#recovering from depression

[ididoktoday]

How we get better: a decidedly nonlinear and varied process

Maybe that suffering will slough off us like a crispy sunburn, peeling away gradually in its own time, protesting a timeline faster than its own intention. But slough it will.

Maybe that suffering will cling to us until the last second it’s allowed, like a sucking leech, our humors leaking messily and causing a real scene, relief and vulnerability entwined to tease apart later. But we’ll have time and headspace to do that work.

Maybe that suffering will be ripped off us like a warm blanket on an early winter morning, snatched away by a guiding figure who knows that what we need is more important than what we want, a figure who sighs down with love at our shivering legs. That figure knows a warm future for us that our eyes are not yet mature enough to see.

We are birthed in all sorts of ways. Let us treat each other as gently as newborns.

[boy-warbler]

Todmorden Mills. 2024

[put-a-keep-are-you-foo-dell]

It's been years since I didn't stay up until 3am writing

It's nice to be back

[cvrdncvts]

GUYS!!! IM ELEVEN WHOLE DAYS CLEAN!!! I HAVWNT GONE THIS LONG IN YEARS!

[love-in-my-twenties]

I died two years ago.

I didn't try to kill myself, I was stopped before I could, but gods, I really wanted to.

I should be dead by now, I thought two years ago.

Why am I still breathing?

Why do I eat?

I shouldn't be able to move.

I died, it really felt like it. But then, I just kept living.

I was waking up, brushing my teeth sometimes, eating sometimes, texting my friends often. When I look at the pictures, I wouldn't guess that anything was wrong.

But I really didn't feel like I was existing anymore. And I know it was bad. I know how much weight did I lose, I know that I couldn't be left alone in the house, I know I was changing my medication and I know how badly my organism was reacting to that. I don't remember any of it. But I know it was bad.

And yes, it passed with time. But it wasn't a few days, it wasn't a week, it wasn't a month.

It took me about a year to learn to not react with total panic at kms jokes my peers like to make.

Meanwhile, I fell in love with life again.

No, I'm not happy, yes, I still have suicidal thoughts. Yes, I kinda kept self-harming. But now, it's been over a year since I seriously wanted to die.

I died two years ago. And then, I just kept living.

[ink-stains-and-constellations]

I'm... happy.

Genuinely happy.

For the first time in years.

I started taking antidepressants. I quit something that was making me miserable and I'm working on my art instead.

And a few weeks ago, I realised that I've stopped self-harming. That I can look in the mirror without hating my appearance. That I can get out of bed in the mornings. That I'm barely having any panic attacks at all. That I can smile, and laugh, and it's not fake.

Holy shit.

I'm happy.

It's getting better. It actually does get better.

[inksplashgirl]

Bird

My life is a bird

One that I once held with a violent desperation

As it left bloody scratches in my wrists

It’s wings beating my arms

Frantic to escape my grasp.

I held that bird with everything I had

And now

It is my friend

Sometimes it tries to fly away

But it sits on my arm and eats from my hand

Balanced on my fragile body

Clinging to the will to live.

[jatcv]

Slowly recovering….

But I’m doing a special surprise once I fully recover my body from this horrible depression and I’m going back into business l! 👍🏼

[kerysthemenace]

today’s outfit!! got the matching stuff for christmas :)

inspired by maddie and cassie’s matching outfits in euphoria

songs stuck in my head:

[awkwardsavage]

I'm backkk

Surprise I'm back and better than everrrr. I'm 29 years old now. Still somewhat depressed but healing at the same time. Last time I had access to this account I was 17 years old and severely depressed. I'm so happy to be back on this account, this was my teen rant place.

I'm working now, permanent job. I work with youth who struggle in school and mental health. I love it so much, the youth I work with make my job 1000 times better.

More updates to come

[alexggnaw]

The anti depressants are working

Things are getting better

[dippietheham]

Grumpy reminds you that's it's ok to try new things.

Sometimes that's the only way we know some things aren't for us. If we don't try, we won't know.

And whatever you try, whether you fail or succeed, remember to eat something. Reward yourself for trying if you can.

And drink up too. Else Grumpy will grump at you.

Grumpy wants you to stay well. As well as you can.

[heartfiliadragneel]

I know it’s been a long time since i wrote here. Last time i wrote about how lonely and sad i was feeling at the time, how i was unable to see my future and see the beauty life has in it. I was in a really dark place and couldn’t love myself.

Now, as the years have passed, a lot of stuff has happened. Some were good, some were horrible and some were funny. One thing i believe now for real is that life does get better. Everything gets better and the things that were putting you down now seem like an old memory.

I do not feel lonely anymore, i’ve met new people that have brought me incredible memories and lessons i wear as a part of me. Some of them stayed, some of them left, but every single one of them gave me a part of their heart and taught me a new way to see life.

I don’t know why i came to tumblr to write this today, on a normal day laying on my bed, but i wanted to leave a message for anyone who is still reading me.

Life has so much to give to you, more than the loniless you feel, more that the calories you are counting, more that the loss of friends along the way. Yes, i’ve met a lot of people, but the person i’m most proud to met is myself.

I have so much to offer to this life and i’m willing and even excited to see what i have ahead of me in the next years.

It might sound cliché but if one of them is true, is this one: life gets better.

The old version of yourself is watching you right now throught memories and smiling at how much you’ve acomplished. Give it a chance.

[the-adhd-duck-on-your-shoulder]

i was a mature kid but in a fey-coded way? like i wasn't mature in a solemn, practical boss baby caricature, i was just a little bit unhinged and the most severe example of the Feral Girlhood phenomenon so i ended up being really logical in a mental gymnastics sort of way and was emotionally intelligent despite my inability to pick up social cues.

sadly my mother imbued me with a lot of problematic views so once my Mature Feral Childhood stage ended and in the transition from my Depressed Early Teenhood stage into the current Chaotic Fluid Teenhood i had to redo my childhood in a year to fix it and undo my problematicness

now i regularly view seven different news sources, have three neurodivergent diagnoses, and am radically apathetic about things that used to freak me out :) this is progress my guys!!!

[love-in-my-twenties]

So... I feel nothing. And I feel angry and hopeless and so many other emotions but they seem to be so far away. Things get empty, my room, my life, my head, my soul.

And then I cry. I smile. I blink a few times, take a deep breath, I get up. I make a matcha latte - with agave syrup, how I like it the most (how it becomes a comfort drink for me). I text my friends that I'm gonna kill my professors 'cause it's been too long and they should've already checked the exams. They text me back, say that they will help, and I send them a picture of my drink. My best friend tells me that I'll turn into seaweed and I smile. And I smile, I smile, I smile. I open my laptop, I'll continue rewatching my favourite TV show. I have tears in my eyes and I'm scared and so stressed out and helpless at times 'cause my mental health was supposed to be better by now but, oh, it's okay. I'm okay.

[punk-rock-paganism09]

They sure don’t.

(—I’ll do a happy version of this later, since it’s two sides of one coin. ;) )

via weheartit