#whereas reversed is closer to like… becoming aware of these and starting to fight against it

[gbirrd]

6/9 - Jason Todd tarot card designs for Complete Candor by @vexfulfolly as part of the @batfam-big-bang

Read the fic here!

Other cards:

1-Babs 2-Cass 3-Bruce 4-Tim 5-Damian 6-Jason 7-Duke 8-Steph 9-Dick

Image IDs

Image 1:

A design of "The Devil" tarot card. It has the texture of recycled paper and reads "THE DEVIL". A symbol of a gravestone is visible behind the numeral "XV".

A young Jason Todd in his Robin uniform tugs at a thick chain around his neck that comes down from the top of the frame. Matching shackles are around his wrists and he is buried up to his waist in dirt. His head is tilted up towards the chain. There is blood on his hands, arms, chest, and dripping down the right side of his face as well as from his nose.

Image 2:

A design of "The Devil" tarot card. It has the texture of recycled paper and reads "THE DEVIL" upside-down. A symbol of a flame is visible behind the numeral "XV".

Jason Todd faces forward, filling most of the frame. He is in his Red Hood uniform and has narrowed pupil-less white eyes. He is holding the end of a thick chain in his right fist. Flames fill the background and bathe him in an orange light. The entire card is upside-down.

[linkspooky]

Hey could you do your top 5 Durarararararara characters?

Before I start I want to say that my faves are not trash, and I do not have trash taste. In fact my faves are incredibly sexy and I have amazing taste in people. I feel no shame at all for liking the characters that I like. Anyway, here’s my list of favorite Durarara!! characters that’s Izaya, Izaya, Izaya, Izaya’s best friend, and Izaya’s employee. You can’t shame me because I physically lack the ability to feel shame. I love my faves and I love my taste in characters. 

1. Orihara Izaya - What I love about Durarara! as a series is it doesn’t feel the need to moralize the characters. Every character present is flawed, some more than others, and instead of trying to sort them into good or bad people the series is way more interested in just exploring them as characters, their interactions with others, and all of their various flaws. It lets them be people first before anything else. 

Izaya is my favorite character not because I think he’s a cool mastermind who always is in control of things, and always sees through people, but rather because he’s nothing like that. Izaya is not the villain he desperately wants to be or for other people to see him as. Izaya at the center of his being is a very fragile and delicate person. He’s sensitive, and he knows that his sensitivity especially towards the feelings of others is going to break him badly if he ever tries to form any real relationships, so he just doesn’t. He loves humanity as a whole, because loving any one person would be too much for him. 

I like Izaya because he’s a kid playing games. He’s so desperately out of his league, but just clever enough that he tends to keep people hoodwinked. Underneath it all he’s just kind of a petty person, but the ways in which he is petty are so complex and fasicnating. The way I’ve always read the Izaya and Shizuo foiling is that Izaya has always been more sensitive and aware of other people’s feelings than Shizuo in a way that would actually hurt him, whereas Shizuo is pretty dense to people’s feelings over all. That’s why they want opposite things, Shizuo wants to be closer to people, and Izaya wants to run away from them. 

Izaya’s at his best when he’s convinced that he’s the one forcing everybody else to play his game, only for the world to smack him in the face and show him that he’s just another player in the game like everyone else. He’s incredibly small scale and petty, but because of that he feels more human than most villains. He’s not even that much of a villain in the end, just kind of annoying over all. 

2. Kuronuma Aoba - Izaya Ripoff #1. Some people can’t bring themselves to like Aoba because he’s not as good as Izaya, but that’s always read like the point to me. Thematically I think the entire second half of Durarara is supposed to read like a lesser and cheaper rehash of the first. (That kind of mirroring is something Ryohga Narita does in the structure of his stories a lot, it’s called Chiastic structure technically). Well anyway I love him, and my taste is awesome. 

Aoba’s response to Izaya is that he met Izaya once and noticing their similiarities decided to develop into Izaya’s opposite mainly out of spite for him. Izaya loves humans, and Aoba hates them, but for both of them they need to be at a certain distance from other people in order to function. They both fundamentally can’t get close to others, Izaya because he’s a little too smart for his own good, and Aoba because he’s a victim of trauma, but also an active one who needs to take absolute control of everything including his trauma. 

Aoba is interesting because he has this longing and desire to be human (we see the reverse in Kuon.) He will spend time with the Orihara Sisters specifically because as a way to remind himself he’s still human and capable of making connections with people. Aoba gets genuinely touched when Mikado shows him the most mundane concerns like bandaging his hand and offering to help with his summer homework, because Aoba’s never really been a part of the normal everyday life that Mikado just has naturally. He’s always been rebelling against someone, either his brother’s abuse, his parents who let that abuse happen, etc. etc. He’s only ever realy engaged with other people through his crafted fake persona that would smile during the daytime and be liked by his classmates and then go home to be beaten by his brother. Those moments of genuine feeling really get to Izaya, because unlike Izaya whose content to be fake and keep playing games Aoba is chasing after the real thing. 

3. Kotonami Kuon - Izaya ripoff number two! No regrets! I like Kuon and Aoba so much because writing wise they read as very interesting responses and remixes to Izaya for me. I like that kind of thing, foiling, mirroring and the like. 

Aoba wants to become genuine but he’s a little too good at controlling people, and a little too smart to fully surrender himself to the normal everyday life he wants so badly. Kuon’s the exact opposite, he desperately wants to  become a fake like Izaya, but he’s way too human, cares about his connections with other people too much to go all the way. Kuon wants to be Izaya but he sucks at being Izaya, which is ironically why he can have friends in the first place. 

There’s a special subtrope of bastard characters that I like called Wannabe Bastards. That is they’re kind of too incompetent to truly ever be the mastermind they see themselves as. Izaya is definitely already a bit of a wannabe, so that makes Kuon the Wannabe of a Wannabe. So what I like about Kuon is how genuinely weak he is, but also how motivated he is in spite of that weakness. 

He’s a character you get to watch continually fighting against his own weakness in the story. He’s such an underdog you almost want to root for him, even though he’s usually the cause of his own, and everyone else’s problems. He’s motivated by very strong and genuine sentiments that neither Aoba, nor Izaya have because they’re both kind of too delicate to feel strongly about anything. He’s also very self aware of how low and petty of a person he is. It’s interesting to watch him throw himself into his pretend-Izaya act already knowing he’s not good enough to be Izaya, and trying to make up for the difference in effort alone. 

4. Kishitani Shinra - Shinra Kishitani is a terrible heterosexual. He’s a character that would have been annoying in any other author’s hands, beucase Shinra kind of refuses to grow. He’s so codependent that the moment his roommate shows any small inclination that she might leave him, he’ll immediately resort to lying, cheating, and doing anything he can to control her.

What saves Shinra’s character is a lot of self-awareness on Shinra’s part, and also how frank the story is about his flaws. Shinra is genuinely detached from people in a way Izaya wishes he could be. He plays nice with people, and thinks it’s good to have friends, but really Shinra can just shut off his feelings and stop caring about another person or what happens to them the moment they become an inconvenience to what he wants. Even the person he loves the most he has a hard time seeing as a person separate from himself, with wants and needs that are separate from his. Shinra calls himself a villain in love and he might have better claim to the title of villain than Izaya. The only reason Shinra doesn’t go out of his way to hurt people is because he’s relatively benign, if they don’t interfere with him and Celty then he doesn’t have a reason to care about most people.

Shinra is excellent because his foiling and relationship with Izaya is one of the most compelling in the manga, due to how much they both call out each other’s flaws. They’re really the only people that they can genuinely feel attachment to like as people, but that’s also why they can’t stand to be around each other. They’re best friends but also at a distance, kind of more like pen pals. Shinra and Izaya both have big gaping holes in their hearts, and they both want to pour their love into something, Shinra just pours it all into one person, whereas Izaya loves all of humanity. 

5. Yagiri Namie- Once again I like Namie because she’s a parallel to Izaya, surprise, surprise. Ignoring the weird parts of her character (because Narita just has to be weird sometimes) I think there’s actually a lot of intersting ideas at play with Namie. She’s someone who claims to live for the sake of love, but she’s just kind of cold and cut off from absolutely everybody. 

Namie was smart enough to realize that her parents had no affection for her and her uncle was only in her life to use her, so she kind of just decided on her own to treat her brother as her only real family. Namie’s just kind of using Seiji the same way that Mika does. Obsessing over Seiji is just kind of an excuse to deny herself the pain of having to actually try to form connections with people. 

Namie loves Seiji but she really kind of doesn’t. The two of them don’t even have that great of a relationship, Namie steps over Seiji’s boundaries, and Seiji just kind of ignores her and only pays attention to her when he explicitly needs something from her. Seiji just uses Namie like the rest of her family, but Namie’s fine with that because she’s using Seiji to. Seiji is just kind of an excuse for Namie to deny herself love. Because love is something she’s never had and it’s something that would most certainly hurt her. Both Mika and Namie are choosing to obsess over someone who isn’t really capable of loving them back (and I mean in a familial way in Seiji’s case he’s just kind of annoyed by Namie).  And that’s the point. They don’t want to be loved. They don’t want to deal with other people’s feelings. It’s ultimately all about them.

Which is also the foiling to Izaya, both Izaya and Namie are incapable of loving because of the pain involved so they just seek out subsitutes to obsess over instead. They see themselves in each other, and because of that they’re constantly cutting at each other, and yet somehow cozy up to each other in this weird mutually trusting relationship. They’re both really cold people and they can get along because they’re used to freezing. 

[atopearth]

Subarashiki Hibi (Wonderful Everyday Down the Rabbit-Hole) Part 3 - Looking-glass Insects

Would referencing Alice in the looking-glass be talking about something like grass always looking greener on the other side? Alice thought the world of mirrors was a wonderful place even though it just reversed her normal reality and was basically her world, yet she found it fun, so really, would it mean to say that as long as we look at our own world from a different perspective, it’ll be just as wonderful? Or would it be just as the narrator/Zakuro says, that in the end a bored face here will only reflect the same bored face on the mirror? Yay, this one is from Zakuro’s perspective, I’ve always wanted a better look on what she’s thinking so I guess this chapter will be interesting! I love the immediate outside perspective of Zakuro’s that shows and tells us that Takuji used to be bullied, but now everyone is scared of him. Really goes to show that Tomosane and Yuki are probably just different versions of one entity or something? When Takuji said he doesn’t get new glasses because he doesn’t really want to see anyway, I couldn’t help but feel a bit like Zakuro and feel for him; feel for the fact that he’s seen so many unpleasant things in life that he’d rather just give up on looking at them if he could. It’s such a saddening thing to think about though… I think it was so innocent of Zakuro to think and pray that everyone and Takuji would be happy when he was talking about melting a happy couple’s face with sulfuric acid LOL, I guess it’s nice that it didn’t scare her at all, she’s so resilient, but I guess it’s because she can see through Takuji’s exterior. I actually think it’s really nice to see that Zakuro really did notice Takuji, and was interested in him as a person. It was cute when she stared at him moving books to the old pool wondering what he was doing, she completely forgot about class lol.

I guess you can kinda finally see why Zakuro abruptly left the secret base in the beginning. Since it was different from her everyday, she viewed her going into the hideout as something similar to Alice dropping into Wonderland with the well and thought it would be just as interesting and fun, but really, it was just another place added to her mundane life. The Mamiya reading a book….is Yuki isn’t it? I wonder how the Yuki/Tomosane/Takuji thing works though, does that mean every time we think we’re seeing Yuki or Tomosane, it was actually just Takuji all along and Yuki and Tomosane is just what Takuji himself views those personas of his? So all along Takuji is really the only person that’s “real”, and I guess that means he lives next to the Wakatsuki sisters and is their childhood friend, and they know about his different personalities? Hmmmm if Hasaki (Takuji’s little sister) is real (since Zakuro sees her as who she is), then why do they refer to Tomosane as their brother? Oh wait, I forgot! The Wakatsuki sisters probably don’t exist either! Yasuko and the others didn’t know who they were in the previous chapter! So then Hasaki is the Wakatsuki sisters combined? Since the doll she’s holding is what Kagami supposedly turned into when Yuki carried her “corpse” back to her. I think it was quite normal and expected that Zakuro would fall for the Takuji on the rooftop aka Yuki, I guess that’s why Zakuro was so smitten with Yuki. And I guess it’s kinda funny to remember how all that time, Yuki insisted that she was a girl but she really isn’t lol.

Zakuro is such a cute lovesick girl when it comes to Takuji lol. But I can relate, especially when she held off on going to buy a CD just to continue riding the train with him. I remember the feeling of putting aside things just to hang with the person I like haha. She’s so bold though! Taking him to the amusement park on a whim! Honestly, when it was the Yuki perspective, I just thought of Zakuro as this weird girl wanting to hang with her all the time for some reason, but now I totally get it, her life literally sparkles when she’s with him/her. It was so cuteee when she made that extravagant lunchbox for him lol! She’s full doing her best at getting closer to him lol. Honestly though, it feels so weird to see things in Zakuro’s perspective, it feels like a whole different story haha. I always felt Yuki was cool but seeing things from Zakuro’s perspective just makes Yuki/Takuji shine lol!

Kimika Ending Oh? So Kimika and Zakuro had known each other since elementary school? And then Zakuro changed schools and lost contact until now…  Oh...Kimika told Zakuro from the beginning…. That she shouldn’t associate with her or she will get bullied. She even told her that if Zakuro were to be bullied, she would feel so much guilt, she would just die. I guess, just as Kimika could never forgive herself for bringing Zakuro into this, Zakuro probably can’t forgive herself for causing more harm than good to Kimika, since now she has to protect Zakuro from them as well, so now she’s getting more hurt than before. I knew Kimika wasn’t as bad as she thought she was, but really, seeing everything from Zakuro’s perspective, Kimika really tried her best to protect Zakuro in her own way all the time. She knew that she couldn’t go against Megu and Satoko, so she always acted mean towards Zakuro to make sure that they wouldn’t suspect the two of them of doing anything against them. She was cold but that was how she protected her. I can also see why Kimika loved Zakuro so much, yet hated her so much, because I kinda feel the same lol. Zakuro is so kind (and clueless or maybe more optimistic) that it’s cruel. She doesn’t realise how much all this is hurting Kimika. Like sure, the bullying is sorta bearable right now etc, but she doesn’t plan or think about how to change things, she just goes with the flow, which is admirable in itself, but it’s because she’s like that, it puts all the burden on Kimika to actually do something to save them from this situation. Also now, Kimika has to be super desperate about it because Zakuro is getting hurt too, whereas before, if it was just herself, she could just deal with it, but she can’t just do that when someone she cares about is getting hurt because of her.

Omggg, to think all this bullying started because Shiroyama (Megu’s boyfriend) called Kimika cute, and then later on called Zakuro cute too, so Megu got jealous and annoyed! Shiroyama running lives all around, first it’s Takuji and now Kimika and Zakuro too zzz. I nearly cried when Kimika told Zakuro to go and be happy (since she’s been smiling a lot after hanging out with Takuji) and never come back to her and never attract the attention of Megu and Satoko again. Kimika has always been prepared to shoulder all this and be the only victim, she honestly didn’t deserve that saddening ending in the previous chapter…

I’m glad Zakuro made the decision to act weird and defy Megu and Satoko by running off with Kimika when they wanted to record her underwear etc to sell. I guess that’s why for Kimika and me, we really just can’t hate Zakuro lol. She’s really cool to want to be in this together than to have Kimika sacrificed, but at the same time, she really doesn’t think of the consequences huh? But, with Kimika watching out for her, it’ll be okay, I can’t believe Kimika really brought a stun gun to retaliate against them though loll, it was so nice to see Megu and Satoko shocked as to what do and how to go about all this. Kimika really got them this time haha. It’s kinda weird to be happy about this, but Kimika is, so I guess it’s good that Kimika spent years thinking about what she could do in retaliation, but never really did until Zakuro got bullied. I think she’s right though, when you’re experiencing it yourself for so long, you become numb to it and either think you deserve it and that you shouldn’t bother doing anything, or you break, or you become like Zakuro and fight back in an all in battle. Seeing Zakuro treated like that made Kimika realise that she couldn’t leave them to do what they wanted to any longer and I’m happy for that, even if Kimika is a dangerous person, she’s someone who does everything for the people she cares about.

Wow, no wonder why Kimika hates everyone and the teachers in this school so much, they literally can’t be bothered to deal with bullying even when it’s practically shown in front of their face that there’s something going on. I can see why she killed Senagawa in the previous chapter though, Kimika literally told her about the bullying, so Senagawa went to ask Megu and Satoko about it, and just took it for face value that since they said they’re not bullying her, then they’re not, like wtf? I know you’re busy with other crap but do you remember that you’re a teacher??? Honestly so shocked at how these teachers behave tbh, it’s so disheartening to hear and think about. Kimika was so cool when she threw her nattou trap and stuff at Shiroyama and them to get away loll. But it was so hilarious and cute when she faced off against Takuji/Tomosane, lmaoo when he kept implying she was flat in different ways lolll. He even took her knife loll, so mean, but to be fair, Kimika is pretty dangerous with it LOL, she was literally swinging it at him lol. But yeah considering his words and lack of memories of Zakuro, it’s fair to say that Tomosane is probably the only one that’s aware of the different personalities. Lmaooo when she had an airgun too hahahha, how many weapons does Kimika have?! I love her. It was so funny when she was annoyed that her chest was flat compared to Zakuro’s.

I have to say, I honestly love Takuji/Tomosane’s teasing relationship with Kimika so much more than Yuki with Kagami. It’s so much more hilarious because just as Tomosane gets on her nerves, she also gets on his nerves by doing stuff like putting explosives in cigarettes and offering it to him LOL, he should have known she wouldn’t be that nice though hahaha. It’s also really cute how Hasaki makes him a boxed lunch but he pretends to be cool and doesn’t want to eat it in front of others lolll, he’s so cute. I honestly thought Tomosane was just a violent persona that came out to protect the Takuji body but I guess he’s the most entertaining one haha. Can’t believe Megu and Satoko brought so many thugs (I assume) to help corner Kimika and Zakuro, they’re so dirty. I’ve been waiting for Takuji to appear!! Yayy~ he was so cool when he called Kimika and Zakuro his women and said not to touch them🥺 I am legit smitten with Tomosane. Honestly, Yuki is cool and everything but she never appealed to me that much, on the other hand, this chapter with Tomosane is like my favourite right now. I really love how Kimika acts so tough though, she’s obviously the one with the lowest stamina and weak reflexes, but because she wants to protect Zakuro, she tries her best to fight in her own way and sacrifice herself at the drop of a bat if needed.

Well, the fight went as expected, but I still wonder why Tomosane and Takuji have to be killed/disappear to leave Yuki as the “only” Takuji? It’s saddening to see Kimika kinda down over the fact that she couldn’t protect Zakuro and that Zakuro is so interested in him compared to her. I find Zakuro kinda funny though, she’s so persistent about interacting with Tomosane even though he’s not interested. Cyrano de Bergerac sounds like such a sad story. Both Cyrano and Christian loved Roxanne but one lacked the looks and the other lacked the intelligence to attract her, so they pretended to be one person and so Roxanne fell in love with Christian, the one who possessed the looks and was able to “borrow” Cyrano’s immaterial intelligence that Roxanne couldn’t really fall in love with since it has no “shape”. In the end, he played the fool until the end even when she realised it was actually Cyrano. It’s kinda interesting for Tomosane to give the reason that just as Cyrano never wanted Roxanne to realise the one behind the letters was him, Tomosane doesn’t want to reveal his real name to Zakuro either. I find it so cute how he has such a soft spot for Zakuro. I’m glad she was able to tell him she liked talking to him before he disappeared forever. Tomosane always says that Yuki is the kindest one of them all, but really, I think Tomosane is really kind in his own way, so it’s sad that he’s gone🥺 It’s kinda interesting to think about if the Holy Trinity of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit kinda motivated the creation of Yuki, Tomosane and Takuji. Since even God needs three forms to do his work, so they would need the three of them to achieve whatever their purpose is huh~

Although it’s nice to see this result of Zakuro and Kimika not being bullied anymore, and even getting popular alongside Takuji etc, it’s a bit saddening to think about what could have happened in the background for this to occur. So crazy to see how bold Zakuro became with Kimika haha, but it was refreshing even though a bit random with the transition. So, I wonder if the worlds just keep reincarnating the same souls in the same world over and over again with different endings depending on their choices, and this time around, Zakuro was able to achieve her wonderful everyday by changing Yuuki’s decision? Why does everything have to keep repeating though? Do we all just want a wonderful everyday? Anyway, overall, I really enjoyed this chapter and ending, so much better than the others imo because I liked all three of the characters. I really liked how Zakuro grew as a person, she didn’t necessarily change, she just got the courage to do what she wanted that she was always hesitant in doing. And that was achieved through Kimika doing her best to protect her even though she was weak, and through the Takuji who was strong and was able to provide her with an opportunity to live life the way she wanted. It was really nice to see all that unfold, and to see my favourite side of Takuji hahaha. It was really nice to see some questions answered this time around, so that was fun. I think the only random thing imo was Kimika and Zakuro getting together because I always felt like they were true friends more than romantic partners, but this is fine too I guess haha.

Insects Ending I see…so for this ending, Zakuro doesn’t run away with Kimika and instead she was forced to masturbate in front of their camera inside the restaurant… But I see, Kimika was already ready to fight them at this time, she already had her steel baton with her. Omggg, Zakuro is so dumb, she should have at least screamed for help when Kimika was getting beaten or when she was taken away by Megu and Satoko, like, do you really think they’ll let Kimika go easily after attacking them?? I’m not shocked at what happened when they got the drugs into her, but I’m glad no one raped her…. Except, now that something has happened to Kimika, what’s going to happen to Zakuro? I don’t even know why Zakuro bothered to go back to class when they stole her underwear and stuff, she should have at least put on her swimsuit under her uniform… But anyway, we shouldn’t blame the victim because Megu and Satoko are utterly disgusting to force her to expose herself in front of the class and blackmail her with the video. Doesn’t help that no one in the class even feels sorry for her, in fact the other girls think it’s funny too, it’s just disgusting. I can see why Zakuro would just break with all that happening, her one and only ally was gone, and even the people in the class are joining in on the bullying like it’s so fun. Honestly though, seeing everything that’s happening, I feel like Satoko and Megu got off too easily in the previous chapter, they definitely deserved a worst death, it makes me so angry to see how they can torment someone so much like this and still expect others to forgive them. Okay, I got a bit ahead of myself, they really did end up gang raping her and that was the worst thing to witness especially since they gave her drugs to numb her to the pain and everything. I feel so bad for her though, she was tormented before but at least she felt that if she was still a virgin, Takuji would still like her (since she saw the scribbles on the wall in the underground hideout about how he likes virgins or whatever), but now she’s utterly broken in body and her spirit, how could she possibly pick herself up now… I don’t even care if it’s implied that Megu got gang raped before and that’s probably why she does this to others as well, it’s just disgusting.

I’m honestly not sure what to think of Ayumi and Usami because they honestly feel like traumatised people gathering another traumatised person (Zakuro) and bringing her into their delusions. So, I really can’t believe that they really tried to save the world in their previous lives and then force reincarnated themselves to try again, and that everything bad that happened to them was the evil side doing their work. It’s kinda saddening to see what Zakuro experienced and felt when she saw Takuji/Yuki right before she did the Spiral Matai (near death experience for them to get their powers back) aka the suicide. She had to go through so many terrible things and he was one of the things that kept her going, saving the world for him was a part of her mind… It’s just so saddening… It was nice to see the kiss from her perspective though, it was rather tender and sweet even though Yuki was confused lol. I’m honestly surprised that Usami was the one getting scared and didn’t want to jump since she thinks they might die instead of regaining their powers from the “near death experience”. For Zakuro though, she had already prepared herself and there was nothing left for her to really care about besides wanting to save the world for Takuji especially when she’s “seeing” all this destruction in her mind. Although I do find it rather amusing that they’re the ones who dragged Zakuro into this and yet they’re the ones most scared. In the end, did Ayumi and Usami just want someone to commit suicide with them as Yuki said in the previous chapter? I guess it does seem like it even though they kinda changed their minds lol. I’m not sure how I should feel for Zakuro though. Would she have been saved somehow if she never met them? Or would she just keep getting tormented by Megu and Satoko? Or would she have gone insane and killed them? Either way, it’s a saddening ending, a saddening story that should never happen to anybody and yet it does. It breaks my heart to think about everything she had to experience, especially when one decision could have changed it all into a happy ending instead. It’s saddening to think of it like that.

Overall, I really enjoyed the Looking-glass chapter and I loved seeing an alternate ending for Zakuro, a girl who always just viewed herself as a worm. It’s saddening to see what happened for her, but I can really see how Kimika had to get revenge for Zakuro no matter what. Otherwise, as I said before, seeing Tomosane was awesome and definitely the highlight of this chapter tbh haha. But I really do have to say that the rape and that dog thing with Ayumi were very uncomfortable to read. Maybe it’s because I’m a girl as well so the thought of it really made me sick to the stomach, I guess it affected me so much only because I kept thinking about it though lol. But yeah, it honestly hurt to see Zakuro so broken tbh and I honestly had to skip through the voice acting because it was tormenting to hear. But I guess the fact that it felt so uncomfortable proves how well the effect of everything was done?

[930club]

ALBUM REVIEW: Kendrick Lamar - DAMN.

After a 3 Platinum Run and earning a handful of Grammys, Kendrick Lamar proved to the world that a cap couldn't be put on this cutting-edge thinker's talent. Artists like Frank Ocean, J.Cole, Joey Bada$$, and now K. Dot continue to prove that RnB and rap can't be defined as a simple shower of b*tches, drugs, and violence. Instead, these philosophers have created a monsoon of controversial musings. The songs don't just groove and grind, but go on to change minds. When Lamar’s latest, DAMN., dropped after two kick-ass singles and a magnificent, religiously-laced music video, I dropped my Arabic homework immediately to focus all my attention on the banger after banger that it contained. The self-proclaimed introvert offers listeners a complete journey through his meditations, complete with metaphors and a hype rebuttal to Fox News' Geraldo Rivera. The first song, “BLOOD.,” opens the thematic pattern that envelopes the album: wickedness or weakness representing the nemeses of success, whereas success obviously stands on the other side of that dichotomy. Kendrick’s life in fame has inspired a discourse on what he faces in his cathartic journey as a self-proclaimed prophet (a term quickly adopted by other sources). Each song represents something he either sees as helping him make it, or those things – like the apple and snake in the garden – that bring a messenger to an end. Via religious symbolism, Lamar explores his spirituality, even recreating the Last Supper in his video for “HUMBLE.” and consistently deploying religious allegories in his verses.

“Wickedness or Weakness?” is asked immediately, in psychedelic technicolor, quickly rolling into a simple lulling base and soft but dramatic violins while Uncle Kendrick tells a story. Of course it’s a metaphor: helping the blind woman represents the seemingly innocent and recommended path towards stardom. Kendrick watches her “for a while,” as he must have with the rap industry, seeing her “struggle...as though she had dropped something and was having trouble finding it.” The rap game lagged in the mid-2000s, focusing on superficial topics (such as women’s appearances, getting money, and gang violence). The superficial topics replaced hard hitting content of institutionalized racism and gang violence that filled the 90s. Thus, the industry blindly followed the ‘easy path,’ which Kendrick represents with a blind woman wandering down the street. Kung Fu Kenny, being the mover and shaker he is, decides to help this blind woman: he enters the scene. He quickly, with a gunshot, loses his life. The woman ends up being wicked, or, rather, the fame ends up twisting the rapper in ways he couldn't see from the outside. This metaphor is furthered song by song, as Kendrick laments the pains of living his dreams. It's not struggle-free, and as though his life wasn't truly ended by the old lady's shot, words of a real-life Fox News clip criticizing Lamar's words coming swirling into sonic perspective. Almost as though the first thing he hears in his new reality is the criticism from the press, when Lamar was just doing his thing. An “immaculate conception,” the second song kicks in and builds the old Kendrick in a new environment, starting with the base: DNA. Coming out strong, with "hustle, flow, ambition though, inside [his] DNA," K. Dot is sure to let everyone know he means business. The double entendre being that DNA is what you leave behind at a crime scene--it's a reminder of where you came from and what you have done. Forget the new reality, Kendrick is ready to push strong with his roots dug deep. There isn't a single person who will make him forget that. The repetition in the beginning represents the repetitive nature of DNA. After the first verse, the bridge is interrupted with Giraldo Rivera’s commentary on “Alright,” where the flow changes. The original groove rolls through the first verse, then, as if stopped in his tracks by the commentary, it’s gone. A new, aggressive groove takes its place, and K. Dot addresses his haters directly. In the back, a voice shouts “Gimme some ganja” as if begging Kendrick to slow down and chill out.

Chilled, Kung Fu Kenny slips into the smooth and sugary beat of the next song, “YAH.” The spacy groove creates a floaty vibe, simply and innocently slipping through Kendrick’s thoughts. The contrast between “DNA.” and “YAH.” is the relaxed nature Kendrick takes on when expressing his opinions and beliefs. He mentions a radar in the chorus, metaphorizing his awareness in the world—the buzzing noise is what a radar makes when it encounters an object with his waves. With “real n**** conditions,” “theories and suspicions” guiding him through in a cognizant manner. The song carries an elated tone, representing his enemy’s defeat on the last track by sitting back and ignoring them. The radars just keep buzzing – yeah, yeah, he knows; yeah, yeah, he doesn’t react. Buzzing also plays on the slang buzzin’, which infers a state of elation or happiness. As long as he keeps the family close, keeps his head straight, and focuses on work, he stays buzzin’ and makes it through. It’s another perspective of the radar, under the dichotomy of the nemesis.

“ELEMENT.,” the next track, pulls the audience back into the hustle. After the breath in on the last song, he rolls into the aggression with wicked chord changes, sounding nothing but sexy. Throughout the album, inhales and exhales act as the driving force in the tone. After focusing, meditating, and taking a sweet break, K. Dot hops back on the track aggressively. I compare the pattern to breathing, as the album is reflective of the rapper’s life. His mental health tries him, but he uses cognitive behavioral therapy exercises that people with anxiety and depression can use: breathing with meditation. Kendrick seems to bring this mentality into this album, directly mentioning meditation in “DNA” and calling himself Kung Fu Kenny. The mentality behind Kung Fu is about controlling one’s capable element—which Kendrick is attempting to do in his life. Chronicling the struggle of staying real, keeping family in site, and staying true to ones’ self while still fighting the battle in the music industry, through meditation and breathing, Kung Fu Kenny makes it look sexy while staying in his element. This song is one of my favorites on the album, sliding smoothly but hitting hard like “DNA.”

The slow-motion-esque ending to “ELEMENT.” provides an interesting transition to the weaker side of the dichotomy. As if meditating on the mantra and fighting forward became exhausting, Kendrick falls out of his element and reveals his worries and struggles: his feelings (FEEL.). The repetition in the verse tells the story of anyone with depression or anxiety; the snowball of rumination, with thoughts that start at the personal level, then spirals to societal issues entirely out of his locus of control. Sealing the jar of anxieties is the lid that nobody is praying for him, meaning he has to do everything alone. This is still the same, self-made Kendrick – just a tad more sensitive, revealing his weaknesses.

Fading into perserverance and strength, the shimmery beginning of “LOYALTY.” is a “sped up, chopped, reversed, and pitched sample of the intro to Bruno Mars’s song ‘24K Magic,’ sung by Mr. Talkbox,” a fact confirmed by Terrace Martin, who did part of the production work for the track. Rihanna is featured and the topic of the track relates back to the motif of Kendrick having his homies with him since day one and the importance of loyalty in his life. Loyalty, especially with Kendrick’s trust issues, is something that keeps him flowing. He mentions again the problems of having people trying to become closer after he became famous – trying to be around the money – which he sees as fake.

Bēkon interrupts the silence between the groovy, three-part harmony by warning about pride in a highly produced vocal chord. Almost like the song’s announcer, a beachy guitar riff pulls the song through a slow, rolling melody. This song rests on the weakness side of the dichotomy, as pride is something you give into, preventing you from producing strong and innovative work. In this track, a few things become evident. The dichotomy is linked from song to song, as the wicked and weak songs represent the demise to the powerful quality mentioned in the song before. By way of example, “FEEL.” follows “ELEMENT.” as feelings represent the weakness that can pull one out of their ‘element.’ Thus, “PRIDE.” is the death to relationships that ousts the “LOYALTY.” from the last song, leading to the motif of cold. Pride is defined as “a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority,” which obviously is problematic in terms of growth, as a prideful person sees themselves as top-notch and without room for growth. It quickly isolates one from their own feelings, their relationships, and creates someone who is more interested in the appearance of greatness, rather than the feelings and true relationships attached to it.

In the first line (“Love’s gonna get you killed, but pride’s gonna be the death of you”) of “PRIDE.,” Lamar differentiates from body and spirit, as love kills you, in body, while pride represents the death of a spirit. He means acting as the epitome of famous-person problems. Kendrick struggles against spiritual death in the personal changes he has gone through since becoming famous. There is an interesting interaction between the chorus and the bridge, where he initially states, “in another life, I surely was there,” but when he hits the bridge, he isn’t so sure anymore, stating “maybe I wasn’t there.” It’s almost as if he is convincing himself that there are situations and things he still doesn’t know. If he cares, which he claims he does, then he must only remain grounded and truthful. Finally, Lamar’s voice changes speed, register, and tone-quality throughout the song, which I believe is a sonic representation of the warping of mind that occurs when pride takes over. Nothing is straight anymore.

The internal battle continues as Lamar’s conscience yells at him: “B****! Sit down! Be humble!” If you haven’t caught the video for “HUMBLE.,” it’s definitely worth a watch. Lamar, initially dressed as a pope, thrusts his admirable rap qualities that put him at the top of the charts. The irony in this song is that by flaunting his paystub, his links with former president Obama, and his godliness in bed, he is falling to wicked demise. The way the verse is framed with the chorus, it is as if the rapper is speaking to other rappers in the game to be humble and not cross him, which paints a perfect picture of how dangerous the industry can be. Living out the sin, Lamar acts out falling for pride that seems appropriate. In a battle for fame, it seems only natural to be proud of ‘real’ accomplishments (cash, connections), but that’s when the warping of mind (foreshadowed in “PRIDE.”) begins. When released as a single, quickly climbing charts and collecting hype, the aggressive banger contextualized the pride held by most rappers. However, in the context of the album, one is begged to ask whether the chorus is simply addressed to his adversaries, or whether it might be a reminder to the rapper’s own conscience, begging “the Sandman” to slow down with his verse – to be HUMBLE.

The song’s lust, centered around the sin of bowing to physical desire, explores lust towards any system and falling into a grind that looks fine from the outside, but truly causes a death to spirituality. Giving into physical desire is to give into the beastly nature of the human being, one that is attached to the Earth. Lamar states “Lately, in James 4:4 says; Friend of the world is enemy of the Lord,” referring to operating well in the devilish systems (‘the world’) created by society. Lust is essentially giving into any desire; once you lose the spark and fall into a pattern, even in the world of fame and money, you lose individuality and the soul dies. “Wake up thinking about money” is lust towards a material good, and the distaste towards the grind is a lust for freedom. Furthermore, Lamar mentions “making it count” multiple times. What to make count is unclear, but the metaphor of time in this song is strong. The reason it’s murky is because sins like lust distort what one should work towards and what counts. It’s a distraction. The alternating guitar notes are reminiscent of the Jeopardy theme and the drum machine clicks like a clock.

The conqueror of “LUST.” arrives in “LOVE. FEAT ZACARI.” The countdown flies into the cloud, as the next song floats through dreamlike clouds on strong synth-chords and an open beat. Zacari carries a tonality like Justin Bieber in this track, but the tonality is not a dancey and is instead reminiscent of a slow dance at a prom. Though not bouncing and blowing up like on “HUMBLE.” or “DNA.,” this song represents one of the strong, ethereal qualities, battling the wicked and weak in the dichotomy. Partially strong musically, the music gains strengthens when you dive into the celebrity gossip, looking towards Kendrick’s beautiful friendship, now-engagement, with his high-school sweetheart. Many of the lines in his verse reference feelings for his lady and, about desiring trust over love. The biggest line in the song? “Look what you made, Told you that I'm on the way, I'm like an exit away, yep.” Look at what you made?! Forget engaged – might K. Dot be expecting with his best friend?!

From “LOVE.,” the enlightened profit runs with this strength into a discourse on racism and violence in the United States. The U2-featuring track, “XXX.,” depicts the story of Kendrick recommending revenge as the top response to gang-related violence when his friend asks for his advice. In the story, Lamar shuns religion, turning towards chippin��� n*****, gangs, and blowers. Multiple interruptions of thought occur in this verse, as though Kendrick lost his cool because of institutionalized racism that is aided by the government and systems in place. “X-rated” or “XXX” is a term that he explained in an interview with Zane Lowe as “organized” and “complete chaos.” This idea explains the lack of melodic consistency and the constant changes in tone throughout the song. The track ends on the line “America's reflections of me, that's what a mirror does,” which sums up the vibe. Some see Kendrick as violent, encouraging of violence, and so on, but it’s the mirror that America holds that makes him look like that.

“FEAR.” stands as one of the most experimental tracks on the album. It samples the 24-carat Black’s “Poverty Paradise,” a voicemail from his cousin Carl Duckworth, and reverse samples from the song. The song carries some of the heaviest religious denotation and connotation on the album, analyzing Deuteronomy 28:28 to relate problems in life with sinning and not following the commandments. “The Lord shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of the heart,” says the Biblical verse. Madness and blindness were carried in songs like “XXX.,” “LUST.,” and “HUMBLE.,” but when it comes to astonishment of the heart, this song is the quintessence. While love softly hints at this curse, “FEAR.” recites Kendrick’s life, rewinding to age seven (hence the track reversal). The harshness of his life had him thinking, “I don’t think I could find a way to make it on this Earth,” which led to extreme surprise when he made it big, depicted in verses three and four after the sample disappears from the end of the chorus. The first verse paints fear from situations in a rockier lifestyle, but when he becomes famous, the fear changes. The weakness still exists, but instead, he fears losing what he has as well as  peoples’ opinions of him. In general, Lamar seems to live in fear, which is why it is the final thread of the wickedness and weakness represented in the song title. Fear is the strongest of the weaknesses and truly can dictate someone’s life and actions, preventing them from growing big and strong. Faith is a lot of peoples’ answer to that fear. It’s sometimes hard to have faith in yourself and what is going on around, but it’s easier to believe something outside of oneself. This is why, to some, conquering this wickedness, following the pattern, is GOD.

To conquer that feeling, a beautiful groove in a major key sweeps up to reassure Kendrick that he’s in the good—feelin’ like God. This is the final tie in a prophetic metaphor, where instead of a gunman as before, he ends by comparing his feelings to that of a God. He doesn’t draw a direct line, and though he compares himself to luck with an 8-ball and Midas, these things still have flaws and curses. He remains human, but celebrates his success. I think in the line where he says this is what God feels like, he is simply sitting back and saying, “DAMN,” look at what he’s done. More importantly, the album doesn’t end on this pompous (though deserved) track. The fact that it follows “FEAR.” attaches the double entendre that God, or religion, will fix the problems that weakness like Fear brings you. Following this track, “DUCKWORTH.” brings the tone back to reality -  almost like the reminder voicemail from Carl Duckworth on “FEAR.” - bringing out the good.

After all, “Remember what happens on Earth stays on Earth,” which Kendrick paints a picture of perfectly, specifically intertwining stories from Compton, California. Lamar sums up the struggles discussed on the album with the statement “I always thought it was me against the world, until I realized it was me versus me.” He commented on these lyrics, saying when he played it for Anthony “Top Dawg” Tiffith (who started Top Dawg records) and whose true story is included in the track, that Anthony wanted to sit back and cherish the moment. The idea that chance can bring two characters so close, good actions and good karma keeping them alive and allowing for the “greatest rapper alive” to grow out of “coincidence.” What happens on Earth stays on Earth is not just a reminder that some things don’t matter, but also a reminder that choices not to rob, to give extra biscuits, your actions have an impact on the future. The chances that Kendrick had ended up dead from gang violence, a non-rapper in Compton were high, due to the system in which he grew up, but he made the right choices and ended up where he did for a reason. Still, starting with a metaphoric story, Kendrick grounds the album ending in a story, complete with a gunshot and rewinding to the original story.

-Erin Jones

[cheshire88-blog]

Star Wars and Eva, or how I learned to stop worrying and love the reboots

    Star wars is this huge media franchise that has grown by leaps and bounds since it’s creation. I think the only other series I often compare it to would probably be the anime franchise Neon Genesis Evangelion. Think about it, both shows technically started as bold new experiments in their respective mediums. Both would go on to gain world wide fandom, and spawn endless merchandise, all to a level neither of their creators could have anticipated.

     But the most interesting comparison I found came from my own personal feelings regarding the new generation of Star wars films, particularly the very controversial Episode VIII, The Last Jedi.

     Many fans are already pretty torn on the new movie, I personally really enjoyed it, but I’ve been trying to sum up exactly why it is this new trilogy has satisfied me, while disappointing so many, even those I normally agree with.

     This brings me to my main comparison, between the two juggernaut franchises’. Both Eva and Star wars have enjoyed a rebirth of sorts, or one could even say a “Rebuild”. For Star wars I’m obviously talking about the new sequel trilogy that started with The Force Awakens. And with Eva I am referring to the, somewhat, recent batch of new “Rebuild” movies that seek to both retell, and reimagine, the original TV series.

    In both cases a now classic, and Iconic, series is brought back into the main stream lime light. And in both cases we have what, more or less, amounts to a retelling of a now familiar story.

       So get this, both “Eva 1.0 YOU ARE NOT ALONE” and “The Force Awakens” very closely, and deliberately, replay all of the same narrative beats that their respective predecessors did, With many variations, both big and small.

       And yes, as a quick side note, I am aware that the new Eva films remake the Eva story, whereas the new Star wars films are a continuation, but stick with me here.

    And then there are the sequels, or middle movies, to these new next gen reboots, and that’s where my comparison really hits home. Eva 2.0/3.0 and of course The Last Jedi, both reboots i.e. rebuilds, take the familiar foundation they started on and smash them to bits in ways that have both enraged, and enthralled it’s respective fan base.

    For both franchises fans have thumbed their noses at the bold, and contradicting ways, these stories carve out new paths for themselves, for the sake of continued relevance, and discussion.

    For Evangelion this fan outrage is often aimed at the transition to a more spectacle driven format, and structure, as opposed to the slow, and more intimate, serial pacing of the original series. With many Eva fans claiming that this more streamline direction betrays the carefully laid psychological thesis that underlined it’s tortured characters.

    In the case of Star Wars the fandom circles couldn’t be more mixed, and varied in their opinions, especially since it’s been around far longer then Eva, and  has cradled at least three generations of fans.

  Regardless, reactions to the latest Star wars film are certainly similar to those of the new Eva films, especially “3.0 YOU CAN NOT REDO” like “The Last Jedi” 3.0 was perhaps the most controversial of the new Eva films. The story for 3.0 is quite a divergence from the original TV series. We get a ten year time jump, along with a sharp change in tone, and visuals that totally upend what fans normally expect from the Eva universe. Perhaps most shocking of all would be the role reversals for it’s main cast of characters. Main protagonist Shinji Ikari has long been known for his reluctance to pilot the Eva mechs, i.e. play the assertive hero role, yet in this film he finds himself stifled not by his own doubt but by the very same support team that edged him on to the frontlines in prior films.

       Misato, once the kind hearted big sister figure pushing to free Shinji from his withdrawn demeanor, and become the hero needed to fight the Angels. In 3.0 she is revealed to have shifted into a cold, war weary, commander much closer in nature to Shinji’s father Gendo. The world Shinji knew has changed, and so has his role in the series, the nature of the Eva itself has been flipped. No longer the reluctant hero struggling with his personal fears, while his friends demand he stand up and fight, instead we see a boy who has finally found that courage, and takes action in spite of his elder’s attempts to keep him grounded.

        The Last Jedi performs a similar flipping of our expectations, a film that, from a distance, seems to be replicating the narrative fabric of The Empire Strikes Back. However, early on we can see tears that rip away such notions, Rey’s meeting with Luke, for example, is clearly a twist on the master student role between Luke and Yoda. She seeks out the old Jedi legend hoping to a find strong confident teacher. Instead we learn that Luke has lost his faith in the force, and hear his grave resignation “it is time for the Jedi… to end”. Luke has no interest in training Rey, In fact he is revealed to be so stuck in the midst of his past failure, with former pupil Kylo Ren, that Rey decides to take action into her own hands, leaving Luke behind, and forging her own destiny. Through this reversal we see a parallel to how Luke left the wise and mindful Yoda before completing his training. Only hear it is the master who’s foolish behavior has failed the student.

    Another example of this could be seen in the throne room scene, where Rey and Kylo Ren briefly join forces to overthrow the sinister, and deliberately very Palpatine like tyrant, Supreme Leader Snoke. This scene is a wonderful subversion of a similar moment in Return of the Jedi, with Snoke repeating many of the same lines as the evil emperor from that film. He seems all powerful, an unstoppable, all knowing, dictator. But the outcome reveals him to be easily bested by the two young warriors who decide, if only for a moment, to quickly put aside the legacy of opposition that has dominated this series since it’s inception.

    Yet perhaps the biggest surprise to break away from the standard Star wars mold, is the reveal that follows after that epic team up. We learn that Rey’s parents weren’t the sort of force wielding legends that run through the Skywalker bloodline. They were merely junkers that sold her into labor for drinking money, a reveal that in every way directly contrast that of Luke’s tragic discovery in The Empire Strikes Back.

    And just like that, a series once concerned with bloodlines, heritage, and familial legacy, evolves into a story  about drawing power, not from shadows of the past, but from within the self, in the present. In the absence of a great legacy, Rey learns to leave the past behind and create her own legacy, free from the shackles of what came before.

    So both films, from these two iconic sagas, can be seen as pivotal peaks of liberation, what was once familiar becomes fresh yet again. Playing on our expectations, not to anger the fans, but to give them a chance to gasp again, to feel awe once more. Rather then simply service the fans, these reboots seek to rejuvenate our interest, to challenge the foundations that made us fans to begin with.

    So yes, perhaps the new Star wars films now come with a layer of gloss and marketing glamor that would seem to go against the low budget pioneering spirit that first gave it life. The same could be said of the newly minted Eva films and how they contrast the more subtle nuanced pacing of the original series.

     But is this wrong?, both Star wars and Eva are the kind of big, successful works of fiction that will live on, so long as there is an audience support them. Nowadays these reboots are on the rise, whether we want them or not, studios will still make the attempt to bring back a beloved franchise. Yet why shun the existence of a reboot that actually succeeds in bringing new ideas to the table?. If the original work is still around for us to cherish, and a new variation of that same story can take us to new places we didn’t know existed, then why not at least welcome that chance.

    After all, what good is a reboot, or continuation, if it is only content to mirror what came before?. Of course not every attempt at flipping the table, and defying our expectations will be successful, but even so, I’ll take even a messy table flip any day over the safer cleaner approach. At least that gives us all something to talk about, regardless of whether we love, or hate the result.