#to the point of her being completely dependent on him and killing herself once hes dead

[infizero]

i may get shot for this but personally i dont think theres really anything wrong with death note's female characters

[wordsbymae]

Saviour Complex- goddess!Reader x Warrior

Plot: Reader is a young goddess, still yet to come into her full power. The patron goddess of innocence and compassion, she resides deep within the forest, caring for any lost souls who come her way. Destruction finds its way to her lands, as the Emperor's men flood the forest, tasked with cutting down anyone who refuses to denounce their heathen ways. One warrior finds the reader's temple, and tasks himself with 'saving' the reader from herself.

TW: Loosely based on posiden and medusa, which if you know is a trigger warning all on its on, SA, Implied non/con, talks of religion and religious genocide. Neither the warrior's or reader's religions (so to speak) are actual practised or once practiced religions. They are completely made up. Sexual talk. This fic is from the warrior's point of view so very much misogynistic, ignorant, and him being a dick. Also breeding is mentioned (a few times, opps) I see the warrior as Pedro Pascal as Pero Trovar

Notes: This was meant to be priestess reader but I liked this idea better. Enjoy!

He would hardly call the temple before him a temple. It was nothing more than some stones and arches pilled together, hidden under the canopy of a great oak. It was not as old as the other temples he and his comrades had pulled down. The other's, older and more grand than the one in front of him, were infested by savage heathens. They had been dozens of them milling around the great stone pillars. Some leaving tokens of good faith, other's seeming to be in constant service to their wild gods.

This land he found himself in was not under the watchful gaze of the Eye. Nor were they subjects of the Emperor. Instead they worshipped petty gods and goddesses, born from mortal parent's, given gifts of power from Mother Wild. The gifts given depended on their actions as growing gods. Raised as mortals until their 20th nameday, when Mother Wild gives them her final gift, immortality. At least, immortality to a point.

They age as mortals do, but the hands of time pass ever slowly by. As they watch their family and friends grow grey and old, only days have the wild gods aged. It is said that they can one day grow old, grey and tired, succumbing to death as all living things do. But none had ever yet to reach such an age. Gods were able to be killed but it took strength and numbers to do so, and the sword of Caleen, the first wild god ever born. Caleen's own blood had been mixed with the metal, creating a sword capable of penetrating through the gifts given to them. The sword, gifted to him by the Emperor, lay dormant in its sheath by the warrior's side. It was the only method known to truly kill a wild god.

Until then, the only way to defeat a god without the sword was to force them to act in a way that went against their patronage. Salios, once god of law and order, had his gifts ripped from him by Mother Wild, when he unjustly killed an innocent man. Without his gifts, age and sickness came for him thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of years before he should have perished as a god. Yet such an act had not occurred for hundreds of years, least of all forced by human hand. So these wild gods reigned over their forgotten wood, almighty in power and reverence.

It was heresy.

These 'almighty' beings were nothing but demons, given unholy power by the forces of darkness. Born human, yet corrupted by power. It was unnatural, it was all that went against the teachings of the Eye. Humans were sinful creatures, and the more power one had, the more corrupted they became.

The warrior grimaced as he walked up to the temple. A stupid move if he was being honest. He was here alone after being separated from his battalion. But he needed a place to shelter the coming storm, the air thick with the scent of rain. He would rather face a barbarian than freeze in the wilderness. The temple seemed to be empty, no worshippers leaving offers or priests caring after the god. It was quiet and lonesome. Yet strangely welcoming. He could feel warmth emerging from inside the temple, the scent of delicate florals dancing through the air.

He hesitated at the threshold of the temple, it was clean and well looked after. The walls were lined with soft candlelight, and murals of prancing deer and maidens dancing through the woods. A statue of a woman stood silent in the middle, bathed in dark sunlight by a round hole in the roof. The statue was covered in crowns of flowers. Some placed on her bowed head, others hooked onto her arms as they reach outwards, palms facing towards the sky. Gifts of pearls, lilies and feathers of pure white were placed delicately at the foot of the statue.

He did not care to learn these savage gods names. There were hundreds of them, some more powerful than others. Some given patronage over small, worthless things. He had laughed for hours when he discovered that there was a patron god of footprints. Whoever this temple was erected for, was loved yes, but not revered.

The warrior walks deeper into the temple, becoming enveloped in a sense of peace and compassion at the care given to this little goddess. He grunts in frustration, these stupid gods and their stupid 'gifts'. When he and his brothers in arms desecrated the patron god of fear's temple, the battle was nearly lost as they nearly fell to the wild gods powers. Fear racing through their ranks. Just being in the presence of a god was enough for their powers to linger in the air, effecting a mortal humans thoughts and feelings.

This little goddess must still be here.

Rain began to fall from the heavens, it came down with a fury. Yet, the rain that fell through the hole came down in fat, gentle drops upon the statue of the goddess. Water drippled down her stone face, the warrior had to admit this little goddess was quite the beauty. If her statue was anything to go by. He walks deeper into the sanctuary, closer towards the statue. He stops just in front of her image, breathing in deeper at what he can only imagine is her scent, sweet yet comforting, there was an earthiness to it too. He reaches out to caress the stone cheek of his little goddess. What a pretty thing she was.

He kneels to take in the sight of the gifts offered to her. There were the pearls, feathers and lilies he had seen before. But now he could see spools of white wool, wrapped in ribbon, and carvings of hearts, flowers and dozens of names circling the statue.

Lightly touching the most prominent of the carved names, he allowed himself a grin. He had found the wild goddess of innocence and compassion.

He had found you.

You were the youngest of the gods, only decades since you were gifted your immortality. Yet, you had quickly become beloved by your worshippers. The patron goddess of innocence and compassion, you resided deep within the forgotten woods, caring for the animals of the forest and any travellers who crossed your path. It is said that only those in needing of help or guidance, and children looking for a home could find you. The delicate smell of flowers leading the way to your temple. The names carved upon the stone at your feet were those you had cared for over the years. Travellers lost and afraid. Children without parents or care. Women hiding from vengeful men. And men scarred by life itself. All found their way to you, to your compassionate and pure hands.

You were the last of the major gods that the warrior and his men were yet to find. Your brothers and sisters before you had fallen. Some had run like cowards leaving their temples, and their followers, to burn into the night. Others, slaughtered by his hand. Time may only harm the wild gods so much, but Caleen's sword is a deadlier foe than time itself. It filled him with joy remembering plunging Caleen's own sword into the first wild god's heart. He was the first of the wild gods and as such he was the first to fall.

The warrior stood to his full height quickly as soft footsteps made their way through the temple. They came to a stop, the owner hidden by darkness still.

Outside the storm raged on.

"That you little goddess?" the warrior jested, hand coming to rest lazily on his sword's pummel. He stepped around the statue, giving a slight kick at a doll that was laid carefully at its feet.

The sound of hesitant shuffling could be heard. His little goddess was nervous.

"May I see your face, dear one? I have come a long, long way to find you. I wish not to leave this place without seeing your face, it would break this poor soldiers heart" he pouted in fake hurt, creeping towards you as a wolf moves closer to its prey.

"Who are you?" you ask, voice calm and strong. Yet, he could sense fear in your words.

"Just a poor soldier, a lost traveller if you will. Seeking the care and compassion of your grace" he answers, bowing slightly. He toys with his pummel, he had a feeling he would not need to draw it this day.

"Are you hurt?" you plead, taking a closer step towards him, your sense of empathy and compassion shinning through.

The warrior saw his chance, and he was going to take it.

"Not physically your grace, but I have not yet broken my fast or had a drop of water in days." he furrows his brow, grimacing and holding his stomach with his free hand.

"Oh! Your poor thing!" you exclaim, rushing forward to meet him. Once in the light, the warrior damned the creator of the sculpture for failing to capture your beauty. The statue was nothing in comparison to you. Your hair was thick and healthy, framing your face perfectly. Your skin soft and supple. Lips dewy and oh so kissable.

Your were the most beautiful woman he had seen in his entire life.

And here you were, all his for the taking. You were dressed as a goddess deemed fit, perfectly tailored and fetchingly so. But all he could think about was ripping it from you in a daze of lust. You rushed up to him and guided him deeper into your temple. He only realised that the temple was much larger than it seemed when he was outside. These wild gods and their tricks. You cooed to him the entire time. Stating there would be a warm bath and fresh fruit and clear spring water for him in his room. You hadn't even noticed his weapon, or if you had, you truly were the patron god of innocence.

He allowed you to fuss over him. Allowed you to lead him deeper into your temple, until you reached an open court yard, filled with plants of all colours and sizes, soft grass below his feet. At one end a statue of Mother Wild stood, vines and flowers blooming across her figure. In the centre of it was a beautiful flowering tree, more gifts had been left here to.

He stopped you from leading him further on, his eyes set on this tree. There was magic in its very fibre, unnatural power. He could feel it.

"Everything ok soldier?" you try, hand coming to rest on his back. He flinches at the contact, it was so soft and kind. No one had touched him with such care before.

"What is this tree?" he turns to you.

"Oh! Its a magnolia tree" you grin

"No, I know that, why is it here, and why.." he stops himself, he was going to ask you why he felt power radiating from it. "why are there gifts at its base."

You give him a soft smile, gently grabbing his hand you lead you to its base. You softly bring yourself and him to the ground. White flowers fell softly to the ground. You reached a hand out to touch the bark, closing your eyes, before reopening them to look at the warrior.

"Here, give me your hand"

Without thought he places his hand in yours.

What wicked spell have you put him under.

And why does he not care to know.

With your gentle touch on his, the warrior felt heat rise deep inside him. You placed his hand on the bark, yours overlapping his.

"Do you feel it?" you whisper, voice soft and kind.

Of course he could feel it. Pure innocence, unbridled compassion and love.

He hated it.

"This tree is an extension of myself. The day I was born, when my parent's realised who and what I was, they planted this tree. They understood that they and all those who I love would grow old, die and leave me alone. This was their way of giving me a companion. The day I received my gifts and my patronage was the day I laid my parents to rest under this tree's shadow."

He watches in silence as tears well up in your eyes.

"I hadn't even turned four and ten springs yet, when...when they attacked. They were raiders from the south. Brutes, really. My parent's told me to flee, but there were younger children, pregnant women and injured men who couldn't flee, or didn't know where to flee to. So while the warriors in my village tried the best they could to defend us. I went back and forth between this tree and the village, carrying, dragging and leading all those I could to the safety of the great oak that shadows my temple. When I went back the last time, there was nothing left. Our warriors were slain and my parents...."

You break off, tears trickling down. He feels the sudden urge to wipe them from your cheek. He lets himself have the honour of doing so, and your let yourself have the pleasure of him touching you.

"Anyway, there wasn't much else I could do, so I brought them here, buried them, and cared for the survivors the best I could. It was then I was given my gifts, for my compassion for my people and my innocence in the face of death, I was given my patronage. We rebuilt our village, and life was good. But the years after I was given my final gift, were... difficult to say the least. Watching my friends grow old, have families of their own. Then watching their children age and grow grey. I... it was difficult."

You give him a pointed stare, now turning your back onto the tree and rested upon it. He removes his hand from the bark, mirroring your actions.

"Can I tell you a secret?" you plea, eyes big and soft.

"Of course my little goddess, I will take it to my grave." he sternly replies, practically giving you his oath as a holy warrior of the Eye. You thought he was joking, jesting with you after such an emotional story. You gave him a giggle and playfully smacked his chest.

"No need for that, but thank you." you trail off, thoughts of long ago in mind. He nudges you softly, eager to learn your secret.

You look back up and him and sigh, turning off into space.

"Sometimes, when I have no one to look after, and its been months, sometimes years, even, since someone has walked through my temple's door. I wish I wasn't born a goddess. I wish I could grow old, fall in love, marry, have children of my own." you look down, playing with your hands.

The warrior was troubled, yet excitement grew. You could be saved. You wished to be without the corruption of the dark forces that ran through your very being.

"But you could start a family. I have heard tales of demigods"

"Yes, but I can't" you stress turning to him. "I am the goddess of innocence, not just compassion. To bare a child would mean I am no longer innocent, therefore my powers would be stripped from me. I would be mortal again."

You huff in frustration. Even if you were able to have a child, it would still grow old, and you would be left to bury another one of your kin below your beloved tree.

The warrior was delighted. Overjoyed, perfectly happy with this news. Some gods had gifts that were hard to strip from them. How do you make the god of footprints go against footprints? Cut off their feet? Unless....

No he's getting distracted. Here he was being given his own gift, from his god. The Eye was testing him, for sure. Allow a wild goddess to continue her wicked magic, or save the mortal within. You already told him you wished to be free of your curse, the burden placed on you the moment you were born. All he had to do was take your maidenhead. Put his seed in your womb and watch it grow. And what a fine mother you would be. You had spent decades being a mother to hundreds, so what more a burden would a few of your own be. In fact he was sure your would revile in it.

You were practically begging him to fill you with his seed, with those big, soft eyes and those curves that screamed at him to take you. He was without a wife, he would have to break you in for sure. You were a wild one of course. But with a few whelps to look after and one surely in your belly, how much could you defy him?

His cock began to stir. His eyes laden with lust. You look up at him once more, brow furrowing at his darkened eyes.

"Is everything okay soldier?" you sweetly ask, actually concerned for his wellbeing.

"Let me give you the life you want, little heathen" he begs, pushing you down onto the soft grass below the tree.

"What? No! Get off!" you plead, pushing against him. He tightens his grip on your wrists.

"Give me the honour of cleansing you of your dark powers, instead allow me to gift you the honour of carrying my seed." He growls, coming down to give you a lust filled kiss.

You bite his tongue with a vengeance, the taste of blood trickles onto your tongue.

"Mother!" you scream, turning onto your belly. Reaching for the silent statue of Mother Wild. She sat impartial, watching silent and cold. You begin to sob, as the warrior pulls your hips and ass into his crotch.

"Shh, shh little goddess, it will all be over soon. You shall be my sweet wife and you shall grow fat with my child." he comforts, his words tasting like iron on your lips.

"No!" you cry, elbowing him in the nose. You get up to run, straight towards Mother Wild, you drop in front of her and beg for her help.

"Help me Mother Wild. Please!"

You were only gifted the power of healing and other small gifts that now seem useless. What could were they against a man like this? The warrior gets up with blood streaming down his chin.

"My! The little heathen has some bite, huh" he sneers, pulling his sword from its sheath. You turn to look at him in fear, surely that was not what you think it is.

"Recognise this? I drove it through your first wild gods heart, and many more of your brother and sisters since then. I wish not to harm you little goddess, but if you do not renounce your claim to your wicked birth right, then I will be forced to kill you." He almost grins at the sight of you kneeling and afraid.

'That's it heathen, fear me, fear the holy Eye.'

You turn to Mother Wild once more, pleading and begging for protection.

Nothing happens.

You sob as you are ripped from your place by the statue and dragged back to the ground under your tree. You are pushed onto the soft grass, for a moment you forget what is happening, and you are young again, watching the sky through the leaves of your tree. Your parents are still alive, you had yet to be given your gifts, and you can kid yourself into thinking life will be like this forever. You are broken from your daze as Caleen's sword is plunged into the soft dirt by your head, and you are quickly reminded what madness you found yourself in. You stare up at the warrior in front of you, fat tears rolling down your cheeks. He kneels down onto you. His blood drools out of his mouth, dripping down his chin. His eyes are filled with lust and pride.

What an evil, wicked man.

You choke back a sob in fear of what is to happen next.

"My dear one, do not cry for the life you are renouncing, cry with joy for the life we are to create." He shushes you gently, a rough hand caressing your tear stained cheeks.

"What poetry is this, that you should lose your gift of innocence the very place it was given"

[ghouldump]

Hiii i love your writing 🫶🏼🫶🏼

If youre open for requests i was wondering if you could maybe write a lestat x siren or mermaid reader?

I hope you have a lovely day, please exuse my bad english

Fallen | Lestat De Lioncourt x Mermaid!Reader

ෆ princess of demacia, a marine kingdom is temporarily banished. she refuses to conform to the standard, being a heartless killer. wandering the water, she finds herself in new orleans, where she meets a vampire.

your english is awesome! i liked this idea and i hope you enjoy what i came up with, it’s giving little mermaid x twilight crossover 😭

"I don't understand," you said, swimming behind your father.

"Y/n, mermaids do not intermingle with humans," King Zale, your father, found you talking to your pet fish. He at first, only intended to simply scold you because you were supposed to be training, until he heard your conversation. You explained how you didn't want to mate with any of the mermen and how you'd been to the surface, studying human men.

"Why not?" you questioned.

"Because that's the way things are, you do not need to be with people, who have for over a millennial, hunted and killed our ancestors, and do not speak of these feelings to anyone. Do you understand?”

"Yes Father," you agreed, following him, as he brought you to the surface.

"Watch your sister,” he pointed, observing your older sister, Nerissa. She peeked from out of the water, in front of the human man, who was fishing on the small boat.

Immediately, she sang to him, as he stared, mesmerized. Leaning over the boat, she kept singing come closer, until he fell out of the boat. Then, before he could blink, she began to drown him. He flailed around, but she only dragged him deeper.

Feeling a knot in your stomach, you watched as she tortured the man, before her other half, Luca, joined her, and together, they ripped at his flesh.

Merfolk could eat humans, but you preferred your sea vegetation.

"Soon, you will have your turn," your father said, placing his hand on your shoulder.

Your first kill was between the ages 16-19 depending on how ready the elders thought you were. You were already 15, and you knew now, that you did not want to have to kill anyone, let alone enjoy watching the others commit the act.

As the man eventually went limp, they let his body sink. The other sea creatures, that were willing, wrestled for the flesh.

"Come now," he said, swimming away, as the two began to perform the partnership ritual.

The humans called their other half spouses, and their rituals, sex. The ceremonial ritual was when, your partner, who was chosen by the elders, and you would mate, becoming one, with each other and the water.

You overheard your brother, Arista, say these things, being one of the only merfolk granted permission, to go to the land. It was a painful process, the breaking of your bones, separating your fins until you looked completely human. He described it as the most unbearable thing ever felt.

Your future other half was Rory, although, you couldn't stand the sight of him. He was 16, and already had his first kill, making many of the older merfolk hold him in high regard. He loved the thrill of the humans thrashing under his tight hold, constantly bragging every time he was around you. You were due to mate at 18, and he reminded you of what was to come every time he was around.

"I am serious Y/n, I don't want to ever hear you speak such vile things ever again," he tells you, before swimming to the palace.

"Yes father" you mumbled.

"Princess Y/n, I've been looking for you all morning," your teacher, Bardo, stressed. He was only twenty-three, slim, his curls flowing freely past his shoulders.

You sighed, allowing him to drag you back off to the reef. Your only training was to become a murderer. Your father was four hundred years old, and once he passed, the throne would be given to your eldest brother, Ari, who was already one hundred and fifteen. Together, you had thirteen siblings, and you were the youngest.

"Now, princess, let me hear your song," he tells you.

"Actually, I was hoping we could talk about Kaia," you said, watching as his fins began to flicker nervously.

"Fine, but then we'll practice your song," he says, as he begins telling you all about his meeting with Kaia, his chosen other half. They liked each other already, and it was only their third time meeting. You didn't care too much, but it was an easy way of getting out of training.

"Oh, I've let the time pass us by," Bardo said, finally stopping his rambling, realizing you hadn't trained at all today.

"It is fine, you seem to like Kaia, I hope it all goes well," you said quickly swimming away.

"Thank you, princess," he called out to you. Smiling gleefully, you sped up, happy to be free from the pressures of killing some innocent person. Closing your eyes briefly, you slam into a body.

"Sor-sorry big brother," you said, looking down, as Ari frowned at you.

“I heard you missed most of your teachings"

"It wasn't on purpose brother," you pouted.

"It doesn't matter-

"Mother said dinner is ready" Wade, your other brother said, swimming past the two of you.

"Stay on top of your training, because you wouldn't want to disappoint your family, would you?" he asked, his voice filled with authority.

"No, big brother" you whimpered.

"Good"

"You have no choice but to be ready," your father says, pulling you into a hug.

You were now 19, and the elders had held off on forcing you to have your first kill, but you were getting much older.

"Is she ready?" Rory asked on the other side of the door.

Opening the door, he backed away, his eyes fixated on you. The elders were making him come with you, not only to make sure you completed your test, but after you would have to mate with him, whether you wanted to or not.

"Beautiful," he says proudly.

"Thank you," you mumbled, seeing Ari glare at you. Telling everyone you'd see them later, you swim off with Rory. Treading behind him, you stayed close, as he made turns, slithering through the caves. Until you both got close to where the humans swam. Daylight radiating into the ocean, and you could feel the sound waves, of their music.

"I will be over there," he tells you, as he swims into the seaweed.

Rising to the surface, you peek, seeking your victim. If you could at least get past your first kill, everyone would stop being so stern around you. Immediately, you notice him. It was a boy, who looked around your age. He sat on the edge of a wooden pavement, with his legs crossed, reading. Going back under, you swim, until you're close to him.

Only raising your head above the water, you begin singing to the boy, before he could scream or scurry away. Extending your hand, you allow him to grab hold, as he jumps into the water with you, still hypnotized.

Swimming backward, you slowly moved underwater. Still singing, the both of you maintain eye contact, until you heard it. You could hear his heartbeat, it became slower, showing he was running out of breath. Stopping your song, he snaps out of it.

Realizing what was in front of him, he began to panic, moving around trying to get to the surface. Taking note of the expression of fear he held, as well as what radiated from his body, you couldn't continue. Grabbing his arm, you swam to the surface, as he gasped for air.

As he caught his breath, he swam backward, away from you, terrified of the sight in front of him. Your dark hair, grayish blue skin, pale eyes, razor-sharp teeth, and nails. Moving away, he bumped into Rory, who looked at the boy as if he were one of the bottom feeders of the water.

The mermen didn't have a song to sing but were much more aggressive and stronger than the mermaids. Grabbing the boy, he dragged him deep into the water. You tried swimming behind, but Rory was much faster than you, one of the fastest. It was pointless screaming out to the boy, humans didn't understand the merfolk languages.

By the time you made it to them, Rory had already ripped out the young boy's heart, and now let his body sink into the dark trenches.

"What were you doing," Rory asked you darkly.

"I couldn't do it," you confessed, as you both moved away, seeing the sharks drawing near to the smell of the blood.

"The elders won't be too pleased to know you failed unless I keep your little secret," he says, swimming circles around you.

"You would do that Rory?" you asked, hopeful.

"Of course, as your other half, but only if you hold up your end," he says, trailing his hand down your fin on your back. Sharply turning, you held in your glare.

"I'm not ready Rory," you tell him, and the grin that once played on his face dropped.

"When will you be ready? I already waited a year longer than I had to"

"I don't know, I can't do this," you said.

"Fine, have it your way," he said, grabbing your hair, and holding tight to you, as he swam back to the palace, rushing the throne room door open.

"How was the..test?"

"How was the...test" your brother, Arista, asked awkwardly.

Slinging you to the floor, Rory panted, looking down at you in pure anger and hatred.

"I want a new mate," he announces to the elders.

"What happened?" your father, King Zale, asked.

"This pathetic excuse-

"Watch your tone," your second eldest brother, Mari spoke, staring darkly at the merman.

"She failed...she didn't kill the human, she almost helped him escape the water. Then, she refuses to mate" Rory explained.

Deep in thought, your father, and the elders exchanged looks before turning to you.

"Is this all true Y/n?" your mother, Serena, asked. dropping your head, you nodded, causing her to gasp at you. Meeting their eyes, all of them looked at you with either disappointment or sadness, except Mari. He never looked down on you for your beliefs, he just saw you as his little sister.

"Speak," Ari said.

"Yes, I failed. Seeing his face as his life drained from him, I felt like a monster" you confessed, crying in your hands.

"Go to your room, and do not come out unless you are called," your father said, as you swam away.

Leaving to go the the left side of the palace, where your room resided - you noticed the whispers, and snickers from the other merfolk, as they watched you. They probably all heard what happened.

As you got into your room, you sat at your counter, depressingly organizing your shells. You leisurely reorganized your entire room, until darkness fell upon the ocean. When there was a knock on your door, Ari opened the door.

"Come with me," is all he said.

Choosing to not say anything, you quietly follow behind your brother, as he brings you to the outskirts of Demacia. There stood all thirteen of your siblings, your parents, and the elders.

"Y/n, you are getting one last chance at your first kill, if you do not succeed, then you will face judgment," your father said.

Swimming to the surface, Nerissa volunteers to help you, to make things much easier. She finds the kill, luring him into the water, and just as he begins to thrash, everyone intensely watches you. You saw the pain on his face, shame, and pain clouded your mind.

"I…I can't," you cried.

Sighing, Nerissa snaps his neck, letting him sink. Watching in horror, as his eyes stayed open, hollow of life.

"Since you couldn't perform this simple task, I grant you judgment...you are to be banished from Demacia. perhaps a few years alone will give you the realization that is needed. You are to leave, immediately," your father says angrily, swimming away, Ari and the elders following behind.

As your mother and siblings, stayed behind, about to say goodbye, your father stopped, turning around.

"Everyone back to the palace, now. She doesn't deserve a proper goodbye," he continued, rushing away. Looking back at you, grimacing, Mari spoke.

"Goodbye, little sister"

Alone, grieving, sorrowful - all words that describe you. You aimlessly wandered the ocean for the next five months. Hiding from creatures that could potentially kill you, or collecting trinkets you found along the way. Sadly, you couldn't keep up with consistently finding vegetation, so you turned to eating fish as well.

Your appearance changed drastically, your once slender figure, was now curvier, and more meaty. Your full hair grew to your waistline, and your breasts, although hardly visible were bigger than before.

After traveling for months, you were certain you were far from home. The water, which was cold, or usually lukewarm, in your home, was now inconsistent, hot on some days, cool on others.

As you swam forward, you noticed a wooded pole along the water, letting you know, that humans lived nearby.

Swim forward in the water. Even underwater, you could hear that humans were close. The sound waves of them, playing music, laughing, moving their bodies, you could hear it all. Going further down, you stayed there until it grew quiet. There had been plenty of fish and vegetation, it was perfect, wherever you were.

Rising to the surface, no one could be seen, making you sigh in relief, coming up more. You could see a civilization not far off, around you, was strangely snapped wood, you remembered they were called boats. Then you got an idea, you could try to go on land.

Jumping from the water, you made a noise, falling into the boat. Taking your hands, your grip the foreign material underneath yourself. Suddenly, your throat felt like it was tightening like it was being crushed. Gasping, trying to breathe, you turned to reach for the water, but it seemed to be too far.

Next, you felt a burning pain rushing through your body, as if it was breaking. You found yourself uncontrollably squirming, as you heard the sound of your own bones cracking. Your tail, felt as if it was being ripped apart. Which it was, to a certain extent, creating your own pair of human legs. Screaming in agony, you clawed the sides of the boat.

After it was over, you panted, able to breathe, but only taking short breaths, to save oxygen. Pushing yourself up, you stood, stepping onto the dock. Wobbling at first, you tried to find balance, before bending your knees, then standing up straight.

Smiling gleefully, you walked around in circles, your walk was funny compared to how humans walked, but you would eventually get the hang of it. Walking towards the civilization, you stopped, The scent hit your nose, making you look up. Letting your feet move, following the scent, you eventually found the source. Flesh, you were smelling burning flesh, inside some dark machinery.

The sun radiating on you, you reach to cover your face, but never moved. It felt nice against your skin, much different than the warmth it brought in water. Looking down, you felt dizzy, before blacking out.

As soon as the moon graced the night sky, Lestat woke up, full of energy. Quickly, he left, meeting with his close friend, Louis. He had recently become his maker but they soon realized they were better off as friends. Continuing their usual hunting, and conversations, platonically.

Finding and draining the indigent men, they carried the bodies to the incinerator. Entering the backyard, they shared a look, seeing the nude woman sleeping in the grass.

Sensing the presence of something unknown, you opened your eyes and were on your feet in an instant, you went to run, but the man appeared in front of you.

“Not so fast,” he smirked, walking towards you.

Hissing at him, he lunged forward, biting into your neck, but quickly moved away, spitting.

“What?” Louis asked, confused.

“Her blood, she isn't human, it tastes like fish,” he gagged, dramatically.

Holding your neck, you backed away from the two, breaking off into a sprint, running to the docks, and jumping into the water, your body twitching rapidly. Your fins ripping through your skin, tail reconnecting. Hoping they were gone, barely peeking out, they looked down at you.

“Hey, come on out, my friend didn't mean no harm, biting you,” the other man spoke, while the culprit simply stared at you, with his arms crossed. Louis, extended his hand, wanting to help you out of the water, but you simply went back under.

“Whatever she is, we should leave her,” Lestat shrugged.

“No, look,” he pointed, both of them rushing to the dock.

You lifted yourself onto the wood, going through the painful process, again, the two men watching, completely astonished. Shakily, you stood up, in front of them.

"Wow," the nice one said, while the other man looked away.

"I think she's a mermaid, those exist too?" he exclaimed again, examining your fin, that broke off.

"I guess, I wouldn't have known," Lestat mumbled.

"You're not even looking, " Louis told him, as Lestat took off his coat.

"She was just a giant fish and now she is naked, it's hard to ignore that," Lestat says, approaching you.

"Put this on," he told you, handing you the coat.

Staring at the jacket, you wrapped the sleeves around your waist, as if it was an apron. Groaning, Lestat takes back the coat, placing it on you, looking at the ground, to avoid looking at your perky breast.

"Are there others like you?" he asked you, finally looking into your eyes, but you only stared at him.

"Maybe she doesn't speak english," Lous said, walking closer as well.

"Parlez-vous français ?" Lestat asked, making you tilt your head in confusion at him.

"I don't think she understands that either”

“I'm Lestat, this is Louis," he tells you slowly, as you look at both men.

“Would you like to come with us?” Louis asked, holding out his hand, smiling as you hesitantly accepted it.

"Sit,” Lestat said, but you remained awkwardly standing.

Lightly pulling your arm, Louis led you to the loveseat to sit.

"What is your name?" Lestat asked, walking in front of you. Staring at you, he reached to touch where he bit you. However, out of fear you jumped back, hissing at him, now on guard.

"My apologies, I assumed you were human," he told you, putting his hands up.

Backing away, he leaned on the table, crossing his arms, staring at you.

"Do you understand us?" Louis asked, as you nodded.

"Okay, you understand, can you speak english?" he spoke again, but you only tilted your head.

"Lou-is…Lest…at," you managed to get out, in broken english.

"Yes, that's our names," Louis cheered you on, as you now held a small smile.

"E..eng..lish n...not..mine," you explained.

"You don't speak english?" Louis helped interpret your speech. While Lestat stood, observing you.

"What do you speak?" Lestat asked, looking up at you.

"Water," you spoke clearly, moving your hand in the motion of waves.

"I’m going to find her something to wear," Louis said, jogging upstairs, one of the many blouses and slacks Lestat insisted on keeping from his women victims.

Speeding down the stairs, he was back in front of you in an instant, sitting the pile in front of you.

"You can put these on, just go to the bathroom," Before he could finish, you had already slipped out of the coat, struggling to put the clothes on.

"You can help with that," Louis said, walking away, as Lestat stood looking the other way.

"Here," he tells you, removing the shirt.

"Put your arms through the smaller holes, now you close the buttons," he said, as you buttoned the shirt. Looking at him, you both maintain eye contact, before he looks down, pulling the hem of your shirt down, along with helping with the pants.

"N..nice..h..human?" you asked him, watching carefully.

“Ma chérie, I am no human,” he told you.

“Nice human,” you ignored him, placing your hand on his heart.

Merfolk could easily read body language, and you had him read like a book. He was a caring person, but due to loneliness and circumstances, he oftentimes came off as cruel.

"I'm a nice person?" he asked sarcastically.

"You are," Louis called out, walking back to you both.

For a moment, Lestat and Louis began talking amongst each other, about you. They couldn't renounce their interest in understanding you, and what you were.

Walking away from them, you stood in the mirror, touching it, as you stared at yourself. biting down on your teeth, you stare at them. Moving your mouth, you mumbled things you've heard the two men say, to get familiar with the language. You quickly understood, being that mermaids were slightly more intelligent than humans, in certain areas.

"My name, Y/n," you said randomly, making them both stop talking and look at you.

"Your name is Y/n? You aren't from around here are you?" Lestat asked, and you shook your head.

"I am princess of Demacia," you said, walking back to the pair, sitting on the sofa.

"Demacia? Have you heard of this place before?" Louis asked Lestat.

"Where is Demacia?"

"Water, far away," you told them.

"I need to leave, the sun is coming out soon, let her stay here," Louis told Lestat.

"I am leaving, I will see you soon enough, take care," he tells you, as you nod at him, watching as he left.

“I go to water,” you stood.

“Nonsense, we wouldn't want to hear from Louis, you can use the bathtub, it doesn't get any use,” he told you, walking away. Stopping, he turned to you, and realization washed over that he wanted you to follow him.

The bathroom was large and unused, with a glossy bathtub against the wall. You watched as Lestat ran the water, his hand under the faucet to check the temperature. Turning the water off, he faced you.

"If you're a princess, why did you come here?"

"I was banished, I couldn't perform my first kill"

"First-kill?”

"Mermaids use our song, to kill a human, to show we are strong"

"And you couldn't go through with it. Can I hear this song?"

"No,” you shook your head.

"Those who hear the siren calling and live will be trapped with a life of hallucination if they don't drown themselves"

"Do you miss your family?"

"Just my brother, Mari, everyone else not really, thankfully I am not connected to my other half," you said.

“After you,” he motioned.

Trying to take the shirt off, you felt stuck, tugging at the shirt. Lestat groaned, unbuttoning the shirt, and helped remove the clothing, before helping you to the water. Your body began jerking, making him back away as the water splashed.

Instantly, you wiggled, and flailed. Lestat almost wanted to intervene, noticing how painful it looked, having your back fins ripped through your skin.

After the process, you sunk deeper under the water your large tail hanging from the tub.

"Amazing," he mumbled, leaning against the wall, as he observed you.

"Is the process painful?" he asked, and you only nodded. His eyes lingered on you before pushing himself off of the wall.

“Tomorrow we will find something suitable for your diet, try to get some rest,” he said, leaving the bathroom.

Waking up in the middle of the night, after sleeping for hours, you began to climb out of the bathtub, flopping onto the tile floor. Covering your mouth, to endure the pain, it hurt more than usual. As you muffled your groans of agony, you thought back to Arista's words. One, it wasn't good to shift too frequently, or too close together in time, you'd break down your body. Two, the longer you go without shifting, the less mermaid you become.

Remembering Lestat’s instructions, you put the clothes back on, with only a little struggle this time. Sighing, out of exhaustion, you lay on the floor.

“I see that you are awake, come, Louis stopped by, with a few things for you,” he held out his hand, helping you stand, leading you to the large dining table.

Sitting down, your eyes were set on the brown bags on the table. Placing a plate down, your mouth watered at the aroma of fish, along with a portion of Jumbalaya. Lestat questioned where Louis got the food, but he shrugged him off. Seating the food in front of you, you stared cautiously, enjoying the smell, but unsure of the taste.

"Do you not like fried fish? Louis insisted it was a favorite of the locals," Lestat asked, grumbling in aggravation.

"I’ve never had it, you?" you asked, touching the food with your hands.

“This food is for you alone,” he tried to explain simply.

"Try using your utensils," he continued, cutting and scooping the food, bringing it to your mouth, while you ate.

Handing you the spoon, you tried. It was easier if you only took small pieces. Lestat tapped his fingers on the table, as he examined you.

"While you eat, there are a few things I'd like to discuss with you," he said, as you nodded, your mouth full.

"Is there a reason I can't sense your...reproductive system?" he says, looking at you, but you sit the utensil down, looking confused.

"I don't sense your…womanhood" he corrects himself, as you nod in understanding.

"Merfolk are born as male, the elders choose who will be female, then by 5, those who were chosen, become female," you explain.

"How?"

"You phase, but phasing won't be noticed until your years of growth when things grow," you said, looking at your breast.

"Why is it this way?"

“To assign other half"s, our ancestors were able to choose freely, and so there were many who were male and male, and female and female, mating. As they died off. The elders said only certain people would be allowed to change, and everyone's other half had to be the opposite"

"Same-sex mating? so a male mermaid could get another pregnant, is what you're saying”

"It's a merman, but yes, if he was his other half," you said, finishing your food.

"What is an other half?"

"It is your partner, the person you are bonded to for eternity"

“Your companion,” he said lowly.

“Yes,” you nodded.

"What happened to you have yours...before you were banished?”

"I was assigned an other half, Rory. I had no love for him, so we never became whole," you admit, losing your appetite, pushing the plate away.

"My apologies, I am sorry to be intrusive, I can't hear your thoughts," he apologized.

"It is fine, but I'd like to know about you, what are you, obviously not human anymore, tell me, if you don't mind," you told him, leaning forward, a smirk forming on his face.

Looking into your eyes, he explained to you everything. Even he was surprised by the words that came from his mouth. He talked about his previous life, his maker, Louis, his trauma, and his loneliness. His failed relationship took a toll on him, but he couldn't let Louis leave his life completely afraid of being alone all over again.

"Your life has been full of misfortune, but it has made you strong, and your heart, it beats hard, that's good," you told him, placing your hand on his heart, hearing and feeling the blood rush through it.

Realizing what you were doing, you quickly removed your hand. Looking down, Lestat stared at you.

"My apologies," you whispered, standing up. Not seeing the small smile that played on his face.

"I didn't mind, is your hearing intensified?" he asked you, as you turned away.

"I can hear and feel all of your flowing blood," you said, as he stood, moving your hand back.

Suddenly a memory came to mind, one that you sheltered years ago.

“Y/n, mermaids do not intermingle with humans”

Your father's words, repeatedly in your mind, making your face burn in shame. Lestat was beginning to make you feel things, you had to keep away. You didn't want him to become angry with you like your fath-

"I see you liked the food," Louis called out, making you turn, removing your hand.

"Come, you clearly aren't going home anytime soon, we’ll have to find you a few things to wear," Lestat tells you, grabbing your hand.

"Watch your step,” Lesta said.

Holding onto his arm, as he led you to the backyard, removing the blindfold. Gasping, you looked at him, shaking your head, you couldn't believe your eyes.

“This is too much”

“Nonsense,” Lestat said.

It had been another five months since you made it to New Orleans, and ten away from your family. No one other than Lestat and Louis knew about you being a mermaid. After that night with Lestat, talking and eating the fish, he insisted that you stayed a while longer since you had no place to be anyway, but you weren't a fool. It was obvious to you, that he wanted to keep you around, he was becoming attached. The feelings were mutual, but guilt plagued your mind constantly, what would your father say about this? were human, or vampire rules the same as merfolk? You wouldn't know because you didn't leave the palace grounds often.

Every time you found yourself getting too close to him, you'd make up an excuse to put distance between you, such as now. The last few weeks, Lestat wouldn't allow you into the backyard. Your breathing was beginning to become shallow, meaning you needed to get back to water. You had told Lestat about your plans to spend a few days in the water, near the dock. However, he was coming up with possible solutions so that you wouldn't have to be in the water when he surprised you with a saltwater pool.

"I just, I don't think it is safe for you to be alone out there," Lestat said, moving close to you.

"New Orleans seems safe to me"

"it is, but I can't guarantee the water"

"I am grateful, but I can protect myself," you laugh, finding his concentrated expression adorable.

"Of course, but who will protect you, when you are shifting, you could be hurt," he said.

“If you wanted me to stay, you just had to say it,” you smiled, unbuttoning the dress, and keeping eye contact with him.

Jumping into the water, you quickly transformed before coming up. Lestat had taken his shoes off, soaking his legs in the water as he watched you. At first, he couldn't understand why he wasn't able to read your thoughts, but it was later understood that it was because you weren't human - meaning you had to intentionally give him access to your mind.

"You should show your teeth more, you look so cute," he said making a biting noise, sitting near you, while you lay floating on your back.

"I look like a monster," you thought.

"The is no appearance for a monster, you are a work of art, the gray skin and pale eyes, you could stop anyone in their tracks," he spoke out loud.

"Out of fear"

"No," he disagreed, chuckling.

"You say those things to make me feel better"

“I have no reason to lie to you"

"Do you ever miss your life before vampirism?" you changed the subject.

"No, are you missing your family?"

"Occasionally, once you receive your other half, in my kingdom, you no longer care too much about your immediate family, but with no half, I'm left partially...empty" Groaning, you submerged under the water.

"Not having your other half affects you that much?"

"Rory will be given a new half, while I, will die alone," you told him, he was stunned, raising his eyebrow at your choice of words.

"Do not speak that way, you have no idea what the future holds," he told you, angrily.

“I’m sorry"

You weren't, and it was true. Every mermaid/man who never mated or was exiled before mating, suffered the same fate, dying alone in a peculiar manner. Perhaps that was your unclear destiny, but you were accepting of it if it meant no innocent humans had to die by your hands.

"You better be, you couldn't be alone, ever, now that you have moi," he tells you, climbing into the water with you.

"Stop there"

Swimming backward from him, you hadn't been this close to a human in your form, in a significant body wate, since the young boy who was killed.

"This condition, your countenance doesn't make you a monster, it means nothing to me, it's all external," he said coming closer to you, moving your hair, before touching your hand, laying his against it.

"What are you doing to me?”

"I should be asking you that," he said, as you laid your hand on his heart.

"Two half's come together-

"and become one," Lestat finished your statement, pulling you close, as he kissed your lips, making you shut your eyes.

As he backed away, you opened your eyes, dazed, seeing his grin. Instantly, you noticed the cut on his lip, your teeth had cut him. Ashamed, you turned away.

"What is- oh it's only a small scratch, it is nothing but blood," he says, licking his lip, as you turn back him, allowing him to pull you into a hug.

Maybe what you're father didn't know, wouldn't kill him… right?

“Mr. de Lioncourt,” the young man called out, approaching with the sack filled with fish.

You submerged under the water, before blowing water bubbles and splashing at him. His eyes softened, looking at you before his face straightened as he stared at the man.

"I brought the fish," he announced, holding up the bag.

"My god," he mumbled, seeing you swim across the pool floor.

"Surely, this is an abomination," he whispered, making Lestat snap his head the man’s way.

"What is this monster?" he questioned to himself.

"You don't know how to do a job without being in someone's business"

"Would you like to repeat what you were saying instead of muttering it to yourself?" Lestat said, biting back his anger.

"I was only curious, my apologies"

"Don't worry about things you don't understand"

"Alright, no need to get hostile, I have the fish here, and I’ll take my leave," he said, backing away noticing that you had stopped swimming, and now peeked in the pool, staring at him, unblinking.

“Actually, I have other plans for you,” Lestat said, appearing behind the man, and covering his mouth before he drained him. You turned your back away from the sight, preferring to not see such things.

Hearing the sound of the incinerator, turning around, you watched as Lesat approached, tearing the sack apart, and dropping in the fish for you. Briefly, you stared into each other’s eyes, before you turned your back. Were you abominable? possibly. You were falling in love with a vampire, who offered to become your other half.

The two of you had gotten much closer, since the eventful night in the pool. Lestat oftentimes found himself, caressing your scaled skin, desiring to be more intimate, but you made it clear, that he was trying to cross a line you felt he wouldn't be able to handle.

"Y/n" he called out to you. Refusing to turn, he came around to you.

"Why did I have to be a monster"

"You know that is not true," he told you.

"I want to get out"

Climbing out of the pool, and flopping around, your body began to transform. Crouched down panting, Lestat approached, wrapping a towel around your body.

"Come on, ma chérie," he said, scooping you up. Silently, you laid your head against him, your face void of any expression. Sitting you on the bed, in the guest bedroom, that had become yours, he stood in front of you.

"I have a gift," he said, making you look over at him. Grabbing the small box, he sat it in your lap, allowing you to open it, revealing the pearls.

“I figured you could wear it when we go see the play,” he said, hopeful that you liked it.

"Thank you, I love it," you mumbled, brushing your fingers over the pearls.

"I don't like this, you ignoring me because of some pathetic human," he said, sitting next to you.

"Sorry"

"Don't apologize, confide in me," he said, leaning closer, but you turned your head.

"We shouldn't”

"I know you feel how my heart beats for you," Lestat says, placing your hand on his chest.

"Other half's, it's more than blood or sex"

"I don't need that from you, I just want to make you whole," he said, his voice softening.

"You're saying that now"

"I love you, Y/n"

"I don't want to hurt you"

"The night we first met, you felt my heart and said I was strong. Trust that I am strong enough to love you properly. Two half's-

"Become one," you said, slowly opening the towel, as Lestat crawled towards you.

“You will not like my blood”

“Your blood is perfect”

•••

meanwhile...

"Any traces?"

"None, at least not anywhere within 1000 kilometers"

"Go farther, find her"

"I don't know, I think she needs a doctor," Louis said, as Lestat examined your face.

"Is this normal...after the rituals?" he continued, looking at the dark circles that formed around your eyes.

"No," you said weakly.

Within the last three weeks, your health declined tremendously. You didn't even have the strength to get into the water or eat.

"Maybe she just needs to be in the water for a while" he suggested, as they stood, watching you.

Nodding, Lestat grabbed a hold of you, before carrying you to the pool, allowing you to sink into the cool water. They took note that you had yet to transform, when suddenly, your body violently shook, nothing else happening. Panicking, Lestat had you out of the water within a blink of an eye.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, as you struggled to breathe, holding his hand, to let him know you were okay.

"What the hell, why didn't she transform?” Louis asked.

"I don't know," Lestat stressed, helping you sit down, and kissing your forehead.

"Find a doctor and bring him to us,” Lestat told Louis, watching as he nodded, leaving.

"I'm sorry," he said again, hugging you close.

"I am fine," you said, leaning against him, and closing your eyes.

Since completing the ritual, you could feel everything Lestat felt, at an incredibly high level. He, of course, being a different species only felt a small part of what you experienced, and he usually only understood it through feelings in his stomach. Good feelings were described as butterflies, while the negative, aches.

"Calm down," you tell him, placing your hand on his chest, your eyes still shut.

"Louis needs to hurry," he said, ignoring you.

"I'm back, I found a doctor,” he said, the man, who had been glamoured followed behind.

"Help her," Lestat instructed.

Sitting his bag down, he reached to touch you, occasionally reaching into his bag for medical tools.

“What is wrong with her?”

"I can get a sample of blood, could be pregnancy, a virus, or a cold," he said, as he searched his bag for the needed equipment.

“Get him out of here,” Lestat told his fledgling, Louis instantly was directing the man to leave.

“Y/n, I need to drink of you,” he said, reaching for your wrist, with your blood in his veins, it was the only time he felt most connected with you.

Nodding, you groaned at the feeling of his vangs sinking into your skin. He drank for a while, your blood dripping down his chin, when he heard it. Faint, so low he could easily miss it.

“How is this possible?” Lestat choked, hardly able to speak, hesitantly moving his hands to your stomach.

“What is it?” Louis asked, coming back.

“She is…pregnant”

“How is that possible, you're dead,” Louis asked, confused.

"It was the ritual, the water has accepted our companionship, and bestowed this upon us"

A while after physically mating, along with giving and drinking blood with Lestat, in your human form - you did it in your mermaid form. It isn't similar in the slightest, more so, letting the water bond you to each other, emotionally, leaving an orgasmic feeling. Deciding if you are worthy of being gifted a child.

“So you're a father now, congratulations,“ Louis pat his back.

"This still doesn't explain her behavior, I've never seen this before in pregnant women"

"What pregnant women have you been around?" Louis asked sarcastically, and you opened your eyes, waiting, with your eyebrow raised.

“I mean, typically symptoms"

"Vampire, the child is possibly a half-vampire, and they are feeding on me for nutrients,” you said, staring at your stomach.

“Has the been heard of before?”

“Not with vampires, just humans, it has only been heard of once in my lifetime, a distant relative from years ago”

"Do you know how her pregnancy went?"

"They say it was shorter than usual"

"The elders-she..." you stopped, your hand going to your chest.

Why didn't you think of your cousin, Sherah? She was seen to have much potential, until she fell in she with a human man. She left home without anyone knowing, to be with him. Having a son with him, she eventually was found. Immediately, they killed her, leading of pod to surround her. They baby, they took, and kept him, but treated him like an outcast, until he was killed by a shark, at only ten. All of this, and yet here you were making the same mistake.

"Your cousin...she isn't alive, is she?" Louis asked, making you shake your had

"No harm will come to either of you, okay?"

"Okay," you nodded, as he pulled you into a firm hug.

Closing your eyes, you prayed the water would make a way for you and your child because you had never in history heard of a child born of a vampire and siren.

"We've found her, she has been traced, all the way in the Gulf”

"I want you to move in-

"There is more, my king"

"What?"

"The others think she may be on land"

•••

"My goodness,” you groaned, your hand going to your stomach.

"What's wrong, is it the baby?" Lestat seemed to appear out of nowhere.

"I feel strange”

"Do you have to urine? It seems you need to go all the time,” he asked.

"Probably, help me up, please," you said. Instead, he picked you up and was in the bathroom within a flash

You were six months now, your womb swollen as if you were further along. You had been unable to transform, the entire time. Forced to drink human mixed with Lestat’s blood to remain healthy. While there were days you felt worse than others, seeing Lestat so happy was like your medicine. He never in his lifetime imagined something like this happening, and with it unfolding, he was more than grateful.

"I need to get to the water," you told him, he had your dress up, halfway, looking at you, unsure.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I've got this weird feeling, the water is calling for me," you said, holding onto him, as he picked you up.

Standing at the edge of the pool, he hesitantly dropping you into the water. Crouching, he watched as you stripped from your clothes, when it happened. You were transforming, Lestat released a breath of relief, furrowing his eyebrows at your large belly, seeing the concerning sharp kicks.

“The baby is coming”

Hearing the words, Lestat was glad to already dead, because he would have died from anxiety and excitement. 

“Louis, it is happening,” he managed to get out, calling to his fledgling, watching in astonishment as you pushed out the child, like a dolphin.

You slowly swam around, until the child smoothly came out, with the placenta and blood. The water turned light red, but you were still visible, circling the small child, that had a small tail, with a head full of hair.

"A girl," you told him, as the child, swam close to you, snuggling against you.

"What happened?" Louis asked, rushing over.

"She has given birth, it is a girl," Lestat said, as you stared lovingly at the child, who now lay comfortably in your arms.

"Will she be able to transform?” Louis asked, relieved when you nodded.

“I will find something for her to wear,” Louis rushed into the house, excited to see the baby in its human form.

Lifting from the pool, laying in the grass, you shifted back. Lestat watched with tears in his eyes, as the baby changed, the tail turning into the most precious legs and toes. 

Picking up the child, he held her close, amazed at the creation the two of you made. 

“Here,” Louis said, handing you a gown, and Lestat a tiny blanket for the baby.

"Mermaids don't cry much as babies," you told him, sensing his worry.

“Will she age?”

“She seems to be more mermaid than vampire,” you told him, reassuringly.

"She is beautiful,” he cried.

"And ours," you said happily.

"What will you name her?" Louis asked.

"Amara, it means, everlasting," you said, as he carefully placed her into your arms. The moment couldn't get any more perfect, you sat feeding your daughter, before giving her back to Lestat to hold. Watching the sight in front of you, you smiled softly. Until you heard something, making your blood run cold. It was a siren song, far from New Orleans, but getting close. Standing, you worriedly approached Lestat.

"Give her to Louis and let him take her home," you said.

"What? Why?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Please, listen to me, quickly," you said, running inside, grabbing another blanket to wrap around her, and grabbing your pearl necklace to slip inside.

"Please, get her away from here, I will explain everything later," you continued, handing him the child, and ushering him away.

"What is going on?" Lestat asked you.

"Stay here, wait for me to return," you said, making him give you a look, but you ignored it, pecking his lips, before taking off.

Slowly, you walked to the dock, where your new life began. Approaching the water, you could see someone standing there, their scent familiar.

"My sister," the voice said, snapping your head to the left, there stood Mari, in his human form, a cloth around his waist, taller and more muscular than the last time you saw him.

"Mari," you said, shocked to see him.

"Won't you hug your brother?" he asked, in the same emotionless voice.

Running, you jump into his arms, as he hugged you tightly. As your feet touch the ground, he kisses your forehead, hugging you again.

"You've grown," he says.

"What are you doing here Mari?"

"The others are coming, they are ready for you to come home, to force you to have your first kill, if you haven't already, I wanted to be the one to tell you," he said.

"I can't leave Mari," you whispered to him. 

"Is there something st-" Looking up, you see he had stopped talking, staring ahead, on high alert.

"You couldn't have possibly thought I would let you run off, in a panic, and not be concerned," Lestat said, standing behind you, never removing his eyes from your brother.

"This is Mari," you tell him.

"Mari, this is Lestat, he is special to me, and he is not human," you tell him in your native tongue.

His eyes shift back to him, as he gives a small bow out of respect. They could be heard, the water didn't make any movement, but you could hear the fastness, of them swimming closer.

"Lestat, you need to go home"

“Home is with you, ma chérie”

Rising above the surface, King Zale and Ari, were in front of the group of other mermen, and your siblings.

"Y/n, my daughter, have you learned your lesson, ready to come home?" your father said.

"What are they saying?” Lestat questioned before you gave him access to your thoughts where the language translated.

"I will not come back Father, I am sorry, this is my home now," you tell them.

"This is not your home, you are no human," he tells you.

"I can't leave," you say sadly, causing your sister to gasp.

"Father, can you not see it?" Nerissa asked, making all of the merfolk look around confused.

"What is it?"

"She has mated with that human man," she said through gritted teeth. Snapping his eyes onto Lestat, he looks back your way.

"Y/n, who is this man?"

"This is Lestat, he has become my close friend and...my other half"

“Y/n, tell me this isn't true,” your mother cried.

"then I would be lying," you tell her.

"Where is the baby then?" Nerissa said.

"We haven't conceived yet, we were hoping the water would bless us" you lied.

"What she has done is an abomination upon us all, she is vile," Ari says angrily.

“He is not human, can you not smell it?” you argued. Everyone inquired amongst themselves in agreement that the man didn't smell human.

“That doesn't matter, he isn't one of us, she has broken our ancient laws,” Ari countered.

"What shall we do, my king?" one of the elders asks.

"Are you confessing to your detestable actions?" King Zale asked.

"Yes father," you said.

"Then it is final, you will face judgment and I am no longer your father"

"Father, that is-

"Stay out of it Mari, always taking up for her, but look what she has been doing, we ought to kill all of these worthless humans" Ari spit out.

"No, I face judgment with no resistance, and you leave these people alone" you glared.

"You are no one to bark orders," he said darkly, moving forward.

"Enough, we will be back shortly to deliver your retribution," your father said before they all lowered into the water.

"I will try to talk to them," Mari tells you, grabbing a hold of your hands.

"You don't have to risk your place for me," you tell him.

"It is the least I could try to do for you," he says, hugging you, before diving back into the water.

Looking at Lestat, you cried, laying your head on his chest. 

“Will you take care of her?”

“You don't really think I am allowing this to continue? You have lived on land, their threats are nothing to me”

“Lestat-

“No, I will not allow them to take you away from me, from us, I will spare your brother, but the rest will know my wrath, trust me,” he told you, kissing your lips.

•••

“There has to be another way, she is still young, and she has much to learn-

“Silence Mari, it is I, who will become king, not you, you will shut your mouth, or you will die with her”

•••

“Saying your final goodbyes?” Ari asked a devilish grin in place.

“Y/n, we have come up with a final decision,” your father said.

“There is a problem with your judgment, it holds no value when Y/n is mine, and I won't give her over so easily,” Lestat spoke, angering many of the merfolk with his boldness.

“Does he not realize his stupidity will kill everyone?” Nerissa asked, as a reminder.

“Do it, I am no human,” he shrugged.

“Your insolent mate will respect the statutes, I am King-

Before anyone could move, Lestat had lunged forward, ripping your father’s head off, his spine still connected.

“Long live the king,” he smirked, as the others gasped.

“Not so fast, or you will all suffer the same fate,” he told them, as they were about to attack.

“I reject my bloodline of Demacia and denounce all rules and statutes, I accept an eternity of banishment,” you spoke, making Ari scoff.

“If you are ever seen anywhere near us, you are dead,” he said, taking your father’s remains as they swam away.

“Thank you,” you slung your arms around Lestat.

“Anything for you”

Turning to leave, you stopped, seeing Mari climb from the water, transforming, before standing tall.

“I just want a word with you before I leave,” he said, seeing Lestat glare at him.

“Your child- I could smell them on you, almost immediately, like Sherah’s son,” he started.

“We were given a girl,” you told him, seeing him smile slightly.

“The water knows best”

“I'm worried about her aging, Lestat hasn't aged since he was turned, and he lives off of human blood,” you explained.

“She will be fine, raise her as both, the water will sustain her and eventually his gift will take over, take care, Ari calls for me,” he said, turning.

“Mari, stay here, you’ll like it-

“I can not abandon my duties, love you, my little guppy”

7 years later…

"I'm finished, Can I please go play?" the seven-year-old asked her daddy.

"It's getting late, Amara,” you told her, but she only pouted, climbing on her father.

"Daddy, can I go play, please?"

“I thought you wanted to swim tonight?” you asked her.

"I do, I won't be long, tell her daddy, tell her how fast I run,” she said, making him chuckle.

"Let’s just give her a few minutes,” he said, using the handkerchief to wipe the blood from her lips. Clapping in excitement, she was out of the house immediately.

"She can't always have her way," you told Lestat, who continued playing the music on his piano.

"You have your way all the time, ma chérie, who do you think she gets it from?” he asked, smirking, as you leaned down, kissing his lips.

“She is getting better at hunting every day, it’s a reward for her and a break for us,” he said, standing up, and picking you up.

•••

"Hey, I'm back" Amara whispered, as she approached the dock.

"Did you eat well?" the merman asked, rising above the water.

"How can I understand you?"

"Because you're special," he tells her.

“I'm a mermaid, like you, but only half,” she told him.

“Yes”

"What's your name again, sir?"

"Mari, but don't tell anyone, our secret"

"Okay, can I hear the story now? I ate all of my food and asked my mommy and daddy to come play”

"Of course, little one, it is about a lonely mermaid princess, who was banished from her home, this is a true story"

"A mermaid princess? I bet she was pretty, what was her name?"

"She was one of the most beautiful, let's call her angel?"

"Angel? Why that?"

"She was the only one to have the heart of an angel, out of all of her brothers and sisters, but Amara, we must continue"

"Sorry, go on," she giggled, listening to him tell the story.

•••

"Amara," you called for her worriedly, running around the port. You knew she wouldn't be right back, but after over an hour passed, you became worried.

"She's right here," Lestat appeared on the dock, picking her up.

"You said you wouldn't be long, young lady," you said, as the child pouted, she looked so much like Lestat with his pale eyes and sharp features.

"Sorry mama, look at what I got though," she said, showing the pretty shell.

“It is very pretty,” you told her.

"Come on, ma chére, you need a bath," Lestat said walking back home.

You didn't follow, staying still a little longer, staring at the water, unable to identify where the familiar scent was.

"Mari?" you whispered.

"Ma chérie, Amara wants to apologize with kisses,” Lestat reappeared, making you laugh.

"I’m willing to hear her out, but only because she's so cute," you said, joining the two. 

Watching from the water, Mari was happy for you, you were finally with people who accepted you completely.

"Thank you," you mumbled. Your heart warmed at the thought of Mari being involved in Amara’s life - that she would know another mermaid outside of herself and you.

"Hm?” Lestat asked.

"I hope you know you have to finish what you started, later tonight," you said lowly, grinning.

“I intend to”

"Two hearts became one, and the fallen princess had risen to outshine her dark nation," Mari thought.

"Goodbye, big brother"

"Goodbye, little sister"

Looking back for the last time, the merman dived into the water, swimming back to his underwater kingdom.

the end 😅

[the-ninjago-girl]

Ya wanna know what I just realized? The overall theme of scarlet and violet isn't actually about our treasure hunt, or making friends along the way,

It's obsession.(and how it hurts those around us.)

In the base game of pokemon scarlet and violet, we learn that the professor,(sada or turo depending on which version you play.) was absolutely obsessed with the paradox pokemon within the scarlet/violet book. They were so obsessed with these pokemon that they wanted, NEEDED to make them a reality by bringing them into our own. Their obsession was so bad, that they not only lost their significant other, but neglected their son to the point of completely abandoning him, all for the purpose of "paradise". Not realizing they already had one with their son.

The obsession has been with the professor since their childhood. As seen in the secret cutscene at kitakami's crystal pool with terapagos in your party, it brings the professor from iirc 10 years before the events of the game start. When they ask to trade for the book ms. Brair wrote they offer their copy of the s/v book and tell you "this book captured my imagination as a child and never let go." They were obsessed. It costed them their life, completely ruined arvens childhood, and almost caused the destruction of the Paldea region because they were too obsessed with having pokemon of the past/future along side them.

Then we go to kitakami, and meet Kieran. A boy who is obsessed with the ogre, a.k.a ogerpon. Kieran believes the two as kindred spirits, outcasts in kitakami because they were different. Though rightly upset at you and his sister for not telling him about meeting ogerpon, takes it too far when he steals the mask from his grandfather. As a result of winning the battle to get the mask back from him his obsession shifts, not really about befriending ogerpon anymore, but about beating you/being as good as you are. He becomes mean and ruthless to those around him in blueberry academy, becoming champion in order to try to be strong enough to beat you.

In the underdepths of area zero his obsession with beating you causes him to seek out terapagos, and catch it so that he can finally beat you.

And finally ms. Briar, obsessed with terapagos and proving it was real. Her ancestor, the original author of the s/v book, heath, was claimed and told to be nothing more than a liar after writing what he had found in area zero. Briar was obsessed, determined to prove terapagos' existence to clear her ancestors name, and that everything in the s/v book was in fact real. In kitakami she was more concerned with figuring out the terastal phenomenon than helping to guide the students from the 2 schools on their field trip.

And once in blueberry, she asks you, carmine and Kieran to join her in area zero to find terapagos. Once in the underdepths she puts herself in danger because of a strangely terastalized glimmora, of which you battle to protect her and the siblings. In the final chamber of the underdepths, she eggs on Kieran to take terapagos(in crystal form) out of the tera crystals around it to finally see the pokemon she's been trying to get to for so long, and then tells him to terastalize the pokemon, putting everyone in danger. As the amount of Tera energy is too much for the little pokemon to control, and thus it goes out of control, destroying the environment around it, nearly causing a cave in.

Ms. Briars obsession with finding terapagos nearly caused the group to get killed because she was so obsessed with finding terapagos. Obsessed with proving that heath was telling the truth all this time.

Pokemon scarlet and violet showed that obsession can hurt and harm those around you. That an obsession like sada/turo, Kieran and ms Briars', will cause the pain of others and themselves in order to reach their goal.

[0ujidere]

The way Anya & Curly's entire characters are dependent on viewer interpretation is crazy to me but also oh so very good. I will start with Anya okay be ready. The way others draw her interaction with any members of the crew varies so heavily and its based off of how others project onto her. Killing Jimmy with the Axe or the Gun, Anya and Curly killing Jimbo, Keeping the baby, Aborting that baby (dattebayo), Forgiving Curly, Blaming Curly, Killing Curly. All of these are interpretations that we can't really confirm or deny because we Don't know how she would act in any of these situations. We don't know who she is outside of the little tidbits of interaction with the crew and how those can be interpreted and how much those vary. I think its really interesting to see how some Anyas take revenge through their own means and others try to find the road to forgiveness. Both are very valid, but we never learn how she really feels about Curly post-crash, whether they even try to have a conversation or if she follows Jimmy's ideal of projecting herself onto the captain, whichever way that means. His pov has made her character so easy to twist to the way the viewer finds more cathartic and I think it is both a disservice to her from Him as a victim, and insanely good writing from the devs to leave an open ended story with a character who can be formed to fit whatever feels best. I'll make another ramble at some point about her precrash relationship with curly because i think it also holds alot BUT that is a whole nother essay. Curly, very obviously, has no way to communicate other than to fight back with what little he has. We see his fatal flaw & mistake, the semi immediate aftermath, but from then on, he is completely at the mercy of Jimmy/The viewer. We do not see him interact with the crew postcrash, except the three times Jimmy gives him his medication. If he didn't need painkillers every day, he might as well just have been a figment of Jimmy's imagination haunting him, the way Swansea+Daisuke avoid talking about Curly. Though he is still very much a person, he is made out (by jimbo) to be (possibly) a complete mockery of who he used to be, strangled and forced into an idol and a scapegoat and a friend and a coward and a god. Whatever he is needed as at any given moment. An obstacle or a damsel or an upstanding captain or a traitor crushing the crew (Jimmy alone) into the dirt. Any of these could be true or false, all at the same time or otherwise. His actions precrash are all we have to understand him, and the way he fights Jimmy against his medication and is beaten for it, and the way he creaks out a laugh once the gun is revealed, after all this time, right under both of their noses. He spends time with Anya and jokes with her. He helps Jimmy with his psyche eval and reveals his fears regarding being captain. The crew get let go and he goes against the company and tells them anyways, only holding out for a week. He doesn't understand Anya's situation when they watch the 'stars'. He makes some horrible word choice and false promises once he does. He continues to make some more horrible word choices and then action followed by a fatal, single thought. And once the regret hits it is too late. And whether or not he could ever be forgiven or more responsible than ever isn't a question given to Anya, but rather, the viewer. Anya and Curly hurt. They are written both as human and an ultimatum. Who Anya is as a person and where she stands on Curly are both vague. Curly's lack of action and level of responsibility are devastating, but whether or not he deserves punishment or empathy are the viewer's decision.

[ilikekidsshows]

Marinette is praised for alot of unwarranted things, but to this day the thing that takes the cake for me is people praising Marinette into the heavens for giving Adrien his rings back after Gabriel's death

People act like that's Marinette acting on god-like benevolence and the purest heart ever, when, like, what is she even being praised for?

For not withholding Adrien's literal control remote from him? Not wearing it herself and right away enslaving him?

Praising Marinette into the heavens for giving the rings back implies that people think that it would have been fine if Marinette had cried over this "hard decision" for the next season. And that's just pathetic at this point.

Not to mention that she objectively did nothing in the final battle to save Adrien. It was Gabriel who used the wish for Adrien's good, Marinette instead said he has to face whatever consequences as orphan now that's coming his way. So Gabriel helped Adrien, Marinette was willing to have him pay every price cuz it aint her.

Then Marinette being so uninterested in the plot lead to Bug Noire almost killing Adrien because she didn't know that she would have destroyed Adrien's amok rings alongside the Miraculous rings on Gabriel's hand. So once again, Gabriel had to save Adrien from Marinette by keeping her from using Cataclysm.

Marinette also isn't the one to take the amok rings away from Gabriel before he dies. Gabriel himself had to give Adrien free and prevent that his amoks will vanish with him.

What the hell is Marinette being praised for in the s5 finale for being Adrien's White Knight? She didn't save him in anyway. She almost killed him, she was willing to sign him up to entirely for his family's sins as orphan because "it's the right thing to do", and she didn't take Adrien's ring from Gabriel

Gabriel did all the saving and protecting, Marinette is just as always taking all the credit.

So what's Marinette being glorified for? For not instantly enslaving her abused and now orphaned boyfriend? Cause that's all the saving of Adrien Marinette did in the end, I guess: saving him from her herself enslaving him for no fucking reason

And is that REALLY something Marinette needs to be praised and made out into a saint for? Cause that's beyond pathetic, even downside offensive at this point

---

At this point, I think the show could show Marinette successfully wiping her ass and the stans would praise her for how talented she is. Everything Marinette does has to be the most amazing show of skill or the most kindhearted thing anyone has ever done in the stans’ eyes because the pedestal they’ve built for Marinette has grown so insanely tall. At this point, there’s nothing she could do that would break that illusion of perfection, I think. Even if she had kept those rings, the stans would have defended her noble decision to keep Adrien safe from people who’d take advantage of him, like Marinette herself hasn’t been taking advantage of him for free therapy for as long as they’ve been dating, no remote controls needed.

And that’s the thing with Marinette not keeping Adrien’s remote control; she doesn’t need it for Adrien to do whatever she wants. Adrien is so dependent on her that his life’s goal is just to be with her. Marinette knows Adrien is completely devoted to her, it's why she was so willing to send Zoé to confess her love to Adrien, because she knew Adrien would refuse Zoé and stay with her instead. Marinette gave up nothing when she gave those rings to Adrien, her control over him is still absolute.

Meanwhile, the fandom is celebrating and romanticizing this shit. I have seen more than one person consider Marinette giving those rings to Adrien to be like a proposal/promise ring situation, where Marinette doing the bare minimum of giving the sapient mind control robot servant his remote control is treated as an ultimate gesture of love. Because truly Marinette must love Adrien if, instead of ordering him to please every single one of her whims and needs, she grants him the magnificent honor of choosing to do so instead, while already knowing he will. How loving, how caring, how selfless.

Please ignore the reality that this entire setup relies on Marinette keeping guard over Adrien and his amoks indefinitely, because Adrien lacks the knowledge to do so himself. Please ignore the reality that, if Adrien, Marinette or both ever fell out of love and ended the relationship, Adrien would be left incredibly vulnerable because he doesn’t know about the rings being amoks. Marinette is counting on Adrien staying with her for the rest of his life, because she’s taken conservatorship over him and his free will. She has made it her job to be her boyfriend’s keeper.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

The salt of life

Disclaimer: This makes no sense, it's just a list of Sydcarmy musings and analogies but I wanted to share it anyway.

In culinary metaphors

Syd is affecting Carmy like TABLE salt affects mixes in bakery. She enhances Carmy’s flavor, but does not change it. That’s not always a good thing. It all depends on finding the right balance and timing and ensuring the ingredients are correctly mixed because otherwise, the whole thing is ruined.

Salt is dangerous. As a matter of fact, it can kill you.

Salt is basically sodium. Sodium is poison when incorrectly used, but it also makes the ❤️ beat when its levels are balanced out with the potassium in our blood.

In medical terms

Syd is the heart.

Carmy is the circulatory system that would dry up and die unless the heart irrigates it.

The Bear, their place, is the blood. The family.

What makes the heart beat is electricity.

They generate this power. This spark. And it can get out of control, like all sparks, of course.

That’s the chemistry they create when they are together → Beating.

None make sense without the other, BECAUSE THEY FORM A SYSTEM, is you separate the veins and arteries from the heart and the blood, they are simply lifeless. Isolated they don't make much sense.

THEY ARE A SYSTEM. THE MAIN SYSTEM.

How that system works

She lit the spark in him and gave him a heart when he was used to being a robot who only worked and smoked the competition.

Sydney could definitely work without Carmy, but at this point, it wouldn't make sense for her. She would feel lifeless, even if she wins 100 stars elsewhere. Her place is The Bear, the restaurant and the chef. Because that's what she chose with her heart.

Carmy has worked and thrived without her and wouldn't do it again unless it's out of spite, just to show her.

However, I don't think it'll come to that like it once did with Michael, or his parents, he has learned that lesson the hard way by now.

Carmy works as a SYSTEM, as part of something bigger than him, if he becomes isolated, S3 Carmy takes the wheel. He doesn't work like that, he crashes and burns.

But during most of S3 the "spark" Syd ignited in him, the one that got the blood flowing again, gave him a heart, a purpose, where there was only a hurt man who felt so much pain that couldn't even express it and thus, sublimated it in the form of a work addiction and functional depression, and therefore couldn't overcome it either, got out of control.

The SYSTEM was broken, because the elements that formed it attempted to work separately. There was no synergy, just energy that was out of balance. Not completely, but mostly.

Back to the salt

I have already gone over the analogy between Carmy and onions, acid, etc. Most in the fandom have, but here's a reminder of what I think about that:

So, the result of mixing culinary purpose salt (table salt) with acid ingredients is a WEAKER ACID.

We can all agree on Carmy being "intense", right?

Well, when in contact with her he can calibrate himself better.

I emphasize "contact" because when they are OUT OF TOUCH, the effect is almost instantaneous and painfully obvious in Carmy, which has always been, and in S3 it started to become more apparent in her too, as you can see in these previous entries:

They belong together to balance each other out, when there's this distance between them, that we saw in S3, THEY ARE IMBALANCED.

Salt is the balancer ingredient in any recipe. It enhances what needs to be enhanced and neutralizes what needs to be neutralized if used correctly

But salt on its own is no good, it needs to work as part of a recipe, a dish, A SYSTEM.

She's the salt, his salt, the one that brought flavor back to his life, and that's why his story re-started the day she came into his life. Carmy and all that he represents, the restaurant he inherited, the family in it, the family business that Cicero keeps funding, the extended family now Syd found at The Bear, is the system. He is a system that needs to be balanced and sometimes neutralized. Salt is the main ingredient for him, because he lacks of it, he's acid.

Bonus track: Le Chatelier's principle

I have mentioned this before but it bears repeating→ When her dishes were out of balance it was always because of the "acid" ingredient, which means she's outta balance too. Carmy doesn't balance her, he doesn't have that effect on her. In chemistry, acids tend to dissolve salt BUT they can create NEW SALTS too (Le Chatelier's principle). She's fighting this because she knows that once she fully lets Carmy in, it's gonna be the end of the world as she knows it. She won't be able to fight it much longer after this breaking point ↓

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[jahayla-parker]

Request: Hey so I was wonder if you could write a story with either kaz brekker × ADHD reader or freddy Carter × ADHD reader where the reader is struggling and ends up with haveing breakdown and is in tears with the fact that they can't stay focused and everything is slipping into a mess and they are struggling and they just comfort the reader. haven't been feeling very well lately and begin feeling overwhelmed and I love your work

Over It All : Kaz Brekker x Reader

@alex-kazbrekkersimp this is the last one I’ll be tagging you in unless you mention wanting to be added to one of (or multiple) my tag lists 💜 same note as on the last/Freddy one: Hi! So sorry for just getting to this! Ironically enough, I was experiencing this myself over the last few months. I hope you're feeling better! I did both characters/people, but I broke it up. In this one you'll find Kaz’s version.

Note: Thank you to @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r for helping me edit this!

Description: 3.8k wc, reader struggles with her ADHD to the point of breaking into tears, prompting Kaz to find a way to come to her aid. Hurt-comfort, angst-fluff

Warnings: SOC content (and applicable warnings), ADHD symptoms and experiences discussed, mention of crying and sadness, negative thoughts of self, some angst but fluffy ending/comfort

Y/n hid behind the empty box of spirits that Kaz had imported for the Crow Club. The bottles had already been removed and stored in their appropriate places. However, it seemed someone forgot to dispose of the now-empty crate. Y/n was beyond grateful for that oversight at this moment. 

She’d been trying to hide from Kaz all evening. Normally she’d be able to be found in his office after dinner had been served. It had started as a means of bringing him food that she’d then have to all-but force him to eat; however, it soon turned into a nightly ritual in which the now-couple would either visit briefly or silently complete more work/hobbies.

Tonight was different. She didn’t want to go to his office. Y/n knew Kaz would be able to pick up on her negative energy. And for once, she didn’t want to talk about it. After all, she wasn’t sure how to explain herself to anyone. 

She knew she couldn’t go to her room. That would be the first place Kaz would likely check for her after noticing her absence. She could go somewhere outside of the Slat or Crow’s Club entirely, but she didn’t want Kaz to worry either. So instead Y/n chose to stay in the back part of the Crow Club, hidden behind the empty wooden crate. 

She wasn’t sure what her plan was, Y/n doubted she could outlast Kaz’s insomnia, but perhaps she could outlast his interest tonight. Maybe if she hid long enough, he’d grow tired of trying to find her (or wouldn’t risk the others being clued into the reason behind such behavior). At which point she could return to her room for some much needed sleep. 

Y/n felt guilty for hiding from him. He hadn’t been the one to do anything wrong in this instance. Instead, it was her that failed to accomplish the tasks he’d assigned her. She had never struggled this much to complete them before. 

However, given the chaotic dynamics of the club and increased heists lately, she’d been more stressed and less well-rested than normal. As such, her focus was waning. Well, waning would suggest she had at least some small amount of focus left. Which she didn’t. Lack of focus would be a better way to put it. She couldn’t focus if her life depended on it. In some way it did. 

It wasn’t that Kaz would kill her, or even really threaten her for not completing the tasks as he might the other crows, but that was not the relationship he had with Y/n; and she knew that. But, she knew he’d still be disappointed in her. 

Yet, that wasn’t even the biggest threat she faced when it came to having failed to do her job. Instead, Kaz was on a time crunch for moving forward with their next heist. If he went through with the heist despite Y/n not completing her assigned preparative tasks, someone could die. 

Y/n had given up already on getting her tasks done today. She tried countless times, in countless ways, at countless different locations. All without even a minute level of success. They weren’t difficult, but her mind still wouldn’t cooperate or focus. 

Hence why she resorted to isolating herself in the dingy back room of the club. It was almost poetic. This was the type of place she belonged after her shameful failures today. A place with cracked walls, dirt and soot, no lighting, cobwebs, and empty splintered boxes. 

Kaz clenched the top of his crow’s head cane tightly as he limped down the stairs. He had spent the last hour waiting for Y/n to join him in his office, yet he’d seen no sign of her this evening. In fact, Kaz hadn’t seen her since the early hours of the day. 

It wasn’t just that she wasn’t in his office tonight following the dinner Inej made the crows, it was that he couldn’t find her in her room either. Kaz even passed Inej in the hall and asked if she’d seen Y/n. He knew if Nina were nearby she’d be able to notice the way his heart rate increased dramatically upon Inej mentioning she hadn’t made it to dinner tonight. It was very unlike Y/n to not enjoy the company of the other crows. 

Kaz could understand if he’d somehow done something to make her mad. However, that wouldn’t explain why she hadn’t joined the other crows for dinner. He never joined the crows for dinner of his own volition; unless Y/n pleaded with him for days prior. So something must have happened to prevent her from joining them tonight. 

He wasn’t sure what was behind her absence, but he planned to get to the bottom of it. Kaz knew he couldn’t protect her from everything, especially in the barrel. Saints, he’d told her as much himself. Besides, he knew Y/n was more than capable of handling things herself. But, her absence tonight made his heart ache until he was practically speed-walking through his club. 

“Boss, come join us” Jesper called, waving Kaz over to where he was. Jesper was leaning against the bar counter, Wylan beside him shaking his head. 

“I’m clearly busy” Kaz retorted harshly, continuing his departure to the streets of the Barrel. 

“Is everything alright?” Wylan bravely asked as he pulled a drink away from Jesper. 

Kaz glanced sharply in his direction and shook his head, “I’m missing a crow”.

Wylan appeared to think for a moment, likely counting each crow and where/when he’d seen them last. “Who?” he pressed, unable to deduce who was missing. 

This infuriated Kaz. How could Wylan, or any of his crows, not notice Y/n’s absence? Nor see it as problematic or concerning? Kaz reluctantly pushed those irritations aside for the time. Yet, he made a mental note to return to the matter later. After he’d found y/n.

“Y/n” Kaz groaned, his gloved hand squeezing the top of his cane until he felt the metal edges grinding into his palm. 

“Really? I just saw-“ Wylan began, stopping when Jesper exaggeratedly shook his head and waved his hands around in the air. 

Kaz rose his right eyebrow at the couple and turned to face them. He made his way to them silently, his grip still tight on his cane. But his pace had slowed now that there seemed to be a piece of information he had been missing. 

“Where?” Kaz demanded firmly once he reached the counter. 

“Umm… maybe I was-“ Wylan mumbled, his eyes full of confusion as he looked between his drunken boyfriend and Kaz’s angry glare. 

Kaz smacked his cane against the hard floor, the sound reverberating throughout the club. Everything around them halted as all eyes shifted to watch Kaz tower menacingly over Jesper and Wylan. He turned enough to send the onlookers a warning glance. 

Once the rest of the room had resumed their previously abandoned activities, Kaz stared expectantly at Wylan. Jesper was clearly in no place to be of assistance, despite the fact that he clearly knew something. Wylan, on the other hand, appeared to know where Y/n was at, but not whatever detail had Jesper telling him not to disclose her location. 

“She…” Wylan trailed off, still uncertain whether to trust the hesitation of his boyfriend or comply with Kaz’s unspoken order. 

Jesper groaned, leaning his head on the sticky counter. “No one chooses to stay back there if they want to be found” he mumbled. 

Kaz furrowed his brows as he leaned closer to them. “If neither one of you tell me where she is within the next twenty seconds, I will-“ he began to threaten. 

Wylan cut him off before he could inform them of their potential consequence. “Are you planning on hurting her?” Wylan questioned. 

Kaz’s stare hardened despite the pain in his chest at the insinuation. He had never done anything to hurt Y/n. Saints, he threatened his crows, but would never truly act on it. Kaz knew his reputation was likely the reason Wylan was asking. Yet, Kaz hated that Wylan felt he had to ask if Kaz would hurt Y/n of all people. 

Wylan’s body language shifted as he picked up on Kaz’s reaction to his question. Nonetheless, Kaz needed to know where Y/n was. More specifically, he needed visual confirmation that she was safe. And ideally, learn why she was seemingly avoiding him. “No”.

“She’s in the back. Behind the old storage boxes for the bar” Wylan stated, tilting his head towards the door behind him. 

Kaz nodded once at Wylan, sent a stiff glance at Jesper, and moved past them. He couldn’t control the thoughts in his mind as he made his way back to the storage room. Why would she choose to be in the one truly unkempt place in the club? Why did she prefer to be there instead of in his office? 

As the door creaked open, he saw movement behind the row of shabby shelves. He stared intently in that direction, hoping for another glance. He could’ve sworn he’d seen her y/h/c during the initial flicker of movement. But he didn’t want to announce himself just yet if he was wrong. 

As he moved closer, he heard the sound of someone hitting the floor; he picked up his pace upon recognizing Y/n’s faint groan. It only took him a few seconds to reach the end of the aisle. When he did, he came upon the sight of her attempting to get off the ground. 

Kaz watched as her eyes flickered from the ground, to his cane, then back down. He sighed loudly. If it wasn’t before, it was now evident she was avoiding Kaz. But he still couldn’t figure out why. 

Y/n noticed Kaz extended his gloved hand down for her to use to stand. Y/n shook her head, pushing herself up. Once she was on her feet again, she brushed herself off. “Excuse me” she whispered, attempting to move around him. 

Kaz’s gloved hand stopped her from leaving, his leather covered fingers wrapping around her wrist. He silently tapped her inner wrist before tugging on her arm. “Look at me” he said. 

Y/n slowly spun around to face him but remained silent.  

“Why are you acting like this?” Kaz asked, furrowing his brows as he stared down at her. He slowly let go of her wrist and dropped his hand back down to his side. 

“Like what? I need to-“ she began, eyeing his gloves. 

“Continue avoiding me?” He pushed, giving her a knowing look. 

Kaz watched the way her eyes widened and lips parted. She clearly hadn’t expected him to call her out on her actions. Or perhaps she didn’t expect him to notice at all. Either way, it was clear he’d caught her off guard. 

“You didn’t think I’d notice?” Kaz questioned, his voice a bit sharper than he intended. 

Y/n glanced down at her dirty boots and sighed. “I hoped you wouldn’t. I hoped you would be focused on something other than my idiotic self” she admitted. 

“Excuse me?” Kaz spat, frowning until he felt a pain above his eye. 

“I am a failure, Kaz. That’s why I can’t look you in the eyes” y/n explained, shifting under his piercing stare. 

Kaz sighed in annoyance, “Y/n, you know I don’t tolerate lying”.

“I’m not lying” she whispered, her voice cracking. 

Kaz’s gaze softened as he saw a silent tear roll down her cheek. He shifted his jaw and took a deep breath. Kaz was about to ask Y/n what she was referring to when he heard her let out a quiet, shaking sob. 

Kaz abruptly snapped his body in the opposite direction. He ignored the pain in his knee as he quickly limped back to the door that lead to the main hall of the club. 

“Please don’t leave, I’ll stop crying” y/n whimpered, suddenly behind him. She grabbed his wrist with her hand, careful to only rest her skin again his jacket sleeve rather than his exposed skin. 

Kaz turned to her, moving his arm until her hand was in his gloved one. He gave her as tender of a nod as he could. His voice was still rough but quiet as he told her “I’m sending everyone home”.

Worried the club would lose money by closing early, she began to argue. “But it’s busy tonight. It’s important that we-“ 

“No,” Kaz cut her off, squeezing her hand, “you’re what’s important right now”.

Kaz watched as Y/n crawled onto his bed silently. She was now dressed in one of his shirts and a pair of her shorts. The open window of his room provided some relief from the stuffy warmth of the air this time of year. 

He wasn’t sure how to help her. To be fair, he wasn’t sure how to help anyone. Being vulnerable and emotionally supportive were not his strong suits.  

He couldn’t physically hold her as she expressed her feelings. He wasn’t great at showing or expressing his own feelings. He didn’t know how to begin the conversation without upsetting her. And he didn’t know how to verbally respond if she were to express the reason for her depressed state. 

He could be straight forward, he was good at that. But he didn’t feel that was enough. It was one thing to tell her she wasn’t a failure like she claimed, it was another to be able to elaborate on that and offer a compliment instead. And Kaz wasn’t good at the latter. 

“You’re okay” Kaz said in a weak attempt at comforting her. He sighed softly as she nodded doubtfully and stared at her lap. He wasn’t off to a good start. “Did you.. Want to talk?” Kaz asked hesitantly. While he wasn’t sure how well that talk would go, he could at least offer one. 

She glanced up at him briefly before her eyes quickly looked elsewhere, “No”. 

Kaz nodded and removed his hat and jacket. He watched her closely while he hung up his items, eyes scanning her face as she tried to regulate her emotions. Once his outer layers were hanging on the rack, he made his way to her. 

Sitting beside her, he still wasn’t sure what to do, but he would at least offer his presence. Kaz slowly extended his hand between them, palm up. 

Y/n looked down at his hand and flickered her eyes up to his face in search of confirmation. When she received an affirmative nod, she rested her hand in his gloved one. She nearly jumped when his fingers laced through hers, and he gave her hand a comforting squeeze. 

His actions eased some of her guilt, nerves, and shame. She now felt that perhaps she could tell him what was troubling her after all. Y/n knew he might not understand, but at least she could try and get it off her chest. 

She hesitantly whispered his name in the form of a question, “Kaz?”. The corners of her lips twitched upwards faintly when he squeezed her hand again and hummed quietly as a sign for her to continue. “Maybe I do want to talk…is that okay?” Y/n asked. 

Kaz nodded and gave her another small squeeze as he worked to calm the imaginary waters hitting his legs from the contact. 

“I am not getting any of it done” she confessed, staring at the wall across the room from them. 

“Any of what?” Kaz questioned, his eyes watching her body language intently. 

“My jobs, I’m falling behind, and….and…and…” Y/n rambled, her mind once again unable to focus. Even now, when it came to her own emotions, her brain just would not focus enough for her to form the right words. 

“And?” Kaz asked, his soft tone and careful attention saying more than his words ever could. 

Y/n snapped her eyes over to him, the tears in them making Kaz grind his teeth. “I’m failing you” she responded after a few seconds. 

“What?“ he questioned, letting out a breathy exhale. His tone this time was much harsher and more serious. Kaz hoped it displayed his offense over such a suggestion rather than coming across in a hurtful manner. 

“I’m failing you” Y/n repeated. She looked away from his tense eyes, sighing when she felt his hand slackening its grip on hers. As a result, she began to pull her hand from his in embarrassment. 

Kaz noticed the action and promptly readjusted his grip. He gave her a silent squeeze as he composed his thoughts. “What are you talking about?” Kaz finally asked, schooling his eyes to remain soft, despite his concern. 

“You asked me to review the maps of Chenvilun’s, but I can’t focus” y/n cried. “I tried, but every sound from downstairs distracted me” She elaborated. 

When Kaz nodded slowly, she continued, “So, I went to the University library. I thought it would be quiet”. Y/n sighed loudly, “But then the sound of pens from the studying students wouldn’t stop echoing in my head”. 

Y/N’s free hand dragged down her face, “It’s hard to explain. But… Then I headed back here, and I can’t stop thinking about other things”. She felt Kaz’s eyes on her as she attempted to explain herself. “I could focus on some of those for a little while, but those weren’t what you asked me to do” she stated, frustration evident in her voice. “I wasn't accomplishing or doing what I needed to be… Meaning I also fell behind on the other stuff” Y/n confessed with a sniffle. 

The confused look Kaz responded with prompted her to elaborate on that concern. “I didn't do my regular chores either; I didn’t help Nina with the dishes, or visit Rotty at the docks to see if there was anything to report to you” y/n pointed out, unconsciously tightening her grip on Kaz’s hand as her emotions took over, “and then I got so overwhelmed that it cycled and I-..I…I..-“

Kaz saw the signs of a panic attack beginning to take over; he knew the warning signs all too well. However, as he despised his own, he hated hers even more. At least with his, he was the one suffering. With hers, Y/n was the one in pain, and Kaz hated that. Especially since he couldn’t offer her much help whenever they’d hit. 

He quietly moved closer to her, hoping his proximity would help. Kaz felt her hand slip from his as she began to tug on her hair with both hands, breathing loudly. He moved his gloved hand towards her and placed it on her shoulder. 

“Y/n/n, your only task right now…” he stopped himself to reword his response. “The only thing I need, is for you to breathe” Kaz told her. 

“No, you-“ She argued breathily. 

Kaz firmly shook his head, “Your order is to breathe. That’s all.” He followed up his statement by intentionally breathing loudly. He maintained a steady pace in hopes she’d copy his breathing with her own. 

Once her breathing was starting to improve, she lowered her hand from her face. Y/n took a deep breath, making sure the intake matched Kaz’s. She risked looking up at him despite her embarrassment. “You’re not mad I failed you?” Y/n wondered. 

“You didn’t fail me” Kaz replied simply. When Y/n silently shook her head in disagreement, Kaz sighed. “Y/n, you did not fail me” he promised. Stepping outside his comfort zone, he tenderly added, “You could never fail me”. While he wasn’t sure about confessing such a vulnerable sentiment to her, when he saw the shimmer of joy in Y/n’s eyes, he knew it was worth it. 

“One thing at a time, and we do it together” Kaz stated upon sensing Y/n was still worried over not finishing her jobs.

She nodded her agreement and grabbed the papers she had set down beside her when they entered his room. 

“No. After you rest” Kaz corrected sternly. 

Despite his sternness, Y/n still resisted his attempt to get her to forget about her duties for the night. “But,-“ she began to protest. 

Kaz’s gloved hand shook slightly as he stroked Y/n's cheek, brushing a loose lock of hair from her face. “Not resting will make it worse,” He reminded her. Kaz cleared his throat, once again being more intentional with his words. “It will make you feel worse, and I won’t have that” Kaz explained. 

Y/n wiped her face and nodded, but she still gave him a sad look that told him she wasn’t entirely on board yet. “I can’t sleep if my mind is racing” she explained. She looked shamefully back down at her lap. Kaz had already done so much for her tonight, yet here she was, still complaining. 

Kaz silently racked his brain for a solution. Suddenly, it hit him as his eyes landed on the tiny bookshelf he’d installed specifically for Y/n’s collection. She had her own bookcase in her bedroom; however, Kaz often noticed she’d bring books to his room, trying to keep them neatly stacked and out of his way. Since then, hed had one of the dregs install the shelf.  

The bookshelf served as a reminder to him of all the many occasions in which he would find her hyper-focused on reading her latest book. He knew she wasn’t likely able to read to herself tonight given her inattentiveness, but he suspected the material from her books could still offer her a distraction from the self-deprecating thoughts racing through her mind. 

As such, Kaz unexpectedly offered to read aloud to her. It came as a surprise to both of them, as it was an unusual behavior and fairly intimate for the couple. But Kaz added it to his mental arsenal of solutions for whenever her focus failed her again. After all, it wasn’t long after he began reading to her that he found himself grinning like an idiot as she fell asleep in his bed with a small smile on her face.

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[the-catmans-offical-2]

I wanna ramble about Ed/Wrath (Wrathfull) so much so I'm gonna.

A lotta people I've met have been seeing Wrath as related to the Elric brothers bc of his relationship to Sloth - but I gotta say that I personally don't agree with this.

Yes, Wrath does later state in episode 47 (before killing Lust) that he's going to take everything Edward loves (even though he doesn't want Al, he doesn't want Winry, he doesn't want anything - except Ed's limbs/body and a maternal figure.) Yes, Wrath clings to Sloth, calls her mommy/mama and sees her as his genuine mother.

But you HAVE TO realize it's not reciprocated, and even then - a clear point shown with the homunculi - she's *not* Trisha. She is, but she isn't; She once was, but is no longer her. Just like how Lust is no longer that Ishbalan woman that Scar's older brother once loved, just like how Wrath is no longer that infant Izumi miscarried. The homunculi were ONCE human, ONCE those those people - but they aren't anymore. Anyway, back onto the topic at hand, Sloth doesn't feel any maternal love, she doesn't allow herself to express it nor feel it; A huge part of her character is being apathetic, is changing herself and not allowing herself to chase the frivolous dream of being who she once was - which was a loving mother.

Sure, she let's Wrath hang off her and depend on her - but that's probably to help keep him in check so he'll listen better to Dante and whatnot, because she can easily ACT maternal, but not express it.

So yeah, that's my clarification. Ed and Wrath (And Wrath and Al) aren't related in anyway (even if Wrath did say "she was your mama too", in ep 48 after Sloth was killed and Al was kidnapped).

Also, as an additional clarification - yes, as I've posted before, I do genuinely think that Wrath ages. So in CoS he'd of been 17-18, and in the end of 03 he'd be 14-15. (Ed is 18 in CoS, and 15-16 at the end of 03.)

NOW, with all of that out of the way, here's why I ship this ship; And why I think I may be one of the only people that ship it.

THEIR FUCKING RIVALRY IS AMAZING; This may honestly be one of the only ships I ship that involves them being straight up rivals. They hate each other (or so they think?) - Wrath wants to deprive Ed of his limbs, while Ed just wants his limbs back and deprive Wrath of his (temporarily.)

They're two sides of the same coin, their goals are similar - to regain or gain human body parts in order to complete their individual goals; They both yearn for maternal love, they both are just kids.

But unlike Ed, Wrath is playful and childish - Ed had to grow up fast in order to survive and take care of his brother.

But unlike Wrath, Ed isn't as carefree and trusting to the world.

I dunno, they're just so UGH they make me sick.

Ed clearly is unsure of how he feels about Wrath - at first he's jumping on him and fighting him for answers, being aggressive and trying to kill him, and then he seems to just give up on that; He let's Wrath throw him around, punch him and strangle him. He let's Wrath scream and yell, and cry. He even catches Wrath and gives him a look over after Envy kicks him in the warehouse!! AND on top of that, his reaction to Wrath's death in CoS hits me HARD.

In this scene, I'll maybe get the specific translation later, Ed remarks about how he's surprised that Al got out of the underground city - and Al replies that Wrath showed him the way out, to which Edward questions by saying Wrath's name and Alphonse simply says that he used Wrath to open the Gate on his side. LOOK AT THE DESPAIR HE HAS; And yes, this could be just at the fact Al had to take a life - something Ed never wanted Al to have to do - but I see it as both. ESPECIALLY WHEN ED BRINGS UP WRATH LATER.

Meanwhile, Wrath seemed fearful of Ed at first - likely due to how he'd attack him at first and question him so aggressively - and then calm around him; Before reciprocating Ed's violent behavior. That violent behavior then turning to grief and despair, before Wrath seemed to become an ally for Ed a bit too late - hell, he was fucking SHOCKED when Ed died.

In this scene he only said "he's.. Dead" in the English dub - and he sounded so sad :( Then in CoS, as we all know, he tells Alphonse that he doesn't want to see him sacrifice his life for Ed's again - and very likely doesn't ever want to see the reverse again! I don't think Wrath was solely upset about Sloth during the whole four/three years before CoS took place - especially since he begins to miss Izumi - I think he was absolutely fucked up about Ed. ESPECIALLY SINCE he and Rosé were the last to see Ed alive, they didn't try to stop him, Wrath couldn't bc he was down two limbs and Rosé had to get her baby out of there and Wrath - it must of broken their hearts :(

But yeah! I ship them, and I have never seen any fanart of Ed and Wrath being shipped together, never seen any fanfics - and this really, really surprised me ngl.

If anyone ever does see ship content of them please lmk!! It'd be very much appreciated, I will go insane.

Uhh, that's all I gotta say ngl. If anyone has any questions just ask, my ask box is always open.

[liquidstar]

I've seen a lot of people in the Re:zero community hate puck with a passion and call him a hypocritical toxic father, and a good portion of them accuse him of deliberately mentally abusing Emilia so that she can be a naive pretty doll with no sense of independence and always obey him unconditionally.

How do you feel about that?

i dont think theyre wrong per say but i also do think puck genuinely loved emilia a lot- i dont think this is something up for debate. he will literally end the world if she dies. but is that what she would want??? i highly doubt it. emilia is a girl who would die for a world that has been nothing but cruel to her.

puck was never really meant to be a father, like, thats not what he was made for. hes the beast of the end not the beast of paternal love. but thats also something about him i find compelling, because he changed so much of himself because he loved this girl so much. his mentality is literally "if anything happens to her ill kill everyone in the world and then myself"

but he does baby her. extremely so. and he does treat her like a doll. remember part of their contract is literally that he does her hair, and thats why she chops off in greed:if as an act of rebellion (normal teen girl behavior honestly). he also literally never told her what sex is- shes 17 and she had no clue, and its played off as a joke at first, but subaru's "damn you puck" rings so true.

remember in wrath:if it was puck who pitched a deal with suabru to keep emilia trapped in the "princess room" away from all the danger. the whole princess room thing (in wrath:if and also in her childhood) is symbolic of her loss of autonomy in a lot of ways, especially when you remember she's NOT a princess. she's a candidate to be a KING!

and there are more damning things within their contract too, like how she literally wasnt allowed to SEE HER OWN FACE! its not made super clear in the anime, but whenever she looks at reflections she actually doesnt see anything back (not because she doesnt have one, but that she herself isnt perceiving it. and i think a lot of this also comes back to the self-recognition theme of the story, the whole reflections though eyes motif and all. remember how much of her we saw reflected only through subaru's eyes? she doesnt actually see her own reflection until she jumps inside the lake in the trial)

but i think thats also a big part of why he broke her contract with her to begin with. i think he knows she hasnt been allowed to grow up, that shes been overly babied, isolated, and kept away from things that might potentially make her feel bad. including her past, and even her present and future... breaking the contract off all at once isnt a good way to do this, i mean, her mental breakdown was so emblematic of that. but i think its important to look at what it all means for the meta narrative.

the latter half of arc 4 was absolutely emilia's arc, and a lot of it was her sort of growing up. i dont think cold turkey is a great way for a parental figure to do this to their child, but emilia was so incredibly dependent. and a lot of that was because puck MADE her dependent to begin with. for so much of her life she literally only had him... like. she was all alone in complete isolation in a frozen forest for as far back as she can remember, and everyone in the world hated her for reasons she didnt understand, and all she had was this little cat thing to be her friend. OF COURSE shes dependent on him, and of course she thinks she cant do stuff on her own (shes so fucking scared of being alone), and i think puck sort of depended on this mindset to keep her a "child" for as long as possible

but she had to grow up eventually. she's 18, maybe almost 19 by this point of the story (still unclear exactly which month we're in) and this is just as much her coming of age story as it is subaru's. (but speaking of subaru puck also guilt trips him quite a bit about emilia's deaths, even when he himself is "gone at the most important times" in emilia's words, which is not only hypocritical but also manipulative!)

all this being said i seriously love puck as a character because when he was first introduced i was like "oh god. annoying mascot character. boring" and then the beast of the end reveal happened and i was like "oh so this is going in the kyubey ripoff direction. i guess that makes sense for a dark fantasy but idrc" BUT THEN he actually ends up being like. an actual character w a lot of depth and nuance to him, a lot of it being how incredibly fucking sketchy he actually is but in a completely different way than just "evil twist mascot." between him and matsumoto from vivy, i love how tappei handles mascot characters- theyre a really hard thing to get right w/o being annoying LOL.

[madman479r]

Piccolo X Janet Gibslythe Ship Table

Big/Little spoon: Piccolo is used to sleeping alone and doesn't really care about being the big spoon every time. Though he does sleep better having Janet in his arms. And seeing as Piccolo is over 7 feet tall, Janet ain't being the big spoon.

Lends/Borrows clothes: Wouldnt say "Lends clothes" seeing as he can just make them. During one off their dates, the pair walked by a clothes store which had a designer coat Janet thought looked beautiful but the price was out of her budget. So, casually Piccolo just used his Magic Materialization (clothes beam) and BOOM! Janet found herself wearing the exact coat she wanted. So Janet got the coat she wanted and Piccolo got a passionate surprise kiss in return.

Doesn't/Does use pet names: Piccolo always uses Janet's name, not seeing the point in "Pet names". But Janet thinks it's cute and uses Pet names for Piccolo.

Introverted/extroverted: Piccolo has come to several parties and get-togethers, though he normally keeps to himself, only socialising with the Son family and Dende, so he's not a complete Introvert.

Janet is a teacher so she has had to meet new people and students. I can imagine Janet just befriending almost everyone of the z warriors/families and immediately getting on everyone's good side.

Affection through words/actions: Piccolo isn't a man of words and believes actions speak louder so he shows affection through actions. Be it hugging and kissing Janet, making her new clothes, taking a page out of Videl's book and getting her plushies.

Piccolo is a hard person to get gifts for, so Janet can't show affection through gifts but she knows just what to say. A surprise kiss every now and then also works, especially when it makes Piccolo go red, something Janet finds cute and hilarious.

Confesses first/Waits for confession: Janet decided to be the one to bite the bullet and confessed to Piccolo. Why not? She thought he was attractive, kind hearted, good with children, he was basically ticking all boxes. Piccolo wouldn't be the one to confess first seeing as he wasn't exactly sure what he was feeling, he also saw "love" as just a means for a species to continue existing through reproduction. Piccolo never expected to feel romantic love, one reason being he never met anyone who made him feel that way and the other being that Namekians were an asexual species.

Screams about/squashes bugs: Janet can handle bugs, depending on the size that is. Anything that can fit her palm is a bug she doesn't want to be in the same room as. Piccolo doesn't care about bugs but he doesn't really squash them, seeing as Janet asks Piccolo to get rid of it instead of kill it.

Drives the car/can't drive: Both can drive, but Janet is the better of the two and Piccolo is perfectly fine with Janet driving. And after getting his licence Piccolo can count the number of times he's driven with one hand. He just prefers to fly.

Can't cook/makes dinner: Demon King Piccolo? Nah. Grill King Piccolo? Yes. Janet and Piccolo are basically similar skill level in cooking, no pro chef but can make delicious foods.

Dislikes/loves PDA: Piccolo doesn't see the point, nor wants to advertise their relationship and love for one another. But he isn't completely cold in public, he'll hold Janet's hand and give quick innocent kisses in front of others. Janet on the other hand is more open, enjoying the cute reactions she can get from Piccolo is considerate enough to not push his boundaries.

Overprotective/chill going: Piccolo is protective of Janet, how can he not be? Janet isn't a fighter, hell she looks like she never raised a fist to another so Piccolo worries about her safety. Once Janet found out about Piccolo's life, about how he was this supposed protector of earth she can be a bit worried. She knows he's he's capable warrior but she can't help feeling worried for him whenever he fights.

Has more/no relationship experience: I can imagine Janet has caught the eyes of other people before meeting Piccolo. While Piccolo on the other hand has absolutely no idea what to do in a romantic relationship. (He actually went to Krillin and 18 for advice, he saw their relationship as a healthy one and could actually answer his questions)

Horny Level: Seeing as Piccolo is Asexual and lacks sexual organs, he doesnt get horny. But Janet does get horny and Piccolo understands that, he understands that most humans have urges so he does what he can to satisfy her, such as performing oral sex, using his hands or the toys Janet bought.

Awkwardness level: Once again Piccolo isn't entirely sure what he's doing, having never really been affectionate to others in the way that's expected in a romantic relationship, he can be awkward at times but Janet just finds this adorable and understands. The only time Janet felt awkward was the first time she was introduced to the rest of the z warriors/family. She was in the presence of martial arts masters, shape shifters, famous people, aliens, and Gods alike while she was just a regular old school teacher, but Burma, Chi-Chi and the other women made her feel at home.

Jealousy level: Neither get really jealous but once in a blue moon Piccolo wonders if Janet would be happier with a human than him.

[crownedinmarigolds]

OC EDGY ASK! 3, 6, 23 for Khloe! 17, 20 for Parvati! 4, 14 for Kahanni! Don't mind me, just showing up late for the party

So many questions you brute! <3 Hee hee thank you! Okay so:

Khloe: 3 - What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw? Khloe's fatal flaw is her being easily swept up in the moment, especially if the moment includes intense camaraderie and connection. She joined the Thinblood cause at nearly the drop of a hat after all. I think she logics herself quickly into it - she has nowhere else to go as a young vampire so she needs to find safety in her group and she's willing to do what it takes to be worth being there. "Surviving" her car accident awoke the YOLO in her, and at this point she thinks "what's the worst that can happen?" She wants to be impulsive - though she wants to be smart about it. I think she's aware of this but she logics herself very quickly into how it's right for her. 6 - How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass? It's VERY easy - especially if it's for the good of the coterie. Khloe has already killed two people by her own use of telekinesis, and not to mention she once again logic'ed herself into blowing up a hunter cell with their own claymores in fear of them reporting their findings back to their leadership. She knows killing is wrong, stealing is wrong, etc, but she's got a group she's looking out for now. If you can explain to her in the long run how it will help her and hers, she will probably go for it. 23 - What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express? This is a toughie, but... possibly hysteria? Extreme fear or extreme grief? Extreme pain? Khloe is more of a shut-down thinker, and when something extreme is happening she seems to have trouble expressing the full scope of her pain. Despite her emotional impulsive self, she still tries to reason herself into things. It's tough out there! She just might break soon!

Parvati: 17 - What is the worst thing you have put your OC through, story-wise? Aside from the inevitable dark ending a lot of Elders like her and her husband will face, Parvati's worst moment may be when her grand-sire Zapathasura awoke and cursed his bloodline into temporary madness. It was the first time in centuries that she came so close to Final Death - traumatizing her Setite husband and setting into motion a mindset that would no doubt be part of their ending. The temple's weaker Kindred were nearly completely slaughtered by her during the madness, and she had to be brought down by her Husband's God form - but thankfully he realized he could never kill her even if he wanted to. 20 - Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does that manifest? Parvati is too old at this point, but there have been flickers of jealousy throughout her long life. Thankfully the old girl has Auspex so she can easily read the intentions of her lover if she ever felt a little insecure. However, being VERY old and very consistently desired, she hasn't really felt such a mortal emotion for a while... though she WILL remind Harrakhty who owns him and who stays in his bedchambers if she thinks it necessary.

Kahanni: 4 - When scared, does your OC fight, flee, freeze, or fawn? Kahn is a fighter, but that's because Kahn hasn't really met something that scares her yet. She's very young and very powerful and is still in her "I'm invincible!!" phase. She definitely 100% isn't the most powerful possible God reborn child out there, but as far as she knows she hasn't met something she couldn't crush yet. I think true fear may cause her to flee simply due to years of being told how important she is to the Followers of Set and how much they need her to live... but until then she's throwing hands. 14 - How does your OC want to be seen by other characters? Depends on the mood and the person, but Kahn probably just wants to be seen like a normal early-twenties something who just wants to party and have fun. She lived for a while in temples back in Egypt being revered and now that she's walking amongst the "normies" she just wants to have fun and not really be seen outside as a "God." For now. Eventually the mortals will bend the knee but for now it's just more fun to be treated like a friend you can hit up rather than something you have to constantly grovel to. Booooring!

Hee hee thank you my love!! @thesixthplaneteer SO FUN.

[daydreaming-en-pointe]

Meet my OC Spider-Weaver (Spider-Woman, Earth 50513)

For the next few paras I’m gonna rant abt my spidersona :D this might not make any sense at all bc I’m just rambling at this point but here we go anyway! (a small warning, this is going to be a LONG post)

All images are from Pinterest!

TW: Mentions of death, some queerphobia/homophobia (judgemental aunties suck)

Name: Nikita Raina (pronounced Rhi-na like rhino but with an ‘a’ at the end instead of an ‘o’) (yes she’s South-Indian and yes this is me projecting)

Alias: Spider-Weaver*

Basic stuff to know:

-She’s loosely based off of a golden silk orb-weaver spider! I’m not going to attach an image but if you don’t mind staring at spiders then I suggest you look them up, they’re actually really pretty!!

-She’s been learning ballet since she was 3, picked up gymnastics for 2 or 3 years and then quit

-South-Indian

-Complete empath

-INCREDIBLE at knitting/crocheting/macramé knotting - basically anything involving thread + working with your hands. She literally works magic with yarn. She crocheted matching gloves for all of the Spiderteens one day after finding out that Hobie’s universe is COLD and his fingers are COLD and if she’s going to be holding his hand when it’s like that then she’ll freeze

Fighting Style:

Her fighting style is more aerobic and dynamic than the regular Spider-Man swings; she incorporates jetés and leaps from ballet into it while also using mid-air somersaults and other high-speed flips she picked up from gymnastics. She also teaches herself kalari adimurai (a South-Indian martial art similar to kalaripayittu) later on so she uses a few moves from that as well.

*The reason behind her alias being Spider-Weaver is that her web style has more of a lacy crochet feel to it than a regular spiderweb. This is what one of her webs would look like:

Her webs are bionic and on her web shooters she has built-in settings for the thickness and stretchiness of the crochet web. For example:

She can also switch up the style of her webs depending on how she feels yk? Like if she’s not vibing with any of the more plain ones she can switch to ✨ fancier ✨ stitches like

Arcade Stitch:

Lacy Stitches:

Fan Trellis Stitch:

And lots more. She’s basically got almost all crochet stitches as different settings on her web shooters. An added bonus is that they’re not only unique and quite pretty, but they’re also stronger and more durable than the average single-thread (unwoven) webs.

Backstory:

(canon events will be in red)

-She was bitten at 13. Her older brother (he’s 20, they have a 7 year gap) Ravi figured out something was wrong fairly early but she played it off as nothing, put his worries to rest and found her way as Spider-Woman on her own

-She was best friends with her universe’s Gwen Stacy since they were in kindergarten. She started freaking out few years into their friendship (they’re in middle school now) once they had become basically inseparable because she started feeling giddy and bubbly and getting butterflies around Gwen.

-Poor girl was basically terrified because her aunties (mostly her mother’s sisters) would constantly pressurise her by asking her if she had her sights set on a boy yet or discussing how her marriage to a boy would go once she was older - those prodding conversations and speculations only reinforced her fears that she wouldn’t be accepted and instead would be frowned upon if she told her family that she had a crush on a girl. So she became more withdrawn and distanced herself a little, so as to not to lose the favour of her family.

-Nikita is 14 at this point

-One day she accidentally told Ravi and she went quiet, expecting him to shame her or mock her but instead he just hugged her and told her he loved her no matter what, and guess what,, he’s queer (pan) too :D

-Fast forward to a few weeks later after an almost-death scare as Spider-Woman fighting her dimension’s Vulture (she slipped up, miscalculated a leap and almost got herself killed) she finally worked up the courage to tell Gwen because it seems like she returns her feelings too! So she goes up to her and they hug and they’re talking and she’s about to confess- But noooo

-Green Goblin attacks in the middle of the school day, during a student art & drama exhibition thing (the parents are all there) and hahaha guess what Gwen’s right in the middle of it

-So Green Goblin basically splits the school building in two and she’s on the terrace and she falls down almost 15 feet because the whole thing’s cracked and Nikita doesn’t have enough time to swing to reach her since there are so many people and she’s on the far, far side and-

-Gwen hits the ground at full force. Niki gets there just in time for her last breath and it’s a little bit like the Gwen-Peter 65 scene from ATSV (Niki’s Gwen slowly figured out that she’s Spider-Woman, she just didn’t say anything) yeah I might write out this scene sometime idk

-She manages to deal with Green Goblin for the moment but she loses her dad in the chaos too (basically instead of losing her uncle she lost her dad)

-So she lost her best friend and her father in one go

-She closes herself off and withdraws completely into herself and distances herself from everybody (except Ravi),, & starts going to ballet more to take her mind off things and to get lost in ballet, with the graceful, controlled movements so she doesn’t have to think of how everything’s gone wrong

-During the mourning period she and Ravi grow closer; they both start leaning more on each other and are able to tell each other anything

-Ravi has also started training to be a cop at this point

-Her relationship with her mother grows slightly strained and shaky the older she gets, because of how closed off she’s become

-Fast forward to when Nikita is 16 and a half and the Vulture attacks particularly viciously one day, right on the bridge (the Brooklyn Bridge variant in her universe)

-Her brother (who is now a police captain, despite being a little young) is in the middle of the maelstrom of cars being flung and buildings at the end collapsing. He - a police captain close to Spider-Woman - dies saving a child from falling rubble.

-That does a number on Nikita mentally and she just. Shuts herself down in terms of feeling emotion for a bit

-Like she just goes numb, like she’s in denial about how many people she’s lost in such a short time

-Terrified to make friends or get attached because her losing someone she cares about deeply seems to be a recurring pattern

-The only one she has left is her mom, and she’s grown really distant from her

-Little bit irrelevant but she takes up psychology. She studies how the emotional part of brain works, studies some basic therapy and other think-y stuff like that, and some of her Spider-Woman ‘jabs’ (not really but I can’t think of a word for them rn) are things like “did something formative happen to you as a child? yeah I thought I sensed some childhood trauma, would you like to talk about it?” And stuff like that (she’s pretty genuine about it too, if they start talking instead of just attacking her then she will sit down with a mug of chai and just listen to them rant)

-Anyway fast forward to a year and a half later when she’s 18

-Jessica Drew ends up following an anomaly she’s been tracking into Nikita’s dimension, the anomaly manages to get the upper hand on her and has almost overpowered her when Nikita finally swings in (probably during/right after a psychology exam too) and uses the element of surprise + her speed to get the upper hand on the anomaly and web it up

-She was recruited into the Spider-Society by Jess after she saw how capable and quick-thinking Niki could be. She saw her as someone who could be a useful asset to the society.

-It’s there where she met Hobie, Gwen, Pavitr, Margo, Miguel and Peter B. + a few other spiders she became friends with (I’ll expand on their relationships in a different post)

Suit design:

(I will be drawing this out properly sometime soon, don’t worry!! Feel free to skip this part if you think it’s too complicated ^^ I really have no idea how to describe it in a simpler way lmao)

-mainly shades of gold, black highlights

-on her arms there are black “cuff” markings like a golden silk spider’s legs

-on her wrists she has black bangles (more like cuffs bc they fit around her wrists, they aren’t loose & dangly)

-wears black fingerless sleeves, they look a little bit like Gwen’s but they have black splotches (a little bit like spray paint blobs) instead of spiderwebs

-has a black spider on the front of the suit

-wears a necklace! it’s colourful and has some mismatched colourful beads on a chord and two pendants in the centre, one pendant is a paint-splashed red electric guitar, the other pendant is one of Hobie’s rings

-wears black ballet pointe shoes

-the eye outline is black, the ‘eye’ inside is pastel golden

-black 🕸️ patterns on the side of both of her shoulders (like painted pauldrons)

Abilities:

-Along with the super-strength, super-speed and accelerated healing of the average Spider-Person, she can sense emotions and thoughts.

Not mind-reading exactly but if she focuses hard enough she can sense whatever emotion is radiating out of that particular person’s mind (she used to get very overwhelmed in middle school bc of the sheer amount of envy and insecurity and other emotions in raging hormonal teenagers’ brains and somehow studying psychology helped her figure out how to tune it out a little bit, since every time she can sense too much of intense emotions it’s like constantly blowing a dog whistle around a dog,, and she also gets horrible migraines and headaches from it)

She can even read thoughts if the emotion associated with it is strong enough.

An added ability that stems from being able to sense emotions and thoughts (to some degree) is that she can sometimes predict the moves that an enemy might make before they actually make them. It’s not 100% accurate every time but it’s still pretty useful

I’ll write out her relationships (everyone already knows that Hobie’s no. 1 on that list lmao) and the world descriptions later, but for now here’s the character that’s been living in my head since I saw ATSV :D

Oh also she’s besties with @hobiebrownismygod ’s sona Maitreyi :D desis gotta stick together yk (putting this here so I don’t forget to mention it in the relationships post ^^)

[threebea]

Padme's interesting because she actually has a lot of agency in all the movies whereas usually the doomed love interest is the pretty lamp along for the ride.

TPM they get to Courscant they do the politics but and she's supposed to wait to either be assassinated, kidnapped, or exiled waiting like a good child while Naboo falls to the Trade Federation. Instead she decides to go back and fight.

AotC she gets pushed to her Jedi guards, but once it's her and Anakin it's her show. She picks the location and when Anakin says he's going she chooses to go with him. She chooses to go to Geonosis. She chooses to rebuff Anakin first and then chooses not only to marry Anakin, but to be complicit in keeping his killing of the Sand People a secret.

Revenge of the Sith she's acting independently of Anakin, I know it's mostly deleted scenes but she's helping Bail and Mon Motha with the beginnings of the rebellion pushing for Palpatine to let go of his emergency powers, literally on the opposite side of the table from Anakin. All the stuff about her dying in childbirth that's driving Anakin over a Shakespearian edge doesn't move her in any direction at all.

When Anakin falls and Obi-Wan tells her what Anakin has done she chooses to find Anakin.

And she even makes the offer for them to run away together and leave everything behind.

Her choices are interesting, because we see her through Anakin a lot of the time where she's beautiful, kind, passionate, an angel and ignore that she makes self-serving decisions about Anakin.

Not to say she deserves or brings about her death on her self. That's the only thing outside her power. She can do anything in the narrative except live.

She has a lot of power in her relationship with Anakin. She's not financially dependent on him. Her reputation might take a hit if their marriage was discovered, but Anakin's life as a Jedi would be ruined completely. At no point is she trapped in the marriage. She genuinely loves Anakin and is willing to hide dangerous secrets for him.

Anyway I just find her really interesting especially when you look at Anakin who you could argue has very little agency with his moments of choice always being choices made out of fear or anger. Padme has lots of agency but is unable to save herself.

[ilovejasonschwartzmansomuch]

since i've seen people talking about whether or not the rocky horror picture show is good representation relatively recently (sorry i'm slow to these things) i thought i could throw my hat into the ring since i've watched it an unhealthy amount of times this week. a lot of people question whether or not they should look up to or idolize frank n furter due to him being such an iconic character but horrible person at the same time. i think that it really depends. my whole interpretation of rhps is that every character is flawed (except for a select few). everyone is a victim but not exactly angels themselves.

brad and janet are victims of the events that night but at the same time their wrong-doings aren't always caused from it. janet and brad (more so the former) both cheat on each other. it makes me wonder if their car never broke down they still would've cheated. brad seems to have a lot more regret (once in a while), but janet, even before the start of act two responding more flirtatiously to frank and rocky ("i'm a muscle fan!" dude your fiance is right there), doesn't have any real regret. i mean, it's good that she discovered herself. that's awesome, but i just feel so awful for brad. anyways this leads to the two being completely lost and filled with guilt at the end of the movie.

frank is probably the more complex. hes free of the chains of society, being him with no restraint, cross-dressing and being sexually liberated. this freedom also frees him from the other things society shuns (murder, assault, cannibalism, etc). you feel empathy for him before his death because he can't be himself, expressing his gender and sexual identity that society punishes, but it also feels just because of all of his negative aspects. your'e rooting for him but he also disgusts you.

this two-faced nature extends to the majority of the characters. dr. scott is caught in the middle of this whole affair with brad and janet just because he wanted to help his delinquent nephew, but he's an ex-nazi scientist, a person who would view everyone who was in the castle that night as the lowest of scum. riff raff and magenta are poorly treated frank and are the people who finally put him in his place. they're also incestuous (really pat and richard?)! eddie had his brain chopped up, got killed, cooked, and eaten by frank. at the same time he's junk. the transylvanians know that frank isn't the greatest of people but still choose to party with him. i would say they don't really have a choice, the castle being one of the only places they can express themselves freely.

this leads me to talk about columbia. she only wanted to be somewhere she could be her, even if there were flaws in her environment it was still better than wherever she came from. she wanted to love and be loved by both frank and eddie. this, however, didn't come without its consequences. the only other characters I would say aren't like the rest are rocky and the criminologist. rocky was just born so he has no idea what's going on. the criminologist isn't even in the story he's just the narrator.

anyways that's just my thoughts. i've seen too many people as of late saying "boo frank is bad boo" leading them to view the movie as bad. that's the whole point. he's awful. he's supposed to be awful. all of these people are awful. it's a satire on how conservatives view the queer community.

isn't fun though? seeing these characters express themselves while being a little more than morally gray? i'd say so. long story short: this musical slaps. you just gotta understand that you aren't supposed to look up to these guys.

[imperial-russia]

Maybe I missed it because you already wrote about it, but what is your view of Catherine I, as a person? She is called The Great which of course alludes to her reign and prestige, but as a person later in life she doesn't strike me as particularly kind, especially to her son. In my view, what I have learned of her so farm is she held onto the throne for so long, rather than give it to her son at some point in his adult life. Wasn't he the rightful heir, considering Catherine herself admitted i writing he was legitimate and her husband's son, not one of her lovers? His first wife died and he grieved and to snap him out of it she told him how she cheated on him? I know he was separated from Catherine from birth but she had the chance to make their relationship count later and she just didn't seem to have understood him, at all, I'm being mild here. And he resented her too, which reflects in his choices when he became Tsar. I just think the succession would have been so much more smooth and thus good for the nation if their mother son relationship wasn't as bad as it was. It wasn't Pavels fault his father didn't have a good marriage to his mother.

I find it extremely tricky to judge a character of these bygone personalities because they are so complex and often have to make decisions none of us could face.

Personally, I think Catherine deserves to be admired for many things. She was ambitious, highly intelligent, passionate, and genuinely wanted to better life for the Russian people and further the country´s progress culturally, scientifically, diplomatically, and of course militarily. And all that, especially the military bit, came at the cost of the suffering of the anonymous crowds we know nothing about. But her achievements were undeniable and her legacy is one of the greatest Russia can boast about now.

She had lofty ideals and was at first very much determined to make them a reality, but even an Empress, especially in Russia at that time, cannot just change everything. Catherine´s power, especially in her early reign, depended on the noble families and she had to keep those on her side, so her ideals of ending the serfdom had to be postponed and were so indefinitely, etc.

Her family life was a mess though, from the very start. Her mother saw her only as a pawn for her own ambitions, eventually leaving Russia in disgrace and without even saying goodbye, Empress Elizabeth liked her in her own strange way, but there was never any closeness or true warmth between the two women. her marriage was an utter disaster and her children were all snatched away from her the moment they were born and she was hardly ever even allowed to see them. Catherine overcame her losses and personal tragedies because she decided to become something more. In fact, had she not decided to seize the power, she may have well been driven out of Russia or even killed herself.

And once her little palace revolt had been completed, she would simply not give up what she gained to her little son for several reasons. Firstly, he truly was just a child, unable to rule anyway. Secondly, after years of humiliation and fear, she was now in the position of being feared and respected. And finally, the Rolov brothers and their forces wanted her on the throne, not Pavel, and she was beholden to them.

I think Catherine grew to dislike and later truly despise her son only when he grew older and as she became an old woman herself, she got that trait of many old people who become more capricious, and selfish and believe their experiences make them, if not omnipotent, definitely better informed and cleverer than anyone else around. And she did things that were deliberately aimed at hurting Pavel, like denying him any responsibilities, instead of giving him some function at court and trying to groom him into an heir. Perhaps the worst thing she did was take away from him his eldest children in the same manner Empress Elizabeth had done to her. And allowing the rumour/information about Pavel´s paternity to simply go around was yet another attempt to hurt him. Personally, I tend to believe Pavel was the son of Peter III, based on the inherited personality traits and recently I have also come across a report that Nicholas II´s DNA tracing led to direct ancestors of Peter III. furthermore, Catherine probably hated Pavel ALSO based on the fact he was, in many ways, like her husband. I imagine had he been as pretty and gallant as her lover Saltykov, it would have been a different story.

Pavel was so very different from Catherine and in opposition to her so vocally, that she was also afraid he would run to the ground everything she had built. And that was simply unthinkable.

Catherine could be generous and caring, but as a woman in a very unique position, a woman who controlled an immense empire and had a say and care about every aspect of it, she had to make (and made) many decisions which naturally we today find cruel, unjust and selfish. To be an effective leader, you cannot rule as an angel, unless your subjects, ministers, family members, and other monarchs, are also angels. What matters most is, eventually, what remains when you are gone.

Catherine had given much to too many people not to be remembered, if not kindly, than with respect. She was not a good mother to her son at all, but she was more successful with her grandsons, and she was especially successful in the role of the mother of the nation.