#and um. well. we all know how Normal i am about that sort of guy.... Not Normal At All LMAO

[dandyshucks]

okay stressful event done, hopefully i can be calm and normal again starting tomorrow 🙏

everyone put your lucky clovers and horseshoes together for me to hope that I did not get covid because I was the ONLY PERSON IN THE ENTIRE VICINITY WEARING A MASK. OUT OF 200 ISH PEOPLE. FUCK !

[jarofstyles]

Y/N goes over to her friends house to sleepover but then her friend somehow makes plans like while Y/N is still there but she can’t leave cause her friend was her ride. what she doesn’t know is her best friends brother (harry) is home and sees this all happening and is angry because his sister always doing this to Y/N so he spends the night with her

I am a complete sucker for best friend’s brother H… completely down bad so yes !! I got carried away so maybe I’ll continue this as a one shot, I don’t know.

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——

“What are you still doin’ here?” Harry stopped short as he passed the den, seeing Y/N sitting stiffly with her phone in hand. It wasn’t unlike her to be at their place, but he had heard his sister’s car leave 30 minutes prior. He knew they’d had plans, as they usually did during the weekend, so it had caught him off guard.

That, and the fact that he’d have put a shirt on if he knew she was around.

Y/N startled slightly as she looked up at him wide eyed. She didn’t have time to hide her bloodshot eyes or the fact her makeup was messed up, making his confusion grow.

The fuck had happened?

“Hey… hey, what happened? Thought you both were goin’ out to that new place for your birthday weekend.” He walked towards the couch to see that she was indeed dressed up. A cute little black dress and her hair straightened, glitter on her eyelids. Heels were kicked off to the side and she had her nails done in a deep red, something very unlike her. Harry paid a little too much attention to her, it seemed, and it wasn’t her normal soft pastel colored nails with a pretty design. She looked different.

Like she was trying to be the stereotypical version of sexy or something. He couldn’t exactly tell her that her normal looks were sexy in the cute, girl next door way, but this was more vixen, tear your heart out sort of thing. With a lot of shame, he momentarily wished the smeared makeup and tear tracks had been caused by choking on his cock rather than something birthing her heart- but that wasn’t something he should be thinking about right now.

“Um…” her noise was slightly nasally from the crying, eyes avoiding his gaze as he tenderly sat himself on the coffee table in front of her. “We were supposed to. But she… that guy she was seeing asked her to come to a quick trip.” Picking at her nails, she took a shuddery breath. “So she asked if we could do stuff next weekend.”

Harry’s brows furrowed at the situation. It didn’t make much sense, but neither did his sister. Unfortunately, he had seen that Livvy was one of those people who dropped everything for a man. She could have friends or a boyfriend. Both were a struggle for her.

Honestly, he’d been shocked that Y/N stuck around long as she had. He loved his sister to bits, but he wasn’t oblivious to her faults. Being boy crazy had never faired well for her friendships. Sometimes he had seen how she swooped in and took attention away from Y/N. He knew she loved her and cared about her, but his sister had some serious issues when it came to jealousy.

Y/N was ridiculously pretty. He’d been warned away from her, sure, but he had eyes. And a weird little distant crush he’d felt for her the last few years she’d come around. They had a polite friendship, but Livvy had been irritated about it and told him to keep a distance. Still, he knew she had to be jealous. They were both different types of pretty. He didn’t think much of his sister all things considered, but he thought a lot about the type of pretty Y/N was. It sort of thumped you in the chest and grew the longer you looked at her. And when you talked to her? Forget it. She was so fucking kind and attentive, one of those people you never doubted were listening to you. She was a little quiet at first but came out of her shell the longer he was around, and he’d liked everything he’d seen from her.

“That’s shit.” He whispered. “It’s your birthday weekend. It won’t be the same next weekend.” However that was the wrong thing to say, considering her eyes filled back with tears and he felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach. “Fuck, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.” Reaching out for her hand, he squeezed lightly as he tried to make it better.

Maybe Livvy would be pissed about it later but she’d have no room to complain when it was her doing. When she got back he was going to chew her out, tell her how good of a friend Y/N was and how lucky she was to have her- but for now? It was his mission to make her happy.

Y/N was going to have a good birthday weekend. He’d be sure of it.

“Listen. Let me go get dressed and we’ll go out t’eat. Okay?” Maybe he was a little presumptuous by thinking she’d want to spend time with him, but he had to imagine she was upset because she didn’t have other plans. “We’ll go out to eat and then go to the store t’get your favorite snacks and stuff. Can even bake a cake if you want. We’ll come back n’eat and watch whatever trash reality show or cheesy movie you want. You can sleep in the guest room and I’ll make you breakfast tomorrow or I’ll pick you up… I’ve got the weekend off.”

Harry was getting ahead of himself by assuming she’d want to spend the weekend together but he really fucking wanted to. He never got to spend alone time with her. How could he possibly complain about spending his weekend with a pretty girl?

“You’d… you’d really want to do that?” Her eyes met his in disbelief. “Don’t you have other plans or something? I don’t want to bother you. I swear I didn’t sit here to get pity, I just need to call an Uber or something and I can leave-“

“I don’t have any other plans. I really don’t mind. It would be fun to get out and do something. We don’t have to.” He reassured, reaching out to fix her hair. It has stuck to her damp face and he knew it had to be uncomfortable. “I know we don’t hang out a lot or anything but I consider us friends. My sister is extremely shitty for doing this but I really would like to make sure you have a good birthday. If you’re uncomfortable-“

“I’m not!” She peeped, grabbing his arm. “Not at all. I just don’t want to ruin your plans.”

“Well, my plans are now yours. Let’s get dressed and go out for our own celebration, shall we?”

[delimeful]

in sickness and in health (8)

warnings: captivity, arguing, remus talking about remus things, panic, gratuitous amount of puns, lmk if i missed any

-

“What’s going on?”

The impromptu staredown between all three humans was interrupted by Roman hurriedly leaning obnoxiously far over the counter, bodily blocking Patton’s view of the two borrowers.

“Patton!” he blurted, clearly aiming for a casual air and instead landing somewhere in the realm of ‘stewing in blatant panic and guilt’. “Hello there, what an unexpected and lovely surprise to see you here, in… the kitchen of your own home.”

Next to him, Virgil heard the small, distinct thwap of his fellow borrower’s palm meeting their face.

“…What’s going on?” Patton repeated, sounding far more awake this time.

“Extremely normal, non-fairy-related things,” Roman answered, visibly sweating.

“Extremely bloody Dionysian orgies,” Remus said at the same time, considerably louder.

Virgil could see just enough of Patton’s expression to watch the way it crinkled in a sort of morose confusion.

“In the kitchen?” he asked, voice pained, as though that was his main problem with the suggestion.

“If there aren’t any knives involved, can any orgy really be called Dionysian?” Remus replied in a faux-wise tone, lifting his arm to make a deeply inappropriate gesture in accompaniment with his words. This technically cleared the way back to the wall, but as it turned out, only for a moment.

Before either of them could get too hopeful about any chance of escape, Remus ended the gesture by quickly clapping his hands over the both of them in a makeshift dome shape.

Next to him, the other borrower only flinched a bit, but Virgil couldn’t help the outright squeak he made at the sudden limbs dropping down over them.

There was another pause from the humans above them, this one distinctly more harried.

“Um, guys?” Patton’s voice had gone from confused to concerned. “What was—?”

“Broken whoopee cushion,” Remus insisted. “Filled it with mayonnaise, you know how it goes.”

“He sneezed!” Roman added, his voice sliding up a few pitches. “Gesundheit, Remus! Totally nothing strange about that— Padre, wait!”

There were big steps drawing closer, now, and Remus’s hands cinched in a little tighter around the two of them. They were forced to huddle even closer together, and the other borrower’s bony elbow collided with his side in a way he wasn’t convinced was accidental.

He shot them a glare, which they returned with an expression that was equal parts indignant and frantic. After a second, they forced a barely-there whisper through grit teeth. “It’s your human. Will he hurt us?”

“How am I supposed to know?!” Virgil hissed back, just as quiet. “I didn’t ever get caught before you showed up!”

Not while the human was conscious enough to remember it, anyhow.

The other borrower’s eyes narrowed into slits, reminding Virgil that he probably shouldn’t be antagonizing the guy that already proved themself willing to try and murder him once. Before they could respond, though, the conversation over their heads continued.

“Guys,” Patton said, sounding stern. “What have we said about wrangling critters in my home?”

“That it was a firmly banned activity after the Great Frog Croak-tastrophe?” Roman guessed sheepishly. “And, y’know, that was certainly a fair and just ruling for that situation, however—!”

“Nuh-uh, I don’t wanna hear it,” Patton replied, unwavering. Virgil could practically envision the way his human was standing from his tone alone: hands on his hips, eyebrows raised expectantly. “Frog or not, I’m sure whatever you two caught will be much hoppier once they’re released safely outside, right Remus?”

“Eh, you might not feel the same after you see them, Pattycakes,” Remus warned. “I know I’m usually the harbinger of pests, wrangler of rats, champion of centipedes, but not even I know what to do about these guys.”

There was the shuffle of clothing, like Patton was shifting in place, and he sighed. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to figure it out together, huh?”

There was a moment of hesitation where Virgil assumed the twins were exchanging a wordless meaningful look, as they so often did, and then the distinct slide of glass across a countertop.

The moment the hands around them twitched, Virgil shifted into a crouched position, drawing his legs under him and preparing to bolt the moment there was space, even if it was probably totally futile. Next to him, he could feel the other borrower doing much the same.

Rather than lift off of them, however, the hands shifted to pinch even closer together, forming the shape of a spade, like a pair of nut shells that had been glued back together at the edges, leaving a hollow space inside. The two of them were forced to scramble upwards into the hold or get limbs stuck in between the sides of Remus’s palms as he scooped them up off the counter completely.

Virgil’s stomach dropped at the upwards movement, completely out of his control, and he reached out and latched onto the side of the other borrower’s shirt with a white-knuckled grip. They were still at least a little concussed, and Virgil wasn’t letting them get separated now, not when he’d already gotten himself into the most terrifying situation in his life saving them. Wherever they were going, they’d at least be stuck in it together.

To his surprise, the other borrower gripped him right back.

After only a few seconds, they were lowered and deposited onto a familiar smooth surface. Virgil grit his teeth at the feeling, resisting the urge to scream in frustration. He’d just gotten out of this stupid glass pitcher!

He didn’t get much time to seethe indignantly, however, because the moment Remus’s hands pulled away, there were much bigger problems to face.

Three of them, to be precise.

Heart in his throat, Virgil slowly lifted his head to look up at the face of his human, warped through the curve of the glass.

With a confused furrow to his brow, Patton moved to take a step closer, and then stopped short as the sight before him properly registered. His hand flew up to cover his mouth, his eyes widening with surprise. “Oh my!”

“I toad you so,” Remus interjected unhelpfully.

Roman cuffed his shoulder, and Remus immediately jabbed two fingers into Roman’s side in retaliation. It was only a firm warning look from Patton that kept them from devolving into another slap fight during the most terrifying moment of Virgil’s life.

Virgil shifted to stand, shuffling back until he didn’t have to crane his neck so painfully to make eye contact. Humans were so big, and it had never been more evident than it was now, staring up at giants.

Staring up at Patton. He was pretty sure he’d had a nightmare that had gone exactly like this. Well, minus the concussed would-be assassin. And the frog puns.

Patton, for his part, had developed a genuinely distressed twist to his features as he took in the sight of the two of them. After a moment of wavering, his gaze settled firmly on Virgil, sending a prickling sense of alarm up his spine.

“Hello again,” said Patton, smiling at him.

Virgil froze. The borrower behind him froze. Even the twins froze for a moment, before their heads both snapped around to stare at Patton with eerie synchronization.

“You know them?!” two voices asked, in two very different tones.

Virgil felt dread drop into his gut like a stone down a sewer grate. There was no way.

“I know one of them,” Patton answered, unperturbed by everyone’s shock. “That’s the little guy who helped take care of me while I was sick!”

He lifted a hand in demonstration and wiggled his fingers, the healing burns on them still visibly shiny.

The twins gaped. “He what?”

Behind him, in a far more bewildered tone, the other borrower echoed them: “You what?”

“You shut up,” Virgil muttered sourly without turning to look at them. His heart was practically shaking in his ribcage, knowing that the human had remembered all along, that Patton had returned home well-aware of the intruder in his walls.

The realization felt chilling, like a thimble of icy water had been dumped down his shirt. Patton hadn’t acted strange at all, hadn’t cast any speculative glances at the walls or scanned any shelves for undersized intruders. The twins and their ghost-hunting equipment clearly hadn’t known the truth, so why would Patton? Virgil hadn’t even suspected.

Who knew what would have happened after Roman and Remus left, and it was only the two of them, with Virgil blissfully unaware of the danger he was in?

Well. Caught like this, he supposed he was going to find out soon.

Patton’s smile faded, carefully watching the way Virgil’s chest was visibly shuddering with too-shallow breaths.

“You thought I froggot, huh?” he said, looking inexplicably sad. “I thought about it while I was in the hospital, and I kinda figured we’re really not supposed to know about you guys. That means it was pretty darn brave of you to try and help me anyways.”

Virgil swallowed, fear sticking in his throat. He didn’t know what to say. He certainly didn’t feel brave.

The other borrower stepped up to be at his side, ignoring Virgil’s reflexive attempt to shoulder them back behind him.

“I suppose the saying is true, then.” They paused, narrowing their eyes in a silent challenge. “No good deed goes unpunished.”

The encompassing flourish they made was a little wobbly, as though their balance was still off, but it got the point across: Patton had recovered from his illness, and they were stuck in a pitcher on his counter.

Virgil’s incredulity at the other borrower was enough to snap him out of the worst of his frozen terror, his head whipping to the side to stare at them.

They were insane. They had to be, using such sharp words and an even sharper tone with a human. This was just about the worst time to instigate an argument. The two of them were stuck in a pitcher on his counter!

Unsurprisingly, neither of the twins looked particularly happy with the accusatory turn the conversation had taken. Patton had been their friend for a long time. They had always jumped at the opportunity to defend him from harm in the past, and Virgil doubted that would change now.

For all their tomfoolery, the two of them could be downright vicious when they were angry. If they were willing to tear fellow humans a new one for messing with Patton, it was gruesome to imagine what they’d do to a pair of borrowers. They’d already been terrifying enough when they’d only been curious about him.

Before either of them could begin to speak, however, Patton nodded once, almost to himself, and pivoted to face his friends.

“Howsabout you two get started on cleaning up the living room so we can settle down and get some proper sleep?” he asked, the request firm enough that it was clearly more of an instruction than a suggestion.

Both twins started protesting immediately, looking extremely put out at the idea of abandoning Patton with their exciting new find. They were talking over each other, the words tangling and becoming an indecipherable mess by the time they reached Virgil, but he was fairly certain he heard phrases like “—but I’ll only lie awake haunted by fairy law and order,” and, “—you can’t keep me away from my new pyromaniac bestie!” in the mix.

“Mhmm, yup, we can discuss all of that later,” Patton replied stoutly, ushering the two of them towards the entrance to the kitchen with insistent sweeping gestures, like a shepherd with his herd. “There’ll be plenty of time to talk over breakfast in the morning, but it’s getting late, so hop to it!”

“We’re being banished with frog puns! This is an amphibian atrocity,” Roman bemoaned.

“Froggin’ unbelievable,” Remus agreed. 

However, even with all their complaints, they seemed to understand that Patton wasn’t budging this time, and reluctantly allowed themselves to be shooed out of the kitchen like the world’s noisiest sheep.

At Virgil’s shoulder, the other borrower took the opportunity to lean in while the humans were across the room.

“You ‘didn’t ever get caught,’ hmm?” they asked, still far too smug considering the situation they were in.

A muscle in Virgil’s eye twitched. Despite everything, he wasted a moment considering the merits of trying to inflict another head injury on his fellow captive. They’d been a lot more tolerable with the beginnings of a concussion.

“Do you want to go back to trying to stab each other?” he snapped instead, stepping pointedly away even as he made the thinly-veiled threat. “Because it seems like you want to go back to trying to stab each other.”

“Oh, I’m so terrified,” they replied drolly, crossing their arms. “Won’t someone save me from the horrible Monoxide assassin and his entirely genuine threats?”

Virgil stared at them for a moment, disbelieving. “You know, I think I actually liked you better when you were trying to murder me in cold blood.”

“Don’t lose hope. Maybe I’ll try again later,” they retorted with a dangerous glint in their eye, and then they were both falling silent as Patton approached once more.

Out of the corner of his eye, Virgil caught the contemplative frown that flashed over the other borrower’s face, the only glimpse of their consternation at facing down a human. They may have had plans aplenty to deal with the twins, but Patton was clearly more of an unknown to them.

…Virgil knew Patton. He’d spent enough time watching the human to get attached, grown familiar enough with Patton’s life to cheer on his efforts and fret over his disappointments. He should be able to find the right words to get them out of this, convince his human the way the other borrower had effortlessly fooled Roman, but… he couldn’t.

It was impossible to think up a strategy for this situation. How could he possibly reconcile Patton, the guy who helped organize weekly PTA bake sales and volunteered to look after kittens he was allergic to and cried when he saw roadkill, with a human who knew, who would keep them trapped, who needed to be pleaded with for their release?

How was he supposed to bargain with a monster if he couldn’t even accept that the monster existed?

“I’m sorry if the twins frightened you,” Patton said, voice lowered to a softer volume. “They tend to be very exuberant, but they don’t mean any harm.”

The other borrower looked as though they were on the brink of scoffing at the very idea that they couldn’t handle Roman and Remus, a defensive slant to their shoulders.

“Why?” The word tumbled from Virgil’s mouth without his permission, his shoulders hunching under the undivided focus of Patton’s gaze.

“Why what?” he asked, tilting his head slightly like a confused dog.

“If you knew,” Virgil forced out, fingernails digging into his palms, “why didn’t you tell them? Or— or look for me?”

Understanding settled onto Patton’s expression, and he hummed thoughtfully, as though considering how to phrase his answer.

“If you wanted to be seen, you would have come out and said hi,” he finally said, simply. “You saved my life by calling for help. If you wanted to stay a secret, the least I could do is make sure to keep that secret safe.”

Virgil blinked up at him, trying to force the words into a configuration that made sense. Humans didn’t just let mysteries exist, especially not ones that were so easy to grab ahold of.

“I won’t lie and say I’m not awfully curious about you,” Patton continued, and his hand was reaching out for the handle of the pitcher and surely, this was the moment that it all came crashing down—, “but you can’t force a friendship. Especially not like this!”

Slowly, in gentle increments, the pitcher was shifted to lay on its side, the open end facing away from Patton. It was practically a straight shot to the closest wall entrance, their freedom waiting where the back of the counter met the kitchen wall.

They’d been prepared to make a break for it at the earliest opportunity before, but now, with escape dangled in front of them, both borrowers hesitated. Virgil exchanged a dumbfounded look with the other borrower, trying to stomp down the insane hope bubbling in the back of his mind.

“If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me!” Patton finished, making sure the glass was stable and settled before releasing it and stepping back. “Otherwise, my lips are sealed— and I’ll make sure Roman and Remus keep the secret, too.”

He made a zipping motion over his mouth, eyes crinkled with amusement at the edges, and then turned and walked out of the kitchen without a single glance back.

Virgil hadn’t uttered a single plea, and yet, the path back to the walls was right there. He looped the other borrower’s arm over his shoulder and led them, step by faltering step, across the counter, even scooping his bag up as he went. Nobody came rushing in, nobody stopped them from taking those last few steps into the safety of the walls.

He’d expected to face a monster, and instead he’d been offered kindness, unasked for and freely given.

They were both quiet as they shuffled further into the familiar cramped space, as though a single sound would shatter the illusion of this impossible release. The other borrower pulled away after a moment, their pain of their concussion likely more manageable in the dark. The silence stretched, relief and exhaustion weighing on them in equal measure.

Virgil yawned despite himself, absently wondering if they were going to continue that semi-murderous argument about cults and who wronged who, and if the other borrower would be willing to reschedule it to sometime after they’d slept.

Ahead of them, a third figure stepped out of the shadows, quickly looking them over as though checking that everyone was still intact. Oddly enough, they sort of smelled like gunpowder.

“Hm. That certainly didn’t go according to plan,” they said bluntly, the oversized pack on their back jingling slightly as they stepped forward. “Still, we all survived, so I suppose introductions are in order.”

[travelling-wanderer]

・﹒・ from vault 32 [1]

Summary: You got approved for a marriage partner from Vault 31 after not finding a suitable boyfriend in your own. After meeting your future husband, and standing ready to saw your vows, you both agree to call it off. But they couldn't not have a wedding- so you chose his cousin.

Warnings: 18+, arranged marriage

Pairing: Norman MacLean x GN!reader

Notes: Yes I love him and Cooper I am a man of many tastes. Also this was too long for 1 part so I broke it up. Where my Norm lovers at???

Parts: 2

Today was the day- you were getting married! Despite not dating much, you were excited yet equally as nervous since your new spouse was someone completely unknown to you. Sure, you had crushes here and there, but all the guys here were so...boring?

Nothing about them were interesting to you, they were all the same, so that led you to seeking out Vault 31 for someone. This was completely normal so it wasn't odd, if anything, it was just a matter of time. Well, the time came and was now just moments away from seeing your soon to be husband.

"We're so proud of you...we'll miss you but, just know that we we'll always love you" Your mother sniffled as she adjusted your appearance here and there, ensuring that you were as perfect as can be. You assured her that you would visit once a year and that everything was fine. You, your family, the overseer, and few other dwellers of your vault who you knew stood outside of the entrance to 31, and you were nervous. Then, the door slowly opened.

There he was, standing in the center just like you were with your vault members. He was tall, and attractive, but you didn't know what to even say. Then, your friend bumped into your shoulder as a sign to say something as everyone else was silent, anticipating you and your future husband to say something.

"Um...hello" That was not the ideal first impression, but you couldn't help it! You could hear your friend groan from the awkwardness, which was understandable.

"Hi, I'm uh...Chet. You can call me Chet! Haha...yeah, Chet" Either he was having an off day or he didn't seem too interested in you. Was there supposed to be some sort of spark? Because you know you didn't feel anything and it was obvious that he didn't either. Awkwardly laughing along with him, internally cringing, your graze drifted over to the much shorter man beside him.

Oh he was cute. Shorter than you, but he had short, black hair and all you could really describe him as was cute. Why couldn't you have been paired up with him instead? Your eyes and his eyes both met and only then did you feel that spark. But before you could fully process what that means- their overseer ushered everyone to their vault so the wedding can begin.

"Hi...Chet. So...excited? Nervous?" You tried to make small talk as you walked beside him, but it was if everyone around you could sense that this wasn't going to work out.

"Well...if I'm being fully honest, I was put up to this" He leaned closer and whispered in your ear, the honesty caused you to gasp but then you realized that you needed to be secretive as he whispered it to you.

"Oh...but why?" You whispered back, slightly concerned. Your gaze drifted back to the shorter man standing on the other side of him and you caught him staring back at you.

"Well uh...I may or may not have a crush on my cousin, Lucy. So they uh...thought this would help me get over it. Namely her father, the Overseer" Turning back to Chet, you just stared at him as that was...unexpected, to say the least. Clearing your throat from how awkward it got. you didn't feel bad about not marrying him anymore. Stealing another glance at the shorter man, you looked back at your arranged husband and he looked back and forth between the man and you.

"Ok- either I'm stupid or do you guys like each other?" You slightly jumped as he was suddenly louder than before, causing a few heads to turn in your direction before facing forward again.

"Chet!" The black haired man scolded him and hit his shoulder, causing Chet to say "ow".

"This is Norm, he's my cousin and Lucy's younger brother" Chet smiled as he introduced the man who you fell for far too quickly, you awkwardly smiled at him and he did the same back.

"Hi Norm, nice to uh...meet you"

"Nice to meet you too..."

"What's going on?" A girl with long, dark hair whispered from the other side of Norm, curious of what you were all discussing.

"Nothing, Lucy!" Chet and Norm both yelled in hush. So that's Lucy... After that- you made small talk about some things from your lives and before you knew it, you were on the small stage ready to say your vows, looking at him and he was looking back. But you both knew that this wasn't going to work out in the slightest. Staring into the crowd mixed with his family and yours- you found Norm looking back at you. His expression seemed...pained, almost. Did you both genuinely fall for each other while you're marrying another man? Like sure he was really cute...but you just felt drawn to him in a way Chet wasn't.

"Do you?" The sound of the officiate shook you from your thoughts as you looked back, humming to have him repeat it.

"Do you take him to be your lawfully wedded husband?" You stuttered as you stared at Chet, he looked as equally as worried about this, not wanting to go through with it. So you said the first thing you thought.

"No"

[pixelblue2016]

[@themissingnumbers - blue (i did end up deciding to do it eheh. also do NOT feel the need to draw this i can't keep things short for the life of me)]

"... Hey."

He isn't sure how he got here. Not sure what he's trying to accomplish. Sure as anything, though- keeping his distance out of hesitation, uncertainty- there's another Blue. Taller. Older. Tired. He stares at the younger boy with an expression that almost seems... Sad.

"Uh... Gods, what do I..."

He rubs the back of his neck, searching for his words.

"I... Heard about you. About this. 'bout what happened. Guess it struck a chord. You're still... young, though- and you've got a good friend up there, it seems."

He glances up at Justine, waving through the screen, before turning his attention back to Pixel.

"I guess I just wanted to... meet ya, y'know? It's not every day you get to see somethin' like your younger- or, older for you- self."

Blue sighs heavily, his expression dropping.

"... I'm sorry about Revvy. I know how hard it is to lose someone you care about so much. For the world to turn against you cus of it. To want to change things so bad, but you're just... powerless. I- I'm glad you've got a real pal, though. I think that... that's somethin' that'll take you far."

Finally, he smiles at the younger boy, eyes lighting up a bit.

"Gods, that's heavy, huh? I guess all to say- I get it, I think. And I'm happy ya got someone there for you. How did you guys become friends? What's the rest of your life been like, uh... Living with her, I guess?"

Blue── Er, well, Pixel, turns around to the source of the voice. He seemed hesitant at first, shoulders rising up to his ears. He never expected another version of himself to visit him, let alone an adult one. He looked so. . . Odd. Pixel couldn't put his finger on it.

As soon as the other greeted Justine though, Pixel felt himself relax more. It seems like this was safe, seeing that the player gave a thumbs up back to Blue.

Pixel listens, thoughts running around, especially when Revvy was mentioned. It's painful to hear his name uttered from someone else, but he can manage it. It's rude to make faces at a guest, so Pixel bites his bottom lip to keep his expression neutral.

“So it's… it's you, right? The um,”

Pixel gestures over to Blue,

“It feels nice that I'm not the only one── I mean! Obviously it's, it's not great but, it's just nice that there's other people like me, I guess? Or are me? This is weird──Not that you're weird!”

He nervously chuckles, he can't help but smile. Taking a step or two closer, the child leans side to side, studying Blue. Super tall, lanky. Pixel wondered if this is what he could have looked like if he were to have grown up someday. Would he have hair like this? Clothes like that?

Would he still have his eye if he didn't…

Ah! A question was directed to him, and he was staring!

“Sorry!”

C'mon, Pix! Be polite! He mumbles, giving out some “um” and “uh” noises as he wiggles his hands,

“It's um, it's nice to see you, first of all sir── sir? I um, I dunno what you call you, sorry── but to answer your question,”

He glanced back at the player, who holds the 3DS patiently. Justine blinks and directs her attention to the bottom screen. Oh whoa, Pixel projected a little drawing down there!

“I wanted to delete my game, and Gramps wanted to also. We talked about it before I talked to Justine about it, but… she really didn't like that idea.

She convinced me that the game doesn't have to be played normally to… function? I think that's the word. But um, yeah. We pretty much talked for a while and it turned into a habit where she'd visit me everyday before she went to school.

She showed me some cool stuff from her world, like other games, some TV shows, and movies. I really um, I really like hanging out with her! She helps me sort out my thoughts about… about the stuff that happened in my game.”

Pixel smiles warmly as he explains. While talking, he lightly rocks on his heels,

“I really am lucky to have someone like her. It makes me sad that some other beings like me and you don't have that kind of a player out there.”

Pixel’s smile alters once he glanced back up to his older self. He gulps, a finger pointing up── no wait, that's rude too. He pulls it back,

“Please let me know if this is rude to ask but um…

Why are your hands . . . Blue?”

[melefim]

Swearing in Dead Boy Detectives: God

Overview:

God was said 69 times, by 10 characters, and in all 8 episodes.

Uses Per Episode:

Episode 1: 4

Episode 2: 8

Episode 3: 7

Episode 4: 1

Episode 5: 17

Episode 6: 7

Episode 7: 10

Episode 8: 15

Uses Per Character:

Charles: 5

Crystal: 32

Jenny: 1

Niko: 8

Esther: 8

The Cat King: 4

Litty: 2

Kingham: 2

Maxine: 2

Maren: 4

Percent of Total:

God is said 69 times, which is 21.4% of all cursing in the show.

Variations:

There are 5 variations of the word God used in the show, with the most popular being God, which was used 30 times.

God: 30

Oh My God: 23

Oh God: 13

Thank God: 2

OMG: 1

Rankings:

Total Uses: God comes in 2nd place for total uses, being said 69 times.

Number of Episodes: God is one of only four words to be said in every episode, along with Fuck, Shit, and Ass.

Most Uses of a Word in a Single Episide: Fuck holds 4 of the top 11 spots.

Total Characters: 11 different characters say God, landing it in 2nd place.

Favorite Word: God is tied with shit for Crystal’s favorite word- she says them 32 times each.

It is also the favorite (and only) curse word for both Niko (8) and Maxine (2), as well as the favorite for Esther (8) and Maren (4).

Curse Word Variations: With 5 variations, God settled in at 4th place.

Lines:

Episode 1:

Crystal: Oh my god, why can't I remember?

Crystal: God! I just need a second, okay?

Crystal: God, I just want to take their heads and just crush them together, I am so mad!

Crystal: Oh my god, I never even thought about the fact that they could still be alive.

Episode 2:

Charles: Oh my god, here we go.

Crystal: Oh my god, holy shit! (Niko collapses)

Crystal: God, I feel lonely too.

Crystal: Oh my God! Holy shit, how does today keep getting more disgusting?

Crystal: God (After Edwin asks 'And were there any graves or decaying bodies near her in the woods?')

Crystal: Oh my god, Charles back me up.

Crystal: Oh my god, Niko! (Niko starts seizing)

Niko: Oh my god. Are these your friends?

Episode 3:

Crystal: I just heard some people talking about it in the um, God, it was the… malt shop and it sounded super crazy.

Niko: Oh my god, he is so in to you!

Kingham: God! (Niko throws sweater over jar)

Kingham: God! I hate you!

Crystal: Thank god, there he is.

Crystal: Oh my god. Son of a bitch owned an electronics store.

Charles: God, that must have been mental.

Episode 4:

Crystal: God, it's driving me crazy

Episode 5:

Niko: OMG it's…(Jenny's secret admirer)

Litty: Oh my god (Niko comes in room)

Litty: Oh my god!

Crystal: Oh god. Cash and condoms. Thanks.

Maren: Brad was my boyfriend. God, I miss him so much.

Maren: God, I shouldn't have left.

Crystal: Oh, no it's porn, it's all just porn. Oh my god.

Maren: And oh God, they, they… ugh, they humiliated him any chance they got.

Maren: Oh god I… I almost did it to you.

Charles: I've got some heavy shit that I need to sort out. I get it. Just… God, I really wanted them to be good guys

Maxine: God, I've always done this.

Maxine: Like… like what your pillow smells like. Oh god, I can't wait to smell it for myself.

Niko: What's happening? Oh. Oh my god.

Charles: God, you knobs really don't get it.

Charles: Oh god, I'm worried that maybe I'm like Brad and Hunter.

Crystal: I can't keep him out of my head. God, he just keeps coming, I don't… I don't know how to stop him. God, what if I can't?

Episode 6:

Crystal: God, I just want to be normal.

Esther: Oh, God, well without her precious little dead boys she'll be snake food in no time.

Esther: God! You're not going gaga for the uptight boy?

Crystal: God, I feel totally useless.

The Cat King: Oh God, the handsome face, the little kiss, bullshit astrology.

Esther: God, I love final moments.

Crystal: Oh my God, are you guys OK?

Episode 7:

Esther: Oh, god.

The Cat King: Oh god, they say that I'm a pussy.

The Cat King: Oh God.

The Cat King: God, I am such a romantic, I hate it.

Crystal: God, Edwin is my friend too, whether he likes it or not.

Crystal: God, if you really won't let me go, then I'll find my own way to Hell.

Crystal: God, that's fucking insane.

Niko: Oh my God! You're both still dead, and didn't get trapped in hell forever!

Niko: Oh, thank god.

Crystal: God, I gotta figure out what I'm going to tell her.

Episode 8:

Crystal: God, it's like being punched in the face and the stomach.

Esther: God, you're nosy.

Crystal: Mom? Oh my God. Mom is that--

Girl in Crystal’s Memory 3: Oh my God, did you guys hear? James got hit by a car.

Crystal: Oh, my God. Oh, I'm a fucking awful person. Oh, God, I'm the worst.

Crystal: God, I was a bad person before him.

Crystal: Because if you did, God, you'd hate me

Crystal: Oh my God, Jenny are you OK?

Niko: Oh my God. Am I dead?

Niko: Oh my God. Is that where the magic eight ball kept saying "outlook not so good"?

Esther: Oh, God! Oh, God, no, my face… Is fine.

Esther: Oh my God, my own sacrificial knife? I'm impressed. But I'm not fucking around that you're also gonna patch that wall before you die too.

Jenny: God, that sounds so fucking procedural.

Notes:

Goddamn was said six times throughout the show. These have been included in the count for Damn, which can be found here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More Dead Boy Detectives Swearing Posts:

Masterlist

Swearing by Episode

Swearing by Character

Swearing by Word

All Swearing Posts

And if you like lists of things like I do, you can check out my other Dead Boy Detectives ones here!

When Charles’ Shirt Colors Change

George Rextrew’s Edwin comic inspo board

Full soundtrack with timestamps

Moves, Incidents, and Cases Masterlist

First pass at finding where the songs in the score are used- full post with timestamps in progress

[multifandom-26]

Maybe an angry sprit isn’t so bad S.W

Sam Winchester x female reader s1/s2 era Sam. No warnings I don’t think besides normal supernatural stuff and kissing. Let me know if it’s bad lol. Archeology reader AU.

Sam, Dean, y/n

7:48 A.M 📍the impala

Are we almost there at least? Sure are Sammy welcome to college, he says looking ahead at the campus. So dad sent us to this location because?. Because jerk it’s some sort of artifact that apparently caused a spirit to be stuck and pissed off. So what were just walk around campus asking hey who’s got any ancient artifacts lying around? Sam laughs. Dean sighs no, and I thought you were the smart one, but they have one of the best archeological programs in the U.S so maybe we find an archeology major who’s been on a trip recently. Sam nods, yeah I guess but how do we know who’s even apart of the program. don’t worry I’ll handle that just wait here. As Dean goes inside Sam sits in the car looking around, he gets a sad feeling and reminisces on his college time. He won’t admit it but he does wish he could’ve just done both or not hunted at all. Soon enough Dean comes back out with a list of names and addresses. They go from one dorm to another to an apartment complex and then to another one when they see from the street in front of it that the lights are going on and off. Sam looks up this must be our one. Dean laughs yeah or the electrician did a terrible wiring job. They head inside and get to the room number on the paper they knock then hear a few things slam around inside before a girl opens it. The boys look down at the girl and go are you Y/N Y/L/N she nods and responds with and you are? Dean clears his throat um we’re museum curators, and we heard you’ve got a very interesting piece of pottery. The girl nods still confused they can tell. Sam takes the lead now, as Dean is thinking. “May we come in” Y/N looks up at them, tell me why your really here first and maybe, you know stranger danger and all that but lying to? They laugh Dean smiles, you wouldn’t believe us if we told you even. Y/N smirks try me, I’m an archeology major I’ve heard of every urban legend, detailed myths, and cruses you could think of. They exchange looks, Dean just shakes his head and goes fine but we can’t just exactly say this shit in a hallway. She sighs and invites them in. Whatever was in here calmed down a bit at least.

8:23 am 📍y/n apartment

So you’re an archeology major what’s that like Dean asks. Sam rolls his eyes at his brother , y/n laughs um it’s pretty cool I get to go on digs in the summer last place I went was Serbia then Guam. Really Sam asks now more interested, yeah she smiles it’s amazing, you get to travel, research, and learn about the past which is all I’ve ever wanted to do. Dean smiles we uh kind of do that too, well not to your level but same idea. Sam clear his throat, you said you know about urban legends, myths etc.. what do you think this is? Y/N laughs slow down first who are you guys really, and why are you so interested in whatever is going on with the cursed pottery. Sam looks over to Dean and they just nod, well I’m sam and this my older brother Dean we uh.. we hunt the supernatural. Y/N laughs covering her mouth, uh sorry I didn’t mean to laugh but I knew you weren’t museum curators. Dean looks at her, you’re not freaked out? Not really she smiles it’s interesting besides it’s not my first run in with an angry spirit and awakening something. The boys both now are staring at her, in sync they go this happened before. Y/N shrugs I mean yeah kind of apart of the job. Now I have some books about the pottery piece where and whose it’s associated with so maybe that will help. But we cannot destroy it.

10:36 AM 📍 on the way to diner.

I’m so exhausted, and hungry, I feel like I haven’t eaten in days. . You literally ate this morning and We’re on our way to a literal diner right now if you didn’t remember Sam reminds him. Y/N sits in the back seat quietly and looks out the window and says to turn here and there when they need. They arrive and sit in a booth, what made you want to bring that thing back with you anyways and how did you get it through airport security? Y/N laughs, well it was cool and I was doing a report on it and I am supposed to bring it back to New York for the head researches to do whatever with it but I hit a writing and research block, and for the airport security I have an archeological pass for certain items to be brought through. You do need to get a shit ton of stuff signed through saying all of the info and they’re allowing you to take it out of the country. Dean smiles makes sense, Sam clears his throat so uh, a writing block he says. The girl sighs, yeah I mean it’s been days and I just can’t seem to say what I wanna say and my researching has not been the best. Do you think it’s because of the object Sam asks. She sighs I mean maybe but, I’m also just under a lot of stress right now too with finals and everything and I have one more semester before I graduate so it’s a bit nerve wracking. The boys both shoot her a look of sympathy at her words. Throughout the rest of their meal and chat Dean notices Sam staring at the girl, smiling, and being more bubbly than usual. They leave and head back to y/n’s apartment.

1:07PM 📍y/n’s place

The three sit and stare at the vase, y/n explains the history on it and then tells them she thinks it’s associated with the spirit, As there sitting and reading and writing on post it’s, the piece falls to the floor out of nowhere but dosent break. They sit still almost waiting for another thing to happen just make it sure it wasn’t a weird mishap. Then the lights flicker, and piece goes flying across the room and she appears. A woman, and at that an angry looking one. The boys start grabbing their stuff they make a salt ring around the woman as she just stands there staring at y/n. It then speaks the word return. Y/n is directly behind Sam and at hearing the woman’s words she grabs onto his arm out of fear. Sam feels it and his face heats up, but he smiles, don’t worry we’re not gonna let her get you. Or us. Dean yells do not forget we’re also here and apart of this now Sammy.. obviously sam rolls his eyes. The woman tries to move closer to them but is stopped by the salt ring. Return she says again. Y/N steps out, you return the woman yells again. Y/n picks up the pottery holding it, was this yours? The woman nods. Y/n smiles it’s beautiful, really amazing work. What’s your name? Sofia the woman replies, well Sofia you must have worked hard on this. The woman nods, as y/n is distracting her Sam and Dean start chanting and the woman groans than shrieks a black cloud coming out of her mouth and then she is gone. They all stand staring at where she was, nice work guys y/n smiles. Kinda our thing Dean laughs.

5PM 📍 the apartment

So I wanted to thank you guys for everything today, so… I made steak. Steak! Dean asks excitedly. Yes Y/n smiles. Thank you really, for all of this for helping, the food, and talking to her. Sam smiles. Y/N looks down blushing a bit oh it was nothing. They sit down and eat mindlessly chatting away. Telling Y/N about where they’ll be going next probably and she tells them she can’t wait till next week when finals are done and the summers hers. She is sad though she’s gonna miss them especially Sam, the one she couldn’t keep her eyes off, ever since he appeared in her doorway, the one who thought about her safety, laughed at her jokes, thanked her for the help. Sam… she was going to miss him for sure. Dean noticed her eyeing him as well at points, like now she seemed lost in thought and staring at him. You guys done with your plates, Dean asks getting up. Yeah you and Sam reply hanging them to him. Y/N speaks first, so you guys leave tomorrow morning? Sam sighs yeah, you know always moving. She nods. Y/n laughs I wish I could come, it sounds kinda fun what you guys do, heroic. Sam smiles, yeah me to it would be a refreshing break from having just Dean around. Speaking of him you laugh, where did he go? I thought to put the plates in the kitchen he would’ve been back by now my apartment isn’t big. He could’ve snuck out and went to the bar. Oh okay well it’s just me and you I guess than, do you want anything to dri- y/n gets cut off when Sam kisses her, shocked at first she then kisses back, deepening the kiss she puts her hands around his neck and scoots even closer to him. He wraps his arms around her waist, they break apart after a bit. Sorry he smiles I just I’ve been wanting to do that the whole day but I was nervous that you didn’t like me and I actually still don’t know but- hey she smiles I like you I’ve liked you since you walked through that door this morning. He smiles well in that case, he leans in and kisses her again.

9pm📍the couch

Sitting on Sam’s lap leaning against him, you’re both watching tv you are slowly drifting to sleep. The door opens with the key Dean swiped, Dean steps in and smiles silently pumping his fist, he pulls out his phone and snaps a photo.

7am the next morning:

Come with us when you’re finished we’ll drive back and pick you up even Sam states. The girl smiles, I mean you know it’s my summer, and I’m gonna do this she smiles. Sam hugs her, I can’t wait to see you again. Me to she sighs, I’ll miss you. The pair kiss before he gets in the car and the boys head off. Maybe having an angry spirit in your house isn’t so bad after all.

[dw-flagler]

Great to see a bg3/worm combo fan like myself. Which party members do you think are the undersider’s favorites?

bit of a tough question for me. See, your problem is that you should have asked someone smart or perhaps literate. Long, boring, and almost completely incorrect Post below. Don't read this.

Let's say all the undersiders are playing the video game baldur's gate 3. Who's their favorite companion?

-Taylor's is likely Wyll, since he is pretty similar to her, with his highly self-sacrificing nature and focus on Doing Good. Everything wyll wants to do in-game or does in his backstory is pretty much what she would have done in his place. I think she wouldn't really dislike any of the companions except for Astarion, just because they're supposed to be likeable. She would be ambivalent about shadowheart. She would dislike minthara but she never realizes you can recruit her.

-Rachel would not play Baldur's Gate 3. Straight up, you couldn't make her. Even if you somehow did, she would quit before the prologue ended.

-Brian would like... Lae'zel? We know how much he loves women that beat the shit out of people. Lae'zel does in fact beat the shit out of people. I don't feel he would particularly like most of the party in bg3. He's normal. He's so normal guys. All the companions have quirks or something silly just be normal. Brian wouldn't really care a ton about the story, I don't think. He'd follow the greater plot beats of what's happening, but like he would not follow or care about Lenore's story, for instance. He would enjoy the turn based combat though, I think.

Lisa would probably like Jaheira the most? I'm mainly guessing here (see above). as a video game, she would likely only ever see it as a video game, and wouldn't really be able to look past its writing. Lisa would probably just see a mess of dialogue triggers and path outcomes, and never really see it as more than the sum of its parts. I would wonder what she does for fun after she gets her powers but i somehow doubt Lisa does things for fun anymore. She might enjoy doing exploits to do like a million damage, but I can't imagine her liking a video game much. Anyway she'd probably like some of jaheira's jokes.

Alec. I, um. I'm gonna be honest. I have no idea. I feel like he'd probably find Astarion's quips funny (though not super funny). I don't think he'd like karlach much, because I think he'd see that the game clearly writes her to be likeable and he would find that annoying, in a don't tell me what to do sort of way? He probably wouldn't care much about the story, and he wouldn't really care for the gameplay? He doesn't particularly strike me as a Turn Based Strategy fan. Alec probably plays the game for like 5 hours, gets bored, realizes he can't refund it, uninstalls it, and then plays something else.

Aisha. I am in a similar position with Aisha as I am with Alec. The characters I understand the least (and I don't understand the others very well to begin with). I think she'd romance Astarion but Ironically. I don't think she'd like him but she'd romance him because he's popular and then she would kick him in the nuts in a complex gambit for postmodern ironicism. As for the video game, she'd probably enjoy the combat in a "makes overpowered multiclass combos" sort of way.

Let's say all the undersiders are in the video game baldur's gate 3, as in they are tav. Who's their favorite companion then?

Taylor's opinions turn right around, probably. Shadowheart goes from a mildly annoying but helpful cleric to a dangerous follower of an evil god. Astarion becomes a shifty dangerous rogue (not that she ever likes him much). She immediately dislikes and distrusts wyll, and says a bunch of insane shit about his pact with a devil. probably compares it to a drug addiction at least once. Once he explains, if he explains, she'd probably come around to him, but it's a big if. Taylor's paranoid. She can't trust any of these people. Her party would probably end up being gale, wyll (because he's at least better than the others), and karlach, just because she can't/won't trust any of the others, not enough to watch her (non insect covered in this reality!) back.

Brian would dislike everyone in the party significantly more. Lae'zel would still be his favorite member, but he would very much disapprove of a lot of her decisions. Like guys, can't we do all this important stuff about vlaakith or shar or whatever after we stop the parasites from eating our brains? It's kind of important.

Lisa would probably have an aneurism. You basically have to talk every member of the party off a ledge at some point in the game. She would not like Gale because he does insinuate that the player is dumb a few times and she hates being called dumb. She takes one (1) look at karlach and her eyes start bleeding.

Rachel hates all these people, with the exception of Karlach, who is straightforward and--I don't want to say "simple" because that implies things about her intelligence and karlach isn't stupid. But karlach is simple! she's not lying about anything, she never hides her opinions, she's never coy. She tells em how she sees em, full stop. Rachel would appreciate that. She would probably begrudgingly respect Wyll because of how he's so consistently fucked over by a smug fast-talking asshole. On the other side, she'd hate Gale. Even though he's genuine pretty often, he's very much the smug type. She would tolerate him, though. She again begrudgingly tolerates Shadowheart. Lae'zel is straightforward but also calls you stupid and fights you several times. If Rachel romances any of the companions it's probably lae'zel. She kills Astarion. Note: by endgame she probably likes all the companions significantly more.

My gut feeling is that Alec wouldn't like most of the companions. He'd sympathize with Astarion if nothing else. Similar backstory squad. I feel like Astarion would secretly resent Alec for "having it easier" because alec is significantly younger than Astarion.

Aisha's opinion of Astarion would probably turn around if he was real to her. She would actually like him, though she definitely wouldn't date him.

How would the undersiders react to some of the major moral choices in the game? (provided that they were actually in the game and not playing it)

Taylor would do all the "good" choices, because for the most part there aren't hard moral choices in BG3 (that don't have some secret third "good" option). The main thing is that she'd probably encourage wyll to sign his soul away to save duke ravenguard. Similarly with Shadowheart and her parents. A little self sacrifice never hurt anyone (that taylor doesn't want to suffer). She becomes a mind flayer to beat the netherbrain. Duh.

Brian is an interesting case here. He would not care one lick about the plight of the tieflings or the grove, he would just want the parasite out by any means possible. Oddly, I think Brian would probably be the "evilest" potential replacement for tav. Like, he would want nothing more than to get the parasite out and then just leave. He skips almost all the side quests in acts 1 and 2 because he literally just wants to go home. He probably skips a lot of the ones in act 3. He's got a goal and he's sticking to it. Who gives a shit about the necromancy of thay? While he'd vastly prefer to just let the emperor do it, He might be forced into freeing orpheus just to appease lae'zel. In which case he's not turning into a mindflayer. He spent weeks (tendays i mean) specifically avoiding this, he's not gonna do it now.

Lisa would play both sides every time. Like. She'd start the raid on the druid grove but switch sides at the last minute. I do think she'd ultimately do the "good" choices (because there's not a lot of moral depth to BG3's plot) in the end, but she would be absolutely inscrutable literally 24/7. Betraying people just for sheer love of the game. (she gets a kick out of seemingly siding with gortash, and then destroying all the steel watchers). I cannot imagine her becoming a mindflayer. She probably would free orpheus and make him do it though. She would not appreciate the emperor taking the form of like her dead brother or something. If we say she's a wizard (see below), then I could see maybe a 50/50 shot on her becoming a god with the crown of karsus (is that even possible? I mean, is gale the only one that can do that or can a player-character also do it if they're a wizard? I didn't play a wizard because we already have gale).

Rachel is a little similar to Brian, maybe. She's not the kind to do stuff out of compassion for her fellow man. She might side with the druids in act 1, just because the goblins of act 1 abuse animals pretty regularly. I mean, worm rachel is only really compassionate for specifically dogs though, and worgs are kind of like wolves. I don't think she'd ever actively side with the goblins, though. They're dickheads. She would definitely kill that woman who abused the dogs at the mail carrier in rivington, though. Probably take all the dogs herself. Torch the building. She would not save orpheus, would just let the emperor take care of it, and would destroy the netherbrain. (she might save orpheus if she romances lae'zel. Though if she went to the creche she would get the whole party killed).

Canonically, in Worm, Alec found the person he believed to have the strongest moral compass and basically just said "yeah that sounds cool" to like her every decision. An autistic woman is speaking, listen and learn. He might try something similar here. Hey, Shadowheart. You seem like you know what morality is. You're in charge now. (much like canonical worm, he chose poorly (still better than taylor though))

I'm not sure what aisha would do. Game aisha would be easy. She'd just do whatever was the funniest option every time. Blow up the monastery, let the gondian hostages all trip and die, fuck and then kill minthara. But if it was real to her? She's hard to pin down, I think. She might just stick around for the ride, without any strong feelings one way or the other? I mean, she wouldn't become a mindflayer, but the other stuff? She'd probably do mostly good stuff, with the occasional exception, because, again, BG3 is pretty black-and-white. Do you do the good thing or the bad thing? etcetera.

And a final little bonus: what DND class best represents each Undersider? Just for a little hit of the lamest nerd shit anyone could ever do.

Taylor, I would probably say is a bladesinging wizard? I might also say necromancer. My reasoning is primarily that taylor is the most bookish of the undersiders, the most studious, and she's the most versatile. Wizard is the most versatile magic class in Dungeon Dragon. I said bladesinging wizard, because a big thing about taylor in any fight is that the taylor within the swarm is also dangerous. She uses her baton to great effect, cloaking herself within the swarm for surprise attacks. Bladesinging wizard is the only wizard subclass that even can use melee weapons. (it also helps that by all accounts wizards shouldn't do melee combat, they're supposed to be bad at it, but randomly a bladesinging wizard isn't, and that's taylor being The One Master Cape that actually fistfights people) Of course, this runs into a minor problem which is that a big thing about taylor's power is that it's offputting. Unsettling. she's extremely good at scaring people, to the point she often does it practically by accident. This might be why necromancer might be better, since necromancy is seen as disgusting or offputting. But then you lose the taylor within the swarm part. So i guess it's a matter of which you think is more important to her as a character. There's also swarmkeeper ranger, but ranger kind of sucks, and plus taylor barely ever uses her gun, to the point i don't think she even reloads a gun during the course of the entire book.

Lisa is a tough one. Nothing fits her well, but a lot of things fit her kind of well. Here's 2 options, each with advantages and disadvantages. (Lore bard is also a possibility, but I think it is a bad one)

Inquisitive Rogue. You may think Mastermind rogue, since she's a mastermind cape, but mastermind rogue focuses more on the lying than the detecting lies, so inquisitive. It fits pretty well mechanically, especially that inquisitive rogues can just immediately detect illusions or shapeshifters, but the thing that I don't like about it is that rogues primarily use dexterity, with intelligence being secondary, and charisma usually being a dump stat. Additionally, rogues focus heavily on combat with weapons, which is not lisa's Thing. She does have her gun, but she doesn't really use it that often, preferring her words instead.

Divination Wizard. For one thing, (most) wizards are terrible in melee combat and have low health, which is a better fit for lisa "i work best not fistfighting glory girl but end up doing it half the time anyway" wilbourn. Additionally, wizards have intelligence as their primary stat, which is better for lisa. The large variety of spells does allow Lisa a much less limited amount of perception, though the "sees the future" thing is not her power. Whatever. Look, it's not too far off. This is the best I have, okay?

Rachel is pretty simple. you might be tempted to say she's a beastmaster ranger, though I don't think it's a good fit. For one thing, rangers kind of suck. The beastmaster also has the problem of only having one beast to master, as opposed to rachel's many many beasts. Additionally, rachel does not usually fight people directly, usually using her dogs instead (since that's her power). I think a shepherd druid could be a better fit for her. It gives her the innate ability to basically speak with animals, druids tend not to really interact with or like people, and she can summon and empower many more creatures than a beastmaster's 1. Of course, this has problems of its own. Rachel lindt is not capable of turning into a bear in the web novel Worm. She also can't do that in Ward.

Brian is probably the easiest. shadow monk. He's a hand-to-hand fighter who loves doing crazy ass stunts in service of cold clocking 12 year olds, who also has abilities that work very well to aid him in stealth or surprise attacks. Within the lore, shadow monks also often work as mercenaries. It's Literally Him. Also as a little fun fact, Shadow monks have an ability that is literally exactly his echidna clone's power (teleporting through shadows). They are also immune to the effects of radiation*, which also is a thing Brian can do. This is the only slam dunk conversion for any of these little bastards, to be honest. He's a shadow monk. We're done here.

Alec is probably a great old one warlock, since that's the class focused the most on controlling others, with a greater focus on incapacitation as opposed to mind control. It's closer to his shaker-like power. (to my knowledge there is no spell that allows you to straight up control somebody forever in dungeons and dragons). You could make a case for enchantment wizard, but there's too many wizards here already. You can also link a warlock power thematically to his connection to his father, something that doesn't really care about him very much but he draws power from (even if he resents it). great old one warlocks also have resistance to psychic damage, and like that's one of his major characteristics, what with him being highly resistant to emotional master powers and all.

Aisha is hard. Nothing fits aisha. Her ability to make people forget about her existence is hard to replicate. The closest thing I know of is that enchantment wizards get an ability to make people forget they were charmed by said wizard's magic, but that's, like, it. I was hoping that somewhere there existed a subclass I didn't know about that was like all about making people forget stuff, but tough shit I guess. thief rogue(the best one for sneaking). fuck you, gary gygax.

Bonus:

Sabah could be a creation bard, since creation bards can animate objects and use them to like hit people and stuff. But this is much more limited than her power, and it's not quite the powerful summons that I was hoping for. That being said, i've lowered my standards significantly because nothing works ever.

Lily could be a fighter but none of the fighter subclasses let you make a random object invulnerable. It's a real problem. About as close as I can get is the arcane archer, which allows the fighter to imbue projectiles with a power, but not the "instantly kills anything and pierces any defense" power, for some reason. Strange. And none of this covers her other powers.

Extra bonus:

Amy is a divine soul sorcerer. She only ever uses healing spells (or sometimes buff spells) even though she's got a level six disintegrate just like sitting in the chamber. Mocking her.

[aerodaltonimperial]

Hook/Jack/Darby prompt: fortune cookies

(okay so after writing that fucking throuple fic i was like huh i wonder how that all came to be AND THEN YOU PROMPTED THIS and i was like shit now this stupid ot3 is going to become my entire personality isn't it ANYWAY this is the first, chronological, for this dialogue-only experiment i've got going on 💚🧡⚰️)

"—got the sauce on my fingers, and—"

"Okay, well hold still, and then—okay, okay, he's here. Hi, Darby. Uh, yeah, um... have a seat."

"... sure."

"Um, it's, uh, good to see you."

"I hope so, since you invited me."

"Haha, right."

"You ordered food already?"

"We got here early."

"And your food already arrived?"

"Really, really early."

"Yes, thanks Hook, uh. We, uh... anyway. Uh, it's good to... I already said that. Uh, so, how are you?"

"... hungry."

"Well, you can eat. We ordered, like, so much food."

"Yeah, we were really ner.... uh. Um. No? Okay. Right, uh. Mm. Right, so... Darby."

"Jack."

"You and I, uh... you know, we, uh, tagged together. That was... that was fun, and uh... well, see, I always sort of thought that we, uh..."

"... what is this hand motion thing."

"Uh. A... th... you know, kind of a thing."

"A... thing."

"Yeah, you know, I kind of always though that, um, you and I sort of had, like, a connection, you know? A, uh... am I, am I doing this right?"

"Fuck if I know, Jack."

"Uh, and uh...okay, well. We, Hook and I, we... um... we, uh, had a... a proposition for you. We have a proposition for you. Um. I should have, uh, practiced this. Ahead of time."

"Hold on. Is this a sex thing?"

"... is this a...?"

"Darby. Why would we invite you to this hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurant—"

"And be in a dark corner—"

"—and specifically request a dark booth in the corner, if we were going to ask you something normal?"

"Oh. Okay."

"What... what does that mean, 'oh, okay'?"

"I was just checking for comprehension."

"...he was just...?"

"Okay, what Jack has been trying to say, is that we, him and me, we... yeah, this is a sex thing."

"Okay."

"What does... what does that mean, exactly?"

"Well, you really haven't given me any specifics yet."

"We have to... Hook, we need... uh... how specific are you looking for here?"

"Ballpark it, Jack."

"Ballpark it... uh. Okay, but like, how... how much in the ballpark are we talking about, like. Uh, are we, uh, getting a home run? Or, like, going to...bases? Plates? A fly ball? I really don't know baseball."

"Jack, what the fuck is a fly ball in this analogy?"

"I don't know, Hook, I'm panicking, and I don't know what to—he's laughing now. He's just laughing."

"I'm sorry, I've just never seen anyone stumble this badly asking someone else for a threesome."

"You get asked this a lot or something?"

"No, but man, it's gotta be smoother than this, holy shit."

"Oh god. He's... he's totally right, this is the worst—"

"Darby."

"Yes, Hook."

"You wanna have sex with us or not?"

"Hm."

"That's... that's just a face. What does that mean? Is that a yes or a no? You want—yeah, okay, just... eat some... sure."

"Y'know, the food's really good though."

"Yeah, it's good?"

"Mm. Okay."

"... what does... what does that okay mean?"

"Darby, you keep saying okay and no one fucking knows what that means."

"Man, you guys really are nervous."

"Yeah, we panic ordered five dinners, what do you want?"

"One second."

"Why are you... the fortune cookie is supposed to come at the end, you know. Are you... he's just gonna open it."

"...and? Gonna share with the class?"

"Okay. I'll do it."

"Why did that sound like you're being drafted?"

"Did the fortune cookie tell you to do it?"

"Jack, you think I opened a fortune cookie, and it said, you should have a threesome with these dudes?"

"Okay, now that you say that, I'm realizing it would have been really smart to plant that on the table before you got here, but, uh, probably not."

"So, first we eat this fuck ton of food you guys ordered, and—"

"Wait, like, you mean you'll do it tonight? Hook, do we...?"

"I mean, I guess... king sized beds."

"Mm. And there's totally a hot tub down by the pool."

"Darby, I don't... uh, I don't think we should do this in the very open hot tub... in the hotel where everywhere we work with is staying."

"Nah, of course we won't have sex there."

"Oh. Good, okay."

"It's just for foreplay."

"Jesus, Jack you fucking—water everywhere... you gonna die? You need me to, give you the Heimlich or something?"

"Oh my god."

"Sorry, you're just so easy to wind up. It's funny every time."

"Darby, don't kill him before we figure this shit out."

"Yeah, good point. Okay. We eat this food. You guys pay, because you've got no-limit platinum cards and you ordered enough for a small army, and then we go back to the hotel."

"And...?"

"And we see how specific it gets."

"... uh."

"Okay, Jack?"

"Yeah, okay, we'll just... we'll just wing it. Yeah. We'll just see what happens. Right, Hook?"

"Right. Absolutely."

"And, uh... what did the fortune cookie really say?"

"You should have a threesome with these dudes."

"Darby."

"Maybe I'll tell you later, Jack. But you should probably eat. I think you might need some energy for tonight."

[justanormalfangirlx2]

Sing A Little Song For Me Pt. 3

nobody asked for it, but here’s a part three i thought about 🫶🏼

three years later…

wilbur was miserable. he let the love of his life slip away just because he was afraid of commitment and being a bad husband. he was scrolling through instagram, liking random pictures and memes, not even realizing he scrolled to y/n’s profile and frowned, clicking on their profile picture, wanting to see what they’ve been up too. he sees a new guy in your life now, apparently, and frowned. he realized the girl he loved, no, still loved, moved on and had a new boyfriend it seemed like it. damn, it hurt. he wipes his eyes and calls his friend, phil and tommy.

“hey guys, i just found y/n’s instagram again and it’s making me feel like shit.”

phil looked at wilbur, worried and frowned. “wil, don’t succumb yourself to sadness that isn’t necessary.”

wilbur gasped. “PHIL! I LOVED THEM! I CANT JUST NOT UNLOVE THEM? WE WERE TOGETHER FOR OVER 7 YEARS!”

tommy sighed. “mate, you’re fucking miserable when you’re sad.”

wilbur groaned. “how do i move on though? i need some sort of closure or something.”

tommy looked innocent. “I have her address?”

”why the fuck do you have her address?” wilbur fumed.

“I um.. uh.. am partners for a project with their daughter?“ tom questioned.

“and why didn’t you mention this to me?” wilbur said, scarily calm.

“because i didn’t want to make you rip off the bandaid? or because i secretly have a crush on their daughter?”

wilbur held the bridge of his nose, sighing. “you better give me the fucking address now.”

phil looked on, watching, waiting for wilbur to blow up.

”here! her address is 2523 Rd 173 Grover Hil, OH 45849. Just don’t do stupid shit.” Tommy said.

wilbur grinned. “no promises! now bye!” he hung up the phone and visually mapped out his response to her in his head.

TIMESKIP

wilbur went out the next day, saw the house y/n was living in and grasped the ring he was carrying. he made his way to the door, sighed and knocked. and knocked.

a little boy opened the door and yelled. “mum! there’s a hot guy at the door!”

he heard a “alright, wilbur! let me get the door.” and then a perosn came into view and his heart stopped. (yes i named y/n’s child wilbur, sue me)

it was them. y/n. and god did they look amazing.

he cleared his throat and said, as any normal ex would do, “I missed you.”

the person at the door shooed wilbur away and closed the door behind them. “why the fuck are you here?”

will started to get down on one knee when jarred arrived, greeting his wife with a kiss. “hello dear, who is this?”

they kissed Jarred back and put their right hand, the one with the ring on it, towards wilbur, on his chest and smiled up at him. “just somebody that i used to know, dear. nobody really that important.“

wilbur. still on one knee frowned. “i was going to give you the world, y/n! i came here today to make you my wife! instead i find you with him.”

y/n frowned. “you had that chance a long time ago. i’m a different person now. at least i have somebody who loves me and respects me as i am, and we’re on the same wavelength with our relationship, unlike you and i. and me, i’m as happy as i can be, which is suprising after what you made me do. i have 3 amazing kids, an amazing and loving husband, and where are you? still eating ramen out of the same dish?”

wilbur scoffed and threw the ring at Jarred. “You can have the bitch for all i care.”

wilbur peeked out of the door. “mum, what’s a bitch?”

y/n stood there stunned. “well honey, a bitch is this guy here. but in the future, don’t use that word, alright, sweetheart?”

he nodded. “okay mum!”

Jarred turned to wilbur. “you better move the hell outta here before I call the cops, you bastard. and don’t come back!”

wilbur stood up and ran towards y/n gave them one last kiss on the lips and ran off. “i had to do that, at least once.”(I HAD TO QUOTE GALE FROM THE HUNGER GAMES)

y/n sighed and leaned into Jarred. “I’m sorry, I don’t know how he found me or why he decided it’d be a good idea to approach me.”

Jarred stood there, shocked. “As long as you’re here with me, it’s all that matters, dearest.”

you hugged him. “that’s all i’ll ever be.”

THE END

[fappellmoan]

so right a couple of my film friends and i met last night to do wine and glee and i left and tried to catch a bus in our gross rainy cold weather and so when it finally comes im just like zoo wee mama my glasses r fogging up and all that shit. but who of course is on the bus but my one friend the main perpetrator of acting like im some flaky cunt (rant city below)

so i guess technically this wouldnt look great on my part bc i was obviously Somewhere and had been ignoring the group chat making plans but oh my GOD whatever who careessssss who Cares. so im like fucking phenomenal ok walk back Omg hi and she moves her shit so i can sit and i get settled and am like hey. and she asks what i was up to and ofc when i say anything bc this is fucking awkward shes just got this stupid smug little smile but i was just sitting there like bitch im not gonna sit here and act embarrassed for seeing my other friends so i was just like So are u guys doing x tn and shes like mhm yep are you coming and i was like well gee i dont know. sarcastic shrug. make conversation about the timing of the place for a second kinda jokin then awk silence

and so then because im a chill normal adult and am aware that shes about to go meet the group of friends and no matter what this interaction is going to be brought up and i had been planning on composing a levelheaded text but i just said Look im sorry that i ghosted you guys (and shes again smug smiling nodding next to me. girl.) i just honestly got tired of feeling like im being singled out and judged when i cant make it to something and she literally is just like Well im sorry you feel that way just u know we do try to come up w different days etc (if u like me are bad at reading between the lines this was a non apology and defense based on uh Nothing) and i was like right well ik last semester wasnt great it's just that sometimes i feel like im being shunned in the group chats when no one answers or reacts to anything i say and the other day when you said like. yk the 'could u commit' thing that felt really sort of condescending

and shes like again well im sorry u felt that way i was just trying to find another day that u could actually make it cause i wanted us all to be there so im not really sure how that came across as condescending but um yeah. and i, jackass that i am (<3) pulled out my phone and pointed and said Well u see we didnt have actual plans and in fact no one answered when i said anything abt it and yk things come up and so for me to have sent this whole nice thing and just get 'do you think youd be able to commit' in response felt a little bit needlessly mean (and i also tried to earnestly say at some point in all this that i genuinely do love and care for them and want to see them but yk this Sucks and was just bad timing)

THEN we somehow spin into her going Well i just had no idea this was even a thing until you brought it up just now i mean i wasnt even thinking abt it ive never really thought that of you etc and so then im sitting here feeling like im being gaslit in real time not to be dramatic and i felt very much like when i was in high school and people manipulated me bc i was a very easy target (its not that real but w/e) and so im like Ok be calm but dont just like let that slide cause girl be serious (prob should have but what ever) so i was like well you know i do apologize if i just couldnt tell your intent over text, but after you guys never answered me about hanging out and then the short responses like maybe u can kind of see where i felt like you were being rude (didnt say it quite that bluntly w/e)

and she pulls out the big card. the. well i just think youre being defensive. oh years and years of being the youngest and punished for um having feelings lmfao slammed me in my chest at that moment. and i calmly said Okay cool i think youre being defensive. and i lit missed my bus stop cause this driver was swerving so then i was just like Well you guys have fun maybe ill see you tonight bye. so. really feeling awesome abt the state of that. in all reality tho it's like i hung out w some friends and then went out to the gay bar w others and danced and etc and i can only imagine how much of a Thing this was for them so. if someone could win it'd be me right

(on another note at some point during this ride sams roommate requested to follow me back <3 which i had been pretending not to think abt for the last couple hours) anyway

this has been a post let me know if im being normalish

[quiznak-ofgrayskull]

Um. I think I just wrote a whole essay on Ninjago love triangles I'm so sorry.

Has anyone ever touched on the parallels that Ninjago draws with its two love triangles? Like. Nya and Misako, Jay and Wu, and Cole and Garmadon (as the love triangles are presented in canon). Like I know both love triangles were shoehorned in, blah blah blah, but I enjoy the trope shush.

So like both Misako and Nya (until her elemental powers were revealed to her) were both normal people who were stuck with all the cool elemental masters.

Jay and Wu were the usual "good guy" in accordance to how love triangles must work, that the person typically ends up with. Falls in line with the "young Wu was an absolute dumbass" hc (is it canon? idk-) as well as with both of them being a bit more romantic in nature (the awkward s1 date, and the sappy love letter)

And Cole and Garmadon are the "bad boy" alternative (once more in accordance to Love Triangle Rules, and possibly one of the main reasons the Nya Jay Cole love traingle does not work - Cole doesn't fit this), and they come in to disrupt the "endgame" couple. And character parallels are a bit more difficult to draw because Cole really doesn't fit this, but I suppose they could both be more subdued characters (compared to Jay and young Wu), as well as not very romantic in nature (Garmadon not writing his own sappy love letter (that we know of), Cole in general). Cole is definitely more level headed than Garmadon but still.

And then where the relationships diverge: The endgames. Because Misako actually went with the "bad boy" character, which from what I've seen doesn't happen often. That sort of character is typically there to add tension for the inevitable endgame, but Misako actually did choose Garmadon.

And Nya chose Jay, which does fall in line with the actual love triangle logistics.

I'm not good enough at analyzing things to pinpoint exactly what this means about the characters, if it were to mean anything at all. Like, is there technically a right choice? Is the "good" guy the right choice, and did Nya learn from Misako's errors? Did Misako make a specific error that Nya never even had to face? Did Nya make the wrong choice because she'd never considered anything else before? (Or are they different characters under different circumstances in which different choices were made, may the be good or bad?) And listen, I am well aware that the love triangle isn't good writing. I enjoy it because I am stupid. But if there was a point trying to be made, I think it's interesting.

Plus how it affects the relationships between the romantic rivals. Brothers and best friends, respectfully. Like, the rift that it creates between both groups, and the friendships that have the potential to be destroyed over romance- which is actually quite rare from what I've seen in these tropes. Typically the romantic rivals aren't so close? They know each other, of course, but rarely is their own relationship being compromised a focal point. And yeah, I know it's annoying to see romance being put on a pedestal above friendship, but it's also just interesting to me.

Like, Misako, and Wu and Garmadon's rivalry mattered so much to the two of them that years later, Wu got mad over the letter. Like, as adults, that affected them. And Jay and Cole being able to resolve it, and be friends despite it is also very cool to me.

And Wu being hung up on it shows the general lack of resolution that he got from that. He might have been waiting for a response for his letter, that he put all his heart into (to the point he forgot to sign it), only to find out, in a letter from Misako he had hoped would be for himself (or maybe one from his brother), that the two were together. Maybe that stung a bit, that Misako hadn't even mentioned his letter. Maybe he wondered about it, why she never mentioned it one bit. Maybe he put the pieces together, but brushed it aside as jealous speculation, in favor of trying to support his brother. Maybe that's why he got so angry when he found out.

And I think we can agree that it never really mattered as much to Cole as it did to Jay, which also makes for an interesting dynamic. Their friendship was strained more so from the rivalry than the romantic rivalry. Jay was super invested in it, and Cole probably just wanted things to go back to normal (maybe he was just competitive, or got carried away in general). And I think Jay and Cole's friendship being more important, and resolved first, is actually really cool. I really love that scene in season four, always have.

Not to mention Jay and Cole being separated for a long period of time between seasons 3 and 4, which let feelings, and misdirected anger and grief fester. At that point, it was a lot more than Nya.

Same with Wu and Garmadon, probably. Not so much canon evidence, but I can imagine that after so much, they got bitter over the whole thing, too. Wu did, at least.

Okay I think that's it? If anyone wants me to rant more about the ninjago love triangles I will do so gladly (clearly). Though I severely doubt there's a market for this. Pretty sure it's one of the least favorite writing decisions ever made in the show. That does not stop me though-

[run-aled]

RED VALLEY: WHILE YOU WERE HYPERSLEEPING‘Part Three’

[transcript]

SCENE 1

GORDON IS IN THE MESS ROOM, PLAYING HIMSELF AT POOL. MUSIC PLAYING FROM THE JUKEBOX IN THE DISTANCE. HE LEAVES THE TAPE ROLLING A LITTLE WHILE.

GORDON: Hello. It's umm… day 13. I'm in the mess. I am playing myself at pool and winning. Oh… I fixed the jukebox. Just another easy fix by Gordon Porlock...Warden of the Valley.

HITS A SHOT. POCKETS IT.

GORDON: Ahh… Boom. Warden of the Valley. That deserves a badge. Hey Blue, that deserves a badge, right?

BLUE SKY: I didn't quite catch that.

GORDON: That's what she says when I deserve a badge.

TAKES ANOTHER SHOT.

CUT.

GORDON: I thought I better take some of these duties seriously. The caretaking duties I mean. I remembered what the manager of the Overlook Hotel said to Jack Nicholson. Not the bit about the guy who went crazy and murdered his family, the boring stuff about going around the hotel and warming different parts of it, making sure the pipes don't freeze. So I've done that. I've systematically gone through all the radiators, and checked all the light switches, and most of them work, and when I find one that doesn't, I make a little note of it, and then I remember I have no idea what to do about any of that stuff so I just shut the door to that room and don't go in there again.

CUT TO GORDON IN THE TOILET AND READING A BIRD BOOK.

GORDON: I'm reading more too. The pink footed goose, or Anser Brachyrhynchus, doesn't breed in the UK but, probably Iceland or Greenland, and is just wintering here. Anyway, if they're going to shit on me every day, I thought I should at least be able to address them by their full scientific names.

HE GETS UP AND FLUSHES.CUT TO: GORDON WASHING UP IN THE FARMHOUSE. IN THE BACKGROUND AN ANCIENT RECORDING OF A CHRISTMAS CHOIR.

GORDON: Well I've really come to love this farmhouse. It's so peaceful. There's a.. a record player and lots of old Christmas records. And it's November so seems appropriate. Hey Blue, tell me something interesting about Christmas.

BLUE SKY: Hi Gordon, did you know that not only did Oliver Cromwell ban Christmas pudding and mince pies in the 17th century, the law was never officially rescinded, so technically it's still illegal to eat them.

GORDON: Awesome.

CUT TO: GORDON IN THE CORRIDOR UPSTAIRS IN THE BASE, MOVING BOXES.

GORDON: So, a lot of the archiving I think is just literally moving boxes of tapes. I mean, sure, I'll need to go through them some time, but there's no rush.

SUDDENLY A PHONE STARTS RINGING, SOME DISTANCE AWAY. GORDON STOPS IN HIS TRACKS.

GORDON: What the hell is that?

BEAT AS HE THINKS.

GORDON: Hmm.

BLUE SKY: The phone is ringing.

GORDON: I mean I'm really busy, with these-

BEAT. THE RINGING IS INCESSANT.

BLUE SKY: The phone is ringing.

GORDON: For God's sake.

BLUE SKY: The phone is ringing.

HE PICKS IT UP. SOMEONE IS EATING ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE.

GORDON: Hello?

CLIVE: Alright sugartits.

GORDON: Clive? Oh… Um., Bryony isn't here right now…

CLIVE: I know. Just wanted to check in on you.

GORDON: Oh er… Normally Grace or Pam would do a check in-

CLIVE: I know that too Gordon. Cos they work for me. Like you do.

GORDON: Of course, yeah, sure.

CLIVE: So how are you, Gordon?

GORDON: Oh, I'm great. Yeah… Great.

CLIVE: You doing what we're paying you to do, right?

GORDON: What do you mean?

CLIVE: Bryony asked you to look after the place and sort out the archives, didn't she? You know, the archives of the work we do at Red Valley. The world-changing, potentially limitlessly lucrative work that, frankly, is the only reason that gloomy little shithole hasn't been flattened by a giant Monty Python foot.

GORDON: Yes, yes, I'm on it.

CLIVE: You're on it.

GORDON: I'm on it.

CLIVE: You're sure you're on it? You're not just playing yourself at pool and listening to power ballads on the jukebox you repaired?

GORDON SCOFFS IN EMBARRASSED CONFUSION.

CLIVE: You know a Blue Sky unit is a microphone as well as a virtual assistant right?

BLUE SKY: Hello.

GORDON: I, uh. I did not know that actually.

HE PUTS HIS HAND OVER THE SPEAKER AND HISSES TO THE BLUE SKY UNIT.

GORDON: I thought we were friends!

CLIVE: I mean. It's kind of...I've already turned up on your doorstep once before after spying on you...

BLUE SKY: I found this on Friends. Friends is a situation comedy-

GORDON: Oh, don't even get me started on that.

CLIVE: What are you doing, Gordon?

GORDON: Oh er… Nothing, nothing, I'm just...I'm here.

CLIVE: That's just it. You see, I need you to do more than just be there, Gordon. I need you to work through those archives, mate. In fact- that's not even true. I don't give a liquid shit about the archives actually, I just need you to get everything on Warren Godby looking ship fucking shape. Because he's the ticket. For me, for you, for everything. If I find out you've been leaning back enjoying that ex-rental copy of Passion of the Christ, we're going to have a problem.

GORDON: I'll get on it, Clive. Right away.

CLIVE: Adda boy. Off you trot then.

GORDON: Yeah. Oh, Clive?

CLIVE: What?

GORDON: There's no one...else, around here, is there?

CLIVE: What do you mean?

GORDON: No one else around, any neighbours? Or Overhead people, who might want to visit, you know, in the middle of the night, then change their mind and drive away?

CLIVE SIGHS.

CLIVE: I don't give a shit if you're haunted by local sprites or some Highland bumpkin is plucking up the courage to invite you to the next caber tossing festival, keep your eyes on the cryonically preserved prize.

CLIVE HANGS UP.

PAUSE.

BLUE SKY: Is there anything I can help you with, Gordon?

GORDON: You and me are done professionally.

CUT.

MUSIC BREAK.

CUT TO: WARREN TURNS ON THE RECORDER AND PUTS IT DOWN. HE IS EXTREMELY OUT OF BREATH.

WARREN: Hi. Warren Godby here. Just got… back from a run. 8 o'clock in the morning, already done a run. Haven't even had breakfast. All 6 of us, along with umm…what’s his name Doctor umm… Doctor Mister Motivator. I don’t know. Do you know what, I started this too soon, give me a minute.

CUT.

GORDON: Blue Sky, save the project.

BLUE SKY: Remember you can call me Blue?

GORDON: We're not on first name terms anymore, Ms Sky.

BLUE SKY: Project saved. Would you like to play the next recording?

GORDON: Have you checked it already for my muted words and phrases?

BLUE SKY: There are no mentions of specific crimes or details relating to the sentence of Godby, Warren.

GORDON: Okay, go ahead.

THE NEXT RECORDING.

WARREN: Hello, hi. So I don't need to be so sycophantic. Apparently, there are no bonus points for obsequious behaviour or indeed, brown nosing, as Dr Halbech calls it, of any kind.

WARREN: Now that I'm in my little bedroom, and I've got my three minutes, erm… I do have a few thoughts about the induction day, you know that I could share. This is clearly a second hand induction pack. The main clue is the massive cock and balls that have been doodled over the contents page. Unless that’s your new Overhead watermark or something.

WARREN PULLS THE BLURB FROM HIS INDUCTION PACK.

WARREN: Right let's look at this. 'Congratulations from everyone at Overhead Industries! Here at Red Valley, our state of the art facility, you're about to join our team of expert clinicians and researchers, supported by our humm…caring, dedicated and highly qualified hospitality team that will make this experience closer to a rural retreat than a scientific study!'

WARREN: I take issue with the term 'state of the art', I suppose. My expectations for Red Valley were quite high. Er… I knewit was a laboratory underneath a military station in the wilderness, so of course I imagined, not unreasonably I think, Area 51 from Independence Day. White lab coats, stuttering science nerds played by Star Trek actors, maybe something like that crossed with the Dolph Lundgren training montage from Rocky IV, I don't know.Now, disappointment I can handle. I'm used to that. But I guess I was expecting, as a minimum, the kind of security that one might find in a highly guarded penal institution, like the one I just left, because, at the end of the day, all the new guests are hardened, violent convicted criminals after all. So when, at the end of today's induction session, Harry Reed decides to brain Stephens over the head with a fucking metal chair for making eye contact with him, I was somewhat surprised when absolutely fucking nothing happened, apart from Stephens being dragged by the feet out of the room leaving behind an oil slick of blood coming out of his head and Harry staring at us all with a look that could cut diamonds while folding and unfolding his arms every 3 seconds like a fucking maniac, which is exactly what he is.

WARREN: I think there are literally only 3 people working here. And there are six of us. That is bananas. This is going to end like Straw fucking Dogs. Goodnight.

CUT.

GORDON: Right. Well then.

BLUE SKY: There is a short addendum.

GORDON: Oh. Er… Go ahead.

PLAYS.

WARREN: Quick update. Little group meeting just now to inform us that Stephens and Reed are leaving the programme. Infact, they've apparently already left. Which is weird, cos there's only one way in or out of this valley and no one’s come or gone all day. So that's definitely not disconcerting whatsoever. I'm going to go and stare at the ceiling for the rest of the night. Bye.

CUT.

FOOTSTEPS ALONG THE CORRIDOR IN THE LOWER LEVEL, REACHING A DOOR. GORDON OPENS IT AND WALKS INTO A ROOM- THE CRYO SUITE. EVENTUALLY HE REACHES HIS DESTINATION.

GORDON: Evening Warren.

GORDON PLACES HIS RECORDER ON THE METALLIC CRYO POD.

GORDON: Apologies I haven't been down to see you much. You look well. I can't actually see you. I thought they would've put windows in a cryopod. So people could see you floating about. But, I guess it's nice to have privacy, isn't it?

PAUSE.

GORDON: I've been struggling Warren. With what's going on here. The truth is I have to make a choice. To be a friend to you or not. I'm going to keep listening to your tapes. But I'm not going to find out what you did. I'd like to say it's because I'm respecting your privacy, but the truth is I recognise the guys on these recordings. He doesn't sound too different to me. He's scared, he's lonely, he hates exercise. Look… maybe you're not who I think you are. But given the company we keep, you might still be the least awful person I currently work with. So, let’s be friends. I'll be back tomorrow. And maybe I’ll bring Top Trumps or something.

END.

[keithbutgay]

🍼🍓💗🦋🍃 for the ask game? /nf

i think its interesting that like half of these are about romantic relationships but. idk maybe thats just me :P

🍼- what's your favorite memory?

🍓- one secret about yourself

💗- who do you miss?

🦋- how do you think others perceive you?

🍃- would you rather live in a sea with mermaids or a forest with fairies? (or middle name i can't tell so i'll just answer both :PP)

(for what it's worth i also thought it was really interesting that a lot of them were about romantic relationships :PP)

okay i wrote like. a fuck ton. so i'll put it under the cut haha

favorite memory... um this one's hard. i have a really awful memory and like i'm sure i've had genuine good moments in my life but so many of the ones i can remember have had some underlying awfulness to them

um

sorry that's like. bad---

when i moved about five years ago, my sister and i built a sort of fort with the couch and mattresses. we hadn't wanted to move houses but this was like. the day of the move. and we were eating bagels, she had poppy and i had sesame. anyways we got seeds on the mattress but it was really nice. there's still seeds on our mattresses. hers has poppy.

i think another one of my favorite memories is working on the percy jackson musical. not because it wasn't like an absolutely awful time because. well. yeah. but because i got to meet y'all and there were definitely really good moments for me, especially with the graffiti and also like. vat7k :P

um moving on i guess---

a secret about myself. ummm this one's hard cause like. i do hide things a lot. but i wouldn't consider them secrets... especially cause you probably know about them lol

um... maybe that. i'm scared to call myself neurodivergent because i'm undiagnosed and i'm worried that i'm just making it all up and just like. have more severe anxiety and depression than i thought?

idk

is that a secret?

oh well

um next question (sorry this is so long---)

who do i miss? okay so i've answered this one on a different ask game and i really really don't want to repeat it um i could talk about another person i guess?

i had this friend who i knew for a year. they um. helped me a lot. but they were in a really bad mental state, and were constantly in the hospital. they didn't talk to me all that much either, because i would hang around their boyfriend, and they would rather talk to him than me. but anyways i really didn't know them that well, i did go to their house once and we met up a few times but they moved to another state three years ago and haven't talked to me since. anyways it's complicated but they're basically. um. dead. i used to write them little "letters" on a doc actually, but i haven't opened that doc in a while---

anyways

this got angsty very quickly moving on

aaaaa okay this is hard

like. my brain tells me everyone hates me. logically, i know that they don't.

okay maybe i should rephrase

i don't want to believe that people see me as anything better than like. trash. i know that people do but i don't want to believe that and my brain makes that part very easy for me by yelling that they're only here out of pity and they don't actually care about me? so idk

maybe

maybe i think that the people who don't know me perceive me as the weird guy in the corner who doesn't know what he's doing ever and is really annoying and like should never be interacted with

and the people who do know me perceive me as infinitely better than i actually am and i. wish they didn't because i'm going to disappoint them no matter what because i'm not who *they* perceive

okay anyways

i would rather live in the sea with mermaids. i fucking love mermaids. i've wanted to live in the ocean with mermaids for my entire life. sea creatures are my life actually i love them so much especially jellyfish i would let a jellyfish eat me in the most normal way possible. the waterfire saga, above world series, emily windsnap, and mermaid tales did this to me.

also my middle name is technically isabelle but i'm ignoring that in favor of ian like ian kabra from 39 clues because i'm very gay

but ian doesn't sound great with either of my names so i'll probably rethink that one--- :PP

[tanxiang-genshin-pokemon]

Ok, let’s see here, how am I going to do this…oh, I got it!

Hey everyone, my name is Tánxiāng Rambelgard! My mom is half Liyuese and half Inazuman, and my dad is half Mondstater and half Snezhnayan! We live in a village in a sort of weird neutral zone between a few regions, partly because dad’s alcohol business may not have been the most, um, legal? Anyway, we’re nearer to Sumeru and I got to study at the Akademiya!

I study Pokemonology, similar to one of the other me’s in the rotomblr multiverse, so I am somewhat like what you guys would call a Professor. I still don’t really know what they are, but I just know they’re called Pokemon

Pokemon kinda just showed up out of nowhere and I figured that, if I could study them, I would either make a name for my family or create a new field of study, like how architecture and biology are fields of work and study. I managed to get it to be considered a crossway between about half of the six Darshans, but the way these creatures are basically caused a BIG fight between, um, almost all the sages. Biology/Amurta, Spantamad/Alchemy and Ley Lines, and Aetiology/Vahumana kinda didn’t know what to make of this new, well, thing. None of the sages did. Since I was “new blood”, passed an entry exam, and was just lucky enough to have kinda befriended one, I think it’s a Sylvee? I don’t know, I’m just going by the sounds they make. But all that kinda made the sages put me in charge of this with help from one student from each school/Darshan until this fully settles into one or two categories instead of being in this weird ambiguous mess.

Definitely feel out of place being the daughter of what’s basically a liquor-runner and a former teahouse tea-farmer in a group of people who had parents with some expectations of them getting higher education outside of trade work. Yes, my mom was a tea-farmer for a teahouse.

//OOC under the cut

So, her personality is that she’s extremely friendly, sometimes unnervingly so. She just grew up with watching her family go through a lot and so anyone she considers “safe”, basically meaning they’re not friends but she knows or perceives them as being accepting and possible sources of assistance in a time of need, or a friend or ally, she wants to at least help when she can, though it’s usually food related. She is very observant and her “singing ear”/left ear can pick up on one’s pulse just by being within normal conversation proximity, wanted there to be a backup explanation for why she knows what she does.

Her service cat is based on my very real service cat, just slightly more exaggerated for entertainment purposes.

Characters she has deemed “safe” or allies: Diluc, AlHaitham, Kaveh, Tighnari and all associated with him, and Candace. “Allies”: Amber, Jean, Zhongli, Cyno, and most of the anemo and geo vision holders in general, she just vibes with them. “Friends”: razor, lisa, kinda Kaeya, and Gaming. Everyone else she is friendly but uncertain about for one reason or another.

Suggestive is ok, no overtly nsfw, no underage ships just on principle, minirs dni suggestive content.

Ok, so this is set right after the vison hunt decree was made, and therefore AlHaitham is not the Grand Sage and is still the Scribe, Zhongli is still Morax, Fontaine is still in danger, BUT the Stormterror threat is gone.

I am working with a canon without The Traveler purely because the timeline is not the most well defined and I am just not dealing with that.

I won’t do a crossover rp unless initiated, otherwise it will be treated as a normal genshin rp.

No teams, but I will keep Sylph the sylveon, Kagehime the umbreon, and Joan the eevee as each consistent AU “team”. I used the Chinese word for Sandalwood because Sandalo is spanish for sandalwood and is part of the scientific name for the tree.

I will be referring to the different Pokemon by their cries in the anime because obviously people in Teyvat, just having the things show up, wouldn’t know what these are

[t3tr0m1n0]

the merlin-mars meetup. set somewhere within the broader hhvcd canon/multiverse/whatever we want to call it, and in a library. features very little foreboding content. keyword: mundane.

will be available to read on ao3 once they get their pussy-ass servers back, and just below the cut once you click on it. enjoy.

Merlin hopes they aren't taking up too much space in the isle as they pop the book open to read its inside cover. The other guy in the stacks is there, and that's about all xe can think to observe about him.

"…Fourth wall breaking…" shy almost unconsciously comments aloud, once finished reading the blurb. Their instincts will take them next to maybe flip it open to a random page or just put it back on the shelf, neither of these possibilities capable of rhyming or reasoning with the other, conflicting in time-static limbo until the stranger intercepts the present.

"Hey, um, I've read that book before. I liked it a lot. Do you want me to recommend it to you?" He might be speaking nervously, it's not like ze's ever been able to tell.

Merlin's mind tries working fast. "Sure." There you go. "Uh, I guess, start with the philosophy stuff?" Working the book back to being cover-open takes 2nd priority as ey speak. "Like what is there to this? This is nonfiction, so I guess it's a bunch of exposition, or…?" They leave that openness to their dialogue in the hopes that their meaning gets across.

He's quick to pick up the conversation, at least. "Oh, yeah, it's kind of a primer on the schools—the history of western philosophy."

"Not the eastern and the whatnot."

"Ha, yeah, more the stuff that started in ancient Greece."

"Yeah, I," hy takes a second to really get the words ready for execution, "I'm not familiar with philosophy much at all, but that doesn't mean I haven't had a debate in a forum before, at least."

Fingers crossed, he can breeze through the non sequitur and keep with the topic of conversation— it's what Merlin always hopes for, even though it feels like it has little reason to expect it from people.

"Yeah, well," he continues, "there's more to it, also. Because the book has sort of a main character, who interacts with a lot of the exposition-ing—"

"Expositing?" He ignores them.

"There's kind of a philosophical debate that happens about all the philosophical debate."

"Ah, well, nonfiction with a- a narrative character, I know that can happen. I've seen it before." It's really something of a nothing response, and also, again, one ze hopes he doesn't inquire towards.

"Yeah, because the main character has, I guess, her own opinions and her own life and things, that's where the 4th wall-messing with reality stuff comes in. It gets really weird."

Merlin thinks such a description seems a little incongruous with the picture of nonfiction text that exists in their head, and that's a good thing. "'Kay then. I think that was what was gonna get me to try out this book, if anything."

This may be the moment when xey become the dominator of this conversation. What an odd thing to reflect on; they continue, "So are you, like, a librarian, anyway? Do you work here, I mean." He laughs a bit. "I don't mean that in a bad way," ve follows up, just to be polite.

"No, but like— I am a librarian, I just don't work here." He comes off like he could live his entire life between these shelves.

"Oh."

"I work at one of the Universities of Maryland," he speaks on with a tone that's fully shaping up to be earnest.

"Out of state. I, uh, 'm also not from here— I'm from California."

He stays receptive. "Ah, well, if it were the case that we were both locals, then we could see each other again; you could tell me how you liked the book."

"Normal librarian and patron stuff." It meant for that to come out as a question. "Um, however, we could," Merlin shifts the book around in their hands, closing it, then pulls their drawstring back to the front, "well, okay, give me a sec— don't mind me."

Ze pushes on, backing out of the stacks and planting the bag & book firmly on the nearest table. Their modus operandi is to waste as little time as is necessary; as soon as a notebook is lifted from, they're flipping it open, grasping for a pencil from their pockets and talking again.

"This paper has stuff on it, but, eh, I don't mind. You have email, right?" Truly, xe pauses for a response, sparing a couple looks at him as xe rips out the leaf of paper.

"Ah, damn," ey mutter carelessly with it tearing unevenly.

"Yeah, okay. This has my email address on it. So you can get ahold of me."

He takes it with one hand and then trades it for the other's cane. "Oh, sounds good." Reading it before getting straight into the file compression & storage shows him the patient stranger is merlinenilrem @ inself.net.

If he were to keep up reading while he folds it, he'd get even more incomprehensible, self-justified things, but instead he chooses dialogue. "Sorry about making you take out a page from your notebook."

"Eh, no. I've got plenty. Notebooks, I mean."

"I'm Mars, by the way."

"Oh. And I'm Merlin. Good to know, uh, your name."

Mars nods, a soft affirmation. "So, I think I'm going to go back to looking for a book," he says in all good faith.

"Right," replies Merlin, "then I guess I'll get to reading this one."

A beat, so it's clear Mars & Merlin can't stop the other from going off on their own lives. "Thanks, by the way."

"No problem." Merlin doesn't see him exit and he's not exactly gone.