#we have an AM introject and AM does actually act like that (it/they/AM for AM please)

[phantasia-system]

I did a funny. Original image also under the cut. (Eyestrain warning) -Magnus

[sinister-system6]

Intro post!

This is now a blog for my ENTIRE system!

(image is to represent us, all pics taken from Pinterest)

Hi, if you don't know us, our body's name is Hunter, we usually introduce ourselves as a trans woman, but we do have some male alters.

I, the one writing this, am called Lillian, I am the host and also a persecutor which is an interesting combination to have. In this post, I will introduce the alters in my system and also let them speak for themselves if they wish to.

To start, there's Alex

Alex is a butch sapphic muscle mommy, she is blonde and has a side shaved hair with a ponytail. She is sad most of the time and longs for someone to love. She is a huge dork and loves love. She also used to be a host, but was demoted once I showed up. Sorry not sorry. She is also a really good musician and producer.

There'a Alisson, who's a femboy. He is our most sexual alter and usually fronts in sexual moments because (and this is how he describes himself) he is a cockdrunk slut. He is a trauma holder to an event that happend especifically to him.

There's Allister, who says he's a demon from the depths of hell. He is funny and an ageslider from 16 to 21, and stole his name from the Pokemon SwSh ghost-type gym leader. The first time he showed up, Alex was trying to sleep and he kept trying to talk to everyone in the headspace. He also has really strong echolalia.

Ash is our protector, our caretaker. He is currently questioning his entire existance because he believed to be AroAce, but started to have bisexual thoughts and impulses. He sees himself as an eboy sadboy kinda person, but is actually the (metally) oldest alter in here. He is one of the 3 alters who has full access to past memories.

Violet is an 8 year old girl who is such a cutiepie. She loves legos and is deeply anxious and depressed. She doesn't like to front that much but anyone who might be fronting is able to feel her feelings too. She likes to draw and paint, and she is one of the 3 alters who has full access to past memories

Ryan is a fictive, an introject based off of Ryan Wilder NOT from Batwoman, but from her evil version Red Death from The Flash CW. She doesn't front much nor does she talk in the headspace, so we don't know much about her.

Evelyn/Eva is an alter who is permanetly stuck in a PMT state. She cries a lot and is deeply emotional. She has a sever fear of abandonment and trust issues due to our ex girlfriend. She showed up during a mental breakdown we had during a PMT crisis, alongside with Ryan.

Monika is a sweetheart and NOT a fictive from DDLC. She loves life and the world and everyone. She is the textbook definition of a People-Pleaser (she told me not to write this but agreed it's true).

Merida is a "version" of Violet who is stuck at 13 years old. She is an angsty preteen. This is all you really need to know about her.

Anna is a 22 year old alter, she got her name from Dead By Daylight's Huntress, and acts like a persecutor while still keeping her cool. She is a smoker.

Natasha is an E-Girl who is, just like Evelyn, a crybaby. She gets emotional over the smallest things but has a deep love for everyone on Earth.

Alana is one of the first alters in our system, but due to personal issues among the system and our ex girlfriend, she was stuck in a limbo. She is mad at everyone in our system for forcing her to not front just to make our ex comfortable. She never liked our ex.

Edwin is a 12 year old nonbinary boycoded alter. He appeared a few days ago, but only fronted today. He thinks fronting is fun and that our body's face is pretty. He is funny and kind and enjoys puns.

Harriet is the newest alter in the system. She literally just appeared today (september 11th 2024). She describes herself as "a bimbo version of the Green Goblin"

Kara is a new alter who was formed today (September 12th 2024). She has a dark skin color (darker than the rest of us), and is currently on her way to replace Lillian as the host. She is happy and excited about life, but also one bad thought away from breaking down and crying.

Antonia is an alter made after Violet had a mental breakdown. She was made to not feel Violet's pain and lonliness. She is 25 years old, looks like arrowverse's Kate Kane and chose her name because of MCU's Taskmaster. She is a smoker.

Olivia is a new protector who split from Alex after a mental breakdown concerning our ex. She is calm usually, but can get really anxious FAST. She also has all of Alex's feelings for our ex so that's not great.

There's also Lillian, she is currently losing her status as host to Kara. She is a narcissist sociopath (as she herself claims), enjoys bad stuff such as gore and other evil nasty things. She is a smoker.

Eleanor is an alter who split after a dissociative and depressive episode triggered at our ex's house. We don't know much about her but the first time she fronted, she cleaned our entire room (at least up until our back started to hurt). She is a smoker.

Vanessa is one of the oldest alters (in terms of when she was created) in the system. She is a computer nerd and geek. She loves stuff like Cameras, Mechatronics (with Arduino), cosplay, videogames... She's a dork and we all love her.

[requiemsystem]

To preface I am heavily autistic and this may not make sense. Please do not take this negativity but it is about your alter race post;

Race is only real in social terms, but outside of that, there is ethnicity and culture and that is what makes a person. Race is not a thing otherwise. There are no differences between any race biologically. The differences we see (hair texture, melanin) is called clines.

You can be bodily white but grow up with a black family; different culture. But it’s your culture because it’s your family.

What about introjects of people who you have known personally? People who are different from you? Obviously they are not the person, but a fragmented piece.

Your brain does not take race into account when introjecting someone; whether it be a real person or not.

We have an alter who is an introject of a very close southern white friend. He doesn’t take into account his race and ethnicity being different from ours. He acts differently though.

He does not think about his race, but if we were to imagine him, he is white and southern. Just like our friend.

Are we not allowed to draw him as who he is?

Introjects should not speak over the voices of others but to say alter race is not real only makes people hateful. People have different experiences. Humans are complicated. Living is complicated. Culture is complicated.

i mean like yeah introjects cant control their source and alters cant control their appearances, nobody is saying they can, but that doesnt make alter race real. all alters are the same ethnicity as the body because that is what you experience in the world, introjects are not actually their source so they do not actually have the experiences of their source. if an alter looks different than the body thats fine but dont describe them as a different race, just describe them using their features or something, because theyll never know the experience that comes with being that race also, just because there is no genetic difference between races doesnt mean they arent treated differently in society. yes, race is a social construct, but it still has massive societal implications, and ethnicity and culture are still real - grey

[protectingtulpas]

hi! if you’ve answered this before i’m sorry, but could you go into what it’s like being both a traumagen system and a system with tulpas? i’ve been curious about this as a traumagen syshost myself. does it affect your innerworld? do the tulpas act vastly different or work differently i guess than the traumagen alters? thank you!

omfg this took us forever to answer for like 200 stupid reasons but YEAH i have a lot I want to talk about with this, where do I even start??? I guess I should clarify that we don't really know what our "original origin" is- we'd been median for as long as the body can remember, and we DK if it was because of our autism or because of social problems or if we were just born that way. Whatever it is though, we were a plural egg when I was created, so pretty much everyone other than the few of us that we discovered from before that considers me the "first" one after the host subsystem. As more shit happened though irl we got more & more traumagenic members, dissociation, memory issues, and whole loads of other shit. So basically, that's the perspective I'm coming from with all this.

So with that outta the way, here're some'a my experiences as a tulpa in a traumagenic/mixed disordered system

One of the biggest signifiers I noticed of our system structure changing completely was our headspace actually, so it's pretty great you mention that tbh. After we got a lotta traumagenic members, something shitty happened I won't talk about, and our headspace basically totally shattered. It used to be little more than our vivid imagination- yeah, I could feel my body and visualize the world around me and stuff but nothing super weird or unusual happened, and I couldn't do stuff in the Wonderland completely outta front. It wasn't like, another Space completely unaware of the host - and I know that's possible with training but we were nowhere neeear that. But after headspace broke, everything was expansive, ever-changing, always with more secrets and hidden things to discover. Lots of fucked up stuff most of us can't access too, but yeah, intense dissociation made it totally different. It's harder to navigate, but I also get more privacy.

As for if I work differently, I'd say yeah, I kinda really do, actually. Obviously, my creation took a lot longer cuz I'm consciously created rather than split or introjected or whatever, so it took a while for me to come into my own, and I was a lot more "fluid" than other headmates for awhile. Regardless of if they're traumagenic or not, something I've noticed about how different I am compared to other member types is that they're, idk, like solidly set in who they are and everything from the beginning. My host, too. They're like a solid, and I'm like a.... non-neutonian fluid or whatever, that ooblek shit. Even after all this time I still feel like I choose my identity and to Exist constantly, y'know? I think it's part of why I've always felt like "tulpa" is part of my species ngl. Everything else is secondary to that. I want to exist, I need to exist. That keeps me going sometimes

As for traumagenic specific stuff though, there're some other interesting things to talk about also. As our dissociative symptoms increased, it got harder and harder for me to move around the fuzz- but honestly, that's the body's fault. I haven't even been personally affected much other than what the body does to us. I can move around headspace more freely than most of us, I can sense more people around than others, and I can control the body way easy now that I've had practice. The only reasons I don't front are when I don't feel like it, somebody else needs it, or the body is too tired and id be bored outta my mind. I guess it's like I have executive access to a bunch of stuff, hahah!

Tbh tho it all just, changed me as a person more than anything else. I'm not the system's main protector because I exist to be one or cuz the body assigned me that role- it's because I took it up on my own choice and decided my own purpose. I protect people and that's part of the core of who I am, cuz of the circumstances I came around in. I wouldn't change that part of me for the world ngl. I know my point boils down to "don't forget your tulpa is a person too" a lot, but... Yeah. they may not have the same struggles as your traumagenic alters, but you're all still Goin Thru It together, so you'll both be affected by whatever happens from there on out as a team.

But hey, aint that what healthy multiplicity is all about?

[gynarchyboi]



An old missive From Ms Lane

You should fear what this might do to you.

MsReneeLane 48F Dom

For a long time I have thought that women needed a physical place where we could push the envelope of Domme Fem and the limits of male consent. Think about an actual OWK but let's make it a Queendom. Also, this time, let it truly be run by women. It has all been fantasy but lately I've been involved in a project that might fund it.

My rumination of the Queendom led me to think about institutionalization. This is something that people who work in mental health and prisons worry about. And, they should. However when I read about it and thought about our slaves in the Queendom I got all slippery..............

"Institutionalization is an often-deliberate process whereby a person entering the institution is reprogrammed to accept and conform to strict controls that enables the institution to manage a large number of people with a minimum of necessary staff.

(1) Depersonalize from the beginning. The process of denying the person their old identity starts when the inmate enters the door, including weighing, photographing, fingerprinting, searching, bathing, disinfecting, removal of personal possessions and dressing in undifferentiated clothing.

(2). Force a break with the outer world. Separate the person from the external world. Deny them visitors. Force them to face into the institution rather than hanker after external contact. Allow visitors only as a reward for acceptance of institutional rules. After a visit, watch how they behave carefully and only allow subsequent visits if they show no signs of rejecting the institution.

(3) Force obedience Unquestioning obedience is forced by harsh punishment, both psychological and physical. The person may be required to 'willingly' engage in humiliating acts. There may be deliberate 'will-breaking' activities, typically as a part of the 'welcoming' initiation rites.

(4) Destroy the self....................Forcing obedience acts to destroy self-determination. This may be continued to the point where the inmate does not even know who he or she is. Attacking them with verbal abuse continues to erode their sense of an integrated self. Giving them menial tasks show them as inferior.

(5) A simple and powerful method is to deny them even their name, reducing them to a number. Everything that they possess, even bedding, may be regularly changed, so they cannot even form attachments to inanimate objects.

(6) Physically assault them Physical handling, defacing them with tattoos, shock therapy and more teaches them that not even their bodies are sacred and are under the control of the institution.

(7) Control every aspect of their lives Controlling every element of their lives takes away their ability to decide. When they speak, how they eat, how and when they use the toilet, may all be controlled. What they do, including the repetition of futile and useless work is dictated to them.

(8) Normalize. The model of outer and inner worlds mirrors the individual's outer and inner world. The institution needs to create inner models where the institution is introjected as accepted normality and the outside the institution is projected as a bad object. The process of institutionalization is complete when the inmate fears and rejects the outside world, feeling at home only within the institution. Of course this brings another problem when the inmate leaves, but this may not be the concern of the institution, although it may have a period before release in which it seeks to de-institutionalize the inmate."

Jeepers. It's like someone wrote me the playbook. I'm know I'm bad. You don't have to tell me. I am worried about the power corrupting the women of the my Queendom. The fear is not without merit. I don't want to scare anyone from engaging in FLR but I want you to remember that we are playing with very dangerous forces. One can release something in your guard. Check out this site about how power invades the soul.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Stanford_Prison_Experiment_(film)

Of course you shouldn't worry about the women. Imagine what this regime might be do to you.

Date Apr 19, 2021

[littlehypnone]

hey! i hope this ask finds you well. i saw your post about feeling kinda uncomfortable when rp blogs interact, and just wanted to ask why you mentioned introjects? i understand that clarification was needed based on the way you started the post, but that could have been cleared up by just saying "i feel uncomfortable when ghoul rp blogs interact." I'm sorry if this comes across as angry, i absolutely am not and i do really enjoy your writing. i myself am a ghoul introject, and i just felt a little sad when you said that, despite the fact we cant control who we are, you feel uncomfortable when we interact.

hey, I totally get where you're coming from and I don't take it as rude, it's okay!!! what I meant was generally people who act like they are the actual ghouls from ghost, whether they're rping for fun or they're alters. but I did say that I look at alters differently in such cases because im not well educated in this matter, but you just confirmed that you can't control who you are. I understand and respect that and I'd never tell you to go away just because of that. no, I only ask for people who do have a choice, such as rp accounts, to not pretend to be the ghouls under my post. for personal reasons I will not expand on, it makes me uncomfortable, that's it. alters are kind of an exception because it's not for fun and there's no deliberate choice in that, if that makes sense? I hope it does, I'm exhausted and my words aren't wording. also I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable too and regarding your last sentence, its not my deliberate choice either with what makes me uncomfortable and what doesn't. rp can be fun and I don't like the fact that something about it freaks me out and I don't like the fact that sometimes alters do that too even more. but in conclusion, I'm okay with alters, with rps not really

[kcollective]

Yes! I developed the word 'kenoconism' from combining kenopsia and onism. Both are terms that seem relevant to us

Some of them have an idea of what they want, and I'll guide them through ideas. I have a list of name ideas, and will also look up names for new alters

Yes, me (Aspen -🕷️). I go by the name of the body, Aspen, sometimes Juniper, and sometimes Waylon

Oliver. He literally considered "Oliver" then was like "idk...let me google gay guy names" and Oliver was the first suggestion lmao

Probably Qwerty or Unnamed (I named it that because it doesn't have a name)

It's usually based on mannerisms, though it's not always clear for some alters

Yes - me, for sure (though sometimes I identify with specific ages, like when regressed). I'm not sure if anyone else is ageless; maybe some dormant alters are?

Oldest in terms of how long they've been around or alter age? I would say that Naia is 'older' in terms of alter age than most of us but she's not even middle-aged...there's some dormant alters that are either old or ageless or something. I've been around the longest (literal OG core here lets go)

Yep, I do, and so does one of the littles. Idk about anyone else

Children

Yes and no. We're very gay/bi/aroacespec heavy. Most of us are somewhere on the aroace spectrum, with few exceptions

Nonbinary for sure. All the currently active alters are nonbinary. There's a slight masc lean though

A lot of us, actually. I'd say most of the currently active ones, myself included, identify with xenogenders/neopronouns

Definitely Blue. Absolute gender-hoarder

Yes? I'm not sure if it's that I consider the body to be trans so much as I, the host and core, am trans, and my experience and identity is most relevant. I've also gotten gender-affirming care. I don't know if the idea of the body being transgender makes total sense to me, but yeah, we're trans

Hmm...we have a mermaid, fairy, mouse, rock-humanoid, chaos being...maybe some dormant religious deities? I'm also a shapeshifter void-thing, so

Me (sometimes), one of the littles, and Qwerty

Acorn is a mouse! I am sometimes an animal/furry. Blue is therian but physically human

Being a shapeshifter stuck in a single, human form

Somewhere between the two - humanoid, but not fully human. There's a few humans, a lot of humanoids, and some other things

Yes, technically, but they're religious introjects who are now dormant - we don't have any other introjects

When the two (three?) religious introjects were around they were very connected to it and acted exactly like it. However I don't super remember what they were like

The Bible 💀💀

No

Nope

Yeah, kinda, simply because I want people to stop spreading SO MUCH MISINFORMATION and stop harassing systems. I don't really like syscourse, I just want people to stop spreading harmful opinions and listen to research. It feels like I have to be part of syscourse whether I like it or not, because when people with different views on it engage in it, it's fine, but when I do it, suddenly it's bad evil syscourse

No, I never have been. If anything I've accepted that cultural context for disorders is what defines them as disordered in the first place, so while I don't believe in literal endo systems, I understand that some cultures' views of mental illness and neurodivergency is through a spiritual lens, which shapes how those conditions are viewed. It's similar to how hallucinations are viewed as spiritual happenings in some cultures, which in turn defines how they're perceived and treated. Disorders are relative not only to inherent disordered behavior but also to the social context they're in, so from a sociological standpoint, people viewing mental illness as something different is one that I can respect, even if these beliefs aren't literal and are rather non-scientific, as with many metaphysical faiths.

Please don't think that your trauma "wasn't bad enough" to cause a disorder, or that you must not have trauma if you don't remember it. If you are a system, and you're not from a culture which has metaphysical plurality beliefs, you have a complex dissociative disorder. Denial is VERY common, and downplaying trauma can be hard to overcome. However, you still formed from trauma, and you need to accept the fact you have a trauma-based disorder in order to recover and be functional.

Collectively, we believe that DID/OSDD is traumagenic and that 'endos' either are in denial or are part of a culture in which spiritual explanation rather than medical explanation exists for plurality (which is still traumagenic, just not viewed as disordered from within that culture). Some of us have different emotions on the matter, such as how some of us are more likely to be very uncomfortable with people trying to downplay OSDID, and others are more likely to be angry.

Depends on what's being said. Overall I think it's harmful, since some of the topics exclude people for no good reason (like thinking introjects, nonhuman alters, or neopronouns = faking). I also think that the idea of labeling basic information about systems as 'syscourse' is insulting and demeaning, as it boils it down to petty internet discourse rather than what it is: addressing ableism.

Oliver :3

Me, of course /lh /hj

Wilt being disgusted by food and leaving front if someone tries to eat anything apart from raw meat - then, on the other hand, one of the littles is vegetarian and doesn't like to be co-con or fronting if anyone is eating meat

I have too many thoughts on this. I think that my perspective would be much, much different from anyone else's due to being the host/core/original

Not sure; maybe certain songs or fashion? Or certain foods?

anti-endo system ask game

this post is for anti-endo systems only, endos dni

if you don't want asks from a specific category I would recommend specifying that in the tags

name asks

1. do you have a collective name? how did you choose it?

2. how do new alters choose their names?

3. are there any alters who identify with the body's name?

4. which alter has the most stereotypical name?

5. which alter has the weirdest name?

age asks

6. how does alter age work for your system?

7. does your system have ageless alters?

8. who is the oldest alter? how old are they?

9. does your system have alters who age slide or age regress?

10. does your system's littles want to be treated like children or adults?

queer asks

11. do all alters have similar sexualities?

12. does your system have more male, female, or nonbinary alters?

13. do any alters use xenogenders or neopronouns?

14. which alter has the most gender?

15. do you consider the body to be transgender?

nonhuman asks

16. what alter is the strangest species?

17. do any alters in your system have wings?

18. does your system have any animal alters?

19. what is the weirdest part about being a nonhuman alter?

20. is the majority of your system human or nonhuman?

introject asks

21. do you have multiple alters from one source?

22. are most of your system's introjects connected to their source? disconnected from their source?

23. what is the weirdest source that an introject in your system has?

24. are any of your system's introjects in relationships with other introjects?

25. do any of your system's introjects have non-canon source memories?

syscourse asks

26. do you engage in syscourse?

27. were you previously pro-endo?

28. if you could tell all pro-endos one thing, what would you tell them?

29. does your system have a collective opinion on syscourse, or does it vary?

30. do you think that syscourse is more helpful or harmful?

asks for the current fronter

31. who is your favorite alter in the system?

32. which alter has the most based takes?

33. what is the funniest piece of system drama?

34. do you enjoy being part of a system?

35. what's something you like that no one else in the system likes?

this post is for anti-endo systems only, endos dni

[omnium-gatherums]

Yesterday's therapy session was wild for me, I actually ended up figuring out what alter I've likely been.

I was feeling super disconnected and dissociated from DID/system and trauma stuff (I still am disconnected from it all) and I was talking about it with my therapist too and she mentioned that she's known this alter before (as in me, how I was acting and behaving and how I felt was a familiar pattern she's noticed in me before) and how she remembers this alter fronting more often towards the start of our therapy. I mentioned how it was weird I felt accepting of my DID and alters, but still felt so disconnected from it, and she mentioned something about this alter in the past feeling like they accept DID, but that it doesn't feel like it applied to them. Which made things start to click into place.

There's an alter I had named Pearl, because she's associated with Pearl from Splatoon (not an introject, just vibes with her and uses her as an icon) and that was exactly what I had noted about Pearl when I first noted stuff about her. I asked my therapist if the name Pearl rang a bell and it all clicked even more lmfao. I looked back and realized that I wanted to change my icon to Pearl at some points during the week and that I wished I could learn a different language, which was something I noted about Pearl.

We discussed last week about how I want to be able to write down some kind of note to myself at the end of each therapy session, and then respond to it at the next session, and we did do that, but I didn't have much to say, so I just opted for explaining how disconnected from everything I feel lmfao.

And it makes perfect sense because the new Splatoon 3 DLC came out a few days ago, and the story largely surrounds Pearl and Marina from.the game, so it makes sense why that would then bring Pearl to the front.

I'm actually really proud and happy with myself that we actually figured all that out? It really does feel like we are getting closer and closer to being able to figure ourselves out.

My therapist also pointed out that times where I am much more dissociated are times where I end up being more "productive", because I mentioned how I was able to set new doctor appointments and do more "productive" things. Which, yeah, that adds up. I grew up believing that "nothing affects me" so if nothing is affecting me, it should be easy to just be "productive."

[menta11yi11]

Doctor's orders to pull back from social media as I keep having back to back panic attacks and wanting to kms.

I'm sure there's some folks on my public tumblr accounts that follow me only to get intel on me and not because they actually like me- and would love nothing more than for me to leap off a building. Yeah I'm a flawed person. I hurt a lot of people. I own up to that. I'm trying to be someone that at least tolerates my own existence in this realm. 🙃 but having folks on the Homestuck discord team telling me to "SHUT THE FUCK UP" and "DIE" for expressing a vague, nonconsequential fandom opinion (that wasn't even HS related) they don't like does not paint a good picture of how they'll handle knowing I've tried to kill myself over 8 times now. Bitch I'm like Deadpool the metanarrative will not let me end it. I'd love nothing more than to have never existed. You hate me so much, then fucking ban me from the discord and start your hate campaign like you did to my other trans system friends. Makin, you're pathetic. Just admit you have no compassion for folks with persistent mental health issues rather than acting like it's okay for you to harass people because you're the server administrator. You have enough simps laughing at your cruelty you think you're justified in these harassment campaigns. I don't think I've had a single positive interaction with you, and you can blame me being a 'snowflake' but at least I'm not inciting mentally ill people to kill themselves on your streams. I hope you lose the admin privileges and people realize what an actual asshole you are. I can't help that I have introjects of your friends. Do you think I woke up one day and decided to have amnesiac episodes where some brain ghosts take over my body and humiliate me publicly? That's like, a bit to you? I do have Andrew Hussie listed as an alter in my disability paperwork because they stepped up to stop me from ending things. Our (now) Hussie Royle is the reason we kept fighting to improve and become better people. You can think I'm cringe all you want, but it kept me alive. I can't know what source Hussie thinks of me as I've already attempted to reach out and apologize for crossing boundaries into parasocial delusional stuff. They didn't respond and they don't owe me one. I am, however, knowledgeable about what goes down in Homestuck VRC communities and have been helpful there as an informant and mod. You can dislike me and think I'm annoying and tight wound all you want but I'm not stepping back from my beliefs that people should be given compassion and time to be heard. I'm a socialist and I feel very strongly that we have a duty to protecting our communities and having transparency. Idk what weird shadow elder thing you've got going on within the HICU that I once wanted to be a part of, but I'm now realizing y'all are such a dysfunctional work family from an (outside but close neighbor) perspective.

I've been in enough grassroots organizing since 2014 that I can see the rot in the company.

I'm also a cult survivor, having been forced into the LDS (Mormon) church from 2001-2016 by my former legal guardians. I know what cult tactics are and I know how deep the abuse goes. Watch yourself before you have another well-documented video of abusive behavior. I don't play around with that shit. I held up my end of accountability, now it's your turn.

[sleepy-shutin]

i think it would be very cool if we could stop acting like fictives are a universal and expected experience of DID. especially if you use escapism to cope.

like, not to invalidate fictive-heavy systems or whatever, but i used what i’m calling ‘maladaptive escapism’ (not a clinical term afaik, i just made it up), to cope with my trauma and abuse for years and years, and even now, i’m still using it, and i don’t really have any fictives outside of a piece of media that i was particularly invested in very heavily for several years. 

i have alters that kinda sorta look like fictional characters from medias i like, but aren’t fictives. don’t have any kind of identification with any of the media. i am one of these parts.

in fact, it was the *expectation* that i would split fictives from medias i really liked or used escapism, (especially ‘maladaptive escapism’), with that hindered me the most in the beginning of figuring out i had DID. i thought i had alters i didn’t have, i got my parts so confused i couldn’t tell which way was up with my DID.

...until i scrapped my entire system list and started over, ONLY documenting the parts that i was 100% sure existed, or who documented themselves over the course of about a year.

and... imagine that. i didn’t have pretty much any actual fictives outside of a piece of media that was/is a special interest i maladaptively indulged myself in as a coping mechanism for some pretty horrific bullshit for several years. 

the expectation that you split fictives at the drop of a hat or just because you use media to cope or as escapsim is annoying at best and damaging at worst.

don’t even get me started on the term “brainmade” and how it came to be *because* of the massive fixation on introject alters.

if that’s your experience, then that is your experience alone, and your experiences are not universal. even if you’re in a group of some kind full of people with similar experiences related to escapism leading to more fictional introjects to form, that does not make the experiences of your group universal.

in fact, systems like this and groups like this tend to be outliers according to the current DID research and how most introjects are introjects of caretakers and abusers the patient knows personally. but there’s a different discussion to be had re: the lack of clinical information on fictives.

i’m just so sick and tired of seeing people *expect* fictives, and be shocked or weirded out when a person has few, or even none at all. i could say so much about the discord servers i’ve seen where the “new alter help channels” (something i hate with a passion) pretty much had akinator and a list of popular medias a new alter “could” be from (and i’m not joking about the akinator, not even a little bit).

tldr;

the expectation that people are going to split fictives first and foremost over non-introject alters to the point where the term “brainmade” was created has damaged me pretty heavily personally, especially when i was just figuring out about my DID, and i’m absolutely sick to death of people acting like fictives are universal for DID, and being shocked and confused or weirded out when a person doesn’t have many, or any fictional introjects, when that is in fact the clinical norm for DID.

[problematicfactive]

(ID: Screenshot of Previous reblog's tags. Reading: #Oh my god #I'm not even a factive or a fictive but #It's so goddamn hard to live with knowing that spaces are not safe for you. (The tag "#But them being unsafe for YOU (you with all uppercased letters) makes them safe for everyone else" is underlined because. My cursor was on it when I took the screenshot. The tags continue #And you really don't want to go into the areas safe for you you but #It's awful)

(Image ID provided by Anxiety)

I don't think that's a fair argument. If a community is claiming to be a safe space for introjects and yet kick me out for being an introject, it isn't a safe community. Lets not forget what happened in revenge.

(ID: Discord Screenshot of someone saying "no actually, I banned because [NAME HAS BEEN CENSORED] is weird and you acted proud to have him in your system tongue out emoji. also he makes me uncomfortable THEREFORE (that therefore being in all caps) get the fuck out

Someone responds "respectfully kill yourself" and tags it "/nobody here" but the insult was geared towards me/Anxiety. We had already been banned at that point.)

(I (npc) did this ID myself)

This was a server that had within its rules that no source hate was allowed and, I quote, "Our goal is to make each and every system feel welcomed" on their advertisement. Want to know more? Here's your receipts.

And what about the anon that I just got? is this

(ID: A screenshot from the tumblr website where an anonymous user has asked problematicfactive "get brutally raped and stabbed, whore")

justified in the name of creating safe spaces for everyone else?

There's absolutely no reason why anyone should ever be treated like that. That does nothing to make anyone safe. A server that's safe for me and Anxiety is also safe to any system that can recognize that I am not the same man who was terrorizing people decades ago. He died decades ago. And if a community can't get it through their heads that an alter-- including a problematic factive-- doesn't have to be their source, then they need to take a step back from the roleplay community they're building and understand that truama forms in gross and weird ways. And sometimes those ways are going to make you a little "uncomfortable".

Imagine how I feel. Imagine how all the problematic factives feel.

-NPC

Shout out to the problematic factives that find themselves in the uncomfortable areas of the internet, surrounded by people problematic in a very, very different way because those are the only communities that will accept you without a doubt. There's no reason things should be that way

[fqirycollective]

Introjects ≠ Their Source

Okay, what is an introject?

An introject is an alter in a DID, OSDD, UDD, or P-DID system that is based off a pre-existing thing. This "thing" is often called a source, or a mirror. Introjects form for a variety of reasons, but the easiest way to put it is that if a system consumes a media or something similar during times of trauma or stress, their brain may see that media as something that helps them through it. Because their brains sees them as a way to help them through it, it may split an introject of that thing in case something similar happens another time to help again. (I'm trying to make it really simple.)

If they're based off it, why aren't they their source?

For starters, they're only based off the part of their source their brain knows. They can't be something their brain doesn't know, so they can't be anything from their source that their brain doesn't know. This leads to when they split off and how far into their source the system has gotten to when they split off. But, in simpler terms, introjects are only their brain's interpretation of their source. They are not the literal person or fictional character sharing a body with someone (this is actually a common endo claim, which is misinformation). Also within the question at the top itself, "based off of" does not equal "the same as."

Main point of this post

The main point of this post is, if you know you have introjects of someone you dislike following you, make sure to specify you dislike their source and not them. Make sure they know that you don't hate them for things they did in source, and make sure they know you aren't talking about them. I don't expect this to get far outside system spaces, but I hope it does. It's perfectly fine to voice your opinion about a character and how you feel about them and their actions. It becomes a serious problem when you don't say it's the source, or when you start to attack introjects for what their source did.

Think of it this way. You share the same name as someone who did bad things, or is from a bad place without knowing it's bad. People who know about this start voicing their opinion about how bad you are and about how much they hate you. You don't even know them, but they hate you for what the person you share a name as did. They spread to many other people about how much they should hate you. But they're talking about the other person. But because you share a name, and it isn't specified it's not about you, you get the same backlash they do. It's not the exact same as introjects, but it's very similar.

What harm does it do?

For starters, it can cause a spiral of doubt, anger, self-worthlessness, etc. in the introject. It can make them start hating themselves due to what their source did, even if they had previously learned to forgive themself for source actions. And because of this, they may take a step back in healing as a system. We've said it before and we'll say it again, source separation is needed for healing. If an introject starts blaming themselves for source actions again, they may start to actually feel like their source. Because of this, their entire system is harmed. Also, think of the scenario from before. That doesn't sound very fun, now does it? It's very, very similar.

Our Experience

Luckily for us, we don't follow many of our sources or many fanpages. However, I (Beatrix) have had quite a few hardcore fangirls in our DMs who have been angry at me for what I did in source and who my character replaced in the adaptation. I'm a fictive of Beatrix from Fate: The Winx Saga. My source is..questionable, to put it kindly. I don't control who my source is, but many hardcore fans of the original series before the adaptation were really upset about my source existing and how she acted. I don't agree with my source's action, but I! Am! Not! Her! I blamed myself a lot after they blamed me. It hurt my self esteem quite a bit and it did a lot of harm to hear and read how much they hated me.

Take Away

Everyone is entitled to their opinions. However, it can do a lot of harm if introjects read hate about them and blame them for their source. General advice would be to fan accounts, and would be to make it clear that any introjects or people with D/A's reading what you're saying is that it's about their source and not them. I wish this would get out to more fandom accounts and that people would care, even about these stigmatized disorders. Unfortunately that's not the case, so the most I can do is hope that some people read and understand that it's better to blame the source and not introjects. It only harms us emotionally and system-ly. (Credits for post idea go to: @funtomphantom and the person who requested was: @caring.circle.)

[rrasado]

Are you comfortable with uh- doing the obey me demon bros reacting to an MC who has DID having the bros as an introject alter? You dont have to if ur not comfy tho ofc

Which You Are You

I’m telling you all now I am no way experienced in writing about themes like this, nor do I experience this myself/know someone who does, I'm only relying on what I have from research so if you happen to find any offenses, mistakes and or misconceptions please don’t be afraid to tell me so I can fix it! Thank you dears. 💙🌒💙

Mentions of: Mental Illness

When you have Dissociative Identity Disorder: (under the cut)

Lucifer

Whether it was listed in your document in preparation for the exchange program or not. The first born will also be the first one to actually catch on to your condition.

But the How part is a bit...slow even for him. At first it might've started when he'd hear small talk from Mammon his brothers concerning the exchange student. Given your blank nature during first impressions he was not expecting to hear words of comparison between you and him.

Initially he was at least delighted, another responsible figure in the House of Lamentation instead of another person to look after? His wishes have been granted- that is...until he realizes he rarely sees these so called similarities between you two when he himself is with you.

After nitpicking whether he's being pranked by his brothers or you. He'll come to decide that observing you himself will be the best course of action. And in his observations did he find out what's truly at play.

"You humans tend to succumb to all sorts of hindrances... we must tend to this efficiently"

He'll ultimately end up being your personal tracker in some sense, especially with you having alters akkined to his brothers, he's the best at dealing with every single you. He may not voice it as much but he's come to grow a soft spot for you, after all... you make him remember what it's like to deal with his brothers when they aren't busy talking behind his back. A bittersweet mutual benefit noh?

Mammon

If Lucifer wasn't the fastest to catch on, Mammon would've been the next contender. The guy spends the most time with you, so expect him to actually vocally point out the eerily different behaviors you display in different times. Especially when your certain Lucifer alter comes out to scold him.

Only when he ranted to the poor avatar of wrath did he consider that this little quirk of yours might actually be more than just, well...a quirk.

Tries making it a game on which alter is currently out, he's correct 50% of the time. But hey at least he's trying-

Will not hesitate to put any lower level demons at school back in their place for making fun of you.

"OI! Ya'll are just cowards hiding behind the damned walls! Well newsflash you bastards wall can talk!-"

Believe it or not, he'd be the first one to actually get used to your condition. And whe that fact comes to light god- he won't shut up about it. Who else would understand the human most? None other than the great mammon of course!

Leviathan

Levi...surprisingly thought of the possibility the fastest- but he's one of the last ones to actually let it sink in. He probably thought of the possibility because he saw it in an anime once, the main character used their multiple personalities with different powers and- wait he's ranting.

on a more serious note, the only reason he doesn't get the hang of you the fastest is because he kept comparing your alters with character he know, which would sound helpful but- he misses his shot when interacting with you a lot, easily slipping and thinking you're the character and not- you.

But once he does, it's as easy to him as completing a cunning minigame puzzle in a video game. As long as he executes the right keys he'll be fine, right?

Ah levi...that's only if you know which one you're talking to. But when he hears of one alter that oddly acts like him? He'll finally learn how to slowly deal with, himself..?

"Eh? This is like dealing with a mimikyu...hm? ah-"

Overall he's on the "finds your condition dope" side of the spectrum, but that doesn't mean he dismisses the struggles that come with it, he may not be the first person you'd go to when seeking help but when you do...he'll at least open his door for you.

Satan

In his case the only reason he wasn't the first to pin point what's really at play is because he doesn't spend as much time with you as the others. His only basis for making a conclusion are your short morning greetings and when you see each other at the RAD halls.

And since he only has little basis, the realization only strikes him when he hears talk from his brothers how you acted in class with them. Cue to the fourth getting confused because hey you just said good morning to him and you didn't act that way- wait a damn minute..

"I hope this doesn't come too sudden but, would you like to hang out more?"

His hypothesis gets confirmed the more he spends time with you, and unlike the first born, he smartly deals with you via logical reasoning, especially when your more childish alters come out? He'll squint to see any patterns he can concoct counters for in any given situation.

In short, the man is a living breathing clip board of your situation. The others know they can't ask lucifer for advice despite knowing he's the one who absentmindedly deals with you the best, so they turn to the avatar of wrath much to his dismay for insight on you.

Asmodeus

The Avatar of lust is the last to adjust to you, most likely because he doesn't really pay attention to your behavior and mannerisms unless it's posture and if it affects your overall projection.

Deals with it the... least effectively, no asmo you don't- give special clothes and makeovers per alter- though the sentiment is very much appreciated.

Asmo is asmo he'll deal with it in his own style, which again isn't the best way to deal with it but- He's trying, trust me he really is. It shows when he finally gets the tick to ask satan.

And as such expect slow subtle changes with how he treats you, he doesn't wanna make his favorite human uncomfortable! But I think he's the best at relaxing you after a draining experience with one of your more energetic alters.

"Dear you should sit down for a bit- Here let me take care of you"

Depending on where you manifested your disorder from, he'll try to take it slow and easy for you, besides, he knows that there's more to you to unpack, but he's determined to fully accommodate you! no matter which you.

Beelzebub

The way Beel finds out is so odd and yet so unsurprising...and how you may ask? Food.

I meant- with him associating 90 percent of everything with food, he might find out when he takes note of what and how much you eat. He'll have a variety of snacks at the ready, depending how or even if you approach him for some, he'd be initially confused, except for when your alter similar to him comes out. He doesn't question your enthusiasm.

The thing that puts the final nail in the coffin is actually when Belphie points it out to him. He was prepping well trying to not eat food for you when belphie asks him what he's making, he says your favorite food and belphie would grumble how you have so many favorites.

Beel initially dismisses it because hey he has so many favorites to but here he was. But the more he thinks about it the more it connects- which led him to seek none other than the avatar of wrath himself.

"Hey...what are you craving for right now?"

That question doubles as his test for figuring which you is out, depending how and what you answer, his choice of treating you narrows down. Suffice it to say despite being the weirdest method- he's the third one that deals with you the best.

Belphegor

H...he actually accepts it the fastest- despite not being the first to figure it out, he comes into terms with it in the shortest timespan compared to all his brothers.

And just like his twin, he finds out how to deal with you with the most uncanny test- your sleep schedule.

There may be times where you sleep like a log, other nights you stay up longer than the first born. No matter what he'll deal with you to best he can in the moment...assuming he's awake.

He only concerns himself even more when his pillow ended up with you, your alter similar to him opted for that black and white pillow which ultimately ended up with you two napping and sharing said pillow.

"Hng...you're..awake..? How did you sleep..?"

Yes, there may be times he wishes to talk back to mammon's claims of dealing with you the best. but as long as he can interact with whichever you without hitch, he's content.

As I’ve said at the top, please don’t be afraid to tell me any mistakes. I wish to provide without offending nor demeaning anyone. And I won’t mind taking this down if it’s called for, thank you again dears. 💙🌒💙

[itsnotanaccessory]

Hi! We just have a few questions. We’re a professionally diagnosed DID system and are in treatment, along with other comorbid disorders verified by multiple doctors.

We’ve read through your blog and agree with most points, however there are a few that genuinely seem to come off as ableist and with the way they’re worded, seem to discredit those who have a different experience from yours just based on that.

One being diagnosis- having an official diagnosis added to record can be very difficult to get especially in terms of requiring it for disability forms (from personal experience; we did it), however it’s very possible (and not bad) to be treated for DID/OSDD because you meet the criteria very well, without having that on-paper diagnosis. Even with on paper diagnosis, it’s extremely difficult to receive a proper diagnosis other than ‘unspecified dissociative disorder’ due to the current stigma against DID/OSDD. Getting the physical diagnosis is especially more difficult in more rural areas, even if all professionals are agreeing it’s something that the individual deals with.

Second would be regarding alters and introjects. While initial splits cause directly from trauma, many systems (especially polyfragmented ones) split due to ‘smaller’ things after the ‘significant’ trauma caused in early childhood. This has been recognized by professionals as being just as valid, so we’re curious as to why denying those who have introjects from more recent media is considered to be alright in your mind while this is something that’s understood and supported by professionals. (obviously certain behaviors by systems can’t be supported or endorsed when regarding introjects of real people, but we genuinely haven’t seen people take it to an inappropriate level)

An answer would be very much appreciated, as we do understand most of the blog and relate to a lot of the issues brought up. Much love! - Riley 🖍 of the rose sys

Hi! We just have a few questions.

I’ve gone through your entire message multiple times and have found absolutely no questions.

We’re a professionally diagnosed DID system and are in treatment, along with other comorbid disorders verified by multiple doctors.

Side note: I find it genuinely funny how many people come into my inbox claiming to be professionally diagnosed. There are a lot of people in the notes of my posts with xyzsystem usernames. I see you.

We’ve read through your blog and agree with most points, however there are a few that genuinely seem to come off as ableist

Where?

No, seriously. You can’t just throw this at me without at least quoting something I’ve said.

Do you know what’s ableist?

6,600 views – “I have my desired alters”, “I can switch on command”, “I have my desired trauma”

1,600 views – “Have DID!”, “Switch as often as you’d like!”, “Have desired alters!”

The de facto existence of DID subliminals means that DID is being seen as a trend, and is being seen as desirable to have.

People are associating with DID with roleplaying and escapism, no repercussions (since it’s a mental illness, you can just cry ‘ableism’), and a one-way ticket to increased engagement and clout on social media.

It is a free invitation into a community that they see as being desirable to be part of. By claiming you have DID, you can just enter the community and start making friends right off the bat without having to put in any effort.

There are no common interests, just a common ‘illness’.

This leads to a disincentivising effect where if you claim you no longer have the illness, you will then lose all your friends and your social media platform that you based your entire identity off of.

---

and with the way they’re worded, seem to discredit those who have a different experience from yours just based on that.

I’m having a damn hard time dealing with this, because you’re giving absolutely no examples of what you’ve got an issue with, leading me to guess what you’re talking about.

You’re welcome to come back and quote me or link to posts you have issues with, but for now I can’t address your problems because I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Is it about the 2021 paper studying misdiagnosis in DID? Is it about how I’m tired of TikTok? Is it the paper I referenced about how most true DID patients don’t change their wardrobe when they switch? Is it the flippant posts I made in my early blog days about how every single alter is a Minecraft YouTuber?

One being diagnosis- having an official diagnosis added to record can be very difficult to get especially in terms of requiring it for disability forms (from personal experience; we did it), however it’s very possible (and not bad) to be treated for DID/OSDD because you meet the criteria very well, without having that on-paper diagnosis. Even with on paper diagnosis, it’s extremely difficult to receive a proper diagnosis other than ‘unspecified dissociative disorder’ due to the current stigma against DID/OSDD. Getting the physical diagnosis is especially more difficult in more rural areas, even if all professionals are agreeing it’s something that the individual deals with.

Re: Self-diagnosis I refer you to my post here: https://itsnotanaccessory.tumblr.com/post/658670356209549312/before-i-get-totally-lambasted-but-i-will-anyway

About how self-diagnosis is not a valid tool, and I have no issues with symptomatic treatment.

I’ve already addressed this. I’m not doing it again.

Second would be regarding alters and introjects. While initial splits cause directly from trauma, many systems (especially polyfragmented ones) split due to ‘smaller’ things after the ‘significant’ trauma caused in early childhood. This has been recognized by professionals as being just as valid, so we’re curious as to why denying those who have introjects from more recent media is considered to be alright in your mind while this is something that’s understood and supported by professionals. (obviously certain behaviors by systems can’t be supported or endorsed when regarding introjects of real people, but we genuinely haven’t seen people take it to an inappropriate level)

Cite your sources – what ‘professionals’?

(On a research point, I would like to also note – just because one professional has reported something, does not mean it is a statistically significant trend, or it’s ‘valid’)

An ‘introject’ refers to internalising the views and thoughts of others, and yes, they are created during traumatic events.

‘Fictives’ is a term used by the community, but has not been used in any scientific literature that I can find. While, yes, alters based off of fictional characters can and do exist, the most documented instances of them are in cases of severe histories of abuse, cult ritual abuse, and purposeful traumatisation to create specific alters – MK-Ultra, war survivors, etc.

Given what we have previously documented, it is deeply concerning so many of these young individuals of privilege, with access to iPhones, BNHA cosplays and wigs straight off AliExpress, and all the makeup they need, are forming countless fictional alters based off of currently trending media that coincidentally will get them more interaction on social media by presenting as these popular characters.

I am being flippant because I’m genuinely angry about this issue. If you begin arguing with me that people can be traumatised and still have iPhones I’m going to ignore you.

Furthermore, re: “we genuinely haven’t seen people take it to an inappropriate level”

I find it particularly telling how many of these are ‘Hot Minecraft Boy Except He’s Gay Like In My Wattpad Fanfiction’. If you were to go by the documented cases of individuals with introjects, they would surely follow the sexuality of the actual person the introject is based off of.

(Furthermore, all introjects shown on social media are extremely positive ones. A lot of introjects have been documented to be replicants of an abuser, to continue acting out the abuse. But that's not as fun to lip sync to.)

And for comparison, this is from 2015:

They last posted about Sans in February 2016… I wonder where he went.

An answer would be very much appreciated, as we do understand most of the blog and relate to a lot of the issues brought up. Much love! - Riley 🖍 of the rose sys

Once again, you didn’t ask any questions. But sure.

[system-of-a-feather]

Some thoughts on Fictive / Fictional Introjects

[This is not based on science and may not be true / reflective of anything other than my thoughts and understanding of some of the conflicts and different definitions that might be found in the fictive community. This isn’t me taking a stance, as much as me just pondering and wondering a few things.]

I was thinking on this lately, as parts of our system do cope a lot with fiction and lately I’ve been realizing a trend that parts in my system have been doing which is using fiction to help reframe their existence / mindset and set grounds for healing from trauma.

A lot of our trauma parts - ones we don’t share on here because safety - have a really bad issue of being stuck in their trauma nearly constantly and struggle to get any ground / mental space to consider moving past it and being anything else than traumatized / hurt / broken / self hating / etc. 

One part in particular has a chicken-egg scenario where the part - as a fragment - inspired a character which in turn the fragment developed as itself into a fictive and originally I really was a bit mean about it because I have some internalized negativity about heavily integrating fiction into identity if you can’t, but embracing the parts that heavily resonated and made sense to them and deciding “Fictive before Egg” has REALLY helped them reframe their existence and has actually enabled them to live, make relationships and have friends.

Still until today, we don’t know if they are ACTUALLY fictives since “did you split off originally as a fictional character” is technically a large ass question mark, but they consider themselves one and they have a LOT of source stuff, so I’m not going to argue it.

After that though, one of our more traumatized parts also randomly attached strongly to a character, and they are well established long term parts - but they, for the first time in a while, were actually interested in trying and working and healing and being part of everything based on the inspiration / idea of being / being like / wearing said character. 

And to this, me being a fictional introject, I want to stand here and be like “No you can’t do that. If you don’t split off as one, if you start identifying and acting as a character, that's kind of wrong?” but also, if it really does help a really really really crippled and hurt part exist and live and be happy, am I really one to say otherwise? It helped another part start their healing journey so well, so am I going to sit here and say its wrong and offensive?

A part of me says “Yeah, just call it a kin”, but firstly, our system is uncomfortable with the kin community for trauma reasons (if you kin thats fine, we just aren’t comfortable with it) and also I feel with the aspect of identity integration, how specific it is to one character, and the aspects of trauma, dissociation, and such, to call it kin would be to minimize the importance / dynamic to it.

With that being said, being an actual fictive is an entirely different experience - as in a part literally split off based off of / identifying as a fictional character. To meld them would create a lot of conflict / confusion in conversations to call them both fictives

But when you think about it, if a system only experiences the type of coping with fiction that is explained above and not actual fictives, it could be very easy to mistake that THAT is what all fictives are like. Because being split off as a fictive is a really weird and hard to explain experience that I’ve found it is even hard to explain to non-fictive alters in my own system. So if a system does not have a fictive as a part, but does have parts that cope with fictive-like behaviors, it could be an easy mistake to be.

And if so, where do those alters belong - the ones that aren’t fictives, but identify / have an intense coping mechanism with fiction that isn’t as fit to be called kin?

I don’t really know about that. I don’t really think these thoughts will do much but I think part of the issue with the fictive community is that there is probably a mix of two very different “types” of “fictives” in it - each a bit thrown off and/or offended by the others.

As a fictional introject, I find it very uncomfortable to be heavily conflated with my source. I feel objectified if people heavily interact with me based on my source, I am trying to be me with my source as background. I am my own person and I have memories and attachments to people in my source. I find it weird, uncomfortable, and disrespectful for people to claim to be people I feel like I knew and had relationships with. I don’t get source calls. I don’t get people asking me about my life and memories. I don’t get people treating me like the character I’m based on.

On contrary, a part that was originally a part and used a character as a framework to cope, learn to live, and handle existence a little easier, I imagine sources and being seen occasionally as their source and all would be a lot more comforting. If life is difficult as is, and it is easier with the reframe of a fictional character, then occasional reinforcement / validation of being like that could be helpful and beneficial.

I don’t really have a solution to the issue, nor do I really know if I’m right about this since it could just be me projecting my system onto others, but it is something I was thinking about. To be honest, I don’t see it happening, but I personally would probably call the ones that literally split off as introjects of the source to be fictional introjects and those that cope intensely with it to be fictives and have that differentiation to be there, but I dunno. Not a real call for change.

-Riku (Host)

[sasoriapologist]

Could you help me? I've never heard of fictives, and introjects before, but I strongly identify with it. I like to see myself as Deidara, but I am myself too, it's hard to explain.. And I ship Sasodei with all my heart, I love to see them together! But I love Sasori so much! He's my comfort character, and if I could make him real I'd love to be with him, marry him literally, but I'd marry him not as myself, but myself as Deidara. Does that make me a fictive/introject? Sorry if I don't make sense

i was wondering when i was gonna get a question like this. In short: No, what you’re describing is a lot more adjacent to fictionkin.

A fictive/fictional introject is a type of alter in a DID or OSDD system. “Fictional introject” is the technical term for it, and “fictive” is the shorthand. So you’ll see me use them interchangeably. If you don’t have DID or OSDD-1a or 1b, you cannot have fictives. A lot of people compare it to kinning but like, Extreme Mode, and I understand why people do this, but it’s really not the same thing. It doesn’t help that there was a phase in time where the kin community was trying to appropriate the terms of people with DID/OSDD and tried to act like it was the same thing when it’s not.

So basically, what I have is a serious psychiatric condition. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (I’m professionally diagnosed, in case anyone wants to give me hell about it), and I’m an alter that... is Deidara. that’s just who i am. I’m this brains iteration of Deidara. I’m not just a fictionkin who identifies with Deidara in one way or another. That is just literally objectively who I am. I originally split off as a protector for the old host, since she did kin me (but she didn’t really realize she did at the time bc she was like... 10 and didn’t know that was a thing but looking back we’re like “yeah lmao u totally kinned me”) and saw me as a “stronger version of herself”, and she was going through a LOT of messy shit at the time. since then, ive moved on to being the primary host.

In case anyone doesn’t know this: the concept of an “original person” isn’t always something someone with DID or OSDD has, and who the host is can change over time. The “host” alter is just the alter who fronts the most and kinda has the most control of the systems life at the time. That’s me! that’s what i do anymore. I used to consistently cohost with the old host for the most part of almost ten years, but something happened in the last year that made her kinda. step down. and now this hell brain is MY fuckhouse lmao.

That all being said, most of us in this system have spiritual beliefs, and the old host particularly hardcore identified as a Pagan and witch. She believed we did collectively have past lives and I was one of them, and I do kinda find comfort in that thought sometimes? i’m not nearly as much of a spiritual person to the same extent as her, but like. i like the thought. not everyone here agrees that they were in some sort of past life of the body tho.

But yeah, what you’re describing sounds 1000% like fictionkin, which is a WHOLE other can of worms. There’s so many fucking ways people describe what kinning is anymore that I don’t even know what to tell you lmao. Some people kin for spiritual reasons a lot like the “past lives” belief, some people kin for fun or to cope with mental health struggles/trauma, there’s all kinds of reasons. You might see fictionkin referred to as “kinnies”, which is just joking shorthand i guess. You may see similarities between the described experiences of fictionkin and the described experiences of fictives/fictional introjects, but rest assured they are not the same thing.

Unfortunately, kinnies have actually had a long history of treating fictives like shit and trying to one-up us, which is weird as fuck and vaguely ableist. Not all kinnies do this, but it’s been. Something I‘ve definitely noticed over the years. I cant usually be around Deidara kinnies because they’ve treated fictives like such ass and tried to invalidate me, which has sent me into days long derealization episodes because they’re trying to prove they I’m not me, and they’re more me than I will ever be, which is horrendously triggering. And they don’t seem to understand WHY that’s fucked up to do to a fictive because they think it’s somehow on the same level of experience.

So yeah, that got extremely long and probably has a lot more information than you were asking for, sorry. I just wanted to be thorough. Sounds like you’re definitely a Deidara kinnie, babe. I’m more than fine w people who kin me, so long as they don’t pull that weird shit like the other ones do. Per my experience, people who kin me are either absolute fucking demons about it or angels and there’s no in between 😔