holding her for just another second, before he let her go.

"i'll see you soon, yeah?" he whispered.

she smiled, biting her lip. his gaze focused on her lip, and he desperately wanted to kiss her, but he couldn't. he shouldn't.

"win for me, will you?" she said softly.

he smiled, "as long as you keep letting me know you're alive and well,"

her smile faltered, and lando immediately wondered what he said, what was going on in her brain.

she smiled brightly again, and nodded. she pressed a kiss to his cheek, like she did every time she went back home. and, like every time, he froze, smiling goofily.

lando watched as she picked up her bag and walked inside the building. he watched, half because she was mesmerising, and half because he wanted to make sure that she was safe.

when he was travelling, lando and y/n fell into a similar routine. since they weren't able to meet face to face, they were on facetime almost constantly. the only time they weren't on facetime was when either of them were sleeping, or lando was training or in a meeting. she had gotten better at texting as well, keeping him updated about everything and anything. she let him know when she'd be unavailable for their facetime calls, and lando understood.

lando felt deeply for her. he knew that his feelings for her were romantic. he hoped that she felt the same for him. but, the more rational part of him also knew that if he wanted to be with her for a long term, he'd have to be her friend first. he'd have to build that solid foundation with her first.

for y/n, he was willing to wait as long as she wanted.

of course, she never said or indicated anything regarding her feelings towards him. at the end of the day, lando wanted to be a part of her life in any way that she would want him. he'd never felt like this before, had never felt this insane need to be around someone, to have someone in his bubble all the time. he didn't understand this feeling very well, had never experienced something like this before.

he'd confided in max. he explained to his best friend every emotion and every thought that ran through him when he was with her, and when he was away from her. his best friend admitted to never seeing lando like this, but also said that he was happy to see his best friend so enamoured with someone.

max's advice had been to take it slow, and to be friends with her till she asked or indicated otherwise. when pietra and ria had agreed with him, lando knew for sure that that was the best course of action. he didn't want to overwhelm her. he didn't want to make her feel like he was expecting anything more than what she was willing to give. he'd hate himself if his actions drove her away.

so, he took it slow.

he sent her pictures from his day, and voice notes at the end of the day. he kept her on facetime, saying that he needs company as an excuse. as if he wasn't surrounded by his mechanics and engineers. he texted her before he got in the car, and he texted her after he got out. he sent her memes, and he flirted a little bit.

and, she did the same. she sent him pictures from her day, letting him know when she was at the cafe. sometimes, he'd recognise his coffee order and scone, and wondered if she missed him the way he missed her. she indulged in his excuse and stayed on facetime with him. she listened to all his voice notes, and responded to them. she texted him every time he was on track, giving him a live update of everything that was going on in her head. sometimes, she flirted back too. she didn't do it often, but she flirted back, and it always made lando smile.

after the season had ended, lando stayed in monaco as much as possible. he missed his family, and he missed his friends for sure. but, he needed to be in y/n's presence like he needed oxygen.

during his off months, y/n's family had come to visit her, and she couldn't stay out much. so, they changed their routine a little. every night, after dinner, lando would meet her at the entrance of her apartment building, and the two would take a walk, sometimes getting ice cream on the way, for an hour or two.

she always made him laugh. and, she laughed just as much. he still wanted to record that sound, and play it over and over and over, till he didn't remember anything but that sound. his feelings had grown stronger over time. she hadn't given any indication of wanting a romantic relationship with him, and he hadn't pushed. he kept his flirting to a minimum as well, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

during one of their walks, y/n had informed lando that her family were going on a trip somewhere, and that she wouldn't be able to talk to him much. he had understood, remembering the stories she'd told of her parents and how they often told her to stay away from her phone. lando planned his trip to his parents' place at around the same time, as well.

he was determined not to miss a single second he could have with her.

the trip she'd taken with her family was three weeks long. they kept up the same routine as race weekends. though, this time, it didn't include facetime calls. he sent her voice notes and pictures regularly, and she responded, though, often really late, and sounding more tired than ever. she shared pictures sometimes, informing him that most pictures were on her brother's phone because he had a better camera than she did.

nonetheless, their bond remained strong.

max called him whipped. carlos said something similar. but he knew that they knew just how important this woman was to him. they hadn't seen anything like it before, and he hadn't felt anything like this before.

despite his efforts of spending every possible second with her, lando had been an f1 driver. meaning, he had to be at the mtc often, especially to meet sponsors and work with his team before the pre-testing.

even though she had never asked or indicated anything, lando bought her gifts to make up for the time he lost with her. she would always laugh, but would accept the gift. in the beginning, she had put up a fight, telling him that it was too much and that he didn't need to. lando was stubborn, and eventually, she'd sighed and accepted it.

just like that, a year passed.

lando was there for her graduation, clapping when she went on stage and received her diploma. lando was there when she found her first job. he was there to drop her off and pick her up on her first day. he was there with ice cream every time she told him that she felt drained, and the two would watch a movie. he was there for every big and every small moment. as much as he could, at least.

she was there every time he came home after a race. she was there every time he was frustrated with the team, with himself, with the media. she was there every time they went to a seafood restaurant, and only ever ordered spring rolls. she was there at the cafe, his coffee and scone ready whenever he was running late. she was there when he was homesick. she was there when he'd be streaming, just sitting close to him. she was there for every quadrant shoot, giving him her ideas as well. she was there for every game night, every movie night, every little party he had. in her own way, she was there with him like no one else had ever been there.

it was so easy being friends with her, sometimes lando forgot that his crush had turned into him being in love with her. it was so easy being with her, that sometimes, lando forgot about his own feelings, only ever focused on her voice and her smile and her hands and everything about her.

she was weak some days, reminding him of the day they'd met, with her breathing so heavily. she would always tell him that it was her time of the month, and these were just some symptoms. lando had grown up with two sisters, but he had never seen anything like what y/n was going through. he had asked his sister if it was normal to be feeling like that during their cycles. his sister had reassured him that it was different for every woman, and as long as y/n said she was fine, she truly was fine.

but, it all came crashing down one day.

lando hadn't expected it. in fact, it happened during a race, and lando was unaware.

he'd had a good race, one that he was proud of. immediately after changing, lando had checked his phone, frowning when there were no messages from y/n. that had been odd, because y/n texted him during each race. she had been doing so consistently for the past year. to suddenly not have a single text from her, not even a good luck text, had worried him.

his flight was scheduled for back home the next morning. if she didn't pick up his call, lando was sure that he would jump on the next flight out and rush home just to check on her.

the ringtone was loud in his ear, even though the volume on his phone wasn't. his heart was beating erratically again, for a completely different reason as before. usually, he loved feeling his heartbeat everywhere, feeling the rush of it in his veins when he was in the car. now, though? he hated the feeling.

she picked up at the final ring. lando breathed out a sigh of relief.

"y/n? are you okay? you didn't text me during the race and i got worried," he said.

she paused for a second on the other side, and lando frowned.

"um, this is her friend. she's in the hospital, actually," the voice was low, but it seemed to echo in his ears.

hospital? what? why? what had happened?

"what?" he croaked out, his body working on autopilot as he stuffed his things in his bag.

"she was fine in the morning, but her condition got a little worse, and we had to get her to the hospital," her friend said.

"condition? what condition?" lando was freaking out.

"she didn't tell you?"

"no! she didn't! is she okay?"

"she'll be okay eventually. at least, that's what the doctor said."

lando asked for the hospital name, looking for flights at the same time.

as he left the paddock, zak and oscar stopped him, but lando didn't have time. he couldn't lose precious seconds.

"i'm really sorry, i have to go, i need to go," he didn't know what he was saying, or what he was doing. all he knew was that he needed to get to y/n as soon as possible.

"woah, woah, woah, lando," oscar said, grabbing lando's arms, holding him in place.

"what's wrong?" zak asked.

zak didn't know y/n, but oscar did. oscar knew her. oscar would understand. yes, oscar would help him.

eyes wide, lando said, "she's in the hospital. i have to go. i don't know what happened, osc, i have to go."

"okay, okay. give me your room key, i'll pack up your stuff and drop it off at your place tomorrow," oscar was calm. how was oscar calm?

"yes, yes, that's smart," lando immediately pulled out the room key card from his pocket, handing it to oscar.

"lando, deep breaths-"

"but, she's-"

"i know. but, you're not going to be of any help to her if you can't help yourself right now. deep breaths with me,"

lando copied oscar's breathing pattern, his hands holding onto oscar's arms. once the rushing blood in his ear subsided, lando nodded, gulping.

"she's going to be okay," oscar reassured him.

lando nodded, taking a step back, ready to turn and leave. just before he began running, he turned quickly, hugging oscar, thanking him. before oscar could hug back, lando was running.

the wait was excruciating. the wait in the taxi going to the airport. the wait at the airport for his flight. the wait in the flight. the wait in the taxi going to the hospital. it was eating him alive, and every single cell in his body was vibrating with fear.

in the midst of his panic, he had managed to text max and carlos, his two closest friends, letting them know of the situation. he knew that carlos was probably asleep by now, and would see the message in the morning, but max had responded immediately, instructing lando to let him know if he needed anything.

when he reached the hospital, he immediately ran to the front desk, asking for y/n. the nurse standing there almost looked afraid of him. his eyes were red, his hair unruly. he hadn't slept at all after the race, and hadn't eaten anything either. he felt weak, but he needed to see y/n. he needed to see his y/n.

before the nurse could say anything, a voice called his name. turning, he saw y/n's friend, the one who had answered her phone. rushing towards her, he let out his frenzy list of questions.

"is she okay? what happened? when did it happen? what did the doctor say?"

her friend didn't say anything, just quietly led him to her room. the wait to her room was excruciating as well, somehow worse than when he was on the flight.

standing outside her room, her friend turned to him and said, "it isn't my story to tell. it's hers. but, know this, lando, being with her, as a friend or boyfriend or whatever, it's with a ticking time bomb. one day, she is going to leave us. if you go in that room, know that you will have to prepare yourself for when the time runs out and it all explodes."

he heard her words. he registered them. maybe he should walk away. save himself the pain that would come with her inevitably leaving. he could. very easily, in fact. she wasn't awake. she didn't know he was here. he could ask her friend to not mention anything about him, and he could turn around and leave. he could.

but he didn't. why didn't he? why couldn't he? he knew he loved her the first day he met her. he knew he wanted to be in her life for as long as she wanted. if she was going to inevitably leave, he'd rather hold her hand till it went slack and cold. if she was going to inevitably leave, he'd rather love her, just so she went with a smile.

his hand was on the doorknob, and he turned it, pushing the door open.

she had tubes attached to her, and the steady beating of her heart was heard through the beeping. she looked small and frail. she looked like she would turn to dust if he touched her. her skin was pale, and her bones were so clearly visible. oh, his sweet y/n.

dropping his bag at the side, he sat on the chair beside her bed, slowly, carefully, picking up her hand, holding it, running his fingers over and over them, making sure she was real.

tears streamed down his face. why hadn't he noticed any of it before? why hadn't he pushed her for information when she changed the subject? he knew something hadn't been right, but he was stupid enough to ignore it. how could he have been so stupid?

lando's head rested on the bed beside their joined hands, sobs wracking his body. he had felt pain before. he had felt pain when his grandmother passed. he had felt pain when he read the hate comments about him. he had felt pain then. this pain was something he hadn't felt before, something that was completely incomparable.

he must've fallen asleep right there, the exhaustion of the race and the travel, the stress of all of it combined draining him physically and mentally. he woke up with a jerk, his neck aching. wiping the corner of his mouth, his eyes fell on the sleeping figure on the bed.

except she wasn't sleeping anymore.

"y/n!" he exclaimed, standing over her and checking every single part of her that he could see, as if the condition she had was external.

"i'm sorry i didn't watch the race. how'd you do?" she whispered, smiling gently.

lando huffed out a laugh, "as if i care about the race anymore," leaning forward, he pressed a kiss against her forehead.

"you scared me, lovie," he whispered, his forehead resting against hers.

"told you i was a storm you weren't ready for," she smiled, and god, lando wanted to kiss her. he wanted to kiss her so desperately.

"oh, you are a storm, alright, but i'm more than ready for you," he said, pulling back and settling on the uncomfortable chair again.

he stared at her for a few seconds, a little bit of his tension falling away. "why didn't you tell me?"

she hesitated, her mouth opening and closing as she attempted to explain to him, "i wanted to. at first i couldn't figure out how or when to tell you, and then i started worrying that if i did tell you, you'd leave. i didn't want you to leave,"

her voice was small, as if she was afraid that he would hear her, that he would confirm her fear. silly, silly girl.

he clasped her hand in his, pressing a kiss to her fingertips and he said, "y/n, i am crazy in love with you. have been from the day i met you. absolutely nothing will make me want to leave you,"

she stared at him, still chewing on her lip slightly, and then whispered, "what if i told you i had a dick?"

his brain froze for a second, but she smiled, and he laughed, and in his heart, everything was right again, "then, i'll figure out how sex works on the go,"

she laughed, and he smiled, and in his heart, the warmth spread again.

"do you really love me?" she asked, almost sounding broken.

"desperately," he said, without hesitation.

"you won't leave?"

"i'd rather drive with extremely old tyres on a wet track with no fireproofs than leave,"

she smacked his hand, "don't say that!"

"it's the truth,"

it was silent for a second.

"i love you too, by the way. i forgot to say that,"

lando laughed, "more than a friend?"

"way more than a friend,"

"y/n?"

"lando?"

"what condition do you have?" he was afraid of the answer. granted, he didn't know much about diseases and such. his knowledge of physical anatomy only went as far as understanding the risks of being an f1 driver and being in an f1 car.

"it's something complicated. it's a lifelong thing, and there's no particular cure for it. we found out in its early stages, which is why we started treatment early as well. the doctors told me that i'd have maybe twenty or thirty years more, but that death was inevitable. "

"oh,"

"yeah. my doctor in india recommended a specialist doctor here, and since my parents were already struggling a little bit with the costs, i got a scholarship, so that it was one less thing for them to worry about. i've made peace with the fact that i am going to die one day, lando. i know that it's going to happen, and i am ready for it."

"what if-"

"don't try and find a better doctor or something, lando. it's not going to work. whatever this is, it makes me physically weak and tired so easily. the walk from my apartment to the cafe sometimes tires me out so much. i can't breathe properly in it, i pass out way too often, i can't hold in any sort of food sometimes. my lungs hurt, and my arms and legs go numb, and it's a lot of things. and it's only going to result in one thing."

lando stayed silent. he didn't know what to say, and after everything that had happened in the past weekend, and now, his brain was taking time to process it.

"is that why you didn't reply to me for days sometimes? 'cause you were in the hospital?"

"mhmm,"

he tried not to cry. he really did. all he could think about was every time that he had assumed she was busy, or he had believed her excuses, she was all alone in a hospital with no one to take care of her, no one to protect her from this godforsaken condition. "why didn't you tell me? i could've been here with you? were you scared? did you have someone to hold your hand?"

"oh, lan," she cupped his cheek, as he sobbed.

"i'm gonna be here now. i'm gonna be with you now all the time. whatever happens, i'll be here, and i'll help you wherever you need me to,"

"you have a job, lando," she said softly.

"fuck that. i don't care about that anymore. i just care about you. don't leave me, please," lando was on his knees, holding onto her hand, sobbing as everything inside him broke.

"sang pyaar rahe mein rahun na rahu," she whispered.

"i don't know what that means, lovie," he sniffed, calming himself down, doing what oscar had done not twenty four hours ago.

"when i die-"

"y/n-"

"it's the truth, lando. when i die, look it up. okay?"

he nodded, promising her that he would.

things changed after that. of course it did.

lando spent every second possible with y/n, making sure that she was okay, and following the instructions she'd gotten from the doctor to rest more. he was there whenever she needed him, and now that she was more truthful about what was happening with her, lando realised just how much she had been hiding from him in the first place.

of course, lando had to go to the mtc for work often and the races, because it was his job at the end of the day, but he always made sure that she had someone with her, and had phone numbers of oscar, carlos, max f and max v, will and jon. any person who could easily get a hold of him when he was away.

he worried, and he knew she knew he worried. but she did love him for it. she told him so repeatedly. they hadn't kissed, even when weeks had passed from her last hospital visit where lando really found out about her condition. they hadn't kissed, and hell, they hadn't even talked about dating or anything of that sort.

lando supposed that they should, at least once. to clear out any misunderstandings, or to just be on the same page. but, they did have a mutual understanding that despite not talking about the change in their dynamic, they were together. like, together-together.

they still went on walks after dinner. it was the little bit of exercise that she got, and lando was determined to make sure that she was moving. the easiness between them was still present, except there was an added element of brushing fingers, casual touching, walking a step closer than normal. and then, it changed to holding hands when walking, which sometimes became lando's arm across her shoulder, tucking her to him, and sometimes it became her hand tucked in the inside of his elbow.

lando knew that people watched, that there were cameras everywhere, but with her, it was the least of his worries. it was during one of their walks when he kissed her for the first time.

he hadn't planned on doing it. she had ice cream stuck to her lip, and lando wanted. whether he wanted the ice cream or just her, he refused to acknowledge. he had kissed her, and she had kissed him back, and they had been unable to wipe their smiles off their faces.

it felt like kissing once took away any tension between the two, because then, they were kissing all the time. little pecks of hi, i love you. make out sessions in his car or her apartment, or even the little alley beside her apartment building. forehead kisses when she felt particularly weak, or when she had to be in the hospital. love bites of when they got carried away, and then lando took pictures (but no one else had to know that).

they were happy. they deserved that happiness.

but the dark cloud was still looming over their heads, and as much as lando tried to avoid it, as much as he tried to forget about it, every trip to the hospital had reminded him that there was only one way their story was going to end and he needed to prepare himself for it.

every time, his girl saw him struggling. she knew. and every time, she only ever told him, "sang pyaar rahe mein rahun na rahu,"

he still didn't know what it meant. he had wanted to look it up, but he also remembered his promise to her. sometimes, late at night, when she would be asleep, curled up next to him, he would repeat the words over and over again in his head.

a year after they'd started dating, y/n made her official debut as his girlfriend at the monaco grand prix. she wasn't allowed to travel a lot, especially by air. the only few times that she travelled was when her parents had taken her to another doctor halfway across the world back when lando and her were still friends, or for when she visited india, which was also rare.

of course, his friends in the paddock had met her before. but, a lot of people were going to see her in person for the first time after only listening to lando talk about her non-stop.

she was immediately loved by everyone she met, and lando felt pride running through him. he was also a little aroused. the love of his life fit so well with his work life, it made him love her more.

before he got in the car, she pressed a kiss to his helmet and whispered the words again, "sang pyaar rahe mein rahun na rahu,"

the words sounded beautiful, and a part of lando hated that it was associated with something so haunting.

when he won the race, he immediately ran to her, picking her up, as she celebrated with the rest of the team as well. his helmet wasn't even off, before he was hugging her and begging her to move in with him.

she had agreed, because of course, she had.

so, they moved in soon after the race. lando didn't let her do much of anything, insisting that him and the boys had it under control. the boys being max f, carlos, ginge, niran, max v, oscar, and george. how that group of friends came together? lando didn't know. all he knew was that he texted on his chat groups about needing help getting her all moved in, and people showed up at her apartment with coffee and food in their hand.

soon after she was properly moved in, the couple had to christen their home, of course. lando had loved every giggle, every moan, every whimper she had given him. he had savoured every one of them, because as happy as he was, the fear was still rooted in him that it might be the last time he would ever hear it.

there were some days when her health was a lot worse. some days when lando thought that she was right at doorstep of death. she always came back to him, and for that he was eternally grateful. she would make some silly comment and laugh and joke with him, as if they weren't in a hospital room and she didn't have multiple tubes attached to her.

he indulged in her coping mechanism. lando understood the need to add humour to serious situations. he knew that while she was comfortable with the idea that she was going to die soon, she was still scared. she hadn't spoken to him about it explicitly, maybe to spare his feelings. but he noticed, with the way she was slowly making plans for the future for him without her. he noticed, with the way she began speaking about other women, women who would come after her.

he hated it. hated that she was still thinking about how he would live after her, when honestly, he didn't think he would be living after her. he would just be surviving, and he would just be breathing for the sake of it.

they did fight sometimes. mostly on the days when she was feeling more insecure about herself. those were usually the days she would cry, sitting in the corner of a room, hiding away from him. but he found her, he always did.

in fact, it was during one of those fights when lando asked her to marry him.

"maybe we shouldn't be doing this,"

"do what, lovie?" he was patient, and in the back of his mind, he knew what she was talking about, but he refused to acknowledge it unless she came out and said it herself.

"this. us."

"and why is that?" his lovie was a logical person, he knew that. between the two of them, he was more emotional than she was. it was during times like these, when her logic seemed to be on vacation, and her emotions sat at the control centre in her brain full time that lando began logical.

"lando, i'm going to die!"

"i'm aware." his responses were pissing her off, he knew. it was deliberate, though. he'd rather she felt anger than sadness.

"lando!" she yelled at him.

sighing, lando faced her, crossing his arms across his chest, his ankles crossed as well.

"we've been over this, y/n, i'm not leaving." he said firmly.

"you should! save yourself! for fuck's sake, why are you with a dying person?"

"don't say that."

"don't say what? that i'm dying? newsflash, lando, i am dying! i'm playing pretend with you, i'm pretending that i'm not going to die, just like you do-"

"i don't pretend. i know you're going to-"

"it doesn't seem like it!"

"then, what do you want me to do? do you want me to scream and cry and only ever think about you dying? y/n, i'm constantly worried about you-"

"i don't want you to be-"

"yeah, well, that's not in your hands, now is it? i love you. i chose to love you before i knew about your condition, i chose to love you even after you told me about it. i am choosing you every second of every day because i fucking love you. and if you can't see that, then i can't help you!" they were both screaming now.

"then, stop choosing me!"

he froze.

she continued, "stop choosing me. live your life. you're 30 for god's sake, you spent half of your twenties taking care of me. it's enough. go out and party. meet women who are healthy and don't need breaks in between of sex! be with someone who can come to all of your races instead of just one! be with someone normal!"

"stop telling me to go out and live my life, for god's sake! i am living my life! why can't you see that? i am living my life, right here, with you, because this is how i want to live it! i don't want someone healthy or whatever, i want you! why can't you understand that?"

"you're wasting time-"

"i'm spending my time perfectly. i get to decide that. i get to decide what's a waste of time and what's not. just because you think i'm wasting my time being with you does not mean that it's true. it does not mean that i think the same as you."

"lando, i don't want you to regret ruining your twenties or your thirties for me! i'm replaceable! i'm going to die, and you will find someone else, someone better, and you're going to regret me!"

he took big steps, covering the distance between them. he grabbed her jaw with one hand, his other arm going around her waist.

"the only thing i'm regretting right now is making you feel like any part of me would ever think of replacing you. y/n y/l/n, get this drilled into your fucking head. i am going to marry you. i am going to marry you and i am going to give you everything you could ever want, material and otherwise. i love you. i. love. you. there's nothing i'm wasting or regretting. hell, i have the ring in the sock drawer right now. was gonna do it on our anniversary. not anymore."

she was crying. god, he hated when she cried.

"i'm going to put that ring on your finger right now, and then i'm going to remind just how much i love you any way you want. i am not leaving. i never wanted to, i never will. do you understand?"

she nodded, as much as she could with his hand on her jaw, keeping her in place, "i understand."

"good." lando kissed her hard, desperate for her.

before the kiss could turn into something else, lando turned and quickly walked to their bedroom, and then the walk in closet. pulling open the sock drawer, lando pulled out the ring box, and returned to where she was still standing.

dropping to his knee, he opened the ring box and presented it to her, "i don't care how long we have. i just know that i have now with you, and i want every nows that you're willing to give me. marry me, lovie?"

she was crying, and lando hoped that it was tears of joy.

"yes, i'll marry you," she whispered. lando slid the ring onto her finger, kissing the back of her hand.

"thank you," he said.

she laughed, still crying, "did you just thank me for saying yes?"

"hey, you were a fan of me before we met, you know i'm a pain in the ass when it comes to relationships. you agreeing to marry me just proves that someone went back in time, moved a chair somewhere,"

she laughed again, and lando wrapped his arms around her, pressing his face in her neck.

"i love you so much, lovie. i hate that you can't see it. i love you so so much," he whispered.

"i'm sorry i keep pushing you to leave me. i'm sorry i keep doing that. i love you so much too," she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him close to her.

pulling back a little, lando kissed her. and again, and again, and again. their plan to immediately text all their friends and families had to wait until the next morning. they got a little busy, they're a young couple, people understand.

things changed after that. she changed after that. in a good way. she was happier, and had more energy.

lando loved seeing her like that. she had almost immediately began wedding planning, sitting with both families, asking his opinions on things.

she wanted to do an indian wedding, and so they decided to do the "western" wedding, as she called it, before, and during one of the breaks, they would do the indian one as well, since that required more time.

she went ring shopping for him, went flower shopping, pulled him along for cake tasting, talked his ear off about invitations and venues, and just about everything. and lando loved it. he listened intently, he responded quickly, he gave his opinions, smiling when she said no and continued to plan the way she wanted.

it was during one of her family's visit to monaco that his future mother in law had confessed to him, "she always wanted to get married. we didn't know if she would ever have that opportunity. thank you for loving our daughter, lando,"

if lando cried while he hugged her, that was between him and his future mother in law.

the wedding date was in three months, and the closer the date got, the more excited, and healthier she got. three months had been the longest that she had stayed out of hospital. lando was thanking every deity in the universe for taking care of her.

the invitations had gone out, she had a bachelorette party, he had a bachelor party, their parents spent more and more time together, the love of his life was happy. everything was falling into place. slowly, but surely.

a week before the wedding, everything was set. the table chart was perfect, the photographers and videographers were set. lando planned to announce that he was married with a landolog. she had her dress, he had his tuxedo. she was going to stay over at her friend's place the night before the wedding. everything was perfect.

maybe lando said that too soon.

two days before the wedding is when it all went down.

the day had started normal. the couple woke up in bed, cuddling. they also did a little more than cuddling, before getting ready for the day. they cooked breakfast together, chocolate chip pancakes, and danced to music playing from the bluetooth speaker.

it was when she stood up with the plates from the table that she began to feel dizzy.

"lovie? you okay?" lando asked, a hand on her back, concern all over his face.

"um, i'm just a little dizzy, i think," she said.

lando immediately got up from his place, taking the dishes from her hand, and settling them on the table again.

"babe, look at me," he instructed softly.

she did as he asked, but her head began spinning more, and she felt like she was going to throw up, and her body was hurting.

"hurts, everything hurts, lan,"

he'd done this hundreds of time in the past four years. he knew the process, he knew who to call, what to do, everything. but still, panic flooded through him. a bad, bad feeling settled in his gut, and he knew something was going to be horribly wrong.

sitting her down, lando ran to their bedroom, throwing a tshirt on, picking up the emergency hospital bag, and grabbed his car keys. going back, he gently picked her up. she was crying now, mumbling about how it was all hurting too much, and she didn't know how to stop it.

he drove way over the speed limit. whatever ticket he would get, he was fine with it. he didn't care at that moment. on his way, he called up his mom, letting her know that he was taking y/n to the hospital, and asked her to let her family know, and to let max and carlos know.

they immediately admitted her when he reached the hospital. they told him that she was in critical condition and that he wouldn't be allowed to see her. he begged, argued with them that he was her fiance, that they had to let him see her. the doctors refused, and lando ended up sitting in the waiting room, leg bouncing, his head in his hand, trying not to cry, not to lose hope.

their families had arrived quickly, along with max and carlos. they asked him what the doctor said, he repeated the message like a robot.

his mother sat on one side, and he immediately leaned his head on her shoulder. she was saying something. they were all saying something. but, he couldn't hear them. he couldn't hear them anything other than the blood rushing, other than his pounding heart.

it was after hours when the doctor finally came back, calling out her name. their big group stood up all at once, desperate to know whether their daughter, their sister, their friend, his fiance was okay or not.

before the doctor could say a word, lando knew. lando knew what had happened, lando knew. the grim face, the head shake. he said something, something like, "i'm sorry, we couldn't save her. her condition got way worse, and we just couldn't control it."

the doctor was saying words. her mother was wailing, her father and her brother trying to console her. someone ran out, her friend maybe. lando didn't know for sure. the doctor kept apologising.

he fell to the floor, his heart hurting, his head hurting. he was crying. maybe. he wasn't sure. he didn't know. maybe he was crying. maybe he was sobbing. maybe he was saying something. maybe maybe maybe. all he knew that max had his arms around him, and all he knew was that his father was saying something in his ear. carlos' hands were on his shoulders. they were all saying something, but lando didn't know. he didn't care.

she was gone. the love of his life was really gone. she had left him, just like she had told him that she would. she was gone, and he would never see her again, and he would never hold her again. he would never get to listen to her talk or laugh. he would never get to tease her, and he would never get to be with her again.

the doctor allowed them to see her. they went in groups. her family went in first, and then his. her friends then went, and then max and carlos. he went in last. why? he didn't know. probably because he knew that if he saw her, it would be too real for him.

and he was right.

seeing her in the hospital bed, with no tubes attached, he broke down again. he fell into the seat beside her bed, gripping her hand, just like he had the first time he found out about her condition.

"don't leave me, lovie. please. come back to me. come back home. don't leave me, im begging you, please, y/n, please, please, come back home." he cried.

he wanted her to open her eyes. he wanted her to wake up and tell him that she was fine. he wanted her to hug him and let him know that everything was going to be okay. he wanted her, he wanted her, he wanted her.

lando didn't know how long he sat there, numb and crying, staring at the love of his life's face. the face that would never cheer for him again, the face that would never let him know what she was thinking. the face that he wouldn't see at the end of the alter anymore.

eventually, someone came in, and took him away. he didn't know who. they told him that her parents were discussing the funeral and making plans. they told him that her parents were going to do it according to their rituals, and lando had the option to participate in it.

nothing made sense to him.

their wedding day, the day that she had worked so hard for it to be perfect and to be everything the couple ever dreamed it would be, became the day of her funeral.

the happiest day of his life became the worst day.

they went ahead with the indian rituals. her body was dressed in white, along with everyone present there. her body was kept on logs, and she was covered with it too.

there was an indian priest, reciting something. lando didn't hear. he stood alone towards the front, staring blankly at where her body lay. her brother was holding a log, with the top of it covered in a cloth and was on fire.

the priest said something, and her brother went around, lighting the log bed on fire. when he had done it from all sides, he kept the log on top, slowly watching as it all burned.

as she burned.

lando wanted to jump in the fire. he wanted to jump in the fire and go with her, wherever she was going. he wanted to jump in the fire and die with her, because he couldn't live in a world where she wasn't living.

a hand was on his shoulder, and lando heard her father, "thank you for loving my daughter, lando. thank you for making her happy."

"she wanted to get married. i couldn't give her that." he said, almost monotonously.

her father chuckled sadly, "i remember talking to her the day she moved in with you. said that the two of you were like an old married couple. reminded her of her grandparents and how in love they were,"

lando smiled sadly.

"don't lose touch, son. you are still family. we'd hate to lose our son-in-law too,"

lando cried silently. he didn't know how to stop.

"this was the ring she was going to give you today." her father said, opening his palm to present a thick silver ring with small diamonds all around. it was a simple ring. it was his style too.

lando hesitantly picked up the ring, looking at it. there was an engraving on the inside, and lando realised that the words were written in hindi.

"can i ask you something?"

"sure, son,"

"what does the inside say?"

her father took the ring and checked, before saying, "sang pyaar rahe mein rahun na rahu,"

lando recognised those words.

"she said it to me a lot. before every race, every time she ended up in the hospital, any time that i was away from her, she said it to me. never told me what it meant. she just told me to look it up after she was gone." lando whispered.

"sang pyaar rahe mein rahun na rahu. it means that my love will stay with you, regardless of whether i'm there or not."

the words echoed in his mind. they were true. her love would stay with him till his last breath, whether she would or not.

he grieved all the time after that.

how could he not?

he had to continue to train, to race, even when he didn't feel like getting out of bed. he had to continue to fight in a championship, even when he didn't care about it.

his team, team principal, zak, oscar, almost every driver on the grid who he had been racing with for years, were worried about him. how could they not be.

lando barely smiled. barely spoke anymore. he trained, raced, went back home. there was no light in him anymore, no spark.

of course, the media, the other team principals weren't aware of the major shift in lando's life. they used his grief as a weapon against him. said the same things they had said the year he won for the first time. said the same things, that he was mentally weak, and whatnot.

lando didn't care. he didn't care about anything anymore. he didn't care about his helmets, or about streaming, or even about quadrant. he didn't care about racing anymore.

he'd heard whispers amongst his team that they were worried he would do something hasty on track and severely injure himself. he heard the questions from the media to oscar and andrea and zak about replacing lando, now that he just wasn't good enough and was past his prime.

it was funny they said that, because he was still winning races. he was still winning races or getting on podium. he just wasn't happy. he wasn't happy or satisfied, because every time he looked at the crowd, he looked for her face and she wasn't there.

the fans, the media, they all speculated about the wedding ring on his finger. they all questioned and made fun of the fact that he was so depressed after getting married, he had clearly made a mistake. they laughed, and their laughter was cruel. but lando hadn't said anything. he didn't know why. he just couldn't.

it was when max had moved back in with lando and was streaming one day that the world found out about the bitter truth. it was max who had finally revealed to the world, months after, that lando needed someone to take care of him, because he was grieving. he was grieving the loss of the woman he loved so much.

lando had thanked max the next day. thanked him for telling the world what he couldn't because he didn't want it to be true. he had cried that day, thanking max through his tears for taking the initiative and doing what he couldn't.

max had only repeated the words she said, "her love will stay with you regardless of whether she's here or not,"

lando knew that. he believed that.

her love would stay with him till he died, regardless of where she was here or not.

.・。.・゜✭・❤・✫・゜・。.

lemme know if y'all liked this! thank you for reading it! this is my prompt list, so y'all can select a number, give me a driver and i will write it as soon as possible! i also have a google form for a taglist if anyone's interested! you can sent in your requests here :)

taglist: @maketheshadowsfearyou ; @anamiad00msday

[lunartuness]

Spoilers for Book of Bill

Thoughts on Bill talking about Ford

I was not prepared for canon Billford in the year 2024 and yet here we are.

But seriously, I'm kinda surprised how much Bill actually liked and valued Ford? Obviously it's in a horrible, toxic, never come within the same continent as them kind of way but it's just, I always kind of figured their relationship (while obviously adoring from Ford's end due to Journal 3) was mainly just Bill humoring Ford long enough until he no longer needs him. Like, 'yeah, sure, of course you're special, I definitely believe in you' sort of nonsense.

But in Bill's book it's implied multiple times he had as close to a crush on Ford as he's probably capable of. I mean, the whole 'love cage' section is literally verbatim what he did to Ford (and just wait until they're mentally broken enough to confess their true feelings! Fear and love are basically the same thing!) And in the valentine's section he talks about leaving mice, which again, he did for Ford's birthday, and then when he wasn't happy about that, got him drunk enough to have a good time (implied kinda forcibly? since Ford declined beforehand). Then there's the fact he literally calls Fiddleford a third wheel (also coincidentally after we just learn Fiddleford spent hours on handmade gifts for Ford and forgot to get his wife anything).

And when Ford finally does catch on and things go bad? Bill tries first to talk with Ford through the zombies (to manipulate him, of course, but also Admit it, you'd miss me. I have missed you, and Bill actually smiles.) And then leaves little sticky notes asking nicely to talk. When he finally gets mad enough to escalate, he still does so in a very not-violent-for-Bill-way. Sure, killing Ford wouldn't help him but we know how messed up Bill can get. And yet what does he do? He leaves Ford's body to almost freeze, only to have a warm fire and a love song playing when he wakes up. He causes mild public disturbances and gives him an obnoxious tattoo. When he finally, finally snaps is when we start to see more of the Bill we got in the show when he tortures Ford a bit. But even that is mild?

Like, Bill rearranged a man's face for fun and takes joy in destroying the Nightmare Realm. But after threating Ford he leaves him unharmed. Very mentally scarred, yes, but safe and intact. He even gives him three days to get his life together. And then treats it like a messy breakup when Ford finally breaks free. Hell, it seems like he was more upset about losing Ford than losing the portal.

All this is to say that I think from Bill's point of view he was being genuinely kind to Ford. He gave him gifts, complimented him, and tried to work things out peacefully when Ford started pulling away (again, his very messed up version of peaceful, but the point still stands).

So when they do finally meet again? Bill still offers Ford a spot next to him. Again, I originally thought this was more playing into Ford's ego while taking a cheap shot at him (i.e. you'll fit in great with the freaks!), but by now it's obvious he wants Ford. He's petty and cruel and horribly abusive about it, but in his own twisted way he likes Ford. A lot. Enough to show mercy (or at least not be as violent as he could be) and to try and give him multiple chances to come back, no apology needed!

And the worst part is Bill knows this. Bill's trying to make this relationship work. He feels connected to Ford in a way he quite possibly hasn't felt with anyone else. And he knows its doomed to fail. In his mind he has to destroy everything he touches and everything he cares about. Any other connections he has are either superficial or dead to him (usually literally). This relationship will end the same way, it's just in Bill's nature. To him, that's all his relationships are capable of being.

All this just makes me sad and adds so much depth and I'm obsessed. There's just something about self-destructive and truly cruel characters having moments where they wish they weren't that way. Where they'll come the closest they ever can to apologizing for how they are.

(Also Bill literally wanted Ford to get a tattoo saying 'If lost return to Bill' like we cannot just ignore that oh my god)

[missmarveledsblog]

Explode (Jake Seresin x Reader) 18+

Summary : When jake does a favor for his mama and his mama's friend by letting her daughter stay it turns out to be jakes personal hell and that can only last till well he explodes .

warning : protective and jealous jake , oral ( fem receiving ) face sitting , fingering , p in v , mutual pinning , idiot in love ( kinda i like making top gun men simps ) . it's smutty so 18+

It was a favor  , a favor that turned into  a year of  his own personal hell . a call from his mom one day , he was tired as hell as she ramble about her friends daughter needing a place to stay since she was coming to san diego for college . a engineering student although wrong he picture to what showed up to his door the following week .  his eyes nearly bulged out of his eyes at sight of most beautiful piece of sin that stood looking at piece of paper and back up at him .  it was temporary , a short stay til it wasn’t  til she was now living and splitting the bills and money for groceries .  it was torture in the most amazing way  and first his fellow dagger squad member tease and jeered him having her stay there til one night she walked into the hard deck with her friends eager to see what was big deal surrounding the place. First he pretend he didn’t see them even when his friends were talking about how hot they were or when natasha trace called them “ pigs” .  it wasn’t til yale and his little buddies made it out their way to talk to the girls that when jake when to the bar pretending to get a drink only to call her name . then offering her and her friends to join them .  then it seemed like every member of the dagger squad found a reason to come to his house even baby on board showed only to sit and talk with her for hours .  over the two of years she began to be invited to more and more things from nights out to days on the beach and he didn’t know which killed him more . the little dresses or the bikinis that made his mouth water and throat dry up .  she was a head turner anywhere they went eyes followed and it made him want to hit the roof ( or the asshole staring) . it was a personal hell he set for himself  one that said don’t touch . 

 The one reprieve he had was when she went home to visit  but then she’d come home with care packages from his momma , her momma and stuff she knew he like but couldn’t get in san diego . she would cook them food  if he wasn’t home it would be in the refrigerator waiting or before he left in the morning she would make him a protein shake  and something to eat .  sometimes he would come home chuckle sight of her at the dinning table books all spread out and soft snores coming from her mouth . lifting her up and bringing her to bed lingering a little just to absorb the scene before scolding himself and helding out the door to be more a perverted prick . when the weather was warm it was like someone in the sky was doing it purposely to kill him when she walk around the house in short shorts and cropped tank top. Yup jake was in hell and he couldn’t escape it .  first he would sleep around more but half way through it wasn’t the woman he saw leaving the bed  , it wasn’t the voice of the woman in his ear it was her begging him to fuck her into obvilion , then once he finished and the condom discarded that’s when he would leave and guilt ridden ride home only to look her in her eyes and ask her what she was doing up . when she began seeing a guy he thought it would help it would stop the thoughts of her consuming him daily but it made it worst.  Watching someone else’s hands on her , someone else lips touching hers. What made it worse was that joy , that happiness he had to hide when she would come to him upset over the break up .  then it happened, kai some  recruit , she’d met at the hard deck  and this one well this one seemly stuck around a bit longer , one that made her sing his praises and gushed about how cute and sweet he was . he come home to them making out of the couch before scurrying to his bed room and it was worse hearing the rather short heated moment that made the blonde scoff knowing a woman like that needed way longer, needed to be worshipped , tore apart and put back together and  that isn’t even half the time that would require to do that. 

He had to see the prick at the base , waving and talking to jake like they were old buddies.  Even trying as much to talk to the other who honestly were not a big fan either then corner of his eye he would see the other recruits  watching the interaction make kai some hotshot amongst them all .  showered and ready to just go home it wasn’t til he stood drying his hair with the towel then slowly sitting getting himself dressed  hidden from anyone to come in making the place empty just so he mentally prepare himself for going home . 

“ man lucky son of a bitch “ he could hear shaking his head almost like children til his ears pick up on voice that  made his mood drop . 

“ of course i am man she puts out no matter what and gullible too  i told her i was helping my grandma out  and but hooked up with some hotty actually gonna  hook up again tonight after i see her “  he could hear the smirk in the little pricks face. 

“ man careful she in with the big guys “ . 

“ why you think i’m throwing her the bone i mean she hot but not for me but least she can do something f…” he stopped still feeling the presence behind his back . “ come on man be cool and keep this between us right “ he patted the man bare shoulder but the nervous smile all over his face . 

“ call her now and tell her it over  now or else i’ll call you and tell her then she can hear me break every bone in your body “ he gritted walking forward backing the pale scare shitless man into the lockers. 

“ hey bagman ease up “ he could hear rooster call. 

“ nah he aint gonna string y/n and use her to get himself further while fucking some tramp” jake gritted. “ the little boy is gonna ring and end things or i’ll end him simple as” . now jake expected rooster to continue the whole thing of trying to separate them but now the man stood as his side and looked down at kai , whose own buddy stood to the side . 

“ well you heard him ring “ rooster arms crossed still fulled dressed compare to jake who was standing in his calvin klein boxers a comic sight if anyone else were to walk in  . phone in hand he pull her contact as jake pulls it from his hand and hit call . “ i’m not an idiot son” he scoffed foiling the plan  or any plans of fake call . 

“ hey y/n i’m sorry but i can see you anymore .. your great but it’s not something i want hope you understand” his voice shaking not with a emotion pure fear as he was now  cornered. “ and don’t call me back when you get this “ god this prick . 

“ voicemail really out and  give me two hundred and fifty push ups . “ bagman you go see if she ok i got this “ he smirked .  “ oh and bagman ?”

“ yeah bradshaw “ jake still snippy still stopping himself from being dishonorably discharged or in a cell. 

“ make a move and we won’t have to deal with this shit” a shit eating grin and out the door before jake was able to snap back . 

The whole car ride  he was wondering how she was , knowing she was probably really upset and crying. Not second thought before grabbing her somethings to make it better than scolding himself for how he was going to explain how he knew but that wasn’t such a priority now , the priority was the girl sitting at home wondering what was going on , the one that was probably wondering why it was so sudden. Shutting his truck , almost practising how he was going to go about this , ready to hear the crying .  except he was standing staring at her laying on her belly,her singing along to the music and typing away  on her laptop not a care in the world , barely even noticing jake standing there . but he could see her , see how her short had ridden up and the bottom of her ass was looking perfect and plump . he noticed how her tits were pushed against the cushions of their sofa .  how all he had to do was push her legs apart and …

“ oh hey jake “ her sickeningly sweet voice called snapping him out of his lust driven day dream or how he was starting to get hard and was sure the ice cream was melting with the heat that was coming off of his body .  

“ hey darling , you ok?” he smiled weakly heading to the kitchen needed to readjust and level his head but could he do that … of course not  she was following behind  and asking him what he got , her hand was grazing against his shoulder leaving goose bumps in it’s wake , she had to of know that sweet honey smooth tone she used how it would effect of a man . the way she looked up at him , she had to know the affect and yet she didn’t shrugging it off as he sat at the island her hand still in on his shoulder smile on her lips as she looked threw the bags. 

“ ice cream.. For me” her head even the messy bun on her head was doing it for him then perking up when he nodded. “ we shall share it “ she giggled heading to grabbing spoons then it happened the boiling point , the shameful feelings he’d been having all this time . 

“ enough jesus christ enough ok i think i need you to move out “ he sighed making her spin holding the spoons. 

“ wait what why .. wh-what did i do “ her face fell looking at him like a puppy who just been kicked. 

“ it’s not you darling it’s me , i can live here and feel this way it ain’t  actually might go insane  ok , you know your hot right i mean so beautiful to the point i don’t think i’ve have a hot shower since you came here and i swear those outfits fuck” he groaned as her face went from upset to confused to something else but he didn’t see that he was waiting for her to call him a pervert an then to later get chewed out by half of texas for what he just admitted to. 

Yet nothing came , not a sound that he could hear. It was hard when he felt like he was sinking into the ground .  Then he felt his arm move and the weight settling in his lap only to look up to see her sitting in his lap and a smile on her face.   Her hand under his chin and for once in his life Jake was speechless , not a word could be found in his head or on the tip of his tongue .   her eyes wide and round as she leaned forward making his breath catch in his throat.  There she was sitting  on his lap like she was always meant to , like it was her place alone and how perfectly she fit there. 

“ about time cowboy “ she giggled , he felt in on his lips til her own made themselves home , the resolve instantly fading away  when his hand pulled her closer to him  and the other one her hip. He could finally taste  her gloss that was always on the plump pillow lips  , he could finally takes her . a swipe of his tongue on her bottom lips she instantly open up let him gain entrance , gave herself to him as he swallowed the soft sigh that came from her mouth . 

.   pulling back his head rested on her shoulder trying to hold himself back , stop whatever was happening making sure this wasn’t some sort of rebound and yet when he finally looked to see her eyes , the lust blown pupils and kiss bitten lips . 

“ darling we can’t .. this “ he began only for her finger to be placed on his lips . 

“ if your gonna give me bullshit about your going to say age thing .. i’m not a little girl i’m literally in my mid twenties and if it about kai well he dumped me which i don’t understand because we were just friends with benefit … and before you say anything else think about it tall blonde guys because honestly i didn’t think you …” she felt his finger on her lips now only for that coy smile wrapping her lips around the digit and swirling her tongue around the digit feeling his other hand that was on her hip grip her harder and almost feral groan fall out of his mouth that made her clench on nothing . 

“ are we on the same page? , cause darling if we do this i don’t i can stop and believe me i  already can’t stop” he rasped pulling his finger from her mouth before crashing his lips on hers , her hand was in his hair slight pulled that kick started jake, lifting her up ice cream left to melt on the counter. The kiss was hungry , heat pure fire teeth and tongue clashing  felt him strain against her core . pulling away she pulled the top from her body throwing it anywhere it didn’t matter before her bra soon joined and the groan  that left this man come of made her come from that alone . everything about jake seresin was sex on legs . pulling them both on to the sofa as she stood pulling her shorts and panties down slow as she could baring herself to the men that had driven her mad for two years before falling to her knee before him  ready to submit to any desire the blonde had running through his head . what she didn’t expect was after  rid himself of his own clothes was pulling her up   making her head tilt until he sat her on his chest. 

“ sit on my face baby i need to taste you “ he rasped making a whimper fall from her lips settling her self up and over his face her hand holding the back of the sofa to brace herself. “ fuck the perfect little pussy baby “ with that no warning  even a hit of his breath on her core . one thing she always wonder and found in a single moment was jake ATE  pussy , he ate her like a man starved from her clit to her weeping entrance .  like he’d been in the desert all his life and she was an oasis .   she could of swore the wood would spilt with how hard she gripped it , her other hand found it’s home in his hair  hips bucking as he took what he wanted  , the feeling of her core tightening , that bind that felt like it was going to snap her in half it was so tight , one that had her crying out his name like a pray or chant. She never felt anything like it , that eye rolling into the back of your head , toe curling pleasure she now felt as jake ate her pussy like it was his sole mission . he was addicted like the nectar of the gods spilling on his tongue lapping her release willing himself not to cum  from the whole thing . 

Her body shook as her vision  came back , with shaky leg she lifted herself up , if it was anyone else she would be embarrassed by how her slick covered his face but the way jake seresin was looking at her made her feel powerful, almost ethereal in a sense . she lower herself back on his lap feeling the vast expanse of this man , the thick and solid mass that was his cock sitting pretty between her soak folds , kissing , licking into his mouth she could taste herself on his tongue and yet it didn’t matter a muffle moan spilling out as she ground her core on him , the tip of his cock hitting  her clit in just the right ways as he moaned back. His hand gliding up her back and she rolled her hips cries falling from her mouth into his .   stop her still and nip to her bottom lip as he pulled back , holding her in place really taking the sight in of her on his lap , her body that he imagine so many nights alone  and nothing could even do the real thing justice . every part of his touch on her skin , the  pebbled skin of her nipples as he pinched  make her hips buck and whine slip from her mouth ,  nothing like the ones that  would be heard for those assholes  that probably couldn’t make her cum that made him smile more sense of pride in that . 

“ you gonna let me fuck you baby “ he smirked confidence long return and multiplied with how responsive she was to him . 

“ please “ she cried needed him in every sense and yet not knowing where to even start.  She raised up grabbing his shaft lining it with her entrance the pornographic moan  sinking inch by glorious inch . the delicious stretch that instantly ruined her life in one moment because her sex life would never be as good as it would with jake seresin and that was a hill she would die on .  each bounce on his cock that hit spots she only read in books that main her singing her own personal concert  , she was pretty sure if they didn’t know his name they would now .   if she knew this would be the outcome of moving in she would of said it the day  she arrived because she was hook , line and sinking on jake’s dick til he flipped them over. 

He needed her cum , needed her to get there just one more time because he own was soon approaching , from her tight welcoming pussy to the sounds that filled the room , skin slapping and pants he could feel it, feel her tighten around him when his fingers came to her mouth  . 

“ wet em darling “ his raspy drawl as she took his digits in her welcoming mouth before he brought them down circle her puffy  clit watching his cock plowing in and out of her was a sight he seared to his brain .  “ feel  it baby , feel you getting close , feel her sucking me in huh “ he smirked 

“ fuck please .. please “ she moaned unsure of even what she was asking, 

“ i’ll give it to you baby don’t worry bout that fuck … only ever dick you have in this pussy is mine  we clear?” he slapped her pussy make her clench down harder on him . 

“ yess yours… just yours cowboy “ she cried out . 

It was like the whole world made sense once more and  his hell turned to his piece of heaven on earth .  a loud cry of pleasure shot through the air as his own thrust became sloppy  releasing every single drop inside her velvet walls paint them white.  Panting as his hand calm to her cheek softly caressing, eye’s filled with admiration as he leaned down kissing her lips gently using the moment to pul from her , peppering her face with more affection and admiration before he lift her up carrying her to the bathroom . she felt the exhaustion taking over yet she could hear the bath running  in the  bathroom. This was another side to the one they called hangman , the soft and gentle side taking care of her as if she was most precious thing in the world til he brought her to his room laying her in his bed putting one his own shirts on her body and cuddle her into his side . 

“ i gonna take you out to dinner baby i may of done this backwards but i do like you more than i can even begin to admit “ he chuckled as she nuzzled into his side nothing wiping the smile on her face. 

“ who thought all it would take for us to get here was for you to explode “ she snorted before her eyes got to happy as she didn’t need to dream of being jakes , he made that very clear. 

[princess-glassred]

I'm fascinated by what could have potentially happened had Henry succeeded in killing all the losers. Aside from the obvious of Pennywise never being defeated, and assuming IT doesn't kill him because he's a fantastic scapegoat, imagine how big the fallout of this would be.

Henry would be found out almost immediately, if not from his own incompetance then from IT deliberately luring the cops to him so he'd be arrested. He'd either be sent back to the ward for the crimimally insane, or, worst case scenario, Henry's crime might be so heinous Maine would consider bringing back the death penalty just for him. The version of events told by the media would be that Henry is a lunatic who committed a string of murders when he was a young child, then broke out of Juniper Hills and committed another string of murders. The timeline wouldn't match up at all, given that people were dying before Henry broke out, but the media wouldn't focus on that.

This case would probably make national news (at least for a little bit) given that Bill Denbrough, Beverly Marsh, Richie Tozier, and Ben Hanscom were super famous individuals and them all dying together would be an insane story for the public. Of course pennywise covered things up, but these aren't just abused kids or bums who live in alleys. Bill and Richie have an actual fanbase, Ben was on magazine covers, and Bev was a well known fashion mogul. I can only imagine how messy things would be if Tom and Audra died too and the media added them to Henry's list of victims. Audra was a famous actress/model and Tom was Bev's business partner. This shit would have been everywhere.

The goreyness of the case would bring a lot of attention to Derry and I imagine with how insensitive Derry can be they'd use this in tourism. Before this all they had to make people come to Derry was the canal days, so i'm sure sombody would be eager to capatalize on it. The tourism boom would probably cause Derry to be a little gentrified and thus bring more people to Derry than ever before. It would have a plethora of new meals and probably eat more than it'd ever dreamed it could.

Henry would become a pop culture figure, much of the same way we see people treat Jeffrey Dahmer or John Wayne Gacy. IT would love all of that attention because the more people focus on how fucked it is Henry killed people the less people focus on Derry as a whole. Of course there'd been tragedies in the town before, but none of those victims had been famous, and besides: this is the 80's/2010's, the way media sensationalized things would be a lot worse with the prominince of TV/the internet.

There'd probably be some documentary made about Henry's life using what little information they could gather around town. Nobody had even seen henry since he was arrested and nobody talked to him before, so it was basically gaurenteed anyone who got interviewed was lying for attention. There might be a terrible movie made about him at some point, similarly to how in Carrie the black prom incident got a movie that sucked. Henry would probably lack the ability to understand how famous he'd gotten, if not be totally ignorant to it. A few people would get mad that Mike Hanlon and the other numerous victims of Henry who weren't famous get no attention. Tik tok would do it's tik tok thing. True crime crush community girlies would have a field day with young pictures of Henry (especially in the 2017 continuity).

Henry would become a well known person to arm chair diagnose, the kind of killer you write research papers and books about. There'd be plenty of books about Henry too, discussing his fucked mental state and proposing theories about why he did what what he did, a lot of which based on offensive and outdated views of mental health (ie: homosexuality being a mental disorder).

[xx-slug-xx]

Billford isn’t just silly “toxic old man yaoi” like people have been saying. Their relationship being implied something more really means nothing. Cuz it’s literally horrible. Bill was manipulative, abusive towards Ford for years. And then did the exact same to Dipper years later.

Neither Ford nor Dipper or the rest of the Pines need Bill, if anything Bill needs them and that say a lot about how pathetic Bill is.

Yes and that’s why Ford and Bills relationship is so interesting to me!

Bill, a being that has spent eons painting himself out to be this absolute monster, and he absolutely is based on all his actions, finding solace in some human freak? Something that Bill, being treated as a freak in his home dimension, can relate to? Bill, the demon who most likely accidentally destroyed his entire dimension, who then had to make himself out to be the monster he felt that he was? His ego wouldn’t allow himself to be anything but that monster, and he lies about enjoying all the destruction he causes until his lies are no longer lies to him.

He’d never admit that he wanted more from Ford than the portal and nothing more. He’s supposed to be selfish, only caring about what new planet to consume. Relating to a mortal flesh bag? That would defeat the image he’s created for himself.

Ford saw Bill as perfection in his youth, and Bill valued him for being a dreamer. Bill was the only thing that could efficiently stroke Fords ego, and Ford enjoyed every second at the time. He’s the smartest man on earth, not able to relate to anyone but a dream demon he thought was trying to help him. Ford practically worshiped Bill like he was a god. Little did Ford know that the creature he thought was light was actually a great darkness. The unimaginable feeling of betrayal he felt when he learned the truth.

Bill played the game with him, not only to keep up the facade, but surely for something more as well. Ford seeing him for what he really was and making it his life’s goal to destroy him absolutely ruined Bill. Bill didn’t know what he had until it was already gone.

In the Book of Bill, he’s a horribly unreliable narrator. But Ford is way more reliable, and so is viewing everything from a completely uninvolved perspective. Combine what we see from the show, Journal Three, and The Book of Bill? And oh baby we got a recipe for a disaster of a relationship

They are so horrible for each other, but that sort of chemistry is so fun to explore when it comes to character analysis! It makes both Bill and Fords dynamic, their motivations, and other character related things so much deeper!

Bill needs purpose, and his purpose was ruined by his own undoing. He can blame any of the Pines family for this, but really, he’s his own worst enemy. The man needs serious help lol. Fords moved on, he has better things to worry about. Bill just can’t see past the potential for what could have been. Unable to forget the past, no matter how hard he lies to himself

I would definitely not say that Bill did the same thing to Dipper. Yes, he manipulated the kid and made his and his sister’s lives hell. But their history is not at all equal when Dipper didn’t dedicate his life to a false god like Ford did

Sorry for the ramble, anon! I’m in autism mode lmao

[strniohoeee]

Labyrinth

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female reader

Synopsis: A numb and addicted y/n can’t seem to understand why her life suddenly feels different. She’s done nothing but move around in her adult years, so why is it now that she feels she can’t pack up and leave anytime soon?

Warnings⚠️: I haven’t written in over a month, so I’m super rusty this might be shitty! Cigarette smoking and mentions, mentions of addiction, mentions of alcohol. I don’t condone smoking or drinking (underage).🖤

Song for imagine: Cigarettes and Coffee- Otis Redding

Its early in the morning

About a quarter ‘til three

I’m sittin here talking with my baby

Over cigarettes and coffee

I was never one to deal with stress easily which led me to deal with it in the worst ways possible. Drinking, smoking, quitting jobs on the spot and even packing up and leaving places…..I know stupid and risky, but I never had that anchor in my life to tell me everything was going to be okay.

If I felt stressed and useless my things were packed and I was on the road to a new state. I think I was on state number 7 in about a year and a half. Who the fuck in their right mind handles stress this way? That was the million dollar question, and I had the answer…. I wasn’t in my right mind…not in the past, not in the present and undoubtedly not in the future.

After my last breakdown I landed in California precisely in Los Angeles, the city of angels. Where all your dreams and aspirations could come true. It just felt like lost paradise to me, but it’s the longest state I’ve ever stood in. For some reason I couldn’t find the power in me to leave when I got stressed. It was as if I had some unforeseen future here….a future of happiness and hope?

But the stress still gnawed at me. Will I ever have a career, will I ever be truly happy, will my parents be proud of me?How am I going to pay for next month's rent?How am I going to pay for next week's groceries?

It was a constant battle and I never severely suffered because I always found a way, but once all that was taken care of the immediate panic started again about how will I be able to do it all in the following weeks.

I started smoking constantly and it was weird because I wasn’t a smoker but I knew I should drink a little less. I only lit a cigarette when the stress was so bad I refused to drink anymore. Not like smoking was any better ruining my lungs rather than my liver….

But the problem was it went from one to two a day to five and on really bad days even up to eight. It was a bad crutch I simply couldn’t pull away from. They were my training wheels and I was so scared that once I let go I’d crash and burn.

I had an addiction and I had no one around me to slap me out of it. Of course I still spoke to my parents, but I just lied about it. I mean there’s truly no one to blame but myself, however all that regret left my mind once a lighter was in my hand and I took a long drag while the cool night breeze brushed against my skin.

I was lucky enough to have found a job almost instantly. It was a cute little coffee shop that had a small selection of books. It was a peaceful and slow paced job. We only really needed two to three people working. So I’d open at 8am and waited for the next girl to clock in at about 11am.

It was a fun job that paid the bills and my horrendous cigarette addiction. I had found a decent studio apartment nearby. But I was always convinced that this would be snatched from under my feet and I should never get comfortable. As you can expect this led to my extreme stress and anxiety.

I didn’t necessarily have friends here, I mean yes I was cool with my coworkers and boss; but we weren’t friends. It was more of a hi, bye situation. It didn’t bother me much. I was always a loner. I never really found people who got me, so I stayed with the only person who did…me.

On my days off I spent a lot of time walking around flea markets, heading into other cafes and even writing. I’d always hoped that one day I’d be a writer. My mind was always running and I figured someone out there might actually relate to and enjoy the words I’d write on a piece of paper.

Today I was actually working a small shift from 8am to 1pm. I was staring blankly at my reflection in the bathroom. Scrubbing my hands and gargling mouthwash. It was 11am and I was coming back from my break.

Spitting the mouthwash into the sink I closed the cap and stuffed the travel size bottle into my purse. Inhaling deeply I looked at myself once again.

“You have got to stop smoking” I replied in a mumble

Slipping my hand blindly into my purse I pulled out my perfume; spritzing myself before shutting the light and heading into the break room to place my purse back.

Slipping my apron on my coworker walked in, clocking in the back as she offered me a smile

“Good morning Y/N” she said as she walked towards me to place her things down

“Good morning K” I stated as I offered a smile back and began to make my way to clock back in

I wasn’t sure why her name was K, it was all over her employee paperwork. She was here before me, so I felt I had no right to ask her for her real name. But it was interesting for someone to just drop the rest of their name and solely go by a singular letter.

After punching back in I walked to the front, not a surprise it was dead. The only people lingering around were the 8am-9am crew. Sighing deeply I decided to clean up a bit.

It was about 12pm now and I was watching the clock anxiously waiting to clock out and run free. Usually I worked 8-4 and sometimes even 8-6. I had a whole day ahead of me and two days off might I add. I felt pretty invincible

Drinking from my water cup the door chimed signaling a customer. Placing the cup down I began to turn around.

“Hi welcome to Mugs” I stated as I turned around

Immediately I was intrigued. I have never seen someone as interesting before. I mean it is LA, so I have seen some interesting stuff; but no he looked different…. And for some reason I couldn’t really look away

Placing his vision glasses on top of his head he squinted his eyes to read the menu. My eyebrow raising.

“You know glasses are meant for you to see things” I said logging into the register as I looked up at him

“I’m sorry?” He said looking at me

“You um…. You put your glasses on your head and then squinted to read” I said pointing above me at the board

“Oh… well these are just blue light glasses. I genuinely can’t really see” he said in an awkward way

“Ohhh well uhh want me to read the menu to you?” I asked laughing a bit

“Oh no it’s fine, I’m not really a coffee drinker” he stated looking at our pastry display

“You do realize you’re in a Coffee shop?” I said jokingly

His mouth opened a bit and then he squinted his eyes

“I am now seeing how ridiculous I look” he said chuckling and shaking his head

“No judgment here” I said sticking my hands up in defense

“I won’t waste your time any more! Can I have a chocolate chip cookie and that bottle of Pepsi” he said pointing behind me at the small fridge

“One Pepsi and one cookie, coming right up” I said checking him out on the screen

Grabbing the cookie and bottle of soda I placed it on the counter and slid it towards him.

“You can tap or insert your card whenever you’re ready” I stated clicking some buttons on my screen

“I’m uhh actually paying cash” he said fishing in his wallet

“Woahhh cash in this century?” I said giggling and fixing the system

“Yeahh I carry a little bit of cash and little bit of card” he said shrugging his shoulders

“A little bit of card….hmm…that’s funny” I said giggling a bit at him

“Well you know what I mean” he says playfully rolling his eyes

“I’m just messing with you” I said shaking my head

Smiling he handed the cash over and grabbed his items

“Keep the change” he said waving with his hand and nodding his head

Walking out the door I couldn’t seem to understand why I had a stupid smile on my face. Putting the cash in the till and placing the change in our tip jar.

Turning around I was met with my two coworkers staring at me with a smirk on their face. I’d never been the spotlight of attention and I’ve never gotten anything other than a good morning from either of them. So my face dropped and I got self conscious

“What?” I said a bit scared as I straightened my posture

“He was totally into you” K stated as she placed the rack of cookies down

“Was not! We were just making friendly conversations” I said opening the pastry shelf and putting some cookies in

“No no I agree with K we’ve had a lot of guys come in here, but this is the first time I’ve seen a guy like utter more than two words to you and he was totally geeking out” Delilah stated

“Totally! That kid was blushing like crazyyy” K stated as she grabbed the now empty tray and began to walk back towards the kitchen

“Guys come on! It was just friendly banter” I said shutting the pastry door

“Delilah knows her shit too, that’s how Danny and I got together” K stated from the kitchen

“Shut up! No way” I said rolling my eyes

“Sure did! As soon as we had an interaction K told me he’d be back for my number, and that was three years ago” K replied

“You just got lucky this was nothing but mere coincidence” I replied back to them

“You’ll see girl” Delilah stated as she began to make herself a coffee

Playfully rolling my eyes I checked the clock, I had about 10 minutes till my shift was over. I decided to make myself a drink.

As I made my iced latte I began to wonder. I didn’t really have many interactions with guys, but I think I’d know if someone was flirting with me.

It just felt like a friendly banter with an awkwardly shy….nerdy guy. Laughing to myself I finished making my drink.

“Alright girls I’m going to clock out now” I stated as I walked to the back

Punching out and grabbing my things I slid my apron off and grabbed my drink. Heading towards the front of the cafe

I waved bye to the girls as I took a sip.

“Have a good day girls” I said as I walked out

I had the whole day ahead of me and I didn’t even know what I wanted to do. My job was near a pier where I could always sit down and watch people.

Before heading to the pier I decided to stop for some food. Heading into a small restaurant I sat down. Taking my book out of my purse I began to write. I hadn’t written in two weeks and it felt wrong.

Ghosting my hand over the paper, my mind just kept going blank. I couldn’t form a proper sentence and my mind began to race again. Thinking back on that boy I began to think about my love life.

Honestly I didn’t really have one, I was more of a hopeless romantic. Often watching rom coms and rolling my eyes at how unrealistic that love was. I’m sure it was tangible, but I was just a sour puss.

I longed for a relationship like that to always know you’ll have someone there for you loving you unconditionally. To be with someone through sickness and in health. I was only 22, but it seemed to me that everyone around me already had that amazing soulmate. I was very clearly late to the game and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever find someone to love. I wasn’t even sure I was lovable myself.

Then again I never put myself out there, but times have changed. It's not that easy. Guys have become so shitty and all they care about it sex. But it’s like what about getting to know the person deep down.

Not once has a guy ever asked me my dreams and aspirations, where do I see myself in five years? What are my biggest goals in life? What’s my biggest fear….. I lost all hope for love by the time I was 18.

Reading romantic stories and watching these shows and movies definitely added salt to the wound.

I hadn’t realized how much I was writing till my hand began to cramp. Looking up I realized it was no longer daytime.

“Shit” I muttered under my breath

Slamming my book shut I paid my bill and began to gather my things. Walking out of the restaurant I stepped out onto the golden street. It was about 5:45 and I really couldn’t understand how that much time had passed.

I think that’s why I enjoy writing the most, I’m so far gone in my own world it’s like I’m frozen and the world around me continues to move.

Walking towards the pier it was surprisingly empty at this time. Breathing in the salty air I sat down on a bench. Watching the ocean I let the breeze blow through my hair.

Digging in my purse I pulled out my pack of American Spirits. Sighing deeply I pulled a cigarette out. As soon as I grabbed my lighter all the regret washed away from me.

Placing the white object in between my lips I flicked the lighter a few times before a glowing flame appeared before me. Guarding the flame from the wind I brought it closer.

Inhaling as I lit the cigarette all my worries washed away. This was only my second cigarette of the day and I somehow felt accomplished.

Kicking the gravel underneath me I took a long drag, exhaling I got up. Walking over to the edge of the pier I decided to sit down allowing my legs to hang off the edge.

I wasn’t 100% sure I could do this, but it’s worth a shot I thought to myself. Leaning my chin on the railing I took another drag as I stared into the sunset.

Life was so beautiful and I wasn’t sure why I was so sad and numb all the time. I took a lot for granted and I hated it.

I really needed to stop smoking.

“You know those things will kill you” I heard from behind me

My brows began to furrow as I took a drag

“I’m sorry?” I said annoyed as I looked behind me, blowing the smoke out through my nose as my face dropped

“You shouldn’t smoke” he said again with a cheeky smile on his face

Meeting eyes with the same guy from the cafe made my heart skip a beat and my throat go dry.

“Squinting your eyes is also bad for you” I said putting the cigarette out

“Won’t kill me though” he said shrugging his shoulders

“You never know” I said shrugging my shoulders and standing up

His eyes followed me as I got up and it was only then did I feel super self conscious about this whole situation. My embarrassment turned a bit into anger.

“Anyways you drink Pepsi, so that for sure will kill you” I said as I dusted my pants off

“Guess we’ll both be dead then” he replied

“Wow you’re super blunt” I said scoffing

“Sorry! I’m sorry I didn’t mean to come off rude. I was just playfully teasing” he said looking nervous

Looking at him for a split second and I sniffed and then rolled my eyes

“It’s fine. It’s a bad habit anyways” I replied shrugging my shoulders

“We all have bad habits we’re not proud of” he said in a whisper

“Are you uhh following me?” I asked him cocking an eyebrow

“What? No oh my god no! I was just walking and I thought you looked super familiar” he replied putting his hands up in defense

“I’m just teasing you” I said giggling

“I’m Matt” he replied placing his hand out for me to shake

“I’m Y/N” I stated as I shook his hand

“It’s nice to formally meet you” he said awkwardly

“Yeah” I replied awkwardly

“I’ll uh… ill let you go on about your business. Maybe I’ll see you around” He said

“Well you know where to find me” I said smiling at him

Opening my bag I was digging around for my phone before successfully pulling it out.

“Right, well have a good evening” he said and waved shyly

“I’ll see you round Matt” I replied

Going our separate ways I looked down at my phone, 6:55pm…. Sighing, I walked back to my car close to the cafe and drove home.

Shuffling up the stairs I pushed my apartment door open after unlocking it. Making note that I must call the maintenance guy because that door needs some WD40 badly.

Locking the door I turned my lights on. Today just felt strange like I couldn’t put my finger in exactly what the fuck was going on.

Walking over to my patio I opened the sliding door and stepped out. Taking in the evening breeze my mind just went blank.

Stepping back inside I grabbed my purse, grabbing my lighter I shuffled my hand around my purse to feel for my pack of cigarettes. But my brows furrowed when I didn’t feel the square container.

Walking over towards the light I opened my bag more and looked inside. An annoyed feeling washed over me as I couldn’t find the box. I mean honestly good because I did not need anymore.

Still searching as if the box was going to magically appear. I groaned soon realizing I must’ve left them on the bench and they are for a fact long gone by now.

Throwing my lighter back into my purse I groaned and sat on my couch. The one time I desperately need a cigarette I fucking left it on the pier.

I cut that night short with a 80s movie marathon and left over pizza as a midnight snack.

remembering that tomorrow I had to stop into the cafe to pick up my paycheck. We’re living in a very digital world right now and my job still does paper checks….

Groaning at that I decided to call it a night….

The End

Okayyy IVE BEEN GONE FOR SOOO FUCKING LONG. And I’m sooo sorry it’s just life has been so crazy since March! However this was the end of part 1….stay tuned for more🥺🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[supernatural-bias]

𝐎𝐡 𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝

↳ summary: what do you do when your neighbor is an up and coming rock star, and also the biggest dickhead you've ever met?

↳ warnings: mentions of smoking, murdoc being murdoc, canon type gorillaz content, etc. this all takes place sort of pre phase one/beginning of phase one

↳ song: sabbath bloody sabbath—black sabbath

masterlist | commissions | carrd

Your next door neighbor was a prick.

The apartment down the hall from you had been empty for as long as you could remember. It didn’t surprise you, to be honest, that in the year and a half you had lived in Essex nobody had snatched up the vacancy. Living in a cheap building with leaky faucets and flickering lights wasn’t for everyone, and if it weren’t for the fact that the complex was close enough to your job for you to commute on foot, you would have gone out flat hunting a long time ago.

So when your landlord mentioned in passing that you’d be getting a new neighbor, your first thought had been one of sympathy. This was a place of last resort, and you felt sorry for them if their financial status was anywhere near the likes of yours.

You no longer felt that way. Not one bit. If you were being completely honest, it had taken less than a week for you to realize that you wouldn’t be borrowing a cup of sugar from your new neighbor anytime soon.

He was loud, inconsiderate, apathetic, and you're pretty sure he worshiped satan. Not that there's anything wrong with that— you were simply tired of waking up every morning to the smell of fresh sulfur. The amount of air fresheners you had to go through just to get your place smelling normal again was criminal to both your sense of smell and your pocket book.

He would blast his music at all hours of the day, throw things at his wall hard enough to cause your picture frames to shake, and generally sound like he was orchestrating a brawl in the middle of his apartment. And when he wasn't doing his best to break the sound barrier, or win the world's worst neighbor award, he was snooping around the complex with a cigarette dangling from his lips, bothering anyone that happened to be passing by, and laughing like a banshee when they inevitably told him to fuck off.

Not to mention that he's green. You're still not sure what all of that's about, but at this point you’ve just accepted it as a fact. You had a green man living next door, and you couldn’t be more pissed about it.

You had done your best to avoid him as much as possible the first few months after he moved next to you, going as far as to wait each morning until you heard his door down the hallway slam shut and lock so you knew when to slip out into the hallway. It was just your luck that all that effort went to waste the moment you found him outside your door one night, riffling through your mail like it was nothing if not his own.

When you had blankly snatched the junk advertisements and bills from his sharp nails, shooting an accusatory 'what in the hell do you think you're doing' in his direction, he didn't even have the decency to apologize. He just blinked and scratched at his bare chest, his initial scowl switching to a sleazy sharks grin the second he finished giving you a once over.

You didn't give him a chance to form a sentence before you were shutting your door in his face with a resounding thud, faintly wondering afterward if it hit him with it. Upon further reflection, you decided you didn't care if you had or not.

His mate that happened to be over that night was the one that ended up apologizing to you later, and you had been pleasantly surprised to find that he was the exact opposite of his friend; all stuttering apologies and long legs as he messed nervously with his blue hair. He spent most of the conversation standing awkwardly in your door frame before you invited him in, ultimately deciding that he made for better company than his companion.

You found out that night that your neighbors name was Murdoc Niccals, and he was crashing in the space next to you for the time being while he tried to work on starting up a band. His partner that you let into your flat, 2D, was apparently the singer for the band, and claimed that he joined because he owed Murdoc a debt of some kind. You hadn't pushed further after hearing that, instead focusing on the band part. It certainly explained the blaring guitar samples you'd hear in the dead of night, and the suspicious looking cd's that were occasionally stuffed in your doors mail slot that you had chalked up to a scam up until until now.

You had been a bit more neighborly with Murdoc after that, no longer avoiding him and his smoky stench on purpose— if only because 2D had asked you to not judge him too harshly, and you felt you could trust the blue haired man.

That didn't mean you liked Murdoc, though. Every attempt he inevitably made after that day to get you to visit his apartment, or go out drinking with him, was always met with a quick exit from whatever conversation he had been trying to strike up with you. The pattern would repeat for weeks in what you knew was an attempt to wear you down, and to be perfectly honest, you thought you had been doing pretty well at warding off the oddly persistent man. It wasn't until a month or two more passed that you finally caved at the sight of 2D on your doorstep, waving at you with a squinted grin and halfway concealing a smug Murdoc behind him.

Bastard.

"I still don't know why I agreed to this." You surmised while locking the door to your apartment, purposefully not looking at Murdoc when he laughed. He was shirtless again— he was always shirtless —and his hair was flatter in the back this morning, like he’d smoothed a hand over it absentmindedly.

2D was standing to the right of the both of you, fiddling with the inner pockets of his jacket while waiting for you to finish up. He gave you a gap toothed smile when you turned to look at him. He had mentioned showing you some of the songs the band had been working on if you ever decided to come over, and was finally looking forward to delivering on that promise.

"Knew you couldn't say no to ol' face-ache. Don't know why I didn't think of it sooner." Murdoc tried to sling an arm around your shoulders, but you pulled away quick enough to make it look like he missed. You almost laughed at the scowl on his face.

"More like I couldn't say no to another week of you knocking on my door every day." You resorted to pulling a face, remembering how just this past week you had been woken up to impatient knocking on your door at least three times. "If I was of sound mind, I'd have reported you to the landlord already."

And yet here you were, you mused silently, accepting an invite to your strange neighbors apartment instead.

"No one's of sound mind anymore, mate. That's why the world’s so wonderfully shit these days." Came Murdoc's cynical response. He dug around in his teeth for something with his pinky for a moment before taking it out and looking at it, flicking it off his finger with a pleased look. You ignored him.

"Why do you even want me to come over anyways? It's not like we're best pals. I avoided you for a month, found you going through my mail, and then kicked you off my doorstep." You asked while wrestling your keys from the door lock.

"Everyone needs a bit of Niccals in their life." Murdoc said with a short laugh. You thought you saw him wiggle his eyebrows.

"Uh huh." You decided not to point out the fact he had ignored your question entirely, simply following after him.

The three of you got into Murdoc's apartment down the hall fairly quick. He only had to kick the door with the toe of his boot a few times before it gave way, opening with a loud creak and bringing the strong smell of smoke with it, along with the familiar stench of sulfur that you had since come to associate with him.

"Welcome—" Murdoc drew out the 'e' slowly as he sauntered through the doorway, "—to my crib."

He walked into the middle of the entrance and spread his arms out while grinning to himself. 2D shuffled in after you did, thanking you when you held the door open for him.

Murdoc’s apartment was much darker than yours. That was the first thing you noticed. Looking up, you saw that two of the three overhead lights that came with the apartment were either busted or shattered, and the third seemed to be handing on by a single wire. The rest of the room was lit up by flames from surrounding scentless candles, and looking at the red wax cascading down the long sides and onto carpet and countertops below, you wondered if he ever even bothered to blow them out before he left. Probably not.

In the middle of the living room, which was connected directly to the entrance, sat a rickety coffee table and an ashen sofa. Both of them had matching burns littering their surface, and you briefly got the mental image of Murdoc falling asleep on the couch with a lit cigarette still in between his sharp teeth.

You took in a few more details as Murdoc led you through the expanse of the living room. A signed copy of the Wickerman sat on a wooden mantle next to what looked like an upside down rubber cross. Both items were surrounded by numerous amounts of stains and scuffs on the walls, the majority of which looked to be more cigarette burns. At one point you almost tripped over what looked like a stack of old rock cd's at one point, only for 2D to immediately knock them over from behind. Murdoc didn't seem to notice, and you weren't about to point it out, so the two of you scurried away.

Murdoc had his hands in his jean pockets when he reached a different room separate from the living area, but took them out to open the door with some effort.

"Now, this is where the magic happens." Murdoc said smugly. You hesitantly walked forwards as 2D brushed past you from behind, making a beeline for what was probably a bed in one corner of the room, but looked more akin to a pile of dirty clothes and balled up linin sheets.

Murdoc’s inverted cross necklace bounced on his chest as he flopped on the mattress. 2D roughly sat up from where he had laid down on it, and the two of them started kicking each other pointlessly as you perused around the room.

“This is where you record?” The two of them stopped fighting when you turned back around, Murdoc having sent one more kick to 2D’s lower back before you could see.

“More like practice, love.” Murdoc chewed on his lip and closed his eyes. “Couldn’t record here if we wanted to. The acoustics just ain’t right for what we wanna do. We’re renting a studio out downtown for the real stuff, but we come up with most everything here.”

“Is it just you two? In your band, I mean.” You had been wondering that for a bit. You didn’t know much about making an album, but a band consisting of just a singer and a bass player didn’t seem like much of a band to you at all.

“Naw.” 2D spoke up with a shake of his head. “We’ve got a drummer, an’ my girlfrien’s the guitarist. They just don’t like comin up ‘ere much. Somefink about the smell, I fink. They keep buggin us about buyin’ a studio of our own, but Murdoc says we don’t haff the money right now.”

You heard Murdoc mumble something about the money comment to himself with a growl, and you pretended not to hear as you nodded at 2D.

A sort of awkward silence fell over the room after that, and you looked at a random stain on the ceiling while shifting your weight from foot to foot, unsure of where to go from there. It wasn’t like you had come over with an itinerary for the day in mind, and you certainly weren’t about to ask Murdoc what he wanted to do. You had a feeling you wouldn’t like his answer no matter what it was.

Another beat of silence passed. Murdoc’s chest rose and fell slowly. You poked at the inside of your cheek with your tongue.

“So— you want to show off some of those songs of yours or not?” You eventually asked, directing the question at 2D.

The reaction was immediate. He smiled widely, showing off some of his missing teeth, and launched himself off the bed towards a desk with a pair of speakers nestled next to you. You saw from the corner of your eye as Murdoc opened his eyes again, watching as the two of you crowded around a busted up computer screen in an attempt to pull up a song demo or two.

“Let me do it.” He grew impatient when 2D took too long, hopping out of bed to swagger over to the computer, hitting 2D on the back of the head as he forced him out of the desk chair and onto the floor by you.

“Show 'em th' one we worked on last month—“

“I got it!” Murdoc snapped, growling as he clicked a few more buttons. Finally, the file came up, and he pressed play as you shuffled closer to listen, ears straining as the melody opened with a heavy bass line. You watched the time stamp creep across the computer screen with rapt attention, pretending to ignore the feeling of two pairs of eyes on you.

It didn’t take long for it to finish with a flourish of drums, and one song from last month turned into one more song they worked on last night, then “just a few more” from the beginning of the year, until Murdoc was scrolling down in an attempt to find something they hadn’t showed you yet. At one point, 2D even shared some lyrics he had scrawled on a diner napkin this morning, smiling with squinted eyes as you laughed at some of the more absurd ones.

The three of you spent the rest of the night listening to the files Murdoc had at the ready, the two of them occasionally stopping one of the songs to gauge your opinion on it. More than once you had to reach over Murdoc’s shoulder to pause an ongoing track so 2D could launch into a detailed lyrical explanation, and after a few tries to slap your hand away, eventually the bassist would let you, even jumping into the conversation with a genuine take of his own every so often. After a while, you didn’t even have to tell Murdoc to keep hands to himself, all of you falling into easy conversation. 2D happily admitted at one point he was surprised you knew as much as you did about making music, considering when he had first started out, he had known fuck all. You’d just shrugged, taking the compliment, and told Murdoc to shut up when he grinned and said he liked someone with intelligence.

By the time you were leaving to get back to your apartment, waving goodbye to 2D and ignoring a borderline raunchy comment tossed your way by Murdoc, you hadn’t even realized six hours had passed.

Staring at your apartment door in the dark hallway outside of your flat, you blinked once. Twice.

You sighed. Fuck.

Maybe your next door neighbor wasn’t that bad after all.

[ferida-kahlo]

♡ Hotline ♡

Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader

Summary: You and Mikey have been casually seeing each other for a few weeks. After a late night text from him, you make the drunken insomniac executive decision of calling him back. Naughtiness ensues.

Or: the one where you and Michael have phone sex.

Warnings: 18+, SMUT, M/F. Minors DNI // PWP, P!rn With Feelings. Phone sex, flirting, teasing, sexual innuendos, dirty talking, mentions of oral sex (m. receiving), masturbation (m. and f.), sexual fantasies, role-playing scenarios, librarian k!nk, mentions of rough sex. // Blink-and-you-miss-it angst, alcohol use, mentions of insomnia, anxiety and self esteem issues.

Word count: 3.8k

Read below the cut OR on AO3

Notes: Reader wears glasses in this - don't look at me like that, it's integral to the plot 🙄

For the history nerds, the quote at the beginning is from the book "Fire from Heaven" by Mary Renault, about the relationship between Alexander the Great and his friend and lover, Hephaestion.

Enjoy! As always, likes, comments and reblogs are very appreciated ♡

His feelings were confused; he wanted to grasp till Alexander's very bones were somehow engulfed within himself, but knew this to be wicked and mad; he would kill anyone who harmed a hair of his head…

… you yawned at the page you’d been reading (i.e., staring at without absorbing a single bit of information), before turning your head to the nightstand and seeing the clock mark 2:49 am.

“Good god”, you whispered, tiredly rubbing your face with one hand, while the other reached for the half-full glass of red wine keeping you company in your insomnia.

Technically, you knew drinking was the last thing you should be doing on a weeknight, when you were having a hard time falling asleep and were expected at work in the morning. But living alone was really not helping you behave like a responsible adult with bills to pay. So, you slowly sip your wine, read your book, and hope that eventually your brain will give up and allow you to pass out for at least a few hours.

Suddenly, your phone lights up with a text. Michael B., it says on the screen. A pang of excitement hits you, and you immediately scoff for reacting so earnestly to a text from a guy you’ve been with (not even biblically, just the daytime coffee dates that people with busy lives manage to pack into a crazy week) for a grand total of two times and less than two hours, overall. Not pathetic at all.

Still, you can’t help but reach for the phone.

Hey, I know it’s late and you probably won’t read this until morning, sorry. Wanna have dinner at that spot we talked about? I can pick you up at the office ;) – M.

You smile, and without really thinking, hit the call button.

He picks up quickly, an amused tone in his voice. “Well, I was not expecting that. What the hell are you still doing up, princess? No work tomorrow?”

You laugh. “God, I wish. I just can’t sleep. Haven’t had one of these nights in a while… my brain won’t shut up, even though I’m so tired I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck”.

“Ooof. That fucking sucks.”

“Yup.”

“Well, I’m glad to be your booty call in this desperate time.”

“Michael”, you laugh so hard you choke on some wine and must set the glass back on the table. “I really don’t think that’s what this is”.

“Oh, no?”, he feigns innocence.

“No…”, chuckling, you continue with the most sultry, mock-seductive voice you can muster “… a booty call is if I was like: Sooo, Mikey… are you, like, busy right now? Do you wanna… come over? I’m aaall alone…”.

You make sure to put particular emphasis on the word ‘come’ and Mike sounds like he is doubling over with laughter. “That was the worst proposition I have ever heard, no doubt”.

“Oh, yeah? Well, you’re officially off my booty call list. I don’t need this kind of negativity in my life.”

“Ah, shit… I fucked up now, didn’t I?”, you swear you can hear his grin from the other end of the line. And see the laugh lines that form on the corner of his eyes when he smiles genuinely, the rare but so cute nose crinkle that makes your belly flutter…

You would love to get a fucking grip, thank you very much, but the wine was making you incapable of keeping a level head in this flirtation.

“Well… all is not lost. Taking me out to dinner is a good start to redeem yourself. If your game is on point tomorrow, your booty call list status might be revised… in the not-so-far future”, you add, suggestively.

“Shit. Now the stakes are on. I gotta be on my best behavior tomorrow, then”.

“I don’t know about best behavior…”. You feel like slapping yourself for your lack of subtlety.

He chuckles. “So… you like them a little nasty, huh?”

You’re glad he can’t see you blush furiously. “Not like that… but I do like a man who isn’t afraid to… take what he wants. Respectfully, of course.”

“Of course… damn, girl. You’re getting me thinking about all sorts of things…”

“Well, you’re the one who started talking about booty calls. It’s technically your fault”.

“That’s fucking rich. I was being a gentleman, sent you a sweet text and all. Not a single sex reference!”, he says, proudly.

“Ok, that is true”, you concede, laughing softly. “Are you still at the restaurant?”

He sighs deeply. “Yeah… paperwork coming out of my eyeballs. I don’t even understand how the hell I organized this mess”. You hear rustling through the line, and imagine the mess of letters, invoices and bills that must be covering his office desk.

“That fucking sucks”.

“Word”. His chair squeaks loudly. “So… what are you wearing?”

You laugh. “You’re unbelievable”.

“What? I’m just trying to keep the conversation light, you know? Nobody wants to hear about my fuckin’ paperwork at 3 am”.

It was subtle, but you could sense something deeper in his words (sadness? self-deprecation?).

“I wouldn’t mind hearing about your ‘fuckin’ paperwork’ at any time of day, Michael”.

The line goes silent, and you fear you went too deep, too soon. Made this weird in record time, wow.

“I didn’t mean it like… I meant if you want to talk to me about your shitty day, you know, you can, but I don’t want you to be uncomf-”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay sweetheart. I get it… thank you for that”, he says, softly. “Maybe some other time. Right now, I honestly just wanna forget about this for a little while... I was really pumped when you called”.

“That’s okay. Really?” You smile, relieved.

“Yeah, really. So… wanna make a guy happy and tell him what you’re wearing?”

With a chuckle, you concede. “Well, nothing. I’m in bed and I sleep naked, so… yeah”.

There’s a heavy pause. “Holy shit. Are you for real?”

“Um, yeah?”

“Jesus, fuck… baby, you can’t say stuff like that and expect me to be normal about it”.

You grin, having just decided that, actually, you wanna play dirty.

“Who says I want you to be normal about it? Besides”, you throw back, suggestively, “I hardly think a woman can be held accountable for what she says after four glasses of wine on a Thursday night… naked and alone, in such a big bed…”

“Now, see, that was a much better pitch for a booty call than the first o-”

“I’m gonna hang up.”

“No, no, no, I’m sorry”, he laughs.

“You’re an asshole”. Even as you say it, you’re smiling.

“And you are a minx, lady. Gettin’ a guy all worked up…”

“Oh, my... I don’t know what you mean…”, you whisper into the comforter, now balled up in your fist over your mouth, as if to cover up your blushing cheeks from an invisible audience.

“Oh, I disagree… I think you know exactly what you’re doing”. There’s a note of sarcasm in his voice you find exhilarating. A sudden noise – like a chair squeaking loudly on a panel floor – can be heard from his end. Followed by… a metallic rattle, more subtle but still clear. A… belt unbuckling?

Wait. Is he…?

You grin, amused. “Mr. Berzatto… I’m hearing suspicious noises. What is going on over there?”

A deep grunt. “Nothin’ much, sweetheart. Just making myself comfortable, is all”.

“And how exactly are you doing that, mister?”

“You know… freeing the junk.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “Well, that certainly helps set the mood”.

“Hm… baby, can I ask you for something? It’s totally fine if you don’t wanna do it… but I figure I might as well shoot my shot.”

You notice you are sitting up very still against the pillows in your bed, holding your breath in anticipation. “Sure… what is it?”

A heavy pause follows. Your heart feels like it’s about to beat itself out of your ribcage, your throat feels dry, and your tongue sits heavy and thick in your mouth, the taste of wine suddenly overpowering your senses. And you are so horny.

“Could you… send me a photo of you right now? Are you wearing those new glasses?”. He sounds… eager, almost nervous with the way he trips over the second question.

Oh. Something clicks for you, then. You smile. “So, you really liked the new glasses, huh?”

“Shit… c’mon, don’t bust my balls about it”, he says, with an embarrassed chuckle of admission.

“I’m not! It’s very flattering, actually”. You hope you conveyed how much you are not making fun of him. However, you hate misunderstandings, and to dispel any that might be going on here, you decide there is only one acceptable solution.

“Give me a minute”, you tell him, determined. You don’t wait for an answer before you drop your phone and get to work.

Meanwhile, Mikey sits in his rusty office chair, in what he thinks must look like a very… undignified position. Cock out, right hand stroking it lazily, slumped back with his jeans barely down his ass, work shirt dirty and stinking of cooking oil, his entire body tense in a mix of anticipation and shame. A part of him can’t help but wonder if you are fucking with him: laughing from the other end of the line, leaving him hanging – literally and figuratively (he chuckles dejectedly at the realization that he still remembers something from high school Lit class). He guesses he would kinda deserve that. What type of freak asks for nudes after two… dates? Do those rapid-fire coffee-grabs even count? He is so shit at this. Anything more than a casual hook-up or a quickie behind a sleezy pub is rocket science for him. ‘Congrats, loser! You just fucked it, yet again’.

Then, his phone pings. 5 photos received.

In the first one, you are lying on your side, in bed, a dim warm light illuminating the scene. He can see the contours of your body clearly, despite being covered by a layer of nearly sheer white sheets. His gaze follows your exposed collarbone, to the silhouette of your breasts – he is sure you purposefully allowed a bit of side-boob to slip past the entrapment of sheets… just for him.

He swears he could stare at the shapes of your body all day and never get tired – or limp. His dick is throbbing painfully, now.

It does not get better when he sees the rest of the photos. Your face is visible, on those. The last two are his favorites. You are laying on your stomach, with the reading glasses on, as promised – except they sit lower on your nose than usual, so that your eyes peak out from over the top of the frames. Your hair is down, tousled and wild like it’s just gotten messed up. ‘Is this what she looks like after…’. You are holding a glass of wine to your mouth – lips plump and lightly tinged red – that detail drives him a little insane –, and in front of you lays a book, delicately held open with your other hand. And in the last photo, the sheets have slipped lower down your breasts, revealing a generous cleavage. You’re staring directly at the camera with an inquiring gaze, biting your lower lip. ‘Come get me’.

“… Mike? Are you still there?”

It’s been some time since you sent the photos (twenty seconds, which your anxiety tells you is actually half an hour), with no reaction from him. Your cheeks heat up, and you suddenly feel very silly and insecure. Are they even… good? What makes a good nude? Do these even qualify as nudes? You’re not showing anything super explicit… they’re suggestive, at best. Is he going to think you’re a prude? God, why is this so diff-

Mike clears his throat. “Yeah, I… fuck. Fuckin’ hell. Holy shit. Sweetheart… these are so hot. Jesus… thank you so much. You’re so fuckin’ gorgeous…”. The last part comes out as a whisper, like he’s starstruck.  

You didn’t know it was possible to get more flustered than you already were. “You’re welcome… I’m flattered I managed to make Michael Berzatto incoherent over some low-res thirst trap selfies.”

“Baby, these are genuinely the hottest pics I’ve ever seen. You look like a hot librarian or something”.

You laugh out loud, triumphantly. “Ah! I knew it!”

“What?”, he laughs along.

“Something you wanna share with the class, Mr. Berzatto?”.

“Fuck, don’t stop calling me that, sweetheart”, he says, sounding out of breath.

“Yeah?”, you whisper.

“Fuck, yeah. It’s just… I’ve got a thing for girls with a kinda nerdy, librarian type of vibe, you know? And when I saw you this last time, holding a book and wearing your reading glasses… I gotta admit, my mind went straight to the gutter.”

Interesting. “Really? What did you imagine then?”.

A pause. “I’m not sure you want to hear it… I don’t want you thinking I’m a pervert or something”.

You sigh. “Mikey, I just sent you near-naked photos of me. We’re having phone sex. We are two horny adults having fun. Besides…”, you switch your tone to what you hope comes across as faux innocence, “… I asked you about it. It is kinda my fault, right? I guess I was kind of… bad”.

“Oh, is that what’s happening?”. He chuckles, as if saying challenge accepted. “Alright, then. When I saw you like that for the first time, this image popped into my head, right? I mean, you looked like a really hot librarian. So, I started picturing you in that scenario, with big glasses and all – just like the photos you sent me… except you had your hair in a cute ponytail, and your lips were even redder with lipstick… and you were wearing fishnet stockings up to your thighs – fuck, you got such nice legs, baby –, and you had a pair of those… what are they called. Uh, kitten heels. Yeah. Fuck, your ass would look unbelievable like that. I mean, it is unbelievable, you know what I mean? When you show up at the restaurant wearing those cute little dresses and skirts, I feel my dick twitching in my pants… that’s how hot you are, baby… that’s how crazy you make me feel.”

His words were streaming out like an avalanche – a filthy stream-of-consciousness. Flash images of all the times you were together pop into your mind. He was always nice and polite to you, if cheeky – that was his personality, after all. You’d never felt disrespected or threatened around him. Maybe that’s why, now that you knew he had been actively thinking about you like this… you were very turned on.

“Too much, sweetheart? You wanna keep listening to this filth?”

“… yeah, Mikey. Keep going. What happened then?”

“Then, I took you to a hidden corner in the library, rucked up your pretty little skirt and ripped your real nice dress shirt open… you know, so I could suck on your tits while I fucked you hard against some shelves. Didn’t even need to rip your panties off, ‘cause you weren’t wearing any. Just lifted you up and slammed my cock right into your pussy… God, you were drippin’ wet for me, and you mewled so sweetly… loud, too. Had to shove my fingers into your pretty mouth to keep you quiet. That’s what I imagined, sweetheart. More or less.”

The crass and vivid way in which he described his fantasy made you speechless. It was exhilarating. Knowing that all those times he had talked to you with a straight face, he had been actively fantasizing about fucking you hard. His words.

“Jesus Christ, Mikey”, you breathe out. “That’s… I can’t believe we had entire conversations while you had a cheap porn flick playing in your head”, you laugh softly, unconvincingly.

He sighed deeply. “See, I knew this was a bad idea… honey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel like shit. I guess I’m just a fucking perv-”

“Babe…”, you interrupt him, gentle, but firm, “shut up, please. I’m messing with you. I told you, it’s very flattering that you’re attracted to me. In fact… it’s super hot. Knowing you were having all those dirty thoughts about me while still being a gentleman… is making me feel all kinds of things, right now.”

“Yeah? What kinds of things?”

“Good things, Mikey… I’m so wet right now”, you mewl, the need for release in your core overwhelming the embarrassment you would be feeling otherwise. Without thinking, you kick the sheets away from your body and cup one of your breasts, kneading it and flicking your nipple – a moan leaves your mouth in a desperate plea.

“Fuck”, he whispers, “you got wet over that filth? Jesus Christ, baby. I won the fuckin’ lottery”.

You are burning with desire, and you can feel your pussy throbbing when you finally give in, sliding one hand down and shoving two fingers inside with barely any resistance. “Mikey… I wanna come so bad. Can you talk me through it… please?”

“Fuck… yeah, sweetheart, anything you want”. He moans, then, and you don’t think you have ever been so turned on in your life. Mikey Berzatto, a horny, moaning mess, jerking off in his mess of an office at 3 am… because of you.

Chicago’s Helen of Troy. You chuckled softly at the thought and decided to up the ante. “Baby… do you know what I was thinking when you were telling that beautiful story just now?”

He laughs, voice recked. “What, baby?”

You pout, and add another finger in, increasing the pace of the thrusts. “I wish you had pictured kissing me real hard, while I unbuckled your belt… would you let me get down on my knees for you, baby? I really wanna have you in my mouth, Mikey, like, right now”. Your words come out broken, sentences all messed up – you sound pathetic, but you are so past caring.

“Shit-”, a gasp, followed by a deep breath and the noise of something hitting a surface really hard. “… holy shit. Baby, I imagined all that and a whole lot more – seriously, you have no idea. Hell, if the lady wants to suck my dick, who am I to deny her, uh? Fuck. Would you let me fuck your mouth, baby…?”

You moan loudly at that and realize you need both hands, putting the phone on speaker – fuck the neighbors – and bringing your other hand to your clit, rubbing lightly, but fast. You were so close. The thought of kneeling on the floor, clothes and hair all messed up from Mikey’s hands, lipstick smudged… looking up at him, and watching his composure unravel because of you…

“Hm… yeah, Mikey, I think I would… ‘cause you’re so nice to me… such a gentleman, even when you’re fucking me hard… would you ask me real nice, baby? Hold my face gently in your big hands, while you fuck it?”

“Fuck, baby… I would treat you so right, you deserve everything-”, he chokes up and, for a few moments, you hear a distant cacophony of noises, like he’s put the phone down. Then, he’s back. “Sorry, sweetheart, I need both hands now”, he chuckles.

You giggle, “Me too… you got me so hot I’m fucking myself on my fingers and rubbing my clit at the same time… and it’s still not enough. I need you…”

“Fuck, that’s so hot. You fuckin’ yourself because of me… I know it’s not enough, baby… you need my cock, don’t you?”

“Yes! Mikey… please…”, you howl, completely out of your mind.

“How do you want me to fuck you, baby? Hm? Want it nice and slow? Nah… I think you like it fast and rough, don’t you? Long as I keep kissing you real good, touchin’ you real gentle, all over your body… you’d let me do anything to you, wouldn’t you?”. How he manages to say such filthy things with so much honey dripping from every syllable, is beyond you.

“Yeah, fuck, baby… it doesn’t matter. I’m so wet already, you don’t need to do anything else, just hoist me up in your arms and pin me against the shelves… and shove it in me”.

You are still holding onto a shred of decency because you blush at your own crass admission – still, there is clearly not a whole lot left, as you start rubbing your clit and fucking yourself harder and faster. “I don’t want you to be gentle when you fuck me… I just need to feel your cock stretch me open… wanna feel the sting of it for days, be at work and not be able to focus because all I can think about is how you fucked me so good-”

At this point, you have no idea if he can understand anything you’re saying, because your words are intercut with moans and gasps and mewls and incoherent babble, as you’re about to reach your peak imagining Mikey’s on top of you, railing you into the bed.

“Baby, I’m gonna come… fuckin’ Christ”.

“Mikey- fuck!”.

Your body shakes and your eyes roll back from the strength of your orgasm. Distantly, your brain registers a broken string of moans and curses from the other end of the line.

A few seconds pass, and you feel yourself coming back down to Earth. You lazily stretch out on the bed, completely relaxed and fucked out. “That’s so cute… we came at the same time, babe”, you happily whisper, a ditsy smile on your face.

He huffs, amused “Yeah… what can I say? I’m a romantic at heart”.

You laugh sincerely. “This was… so good, actually. I’m glad I gave into my instinct and called you”.

“Well, I’m even more sticky now”. You both laugh at that. “But I’m also glad you called… like, really glad. Uh, can I ask you something?”

You notice a shift in his voice.

“Yeah… what is it?”

“I don’t want things to get weird between us after this… Like, I don’t want you to feel like you need to do all these things to get me off. You know what I mean? It’s just a fantasy… I’ll have you in any way you want me. Okay?”

You feel a tightness in your chest, and you wish, not for the first time tonight, you had him right in front of you so you could kiss him all over and hug him.

“Mikey… I genuinely liked tonight. And the more we talk, the more I like you. You’re not the only one who feels like you won the lottery…”.

“Baby… you’re too sweet. Don’t you think you already got me blushing enough for one night?”

“That’s fucking rich. I must’ve gone through all shades of red tonight, because of your filthy mouth”.

“Please. You loved it”, he chuckles.

“Yeah, I guess I did”, you concede, with a smile.

After saying goodbye – and confirming that yes, you would very much like for him to pick you up and take you to dinner later – you fall asleep fast, your mind finally catching up to the pleasant tiredness in your body, a soft smile on your lips.

[meryldian]

Hi, i'm loving your work, you're so talented. I was wondering if you could do an arguing with the Kaulitz twins (separate) HC please? ❤

I sure can!! Tysm for the request ִ ࣪𖤐

✶ Arguing with the Kaulitz Twins ✶

♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

★ Bill Kaulitz ★

Let’s start softly

This may have been said many, many, many times but it’s true. You guys rarely fight, but! When it comes to little arguments over some petty topics I’m afraid it’s the opposite.

It never lasts long.

You accidentally pulled a loose thread on his silk shirt? He’s going to pout about it for the next thirty minutes

You stepped on him? He will dramatically say you’re plotting against him

Missed a chord on stage? Oh he will be genuinely annoyed for a little while

When it comes to serious arguments though, you need something big to anger him so badly.

It would start just like your usual bickering. Making petty remarks at each other and someetimes avoiding the main issue.

Once his face drops and he goes completely serious you know it's about to go down.

Bill can be very pigheaded so he will stick to his point no matter what. He likes being right just as he likes being in control.

He's the type to speak really fast and cut your word because he feels the need to explain himself.

Is very consious of what he says though, he will never say something hurtful that he doesn't mean.

It's a different story if he actually means it. He's brutally honest and if you did something bad he will tell you without sugarcoating it, even if it can come across as rude.

Bill can take a lot in but there's always a point where he breaks, it's normal.

Look he's not a rude person at all, but he's not one to let things slide either.

A flaw of his is that he may say a hundred things at once and expect you to listen through but there's times when one of your first replies will make him cry or freak out right away. Ofc not always but it's one of the things Bill would need to work on.

He is not that aggressive but is VERY defensive.

Bill doesn't like conflict though, this is really a worst case scenario where something comes up and you guys need to argue it out.

Friendly reminder that it is necessary in relationships to argue from time to time as long as it stays healthy.

If the argument gets too heated Bill prefers that you both part ways for a couple hours to cool down. Then you discuss again after re-arranging your thoughts.

At the end of the day he never meant wrong, he just wants to fix whatever came up.

Bill would feel terrible after you fight. He genuinely fears you’ll leave him or start hating him.

Would not apologize instantly because his pride plays a big game, but give it some minutes or an hour; worst case a day and he will come back sobbing and asking for your forgiveness, expressing how much he loves you and how he never meant to fight.

You’re the type to be angry at each other but still cuddle at night.

Hug him and tell him he's valid please.

☆ Tom Kaulitz ☆

Tom, Tom, Tom

Believe it or not, Tom becomes quite submissive when he's very emphatuated with someone.

He really is at your mercy.

Yet it doesn't change the fact that he's a bit of a hot-head and just like Bill, he likes when he's right.

Let's not forget Tom was a bit of a punk activist growing up. You get what I mean when I say that be likes to get his point across. (Y'all need to read Bill's book if you speak/understand german it's a GEM. There's also a girl narrating some of it in spanish on YT :)

Unfortunately, arguments do happen often. Sometimes it’s really nothing but other times it can get pretty ugly.

When you guys are mad at each other everyone knows that it's better to leave you be because it will get loud.

Your fights range from small discussions that you have often to actual screaming matches when it gets bad.

It's inevitable for the both of you to raise your voices as each other in these cases.

The reasons may vary. It can be miscommunication, ESPECIALLY in 2006-8 when you were still young teens experiencing the world of fame.

Jealousy, for sure. I can see Tom being skilled enough at hiding it but he’s very possessive still.

And well, it’s still Tom. Again if you focus on his earlier years of fame the amount of girls throwing themselves at him can definitely be a cause of conflict.

Unless you’re very chill about it.

There’s definitely still possessiveness on Tom’s side.

I feel like neither of you would really know how to process the frustration.

A little thing to take into consideration is that you’d be the couple that argues, yell that you hate each other and then 10 minutes later you’ll be back to normal and never speak of it again.

Which you need to work on.

It’s because of this very reason that some of your fighting topics can be repetitive.

From what the twins have confessed, they could get pretty aggressive with their surroundings.

Tom would never, NEVER, raise a hand at you. No need to worry.

But the items around him can’t say the same.

He’s the kind of person that feels the anger in him build up physically and needs some release. When he’s fuming, in the worst of scenarios some tables would be kicked or some object would fly around. Just never at you.

This habit does get worked on throughout time though, he matures and grows.

The only physical fight that would ever go down is a pillow fight. Or play fights. Or in bed. But that’s another story.

A bit similar to Bill, Tom needs some time to cool off, just does it more impulsively.

He would walk out sometimes because it’s far too overwhelming.

Makeup sex is a big thing in your relationship.

Tom would love to express himself better and talk things through he simply needs help doing it.

Maybe you’re the help he needs.

[macabremadness]

fiddleford mcgucket is so AUUUUGHFHSHSGFJ like he is crazy he is a silly goose. just a guy from tennessee who knows how to build literally anything and wanted to make tech to improve peoples lives first like mf built the first portable laptop and cell phone and got NO credit. he wanted to make robot legs cuz he didn't wanna walk but imagine if he was able to actually make some as mobility aid anyways i think about that a lot

that one time ford suggested to gather the cute little living minerals to help them lead them out the cave tunnels while fiddleford instead just picked them up and banged them together to relight the lantern and they all just scattered and one bit ford. he's so smart <3

weird cows producing weird milk that might be dangerous for human consumption? fidds fuckin drank that shit straight out the bucket. and i think he took it with him the rest of the way cuz he dramatically spit it out upon seeing cso

hes like a chihuahua to me he just stands there and pathetically shakes but then he also gets really feisty and bites. he canonically growls as an old man

how many gifts has fiddleford given ford at this point? like hes given him an axolotl, handmade gloves, a handmade snow globe, a custom laptop, squash with a human face, essentially his life. "hey what is the universe was a hologram" had the trajectory of his life changed forever. LIKE BEFORE BACKUPSMORE HE NEVER EVEN DRANK COFFEE and then ford is just "oh yeah i gave him like 15 cups or something"

AUGH THE GLOVES AND THE SNOW GLOBE..... "gee ford how come you get TWO presents" says emma may with nothing. LIKE HIM AND FORD HAD SUCH A GREAT CHRISTMAS AFTER THE KRAMPUS THING BUT LIKE I FEEL BAD FOR TATE MAN AND YALL ALREADY KNOW MCGUCKET CARES ABOUT HIS SON SO GODDAMN MUCH

(violently cries)

his ass is NOT afraid to use the memory gun on people like hes made people build the portal and the bunker for free and wiped their memories and hasnt been afraid to wipe ford's too like damn man. hes a little too trigger happy. he also made an entire cult because of it and then forgot he made an entire cult

he made the bunker security room. he decided it would be a good idea to crush intruders to death. not to mention all the destructive robots hes made in his crazy old man era. i love him at his best and his worst your honor

we salute 45th president mcgucket, gave out free robot spiders. and he prevented the entire covid pandemic. it's so funny to me cuz he took over northwest manor first and then the white house. i would be fine if the whole world had one ruler and it was mcgucket and you know he would find a way to turn himself into an immortal robot he will NEVER die

he's married to a racoon. has not even questioned his marriage once. that racoon is tate's step mom and i don't even think he questions it at this point either. we salute first lady of the united states raccoon wife

also give it up for parallel fiddleford!! literally from the canon "everything went right" au. portal wouldn't exist without our fidds and the quantum destabilizer wouldn't exist without parallel fidds give it up for all two canon fiddlefords carrying ford 🙏 anyways where's all the au content of that specific universe—

not to mention mcgucket's entire story arc which i really cannot put into words rn in this dumb post because its so AAUUUGH you feel me?

anyways yeah. this post is absolutely not coherent but i just think fiddleford mcgucket is neat and underrated (and as much as i love fiddauthor/fiddleauthor/fordsquared/fordford/banjoportal/etc. i feel like he's getting stuck solely in shipping LET HIM BE HIS OWN GUY PLEASE). also thank you book of bill for existing because it made me remember gravity falls was a thing i was obsessed with as a kid and looking back at everything as an adult is CRAZYYY

okay peace out love you mcgucket stans

[valinbean]

Chapter one : Ford the love of Bill!

Ford/ Gn!reader

1.4k words

my first fic in forever! please leave your thoughts on the first chapter!

Chapter 2: Bad Moon Rising

Chapter 3: Falling for the Mystery

Gravity Falls is still reeling from the aftermath of Weirdmageddon. Strange occurrences are on the rise. As a skilled botanist with deep roots in the town, you've noticed peculiar changes in the local flora. Anomalies in plant growth, unusual behavior in wildlife - it's as if the very fabric of the forest is unraveling. Your cousin, Wendy, encourages you to seek help from the enigmatic Stanford Pines, who seems to have a deeper understanding of the town's supernatural underbelly. Together, you discover that remnants of Bill Cipher's magic are still lingering, corrupting the natural world. To save Gravity Falls, you must delve into the heart of the woods, confront the remnants of this cosmic evil, and find a way to banish it for good

Journal entry #1 

‘It's been a month since the world ended, or so they say. Gravity Falls is a ghost town of denial. The carnival music still echoes in my ears, a haunting melody of what was and what could be.

My notes are filled with the grotesque. Animals, once familiar, are morphing into something else. I found a squirrel yesterday with a human hand growing from its back, its tiny fingers clawing at the air. A squirrel.

The forest, once a sanctuary, is now a horror show. The ground itself is alive, or something like it. I stepped into a patch of earth a few days ago, and a grotesque, pulsating eye met my gaze. I've never felt so utterly alone.’

Y/n closed their journal with a snap, the pen clicking against the leather cover. Their eyes, heavy with exhaustion, scanned the cluttered desk. Stacks of books, their pages filled with cryptic notes and strange diagrams, seemed to mock their fruitless efforts. A glance at the clock confirmed Y/n's worst fears: three in the afternoon. Half a day wasted, and they was no closer to understanding the bizarre transformations plaguing the town.

A frustrated sigh escaped their lips as they began the arduous task of tidying up. Books were piled haphazardly into a satchel, papers were stuffed into random pockets, and their worn journal was tucked safely away. With a final glance around the room, they muttered, “Pitter patter, let's get at ‘er,” and headed for the door.

The librarian, an elderly woman with kind eyes, offered a sympathetic smile as Y/n passed her desk. As they stepped out into the crisp autumn air, Y/n couldn’t shake the feeling they was being watched. A shiver ran down their spine, but Y/n dismissed it as a trick of the mind. After all, stranger things had happened in Gravity Falls.

The forest canopy filtered the afternoon sun into dappled patches, casting eerie shadows on the forest floor. An unnatural quiet hung in the air, a stark contrast to the usual symphony of woodland creatures. Y/n pressed on, their boots crunching through fallen leaves as they made their way to a small clearing, a place they’d often visited for solace.

A chill crept up Y/n's spine as they surveyed the area. Something was off. The vibrant green of the undergrowth seemed duller, and the familiar scent of pine was replaced by a faint, metallic tang. As Y/n bent to examine a peculiar, vine-like growth, a cold sensation touched their ankle.

Heart pounding, Y/n looked down. A human arm, pale and lifeless, was emerging from the earth, its fingers twitching. Before they could react, another arm sprouted forth, its grip tightening around Y/n's leg. A scream tore from their throat as they stumbled backward, their breath coming in ragged gasps.

Desperate, they fumbled for their satchel, Y/n's fingers trembling. A heavy book, filled with botanical diagrams, came loose. With a cry of defiance, Y/n swung it at the grasping hands. They recoiled, but only for a moment. More arms erupted from the ground, a grotesque, writhing mass.

Terror propelled Y/n's forward. They had to escape. Their eyes scanned the forest, searching for a way out. And then Y/n saw their cousin, Wendy, emerging from the Mystery Shack. Hope ignited within Y/n.

"Wendy! Wendy!" Y/n cried, their voice hoarse with fear. "You won't believe what I just saw!" Y/n gasped for breath, their mind racing. "Hands, from the ground! They were trying to grab me!"

Wendy's eyes widened in alarm as she took in Y/n's panicked state. Her casual demeanor vanished, replaced by a protective instinct. "What the hell are you talking about?" she demanded, her voice sharp.

Y/n gestured wildly at the forest, their breath still coming in ragged gasps. "There...there are hands! Coming out of the ground!"

Wendy's skepticism was quickly replaced by a look of grim determination. She grabbed Y/n's arm and pulled them back a few steps. "Let's see what's going on," she said, her voice low.

As they approached the edge of the clearing, a chorus of low, guttural sounds echoed through the trees. The ground seemed to ripple, and dozens of eyes began to open, their irises glowing an eerie green. A moment later, hands erupted from the earth, their fingers clawing at the air.

Terror seized Y/n as they realized the full extent of the horror. It was as if the forest itself was rising up against them. Y/n clung to Wendy, their body trembling uncontrollably.

"We need to get out of here," Wendy said, her voice steady despite the fear in her eyes. "Now."

The girls sprinted through the trees, their hearts pounding in their chests like frantic drum beats. Behind them, the forest seemed to writhe with an unnatural energy, a cacophony of low, guttural moans and muffled thuds echoing through the undergrowth. Panic surged through Y/n as they stumbled over a gnarled root, their ankle twisting painfully. Y/n cried out, but Wendy's determined voice spurred them onward. "Keep going!"

As they burst from the concealing embrace of the trees, they collided with Stan, his figure outlined against the porch of the Mystery Shack. Shock was etched on his face, his mouth agape in disbelief. Before he could utter a word, the unsettling sounds from the forest reached his ears.

The trio turned as one, their gazes drawn to the unnatural disturbance. The forest, once a comforting green expanse, had transformed into something sinister. The cacophony abruptly ceased, replaced by an eerie silence that hung heavy in the air. It was as if the forest was holding its breath, anticipating its next move.

Stan's face paled as he took in the scene. His eyes darted between the silent woods and the terrified cousins. "We need to get inside," he said, his voice barely a whisper, the words seeming to echo in the tense silence.

Without hesitation, he grabbed Y/n and Wendy by their arms and hauled them into the safety of the Mystery Shack. The heavy wooden door slammed shut, cutting them off from the ominous quiet of the forest. As they huddled together, their breaths coming in ragged gasps, the realization of their predicament sank in.

"What is that thing?" Y/n managed to whisper, their voice trembling. Fear, like a cold tendril, wrapped around them, threatening to consume Y/n.

Just as the last echo of the door closing faded, a creaking sound emerged from the depths of the house. A figure emerged from the shadows. His piercing eyes, held a lifetime of secrets and a spark of intelligence that belied his age.

Ford's emergence from the shadows was a jolt to the system. Lean and imposing despite his age, he cut a striking figure in the dim light of the Mystery Shack. Stan, who had grown accustomed to the quiet solitude of the shack, and his brothers dramatic entrances, looked surprised but not entirely shocked.

"Ford," Stan breathed, his voice a mixture of annoyance and relief.

The old man nodded, his gaze fixed on the door as if he could see through it. "Something is very wrong out there," he said, his voice raspy but firm. His voice carried an undertone of authority, a hint of a life spent commanding respect.

A flicker of a knowing smile played on his lips, a hint of a hidden amusement that was both intriguing and unsettling. It was as if he was privy to a secret, a dangerous game he was only now beginning to play.

His gaze fell on Y/n, and for a moment, their eyes locked. There was a spark, a recognition, a silent acknowledgment of something beyond the immediate situation. Then, he looked away, his expression once more impassive.

"We need to focus," he said, his voice cutting through the tension. "Whatever is out there, it's a threat. We need to understand it, and we need to stop it."

Stan nodded, a silent understanding passing between the two brothers. They'd been living together in the shack since the twins had left, a strange and often tense cohabitation. But in this moment, faced with an unknown horror, their shared history and knowledge became an invaluable asset.

Y/n couldn't help but steal a glance at Ford. Something about him, his quiet authority, his air of mystery, was undeniably captivating. It was a strange time to be noticing such things, but there was an undeniable pull towards the enigmatic old man.

Ford's gaze turned back to the door, his eyes filled with a determination that contradicted his age. "We have work to do," he said, his voice low and steady. "And it starts now."

Tag list! @shadowdreamer22

[hispieceofcake]

Stanford didn't love Stanley as much Stanley he loved him

I've been thinking about this for a while and analyzing it while I endured the two seasons of Gravity Falls and I came to this conclusion. That Ford didn't love Stan as much as Stan loved him, like, Ford would sacrifice Stan for the world but Stan would sacrifice the world for Ford. And how do I prove this argument? It's simple.

Stanley protected Stanford from childhood of the bullies, has always been by his side through the best and worst moments, like when a girl threw juice at him during the dance and then Stanley threw juice at himself too so Ford wouldn't feel bad or humiliated, felt extremely bad when he heard that Ford was leaving and going to college and leaving alone. Then he was kicked out of the house due to the accident at Ford's project, who even after seeing his brother's situation also abandoned him.

I'm not saying Ford didn't have the right to be upset with Stan, but damn, seeing your twin brother who always protected you and stood by your side the whole time get kicked out of the house so badly and doing nothing sounds very selfish to me.

And then years in the future, while Stan was committing his spree of deception and fraud on the law, Ford was making one of the biggest mistakes of his life, which was to trust Bill Cipher and let him have control of his mind and body. Which, as we know, ended very badly, to the point where he had to call Stanley to help him.

And then Stan hoped that he could again seeing his twin brother and being able to have him by his side again ended up having all his expectations shattered when he saw that his brother just wanted him to go as far away as possible with one of his diaries. Triggering a fight in which Stan ended up injured with a strangely shaped burn mark on his shoulder, and pushing his brother into the portal and then running towards him begging for him to come back.

And then for thirty years he devoted himself to bringing Stanford back, he committed robberies (not that he didn't do them before), he broke the law (again not that he didn't do them before), deceived the people he loved most (Dipper and Mabel), stopped taking care of himself, and dedicated years and years just for his brother. Then when he succeeds in bringing Ford back, he is met with a punch in the face and no thanks.

I understand that Ford was worried that the world could be destroyed and all, but man, was it so hard to apologize for the punch and thank his brother afterwards?

And even so, Ford only thanked Stan because he was forced to and even then it was sarcasm, and then Stan sacrificed himself for him and for everyone in Gravity Falls by switching places with Ford and have his mind invaded by Bill Cipher to defeat him soon after.

And again coming back to that phrase but a little different, "Ford would sacrifice Stan for the world but Stan would sacrifice himself for Ford."

Now one thing that made me a little indignant with Ford when I read Bill's book, on the page where Ford said about his birthday, he didn't talk about Stan at all, he didn't remember his own twin brother who had a birthday that same day, the person who cared most about him in the world was forgotten by him and only called when Ford was out of options and needed someone trustworthy to disappear along with his diary.

I've seen several pieces of art and text that say that Ford is the brain and Stan is the heart, and I honestly agree, Ford is intelligent, planning and accurate while Stan is emotional, careless and affectionate (in his own grumpy way but he is), it even reminds me of a song called "Choice" by an artist called Jack Stauber. (just a silly curiosity)

But getting back to the subject, I know Ford had his reasons, and I know he loves Stanley and values him very much and cares and loves his family, but I wanted to highlight a little how much Stan tried for him, and in fact, it was a lot. Both Stan twins have been through some tough times leading to trauma for both of them and I was extremely happy when I watched the last episode and saw that now both of them are together fulfilling their long-awaited dream together and making up for lost time from years and years without each other.

Please don't take this post as an attack on the character, Stanford is my favorite character along with Stan, I love them both, but loving a character means knowing his good and bad points. If you have a different thought please share it, but without being offensive.

Oh yeah, forgive me for being absent, I've been a bit out of sorts, but every now and then I'll show up to bring you something.

Well, thanks for reading, bunny kisses 🐰💋