#they called it: friends vs family
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Some cast pictures from the last few days 😊
#that 90s show#that ‘90s show#that 90s show news#season 2#cast#callie haverda#sam morelos#ashley aufderheide#maxwell donovan#mace coronel#reyn doi#kurtwood smith#debra jo rupp#don stark#love that Bob is included 😊#it looks like callie & the grandparents are playing against the rest of the gang ❤️#confirmed#they called it: friends vs family#🥺
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Maybe I did this to myself but it does irk me when people see me knitting and they ask who it’s for and I say it’s for me and the immediate reaction is “you should sell it” yeah… let me spend at least a week’s worth of my free time making an item I like, want, and would wear just to sell it on etsy, making at most a £2 profit on materials and not being compensated for my time whatsoever 👍🏻
#i say maybe i did this to myself because historically i have gifted most of the items i have knitted#because the venn diagram of things i like to knit vs things i like to wear is actually 2 circles that don’t touch#i looove making hats. i HATE wearing hats#also i love making baby clothes but i don’t have a baby and i’m not going to have a baby#however lately i’ve gotten really into knitting socks and i really like to wear knit socks. it’s like the most affordable way for me to get#quality wool socks. and i’m going to be watching my shows anyway. the time will pass anyways#but it feels like people are deliberately making me feel weird for wanting to make stuff for myself and not profit off my hobby#and like i’ve made 3 pairs of socks to gift already because ‘tis the season or whatever. and i’ve started another pair for a friend whose#birthday is in january#genuinely it’s very weird to hear ‘you should sell it’ or ‘oh i want one!!’ about an item i’m making for myself. after 18 years of gifting#or donating basically everything i’ve ever knitted. like i’ve gifted 2 double bed size crochet blankets#everyone i’ve known who’s had a baby has gotten a cardigan or a blanket or hats or all of the above#i spent october making poppies for the church. i’ve never even stepped foot in my village church mind you. my neighbour asked me to help#do you know what i own? that i’ve knitted? a pair of mittens and a pair of socks.#you want some socks from me? alright. that’s anywhere between £6 and £10 for the yarn and that’s optimistic#i’m currently making myself a pair with hand-dyed yarn that cost me £18 including delivery#the needles i use cost me more than £10. time… let’s call it 24 hours per sock#i don’t know anyone with 18 years experience who makes minimum wage so let’s call it an even 600 for my time. tbh#DO YOU SEE how this isn’t a viable side hussle??? i physically cannot charge what my socks are worth#if i like you and you’re willing to wait; socks are free or cost whatever the yarn costs#if i don’t like or know you venmo me £620. and you’re still going to have to wait.#just pisses me OFF when people suggest i make an etsy page and they say it like they’re doing me a favour or giving me great financial#advice. like you’ve seen me sitting here all evening and i’m barely done with the cuff.. do you actually think selling these for £20 maximum#is going to help me out. i’m not selling them. they’re FOR me. i’m making them because i want them#also when my friend’s family was saying this to me and i was like ‘well the yarn cost a fiver’ and they got quiet and i was thinking yeah…#a fiver is the maximum you cheapskates would pay isn’t it. a fiver is cheap sock yarn bought on sale. or yarn that probably isn’t actually#good for socks. like don’t presume to give me financial advice when you’re this out of touch with the market please#next person who asks when i’m going to start selling socks is getting this whole rant in entirety tbh i don’t care anymore#personal#edited to add that i didn’t even get into etsy fees or whether i would even be noticed among the mountain of dropshippers LOL
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also like i partially found out i might be intersex because i was looking at trans stuff and there was like "(however many) months on t and finally seeing some bottom growth" and like pictures of t-dicks and i was like.... um.... that's kind of just what my clit looks like anyways. so i was like "hey google give me a quick rundown on this" and learned what clitoromegaly was and then i was like. hm. intersex resources. and it's like a sign? symptom? side-effect? of certain intersex conditions
#i mean like pcos runs in the mums side of my family but i dont have all the symptoms of that#i do also have like. more hair?? than the average afab person#like dark hair on my stomach and chest and back#and my face. whats disappointing about the face hair is that it isnt enough to be able to grow a beard#so i cant even fuck with gender that way#tagging as nsft just because of like genital mention#genital mention#nsft#shoutout to transmascs on t who show their t-dicks on the internet it was really helpful#also i dont know how to describe it but like. my natural face shape is kind of masculine??#like it would be plausible for a cis amab perisex man to have my face without looking feminine#if you get what im saying??#if it sounds like im reinforcing sex or gender essentialism please say i am struggling to find words#unshoutout to the boys in primary school who made fun of me for having hair under my arms and starting a whole decade of insecurity-#-about having hair on my body lmao#for the record i dont think certain face shapes are indicative of gender and all im just going by like. patterns?? in afab vs. amab faces#also not that i think afab vs. amab is the entire categorisation of human sex characteristics but um. working with what vocab i have here#i think what also really kicked it off. was relating to a fair few experiences intersex people have socially#particularly intersex ppl who were afab and faced a lot of pressure to make their bodies conform to feminine beauty standards#and it was like.... oh lol.... my mum did that to me!!#it comes from her own internalised shit bc she has pcos (idk if she identifies as intersex even tho she could if she wanted) but still.#dont project that onto a 10 yr old lmao. she keeps buying me hair removal products#ALSO floored by an experience i have. in which apparently half my friends dont feel pressure to shave their legs#because the hair on their legs is like. light and thin and barely visible and i was like?? huh??#what do you MEAN your legs don't look like your brothers/fathers if you dont shave??#im starting to think they dont shave their arms. their arms might just naturally not have a load of hair#i dont shave my arms though. cannot be bothered with that and also like. why would i do that#also you know that like. happy trail i think its called?? on “men's” stomachs??#yeah i have that naturally yeah thats right im naturally sexy#if you cant tell i am putting “girls” “mens” “boys” “womens” etc. in quotes to indicate that is just the normal society way of saying it
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thinking about clem vi and minnie
#cant stop thinking about them....the Drama of it all.....the Gay Drama of it all#SORRYYY but like.... vi and minnie only ending their relationship bc vi thought minnie died and couldnt save her and blamed herself.....#vi finding out minnie was traded off by marlon and did not actually die#and finding out shes working for the enemy and vi has to accept the fact that the Real minnie is gone#the way minnie basically called vi a coward implying there mightve been some tension in their relationship(right after re-meeting after 1yr#the weird tension and mental battle between clem and minnie bc they are like 2 sides of the same coin#(and clem is dating her ex and taking her family)#vi reassuring clem that none of this changes her feelings for her and will go to battle against minnie for their friends#vi either getting kidnapped by the delta (bc clem doesnt save her) and brainwashed by minnie to act against her friends and fight clem#vs her saving clem from minnie by shooting her with her own crossbow with no hesitation other than a plead to stop (still makes me scream)#vi not being able to leave minnie alone and injured#brainwashed vi getting blinded in the explosion#ep 4 minnie not hesitating to try to kill vi for tenn#clem and minnie fighting to the Death#minnie being the reason clem gets bit..one last fuck you#vi having to leave clem on the other side of the fence leading to clem getting bit#s4 didnt have to give us one of the gayest drama-iest side plots in a game but it did and i still cant get over it#hehe hehe hehe :) :) :) infested with brain worms#thank u twdg s4 for existing i love u#need to draw more clem/vi/minnie tension#and also clem and minnie fighting i love when they fight#started replaying s4 but im taking it sooooooo sllooowwwlllyy i cant wait to get to ep3 this shit was written specifically for me#it speaks#twdg
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Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness
#vent#<- slightly? not that strongly? this is a pretty chill post like. I feel pretty chill#but also :( sad#I miss my family and friends at home#I haven’t really talked to my roommates#including the one who’s been my friend since high school bc she’s been sick (?) for the past few days#and this semester is definitely going to be A Lot#I got accepted into another choir but I’m most likely not joining bc my schedule is so packed#but the main thing is#I FEEL LIKE A BABY#my parents never really made me cook or clean and I just feel kinda useless#I’m just gonna have to force myself to learn which is fine#and my parents have offered to walk me through stuff over the phone when they can#but idk I just feel really immature bc like. damn I am 20 and don’t know how to cook Anything#I’m gonna go grocery shopping either tonight or tomorrow and get some sandwich supplies and other non-cooking stuff#so we are not completely doomed lol#also I need to do laundry tomorrow.. which. I can do and have done before. but I’m still gonna call my mom for guidance 😅#idk I think the main thing that’s stressing me out is spending money on food vs. groceries#and trying to eat at least some protein and fruits/vegetables etc. while also not spending exorbitantly#bc I am SOOOO irrationally anxious about money. I hate hate hate spending money#so the whole idea of grocery shopping is just kind of filling me with dread 🥲#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point#I just. idk I guess most students do this and I’m being whiny about it bc I’m not used to it??#but it just feels like So Much to be taking five classes and doing a bunch of extracurriculars and living on my own for the first time!#like! ahhh! too much at once!#😰😰😰#and I need to get an internship soon 😀 and if I don’t get one this semester I need to at least get a job so I can stress less about money 😀#but I always stress about money regardless 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 even though I have scholarships savings etc 😀😀 ocd things! 😁 (🥲)#thank god for my meds and the thought that I’ll be starting therapy in the next week or two#and also my mom for being like the sweetest wver
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He Is Literally Gay. ... whoa 😦 michael of "our son with a girl? 🤨" fame... good for him 👍
#i knew this but like . it just Hit me rn idk#the fact that she kisses him in front of a closet that separates them perfectly with him fully inside of it.#and then the next season shows a one way sign pointing to his closet.#and then he can't hug will and 'shitty knock-off' and he didn't flinch when will said 'what about us?' and 'from mike' and 'i felt like i#lost you' (which proves the hop letter in the bg of s3 WAS related to him and will) and 'it's hawkins it's not the same without you' and#him nodding when will said what he said on top of the car and nina's lover is never coming back and mike's face during the confession#and mike's face when will prompted him to 'confess' to el and mike's objective fucking LIES during that 'confession' i just.#he is gay.#hop's line about him changing? about how he misses will? mike's inability to say ily to eleven romantically? our son with a girl?#mike always calling el his family and friend and talking about her powers and being a superhero vs being an actual person?#AND THE FLOWERS THAT HE GAVE EL THAT WERE TOO MUCH YELLOW... AND HIM FOCUSING ON WILL NOT TALKING TO HIM#BUT NOT HIS LITERAL FUCKING GIRLFRIEND AND FRIEND BEING HARASSED AND UPSET AFTER?#HIS BREATHLESSNESS AND NERVOUSNESS ABOUT THE PAINTING? HOW HIS FACE DROPPED WHEN WILL SAID#EL COMMISSIONED IT? THE OUTSIDE JONATHAN POV SHOT AND HOW MIKE LOOKS AT WILL THERE?#bro i'm . [FLATLINES]
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i keep thinking about this and it reminds me of them
[ID: a screenshot of the “Taking your mother to Chili’s tonight” meme, but two original Flatland characters named Atlas and Stella have been added to the margins.
Stella is a creature with dark grey skin, an eye for a head, long eyelashes and a sharp point on top of her head. She is situated beside the blue text that reads “Can i borrow this shirt Dad?”, and above an image of a Hawaiian shirt.
Atlas is a grey isosceles triangle with one eye. He is situated beside the grey text that reads “Do not fucking touch. Taking your father to Chili’s tonight’, with the word ‘not’ being in all capitals and the word ‘father’ being edited in.
End ID].
#i LOVE these sorts of posts where you just stick some characters over text i think it’s so funni#if atlas had a phone it would be so funny to compare how he acts normally vs in text#he’d seem so civil but would send texts like#‘hey beth sorry i broke ur freezer door and didn’t want ur ice cream to melt so i ate it -love atty’#<- based on an actual convo i’ve had with my brother#i’ve also failed to mention it but elizabeth is called ‘beth’ by her family and ‘liz’ by her friends. for context on who tf beth is#flatland#oc#atlas huntsworth#stella#stella hunny i am so sorry i have no decent art of you
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Headcanons that can and will make up how I write the Marvelous Bats AU I’m trying to actually write
Everyone has a minor upgrade or addition on the powers they have. Eugene has his technokinesis, Pedro is physically stronger than Billy even though they have the same blessing, Darla is faster, Freddy has some minor telekinesis and is better at flying in practice, and Mary’s courage is infectious to the degree of getting people out of being scared frozen in an emergency and getting them to rescue themselves and have the bravery to help others along the way.
Billy and Mary are still twins, she’s adopted by the Bromfields and Billy is newly fostered by the Vasquez’s but they all work and spend time together as a family unit despite the separate home lives
Billy knows how to make portals anywhere with doors, the place just needs to have a door. (He has tried getting the Batcave that way but apparently the car doors of the Batmobile don’t count)
Yes all the Bats know the Marvels identity’s and vice versa, the rest of the League? Nope. Just think Batman mellowed out in his crusade to learn Caps identity
Yes Bruce wanted to adopt Billy, Billy said screw that and Jason pointed out how bad of an idea it would be to have a kid named Batson in the public eye of Gotham. “The Joker can and will try to make a bad joke out of the kid Bruce.” “Yeah Batman, you want me to die in a robin costume of all things?” Bruce just stayed silent for a moment and almost started crying (it’s was only a week later Jason took a good look at the kid and realized Billy is a mini him and Bruce probably didn’t like the Robin comment)
Damian, Darla, and Jon are the true kid hero trinity. Their mission? Chaos
Freddy just about passed out when he met Barbra, the super amazing Batgirl is the super cool lady behind the monitor that’s one of freaking Batman’s most essential teammates? Oh the feeling of finally seeing a super like himself
Tim met Billy and Mary’s parents through his own when he was little, the 3 of them had a very long discussion about cool archeology stuff for a good few hours
Because his hero form is his “full potential” and is very big Pedro asked Jason to help him get from how he is now to his hero form, seeing as his body type was closest. Now they work out together every Tuesday and Friday (school and vigilante work permitting) half of it is actually working out and the other is building Pedros confidence
Batman and Captain Marvel make a point to block and argue heavily against any other Marvel joining the League, Billy is the only one until the rest of the family does meet the age requirement they have. Billy does the heavy lifting expected of the actual Champion of Magic and his siblings enjoy the small town hero life and look out for Fawcett and the Rock when he’s off world, Mary is the defacto leader when he’s gone.
Like how every Bat has their designated Super and sometimes Wonder, they all have a Marvel they hang out with more than others. Mary and Dick hang out and bond over being the unfortunate voice of reason siblings, Darla is the childish influence making Damian act more his age and love doing it. Billy and Bruce are the respective “heads of the family” and Bruce checks in a lot on how Billy’s life is going with the occasional leadership tip thrown in to help with hero work. Jason tutors Pedro when they’re both visiting, if they cross paths on the job they’ll talk sports a lot. Freddy and Eugene talk a lot about strategy’s, games, gadgets, and superpowers with Barbra and Tim.
Tawny and Alfred are golfing buddies, they also build miniatures of flag ships together and talk about their weird family of supers over tea
Eugene has hacked the Bat-computer on multiple occasions, each time to make an edit to any files Bruce makes of the family, mostly something childish like adding “the amazing” or “the super awesome” before their hero names in the files. But one hack he did was into his contingency plans files, which nearly gave Bruce a heart attack thinking there was going to be another accident that would almost kill his friends.
The hack was the change of “Further research needed to figure out a strategy for neutralization, for now the best strategy is to trick or force them into using their trigger phrase to de-transform before incapacitating them” to “let their siblings deal with the situation”
The Justice League’s first introduction to Captain Marvel was during a “Superman is being affected by Red Kryptonite” situation. By the time they caught up to him in Fawcett their resident hero was helping the man up and panicking over how much he hurt him trying to wrestle the Kryptonite off him, they offered him a seat with them by the end of the week after satellite imaging showed that he led Superman into the air after he knocked down a building and delt with him without further damage and Superman’s account that he broke his arm and bruised multiple ribs trying to stop him. Billy was 9 at the time and only had his powers a few months at that time so he had no idea how much he needed to reel his strength in and was panicking too much to properly do so either way in that fight.
Damian was jealous that Billy got into the league so young and Bruce still won’t let him on despite his capabilities but realizes Billy only got so far because of a lie of omission and one event where he severely harmed Superman, he’d call his father an idiot if he hadn’t tried to keep an eye on such a worrying individual
The Vasquez’s know their kids visit the Wayne’s every other day, as do the Bromfields, but only Vic and Rosa know about the superhero part of it all. The Bromfields just think Mary is visiting a girl friend and having sleepovers every so often, they aren’t entirely wrong since she does hang out with Cass and Stephenie but they don’t need to know her whole superhero life. It’s framed as a mentorship so that their kids can do their best with the powers given to them with a healthy amount of encouragement in still being kids and attending school, it’s mostly just the two families spending time with eachother though.
Black Adam used to antagonize the Marvel Family but after a fight with Billy 1v1 he saw he was a child and stopped trying to actively kill him, he’s now their weird uncle figure who pops by to show them some fighting moves and try to tell Billy to stop being the champion until he’s older.
Black Adam is closer to the movie version solely for the purposes of expanding the family size, he looks like his classic comic self but has to shift in morals and backstory he had in the movie
The fight happened in a empty patch of dessert outside Khandaq when Billy was 11, no one on the League knows why they suddenly stopped fighting or why Cap officiated the guys wedding but their happy he figured something out so his city didn’t get torn up every month by their fights anymore.
The hero names and nicknames for the Marvel family are as follows
Billy Batson —> Captain Marvel (Cap, the Captain)
Mary Bromfield —> Mary Marvel (Mary)
Freddy Freeman —> Lieutenant Marvel (Lieu, Captain Marvel Jr. (by one annoying reporter))
Pedro Peña —> General Marvel (The jolly green giant, Greenie)
Eugene Choi —> Chief Marvel (Chief, Master Chief (self proclaimed, never used))
Darla Dudley —> Ms./Princess Marvel (Ms., Missy Marvel, Missy (Used for professional purposes) Princess (Used every other time as her choice of code name))
Adriana Tomaz —> Isis (/got the amulet of Isis as a wedding gift from Darla from the Rock, she didn’t know what it was but is happy she got cool powers with the rest of the family/)
Amon Tomaz —> Horus (/name changed from comics to coincide with the change in family dynamic between him and Adriana from siblings to parent/child/)
Theo —> Black Adam/Khem Adam
Shout out to @thefantasmarex for reminding me how much I love these two families together
#Amon is basically their honorary cousin#him and Freddie talk a bunch about heroes and have fierce debates on if Superman could beat Adam#Freddie wins most those arguments once Billy steps in the room and reminds them he broke the guys arm at 9#battle for the batson!: Black Adam vs Batman!#winners: the vasques family#Damian has definitely taught Darla how to judo throw someone#it’s not like visiting would be much a stretch anyhow#Fawcett is basically Philly and Gotham is in jersey#just cross one state line and hello besties#or one magic doorway and they pop out of a random door they set up in the cave for that exact purpose#Jason and Billy spitting facts about the target the joker would put up on Billy’s head for the sake of a pun#the sudden influx of kids at Wayne manor on a normal basis and hanging out with his kids is explained away to the media as#Bruce: oh my son Damian made friends out of state who come over every so often#Vikki Vale: so why is this teenager being seen spending time with your other son Jason#Bruce: big brother program#VV: and this 8 year old with Tim drake?#bruce: he’s tutoring him on coding stuff or whatever the kids these days call it#VV: and this boy next to you that’s a dead ringer for the sons you fostered at his age?#Billy: I just tag along for the in house movie theater and his butlers cooking#Bruce: he does#media thinks that Damian is crushing on Darla after she goes to some event with them and there’s photos of them laughing together#but that’s just cause he’s never laughed in public before#much less brought a guest#darlas just happy people are complimenting her mlp purse on tv#Damian is happy hes winning at seeming like a normal kid with the crushing allegations#Cass and Mary practice ballet together#Marvelous Bats AU#shazam#batman#captain marvel dc
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i love panels that affirm mae's existence as a person. anything where the kents call her their daughter or family makes me happy
#the kents and lana calling her mae vs luthor calling her supergirl. somebody here doesnt see her as a person. (ofc if y read the 94 mini duh#im kind of upset that mae never really got the opportunity to exist as mae kent. in smallville she could but that was it. outside of the ken#family there wasn't anyone who knew her just as mae. she was supergirl first and only to a lot of people. even her close friends#like elizabeth. and outside of that she didnt know many people closely. i just wish she had been given the chance to meet more people as mae#and that she was given the chance to separate herself from her hero identity.#dc#mae kent#mae#matrix supergirl
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like yeahh. yeah
#its really strange feeling#i know me and my friend talked abt this before. just how bad its intertwined in the way that latino communities exist#staunchly antiblack. its again. us vs them#and i know for me idk#to preface im lightskin. im still at odds with how to define myself#but sometimes when my family calls me shit like negrito#theres a mixed feeling of joy of being recognized but also. why is my aunt calling me that#yk what i mean#mixed feeling#being seen as closer to how my mom looks but being racialized in that kind of way#its gross#even if its supposed to be a cute thing. it just digs in what i already kind of understood#vague shrug. iunno#ill never know. this isnt something that just goes away but i do have the privilege of actually discussing it
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Oxytocin low. Send hugs.
#tiger’s roar#it has…been overcast for days. with no snow to maximize light output#and since it’s been so warm the trees think it’s fucking SPRING…not likely gonna get The Mirror Effect + Seasonal Coziness any time soon#and it’s when it looks like a so called Tender Tennessee Christmas outside…is when I actually get the winter SADs#because tennessee in winter is nothing but bizarre tempts and overcast browns. it’s miserable#also…I really only get People Hugs from a ‘what even are we really’ ‘s mom#like…once every two weeks. there’s only so much pets being snuggly and burrowing my face into a jumbo squishmellow can do to help with this#and…Someone told on me to 3rd Party. either someone broke confidence who was told to keep it#OR… ‘what even ARE we?!’ and their sibling (and possibly their parents) all played detective. and spoke to 3rd Party#I…would rather believe the second. vs betrayed Yet Again#because of the timing and because…they’re really the only ones who have Visibly been allowed to see just how Awful this was for me and…#still trying to put on a brave face. redraw boundaries. protect everyone#but I still feel so so fragile. and I need them HERE. and it feels so so selfish to want that#and doing my best to Brave Face is…walking on a fractured leg. but what else am I supposed to do#and…I feel so embarassed to basically expose just how damaged my attachment is#and that using friendships and longing for friendships and prioritizing platonic over romantic is…apparently not normal.#prolly a trauma response actually. and I cannot force people to be friends. because to me friends are surrogate family. literally#and that is…too intense. probably.#(…and did I mention that needing this just feels…selfish?)
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kinda forgot about this essential part of Josh's character. my boy will do anything to be loved
#josh foley#x men#new x men#he just wants people to like him :(#david and josh's relationship is so interesting to me#they don't get along at first for very obvious reasons... but i think they're kind of in a situation where. both of them have backgrounds a#d parts of their identity that kinda set them up to just not get along#josh coming from a bigoted white family vs david coming from a progressive black family#vs the fact that josh's parents and friends all fucking abandoned him when they found out he was a mutant#and david's family loved and supported him unconditionally#it is a very interesting dynamic#but of course david's not going to be so quick to trust the guy who ran with the fucking reaver's... unlike laurie (a white girl)#anyways david calling josh tf out lol#david alleyne
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&&the mental gymnastics they do to sleep each night without a guilty conscience so they can convince themselves their disgusting behavior is justified toward you🤥
#weird but creative lies#oddly specific enough to be believable lies#the reality of your actions & lack thereof are SO painful youd rather convince yourself of a lie to make you feel better#i am DYING to know what other lies you tell your loved ones about me haha#but the fact that someone who trusted your word snitched on you and told me your weird idea of smearing my name thru the mud#and with what you lied about its clear it comes from a place of deep insecurity of what you know im telling other people you did to ne#idk the parallels between me talking abt my lived experience with you as a close friend vs what you told your family im saying about THEM?#just own up to your wicked good ability to displace blame and make me look like a crazy person#oh youre telling everyone i put you in danger?!#i need to put you in more danger and make you look like your word is paper thin!#see theyre calling random people theyve never met nazis!! obviously i did nothing wrong not telling you i brought one to your house#you are so sick ive been wrestling for over a year since i found out#for you to take how uncomfortable that made me feel knowing you had a chance to tell me and didnt#and over a year later you still wont see why it hurt#but I understood why you didnt tell me so i trief to ask for spacr to heal our relationship and you snaked around that boundary#and tried to manipulate the people AROUND ME into forgiving you before i was ready#everyone does things to other humans that fuck them up. it does not reflect you. what reflects you as a person is how you handle it#and youre just burying your head in the sand acting like youre above it
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.
#sola said#thinking about a conversation w someone lately of like. 'wild how when you call for help sometimes people will answer. / wild how when you#don't call for help no one does'#and like we were laughing about it but#idk something about the fact that. was talking to a friend and she said like. hey it seems like you've been doing okay/better this quarter.#versus me expressing that i feel like i sound like a broken record of 'hey sorry i'm having a bad week/my brain is full of bees this week'#versus me talking to my parents yday and realizing that they also have such an inaccurate picture of how i'm doing#idk just. i feel like the last couple weeks have been an absolute roller coaster of. some of the happiest/most comfortable i've been in a#while but also. some of the worst times i've had just in terms of being in my own head#and kind of also realizing like. how much of this is actually legible to other people? unsettling that like. my friends (who i see and talk#to like every day) think i'm doing a lot better than i feel vs. my family (who i only talk to rarely and not for very long) thinks i'm#having a really bad time#idk it's a mortifying ordeal of being (un)known thing maybe#why do i feel lonely!! i'm talking to pretty much every friend i have more than i ever have!! why is my brain bad!!#delete later
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having a lot of thoughts about aromanticism and how that interacts with my idea of friendship vs romance
#the line between the two is so thin that it barely exists for me#i am (for lack of a better term) 'in love' with all of my friends#the traditional idea of dating is generally uncomfortable for me for reasons i cant coherently explain#but the feeling i get around my friends is similar to that of what i assume people get when theyre around their partner or crush#and i feel that way without the drive to pursue a 'deeper relationship' with them#because why would i? i already have that. we're already friends#it gets a little complicated once you introduce sex into the mix because i am by no means asexual#but to keep it concise - the answer would probably be yes lmao#talk#aromanticism#aromantic#thoughts after posting: i wonder if i would call this hyper-romanticism as opposed to aromanticism?#idk if that term already has a meaning im just talking out of my ass here lol#but there IS a difference between the platonic relationships i have with my friends vs my family#with my friendships being considerably more romantic than my familial relationships (at risk of stating the obvious lol)#so i feel strange using the term platonic to describe both since there are completely different feelings associated with both of them#so idk. maybe that means i Do have feelings of romance#but id still consider it aromantic bc its outside of the traditional definition of romance.#because as stated before: all of my friends are my 'partners' in some way#maybe thats weird to say though lol
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you gotta have the self respect to leave unfair relationships and get as much as you give from someone VS you are a futureless queer whose family will disown as soon as youre out and on top of that destined for a lonely existence
#mypost#at least i will always be too proud to ever make myself too vulnerable! PHEW! CLOSE CALL RIGHT THERE!#im too alone vs I WILL NEVER BE CAUGHT GIVING MORE THAN I GET IN ANY RELATIONSHIP! BET!#im gonna sound sooo annoying but.#hurr durr most people you meet dont know how to love and dont know themselves#is it pessimism stoicism or solitism or highly enlightened ans compassionatr view on the human animal. ill let you judge#people just arent very good at not being selfish and trying with admirable effort to right by those they are close to.#me included. for all my talk of lovr and care. im deeply flawed an isolation master detached disassociated blob#but like. i just need like mjnded people aroujd me. i need a lot of friends#do i deserve said friendship? doubtable#sigh#there will be love. thats a constant. even worst people have families and wives and husbands#there will be love#believe it.
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