#and in just a couple weeks i was good enough that i just stopped going in!

[uhdrienne]

'tis the damn season

🍂 feat: old flame!lee jihoon x actress!reader

🍂 genre: sfw, fluff, angst, exes to lovers, city to town life

🍂 wc: ~8.5k

🍂 summary: an actress yet to make it big in the city, you return to your hometown for christmas for the first time since leaving. seasons have changed, along with life as you know it. jihoon, however, has not, and as you spend the festive season with him this year, you struggle to get past what your life could have been if your decision had been different.

🍂 author's note: merry christmas! nothing like a christmas story to really feel the season <3 there's another note right at the bottom if you'd like to know how the story came about... but meanwhile, enjoy the story and as always, let me know what you think 🎄

T h i s Y e a r

The trees outside the window pass in a blur. Your manager glances at you from the passenger seat, and you notice it from the periphery of your vision.

"You're excited to go home for Christmas, no?"

"I am," You reply, but your voice, try as you might to make it sound enthusiastic in the spirit of the festive holiday, your voice comes out hollow, empty.

Your manager clicks his tongue. "Then try to sound like it. Your parents would not be happy to see how sullen their daughter has become."

"Nothing has happened to me, Ray," You murmur. "I just... going home after so long..."

"That happens to every star I work with," Ray remarks. "Always so jarring for them to go home."

"Other stars, yes," You reply quietly. "I...am not one."

"Not with that attitude, you aren't!" Ray chirps. "You just haven't bloomed yet. Remember the feedback about your role in 'Blacklist'? The papers praised it."

"It was just a cameo, Ray. And it all died down within a week," You remind him, not unkindly, as you are still appreciative that he wanted to compliment you. "I think the agency wouldn't lose out if my contract isn't renewed."

"Nonsense!" Ray declares as the car pulls onto a familiar bridge. Up ahead, you see old thatched roofs, the houses looming larger as you near the village. "I will talk with them, see what auditions we can put you up for. You're talented, just undiscovered."

You chuckle. "Thanks."

"Have a good Christmas break, Y/N," Ray says comfortingly, as the car finally pulls to a stop in front of your front door. "It's the season to be with your family. Don't think about work."

You nod, beginning to clamber out of the car. "You too, Ray. See you in a couple weeks."

As the car finally pulls out of the cobbled path, you gather your belongings about you, and look up at a shout of your name.

"Dad?"

"My dear girl!" Your father enthuses, drawing you into a bone-crushing hug. "Welcome home, sweetie. Oh, you've lost weight, haven't you?"

"Hm? No, not that much," You smile at him. "I'm looking forward to eating my body weight in Mom's food, though."

"She's more excited to have you home," Your father laughs. "You coming home has been all she can talk about nowadays. I think Mrs. Lee and Jihoon have had enough--"

Your blood freezes at the mention of that name. "What?"

"Mrs. Lee and Jihoon, of course."

"O-Of course." You stammer. Thankfully, your dad doesn't pick up on it as he relieves you of your luggage.

Lee Jihoon. Lee Jihoon. Lee Jihoon.

A big oak tree, an old swing, two children perched upon it, side by side.

"I'm gonna go to the big city one day!" The young girl whoops.

"For what?" The boy asked.

"To live! Mom says there are tall buildings and cars and big shops. Wouldn't it be so fun?"

"Sounds boring." The boy yawns.

"I'll bring you along!" The girl says obstinately. "I'll show you how fun it can be."

"Fine," The boy replies, swinging his small feet back and forth. "Let's go together when we grow up."

"Y/N?"

"Hm?"

"Come on! I think your mother's going to freak herself out if we don't start going over."

"Coming!"

"I still don't get what you're doing in that grotty town."

"It's my hometown, Rina."

"Yeah, yeah, I forgot you came from a forest." Your (kind of) friend's voice drawls on the other end. "I'm off, I have a YSL fitting in like twenty minutes. I'll catch you soon if you decide to leave, yeah?"

"Okay, b-" The line beeping cuts you off. You lie back on your bed, massaging your temples.

Your mother had laugh-cried her way into a hug once you made it through the door, lamenting how hard it was to see her star daughter these days. It was all you could do to bite your tongue and avoid correcting her.

You were not a star. Not at all. While your friends in the industry had piles of scripts waiting for their perusal and selection, you simply accepted whatever you got.

You didn't miss the poorly concealed smiles of mock pity directed at you when everyone shared about their recent works at afterparties. But you knew you always did your best at every role you got, no matter how small they were. Yet... there were moments when you wondered if hard work truly surpassed luck and star quality.

Your muddled mind shifts back to the setting in the kitchen as happy voices and laughter drift upstairs. The look on Jihoon's face when you made eye contact for the first time in almost three years stops you in your tracks.

He looked as relaxed and calm as ever, dressed in a comfy-looking sweater and loose pants. Nursing a cup of coffee with his mother in your kitchen where he'd been countless times, he still resembled the young man you'd left behind.

But gone was the softness in his eyes from when you last saw him. Replacing it was a certain coldness, a tough look you couldn't place. That look had only intensified as he took you in, dressed in a thick fleece coat, black pants, and boot heels to match. He had nodded his head to you in greeting, but it had lacked warmth. Understandable, really.

You had flounced upstairs after the necessary greetings, citing a large load of luggage to unpack as your excuse.

A knock on your door makes you flinch. You open it, and pause at the person standing outside. "...Jihoon."

"Your mom says to come down. She says the food's almost ready and you look too thin."

"Right. Right, I'm coming."

He shrugs and then turns away. His footsteps draw away from your room.

You pinch colour into your cheeks, the way you did when things got too hard, and brace yourself.

Jihoon was staying for dinner.

"So tell us what you acted in!" Your mom says cheerfully as she heaps food onto your plate. "I keep wanting to keep up with your shows, but it's strange, I haven't seen them on the main channel. Are they on streaming platforms or something?"

Your face falls slightly. She was right, half right to be precise. Your shows rarely ever made it onto mainstream television. And if they did, your roles were usually so small you'd just appear onscreen once. With that, it was borderline impossible for you to appear on Netflix.

Your dad rolls his eyes. "It's Christmas, dear. We should give her a break. Why, she came home to see all of us! We know how busy she is."

You shoot a grateful glance to your dad, which he returns with a wink as he raises his glass of wine. "Cheers to that."

As everyone at the table raises their glasses to meet in a sweet clinking sound, and your lips meet the rim to drink, you almost forget the way Jihoon's eyes strayed away from his plate to you when your mother brought your job up.

You're about to wash up when your father enters your room.

"Dad!" You smile, slightly buzzed by the wine and the relaxation you felt, now that you were getting used to being home. "What's up?"

I just thought I'd check in on you before we turn in," He opens his arms, and you gladly step into them. He hums as he pats your head. "Are you getting used to being here? I know it's very different from the city, but.."

"I love it, Pop," You interrupt, understanding his worry. "Nothing can really beat home, right?"

"Right," He murmurs, and he coughs to mask up a suspiciously quick sniff. "Right. Well... sleep early. Tomorrow we'll go on a stroll, and see all the stuff you've missed. We can go visit Jihoon, if you want."

"Jihoon?"

"Yeah! He's got a big truck now, helping out with the family courier business... I heard he wanted to go to the city, but he's a good man, staying back here to help his parents."

You steel yourself to ask, "Did he ever say why he wanted to go to the city?"

"Hmm... he told your mom he wanted to go find an old friend when she asked. But, I suppose that can wait for him, since he hasn't mentioned leaving at all for a while."

You only hum in response.

"He didn't show it much, but his mother says he became much more quiet after you left. You two must have been really close, huh?"

The closest in the world, you wanted to tell him, but your own mouth just couldn't utter the words.

T h r e e Y e a r s A g o

"Flowers? For me?"

"Don't make a big fuss,"

"Tulips and baby's breath! Damn, you know the way to my heart. Hold on, I'll find a vase."

"Be quick. I'm taking you somewhere and we can't be late for it."

"Is it a reservation outside the town? Jihoon, I told you that breakfast place is so expensive for absolutely no rea-"

"It's not a reservation. I've already decided, we're going to the 24-hour diner since you said you like their waffles. Somewhere else."

"You're turning red. What's up?"

"The sky. Now hurry up."

He ended up bringing you to see the sunrise. He kissed you on the cheek in the backseat of his father's (much smaller back then) truck and when you got home close to noon, he brought you to the door, stumbled out a shaky and rushed "I like you", and squeezed your hand when you smiled at him.

It was the first of many dates, snuggling on the couch, overdramatic arguments about whether Rose let Jack freeze, and above all, the first moments of a lifetime spent together. You both knew it was a given.

T h i s Y e a r

"Uncle," Jihoon greets your father before his eyes land on you. His mouth tightens.

"Hi," You say meekly, feeling like the seven-year-old girl who would hide behind her parents to do introductions on her behalf. He doesn't respond, simply lets his eyes pass over you and back to your father.

Your dad doesn't seem fazed, as he remarks, "Cleaning the truck, Hoon? It's a good brand you've got there. Impressed whenever I see it."

Jihoon lets out a polite laugh. "Yes, well... I thought I'd invest in a good one since it'll be used for a while."

Your father turns to you. "Have you ever sat in a truck?"

You shake your head no. You never got to do that on set either.

He claps his hands. "Wonderful! Jihoon agreed to bring you out on a spin around the town. I have to pick up some things for your mom for Christmas Eve, you know how she gets. And I didn't think you'd want to spend your holiday grocery shopping with me. I'd feel at ease if Jihoon is here."

Your face tightens. "What do you mean?"

Jihoon clears his throat. "Uh-"

"You two were inseparable," Your father explains cheerfully. "Nothing like a good catch-up! Jihoon, drive safe, yeah?"

And then he's backing down the walkway, waving to you both. And now it's just you and your ex-boyfriend.

Jihoon looks away from you. "Get in, I guess."

And you do. No matter what Jihoon said, it always had a magnetic effect on you. Even if that same voice is now laced with unfamiliarity and slight coldness, you wouldn't say no to him.

Soon enough you're cruising through the small town, Jihoon's eyes trained on the road. As he slows down at a red light, you hesitantly ask, "How is everything with you?"

"Fine," He answers curtly, with no further elaboration.

Well. You can't say you were surprised.

You swallow and lean back into the seat.

"It's a nice truck," You remark lamely, in a desperate hope of starting conversation. "Your dad finally decided to get a new one?"

"It isn't my dad's," Jihoon replies, monotone still. "It's mine."

"Oh."

You should have known. The truck was much larger, its seats bigger than what you remember sitting in countless times as a teenager when his dad would pick you both up from school or to each other's houses.

After a short silence, you ask once more, "Where are we going?"

"To the coast. Your dad said youmissed the place."

"That's nice," You murmur back, emotions already deflated.

Of course, it had to be the coast. He brought you there to see the sunrise, and that was where you'd finally made it official. Clearly, the memories were just as raw for him, as you noticed him physically gritting his teeth as he stopped the truck.

"We don't have to go there-" You begin, but he cuts in stiffly. "I'm bringing you here to kill time while your dad does his stuff. Don't be mistaken."

"Right," You clear your throat awkwardly. "Of course not."

You're wondering how painful it would be to throw yourself out of the truck in embarrassment when your phone rings. It's Ray, so you mumble a quick "sorry" to Jihoon, who doesn't react, and pick up.

"Ray?"

"Hey, Y/N. How's the holidays so far?"

"Good? What's up?"

"Um..."

"Ray," You tease slightly, "You never call just to ask about my holidays. What's going on?"

"So...I just got back the results for your audition for 'Freak Show'."

"How is it?" You ask, breath caught in your throat. "Ray?"

A heavy sigh comes across the line. "I'm sorry, sweets. I know how much you wanted this role."

Your heart drops, and so does your expression.

"I'm trying to at least get you a supporting role since you liked the script so much, I'll let you-"

"Ray." You take a soft breath. Ray's voice halts. "Yeah?"

"Forget it."

"But-"

"Please... just forget it," You almost sound like you're begging. "I can't sit through doing another role no one's even going to remember. I've worked my ass off, Ray, I've gone for thousands of auditions for the past seven years, and not once have I ever gotten a callback for a lead role. I even tried to re-audition, but that damn assistant director spread the word of my so-called 'desperation', my fucking ex-manager did that stupid interview with the TV, and I ended up nowhere!"

"Y/N..."

"I'm sorry," You sigh immediately, trying to calm down. "I'm sorry about that. I'm really thankful that you help me, always. Without you, I might have been entirely jobless and the agency would have fired me."

"Oh, hun," Your manager murmurs comfortingly. "Like I said, you're a good actress. Really good. It's just a pity things went south and you met that assistant director who wanted to screw with you. Otherwise, you'd be on the front pages everywhere now."

"I...It's fine. I'll live. Just, Ray..."

"Hm?"

"Don't tell Rina and the rest if they call to ask, okay?"

"Your friends..?"

"Yeah. I... I want to tell them myself." More like no, you never want them to know. You can already see the fake disappointment on Rina's face when she whips her phone out to tell the chat made up of almost twenty actresses.

Ray agrees, and he tells you again not to stress too much before cutting the call. You lean against the cushion of your seat, closing your eyes, and when someone clears his throat you flinch. "Jihoon. Sorry."

He doesn't respond, simply looks at you as if you're a stranger, and you swallow nervously. "My manager called," You explain feebly, not that he even asked.

He nods once. "I heard." His eyes aren't exactly angry, they are still slightly cold, but there's something in them that seems more curious now.

You rub your eyes to snap yourself out, and you muster a smile at him. "So where are we going?"

"To get food," He replies. "That hot dog truck you liked a lot back then is here today, my dad told me."

"Oh, that's okay--"

"Don't eat hot dogs anymore?" He asks wryly, as he puts the truck in reverse and starts parking.

"Of course I do," You reply immediately, folding your arms. "Are you mad? Giving up on snacking?"

A flicker of a smile appears across his typically stoic face before he schools it and reverts to his stern expression. "I wouldn't know. You're stick thin, anyone would think you gave up fast food."

"Well. That just comes with exercise and occasional diets. And I'm not as thin as you say," You murmur. "But no. I wouldn't give up late-night cravings. My manager's one of the nicer ones."

Jihoon snorts slightly as he turns the engine off. "Thank goodness for that, I suppose?"

You shrug, and motion for him to lead the way to the hot dog stall as you climb out of the truck. You follow him down a rough patch of grass and rocks, all while he maintains a healthy distance. The sun warms your skin, and you breathe in the fresh, salty coast air.

"I'm sorry about the role, by the way. You must have worked extra hard for it," Jihoon says suddenly, hands in his pockets as he walks next to you, now back on solid ground, and you turn to face him, your face colouring in... embarrassment? Shame? "You heard my manager?"

"No. Just you, I put the pieces together."

Oh. "Right."

"Is it not...going well?" He motions with his hand vaguely. "Sorry, I don't mean to pry."

"It's fine, Jihoon," You stifle a reluctant laugh. "You can ask."

He stays silent so you continue. "I'm not getting any lead roles, only minor ones even if I put everything I have into it..." You sigh. "My friends don't really mention me, or they make little remarks about my rejections. As an adult, you'd think I shouldn't be bothered, but it just... it gets loud sometimes."

A few moments pass, your sneakers shuffling through the sand, when Jihoon finally says, "They don't seem like friends to me."

You let out a half-chuckle. "That's how showbiz is, I guess."

"No," Jihoon disagrees. "It doesn't matter if it's the industry or not. Friends are here to lift you up, not celebrate your downs. They shouldn't be doing that to you."

He goes silent after and as you get nearer, the food truck coming into view, you mull over what he just told you.

"I guess you’re right," You finally concede after a small pause. "They really shouldn't."

He says nothing more about it, and simply exchanges swift greetings with the stall owner, who seems to know him well. You try to smile weakly at the owner, but with your emotions still running high, you can only hope it doesn't come out as a grimace.

He gets hot dogs for both of you, and you look on gratefully and with a little surprise as he reels off your order word for word: a large hot dog bun with mustard, ketchup, and extra grilled onions. He gets a soda for each of you too, and you almost groan in satisfaction when the food is done. He looks on, looking slightly amused when you dig in.

"Not your usual fine dining concept, sorry." He says as he watches you take a big bite.

"Are you kidding? Way better," You mumble through your mouthful, and he snorts before taking a bite himself.

Just like that, the tension from earlier dissolves into something a little softer, a little gentler.

"So," Jihoon says later, as you're polishing off your soda. "What's been up with you these few years?"

"What do you mean?"

"You haven't come back to visit your parents. They don't say it, but they get really worried when you don't call."

"Oh."

He raises his eyebrows at you, prompting you to go on.

"Life gets in the way." You explain, resigned. "I want to call home too, but I'm either fighting for roles that I know I'll never get or I'm trying out for more auditions. Plus, the past few years weren't a good time."

"Why?"

"Old manager," You reply, frowning at the sheer memory of the mess you engulfed yourself in two years ago. "Put me on stupid diets for no reason and when this assistant director snitched on me for being 'desperate for roles' when I tried reapplying, he gave a secret interview to the reporters."

Jihoon scowls slightly. "Right. I heard about that. Prick." You laugh out loud. "Yeah. A real prick."

"And then?"

"Not much else. I was trying to clear my name, and by then I wasn't getting that many roles either."

Jihoon doesn't say anything, and you steal a glance at him. He looks... conflicted would be a good way to put it. Like he doesn't know what to say or do.

Before you can think of something to say, anything to dispel the sudden tension, he suddenly gets to his feet. "Come on. I'm taking you home."

You raise your eyebrows. "Okay... is everything alright?" Was that your imagination, or did he just clench his teeth?

"Fine." Yup, he was definitely gritting his teeth. You're beyond perplexed. But with how angry he already looks, you're not sure you want to aggravate him further, so you get up, toss your cup into the bin, and follow him back to the truck.

The whole journey is spent in silence, and a lot of uncertain glances from your end.

When he drops you off at your home twenty minutes later, he doesn't say anything as you unbuckle your seatbelt.

"Jihoon?" You ask, turning to face him in the seat.

"Yes?"

His face freezes slightly when you tell him, "Thanks for today. I had lots of fun."

He swallows nervously, evident in the bob of his Adam's apple as he shrugs. "No problem."

"And…um… thanks for still remembering my hot dog order." You say softly, before turning to climb out of the truck.

When you get to your front porch, and then climb the stairs to your room, you look out the window.

He's still there.

T h r e e Y e a r s A g o

"Did you just say you're...leaving?"

"I got the audition. It's my big break... if I don't take the chance now, I might not ever get to. It's my dream, you know that."

"What else?"

"Huh?"

"Your dreams this, your big break that. Don't you have anything else to say?"

"...What can I say?"

"What do you mean, what can you say? What about us?"

T h i s Y e a r

The next morning arrives in the form of your mother standing over your bed. “Hey, darl, wake up!”

“Mhmm?” You mumble from under your covers and you hear her chuckle before she peels your blanket back.

“Jihoon’s mom is coming over to help with Christmas Eve dinner,” she explains. “But I totally forgot about the school donation.”

“School donation…?” What is she talking about?

“Oh! Right. So we donate a bunch of food every year to your old school. You remember it, right? Near the Methodist church?”

“Yeah,” You yawn, stretching up in bed and rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

“They pass it to orphanages for children who don’t have Christmas dinner this season. I’ve had it prepared since this morning, but with Jihoon’s mom and the dinner, I don’t think I’ll have time to drop by the school,” She looks regretful. “Would you mind helping with that, dear?”

“Sure,” You reply, cracking your neck. “I’ll handle it. Don’t worry, mom.”

“Thanks, hun,” Your mom says, looking relieved. “It’s quite a lot. We had lots to give this year. Mrs Lee said she’d send Jihoon to help you.”

“Huh?”

“I wouldn’t send you into the cold holding tons of heavy bags!” Your mom fusses. “Wash up and eat before you go — your dad got the most amazing bread yesterday.”

After she leaves, you sit there, wide awake.

Jihoon is coming.

That fact alone has you hurrying to tidy yourself for god knows what, even applying a bit of mascara and lip gloss to salvage your face.

Your phone pings as you start tidying your table, and you look at Ray's name popping on the screen.

"Remember your audition and screen test with the director of 'Who Knows Why'?" The text reads. "He's making the final decision for the female lead of his new holiday film. This guy has high standards and his films are very popular, but he likes picking new faces over the same old stars. A few of your friends are in the choices too, but...I just have a feeling this could be it. I'll let you know again. Happy holidays!"

You sigh. Who Knows Why made headlines for weeks when it hit the cinemas, critics and film connoisseurs alike singing its praises. Unless a miracle selected you while you were sleeping, you very much doubted you would make it past.

By the time you get downstairs and have a few pieces of the toasted bread — which is amazing, all warm and toasty and fresh — the doorbell rings, and your mom rushes to get the door.

“Mrs Lee!” She exclaims, hurriedly ushering the other lady into the house. “Thanks for coming by today.”

As the two exchange pleasantries, Jihoon steps into the house, removing his boots and smiling slightly when your mother coos over him too.

He merely nods in acknowledgement when he sees you. The contrast makes your stomach clench slightly.

“Ah, Jihoon,” His mother says. “Make sure to help Y/N with the bags of food, yeah?”

He simply nods again, a soft “okay” escaping his mouth, before he approaches you.

“Let’s get going,” He says conversationally.

“Okay,” You reply nervously. He raises his eyebrows as he walks to the heaping table.

He picks out most of them. Especially the biggest and bulkiest ones.

It’s fifteen minutes later when you’re walking down the path when he breaks the silence. “Are you alright?”

“Hm?” You ask. “Oh yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“Nothing. I thought with the role thing… never mind.”

“Oh.” Truth be told, you’d barely thought of it since the hot dog outing. “Uh… I mean, what’s past is past, right?”

“I suppose.” He replies, non-committal.

And there it goes again. The choking, awkward silence that just doesn’t seem to dissipate no matter what either of you.

There’s a bit of fuss when you reach the school, what with all the grunt work passing over the food and making sure the right people get the right things, and that provides a little relief, at least for an hour or so.

After it’s all over, you find yourself at the school gates where you first met Jihoon, with the very same man, now twenty years on.

“It hasn’t changed much,” You observe.

Jihoon shrugs. “I guess. It’s like very little time passed.”

That roadblock comes back.

You swallow. “Um, Jihoon.”

He makes a humming sound in response.

“Are we…okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” You admit, pulling at your sweater. “You seemed angry when we were out the other day and…”

“I’m not mad.”

“Right.”

You're not convinced.

“I’m really not.” He insists, although you haven’t even said anything to contradict him.

“I know. You said so.”

“Well, you sure don’t sound like you believe me.” He says, rather scathingly.

You shoot him a quizzical look. It was a choice between acting dumb or admitting that after all this time, he could still read you like a book.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I know.” He laughs bitterly. “You never do, anyway.” He turns away as he says this.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask, slightly affronted.

“I don’t know, you tell me,” He says in a sudden show of annoyance. “Not even one call all these years, and when you finally show up back here, I find out how shit your so-called dream life has been. But I don’t know! It could just be me.”

“Jihoon-”

“And I’m just thinking, you gave up all of this?” He waves his arm outward. “You gave up everything back here… for what you have now? Was it even worth it in the end?”

“I thought that was what I wanted.” You try to answer, but it comes out pathetically. He was spot-on.

You left your family, your home, the love of your life… for something that ended up being unworthy in the slightest.

And you were now reaping the consequences.

“I…” Jihoon rubs his face, his anger now cooled into something like resignation. “You made your choice. I get that. I’m trying to understand. I just… I don’t know why you thought the life you have now, with fake friends and unnecessary drama, was better than peace.”

"It wasn't that I wanted to go through all of that... I --"

He stares at you, waiting for you to go on. But it's as if someone has sealed your mouth shut, as nothing escapes it.

T h r e e Y e a r s A g o

"You won't even bother trying? Will you fight for us?"

"How can I? The agent made it clear... once I step out, dating is out of the question.."

"So that's it? You're just going to leave for some big city, and I'll just be stuck here, waiting for someone who's already made her choice?"

"Jihoon, I... fuck, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"All of it. I let you down."

Never had you seen your boyfriend regard you with as much disappointment as he did now.

"You did, Y/N. You really did. God, I thought--I thought we mattered more than those billboards."

"Jihoon-"

"But there's no point, right? You already made your decision. You don't intend to look back at all, do you?"

"I-"

Jihoon sighed, and bent his head in resignation, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally raised his head. "Then why are you still here?"

"What?"

"You heard me. I won't hold you back. Go on."

Silence, the raging kind that had never once blossomed between you both, took over.

After what seemed like an eternity, your mouth opened.

"We... we leave on the 17th."

He doesn't look up from his lap as you exit his room, down the creaking stairs of his family home for the last time, and you come face to face with his mom.

"Chase your dreams, dear," She'd said, clasping your hands, although you thought you saw unshed tears in her eyes as your own streaked down your face. "Come home and visit us sometime. Jihoon will be okay."

You did leave on the 17th. Jihoon turned up with his parents, and as his mom kissed you on the forehead and gave you her blessings, his gaze stayed on you, but he didn't step forward to say goodbye.

He kept looking on as you climbed into the car, and in the rearview mirror as it pulled away, you thought you saw him start to raise his hand in a momentary wave.

But then he was far gone behind you, and now you only had the road ahead for company.

T h i s Y e a r

The truck ride back is silent again. Jihoon doesn't even look in your direction, except to check his blind spots and adjacent lanes. Your mind is equally messed up, thinking about everything he said to you.

Was he right? Had you lost your way, and bargained everything you could have lived with, in exchange for friends who couldn't care less about you, and a career akin to a peakless, uphill slope?

Finally, when the silence becomes a thick, choking fog, you finally speak up. "Jihoon?"

He glances to you for a fraction of a second. "Yes?"

"If..." You struggle to find the words. "If... I hadn't made that choice..."

His head turns to you fully, his gaze now sharp. "What?"

You have to plan out what you want to say, word for word, before you go on. "If I chose to stay back then... would we have lasted? Would we have..."

Jihoon turns back to the road. "Would we have stayed together? Do you want my honest answer?"

You nod imperceptibly. "More than anything."

"We would," He says quietly, but with no hesitation as he makes a left. "I would have told you that we should set up a joint account and plan for a home together in maybe three years. I would've told you that we could go on weekly grocery runs and start thinking about moving in together. And I probably would have told you that I love you."

You freeze.

"It sounds unnecessary and stupid, but I don't want you to burden yourself with that, now," He says, sitting back and looking straight ahead. "I know you don't belong here, or to me, anymore. That's life, and we all move on, one way or another. Plus it's Christmas, and you're here now, so.... you should enjoy it before you leave."

And that's that. Just a reminder for you to enjoy yourself before you inevitably have to go. None of you need to speak to know that the conversation is over.

The drive resumes in silence.

You can't sleep. You've tossed and turned a million times, head pounding with exhaustion, but something's just stopping your eyes from shutting. Unfortunately, you know exactly why.

Jihoon's there in your mind. Sometimes the calm, steady person he's always been, sometimes a roaring, dark figure glaring at you the way he did when you said you were leaving.

Around two in the morning, you finally sit up. You have to go to Jihoon. You don't know what you're going to say, but if you don't find him, he will never stop haunting you.

You slip on a warm sweater and shoes, and gently close the front door behind you. The village is truly ready for the festivities, all twinkling golden lights and lightly falling snow. But none of that matters as you pad through the white fluff towards Jihoon's home.

When he opens the door, he's dishevelled, but doesn't show signs of having just woken up. "Uh... it's two a.m...?"

"I know it is," You say apologetically. "I'm sorry. I, uh... I couldn't sleep."

He raises his eyebrows. "Ah. I see."

You're beginning to regret this. Maybe you should've thought this through. "Look, it's okay, I'm really sorry for bothering you--"

"Guess that makes two of us," He says conversationally, as if it isn't the dead of night. "Come in. It's cold."

You wait for him to walk in before following him into the house. Try as you might, you just can't shake the feeling of nostalgia that rushes through you as you walk around the house you've visited a million times.

You know that his favourite grey mug is on the cabinet shelf above the sink. The earl grey cookies he can't live without is on the counter. The stairs still creak a little when you step on the floorboards nearby. You know him and everything that belongs to him. You know it all.

You take a seat at his table. "Will your parents be upset that I came at this hour?"

He eyes you wryly. "You know silly questions get silly answers."

You know your question is nearly pointless. You've left late, slept over, even gotten drunk in this house and his parents still doted on you nevertheless.

You shrug. "Doesn't hurt to ask."

He hums as he reaches for a hot cocoa mix. "Then my answer is no. Nobody's upset."

Five minutes later, he places a cup of steaming hot chocolate in front of you and sits down.

"So, bad dreams?"

"Huh?"

"You said you couldn't sleep. Did you have a bad dream?"

"No. Not really bad. Just... disturbing."

He raises his eyebrows. "I think that's the same thing."

"Dreams are like... like movies." You try to explain, a smile forming on your face. "Bad dreams are horrors and thrillers. Disturbing dreams are more like... like they could be any genre, but some parts and some scenes affect you more."

"Right," He says. "So Titanic was disturbing, then?"

"Very!" You blurt before you can stop yourself. "Because it still confuses me to this day, how on earth didn't Jack fit on the door?"

He breathes out a chuckle, leaning back on his chair. "It confuses me how you compare dreams to movies. They're in two complete worlds altogether."

"Admit it. It's a good analogy."

"It is," He admits. "I didn't think of that before."

You look at him, and you wonder how you can continue the conversation from here. He sits there for a few more minutes and stands up. "I'll go set up a room for you. It's snowing pretty badly, and you'll be soaked through if you walk back. I'd drive you, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to see anything."

He starts to leave the room, and you grab his arm. "Jihoon."

He looks down at your physical contact point. "Yes?"

"Earlier, when you said...when you said that movies and dreams are in two different worlds."

He looks at you. Staring unblinkingly, eyes never avoiding yours. He seems just as about to ready to confront this truth as you are.

Your dream was the movie screen, and his dream was you. Two completely, otherworldly different ones, but dreams and wishes nonetheless. Maybe now that you were once again back where you started, they could finally align.

"You weren't just talking about actual dreams, were you?"

Jihoon stiffens and steps back. "We're not doing this again."

"No, wait --" You say, closing your eyes to gather your thoughts. "I'm not going to make you tell me anything. I just want to know if you meant something else."

Jihoon swore he would give himself a pat on his back as he leaned down to look you square in the eye. "And if I said I did?"

You swallow and look at him. Your heart is pounding, and all logical thinking has been long thrown out of the window. "I'd thank the heavens for bringing me home."

His mouth finds yours and you pull him down to meet you more. It's not a cold war anymore. It's no longer a battle to see who can withstand the silence better.

And there is no more silence, you realise, because Jihoon is sniffling and your cheeks are stained with two warm droplets. "Jihoon?"

"I'm sorry," He mumbles, making no effort to withdraw. "I couldn't help it. I...I missed you. Not just this," He squeezes your hand which has somehow intertwined with his, and you squeeze back with the little strength you can muster. "Just...you. Drinking hot chocolate in my kitchen in the middle of the night, being within two streets' distance of me... eating hot dogs in my truck and sending food when Christmas comes."

You blink back tears. "I'm sorry for missing out all these years."

"Don't be sorry," He replies, imperceptibly softly, his hand coming up to stroke your cheek. "Just be with me."

You spend the night. And the night after, and the one after that.

The next three days pass like a fever dream. You go skating at the outdoor rink with Jihoon, laugh at how he wobbles his way to you like a baby deer learning how to walk for the first time, drink hot peppermint tea at a market stall after dinner, and let Jihoon tuck you into his coat on the walk home.

You didn't want this to end. No matter what. Ray hadn't yet gotten back to you on the audition results, and you decided to take it as a no and move on, just as you always did.

Of course, life always found a way to rear back and bite you hard, as your phone rings. With gloved hands, you pull it out of your coat pocket to see Ray's name again.

"Ray!" You chuckle, a little heady and happy from the day's events.

"So someone's having a good Christmas," Ray teases. "Well, my friend, it's going to get a lot better."

"What?" You ask, your boots crunching to a stop. Next to you, Jihoon also stops walking, his eyes wholly on you in concentration.

"The director of 'Who Knows Why'," Ray says, poorly concealed excitement in his voice. "He called me today, said he wants you to take the role! Your friends didn't get it even though they're so famous, and guess what? You did."

"Ray." You say, firmly. "Repeat that."

"You. Made. It. Out of over 100 actresses. I'm not joking!"

You freeze, look up and lock eyes with Jihoon, who raises his eyebrows in question.

"Oh, my god," You say, and it all comes out in a rush. "You're...you're serious."

"As a heart attack." Ray promises. "So, when can I come pick you up? Day after Christmas?"

"Ah." You hesitate. The filming would involve you....leaving. And if you were to stay and prepare for press tours, interviews, meet-and-greets... when were you returning?

"Can I call you back? I'll check..."

"Sure, hon," Ray replies cheerfully. "Go tell your folks the good news! They're gonna be thrilled."

You laugh weakly and then hang up. Then you turn to your lover (is he?).

"So, what was that about?" He asks, resuming the walk.

"I..."

At his concerned look, you finally sigh. "I got a lead role. In the film of a really popular director."

"That's amazing....oh." His face falls as he comes to the conclusion you fear. "Does that mean...you have to leave, don't you?"

You take a soft breath, shuffling your feet back and forth nervously. "I suppose so. I...I have to."

And to make matters worse, your phone pings with a text, your face souring as you read her message. Then, Jihoon watches as you put your phone back in your coat without another word.

"Who is that?" He demands. He knows he sounds like a little child, but he doesn't stop himself. He doesn't like the bitter expression on your face and that's all he knows.

"A friend." You reply.

"Real friend or...?"

You sigh and fish your phone out and pass it to him. He reads the simple "Fuck you" message from Rina, and undiluted anger crosses his face. "What the-"

You shrug. "She was probably one of the actresses hoping to be selected. Not much I can hide from you now."

He chuckles bitterly. "Yeah, we're not hiding the fact that you have to leave in maybe three days. Back to people like this-" He gestures to your phone. "- and who knows what else."

"I'll try to come back often," You say, although it doesn't seem convincing in the slightest. Jihoon doesn't buy a word of it either, judging by his expression.

"Really?" He says. "You haven't even been able to find time to come home for years now. I know you've gotten your big break and I'm happy for you, but... I don't know what to do if you leave for years on end again."

"I'll try to shuttle back and forth," You insist. "I have to."

"Well," Jihoon says, still looking at you doubtfully. "Don't make it an obligation."

"No, let's talk about it," You insist. "I just...I've never gotten a lead role before. It's not just... it's not just a role I can give up right away."

"Well, then choose. Tell me what you want." He replies, disappointment crossing his face.

"I...I haven't decided yet." You say lamely. "I need...I need a little more time to think."

He simply continues looking at you, before turning away and pacing back and forth. All you can do is watch him helplessly. "I just don't want to think about when this...will be over." Fling? Relationship?

It's as if he already knows what you're thinking about as he smiles sadly. "See, you don't even know what label to put on us."

"I just don't like when it has to be one over the other." You say, hugging yourself and staring at your shoes. "I've missed you. You know I love you and I want to continue seeing you, but I can't just give up on what I've wanted for so long."

But Jihoon is already shaking his head and starting to walk. "It doesn't have to be one way or another. Because I think you've already made your decision. I'm taking you home."

And it was happening all over again. Days had passed with no interaction with him, and even on Christmas Day itself, he was nowhere to be found.

Too fast, the evening when Ray came to pick you up loomed near. Your father helped you pack, but behind the reminders to bring your makeup bag and home slippers was a tinge of sadness. Your old folks didn't even know when they'd next see you.

When Ray comes out of the car to pick you up, out steps another lady with him, who nods to you in greeting.

"This is Rachel, the producer for the movie," Ray explains. "Since it’s gonna be a holiday romance-comedy, she wanted to visit your town to see what it looked like in Christmas."

You smile, and nod eagerly. "It's beautiful. You won't regret it."

Rachel smiles back, then speaks to Ray. "You guys stay here. I'll go take a quick walk and be right back."

As she leaves, you look at Ray. "Can we talk?"

Ray raises an eyebrow. "What about?"

"I... was wondering." You say. "I have a bit of a predicament at home. I'd like to stay longer. Could you maybe...push for the filming to be delayed?"

Ray looks surprised. "You want to wait?"

"More than anything."

A smirk starts blooming on Ray's face. "For a guy?"

At your delay, he slaps your shoulders. "Great! So, is the lucky guy totally alright with your job? That's a good man right there."

"Actually..."

You sprint towards Jihoon's house. Your attention is fixed on trying not to fall flat into the snow and to get to him as quickly as possible. Other townspeople are gawking, probably wondering why someone is in such a hurry, practically flying down the street.

At his door, you start knocking hard. His mom opens the door, and to your dismay, she explains that Jihoon hasn't been home since the morning.

"Maybe he's at the coast," She suggests, and you have never set off so fast before.

You implore Ray to drive you, and despite his reservations, a call from Rachel confirms that he has enough time to bring you there in his car for you to find Jihoon.

“So I’m now a party who can help you find the love of your life,” He teases you. “What do you owe me if this works out?"

"I'll make sure I land another film after this."

"You're on."

Ray barely puts the brakes on before you're opening the door. "I'll see you in a bit!"

"Should I prepare tissues?" He calls back. You pray not as you frantically scan your surroundings for a familiar, dark-haired man.

And like the heavens are answering you, you find him. Sat upon the roof of his truck, staring out at the coast at the setting sun.

"Jihoon?" You call as you get nearer to him. The man freezes, then turns slowly to face you. "I thought you were heading back. Why are you here?"

"To talk," You say softly, trying to catch your breath. "I... I think we left some things unsaid."

"No," He disagrees, crossing his legs over to face you while still sitting. "I owe you an apology."

"What?"

"I shouldn't have tried to make you choose me over your dreams. I know how hard you've been working, and you're finally getting to your peak... I should have supported you. I'm sorry. It was selfish of me."

"No," You insist, waving your hands. "I made that mistake first. Years ago, when I decided to leave, I didn't put you in front of my thoughts. I....I thought we'd be okay."

Jihoon shrugs and gives you a sad smile. "I'll always root for you. So... no hard feelings. Go ahead and shine. I promise we're okay. I'll never have bad feelings for you no matter what happens."

You shake your head. "That-"

"Y/N!" You hear Ray calling for you. Seriously? At this moment?

"What?" You hiss furiously.

"Check your phone!" You hear his hushed response.

"Later!"

"No! Now!"

You sigh and pull it out at his insistent glare, and when you look down at the message, your eyes light up. You shoot him a quizzical glance. Are you serious?

At his frantic nod, you turn back to Jihoon.

"You should go," Jihoon repeats. "They must be waiting for you."

"They are," You nod. He nods back, eyes not leaving yours.

"See you in a bit."

He cocks his head in confusion.

"Haven't you heard?" You smile a bit at his nonplussed expression.

"The filming location shifted."

"What?"

"I'll be here, apparently. For the next half a year, or so. The producer decided this place must be too good to pass up."

His jaw drops, and he slides off the truck, as if his surprise disabled his sense of balance. “You’ll be… here?”

“For a while,” You shrug nonchalantly, as if your heart isn’t beating fast and hard. “So, if… if you still want to talk, and maybe spend spring together… I’m down.”

He drops himself off the vehicle and his boots hit the ground with a crunch. “Say that again.”

You smile and take a few steps towards him. “I’m here for spring, Jihoon. And the seasons after that…we’ll figure it out one at a time. How does that sound?”

He lets out a laugh then, choked up but ecstatic. He makes sure, steady steps towards you, arms open in welcome and love, and as you step into his warmth, you let out a relieved, happy sigh and look up at him.

“Merry Christmas, Jihoon.”

“Merry Christmas, Y/N.”

N e x t Y e a r

"I forgot how cold it can get every time," Jihoon hisses as another gust of wind hits.

"It's worse in town," You tease. "I barely feel anything now."

"Yes, yes, you with your big girl city habits," He shivers. "I'll pick that bone with you once we get home, I swear."

"I'm looking forward to it." You chuckle, and he squeezes you tight. As resigned as he is to the eccentric habits you picked up in the city, he's just happy you're here to spend this Christmas with him. And the one next year, and the one after that.

Home. Our home. You were a part of his home, and him yours.

Yes, you thought, even as you leaned against him and felt him wrap his coat around you despite knowing you weren't cold at all. As long as you were with him, you were home.

a u t h o r ' s n o t e:

merry christmas eve! i hope you enjoyed this story every bit as much as i enjoyed writing it 🎄 i started thinking about this close to october (because i missed my eras tour experience so much 😭) and wondered if anyone would like a crossover between seventeen and tswift!! so here goes, in time for christmas and your spotify wrapped, 'tis the damn season 💌

🎼 refer below for the fic playlist (with lots of svt, taylor swift, and sweet, romantic christmas tracks)

taglist: @jeonghnie

f i c p l a y l i s t :

'tis the damn season -- taylor swift

mirrorball -- taylor swift

lover - taylor swift

paper rings - taylor swift

daylight - taylor swift

new year's day - taylor swift

ours - taylor swift

i love you, i''m sorry - gracie abrams

risk - gracie abrams

all my love - seventeen

falling for you - seventeen

headliner - seventeen

lie again - seventeen

second life - seventeen

to you - seventeen

my santa claus - jessie james decker

glow - brett eldredge

all i want for christmas is you - michael buble

kiss you this christmas - why don't we

take me home for christmas - dan + shay

[kryptznnn]

♡/♛- Patience [II]

✗♡✗♡✗♡✗♡✗♡✗♡

✗♡✗♡✗♡✗♡✗♡✗♡

➸ INTERESTS; -pro-hero!katsuki bakugo (26) x f!quirk-less reader (23)

➸ BACKGROUND; -During pro-hero 'Dynamite's term within the top 3 heroes of the country, it was made aware by his agency that he needed assistant around. He hadn't appreciated the gesture really, as he hates being followed let alone babysitting, but he wasn't ready for you to enter his life.

➸ WARNINGS; - wc. 3k, romantic tension, intentions of kissing, friendship buildup, romantic buildup, slight age gap, fight mention, affiliation mentions, jealousy, etc.

➸a.i; - emptying out my drafts trust im making a comeback

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡

♡/♛- Patience I

Nine months was a long period of time, however for the two of you it felt as if it passed by too swiftly. Skipping through certain holidays, birthdays, and even sick days with one another it truly never got old. You wouldn't call it best-friends, as this was a professional branch to which things should remain strict, but the two of you definitely had your moments.

At least in your description towards others your boss was your friend. He wasn't just a friend obviously, but he made you feel seen in a way you liked; you were flattered honestly to create a small bond with someone you hadn't known ever before.

Eventually, your relationship with one another began to progress, not enclose but progress. After months the two of you grew understanding and mutual of one another, learning one another’s dislikes and likes. Of course you adapted to things much sooner than he did, now no longer needing a log of his daily antics or acquaintance’s. You were completely sure that whatever you would even tell Katsuki would go in one ear and come out the other.

Or at least that’s what you thought, because in his case that was completely false. If it wasn’t obvious enough his memory was just as sharp as his attitude, and he didn’t have to carry around a little notepad like you had in order to keep tabs on what mattered to him. It might’ve seemed stupid to others and maybe himself, but the more you two interacted with one another the more he wanted to see you smile, or laugh even. Laugh so hard to the point where you’re huddled over clutching your stomach, so he could laugh alongside you.

He wasn’t sure what it was about you or your nature, but whatever it was he liked it and it drew him to you. He had caught himself on numerous occasions going out with friends and going to the store wanting to invite you, to which he immediately brushed off and reminded himself everything between the two of you had to remain strictly professional. It hadn’t stopped the fact that he’d encounter items and objects that reminded him of you, it’s like no matter what you were always with him, and he wasn’t sure whether he liked it or hated it.

Like all things of course it quickly became annoying, he was the type of man to be bothered easily, that was something the two of you were aware of. No matter what he did or how he tried to avoid it things would constantly get out of hand, like how a couple weeks ago he ‘accidentally’ mentioned you to his close high school friend Mina while the group was out drinking and having fun. She immediately jumped on him and asked for more details, to which he explained you were his assistant and did a damn good job.

You were gentle, but harsh, cruel, ruthless, and a badass fighter. No matter how mean you attempted to make yourself you were as soft as can be on the inside. He thought of you as some sort of flower almost, one that refused to bloom for whatever reason. Your beauty on the outside that was wrapped tightly shut hadn’t fazed him, only more interested on what’s inside. He had even described it to Mina in that sense, that he wasn’t even able to see a glimpse of your petals, and it was killing him to just get a look, for you to just let your guard down.

Thankfully for him God must’ve heard his prayers and pleas, because for whatever reason his mother had told him to personally invite you over for dinner on his father’s birthday and you came. Not only did you come, but you offered to help with anything she needed, even if she rejected your first offer. You were so gentle and caring, open almost, and honestly, he never thought you could be more beautiful than you were now.

You acted different with his parents, the entirety of it all he had barely spoken a word, just observed you. Mitsuki wasn’t sure if it was because you were too busy helping her prepare or just oblivious to it, but she could tell exactly what her son felt for you by his looks. It only took on glance over to her husband with a firm nod before looking at their son and smiling to themselves as they set the table and spoke in hushed whispers.

He hadn’t deemed it fair in his case, that he wasn’t the one to bring out that side of you, to let your closed exterior loosen slightly. He hadn't minded it too much honestly, just seeing you outside of a work demeanor made him feel something warm inside. Still unsure if it was something he liked or disliked, all he knew was that he wanted to see you like this all the time.

He was quick to argue and bicker with his parents when they asked questions that seemed to out of character for them. Obviously digging into your personal life to know more about you and how working with their son was, hopefully not too much. You’d laugh at their questions and jokes along the side as the 4 of you ate along together, nothing harmful in the makings of it, just enjoying one another’s company.

If there was any way you’d be better understanding of who you worked for it’s a great idea to have quality time with his family, it couldn’t hurt. All the small and short details Katsuki had mentioned about his parents were honestly scary accurate, he used such little words to express how they were and yet was spot on.

You were quick to put two and two together on how Katsuki seemed much more like an observer than anything else. It wasn’t that surprising honestly, but you had wished he would open up more too you, or at least speak to you more outside of just his daily schedule or texts every once and a while after getting home. You knew your job wasn’t to be best friends with him, but it would be nice to at least enjoy one another’s company instead of walking around or sitting in his office in deafening silence.

Well, not entirely true, the loud air blasting through the square sized ventilation through the ceiling gave you some sort of closure. Beside it you’d play music quit often, only keeping one earbud in incase by any chance Katsuki would call out to you, but it’s never happened. You’d catch him glancing over at you from time to time, as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t, or maybe he did know what he wanted to say, he just refused too.

Whatever it was you didn’t like it, it felt like there was a huge hole in the mists of the relationship you were trying so hard to build with him, and you didn’t know why. Maybe you were reading into it too much as you had for everything before, he didn’t seem like someone who cared so much, especially for little things, so why care so badly?

Everything was okay, dinner with his parents was okay, working alongside him throughout early mornings was okay, being an assistant and working on your training was okay, being in his office from time to time on weekends or his days off while he was in the room across during his ‘personalized gym time’ was okay.

Well, better than okay, way better than okay, it was great, perfect even. It somehow gave you small motivation to get your work done even quicker to enjoy the show aside from you.

You weren’t sure if he was able to catch you looking over at him several times or even staring for periods, but it got to a point where you didn’t care. Besides, you were only human, any person who admires the athletic build of a person working out would sit and stare, or at least glance. No matter what was happening you couldn���t help the feeling that things were just too bland, you didn’t want everything to be just ‘okay’ you wanted them to be great or something enjoyable.

You missed how things started off prior when you first began working with Katsuki. The first month you’d get up energized on nothing but your erratic emotions sending you into a frenzy. You were excited to explore more with him, do more with him, now things felt so different and it bothered you highly.

“Same time tomorrow?” You asked without looking up, collecting things from Katsuki’s desk then making your way over to your own, emptying your busy hands into your empty computer bag. You awaited the same response that you had been receiving the past few weeks as you placed your laptop and it’s charger in it’s designated pouch before he spoke.

“Actually I’ve been meaning to talk to ya.” He responded, now taking in your confused reaction as you turned to face him and pausing your actions. He only walked over shortly, leaving plenty of space between the two of you as he dried his hair with a small towel in one hand.

“About what exactly? Did something new come up with the agency or- “

“Actually ‘ts personal” he cut you off, now seizing his movements with his hair before placing the towel over his shoulder. Your cocked brow soon lowered as you took a seat next to your items, now showing him he had your full attention before he continued.

“Okay” you responded softly, placing your hands in your lap and flashing him a soft smile. He looked away at your face for a moment, before turning his back to face you entirely before speaking again.

“Not tryna be in your business.. but have you been busy with someone after work?” He asked, his voice stern as he made his way over to his desk before grabbing a rolled up paper and making his way back over to you. Your brows furrowed harshly as your lips pursed, before you could even part them to defend yourself Katsuki spoke again.

“Cuz in this picture you seem enticed by whoever you’re chatting with.” He says honestly, unrolling the paper and handing it over to you, pointing directly at your face in the picture as he spoke. “One of my publishers was going to post this out for millions to see, got caught by me last minute and I was asked for it to be terminated.” He said, reading your surprised expression as you attempted to piece all of this together.

From the looks of it this picture was of you, from 2 nights ago to be specific, catching up with a friend from university after hours before you had gotten back to your apartment. Stupidly in your case Katsuki had texted you asking if you got home safe and you stupidly lied to him. Where the two of you were was a public setting, so it’s not surprising that someone could’ve seen you two, you just never expected anything like this to happen, especially so suddenly.

The alarming title of the page being ‘Pro-Hero Dynamite’s Assistant; L/n Y/n sneaking around just to get some.’ Making you immediately crumple it up out of frustration and shoving it in your work bag before sucking your teeth and apologizing profusely.

You hadn’t expected for even you to grow a fan base, let alone paparazzi stalking you and your personal life with friends aside. You even explained that to Katsuki, and the titles being a bold accusation, there were thousands of things you’d do, have been trained to do, and sleep with a guy like F/n definitely wasn’t one of them.

“I know, it’s okay I just wanted to run it by ya first, wasn’t worried.” He said, walking back over to his desk and placing the damp towel down on it. He’s such a liar, a good one at that. He was worried, head over heels worried, when he received that text with images from the publisher he nearly fell out of bed.

That fucking smile, he hated it, not you though, just the smile. Over time Katsuki’s been able to differentiate whether or not he actually dislikes people for their being or just their actions and presentation. He knew he didn’t hate you, he just hated what you were doing to him, how you were making him feel.

Polar opposite to your own mornings now however Katsuki woke up determined, getting ready a little faster now. Wondering how you’d style your hair that morning or if you’d wear heavier amounts of makeup than before. If you’d glance over at him while he worked out, purposely taking in an extra fifteen minutes or so just to flex for fun.

The picture surprised him, but the possible title left him even more stunned. He knew you weren’t that type of woman, especially the fact that you had lied about your safety and being home, he was taken aback. In your case he seemed much nicer and understanding than usual, but to him he saw it as letting down his barrier.

Maybe if he could do that you could smile with him as you had before, laugh as loud as he’d like you too. Which is ironic considering the fact he was sure he hated your smile, the way your teeth were aligned well enough to make him wonder if you had gotten braces and retainers in your past. Or maybe you were just bledsoe with them and moved on to nothing but whitening strips, maybe that’s the case.

He found himself to be a little weird when he would just walk around and watch how you’d move hair away from your glossed lips whenever the wind was blowing outside. He was always quick to look away before you could even dream of catching him, but it’s not like you hadn’t felt his eyes on yours.

After working alongside someone everyday for nearly 8 months you grow fond of one another. Although you weren’t too happy with how your relationship seemed slightly distant, his presence was warming at some points. He was willing to speak to you when things were placed on your behave, like your past training and schooling or life before meeting him.

He liked your confidence and radiant energy whenever you did talk about your past, people you’ve fought with, made up with, passed over and grew out of. What he picked up quickly was how you would talk with your hands whenever you were passionate about something, it was physically impossible to keep them down if you were talking.

It’s funny honestly, he wants nothing more than you to express yourself and you want nothing more than for him to do it instead. Yet neither one of you were willing to communicate through the issue without seeming awkward afterwards so just kept everything to yourself. Even now through your small talk and chatter after the newspaper scandal it seemed that wasn’t working.

Within evening realizing it you had been caught up and been lamps an hour behind your original leaving period. You quickly shot up from your seat and fixed your chair before flinging your bag over your shoulder.

“It’s getting late I have to go.” You said sternly, shoving your phone in your pocket before making your way over to the entrance before being abruptly stopped by Katsuki, who only stood in front of you without a word. You took in his state, he smelled good, sweet almost, like some sort of fruit or syrup and you really liked it, especially with how well it mixed in with his fading cologne.

He still hadn’t said anything, just placed a hand on the door beside him as he looked into your eyes. You could feel yourself getting slightly dizzy by deciding which eye to look into, your vision flicking back and forth between the left and right for a period of time before scanning his face. It was almost as if he was pleading with you to stay in some way, or maybe that’s what you wanted him to think, or at least say to you.

You were caught for a short moment staring at his lips before your breath hitched reaching out slowly to place a hand on his broad chest before he leaned in slowly. A short moment between the two of you that had only realistically passed in just a few seconds managed to feel like another hour has passed and it was killing you. You did the only thing you knew to do, look away from him, attempt to distance the tension and suffocation between the two of you.

“Let me.. let me walk you to your car.” He said, now placing his hand on the handle of the door before pulling it open before you. You quickly drew your hand back and looked up at his face once more, now slightly flustered as he looked away and bit the inside of his cheek.

You only agreed and thanked him, leaving the room and heading straight for the elevators as you replayed the moments prior in your head over and over again. You brought your hand up to your mouth for a moment thinking to yourself, then back to Katsuki’s reaction.

That was definitely intentional, and super weird. Things like that haven’t happened to the two of you before, well not as close as it was earlier. The tension was strong but it seemed as if whatever was pushing the two of you towards each other was even stronger.

You sighed as you clutched your bag, the elevator dinging as it reached the lobby floor before you quickly stepped out, nearly bumping into someone on the side who was waiting for it. You were too in your thoughts to even apologize afterwards or look behind you, just digging in your pocket to get your keys.

You hadn’t hated the thought of it, what nearly happened. Truth be told maybe if things did go the way they were hinting towards earlier there was no way the two of you would’ve left the office in such short time. Maybe it’s better to not think of such things, especially such vulgar things, it’s just casual and professional, let’s leave it to that.

While you blew off the steam and marked your way over to your car Katsuki on the other hand was furious. Well furious was a strong word, more like embarrassed, embarrassed he hadn’t taken things farther when he saw how willing you were to kiss him.

Maybe that’s a bad thing, he’s never seen you so vulnerable and willing for something before, especially on his behalf and right in front of him. That wasn’t his prior intention, he didn’t want you to leave just yet, especially after cracking a horrid joke and seeing you laugh, but quickly covering your face with your hovering hand as you chuckled. He didn’t want you to hide from him, he wanted you to be as open as possible.

If a small gesture could show that, or even your intent on nearly kissing him could prove that you were somewhat into what he was feeding you made him nonetheless anxious for more. You were beautiful to say the least, Katsuki was many things, but a liar wasn't one of them. He was honest, if not brutally honest when it came to you and what you were capable of, he just didn't expect one of those things to be reciprocating the same energy he was giving off.

He was so impatient, to the point where it felt as if it was eating him alive. For nearly 9 months he had been attempting to get closer to you, attempting to read you and find out what you favorited without asking. Now when he had you exactly where he wanted, where he needed you, he was the one to bail out and play it off like nothing happened.

Maybe working with one another was going to be way more difficult than you had in mind. Afterall, it was completely evident what the 'large gap' in the two of you's relationship was before it could even begin.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡

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✴🕷 please do not copy, plagiarize, edit, or translate any works submitted by me. all works are originated and all other pictures used within those works are online images. thank you!! @kryptznnn

[thirdsaltyhunter]

Cassette Tape

Summary: the story of a gifted cassette tape over the course of you and Dean's relationship

Warning: fluff/angst, talk of character death, heartbreak, season 3/4 references

A/N: this is a Christmas fic like Die Hard is a Christmas movie

2006

Not long ago you had met the Winchesters through Bobby and helped them out on a one or two hunts. Right off the bat, you made a good team. You and Sam were starting to hit it off, sharing an interest in supernatural lore and serial killers. You and Dean... eh not so much. You were caught somewhere between hating and loving his give 'em hell attitude.

After the impala got totalled by that demon, Dean had spent weeks fixing her in Bobby's shop. You had made him promise that once he got her running again, that he would take you for a drive. What could you say, you had an appreciation for beautiful cars.

Now that he had rebuilt her to all her former glory, you, him and Sam had set out on the back roads of South Dakota. Dean had stopped at a gas station to top off the tank. While he filled up and Sam went in to get a drink, you leaned over the front seat and rummaged through his box of cassettes. Led Zeppelin. Ozzy Osbourne. Styx. AC/DC.

"You have good taste in music," you commented as him and Sam got back in the car.

"Thanks," he gave a proud smile "pick what you want to hear," he said motioning to the box.

At this comment Sam gave Dean a look somewhere between offense and confusion. You didn't know Dean well enough to know that he never let anyone pick the music. Even though you were choosing from his music, it was still odd. Sam just shook his head and chose not to say anything. From the box, you picked out a cassette and handed it to him to put in the tape player.

"Good choice," he said, when he recognized which album it was.

You smiled and sat back in the seat, air drumming to the beat.

2008

What better way to spend Christmas than to help the Winchesters hunt a pagan god? That's sarcasm, you would much rather be in a warmer state than Michigan, but they had called you for intel and you happened to be not far away. It's a good thing you came, because they were chasing false leads and managed to get themselves tied to a chair.

After offing the murderous Hallmark Christmas couple, you were going to go back and spend Christmas with Bobby. That was until Sam had offhandedly mentioned that Dean wanted to have a real Christmas this year, as it might be his last. Your chest ached at the thought. You hated that he made that stupid deal. As much of a pain in your ass as Dean was, him and Sam had become some of the only friends you had.

You called Bobby and he agreed that you should stay. You made the decision then that you were going to help Sam scrape together the best Christmas you possibly could, whether Sam liked it or not. Funds and resources were limited, but you thought you did pretty good with what you found at the gas station. You weren't going to mention the decorations you had stolen from someone's front lawn... or the poor excuse for a tree Sam had cut down.

It was all worth it to see the look on Dean's face when he came back from picking up take-out. When he walked through the motel room door, his eyes lit up.

"What made you change your mind?" He asked Sam.

Sam glanced at you and looked down, not wanting to answer the question, so you changed the subject.

"Here, try the eggnog," you said, handing Dean a glass.

He took a sip and made a face from the significant amount of alcohol you had spiked it with.

"We good?" You asked with a teasing smile.

"Yeah we're good," he coughed. "Hey I thought you were leaving, why are you still here?"

Now it was your turn to not want to answer the question. "Bobby said a snowstorm was headed his way, so it was best I just stay here." Total complete lie.

"Well I'm glad you stuck around... First things first," he said setting the bag of food he had gotten on the coffee table and pulling out the presents he had gotten for Sam from the gas station.

"Great minds think alike Dean," Sam responded, pulling out his presents he had also picked up from the gas station.

Sam had gotten him a quart of oil for the car and his favorite candy bar. You had picked out a nice (as nice as you could get at a gas station) bottle of bourbon.

"These are awesome, thanks," Dean said with a bright smile. He glanced at you before getting up and grabbing his keys. "One second," he said holding up a finger to you, before disappearing out the door.

You and Sam shared a look of confusion. Dean returned seconds later holding a small item in his hand.

"Here." He handed the item to you. It was the cassette you had picked out to play that day in the car. "It's yours." He looked down and shifted awkwardly. "Also any other tapes you want you can have." You knew what was going through his head: I won't be using them soon.

"Thank you, you know I'll play the hell out of it." You put it in your jacket pocket and tried not to think about the time when you would be listening to it without him.

May 2009

Dean was gone. And you had fallen in love with him. What better time to realize you're in love with someone, than after they get dragged to hell and now you can't get out of bed anymore. Just your luck I guess.

Since he died, you've been staying at Bobby's and trying not to think about anything. Eventually you decided to get off the bench, get back in the game and start hunting again. Now you're sitting in your car, waiting out the horrible rainstorm you had gotten caught in on the way to the town where the case was. To pass the time and drown out the sound of your own thoughts, you pop in Dean's cassette. Laying back in the seat, like so many nights lately, you cry yourself to sleep.

August 2009

Somehow, by some miracle literally, Dean Winchester was alive and breathing. You could hardly wrap your head around it. It should be impossible, but hey, you had a knack for the impossible.

You, Dean and Bobby were now driving to go find Sam so you could tell him that Dean was alive. While you drove, Dean sat in the passenger seat looking a little zoned out. Not that you could blame him, if you suddenly got pulled out of hell, you'd be reeling too.

To pull him out of his thoughts a little, you turned on some music. The first thing that played was the tape that was in the player, the one Dean had given you. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a small smile grace his lips as he recognized the song.

"This the one I gave you?" he asked.

You nodded. "Yeah, I guess you'll need it back now," you answered with a smile. You were more than happy to return Dean's cassettes. He was alive and that's all that mattered.

"I gave it to you, sweetheart. Me being back doesn't change that."

It amazed you. Him saying that was proof to you that, despite going through literal hell, his caring, giving heart was still intact. If anyone had an excuse to be cold and selfish it was him. Yet the more you got to know him, the more he shocked you with how loving he was. Your heart clenched with the weight of emotion you carried for him. Though now certainly wasn't the time to go admitting any feelings. He had enough to process as is. So instead you just smile at him and he looks at you like you're the first beautiful thing he's seen in a long time.

"Alright enough you two, you're makin' me sick," Bobby chastised from the back seat.

You just laughed and turned up the music.

[bokutosbabe]

it’s for the married couple event :D

isagi + 🍉 + 🍭

have a great day 🫶

i hope you have a great day too!

an isagi yoichi watermelon sucker

જ⁀♡⊹｡° a dwindling , mercurial high

♡ a/n — for my more than a married couple event!

♡ content — isagi yoichi x gn! reader, gn! reader, tried to make it as gn as possible but if you see a she/he in there referring to the reader pls lmk!, fake dating, kinda unrequited love, isagi still plays soccer, set in a high school, reader's had a crush on yoichi for a while

♡ synopsis — the plan was to get through this simulation as smoothly as possible, but when you're paired with isagi yoichi, that won't happen.

The marriage simulation program wasn’t just a quirky school experiment to teach life skills—it was a competitive test of teamwork, resourcefulness, and communication. And when your name was paired with Isagi Yoichi’s, the school’s friendly, hardworking soccer star, you didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Guess we make a good team, huh?” Yoichi grinned, holding up the assignment sheet with both of your names highlighted.

“Sure,” you said with a forced smile, your stomach twisting. Teamwork wasn’t the issue. Yoichi was great—kind, dependable, and endlessly encouraging. The problem was your not-so-tiny, not-so-manageable crush on him, something you’d buried for years.

And now, living with him for a month? Pretending to be married? It felt like walking a tightrope over your feelings.

The first week was easy enough. Yoichi, ever the optimist, took the tasks seriously: planning “dates” for extra credit, cooking dinner together, and even budgeting for pretend household expenses. You played along, keeping a safe emotional distance while fulfilling every assignment.

But things took a sharp turn when Yoichi came up with his next brilliant idea.

“People are talking about us,” he said one afternoon, scrolling through his phone.

“Talking about what?”

He turned the screen toward you, showing a string of group chat messages.

— Isagi and Y/N look so natural together. Are they really a couple? —They were holding hands yesterday during the task. Maybe it’s real?

Your face grew warm as you looked back at him. “We were holding hands because this stupid test required it!”

Yoichi scratched the back of his head, his sheepish grin doing nothing to calm your nerves. “Yeah, but… people are going to keep asking. And, well, if we tell them we’re actually together, it might stop the rumors.”

You stared at him, stunned. “You want us to tell people we're dating? You want us to fake date?”

“Just until the simulation ends,” he said quickly., as if he couldn't get the words out of his mouth fast enough. “It’s not like it’d be that different from what we’re already doing, right?”

His logic was infuriatingly sound, but it still felt dangerous—like inviting trouble into a house already on fire. Against your better judgment, you nodded. “Fine. But this stays between us.”

“Deal.”

The fake dating went almost too well.

Yoichi was good at playing the doting partner, maybe too good. He’d drape an arm around your shoulders during group outings, laugh at your jokes like they were the funniest thing he’d ever heard, and casually call you nicknames that sent your heart racing.

But when it was just the two of you, the act faded into something quieter, something closer to real. Like when he’d sit next to you during dinner, asking about your day with genuine interest. Or when he’d stay up late helping you with assignments, his focus unwavering.

You told yourself it was just for the simulation. Just part of the act. But deep down, you knew you were falling deeper than ever.

Things hit a breaking point during one of the simulation’s final tasks: a “couples’ interview,” where pairs had to answer questions about each other to test their “compatibility.”

“What’s Yoichi’s biggest dream?” the interviewer asked, her pen poised over her clipboard.

“To become a professional soccer player,” you said without hesitation. “He’s been working toward it for as long as I’ve known him.”

You were grateful for the easy question, everyone knew that about Isagi. Yes, you knew almost everything that had been asked so far too, but you assumed it was basic knowledge to know these things about your partner. (it's not, half of the other groups couldn't answer these questions.)

Yoichi’s eyes widened slightly before he smiled, his expression softening. “Yeah, that’s right. And Y/N's dream is to travel the world someday. They're always talking about all the places they want to see.”

Your chest tightened. You mentioned that once in passing, while the two of you were watching a nature documentary.

You hadn’t expected him to remember.

The interviewer beamed. “You two really know each other well.”

You forced a smile, but the weight of his words lingered long after the interview ended.

As the simulation neared its end, the line between fake and real blurred beyond recognition.

“I think we’ve got the highest score in the class,” Yoichi said one night, leaning against the counter while you washed dishes.

“Yeah,” you replied, your voice quieter than usual.

He noticed, of course. Yoichi always noticed. “Hey, are you okay?”

You hesitated, your hands stilling under the faucet. “What happens when this is over?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… us. The fake dating. Do we just go back to normal?”

Yoichi’s smile faltered. He looked down at the floor, his usual confidence replaced by uncertainty. “I guess so. That’s what we agreed on, right?”

Your heart ached at his words, even though you’d expected them. “Yeah. Right.”

What did you expect? Isagi Yoichi wasn't the type of person to fall for you.

You were just foolish.

The final day of the simulation arrived, and the apartment felt emptier than ever as you packed your things. Yoichi was unusually quiet, his movements slower than usual as he folded his clothes into his suitcase.

“So… this is it,” you said, forcing a smile.

“Yeah,” he replied, his voice soft. He looked at you, his eyes searching yours like he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words.

“Good luck with soccer,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady. “I know you’ll do great.”

“Thanks,” he said, his smile faint. “And I hope you get to see all those places you’ve always dreamed about.”

For a moment, it felt like there was something hanging in the air between you—something fragile and unfinished. But before either of you could speak, the program coordinator knocked on the door, signaling the official end of the simulation.

Yoichi grabbed his suitcase and walked to the door, hesitating briefly before turning back to you. “See you around, Y/N.”

“See you,” you whispered.

And just like that, he was gone, leaving you with an empty apartment and a heart full of questions that would never have answers.

fake dating isagi...yes pls

i hope you liked it!

likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

[rypnami]

The Yule Ball

happy christmas everyone! this is the last part for now of my yule ball posts for @leaping-toadstool-caps 's event. as mentioned in my headcanons post (found here), leander spends most of the night working up the courage to ask his sebastian to dance. i decided for my christmas post, i should write what happens next. enjoy!

this is not proofread at all and is a bit of a mess but its fine we ball

(outfit post here)

word count: a lot probably i didn't actually count

mentioned mcs: phillip prewett (mine), jaimsen hisui @leaping-toadstool-caps odysseus carrow @saibugslegacy amberlyn salters @ps-cactus

Leander isn't sure why he came to the ball.

He thinks he must look like the biggest knob alive, coming without a date, loitering around as a third wheel to his older brother and his boyfriend, and then going to hide in the corner and stuff his face with chocolate frogs. Surrounded by happy couples, or groups of friends who came to have a good time, he feels even worse. Last week, he had almost gotten it together to ask Sebastian to go with him, but had gotten too anxious and practically run away.

Unwrapping another chocolate frog, he hardly glances at the card as he drops it in the pile and shoves the whole thing in his mouth head-first. If he's going to be a lonely bastard, at least he's doing so with sweets. The decorations around the Great Hall are brilliant, too. Tall, icy trees, enchanted snow falling gently from the ceiling, which looks like a winter sky, and baubles galore along the walls. Jaimsen really outdid himself, setting this all up. At least there is something to look at other than all the couples dancing.

"You!"

Leander jumps.

Jaimsen comes up to him, arms crossed. "No being sad at my ball!"

"I'm not sad-"

"Don't lie to me, Prewett."

"Not my fault," Leander protests, even though it most certainly is. "You know, it's statistically proven that depression is worse around the holidays, so naturally at leas one person here would be-"

"Spare us all the lecture. I'm begging." Phillip seems to materialise beside them, Odysseus in tow, and throws his arm over Leander's shoulders.

"I'm right, though."

"If you're truly that distraught about it, why not ask him to dance?" Odysseus says.

Jaimsen nods. "That's an excellent idea."

Leander shrugs Phillip's arm off and takes a step away. "I- what- who are you... talking about?" They can't know, can they?

The other three boys seem to roll their eyes in unison. "Sebastian, of course," Phillip says, as though it's the most obvious thing in the world.

He might die from humiliation. "Why- what- why- why would I ask Sebastian to dance?!" He stammers.

"Everyone knows you fancy him."

"You follow him everywhere. You're like a puppy."

"Whenever he's around, whatever minimal braincells you have seem to evaporate."

"You almost cried when that rumour about him coming with Adair was going around."

"And-"

"That's quite enough!" Leander cuts them all off, his face almost as red as his dress robes. "You've all made your point!"

"So ask him!" Phillip says. "Stop pouting in the corner."

"How?"

"Like this." Odysseus stands on his toes to match Leander's height and starts doing an awful impression of his voice. "Sebastian, would you like to dance with me?" He drops back down to his normal height. "Easy."

"Very easy," Jaimsen agrees.

Well, fine, it sounds easy in theory, but so had asking Sebastian to be his date, and that had not gone well. Excuse. Excuse. Think of an excuse why you can't.

"I would, but... Sebastian is busy. With Ominis." Although he's been trying not to, every time Leander has searched through the crowd for Sebastian, he's been talking to Ominis. He is definitely not jealous and is not watching in case someone else should ask him to dance.

"It's your lucky day, then," Phillip points across the hall. Sebastian is standing just to the side of the dance floor, watching as Ominis takes Amberlyn Salters by the arm and leads her out to dance. "It seems Mr Gaunt is occupied."

"Oh. Yay."

"So go talk to him."

Before he can protest, the trio is practically dragging him across the floor, Leander stammering half-formed excuses the entire way. Phillip shoves Leander in Sebastian's direction, then the three scamper off, giggling.

"Leander, hello!" Sebastian says as Leander almost trips into him. "I was just wondering if you were here."

Leander is at a loss for words. From far away, it was hard to see, but up close he feels like he can't breathe. Sebastian is wearing a dark green velvet tuxedo jacket and matching dress pants. His typically unruly brown hair is combed and must have a gallon of product in it to keep it down, but there are still a few strands sticking out here and there.

He looks positively gorgeous.

Next to him, Leander must look like a toad wearing a suit.

"Er, yes, I've been, you know, with my brother and his boyfriend..." He hopes there's no chocolate smudged on his face... too late to worry about that now.

"No dancing?"

"No. I came without a date." Saying it out loud feels like an exercise in humiliation, honestly. “No one asked me… and I dunno, asking someone was…”

“Intimidating?” Sebastian suggests.

Leander nods. “I… suppose so, yes.”

“I didn’t come with anyone, either.”

“You didn’t ask someone?” What’s more surprising to Leander is that no one asked Sebastian. He’s easily the prettiest boy in school (in his opinion, anyway) and he’s well-liked by most everyone. With that suit on, too, it’s a wonder half the students here aren’t tripping over themselves to dance with him.

"I didn't. I was asked by a few people, but I turned them down. I was rather hoping someone specific would invite me. They never did." Sebastian absently picks at his silver cufflinks, seeming to get lost in thought.

"Then they're an idiot." Leander says simply.

"Think so?"

Leander snorts. "Of course. Anyone would be lucky to go to a ball with you." Was that too forward? That was too forward, wasn't it..

"You flatter me," Sebastian sighs and mock swoons.

He has no idea why he was so petrified at the idea of talking to Sebastian- they are friends, and even with the 'my-brother-and-his-friends-are-peer-pressuring-me-into-asking-him-to-dance' thing, it's no different from when they chat in class, or study together in the library. Perhaps asking for a dance will be okay. At the least, it won't be the end of the world... right?

“Sebastian. I-“ I really like you. I've always really liked you. No, that's too much. I'm letting the silence go on too long. Say something say something SAY SOMETHING.

“Yes?”

"I. I. Um."

Sebastian raises his eyebrows and tilts his head. "Are you feeling quite alright? You look a bit flush."

"Y-yes, I'm grand. Um." Sweat drips down Leander's temples. Sebastian will laugh at him, he'll look a fool, everyone will know what a failure he is... "Um." Merlin's beard, Prewett, just say the damn words! “Since neither of us… has a date…”

A few paces behind Sebastian, Phillip is watching the disaster. He smiles and gives Leander two thumbs up.

"Doyouwanttodancewithme?"

"...I'm sorry?" Sebastian says. “What?”

That's that. Leander wants to crawl into a hole and die. Of course Sebastian would never want to dance with him, of all people.

"N-no, I'm sorry, stupid idea. Sorry."

"Wait." Sebastian puts his hand on Leander's shoulder before he can walk away. "Don't be sorry, I simply didn't hear what you said."

"O-Oh."

Sebastian looks at him expectantly. No way to back out now.

"I, er, I was wondering if... I- no pressure, or anything, but it looks like it's the last dance of the evening, so I thought... um, perhaps you'd like to dance... with... me?"

A beat of silence that couldn't be more than a second, but feels like a century.

A grin spreads across Sebastian's face. "I was beginning to think you'd never ask."

A new song starts, and Sebastian offers his hand. "Shall we?" Leander takes it, blushing.

Sebastian's hands are warm, and he's got a firm grip. There are callouses on his palms, likely from how many firey spells he uses. Leander desperately tries not to focus on just how well Sebastian's suit jacket fits him, or how he smells a bit like lavender and bergamot. He hopes his own palms aren't sweating.

Silently, he thanks his mum for being willing to teach him how to waltz. If he hadn't spent the past several weeks practising relentlessly, he's certain he'd be stepping all over Sebastian's toes right now.

Sebastian puts his hand on Leander's waist as the dance starts, and he almost blacks out. Everything around them is like background noise- they might as well be the only people in the world as they sway across the dance floor.

"I- wanted to ask you to come as my date," Leander admits, smiling awkwardly. "Last week, after Charms. I was going to, but, uh..."

Sebastian chuckles, and the sound of it warms Leander's body more than even the strongest Butterbeer. "Is that why you ran off? Merlin, I thought you just really needed the loo."

Blood rushes to Leander's face again. "I see."

"Were you truly that nervous to ask me?"

“How could I not be?” They’re close enough now that he can almost count the freckles on Sebastian’s face, a welcome distraction from making direct eye contact. “You’re cute, and smart, and brilliant at magic." Leander chews his lip. "I'm not... any of that, so I suppose I didn't think I had a chance?"

"I was waiting for you to ask."

"You wanted- Me?"

Sebastian really laughs now, and the way the bridge of his nose crinkles as he does is so cute Leander almost has to physically fight the urge to kiss him right there. "Did you really not know? I've been dropping hints for ages!"

Oh. Honestly, that makes a lot of sense. "I... I suppose I wasn't paying close enough attention." Translation- I hoped you felt the same, but I didn't think I was good enough for you.

"Merlin, you're as thick as it gets." Sebastian teases.

Leander rolls his eyes. "Well perhaps you were unclear!" But he starts to laugh, too. He can't believe he had been so scared to do this not 15 minutes ago. In fact, now he's wishing he'd manned up sooner and asked Sebastian earlier in the night, so they could have more dances, and more time to talk about... whatever might be between them, now.

The music slowly comes to an end, and with it the dance. As they step apart, Sebastian bows low with a slight smirk. "Thank you for the dance, Mr Prewett."

"Thank you, Mr Sallow." Leander mirrors him. He hesitates for a moment. This is his first formal ball, and he's not really sure what he's supposed to do now. Walk him back to his dorm? Dance again? Get them something to drink? Before he can overthink too much-

"Would you look at that." Sebastian is pointing up.

Dangling above their heads is a sprig of mistletoe. A sprig of mistletoe that was definitely not there a moment ago. Leander swears he can head Phillip snickering nearby. Busybody.

"You know, I've heard that if you don't kiss under the mistletoe, it's bad luck," says Sebastian conversationally. "I'd normally say I don't believe it and go about my evening, but we've got a Potions exam coming up, and I dunno if I want to risk it."

"With my marks in Potions, I don't think I can risk a stroke of bad luck right now, either..."

Neither of them mention, of course, that said exam is almost two months away, and any superstitious bad luck would surely have worn off by then. Sebastian leans in and gently presses his lips to Leander's. It's quick, so much so that if you blinked you might miss it, but it is easily the highlight of Leander's evening.

Perhaps it's a good thing he came to the ball after all.

[fictionstudent]

How to begin writing TODAY!

Writing is like a plant. It needs time, care, and love. Your stories won't write themselves—you need to put in the time to learn to write, and then actually write them down, y’know.

All of it takes time. A lot, I’m afraid. And it takes even more time to start seeing any form of results. People spend years honing their crafts before they even self-publish a single novella on Amazon.

That's why people don't get anywhere if they don't enjoy just the writing part—you can never earn from writing until you’ve spent a lot of time and resources into the craft. It’s kinda like YouTube—you need that watchtime on your channel before you can monetize. But the thing is: writing doesn't have a watchtime feature. You can't quantify how far you’ve come and how far you’ve still got to go.

You need to discipline yourself if you wanna get somewhere. But… how do you do that, lol? Here’s my two pennies on how to start writing, and keep up at it.

***

#01 - When to Start

You can’t pick up your laptop one random day and just start writing a story. Nope, that's not how it works, even though some might say otherwise.

A good writer should understand when is the right time to start typing the words out, y’know. If you have an idea for a story, you need to have some form of outline. Yeah, you can be a pantser—it’s a term used for those fiction writers who write without an outline—but at least you need some form of story. Know the beginning, at least. And know your characters.

Know something about your story, and the direction you want to take it, before you start putting pen to paper.

The reason I’m suggesting you this is because just inspiration is not enough. It can get you somewhere, but after a point, you might feel lost. Stories often end up in places where you might not want them to be, and then you just feel disheartened. Or, ideas might just stop hitting you after some point.

An idea of where to begin is enough, but you also need an idea of where to end. I’ve personally tried several times where I just had a single-line idea of a plot, and I wanted to create a story out of it. Didn't work. I personally need some loose outlines to start first.

What I’m trying to get at is you should know what’s the best time for you to start writing your story. Some don't write a single word before they know exact what happens when, and how. Some, like me, need some loose outlines. Some don't need outlines at all—just the first scene is enough to get them started.

Know what you are—a pantser, planner, or plantser—and start only when you feel like you have enough ideas that could keep you going for a couple weeks. Or if you feel like you could churn enough ideas that could keep you going.

***

#02 - Time

Writing takes time. And if you wanna get somewhere, you need to have a schedule.

Y’know, different writers might commit different amounts of time to writing. Some write once or twice a week, some (liek me lol) write everyday. And, you need to know which one works for you.

And—and I hate to be the bearer of bad news—it doesn't depend on you. The amount of time you can spend on writing depends more on your life. Are you a student? Or do you work?

And how many friends do you have? How busy is your work?

You need to take care of all these aspects of life that you can't mess up with, and then softly rearrange them all to fit something like writing in it. That’s why I hated the times when I shifted schools, houses, or when I was promoted to college. Because those shifts meant that I had to rearrange my day’s schedule again, and somehow fit writing in it.

And, before you start rearranging everything, I need to tell you something else—you need to be realistic about it. You can't just come back from college and sit back to write, y’know. If you generally take some rest during that time, take your rest. Please. Don't cut down on the time you rest or eat or sleep.

Why, you might ask? Is it because I care about you fellow writer? NO!

The thing is: it just won't work. You need sleep and food and rest to keep functioning, and if you think you can cut on that time and allot it to writing, you won't be able to keep on doing it long-term. You’d relapse. There would be days you’d be hungry, or sleepy, or tired, and you’d think you should just rather go take care of yourself instead of writing. And then you’d do that. And soon, you’d stop writing altogether.

I wrote at six to eight in the morning everyday for a couple of months. But I’m just not a morning person. I can't sleep before twelve in the night, and so I was sleeping for, like, four-five hours a night. You can't keep on going with that sort of schedule.

Firstly, I was sleepy all the time. When writing too, yeah—even though I’d just woke up and taken a bath—but also during my lectures. I slept through all of my political science classes and nearly failed that course. Zero-on-ten experience, not recommended.

Secondly, like I said, you’d relapse. Be true to yourself. You can't keep going on like this, man. Going to bed at one, waking up at five won't work for long. A recipe for disaster.

That's why I urge you to be realistic with the schedule that you make for yourself. Yeah, make a schedule. And appoint time for writing only where you know it’d work. Take enough rest, sleep, and use enough Instagram too. 

***

#03 - Know When to Skip

Yeah. There are, no doubts, going to be days when you just don't feel like it. Writing feels like a pain, ideas don't hit you anymore, you’ve just come from a stressful day at work and are tired. We’ve all been there.

At that point, you need to ask yourself: are you really tired, or are you just tired for writing?

I mean, if it’s the first, you should probably work on your schedule. If it’s a one-day thing, that’s fine. Skip it.

But, if it’s the second reason, you need to dig deeper. Why does writing tire you now? Why are you not interested in your story anymore? Where’s the spark gone?

There's a high chance that you’re just not motivated to write this story, y’know. Writing can be a pain for a lot of reasons.

One thing you need to keep writing is to keep yourself motivated. To keep yourself interested. Because that’s how you’d be willing to spend more and more time as days go by, y’know.

And, if it’s the second reason: don't skip. Sit down. Write. And think about what’s not working. And why is it not working. You need to diagnose this problem yourself, and then fix it.

***

#04 - Know When to Go on a Break

I can’t even stress on how many times I’ve tried skipping on trips with my family just because I wanted to write. And I should stress even more on how many times I’ve kept myself going on when I was burnt down to my core and needed a break.

When you’re too pumped up, you do all that stuff. But, as they say, even a lot of something is bad for you. Same with writing.

It’s kinda hard to believe, but that’s true. Firstly, don't skip on stuff. Live your life. If there are days your friends are calling you for a party, and that means you have to skip writing—do it. Skip writing.

Go travel with your family. Go live life, man. You don't just need the skills to write, after all—you need these experiences too. So go get ‘em.

Secondly, know when you’re burnt out. Regular hiatuses are important for any author. Don't start working on the next book of your trilogy if you’ve just completed the first. Go take a break first.

Don't push yourself too hard. I did that. Very recently. I was burnt out to my core, and it was hard pushing myself through. But I loved writing, so I made sure I took out two hours of my day for that.

But my story suffered. I lost all interest in it. Writers’ block hit me hard—even though I was working on a second draft, so I mostly knew where I was gonna take the story forward. I averaged around three-four hundred words a day—and that’s when I could actually write something—even though I used to average around fifteen-hundred a day. A big fall. And, there were days I just wrote a hundred words in two hours.

Those were some hard times, to be honest. I literally thought that I was probably growing out of it, and I was afraid if I did. Luckily, it was just a burnout, and a two-week’s break was enough to get me back.

And I’d scrapped the old project, lol. It was seriously bad.

Anyway, what I mean is that you need to know when to take breaks too. Writing is not just about writing. It’s also about learning about life.

***

Conclusion

I have an important announcement to make today. I’ve finally launched my very own newsletter! Yeah, that’s right. Now you’d find a really annoying click-me-master link at the very end of every single one of my blogs.

So, if you want more blogs like this one straight onto your inbox, click here!

I hope you have a nice day. Meet’cha next time!

[icey--stars]

A/N: to hell with the name of the fiance. I didn’t wanna look for one XD and if I didn’t look, it’d be somethin stupid like jEniFeR (gross, normal names)

welcome to a short-ish part two where we see Azriel's Fiance's reaction and the IC's. enjoy. (ALSO IM SO SORRY I FORGOT ABOUT THIS UNTIL TWO DAYS AGO *sobs*)

TW: Mature audiences only (some suggestive nsfw sentences, no explicit sex scenes)

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

Azriel’s foot was tapping against the floor as he walked into the River House’s living room area. The fireplace was left unlit and Azriel forced himself to stop moving as he sat down, looking at the rest of his family. It had been a few weeks since the meeting now (time he inevitably spent with Eris, fucking off their mating bond frenzy).

The mated couples all sat together. Well… besides him and Eris. Eris was sat in the armchair a few feet away from him, saying that he was merely there so the idiots could prove it. His fiance sat closest to him and guilt gnawed at his chest. Mor and Amren sat together as well, staring at him. Mor was kept glancing at Eris though. His shadows were curled up in the shadows of his wings.

Rhys, luckily, took pity on him. “Azriel, I believe we all heard a very specific word, ‘mate’ at the last meeting of Prythian,” he mused.

Azriel’s foot tapping immediately resumed and he sighed. “Eris is my mate,” he said just loud enough for it to be heard by fae ears around the room. “And I’ve accepted it. As has he.”

Mor audibly took a breath. “Him?” She asked, sounding slightly accusatory.

“Do you need to walk over here and smell it?” Azriel countered. “I’m not lying, Mor. And yes, he is my mate.” A bit of a protective rumble made it into his tone.

Cassian suddenly was giggling like a little girl as he leaned over his knees. “Oh my goodness, Az, you-”

Azriel’s eyes narrowed. “What?” He asked.

“You looked so goddamn worried that I was afraid you were going to say you’re going off to live in Hybern or some shit,” Cassian said between his chuckles. “I think most of us have gotten past the mate bond between you. The only question is what’s going to change.”

Azriel bit his lip at that and sighed. “That is what I’m here to discuss,” he admitted. His shadows went swirling up in the air around him.

Rhys seemed to perk up at that with Feyre.

“Eris Vanserra, the High Lord of the Autumn Court, is my mate. And I’m the Spymaster of the Night Court,” Azriel stated. “Those two things don’t exactly mix. There’s also the matter of…”

He glanced at his probably now ex-fiance. He sighed, and grabbed her hand. “Darling, I-”

“Azriel, you don’t need to explain,” She cut him off. “I can see it in your eyes. I could sense it long before this. Longing. I’m happy for you, Azriel. Disappointed, yes. But it’s not like you’re the only male in the world. You gave me a home, Azriel. A family. That’s not going away. Neither are you. If anything, we’re now probably the only people in this court who can get actual gossip.”

Azriel chuckled at that, but relief went flooding through him. Goddamnit, he thought. He did not expect that understanding. No, he expected some more screaming.

“You’re sure?” He asked.

“Azriel, I’ve never seen you happier. It’s Eris, but you’re happy. That’s all that matters. I think I can grow to like the fool anyway,” She admitted with a chuckle. She glanced past him at the red-head who was now sitting straighter at the subtle insult.

Eris opened his mouth to craft some silver-tongued retort, but she cut him off as well. “Oh relax, Eris. We insult each other playfully in this family. Get used to it.”

That settled the male and Azriel paused at the words, glancing at her and then at the rest of the room for their reactions.

Rhys was sitting taller but he smiled gently when Azriel made eye contact with him. “We are happy for you, Azriel. It doesn’t matter who’s your mate when you’re grinning like an idiot. As for the political situation…”

Eris spoke up quickly, “I actually had a compromise for that,” he mused.

Rhys raised a brow. He shrugged and replied, “Let’s hear it then.”

“If you look at it from the point of view of a marriage alliance, it does make more sense,” Eris began to explain. “It is simply an opportunity for our courts to grow closer. And going by her words, it’s already being done.” He gestured towards Azriel’s ex-fiance. “The simple question is: do you trust me?”

Rhys hummed, glancing at Feyre with glazed over eyes.

“And that is the plan?” Feyre asked. “There is a conflict of interest for Azriel. We all know he wouldn’t betray his family, but neither would he betray his mate.”

Eris chuckled. “We share,” he simply replied. “You already have a fine replacement for some of the work Azriel does,” he said, gesturing again to his ex-fiance. “A fine one at that. Azriel could be a bridge between our courts. A player for both sides. I’m certain he’s able to keep the right secrets so there would also be no need for keeping anything from him.”

Rhys hummed, glancing at Azriel and then back at Eris. “I suppose you’re right,” he mused finally after a few agonizing moments of silence. “I do trust my brother to keep the right secrets. What role would he take on in your court, however?”

Eris shrugged. “Whatever role he chose.”

“I’m not a good emissary or lord,” Azriel admitted.

“Then be my spymaster,” Eris suggested. “Spymaster of Night and Autumn.”

Feyre tilted her head and then hummed. “I suppose with a skilled female to help take on some of Azriel’s work, that would be possible. Rhys?”

“I think the title fits Az,” Rhys admitted, looking at him. “And you’re capable of winnowing, so I believe the both of us can come to that compromise. I must say, Eris, it certainly will take work for us to become as close knitted as you say, but it is possible. Especially when you’re now invited to family dinners.”

Eris’s brows furrowed. “Family dinners?” He repeated in confusion. “I’m not-”

Azriel began chuckling. Cassian stood up with a determined grin. He walked over to Eris who stood up so he wasn’t craning his neck so hard.

Then Cassian crushed him in a hug. “Welcome to fucked up family!” He yelled. “You’re an ass, but you’re Azriel’s mate now so you’re obligated to get hugs now.”

Eris looked absolutely squished and uncomfortable, but Azriel couldn’t help but laugh. He knew Eris’s experience with family, so perhaps this would be a good change for him. A way to gain experience and maybe help the relationships with his brothers. 

A good change.

Azriel had walked into this room absolutely terrified.

But everything had somehow worked out. And while he was absolutely bewildered by it, it was comforting all the same.

Hiiii

I saw your requests are open but feel free to ignore this if it isnt

Oh, Queen of angst

would you please bless us with a story where azriel is engaged but not to Eris

Yes you read that right, but wait hear me out

He is still in love with Eris (no mating bond though just love)

Centuries ago or decades whatver he was forced to end things with Eris because what he thought the IC's reaction was

So he watches Eris longingly at a Highlords meeting and then boom, Eris and his mating bond snaps just like that (prompted or unprompted your choice) And Eris is standing there horrified because azriel broke things off with him and he is still in love with Azriel but he thinks azriel doesnt feel the same

And Azriel standing there shocked but super happy because now no one can say anything about his love for Eris because even the mother belives in it. His fiancee and the rest of the IC are there like 😨 Feel free to ignore this but if you would write this I would be ever so indebted to you 🥺🥺 Okii Thanks 🙏 for reading this far and indulging me

I Could Never Forget You

Azriel is incapable of keeping his eyes to himself and oop... now he's got a mate bond on his hands with Eris who he ended things off with centuries ago. What will they do? - 2k words

Author's Note: Darling anon, I wrote this to the best of my abilities (and actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would so thank you lol). I changed the “Az is super happy” part a tad because I really can’t see them being in anything other than pure shock and horror at the situation even while hope blooms. Hope you enjoy regardless!

I did end things off before we got the IC’s and his fiance’s reactions so if you were especially looking for those, let me know! I can add it in a reblog :) just may take some more thinking

TW: suggestiveness to sexual activities (VERY little but minors beware)

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

It had been centuries and that damned face still made his heart flutter like he was some teenage male. It was infuriating. Maybe even more than infuriating. Azriel glanced over at the female who sat next to him. She smiled back warmly, the Illyrian wings behind her twitching some in his direction.

He forced a smile to curve his lips. His fiance. Gods, it was stupid. She was a great female. So amazing that she was practically the only fae Rhysand went to when he needed something handled in the Illyrian camps. She was strong, powerful, demanding, downright gorgeous objectively, and a little bit vain at points. He didn’t know why he felt so guilty.

Azriel’s gaze traveled back across the table. They were in the Dawn Court for the annual High Lords’ meeting to establish trade and peace. And guess who sat directly across from him?

The one and only Eris Vanserra.

His hair was down, which was rare to see. Normally it was worn in complex braids all up and around in Eris’s hair. But the smug bastard still had that smirk on his face as he glanced over at Azriel.

Eris scoffed and turned his head away which was not helpful because it showed off his neck muscles and those damned ears. As per usual, they were covered in jewelry. Chains and rings and dangly little charms. All of it.

And though he was trying to lie to himself, it did look damn good.

Centuries ago, he’d cut things off with Eris. He had to. His family, especially Mor, would’ve hated him. He was sure of that.

And he had a fiance now for the gods’ sake. Why did the damned bastard still make his palms clammy and his cheeks heat up?

It’s possibly the stupidest thing of all time. Yes, he had once loved Eris. But he had responsibilities and loyalties to his court now.

Even if the bastard was way too attractive for his own good.

Azriel sighed and turned his head to try and pay attention to the actual meeting. Thesan and Kallias were having some sort of conversation over trade while Tarquin was trying to cut in with his own plans. Not fighting per say, but definitely close to arguing as usual at these meetings. Nobody truly got along. It was tolerance at best.

Eris swirled his whiskey around in his glass, taking a small sip from it and smirking at the chaos that was being wrought. Likely, it was whiskey brought from Autumn since Azriel knew he hated any other types of whiskey. 

“It just doesn’t burn the same, Az,” He’d argued.

And of course that’s where Azriel’s gaze brought him once again.

His fiance squeezed his hand as if in question and he squeezed back in reassurance. He was fine. He just had to get the redhead out of his mind. (An impossible feat, he might add. Eris had a tendency to effortlessly bring attention to him.)

“Rhys,” Eris suddenly spoke, turning his head away from the arguments beginning. “Was there anything useful you were going to bring to this meeting?”

Rhys sat up a little with Feyre beside him looking exhausted. “Nothing more than news that Hewn City would like to begin trading salt out again.”

Eris’s brows raised in interest. “Salt, you say?” He asked. “Now that’s quite the commodity they’re offering. Shall I talk to Kier?”

“You can manufacture a deal with us,” Feyre spoke up. “We’ll pass it along.”

And here was even more proof that Azriel needed to get Eris off his mind. It would only end poorly.

Eris chuckled softly and hummed in response. “Shall we spar then, Feyre?” He asked. “I’m certain any deals I offer would be more than satisfactory.”

Feyre sighed. “Let’s hear it then,” she replied. Her eyes betrayed her exhaustion, though. Little Nyx was in his teenage phase where he called his own parents and family dumb in order to get independence. Only “Uncle Azzie” was allowed to talk to him now as long as he didn’t bring up anything the little one didn’t want to talk about.

The usual trade talk commenced with bargains going both ways and Azriel found himself just staring at Eris, watching his hair sway slightly when he leaned over the table. He could just imagine pulling it.

“Azriel, do pick up your jaw,” Eris suddenly said, staring directly at him. “I know I’m handsome, but your fiance is sitting right beside you.”

Azriel didn’t even realize his jaw had dropped. He was practically drooling. What the fuck.

And then something happened. He couldn’t describe the feeling well but it felt like something just snapped between him and Eris, yanking him closer to the male. He suddenly felt worry coming down the mysterious thread within his chest.

Then he glanced up at Eris’s furrowed brows.

Azriel took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. Words refused to escape his throat even as hard as he tried.

His fiance rested a hand on his shoulder and he tensed, sitting up immediately.

Rhys seemed to notice now, narrowing his eyes. The daemati knocked on his mind shields and Azriel let them down hesitantly.

What’s wrong? Rhys asked.

He couldn’t respond in words and only pushed the overwhelming feeling towards Rhys’s presence in his mind.

What is it? He asked desperately, hoping, praying that his brother would have the answer this time.

Rhys glanced over at Eris and narrowed his eyes. The other male was also reacting the same way, but he was holding his chest in shock while staring at Azriel.

“Mate,” Eris suddenly breathed in shock.

Azriel’s eyes went wide. That word. It sounded right. Which meant a few things: Eris was his mate. He had a fiance that wasn’t his mate. But he also still very obviously loved Eris despite the centuries. And another thing: his entire family knew. Fuck. How was he supposed to play this off?

“What?” Cassian suddenly asked, leaning over the table. “Did you just say mate?”

“Azriel,” Eris said sharply when he tried to push his chair away from the table to make a run for it.

“What,” he said roughly, his voice scratchy from emotion of some sort. He couldn’t identify it yet. But with Eris’s sharp tone, he also found himself frozen in place.

Rhys had this look on his face. Somewhere between surprise, confusion, and honestly with those furrowed brows, possibly the anger Azriel had been expecting centuries ago when he broke things off with Eris.

His fiance rested a hand on his shoulder again and this time, he flinched violently, letting out a gasp.

“Az,” she tried. “Take a breath,” she commanded.

Azriel’s shadows luckily took pity on his state and rushed up to cover his face while panic creeped up his spine. All conversation had quieted down by now.

“Eris, Azriel,” Rhys began, “let’s go outside for a moment, shall we?”

Azriel pushed himself from his seat at that escape from so many eyes and quickly followed his brother out even as Eris trailed them from behind.

“Azriel, you need to breathe,” Rhys said softly once they were in the hallway alone.

Azriel forced himself to suck in a breath, closing his eyes.

A rush of calm rushed through him suddenly from that string in his chest and his head shot up, shadows falling from his face in shock. It’d been like a jolt to his system to restart and work again.

And Eris was in front of him, tilting his head with concern evident in his facial expression. “Azriel,” Eris began. “Are you alright?”

He let out a sigh before he nodded. “I’m fine,” He managed to get out. He was… not fine, but fine enough for whatever conversation was likely to occur.

Eris scoffed as if he clearly knew it was a lie, but seemed to accept the answer. “Well then, I believe there needs to be a conversation, now doesn’t there?” He prompted.

“Should I let you two handle this?” Rhys asked, raising a brow.

“Go Rhys,” Azriel mumbled. “We’ll handle this. Let my fiance know that I’m fine?” He requested.

Rhys nodded and walked off.

Then he faced Eris and sighed, rubbing his eyes with his forefinger and thumb. “Eris…”

“You want to reject the bond,” Eris finished for him. “It makes sense. You broke things off centuries ago and you have a fiance who loves you. I get it, Az. You don’t care about me.”

Azriel jerked his head back in shock. “I wasn’t going to say that,” He said to Eris, his brows furrowing. He swallowed back his hesitation and sighed. “I do care about you, fireheart.”

Eris’s brows furrowed even more at the pet name. It’d been one of the things that Azriel had called them when they had been dating. It represented his determination, his flames and encompassed part of who he was. Azriel knew he’d gotten the male’s attention with it.

“Then what exactly is your plan, Az?” Eris asked. “You have a fiance.”

Azriel sighed, rubbing his face again as he leaned back against the wall, uncaring of the fact his wings were being partly crushed by the action. “Eris… I didn’t break things off back then because I didn’t want you.”

Eris’s eyes narrowed. “Then why?” He asked calmly.

“My… my family means a lot to me. You know that. I got pathetically scared over their reaction,” Azriel mumbled, a tad ashamed of the fact.

Eris raised a brow, but then he seemed to relax. “So what does being mates mean then?” He asked.

“Maybe it’s proof that I shouldn’t have given up what I loved all those centuries ago,” Azriel admitted, glancing up at Eris timidly.

Eris’s expression softened. “So you were scared?” He repeated. “Are you still scared?”

Azriel paused to think for a moment. Mates were chosen by the Mother. And while he’d met mates that weren’t meant for each other… he also knew how well Eris and he were getting on centuries ago. And though they had changed since then, he doubted it would put a stake through the possibilities of them.

“I can’t be scared if we’ve been chosen by the Mother, Eris. More than half my family knows the significance of the mating bond. I don’t think they’d fault me for trying.”

“And would they fault you if it’s me?” Eris emphasized.

“Going by how Rhys reacts when someone tries to insult Feyre, I don’t think I would physically be able to stop myself if they did try to fault me,” Azriel admitted with a slight chuckle.

Eris rolled his eyes with a smirk. “You do have a fiance, however,” He reiterated. “Are you so certain I’m worth it?”

“I was shocked at first, Eris. But… I want that, Eris. With you. We’d already been planning on how to manage the political situation anyway once you became High Lord. What’s stopping us now?” Azriel asked, a small grin making its way onto his face.

Eris chuckled. “Nothing, I suppose,” he murmured as he took a step closer.

Azriel didn’t try to stop his immediate urge to kiss those lips and practically lunged forward off the wall to grab Eris’s chin and press their lips together.

Eris let out a soft sound of surprise before he melted into it. It was soft. Like coming back home.

It felt like hours before they were forced to pull away to breathe. Azriel panted for a moment, meeting Eris’s gaze.

“You always were a sap,” Eris teased.

Azriel scoffed. “And you aren’t?” He emphasized.

“Oh, I’m unafraid to admit that I am these days,” Eris mused.

For a moment, they just seemed to take the situation in. Then Eris stood up a little straighter. “Speak to your family, Az. Then come find me at the cabin. I think I’m craving a little more than a kiss.”

Azriel scoffed. “Insatiable,” he mused.

“Oh you know I am,” Eris said with a smirk. After a moment, he asked, “Are you really going to end things off with your fiance for me?” There was a little insecurity in that tone.

“Fireheart,” Azriel began. “The only reason I was attracted to her was because she reminded me so much of your spark. She’s become integrated into the family. I think she’d understand. In fact, she might be useful to Rhys while I take a break to deal with the inevitable frenzy.”

Eris scoffed. “And you call me insatiable?” He asked.

“I could never forget you, Eris. You and I are fated.” Azriel replied with a genuine smile.

↢ 『 ☾ 』 ↣

A/N: Shh… yes I used “fireheart” as Az’s petname for Eris. IT FIT TOO WELL SHHHHHHHH.

Also, this was not edited. I am lazy. Apologies for any and all mistakes. If I ever reread this, the facepalm I'll give myself is plenty punishment.

Tagged in all ACOTAR Stories: @bunnymallowo, @officiallyunofficialperson, @margssstuff, @rebloggiest-reblogger, @inpraizeof, @graciereads, @eos-princess, @bubybubsters, @fieldofdaisiies, @skyesayshi, @lilah-asteria,

Tagged in all Azriel Stories: @ladylokilaufeyson5, @marina468,

[bambiraptorx]

Aight I've heard the whole "the normal amount of pain is zero" thing but like how much pain is the normal amount after relatively strenuous and/or unusual activity? Like when you're doing stuff you wouldn't necessarily normally do and you're not used to it? By that I mean being on your feet for four to five hours lol I have no idea how people work eight-hour shifts at my job

[thatfaerieprincess]

Feel free to skip on past this, I’ve just gotta ramble for a minute bc i cant stop thinking about this kid from work last week. They were so much like me at that age (5-6th grade) that I didn’t know how to interact with them? I didn’t know what to say to them bc I don’t know what I needed to hear back then, what I would’ve WANTED to hear? What would I have even listened to? They were almost entirely silent and looked out at the world with a hesitant curiosity, but would pull back so fast as soon as you tried to interact w them. Little to no eye contact, face hidden in hair, always looking down, following others until they could strike off on their own and just quietly explore. Intently focusing on drawing any chance they got. We did an art project and they hunched over their piece the entire time and wouldn’t let any of us see it in progress, refusing to look up or acknowledge us if we asked to see it or to know what it was. Idk. I barely interacted w them while they were with us for those few days bc I didn’t know how? It almost hurt to try? It was like looking back into a time machine and i didn’t know how to tell them that it does get better,,, I still don’t even know if where I am is better, some days feel so unsure that I don’t think I’ve made any progress at all. But seeing that kid, idk. I’ve come pretty far. And it DOES get better. Maybe it’s not the best now, or even that great at all, but it’s better. I wish I could’ve told them but I don’t think they’d have wanted to hear it anyway

[alsaurus-loves-dean]

.

[theskywaslookingback]

My dad: *texts my mom the day after Father’s Day to see if I was mad at him because I didn’t call him*

Also my dad: *sends me a text on Easter and then radio silence for months* *does not call to ask if I have plans for my birthday* *does not text to check in on me* *does not invite me over to his house for anything ever* *allows my stepmom to use his money to prioritize her kids over me* *literally doesn’t ever act like he wants anything to do with me actually* *cancels or changes plans at the last minute because he decides he wants to drink instead* *offers to help my mom pay my car payments and then never does* *gets us gym memberships and then cancels them without warning because he didn’t have the money and just doesn’t tell me* *cannot hold a thirty second conversation without mentioning ‘the Chinese threat’ or ‘Covid was invented by democrats to replace Trump in office’*

My dad: Why doesn’t my child call me? I am the specialist most important person in the whole wide world. What could she have to be mad about?

[voidfeather]

i should probably read homestuck huh

[areyoudoingthis]

having a mental breakdown over the painters accidentally covering up the holes in the wall I used to hang my plant holders from cause i no longer have access to my father's drill ✌🏻

[ssoupcup]

I forgot i did this silly little sketch like a month back of some alternate timeline where websoup was a good person. I think it was inspired by some tiktok art challenge?idfk man do with this information what you will lmao im off to bed

[insert-funny-url-here]

Just the other day I was chatting with an older woman about this exact thing. She's retired so she enjoys going on almost-daily walks around her neighborhood and the surrounding neighborhoods. Well she told me that it was really weird that in the newer constructions where the younger families live, EVERYONE has their blinds closed all the time. In fact she can tell a younger family lives in a house based on the simple fact of whether or not their blinds are closed in the middle of a sunny day. It's to the point where she can't even tell if they're even HOME and available for a visit to welcome them to the neighborhood!

When she said that, I realized that I do that too when I live in a more publicly visible apartment. I told her that I think it's because of the internet. Younger people feel like we're constantly being watched, observed, and JUDGED for merely existing. So when we're home, we just want to be alone, unbothered, and unobserved because it's the one place we can control that. She was very surprised to hear that I felt like that and she was VERY concerned for us young folk (and to be honest after talking with her I became pretty concerned too...)

People from her generation will have their blinds open all day, hang out on their front porch, and randomly visit/enjoy random visits from neighbors and strangers. If a stranger knocks on my door it's scary and if they want to stay and chat? It's a huge inconvenience and it feels super awkward and weird and I'm stuck wondering why exactly they're talking to me, when just a few decades ago welcoming someone new to the neighborhood was just what you did! In fact to not do so was rude!

It made me really worried that as the Panopticon sinks its teeth deeper into our psyches, we are losing the very essence of what makes us human and got us this far as a species: community. I find that being on the internet for hours a day tends to almost trick my brain into thinking "I've been social all day, my social need is full" when in reality I've only talked to one, maybe two people I know from my real life all day, and only for short bursts, not REAL conversation.

I find it hard to have the energy to invite friends to hang out, and when I want to I feel like I'm a big inconvenience for asking them to take a break from their busy lives for me (not that they would ever say that's the case, but it's this nagging feeling internally). I feel like while we used to be a series of large islands of local community, our islands splintered apart and started drifting away from each other. Now your island is just you, your immediate family, and maybe a couple close friends. Those living physically closest to you feel like they're miles away and unreachable, to the point where you might as well not even bother.

I guess I just have one question for you: Do you know the names of your next door neighbors?

[nezuscribe]

you’re glad to have a friend like arranged!gojo, it feels good to have somebody to talk to and listen to. you feel nice being able to laugh with somebody and not apologize for the awful jokes or strange things you say. but sometimes you have to stop yourself from getting attached, reminding yourself that he won’t care for you like that.

and though that’s the farthest from the truth, it’s what you’ve convinced yourself. so when your birthday comes around, you decide to celebrate the way you always have, alone.

he’s your friend, not a husband, so you don’t see any need in dragging him into this ordeal.

you bake a little cake for yourself a couple day in advance, just like you used to at your old home. you stash it away for when night rolls around and it’s just yourself, you can enjoy it the way you have for years.

when you were little you would gawk and stare at the lavish parties your father and his wife threw for your sisters, the balls and the presents growing bigger and bigger the more they grew up. you’d mimic their behaviors on your own, dressing up in the best dress you had (a hand me downs from your older sister that never fit quite right) and pretended you too were surrounded by a room of people as they watched you eat cake.

and sure, when you were younger you’d feel embarrassed eating by yourself surrounded by drawings of people you’d prop up on chairs, but it’s become tradition now (not the drawings, you realize now how depressing that must’ve looked).

so the night of your birthday you take the cake you had hidden in the back of the ice den out, bringing it to the corner of the kitchens where the cooks kept the little table for themselves and began cutting into it, cursing yourself for freezing it too long.

you serve yourself a piece, hunching over your plate as you dug in with your fork, eating in silence.

you write a little note for the cooks to enjoy the rest of it as you place it back in the den once you were done, going back to your room for the night.

the following day when you were walking around the library looking for something new you spot gojo talking to one of his advisors, his eyes focused and his tilted slightly as he gave him all of his attention.

you pause, holding back until you were sure they were done with their conversation to reveal yourself from behind one of the looming bookshelves, watching as the advisor bowed his head to you before he left.

the crease between his eyebrows relaxes, his eyes softening when you waved at him, your smile gleaming.

“i didn’t see you for breakfast,” he tells you as he walks over to where you were standing, pushing some of his hair back as you grin apologetically.

“i slept in,” you admit sheepishly, tired from last night as you play with your fingers, “i also might’ve been a little snippy with alina when she tried to wake me up.”

gojo snorts, absentmindedly pulling some books out and putting them back in as he rests his side on the wall of binded pages.

“baking?” he asks simply, knowing you well enough to know that the only reason you’d miss breakfast would be because you spent the majority of the night in the kitchens.

“how’d you know?” you tease, crossing your arms over your chest as he tsks, his fingers picking some stray leaves from your head from earlier when you were walking through the gardens.

“i help whisk the butter and sugar when you don’t feel like it. i don’t know why you keep me out of the kitchens,” he murmurs petulantly and you chuckle a little bit, rolling your eyes at his antics.

“it’s for your own sake,” you tell him, a glimmer in your eyes that he’d chase around the world the see, “and besides, i wasn’t baking. i was enjoying the fruits of my previous labor.”

gojo squints a little bit, confused. usually you eat what you make the night of, sometimes bringing a plate by his room if it’s not too late.

“when else did you bake this week without me?” he asks, trying to mask his hurt with a playful grin, trying to recall the times he heard back from one of his guards that you were down in the kitchens.

“only a few days ago, when i trying to assemble the cake.” you say with a shrug. his mouth opens in shock, a pout on his lips as he averts your gaze.

“you had cake? without me?” he almost whines it out and you shove his boot with the point of your shoe, trying to calm him down.

who would’ve thought the most fearsome warrior of the north, hell, the entire kingdom, would have such a sweet-tooth?

“it was small,” you try to reason, “and you wouldn’t have liked the flavors. it’s a recipe from the west.”

gojo groans, stepping closer to you as he gently flick your nose, watching the way you’d scrunch it up in annoyance.

“but you know i love cake,” he murmurs, “and you said you’d only bake it for birthdays…you lied to me,” his pink lips pull into a pout, one that you want to kiss off his gorgeous face, and control yourself from letting the heat get too much in your cheeks.

“well,” you quirk a brow, “if it helps, it was for a birthday.”

gojo looks up from the ground, brows furrowed once again in confusion.

“mine?” he says a little hopefully, as if it was anywhere near his birthday.

you snort, shaking your head as your finger pokes itself in your chest.

“mine…you idiot,” you mutter under your breath, wondering how somebody how his caliber could be so daft.

but he doesn’t seem to find it funny, in fact, his brows seem to meet in the middle, the pout gone form his lips as he frowns.

“what do you mean yours? your birthday isn’t for…? isn’t it in…?” he tries to think, think back to when your birthday was, only to realize he didn’t know, to realize he’d never asked you about it, always assuming it’d be something told to him.

“it’s nothing big,” you try to say quickly to cover up the awkwardness, “i usually just make myself a cake and get it over with.” you say with a chuckle but he’s not finding anything about this humorous.

great, you think bitterly to yourself, said something else and fucked it up. you wince, wishing you’d just stayed quite.

“your birthday was yesterday?” gojo asks, his voice hushed and heavy. he looks like he cares, he looks sad. you find it unnerving.

“i,” you laugh uncomfortably, fidgeting with your ring as you swallow thickly, “i think so...? i eyeball the day every year.”

truth be told you done really know what day you were born. your father never remembered the exact date seeing how the nature of his relationship with your mother was so secretive, and nobody ever found the true date out. so usually you find a date each year that you think matches with what time season you were born with and go with that.

gojo feels like his heart has slowed, watching the way you shrink into yourself the way he notices you’d i when you feel like you’ve done something wrong.

“eyeball?” he bites out and you wince at his tone, and he wishes he could take it back and start over again without the bite of a general in his words.

“look gojo it’s nothing, really,” you insist, waving him off as you try to escape, shifting around so you were closer to the doorway, “it’s just a day, it’s nothing important,” you tell him reassuringly.

but he doesn’t believe you, running a hand down his face as he pinches at the bridge of your nose.

“why do you write these things off as if they’re not important?” his voice is deep, echoing around the walls of the vast library as your hold your breath, “why don’t you-”

“because it’s not important,” you say again, your voice a little bit harsher, “it’s just a day.”

his eyes drown in blue, dark and wavering like the shoreline.

“then why bake a cake?” he snaps, not in anger but in genuine questioning, and your face falls a little.

maybe because years ago you thought it was something important. maybe because you want that little girl to feel like she matters.

he gapes, knowing he said something wrong, but can’t speak.

“i…” you open your mouth then close it again, looking away from him as you shrug, “i have to go, i - um, shoko asked for me.” you lie lamely, not caring as you bow your head down slightly to him before you briskly leave.

and maybe if you turned back you could see the way his face fell too.

but with all the maybes you’ve told yourself no to, you’ve grown accustomed to the belief that every maybe wouldn’t have a chance of becoming something.

because maybe if you had actually told him the truth when you wanted to a couple days ago, that you’d like to celebrate with him, he wouldn’t shut you down the way you’d imagined he would and maybe he would’ve said yes.

but for now you convince yourself that this man is a friend who pretends like he cares. because never once have you heard of a man caring so deeply for somebody that he’d shed a tear over the fact that you’d celebrate your birthday alone. but then again, you’ve never met a man like gojo before.