#<- hx wanted to be mentioned too haha

[headmate-smoothie-bar]

Hello!!! Love to see a new B.A.H blog starting up :>

May I order a lvl 3 c! transfem tommyinnit alter? Preferably one to act as a mood boster?

Thanks for taking my request, very exited to see the results!

of course!!! we put a lot of thought and effort into her, and one of the other shards chimed in with some info from hxs tommy as well lol. remember that beings may not always turn out as described, but we hope that you like cher!

name tommy, thesea, sage, amara

3rdp pronouns she/her, che/cher, nel/nels, 🍒/🍒s (links)

age 16-19

species human

source dream smp, c!tommy

role mood booster, delight (links)

gender/s transfem, happycolorsgender, moonrisegender, happygender (links)

orientation/s aegosexual, panromantic, panplatonic

other ids rosy maple moth xenintation, aeterignis (links)

personality tommy is a very energetic person. she is always jumping around and you rarely ever catch nel without a smile on nels face. as the mood booster, che has made it cher job to ensure that everybody in the system is happy, whatever that means. when 🍒 is fronting, she will constantly seek out activities that would cheer up or at least improve the mood of the other headmates. whilst she yells a lot and may accidentally scare other headmates, nel always finds a way to make it up to them. she makes the world seem like a brighter place to anybody who is co-con with her, as she always seeks out the positives and the things that could help any sad headmates of chers. it’s a very rare day if thesea is not filled with joy and having fun!

other notes she is somewhat separated from source, but still has memories and connections to it. 🍒 may seek out information about 🍒s source while che’s fronting.

signoffs 💥, ⚡️, ‼️, 🎇

2ndp pronouns fru/fruit/fruits/fruitself, nu/nur/nurs/nurself

1stp pronouns i/me/my/mine/myself, mi/mie/miy/miyn/miyself, lu/le/lye/luen/lyeself

likes & dislikes likes: loud music, thunderstorms, shitty memes, junk journalling, arts & crafts dislikes: too much silence, large bodies of water, dead insects

aesthetics bastardcore, scrapbook, pastel gore (links)

faceclaim/s

typing quirk/s she always or almost always types in all caps. che types very fast and may misspell words a lot. nel sometimes replaces the letters with numbers (i.e. a into 4, e into 3) because nel likes how it looks.

a song or three von dutch - charli xcx when i rule the world - LIZ speed drive - charli xcx

pos fronting triggers fun activities, sweet food, mentions of cc!tommy (🍒 likes to see what he’s up to these days, since 🍒 is/has separated from him)

how they are in headspace/innerworld she’s very much a voice of positivity. che will often enter other headmates’ conversations if che thinks they are to negative, lightening the mood. 🍒 may hold positive memories and hand them around to the other headmates when the system is feeling down. nel is very committed to nels role, and will always be around for her other headmates when they’re sad.

how they are when fronting che gets a little more serious when fronting, albeit not much.. nel will usually be drawn to more exciting activities, in order to cheer up and encourage the others. che may come out when the body is in an uncomfortable situation in order to move onto something more fun and interesting, both for herself and for the other headmates. che also often ducks back into headspace briefly, just to check on everybody.

thank you for ordering from the smoothie bar, we had so much fun making nel!! we all hope you like her, take good care of her for us!

[baeshijima]

I NEED TO WATCH THE DONGHUA i told myself that i will... and never got around it 😭 i could read the entire novel in like 10 days including a one day break (haha... blackwater arc...) and yet i cant get myself to watch a single episode 😞 duality of a man

hualian is rly just having their little love story full of yearning and pining whle everyone else around them suffer </3 they didn't want us to be happy for too long i fear. we had to feel xie lian's pain or something because that man didnt catch a break in his life either 😭😭

YEAH RIGHT like i understand he xuan. i really do. i would be absolutely furious if someone just stole the life i was meant to have?? not to mention the terrible TERRIBLE fate his family and he xuan himself suffered... no revenge would be enough ngl </3 which really makes me wonder if he felt any kind of true satisfaction after doing it??? the man that ruined his life is dead and his life purpose has been fulfilled, but also sqx suffered a LOT because of that and... man he was innocent at the end of the day!! how do you move on from that!! especially since his relationship with sqx was already so complicated...

it makes me think how swd and hx are kinda similar honestly AAAA moving past the obvious that both are related to water (and funnily enough both sink ships but for different reasons), they both were willing to do a lot for people they care about... swd with the entire fate switching thing to ensure sqx lives a good life, hx with all the things he did during his mortal life to try to help his family... and they both kept things hidden from sqx 😔

DONT EVEN REMIND ME OF THIS AUGHHHH "you called the wrong person" man do you want me to cry. i think yes HAHSHSH IT PAINS ME SO BADLYYY absolutely heartbreaking moment, heart shattered into many pieces dont talk to me im unwell!! i haTE IT THEREEE

THE ART IS SO PRETTY BUT IT HURTSSSS literally cries and evaporates. sqx come on come here im gonna give you a hug MANY HUGS HE NEEDS THEM!!!! need to have a talk with mxtx because he went through all that FOR WHAT

... 😃😃 i do not wish to be a part of this symphony bye bye! count me out! i need to know what inspired that person to do this and have a nice talk why would they do that 😭😭😭 theres nothing sparkles dolphins happiness about beefleaf only despair anguish suffering and my tears

PLS i watched the donghua first when it first released on netflix like a year or two ago and then discovered there was a whole set of novels for the series and my life hasnt been the same since 🧍‍♀️ but yes same here... i really should just set aside time to reread the novel and refresh everything despite all the tears i most definitely will be shedding for the characters ;w;

fr 😭 honestly very much in love with the audio and art choice for the hualian drama tho bc it has both that romantic devotion of hua cheng + xie lian coming to terms with the fact he wanted this, as well as that eerie feeling that smth isnt quite right mainly with hua cheng and his condition + the dark stylistic choice of the art... huhu love it so much .... also qi rong was so 😭😭 he was such a menace i was crying

NO BC??? he xuan having to watch all of that happen to him and his family, watch someone else take the life meant for him, as his whole world comes crashing down from the unjustified deaths of his family and then himself, and then having to watch that person who ended up living his life be so carefree and innocent not knowing what it cost to live as such??? man. i genuinely cannot even begin to fathom how much pain and anguish and grief is in him. and then growing to care for that person, or at least the unyielding kindness in which they showed, must have been another blow to his grief and everything he stood for ;w;

and gosh my baby shi qingxuan basically being the collateral in this scenario and still being willing to accept death as punishment despite not being the one at fault, but if it meant atoning for the sins /him/ and his brother committed to hx and his family then he would go through with it.... and him rather choosing the option to sacrifice himself and switch his fate for one of the other souls as opposed to beheading shi wudu, arguing that its better to live a worse life then die a good life while swd is trying to get him to commit the alternative option bc a life without his brother is a life worse than death itself and he would rather die than see sqx become what would have been, only to switch up after and try to take them both down together bc he was convinced sqx wouldnt be able to live 😭

AND THEN when hx literally um. yknow. to swd arm to separate him from sqx while. um. yknow. despite wanting them both to suffer in some way, but ended up showing that, in his own way, he didnt want sqx to be in pain. sqx screaming crying and basically throwing up definitely moved him even tho he said he wouldnt be moved, and it showed esp during that scene 😭 i think swd picked up on that too bc he started laughing and taunting hx ("what are you laughing at?"//"i laugh at you, thinking you have the upper hand!") into killing him so that sqx wouldnt have to, betting on the fact he could create a third option by using the care hx undeniably has for sqx... he may have been a shitty person, but swd was a great brother ;w;;

also the fact that hx was literally in a lose-lose situation bc he gave them two options and told them they could only pick from those, only to lose composure when swd tried to take both him and sqx down, then got taunted by swd laughing at his misfortune and getting the last laugh while sqx is desperately begging him to stop talking and provoking hx, ultimately leading into hx killing swd himself, and then having to see sqx lose his will to live.... ourgh.... and dont even get me started on the fact he couldnt even move on as a ghost despite fulfilling his meaning for existence (the revenge), and how sqx is basically whats kept him tethered down but he can only watch from the sidelines as sqx lives his life... they shouldve just talked gdi.......

swd: he (sqx) really knew nothing from beginning to end! hx: that's why he's even more hateful! why doesn't he know?!

;w;;

hx: i gave you a chance!

the chance(s) in question probably not even being made clear to sqx and it was just hx assuming that sqx would know it was a "it's me or your brother" kinda choice but each to their own hx ;w;

swd: ...but qingxuan's crime is not punishable by death, you... hx: then who among my family of five is guilty? who should die?

WHEN I SAY THIS BROKE ME I MEAN THIS SHATTERED ME !!! swd saying sqx doesnt deserve to die and hx retaliating with the "then did my entire deserve their unjustifiable deaths?!" will never not destroy me and having heard it in the ad... its a whole other type of depression on god

hx: do you have anything to say? sqx: ...i want to die. hx: dream on.

FUCK THEMMMM I HATE IT HERE WHY CANT WE HAVE NICE THINGS WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE SO TRAGIC WHY COULDNT HX JUST FULFIL HIS REVENGE BY MARRYING SQX BC WE ALL KNOW THAT WOULD PISS SWD OFF THE MOST BUT NO THEY HAD TO GO THROUGH THIS ARC AND THE WORST PART IS ALL THEIR ACTIONS ARE JUSTIFIABLE TO WHAT THEY WENT THROUGH AND OURGHGDFG

laughing through the pain like genuinely. it was so foul to have the hualian teehee but also not really teehee but still very much teehee scene and then go straight into beefleaf depression what is life what is the point of life why am i here just to suffer scene...

(we ignore the one para of hualian compared to the beefleaf essay bc hualian is a whole other bag i am not ready to open with everything they have going on 🧍‍♀️ i need another five years at least to mentally and emotionally recover from the blackwater arc audio drama 🧍‍♀️)

[nyerus]

Hi there! I'm so sorry for how long it took--this week has been so hectic! I'm so excited to answer all of these haha! I’m gonna do them all in one shot, if you don’t mind~ Prepare for a huge wall of text lol:

Xie Lian and Lang Qianqiu:

Honestly I think the interesting part of this relationship is how open-ended it is. LQQ's feelings towards XL fundamentally change after learning the truth and he has absolutely no choice but to accept the fact that everything he once thought he knew was utterly wrong. It's still true that XL delivered the mercy kill on LQQ's father, and took responsibility for that regardless, but he was innocent of the crimes LQQ "killed" him for in return. That's a hard thing to grapple with. After all, LQQ went centuries ignorant of the truth, never dug deeper, and also benefitted from that ignorance by thinking he delivered righteous retribution. Possibly also ascended from it. Now to realize it's all untrue? Such a blow for someone like that. It's not surprising he doesn't know how to deal with it. XL himself thought it would be unfair to take that away from him, but the truth is the truth, and no one could protect him from it (nor should they have had to) forever.

XL and LQQ's relationship before all that, though -- back when XL was Guoshi -- seemed to be quite good. XL was a strict but fair mentor, who wanted to help guide this child to his fullest potential. I think he saw a lot of himself in LQQ, and wanted to do right by him. (This is an interesting parallel between XL and JW, too. How they both had protégés, but XL wanted to protect his protégé, while JW wanted to break his.) On LQQ's side, there was definitely some idolization of his teacher. Understandable that he would be awed by the mysterious and skilled Guoshi, who not only saved him, but went on to become his teacher for years.

I think XL always continued to see LQQ favorably, and felt a great deal of guilt for not being able to give him a good life, free of the troubles he himself faced. It clearly weighs heavily on XL that they turned out too similar in some aspects, like how they lost people they loved. But it's clear that LQQ doesn't really blame him anymore, even if things are now awkward between them post-canon. He clearly still feels things towards his old teacher, and I think it's interesting that he kept watch over Guoshi Grave -- even had special wards around it centuries later -- and when it was "disturbed" in the final extra, he immediately went down to investigate. And he also clearly wanted to do something to help XL, but didn't know how, and was sick with guilt that he caused XL that much pain. On XL's side, he definitely didn't want Hua Cheng to kill his old disciple lol. (I also think it was very shocking for LQQ to see XL so... different than how he was as Guoshi! So much to process for him.) Who knows how they’ll ultimately turn out~

Backtracking a bit: the ending scene we get for them in the main novel, with LQQ returning the earring, is actually really beautiful and symbolic. I don't think it's a coincidence that MXTX had it be LQQ. (While realistically, he does make the most sense as King Lang Ying's descendant, there are countless ways the coral pearl could have ended up in anyone's hands.) That whole thing represents that your kindness will come back to you. It isn't for nothing. That doing good and helping others IS worth it. This is not only what XL believed, and what he wanted to specifically teach LQQ, but also what one of the themes of the novel is. Kindness is difficult, and often met with harshness or even hate, but ultimately, it is worth it. Because the difference you make for one person will last an eternity.

Xie Lian and Banyue:

I think that's a good segue into XL and BY's relationship too! They have a very different relationship than XL and LQQ. XL was able to actually impart his beliefs on BY, who continued to always follow them, though unfortunately she turned out too similarly as well. I think it's a bit too far to say that XL was like a father to her, but I think moreso XL was a guardian and role model who was present in her life for a while. But XL was also very busy during that time as General Hua. No doubt he was stretching himself thin trying to protect people, taking care of his myriad of injuries, and trying to look after not only BY but the other kids as well (including Pei Su).

Naturally, BY herself is extremely different than LQQ. In every single way possible. But she also took what XL taught her and wanted to do the right thing for others. I think her seeing XL protecting other people -- though he often got hurt (and then later "died" for her) -- was really foundational. In both positive and negative ways. Positively because helping others is good, but negatively because XL was so self-sacrificing and that carried over to BY, too. Not to mention him getting trampled to death while saving her would have been traumatic to her, though it's not either of their faults. That's war. And later, when XL finally healed from that months later, it was too late for him to even attempt to find her again. (Especially since he floated away somewhere, and is absolutely cursed with directions lol!)

Still, it's clear that BY kept him in his heart and tried to follow his principles, even after death. I think she sees him now as a bit of a mentor figure, with a great deal of respect. From XL's side, he wanted to do more for her -- and probably also saw her as a beloved student of his -- but is ultimately just glad she is alright now.

Personally, I like to think they catch up from time to time when they are free, post-canon!

He Xuan and Hua Cheng:

I think these two are definitely along those lines, yeah. Basically begrudging allies. They aren't really friends, nor do they really want to be (alas), but they know it's mutually beneficial to work together. They give each other a large amount of leeway, but definitely collaborate on what they need to. HC can give HX resources, and HX is at the very least a reliable set of eyes in Heaven (all other supposed spies aside). They don't have any reason to work against each other, and if they work together, then they both get something out of it. Simple as that.

I think the best way to describe them is that they're like co-workers. Even if you don't necessarily like or agree with your coworker, you still work with them to get the job done. Maybe you'd share a meal or a drink with each other, make some small talk, but you aren't actually buddies and you aren't gonna hang out on the weekends.

However, I LOVE their dynamic a lot lol. This makes it sound a bit boring, but I think they have a very unique relationship. Interesting that they have a lot of similarities (which is why they can tolerate each other to begin with), but they're polar opposites in so many ways.

[itsyueko]

.0736.

i so i’m practicing military time now. and i feel like since i talk about my feelings so much on here, that i can spill them out here as much as i feel. i’m just craving for that interaction without intentionally realizing itts. so i replied back to two messages friday evening (to guys). and realized i want to talk to more girlfriends tooos but fortunately my friend Hannah works with me night shifts except she’s part time because of school. And I’ve been adding and have been added as friends by my colleagues at work. One of them who very oddly resembles my ex ex before bc tall and lanky and very sarcastic and very filipino and cosplays with his wife and friends 😅 and when we’re at work hes supposed to be  the bedside shift report getting out of the day shift and i’d be the person he would report to bc nights.

And I guess because I’ve been updating my manager on things and letting her know my concerns and showing her consistency at work so far since my orientation training, I’ve also been updating my colleagues too but some of them (really only one or two of them 😒) enjoy gossiping about the other coworkers, mainly about my friend Hannah. It’s like you really have nothing better to do .-. Honestly if that patients were fine with her last night and only had one or two concerns that don’t involve YOU, and were just by their opinion or by pain even though your tech the previous night did everything they could and consistently ask for pain meds (even if theyre on scheduled ones AND not to mention even though I was on the brink of falling asleep the whole shift with only two hour sleeeps, I still saw and heard Hannah going in and out of the patients rooms during hourly rounding). On a serious note, this lady, Sylvia .-. she’s this thick african american accent who is also pretty new at work for about a month now from what my manager told me. She’s beautiful she’s this old lady with dark skin and hair braided and tucked half up/down. BUT, her manners during bedside shift report were not. 

My point is, I can talk with these guys. We can be catty and shit talk about each other, as long as we’re still giving that care to the patient. I realized I’m still irritable if only having 2-4 hours of sleep a day, so I’ll try to take Tim’s advice (former uic classmate/ former one week or month crush/current friend ish who’s friends with Katherine 😅 bc out of the blue he messaged me a few days ago and we were talking about nursing and his passion for sticking needles into patients and drawing their blood lmao) and try to sleep RIGHT AFTER getting home from work and getting settled obviously. idk, I just naturally wake up at 11 or noon from those naps and end up going to sleep at 6. So i guess that would be 5 hours of sleep sometimes but broken up in between throughout the day. I would have to have my alarm set for 8;45. LATELY, I’ve been wanting to go to work at 9:30 and be there at that time and then clock in at 9:53, because of looking over the kardexes and seeing if theyre updated or not. Obviously my plains just end up with me coming in 3 minutes before 10 anyway :/ and just scribbling away patient info on my nursing sheets. And then try to jump immediately into bedside report. I think I’ll be more considerate and aware because I know the PT(patient) will want to sleep right after getting their VS and having used the bathroom, being repositioned, and feeling more comfortable in bed. Fortunately, most of the 13-bed patient rooms in ortho on my unit, are alert and oriented. Theres been times where we will get a few extra people who are diagnosed for GI bleed, Hx pneumonia or other iso precautions BUT along with an ortho surgical thing, or nausea, etc. Most of the time these extra patients can walk, and at night time just assist standby as needed and check on them hourly rounds and doing garbage and linens in between. 

During the morning shift, our manager will be doing rounds on the patients and techs as well just like I’ve seen during my orientation training for mornings. She gave me a tip after orientation to make sure the room looks neat and tidy, even if they wanted to keep their linens in their room, make sure it all looks presentable, common sense etc. And then she’d go and ask how their night went, and depending if we’ve given them that care or not, then the most they’d complain about is just pain even if they’ve taken all their meds. And a tip she gave me for adjusting that pain, is maybe have a pillow underneath their surgical elbow to elevate it, or have a towel rolled up and put underneath the ankle/heel to relieve pressure. Offer to make sure their SCD’s are on and offer to reposition them. And the ones who are back surgicals (laminectomies) we’d have to make sure they get into bed safely and log roll them into position. So they’d have to trust their arms, elbows, and side of their bodies to maneuver themselves into bed, while we offer to support their legs or any part of their body to help them into bed. One of them the other day before my shift ended adn after bedside report, asked me if I would be working that evening again, and I told her sadly that i was off the weekend and she complimented me for my bedside care and was proud of herself that she was able to get back into bed and said her thanks for having given her a new gown to dress into because she was mostly sweating and getting cold/warm throughout the night. I had offered to change her linens at 3 in the morning because of a stain from her lower back dressing and made sure she knew that the nurse was informed also. And because she had her daughter come by yesterday there were a few chairs that kinda crowded the room so I made the space looked neater since she used a commode at the bedside. 

I think I’m getting used to it it’s been a first week for me on the floor without a preceptor. Technically that was supposed to be my second week by myself, BUT I asked my manager if I could have another week to practice and be on the floor to get used to the routine and just have someone there to assist whenever I needed it. She commended me for being honest and reassured that it would be an excellent idea considering she wants me to feel comfortable and confident on the floor. And at least during nights we don’t have to remove foleys (if their foleys were removed during the day, we would just make sure if they havent been urinating after 6-8 hours consistently that we would have a hat in there and possibly day shift before their shift ends would do a bladder scan). And at least at night we wouldn’t have to do iv removals, UNLESS, the patient asks for it on the very morning like 3-4 a.m if they were concerned about it and just wanted it removed on the day theyre getting discharged. Like the other day I had to remove one because a patient of mine was getting discharged to go to westmoreland/ECF (similar to nursing home/rehab care until they can go home) and was hoping she’d get the best care there like she had with me and a few other techs. This was the same patient who also appreciated me sharing with her my stories about writing and reading for fun or for just student train in tutoring a few semesters ago. So far, after being asked how nights went by several people, I’ve kept some key information in mind like if they wanted to walk around in the middle of the night then let the nurse know and also let them walk if they need to. Obviously not on the day fresh out of surgery, but when PT/OT says it’s okay and walk with them too. And be sure to be considerate of trash and their posessions like making sure their overbed table wasn’t cluttered with old tissues or that theyre phone or their spirometer (instrument patients use to measure air capacity bc we’d also need their saturation to be at 92/93+) was in reach if they needed or out of reach. 

So that was the gist of the first week, and then suddenly getting that message out of the blue by him. And it feels like earlier and yesterday I had all these thoughts running in my head about it or what-ifs like if I had been at uic longer and chosen to stay. Or etc. what-if in the future. I just wanted to write it down because it means something to me and having people from the past come back to you in a way where that interaction isn’t lost forever. I think what I learned from a couple of online classes and reading from lectures is at this certain age and before your 40′s, people tend to feel a lost of intimacy and identity still searching but that they try to fill in their time and everything. And I’m thankful at least he liked that I talked alot, as if I hadn’t talked about it in forever with someone and felt like I was just keeping it to myself and needed to spill what I felt. And he was glad he had someone to hear his thoughts and passions for perfusion and I think I just wanted insight on school and I think his parents are tryng to make him go back and do nursing. SOO if that’s the case, even though I told him to fight for what he wants to do, we might end up being in the same batch for nursing if I go to uic haha. Since i have the same plans to take anatomy at my school rn and a few other courses but for chamberlain or uic. It’s iffy right now and maybe there’s a chance as long as I have other schools backed up. I just like how after watching so many nursing and med student videos online, that it’s not too late to achieve your dreams, it’s not too late to start over 🌸☀️