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You know what? Credit to Stephen King, cause if I wrote a self insert oc that was uber cool and successful and so awesome his friends likened him to JFK at times and then some chucklefuck from Hollywood decided it'd be real cute to adapt your book into a movie and make, not just the characters around ur oc, but the oc itself, make fun of your writing- the career that saved you from a COKE addiction, I would actually go fucking insane.

And then to top it all off the director asks you to promote his next movie on twitter when it comes out, and that next movie just happens to be the fucking flash starring known criminal Ezra Miller. Awful. Terrible. Dare I say elder abuse.

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What if a new person moved to derry and his name was also henry bowers but he was just a regular ass dude with no relation to normal henry.

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Thinking so very hard about an au where Eddie Kaspbrak grows up as a fat kid like ben.

He's a little less fat than ben but still pretty big and he gets teased for it all the time. He's got a big complex about it, always stressing about the potential health side effects of weight gain when he's older. Sonia spends so much time drilling into eddie all sorts of health anxiety stuff but when it comes to healthy eating and exercise she couldn't care less. She keeps eddie locked up in the house all the time and stuffed full of delicious deals and dunkaroos while they watch tv. If eddie ever expressed a desire to lose weight sonia would cry crocodile tears and try to deny him new clothes like Bens mom did in the book. The excess weight probably makes him feel even worse about his sexuality/gender indentity because people already call him a girl a lot of the time and now henry can joke about him needing a bra. It's really sad. :(.

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I've been obsessing over an au idea for the past few days where Stanley's suicide actually happens in a no Pennywise au when the losers are teens and it just completely fucks them all up.

The reason it hits the Losers Club so hard is because as far as they could tell, Stan didn't seem unhappy at all. He seemed normal, quiet and standoffish, but otherwise just regular old Stan. There was nothing they saw going on with him that could indicate depression or factors that could lead to someones suicide. It really blindsided them because it came out of absolutely nowhere, and that just makes the Losers start wondering "did it really com out of nowhere? Maybe we weren't as attentive as we thought". Stan's suicide note was a simple message about loving everyone but being unable to take it anymore, no answers at all. Eventually the losers are forced to accept that sometimes people die and you never get an explanation, and sometimes you also want to blame yourself as the kneejerk reaction because it's easier than admitting you did all you could.

All the losers have incredibly tough times dealing with it.

Richie speaks at the synagogue during Stan's funeral with a prepared speech, but in a moment of pure desperation he goes off script and tries his best to joke about it. It's not insensitive, but it is impersonal. He cracks a few quips about how he's going to miss Stanley's prissiness and annoying neat freak nature until eventually Richie realizes what he's doing and has to excuse himself cause he starts crying. He later confesses to Bill in the synagogue after everyone has left and they can just sit in the pews together that he feels terrible about his speech. He had it all planned out, he was gonna go up there and actually show everyone that he could be serious and sincere for once, he had so many nice and sentiminetal things to say about Stan with no irony or anythings but- god. God damnit. He really couldn't do that in front of all of those people. So he just chickened out and treated Stan's funeral like it's another fucking joke, just because Richie can't face that his best friend is dead.

Bill is especially devastated after losing both georgie and Stan, and their losses has made it so he's always on edge about who could die next. He doesn't trust fate anymore, he feels like death will come for someone soon and he either needs to get really detached from his friends or start coddling them 24/7. He isolates himself and starts to vent all his feelings about Stan through his stories, even writing one specifically about Stan so he could pretend like he wasn't actually gone. His personality basically shifts entirely and it's actually so noticable that even Victor Criss, fucking VICTOR CRISS, comes up to him at school to tell him he's sorry to hear about Stan and that it's "totally fucked up that happened". His parents are typically neglectful and distant, too caught up in their grief over georgie to educate their son on losing a friend. They feel for him, but that's about it, nothing actually meaningful.

Eddie was barred from going to the funeral by Sonia because she 1. Is antisemetic and 2. Thinks Eddie is much too precious and innocent to go to a funeral. Her first instinct is to shield him from the truth even though he's sixteen years old and knows what suicide is, you can't just hide the fact his friend died from him. He's mostly just hung up on how mind bendingly out of character this is for Stanley, it doesn't even make sense to him. He was always logical and level headed, and as far as Eddie has been told all his life, only crazy depressed people kill themselves. He really can't wrap his head around it, he flat out tells Bill "I just don't get it. It was like Stan was here one minute and then the next he's not.". His pain is only made worse by the fact he's convinced Stan died thinking Eddie didn't like him even though they were obviously very close and just had semi clashing personalities. Stan knew he loved him, he knew all his friends loved him. Eddie doesn't know that though.

Bev is the loser who's probably the biggest emotional wreck out of everyone, she can often be seen sobbing through out the school day and when Bill tried to comfort her she freaked out and told him not to touch her. She's been smoking like crazy and flunking her assignments, for a while she didn't even leave her apartment and missed school for a couple days. Bill writes a song for her about Stan and asks her if she will sing it to him and she reluctantly agrees. It makes her feel better, but nothing will ever actually help her feelings about Stanley. She's usually very good at being a strong independant woman or whatever but losing Stan made her have a whole melt down. Bill finds her reactions almost kinda scary because they're oddly similar to his mothers when Georgie passed.

Mike has never had to suffer loss before in his life. His family life is so idyllic and warm and Jessica and William never considered that something like this could happen to Mike. They were prepared to teach him about racism and he seemed to understand that just fine, but death wasn't something they considered. It wasn't that they didn't want him to know, they just never thought they'd have to sit him down and give him a talk about it. He even had to borrow a suit from Bill for the funeral, that's how unthinkable it was. He sympathizes a lot with Andrea and Donald Uris, finding their loss unfathomably pitiful. He just can't stop thinking how tragic it is that neither of them even have grey hairs yet but they're burying their own kid. It's horrible and kinda sours Mike's already rapidly dwindling innocence.

Ben spent less time crying over Stan and more so just thinking about things. He missed him dearly but in Stanley's death it left him with a plethora of questions that an inquisitive kid like Ben wanted answers to. He already lost his father to war and he struggles to understand why someone might willingly want to leave. He finds himself gazing longingly at the bucket they had in the corner of the clubhouse where Stan always sat. He wants to know why Stan did was he did more than anyone, but as stated before, they never really get an answer. Ironically, his tragic death kind of brings Ben closer to his mother because for once he can understand her loss in a new light. It's not exactly the same, but he gets it now. Loss can make you do crazy things. If it weren't for the losers he'd probably lose his mind.

Life at school is incredibly strange without Stan, as if the losers being stuck in their own depressions about everything wasn't bad enough, Derry high is being oddly exploitative. Lots of people are pretending like they knew Stan when they didn't just so they could feel better about themselves. Lots of people who even bullied Stan before are talking over the losers like a bunch of attention hogs. It sucks and it just makes everything kind of worse.

After the funeral Eddie sneaks out to meet up with his friends at the clubhouse and they all just kind of stare at each other for a while. It's clearly almost too painful to talk. There's nothing any of them can say to comfort one another. It's all just a little to heavy for them. So then Bev gets an idea and turns on the radio. And then losers all start to dance together like theres no tomorrow. Just dance dance dance through the tears, because the last thing Stanley would have wanted was all his friends fussing over him like a baby. And you know what? By the end of it, the losers feel a little bit better.

I like to think that they all make a promise to reunite as adults on the anniversary of Stan's death. Then when they come back they all have to face their loss in a new context and it's all the more heart breaking.

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For a little under a year I have been constistantly working on my mangnum opus of fanfiction and I juet finished it. I rewrote the entirety of Stephen King's IT but with Eddsworld characters. No this isn't a joke. I seriously took the semi obscure web show Eddsworld, the show with horn hair guy with the silly voice, and rewrote all of IT by Stephen King to be about it. Oh you think I'm joking? You DARE think i'm being exaggeratory!? IT the actual book is 1,018 pages long, my fuckin fic on googled docs is 1,384! The autism is terminal! This whole fic is filled with obscure references on top of even obscurer refrence. I reference the official Stephen King cook book at onw point, in a god damn eddsworld fanfiction! It literally function as it's own IT adaptation just with Eddsworld characters because it's a combination of every version of IT.

Holy fuck I need to rest.

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My mom just told me she has Mike Hanlon on speed dial and will tell him to come down here if I don't eat my vegetables, FUCK what am I going to doooooo :(.

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IT by stephen king is so crazy because it will pull out the most whimsical schmultzy disney ass power of friendship bs in one scene and then the next page will have a graphic depiction of childhood molestation.

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Patrick Hockstettor definitely believes that saint Patricks day is about him

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Sad Stozier idea I had last night:

It's decades after the events of IT chapter 2 and an aging Richie Tozier is given a diagnosis that he has only a few months left to live. Sickly and bed ridden, Richie's manager is the only person there to comfort him since he's the closest to a family member Richie has these days. He doesn't know exactly how to comfort him but he tries his best. He leans over Richie's bed to talk to him.

"We've seen each other through a lot Richie, our relationship has always been very i scratch your back you scratch mine. But here you are on deaths door and I think i'd like to do you one last favor, no charge this time. So, if there's anything you want Richie- anything, you name it. It doesn't matter how absurd or stupid it is. It doesn't even matter if it's realistic or not, tell me and I'll get it for you.".

Richie thought for a moment, rather humbled by his offer. Richie has had just about the best life a person like him could ask for, hes got money, good memories, a beautiful final resting spot, there isn't much more Richie could ever want for.

So after a while of thought he opened his mouth to tell him.

"I recieved a letter many years ago, a very important letter from a very important person. I've thought about that letter for years, and I sent one back not very long after with no adress on it, kind of... hoping the person I wanted to find it could find it. Now the only thing I really want to know is if it ever arrived.".

Richie didn't explain any further but he did say his manager didn't have to bother with it if he didn't want to. He couldn't get it out of his head though, and before he even knew it he was searching everywhere to figure out who this unkown recepient could be, until he discovered the connection between Richie and the other losers. He contacts them one by one in hopes they could tell him who he was talking about, but only Bill answers.

He sends him an email with a copy of Stan's letter attached, with only a single sentence written by Bill himself:

"As sad as it is to say, the person Richie's letter was for is no longer with us, so this response he wants is never going to come.".

Richie's manager was heart broken to hear this, feeling both sad for richie and upset that he couldn't fullfill his colleagues dying wish.

That was until he got the bright idea to copy Stan's writing style and wording so he could have SOMETHING to give Richie before the end.

He didn't even know if Richie would accept the fake letter at all, maybe he'd find it insulting who knows, but it was the best thing he could think of.

He presented the letter to him and despite Richie's usual insincerity, he seemed to take the letter at face value just because he wanted to. He knew of course Stanley couldn't write him back, he knew it was just his manager copying Stanley so he didn't die unhappy.

But Richie didn't care, not at all.

He was just happy to have anything to remind him of Stan on his death bed. So Richie tells him thank you and quietly passes with a mostly easy heart.

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IT monster house AU where Eddie and Richie essentially take on the roles of Constance and Old man Nebbercracker, with Eddie dying in a freak accident and possessing the whole house they were going to live in together and Richie turning into crotchety old bastard that screams at kids to get off his lawn so his literal house husband doesn't eat them.

Richie fell in love the moment he caught a glimpse at Eddie through a window in the summer of 1955. They were just kids but Richie immediately caught the love bug, and when he noticed how other kids treated Eddie his love for the boy he'd never even spoken a word to onlt increased. Eddie was often bullied for the fact he was never allowed to leave his house. His mother kept him basically locked up for years due to his various allergies and ailments, thus making kids see him as "that freaky boy that nobody ever sees". People particularly liked to throw eggs at his window on halloween, which was very bad for Eddie because that window was basically his only connection to the outside world. Slowly though, Richie managed to talk to Eddie, and before they knew it- Eddie and him were basically dating. Then on eddie's 18th birthday Richie asked him something he'd never forget for the rest of his very short life: "I can take you away from here, would you like that?".

They ran off together to the tiny town of Derry and Richie began building them a home at 29 Neibolt street. They were both very happy, as happy as a couple could be, but unfortunately things didn't stay that happy for long. On halloween 1960, a couple hooligans started throwing eggs at the frame of their house and Eddie, who had been bullied like this all his life, totally snapped. He ran to Richie crying that these kids were hurting their house and thusly, hurting him, and any attempts Richie made to calm him down fell on deaf ears. He tried to tell Eddie that they were just neighborhood kids and that no matter what happened he would never let anyone hurt him, but that still wasn't good enough. And when one of them hit Eddie right in the face with an egg he completely lost it. He ran to attack the kids but through complete rotten luck, he accidentally lost his footing and fell down they were going to build their house over.

Richie was heart broken by this, but he still finished Neibolt street since he knew that was what Eddie would have wanted. Sadly though... just because he died didn't mean he left. Somehow, Eddie's spirit inhabited not only their house but the sewers connected to their well. His eyes became Neibolt streets windows, his arms became the trees, his tongue became the carpet, ect. And Richie soon realized that Eddie's bitter spirit wanted revenge. So unfortunately, despite richies natural good humor, kindness, and fun loving free spirit, he had to became a total lunatic to protect the kids. As the years went by Richie became known as a crazy old shut in who would attack any kid who came near his house, some people even suggesting he killed his husband and built his house on top of him on purpose.

Georgie Denbrough once made the mistake of playing outside with a paper boat in the rain, and when it fell down the storm drain in front of Neibolt street he tried his best to fish it out with one arm. When richie caught him he screamed at him like he was planning on killing george right then and there. Bill had to comfort him while he wws sobbing about Mr. Tozier taking his boat. "Don't stress about it Georgie. I'll make you another. Mr. Toziers just some crazy old bastard that hates everyone and has never had fun before in his life.".

Ofc nobody knows the truth though, the truth that deep down Richie cares more about kids than anyone, or that if he hadn't screamed at the kids eddie would have bit off Georgie's arm. Nobody knows and it's unlikely nobody ever will.

Unlikely... but not impossible.

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Stan's parents in the book are only mentioned like once or twice, but I get the vibes that they're the kind of parents that aren't really close with their son at all. Sometimes Stan bonds with his father over little stuff like birds, but Donald and Andrea are not Maggie and Wentworth. They don't joke around with their son or humor him much, the uris's don't really do humor. They care about Stan as much as any parent would care about their son, but nothing beyond that. They never sat down with Stan and had a movie night. They never volunteered at one of his boyscout meetings. They have a very "that's to be expected" reaction to Stan being bullied.

They care an awful lot about Stan's future- perhaps too much, but they can't help but have certain expecations for Stanley because he's so smart. Stan's just a mini adult, he's not like other kids, he can handle a lot more than they can. They don't have to kiss his booboos to make em feel better, he just needs a bandaid. If someone were to ask Stan about the way his parents treated him he'd probably say he likes that they aren't helicopter parents or parents that constantly force him to hang out, but maybe Stan would prefer something more intimate every once in a while. I wouldn't say Donald and Andrea are necessarily abusive, they're not like Alvin Marsh or Butch Bowers, they just don't really know what the hell to do with their son. Does Stan wanna talk about his feelings? No not really. Does Stan like small talk? Again, not really. They just kind of do the bare minimum in everything and assume Stan is fine with that.

It's not that Stan is unhappy persay, he doesn't necessarily spend nights in his room crying for good parents who love him. It's just complicated, and sometimes Stan feels like he could use a break from their weighty expectations.

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GET OUT OF MY HEAD MAN GET OUT OF MY HEAAAAADDD

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@cwcthzl sorry to @ you again but I thought of more hijinks for Stanley and Richie to get up to in the freaky friday au and i thought it'd be weird to dm em.

•Adorable montage of them teaching each other how to act more like they normally do.

•When Richie arrives for Stanley's fancy admissions dinner Donald and Andrea try to introduce him to the stuffy school dean very first thing, but Richie makes a bee line for the table, plops his ass down with a menu, and says "Yeah, yeah whatever- do you think they serve chicken nuggets here?".

•Richie tries to nervously push up his glasses but he forgets hes stan so he doesnt have glasses and accidentally pokes himself in the eye out of nowhere and causes a scene.

•"Sorry! Sorry! I guess I'm kinda.... just not myself today."

•Then when Donald and Andrea point out that the old guy sitting across from him is the dean Richie folds IMMEDIATELY. "Oh my god, Mr. School Dean sir, i am SO sorry- i didn't mean to sit down and not introduce myself to you and- oh no don't shake my hand, i forgot to wash my hands when i left the bathroom.... uhm i don't NORMALLY do that, i was just very excited to get out here and meet you so i... forgot.".

•Donald tries to goade Richie into talking about birds since he thinks that'll impress the dean Richie has to pretend like he gives a fuck about birds. The dean asks richie what his favorite bird is and richie freaks and says "pigeon.". "Pigeons? Just pigeons?". "Yeah well they poop on big city guys and i think that's pretty funny.".

•When the conversation turns to talking about numbers richies like. "Oh yeah, i love numbers, i love math, i'm good at calculating things. Did you know that 6 × 4 is 24? I'm serious, look it up if you don't believe me."

•At one point richie calls stans mom and dad "madre and padre" and they're so fucking confused.

•After the bomb of an admissions lunch richie feels terrible, so he wants to do something really nice for Stan. So he takes his allowance and goes shopping for stan some nice clothes, and NOT JUST CLOTHES RICHIE THINKS ARE NICE. He really does try to find stan something nice that fits his personality, but also gets stan out of his comfort zone! He wants him to look nice, not ridiculous.

•He also uses this as an oppertunity to wear some sunglasses because Richie's never actually gotten the chance to wear sunglasses. Prescription ones are too expensive, but now as stan he can flip em up like every stereotypical cool dude in the movies.

•When Stan sees his new look he's utterly horrified. Richie didn't even cut his hair or anything, he's just wearing sunglasses and some new clothes. When stan asks "what did you DO to me??" Richie just says "it's called color stanley, and you happen to look great in it. It's not the great depression anymore, we're allowed the luxury of dyes.".

•Stan also got his drivers license before Richie, because, lets face it, richie doesnt belong behind the wheel ever. So Richie gets to drive as Stan and stan is very upset by this.

•Richie also tries to slick stan's hair down with some gel but it just will NOT. STAY. SLICKED. DOWN. it's like stans medusa but instead of snakes he just had sentient locks of hair! It's like trying to wrap up an entire uncurled ball of yarn, it's impossible. The hair has a mind of it's own and it will not abide by what Richie thinks is cool.

•Richie also finds out that, despite stan being incredibly neat and detail orientated and tidy, there is one designated spot of Stan's room he keeps dirty, and that is a bed side table that's FILLED with just random junk stan can't bear to part with. Richie is utterly scandalized to know tidy ass stan has a hoarder drawer, and the stuff he hoardes isn't even really important stuff-- at least not at a first glance. He has a box of expired pasta, a case of broken hairtyes, a tape recorder with all the buttons fallen off and... a really ugly necklace richie made him when they were in second grade. It's got a bunch of tacky mismatched beads and it's so not Stanley's style, but... he didn't throw it out :,).

•Richie runs into Henry Bowers at one point (this is one of those no juniper hills aus) and he starts bullying him for being jewish and all richie can think while it's happening is. "Jeez, his jew jokes are way less funny than mine".

•Meanwhile Stan is confronted with his worst challenge yet: Hanging out in Richie's disgusting room. Eugghhh.

•Seriously the place is a jungle and it makes him long for when he woke up with blurry vision and couldn't see anything.

•Stan asks Maggie and Wentworth what's the cleanest spot in the whole house because "he cannot focus in such mess" and both very surprised. Richie's never talked like that before, and he has always been very insistent that he liked having his room a pig stye because it was easier to find everything. Now they see Richie walking around his room like he's manuevering through a mine field, but instead of land mines it's dirty underwear. Yuck!

•Also when they first woke up in each others bodies and were freaking each other out Stan accidentally stepped onto something wet and mushy feeling and, without even looking down, asked Richie. "Richie. What am i standing in right now? -_-". "Uhhhh, the pizza i had in here since fourth of July." "...." "...." "You should probably change your socks." "You're right Richie, which ones should i use? The ones that smell like sweat or the ones with black on the bottom? Oh you actually have a clean pair? Well my oh my the surprises never stop do they?".

•When he goes on his date with Connor he takes off Richie's glasses in an attempt to read the menu but ofc it just looks like blurry smudges. Stan just groans and says "Oh he's actually fucking blind- well this stinks.".

•Stanley forcing himself to like Connor goes pretty terribly. He could not give less of a crap about this dude, and the fact Connor has such a fuckin ego about himself makes it worse. Stan isn't someone who giggles and fusses over another person, especially not someone he doesn't like. Ofc he still loves his friends but he doesn't melt from flattery like Richie and he also has no interest in essentially being this dudes cheerleader. But he has to be Richie now, and Stanley's only frame of reference for him and Connors relationship is obsessively onesided cuteness from Richie. So alas... "Wow Connor. You're so... nice. Your arms are really... wow, and your teeth. They're so... clean. I can tell you brushed today.... tehee. -_-".

•When Stanley is hanging out with the rest of the losers he and Eddie have a disagreement about something really tiny and everyone's like "omg, here come the fireworks! Time for the to start squabbling!" and then they just don't. Stanley calmly gets out of the hammock and let's him have it, much to their sheer horror.

•Also when they are first getting used to each other's bodies Richie will not stop making ugly faces or doing weird poses at Stan to annoy him. He even does the robot at one point and Stan's mortified. There ain't shit he can do about it tho other than whine and complain, which isn't all too different from Stan normally.

•Bill is feeling down about random life troubles and he asks Stan if he can tell him a joke to cheer him up. Stan scratches the back of his neck and shuffles his feet all awkwardly, then settles on. "What did the bunny say to the other bunny? Don't be mad be hoppy. You see it's really funny because bunnies don't know how to talk.".

•Stan and Richie try to run back to the Jade of the Orient and talk to the lady that swapped their bodies, but when they get there multiple people are screaming at each other in chinese because they already know what happened and they're not happy. It's oddly reassuring to know SOMEONE is freaking out as much as they are, but Richie points out to stan that they're actually making fun of them while they do it. "Really Richie? I never knew you spoke mandarin." "I don't." "Then how do you know?" "Because that lady is cupping her hands around her eyes to make fun of my glasses and that other lady just straightened her posture to make fun of the way you stand." "...Oh." "Yeah..." "...Wait, am I crazy or are they immitating our voices too?" "-_- Yep.".

•Richie eats some fast food and Stan proceeds to have a heart attack over it.

•When Stan tries to tell his friends he's actually Stan and not Richie they all just laugh and assume it's another one of Richie's stupid bits. The more he doubles down the more the losers think he's just joking. Then when Stan tries to point out his vocabulary is totally different the losers are just like "yeah! Your impressions are getting so much better!".

•They try to switch back a number of ways, making a wish, prayer to multiple different types of god, deal with the devil, literally just running at each other and slamming their heads together. Nothing works.

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Andi Muschietti is my actual fuckin nemesis istg.

You know how Butch Bowers in the book blames everything wrong in his life on William Hanlon? From his health, money problems, shitty farming, ect. Just cause he fuckin hates him? That's me with andi muschietti, director of IT 2017 AND IT chapter 2. I can't find any evidence that he's the reason i have epilepsy, but i can't find any evidence that he's not so...

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⚡️STOZIER FREAKY FRIDAY AU ⚡️

Freaky Friday is one of my fav movies and bodyswaps in general are one of my fav story tropes ever, so I decided why not make a Stozier bodyswap since I'd already done one for Eddie and Henry. :>

I was going to make this a fic but i don't have the energy for this so here's just the entire plot of this au told through bullet points. *shrug*

This au is dedicated to @cwcthzl because they are literally the god of stozier and the only reason i'm into this ship at all. I hope you like it :).

•This AU starts with the Losers as teenagers just living their lives, they've all got big things going on and it's made the losers feel a little strained lately, but no two losers are more at odds than Stan and Richie.

•Richie and Stan have been at each others throats a lot lately, with Stan being so high strung from recent events that he's found Richie usual annoyingly endearing demeanor just plain annoying and Richie finding Stan's straight laced no funness like a roadblock.

•It's hard to say that Richie and Stan dislike each other now, they are still very much friends, but it's more like... they don't understand each other. Stan knows Richie can be so bright and insightful but for some reason he prefers to come off as a lazy dumbass, while Richie knows Stan can be so fun but he's oddly deadset on coming off as Mr. Perfect all the time. It's not ideal.

•As said before everyone is very busy with their personal lives, Richie is not only dating Connor Bowers and very intent on making the relationship as perfect as possible, but he's also scheduled to have his first real comedy act televised on tv as a line up of other comics. Stan's got a scholarship interview that he HAS to get or else he'll be fucked cause his parents are broke. He also absolutely needs this jamboree to go off with out a hitch because his poor troop has literally never won a jamboree before and if he doesn't win this year his parents are going to make him quit and start focusing on other stuff. Of course Stan would rather die than let that happen, especially since he's the oldest in the troop and the newbies are relying on him to teach them everything.

•These events, however, cause a major divide between Stanley, Richie, and the rest of the losers club when they turn out to be happening at the same exact time. It wouldn't be so bad if Stan and Rich could just be adults about this but they insist they need their friends support for their big day and refuse ro cooperate otherwise. Stan thinks he needs the lucky seven to give him the extra boosts to win while Richie thinks he needs the lucky seven to ease his anxiety while he's on stage. When the rest of the club outright refuse to pick sides in this petty arguement it makes both Stan and Rich unbelievably pissed with each other. They argue in circles over who's event is more important, who has a better chance of actually succeeding, and most importantly of all- who's fault it is that now none of their friends are going to show up.

•The losers try to have a little celebratory dinner for Richie at the jade of the orient but it goes south very quickly. Stanley cannot stand how richie drools over his boyfriend connor and richie can't stan stanley's passive agressive nature. That's when one of the hostesses takes notice of them and swaps out their fortune cookies on the table for two special ones.

•The conversation gets so heated that Stanley awkwardly shuffles off to the bathroom and Richie follows to continue their argument.

•"Seriously Stanley!? What's wrong with you? You're whining about a boy scout jamboree?" "It's not about that! It's the fact you're being selfish!" "I'm being selfish!?" "You're always seflish Richie! All day every day is always about you and what you want! You don't even do anything to deserve it!" "You're right Stanley, i'm sorry i'm so lazy and annoying that i'm the one thing about your life that isn't perfect!" "Perfect? You think my life is perfect!? Oh buddy you need a serious reality check!" "Well It's not my fault whatever i have going on is always more interesting." "You know what richie? I wish you could spend just ONE DAY in my shoes and see how "interesting" it was. Maybe then you could learn a thing or two about responsibilty!" "I'd love to be you Stanley, all i'd have to do is just sit around and complain about everything 24/7. Lord knows I could use a break." "A break? From what? Making goo goo eyes at connor and shouting unfunny quips into a microphone! I'd love it if that was my biggest problem!" "I wish you'd change!" "I wish YOU'D change!".

•Richie and Stan march out of the restaurant and on their seperate ways, only making the rest of the losers even more concerned. On their respective walks home they realize they still have their unopened fortune cookies and crack them open. It simply says "It'd pay you well to walk a mile in someone else's shoes". Suddenly Richie and stan both feel a little tingle, but they don't notice it enough to freak out over it. They stuff their fortunes into their pockets and keep walking.

•The next morning Richie wakes up in Stan's bedroom. He doesn't fully understand why he's there yet but when he looks in the mirror he shrieks. Staring back at him is Stan plain as day, which could only mean he is Stan now.

•It's fairly early in the morning, so he has time to go check on Stan at his house before the day gets really started. He politely knocks on the front door.

•"Oh hi Stanley." Maggie says with a smile. Her look of vague recognition and pleasantness deeply hurts richie. She's  looking at him the same way you'd look at a friendly stranger, not her son.

•"Hello mo- Mrs. Tozier. Is Richie up?" "He should be, I heard him banging around up stairs like he always does. Why do you ask?". "Well we had a fight at the Jade of the orient last night and I was worried." "That's sweet of you, i'll let you two talk it out.".

•Richie, or rather Stanley, walks upstairs to his bedroom and politely enters. Poor Stan is curled up in the corner of the room covered in bruises and crying. He couldn't see when he woke up, and what little he could see in his blurry vision was unfamiliar in color and size. He kept running into things all around the room and accidentally hurting himself, he's very clearly upset and confused.

•Richie picks up his glasses from his bed side table, briefly considering that it's lucky stan didn't accidentally break them when he was fumbling around, and carefully puts them on Stan so he can see.

•Stan shrieks when he sees himself standing in front of him and immediately scrambles to the other side of the room.

•"Stan it's me, Richie-" "-No-" "i'm richie!" "-NO! You're some freaky demon thing that's come to steal my face" "pffft. You just said cum." "Holy fuck you are Richie."

•Stan and Rich run over to Richie's mirror and begin to mess around with it.

•"Jeez stan, why is your hair so curly and floppy- if i were you- i mean like, if every day i were you, i'd wear hair net 24/7" "Richie your tongue is so long, my tongue isn't that long!" "Heh, that's what she said." "....who's "she"?".

•They start freaking out and wondering how this even happened, and it's only until Stan points out they both have really important things going on that they understand just how fucked they are.

•Just then, Maggie knocks on the door. "Stan?"

•"Yes?" They both ask.

•"Your parents are here to take you to the synagogue."

•Fuuuuuuuuuuckkk.

•"Richie, we have to open the door." "Actually I think we can just live in here-" "Richie, open the door." "We can hide under the bed-" "I'm opening the door." "STAN WAIT NO I HAVE NAIL POLISH WE CAN PAINT EACH OTHERS NAILS- Hiiii.... mom and dad.".

•Donald and Andrea are not very happy to see their son flee their house early in the morning, and when they ask for an explanation richie is frozen still, so stan has to explain for him.

•Stan nudges Richie so he'll have to say something, but the best richie can come up with is "Can you guys let us chill for a sec?", which makes Stan cringe so fuckin hard.

•They're allowed some privacy which is when Richie finally realizes he and Stan are in a freaky friday situation, at which point stan points out that it's actually Sunday and he's never seen that movie. Richie has the very natural reaction of almost screaming his head off when he finds out Stan's never seen freaky friday.

•They realize they have to pretend to be each other because they have too much important shit going on, Richie has to practice for the show tonight, Stan has to speak at the synagogue, Richie's got a date with Connor he CAN'T cancel (connor gets really mad when richie cancels), Stan has to have lunch with a college admissions guy to get his scholarship, Richie has to do his stand up on tv, and Stan's got the jamboree at sundown. They only have a few hours when they're not busy so they have to commit or they're both screwed.

•Richie brags that this will be a breeze since acting like Stan can't be that hard. Just act like you have a stick up your ass 24/7 and nitpick your surroundings. Stan in turn says that acting like richie will be totally easy because "at least i don't have to worry about being funny".

•The day is, unsurprisingly, a total nightmare.

•Richie's speech at the synagogue is total shit, he gets so flustered he just takes the plot of The Goonies and retells it as if that's some inspirational story he thought up and everyone miraculously buys it.

•Stan nervously waits outside the synagogue for his parents and Richie. He asks him how he did and richies all "great!... i think i accidentally said you had a weed addiction at some point but the congregation thought you were stronger for it so it all worked out.".

•Connor swings by to pick up Richie for their date. Richie had to act like he's not into it at all and poor stan has to act like he's very into it. It does not go well.

•Stan also hates the outfit he has to wear to the date, who the fuck wears a hawaiin shirt and jorts to a restaurant? Also holding onto richie's stupid coke bottle glasses is way harder than he though, no wonder he always breaks them.

•The actual date is surprisingly easy to navigate because Connor doesn't ask stan a lot of questions about richie. In fact... he doesn't ask any questions about Richie. Almost like he'd be happy asking questions to anything and it didn't matter if richie was here or not.

•"Uhm, excuse me- Connor darling- you've been talking for a while." "Yes? And?" "Well it's just that I figured you'd wanna hear about what i've got going on." "Later Rich." "You say later, but i fear that's just a fancy way of saying never." "Well it's not my fault whatever i've got going on is a lot more interesting than what you do".

•Stanley winces. Was that why Richie said what he did at the restaurant? He was internalizing was this asshole said to him? That's horrible.

•"My life is interesting, I work hard and I have a big gig coming up, don't you care about that?" "Yeah yeah yeah, it's cute." "Cute? It's a major milestone for me and that's all you can say?" "Jesus Richie, you sound so insufferable today. You've got a real mouth on you, what happened to the guy who hung on my every word and worshipped my feet? You used to he so easy and now you're pulling out these big words." "I'm actually kind of smart connor, i'm not stupid just because i listen to you. I'm a straight A student!" "Yeah but... that's not the same as being ACTUALLY smart." "But I am smart" "Yeah, you sure dress and act like it.".

•Stan bites his tongue and clenches his fists, seething.

•He never knew someone could feel so dismissed just based on how they dressed and behaved. It felt deeply wrong to sit here and have every smart thing you say be dismisses because you were wearing a hawaiian shirt and dared to do silly voiced every once in a while. Why didn't anyone wanna take Stan seriously like this, not even his supposed boyfriend? Is this how Richie feels every day?

•Connor moves into kiss him.

•Stan punches him square in the jaw.

•Meanwhile Richie gets ready for a fancy pants lunch to discuss his potential scholarship, a lunch he is late for because he cannot figure out how to tie a bowtie.

•The dinner is obscenely awkward, the college admissions guy is asking Richie all these questions about finance and he doesn't know how to actually answer him which is crazy because his school record shows he's very good at all of this. His parents insists it's just nerves though, their little Stanley is perfect.

•Richie does his usual of trying to use humor to deflect from his pain, but it just kinda annoys his parents who can't stand it.

•Richie feels absolutely heart broken that there's all this serious adult talk going on around him that he's just supposed to accept and understand. His parents don't pause to explain anything to him, they just accept that he's a mini adult that doesn't require any extra attention, even though he's clearly terrified and struggling. Dear god, does Stan feel like this every day?

•He ends up acting kind of crazy, it's not really Richie's fault though. It's more Stan's parents fault for insisting he tell stories he was never there for, basically forcing him to make up stuff on the fly. Richie's natural mannerisms also don't help things at all, he talks totally different to Stan- a lot of accidental curse words and rambles and nervous laughs in between words. Stan talks with purpose, like every word he says counts and if he doesn't have a reason to talk he'll stay in his own head. Richie talks without thinking a lot, so unfortunately the lunch consists of a lot of word vomit.

•Ultimately, Richie walks away from the lunch with his "parents" feeling like he failed Stan and embarrassed both of them.

•When Stan head's off for rehearsal he's extremely early to the building, as per Richie's request. Maggie and Wentworth are there to help him rehearse but that proves to be less than helpful for poor Stan. Richie is very dedicated to being a comedian, to the point he practices for much longer than your average stand up act, and he takes way less breaks. Maggie and Went have been told multiple times by Richie that they have to push him to the limit so in their vye to be supportive they accidentally don't allow Stanley breaks or time outs between sets.

•Stan also finds saying Richie's material very humiliating, he has to try to do voices he's never attempted before, recite cringey dialouge, and pretend like he finds hid own really stupid jokes comedy gold. Stan knows he has a strange sense of humor no one else understands, and that seems to have leaked into his delivery of richie's monolouges. He appearently lacks the ability to just deliver words like they're funnt.

•Maggie and Went lie though and say he's doing great, which makes Stan with his own parents, despite his love for them, would have the same unconditional support for him.

•Richie and Stan meet up at around 2 o' clock to discuss how everything went and their conversation doesn't go great.

•Richie feels awful for screwing up Stan's future and Stan feels tired and drained from the endless practice. When Stanley reveals that he punched Connor in the face Richie loses it. "You punched him!? And he dumped me!? Stanley are you crazy!?" "Really Richie!? You're mad right now abour losing your boyfriend!? I might not get to go to college at all because of you now!" "Don't you think I know that!? Oh what am I saying? Of course you don't! You think i'm stupid just like everyone else!".

•Richie defeatedly sits down on the side of the robe and unties his shittily done tie with tears in his eyes. He pulls his legs up to his chest.

•"I'm sorry Stanley. I tried my best. I really tried. I guess even when i'm you i'm a total mess..."

•Stanley sits down beside him and sighs. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to blame you for that. This is is a scary time for both of us...".

•"...Connor didn't really care about me, did he?" "no, Richie, he didn't".

•"I guess that's one little silver lining to all of this. Lord knows i wouldn't have been able to stand up to him myself..." "Why were you even with him at all?" "Because- I liked knowing somebody loved me, even if it was all fake." "Oh Richie, you deserve a lot better than that.".

•Stan and Richie wanna sulk on the side of the road some more but then they see Bill run down the street after them like it was urgent and they have to see what his deal is.

•"Stan! Rich! B-boy, am i glad I found you. There's s-something happening at school! You have to sssseee it!"

•They race to the school but when they get there everything's fine.

•"What gives you guys? What's the problem?"

•all of the losers point at a sign in front of the school that usually says "CURFEW 7 PM" but now says "OPEN GUIDANCE COUNSELING SUN 1 PM-4 PM".

•"YOU SAID THERE WAS A CRISIS!" "YOUR FRIENDSHIP IS IN CRISIS!"

•Richie and Stan plead with their friends that they're fine but their insistance is not heard, so they are practically shoved into the guidance counselors office.

•It might have been a decent idea if the guidance counselor didn't allow a bunch of their teachers to sit in on their conversation.

•Stan and Richie start out by jokingly insulting each other and making it so like they're confessing. Richie even said he's got ultra violent tendencies then whispered "I punched my friends boyfriend in the face" to the counselor.

•The counselor suggests they try roleplaying as one another to work out their issues and ofc Stan and Richie just look at him like -_- "no.".

•Slowly the talk gets more and more serious though, and when the teachers start psychoanalyzing the boys they quickly swap from insulting each other to standing up for one another. When the teachers say that Richie is unfocused and brash and idiotic, Stan stands up for ""himself"" and says he's just got a different way of communicating his feelings. And when the teachers say Stan is a worrisome sad sack in class Richie stands up and says "I have a lot going on to be upset about! I'm sorry I'm not happy all the time! Some people don't feel the need to lie when they're unhappy, and I think that's a wonderful quality!"

•Stan and Richie leave the counselors office arm and arm, feeling confident and happy with one another, happier with each othe

•Rich assumes the boyscout jamboree will probably be a cake walk for him and Stan's dedication to it is more of Stan just being Stan. He is very wrong.

•Stan's troop are a lot like the losers club themselves, a bunch of rejects that nobody wants to look out for and somehow manage to make straightlaced Stan look like the cool badass leader. They can't accomplish a god damn thing, and Richie nearly tears stan's hair out over it.

•The Jamboree judge and organizer is literally insane. He is a grown ass man who absolutely peaked in high school and has decided to take out all his roid rage on unsuspecting scouts. He makes Bev's dad look tame and Henry's father look sane. He's a fucker, plain and simple.

•The jamboree is also not what Richie expected at all. When he heard the words "jamboree" he expected people sitting around a campfire singing songs and having a good time. Not VIOLENTLY INTENSE ATHLETIC COMPETITION. Maybe it would be like the latter if it wasn't ran by a a fucking crazy person, but evidently it isn't. So suck it up, play the impossible trivia, make a mona lisa out of macaroni and glue, and run a military grade obstacle course in five minutes, bitch.

•Eventually, Richie is tasked with doing a bird call and he can't even whistle in his normal body so.... yeah.

•He is also asked to tie a scoutmans knot. Richie didn't even learn how to tie his shoes until he was 10, so again... yeah.

•He's absolutely exhausted from the obstacle course, his legs straight up feel like they are going to combust and when Richie dares to stop running for a second he gets a scream through megaphone into his ear.

•He does not end up winning the jamboree for Stan BUT he does end up getting the event cancelled when he does the unthinkable and stands up to that jerkwad judge. He goes full trashmouth and roasts the crap out of him, igniting a chain reaction of kids and troop leaders stand up and realizing this shit is not normal and leaving midway through the event.

•Richie rushes through town to get to the location he's supposed to be preforming at and manages to sneak in by pretending to be a tech guy. He runs into the backstage area and sees Stan utterly paralyzed by cameras and audience members, terrified to even make a noise.

•He notices Richie standing off to the side and bolts off stage to talk to him, prompting the audience to laugh like it was an elaborate bit.

•"Richie I can't do this! That was horrifying!" "No no no! What about practice!?" "I think I blocked that out due to trauma" "Fuck- oh! I know!". Richie takes a spare ear piece off the table and puts it on stan.

•"I've been practicing that stand up for weeks, i can feed it through to you and you can just repeat it in a funny way!" "No no! I can't even do that!" "Oh my god stan, don't tell me you've never seen a stand up special before!" "Uhhh I saw Eddie Murphey on tv once?" "Great! Just go out there and act like Eddie!" "Right... Murphy, not Kaspbrak right?" "Oh my god yes! Now go before the audience thinks there's something wrong with you!".

•Stan does it and it surprisngly gets easier and easier the more jokes he tells. It helps that the crowd is fairly drunk, but he's got the cadence down pat. When the set is over he proudly takes a bow and runs back to Richie for a high five.

•"That was awesome Stan!" "And a cool inverse of tropes cause... ya know, most comedy writers are jewish." "Was that an attempt at an original joke?" "...yeah." "...i love it, no notes.".

•after a little while stan and richie determine that this all started from those fuckin fortune cookies and they rush home to get their fortunes they didn't throw away yet. They stand in the exact spots they were in when they wished the other would change, holding onto their fortunes.

•but... nothing happens.

•They don't understand. They did everything right, they saw the world through one anothers eyes. They walked a mile in their shoes. They learned important stuff. Why aren't they changing back.

•"Oh god. Stanley... what if this means.. we CAN'T switch back. What if one day is now every day, and we're stuck like this forever?" "Please no..." "Stanley if I had known that I swear i would have never wished for this." "We both wished for this Richie, it's not just your fault. We both fucked up. We both ruined each other's lives." "Stanley I'm scared." "I know... I'm scared to.".

•They determine that if they're really stuck like this then they have to tell the losers, which is going to be extremely hard but at least they can comfort each other while it happens.

•Richie prefaces what he's about to say by saying he's been an over dramatic asshole, mostly because he had his own issues he wasn't properly dealing with. He just wants to say that he's sorry and that he loves all of them no matter what.

•Suddenly, Stanley and Richie both feel a tingle, oddly similar to what they felt when they first opened their fortune cookies.

•"Richie, can you say that again?" "I love you and I'm sorry?"

•Another tingle

•Stanley knows what they have to do now, they had learned but they'd never apologized. They never admitted how they felt, and that was what this was all about, so of course they didn't switch back.

•"Richie, listen to me. I love you more than anything, I love your messy hair, I love your stupid glasses, i love your ugly shirts and silly jokes and every dumb thing that comes out of your mouth. You're one of my bestfriends and I treated you like you weren't. I'm saying this now though, I love you no matter what and whatever makes you happy is what I want for you. You're worth more than I could ever properly say, and I'm sorry I lost sight of that.".

•Richie starts crying.

•"I'm sorry I didn't listen Stanley, i'm sorry i projected onto you and tried to make your problems seem insignificant. I was such an asshole and you don't deserve that, you're fun and wonderful and interesting in your own way. I know because I think you're fun and interesting. I love you, and I wished I never hurt you".

•TINGLE TINGLE TINGLE

•BOOM

•Stan looks down at his hands, Richie looks down at his legs. Yep. They're back.

•They hug each other tightly, tears in their eyes.

•"Stanley, i'm so sorry." "You should never, don't be sorry" "if you thought I didn't care about you-" "Don't say that. I know you do. I know you do and I love it.".

•The losers watch this unfold in confusion. When bill asks if they missed anything stan and richie just tell them not to worry about it.

•Funnily enough, everything turned out just fine in the end, and it was ironically because of the body swap fiasco. The crowd LOVED Stanley's awkwardly relatable stand up, and the beginning gag where he ran off the stage was simply divine. And the college admissions? Richie's curt attitude and spontaneity made him stand out in a good way! He got a full ride, appearently they thought he was one of those mad genius types. Woohoo! And Connor? Richie dumped his ass all thanks to Stan's encouragement. And the boy scouts? They held another jamboree a week later that was fair and actually fun, and guess what? All the losers showed up to support him! And he won! Fuck yeah!

•And they all lived happily ever after... or at least until Bill and Eddie got into an argument at jade of the orient in their 20's, but that's a story for another time ;).

•The end.

[princess-glassred]

Not enough people talk about the fact that bev in the book is cannonically a fujoshi. She sees patrick hockstter jerk henry off at the junkyard and she thinks it's hot.

[princess-glassred]

Why does the stephen king subreddit hate joy and whimsy. I made a post about a hypothetical muppets it adaptation and got 0 upvotes and multiple people asking if the gang bang scene would be included. Can people think of a new joke??? This is like fucking band kid humor but for stephen king.