#and the skin doesnt quite fit back properly so the flesh is poking through the holes and those exposed places are REALLY easy to damage
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Shout out to my brain for convincing me that I'm still missing something in regards to preparing myself to start my new job next Monday, despite the fact that I've read a million "prepare yourself for work" articles and listicles and I have either everything already prepared or at least a plan to prepare that thing this week.
Its like when you're going on holiday and your brain is like "well what if you shit yourself every single day?? What if you pee yourself every five minutes even though you've never struggled with that at home?" Except it's my brain going "hey what happens if they expect you to bring your own phone headset?" Like???? They explicitly DONT, they have TOLD ME WHAT THEY EXPECT OF ME, can we STOP WORRYING OH MY GOD!???
#it doesnt help that the psych i found a couple weeks ago did NOT gel with me so im also on a psych hunt#which is now on pause til the new year because Im about to work 9-5 for five days a week for the first time since 2019#im not going to have TIME for therapy#im gonna maybe go do some helpful chores to shut my brain up and then play minecraft#which is not helpful because going to my partners therapy sessions has started helping me unmask#so its like im this banana thats been half peeled because oh! we were gonna start to make banana bread! (a metaphor here for therapy)#but then Ive realised I actually don't have the time or money or energy to make banana bread (do therapy) so ive had to just???#duct tape that unpeeled banana back together again#and the skin doesnt quite fit back properly so the flesh is poking through the holes and those exposed places are REALLY easy to damage#which like i know logically will be better in the long run for my banana bread but i have no sort of kitchen support at all#like the souix chef has fucked off the garbage boy never showed up for his shift the gravy kitchen hasnt worked in months#and the patisserie chef is way too distracted making eclairs out of chocolate laxatives to help with the fucking banana bread#anyway ive lost control of this metaphor which is actually a hilarious metaphor for my life and how im feeling about it right now#fingers crossed something comes of eventually getting on some sort of medication to help my brain because this genuinely isnt sustainable#especially with my brain going huurrr bdurr youre struggling??? heres a great way to regulate! *jazz hands* harm urself!!!!!#like fuck off kevin we both know thats not even remotely going to help#le sigh#okay thanks for reading if you got this far#im okay im fine im safe im just venting my feelings because journalling Just Wasnt EnoughTM this time#personal#raven rambles#work vent#mental health
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