#tw: recovering addict

[gbirrd]

6/9 - Jason Todd tarot card designs for Complete Candor by @vexfulfolly as part of the @batfam-big-bang

Read the fic here!

Other cards:

1-Babs 2-Cass 3-Bruce 4-Tim 5-Damian 6-Jason 7-Duke 8-Steph 9-Dick

Image IDs

Image 1:

A design of "The Devil" tarot card. It has the texture of recycled paper and reads "THE DEVIL". A symbol of a gravestone is visible behind the numeral "XV".

A young Jason Todd in his Robin uniform tugs at a thick chain around his neck that comes down from the top of the frame. Matching shackles are around his wrists and he is buried up to his waist in dirt. His head is tilted up towards the chain. There is blood on his hands, arms, chest, and dripping down the right side of his face as well as from his nose.

Image 2:

A design of "The Devil" tarot card. It has the texture of recycled paper and reads "THE DEVIL" upside-down. A symbol of a flame is visible behind the numeral "XV".

Jason Todd faces forward, filling most of the frame. He is in his Red Hood uniform and has narrowed pupil-less white eyes. He is holding the end of a thick chain in his right fist. Flames fill the background and bathe him in an orange light. The entire card is upside-down.

[theaddictspoetry]

Grief is weird I think of you every day, Some days I smile. some days I cry. some days I just drown, drown in the could have beens, should have beens, the unknown. the unknown- is what truly kills us. this wasn't supposed to be this way, i'll spend forever trying to find out why you're not here anymore.

@theaddictspoetry

[neuroticboyfriend]

I hope you find peace. I hope you find belonging. I hope you find joy. I hope you find rest and rejuvenation. I hope you find comforting solitude. I hope you find release from the emotions stuck inside you. I hope you find the strength to make it through another day. I hope you find people who won't give up on you.

I hope you find these and all the other experiences you need to grow into a healthier, happier, you. You may not know where these things are. You may have never found them in the first place. You may have lost them so long ago, that you don't think that you'll ever get them back.

The good news is, no matter what, life is so complex. It's complex enough that you are far from doomed. You may have done something today that's setting off a beautiful butterfly effect, where you will find these things - where you will find life beyond your wildest dreams.

So, if you'd like, let's walk together down this uncertain road. Let's walk through all the fog, all the fear, all the unknown ahead, with blind hope that there might just be something wonderful waiting on the other side.

I mean, you're already reading this, aren't you? And I wrote it. We're connected, now. You don't have to do this alone. I'm here, and so are the rest of us lost and scared souls. I'll be here for you when you don't know how to have hope. Just keep going, okay?

[bloodielavender]

me staring at my blades every time something goes even remotely wrong

[dontmean2bepoliticalbut]

[strawberry-flavored-glue]

couldn’t find the courage to put this on my main acc so here it is

[artofkhaos404]

In life, I believe we are all just addicts struggling with our drug of choice.

For some, it may be actual drugs. Meth, cocaine, heroine, marijuana... whatever suits them. For others it is alcohol or cigarettes or other tobacco products.

It may be pornography. Or self harm.

I have wrestled with my drug of choice for about four years. Indulging daily or weekly. I'm accustomed to counting wins by the day.

...

Tomorrow, I'm going out with some friends to celebrate two months clean. Eventually I may relapse back into my old habits, but that's not the point. The point is proving to myself that I am able. Recovery is possible.

I WILL NOT BE A SLAVE TO MY DRUG.

And I'll encourage you to adopt the same mantra. These addictions and this society that fuels them? It can't hold us. We are free.

[sadredgiant]

Hehe she will never know 🤫(true story btw)

[arkhams-princess]

i don’t need to recover.. i’m not sick. my eating, is the one thing in my life i can control. if i can’t control anything else i can fucking control what i do or don’t put into my body, and if i don’t want it there anymore, i have no fucking issue doing the necessary shit to get rid of whatever it is in my body that i no longer want there and i won’t let anyone take that from me.

i don’t need your concern. i need results.

the more you ask or say “when was the last time you ate?” , “ I haven’t seen you eat anything today” , “you’re loosing weight.” brings me sick kind of joy, it’s almost sinister how amazing that makes me feel. it means it’s all working, it means i’m finally in control of my body for the first time in my fucking life.

you call it an ed , i call it chasing my dream body.

after all. it’s better to resist than it is to regret.

[cvrdncvts]

GUYS!!! IM ELEVEN WHOLE DAYS CLEAN!!! I HAVWNT GONE THIS LONG IN YEARS!

[ask-swansea]

what caused you to start drinking in the first place? do you remember the first time you drank?

Yeesh, you youngin's with the hard hitters.

Don't have anythin' to lose I guess. May as well try and convince you knuckleheads NOT to be like yer' old man here.

It was around the time I graduated highschool. Barely made it, actually. Had to have been bottom of the passing class. But I was handling school, and a part time job to help Ma pay the bills. Not to mention had to help with my little sister.

Once I graduated, one of my friends invited me out for a night to celebrate. We did it! God knows I needed the break, so I called off of work and headed out. He'd scored us a whole load of booze- enough to knock a horse on its ass for a week. Spent the whole night drinking. Had to be one of the first time in years I had felt relaxed, I was smiling and laughing. I wasn't worryin' about Ma being sick, or my sister needing me to run out at middle-fucking-night for project supplies. Next morning was hell, but all it did was make me want to feel that again.

I held off for a few weeks. Wasn't until some unnamed person called CPS on us that it all came tumbling down. No father, sick ma, being supported by a barely adult kid? Took my sister away faster than then you could say "fuck."

The night it happened, I went to my friends, we got drunker than an Irish man on Friday night. Happened again the next day, then the next. God knows I should have been puttin' on my big boy boots and trying to figure out a way to get custody of my sister. That god damn system is hell. But I didn't. I was a coward, simple as that.

It spiralled. I started buying my own booze, it started becoming my morning routine, my mid-day 'self care', drank until I fell asleep.

You guys know where it ended. But for YEARS, I was practically constantly drunk outta my mind. Didn't know a god damn thing happening around me.

Don't be me. I coulda' had a helluva better life, but I decided to take the easy way out for God knows how long. That's all I want to say on the topic.

[bobfloydsbabe]

Being a recovering addict is weird because one day you're absolutely fine, nothing to worry about, nothing to see here, but then the next day you're in the gutter and holding on by a thin thread. There is no in between.

jk there is an in between and that's where i exist most of the time.

[skag-lick]

thinking about how, at least in fight for sanctuary, it really does feel like mordecai traded in an alcohol addiction for a caffeine addiction. idk, the repeated emphasis on him drinking/wanting a soda when he's a recovering alcoholic while caffeine itself is additive, especially when he was an addict in the past,,, hrm.

[neuroticboyfriend]

reminders to myself

some things addiction brought me:

involuntary psych unit admission

loading up a sub-q needle with 99 proof liqueur (didn't shoot it, thank god)

going to bed every night hoping i die, only to wake up disappointed

stealing. food, alcohol, drugs, money. but worst of all, time and peace of mind.

the most excruciating pain of my life, throughout my entire body, for hours, because of drug poisoning (coming from someone with severe chronic pain)

being glued to the bathroom floor, throwing up/dry heaving for literal hours

lost control of the muscles that control my eyes. i swear this is much scarier than it sounds, especially when you can't feel yourself breathing and keep going in & out of consciousness

being unable to feel anything but despair, and thinking i'll never be happy again - that i need drugs/alcohol to have emotions.

some things sobriety brings me:

freedom <3

i'm going to be starting testosterone soon! and now i know, shooting alcohol is a yet. i'm only lucky to not have done it.

waking up in the morning, ready for a new day whether i like it or not. i can't even verbalize how great it is to wake up without death lingering over my head.

helping others, giving my friends hope, and being more mindful and attentive to my loved ones.

accepting my chronic pain, and accommodating for myself in public to reduce that pain (yay, rollator w/cushion!)

i can enjoy food whenever i want! no hangovers, no drug toxicity. just me and my comfort/safe foods.

i can feel the cool autumn air in my lungs. i can be awake all throughout the day, without passing out. i'm much more present.

i can feel joy again! i'm starting to do the things i love, i smile all the time when i'm with my friends, i hold my cat and feel the love I have for him. i now know my darker moments will pass. good comes eventually, if i just wait and ask for help.

it gets better :') the little things in life are what make it worth living. a year ago, i would have done anything to be where i'm at now. so i may not be where i want to be, but where I am and where I'm headed is much better than where i was. <3

for anyone struggling, i love you and i believe in you. have hope - hold on, pain ends.

[ekkotimesthree]

the worst part of going sober is realizing that basically everyone you are friends with are also addicts and that theres nothing you do about it and actually theyre bad for your mental health and your entire relationships are based on commiseration and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

idk maybe its just a me problem

[6txndrunks]

wanting to vomit evrrything

dreams with cataclysmic endings

in this body it is not fit

hanging after every suffix