#tw sui thoughts mention

[totally-callisto]

Heads up Callisto's about to have a character arc that might trigger people-

Triggers in the upcoming character arc: Self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and (failed) attempted suicide

This arc is going to be somewhat based off of my mental health back in 2020, in other words, not great-

In other words Callisto is at a all-time low-

[the-stars-are-crying-again]

how to k1ll yourself without disappointing anyone no borax no glue

[ghostvibesonly]

wait odysseus is suicidal wait he was really gonna end his life the way he ended the infant’s wait the only people who’ve called him ody are those who hurt him badly/betrayed him wait “let me close my eyes” parallels penelope and telemachus begging him to “keep your eyes open” wait wait calypso was trying to talk him down and “stay in my open arms” unintentionally triggered the memories/hauntings of polites, eurylochus, his mom, etc wait wait athena held baby telemachus wait wait athena is dead?? wait wait wait

[hivnegative]

writing the sui note knowing i don't have the balls to actually fucking do it.

[willyouletmeloseonlosingdogs]

you know it's bad when you don't even want to listen to music anymore

[tapiokauwu]

I don't crave death. I crave salvation.

But I know I won't reach it in my life, so I can only put my last hope in death.

[d3vdgrll]

"dont kys, people will be sad." WRONG!!!!! no one actually cares abt me :)

[the-real-loser-otaku-girl]

Call me suicidal the way i want to die 24/7

[meowsticmarvels]

probably talked about this before but it is still crazy to me of phi's status as patient zero for radical-6. she is the host the virus first claims. her twin brother created the virus. she knows what it will do, knows what apocalypse will happen, but can't do anything about it. she begs diana to kill her, it's an act of mercy for both herself and the world, but diana cant do it. against her wishes she has to live she's the only character to get it at two separate instances - and she has the capacity to remember both of them. the virus's main symptom is suicidal ideation. a lot of this only happened because she had the idea to use the bomb to escape - delta forcing her to have blood on her hands as a result. there's definitely some degree of guilt involved. or what of the 3 months between ztd and april? the months she spends recovering, only to become a vessel for the next 45 years? this is the phi that ends up back at the end of vlr. the phi who unintentionally caused the very thing she swore to stop

[swimminginyokohamasrivers]

you should go meet the puppy

I would rather put the barrel of a gun into my mouth and pull the trigger.

[star-dust-shark]

“i want what’s best for you, please don’t kys” bitch killing myself is what’s best for me ✋😭

[frothingatthemaw]

god hopes you burn with it.

[thebraindumpsofamadman]

Whats wrong babe, you haven't googled suicide methods and success rate statistics all day

[gremlinmodetweeker]

A Walk in the Woods

So, I had some struggles in my life. I've been homeless since about July 27th, but I've been staying at a friend's home. I'm on disability, so it's hard to make ends meet.

In the depths of my despair, I wrote about König's lonesome walks in the woods.

Edit: As of August 13th, I do nearly have a home now. However, I am still posting this because it reflects an important feeling and something I think about with König. I love writing him as goofy and awkward, but I think sometimes it's important to remember the reality of being a soldier.

TW: Suicide reference, ptsd, references to gore, warfare/active combat discussion, depression, mental illness

Story below Cut

A Walk in the Woods

König goes on long walks alone sometimes.

You might be tempted to come with him, but that would defeat the purpose of the walk, so he’d just have to have you tag along and take another walk later, most likely when you’re asleep.

Long walks in the woods help König calm down. He likes the silence of the forests. Sometimes, if he’s lucky, he’ll hear an owl hooting or see a bat fluttering by. He’s thankfully not the type that mosquitoes are attracted to, so bugs tend to leave him alone if he just gives himself a light spritz with bug spray. He thinks that long ago, his body adapted to the forests. Maybe it was because it was the place he felt most himself, maybe it was because it was where he was most alone. The forests never bothered answering his questions.

On these walks, König has the time to finally think about what’s been going on in his life. When he walks, he thinks about how long he has left to serve. Will he retire when he hits the golden age, or will he retire when his body gives out? Will he even make it to retirement? He doesn’t know. He wonders what will happen to you when he retires. He also doesn't know, which is worse. It frightens him terribly that he knows there’s nothing he can do to protect you from the reality of living with a partner in the military. He’s gotten to a point where he no longer sees warfare, but he does hostage rescues in dangerous cities in more dangerous countries. How long until there’s a chink in his armour?

When he walks he thinks about how he’ll divide his will. He needs to be prepared, as much as he wishes he could live forever. His mother made it until she was in her late nineties, his father just turned one hundred when he passed. He comes from longevity, but does he truly want to live that long? He’s done so much damage to his bodies throughout his years of service. His body could only go on for so much longer, and he didn’t know how long he could last.

When König was younger, he was brave and proud of taking after his grandfather by going into the Austrian Jagdkommando. He was revered by his younger siblings, and his parents had been nothing but proud of him for his decisions. He’d been a strong recruit and quickly risen the ranks to a prestigious title.

Now, as he walks through these lonely woods, he doesn’t quite know how much value his title holds anymore. What worth is a badge and a name if you spend most of your life looking at your partner through a phone, really? Is he even worthy of being a father if he has to spend months overseas? He’s missed so much of his loved ones' lives because of this godforsaken burden he carries. No amount of money could buy back the time he’s lost with his family.

And yet, still, he works. He trains in the barracks, readies his bodies for the next onslaught of bodies and screams when he is deployed into the next battlefield. He knows that when he comes home, he’ll have new nightmares to wake up screaming from. And who will be there to comfort him but you, frantically awoken by his thrashing and screaming as he shoots and kills all over again in his mind’s eye. He lives it over and over again every night. He will until he sleeps one final time. He’s trapped on lands you’ve never seen, lands he hopes you’ll never see in your lifetime. He’s seen so much carnage, there is so much blood on his hands and these same hands are the ones that hold you, cherish you, fuck you. He’s covered you in blood. 

His walks carry him deep into the forest. There, he finds a clearing where he’ll look up to see the sky. Some days it’s blue and wide as the sargasso sea, some days it’s swathed in a darkness only split by the twinkling eyes of the gods above. Every time he looks up, he hopes that someone somewhere will see him begging on his knees for forgiveness. He tells you he doesn’t pray anymore, but he prays every time he comes to this clearing. Not for himself, no he’s long since been sent to Hell. He prays for you because he’s afraid that he’ll drag you down with him.

When he comes home, he’ll smile and hug you tightly. You always ask about it, but he never tells you where he went. He keeps telling himself he’ll bring you some day, but he knows he never will. You’ve seen him weak, but he can’t bear to have you see him like this. He wants you to see him smile and laugh and hold his children up above his head and fill the air with the sounds of joy and youth. He’s a strong and powerful aurochs of a man. You may see him stumble when he goes out to the hardware store to fix the latest leak in the sink, but he wants you to see him as a reliable pillar of support.

He prays that you will never see him out in the woods alone. He’s terrified that one day, one fateful day, you’ll go into his clearing to find him way up high among the tree branches.

Story Masterlist

[antisocial-hatred]

when someone treats me slightly wrong so now i have to make them feel bad by literally committing suicide, but also why would i kill myself for them when they're obviously worth much less than me? but still they need to regret what they did? guilt-tripping isn't enough i want them to spend their whole life eaten up by intrusive thoughts wondering if they deserve anything after depriving the world of its most interesting creature

[wvlls-roundme]

should i just kms tonight? i'm splitting on every single person in my life rn. i hate everyone and i feel like no one cares anyway. i want to kms so my fp sees what she have done with ignoring me.