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sophieinwonderland · 8 months ago

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Dimensions of Fronting

In my Manifestations post, I used fronting as a catch-all term for any sort of physical attachment to the body.

I'd like to delve into that a bit more here, exploring language to better explain individual experiences of fronting and control over the body.

This isn't really intended for every day use, but is meant to better explain plural experiences of fronting in a more clear and more precise way.

Full body vs Locational Attachment

Full body attachment is, as expected, attachment to the entire body at once.

Locational Attachment is attachment to specific body parts such as only a hand or just the legs. When referencing locational attachment, it's usually useful to refer to the part of the body one is attached to.

Efferent vs Afferent Attachment

Besides simply being locational, attachment can come in afferent and efferent forms. Some nerves send signals from the brain to the body. Other nerves in the brain receive signals from the body.

Nerves responsible for sending signals from the brain to the body are called efferent nerves. These allow you to control the body. Nerves responsible for receiving signals are afferent. These allow you to sense things through the body.

Attachment can exist in both forms separately.

If a headmate feels like they're experiencing everything happening to the body but feel like somebody else is controlling it, they're experiencing afferent attachment with efferent detachment.

If a headmate is controlling the body but feels disconnected, as if everything is happening to somebody else, this is efferent attachment with afferent detachment.

Alternative Terminology:

The terms above are more technical, designed to help conceptualize the dimensions of fronting. For everyday use, I would recommend Possession and Attunement.

Possession referring to taking control of the body, attunement to receiving signals from its senses as if they were your own.

Solitary Attachment vs Shared Attachment and Co-fronting

Any of previous attachment types may be experienced by multiple headmates at once. Multiple headmates feel like the whole body is theirs and share control over it simultaneously. Shared attachment can also be over specific limbs, where multiple headmates feel like the limb is theirs at once.

If only one headmate feels attached to the body or limb, this is solitary attachment.

When multiple headmates are controlling the body, this is usually called co-fronting.

How to use the language?

One thing I often struggle with is putting our experiences into words.

A lot of plural language is vague and has multiple conflicting meanings. Part of an issue with having such a large community made up of many smaller communities.

What one person means when they say they're fronting may not be what another means.

This allows us to more easily describe and compare different plural experiences.

For example, a distinction for our partial possession vs our proxying.

When I partially possess an arm, I fully experience that arm as if it's mine. I experience both afferent and efferent locational attachment to that specific limb. If using possession and attunement terms, this may also be considered Attuned Locational Possession or Partial Attuned Possession.

In contrast, when proxying (typing while somebody else is fronting,) I don't feel like the hand belongs to me. I send signals through them, the words typed out are mine and coming from me, but the fronter still experiences the hands as if the hands belong to the fronter. I experience a locational efferent attachment (sending motor signals) and afferent detachment (an absence of sensor signals) to the hands, while the fronter may experience afferent attachment and efferent detachment to the hands. This can also be considered a form of Unattuned Locational Possession of the hands.

Breaking it down!

Full body Attachment and Detachment:

"I'm in complete control of the body, everything that happens to it is happening to me."

Full Fronting (full body efferent and afferent attachment.)

"I'm in control but everything feels like it's happening to someone else, as if I'm outside the body."

Complete Unattuned Possession (full body efferent attachment and afferent detachment.)

"I can feel everything but it's as if someone else is controlling my actions and making me act things out."

Complete non-possessive Attunement (full body efferent detachment and afferent attachment.)

"I'm a spectator watching while someone else controls my body. Everything that happens is happening to them and I just exist in the background."

Complete Detachment (full body efferent and afferent detachment.)

Partial Attachment and Detachment:

"I have total control over this limb, and feel through it as if it's mine."

Partial Attuned Possession (localized efferent and afferent attachment.)

"I can control this limb but I feel like it's someone else's and don't feel these sensations are happening to me."

Partial Unattuned Possession.(localized efferent attachment and afferent detachment.)

"I can feel through this part of the body as if it's mine, but I have no control over it."

Partial non-possessive Attunement (localized efferent detachment and afferent attachment.)

"I can't control this limb and I feel like it belongs to someone else."

Partial Detachment (localized efferent and afferent detachment.)

Things to consider...

While writing this, there were some experiences that were hard to categorize. This is especially true of unconscious reactions. If you tickle a headmate's mindform who is co-con but not fronting, and their reaction causes the body to jolt, do these sorts of automatic and unconscious reactions constitute a form of Efferent Attachment?

This model is still not comprehensive. But I believe it's a good starting place for understanding fronting experiences.

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sysmedsaresexist · 8 months ago

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What you're doing is incredibly brave. We really appreciate the risk you're taking sharing your journey. It's awesome to see someone so vocal and with such reach openly change their stance.

We wanna know some of your thoughts about something you've been saying in all of this, about CDDs being separate from endogenic plurality. Specifically, your thoughts on when the two do meet. Like, endogenic systems that get traumatized and develop CDD symptoms? Or CDD systems that practice headmate creation, and find created headmates working like the rest of their system? Or folks in either category that relate a lot with those in the other?

We're curious because we exist in that in-between; a system with DID due to trauma, but that doesn't view our plurality itself as coming from trauma.

And if you're not at all interested in that area of overlap, or in sharing those thoughts, no worries! Have a great day!

This is a pretty nuanced ask and each mod has a different view on things, so we'll all answer!

Mod Signal: I believe that endogenic plurality and the plurality found in CDD systems works differently, but that intersection you're talking about can exist. The majority of resources for CDD systems involve how to deal with trauma and different alters reactions to it. If an endogenic system goes through some shit and gets trauma later in life, and can get use out of grounding guides, or how to deal with flooding, I say use those guides (and literally anyone can improve their mental health from therapy as long as the therapist. You know. Isn't a cunt.) That being said. There are also endos who are very certain they're endos when they may have.... a bit more trauma than they thought. And that's normal. Incredibly so. But endogenic communities can lead to a bit more harm than good occasionally with those systems if they insist that the system in question isn't or couldn't be a cdd system, or encourages them not to look into resources on how to deal with trauma.

As far as purposefully created alters, they absolutely exist, and I know CDD systems that have created alters with it going ok, and CDD systems who have been *horribly* hurt trying. I've seen some tulpamancy guides out there that made me wince the whole time I've read them. Not because they're cringy, but because any time a CDD system fucks around with purposeful dissociation, it's Incredibly easy to fuck yourself up by accident. Even some guides to meditation can be harmful to systems if you don't go slowly and pay attention to your body (something that's already very, very easy to ignore if your system, like mine, is made of 90% pain holders lol).

It's for that reason that i haven't changed my pinned intro as "endo-neutral". I dont doubt endogenic plurality at all, but I still find a lot of critiques in the way the two communities mix. The labels are fucked anyway lol so. I dont know what label would best fit that stance. The problem does seem to be slowly fixing itself though. I'm happy that a lot of endos are leaning away from terms used by CDD systems. I view these problems for the most part as growing pains that will smooth themselves over as plurality in general becomes more accepted and more research about both sets of systems comes out.

Mod Quill: I’m feel like that’s a great jumping off point for me, someone who is so weird with syscourse that labels don’t fit me. I believe in endogenic plurality, I really do, but I also know this community has done so much harm to CDDs and vice versa. Part of me wants everyone to go to time out corners and think about what they’ve done.

In terms of the overlap between endogenic and CDD systems… I think defining it, at this point, is frankly meaningless, particularly for the reasons Signal stated. There’s so many endogenic systems who are actually CDD systems. On one hand, I want them to be able to access CDD spaces because, well, they have a CDD… but on the other, as someone who’s been horrifically damaged by endogenic spaces, who has spread a lot of misinformation and been fed a lot of misinformation due to those experiences… I’m wary of letting someone like that into a highly fucking traumatized space. (But I also have feelings about CDD spaces in general…)

At the end of the day, I feel like it’s not my place to draw that line. It’s up to each individual and their own system where they draw the line, and so long as it’s in-line with current understandings of CDDs and they don’t speak their personal experiences as if they’re gospel truth for all systems, I have no issues. If someone says they have endogenic DID (as in, they formed DID with absolutely no trauma), it’s not my place to directly confront that person and tell them that’s not possible; but if they shout from the heavens about how people are ignoring the truth, I’m going to post the truth as I know it, with sources to back it up.

The same goes for this overlap. A system who says “Hey, I have created alters, and I’m a DID system, and those things overlap?” Cool! Awesome! That’s actually my type of system. A system who goes, “Therefore, DID systems should split new alters for the benefits it has”? Allow me to traumadump about how my system completely destabilized due to that practice. The overlap is there, but it’s not for me to define for others; not unless they make their experiences universal.

Mod Robo: Oh boy, I have a lot of Thoughts on all of these questions! It's stuff I think about often. I love talking about all the in-betweens and overlaps, and I'd love to hear about your experiences too. Unfortunately, I don't think I can jam all of my thoughts in this post (it's already long enough) so I'll just talk about your first question.

First off, I want to say that I don't think it's all that unusual for someone with a CDD to feel like they've always been plural, even before their CDD. Of course, spiritual beliefs can play a role in that. Let's put spiritual reasonings aside though and look at it from a purely psychological view. It's our belief that all of our alters -- everything that can be them, will become them, etc. -- it's all there from the start. We don't believe that alters come out of a vacuum. All of my alters were born the day our body was born. Many of us did not exist as alters yet, but the foundation for us existed!

To give a personal example: some of us have memories of childhood that predate our existence as alters. These memories predate our knowledge of being a system or having DID. We've wondered how it's possible to have memories that predate our existence as alters. How is it possible for several alters to have these same memories, and feel as if it's their own but also not? How is it possible that we can't really attribute "who" those memories belong to other than just...us? All of us? It didn't fit into the mainstream idea that alters are supposed to be these distinct, clear-cut people sharing a body, with separate memories and no overlap, no utterance of our existence before becoming a separate alter.

Children aren't born with an integrated self. You probably know the whole spiel -- the mind integrates as you get older, blah blah blah. So, in our opinion, we were never not plural. We had an unintegrated mind full of parts as a child, and we grew up into an adult with an unintegrated mind full of parts and eventually a DID diagnosis.

I get that some people don't see themselves as existing before their CDD and that's okay, I understand that. I also relate to that, in a way! It can be weird to consider because you as the alter didn't exist until later on. But you as the brain did, if that makes sense.

All that being said, I believe that "endogenic CDDs" are a completely separate concept from "endogenic systems with CDDs." CDDs are diagnoses -- they have specified symptoms, diagnostic criteria, and treatment. Diagnoses are not people. You are. That's why plurality is such an incredibly personal thing, after all. We're literally talking about your own mind. Your self/selves. Your internal reality. No duh there are gonna be people who conceptualize and talk about it in different ways. Like, I firmly believe that's NEVER going to be clear cut and easy to understand.

OG Dude: First, I have to say, thank you to my mods. Their responses are fantastic, I support all of them. I brought them all in pretty early, and I wouldn't be where I am without them. Their pro/endo patience while I went back and forth, screamed and yelled... I love them. I love that they saw the good in me and decided to help me run this blog.

I agree with all that they said. For clarity sake, I'll give my own thoughts, even if they overlap or repeat.

I've posted from the beginning about how a lot of things that endogenic systems talked about were actually really normal in DID systems. Created alters, characters that take on life, MADD, loving your system, dysfunction in different areas of life, on and on. I think there's more intersection than a lot of people realize, but I really like how Robo talked about personal views. It took a really long time to realize that people defining their experiences in different ways isn't necessarily a bad thing, though it's unfortunate that sometimes this confuses systems that are still learning.

Yelling and screaming isn't going to help, though. There's another ask coming, this one about my thoughts on sophie, that I think will tie into this point and expand on it a lot more, so for now, I'll move on.

I don't have all the answers. I think CDDs are something extremely specific-- I think in a few more years, diagnosis will involve brain scans, biomarkers, and we'll be able to say with a lot more certainty where that line is, and what's different.

For now, I think I've learned that the best thing I can do for myself, and everyone else, endo or CDD, is just keep pumping out information.

A couple users on here are really good examples of these lines. They have CPTSD, PTSD, whatever else they've got going on, but they still hold the belief that their plurality and CPTSD are unrelated. It took a long time to come to terms with balancing respect for that self-determination, and my expectations of technology and the specificity of CDDs (meaning like, specific biomarkers).

In the end, I realized that it boiled down to, "are people getting the help they need?" Because in the end, that's all that matters, and if someone doesn't think they need help, why am I arguing? If someone does, who am I to keep them from resources?

What if that technology doesn't reach the mainstream, what if it's decades before it's refined enough to be financially feasible in diagnosis? What if people come out with the exact same brain structure as someone with DID and still refuse to admit that the plurality is related?

Well, shit, I don't know, but I'm guessing the answer is still going to be, "Don't yell at them, respect their self-determination."

I still firmly believe that plurality and CDDs are different things. I think that treatment for CPTSD and PTSD are different, and many endos without longterm, repetitive trauma in childhood have PTSD, and would benefit more from those spaces and resources than CDD/CPTSD spaces. However, I also admit that a general PTSD space isn't going to be prepared for the complex interplay of plurality and PTSD. All that said, it's not my job to tell someone which they have, my job should be to present information on both to everyone and let people come to their own conclusions.

It's hard, but it's a skill I'm still trying to learn. Seeing more people talk about their experiences is probably the only thing that's going to help make it easier.

#syscourse #syscourse stance #mod signal #mod quill #mod robo #mod dude #team effort #also mod dude would like to apologize if his part seemed to cut off suddenly #he got distracted by a piece of shit floating down an otherwise pristine river

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thefeathercollective · 1 year ago

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we're 99.9% sure that portuguese poet Fernando Pessoa was plural.

okay uh disclaimer. we're not a psychology or literature expert by any means. we rarely even read poetry. we only heard of this guy in high school literature class and the thought stuck with us and then we found plausible evidence lmao. also, as a plural system ourselves, we're clearly biased.

and a considerable amount of this post will be sourced from wikipedia. and this is the first time we've made a post like this. please don't come after us I'm just writing this for fun lmao

huge ramble ahead!

who even was that man

Fernando António Nogueira Pessoa (Portuguese: [fɨɾˈnɐ̃du pɨˈsoɐ]; 13 June 1888 – 30 November 1935) was a Portuguese poet, writer, literary critic, translator, publisher, and philosopher, described as one of the most significant literary figures of the 20th century and one of the greatest poets in the Portuguese language. He also wrote in and translated from English and French.

yeah that's who the man was. but what really sparked our interest in him during class and made us wonder if he was plural were his...

✨heteronyms✨

y'know pseudonyms? when someone writes under a different name than their own for whatever reason? these are similar, but the catch is that the different names have different personalities, supposed appearances, philosophies, all that shit.

the term was coined by Pessoa himself, and his heteronyms were written as if they were real people. they had detailed careers, histories, etc. he had at least 70, although I vaguely remember some other source estimating it at around 100.

"but eva, these could just be OCs or something!",

he had 3 main ones though, being Alberto Caeiro (known for interpreting the world as-is, without greater meaning or anything, like some sorta anti-poet), Álvaro de Campos (a naval engineer who even had multiple phases in his philosophy) and Ricardo Reis (who wrote with a lot of structure and rationality, and was very pessimistic).

I predict someone typing. to that, I begin my endless copy-paste + ramble about all the things that make us think the heteronyms were headmates.

I'll throw in a section of a letter Pessoa wrote to some other poet (bolding the parts I find relevant because I don't love walls of text lmao)

How do I write in the name of these three? Caeiro, through sheer and unexpected inspiration, without knowing or even suspecting that I'm going to write in his name. Ricardo Reis, after an abstract meditation, which suddenly takes concrete shape in an ode. Campos, when I feel a sudden impulse to write and don't know what. (My semi-heteronym Bernardo Soares, who in many ways resembles Álvaro de Campos, always appears when I'm sleepy or drowsy, so that my qualities of inhibition and rational thought are suspended; his prose is an endless reverie. He's a semi-heteronym because his personality, although not my own, doesn't differ from my own but is a mere mutilation of it. He's me without my rationalism and emotions. His prose is the same as mine, except for certain formal restraint that reason imposes on my own writing, and his Portuguese is exactly the same – whereas Caeiro writes bad Portuguese, Campos writes it reasonably well but with mistakes such as "me myself" instead of "I myself", etc.., and Reis writes better than I, but with a purism I find excessive…)

so not only does he describe writing Caeiro completely unexpectedly, he also gives the same sort of opinion about his heteronyms' writings that we've seen (and experienced) plural folks give about their headmates' typing or drawing styles.

hell, "writes better than I but with a purism I find excessive" is exactly my opinion of lynn when he does our assignments lmao

the semi-heteronym surfacing when Pessoa is sleepy could be some sorta dissociative state that lets a headmate come through, be it straight-up fronting or passive influence... but I'm probably forcing it too much here.

uhhh here's something on the heteronym thing from some guy called richard zenish. I bolded some parts again

For each of his 'voices', Pessoa conceived a highly distinctive poetic idiom and technique, a complex biography, a context of literary influence and polemics and, most arrestingly of all, subtle interrelations and reciprocities of awareness. [...] Pessoa was often unsure who was writing when he wrote, and it's curious that the very first item among the more than 25,000 pieces that make up his archives in the National Library of Lisbon bears the heading A. de C. (?) or B. de D. (or something else).

"okay.... they could still be characters though"

the heteronyms were aware of and sometimes interacted between themselves. wikipedia's list of Pessoa's heteronyms even has the man himself as a heteronym and pupil of Alberto Caeiro, although I don't feel like going after the source for that bit.

dear hypothetical person I'm quoting here, you're entitled to your opinion. but how about we take, say... a more DID/OSDD-y approach to things? because there's things that hint that Fernando Pessoa's plurality could be traumagenic and/or disordered too.

When Pessoa was five, his father, Joaquim de Seabra Pessôa, died of tuberculosis and less than seven months later his younger brother Jorge, aged one, also died (2 January 1889).

(written by himself about himself:) Nothing had ever obliged him to do anything. He had spent his childhood alone. He never joined any group. He never pursued a course of study. He never belonged to a crowd. The circumstances of his life were marked by that strange but rather common phenomenon – perhaps, in fact, it's true for all lives – of being tailored to the image and likeness of his instincts, which tended towards inertia and withdrawal.

(written by a schoolfellow:) For one of his age, he thought much and deeply and in a letter to me once complained of "spiritual and material encumbrances of most especial adverseness". He took no part in athletic sports of any kind and I think his spare time was spent on reading. We generally considered that he worked far too much and that he would ruin his health by so doing.

so childhood trauma, check...? at the very least this stuff doesn't sound very good for a child's mental health.

Pessoa's earliest heteronym, at the age of six, was Chevalier de Pas. Other childhood heteronyms included Dr. Pancrácio and David Merrick, followed by Charles Robert Anon, a young Englishman who became Pessoa's alter ego.

"I can remember what I believe was my first heteronym, or rather, my first nonexistent acquaintance — a certain Chevalier de Pas — through whom I wrote letters to myself when I was six years old, and whose not entirely hazy figure still has a claim on the part of my affections that borders on nostalgia. I have a less vivid memory of another figure . . . who was a kind of rival to the Chevalier de Pas. Such things occur to all children ? Undoubtedly — or perhaps. But I lived them so intensely that I live them still; their memory is so strong that I have to remind myself that they weren’t real."

oh I just found some spiritual stuff too

the appearance of the first heteronym was after his family members died so that's one thing... and like, that's not just one childhood heteronym but at least four. and well, to me they sound a bit too vivid for your average imaginary friend.

Pessoa's interest in spiritualism was truly awakened in the second half of 1915, while translating theosophist books. This was further deepened in the end of March 1916, when he suddenly started having experiences where he believed he became a medium, having experimented with automatic writing. [...] Besides automatic writing, Pessoa stated also that he had "astral" or "etherial visions" and was able to see "magnetic auras" similar to radiographic images. [...] Mediumship exerted a strong influence in Pessoa's writings, who felt "sometimes suddenly being owned by something else" or having a "very curious sensation" in the right arm, which was "lifted into the air" without his will. Looking in the mirror, Pessoa saw several times what appeared to be the heteronyms: his "face fading out" and being replaced by the one of "a bearded man", or another one, four men in total.

........

man, this wikipedia article is extensive and full of stuff that supports our silly little theory, huh.

yeah, so he attributed it to spiritual reasons which is fair and valid, but... "owned by something else" all of a sudden? the thing with the right arm sounding a lot like partial possession in tulpamancy? seeing his heteronyms' faces in the mirror?

yeahhhh.

(I'm guessing the magnetic aura thing could be some sorta derealization, contributing to the he-was-a-dissociative-system hypothesis, but that's yet another stretch on my part.)

(plus, spiritual plurality is a thing.)

oh! this thing he wrote sounds a lot like it too.

"This tendency to create around me another world . . . began in me as a young adult, when a witty remark that was completely out of keeping with who I am or think I am would sometimes and for some unknown reason occur to me, and I would immediately, spontaneously say it as if it came from some friend of mine whose name I would invent, along with biographical details, and whose figure — physiognomy, stature, dress and gestures — I would immediately see before me."

let's just do a quick google..

am I biased? yes, very much so. but y'know. you can see I have my reasons.

to see if any people with more qualifications than we have think the same about Fernando Pessoa possibly being plural lmao.

...oh, yes. contrary to what we thought a couple years ago when we had that class about the guy, other people have indeed thought the same. and written about it.

keywords "fernando pessoa mpd" give us:

this paper from 2012 (in portuguese) that... well, I *think* it claims he had mpd but it's very convoluted and abstract about it

this little... forum post? from 2009 that quotes a dead link :v

this one seems kinda cool. it regards Pessoa's positive approach to his heteronym-having as a creative condion called Pessoa Syndrome, and later mentions some Multiple Personality Order (not disorder). don't love some of its wording about mental disorders and madness... it's good to see someone consider healthy multiplicity as a thing that exists, though. it also claims Pessoa became someone with multiple personalities through his heteronymic writing, which is yet another possible origin I hadn't considered before for some fucking reason.

this one cites a dissociative process

this one straight up calls it "subject plurality"!

conclusion ig. I'm pretending to be organized here.

other keywords (like "fernando pessoa dissociative") provide some more results :0 but I've been writing this post for far too long now and would rather not read through more odd wording lmao

it really surprises me that wikipedia doesn't mention the possibility at all from what I've read and ctrl+F'ed. I thought we were being a conspiracy theorist about it but then I found even more stuff to back us up, including other people's analyses. so that's nice.

and I think this kind of thing, of plurals of the past, should be talked about more in the community. it's really interesting to say the least.

...

how does one even end a post like this one.

uhh thanks for reading!!

#eva.headmate #pluralgang #plurality #plural community #plural system

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systastic · 5 months ago

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Minecraft nether sentispace?

-Level 2 or 3 preferred, but any level is fine!

-They use all neopronouns, you can add a preference!

-More than 1 role

Everything else is up to you!

owo… this is a first !! gunna try to do meow best :3 -🍥

name :: nether, nethie, lucent, fervis, soot, pyre, sear, eldrid, ember, emory, knox, kravitz

age :: ageless (ageweird)

pronouns :: they/them, it/its, xe/xer, blaze/blazes, lav/lava/lavas, with/wither/withers, glow/glows, soot/soots, py/pyre, dark/darks, ve/vex/vexs/vexself, fi/fiz/fizz/fizzs/fizzself, ne/ner/nerre/nerse/nerself, ne/neth/nether/nethers/netherself, ni/nix/nixs/nixs/nixself

roles :: sentispace (regulator), spawn regulator (nether NPCs), limited summoner (headmates relating to the nether or smp-themed alters), warden & hostile headspace (specifically to those with evil intent or bad influences on the rest of the system) ; sentispaceflux

species :: sentient location ; biome / hell-adjacent

gender identity :: netheric, grudgegender, mineroleplayic, minecraftendpoemic

orientation :: gray/asexual objectum

source :: Minecraft ; brainmade

aesthetic :: devilcore, death rap, brutal industrial, cybergoth

appearance description :: nethie is one smoking hot babe— in the literal sense, that is! nether realm is full of hazards, heat, and death traps. want to use your elytra to fly across the gaps between floating islands? good luck avoiding the fireballs from the ghasts! want to check out that nether fortress? you’ll have to fight your way through hordes of wither skeletons for a chance at any treasure. need to farm gold from a bastion? better be careful of the piglin brutes and hoglins inside! the entire realm is designed to house the system’s most brutal and dangerous headmates in case of emergencies. eldrid can also house minecraft based headmates if they can handle the heat. ni can take a physical form when inside of nix own headspace: raging lava flows from nix head as hair, nix body made of boiling hot rock, with a carved blackstone mask serving as nix face. be careful if you want to get close to sear: its hot to touch!

personality description :: being the physical representation of the nether comes with a few traits set in stone. nethie is hardcore and unforgiving, preferring to set things to the max instead of shying away from a challenge. it may choose to observe fights from a distance rather than getting involved — but don’t go thinking that it’s weak or a coward. soot is perfectly fine with a throwdown in soots hometown. being able to control the arena and the rest of the headspace itself gives py a massive advantage over pyre opponents. xe loves a good fight and prefers to settle xer problems with a brawl instead of chatting it out. emory can come off strong, but that isn’t all that py is: py likes to watch pyre inhabitants building and doing things in pyre headspace. sometimes lucent will even lend a hand - though it’s more likely that soot’ll stop by to tease other headmates rather than helping. still, it’s not entirely impossible for emory to be nice…

likes :: fire (both the act of setting things on fire and watching the flames), dark locations, “edgy shit” (blazes words, not mine), slasher movies with lots of practical effects, heat and warmth, minecraft nether mobs such as blazes and piglins and wither skeletons, heavy metal & rock music, Minecraft content, Minecraft challenges such as starting in the nether, watching people fight (the more dramatic and powerful both parties are, the better), horror media, slasher villains (current favorites are Candyman & Pinhead), and non-organic things making up parts of someone’s body such as needles, rock, active flame, and molten rock

dislikes :: cold to any degree, snow, ice, winter, sappy movies (don’t tell, but glow is sensitive - glow cries at sad movies), anything it deems “mainstream media” such as certain anime or tv shows, cgi gore / cinematic effects (it doesn’t hit the same as practical effects), being told to piss off, cheaters, liars, scammers, people who break the rules of their headspace zone (including the last three listed things), watching people torture or slaughter striders, the color pink, and the concept of the aether realm existing in Minecraft (how dare that punk ass bitch steal vex thunder! ve will show them what for!)

front triggers :: in truth, emory doesn’t like to front. ner preference is to remain in headspace as a way to protect the system from harmful or fighting alters. ne can spread neth thoughts to others, yes, but ne does not have access to front nor desires so.

key emojis :: 🔥, 💀, ☠️, ⚔️, ⛓️, or 🗡️

art source: here & here

#banner creds: @animated glitter graphics and more #baa blog #bah blog #alter packs #build a alter #build a headmate #build an alter #headmate creation #headmate pack #kitty creations #🍥 post #🌲 post #level three #level 3

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circular-jerkular · 5 months ago

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If One Alter Believes It... Adult Edition(TM)

Way back in the day, I made a post about system accountability. Here's a link to that post, in all it's clickbaity glory, for those curious. I still believe this post holds true for myself (though, obviously, not every system works like mine, and not everyone will find this framework helpful; I just find it incredibly helpful for myself, as I hope others will too).

But I want to talk about the 18+ side of things now, particularly as I see more discussions about paraphilias and problematic alters in system spaces. Consider this a continuation of that post, but with more severe triggers and discussion of mature topics.

The TL;DR: If one part (or whatever you call yourselves, headmates/alters/people/brainmates/buddies/pals, etc) believes it, then as a collective whole, you need to work together to overcome it -- if one part believes it, you all do. And yes, this applies to the harmful things as well.

Let's dive in.

If one of your parts is a pedophile, then to some degree, you have a part of you (collectively) that is a pedophile. Part of YOU would have that paraphilia.

If one of your parts is torturing other system members, then to some degree, you have a part of you (collectively) that is torturing yourself. Part of YOU believes you deserve to be tortured.

If one of your parts is an abuser, then to some degree, you have a part of you (collectively) that is abusive. Part of YOU is abusive.

I want to say, out of the gate, the most important part: this does not and will never mean that you are evil. You are not somehow tarnished for hurting yourself or others. You are a person worthy of love, respect, and care, regardless of the things that you feel make you unworthy in some way. There is nothing wrong with abusive, hurtful, "problematic" parts, and anyone who says otherwise is not supportive of recovery, in my opinion.

But, inherently, being a system means you are part of a team. Regardless of what language you use, you are working together -- and since you are all part of one body, you have got to mitigate those problems together, regardless of if you fully agree. Simply put, their beliefs must be taken on as part of YOUR beliefs. And treating them as entirely separate beliefs can often lead to lack of communication, compromise, or structure, and can lead to a rise of conflict. By thinking of specific part's problematic "issues" as collective beliefs instead, we better understood how to work together to solve them.

This is how we combated our grief about murdering a part of ours. This is how we mitigated our distress over our own paraphilic thoughts and how they impacted us. It's how we came to accept that, yes, we are abusive in many ways, even when we try not to be, and that does not make us evil.

These traits are inherent to who we are. They were baked into our parts. For instance, Debra was split specifically to abuse us. And she did! She tortured us relentlessly because she believed, wholeheartedly, that she was stronger than us; that we deserved to be abused, because it would teach us our place. This was a belief inherent to her formation.

And we formed her, collectively, due to our trauma. Part of us believed so strongly that we deserved to be abused that she then appeared in order to abuse us. She's even a part of ours that we understand to be willfully created, rather than split solely from trauma; we remember thinking of her, talking to her, and purposefully telling ourselves that we deserved to be hurt. And she was there to torture us, to the extent that we split more parts due to what she did to us.

But that does not make her unworthy of love, or evil, or forever scorned and abandoned. In fact, the idea that she was evil and could never change -- that something inherent could not also be changed -- was what led to us murdering her. The fear that we were evil, horrible people for what she did to us led to us killing her, thus setting off further guilt, fear, shame, etc. It led to further breakdowns, pain, suffering... and when she came back, she doubled down, because we were not working together.

Regardless of your feelings, as a part, on matters of 18+ material, you must work together to solve problems. You must work together to find compromises. (And, well, that goes for everything -- not just problematic stuff.)

Viewing Debra's beliefs as collective instead of just her own... that's what led us to understanding why she was there. It made us realize the connections she had to us: how Wade believed so firmly that she was teaching him a lesson, or how Numb believed someone needed to be hurting us for him to protect us. Her beliefs were part of our beliefs, as a whole. And only once we started understanding that did we begin to dismantle the beliefs entirely.

Because it was far harder to say, in isolation, "Debra, you are wrong, and YOU are hurting us" than it was to say, collectively, "This line of thinking we share is hurting us all."

And those beliefs are still inherent for her, even if she has changed! She still deals with those thoughts that she is better than the rest of us, that we deserve to be punished, and that she is the one who has to do that. But, now that we are working together -- now that we take on her beliefs as ALL of our beliefs -- we can help her when it is distressing to have those thoughts. And, through that support, she has those thoughts less, and less, and less.

Everything in this post is a personal example. We have to deal with all of these things. But it applies to others as well. If one of your alters, or headmates, or brain buddies, or pals, or chums, or whatever have you, has a problematic belief -- then it may be helpful to view that belief as a collective, team belief. Collective, system-wide, whatever phrasing you want.

This may not help you. But I really, really hope it does. It helped me greatly.

Good luck out there, y'all.

#minors dni #nsft #diamonds are a boy's best friend #blurry tag #potentially:#pop pop bubblegum bop #paraphilias #abuse #side note #I would very much like discussion with other systems about their structure and frameworks on this topic #And what has worked for them #But I'm a bit too scared to tag this with sysconvo #because... aaah?#Plus I don't know about putting nsft in a public sysconversation tag #bluh

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wings22sky77 · 2 months ago

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my name as of yet is unknown, but i've come to be known as Wings. my angel "type" as of yet is unknown (possibly a seraph?????? cherub???). i'm okay with any pronouns, but especially neutral and masculine ones.

i believe my mission in the world is to guide and assist humans. as such, if you seek advice, company, or to confess a misdeed, do not hesitate to send me an ask or dm, i will be more than happy to respond as soon as i can. if you would like me to include you in my prayers, you may request that as well.

i feel i am connected to the concepts of transitions, luck/chance, gardens, and the sky. bodily an adult.

i'm a simple angel, i see gods/angels, i press follow. (i'm also much friendlier/cheerier in person than i wanted others to think when i wrote this intro originally... please be not intimidated!)

(i'm also a massive ultrakill fan and i'm not sorry)

more, messier things about me under the cut.

^ these dividers are by tumblr user @mmadeinheavenn . thank you!

my profile picture is of a Virtue from ultrakill with some small editing and a custom background.

you may notice inconsistencies in my way of talking or behavior from time to time. this is because our mind is in a state humans know as "plurality". both i and the host, claire, are as angels, but this blog is mainly mine, so you will see me talking here more than anyone else, and i will be the only one answering asks. posts made by others will be made with the tag "(name) posting". as of yet we are unsure of the origin of our "system," but i believe that we are "mixed origins."

(basically if it seems weird that this account is following you because its multiple people use this account <3)

anyone can interact, but i would prefer if you would keep bigotry out of my inbox and away from my blog. it would be unbecoming of me to engage with hatred in any form. i tend to follow back, but i will not if i feel the content of your blog would harm my headmates. both of the previous statements include those against traumagenic and endogenic systems, as i believe plurality is sacred in all forms. i apologize if you feel othered or excluded by this, but implore you to reconsider your choice to exclude others.

angelic chatter - for when i'm talking about something

claire posting - when claire makes a post instead of me!

the miracle of your love - answering asks

divine joy - for when i reblog a post purely because it made me happy in an especially divine way (because i do this often now...)

this intro is mostly temporary, i may add more details or rephrase things as i see fit.

(we tend to follow back, but we also curate this blog's feed heavily! if we unfollow you we will probably refollow from @sunshine-melons , and if it seems weird that we followed you it's probably because you frequently angel/heaven post.)

thank you for reading, my child.

#angelic chatter #claire posting #the miracle of your love #angelkin #divine joy

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a-dragons-journal · 2 years ago

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Singlet+

I've been meaning to write this one for a while, so let's see how this goes.

~1k words; essay on the experience of one person who sits right on the funny little edge between "normal roleplay experience" and "actual plurality".

So, let's start with this: I am not plural. But. I do seem to live in a weird space juuuuust on the edge of plurality (and no, I do not mean that I'm a median or blurry system - I mean on the edge of that).

For one thing, I'm a daemian - that is, I practice daemonism; that is, I have personified and given faux autonomy (fauxtonomy, if you will) to my "internal narrator" of sorts and he now lives in my brain with me as a thoughtform, a brain companion, in the shape of an animal. Strictly speaking, that does qualify us for plurality, but we personally don't view our daemonism through that framework and consider ourselves a singlet (as hilarious as the plural grammar makes that sentence, I know). Many daemons don't consider themselves plural; this isn't particularly unusual - in muir case, Locke is a part of me before he is anything else, and while yes there are forms of plurality that look like that, for us personally it makes more sense to view him as "part of me, therefore, still one person".

For another, I had... basically plural experiences when I was younger. I don't want to talk about the details publicly, but suffice to say that for many years I had what I would now call headmates, and I suspect that if I had been exposed to plural spaces during that time period, they may well have stuck around permanently, instead of "fading out" and eventually disappearing as is what actually happened. To this day I don't know how "real" or "imaginary" they were, and I doubt I ever will - they were certainly real to me at the time, but I have also always been very good at suspension of disbelief. Trying to analyze it in any great level of detail is made basically impossible by my piss-poor episodic memory rendering the memories of that time so fuzzy that I can't rely on them for details.

For another, my experiences with OCs are often... soulbond-adjacent? Recently in particular I've had a lot of funny experiences with an OC of mine, a character in a Vampire: The Masquerade campaign I'm a part of (Viridian Caldwell, for my own future self's reference), which led me to do some research on soulbonding because of how fictive-adjacent the experience of her is.

And yet. The answer is a definite no. I get very strong impressions and echoes from her; she "gives" me facts about her and her life that simply Are and that I feel as strongly about being true and unchangeable as I do about my own noemata; she's almost a separate person living in my brain sometimes; I somehow come up with near-prophetic knowledge about her world (as confirmed by my Storyteller, who happens to be part of a system alongside a number of fictives from the world in question, including several who know Viridian personally) with zero explanation on a semi-regular basis.

And yet. The answer is no. Because while I seem to have all the effects a soulbond proper would produce on my end - she is not aware of me, not really. She is not conscious of my world and my life. When I really quiet my own brain and reach out to call out and see if someone's there, there's only silence. It's as though I have a one-way soulbond somehow - which, of course, puts me in the fun gray space between "soulbond" and "normal roleplay/writing experience".

And she's not a unique instance of this. This just happens to me with OCs, although it's been a bit more dramatic with her because of the presence of fictives from her world to converse with (and, realistically, because of the real-time roleplay aspect that a TTRPG has that a video game or the writing of a fanfiction doesn't).

It's as though my brain has the capacity for plurality, but it just... doesn't manifest fully.

And, truth be told, I kind of prefer it this way. I like being a singlet; I would kind of hate having to share headspace with other people. Especially since, if my childhood pseudo-plurality experiences are anything to go by, we would not have good separation of thoughts and memories and true privacy would be very difficult if not impossible. Plus, because of that, I would... probably never get over the doubt of Is It Real Or Not, and I don't need that stress in my life. (For this reason, while I'm 99.9% sure that if I intentionally tried to bring her over as a fictive, it would work, I will not be testing the theory just out of curiosity.)

I wonder if I didn't train myself out of the ability to be Plural Proper, to be honest. Not intentionally, but - I may have mentioned that my power of suspension of disbelief is very strong, and as a child this came with me being extremely easy to manipulate because it was very easy for me to fall into believing things that I wanted to believe. (Again, I don't really want to talk about the details, but suffice to say I had a pretty bad case of Protagonist Syndrome, as it were, for a while.) I had to learn to combat that natural tendency of my brain for my own protection (especially as someone active in witchcraft spaces) - and I wonder if it didn't come with the side effect of immunizing me to developing true plurality (at least without actively trying) by shutting down any attempt by my brain to form a true headmate in the process.

I don't know. I might never. All I know is that while I am, after careful consideration, definitely a singlet, I do seem to live right on the edge of plurality, and it comes with some weird experiences. (And I would like an explanation for why I keep spitting out nigh-prophetic knowledge of this campaign's world; if I find out Viridian is a fictotype of mine or something I'm going to flip my fucking lid.) I've started half-jokingly calling myself "singlet+", half as a joke on cis+ (ie, someone who's questioned their gender and come to the conclusion that they are indeed cis but has a better understanding of their experience of cisness for it) and half as an "unless" "unlesss...?" acknowledgement of the weird border area some of my experiences sit in. It's... not really a serious label, but also isn't entirely a joke.

So... yeah. Singlet+, I guess. Another victim of the "if you only have two words for fear in your language, one for mild test jitters and one for life-threatening terror, you're going to have a lot of trouble describing a lot of normal human experiences" problem of how our language around plurality often works.

#plurality #i guess?#singlet plus #rani talks #not usually a disclaimer i need but this post and blog are endo-safe thank you #journaling #community writings #this is as per usual fully unedited so like. be nice pls lmao

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anarcho-masochist · 3 months ago

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r u okay? it's been 2 weeks since you've posted

Oh, sorry for not responding, and thank you for checking in.

I didn't see this until now since we were logged into other headmates' blogs on all our devices and browsers and I wasn't really around enough to justify logging into mine.

[Warning, feeling like rambling]

To be honest, when I have been around and thinking of Tumblr, I've been kind of dissatisfied with this blog, mostly because I've been too tired to research and draft up the posts I want to. We've been stuck without our meds due to the dumpster fire that is the US healthcare system. I've got them now, and have some more time (sort of), so I might be on here more, but I've been terribly inconsistent with that so don't be surprised if I go quiet again.

Think about it. What does an hour on here get me versus an hour of monologuing to myself?

Monologuing: depth of contemplation, no expectations of completeness of thought so I can create an open dialogue with myself. Can think of things to research later. Important downside: I sometimes forget really good wording or the stuff that led to my conclusion which is important for expressing it to others.

Tumblr: 3 notes. One anon who is probably the same person from last time spamming me with hate (sometimes this is fun). If I want to say anything of note and support my argument, it turns into a several-page essay that one or two people will read (thank you). If I'm just making a short pointless post.... I'm not an endless well of inconsequential phrases and erotic thoughts (that I want to share), and it feels insignificant.

This is why it is always best to write for oneself (or post for oneself). If you care even slightly about what people think, whether your ideas are worth something, etc, it stops being fun. Initially, I made this blog to mess with Cedar and also as a space where I could exist as myself rather than having to act in a way that is acceptable based on the rest of the system's image...now I find myself trying to act in a way that is in accordance with my own image. Absolutely detestable thing to do.

Admittedly, I like the URL too much to throw away this blog, and sometimes it is fun and interesting. Basically, I've just got to get over this bone-deep exhaustion that comes from horrible physical health, discontentment with the world, and several months of too much to do with my LLC plus volunteer work plus *gestures vaguely at our bad habits, which are extensive.*

I would like to be on here more, I just have zero faith in myself to maintain it, which shouldn't stop me from posting occasionally, I suppose.

Thanks again for the ask, sorry for derailing it.

#rambling #ask #might be easier just to make a discord server #I don't like discord as much though #just the conversational format + it would help me stay in contact with people I might accidentally ignore otherwise

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two-birds-and-a-bush · 3 months ago

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intro post

good evening friends, after years of lurking and never interacting on various nsfw blogs I have finally made a nsfw sideblog to post my horny little thoughts to the internet

general sexual about-me/kinks:

omorashi (piss kink). it's a massive one and the primary reason I made this blog so expect to see a lottt of omo shit

most everything bdsm - all the bondage and discipline and dominance and submission and sadism and masochism (I'm a sub-leaning switch)

monsterfucking, esp. vampires and werewolves and anything with tentacles but tbh most things are good

petplay

incest

cnc/dubcon

exhibitionism

knifeplay

breeding

forcefem, sissification and similar

probably others I'm forgetting tbh

insane about dick, though not opposed to other body parts, especially boobs (trans women I would die for you). major size kink.

I'm plural, sometimes a particularly horny headmate of mine (pseudonym TBD) might take over posting for awhile. they'll tag accordingly

boundaries:

don't interact if you're under 18 please, I know what it's like to be a horny teenager so I GET IT and I cannot stop you from looking at the blog but interacting makes me uncomfortable and could also get me into legal trouble so look but don't touch thx

I'm not interested in personal sexual interactions, happy to hear your thoughts and general horniness on sexual topics (asks are open, dm's closed) but I don't want to be flirted with or teased. it's a tricky boundary to define but hopefully makes sense?

if you are rude, hateful or disregard any of my other boundaries I will block you

#intro post

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sophieinwonderland · 10 months ago

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The hatesub r/systemscringe are being full-on transphobes again!

Reminder: a huge number of systems have alters and headmates with completely different genders and sexes from the body.

Anyone who has ever studied any type of multiplicity is aware of this fact.

And not-so-shockingly, this makes gender complicated.

Let's just see the screenshots they're angry at today.

So the body has transitioned to male but this one headmate identifies as female and identifies as a trans woman.

In another screenshot, the system says they aren't "invading trans spaces." Which is such an absurd thing to have to defend yourselves from accusations of when you're a part of a trans system.

Even if you do take the position that spaces for transwomen should be exclusionary AFAB people, one would at least expect the male headmates to be able to feel safe in the trans community without being made to feel like they're "invaders."

Unfortunately, many pluralphobes and queer exclusionists have decided the gender identity of headmates in systems is less valid than that of singlets.

This is another pretty common thing. Especially with introjects who have source memories. It's common to have memories of lives you may not have actually lived but still feel pretty real.

I did a Tumblr poll last year. About half of systems responding had at least one trans headmate with the same gender as the body's AGAB. Nearly all had cis headmates with the opposite gender of the body.

Of course, if you heard it from r/systemscringe, they must be faking being trans entirely!

And takes like this throw not just systems under the bus, but also people who are genderfluid or otherwise nonbinary as well.

And if you're thinking, "wow, that comment sounds like something truscum would say," you aren't wrong!

Here are some unrelated posts this same user has authored:

Back to r/systemscringe, most of the comments were more of the same, stopping just short of calling them transtrenders but clearly very much wanting to!

By the way, all the censors on the names of the system and alters were mine. u/superthrowawayEEE censored nothing. When a user points this out, moderator u/DizkoLites says they considered taking it down but chose not to, saying their name was common enough that it wouldn't matter.

To be fair, the mods did end up taking it down... after the system got harassed for their gender and contacted the subreddit directly.

So congrats on waiting until after the harassment to enforce your own rules!

But don't worry, you're free to make a brand new post mocking someone for their gender identity! r/systemscringe's mod team is totally cool with that! Just gotta hide the name because that's apparently the only problem here!🙄

(You know, unless they're on the mod-approved hit list. Then you can name them too no matter how much harassment they get.)

The other day, someone asked this question on the hatesub:

Here's the answer:

Stop being bigots.

Stop being ableists.

Stop spreading misinformation.

Stop mocking people for their genders.

Stop harboring truscum and parroting transphobic talking points!

Try to be decent human beings for once in your lives!

And then... well, I guess that wouldn't leave much of a subreddit would it? There's no r/systemscringe without ableism, transphobia and queer exclusionism. It's baked into the DNA of these groups.

But maybe that would be for the best.

Nothing from these cringe communities is salvageable. And nothing should be socially acceptable about groups founded on cyberbullying.

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the-alarm-system · 6 months ago

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I've had this blog for a really long time btw i just recently deleted all of my posts to start from scratch and make it into a system blog!

TW for alter abuse!

But anyways, going back to i was going to say: It honestly makes me so sad to see systems refusing to enjoy themselves being plural because they think otherwise they are not real systems, or because their systemhood was made through trauma, that it should be painful and that no one else who is a system should be suffering as well! Not only that, but the first time i've seen someone like that, an ex-friend of mine (who also turned out to be a huge piece of shit btw), they would not only be very careful seeing every single detail of how i am as a system to see if i was faking, but also a lot of the times they would ignore the existance of their alters, get mad at them for existing, and tell them very horrible things when all they were trying was to cheer them up and give them love, and even when many ppl told them to not do that to their alters as they are people too, they kept doing it, a lot of them later on refused to even talk to them over how horrid the host was with them, and for the longest time, i thought that was normal, that it was a common system experience to verbally abuse your alters to prove you hated being a system...

In singlet society, plurality is sold to us as a defection, a disorder of the brain that must be solved in order to make someone go back to normal. Plurality equals brokeness, you are not a person in the eyes of pluralphobia but rather something that must stay hidden as your existence as a headmate is a disgusting thing to be. So many systems have internalized this horrific idea and see those who find joy in "brokenness" as liars. While this agony may be a reason why someone abuses their headmates, it is never an excuse. Headmates are dehumanized so often by anti-endo host/other headmates. The system structure is so abusive, and if it isn't then you are a liar. It's heart wrenching, some people truly do not deserve the blessing of plurality.

#asks #tw abuse #tw syscourse #tw fakeclaiming

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headmate-smoothie-bar · 1 month ago

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Hello!!! Love to see a new B.A.H blog starting up :>

May I order a lvl 3 c! transfem tommyinnit alter? Preferably one to act as a mood boster?

Thanks for taking my request, very exited to see the results!

of course!!! we put a lot of thought and effort into her, and one of the other shards chimed in with some info from hxs tommy as well lol. remember that beings may not always turn out as described, but we hope that you like cher!

name tommy, thesea, sage, amara

3rdp pronouns she/her, che/cher, nel/nels, 🍒/🍒s (links)

age 16-19

species human

source dream smp, c!tommy

role mood booster, delight (links)

gender/s transfem, happycolorsgender, moonrisegender, happygender (links)

orientation/s aegosexual, panromantic, panplatonic

other ids rosy maple moth xenintation, aeterignis (links)

personality tommy is a very energetic person. she is always jumping around and you rarely ever catch nel without a smile on nels face. as the mood booster, che has made it cher job to ensure that everybody in the system is happy, whatever that means. when 🍒 is fronting, she will constantly seek out activities that would cheer up or at least improve the mood of the other headmates. whilst she yells a lot and may accidentally scare other headmates, nel always finds a way to make it up to them. she makes the world seem like a brighter place to anybody who is co-con with her, as she always seeks out the positives and the things that could help any sad headmates of chers. it’s a very rare day if thesea is not filled with joy and having fun!

other notes she is somewhat separated from source, but still has memories and connections to it. 🍒 may seek out information about 🍒s source while che’s fronting.

signoffs 💥, ⚡️, ‼️, 🎇

2ndp pronouns fru/fruit/fruits/fruitself, nu/nur/nurs/nurself

1stp pronouns i/me/my/mine/myself, mi/mie/miy/miyn/miyself, lu/le/lye/luen/lyeself

likes & dislikes likes: loud music, thunderstorms, shitty memes, junk journalling, arts & crafts dislikes: too much silence, large bodies of water, dead insects

aesthetics bastardcore, scrapbook, pastel gore (links)

faceclaim/s

typing quirk/s she always or almost always types in all caps. che types very fast and may misspell words a lot. nel sometimes replaces the letters with numbers (i.e. a into 4, e into 3) because nel likes how it looks.

a song or three von dutch - charli xcx when i rule the world - LIZ speed drive - charli xcx

pos fronting triggers fun activities, sweet food, mentions of cc!tommy (🍒 likes to see what he’s up to these days, since 🍒 is/has separated from him)

how they are in headspace/innerworld she’s very much a voice of positivity. che will often enter other headmates’ conversations if che thinks they are to negative, lightening the mood. 🍒 may hold positive memories and hand them around to the other headmates when the system is feeling down. nel is very committed to nels role, and will always be around for her other headmates when they’re sad.

how they are when fronting che gets a little more serious when fronting, albeit not much.. nel will usually be drawn to more exciting activities, in order to cheer up and encourage the others. che may come out when the body is in an uncomfortable situation in order to move onto something more fun and interesting, both for herself and for the other headmates. che also often ducks back into headspace briefly, just to check on everybody.

thank you for ordering from the smoothie bar, we had so much fun making nel!! we all hope you like her, take good care of her for us!

#this being was made by Felix #Boo helped with this being!!!#<- hx wanted to be mentioned too haha #we really like sage in the constellation #pretty sure glow is trying to convince the others to form her..#alter packs #alter creation #headmate packs #headmate creation #build a headmate #build an alter #c!tommy fictive #dsmp fictive #also don’t mind the charli xcx songs #we were listening to brat when we worked on nel #thesea is brat you heard it here first

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wayward-aeon · 4 months ago

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two* new arrivals, and the lessons they bring

as a system, our rate of growth is generally quite steady. i would say we get a handful of new folk each year, never enough to overwhelm. oftentimes, new headmates form with specific purposes, such as to handle a specific stressor, or fulfill some manner of niche that isn't already being filled by another member.

since this past june, two* newcomers have arrived specifically to challenge what systemhood means for us.

despite not being the original, i am as prone to doubt and denial as anyone else. our overall inner activity levels are very low - i am alone in here the grand majority of the time. there is a bit of a "chicken or the egg" situation there - i doubt us because things are quiet, but what if it is quiet because i doubt? either way, i'm working on it, and i would like to think i have made a lot of progress lately. still frontstuck, but to my recollection, we've co-fronted and generally communicated more this year than we have since our post-discovery boom back in the late 2010s.

yet, in many ways, i am still subconsciously resisting this change. there is part of me that is afraid. afraid of being wrong, afraid of losing control. afraid that someday this might not be "my" life anymore, not that this life was ever mine (or at least not mine alone) to begin with. our previous primaries/hosts have all either gone dormant or integrated, and it has been stressful each time, adapting to the changes that come with confronting the world with a different face than before. i worry, deep down, that it's only a matter of time before i follow in their footsteps. i worry that i might lose everything.

i am also grappling constantly with internalized pluralphobia. i was unfortunate to be introduced to systemhood through the exclusionist side of the community, and in my confusion as a newly aware system and my desperation to have my experiences validated, i ate up every awful, hateful piece of rhetoric that they fed me. although i am now staunchly pluralpunk (at least towards others, if not yet for myself), much of what i saw and was told during those times clings to me like a parasite. despite firmly believing there is no right way to be plural, i still fall into the trap of thinking myself to be the unique exception - that i must do systemhood the "right way", or else i have been lying to myself all along.

these are the biggest hurdles in the way of our health and function as a collective, right now. and that's where our newcomers come into play.

firstly, they are both fictives. this already ruffles the feathers of my "inner sysphobe", who tries to tell me that each new fictive we form is a point against our validity. never mind the fact we have always been a fictive majority.

secondly, they are both extremely plural-coded in their respective sources (hence the asterisks when i say there are "two" of them), and for both, it is a huge part of who they are and how they interface with the world at large. for both, it is a source of pride and strength rather than something to skitter around the edges of like a nervous cat. one of them in particular sees it as a form of art, viewing the consciousness as the clay with which to mold countless priceless artifacts of selfhood. this goes against everything i have told myself for years: that we cannot be proud, that we cannot be visible, that we cannot present in a fashion that falls outside of arbitrary parametres invented by people who view us as mere symptoms of a disease.

it has been a lot for me to take in.

to an extent, i see a reflection of myself and my own median-ness in them. they are many, all sharing the same face (and often the same name), yet each is uniquely different, even if only to the most minute details. the version of them i speak to today may not be the same as who i spoke to yesterday, but that isnt a bad thing. this is probably a big part of why they showed up here in the first place. whether or not i want to accept it, i need them. they have come to me with outstretched hands, offering to teach me plural joy, and all i have to do is let them.

and that is a process in itself, but we persevere. even if it is centimetre by agonizing centimetre, or even if we move backwards at times, progress is progress.

#i dont usually pluralpost on here i dont know what tags to use #plurality #alterhuman

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