#-about having hair on my body lmao
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also like i partially found out i might be intersex because i was looking at trans stuff and there was like "(however many) months on t and finally seeing some bottom growth" and like pictures of t-dicks and i was like.... um.... that's kind of just what my clit looks like anyways. so i was like "hey google give me a quick rundown on this" and learned what clitoromegaly was and then i was like. hm. intersex resources. and it's like a sign? symptom? side-effect? of certain intersex conditions
#i mean like pcos runs in the mums side of my family but i dont have all the symptoms of that#i do also have like. more hair?? than the average afab person#like dark hair on my stomach and chest and back#and my face. whats disappointing about the face hair is that it isnt enough to be able to grow a beard#so i cant even fuck with gender that way#tagging as nsft just because of like genital mention#genital mention#nsft#shoutout to transmascs on t who show their t-dicks on the internet it was really helpful#also i dont know how to describe it but like. my natural face shape is kind of masculine??#like it would be plausible for a cis amab perisex man to have my face without looking feminine#if you get what im saying??#if it sounds like im reinforcing sex or gender essentialism please say i am struggling to find words#unshoutout to the boys in primary school who made fun of me for having hair under my arms and starting a whole decade of insecurity-#-about having hair on my body lmao#for the record i dont think certain face shapes are indicative of gender and all im just going by like. patterns?? in afab vs. amab faces#also not that i think afab vs. amab is the entire categorisation of human sex characteristics but um. working with what vocab i have here#i think what also really kicked it off. was relating to a fair few experiences intersex people have socially#particularly intersex ppl who were afab and faced a lot of pressure to make their bodies conform to feminine beauty standards#and it was like.... oh lol.... my mum did that to me!!#it comes from her own internalised shit bc she has pcos (idk if she identifies as intersex even tho she could if she wanted) but still.#dont project that onto a 10 yr old lmao. she keeps buying me hair removal products#ALSO floored by an experience i have. in which apparently half my friends dont feel pressure to shave their legs#because the hair on their legs is like. light and thin and barely visible and i was like?? huh??#what do you MEAN your legs don't look like your brothers/fathers if you dont shave??#im starting to think they dont shave their arms. their arms might just naturally not have a load of hair#i dont shave my arms though. cannot be bothered with that and also like. why would i do that#also you know that like. happy trail i think its called?? on “men's�� stomachs??#yeah i have that naturally yeah thats right im naturally sexy#if you cant tell i am putting “girls” “mens” “boys” “womens” etc. in quotes to indicate that is just the normal society way of saying it
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(From the body swap AU)
Hii! I'm very happy to see that my body swap comic was so well received, so here's a little something as a thanks for all the support <3
I'm excited to keep sharing my drawings, I hope you like what I make!
#Aand that's how Rulie ended up insisting on keeping Lege's bag lol#They're besties your honor. He wouldn't trust his entire inventory to anyone else xD#This time I had less pages to worry about so I hope this feels a bit less rushed. I'm still figuring this out tho#I also need to learn how to properly draw them bc this has been a struggle lmao#Hyrule's also stressed about the situation he's just been doing a bit of a better job at hiding it lul#Oh they don't know what's coming <3.#Anyways it feels so wrong to draw “Hyrule” with a scowl 😭#I like drawing his hair mirrored specially since it helps make it more different from Legends but it's so hard to draw it from the long side#This is a mess I have no idea what to call them#I confuse myself sometimes while making these lmao#lu legend#lu hyrule#linked universe#lu fanart#body swap au#Ig I'll tag it like that#offmozzart#I thought about kinda spreading all my ideas over time so as to no overdo it so quick ig (+not going crazy over drawing the same characters)#but rn I'm excited to draw them out so I need to take advantage of that
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im like the lorax when it comes to women's body hair. we should let it grow.
#eliot posts#the other day my roommate was talking abt how she hates shaving#but does it anyway bc she doesn't want people to be mean to her about her body hair#and i was like yeah i mean i used to#also worry about that bc my mother was always so fucking cruel to me when i didn't shave#but as an adult i find that it's extremely rare that anyone even mentions it (tho my body hair is pretty light so that could be a factor)#but even when people are shitty i find that i no longer give a shit about what what those idiots have to say about my body#but i understand that that can be a hard step to take so if you need to keep shaving for your own comfort then i won't judge#but on the inside i was just like#*ibuprofen hand meme* ''let's get called disgusting hairy d*kes together <3''#i had a great time showing off my pit hair at the pool today!#(i get read as a woman when im swimwear cuz i can't hide my body as much. so i get read as a hairy masculine woman.)#i show off my leg hair every time i wear shorts but like. my leg hair is Pathetic#i look practically prepubescent vis a vis my leg hair (my mother still calls it disgusting lmao)#but my pit hair is pretty good#i occupy a weird gendered place in society where i am more of a man in identify but society genders me as a woman#the only time i feel remotely okay being seen as a woman is when i am seen as a BAD woman. a woman who cannot/will not be A Proper Lady#it's not an entirely ACCURATE view of me but there's Something in it
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you should make an *au* where theodore is the hunk & matthias is the twink...........😁
okay alex this took me forever in cas and i almost gave up bc matthias just looks silly but theo was serving so i had to share 🤲
#river dipping#asks#kazuaru#theodore doe#matthias evanoff#echthroi#ts4#ts4 cas#theo’s thighs…….. i’m gonna say something real soon that will get my entire blog flagged for inappropriate content#when i say this had me pulling my hair out trying to twinkify matthias i hope you know i really mean that#his whole appearance is sort off built around how big and bulky he is#so when you take his sliders down he ends up w this huge bobble head 😭#i had to reconstruct his whole face basically and it’s STILL too big for his body lmfao#he’s still recognizable but ! his actual features were altered a bunch#also i was thinking about this earlier but in an AU where like. neither of these two went through The Horrors growing up#matthias wouldn’t feel compelled to have built muscle to protect himself and theo would probably have been a soccer player in his youth#so athletic theo would definitely have been a thing and he wouldn’t be so sickly w/o the addiction and disordered eating habits#matthias would probably have worked out for vanity and health reasons so he’d still be fit but in like. a pretty way lmao. not all bulk.#smiling kicking my feet thinking abt them meeting each other like that#have i talked abt how sexy matthias thinks it is that theo is competitive when he plays sports in the canon… bc.#he would eat it up in the au too
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ARCANE EPISODE 7!!!!
MY GOD I WASNT READY FOR ANY OF THIS!!! WHAT WAS THAT!!!
Also ekko wallpaper I got with my fries lmao
#OH MY GOOOD!!!!!! POWDER AND EKKO!!! AND BENZOOOOOO#ITS LITERALLY WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN OMGG!!!!! POWDER LOOKS SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭 IM CRYING ALREADYYYY#VANDER WITH A BUN!! AND EVERYTHING IS SO FULL OF LIGHT!!! HER EYES!!! MYLO LOOKS SO RIDICULOUS AKDJSK THIS GIRLAAA#“where would you be without her” WELL BUDDY IF YOU KNEW HOW HE IS WITH HER!!! VI IS DEAD????? OR SHE WAS TAKEN FOR THE INCIDENT!!!#LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID JAYCE!!! MY GOD!!! THE GEMS KILLED VI SO THEY JUST COMPLETELY PROHIBITED THEM!!! JAYCE IS IN JAIL PROBABLY!!#the fact we are seeing exactly why jayce should be sorry about what he has done.... and we are seeing him suffer because of it... cinema 🚬#also mel fading into viktor.... also has he realised how she manipulated him in the beggining??? there is so much stuff...#jayce eating contaminated animals and his wound being infected with the arcane too..... is that what will push him....#omg.... ekko likes powder so much... he apologised by painting actual adult vi portraits where the fallen are in his universe 😭😭😭#“she looks so badass” if you knew... is he gonna ask her to help him make hextech.... that is so sick and twisted....#also jayce hurting his leg loke viktor and having to use a cane and brace.... damn and you know whats worse..... that ekko could be like#this with the jinx of his universe IF ISHA HADNT DIED!!! AND IT IS BEACUSE OF JAYCE!! AGAIN!!!!! THIS MAN!!!!!#the drawing with the anomaly and the two men and the inifite symbol... we get it... jayce and viktor forever intertwined by fate....#powder is sensing something is off.... omg time travel..... THE LIMIT IS FOUR SECONDS AFTER HEIMERDINGER EPXLODED ALDHAKSHSKSJSOJSOSLS#i dont want a time travel ending.... if its done for plot to an extent is okay but idk about solving it all.... it makes it feel worhtless#claggor looks so fine its not even funny..... i cant wait to see what everyone thinks. WHERE IS THE LITTLE LADY bc hes called little man 😭#and vander with arm tattoos.... why did they hipster fied him.... he looks younger somehow ajdhakj he went from taking care of 4 kids to 3!#SILCO!!!! AND HE DID TRY TO KILL HIM!! ALSJAKSKAK Ekko just laighing at it.... girl i would be pissed STROMAE??? OMG POWDER!!!!#I JUST REALIZED THE PINK IN HER HAIR IS FOR VI!! AND HER JACKET!! AND A DRESS LIKE HER MOTHER'S!! CRYING!!! FULL BODY CHILLS!!!#CAN WE JUST PRETEND LIKE ITS THE FIRST TIME!!! I GAVE UP ON YOU!!! WHAT HAPPENED BACK THEN I NEED TO KNOW!!! IM SOBBING!!! EKKO!!!!#NOOOOOOO THE ANOMALY NOOOOO!!!! HEIMERDINGER NOOOOO!!!! AND THATS JAYCE!!! IS THAT MAGE VIKTOR???? the monkeys......#the vi toy with the out love song machine.... my god i wasnt expecting any of this i need to breathe i am stil tearing up my god#what a fucking punch in the stomach christ i cant breathe right akdhsksso#the credits saying the deries has benefited from a spanish tax rebate in the canary islands??? you're welcome i guess lmao#animation production carried out there and has ben collaboration with the Spanish gov... alright another win for perro sanxe#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2#watching this i dont think im ready for caitvi sex.... after reconciliation even like what will be of me.... now im scared#i am still scared bc idk what happened to jinx and vi and cait still... thats what worried me and boom!! ekko powder with the steel chair..
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The problem is. When I go, "Oh, this system is bullshit" and try to live outside it. My choices are still defined by that system. And that makes me feel really weird.
#I love being a woman so much but jfc am I having strange feelings about what that means in a societal sense lately#and like. obviously the most important thing is to unapologetically be my authentic self. which I try to do every day.#but sometimes it's VERY hard to tell what my authentic self is versus what I'm rebelling against versus what society tells me I am#and it would be GREAT if I could find OTHER PEOPLE who felt like this but that would require me airing out all my baggage and#no one wants that.#(okay. like. tame example. I think it's absolute bullshit that women are expected to shave. and for the most part I don't. and I don't care#whether other people do or not. but I HATE the way that armpit hair feels on my body. so I do usually shave that. I would shave that even i#there was no cultural expectation for women to shave at all. but I feel like a bad person for complying with this cultural standard even if#the reasons for it have nothing to do with gaining general acceptance or appealing to some Standard of Femininity.)#(and it's not that me making this choice is like. Inherently Feminist™ it's not. but it feels ANTI-feminist. and then if you map this to#a bunch of other more serious shit..............)#it's rough out here!#(and then there's the fact that I'm CONSTANTLY bombarded with '''''takes''''' claiming that women don't actually suffer under the patriarch#and that misogyny isn't real. but the t/rfs keep trying to have a monopoly on THAT conversation and I do NOT want to be associated#with them because THEY ARE ALSO WRONG. AND THEY DON'T ACTUALLY SUPPORT THE LIBERATION OF WOMEN LMAO)#(so then it's just like wow! I really do feel incredibly alone! nothing resonates with me at all!)#In the Vents
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Hira's year in medical review:
Me, August 2023: *experiencing extreme fatigue, fainting spells, mood swings, sudden and drastic increase of suicidal thoughts, and intense hair loss*
P.A: let's do blood work
Me: ok!
Bloodwork: *normal except for prolactin*
Doctor: sometimes that's a fluke so let's retest
Me: ok
Bloodwork: *exactly the same*
Doctor: your values are higher than normal range, but not high enough to be in range for a pituitary gland tumor.
(P.A: go see an endocrinologist and get an MRI, that might be indicative of a pituitary gland tumor.) <- bless this person and only this person in particular
Endocrinologist, seen earliest available which was January 2024: *wants to retest blood work instead of ordering an MRI*
Me: ... ok
Bloodwork: *the same*
Me: can we please do an MRI now?
Endocrinologist: Well. Your values are above the normal limit, but it's highly unlikely that's it's a pituitary gland tumor because they are not high enough for that. Let's retest blood work in four months.
Me: ...................... ok
Bloodwork, May 2024: *THE SAME*
Endocrinologist: hmm, I recommend an MRI
Me: *gesturing angrily*
MRI, June 2024: 🎉 pituitary gland tumor 🎉
Doctor, when I went in for something else: I doubt your endocrinologist will want to treat that, we typically don't treat adenomas that small
Endocrinologist, who took 3 weeks to review my results: I recommend just monitoring. It's highly unlikely that this is causing your symptoms, it's too small for that.
Me, July 2024:
#like im sorry but 'highly unlikely' =/= 'impossible'#sure it might be rare but like thats not a reason not to check it out???#idk wtf is with this resistance to treat it#like SO WHAT if in the majority of people a microadenoma of that size doesnt cause symptoms?? all individuals are different#like y'all didnt even think i had one because it was atypical presentation so maybe that's the case with my symptoms too#what would it hurt to do meds for it?#if i do meds to shrink it and my symptoms resolve; great!#if i do meds and my symptoms dont resolve? thats also great! it means we've ruled one thing out#and can continue exploring why THE FUCK my body is acting the way it is#why wouldn't you want to rule things out if you can?????#the healthcare in this country is so fucking broken#its been almost a year since i went in for my symptoms and still no resolution#ive lost about 2/3 of my hair at this point. ill probably have to chop it off if it keeps going like this#not even gonna talk about the fatigue#nor gonna talk about my sis's current experience where an untreated infection (not for lack of her trying to get it treated!)#is potentially now developing into something more serious. like kidney stuff. 🙃#(and they apparently have no record of the labs she submitted 🙃🙃 so she's gotta go do it all over again otherwise they wont give her meds)#it's okay. its just nausea to the point she hasn't really eaten in days and constant pain and dizziness. difficulty standing#but its fine right lmao#ughhh#dont mind me im just frustrated beyond everything and need to yell into my little corner of the void#withoutwords
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i dont trust any big scale production of animal products but i think free range organic eggs is the best i can do cause i dont know anyone with hens that can sell me eggs on a regular basis. That would be good though if i could get in contact with a small hen farm. Also are eggs bad for you im only doing this if its good for my body nothing else
#some ppl are like eggs r so bad cholestrol etc others r like nothing is more nutrient packed and the cholestrol thing is a myth idk#I feel quite guilty about this idk if ill be able to do it#Im going to eat mussels too…feel scared to do that#I dont think im changing anything else though#Cause ive decided no dairy products and no fish and definitely no other animals#Oyesters lmao but im scared and they r alive when u eat them yuck#Also whats it called the like eggs in shrimp and fish etc#Theres a great vegan alternative but probably doesnt have the same nutrients#Its called like roe in english?#Hm i should eat more nuts and seeds also#Maybe more greens#I wonder what else#i rlly should eat fish and meat…if i reallt wanna do this..#Like i just know thats the best thing for my body#Oh yeah yeah heart diseases whatever yeah probably#But like. Some. I dont mean a lot i just mean enough to get some good iron and stuff#I feel like my hair needs red meat. Lmao#But im not going there#…#i cant..#I dont want animals to die but then im like. Its natural. Its the way of life you die so i can live#Im only considering hunting like animals from hunting now#No way im eating industrial beef
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tim bisley my beloved (but like in a transgender way)
#i’m on season 2 of spaced and the simon pegg jealousy is so fucking real#i have to focus on the blorbo thoughts otherwise i just start crying about my gender lmao#but ANYWAY he’s just like me fr and i want his clothes#and also his hair and face and body and voice but that’s a different much more depressing conversation#spaced#cornetto trilogy#shaun of the dead#sotd#the worlds end#hot fuzz#paul 2011#tim bisley#simon pegg
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I sometimes don't know what to say when people are like, "ugh it sucks being a woman - I hate shaving my legs!!" because it's easy to be like, "then don't", and for some people that works, but I also understand that it's a deeper problem than that, and whilst personally, I revel in the queerness of my hairy body, not everyone wants that, but also that body hair shouldn't be seen as un-feminine anyway and body hair shouldn't be some kind of statement and....idk.
#shaving legs can be replaced with like. styling my hair. or wearing foundation. or whatever#this isnt specifically about that#mostly this is work colleagues because all my friends have nuanced genders lmao#we were talking yesterday about shaving and waxing and my manager was so shocked when i said i didnt shave my legs#and asked to see 😂😂#what made me sad was that she said her daughter will have problems because her dad has dark hair so her#body hair is going to be dark#her daughter is like 7 or something#it's just. it goes so deep!!!#my manager was so close to being like. well its fine because you're a queer lmao#when i was like. i just. dont shave lol. just dont do it#she was like. hmm. well. that's fine for you because. actually. why /don't/ you shave....#😂😂 i was like. oh. it was a covid decision! (kind of true)#anyway. if anyone has any legit advice for this i will hear it#i find it hard to sympathise and connect with this anymore idk#well. no. like. i do understand. i just dont know how to relate anymore i guess#woes of emily
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#not sure if i talked about this here yet but I'm a recovering nail/cuticle biter#and last fall i started getting gel manicures to incentivize me to stop so i wouldnt be wasting my money lol#and it WORKED. because i got really really into nail and cuticle care#so now my nails are grown out and my nail beds have completely reattached#i have normal nails now and you could never tell i used to demolish them#i spent my ENTIRE LIFE with stubby little bitten nails and gross ripped up dried cuticles#and now i have BEAUTIFUL natural nails#except for the damage i accumulated from the gel removal over seven months lolllllll#so recently i stopped getting gel and i switched to regular lacquer#at first i was still going in to my nail tech but then i started taking the polish off in between appointments and practicing on my own#and in just a couple weeks i was good enough that i just stopped going in!#i just do my own nails now!!!#it takes me four hours to do it right lmao but its worth it because it's been a week and they're still perfect#only one tiny chip and NO LIFTING#im gonna take it off and redo it with a new color today because I'm bored of this color#but i could probably keep wearing this for another week and it'd hold up#I can't take all the credit because I'm using the Dazzle Dry system and just switching out the color with ILNP lol#Dazzle Dry is another fucking level omg#but anyway. I'm proud of myself#my nails look just as good as when i was getting them done professionally 😭#i am NOT a girly girl i don't wear makeup or shave a single part of my body#i get my hair cut specifically in a way that requires minimal styling#so the nail obsession isn't something anyone would have expected from me...#and yet my nails are always immaculate nowadays 💅
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(she/they)
#my face#i’m being bonsignorefluenced into liking my body#real talk having my tummy in a picture i post is scary but i am so so brave about it#i have felt somewhat good about my body 2x in the last week ans that is minorly a miracle tbh#also we are ignoring how messy my hair is on all of these lmao
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okay stressful event done, hopefully i can be calm and normal again starting tomorrow 🙏
everyone put your lucky clovers and horseshoes together for me to hope that I did not get covid because I was the ONLY PERSON IN THE ENTIRE VICINITY WEARING A MASK. OUT OF 200 ISH PEOPLE. FUCK !
#but i wore it and i ignored all the stares and strange looks ppl gave me#i do not want to be further disabled jesus christ please i am hoping against hope I'll be okay#i did not have a choice in the matter of going or not but holy shit it was not worth going even 😭😭 it was so bad fjfkdl#I can't say much abt it bc I'll end up doxxing myself but it was so bad. and i wish i had not gone dbfkdl#also my mother was so mean and saying some random guy was disgusting and meanwhile i was like ummm awooga 👀#she is so fucking awful and i hate it. he had a bit of a belly sticking out from his shirt bc he was stretching and he had body hair#and um. well. we all know how Normal i am about that sort of guy.... Not Normal At All LMAO#it just makes me feel more affirmed in choosing to not ever share my art w my mother lmfao#she would hate what i draw. and I'm trying not to let that get to me but .... oh well i guess !#even though i learned at like age 11 that i shouldn't even try to share my creations w her i still yearn for approval or whatever#UMMM LOL WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT RN OOPS SORRY. I'll go skitter off into the night now DBFJDKL#HOPEFULLY I'LL BE NORMAL TOMORROW BLEASE... also i need to go see what Chase was posting earlier augh#dandy.cmd#vent //
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#tw ed#saw a picture of myself from when i was *checks notes* at my fucking worst with my ED but that meant i was also Thinner.#i really should Go Back huh. maybe if i did i wouldnt feel. Like This.#it'd prolly mean id start losing my hair again which. not a big fan. BUT.#if i was really dedicated i could also lose my period which. huge fan. that was one of the best things that ever happened to me tbh#i could have it all back. maybe i could even get farther than the last time. all it would take is uhh feeling utterly fucking miserable#having no energy for the most basic stuff let alone singing and thinking about nothing and i mean NOTHING but calories 24/7.#but hey. maybe i could like. lose 5 kg for my troubles and then gain back twice as much when i decide again that i just Cant Live Like This#totally worth it huh#anyway. i miss hating my body A Little Less and people being Nicer to me and everyone telling me how good of a job im doing#and encouraging me to keep going. and i miss the sense of Accomplishment and the Pride and the Not Feeling Disgusting#or at least Making Up For It by just. not eating lol#cause like its not like im actually much better mentally am i lmao clearly im not. only now im both miserable AND fat.#obviously ill never be s/kinny let alone as s/kinny as my friends. ill still look like a glitch in the system and a mistake next to them.#but if i have to be miserable anyway i could at least be. less f/at about it right. maybe then ill be worth something <3#...and other delusions you keep cultivating because there's something deeply and inherently wrong with you#my new bestseller coming soon to your nearest bookshop dont miss it its only $free.99!
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You know. I spent so long wondering if testosterone would make me unhappy that I never paused to think what I would do if there was a chance it could make me happy
#unpacked a lot of testosterone injections at work today and. i was really thinking about it today#as well as having watched the ad gilette did with a trans man#i think. i think t could make me very happy.... of course i also live in florida so who knows how that'll work out#i might just microdose it if i can get it.. my estrogen metabolizes faster than normal so my body already takes to testosterone#the only things are 1) i do not want to shave my face i hate everything about the idea of facial hair actually#and 2) i already forgot what i wanted to say here whoops#OH i probably won't see a lot of results for the fat redistribution bc. im only 115 pounds so there isn't much to redistribute lmao#i think i just want to be a beautiful androgyne.. always keep em guessing#it would of course. open me up to a variety of slurs i could be called but to feel comfortable........ i could do it#shai speaks
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kokeshi doll but of arakawa durin his theater days......... do we know what i mean.......
#snap chats#i looove kokeshi dolls so much... my dad bought me one during a trip toooo#new york ? i think ? maybe it was philadelphia.... some east-coast city like that#i cant remember i just know we were walking around and we passed by this little japanese stand#and my dad bought me a kokeshi doll and i loved it so much..#it was mostly beige with white hair and was decorated with red flowers and had a sort of rigged body#i remember i kept the box too and i put this old metal and ceramic hair pin in there#but i those at my dad's one day so now it's lost to storage since he moved a lot. amongst a bunch of my other stuff LMAO#i should prob ask about that someday... but anyway let me continue this post...#but yeah anyway.... for context... kokeshi dolls are As They Sound little wooden dolls#they're typically designed with the influence of the artist's hometown in mind but they can also be based off of celebrities#so... legally... arakawa could have been a candidate to have a kokeshi doll... in my opinion...#at the very least maybe there was a big ol fan of his out there that felt like making a doll or somethin#i just know i miss my doll.. now all i have is my kokeshi tea set. its cute tho so im not mad#speaking of tea i drank two tea bowl's worth of matcha to hopefully keep me awake so i could work#but i feel laggard but Not Sleepy so i cant really muster up the direction to work on comms.. oops..#im gonna try tho lemme end this post bye
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