#tw: invasive thoughts
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I’ll never forget the night I finished the episode of Malevolent where the worms happen to Oscars arm. I finished the episode, I was like, mildly disturbed like when you find a moldy container at the back of the fridge. No biggy, just “hm, gross”. I went outside for a smoke, I was barefoot and about to head to bed. No reason to put on shoes for my patio and my slippers were in the wash.
It had just rained, so the wet feeling of the patio wasn’t surprising. I’m standing there, doing my thing, when I felt squirming under my bare feet. I hadn’t bothered to turn on the outside light, so I scrambled to get the flashlight on my phone out and when I shone the light down at the bricks under my feet it was like a bucket of cold water. There, under my feet, were worms. Hundreds of worms, shining wetly under the light. They were just everywhere, about an inch long and squirming along the bricks. Absolutely heinous. There was not a square foot of the area not covered in tiny worms. Probably the worst thing that has ever happened to me, especially after a horror podcast episode containing worm horror.
So I guess the moral of this story is don’t smoke kids.
#I’m pretty sure they were some kind of jumping worm that came in on some manure#they all died over winter which is good bc it’s an invasive species#tw: worms#tw: bugs#malevolent podcast#malevolent#need to catch up and I just thought about it >:(
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#mental illness#transfem#depressing shit#anxious thoughts#invasive thoughts#made of styro#tw self destruction#tw self h4rm#tw shblr#self bruising#cvtting is silly
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I want to go home
but I have no home
#life#poets cafe#poets corner#poemsbyme#poetsclub#my art#poem#poems on tumblr#poets on tumblr#poetry#spilled thoughts#spilled ink#spilled poetry#spilled words#spilled writing#i don’t consider my house my home#childhood home#home#home invasion#i'm sad#sad thoughts#sadgirl#sad poem#sad poetry#sad but true#that's depressing#tw depressing thoughts#tw depressing stuff#sorry for being depressing#depressiv
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I find myself in pieces
Yeah, I'm alive. Just after I saw what Russia had done with my classmates from Donetsk, I picked myself by pieces. Tomorrow I will write posts about it. And a special important one of my old friend in Donetsk who was caught in Russian captivity in 2020💔 Just his pro-russian "friend" in Netherlands when Bogdan is in captivity. Pieces that I glued crushed yesterday again. Now I have totally different conclusion about teens who Russia zombifies. When kids is target, that's clear they're victims. But when you 14-15 come on. And in your twenties you don't give a damn that your friend is in danger. Fuck it. I hate you with all my might. You're just disgusting creature.
And these days Russia receives a new portion of weapons from Iran. I hate this world. Fuck Russia. Fuck Iran. Fuck China. Fuck Belarusia (yeah, not Belarus because it's not a sovereign state with Lukashenko).
The world is fucked up.
#ukraine#russia is a terrorist state#stop the genocide#russian invasion of ukraine#russo ukrainian war#genocide#stand with ukraine#arm ukraine#war in ukraine#thoughts#anxiety tw#український tumblr#український тамблер#my thoughts#text#donetsk#russian war crimes#make russia pay#russian propaganda#укртамблер#укртумбочка#life#war crimes#war#reality#reality shifting#loss#emotional#emotions#regret
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Alrighty motherfuckers I feel like shit and am mad asf so you're getting a rant about Invasion Day (full disclosure, I write this as a Caucasian second-gen Australian. I am not of Aboriginal descent and do not speak for them. I only aim to give my own opinion on January 26th celebrations.)
It's just so unnecessary and outdated to be celebrating the day that foreigners came into another country, claimed it as their own and just started blatantly killing Indigenous populations to the point of near eradication. Now that we can see the bigger picture, have access to information and can recognise how fucked that was and how it continues to affect Indigenous people and Australian society today, why are we still celebrating it?? What, precisely, is there to celebrate, when specifically on that day?
'It's to celebrate the Australian culture and the diverse landscape' okay. That's great! Change the damn date. Out of sheer respect because WHY. Why would it then continue to be on January 26th? Change it to May 8th or the day we lost the emu war or literally any other time. Make it clear that's the meaning. Let it be a day for the reminders of our past and hope for the future. Not 'yay let's all drink beer some guy came, stole land and killed anyone that didn't look like him because some other guy told him to'
I may be slightly misremembering statistics but something like 1 in 2 Australians are from another country or have a parent from another country. Australia is no longer 'White Australia' and is instead a big potluck soup of cultures and languages and people, and that diversity is what makes our country beautiful.
But the unmistakeable ignorance of so much of the population continues to amaze me. Why are we not listening to the Indigneous people and what they have to say? Why are we not learning to right our ancestors' wrongs? And ffs why did so many people vote no in the referendum?
Anyway in conclusion I hate 'Australia Day' celebrations, wish my family didn't force me to participate (if I speak up u will get shut down and discredited), and Captain Cook can suck my dick
(If anyone wants to talk about this, my ask box is wide open, I love hearing opinions and having healthy conversations)
#this may not have been too cohesive#i'm trying to distract myself from other thoughts rn#and i'm just incredibly mad because wtf. wtf#raaaaaaaaaaaaah#so have my opinion#invasion day#australia#australia day#january 26#alex posts#tw cursing
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The bio class I'm taking is going over integumentary structures (things like skin), and the instructor used her scars from saving her guinea pig from a rose bush as an example
OBSESSED with the fact that she took pictures of sebastian while he was still inside the rose bush
#blood tw#new role model#i would add her to my femme muse pinterest board if i thought it wouldn't be an invasion of her privacy
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(TW: trauma/ptsd)
When the family thinks of Leo, they all unanimously think the same things: loud, dramatic, unfunny, annoying. Overall very loud personality traits.
But then Leo, post-invasion, has healed enough to hang out with his family, and...he isn't loud. He isn't joking around, he isn't even talking. He's just in his chair, drowned out by all the noise his family makes for him.
His head is louder than his mouth.
And his head screams at him about his mistakes, about the Kraang, about the prison dimension, about the future where everyone died, about the fact he could've lost his brothers in this timeline. And he stays quiet.
His thoughts speak louder than words.
And, maybe he isn't beat up and suffering from a cracked shell at the moment, but his mental wounds are still painful.
So, like in the Prison Dimension, he's silent.
#just a thought#I like to think he's very quiet post-invasion#well not quiet all the time#but like#still very reserved i think#call it projecting#i call it...projecting#tw trauma#tw ptsd#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#leo rottmnt#rise leo#leonardo hamato#rottmnt leonardo#leonardo rottmnt#save rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#save rise of the tmnt#save rottmnt
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Tw: intrusive thoughts, sh, cannibalism, violence in general
God, I hate having intrusive thoughts.
I can just be going about my day, look at my scar from when a cat attacked me, and suddenly get vivid flashbacks to when it happened and kinda even feel the same pain and nausea from the shock. Whenever I look at a tack or a knife, I get an urge to run it across my arms, and my whole body seems to radiate a need for it. I haven’t sh in a long time, but the need for it still occurs sometimes. I’ll look at a curbside or wall and suddenly feel the urge to ram myself against it and smash my whole body until it’s bloody and crooked and unrecognizable. I’ll see a car pass by and have swirling throughs wondering what would happen if I ran in front of it; what the feeling of being hit by a truck would feel like. Sometimes when I’m eating meat or watching videos talking about cannibalism, I get a strong feeling of wanting to try human flesh. I know it sounds absolutely depraved, but I’ve always wanted to know what eating human meat tastes like. What the texture is; what the flavour is; what the best parts are and how you should prepare it.
I hate having these thoughts, but I can’t seem to stop them at times. I wish I could stop it, but my brain is too overactive and thinks of things I shouldn’t ever think of.
#cw: vent#vent post#personal vent#tw: violence#tw: sh mention#intrusive thoughts#invasive thoughts#actually neurodivergent#mental illness#creature’s rambles
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Genuinely don’t know how to phrase this, but the erosion of boundaries here on tumblr is very concerning. The shit my friends get in their inboxes… like, you do realize we’re all still people behind these screens and pen names, right? 😭
#not just about hate mail either this is also about like… super invasive questions and excessive flirting#and it’s not even that boundaries are being crossed accidentally#these are boundaries that my friends have set repeatedly and publicly#and if you’re not sure something is a boundary then just#why wouldn’t you play it safe just in case it is??#idk need to lay down in a bog and let the mud consume me or something#vent tw#my thoughts
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diary 042125 | 7:43 pm
on location sharing;
I’ve noticed how obsessive people can get with it.
The monitoring, the questions, the control. It’s an abuser's favorite tool.
I only share location with family or friends I understand to the core of their character, or just trust enough in general.
I see how y'all track your besties, boyfriends, girlfriends, kids, etc. — it’s unhealthy. Pointing out to people about where they're at or just being beyond nosey. Showing up is unhinged and even worse. I also see all the strange mind games people play hiding and unhiding their locations too. I think that some people get off on having that control, and knowing where everyone is at all times. In this kind of dynamic, I've noticed how personal people take it when you decide to remove or revoke access to your location.
I've both seen and experienced how the monitoring, constant surveilling of friends impacts people's mental wellbeing. Sometimes to the point where they feel the need to turn off and on their location, set it to a different device, or shut down their phone all together. We shouldn't be scared to adjust our relationship dynamics with people. What was supposed to be a tool for safety became big brother.
Don't get me started on the people who use it as excuse to never have to keep in touch with people, similar to social media.
I'd like to write more about this at some point.
#diary#thoughts#blogging#musings#reflection#friendship#love#relationships#friendships#control#controlling#unhealthy relationships#toxic#toxic relationships#location#location sharing#find my friends#privacy#invasion of privacy#opinion#patterns#controversial#adult friendships#navigating friendships#relationship#friends#friend groups#abuse survivor#tw abuse#obsessive
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#negativity tw#i thought i was just being invasive but no this is just. so fucking bad.#powerup!#gods fucking shit balls of flaming hellfire. days like this make me want to be set loose in the ceo offices with a bludgeoning club.
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me when the antidepressants make me more depressed bc im too tired to get up to take my testosterone so my period is gonna start and make me more depressed or clean my piercings which are now infected or do my laundry so i have no clean underwear or shower for weeks but its ok bc medication 👍
#'i know u were referred for urgent treatment but ur appointment is in january lol good luck!!'#psychiatrists kys#whatever#delete later#i was awake for maybe 9? 10? hours yesterday#'any dark thoughts?' 'no more than usual lol' 'glad to hear its getting a little better'#bestie i have three square meals and a snack each day of thinking about killing myself#also my friends mom showed up at my house and my fucking job to tell me to text her back like??? thats a huge invasion of privacy#anyway. i hate my life and i wanna die cuz i aint got no iiiiiphone#im going to see my friends concert soon tho so thats cool and i will hopefully get even more drunk#also like. im spending way too much money on alcohol but im afraid i need my daily dose of two four lokos every night#tw vent#sorry about. the massive shitty vent they should hunt me with crossbows in the woods
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im doing it all wrong aren't i? i can't trust the ppl around me. they could all be lying. they don't actually like me they're too nice to shoo me away. i just don't know anymore I feel like every move is the wrong one and theres no fixing it. my friends will abandon me eventually sometimes I wonder what the point of making them even is
I'm tired
i wanna feel loved without having to question the intent without having to question the legitimacy
i just
idk anymore
im tired
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Hi this might be a disastrously rude question but like what if I started going to churches and reviewing them like restaurants?
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Morbid Thought # 1 of ?
(TW: Thoughts of harm)
Sometimes I like to think about dissections, of people. Not just any people, but me.
Like- I wouldn’t cut open myself just to see EXACTLY where my kidney is, or if I could skin my hand to see all the tendons and ligaments, ooor- (just kidding I’m done.)
But I still think about it.
#invasive thoughts#disturbing#i might need therapy#not getting it tho#thoughts of mine#mild body horror#tw disturbing#🤔
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Ummm so I guess some TW are in order?? TW eyestrain (sort of), blood, vein-like gore, body horror?? I don't know how to TW sorryyyy
Anywayyyyy, the ROTTMNT movie was one of my favourite movies of all time?? And uhhhhh, I love me some angst. I'm actually surprised I haven't posted more, but here we are!
So I feel like most of these are self explanatory if you've seen the movie but I thought I should mention, that I hc that Leo blames himself fully for the invasion and thusly any injuries/deaths as a result. Therefore, blood on his hands, which may have been obvious but oh well lmao
It's a bit of a mid piece but I was done with it soooo 🫶
Bonus: a lighter version for you godless heathens who keep phone brightness low (i.e. me).
#me when i experience horrors beyond human comprehension#me when the bros and i have trauma™#leonardo hamato#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt#rise leo#rottmnt fanart#donatello hamato#rise donnie#tmnt#angst art#rise raph#rise mikey#rise of the tmnt#michelangelo hamato#tmnt raphael#eyestrain#tw blood#tw body horror#idk man#rottmnt movie
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