#anyway. i miss hating my body A Little Less and people being Nicer to me and everyone telling me how good of a job im doing

[widevibratobitch]

.

[queenjunoking]

Wolf Taming pt 39

CW: Noncon - Shock Collar - Pain - Petplay

Mimi

I knocked at the door and waited for a response. Miss Eos had decided to take a nap after her late night phone call and told me to wake her up once Callidora was about to reach her final mile. Jude had sent me an alert on my tablet and I hurried as fast as I was capable of to Miss Eos’s room to wake her.

After a few rounds of knocking I decided I needed to risk punishment and just enter the room. The punishment for failing to follow through on her orders would be much worse than the one I might get for entering her room without permission.

“Miss Eos?” I hobbled across the room and lightly touched her shoulder.

She sat up, took a deep breath, and glared at me. “Whatever happened to knocking, Mimi?”

“I-I I’m sorry, Miss Eos.” I tried my best to stay strong. Miss Eos always seemed to have a soft spot for me despite everything she did to me. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t afraid of her getting angry at me. “I tried knocking but you didn’t respond. You said to wake you when Callidora reached her last mile. I-I didn’t want you to miss it.”

She picked up her phone, probably to check the time. It was three in the morning. She was on her final mile in little over six hours. Not a marathon pace under normal circumstances, but given her circumstances it was fairly impressive. Most ponies tended to start collapsing early on and their shoes actively worked against them. I knew that feeling better than anyone, the only thing worse than the hoof boots were the ballet boots I was locked in.

She stood up, went behind a screen, and began to get changed into her formal riding gear. It was important to reinforce Callidora’s place. Miss Eos was a rider and Callidora was a pony. “Did she require the harness to finish her run?”

I scrolled through my tablet to check Jude’s logs. “Yes, Miss Eos. Though fairly late. Over 97 percent of our new ponies require the harness set up to keep them on their feet by the fifteenth mile. Callidora managed to make it to mile 22 before she collapsed the first time. It puts her in our racehorse category.”

“And Z was going to waste this potential by making her a puppy.” Miss Eos laughed as she came out from behind the changing screen.

“It seems especially impressive given the speed increase you ordered around mile sixteen. Even after the harness cables were attached to keep her up, Jude kept the treadmill going at three miles over the standard speed.” I stood at attention as Miss Eos passed me and went into the hallway. I tried my best to follow her, but even after all this time I couldn’t move fast enough to keep up with other people and soon lost sight of her.

I sighed and decided to do some of my maid duties. I wanted to see what was going to happen, but walking in late would just make things weird. I’d probably see Callidora doing training in the yard soon enough anyway.

Hopefully Callidora would put Miss Eos in a good mood. It had been awhile since we had a real winner and if Callidora played her cards right she would be cared for very well. Her own spacious stall, good food, and attention. The best ponies got a personal stablehand to take care of them. It was nicer than most slaves would ever get, myself included.

I couldn’t imagine anyone willingly jeopardizing such luxury.

Eos

I quietly walked into the barn, passing stablehands that stopped what they were doing to bow as I was passing. I couldn’t help but smile at the obedience on display. I was once told the idea of using slaves as stablehands was a bad idea. Giving slaves such an important job was a bad idea. They’d sabotage the operations. They’d try to escape or rebel if I let them congregate.

But I did it anyway and it allowed my operation to expand quickly. The stablehands were given an amount of freedom but more or less had a gun to their head. Any mistake or signs of rebellion were harshly punished. They could be replaced. If they acted out they would most likely find themselves in a worse position. I chose stablehands from slaves not fit to be ponies or cows which gave them limited alternative use. I usually sold them off to one of the families that made them into various useful objects. A combination of drugs and restraints could make anyone something as nice as an artful cup holder or as unfortunate as an urinal. Eitherway, I couldn’t imagine anyone being able to spend the rest of their life like that, it's why I suggested they behave during introductions.

I made my way to the exercise room and knocked on the door quietly before I walked in. The treadmills faced away from the door so Callidora couldn’t see me. I could see her though and it was quite the sight.

Her body glistened in sweat, the evidence of her long hard run. Her ass was still a bright red from being at the end of Jude’s crop the entire night. I could see her legs were shaking. The new pony’s legs always shook like newborn fawns when they were finished with their runs. None of them were ever prepared for a marathon like they had experienced.

I watched her stumble, but the cables attached to her harness from the ceiling caught her. I heard her make an angry noise when the cables went taut. I didn’t want the ponies to rely on the harnesses to keep them up, so when the cables became taut they got a shock so they’d get their weight off of them.

She was breathing hard, but I could still tell that there was determination in her. To prove she couldn’t be controlled she had to show she wasn’t weak. All that did was show us that she was a prize though. It was always amusing to see a slave play right into your hands.

Jude looked up at me and was about to greet me, but I held a finger to my lips. She nodded and turned back to Callidora. I approached her as well, standing to the side of the treadmill. Her blinders didn’t allow her to see me, but she knew someone was standing next to her. She tried to turn her head to look at me and Jude corrected her with a swap from the crop. Ponies needed to keep their minds on the task at hand, not distractions. The blinders were there to help with this, not to make her look around.

Callidora grumbled unhappily from the swat, but kept looking forward. She stumbled one more time and got another shock before she made it to the end. The treadmill slowed to a stop and her legs were shaking non-stop.

“Jude, disconnect the current so Callidora can use the harness to take weight off her legs.” Jude walked to the other end of the room and pushed a few buttons before giving me a thumbs up. “You can rest now, Callidora.”

The mare ignored me and continued to try and stay on her feet. I grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at me. “Hello Callidora. My name is Mistress Eos. I am your new owner. You know longer have to worry about Z and her incompetence. You just completed your first marathon and I am extremely impressed. You’re going to do well here.”

Callidora tried to say something through the gag. She seemed unable to stop running her mouth even when she couldn’t use it. I undid some of the pieces of her tack, allowing for the bit to be removed while leaving the rest of the headpiece on.

“B…” Callidora was breathing hard and stretching out her jaw. Her voice failed her on whatever she was trying to say.

“I’m letting you talk right now. It’s a small gift. Think wisely about what you want to tell me.” I smiled and stroked her hair. It was a nice length, but I was going to want it longer for a much nicer ponytail.

“Bitch.” She spat the word at me, anger in her eyes.

“Adorable.” I grabbed the crop and hit her leg with it. She crumpled, if it wasn’t for the cables she’d have collapsed on the floor. “I’m sure you think you’re very strong. I know you think you can take anything we can dish out after spending time with Z. As much as I hate to admit it, she was very talented at breaking things like you.”

“Is she now?” She spoke between breaths. “She didn’t seem very talented at much aside from pushing a button on a shock collar.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “I like that fiery spirit of yours, Callidora. I think we’d get along very well if you just let yourself enjoy your time here.”

“I think you should go fuck yourself.” She spat the words out again.

“Oh Callidora.” I stroked her hair again as I spoke. “You’re never going to escape from here. You are a slave in the Society. An organization like ours doesn’t stay around for hundreds of years because slaves escape. Z wanted you for a pet. It’s a waste of your talents. You’re a runner. You want challenges. This is the perfect position for you. Tonight was harsh, but its trial by fire. Your daily routines will be easier than this.”

“And if I refuse?”

I couldn’t help but smile at that question. I walked away from Callidora and approached Jude. “Have Callidora taken to one of the bigger stalls. Give her the full works, muscle massage, bath, food and water. Let her get a few hours of sleep.”

“Of course, Miss Eos.” Jude nodded and left the room to go get some more stablehands to assist in transporting Callidora.

I took another look at her just hanging from the ceiling over the treadmill. “You’ll get to see some of the nicer things you’ll get to experience if you work with me. The treatment the best of our racehorses get. Later this afternoon you’ll get to go on a tour of the grounds. You’ll learn then what might happen to you if you refuse. It’s only fair I give you all the information available before you make a decision you’ll regret.”

[serifsans]

Vladimir’s bulk is warm and comfortable in a way nothing else is. It’d probably be downright luxurious to curl up on his lap in his true form but if there’s anything Jean-Paul hates, it’s letting their boyfriend (boyfriend, he calls him, as if either of them aren’t anything but too damn old, as if they don’t think of him as their husband, even if they dare not say it lest that change something and ruin everything.) see them when they aren’t wearing human form. It’s embarrassing, like being caught wearing bell-bottoms before they cycle back into fashion. They’ll let Vladimir see them now when they’re skulking around wearing ratty bathrobes so old they’re now antiques but JP draws the line as letting him see that silly pink dog.

(Also, they figure that if the regulators ever decide to mind-wipe him, it’s probably better if he has less memories of an obviously alien form. Maybe it won’t completely fry his brain then. JP’s terrified of that. Of course, JP also knows that if they ever came for him, Vladimir’s taking as many regulators as possible with him before they could even get to his head. They’re terrified of that just as much.)

They see each other so infrequently anyway that there’s no point wasting it looking like anything but a dream: that is, if your idea of a dream is undersized, middle-aged, and dressed entirely in designer brands. Vladimir’s is, which is part of the reason they like him so much. Their volph form is not a dream. It’s silly and little and adorable when it’s not glitching and lagging. JP will take adorable but the silly part, no.

Jean-Paul has his shop and his commissions and a whole part of his life he doesn’t want to drag Vladimir into any more than he already has. Vladimir’s got his work and his family and a whole part of his life he doesn’t want to drag Jean-Paul (or Polly Jean or whatever other name they cycle though) into any more than he already has. They both have businesses that keep them very busy and also side-pieces that also keep them very busy, mostly because neither of them really like to address their emotions and mostly deal with them by throwing themselves at whatever distraction they can find. Always, always, there’s the looming threat that this cannot last, that it’ll end poorly, that they should just end this, but whenever they break up, they can’t stay apart too long until the fear comes for one of them again.

Anyway, the point? Jean-Paul’s living like a fucking king over there because he gets to wallow all over this man. Anyone who doesn’t get to cuddle him is missing out on one of the finer joys of life.

“Paulie, my sweet one, maybe you would like it more if you moved a little, yeah? Just a little. I love you as I love no other, you are my starshine, my heart, but your ass, it’s bony. My legs can only take so much. I am sorry, my love.”

Oh, okay, the man he loves is just cruelly abandoning him like a complete and utter monster. That’s how it is. Being JP is so hard. They make a big show of looking extremely sad as they scoot off his lap and curl up against his side instead, sighing extremely, extremely over-dramatically. Vladimir pets his hair and gives him a little kiss to make up for kicking him off of his lap. JP sighs even more sadly and when that doesn’t elicit the desired response, sighs even louder so Vladimir kisses him again.

Their ass isn’t that bony.

“I guess I might find it within my heart to forgive you for this cruel and utterly cutting insult,” they say. “But only because I am an extremely kind person. The best. I’m completely saintly, darling. That’s the truth of it.”

Vladimir chuckles, a low rumble.

“They will write poems to your kindness and generosity. They will not say that you called what’s-her-name horrible things for hours only because she did not say hello to you while walking down the street. I still think she did not see you. If she knew what you said, she would never talk to you agains even if she did see you.”

JP huffs.

“First of all, it was not for hours. Second of all, I was only being truthful. Third of all, she did it on purpose; don’t argue otherwise. Fourthly, she can snub me all she wants, I really do not give a fuck, the joke’s on her, I made out with her dear old dad in the 70s and he liked it, so hah. I hope no one shows up at her fucking garden party. I hope she gets kicked out of the country club. I hope she buys a pony and it doesn’t love her.”

“Okay, Paulie, you tart,” says Vladimir, laughter still in his voice. “You were very busy in the 70s. You must have never rested.”

“You know it.”

Maybe being kicked off Vladimir’s lap isn’t so bad. It means they can nestle up against him and rest their head on his stomach. He likes to run his fingers through their hair, especially since they decided to start wearing it long in this body. Anyone else doing it makes him feel like anxious lapdog with no control over who does and doesn’t pet him (or pull his tail or mess with his ears or poke him) but Vladimir does it and he feels like a person instead. He closes his eyes and though he never naps, JP really feels so comfortable right now he could doze off. Bears are fantastic. The world needs more of them. Actually, it needs more of them and it needs this one to last forever.

“Mm, completely unrelated to exploits of the past, but I made an account on a website. Thought you should know. Transparency. Communication. That sort of thing. It’s fun.”

God, they’re comfy. This is amazing. Their life really is so blessed. Thank you, universe.

“Paulie,” his boyfriend says with gentle exasperation in his voice. “You join these websites, you find someone that maybe you do not like, you say things that you know to be hurtful, the websites say that you cannot go to them anymore. You can’t keep doing this. There is a reason that I run the boutique’s social media and you, you, my heart, are allowed nowhere near. You are very spiteful and very rude. I know this and I love you.”

JP really can’t argue against this one because they’re running out of websites to be banned from. Even still, they roll their eyes and huff because how dare Vladimir call them out like this.

“Ugh, fine, I’ll behave. I’m really trying to be nicer, you know. It’s all so goddamn weird that I wouldn’t even understand how to insult these people if I tried, anyway. I don’t fucking get memes, darling. It’s all a bunch of bullshit people pretend is funny. It doesn’t make sense.”

“I am sorry you do not understand the Internet. It is a strange place. I will send you Russian memes instead and then maybe you will understand,” Vladimir says. “If you do not like the site, then maybe consider not being on it.”

“I didn’t say that. I just said that it doesn’t make sense. Darling, you know I really do think people should cater to my exact sense of taste at all times but even though they don’t, I still very graciously put up with it,” JP says. “It’s a website for fellow space fans. They’re all bound to be weird."

Vladimir’s hand in his hair stills.

“I do not need to know the details of what you say on your websites, I think maybe I do not even need to know what they are called, but be mindful of what you post. You do not know who could be reading. Do not mention me on it ever, please.  Be careful.”

The ever-present anxiety starts making itself known. It’s not that Vladimir himself makes them anxious because he’s a giant softie underneath the leather and gruff exterior and the fact that he will commit murder in an instant if it means protecting his loved ones. It’s just that sometimes JP very suddenly remembers how much they absolutely have to protect him at all costs and what it will be like to lose him if they can’t devise a way to keep him around forever.

“I’m sorry, Vladimir. I should’ve said something before I made an account. I’ll delete it. I just...you told me I can’t keep running away from others like me. Well, I can’t deal with them in real life. I just can’t. It’s just a website, I didn’t think things through, I don’t want to compromise your safety, I can-”

“Ah, ah, no, I am sorry, I think maybe I said things too harshly, do not worry, my darling. I trust you. Please, maybe it will be a good thing for you and then you will understand their memes. I only want you to be happy and safe. Just be careful, okay? And do not start fights with people.”

JP whines and buries their face against him.

“I really can delete it. I, I don’t always think things through. I wasn’t made for thinking.”

Vladimir decides the best course of action is to pull them back into his lap in hopes it’ll calm the anxious volph, except JP can’t even properly enjoy it because their brain (if they even have a brain because they honestly do not know.) goes from zero to one hundred in half a second and now they’re thinking about everything bad that could possibly happen because they joined a website for aliens.

“Hey, it’s okay, okay? Have fun on your alien dating site. Maybe you will sleep with a Nessie and it will change your life. Do not worry about me. Just be careful with yourself, okay? You do not protect that person enough.”

That’s enough for JP to momentarily break through the anxiety.

“It’s a blogging website, not a hookup website."

“Okay.”

...

“Paulie? Is the Loch Ness Monster real? Do you know her?”

“Darling, you know I never kiss and tell.”

“Is she real?”

“Fuck if I know but I’m certainly not swimming all the way over there to find out.”

[jiffyjimin]

Crush Culture Pt.1

Title: Crush Culture

word count: 2k

Rating:M

Genre: Hybrid Au, Barista x reader, Romance (Eventual Smut)

warnings: mention of abuse

Pairings: Yoongi cat hybrid + Jungkook bunny hybrid x reader, ( Eventual Taehyung fox hybrid x reader)

summary: y/n works at a small cafe in the heart of Seoul. She has a busy life managing college and work, and has only recently realized how lonely she has become. That is, until she meets two hybrids in the alley behind the cafe who are in desperate need of her help. Suddenly her world is no longer lonely, but is it too much to handle? ——————————————————————————

PART 1

I ran full speed across the street and down the small sidewalk, managing to slam into the cafe’s door in the process. Once I opened the door, I was greeted by the one person I was hoping not to see today.

His name is Jackson. He’s been my coworker since I started working here at the Dream Bean Coffee Shop. The reason I don’t want to see said boy today, is because I missed my alarm by an hour and had to fly my ass out the door so I wouldn’t be late. Again. For the 5th time this month. This left me no time to fix my hair, so it’s currently in the messiest, ugliest bun I’ve ever laid eyes on. It’s not that I really want to impress him or anything, but I can’t help but shy away when his eyes glance over my appearance.

“Nice hair” jackson snickered.

If I didn’t think that laugh was sorta cute I probably would’ve smacked that smirk right off of his face.

“Yea yea. Whatever, at least I’m not late.” I sighed as I tied an apron around my waist.

If I had been late one more time I would’ve been fired and I really can’t afford to lose this job. I’m studying at the college nearby and in order to pay for both my apartment, and college, I really needed this job. Both of my parents are well off and send me money if I need it, but I hate it when they do that. I’d prefer to support myself, even though balancing school work and real work is proving to be a struggle.

I don’t have time to talk to my friends anymore and I’ve realized how lonely I actually am in my 2 bedroom apartment. When I first bought the apartment I thought I was going to move in with a friend, but that never worked out.

Jackson is the only friend I have left that I talk to constantly. He’s always there for me, even on my hardest days. We have a very strong friendship, and I plan to always keep in touch, even once I graduate and eventually move to a nicer area. We also agreed that if neither of us are married in 10 years that we’ll get married to eachother, but only for the sole purpose of saving money. There would be no romantic connection, ever.

“So. Why are you almost late this time?” Jackson asked, while pouring a drink for a coustomer. I shook my head. I didn’t want to tell him I overslept again.

“I uh.. was working on homework and lost track of time” I said, busing my hands by making a drink.

“I don’t believe that for a second. How late were you up? You know I worry about you not sleeping enough.” He said, a frown creeping it’s way onto his usually cheerful face.

“I wasn’t up that late.” I lied, while avoiding his soft gaze .

“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry” I sighed, placing a drink on the counter.

He suddenly placed his hands on my shoulders, causing me to look up at him. He was a lot closer than I expected, and I could feel my cheeks heat up. I don’t know if it was just because I wasn’t use to human affection, or if it was the fact that I was still a little self conscious of my scattered appearance.

“You know I can’t help but worry. I care about you y/n” he said, looking into my eyes meaningfully. He slid his hands down into a hug, and I hugged back. I sighed heavily into his shoulder, letting out all of the tension I had been holding in for the past week.

“Thanks. But really, I’m doing alright” I said genuinely. I looked up into his eyes and got lost in the golden flecks that encompassed a light honey brown. His eyes were always so soothing and I wasn’t sure why. I got chased out of my thoughts when a customer dinged the bell to get service.

I quickly spun around and rushed to the counter. I could hear a quiet sigh behind me and frowned a little. I don’t want him worrying about me, I’m figuring everything out.

“Hello what can I get for you today?” I took down the customers order and was about to start making it when Jackson snatched the cup out of my hand.

“I got it.” He smiled, running away before I could protest. I huffed, and decided to go restock the cups instead since they were running low. When I went to get them, I noticed the pile of garbage bags in the storage room and decided to take those out first.

I grabbed as many bags as I could fit into my weak noodle arms and shoved my way through the back door to the dumpster. The sight before me when I opened the door caused me to drop all of the bags, the glass inside one of them shattering everywhere.

There were two hybrids inside the dumpster, digging through bags looking for food. The only way I could distinguish them from normal humans was their ears peeking out of the trash. At first I thought they were just strays, and I was about to shoo them away, but then they peeked their heads out of the dumpster. One was a black long haired cat hybrid, and the other seemed to be a white rabbit hybrid. Their features were mesmerizing and they both had a soft kind of beauty. It wasn’t until I stood there starting at them that I realized they had cuts and bruises all over their bodies, and their fur was matter with both blood and dirt.

“Ah hah! Jackpot!” The bunny said, holding up a bag of stale buns that had been thrown away.

The cat lit up at the sight of food, but that’s when they both noticed my presence. I let out a small gasp and as they were jumping away from the dumpster I tried to get them to calm down.

“Wait! I won’t hurt you! I was just-“ I tried explaining what I was doing, but they had already started running back down the alley, as far away from me as possible.They were clearly being hurt by someone, or something, and don’t have any food. I felt really bad for them. And I hate that I scared them away.

As I stood there, trying to figure out what in the hell just happened, I felt a tap on my shoulder and screamed. As I spun around I was met with Jackson stumbling back at the sound I made.

“Oh uh- sorry I-“ he stampered and I just looked down and rubbed my face, exhausted.

“No, you’re fine. I just... never mind.” I said, deciding not to tell him about the hybrids I had seen. I’m going to try to leave food out for them, and I don’t want him scaring them away.

“Are you sure? What just happened?” He asked, motioning to the trash bags that are now leaking onto the floor since they ripped when I dropped them. I didn’t answer, and just began scooping up the trash and throwing the ripped bags into the dumpster. He didn’t ask any more questions and decided to leave it be, which I was happy for.

That night at the end of my shift, I left the hybrids the tray of leftover pastries that the cafe always threw away anyways. I’m not sure if they’ll come back after our encounter, but I’m hoping they do. I can’t get the image of all the bruises on their bodies out of my head. They deserve so much better. It really makes me sick that people think they can just get away with abusing hybrids like that. The whole hybrid system has always been a little messed up in my opinion.

There was a time where I thought about adopting one, but I hated the idea of more or less owning a person. As lonely as I was, I didn’t think it was right. If I ever did adopt a hybrid, I would treat them as equals, and not just as a pet. They are half human after all, and they deserve their own rights. The government is actually working on passing laws that allow hybrids to have more rights, such as being able to work, and not having to wear collars to be outside. If I run into them again, I’m hoping I can get them help in whatever way I can. I just need to earn their trust first, and the way to any mans heart, is FOOD!

I went home that night and had a hard time falling asleep. For some reason, I was worried sick about those two hybrids I had seen. What if they had gotten into trouble when they ran? How long have they been on the streets? There were so many unanswered questions and I just wish I could help.

I awoke the next morning, and was relieved that I didn’t have class today. I still had to go to the cafe however, but now I have something to look forward to when I got to work.

I got ready faster than normal, and rushed to the cafe. I ignored Jackson’s hello, and immediately rushed to the alley. The plate of pastries was completely empty to my relief. I smiled, and let go of a breath I didn’t even know I was holding. I couldn’t see them anywhere, but I know now that they must be staying quite close.

I grabbed a couple of bagels from the storage room and placed them on the tray from last night. This could hold them off before I get the leftovers again, assuming they don’t find food anywhere else. I’d rather be safe than sorry. I don’t want them to starve out there.

I’m not exactly sure why I suddenly started caring about them so much. They’re just two stray hybrids. There’s probably not much I can do, and they’re more trouble than it’s worth.

But when I think back to how cute the bunny was when his nose scrunched in excitement when he found the buns, and the way the cats fluffy tail did a little flick behind him, showing his eagerness, I can’t help but care. They’re just two innocent boys who got stuck in a bad situation.

I was halfway through my shift, and I was taking a small break for lunch. I let Jackson know I was going to the back room to eat, and he waved a hand in acknowledgment as he smirked at his phone. Sometimes he seems so nice, and then other times it’s like I’m not even there. I can’t really complain though, because if I ever actually needed him, there was no doubt that he’d be there for me.

I bit into my sandwich and started watching a YouTube video on my phone. I had my headphones in and couldn’t hear much around me. But, I could have sworn I heard a scream. At first I thought it might’ve just been the video I was watching, but then it got louder. I paused the video, and realized it was coming from outside.

I started to panic because I could hear men yelling loudly outside the door that led to the alley. I didn’t want to get involved, but I was just praying it had nothing to do with the hybrids.

I stayed behind the door and tried to listen, but once I heard two gunshots I opened the door, which was probably a mistake. The sight infront of me made me lose my breath. My knees began to shake and I had to hold the frame of the door so that I wouldn’t fall. I almost fainted when I saw how much blood there was.

There were three older men, surrounding the two hybrids from yesterday. They were holding guns and from what I could tell, the gunshots I had heard were aimed at the hybrids. Their shoulders bled prefusley and I let out a sob at the sight. Which was another mistake.

The three men turned to glare at me and one pointed a gun. I fell to my knees, thinking I would be shot. This was the end. Why did I let these hybrids become the death of me? I don’t even know them. God y/n you can be so stupid sometimes.

“She’s not worth it. Neither are these dumb muts” one of the men said, holding the gun away from me. I let out a quiet sigh as they started to leave. And once they were completely out of sight I caught my breath. I was panting, and I don’t know why.

As I was calming myself down, I realized the two hybrids were still laying against the wall, bullet wounds in their shoulders. I jumped up and rushed over to their sides. They flinched back and growled at me. The cat hissed and tried to swipe at me, but I dodged the weak blow.

“Woah woah woah. Calm down kitty. I’m just trying to help” I said keeping a distance to show that I meant no harm.

“Stay. Away.” The cat warned, his tail whipping angrily behind him. The way he snarled at me has me slightly afraid, but I knew with the condition they were in,they wouldn’t do any serious damage.

I crouched down to their level, to try to seem less intimidating and I think it worked because they seemed to growl less. I stared at the blood gushing out of their wounds and immediately ripped off my jacket. I tore off a sleeve and I reached out a shakey hand. I was going to try to tie it around the wound to apply pressure and stop the bleeding.

It was the bunny this time that growled as I approached. I didn’t even know bunnies could growl like that. It caused me to fall back a little onto my hand and scrape it against the concrete. I winced in pain and looked at my hands which were now slightly bleeding. The bunny’s gaze softened for a moment when he saw my hands, but then he returned to growling.

I just about had it. I’m just trying to help them and all theyre doing is growling at me. “Look. I’m just trying to make sure you don’t die. You can growl at me all you want, but please just let me help you.” I said, slightly irritated.

“Yeah. And why should we trust you?” The cat sneered , trying to push himself away from me.

“I know you probably don’t trust me. But I’m not like those men. I won’t hurt you... I promise” I sighed, looking at my hands. If they wouldn’t let me help them, then I would need to call for backup. There was no way I was going to leave them like this.

The bunny cried and held his shoulder. His ears were flat against his skull and he looked like he was about to pass out. The cat looked at the pain the bunny was in, and seemed to be having an internal battle with himself. He looked at me, his eyes burning into my soul.

“Fine. But so help me, if you even THINK about hurting him, or me, you’ll be dead. And that’s a promise.” The cat said sinisterly. But as his shoulders relaxed, I could tell he knew he needed my help. He just didn’t want to admit it to himself.

I reached forward hesitantly, and began wrapping the cloth around their wounds. I got a few growls here and there, but neither tried to stop me. The bunny had passed out as I was wrapping his shoulder, and that’s when I began to panic.

“Oh god. No! please hang in there.” I said, my breath ragged. I pulled his body forward and without thinking, placed his body over my shoulder. I stumbled backwards at his weight, but managed to keep myself standing.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” The cat hissed at my actions. Looking like he was ready to fight me again.

“Relax kitty. I’m taking you two to the doctor.” I said, trying to walk but failing with the weight of the bunny.

“Yeah, and how’s that working for you?” He almost laughed at my pitiful attempt to save them.

“And stop calling me kitty..” he growled, eyes narrowing in on me.

“Look!” I almost yelled.

“I’m trying my damn best. It’s not like I experience this every day. And it would really help if you would just cooperate so that you don’t both die.” I exclaimed, as I shifted the weight of the bunny on my shoulder, now able to walk a little easier.

The cat glared up at me, and let out a huff as he tried to stand up. “I didn’t ask for your help you know” he said, but continued to walk with me down the alley.

“I know. But here I am” I said, not looking at him. I could feel his gaze on my every move, and I thought I heard a quiet sigh come from him, but I might’ve been hearing things.

I directed them to my car which was about a block away, and carefully placed the bunny in the back seat. The cat looked at me skeptically, but got into the back with the bunny.

I drove as fast as I could to the hospital and immediately got them into a room to be taken care of. I waited outside of their room for what felt like ages, until a doctor finally came out.

“So good news! Your hybrids are going to be alright. The bullets didn’t go that deep, so we were able to extract them and sew up their wounds. They need to stay here for another day to heal, but after that they should be fine” the nurse explained. I didn’t have the heart to correct her when she said they were my hybrids.

“That’s great news! Thank you so much.” I let out a relieved sigh. I guess I could leave now that I know they are okay. But something inside told me to stay.

“You can go in and visit them now if you’d like.” The nurse said, opening the door to their room. I wasn’t sure if that was such a good idea, seen as they both hated me, but my feet were taking me into their room before I could even think.

I looked at the hybrids laying on the beds, their shoulders wrapped in gauze, and IVs sticking out of their arms. They hadn’t noticed my presence yet, so I cleared my throat. “Hey... uh..” I said, trying to think of something to say.

“Thank you.” The bunny whispered, catching me off guard.

“W-Wait wha-“ I stuttered, but he cut me off.

“Thank you for saving us. I’m sorry we were such trouble.” The bunny quietly said, twitching his nose in the process. My heart melted at his words and I could have died happily right there at the sight of this bunny shyly thanking me for saving his life.

“You’re welcome. It’s the least I could do.” I said with a small smile.

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to. You could have just finished us off like those men would have” the cat explained, looking at me with a slightly more aggressive look in his eye.

“But I guess, thank you.” The cat grumbled. The bunny gave a little huff and the cat whined.

“And... I’m sorry.” The cat exhaled, as if he were in trouble and were confessing his sins.

I chuckled at the cats attempt of an apology, but It meant a lot that he tried. “You’re welcome. But there’s really no reason to apologize. I probably scared you just as much as those men had. I really don’t blame you. If anything, I am sorry. And thank you for not killing me in return for this” I chuckled, which earned a small smirk from the cat.

“Who says I won’t?” He chuckled. If it weren’t for the small smirk he had, I might have actually believed his threat.

“I never got your names?” I said, hoping to learn more about them before I likely never saw them again.

“Yoongi. And this is Jungkook.” The cat- Yoongi said, pointing to the bunny- jungkook next to him, who’s little bunny tail twitched in response.

“Nice to meet you Yoongi, and Jungkook. My name is y/n” I smiled reaching a hand out, but then realized they can’t exactly move their arms right now. I awkwardly put my hand back down and the bunny chuckled. I couldn’t help the blush that creeped onto my cheeks.

“Yeah. It’s nice to meet you too..” the cat said, scanning me up and down. He still seemed quite guarded.

The nurse barged in suddenly and began typing something into a computer. “So.. it looks like we couldn’t pull up any information on these two. Would you happen to have their adoption papers?” The nurse asked me.

I shuffled awkwardly and glanced at the hybrids who just looked at their hands ashamed. “Uh... no. I don’t. They’re not mine” I explained, looking at the nurse unsure.

“Oh! I see. Well in that case, since they don’t have an owner, we’ll just have to take them to the pound.” She said, nochalantly.

“Pound?!” I said, my heart suddenly racing, I couldn’t let them be taken to the pound where they’ll likely end up in a bad situation again with a bad owner. I could hear the two hybrids whine behind me and I turned to them. They shared a terrified look and I wanted nothing more than to stop their fear.

“Unless that is.. you want to adopt them?” The nurse asked, looking at me curiously. I stood there shocked for a moment. There was no way. I mean, I do have an extra room at my apartment, but I work so much that I’d never be able to be there for them. And I’m probably not that great of an owner in general. They’d be better off finding some other owner.

But as I looked back at the two hybrids, they were both looking at me as if I were their last hope. I was the only one who could stop them from being further abused. I sighed, “um... would that. Would that be alright with you two?” I asked anxiously, studying their expressions to see if they would object.

“I just don’t want you to end up at the pound. And if for any reason, you want to leave and find someone else to stay with, I understand, and I won’t make you stay. I just want what’s best for you..” I said not meeting their gazes, at the fear of them saying they wanted nothing to do with me.

There was silence for a while and I began freaking out. “It’s alright. Really. I understand, I’m sure the pound isn’t-“ I began but was cut off.

“Yes.” Yoongi said.

I looked at him confused.

“We’re alright with staying with you.” He further explained. I sighed in relief and didn’t notice the bunny smiling at me weakly.

“You’ve given us no reason to fear you, and you’re right, you’re probably a better option than the pound.” Yoongi said, explaining his reasoning. I smiled and bowed my head slightly.

“But don’t expect us to be cuddling with you anytime soon. We still don’t know you” yoongi said giving me a side glare.

“Thank you for trusting me. I promise I won’t make you regret it.” I said, approaching their beds a little bit more. I saw them flinch, and it was then that I knew I got a little too excited too quickly. It would take them a long time to warm up to me, let alone fully trust me. They’ve been through so much, it’s selfish of me to want them to be comfortable with me right away. I just hope they eventually let their guard down.

—————————————————-

(I’ll eventually put the link to part two here)

Hello! Thanks for reading the first part of Crush Culture! I hope you all enjoyed it, and don’t be afraid to message me or request story ideas, or just to chat. This is my first big project I’m working on, so it’s probably not great, but I hope y’all still enjoy it :)) I hope you’re all doing good during quarantine💜 much love

Xx jiffyjimin

[tiliamericana]

Muay Thai: 1.10

“Does it taste okay?” asked Agatha, looking up at Nairi across the table. Her eyes looked different without the glasses, a little tireder, less focused.

“It’s really good,” said Nairi, swallowing a mouthful of her pasta. “I don’t really know what I’m doing in the kitchen, so any meal I don’t have to figure out myself is a good one, you know?”

“Well, thank you for the ringing praise,” said Agatha drily.

“I—sorry,” said Nairi, “it is good, I do mean it.”

Agatha’s mouth twitched up with a small smile. “I know. I was only teasing.”

“Oh, well, sorry for being stupid then,” said Nairi, smiling back at her.

Agatha laughed as she pushed herself up from the table, collecting their bowls. “You’re not stupid, Nairi.”

“Thanks,” said Nairi, shifting so that Agatha could move past her to get into the kitchen. Her apartment was cramped; a single bedroom tacked on to one living space, and her round kitchen table was crammed into the corner. Nairi’s legs were a little long for it. She hesitated, watching Agatha cross to the kitchen. “Do you want a hand with the dishes?”

Agatha smiled at her, running the sink. “No, I’ve got it, I’m fussy about how I wash them. I appreciate the company, though.”

Nairi nodded, getting out of the slightly too-low seat to join her by the sink, leaning awkwardly against the countertop and crossing her arms as the smell of dishwash detergent started to tickle her nose. Nairi watched her scrub the bowls and felt a slight tinge of self-judgement: she’d run her dishwasher to clean three mugs earlier in the week. “So, um, did you get much done today?” she asked instead of thinking too hard about it.

“Hardly anything,” said Agatha, rolling her eyes. “I was in two classes today. I hate dealing with freshmen so much—they’re only barelyenrolled by their own inclination.”

“You don’t like teaching much, do you?” said Nairi, fiddling with the cuff of her sleeve where it was tucked under her elbow.

“Not at all,” said Agatha, wrinkling her nose. “Especially now—I’m trying to finish prepping this article for peer review and journal submission and it’s absolutely nerve wracking. It’s only my second time trying to get published and the first paper went through two rounds of rejections before I got anywhere. How was your day? No classes for you, right?”

“No, closed on Tuesdays and Sundays,” said Nairi with a nod. “Weekends tend to be free for more people though, so if business picks up, I might change it.”

“You had a nice sleep in and a lazy veg day, then?” said Agatha, smiling as she rinsed a cup and set it on the rack.

Nairi shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I took some lunch over to Linden’s studio and we chatted.”

“Really?” said Agatha, and she paused. “Oh. That’s odd, Linden doesn’t really like taking people over there.”

“Yeah,” said Nairi slowly, trying to figure out the weird note in Agatha’s voice. “I think she wanted to talk about a painting she’s making me, she keeps telling me my living room is too boring.”

Agatha nodded, draining the sink. “That makes sense,” she said, reaching for a kitchen towel. “She’s very firm about art and atmosphere, your bare walls must offend her on principle.”

“I think so, yeah,” said Nairi, trying to keep her tone light. “She keeps telling me I’m going to go insane if all I have to look at is plaster and brick.”

Agatha laughed, stepping away from the sink. “She’s a bitch like that. Do you want to stay tonight? I don’t have to be on campus ‘til noon tomorrow, so I can promise not to rush you out in the morning.”

Oh, this was going to be a thing, wasn’t it. Nairi hesitated. “I’d like to,” she started, trying to pick out her words with care, “but I told Linden I’d stay up so she could check in after her job tonight, and she thinks it’ll be about one.”

“That’s okay,” said Agatha, smiling at her as she rehung the kitchen towel and stepped into Nairi’s personal space. “I sleep very solidly, so if you need to call her you can just step out, or, you know, wake me up if you need to sound the alarms.”

“Oh,” said Nairi, and she smiled awkwardly back at Agatha. “Cool. I guess that works out then.”

Agatha kissed her cheek. “Great. Do you want to watch something? I’m afraid I’m terribly boring—I recorded a documentary yesterday, it’s about giant squid.”

She was smiling as she said it though, and it wasn’t like Nairi found anything interesting when she turned her TV on. She’d gotten a DVD player with it, but she didn’t own any movies. She’d thought about it, but nothing really looked… interesting.

Agatha had a small shelf of DVDs next to her entertainment unit. She could always ask about it later.

“It sounds good,” she said, turning and following Agatha to the couch. “I’m afraid I’m terribly boring, I don’t know anything about giant squids.”

Agatha laughed as Nairi sat down, shifting closer to be next to her, leaning in against Nairi’s side. Nairi thought about it for a second, then wrapped her arm around Agatha’s shoulders. This seemed to be the right thing to do, Agatha kissing her cheek with a warm smile before turning her attention to the remote as she set the recorded program to play.

Nairi tried to pay attention to the show. The voice was soothing and passionate about the topic, well-informed as they tried to educate her on the probable facts about what was apparently a very controversial fish. Cephalopod? Apparently squid weren’t fish.

…Apparently squid weren’t the same as octopuses either.

Agatha’s hand was wrapped loosely around Nairi’s, her fingers a little too warm. Nairi thought about brushing her off, but her hand was really just hanging there, Agatha was the one holding it. Fuck, this was so much more to think about than it should have been. Agatha hummed as the narrator with the smooth transatlantic accent posed a question and laced her fingers more tightly with Nairi’s. Too late, damnit, how was she bad at sitting on a couch?

She’d always been bad at people, though. Staying away had been fine, she’d always been good at keeping people at arm’s length, how the fuckwas she supposed to let someone be close. She wanted this, didn’t she? It felt nice to be touched by people, without judgement, or grabbing. It didn’t hurt, and she missed it when they didn’t. Linden liked touching and being touched, Agatha did too, and god, she just felt lonely when she thought about it—

This was fine. It was fine.

Agatha’s thumb was rubbing a small circle on the back of her hand. Nairi squeezed it gently and rubbed her own thumb in return, making Agatha sigh and tuck her head into the crook of Nairi’s neck. Nairi shifted to let herself sink a little into the corner of her couch, bringing her legs up so that she and Agatha were lying almost parallel. It was comfortable. Agatha’s couch was squashy and good, and a thousand times better than the piece of shit in Linden’s studio. Not as wide as Nairi’s, but she’d just bought the most expensive couch that would fit in her apartment.

Agatha’s pulse against her fingers ticked up a notch and she shifted to lie against Nairi fully. This was actually good; the warm, reassuring pressure through their clothes, the presence of another person against her, soft and quiet. Like this she could pretty much ignore the too hot, moist sweatiness of Agatha’s hand in hers and focus on how nice it was to exist in the same space as her without being on guard.

She had no idea what the show was talking about now, the smooth accent was talking about depth and pressure units, the screen almost black with the ocean. She couldn’t hold onto the words; they slipped through her ears like she was in a dream. It felt like every breath she took was out of sync, a second behind the motion of her chest, like every normal movement was happening on a delay. Like she was just… visiting her own body. It wasn’t bad,necessarily, just… Odd.

“—ri? Are you okay?”

Nairi willed her head to move towards Agatha. It took far too long, but she got there eventually. She licked her lips, suddenly feeling like her mouth was too dry. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she said.

Did she always sound like that? All distant and weirdly pitched?

Agatha didn’t seem perturbed by it, so maybe she did. She leaned in towards Nairi, her lips moving, she was saying something else but Nairi couldn’t tell what it was. She saw Agatha’s lips connect with hers before she felt them. This was fine.

Totally fine. Nairi couldn’t really focus on what she was doing; it was like she was swimming while still wearing her clothes, or that one time she’d had to wade through chest high mud. One metaphorical foot in front of the other, it was just moving, just touching, that was all she had to do, then eventually they’d stop, and she was going to get clean, and have warm clothes, and there’d be a dark, safe place where she could sleep.

Agatha was nice, nicer than her, and she couldn’t even feel how sweaty her bare skin was anymore, it wasn’t as good as through the clothes, but it was probably nice, still fine—

Soft laughter reached her ears, and Nairi muzzily turned her head, finding Agatha’s face, her glasses-less eyes unfocused and smiling. “Tired, night owl?”

Not really. Nairi nodded anyway. “I have to—” she started to say, but her words were coming too slowly. When had the documentary stopped?

“Check in with Lindy, I know,” said Agatha, kissing Nairi’s bare shoulder. “We should get some sleep first, you can set an alarm?”

Nairi tried to imagine climbing into an actual bed with another human being at that moment and her brain flipped sideways. “It’s okay, I’m not tired,” she said, pulling herself to sit upright. She just needed to clear her head, that was all. She was fine.

“Alright,” said Agatha, sounding faintly amused. She reached down and picked up Nairi’s shirt from where it had dropped, handing it back, and Nairi pulled it over her head, trying not to look too relieved. It was just cheap cotton, but it was like wrapping a blanket around her shoulders, removing some of the tension in her head and her hands. Agatha kept talking without her. “Do you want some tea? I’ve got a box somewhere, I think.”

“Yeah,” said Nairi, seeing an opportunity to get some space and clinging to it. “Thanks. I’m just gonna, wash up.”

“Of course,” said Agatha, leaning in and kissing Nairi’s cheek before she stood. “There’s fresh wash cloths and proper soap under the sink.”

“Thanks,” said Nairi, doing her best to stand up and cross the room at a normal pace.

The cold water was a blessing on her hands. She left the door open a crack so that she could hear Agatha bustling about the kitchen, and she splashed some water at her eyes as she heard the tell-tale clank of a stove top kettle being filled and the gas clicking on. Her face seemed to come into focus as she stared at herself in the mirror over the sink, and she let the water run for a moment, watching a droplet slowly climb down the side of her nose and onto her cheek.

She shook her head and turned the hot tap, letting the water warm as she opened the cupboard under the sink. There was a small selection of bottles too tall for the drawers, each labelled something like “face”, “hand soap refill”, “moisturiser: body”, in identical looking printed stickers. There was a small stack of wash cloths next to them.

Nairi hesitated and grabbed a bottle of face wash and the first wash cloth from the pile. It was soft, and the soap was gentler than hers, smelling of rose and something herbal. She washed her face and hands slowly, rinsing off afterwards. The cuffs on her shirt sleeves were damp, faintly scented once she finished, and Nairi tossed the cloth into the hamper before putting the soap bottle away. She didn’t know exactly why you’d bother to use separate soaps for your face and hands, but it felt nice.

A safe topic of conversation, probably.

It took more effort than she’d care to admit to make herself open the door and go back to the main room. She couldn’t stay in the bathroom all night though, and the window was too small to climb out of.

When she came back to the kitchen Agatha had changed into sleepwear and a robe, looking very cosy, and she handed Nairi a mug of grassy chamomile tea. The ceramic was almost too hot to touch, setting Nairi’s raw fingertips on fire as she took it. She took a burning sip, giving Agatha an awkward smile in thanks.

“It’s a little late for me,” said Agatha apologetically. “But I sleep fairly hard, so I promise not to stab you when you come in.”

Nairi forced a laugh, not sure how else to respond. “Thanks. Sleep well?”

Agatha nodded, smiling warmly at her. “I will. Tell Linden to get home safe for me?”

“Sure,” said Nairi.

Agatha leaned up on tiptoe and kissed her lightly before Nairi could say or do anything else, then padded across to the bedroom with a small wave.

Nairi watched her shadow move around in the space between the door frame and the floor for several minutes before the light shut off, leaving her alone in the main room of the apartment. She glanced at the couch, and turned on the spot, taking her tea over to the table and sitting in the chair in the corner. There was a stack of books on the counter next to her and she grabbed one at random. It was a well-worn paperback branding itself a ‘classic’, and the decidedly vintage style of writing with the cramped print demanded a high level of focus that Nairi threw herself into, determined not to think of anything else.

Between it and the chamomile her nerves eventually soothed, and by the time her phone chirped with Linden’s text her mug was empty and she was no longer hyper-aware of her own heartbeat. The quiet hum of Agatha’s electronics and the difficulty of parsing what was happening on the page kept her present and relaxed.

She set down the paperback, reading Linden’s dry check in.

Lind A: out safe omw home Lind A: very boring dude no danger except for warts :p Lind A: gonna bleach my feet lol grabbed a taxi no mugging i promise xox

Nairi tapped out a quick response.

Glad I don’t have to kill anyone. Agatha says get home safe.

Lind A: safe and comfy :) Lind A: tell her she’s a bitch lol Lind A: get some SLEEP!!

Will do.

Nairi waited a few moments, but there was no further response. She set the phone down and looked over to the dark door of Agatha’s bedroom, legs tensing a little with the shift to move to stand. She chewed her lip, staring, then picked up the book and leaned back in her chair again.

[brewing-mischief]

You know I'd really like to read a deh fanfiction where Connor and Evan run into each other really hard, get knocked unconscious by the force and then wake up in the hospital in each other's bodies.

The doctor's say they both have amnesia since they're all "who are you people" to their 'families' and cant seem to remember their names.

"What's your name"

"Evan...Hansen?

"Evan is fine, he came in with you and is talking to a doctor right now. What is YOUR name?"

"Ummm....?????"

The boys figure out they switched bodies but dont say anything to avoid looking more crazy to their families. I think itd be cool to read about how both of them get a little taste of what they need.

Connor gets to go to therapy (Dr.S is assuming that the amnesia is the reason Evan has gained a different personality. Thinking that since he has forgotten his trama his brain has built a new personality off of different core memories creating an Evan that is less full of anxiety? Idk I'm not a psychologist. Im thinking later Connor would slip up revelling to much of his actual life which leads Dr.S to believe that Evan has DID and that Connor is a new personality formed from the incident. He would think Connor's memories are actually a creation of a world Evan would have liked. His parents still being together-even though he knows it wouldn't work out in the long run which caused the 'dream' to go dark. Connor is like "I have no idea what you're talking about but if your chill with dealing with me I'm good" Dr.S continues to treat Connor as though 'Evan's fantasy' AKA Connor's real life is reality because he believes that this 'fantasy' is holding Evan dormant.) <- [This of course is just DR.S's psychological interpretation. Realty is that its just a bodyswap. However if you like that theory of Connor actually being a personality of Evan go right ahead a write that. I'm not stopping you]

Connor also gets to eat normal food like Pizza and tacos and anything that isnt some weird Vegan fat-free mess Cynthia makes

Connor gets he's space. Hes not constantly beaten down on by his parents for every step he takes. Heidi is incredibly chill. She's very worried about his well being but shes not invasive like his parents are who just want to tear him down. She continues to reiterate that she loves and supports him which allows Connor to slowly drop his walls.

With these supports in place Connor slowly begins to stop smoking/cutting (I have a feeling he may have also stopped at the begining because he respects the fact that this isnt his body and doesnt want to damage it but it is HARD) however most of his needs to cut/smoke are in his head. Which is awful because addiction is hard to quit. But he doesnt have to deal with physical withdrawal symptoms. (Headaches, nausea ect.) Which helps

Connor also stands up to Jared real quick so Jared learns to get his priorities straight or he finds himself left behind

Evan on the other hand has a whole family unit. He finally gets attention 24/7 which is great. Larry is a little harsh with him because hes Connor but it's less than usually since 'Connor' has no idea what hes talking about and doesnt give him a fight anymore. Cynthia is constantly hovering over him with scrapbooks to jog his memory. Zoe just tries to keep her distance but shes always in the background just staring at him trying to figure him out. The whole family is serriously just thrown off about how nice/figitty 'Connor' is. He's tripping over his words and apologizing as much as he breathes.

Evan does go through Connor's physical withdrawal because Evan is not about smoking. He suffers. The first day he keeps craving something but doesnt know what. He tells Cybthia who tries to help him match/satisfy it but nothing works. The next couple of dayd hes serriously sick/agitated. That's when Larry realised 'Connor' is going through withdrawls and is like "oh wow. Ok" and he starts being nicer. He is still somewhat stuck in the "what does it matter, Connor is going to go back to normal soon enough and it wont matter what he does right now" but Evan is being the perfect son so he cant really stay angry. He actually begins to bond with him again.

Evan just gets attention. He gets to sit down and have dinner and talk with people. He gets that family support hes been craving. He doesnt have to worry about being a financial burden because the Murphys are loaded

Evan would probably try to get close to Zoe but she pushes him away like nobody's business. Eventually she would cave and mabye do his nails or something but something about it feels off. Connor likes doing his nails and rn 'Connor ' seems to be very against the idea because "nail polish is for girls, what if people see it and think I'm a freak ect." So now shes even more suspicious about this whole amnesia thing. It wouldn't change her brother this much, would it?

Idk how Evan would think about everyone at school. Because they see him, they notice his existence but it's mostly out of fear and hatred. I feel like that would leave him a little bit panicked.

Anyway, after a week or two Connor goes over to his house to visit Evan and see how everything is being managed. Zoe sneaks a peek on them and notices something. Shes met Evan once or twice before so she didnt really make the connection until now when she can see them both. But 'Connor' is behaving like Evan, and 'Evan' is acting like Connor. Something is definitely off. She confronts them and without much of an argument to steer her off course they eventually give in and tell her what has been going on. She joins their team of figuring out what happened, how to go back and later in the story where the climax drama happens IF they should go back.

The IF drama is basically both parties know they have to go back but also dont want to....

It's just, Connor likes the freedom and trust Heidi gives him. He misses his sister but he also whitnessed his parents loving Evan more than they ever did to him. And that makes him furious because that means he was/will never be good enough for them. He takes this out on Evan since he knows Evan likes his family. He feels like Evan stole them from him even though he knows that's not true.

Evan wants his mom back. When he goes to visit 'Evan' hes a complete stranger to her and that hurts like hell. Plus He doesnt like being hated at school and furthermore he needs his therapy again. But the Murphy family is just so perfect. He has a father figure and a Mom whose always around and Zoe (who has become less of a crush through the experience and more a friend) and he doesnt have to listen to Jared being mean to him/claim they only hang out for car insurance. He has a strong support unit here and hes become more confident from the love they feed him.

So it's just this complicated mess of emotions.

I dont know how it would wrap up since they both have to go back but I think itd be really great to see these boys get better because their circumstances/situations switch. After all Tragedy is only a tragedy becuase the hero is in the wrong story. (I think I read that in a post talking about how Macbeth and Hamelt would have ended happily if only the two main characters were in each others stories since Macbeth would have killed the uncle real quick well Hamelt would have stopped to think instead of jumping in feet first. They made a good point and I want to apply that theory to this story)

Anyway those are my thoughts. Tag me if you write it

[thatnerdwolfnell]

I'm calling the apprentice here MJ which stands for Main Jcharacter. I wanted to give them something of a proper name and my autocorrect hates MC anyway. They aren't my apprentice they're just supposed to be a generic MC for people to insert their apprentice in for. They are entirely androgynous and completely non descript. I just got sick of typing MC and I refuse to put y/n into shit I write because it looks stupid and keeps fucking with my dyslexic ass.

**trigger warning: suicide**

Lies

For @wilddarkchocolate

Asra was different before he left. Nobody acts like themselves these days. Well, that's not really true. I just didn't know them well enough, I guess. Asra's a caring person, I know he is, he can just act so damn heartless sometimes. When the plague hit everything light and airy about just became streamlined and sharp, calculated. It triggered the part of him that was still living on the streets, that taught him to prioritize. to be kind and generous and give everything you have everytime you can but be ready to cut your losses, and grab what you can and get the hell out. When things go to shit he picks his battles, prioritizes his objectives, protects what he can and damn the rest if he can get his people out alive. I didn't think he'd leave me too though. There's nothing more important to him than the people he cares about. I thought there was nobody on earth more loyal than Asra, that there was no bridge he wouldn't cross and we'd fight everything together. Die together if we had to. Apparently I was wrong. I guess it was selfish to assume that of someone.

"This thing destroyed several villages in the south, we saw it leave Nopal in shambles, and now it's happening here!" He had said. "Remember when we saw them hauling cartfulls of bodies away in Nopal? People rotting away in the streets? In their homes? Remember when I said if that happens here we're getting out? It's been happening here for weeks now! We've done what we can but there's nothing we can do!"

I sighed. "Just stay a little longer, Julian's close to finding a cure and—"

"NO HE'S NOT!" he shouted. "HES COMPLETELY LOST! HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE'S DEALING WITH!"

He flung a jar of sage off the counter letting it shatter on the ground like he was brushing away a mosquito. Like he didn't care.

"ASRA!" He just shook his head and leaned against the wall. Resigned. His face was red. He was crying. "What the hell are you talking about? You've been working on this for months you know that's not true!"

"No. I haven't. Because I can't. All I know is that it's something of magical origin and that it's way out my league. It's more powerful than anything I've ever seen in my life –or even heard of, and Julian's barking up the completely wrong tree."

I had known it had some kind of dark magic attached to it, but so does death. So does lots of things. With the amount of tragedy this plague had caused it wasn't shocking that it had a dark energy around it. But what Asra had said...

"What is it like a curse or something?"

He shook his head again. "No. I don't know. When I was little my parents used to talk about God." He wouldn't look at me. "Then they disappeared. And on the docks... I don't know, I stopped taking it seriously." He shuddered "But this? If it's not the wrath of God I don't what else it could be. It's like somebody knocked a cosmic balance into shit and now its just... spilling."

My hands grew cold. "Is there any way we can balance it?"

He scoffed "Not unless you're a fucking arcana. Or ten."

"Why didn't you say any of this before?"

He slumped down against the wall and sighed. "Well what good would it have done, MJ? I can't just tell them 'hey nobody can do anything to save your children have fun dying!' now can I?"

"You could have at least told Julian! He's been killing himself trying to find a cure! He'll blame himself for-"

"He'd blame himself for the damn RAIN if he could, MJ. I already told him and he said all that meant was there no magical cure, but SCIENCE still had the answer."

I paused. "He's crazy."

Asra wiped his face on his sleeve. "I know." He stood up pulling his bag back over his shoulder. "That's why we need to leave. Now."

"Asra..."

That was all I said. Just his name. How could go with him when people were dying? For all he knew Julian could be right. And there was still something I wanted... I NEEDED to do. I just didn't have the heart to tell him.

That was almost a year ago. We fought more of course, but we didn't really say anything after that. If I'm honest I don't even remember. Just the anger and the magic sparking from the raw emotion in the room.

I am so fucking sick of this dungeon.

Julian's already here of course. I doubt he even left, I don't think he ever does. He's muttering, reading some paper he wrote.

"Samples?" I say as I pass his desk.

He shakes his head. Which means I need to collect them myself. That's not really an inconvenience, especially since I'm going down to the cells anyway.

I haven't felt anything in months, but when I see those people in cages like animals slamming their faces against the bars shrieking at their hallucinations I can at least remember one part of me that's still human. The part that knows that this is fundamentally wrong. And I thought maybe it could be worth it if we found a cure, but now... Now there's nothing left to justify this.

Believe it or not, these are vesuvia's richest, the "lucky" ones if you will. The ones who's families could afford access to "experimental treatments" rather than simply dying surrounded by living corpses in the lazaret. I know I'm going to die here. It's only a matter of time before I catch it and maybe if I can do this, my life will have been worth something. Today's the day I get the plague. I should feel something about that. I don't. Like I said, I haven't felt anything in a long time. Still it took forever to get the guts to do this though.

I take the syringe and walk up to the first cell. I barely even hear the screaming.

"Hi, Miss Walker?" The woman in the cell freezes. Guilt twinges in my gut. It's been a while since anybody has used her name –or even addressed her directly. I actually had to look up her name in the file just now. "I have to take a blood sample, is that okay?" It doesn't actually matter if it's okay or not I have to take it anyway.

"NOOOO!" she wails. "ALEX YOUR FACE! YOUR FACE THEY'RE ON YOUR FACE!" Her cries fade into fitful muttering that I can't make out.

"Okay ma'am, I'm coming in now."

She's huddled in a ball in the back corner of her cell. I grab her arm in the standard method that keeps her from moving away, but she doesn't even react. Which means she'll probably be dead by tonight. I tuck the sample vial in my bag and take off my mask. This part is not standard procedure.

"Hey, you're okay." I try to use the most soothing voice I can. I'm definitely not the ideal choice for comforting people, but nobody else will do it, and I can't watch another person die like this. Scared and alone. I pull off my gloves and gently rub her back. She flinches. Maybe this was a bad idea but it's definitely too late to go back. I'm probably already infected. "You're okay. Where does it hurt?"

"My Alex!" Her hand swats weakly at my face. It was probably supposed to be a loving gesture if she still had her strength.

"Sure. Fine. It's me, Alex" I have no clue who Alex is, I'm just trying to make dying a little nicer.

"You're all grown up, why are you grown? They were eating your face..." She breaks down into sobs.

"Hey, hey don't cry it's okay. Alex is fine, I'm fine." She throws herself into my arms sobbing and blubbering. I pull her close into a hug and I feel her start to calm down. "Yeah I'm fine, we're all fine. it's okay."

"I-I love you –I miss you so much i-" she shudders.

I hesitate. This is what I came here for. There's not much left of her and she needs comfort. "Um...I love you too... Here." I do a quick spell that should take away her pain for a while. She sighs and closes her eyes. "Alright

You get some rest now okay?" She doesn't respond she's already asleep.

I continue down the row of cells in much the same way. Blood sample. Mask off. Lie. "You're okay", "See? No more pain.", "I love you."

I drop off the samples before heading over to the lazaret to do the same there. I'm probably just being selfish. Just trying to feel like a good person. Like this MEANS anything. Maybe staying here at all was selfish. Maybe Asra was right and this was all a naive ego trip to make me feel better about myself. Maybe this is the only way I can justify killing myself. Or the only way I have the courage to do It. I'm being selfish.

I feel nausea twist in my gut as I land at the lazaret.

Looks like I'm not leaving.

It's for the best.

"Hi, I'm MJ.", "Its alright, you're okay.", "You want to see something cool?" "Go to sleep now." "I love you." "Yes your mommy is right here." , "I won't leave you.", "You're not going to die.", "You're safe.", "I love you."

The last thing I remember is a toddler, or maybe a corpse curled up in my lap. Humming softly. I'm holding a tiny hand. I don't quite have the strength to do the spell that will make it hurt less. Not that I deserve it. God it hurts. Where's Asra? What happened to him? The small hand drops. And everything fades to red.

[aki-draws-things]

NaNoWriMo 2020 #05

This part fits in one of my favorite AUs, the old generation Sworn brothers (which is not the Evil Lans AU... that one is a consequence of this AU. I swear I’m trying my best to containall the mad ideas I have. I’m also failing at that.)

I never thought I would get attached to Wen RuoHan too but here I go...I have no control. But I’m pretty proud of this fic. 

(And I’ve hit the 10k already hooray!!!)

Have a nice reading!!

Day: 05/11/2020

Prompt: Pick who dies

Ship: Mingjue/Zonghui (only mentioned)

Word count: 2363

The Sunshot campaign had been his idea and Nie MingJue was ready to pay the highest price for it, he was ready to die to see it succeed, he never said it aloud like that but that didn't make it less true. He couldn't say it aloud anyway, there were people who would try to stop him, people who would join him in his suicide mission, and he already condemned too many of them to that unfair fate. No more. 

But fate had different plans for him, he realized once in the Fire Palace. Fate showed no mercy, made no difference between Saints and sinners. Fate took and took and grinned like a mad man. His fate was called Wen RuoHan and Nie MingJue was on the brink of losing. 

"you said the unclean realm was the safest place for me!" Nie HuaiSang whined, his hand in front of him, blocked by heavy chains that were already leaving marks on his wrists. "I see how safe it is!" 

The man next to him, chained in the same way, but with more bruises and cuts from the fights before he got ambushed, sighed. 

"how could we know they would burst in there and kill everyone on their way to your chamber in the middle of the night? I left my best men there to your protection and they--" 

"failed." 

"were brutally killed by Wen's scum. Young Master please, give us some credit, we tried!" 

Nie HuaiSang almost never complained, nor he really blamed those Nie ZongHui left behind to protect the unclean realm and him of course. If anything he felt guilty for not having been able to protect them too, he couldn't even reach for his saber in time, not that it would have made a huge difference anyway. He could have tried at least. No, his complaints weren't honest, and in a different moment Nie ZongHui would have realized it immediately, but he was too tired now, too weakened by the battle and the wounds, the cut on the side of his head oozing blood slowly. Nie HuaiSang only complained loudly and obnoxiously to keep him awake and aware of what was around him. He would apologize later, once his brother would find out and came to their rescue. 

That was his plan. Wen RuoHan plan was different. 

"I'm a merciful man, you know?" 

Nie MingJue coughed, fresh blood splattered on the floor, mixing with the already dried one.

There had been a time he would have believed those words, but they were spoken in a nicer voice, with a smile. They were spoken when he was a little boy, in a manner meant to tease his father during a training session. He remembered his father holding back his strength, leaving his personal Saber in her sheath and using a common sword in an attempt to let his younger sworn brother win. And he did win, towering over him with a light shining in his eyes, they always had a red hue, ever since Nie MingJue could remember. 

"it's because our descendants came from the sun. - he told him once. - they stole it's heat and ran away, our eyes are red for that reason." little MingJue looked at him in awe and patted his small hands on his cheeks. "uncle Red!" he squealed. 

"stop telling him stories about you people stealing the sun!" 

"its heat, not that actual sun, Er-ge." 

"uncle cold!!" and he waved his arms at him trying to be picked up and passed back and forth between them. 

"I'm a merciful man, sect leader Nie." 

But that man wasn't the same, it was a memory, and he had been lost so long ago. 

"you're not." he wanted to say but remained silent, the one time he tried to talk back he found himself getting hit by a shot of red light from the yin iron, he felt his chest burn and his mind go blank. When he woke up, the memory lingering painfully in his mind, he wasn't in the hall in nightless city but in the fire palace, he wasn't going to kill him, he realized, he wanted to torture him into obedience and then, only then, only when he was broken in his knees, he would show him off as a trophy, a sign of his undiscussed power in front of all the sects who followed him into destruction and despair and death. 

"you killed my oldest son." 

Yes, Nie MingJue thought. He killed Wen Xu personally, beheaded him and placed his head on the gates of the Hejian Front as a reminder of his power. - they didn't know the rest of the story. Wen Xu's body was buried with his hands crossed over his sword, the coffin only partially sealed, he wanted to bury his head too once the war was over. And he would bury him in Qishan. They wouldn't understand. The Lans would probably oppose. Maybe Lan Qiren could speak up for him. Or maybe he stopped caring the day he -- - 

"for that I will have to kill something yours." 

Weren't all my disciples enough already? He kept his mouth sealed close. 

"I'll let you choose." 

What? 

He blinked trying to clear his mind from the pain and the tiredness, he blinked to clear his vision, almost convinced he saw wrong.

He couldn't be there. HuaiSang was safe in the unclean realm, ZongHui was leading his men at Hejian, he left him there when he left that night. Was it only been a night? Time was… Weird. He didn't leave him wounded, now he had a gash over his head, blood dripping on the side of his face. They were… fighting? 

"it's your choice, you pick who I kill between them. You see, I'm merciful." 

"uncle Red! Uncle Red!!" little MingJue wobbled on his feet across the halls, he tumbled over the last step leading to the ancestral Wen's throne, but immediately collected himself back up and smiled climbing on his knee. 

"I made this for you!" he showed a pin in his hands proudly. "A-die helped but I made it!" 

"he almost burnt his hand off." Nie ZhenXiang voice came from in front of them

"You need to be careful JueJue." he said softly, looking at how the boy shook his head and took the pin back before standing on his knees and trying to fit it in his uncle's hair. 

"there. Now you can come visit us whenever you want and no one can stop you." he said proudly. "Can I go see A-Xu?" he asked in the end before scrambling out in search of his younger cousin when he got permission. 

"it suits you." 

Wen RuoHan smiled.

"thank you Da-ge." 

There was a pin in Nie MingJue's hair, crooked and old, he kept it hidden where only a certain level of intimacy would reveal it was there. A pin in the shape of a flaming sun. Some days Nie MingJue hated being so attached to the past, he wished he had lost all softness the day his father died, he wished he could be as cold as Lan Qiren on that matter. But maybe Lan Qiren was too cold, never speaking of his father anymore, not even a small mention, not a letter in the day of his death’s anniversary, or a look, Lan XiChen probably didn't even know his uncle had two sworn brothers once. Sometimes he wondered if HuaiSang knew. But he did, he remembered. He moved war against a man he once called his favorite uncle. He wished he could forget.

“That’s not even a question.” Nie ZongHui’s voice was strained, Nie MingJue could feel his pain, his consciousness beginning to fade despite his best tries. “You can’t kill HuaiSang, that’s absolutely out of question.”

“ZongHui! - The younger Nie exclaimed turning to stare at him. - If you die Da-ge won’t survive more than a week.”

“Of course he will, he will have you.”

“A week. A week and then he’ll die of grief. You went missing for two days and he already had a searching party outside.”

“You’re his only brother.”

“You’re his betrothed!”

Nie MingJue didn’t see Wen RuoHan move until he was next to him, a hand clawing on his injured shoulder.

“I know what you’re thinking. Just like your father, you are. Sacrificing yourself will not save them. I will find no pleasure  in killing you so soon, and they too will die, for nothing.”

(”Love will pass after a while. He will find — - Nie ZongHui briefly held his head on one hand as nausea washed over him. - find someone else he’ll love one day. He wont find another brother.”)

“Are you allowed to compare me to father? After what you did? Do you even remember what he looked like?”

“You insolent —”

(”He won’t fall in love! You know he won’t! It took me years to convince him he was worthy of you! I only bring shame to the Nie Sect…”)

The hit was almost expected, it was direct, the back of his hand colliding with Nie MingJue's cheek with enough strength to send him fall on the floor stopping the discussion between the other two prisoners, Nie ZongHui tried to take a step But it only took a look from Wen RuoHan to stop him, he put a foot over Nie MingJue when he tried to stand.

“You, stay right where you are or he will die, his brother next and you last, slowly.” He warned.

With a flicker of his hand a red surge of energy lifted Nie MingJue until he was hanging in front of him barely conscious.

“And you… You need to learn some manners.”

Nie MingJue brought both hands around the neck, it was suddenly hard to breath, like he was choking on air, soon enough he let his head loll to the side, his hands let go and fell limp at the side of his body, two voice desperate calling his name.

“Was that so easy? The great Sect Leader Nie is in truth that much weak?”

He moved closer and grabbed Nie MingJue's face lifting it slightly. Close enough for MingJue to open his eyes and stab something in the back of his neck. He barely had time to grin before in a burst of rage and red energy , Wen RuoHan, threw him against the wall and he laid there.

Nie MingJue knew he couldn’t choose, he knew he would rather die than condemning one of them only to live in regret for not even a week, a day, two perhaps if he was generous. The truth, the one hidden under many layers of hate  and rage, was that he didn’t want to be the one killing Wen RuoHan. He wanted him dead, of course, after what he did, after what he became, but directly killing him… no. That wasn’t in the initial plans. He led to that.

Nie MingJue also knew wen RuoHan thought him to be unarmed. It was easy to think that when he personally took his saber and the daggers he had on himself. He forgot the hairpins.

It had been his mother’s idea, back in the days before MingJue was even in their most hidden ideas, to turn the pins both her and Nie ZhenXiang loved to wear so much into weapons. Making them cave was easy, it took some tries to fill them with any kind of poison or tranquilizer they could think of and seal them in a specific way that only stabbing would release the liquid. Of course they were dangerous, deadly, even for them to wear, but no one would consider that a weapon, no one would take them away if they were captured.

Over the years Nie MingJue put together a specific poison, for emergencies, he said. Something unknown, something not even the stronger cultivator could fight off in time. A poison made from the blood dripping from Baxia’s blade, made of resentful energy and evil. He made it and swore to never use it. He filled only one hairpin with it and hid it under the braids. Just in case. Just if he needed. If things were bad. His original plan was to use it on himself. Plans rarely got followed during that war.

He woke up some time later with his head on Nie HuaiSang's lap, next to him laid ZongHui, his chest rising and falling regularly. Lan XiChen was kneeling by his side, his wrist caught in his cool fingers as he slowly healed him. With a soft sob HuaiSang curled over him and brushed his cheek against MingJue's forehead.

“I thought… I thought you were dead. Don’t do that again. Promise.” Nie MingJue hummed, nodding weakly.

“What happened?”

“Wen RuoHan is dead.” Lan XiChen informed him and he nodded again before trying to sit despite HuaiSang's complaints.

He looked around briefly before his eyes settled on a figure not far from them, he was looking down where wen RuoHan had finally fallen and died, holding a passage token. Perhaps in the last moments he remembered, perhaps he broke free from the Yin iron power for those last seconds, enough to grab the Jade token and die holding it. Perhaps. Nie MingJue didn’t know.

Lan Qiren turned and looked at them exhaling slowly, in his hands a cave hairpin in the crooked shape of a flaming sun; in his eyes a regret most of the world would never understand.

(Many years later Lan Qiren would enter his older nephew’s room as he sat there in seclusion. He would sit next to him and bring out two passage tokens he kept tied with a tassel. Silence would stretch between them until, with a sigh, he would speak.

“I suppose it’s a curse us second brothers have to share.” His smile would be sad, lost in a distant memory, lost in a long lost time that would never come again. “To see their downfall and remain blind until it’s too late.”

And perhaps he would tell him the story of three sworn brothers who, in their youth, dreamed to change the world.)

[hattywatch]

J. Vesey - Love Songs Companion Piece

Originally posted by knosi

Author's Note: This is a companion piece to Love Songs. I don't think anyone needed or asked for this, but here it is, because when I was writing the first part, all I kept thinking was Kevin getting the photos of her dress and immediately texting Jimmy, so this is what you all ended up with. This is for @HockeyandTaylorSwift while she's off her feet for a while. Send her some love! Excuse the formatting, I did this in HTML

He doesn't get it. Doesn't get why she's crying, doesn't get why this is such a big deal, doesn't get why he's in a suit he hates and a tie he'd rather shove back in his closet, doesn't get why he's dropped a small fortune inside a $7 card from Target, but he knows it's the right thing to do… and there's an open bar. So here he is, sat in a pew in a church with no air conditioning with his best friend and his best friend's cousin, who he's had a crush on since puberty. 

  There's probably 100 other ways he'd rather spend his Saturday.

  When she sniffles, Jimmy can’t help but look over. He wants to roll his eyes, but he also wants to kiss her, so he settles for safe, leaving his gaze on the bride and groom- who are reading their vows off of the little index cards in their hand.

  Kevin chirps her and if he was waiting for an opening to talk to her, this is it. Jimmy leans in before he can stop himself, always caught in her orbit, "What are you even crying for? Shouldn't you be happy?" When she rolls her eyes, he wonders for a second if he's crossed a line, made her upset with him, but she catches his eye once more and gives him a watery smile while she blots at her tears so he's probably okay. 

  Cocktail hour is spent stood at a table, eating fancy cheeses that sound nicer than they taste, listening to Kevin and his cousin chat about nothing in particular. He interjects a few times when they bicker, taking her side over Kevin's, always. Finally everyone is funnelled into the main room for the reception. 

  Kevin's been scoping out this pretty bridesmaid since the second she walked down the aisle hours ago and it's all about to come to a head. "Well, I'm going to go make my move. My cousin is over at the bar," he points,"if you wanted to suddenly find your balls, man," he pats Jimmy on the shoulder sardonically. He hates that Kev's a little right, so he sneers but lets him walk away unharmed. 

  Jimmy eyes the table full of escort cards in the corner and scoops up his and hers, tucking them into his jacket pocket. Kevin can go get his on his own, since he wants to be a prick. It's probably time to take advantage of the open bar, and really, (y/n) is already over there, so two birds one stone and all. 

  In a moment of bravery, marked by clammy palms and a little bit of heartburn, he sidles up next to her at the bar. His hand gently slides along the smooth skin of her lower back, exposed by her dress. She looks over, and appears surprised to see him there. He's come this far, so he leans into her ear and plows through the best he can.

  "Hey, use your powers for good and get me a beer. I don't want to wait in line." She still seems a little shocked that he's there, but orders his beer anyway. It's not until he sees her throw a flirty smile at the bartender that he realizes he may be cramping her style and regrets it all, suddenly remorseful for taking Kevin's advice. 

  He doesn't think she knows where she should be, considering he has her table assignment in his pocket, so he leaves his hand where it lies and directs her towards their table, praying silently she can't feel the sweat on his palm and trying to figure out something to say. He's better at this in a group, but now all her attention is on him and it makes his skin prickle self consciously.

  "I grabbed yours too," is what he finally comes up with when he gets her to their table. Ivy league education and he can barely talk to the girl he likes. Pathetic. 

  "Thanks," she says to the floor as she finally kicks off her ridiculous heels. He wants to keep talking, make her laugh and smile and stay by his side all night. He's not sure what he could say that would have that effect, but it's probably not what he says next. 

  "Why do you wear those things if you can't even handle them for an hour?"

  He's not sure why he's always ribbing her. Probably because she always takes his joking in stride, always knows when he's kidding even though he stays stoic. She gets his humor, gets him, he thinks and his chest tightens unhelpfully.

  (Y/n) sits back up and clinks her champagne glass against his beer, unaffected by his question.

  "Because they make my ass look fantastic," that has him choking on his beer and he relaxes, drops his guard and unclenches his jaw. She makes him laugh, comfortable and loose, when usually he holds his emotions close to his chest. 

  She isn’t wrong about the heels, and he thinks, somewhere in the back of his mind that she may be flirting with him. Surely that's carte blanche to take a peek when she stands up. He’s not completely sure though, so he lets her drink her champagne in peace and watches Kevin.

  It must be nice to be Kevin, he thinks. Kevin doesn’t have a self conscious bone in his body- loud and unapologetic. He’s dancing like an idiot with that bridesmaid from earlier. Jimmy’s envious. He just walked right up to her, probably even said something stupid like, “Hey, I’m Kevin,” and now they’re like old friends, close on the dance floor. He’d never be able to do something so bold. Jimmy can’t help it, he’s always been a little more reserved, shy even- especially when she’s around.

  Not when he’s on the ice, though. He feels confident there at least. 

  He wishes he could take off his skates and helmet and not simultaneously undress himself of his confidence. He can feel her gaze on him. She’s sitting there, gently sipping from her flute, he doesn’t suspect that she knows he can feel her stare. 

  She's been around forever. He remembers when they were young, hanging out in the bleachers hip to hip watching Kevin skate around, cheering for the older boy's team. He remembers when he hit puberty, suddenly becoming more self-conscious around girls and slowly realizing that he liked her differently. It was warm and it started somewhere around his chest and dripped down his whole body, heating him up and tying his tongue. Whenever she came around he always lost his edges, stumbling over himself. 

  The beer is settling his nerves a little, so he bucks up and says what's on his mind. "I don't get this whole thing," he waves his hand around, at the room in general. 

  She looks confused and rolls her hand on her wrist, asking him to continue. 

He breathes deep, relaxing at the idea of a normal conversation. This he can do, he's good at having opinions, good at engaging in a little debate, not so good at being cool and smooth, but he'll work with what he has. 

  "Seems like a lot of pomp and circumstance to prove you love someone." She laughs and that's not exactly the response he was expecting, but he'd play the fool forever if it meant he'd always get to see her like this, eyes scrunched and nose crinkled, smile spanning her face.

  "Jimmy, sometimes when two people really like each other they just wanna shout it from the rooftops." He rolls his eyes, but she looks like she really believes it. The way she’s looking at him right now, he’s pretty sure he could be convinced to make his way to the rooftop with a megaphone himself. 

  Kevin sinks down next to her, sweaty and breathless, "I think I'm in love," his eyes are still focused on the bridesmaid. She knows what she’s doing, peering back at him flirtatiously as she dances with the flower girls. (Y/n)'s eyes shine with the knowledge that she's won. 

  "Case and point, my friend."

  He honestly just needs a minute. Sitting here with her is overwhelming. She's too much: too beautiful, too funny, too sweet, and probably too perceptive. She has to know he's different with her around, less cool, less calm, and less smart. So, he finishes his beer and -like everything he does in life- coats himself in a thin layer of sarcasm, "Had about enough of you softies," before getting up and heading over to the bar. He doesn't turn back to see if she's watching him, she probably forgot the second he walked away. 

  The bartender knows his order and hands him another beer, but looks past Jimmy for something else, "Where's your girl?" 

Jimmy likes the way that sounds, so he can't bring himself to correct the innocent bystander that she is not, and will likely never be, his girl. So he does what any mature person would do and lets himself pretend. "Her feet hurt. Heels, ya know? Lemme get her another champagne?"

  He throws a twenty into the tip jar before he heads back to the table, high on the idea that anyone could picture them as a pair.

  He intercepts her and Kevin on their way to the bar, and doesn't miss how her eyes size him up with appraisal as he hands her the drink. Kevin on the other hand is less impressed. "Dude, hello?" Jimmy's still floating on the fact that (y/n) was clearly pleased with him as she takes small, delicate sips of champagne so he allows his usual banter with Kevin to shine through as he shrugs at his friend, "Bar's that way. Cheers, bro." 

  He catches sight of her smile going wide behind her glass as Kevin huffs away. If his chest inflates, that's his own little secret. 

  He doesn’t get much time with her after that. It leaves his heart feeling a little cold inside his chest. She’s up dancing with some of the other people from their table, smiling friendly and big, clearly a little tipsy, arms moving a little too wildly to be strictly sober. 

  When the music gently lowers and the emcee’s voice booms through the speakers for the first dance, everyone surrounds the dancefloor with their cameras out and she somehow ends up next to him, right in front of their table. It’s only a few bars into the song that he hears the sniffle, and he can’t help it, he doesn’t want her to cry, but it’s undeniably funny how soft she is. 

"Would you stop crying? You're a mess, kid." Blaming his next move on a combination of the beers he’s had and his heart breaking while watching her cry, he puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her into his side. 

  She gets tense for a fraction of a second, but one hand swings around his waist and the other comes up and wipes at her tears as she asserts that she’s “fine.” It’s less than convincing. She looks around as the DJ invites the guests onto the dance floor- probably for Kevin, but he’s wrapped up in his own little world with that bridesmaid he’s been following around like a lost puppy all night. Jo, Jimmy thinks her name might be, but he’s a liar if he says he’s been thinking about anything other than the girl tucked under his arm for the past few hours. 

  They start playing that Elvis song, he hates it. The Righteous Brother’s version of it is better, almost passable. He has no plans on making his way onto the wooden dance floor, but she sighs, and he feels it since she’s still snug against his body and he’d do a lot of dumb things to make her smile.

  He’s clearly lost his mind as he nudges her with the arm that is wrapped around her shoulders, “C’mon.” 

  She follows him, eyes scrunched in skepticism, but he doesn’t have to pull her much, her body belies her combative words- already leaning into him, to his delight. “Jimmy stop, you hate dancing, you don’t have to.” He can tell her heart’s not in it, and she’s been dancing all night at this point, so what kind of man would he be to let a pretty girl stand on the sidelines.

  "It's fine (y/n). Three minutes won't kill me. Just turn off the water works, yeah?" She scoffs but promises to try. 

  When she places her hands on his shoulders he gets chills from his head to his toes, feeling the warmth of her hands through his button-up and he's so, so sure that she can see his ears grow red. If she does, she keeps it to herself and he's appreciative.

  The only thing on his mind is that he wants her to smile again; at him, for him, because of him. So he gets grumpy, she always gets a kick out of that. "God, I hate this fucking song." That does it, she lights up, eyes peering up at him from around his chest, she's so small. 

  "You're a spoil sport, Jim." He rolls his eyes and tightens his hands around her waist. She sighs again and he almost removes his hands from her, thinking he offended her in some way, but he follows her gaze to Kevin. 

  "Kev's gonna kick me out of our room tonight isn't he?" He looks over and laughs, because she's definitely correct, and there's only one possibility swimming around his mind, and he's tipsy enough that he doesn't hate the idea of it.

  "Yeah, yeah definitely. That's a good assessment." 

  ______

She’s unsure for about a second and a half after he asks if she wants to share his room. Realization starts to dawn and it’s not like she has much of a choice. So she huffs into the shuttle that takes them from the reception to the hotel and stands a little too far from him in the elevator and stares at the floor, suddenly shy like they haven’t known each other forever, haven’t had Mario Party nights in Kevin’s basement all piled into sleeping bags on the floor. 

  He slides the key into the door and she starts unpinning her hair before the green light comes on. “I really appreciate this, thank you again. Kevin’s a douche.” Jimmy laughs because he’s been on both sides of this situation before, but he’s happy he’s here to help. The second she’s inside and he starts to rifle through his duffle bag, she sees the problem. 

  “I don’t… damnit!” she’s mostly talking to herself, but he’d be rude not to answer. When he turns around to head towards the bathroom to change she’s unclasping her necklace and taking off her earrings and he feels like he’s intruding on a private moment. 

  “What’s wrong?” He’s not really good at this, but he thinks shes on the brink of tears, eyes tired and getting glassy as she gently lays her jewelry onto the dresser. 

  “All my clothes are back in my room. I just want to go to sleep. This is the worst,” he’s sure she’d stomp her foot in a tantrum if she could, frustration furrowing her forehead. 

  “I brought extra clothes, (y/n) it’s fine,” in reality he didn’t bring much in the way of extras; what he traveled in, his suit, a pair of shorts to sleep in, and what he planned on going home in tomorrow, but he hands over his clean shirt and sweats and pushes her gently towards the bathroom. 

  He starts turning down the bed and realizes that it’s not a viable solution to the problem he’s got on his hands, so he turns around and starts pulling the cushions off of the pull out couch and rearranging the desk to make room; honestly who even uses it- waste of space. 

  When she comes out of the bathroom drowning in his clothes, he has an entirely different problem on his hands. He didn’t think he’d have such a visceral reaction to her stood there in an old Harvard Hockey shirt and some dopey llama pajama pants an aunt bought him for christmas years ago. The fact of the matter is that it hits him square in the chest and takes his breath without his permission. 

  She managed to get most of her makeup off; she looks a little rosy from the scrubbing. Her hair is piled up on top of her head and his pants are rolled at least 4 times around her waist, but the legs are still far too long. It’s not like she needs them, his shirt is longer than the dress she just took off. He immediately realizes the error of his ways when he starts that train of thought, so he grabs the one pair of shorts he knows is in his duffle bag and heads straight into the bathroom to throw some cold water onto his face. 

  After brushing his teeth and a few deep breaths, Jimmy exits the bathroom in only his shorts; he didn’t pack any extra shirts, so he hopes she’s okay with his bare torso. He throws his suit into a heap on the floor and drops down on the pull out couch, it squeaks under his weight and he knows it’s going to be a long night sleeping on this thing. 

  When (y/n) hears the squeak she stands up out of the armchair in the corner where she was scrolling through her phone, “Jimmy, no. You’re like 12 feet tall, you can’t sleep on that thing.” She gets up and walks over to him and pushes against his bare shoulder. “Move, I’ll sleep here.” 

  He laughs at her trying to muscle him out of the way, she doesn’t look happy about it, but that just makes him laugh harder, and maybe flex a little bit more if he's honest. “Go lay down. You must be exhausted from all that crying you did today.” That does it and she sniffs and turns on her heel to the bed. 

  “I take it back, you deserve whatever that does to your back, you bully.” That just makes him laugh again. 

  She tucks herself into the bed and throws two pillows at his head. He catches them both and she settles in, “Thanks, Jimmy. I owe you one.” He turns off the lamp and tries to get comfortable, “Anytime.” 

  ______

Jimmy lies there and listens to her steady breathing, he's been tossing and turning for about 30 minutes and he can't figure out what's wrong. The couch is more comfortable than he thought it would be and he's exhausted, so he's not sure why he can't succumb to his heavy eyelids. 

  He rolls over and scrolls through his phone, somehow finds himself meandering through her Instagram. It's not the first time it's happened, but it feels a little forbidden since she's in the same room, barely 10 feet from him. 

  He scrolls back slowly, careful to not double tap anything on accident. It's his favorite photo. A throwback, her and him with a bunch of their friends from high school at some beach party they organized for Kevin graduating and going to college. 

  It's too vivid when he thinks about it. Earlier that day he was sat in the locker room listening to Brian go on and on about (y/n). It made his stomach turn the way he talked about her, getting into her pants at prom, one last hurrah before he goes away to school and maybe gets drafted. Jimmy never really liked him (and he never ended up getting drafted, so jokes on him). Everyone else seemed to like him alright though, especially the ladies. So, he kept his mouth shut, shoved his pads into his bag and pushed his feet into his sneakers before getting out of there as quickly as he could. 

  Later that night she's stumbling over to him after a few wine coolers, calling him Vese, like she's his coach. He turned her down, figuring he'd rather not have her explain that she had a real date a few months down the line, rather experience the heartbreak sooner than later. He didn't even end up going to prom, just the thought of her wrapped around Brian was enough to have the bile rising in his throat. 

  Jimmy's not stupid, knows they're grown now, some may even use the word "adults." Brian's name has never fallen from her lips once. She's clearly single since she came to this wedding with only Kev. Then he thinks about Kevin and Jo, how they're probably wrapped up together a couple of rooms away and thinks back to how Kevin so lovingly put it a few hours ago, maybe he'll work on finding his balls. 

  After he makes this life altering revelation he has a much easier time rolling onto his other side and slipping into sleep. 

  What feels like minutes later, the sun filtering through the curtains he hadn't quite drawn all the way closed wakes him up. She's gone, he thought this might have happened, have her leave like he dreamt the whole thing, with nothing from the last night to hold onto. 

  When he gets up to use the bathroom he discovers he's wrong. She's left her dress and shoes from the previous evening behind the door and a quick check of the dresser shows she left all of her jewelry as well. He assembles the couch back together and sits to check twitter mindlessly. 

  The mechanical lock turning alerts him to her return. In conjunction with all of his clothes she borrowed last night, his hat sits on her head, hair curling wildly out from under it. But it's when she wordlessly shoves a coffee into his hand he knows he's toast, made worse by the fact that his order is perfect. 

  His slightly hungover brain isn't capable of higher functions quite yet, so he reaches out his fist, "Best. Wedding date. Ever," and immediately feels like punching himself in the face with the same fist she's nudging hers against. Luckily she smiles and looks pleased overall, so he doesn't beat himself up about it too much. 

  ______

The invite has been sitting on his fridge for months. When he got it he rsvped right away, checking off 1 and mailing it back to Brady. It's only now that he thinks he maybe should have waited, found a date to bring. Kevin was smart, he rsvped 2 and would call an audible as time ran down, and now he has Jo. Fuck. 

  He calls Gracia directly. "I don't want to be that guy, but could I maybe bring a plus one? You can say no, I just-" he doesn't even get the rest of the sentence out before she tells him he's a dick, but of course he can bring a guest. She had allowed for wiggle room because she figured he might change his mind, Kevin was bringing a date so she assumed Jimmy would as well. He's so glad Brady's marrying someone like her, so chill and down to earth, never the drama queen. 

  So he text her. The last time he saw her was out somewhere with Kevin, they made stilted conversation until they warmed up to each other again and cheered on the Pats on the flat screen behind the bar. 

  Playing as cool as he can he comes up with: Brady gave me a plus one to the blessed affair… wedding date part 2?

  He puts the phone down on his coffee table and expects he may have to wait a while for a response and busies himself trying to queue up HBO to binge some Game of Thrones in the meantime. 

  Turns out he's wrong, she responds within minutes. 

  Y/N: Obviously. When?

  His heart almost bursts with a combination of excitement and relief. After telling her that it's next week, she follows up with a barrage of questions he has no feasible answer for and she says she'll figure it out. 

  She must talk to Kevin, because he gets a text halfway through the next episode of Game of Thrones from Hayes. It's just the two eye emoji about 50 times in a row. Jimmy ignores it and throws his phone back on the table.

  He doesn't get a text from either of them for the next few days, and thinks nothing of it. Finally into the weekend Hayes texts him. 

  Hayzie: You're welcome bro. Just remember she's my family. Consider this your shovel talk. 

  Jimmy has less than no idea what the hell Kevin is on about, until his phone buzzes with a notification from (y/n) half an hour later. 

  Y/N: Can I show you the dress I picked and you tell me if it's okay? Kevin said I should show you so you can make sure it matches your suit?

  Instantly his palms get sweaty. He replies as coolly as possible, trying to retain some level of chill despite how very not chill this whole thing feels. 

  I mean, I’m not really good at that sort of thing, but yeah.

  He thinks that's okay. Don't expect him to be much help, but definitely send any and all photos, he's not trying to miss out on that opportunity.

  The pictures pop up in quick succession.

Three photos, a front, side, and back view appear in their text thread and he sends out a silent prayer, thankful that the messages app doesn't alert the other person when you save a photo. After quickly studying them and deciding that she can wear literally anything she wants, when and wherever she would like, he opens his thread with Kevin and sends him two little rocket emojis, hoping he gets the point. 

  All that blue fabric glowing bright against her skin. It looks like she's all made up and his heart thumps at the idea that there is a slim possibility he is the cause of it. The slit up the thigh shows that she's wearing the same heels from the last wedding and as he scrolls down he can agree that, yes, they do indeed make her ass look fantastic. It makes him feel like a creep, but at least he’s an honest creep. When he gets to the side view, he catches a glimpse of the cut outs along her ribs and dry swallows. 

  He needs to figure out a game plan.

  First things first, he tells her that it looks great, and then he peels himself off of the couch and into his bedroom to dig through his closet. 

  Here's the thing. Jimmy hates wearing nice clothes and would probably only own one suit if he didn't need them for every game day, so he's lucky his closet is full of bespoke suits. Picking out a light grey one, his favorite if he's honest, he suits up and leaves the top few buttons open, trying for casually disheveled, praying it doesn't look too Miami Vice.

  He's not dumb, he hopes that this is her flirting, but he's too nervous to get optimistic about it. 

  As he fixes his hair in the mirror he starts typing out a reply. Nothing he's writing is coming off right though, all seeming like he's fishing for compliments, so he just sucks it up, takes a photo, and sends it before he can back out.

  Do you think this will work with a blue tie

  He waits face down on his bed, feeling every inch the self-conscious, pubescent teenager he's acting like. Each second that ticks by making his skin burn hotter. She's probably busy, is what he tells himself in the way of calming his nerves. The speed at which he reaches for his phone when it vibrates counters the aloofness he's aiming for, though. 

  It's just a string of thumbs up emojis, and he feels more than a little foolish getting his hopes up like that, thinking he'd be able to decipher any intent through a text message. 

  He needs a nap. 

  Awesome. See you Saturday? 

  If this is how he’s reacting to photos, he is a dead man come Saturday. He doesn't wait for a response before turning his phone off and putting a pillow over his head, hoping the emotional rollercoaster he was enough to pull him straight to sleep. 

  ______

Jimmy knows they’re supposed to meet at Kevin’s, but he thought about it and decided the best way to make her aware of his intentions would be to go pick her up and be more direct in his pursuit. He gets up early and decides to go for a run, it calms him down, makes him feel serene and in control which is just what he needs today. 

  The phone rings three times before Jo picks up, “Hey Jimmy, Kev’s in the shower, what’s up?” He likes Jo for Kevin, she’s got the same wild streak, but she’s tenaciously focused and comes from the same kind of big, close family that Kev does. They’re a good match. 

  “Oh, what’s up? I was just calling to get his cousin’s address. I’m going to pick her up instead of meeting over by you guys. Do you know it off hand?” He wasn’t really prepared to have this conversation with Jo and it’s throwing a monkey wrench into his plan because he knows she’s going to tease him about it mercilessly, all in good fun of course.

  She makes an oooooh noise, like the canned crowd on a sitcom during a kissing scene. “Jimmy, I didn’t know you had it in you! I’ll text it to you now. What’s the plan, James? Can I help?”

  Sighing, he’s not sure if this would have been better or worse if Hayes had answered. “Help what?” Jo snorts, “Let me help you get your girl!” 

  That makes him straight up laugh, “Jo, please, your only job is to keep Kevin’s mouth shut.” She cackles, “I can think of some ways to keep him otherwise occupied, if you know what I me-” 

  Jimmy cuts her off, “It’s been great chatting, just uh, send me that text, see you later!” he hangs up as fast as possible. She sends the message through with enough winky faces that it fills his whole screen. 

  He feels like he’s going to prom, if he could imagine what that would have been like, combing his hair in the mirror and gelling it. He probably brushed his teeth two or three times this morning because he forgot he already did it. Before he puts his jacket on, he sprays a little cologne on his neck and closes his eyes before grabbing his keys and heading out the door. 

  He didn’t realize how close she lives and he’s there within fifteen minutes. After walking through the lobby and taking the elevator to her floor he stops in front of her door, takes three deep breaths, checks his reflection in his phone’s camera, and knocks. 

  The door flies open and she huffs, curlers in her hair and still in her pajamas, "I'm sorry Mrs. Dennehy. I can't look for Bootsie right n-," he smiles, "You are not Mrs. Dennehy."

  “Nah. Definitely not,” he walks right past her and into her space, hoping he looks more confident than he feels.  "That's a good look, (y/n). I mean… I liked the blue dress better, but I don't know much about fashion," sarcasm is the only thing he knows to calm his nerves and make him feel in control. He’d be worried about her reaction if she were a different person, but he knows she gets him and the worry leaves as quickly as it enters his mind. 

  She gets right up in his face, so close he could count her eyelashes, and pokes him in the chest with one pointed finger, 

  "How the fuck do you even know my address. I thought I was meeting you at Kevin's?" There's no feasible way he can explain that he's trying to court her without simultaneously throwing up in her living room, so he goes truth adjacent.

  "I asked Kev. I figured we could go over there together. Him and Jo are still in the mushy honeymoon stage and I love him, but I really want to throat-punch him when I have to witness it firsthand." It's not not a true statement.  

  She nods in agreement, and he can feel the relief wash over him like a cool breeze. When he sits on her couch she tells him she won't be much longer and heads down the hall to the bathroom. His phone is absolutely exploding with messages from Kevin, and he silences it and puts it back in his pocket, standing and walking around the living room looking at the photos on her walls. He hears her heels clacking against the floor a few rooms away, but it's her voice that has his ears perking up. 

  "Vese?" He hates it. Brings him right back to that night on the beach and he hates the way it makes him feel. Like he has to reject her all over again, keep the distance and get comfortable in the bucket of undateable men in her life.

  "I hate when you call me that." Women he's trying to court shouldn't call him that, that's reserved for teammates and coaches and friends at the bar. 

  She's a ball buster and she smiles sideways at him "Yeah, but it always gets a reaction." She spin so her back is to him and sweeps all of her hair forward over her shoulder, "Can you clasp the top of this please and then I'm ready to go, I swear!" 

  He does as she asks against his own better judgement. His hands pressed against the nape of her neck, baby fine hairs tickling his fingertips, and it's he can do to keep from leaning down and pressing a burning kiss on her neck. 

  Fuck him, this is going to be a long night.

  ______

He knows more people at this wedding, so he’s feeling a little looser, a little more comfortable. It also helps that she’s officially here as his date and not just forced to talk to him out of politeness, she has to like him on some level to sit through this by his side, on her own free will. 

  She’s crying again. She’s crying again and he can’t even stop himself from laughing at her; they haven’t even finished the ceremony yet and she’s patting at her eyes, fanning them to keep the tears from ruining her make up. 

  "You cry at everything, huh?" She elbows him hard in the ribs, and he lets out something between and laugh and a grunt. He’s head over heels.  

  Walking from the ceremony to the reception is eventful, to say the least. They follow Kevin and Jo, Jimmy giving a meaningful glance over at (y/n), so she knows just how clingy they are wrapped up in each other, driving his point from earlier home. 

  He’s almost jealous, but then (y/n) trips over what is possibly nothing on the sidewalk, he does the gentlemanly thing and throws a jibe her way before helping her right herself. 

  "You're a fuckin' hazard in those shoes. Look at you." 

  The smile that slides onto her face is dangerous, "Yeah but they make-"

  "-they make your ass look fantastic. I know." He doesn’t realize the error of his ways quite yet, so used to trading good-natured barbs with her it never occurs to him that present company might have a problem with him being so brazen about it.

  Kevin pulls himself away from Jo long enough to join the conversation, "Keep your eyes off my cousin's ass, Vesey." Flashing with embarrassment at being caught, all he can muster out is a weak fuck you, but it sends her and Jo off into peels of laughter and that’s enough for him. 

  ______

She and Jo are a mess, sobbing all over each other before the wedding even really gets started. The first dance has them crying as he and Kevin hoot and holler with some of Brady’s other friends, they obnoxiously tap anything they can against their drinks to get Brady to kiss his bride. That sends the girls into another tizzy, crying about true love or something to that effect. 

  There isn’t a better wedding date. He’s sure of it. She pulls him out of himself, dragging him around the dancefloor by his tie until he gets too warm and tucks it into her bag, the lamest way he has ever marked his territory. She leads him through all the standard wedding line dances, and a few rounds of Shout, lowering softly down to the floor and screaming loud on the way back up. He’s never had such a good time at a wedding and he knows it’s because of her, glowing in the sea of people on the dance floor with her bright smile and laughter. 

  When the DJ starts calling all the ladies to the middle of the dance floor amid that Beyonce song, Jimmy’s heart stops. There’s no way that what happens next wasn’t planned. He sees it in slow motion. The bouquet leaving Gracia’s hand in a perfect arc straight into (y/n)’s hand. Her fingers curl around it and she cheers with the other girls, before sitting down on the lone chair on the dance floor, looking positively stricken as she watches the men line up for the garter toss. 

  Jo is cackling. 

  Jimmy’s not really one to be involved in these types of things, but he doesn’t want her to take is absence on the dance from as a direct insult, so he heads to the floor with the rest of the guys, no real intent on catching anything flung in his direction. 

  Kevin has to be in on it; he certainly wasn’t vying for the chance to slide a garter up his own cousin’s thigh. That asshole uses his ridiculous reach to knock the garter down straight into Jimmy. After Jimmy plucks it up off of his shoulder, Kevin is pointing at Jo nodding and laughing while she holds her phone camera up high, catching the whole ridiculous spectacle on video. 

  Every other guy must hate him, he’s sure of it, as he receives various pats on the back and comes to term with the idea of what’s about to happen. It’s not that he doesn’t want to rake his hands all over her body, he just imagined way less people around if he ever finally built up the courage to do it (and by some grace of God she allowed him to). He’s absolutely sure it’s Gracia who wolf whistles, she can do that loud one through her fingers, and he’s positive all of his friends are douche bags, even the bride. 

  Jimmy stares at the DJ, feigning attention as best as he can. He knows what he has to do, drop down on his knee and slide his hands up, up, up under her dress, placing the garter as hight around her thigh as she’ll allow. He thinks Taylor Swift is playing, but the only thing he can hear clearly right now is the thumpthump thumpthump of his own heart in his ears. 

  She sits looking up at him, so sure of herself and smiling like always, like he’s not about to have a massive coronary episode. His hands are shaking and his knees feel weak as he kneels down and her eyes follow him, smile never wavering. She drops one foot into his hand and he takes a moment to curse Kevin under his breath. It’s all he can do to smile reassuringly at her, hoping it doesn’t look as manic as it feels. 

  Taylor Swift starts singing about her dress she wants to take off, and his mind definitely can’t go down that road with her bare expanse of leg under his hands. He’s slid the stupid, lacey garter over her bare foot and up her smooth calf before stopping and placing it chastely on her knee, feeling her goosebumps as his hands brushed back down over her shin. Jimmy is a gentleman first and foremost and he’d rather not have an audience the very first time he’s invited under her dress. 

  He can hear Jo’s cackle before a “High-er! High-er!” chant starts and he knows she’s to blame. (Y/n) laughs above him and he wishes he could be the pinnacle of cool right now, but he’s about to combust. She leans in close to him encouraging, his hands still wrapped around her calf. "Our friends are idiots," he sighs. 

  "They really are, but they're not going to let you out of this, Vese," she says his name like a challenge as she wiggles her foot, and he’s never been one to back down. 

It takes all of the courage he can muster as he lifts her dress. Circling both of his hands around her knee; they push the garter up her thigh in tandem, centimeter by centimeter as slowly as he can drag it out, not sure if he’ll ever be allowed this opportunity again. Doing his best not to think about his clammy hands brushing across her cool skin, he hopes she can’t feel it.

  Time drags as slowly as his hands until he hears her sharp intake of breath when he gets high  on her inner thigh and he stops, not wanting to be fresh, but wanting to prove to her that he’s up for whatever the challenge in her voice was asking for. He stops the motion of the garter as her eyes widen, figuring he’s taken this far enough. 

  Not wanting to let go and face the awkwardness that will surely linger once the bubble around this moment pops, he slides his hands all the way down her leg. Never wanting to let go of her fevered skin, lest he never get another chance to touch. Her eyes look wild and he knows everyone is clapping, but he feels like dying as the dance floor slowly fills back up as he offers her a hand out of the chair and back to their table, but she leaves him there, practically sprinting away from him towards the bar. 

  ______

Kevin can’t even contain himself when he sits down. “That’s gross Jim. That’s my cousin,” Jimmy’s head bounces as he drops it down onto the table between his arms. “This is all your fault.” Hayes literally chokes on his laughter and slaps Jimmy hard on the back. 

  “You’ll figure it out man. You guys are made for each other,” Jimmy’s not convinced. 

  Clearly she’s not either, since she spends the rest of the time until dinner arrives dancing with Jo. She has no choice but to sit down next to him when dinner is served, but visibly jumps every time their elbows brush and Jimmy’s worried that he’s taken it too far and made her uncomfortable. 

  He’s frustrated. She was the one who told him to keep going, he would have stopped right there on her knee, but no, she goaded him with her smart mouth and shrewd eyes and he went against his better judgement and he’s furious for giving into his baser instincts. He pushes the dinner around on his plate, no appetite to eat much of anything.

  He can feel her at his side, staring at the dance floor and sighing, it doesn’t look like she’s hungry either, her food sits cold in front of her. He follows her gaze to Brady’s grandparents dancing; they’re the only people on the dancefloor and he can see her wistfully following their movements and sniffling. Kevin nudges him and tilts his head towards her while raising his eyebrows and the beginning swells of Unchained Melody start up. 

  He doesn’t really believe in fate, but it certainly is quite the coincidence. 

"C'mon hotshot," he stands up and dries his sweaty hands in his pockets, a trick his older cousin taught him before his first boy-girl dance in middle school. He’s shocked when she nods, smiles, and stands up to follow him. 

  Jo yells out, 'Get it girl!' and you’re seriously going to have to talk to Kevin about his woman. 

  He gently rests his hands on her waist and sways with her, "What gives? Sick of seeing me cry?" Her hands land on his shoulders, before she stands up on her bare tip-toes and winds her arms around his neck, pulling him close. His chest gets tight and it’s hard to draw in a breath with her standing so closely.

  He can’t possibly let her think for one second that he doesn’t want to be exactly where he’s stood right now, wrapped up in her arms. "Nah. It's our song,"  his grip at your waist tightens as he realizes the implications of what he’s said and how heavy his words feel sitting in the space between them, so he clears his throat and adds on, "Tradition," like a coward. 

  Her smile stretches across her face and he feels like he’s laying in the sun, bathing in her brightness. His heart is flying that he’s still allowed anywhere near her and didn’t ruin everything they had worked towards with the foolish bouquet toss. He spins her under his arm and pulls her back, as close to himself as he can, not willing to let her go for the rest of the evening. 

  High on the dancing and wedding and endorphins, he kisses her cheek without thinking about it as he drops her at her apartment after the wedding. He’s too scared to see her reaction so he walks back to the elevator with his whole body on fire, and hopes the hallway is too dark for her to tell his ears are a hot shade of crimson during his retreat. 

  That night he lies in his bed, scrolling through the photos Jo snuck of them dancing, beatific smiles on their faces and close enough that no one would suspect that they didn’t belong to each other. 

  ______

The ball hooks to the left and he drops the driver onto the patch of astro turf and grabs his water, stepping back and watching Kevin drive one 200 yards, straight as an arrow. 

  “You’re not focusing, Vese. Your long game looks like shit.” He knows this. 

  “Just distracted lately,” picking up the club he plants his feet to the ground and rocks back and forth, getting his stance on an even keel before back-swinging with straight arms and following through. It hooks to the right this time. “Fuck.” 

  Kevin laughs at him, diggin in his cooler for a beer. “You gotta sort your head out man. Nut up or get over it. You know her, you’re going to have to make the first move, she’s not gonna do it.”

  Jimmy takes the beer Kevin hands him, “I thought asking her to be my date to my best friend’s wedding and putting a garter on her thigh was pretty clear,” but Kevin shakes his head no.

  “Bruh,” Kevin tilts his head to the side as if to say, don’t be a fuckin’ idiot, “Jo said she insists you’re just friends. Just figure it out so I can stop talking about you possibly banging my cousin. It’s getting kinda gross.”

  He sees Kevin’s point; he still thinks Kev’s an ass, but he sees his point. 

  ______

Obviously Kevin and Jo decide it’s time to take everything into their own hands. 

  Barely three weeks after Brady's wedding and he goes out with the two of them to a bar for some beers and food, maybe catch a little of the Sox game. It's a nice chill night and he enjoys the time away from his own thoughts mulling around, wondering how far he’s dug his own grave. He hasn't heard from her since the wedding and he thinks he may have fucked it all up, a beer and some food that's not on his usual diet plan helps. 

  Jo's sitting across from him, next to Kevin and going on and on about this baby she just pulled out a picture of. "He's so cute just LOOK at him!" Kevin is showing no fear at the clear and present baby fever, so Jimmy can tell he's actual facts in love. The kid’s cute; a little blond boy, rosy red cheeks, and at this rate Kevin and Jo will probably be showing him one of their own in a few years. 

  "His dad was my first boyfriend. He took my virginity at prom and now he has a BABY! I am old. I can't." She shakes her hand, palms out to demonstrate just how much she just can't. Jimmy's uncomfortable at best and not entirely sure where this conversation is going. Kevin smirks through the whole damned thing though. He feels like he’s not in on the joke.

  The little bell above the door alerts him that someone new has entered the bar, but the Sox are turning a double play so he doesn't look over to see who Kevin's waving at. 

  When Jo's eyes light up with mischief, it becomes pretty obvious who's walking their way.

  She slides in next to him and he smiles at her, unsure if she was in on the whole set up or not. Taking into consideration her matching confusion, he'd guess not. 

  "Didn't know you were coming, (y/n)!" She smiles down at him but her brows are still confused, scrunched together on her forehead. He slides over to make room and hands her a menu, which she starts to look over.

  Jo can't keep herself still, practically vibrating out of her seat with frenetic energy. "We were just talking about the old days. Feelin' a little nostalgic." He suddenly knows where she’s going with her elaborate set up and his skin prickles, hot and cold. 

  "I was just telling the boys how I lost my v-card at prom to my first boyfriend. He  just had a baby! How far we've come." (Y/n)'s knee is bouncing up and down and he can see that she's a little irritated at the conversation at hand, eyes glued to the menu refusing to look up.

  "I wouldn't know about that Jo. Where's the waiter?" By the grace of God, he appears and everyone orders. It's silent after he leaves for approximately 30 seconds before Jo, apparently having forgotten every social cue she's ever learned, bulldozes the conversation right along, "You didn't lose it at prom?" 

  Jimmy wishes a lot of things; wishes he focused more in business class, wishes he was a little nicer to his siblings growing up, wishes he picked a different color on the Jeep he bought last summer. But, right now he wishes he could punch Jo right in the mouth. 

  "I didn't go to prom, actually," (y/n) answers, completely avoiding the question, but it makes his ears perk up.

  Yes she did. 

  "Yes you did," he's blurted out before he can control his tongue. "You went with Brian."

  She looks at him like he's on concussion protocol, "I think I'd know if I went to prom or not. My memory isn't that bad, Vese." 

  He controls the flare of hurt he feels at the nickname, "I hate that and you know it." She smirks, but otherwise ignores him; he doesn't miss Kevin and Jo looking on like they're an exhibit in the zoo.

  He turns to her on their side of the booth, "No, you did. I heard him at hockey practice. He said he was asking you." It isn't something he'd easily forget- the stinging rush of jealous hearing Brian say he was asking her, paired with a hot flash of anger hearing him talk about her like another conquest. She squirms under his heavy gaze a little, but looks him in the eye when she answers.

  "I mean, he did ask. But I said no." The waiter chooses the perfect time to interrupt the conversation, dropping plates down in front of everyone. Jimmy wishes he could punch him in the mouth too. 

  Kevin and Jo take the opportunity to make the flimsiest excuses he's ever heard to leave the table. They're probably better off without onlookers, honestly. 

  She's ignoring him having an existential crisis right beside her, watching the game and drinking her water. He can't let it go though, has to take his chance now before he doesn't get another.

  "I, uh, really thought you went with Brian." The ‘why didn’t you’ is implied He can't look directly at her; she's like the sun- lighting up his world, he just hopes he won't get burned getting too close for his own good. 

  When she turns her gaze on him, she looks a little predatory. He likes it. He turns all the way towards her to give her all of his attention, the length of his thigh presses up against hers, "I didn't want to go with him. He was kind of a douche." 

  "All the girls liked him, though," Jimmy picks up his beer and rolls the cold glass between his hands, hoping to cool himself down. It was so long ago, but he feels like he has to know. He just wants to hear that she didn't like Brian, never liked Brian, didn’t even see him as an option.

  "Yeah, the dumb ones," she grins at him before stealing fries off of Kevin's plate, slowly growing cold in his absence. Jimmy sighs, feeling relief crash his body like a wave.

  "I wanted to go with someone else. I asked, but you know…" she shrugs. Maybe she really did ask him to prom because she liked him. His body stiffens at the thought of all the wasted years if that’s actually the case. 

  All this waiting and his stupid false nobility, not giving her the choice. He feels like a heel, "I guess I was pretty dumb back then too."  

  She doesn't let him wallow into himself and presses her thigh against his to get his attention, before shoving another of Kevin's fries into her mouth. "I mean, you went to Harvard, so how dumb can you really be, James." 

  "So," Jimmy stops and sighs, he has to tell her. "This is embarrassing, but," he can't go one more day with her thinking he told her no because of anything to do with her when the fact of the matter is that he was an idiot. Still is an idiot.

  She puts her hand on his knee patronizingly, patting it gently, "You weren't shot down asking someone to prom, so how embarrassing could it really be?" Her smile is a little sad but it doesn’t reach her eyes and he can’t compute much with her skin on his. 

  "Touche, but for the record- I only said no because I figured you'd rather go with him. I just didn't want to get my hopes up only for you to change your mind when he asked you." By the time he’s done with his confession her jaw is on the floor and she seems genuinely surprised by his revelation. 

  Her eyes look a little watery but the smile reaches them, "You're right, Vesey. You are dumb." He knows his face matches, feels his heart go soft and mushy under her attention and he wants. Obviously that’s when Kevin and Jo return, because they’ve been nothing if not completely inconvenient in every aspect of his love life. 

  When dinner is over and everyone is getting up and ready to leave, he isn’t ready to say good night. They worked through a lot, but he’d be disappointed in himself if he didn’t have the courage to lay everything out on the table in front of her to accept or reject.

  He grabs her wrist before she can get too far, thinking as quickly as he can, "I'm going to have another beer, wanna stay with me?" He doesn’t want another beer, just wants an opportunity to talk to her without four extra eyes peering into their conversation. 

  Everyone says their goodbyes and Jimmy heads to the bathroom. He washes his face in the sink and gives himself a mini pep-talk before walking back out to the bar. She’s sitting on a barstool waiting for him, "I didn't know what you were drinking or I would have ordered it for you."  

  "Oh, no. I'm good to go. I just wanted  them to leave so we could talk alone. Is it okay if we go to my place?" She nods and hops down, following him out the door and into the warm summer night. 

  ______

"Don't the Rangers pay you enough to live in a building with an elevator?" Jimmy laughs and she huffs and puffs, feet thudding up each step behind him. He lets them into his apartment, grateful his cleaning lady stops by every two weeks to tidy up.

  She sits down on the couch and he sits next to her, probably too far in her personal space. 

  "I really wanted to go with you." There. He said it. It’s out there in the open. She just looks at him, wide eyed, so he continues to explain himself.

  "If I had known you didn't want to go with Brian, I would have said yes when you asked." He looks down at his hands, wringing them and forcing the words up his chest and out of his mouth. "I know it was so long ago, but I just feel like I want you to know that."

  She isn’t giving him much in the way of a reaction, staring at him with her head tilted sideways, with all of his words out there in the open, before a wide smile splits her face and puffs up her cheeks.

  "You like me." He can barely look at her without feeling flames of embarrassment lick their way up his spine, and he hopes she won’t hold this over his head for the rest of his life. 

  He can’t even stutter out a response to her before she’s cutting him off, "No. It wasn't a question. It was a statement. You like me." It’s inevitable, this is the turning point of their relationship. She’s right and he has to be honest about it, no matter how it will change everything for better or worse. He bites his lip and nods. 

  "Yeah. I just… you know how I am. With feelings and stuff," it takes everything in him to talk about, what he feels is, his biggest shortcoming. He hates addressing feelings. He’d rather keep his distance with snark and wit and sarcasm, never letting anything close enough to affect him. But here she is, wormed right into his chest next to his heart. She could tear him open and destroy him if she so chose. 

  She’s intent on destroying him straight away it seems, because  as he’s about to continue his poor explanation of his feelings. she closes the distance between them and kisses him hard on the mouth. She backs away when their teeth clash and laughs awkwardly. 

  "So aggressive," he laughs and wipes at his lip. His heart is thumping wildly in his chest at her nonverbal confession, "Slow down, we have lots of time now." 

  "We really don't though," he just about loses his breath at that, not sure how he’s going to get back in her good graces, "I have to be up in the morning so I don't have all night, Vese. Some of us have been patiently waiting for years." 

  "Yeah, some of us have been," he leans over and closes the space between them this time. He kisses her slowly and he’s sure if she’d let him, he’d never stop.

  _____

Jimmy cries more than he expects when he sees her. She cries way less than he expects too. Everyone is surprising him today, but he thinks he has the best surprise stashed firmly up his sleeve. 

  When it’s finally time, he pulls her close, the new metal band on his left finger cold against his skin. She looks up at him in her sparkly, white dress.

  "Vese," he smiles when it rolls off of his lips, happy the nickname can finally be something that binds them instead of making her feel so far from him like it once did. 

  "It's Mrs.Vese, actually, James," she snarks up at him, her arms around his neck and nails gently scratching the base of his skull like she knows he likes. The music swirls around him and Jo is happily engaged in flash photography behind his wife, definitely catching his love-sick smile for later blackmail.  

  "I can't believe you chose this song for our first dance," she pulls him into her as Elvis croons on about wise men and fools, "you hate this song."

  He does, it’s true, but it’s brought them together against all odds. He’s overwhelmed with love, so he gives in and kisses her, closing his eyes against all the flashes going off around them. "I really do. But you like it, and I love you."

[b-rainlet]

You made me ship Lunya T.T but as a Allison stan this kind made me ship her with Diego... headcanon about the neglected couples? :O

Tbh, there are a lot of ship possibilities that could be seen as neglected couples since there are 7 main people who could be thrust into about 21 ship dynamics - not counting poly ships and not counting ships that aren’t sibling ships - like Klave or Vanya/Helen or even still incest stuff like Gracexthe sibs.

So you see, endless possibilities but there are only about 4 ships who are really popular? Klave, Kliego, Fiveya...maybe Horrance? And even then, most Horrance or Fiveya shippers still see their ship as a rarepair because compared to Klave or Kliego it more or less is.

Which may have to do with the fact that if you’re an anti but wanna ship something you have pretty limited options, so Klave it is.

So you probably want some Allison/Diego hcs but I’m gonna do a little more because Allison is less popular in general so her ships are not that often talked about.

I’ll leave out Alluther because I did some OTP asks about them, but y’all know I ship them because it’s the sweet story of childhood sweethearts meeting again and falling in love all over again and it’s just...*sighs dreamily* lots of possibilities.

Allison/Diego: A fun ship! At first you’d probably say: ‘We have a pretty much functional adult with a child and a guy who eats raw eggs to seem edgy’ so it’s easy to fall into a Hermione/Ron relationship interpretation where you have a dumbass and someone done with their shit - and I can see it being like that occasionally but not always!

When I think about them I mostly think about teasing. They totally do some competitive shit just because they wanna best each other but where that same dynamic could quickly turn into arguments for Luego I can see it staying mostly light-hearted with Allison/Diego.

(Quick question, do they have a ship name? Asking for tagging purposes).

And Allison would take none of Diego’s shit. Oh, Diego has one of his mood swings and tries to be an emo boy and pull that ‘I don’t need anyone shit’? Boy, Allison is a single mother who’s been through a divorce already, she doesn’t have time for your angst.

Lmao, Allison being like: “We’ll sit down and talk about our feelings now” after a fight and Diego complains the whole time but sits down like a good boy.

Also, Allison would do the vigilante thing from time to time because she may pretend to be an adult and above that kinda stuff but it’s fun and they definitely argue over who took out more people.

Give me that power couple pls.

Allison/Klaus: One of my favourite ships! Can be real whole-hearted or angsty depending on the angle you take.

Like, Allison who keeps busting Klaus out of prison with her status and her rumours and who pays for his rehab stay every single time, at first still telling him that she’s gonna fix him with that Hollywood ‘You can do it’ attitude - slowly getting more and more annoyed by her no-good brother, feeling like a babysitter - maybe even refusing to keep indulging his brother, to keep giving him money he’s only gonna use on drugs anyway.

And Klaus who despises Allison’s glamour lifestyle, her polished image and her nuclear family - we could even throw some biphobia in there because Klaus remembers their talks about how pretty girls are but Allison pretends that never happened because it wouldn’t do her career much good. (Just like being seen with her junkie brother, “isn’t that why we can’t meet anywhere that isn’t a back alley? Why you can’t talk to me without sunglasses and a hat? Why you keep your voice down even when I scream at you?”)

Plus, some added angst: Patrick telling Allison to just drop her brother already, he’s just gonna self-destruct and take her with him and that creates tension between the two of them, could even be one of the many reasons for their divorce.

And just like that, Allison loses all of it. And Klaus is there with a cheap bottle of Tequila, already high and grinning at her: “Welcome at the bottom, sister dearest!”

*insert the 30k story about the two of them slowly learning to understand each other and finally being able to heal - with the help from the other but also because they wanna change for themselves. I vote for added bed sharing and sleepovers and them doing each other’s nails but also them fucking once and not talking about it because they were both really hurt and not really thinking when it happened but it staying in the back of their minds until they realize that they could actually work together*

This got angstier than it was supposed to be, sorry! I love them, I swear!

Allison/Five: Probably the least popular one out of all the Allison ships!

I have to admit that I don’t think about Five ships much? Which probably has to do with the whole child body thing but I’m not opposed to ships involving them! (Especially when they’re enby, y’all know my brand).

Allison/Five would be that kinda snob couple who knows they are superior to you and they’re not above showing you. Lots of quibs, lots of sarcasm.

But also probably one of the more mature ones? I can see Allison being unsure at first because Five is- no, looks like a kid and who knows when that will get fixed? And maybe it’s because she’s a Mum but sometimes she just treats them like a child and Five hates it.

(Five probably has to do a lot of courting before Allison considers a relationship. Which is bullshit. They both know there’s tension there, why the fuck is Allison drawing back from that? Just because Five’s trapped in this body? Does Allison think they want that?)

Five aggressively flirting while Allison to herself is like: ‘Hoe, don’t do it.’ but eventually giving in.

And of course, depending on your take of Five’s body, things are gonna be weird. Like, a popular hc is to have Five in a 20ish body but even then, just imagine the headlines.

Allison Hargreeves, world star, dating a guy 10 years younger!!! Is she getting over her divorce with a boy toy?

(Not to mention the pseudo-incest part).

They’d get a lot of shit I’d say.

And Five would be furious about that. How dare they imply that their relationship with Allison is just some fling? They’ll show them. So they make a game out of proving the paparazzi wrong. Makes it their mission to treat Allison as right as possible.

(Also I have feelings about the whole Five - Claire - Allison thing. I mean, just Five mentioning wanting to meet Claire? Knowing her name? I am soft).

And I know I am rambling a little but whether you think Patrick was/is a nice guy or not (I personally think he is), I can see Allison being so obsessed with seeming flawless and having the picture perfect family - as opposed to her own family - that she felt like she could never really be herself? Like she had to hide a lot of her more ‘ugly’ sides to be desirable.

And Five doesn’t care about that shit. Five also doesn’t care about courtesy. Five will jump into her room at the beginning of their relationship, watch her scramble around to try and change into something nicer than her pajamas and apologize for her messy hair and her pimples- “I just woke up, I didn’t have time to put on my make up, can’t you come back later Five?”

And Five’s like: “You look like someone who just woke up. Your hair is sweaty and you have a pretty big pimple on your nose. Also, your morning breath is horrible. Can we cuddle now?”

(Five is the first partner Allison burps in front of. It’s pretty freeing).

Five on the other hand has someone they can be insecure in front of. Where they don’t have to pretend they know all the answers. Be dismissive with. (They’re trying to let all of their siblings in but it’s a process, okay?)

I’m sorry, I’ll stop now but I gave myself feelings.

Allison/Ben: This feels like an easier couple. Like, more normal, lmao. Just a couple of adopted sibs falling in love the old-fashioned way - after one of them gets brought back to live and they survive a near apocalypse their sister caused.

I like to spin some tale of being in love as kids (like with Alluther) but for me the two of them really work better as just being friends as kids and then once Ben comes back, Allison realizes how much she missed him and she’s like “What is this???? Am I....crushing on him??” (imagine the Beauty and the Beast song where they realise they like each other while playing in the snow).

Just...some good and nice slowburn. Maybe some added angst with Ben thinking Allison is confusing her relieve of him being alive with being in love or believes she’s looking for a rebound after her divorce.

Or maybe he believes he’s just touch-starved and that’s why he clings to Allison?

(Imagine the two of them chilling at the mansion together, just picking up where they left off, pretending to still be kids. Allison all excitedly showing Ben what he’s missed during all those years and what he only gets to experience now - let’s be honest this mostly boils down to Allison making him eat a bunch of stuff, not even waiting until he takes a bite himself but just putting it in his mouth because she wants to see whether he likes it).

(I hc that Allison can’t cook for shit but Ben has no real frame of reference unless you count blurry memories of what food used to taste like so it’s heaven to him and Allison is giddy).

They’re just cute, okay?

Allison/Vanya: ANGST. GAY ANGST. I mean, the guilt over what happened, Allison feeling like it’s her fault and treating Vanya all nice but Vanya stilll flinches everytime she sees the angry red scar across Allison’s throat. Plus, if Allison still can’t speak and will never speak again and Vanya tries her hardest to learn ASL with her so she doesn’t have to write down everything all the time.

Young Allison/Vanya with Vanya realising she’s queer and sneaking glances at Allison and immediately feeling guilty because she shouldn’t be looking, it’s wrong and dirty and Allison will hate her and-

Whereas she is completely missing the way Allison is looking back.

Also this ship can easily turn toxic with either of them - or both - getting overbearing after all that happened. And tbh, that’s just as exciting to write/think about.

That’s all I got for now but you’re welcome to talk more Allison/Allison ships with me!

[sarcastically-defensive17]

Vegas Lights - L. Hemmings Chapter 9: Sorry, didn’t know that my official title was ‘wife’ now.

This book is all of my own work. Please do not copy or steal. This is also posted on my personal Wattpad account @/defensive_sarcasm17.

"What's with your face?" Luke's brows were furrowed as he cast his eyes on the glassy eyes of the blonde woman. Her face was blotched in random spots and she looked no better than she had when he woke up in her room that morning.

He actually found her to look better with no clothes on.

He had spent his time since he left her room sitting at the bar, downing drink after drink. He had even snuck away with one of the waitresses for a moment only to return to find Carter standing like a deer in headlights with her earphones plugged in her oddly small ears.

She didn't have her glasses on, nor did she have a speck of makeup coating her face. Luke couldn't help but wonder if the cosmetics could even cover the tomato colored spots on her face.

He knew his words were rude, but the liquid courage sent his conscience away. Not that he had seen it in a while anyways.

"Excuse me?" She was annoyed. Anybody could tel that. "My face, thank you very much, is in recovery from a panic attack."

Her arms were crossed over her torso, and he shamelessly glanced at the way her breasts rose up.

He wasn't raised to think of women like this, but every time he had alcohol in his stomach he said goodbye to intelligent thought.

"Sorry," he grumbled, returning to his seat at the table a few feet away from Carter.

He looked up expectantly as his behind connected to the wooden stool, surprised that she didn't trail after him like most girls did.

Her eyes met his as he gazed at her with shock. Her brows were still pinched and she frowned at him. "What're you looking at?"

He wondered for a moment if she meant to snap at him, but he brushed it off as a side effect of the panic attack she experienced.

He didn't know much about mental health, and he was rather skeptical of if, himself, but he didn't necessarily care enough about the blonde woman to ask if she was okay.

Instead, he adopted a bored expression. "Aren't you going to sit?" He gestured to the seat across from him. "I figure we need to chat, yknow, man to wife."

"Sorry, I didn't know my official title was 'wife' now," she snapped once again. "What could you possibly have to say to me?"

For some reason, Luke found it hard to get along with the woman. He found her very bitchy, and in the small space of time he spent with her, she hadn't proved to be interesting. Not one bit.

In fact, he can't even understand how he managed to find her enough to marry in a drunken haze. Maybe drunk Luke just really wanted to get her in the sack.

She definitely seems like the 'no sex before marriage' type, he thought to himself.

"Is it wrong for me to want to talk to my wife? Or discuss an agreement with a possible business partner?" He smirked around the neck of his beer. He didn't miss how her eyes seemed to fire up as the words slipped past the confines of his lips.

"Call me that one more time and I will make you regret it," she hissed, begrudgingly taking a seat across from him.

Carter had always been the kind type. If somebody was nice to her, she was even nicer to them. But Luke, Luke was something else.

Every time he opened his mouth, she could hear the condescension fall from his lips. Almost as if he were patronizing her for merely existing.

He reminded her of her grandmother. And her elder sister.

She despised it.

"Look, Karen-"

"Carter," she hissed.

"Look, Carter, I don't know about you, but I don't exactly feel like dragging you around with me for the next six months-"

"The feeling is more than mutual," she fixed a strong glare onto him, and tried to ignore the overwhelming feeling of drowning that encompassed her body when she thought of her current situation.

"I doubt that," Luke smirked, blue eyes turned up as if he found the idea genuinely funny. "Who wouldn't want to marry me? I'm a rockstar." He ignited Carter's scoff. He had already discovered how to rile the woman up, and he was growing fond of it. "As I was saying, I don't want to be stuck with you, but, I spoke to the guys and they have a different idea."

Carter felt her stomach sink slightly.

"What do they think?" Her voice was softer, loose of the harsh tone she previously held.

Luke struggled to force the next words out. He hated to be reminded of his wrongdoings. "They think that I need to curb my bullshit. They think I need to allow myself time to 'heal'." He waves his long fingers in the air to signal quotation marks. "Mostly, they want me to stop sleeping with any girl that gives me attention, because it's giving us a bad rap."

Carter couldn't stop the sad feeling that bubbled in her throat. Luke was hurt. She had heard about his overexploited break up with his girlfriend, and she knew that he was, to a degree, out of control.

Binge drinking, assaulting bar staff, sleeping with countless women.

Reminded Carter of what her and Jo were like in their first year of college.

"So, they think that this agreement would be a great way to help shift my public image."

"Why can't you do it on your own?" Carter was genuinely curious. "Why do you feel the need to put yourself, and your band, in such a bad position? Wouldn't you want to set an example for you fans? A breakup can't have affected you that badly-"

"You know nothing about me." His jaw was clenched as the words slipping through clenched teeth. He hissed each syllable, allowing the blonde woman across from him to jump back slightly. "You don't know what happened in my fucking relationship. Who the fuck are you to question me? To question my choices?"

His voice was low. Menacing.

A chill went down Carter's spine and for a second, she felt as if she were a child standing under the harsh gaze of an authoritarian figure.

Luke was ranting, his eyes not meeting hers as he rambled about how little people like to comment on his life choices.

For a second, Carter let her eyes fall shut. This wasn't the first time she had been snapped at in such a way by an individual who believed themself to be above her. Nor will it be the last.

Nor was it the first time she was spoken to in degrading way. She had people she trusted more regard her as less, and she wouldn't let somebody with an ego as large as Luke Hemmings' speak to her like that.

Her eyes reopened. She set her jaw to match his, ignoring his words.

"Okay, I get it." She tried, only for him to continue rambling. She pushed a piece of hair away from her eyes, rolling the blue orbs within their flesh confines. She had enough, as Luke continued to rant, repeating his words as the alcohol overwhelmed him. "Will you shut the fuck up? Please?" She yelled, drawing attention from some of the staff.

The bar area was practically empty, as it was only 11:30 am, on a Saturday.

Luke's rant fell short, his mouth snapping shut at the outburst. He hadn't expected for her to snap at him. He was very used to being the dominant force in every relationship.

Every one apart from his relationship with Alexis.

The way Carter snapped reminded him of the woman, and his hands involuntarily began to shake.

He buried them underneath the table as soon as he felt the tremor.

"I'm sorry for snapping," Carter's for eyes watched him carefully, the guilt forming a glaze over the cerulean. "Look, I'm not pretending to know what you've been through, nor am I trying to tell you how to live your life. I'm trying to understand why you're in this position."

Her voice was soft. Calm. Comforting.

For a second, he was enveloped in the words that fell from her plump lips.

"I don't want to talk about it," Luke grumbled as he connected his hands underneath the table. Even thinking about his clusterfuck of a relationship and the effect it had on him was enough to bring up his desire to drink. Which is the reason he pushed it down so much.

Surprisingly, Carter didn't push him.

She pushed her chair out, placing her bare feet onto the ground. Luke felt relief at the thought of her leaving him alone.

"I'll be in contact with your manager soon," she nodded, turning on her bare heel and stalking away from the man.

Carter was well aware that she was possibly making a bad decision. She knew that it could be more damaging to her career than helpful if things went sour.

But she also knew, that her father raised her to help others out. She couldn't sit by and know that somebody could be damaging their career and drowning in their own depression when she could have helped them.

She couldn't do that to another person.

She had her limits, she knew that this could go wrong.

But more importantly, she knew that Luke, and his friends, needed the help.

She was too absorbed in her thoughts to take the elevator up to her floor. The sound of her feet tapping against the carpeted steps did nothing to fill her determination.

The door to room 304 flew open, and the three women inside turned their heads to their short friend.

Stephanie was the first to speak, growing tired of the silence as Carter stood against the closed wooden door.

"So are we doing this shit or not? I have a schedule to organize for when we get back to L.A."

Carter pushed out a deep breath, attempting to steel her nerves for the coming admission.

"Let's do this."

Josephine clapped, "great. Go shower, you look like you just ran ten laps."

[xxonceuponafuckxx]

Braving The Darkness

~~~~

This was dangerous and foolish. But then he didn’t have much of a choice anymore. His son was going to be sent off to war tomorrow. He’d already tried to run off with Bae, only to be caught. He knew they’d be ready for him to try again tonight, so escape wouldn’t be possible. And he was so sure that if Bae got drafted, he would fight and die in the war. That was something he couldn’t allow.

Wasting the Dark One’s time was liable to get him killed, if the rumors were anything to go by. Especially since he didn’t exactly have much of value to trade. But he was desperate to save his son. He had to try, even if it might end up with both father and son dead.

So he’d stepped out of his hut, not wanting to wake Bae. He looked up at the sky, the star that one could use to call the Blue Fairy. He’d tried that, countless times. It had never worked. He turned his back to that star, staring off at the horizon instead.

“Dark One?” he asked, his timid voice barely audible. “Dark One, please. I… I need to make a deal.”

Belle heard his plea, appearing behind him in a puff of dark purple smoke. “What’s the matter? Have you finally lost faith in your fairy?” She looked over her nails for a moment, casting a look over him for a moment before smirking. “You know how dangerous it is to call upon me? You know there will be a price if I grant your wish?”

She didn’t quite know what she could ask of this man since he was obviously a peasant and didn’t have much. But, she also knew that his wish wasn’t a selfish one. He was trying to protect his son and that was a rather noble reason to call upon the Dark One. It was likely the noblest reason she’d seen. “Besides, even if you accept the terms, I do not think you have anything worth the wish you seek. By the looks of you, I’d say that you didn’t have anything. Are you willing to leave your son an orphan for wasting my time?”

Belle looked him over once again, sighing softly as she sat down. “I do not like to have my time wasted with nonsense. But, it seems this may be rather amusing. I will give you some time to plead.” She waved her hand, creating an hourglass and flipping it upside down.

Rumple started when he heard a voice behind him, turning to see the Dark One standing there. He gulped a bit, nodding slowly when she mentioned how dangerous it was to call her. Of course he’d known that. And of course he knew he’d have to pay a price. It was just that he had nowhere else to turn. So he’d give the Dark One anything and everything that he could.

She said he didn’t have anything worthy for her, and he already knew that he didn’t. But at least she was giving him a chance to plead with her. He wasn’t going to waste this chance. Besides, he may not have much, but the other night Hordor had taught him that he did indeed have something. He had himself. He had fealty.  And he knew it wasn’t worth much, didn’t even come close to being worth his son. But he had to try.

“Th-thank you, Dark One, for giving me time,” he started, wanting to let her know that he was indeed grateful that she hadn’t just automatically killed him. “I know I don’t have much of worth, b-but I am prepared to offer everything I have. And I’m prepared to die. Y-you say that would make my son an orphan, and you’re right, but he’ll be dead soon if something is don’t,” Rumple explained.

He wasn’t looking her in the eye, instead his head was bowed in difference to her position. “I k-know nothing I have is enough to compensate you for saving my son, b-but if you do make it so he doesn’t have to fight, I’m pre-prepared to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.” He moved forward, getting down on his knees in front of the Dark One and finally looking up at her, the desperation in his eyes. “I’ll do whatever you ask. You can k-kill me, use my b-body for potions, t-torture me or do whatever you see fit. I’ll b-be your most loyal servant f-for the rest of my days, however many they may be. Just please, save my boy?”

Belle tilted her head, looking down at him. “All that just to save your son from going to war… How foolish it is to have a family. There’s always this need to protect them from harm, no matter what it costs you.” She stood, looking inside the little home to check on his son. He was young and she did understand his fears about sending him out there. “You know, you’ll never see him again if you agree to do this? It will mean staying in my castle and never leaving, doing whatever you’re told and not questioning me for anything.”

She knew he likely understood all of this, but she wanted to make sure that he understood everything before agreeing to what he’d already promised her. It wasn’t that she really felt she needed what he was offering, only the fact that he’d offered it and she did understand the pain that this man was in. She wasn’t such a monster that she would send him away with nothing when he was willing to offer her everything for such a selfless wish.

She said it foolish to have family, and while Rumple disagreed, he didn’t dare argue with her. His son’s life hung in the balance after all. She then told him he’d never see his son again, and he nodded. He’d known that all along. But he was sure that, if Bae got sent to war, he’d never see his boy again. And he’d rather be the Dark One’s servant and know that his son was safe than live knowing his son had died. He did wish that he could see his son one last time, to let the lad know why he was going to be gone. A part of him was scared to ask, but it was the only thing he’d ever ask for, he knew. And Bae deserved to know his father hadn’t just abandoned him.  

“I understand Dark One. I know I’ll never see him again, and I promise that once the deal is struck I’ll never ask for anything or disobey,” he told her. “Just… please might I talk to him one last time before the deal is struck? I… I don’t want him to think I’ve abandoned him.” It wasn’t like he was going to refuse to make the deal if she said no, but he desperately hoped she’d say yes.

She nodded, waving toward the small home behind her. “Of course, I’ll let you say goodbye to your boy. I’m not a monster, after all.” Belle paused for a moment, thinking over her options. There were plenty of them, but she wanted to make sure she was choosing the best one before striking the deal. “I’ll give you until tomorrow, mid-day. Come to my castle and I’ll be sure your son is unharmed. I can’t promise that this war will not happen or that he will not still fight, but I can assure you that no harm will come to him so long as you remain at my castle.” She handed him a trinket, a necklace with a slim wedding band on it. “This will find its way back to me, just use it to find your way to my castle. I’ll be expecting you. Just… Enjoy tonight and tomorrow morning with your boy. It will be the last time you see him.”

Belle vanished then, not wanting to be around him anymore. She knew that accepting his deal wasn’t the smartest thing since she didn’t really have a need for the one thing he could offer her. But, she did have to admit that she had one small soft spot and he had managed to appeal to it. Belle’s mother had done something similar for her when she was still human, offering her life for her daughter’s. His pleas struck one of the only human cords she really had left.

He felt relieved that she agreed to let him say goodbye to his son. The way she talked made him wonder why he’d even feared she wouldn’t. He supposed because she said he’d never see his son again. Still, he had to wonder at just what he’d heard about the Dark One was true. She seemed… well she seemed nicer than the guards who took children away to fight, and they were human while she was the Dark One. He was still scared of her, and he was still going to be cautious, but he found himself a bit less scared of her now then he had been at first. Or maybe it was just that he was so thankful to her, for making sure his son would be safe.

“Thank you Dark One,” he managed to say before she vanished. He would be sure to leave for her castle as soon as the guards had taken Bae. He clutched the necklace tightly, looking down at it and smiling softly. Bae would be taken tomorrow, but he’d be alright. That was what mattered.

Bae didn’t quite see it that way, when his papa told him about the deal. But it was already struck and there wasn’t much he could do. Besides, he didn’t want to ruin his last moments with his father. So he just accepted that the deal was made and hoped that the Dark One would be kind to his father.

So it was that, soon after the guards came for Bae, Rumpelstiltskin was on the road towards the Dark One’s castle. He wasn’t taking much, since it wasn’t like he had much to begin with. He had left most of his stuff with Morraine’s parents, so they could give it to Bae when he came back. After all, he doubted he’d need things like money or cups when serving the Dark One. All he had was a bit of food to eat on his journey, the clothes on his back, and his trusty staff. A part of him hated having to leave behind his spinning wheel, but at least it meant Bae would be able to make a living after the war. He might miss spinning, but he doubted he’d have any time to do so anyway.

Belle waited for him, spending her time reading as she normally did. But, she wondered what she was even going to do with him once he got there. She didn’t do much so there really wasn’t much mess. He could pick up the books when she left them in piles on the floor, but that was really all she did. Perhaps he could help her when she was busy torturing people for what she needed, but she wasn’t completely sure he had the stomach for that.

Being near the Dark One wasn’t easy for humans and she knew that which was why she didn’t allow anyone to be near her. She didn’t want to lose another human person and she wasn’t going to risk getting attached. Besides, human attachment meant weakness and she wasn’t going to have weakness anymore. She swung the door open when he approached, leaning back in her chair as she yelled out. “You’re later than I expected. Did something happen I wasn’t expecting?”

He was startled when the door to the Dark One’s castle swung open on its own accord, though he supposed he shouldn’t be. She was, after all, the most powerful sorcerer in the Enchanted Forest, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that she would use her magic to do things like open doors. He stepped into the castle slowly, following the sound of her voice to make it to where she was.

“I’m sorry Dark One,” he told her. He had thought he’d made decent time, but apparently he was later than she’d thought he’d be. He was sure he couldn’t be more than a few hours later than she wanted, but that was more than enough cause for her to be angry at him. “I did stop by my neighbor’s house to see if they could watch after my son’s belongings while he’s gone. And it could be that I walked slower than you expected,” he offered reasons for his tardiness, hoping that she wouldn’t be too upset at him for it. Though he had the sinking feeling that he was going to disappoint her frequently, perhaps just because that’s what he always did. He just hoped she wouldn’t go back on their deal because he wasn’t able to do what she wanted.

She nodded, smiling a bit. He was jumpy, that was good. It meant that he feared her and that meant that he wouldn’t try anything to weasel out of their deal. “I don’t care about your excuses, peasant. Just come and make yourself useful. Clean up these books and bring me some tea.” She wasn’t going to bother introducing him to her home, not caring to show him around or explain his duties. He would figure all of that out. “I don’t care how long it takes. Just figure it out and don’t bother me.”

Her attention returned to her book, no longer concerned about him. She shut the door behind him, sighing as she read the book in her hand. It was what she did most, how she dealt with being alone and maintaining her sharp exterior. Belle occupied herself with books, happy to know that she could go wherever she wanted and do whatever she wanted. Nothing could stop her, so long as she was careful. Which she was. Belle was always smart, always thinking ahead.

He relaxed a bit when she told him she didn’t care how long it would take him to clean up the books and bring her tea. That was his main concern. He knew he could do what she was asking eventually, but doing it quickly was another matter. For now he decided to try and find the kitchen first. The tea was something that time mattered more for, and he didn’t want to keep her waiting for tea. After he delivered the tea he could try to figure out what to do with the books.

That meant finding the kitchen, but luckily that wasn’t so hard. It was on the first floor at least, and so it didn’t take him long to get a kettle boiling. He did start to worry about how she’d like her tea though. He wasn’t used to having things in his tea. Was it just cream and sugar she might want? He thought so. So he put the tea, sugar, cream, a cup and saucer and a spoon on a tray to bring to her. It was a bit difficult to carry what with his limp, but leaving the staff in the kitchen enabled him to use both hands. It wasn’t pleasant, but it was doable.

Soon he was back at the room the Dark One was in, only to realize that she may or may not want her tea right now. He felt a pit in his stomach at the thought, but since she hadn’t said when maybe she wouldn’t be upset that he’d brought it sooner than she liked? So he balanced the tray on one had for a moment so he could knock on the door, muscles tense as he awaited an answer.

She waved the door open as she heard a knock, noticing that he’d left the staff to bring the tea. That was intriguing to her, but she decided not to mention it just yet. “You may enter.” She was still trying to figure out what exactly it was that she wanted to do with him and that meant it was likely that she was going to be using training wheels for the time being. But, she decided that perhaps being honest with him would help him feel a bit better. He seemed frightened of her. That may be good for her keeping him in line, but she figured his son’s protection was more than enough to achieve that.

“I will be honest, I am not quite sure what to do with a full-time servant. I wasn’t expecting to take a deal like this. So, just, relax a bit. I’m not going to harm you. There’s no need to. You’ll do whatever I ask, as long as I hold your boy’s safety in my hands. You’ll clean up after me, dust, handle any preparations I need, and you’ll tidy up the torture room when I’m finished. Should be no issue as long as you’re not squeamish.”

He relaxed when she told him he could enter, limping over to set the tea tray down on the table beside her. At least she wasn’t upset at him for coming at a bad time. It seemed he worried over nothing, but then he was prone to doing that even before he became the Dark One’s servant. So he supposed it was to be expected.

He found himself relaxing a bit more as she finally told him a bit about what she’d expect of him. It was oddly nice to know she wasn’t sure what to do with him, making him feel that it might be harder to do something that would anger her. And she was right about not needing to hurt him. He’d do his best to please her since Bae’s life depended on it. So he nodded as she listed the tasks he was to do, starting to pour the tea into the cup. Cleaning, dusting, yes that would be easy. He wasn’t sure what preparations she would require but that shouldn’t be to hard. He set the tea pot down, with the cup still in hand, when she listed the last thing she would want him to do. Clean a… a torture room?

He started and turned to look at her. His grip on the cup tightened, but he lowered his hand tilting the cup in the process. He righted it when there was still half the tea in the cup, but to his horror he realized the tea that had escaped had ended up on a book lying open on the ground. “I’m so sorry,” he told her, setting the cup on the table and kneeling down to look at the tea soaked book. “I didn’t mean… it… it’s soaked. I’m sorry.”

Belle didn’t mind that the tea hit the floor, only getting angry when she saw that it was on one of her books. She stood quickly, moving to take the book from him. “You stupid man! Look at what you’ve done to my book!” Belle set the book on the table, gently touching the pages. “This is exactly why I never let any of your disgusting kind in here. Do you humans ever do anything other than destroy everything around you?!” She was yelling at him, but coddling the book carefully as she tried to gauge the damage that had been done.

Once she couldn’t contain herself any longer, she turned to him with her fists balled up at her sides. “Do you have any idea how much I cherish this one book? More than your life, more than your son’s, for sure. I do not care about anything other than my books. I knew I never should have taken you in. Humans do nothing but destroy things. You destroy my things.” Belle grabbed him, pulling him to his feet and dragging him through the castle. “It seems you’ll be going to bed early tonight!” She tossed him into the cell, trying to maintain her composure. “You had better pray that I can fix that book. Or I will have your head and your boy’s.” She slammed the door shut, locking it before returning to save her book.

Rumple tensed even more when she yelled at him, wincing at her words. He’d known he was going to mess something up, he just hadn’t thought he’d do it so quickly. He didn’t reply to her words about humans, because if he was honest, she had a point. Humans weren’t exactly great, in his experience. And he wasn’t exactly the best of humanity.

Then she was telling him that she valued the book more than his and Bae’s lives, and that made sense too. Books were expensive, so much so that he’d never actually touched one before, except the one he’d just soaked with tea. “I’m sorry mistress,” he told her, partially from fear but mostly because he really was sorry that he’d ruined her book. But then she grabbed him, hauling him to his feet and dragging him along through the castle.

He managed to stay on his feet, but only just. The pace she set was rather fast, and without his staff his right ankle protested greatly. Not that she cared. He was worried that she’d take him to the torture room she’d mentioned before, and probably make him clean up after she was done with him too, but instead she tossed him into a cell. His leg finally gave out then and he collapsed onto the cell floor, trembling a bit in fear.

She told him she’d hurt him, and Bae too, if she couldn’t fix the book before she left him there on the cell floor. He just laid on the ground, not wanting to put in the effort to get to the stone bench at the moment. She was furious, and he understood why, but a small part of him thought that if she cared about her books so much, she ought not to leave them lying around on the floor. But that wasn’t a helpful thought.

Instead he thought of what he could say or do to try and make it up to her when she came back. He supposed all he could really do was offer himself up for punishment. Maybe showing he was willing for it to happen would be enough to keep her from going after his son. He tried to plan out his exact words, but he was exhausted. He hadn’t slept much the night before, and all the travelling he’d done coupled with the fear he’d felt wasn’t exactly relaxing. If he was left alone for more than an hour, chances were he’d fall asleep.

Belle went back for the book, being considerably more careful with the book than she’d been with him. She cared for the book, for all of her books, while she couldn’t care less about the human she’d taken in. At least, she told herself that was true. She had to admit, there was an irritating sympathy in her for his situation. Her mother had done something similar, giving her life to protect Belle from being harmed. She could understand his reasoning, even if she didn’t like humans. Especially men.

But, the book did eventually get fixed. It took hours, since it was such a sensitive process. The book needed to be cared for, which she knew. She dried the pages, rebinding the book and pressing the pages back together tightly in order to keep the crinkling to a minimum. It, really, never should have been on the floor. None of them should be, but Belle had gotten so restless since becoming the Dark One. She needed to keep moving, only focusing on not realizing how long eternity was.

She returned to his cell, sighing as she found him asleep. She’d been angry when the book had initially been damaged, but now that it was fixed, she couldn’t help feeling a little bit of regret for scaring him so much that he stayed huddled up on the floor. Belle bit at her lip, leaving his cell to go to the kitchen. She made him something to eat, grabbing the staff before returning. “Wake up. Humans need to eat. I fixed the book… Everything’s alright.” She held out the sandwich and his staff, keeping her eyes up rather than actually looking at him. This felt like weakness, but she wasn’t going to starve him. She wasn’t a complete monster, after all.

Rumple woke up the instant that the Dark One started speaking. He sat instantly, worried that she’d be upset that he’d fallen asleep after damaging the book. But all she did was say he needed to eat and that she fixed the book. He look up at her, realizing she was holding out a sandwich and his staff. He cautiously took both from her, a bit confused and also still rather scared. He had expected her to still be angry at him, even if she managed to fix the book. But it didn’t seem like she was that angry anymore. Still, he stayed seated, not wanting to presume he was allowed to get up unless she told him too.

“Thank you,” he told her softly. In truth he was rather hungry, and though he was used to going without so his boy could eat, he wasn’t going to pass up food when it was given to him. But it felt somehow wrong to eat in her presence, so he refrained from doing so yet. “And I am truly sorry about the book. I never meant to do it any harm. I was just a bit… surprised that you have a torture room. I know I shouldn’t have been. I’m sorry. I won’t let it happen again.”

It would be easier to make sure it didn’t happen again once he got her books all cleaned up and back where they belonged. Or at least off the floor. That was if she was going to allow him anywhere near her books now. Or even out of the cell. “But I understand that my being sorry doesn’t change my actions, and I’ll take whatever punishment you see fit.”

“I shouldn’t have been teasing you… And I shouldn’t have my books on the floor. I just keep forgetting. I don’t actually sleep anymore, so I read. And, if I sit too long, I start thinking about death. About eternity. I don’t care for those thoughts.” She picked the book up, clutching it to her chest as she sat down. “I shouldn’t have assumed you were a bad human. You’re a good father.” Belle didn’t like the weakness she kept showing for this human, knowing that she should still be angry for how he’d harmed her book. Even if she’d been partially to blame, he was still human and she should take out any of her anger out on him.

Belle looked at him in confusion, biting her lip as she gestured toward the sandwich. “Is there something wrong with it? You do need to eat, don’t you? Humans get hungry. They are fragile things.” She barely even remembered being that fragile anymore, having spent long enough as something that couldn’t be harmed anymore. That was part of why she didn’t like her weakness for his fatherly plight. This man was the first to come to her with a desire that wasn’t selfish. They all wanted love, wealth, power. It was all about them, but this man just wanted to do something selfless and protect his son. That reminded her of the one human thing she’d held onto. He reminded Belle of her mother.

He was very surprised when the Dark One admitted some responsibility in what had happened. He relaxed a bit more at that, and nodded a bit. At least she was reasonable. That was more than he could say about the guards back home. And then she was sitting next to him, and even telling him he was a good father. He hadn’t been complimented by anyone other than Bae in… well in a very long time. He wasn’t sure how to react to that at all. He risked glancing sideways at her, curious about her. Only to see her looking at him in confusion.

She soon told him why, and he shook his head. “No, no sorry. It looks very good. I guess I’m just not used to eating with the person with me isn’t eating too,” he admitted. He never ate until Bae was eating, and often he ate after the lad went to bed, if he ate at all that day. “I do need food though. Not as much as a normal person though.” Not since his stomach had shrunk thanks to lack of food. He started munching on the sandwich finally, a small hum escaping him as he took the first bite. It was very good, and it reminded him how hungry he was. Still he didn’t get to eat much, so he knew how to savor what he had and not just wolf it down. “But then you don’t need to eat?” he asked tentatively, curious by what she’d said. “But you do sometimes, right? The tea.”

Belle leaned back a bit, nodding. “I don’t really need to eat anymore. I suppose I just do it sometimes for the aesthetic of it all. It reminds me of being human. It’s like… I don’t have the hunger, the need. But, it doesn’t make me sick to eat it either. The same for sleep. I don’t need it, but I can at least pretend to rest. I just constantly am. Nothing phases me. It’s as if I’m dead, cold. But, I’m not. I know I’m not dead because there’s just no rest.”

She hadn’t ever lamented being the Dark One to anyone before, not proud that she was talking to him about this now. Belle stood, carefully dusting off her clothes as she looked him over. “But, you should eat. Eat as much as you want. I can’t have you starving to death when my things need cleaning.” She turned away from him, hurrying from the tower to get the distance. She needed the distance, not happy that she was running away from a human. He was so weak, but she was afraid of showing any weakness. It could be manipulated and used against her. She couldn’t allow that.  

He tilted his head, listening to her curiously. It was odd to think about her not needing to eat food. Or sleep. In some ways he thought that might be nice. He had gone without both more often than not, and the idea of not suffering any ill effects from doing so was appealing. But as she continued, the downsides became clear. He found himself sad for her. No one should have to live as though dead, live without any form of rest.

He was about to say something, anything, but than she stood, and told him he should eat. He just nodded, and watched as she fled the room. He had to admit he was a bit surprised, and a bit sad. That was the longest conversation he’d had with an adult in a long time. He’d wanted it to continue. But he supposed he couldn’t complain. Instead he ate the sandwich before leaving his cell. She’d left it open, so he presumed he was allowed to. And then he went in search of the room the Dark One kept her books in, moving any that he found along the way onto tables or up against the wall, so they’d be less likely to come to harm.

She actively tried to avoid him, though she didn’t want to seem as though she were running away from a simple human. Belle had wanted someone to talk to if she was being honest. It was basically a subconscious desire, one she wasn’t keen to admit. Even to herself. Belle didn’t talk to anyone unless there was a deal to be struck and that normally didn’t lead to much small talk as she normally ended up with the better part of the deal.

Belle sat in her throne, sighing as she read through her favorite book for the millionth time. Even her favorite book had started to lose its charm, which she’d never expected before this curse had ruined all other activities for her. She’d traveled here and there, but she didn’t even find that quite as interesting as she had before she’d gotten the power to actually go. But, she supposed that was just because she couldn’t actually talk to anyone there or be seen without people recognizing her as the Dark One. After a little over an hour of avoiding him, she spoke to him. “Do you know that old saying… It’s something like, ‘once you have what you’ve always wanted, it’s not as good as your dream’? It’s just… It’s like the man who always wanted time to read his books and then he loses his glasses or goes blind or something.”

He found the book room eventually and set about making sure all the books made it there safely. He wasn’t entirely sure how she wanted the room organized, but the first step was making sure that all the books were in that room. It wasn’t hard work by any means, though he wasn’t used to stooping down so much. Still, it was better than what he’d thought he’d have to when he’d first made the deal, so he wasn’t about to complain.

He looked over at the Dark One when she spoke, since he happened to be in the room she was in. He was surprised that she was addressing him, especially about some higher thought, but he nodded. “I know about that. Only I’ve heard it as a man who wished for money and got it, but at the expense of giving away everything he already owned.” Of course he’d probably heard differently because he was a peasant, and it wasn’t like many of them knew how to read. Rumple knew a bit, but having the leisure time to read, let alone the money to buy a book? That was far beyond him. “Why do you ask?”

Belle sighed, waving her hand a bit as if it wasn’t a big deal. “That’s what being the Dark One is like. There’s all the power you could ever want. But, it comes with this almost maddening invincibility.” She didn’t normally have anyone in the castle with her, normally just musing to herself or her books. Belle stood, moving closer to him and holding out her favorite book. It was the only one that she allowed to show wear and tear, the only one that she didn’t actively repair unless the damage would actually harm the book. “Do you know how to read? Have you ever had the time to get so lost in a book that you forget there are people around you? Because I do that often now. I used to only do it sometimes… But, now, it’s so often that I’m almost afraid to read. I worry I’ll forget. There’s no exhaustion, no hunger to stop me from just losing myself in book after book. If not for people calling out for the Dark One, I think I could forget there’s a world outside of this castle. That’s what I mean by all of this. I got what I wanted, but I’m not so certain it’s as perfect as it seemed when the man was offering it to me.” She’d long past gotten her revenge, but the curse didn’t just end because she was done with it. No, this curse lasted until she died and someone else took the curse. She could see why the man had wanted to die now, finally understanding why he’d convinced her to take it.

Rumple watched her, a bit surprised as she explained to him that she wasn’t exactly happy with her life. Specifically, with being invincible. He didn’t understand why she wouldn’t want that. He’d been hurt so many times because he was weak. Being invincible sounded nice. Until she explained it. He realized she meant that she couldn’t feel anything, like hunger, or tiredness. Did she age? If she didn’t… that didn’t sound like something he’d want. To outlive his son…. That was something he didn’t even want to contemplate. “I… wasn’t aware that being the Dark One was a choice,” he admitted to her in response to what she’d said. “I’m sorry it isn’t what you’d hoped.” But she’d asked him questions, and he wasn’t entirely sure if they were rhetorical or not, but he figured he should answer anyway. “But as for reading… I know how. Sort of. I only really know my name and smaller words. And… I’d never even touched a book before today.” He felt rather silly admitting to that, to how poor he’d been. He felt like he should have read a book before, probably because she was asking. “It’s not like many people teach peasant how to read,” he defended his lack of learning. “But my aunts knew how and they taught me some. I picked it up pretty quickly, they said. So… so if you wanted me to read I think I could learn.”

“It’s a choice… You have to kill the previous Dark One with their dagger. It’s not what I’d expected, but I’d still say it was worth it. I got what I’d always wanted. I was finally free. But, freedom comes with a price and I realize that now.” She shook her head at him, smiling a bit. “It’s not that. I don’t judge you for not knowing how to read. I grew up noble and that meant reading came with the territory. My mother loved to read. But, I mainly asked because… Well, I thought that you might understand what I meant. About reading. That’s the only way I really know how to explain things. It’s all I really like to do.” Belle sighed, sliding onto the table and kicking her feet a bit. “I’ve seen everyone I was close to die. It’s a strange thing, watching someone actually go and knowing you can’t follow. At first, it was soothing. I knew I would never have to die, I’d never have that fear. But, then, you realize that… Not everyone you’ve lost was for the better.” She rubbed her hand over her face, groaning. “It’s stupid to think about. It’s just that…” Belle bit at the corner of her mouth, chewing at the inside of her cheek as she started to get frustrated. “The longer I’m like this, the more I start to worry that I’ll turn into to someone I don’t like. The more I worry I’ll turn into him, into a monster.”

[trashforhockeyguys]

Can’t Help But Love You -5- Kasperi Kapanen

A/N: As always all previous parts are linked in my masterlist. Also, don’t we love how I always say I won’t be updating various fics for a while and then I do anyway because I manage to find free time? Yeah same.

You fought your way through airport security. All you could think about was how different things were when you were here at the end of summer. You’d been so excited to see Kappy and William again, the time without them had seemed so long. Things were so incredibly different now, especially since it was just you and Will, while you avoided Kappy like the plague still.

 You weren’t sure if he knew you were coming, nor did you really care. It wasn’t his business anymore. He didn’t get to know what you were doing with your life. You’d both given up that right a long time ago.

 So you boarded the plane and waited. The flight wasn’t long at all, you were in New York before you even knew it. Syd told you she’d pick you up, even though you kept telling her that you were fine getting a cab. But she insisted that you had to at least spend the afternoon with her and Matt.

 So you did just that. Most of the afternoon was spent by you sitting on the floor, cuddling their dog. The three of you made small talk, mostly catching up after not seeing each other in nearly a year. When Matt was in Toronto, it wasn’t unusual that they had everyone over at their house.

 “Okay, between us, what actually happened between you and Kappy?” Syd finally asked, handing you a glass of wine.

 “It’s complicated,” You tried to explain.

 “Bullshit. What happened?”

 You quickly drank your wine and leaned back into the chair. You knew you’d actually have to talk about it sooner or later. So you tried to figure out exactly what you were going to say. Were you going to go with the nicer version of the truth, or the truth that still rocked you to the core.

 “I thought he loved me,” You admitted, “It was so stupid, but I thought things would be different this time, he promised me it’d be different. And I believed him. When I woke up to him that morning, I was ready to give him everything. And then he said I love you, but he wasn’t telling me. He said someone else’s name that I couldn’t quite make out, but it wasn’t me. He didn’t love me, he doesn’t love me.”

 “Oh sweetie,” She sighed, “Do you honestly think he doesn’t love you?”

 “I heard it loud and clear Sydney. So I left, and now we’re here.”

 You began to play around with your hands. Somehow, actually telling someone what happened seemed to make it more real. Before, you felt like you were carrying around this secret, and you could almost ignore that it happened. But now, she knew, and it felt real again.

“I know it probably sounds stupid, but I trusted him,” You continued, “I tried to fight it at first, I was determined that we wouldn’t fall back into the same old thing, but then when he wanted more….for the first time he wanted more, wanted us to be more. I just let it happen without a second thought, and I guess I paid for it.”

 “Have you thought to talk to him about it?” She asked.

 “And be humiliated? No, absolutely not,” You replied, “He didn’t want me, and that’s fine. I’ll move on eventually.”

 She shook her head. You knew she wanted to keep talking about this and probably try to change your mind. Made you think that there was a chance for you and Kappy, but you didn’t see how there could be. He made his choice and you’d made mine. You made the decision to walk away and protect yourself. Even if you already regretted it.

 You’d spent the rest of the day just catching up. She didn’t bring up Kappy again, but she did ask about the rest of the boys. I could tell she missed all of them and missed being in Toronto. But I knew she and Matt were happy in New York. After all, he was home again.

 By the time we were ready to head to the game, you already felt slightly buzzed. Which wasn’t a bad thing. You thought you needed a bit of alcohol to get through tonight. Being in the same building as him, even if we were far apart, still hurt. You could still feel him in a way, even before he got on the ice, it was like you could feel him. You knew, without a doubt, that he was there.

 It was strange, to sit and watch them and not be in Kappy’s jersey. Instead, you were in Willy’s, because you still refused to go to a Leafs game and not wear their colors. Even if you were in Islanders’ territory. You wouldn’t feel right if you weren’t in blue and white.

 Halfway through the game, you noticed Kappy started looking around the arena while on the bench. It took you a minute to realize that he was looking for someone. He leaned over to Willy, who started to scan the crowds too. When Willy couldn’t find whoever fast enough, Kappy pointed. You’d expected him to point somewhere else, but instead, he pointed in your direction.  He’d been looking for you.

 You could see William smile and nudge Kappy. He’d been looking for you. He’d known you were here, and somehow, despite the large number of people here, he’d been able to find you. You tried not to think about it too much. It didn’t mean anything. It just meant that he was somehow able to spot you, end of story.

 But you couldn’t shake the butterflies. you felt stupid because you’d allowed yourself to hope again. For a split second, when the two of you made eye contact and he smiled, you’d allowed yourself to hope. You almost hated yourself for it, because it meant he still had power over you.

 The leafs pulled out a win. They’d had to fight tooth and nail, but they’d won. Matt wasn’t too upset after, because he’d been able to see Mitch. He tried to get us all to go out for dinner together, but it just hadn’t worked out. You were beyond tired, it seemed like the lack of sleep over the last few days decided to catch up with me all at once. Much to the dismay of several of the Leafs, and apparently a few Islanders, you opted to return to your hotel.

 All you wanted to do was sleep. Tomorrow you’d go to the show, and finally be able to cross seeing a musical on Broadway off of your bucket list. Maybe you would actually be able to enjoy the day by yourself, in a city that you’d always loved but rarely ever spent time in.  

 When you climbed in the bed that night, all you could think about was that somewhere in the city, there was Kappy. You’d promised each other that the next time you came, he’d be by your side, he’d even promised to let you drag him to any musical you wanted. Because he knew it’d make you happy.

 You almost felt like being sick. You’d promised each other that at the end of last season, just a handful of months ago. How was it possible that this much had changed since then? You had to fight every bone in your body to not reach for your phone and call him. You couldn’t, you wouldn’t. You could make it through the rest of your trip without him. In that moment, you decided that you would be okay. You had to be.

 The next morning as you got ready to go to the show, you were texting William nonstop. He knew, almost better than anyone, that you’d turned into a nerd over this show. Which meant you were more than excited for this. At this point, you were sure that you resembled a kid on Christmas, but you couldn’t care less. This would probably be your only opportunity to see a show on Broadway, so if that meant that you were geeking out then so be it.

 But on your way to the theater, you realized that you couldn’t find your tickets. You searched everywhere you could think of in your bag, which was the only place you’d put them. To say that you started to freak out was an understatement. You’d spent more than you should’ve on that ticket, and the whole trip in general. You couldn’t have lost the ticket, there was no way.

 But as you stood outside the theater, you finally accepted that your ticket was gone.

 “Y/N, aren’t you supposed to be at the show?” Willy asked once he picked up his phone.

 “I lost my ticket and I can’t afford another one and I’m here for another two days because I can’t change my stupid-”

 “Y/N! Slow down, I can barely understand you. What happened?”

 “I don’t know! I had my ticket yesterday and now it’s gone Willy,” You cried, “And I’m stuck here because I can’t change my flight. Damnit!”

 “Hey, it’s going to be okay. Where are you?”

 “Outside of the theater.”

 “Okay, I’m coming to get you. Just stay there okay, I’ll be there soon.”

 “Willy don’t. I’m just going to go back to my hotel. I’ll figure something out,” You sighed, “Just don’t leave the hotel, I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

 You knew he’d probably try and show up at your hotel room anyway, most likely with a bag of gummy bears to try and make you feel better. It wasn’t that you didn’t want him to come, but part of you almost wanted to be alone.

 “Are you sure?”

 “I’m sure Willy, besides, you need to rest up before you guys play again. So, don’t worry about me. I’ll figure it out, I always do.”

 Hours later you were back in your room watching tv, trying to figure out how you were going to spend the last two days. You were already near the top of your budget for the trip, so buying a ticket to a show tomorrow was out of the question. You had little choice but to sit in your room and do nothing but wallow.

 The only time you actually left was the next afternoon to go find a good place to get lunch. You texted Syd to see if she and Matt were busy later on and asked if they wanted to grab dinner again. Even though you were in one of the worst moods, you didn’t feel like being completely alone.

 “Oh! Miss Y/L/N!” The concierge called, “This was left for you while you were out.”

 “Oh? Do you know who left it?” You questioned, taking the box from him.

 “No ma’am, only that he was sorry that your trip didn’t go as planned.”

 “Right, well thank you.”

 As you got in the elevator you dug your phone out. You automatically assumed it was William that had brought whatever it was, to try and make up for your misfortune. Even though he had nothing to do with it.

 Once you got back to the room you set the box down on your bed before carefully opening the lid. Inside was a dress that you’d been eyeing at a little boutique in Toronto. You’d first seen it when you were out with Steph. But you’d never actually spend the money on it.

 Before you could even think, you were dialing William, “William, I thought I told you not to do anything.”

 “I didn’t?”

 “Oh so you didn’t buy me a dress and leave it at my hotel? You’re one of the only ones who knows where I’m staying.”

 “I swear, I didn’t buy you anything,” he promised.

 “Willy! There’s even a bag of gummy bears!”

 “I’m telling you, I didn’t do it!”

 “But-”

 “Is there a card or anything?” He asked you.

 You sighed and dug around in the box before finally pulling out a card. You almost dropped the phone when you opened it up. Inside was another ticket to the show you’d missed, with even better seats than you’d originally had, and a simple message that almost brought you to your knees.

 I’d find you even in a crowd of thousands… I made a promise and I plan on doing my part to keep it. -K

 “It was Kappy.”

 “I know talking about him with you is off limits, but go to the show. Because I can promise you that he wants you there,” he sighed.

 “Willy, I don’t know if I can. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

 “Then don’t think. Just do it. What’s the worst that could happen? It’s your favorite Broadway musical, ever.”

 “I can think of a lot of things that could go wrong, Willy. Like too many things.”

 You could picture him rolling his eyes, “I won’t argue with you. But seriously, go to the show. I don’t want to have to hear it from both of you if you don’t.”

 It didn’t seem to matter how hard you fought yourself, you still ended up at the theater the next day. You also ended up in the dress that he’d sent you, even though you had planned on forcing him to return it. Something in you just wouldn’t allow you to leave without it.

Even though you knew he’d be there, you were still surprised when you saw him standing outside, in a dress shirt. For some reason you thought he might back out at the last minute and stand you up, part of you almost hoped he would. Maybe then you wouldn’t have to face this.

 “You came,” he seemed relieved.

 “Like you said, we made a promise,” You explained, “Plus, this is probably the only chance I have to see this.”

 He smiled, “Well then, I guess we should go in then.”

 “Kappy, I wanted to say thank you. You didn’t have to do this, you shouldn’t have.”

 He shrugged, “I made you a promise, and I try to be a man of my word. Besides, I knew it would make you smile. So, let’s go on that journey to the past.”

 “Have you listened to the whole soundtrack?”

 “Guilty, I made Willy find that bootleg for me too. I figured I should at least know what I’m getting myself into.”

 “Well, I’m impressed Kasperi. I had to force Willy and Auston to watch it.”

 He gave you a lopsided grin, “I actually enjoyed it, so I’m looking forward to this.”

 You almost felt at ease as the two of you found your seats. You tried not to think about the way that your heart was hammering in your chest. Or the fact that you were now closer to Kappy than you’d been in months. You also tried not to think about all of the girls that you’d seen him with, yet he’d gone through all of this for you.

 None of it made sense to you. He didn’t love you, yet he did something like this, which meant more than the world to you. He stopped fighting for you, yet he wanted to make you smile. He seemed to want nothing to do with you, yet his hand was resting on the armrest, palm up like he was waiting for you to take it.

 You tried and tried to figure all of this out. You kept working it over and over in your head. But everything disappeared the moment the curtain went up. By the end of the first number, you were close to crying and tightly grasping Kappy’s hand.

 If only you’d taken your eyes off the stage long enough to see the way that Kappy was smiling at you, like you were the only thing in that whole building that mattered.

[acioo]

MASTERLIST OF 1000 VERSE IDEAS ! ( 2 / 2 )

                  under the cut are exactly 1000 verse tag ideas under the following categories:                   brotp, enemies, exes, fwb, otp, parents, siblings, toxic relationship,                   unrequited, & wanted connection with exactly 100 tag phrases per each one.                   please like or reblog this if you found it helpful !

BROTP :

you ask if i think it’ll hurt like this forever

we’re not those kind of kids

one can’t function without the other

people are good at heart

the kids with no religion

nobody hates the truth like we do

endless dumb fun

they turned her into a nightmare so i’m going to be theirs

for her i can try to be human

we are syrup in coffee and hands that bite

more than friendship but less than dating

we make the king scream for mercy

extensions of each other

all the gods, heavens, and hells are within you

this time we are not afraid

we win because we do not know how to lose

we will be monsters alone in this world with only each other

you look at me with this heady mixture of awe and love and bottomless trust

a sweaty summertime tangle of lips

our nights are perfumed in obsession

he’s lighting a cigarette even though he would never let you touch one

i took care of that thing for you

let them remember me

the only one who really knows anymore

all you have to do is ask

the best at making me feel better

piggeypack rides & inside jokes

living in each other’s back pocket

the impractically rebellious & the impractically kind

the best thing that’s ever happened to me

all you need is love

i will remember. will you?

i like you more than i planned

but we hold on

i love you inside & out

best friends with an idiot

not used to people sticking around when things get bad

here comes trouble

sitting on the library floor

sending out emails for the cult meeting

strange women society

making forests quiver

my one kin

where i go you go

our meeting was bad for society

a true friend & hot piece of ass

to a fading friend

a dynamic duo

then we fight together

don’t tell anyone the big bad wolf is a puppy in disguise

ideas that seemed good at three am

i know i’m a shit friend but oh god i’m trying

the gang screws the government

dead boys club

friends can break your heart too

can’t stop us

there is thunder in our hearts

bro homie man calm down

bored & covered in paint with an idea

i could be your family

we can be heroes

teenage feelings

i can’t live without you

i want to be loved but don’t feel like i deserve it

don’t give up! you’ll be great someday

i tolerate you

who made you think you weren’t worth it

if we fall we fall together

we are the kids you can never kill

we hurt & burn & bloom

friends that became family

alive by spite alone

as long as we don’t die this is going to be one hell of a story

local dumbasses knew what they were getting into but did anyway

just children thrust into war

it’s like being friends with a five year old child who’s also an alcoholic

double trouble

i’m pretty cool but also i cry a lot

unity ; standing together as one

you’re pretty neato

in the end you’re my very best friend

just get in the fucking blanket fort

oh for fuck’s sake here we go again

please don’t leave me like the rest

something about you made me feel alive

sitting on a rooftop at two am & talking about life

whatever you do you’re still my best friend

i’d do anything to keep you safe

so what are you doing this weekend?

let’s be miserable together

trouble usually finds us

my annoying best friend

i’d do anything to make it up to you

all we have is now

down for whatever

we’re good at surviving

death doesn’t discriminate

you suck less than most people

platonically calls you babe

so i did a stupid thing again

ENEMIES : 

better him than me

always ready to argue with you

the only thing that comes easily is the anger

laughing at your worthless jokes

awe-inspiring & ferocious & terrible

hell is other people

the game was getting a little old

plenty of monsters know how to play at being human

dream on fucker

you and me now! for worse or for better

she tears at my lungs

still working on going to hell

tangle them in bedsheets & take their heart

stop brewing up wicked things

fucking unbelievable

are you done yet?

you should be scared of me

the problem is you

monsters aren’t meant to live happily ever after

testing my patience

leave or die

this a warzone

give me a break

can you take a punch?

let my thorns prick your fingers

made of threats

you were an iceberg & i had no lifeboat

fighting & fucking

see you in hell

sinking my talons into your neck

bang bang you’re dead

keeping you at a distance

a fire blazing between us

i will taste the copper tang of your dying breaths

don’t growl at the wolf

the only thing she makes me feel anymore is rage

try to scare me, i dare you

what does it take to make you angry?

you are dumb and an ass: dumbass

sorry you evil prick

you look like shit

a lifelong rivalry

please stop talking

seeing them brings only pain

i’ll swallow my blood before i swallow my pride

i choose violence over peace

stupidity isn’t cute

i’m not cutting myself up for you again

sometimes hearts are vacant

i can’t stand a mess of a person

no enemy is safe

using poetry in a street fight

i don’t care if you burn

i tried to be kind

rot in hell

you want battle? i’ll give you war

hate spitting out of each other’s laugh

choose your last words this last time

not to sound bitter

true evil is above all things seductive

basically i’m a badass / basically he’s a moron

i hope the halo burns when i shove it down your throat

we should really have angry sex sometime

i liked your nose before

allergic to you

he’s not a monster, just a villain

stop making others suffer for your personal hatred

aren’t we all sinners

am i an asshole?

i’m going t hell anyways

do not tell me what i can and can’t do

you don’t know shit about me

they paid the price

you underestimate my power

an eye for an eye

people are poison

wanted: dead or alive

as mad as a dad in traffic

to make out with you or kill you

martyr me i dare you

i hate you more than you hate yourself

please stop framing me for murder i didn’t do that one

do not touch me

sorry you’re an asshole

throwing rocks evolving to throwing insults

asshole of the year & competition

you tried to cross the wrong person

if i’m cute when i’m angry you must find my phenomenal

done being a brat yet?

you are the villain of this story

bringing a murderous rage

an abomination among us

everything about you is wrong

i’ll be nicer if you’ll be smarter

gay judgement

some people should get punched in the face

better than you

a strange game of chess with only two royals

what doesn’t kill me might make me kill you

pain is but fuel to my rage

EXES :

suddenly we are strangers again

we deserve a soft epilogue

you changed everything

she didn’t realize she was saying goodbye

we are good people and we have suffered enough

it’s never been rustier

the people you love don’t stay dead

healing takes time

maybe it was the timing or the toxicity or the lifetime

you haunt me

your relationship will one day dazzle a psychologist

suddenly, everything is okay again

you say you hate him (but it’s so clear on your face)

i know i’ll see your face again

still overthinking why he stopped caring about you

when i think of january i think of you

everything is just so wrong!

part of why you can’t trust men

sorry to my unknown lover

i forgot just why i left you

he doesn’t believe in anyone but himself

he never saw himself the way i saw him

they haunt her dreams

she now knows the trouble of underestimating troublemakers

i’d hold her like she was china instead of plastic and she’d get oh so bored

somebody always has to love more

being apart from your soulmate hurts

i hope you’re thinking of me

you will always fall in love

our love did not know how to die quietly

if memories could bleed, if dreams could scream

taste of broken trust

we have fallen a long way

your love should be unconditional for one person or nothing at all

the devil’s love song is for the rest of her kind, not for you

all the signs screamed stop, but we could not see them

i see you holding hands and i feel angry

i’d give anything for you to hold me one last time

now i’m alone in the dust

if you ever fall in love again please fall in love with me

i don’t want us to be strangers again

still looking as good as i left you

i can’t find you in the body sleeping next to me

losing her was different from the usual pain

you couldn’t patch up the holes in his heart

i’m sorry for coming in and fucking up your life

you wonder if you knew him once ; you cannot remember

the world doesn’t stop for any of us

love is but a neurological con job

not heartbroken

no more love notes

love will tear us apart

you made me think i was good

girlfriend from hell

i don’t know if you noticed but i’m long gone

left in the dust with the taste of broken trust

the people i’ve left & the ones that i kept

send my love to your new lover

you know you should have stayed

we really cared for each other

do you still think of us

your name is synonymous with hurt

it still hurts

she didn’t learn how to love early enough

i hope hurting me haunts you for years

i feel sick when i remember how i opened up for you

loving you has fucked me up

you don’t fall until it’s over

i miss you so much it hurts me every day

you both think the other is staring at the ground

it always gets worse before it gets better

he isn’t coming back you thought

all the sparks were gone

i should hate you

you chose to burn me

sometimes endings are made of teary eyes & the saddest of smiles

i never really got to say goodbye

you used to call me baby

maybe one day i’ll feel nothing

me so sorry

you broke my fucking heart

who said i stopped loving you?

picking up the mess you left behind

the boy who broke her heart is the only one who can make it feel whole again

you tried to love me & i tried to let you

what i do isn’t up to you anymore

what’s a soulmate to a rebel?

it was never like that

what if your heart’s a liar?

what was i supposed to do?

accepting the love we think we deserve

maybe i’ll meet you in another life

she could’ve been your moon but you were focused on dimly lit stars

stay i whispered as you shut the door behind you

i don’t want anyone else to ever touch you

we outgrew each other in angry uncoordinated ways

you left & the world kept going

a letter to the boy who stole me

this thing was a masterpiece before you tore it all up

she’s no longer your girl

FWB :

him and his pale long fingers tangled in your hair

same kiss & lips ; never the same touch

his cold lips against your neck

slender fingers on your upper thigh

nothing sets you off like how you want him

free sex training lessons

can’t differentiate between lips & hearts anymore

his mouth is your confessional

he’d never let anything real happen

what we do is secret

this is no longer safe ground

“ my parents aren’t home ”

the only legacy we’ll leave is the graffiti beneath the high school bleachers

we are the avoiders

just us ; you find out

desired but never loved

you lost track of the rules

you taste like sunshine

it’s so different when we wake up

thrill chill fulfill me

with both of his hands, his eyes, his mouth

star-crossed knuckles at breakfast time

marking you the darkest shade of red

she’s the breathe on the back of your neck

i draped her thighs over my shoulders and drank

the kiss was a one time thing

the possibility is electric

the lie: it doesn’t mean anything

chapstick that started on someone else’s lips

and i keep waking up in your bed

it was supposed to be just once

is it the alcohol or the taste of him

she tastes like every dark thought i’ve ever had

she touches you like you're fragile

he tastes how he sounds: honeyed and warm

countless one-night stands

we say that it is just sex but it’s getting blurry

my heart is too big just for one of you

i’ll seduce you with interesting scientific facts

shining every night

our chaos is what sets us apart

no feelings he said

passionate as a sin

we keep telling ourselves that nothing is happening

just friends don’t kiss like that

i’m in like, she’s in love

me you and the moon

two girls one bed

this sort of lust isn’t allowed

the signs scream do not touch

her gaze is too gentle for your hard fingers

we didn’t get the chance to get past that bed

you’re in my veins, you fuck

it hurts ; lusting after the lion boy

vulnerable and yet still strong

touching everything but her heart

we don’t speak besides assurances

i taste good & bad in you

we call this bravery

this started as friends

drinking her in

lost in translation

maybe i asked for too much

what’s love to a fuckboy

i’ve never even kissed you

yes but only because you asked

they were a poem in four parts

go somewhere with me

you are my two am thoughts

please don’t use me i am broken

eat me! love me! consume me! devour me!

be a slut do whatever you want

feelings of detachment

there’s more where that came from

you are what i desire

you already know how this is going to end

sexual history: often

catching feelings like a disease

don’t get attached

send nudes

everyone winds up kissing the wrong person

gets turned on by danger

i bruise like a peach & i’m twice as sweet

the warmest light is your body

that's fucked up but i like it

that’s gross! (unless you’re up for it?)

gay hooligans

i will gladly slam you against a wall and make out with you

suck my dick written in pretty calligraphy

a best friend who occasionally gives you orgasms

you look cute when i’m doing you

in the gay way

come over and eat what my mom made

i want to respectfully have sex with you

seducing you with interesting science facts

teasing you is what i’m best at

i know what i want & i’m gonna get it

desired but never loved

can we just be strangers again

do you feel like a young god

OTP :

love her, but leave her wild

i lived to love, my darlings

you are my sunshine

tell me i’m good for you

you’re my mess

of all the things my hands have held you are the best

it was like loving the sun

how sweet it is to be loved by you

he makes you feel like when you were at the top of a hill and your bike’s brakes stopped working

the overwhelming desire to kiss

i want to hold hands & waste time with you

i wanna spend the rest of my sunsets with you

we loved with a love that was more than love

i want to be in your arms

your heart could fill an ocean

a love that is not easily buried

you love like the world ending

i find your laughter in the softness of humanity’s neck

i want to explore haunted houses with you

no one’s made my heart beat this fast before

i’ll steal you the moon

sometimes i feel like i’m going to collapse under the weight of your eyes

you understand now why they lost their minds

heaven’s a place on earth with you

he loved you like he discovered fire

did my heart love till now?

your smile lifted the world off of me

i care what you think

a love that makes the god’s jealous

you can only think of his name

no butterflies in my stomach: just shooting stars & supernovas

please i beg quietly don’t give up on me yet

known as something the star’s made

a roaring war when you touch

in her kiss i taste the revolution

the thoughts of him kick drum your veins

touching him feels like a leap of faith you didn’t know you had

tangled in each other

the lies & truth of love

people can read it in your eyes & how you hold each other

he makes you immediately sober up

making your blood tremble with something you don’t understand

he loves you so much more than you do

just kiss me again

one love two mouths

i fell in love with a heart that beats so slow

holding moonlight in your hands

i wanna come home to you

you don’t ever have to go

kiss me like you miss me

fuck you’re beautiful

that star reminds me of you

acknowledging the bad, embracing the good, & growing

my whole sky craves an island of tenderness

she was the moon & i was the stars ; our sky was glorious

he’s not just a boy and that scares me to death

sunlit lovers

spilling like honey from our lips

way too in love

my first & last love

she is what keeps me going

only a fool for you

you’re my future

love comes slyly like a thief

3rd base is when they see you having an anxiety attack

wrapped in your arms i felt like everything could be okay

you have the sweetest soul i have ever seen

i’ll suck your dick if you take your meds

grab the monet & let’s gogh

and i’d choose you ; in a hundred lifetimes, worlds, any version of reality

in the end they died

tragic backstories & height difference

may we meet again

in love with an idiot

you’re so weird (don’t change)

i love you fucker

wanna go to hell together

finger guns but like with emotional attachment and a lot of love

you’re a disaster wanna date

lonely for only you

i can’t believe you’re real

you’ve shown me the light

i wasn’t even looking when i found you

i always think about you

my partner my soldier my fault

worth your weight in gold

my favorite piece of art

we deserve happy

i’ve always belonged to you

great things take time

baby be my lollipop

he was pretty cute for a monster

stopping time one kiss at a time

can’t meet your soulmate if you don’t makeout with strangers

take me back to the night we met

you complete me

soulmates aren’t just lovers

a montage of love

when is a monster not a monster? when you love it

loving you because of & despite the bad

PARENT :

please stop destroying what is left of your heart

laying on the roof of your ‘97 pontiac

he inherited his mother’s charm

knowing how it feels to be cast away

they say: you’re a little too much for me

daddy issues written on your forehead

cosmically impossible

who would want a kid like me?

a letter to my daughter

please don’t give up on me

repeat after me: everything will be okay

her father’s daughter

blood of warriors

anxiously waiting to call that line

a bad childhood doesn’t equal a bad life

we’ve made it this far

her mother cried the day she was born

we didn’t think the monsters could ever be like us

even though there were tears there were tissues too

fearless children who love the light

they forced her into greatness

she calls her parents by their names

i will love you & love you & love you

wasn’t working well from the starter

so afraid of an empty nest

are you proud of me, mama? papa?

inherited her mother’s black anger

a figure in the distance, a movie reel of old pictures

everything my mother prayed i wouldn’t be, i became

you taught me so many things about myself didn’t know

i never did learn much of anything from my mother

the wolf in this fairy tale

loved the point of madness

master of fate

raise hell, kid

he came out of the womb like hannibal sacking rome

didn’t your mother ever tell you not to leave a good thing waiting

to love to the point of madness

when i was just a little girl, i asked my mother, “what will i be?”

he loved her more than his whole life

when will i be good enough for you?

it’s all good when i have you by my side

maxing out daddy’s credit cards

i took nine months to form your heart, do not let anyone break it in seconds

mother says there are locked rooms inside all women

my poor mother begged for a sheep but raised a wolf

every place my mother prayed i wouldn’t go, i went

mother, know, i have pasts inside me i did not bury properly

mother never taught me that just because someone desires you doesn’t mean they value you

born with a thick skull

the people who were supposed to love you more than anyone in this world

spoken to with corporate coldness or demonic tongues

parents who loved them the way we once loved angry gods, leaving offerings and praying for gentle winters

birthed in the form of cherry blossoms

hiding from their dark clouds, boarding up the shutters

kid, you’ve got to love yourself

what came first: humans or despair?

legacy was more important than anything

a lonely child born to lonely parents

it feels so scary getting old

i’m but my mother’s daughter & because of this i can do anything

my parents strength & anger lives in me

original family disappointment

sorry i’m a shit daughter

i love you baby

please come home (i hope you’re okay)

demonic possession & daddy issues

fight for her

just like her father

until every last galaxy dies you have me

which to ask forgiveness for: what am i or what i’m not

i will always stay with you

family first

fairytale childhood

those raised in glass houses

daughter of smoke & bone

one love one house

to die knowing your life was my life’s best part

gay on my mother’s side

nobody’s ever going to love me this much

a collection of horrible people

using “heir” like we are in a shakespearean play

cursing me with happiness

following a set of unwritten rules

this was not the boy they used to know

it just made him kind

to have a precious few people back

you hurt. it’s okay, i hurt too

thank you for always being there for me

was that a compliment?

she was overpraised as a child

better / not bitter

somebody somewhere cares

the oldest or coolest person on earth

fuck you dad

i’m so very proud of you & how hard you’re trying

thank you to someone who always saw the best in me

it ends or it doesn’t

i swear i’m trying my best

they could never see eye to eye

SIBLING :

comparing the twin scars on our forearms

let’s run away together

i love you even though i shouldn’t

two types of the same fool

well used to tragedy

merry band of weirdos

to my siblings: please stop

hurt my sibling & i will kill you

broken dreams club

world’s okayest sister

future cellmate

a force to be reckoned with

your smile lifted the world off me

don’t even think of touching her

a good bro

we may not have had a lot but we had each other

the scorned brother & the only one to make it still

the one with it all

you think you deserved the pain but you didn’t

i can’t remember who the dead one is anymore

i love you / you are not alone / you are daylight

it makes me so mad that they did that to you (and me)

she holds up my sky

always together

i am aware of who you are and what you do

i’m coming for all the monsters that ever touched him

we have blood made of gods and heroes

take back our skin

six am sunrise shining down on us

take back our streets

it’s time to tear their castle down

you don’t know what it’s like to not be wanted

built on the same pretty lie

we learned the truth too late

as golden as they come

no matter what i have you

a drop dead moron

together they’re a fucking hurricane

sour milk children who hiss and spit in father’s eyes

burning down the streets we used to roam

entitled to financial compensation for all this drama

neverending bickering

you used to be so kind

“ even her mugshots were cute “

we have claws for a reason

not mature enough for this

he tried to make everything okay (but he failed)

raised to give themselves a reason to be prideful

they only inherited the same sad eyes

born into needless wealth

carbon copies of one another

sometimes… i can’t even recognize you

the only person that appreciates the irony of legacies like her

the looks she gives him when she sees how he’s tearing himself apart is too much

together they paint an imagined picture of their long gone parents

we were only ever told how to tumble not how to fly

we trust the siren song to call us home

born into the silver of the moon

we are not like the others

i like being alive at the same time as you

your voice is the only answer to my problems

thank you for loving me through it all

if your life must be a battle, don’t fight it alone

promise you’ll come back for me?

never fall for one of them

our old man is a bad man

we’ve all got our secrets

billionaire boys club

sorry i’ve been mean

afraid together

rich girls don’t have hearts

everything is changing

don’t tell them i killed my old self

watch your fucking language little one

why are you always so mean to me

mayhem caused

born to think like martyrs

i’ll find the bad dreams off if they come to get you

something that happened a long time ago and continues to affect us today

there’s nothing wrong with being different

an unremembered bond

don’t touch him

remember you can’t save everyone ; but have to try

no longer making our parents proud together

a golden cage is still a cage

surrounded by idiots

where’s all the time that heals

the hippies

like realizing stuff

you were alone before they left you

please don’t leave me

we met evil when we were only children

the kids with the big big plans

why the fuck do you put up with me?

i feel at home with you

have you seen her?

fighters but not by choice ; by heart

not totally useless, possibly a bad example

star child are you listening? i died that day

i might be an asshole but i’m your favorite asshole

TOXIC RELATIONSHIP :

every time she knocks i can’t help but let her in

in these empty church halls religion shifts and turns and blurs

you feed me small bits of your petrified heart

our love is a monster

lulling me to a hundred year slumber with your kiss

love from the lips of people who don’t understand such a thing

just pretending you don’t know he’s going dark again

a love that’s not easily buried

you were never a saint: i loved in shades of wrong

dipped my hands in holy water just to touch her

they wanted you to save them first

i don’t have any more control

how do you still love me after i’ve broken you

he doesn’t feel anything much less love

you have to let me go

make an altar of this stolen flesh

i love you even with your hands around my throat

i call her the devil cos she makes me want to sin

at least it’s something

these violent delights have violent ends

you were crying, but it was beautiful

i will never know who you were supposed to be

the crazy kind of love

pretending to forget how our scars got there

when love kills

he’s suffocating you but you don’t want to breathe

i will make you crumble to the ground

my heart beats in starts until the spell is broken

there’s a body lying next to him

just let me cry a little longer

i did not know desire does not mean value

killing each other with toy guns

it was a lesson in listening to your head over your heart

i wanted too much and you wanted too little

we weren’t meant for each other

he’s bleeding out

you filled up where used to be empty but only with black

you made me lose my softness

the ones who like me the most are always bad

they threw each other to the wolves

we pretend this works

you say my eyes are getting too dark now (boy, look at my mind)

someone could love you more

you’re my today & tomorrow & i am your yesterday

something about you makes me want to do things i shouldn’t

you taught me how to love wrong

you watch her crumble under the weight of your sins

maybe you were the poison and not the cure

loving him was your destruction

you don’t know why you jumped after her

you always tasted like blood a little too damn much

cities fell when you left me

you make my heart shake bend & break but i can’t turn away

i may not know what love is but i know this isn’t it

it’s easier to destroy something you love than let it leave

did you ever really love me at all?

oh god i am bleeding oh god i am bleeding oh go

 i don’t want to be alone

why did you clip my wings

this is breaking my heart

you made me cry you fuck

self destructive tendencies aren’t a relationship quality

i’m a bad influence but damn i’m fun

fear makes the wolf look bigger

don’t believe his lies

not everyone you lose is a loss

i’m so scared loving you was the only good thing i ever did

you still feel like home

i love you (not delivered)

set a fire down in my soul

heartbreak is not beautiful

i should have trusted my trust issues

kiss the boys and make them die

i think i need you because you don’t need me

they broke the wrong parts of me

i could tear you apart if i wanted

we both wish this was better

and in the end all i learned was how to be strong alone

this destruction will be your rebirth

so the poem hurt you (it was supposed to)

he looks at you like your his entire world

i’m an entire person not a vague concept you dreamt

a perfect match but sadly matches burn

never fucking good enough

loving you could be so fun if i wasn’t so blue and you weren’t so numb

i call your name but it’s fading

you were nothing before you met me

everything i didn’t say

this girl wasn’t like wildfire — she was wildfire

it hurts

teenage tragedy

please could you be tender

a wolf will never be a pet

always disappearing on me

nothing ever ends poetically

why do i still love you?

we are the monsters

am i the villain in your story?

i’m sorry i stabbed you. i love you.

i can’t do this anymore

UNREQUITED :

i’ve fallen in love with someone who can’t be reached

cosmically impossible

just one kiss would solve it all

you’re looking at me how you used to before i broke your heart

what do you know of loneliness? of heartbreak? of biting your tongue to draw blood?

i could never regret meeting you

you don’t even realize how amazing you are

the story still ends

you’re all that’s left for me

i’m so glad someone so beautiful exists at all

i can’t ever believe that anyone ever really starts to fall in love with me

even though you want to speak you say nothing

you want to ask if he meant it when he kissed you

something hurt in you the same way rainclouds hurt before they break open

i’ve been in love with you for so long

unable to stop worrying what she’ll say when she finds out

no proof & one touch

killing me silently

god you hated me or hated that you loved me at least

an insatiable desire

i don’t want to be your friend i want to kiss your neck

the ones you love become ghosts inside you

can’t shake the memory of the summer you stomped my heart out

time doesn’t fucking heal anything

i just needed you to know once

never enough

you sit there & your tongue is tied

the best i can do is a fake smile & dead eyes

maybe one day i’ll stop thinking about you

give me a try

god grant me serenity to not destroy myself with want for this boy

i yearn for her to see past the veil

your glance lingers too long

please look away ; you are too much

a warmth i am too numb to feel

i just don’t want to get hurt

like pandora’s box

a love that makes the moon blush

you don’t have to say anything

our lips do not cannot never will touch

if they don’t come back, you sleep in the middle of the bed, make enough coffee for yourself alone

is it just that you’re not good enough

when he leaves you stay behind like always

she said i love you so damned much, just not like that

the world around you is all knives and chipped teeth and she is too soft to not save

you could never hold her like she deserved

i never needed anyone (until you)

in dreams i meet you in warm conversation

to bathe in one’s own blood

i’ve never felt more alone

we wake in lonely beds in different cities

i probably couldn’t live with or without her now

like a sun is trying to escape me

you consume me

if i told you i loved you what would you say

eventually but not today i think it will stop hurting

i’m drowning myself in alcohol when i really want to drown myself in you

i always think about you

i can’t imagine not loving you anymore

i’ll be your slaughterhouse

i don’t want realism, i want magic

i loved the idea of you more

how to unlove someone

i love everything you hate about yourself

the truth is i’m in love with you

i woke up wanting to kiss you

in a room full of art i’d still stare at you

you made me forget myself

there was just something about you that made me feel special

warning: you must fall in love with me

platonically hurting hands / burning

this bed was fit for two

treat her better

does she hold on to you the way i used to?

i just want to pretend

you make me feel lonely & loved at the same time

holding onto your call

i’m sorry that i fell in love tonight

i can barely breathe

maybe if my heart stopped beating it wouldn’t hurt so much

still sleeping like we’re lovers

maybe it wasn’t you but the idea of you

there’s nothing i can do except bury my love for you

it was all fun and games until i fell in love

you’re looking through me & i can’t see past you

you’re never gonna love me so what’s the use

you hurt me so why the fuck am i apologizing

somebody catch my breath

learning to live without you

please don’t say you love me

my love for you was never much of a choice at all

meeting you felt like wandering into a dream

i’m sorry i couldn’t hold myself back anymore

this is me letting you go

just waiting to feel your touch

living with a shattered heart is hard

you can’t love a legend

i know what we are & what we are not

all that’s left are echoes

my memories were loud enough to drown the silence

WANTED CONNECTION :

you want them to fill the void in your heart

you want them to take away the emptiness

you want them to make you feel complete

i can feel it under my skin

i might really become somebody someday

we are in daylight now

too rich & divine

a whole universe in my mind

a wildness in you

desire is the kind of thing that eats you and leaves you starving

full of heartache and poetry

i am worthy and powerful

we do not perish

let us be reborn in the morning light

her eyes are closed

someone will strike a match on it and they’ll explode

they have something bad inside of them

hurricanes of thoughts

some quality content

desire washes over in waves

the beauty that is yet to come

six feet deep

i cannot afford luxuries like rest anymore

this body's a curse

it’s a great day for being sad

love is love is love

partners in crime

a short story on indiscretion

even a curse sounds holy

biting down upon my lips

a queen’s rise

the words that burn my life

an amorphous kind of reality

your life was a long line of fine

like hell you’re doing that

not violent or malicious: a result

softness as a shield

he can’t fake that

begging for a second of time

thank you for your interest in a life full of pain

please try again & again & again

the person you were & the person you became

no maps of the change

the right way to fall in love

can we just live in the moment?

living life on a line

an ex-almost

my braveheart

it’s always more with you

stay alert & stay alive

come on baby light my fire

ballpark music

am i making sense?

coming out of my cage and i’ve been doing just fuck

everybody knows i’m a mess

murder! intrigue! sex! drugs! classics!

forget about it

you still hurt

do not go gentle into the good light ; rage rage against the dying light

i don’t want to relate to anyone

we should talk

we will be gods

don’t forget me

water in vodka bottles

taking trains to nowhere in particular

say you love satan

just trying to not get arrested again

in the sewers again

the devil’s music

who’s going to stop me?

a date in hell

only the good die young

survivor riddled with arrows

i have seen the future

talk to me (i’m scared to speak)

drive him wild with hints that you know when he will die

are you afraid of yourself?

you are necessary i need you

i like you more than i planned

the sun will come up

i got by own back

help the ghost find his past life

sent here to make shit worse

and all i loved i loved alone

survival mode is not meant to be how you live

your thoughts kill you, don’t they?

as far as anyone knows you do not feel anything

i am so in love (please do not break my heart)

i hope you know how loved you are

fifteen minutes late with starbucks

alluring like wildfire and summer storms

wake up

not afraid to heal

don’t panic

i took care of that thing for you

i made me

midday criss not midlife crisis

just survive somehow

what are some of the ways you’ve died?

the hero of this story

[ramheavenandhell]

Escalation

AN: Since so many of you guys wanted a continuation, here it is. But I already know that you're gonna hate me for writing this ^^' Warnings: Rick/Morty, smut, still that little bit of body hair fetish, verbal abuse and graphic rape Summary: Continuation to "Substitution". Morty continues seeing the other Rick and thinks that he's actually developing feelings for him. However, everything changes after his Rick suddenly finds out about it.

Escalation It was at a point where Morty thought that maybe he didn't really mind anymore. The familiarity that he had with this Rick was something that was starting to outweigh everything else. Since their first time there were many more times that had followed, times that they had been intimate with each other. Sometimes, when he knew that he had the weekend all to himself and no one would miss him at home, he would even spend some more time with this Rick and cuddle with him, while still basking in the afterglow of his orgasm. He would nestle his head inside the other's neck or rest it on his chest. His fingers would thread through the silver curls on the other's torso and sometimes he would follow their path with his lips. It was actually nice. The awkwardness that he still had felt in the beginning, even after what they had done, was vanishing more and more each time that he spent with this Rick that wasn't his Rick. It was really at this point, that Morty thought that he could get over the feelings that he had for his grandfather and just be happy with the Rick that he had. Not only was it because he had become so familiar with him, but also because he noticed that this Rick was a lot nicer to him, too. He was acting gentle and so considerate of him, even though Morty had never asked that of him and he loved it. Morty genuinely wanted to believe that he could move on and love this Rick. And it just had to happen, at this point, that everything went to hell… Everything had started out normally enough. The portal opened in his room, at the designated time and Morty stepped through it, being greeted by the other Rick with open arms – he had certainly become even more affectionate with him after Morty started to act less awkward about their meetings and whatever it is that they had. Quickly they found their way into the bedroom and while entangled in kisses, their clothes came off with fumbling hands till they were both left in only their birthday suits. They tumbled into the bed, both continuing to explore and pleasure the other's body with fingers, lips and tongue. After some gentle preparation it ended with both of them laying on their sides, Rick behind him, his hairy chest pressed against Morty's back, one hand on his thigh to hold his leg up for better access as he was steadily thrusting inside him, his other arm underneath Morty's head as he was supporting the weight of his upper body on it, leaning up a little on the bed. Morty had one hand gripping the arm that hoisted his leg up and the other twisted in the pillow underneath his head that he wetted with drool that was accidentally pouring from his open and meowling mouth. It was hard to hear over Rick's grunts and Morty's high-pitched moans, but there was another sound – one that was also familiar to both lovers. The sound of a portal opening. It took Morty's hazy mind a moment to register fully what was going on as he looked up at the Rick who had a scowl on his face and his arms crossed over his chest. It was his Rick! As that realization finally sunk in his eyes widened and he turned redder than a fire truck. God, it was so embarrassing to be caught by the last person he ever wanted to find out about this. Having been caught literally in the act and on full display to him with his leg still held up by the other Rick who was still balls-deep inside him. Somehow, he must have caught wind of Morty leaving his dimension and thus Rick had followed him here. Thankfully, Other Rick slid out of him and let go of his leg so it could drop down to rest on his other one and Morty felt the urge to cover himself up, but only ended up curling shamefully in on himself. His Rick has already seen so it would be utter pointless anyway. Finally, the angry glare on his Rick's face was accompanied by equally angry words. "Really, Morty? Of all the things that you could do, you have to pick spending your free time with a fucking pedophile? I hope you're proud of yourself. Real good—real talent for picking what people to hang out with." He started his tirade. "I mean, really, of all your—all the Ricks that you could possibly find, you had to choose the most disgusting kind, the-the-the really dirtiest and lowest kind of Rick imaginable." "Hey!" Other Rick shot back, wanting to defend himself. Morty's Rick didn't give him a chance though. "Well, excuse me, but needing to get your dick wet with an underage teenager proves very clearly to me that you're the lowest Rick-scum in existence." Without further warning, Rick suddenly pulled out his plasma gun and pointed it at Other Rick. "This time you just made the mistake that the kid you picked happened to by my grandson." Finally, Morty started to act, uncurling himself and moving protectively between Other Rick and the barrel of his Rick's plasma gun. "Stop it, Rick. He didn't—I was the one, who wanted this. He didn't force me or anything—" "Morty, you don't know what you want." His Rick countered. "Why do you care, Rick? You have never cared before about me or anything I was doing unless it was "impeding with your work"! So why do you suddenly care now?!" Rick was taken aback by the outburst. Of course, he knew that he was acting like a complete asshole most of the time, but he didn't think that Morty would really believe that he wouldn't give a single fuck about him. With a growl, he pocketed his plasma gun again. "Do you really th— you know what, Morty? We continue this discussion at home!" He opened a portal with one hand while grabbing Morty's wrist with the other and ignoring any protests or complaints, he tugged hard and dragged the boy with him back into their dimension. The flabbergasted Rick that still sat on his bed was left behind, completely forgotten. "What the— WHAT THE HECK, RICK?!" Morty yelled as he stumbled into his bedroom after his grandfather had let go of his wrist, just as they had passed through the now closing portal. "That's my line, you little shit!" Rick fired back. "The hell were you thinking, going with that shady asshole?!" "That Rick wasn't shady! He-he was nice!" "So if a random stranger on the street is treating you nicely, you just go with him and spread your legs for him?! Are you serious?!" With each shout at each other, they got louder in their argument, but since no one else but them was at home, no one would be there to interrupt them. "He wasn't a stranger! He was still a Rick and that's makes him my grandfather, too!!" Morty still tried to defend the other. However, even Morty had to agree that in the beginning this Rick had been a complete stranger to him. It took him quite a while to get to know him better and thinking about it, he still didn't know all that much about him. He didn't want to let his grandfather win this argument though and was willing to ignore that and defy these accusations. This in turn made him ignorant to something else that he said, which he probably shouldn't have… "So that's it, Morty?! Yeah?! You wanna get fucked by your grandpa so badly?!" Rick snarled and then shoved the boy to the ground as he unbuckled his belt. Morty's eyes widened in panic as the situation took an unexpected, dark turn. "N-no, Rick! Stop it!" He tried to crawl away, becoming painfully aware of the fact that he was still completely naked, but his grandfather would have none of that. Rick grabbed his ankle and pulled him right back again, where he towered over the boy before he shoved his pants and boxers down in one movement. With his lower body now bared, he dropped down on his knees, straddling Morty and hindering further attempts at escape. "Rick, p-please stop. I don't want this." Morty tried to plead with him again as he tried to shove the older off of him. Rick grabbed the boy's wrists now and pinned them above his head on the ground, holding them both there with one hand. "Oh, no. You do want this! You do or you wouldn't have always sneaked off to him." Ignoring any further pleas from the boy to stop, he bend down to mark the small body underneath him with hard bites. His free hand wandered to the boy's limp penis and stroked it. "Is this what he has done with you? Yeah, Morty? Do you like this, you sick little piece of shit?" Tears finally spilled from Morty's eyes as his body betrayed him and he could feel himself getting hard again despite the lack of real pleasure. "No, no… please stop, Rick. I don't wa—ahn!" Rick had simultaneously bit into one of his nipples while his thumb stroke with heavy pressure over the sensitive slit on the head of his now erect penis. "Tsk. You're such a pervert, Morty, liking this so much. This shit gets you really hard, huh?" As his grandfather kissed him, Morty tried to break it off by turning his head to the side, but the hand that had been stroking his erection grasped his cheeks hard now – between the thumb and the index and middle finger –and kept him in place. He whimpered helplessly into the unwanted kiss. Morty didn't want to like any of this because it wasn't right even though this had been what he always had wanted before. But not anymore. His chest and stomach hurt, where Rick had bitten him hard enough to draw blood. Rick's kiss was disgusting because he tasted so strongly of alcohol and bile, having obviously drank more than usual. Rick wasn't nice and gentle with him like the other Rick had been and he had already moved on, hadn't he? No, he didn't want any of this anymore! Rick let his face go again, but only to shove three of his fingers into his mouth. "C'mon, get them nice and wet. You know how to do that. I'm sure he's made you do it, too, right?" Morty couldn't disprove him with his mouth full and he gagged as the digits shoved even deeper into him, hitting the back of his throat. "What? Didn't he teach you to deepthroat yet? Bet he made you blow him pretty often though." Morty coughed as Rick finally withdrew his fingers again, feeling as if he was about to throw up. His relieve was only short-lived though as those same fingers reached between his thighs now and nudged insistently against his entrance. "No, Rick. Please don't…" He pitifully tried to plead with his elder once more, but it only fell on deaf ears again. Roughly, all three digits entered him and even though he was still slightly stretched from the Other Rick's penetration and slicked up with the previously used lube, it still burned. "Like this, you sick freak?" Rick harshly twisted his fingers, causing more painful whimpers to escape from his grandson. "Nah, not enough for you yet, is it? Well, I've got something bigger for you." He withdrew his fingers and took his own half-hard chub in his hand, pumping it furiously with the intent to work himself to full hardness and coating it in not yet dried up saliva and excess lube. By this point Morty had already stopped all his futile struggles against the hold that Rick had on him, only silently weeping, as he laid on the floor with his head turned to the side and eyes clenched shut, awaiting for the unavoidable to happen. If the pathetic sight of his grandson bothered him, Rick still didn't show it even if Morty wouldn't be able to see. Deeming himself hard enough for what he was about to do, Rick position himself and without waiting any longer, he entered Morty in one brutal thrust. Morty screamed from the pain of the sudden intrusion and Rick didn't give him any time to adjust, as he quickly pulled out only to plow in as fast again. All that the boy could do was sob and try to claw his nails into the solar system carpet beneath him as he just took it. "You happy now that you get what you wanted? I bet you love this, don't you? Love my dick plowing into your ass, huh Morty?" Morty didn't answer him. He just laid on the ground like a broken toy, unresponsive. Too exhausted from fighting the older and stronger man, he just accepted what was happening to him. By the looks of it, his mind was far, far away from his current hell. Rick only growled and slammed harder into him. His hand also started to pump the boy's cock again that had started to deflate a little. "You sick fuck, you're really getting off on this, don't you? You gonna cum for your Grandpa? Huh, Morty?" Unrelenting, he kept thrusting into the boy, now aiming for the prostrate as he continued to fist the boyhood in his hand. Even though he was still in pain, Morty could feel his body reacting to all the stimulation and despite not wanting to, he reached his unsatisfying orgasm. A stifled squeal escape him as he tried to hide his face away in the carpet. It only made Rick chuckle filthily, milking all the cum out of the still spurting erection with his busy hand. A few thrusts later, he groaned as he also reached his completion, coming deep inside Morty. Rick drew out of the boy, his semen tinged pink as it leaked from the abused hole and stained milky thighs and the carpet. He stood and pulled his briefs and pants up again. Finally free of the hold and the weight on top of him, Morty rolled onto his side and curled up. Zipping his pants up, Rick only cast one last disgusted glance at his grandson before he left the room, leaving Morty pathetically sobbing and broken on the floor all by himself.

Part 2 of You can't always have what you want

Part 1 of You can't always have what you want: Substitution

oneshot

[lovemesomesurveys]

5,000 question survey series--part thirty-seven

3501. Is 'no glove, no love' your STRICT policy? Virgin here, but yeah it would be.

3502. What is the best Epic movie (examples of epics: ben-her, gone with the wind, last temptation of christ)?/ So, I’m dumb and thought you meant “epic” as in “awesome”, but something was telling me that you meant it in a different way, so I had to Google it. Apparently, if anyone else doesn’t know, it’s a style of movie that usually focuses on an heroic character. Google it if you want to know more, but yeah. Anyway, I saw a list of top Epic films and saw Forrest Gump was on there, so I’ll choose that. 3503. Finish the sentance. Hey, Hey we're the: People say we: But we're too busy: The time to hesitate is: You're too: It's a nice day to: start again. 3504. Have you ever had 'missing time'? It does seem like you lose time and it just slips away. I certainly feel that way. 3505. Have you ever sent an electronic greeting? Waaaaay back in the AOL days I sometimes send those electronic greeting cards.

3506. If you could send anonymous tips to people you knew who would never ever find out who sent them who would you send the following tips to? doesn't know when to leave: poor crotch hygenie: talks to much: band/art/dream is going nowehere: most likely to get arrestted: needs to get their life together: bad taste in clothes: bad taste in music: needs a hobby: 3507. Are you more likely to download porn or disney movies? Disney movies. I don’t watch porn. 3508. What is it with people? Good question. 3509. Do you eat too much sugar? No. My thing is carbs. 3510 Imagine you have aband. Let's name your band. Adjective: Plain. Animal(plural): Dogs. Your band name is (adjective) (animals) Under Glass!: Plain Dogs Under Glass. Could be better? Uh, yeah. Let's try again. Adjective: Fabulous. Noun (plural): Clothes. Your band is (adjective) (nouns) With Puppets: Fabulous Clothes With Puppets. 3511. Are you desperate but not serious? What.

3512. Was there a time when you were younger and it took less to get you excited? Oh, definitely. As a kid I was easily pleased and entertained and actually enjoyed doing things. Getting McDonald’s or something was exciting. What did it take then? Not much. What does it take now? A lot. :/ Even when it’s something I do like and enjoy, I just don’t have that spark anymore. Getting food isn’t even exciting anymore. 3513. Remember learning to write in elementary school? Yeah.

We spend 2 years learning to print..then they throw that out the window and teach kids cursive. Why? They don’t throw it out the window. We learned cursive in addition to print.

If cursive is so important and easy to read then why aren't books printed in cursive? It’s just a nicer looking print used more for things like our signature. Why aren't cursive computer fonts more popular? I don’t know, man. Not something I’ve thought about. Why do buisness forms always say 'please print'? Because it’s more legible than cursive typically. That’s just how it is okay I don’t knowww. Schools are so preoccupied with teaching kids the complicated but traditional skill of cursive writing that more emphasis is put on that than on teaching kids how to clearly express their ideas through writing. I move that cursive writing become a jr. high school elective instead of a grammer school priority. Who's with me? I don’t know what it’s like in schools now, but for me I remember learning it, but I don’t remember it being such a big deal. 3514. Can you think of anything else (besides cursive writing) that is unhelpful, or unuseful, yet traditional and unquestioned? What? I’m sure there’s a lot of things, but I don’t feel like coming up with any. 3515. Name one female celebrity who you would guess wears size ___ clothing: 0? 5? 12? 16? 20? 3516. Have you ever been to a place where the restrooms were named in a clever way rather than just saying men's and woman's? I've seen Hens and Roosters, Bart and Lisa, Dudes and Babes...what have you seen? I’ve heard of places that do that, but I don’t think I’ve ever been to one. 3517. What is the 'message' or 'point behind': Fight Club? Donnie Darko? AI? Minority Report? Solaris? A Walk to Remember? You've Got Mail? 3518. have you seen, and what are your thoughts about these movies: Drumline? The Hot Chick? I think it’s funny. Maid in Manhattan? It’s cute. Star Trek: Nemesis? About Schmidt? Evelyn? The Guys? Intacto? The Jimmy Show? The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers? Gangs of New York? Two Weeks Notice? The Wild Thornberrys Movie? I wasn’t into that cartoon much as a kid. Smokers Only? Treasure Planet? The Santa Clause 2? It’s cute, but The Santa Clause will always be the best. 3519. START this sentance: ....and I think to myself, what a wonderful world." Something about seeing trees of green and red roses bloom.

3520. What is: insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. normal? Common, typical among a large group of people. Things can be considered normal for individuals, too. farenheit? Unit to measure temperature.

3521. Tell us about yourself in the third person for a bit: This girl really needs to get her shit together cause she’s a mess. 3522. If someone breaks a law, should they be punished if they did not know it was a law? It can be difficult to prove if they did or not, but that’s why in certain circumstances people are just given a warning.

3523. If it's so much easier to learn languages when we are very young (and it is, something to do with the developing brain) why do they wait until jr high and high school to teach them? *shrug* 3524. Name a band you sort of like: You are wearing that band's t-shirt in a store. SUDDENLY some guy you don't know comes up to you and goes, "Hey! You like (insert name of the band here)??!!" This is obviously a really stupid question because if you didn't like them you wouldn't be wearing the t-shirt. Your witty reply is: 3525. If you were organizing cd's in a music store what section would you put each of the following in (don't forget the 'bargain bin' section!): Blink182 Depech Mode Weezer Led Zeppelin The Doors Avril Lavigne Nelly Manfred Mann Iggy Pop Pink Floyd Guns N Roses Shakira Britny Spears Tool Ozzy Osbourne Madonna The Rolling Stones The Beatles Motley Crue Bon Jovi 3526. Does coffee stimulate your mind or body more? It takes off some of the edge, and I really just love coffee, so I guess I’d say my mind cause it doesn’t do much at all for the tiredness anymore.

3527. Can you do 'six degrees of seperation' to anyone famous? Nope.

3528. What's the oddest thing in your home? *shrug*

3529. Do you find it odd when people who are not handicapped use the handicapped stall: in the bathroom? Some parents use it if they have a small child with them. in the parking lot? There’s a stall in the parking lot? ha. It’s pretty messed up when people who genuinely don’t need it use it and take the place from someone who genuinely does. People need to keep in mind; though, that handicapped doesn’t just mean “wheelchair user.” People assume if they’re not in a wheelchair then they don’t need that parking spot and that’s not always the case. 3530. Do you sometimes find yourself talking to yourself? I call it thinking out loud. My mind is a jumbled mess and it helps me sort out things sometimes.

Do you answer yourself back? I don’t have conversations with myself, I just think things out loud.

3531. In your head do you call yourself 'I' or 'you' or both? I refer to myself as “I.”

3532. What is the best excuse for why you haven't done your homework? I don’t have any cause I’m not in school anymore.

3533. Someone tells you 'well there are black people, and then there are n*ggers'. What do you think? Wow, wtf. I’d think “racist” first of all. 3534. Does culture shape behavior or does behavior shape culture? Both.

3535. What determines whether a person will be: A lot of different factors contribute to these things. intelligent? pretty? happy? sucessful? 3536. What is social loafing? When people put in less effort when they’re in a group. What is groupthink? Conforming to the rest of the group.

3537. I have an idea. let's change the english language by making the words fewer, shorter and more concise. What do ya think? Not sure how you’d go about that. Sounds like a lot of work.

3538. What are the physical symptoms of: joy? Smiling, that feeling of butterflies in your stomach, rapid heart rate. fear? Rapid heart rate, sweating, stomach in knots feeling, trouble breathing. shame? Anger, rage, anxiety, crying. 3539. Here's the scenerio...your little eight year old brother is hangin out in the house when you come in..and catch him watching the playboy channel! What do you do/say? I’d quickly switch the channel and ask what he was doing.

He says, "Why can't I watch this?" What is your response? It’s not appropriate for kids. Watch cartoons. Why do you respond that way? Because I don’t think a child should watch that stuff. I wouldn’t freak out on him, but I’d explain it’s just not appropriate. Then if he had questions he could go to my parents, ha.

3540. Who REALLY has a higher sex drive, girls or guys? Really depends on the person. How can you tell? 3541. are you usually carefree? Ha. Haha. Hahahaha. Good one. 3542. Do you generally prefer reading to meeting people? Yes. 3543. Do you often long for excitement? I mean, a break in the mundane routine is nice. 3544. Are you mostly quiet when you are with others? Depends. 3545. Do you often do things spur of the moment/ Nope. 3546. Are you slow an unhurried in the way you move? No. I know people like that and it can be annoying.

3547. Would you do almost anything for a dare? Nope. I’m a lame-o. 3548. Do you hate being in a crowd who plays jokes on one another? Playful joking and goofing around is fun. Unless that’s all they do and they’re just annoying and obnoxious about it to where it’s not fun anymore. 3549. Do you enjoy wild parties? Nope.

3550. Have you ever paid for something priced more than $5.00 in only change? Noo.

3551. Is rascism still a big part of our culture? Yes. You’re in denial if you think it doesn’t still exist. 3552. A drawing was shown to a person. The drawing showed a black man in a buisness suit standing next to a white man holding a razor. The person who saw this drawing was white and was asked to describe it to a second white person who had not seen it, who described it to a third, and so on. By the end of six rounds the final report often placed the razor in the hand of the black man and it is claimed he is waving it threateningly. What do you think of thiss? There’s a whole test and study on this type of thing. I remember discussing it in one of my psych courses. 3553. How many famous people cxan you name who committed sucicide?> Too many. :( 3554. Do you have OCD? No. 3555. Are you more anxious or relaxed? Very anxious. Insecure or secure? Very insecure. Socialble or with drawn? Very withdrawn. Original or conventional? Hmm. 3556. Are you more emotional or calm? Emotional. self pitying or content? Self-pitying. Fun loving or sober? You can be fun loving and sober... Imaginative or down to earth? Both. 3557. Are you more Friendly or aloof? I’m polite and friendly, but I’m not like outgoing and sociable. adventurous or cautious? Cautious. Broad or narrow when it comes to interests? Broad. recptive or closed to new ideas? I’m open to hearing new ideas and opinions. I don’t have to agree, but it doesn’t mean I’m not open to hearing them. 3558. Are you more good natured or irratble? I’m an irritable person.   soft hearted or ruthless? Soft hearted. well organized or disorganized? Disorganized with life. Dependable or undependable? I used to think I was dependable, but I wouldn’t say that now. 3559. Are you more courteous or rude/ I’m courteous. sympathetic or tough minded/ I can be both. hardworking or lazy? I have no motivation or drive anymore. ambitious or easy going? Generally pretty easy going. I try to be. Anxiety Inscurity Emotionalism and Self Pity are traits of a neurotic personality. Sociable, fun loving, friendly and adventurous are traits of an extraverted personality. orignality, imaginative, broad interests, and receptive are traits of an Open personality. Good natured, soft hearted, courteous, and sympathetic are traits of an agreeable personality. Well organized, dependable, hardworking and ambitious are traits of a conscientious personality. 3560. Do men and woman have little or a lot in common? Depends on the people. A woman or man could have a lot in common, but that same woman or man could have little to nothing in common with another woman or man. It all just depends. 3561. Do you feel like any of the teachers you've ever had have REALLY cared about educating you to think for yourself? Yes. I had a version of Mr. Feeney. Do you tend to try harder if they DO care? It makes a huge difference when the teacher genuinely wants to teach and help you. 3562. Have you ever been stereotyped? Yeah. As what? For my disability. 3563. Have you ever been dsicriminated against? No. For what? 3564. How often is your school and/or job closed due to weather? Done with school, no job. 3565. Who do you know that you believe does not masturbate? I don’t care to know. 3566. Does a cloned human being have a soul? Watch Pet Semetery or something of the sort and see what you think. ha.

Why or why not? You can’t clone the outside, but they’re not going to be the same person. That’s just not something you can clone. A lot of factors go into making a person who they are. 3567. Finish the sentance: As the world turns..I only have one concern...that: I don’t know. 3568. What group in history has been the most oppressed? All groups have. 3569. Have you read any biographies? Yeah. Whose? I’ve read several for school. 3570. What are you obsessed with? I’m not obsessed with a person, but I do love me some Alexander Skarsgard. ;) 3571. Break out your decoder ring..(no hints this time)! t3ii9 8 i9f3 697 29h5 697 53ii j3 6974 hqj3? 3572. Do you crack your: knuckes? Yes. neck? Yes. back? No.

other? Yeah, my arms and wrists. 3573. Of the following powers which 2 would you pick for yourself? The ability to fly, breathe under water, turn invincible, change into animals, freeze and restart time, never gain weight unless you want to, heal people with your touch, have orgasms that last for an hour Fly and restart time. 3574. Do you chew your penciles and pens? No. 3575. Can you tell the exact point where your back ends and your butt begins? Yeah? 3576. When you are bored do you picture everyone eround you naked? No. 3577. What are some great holiday gift ideas for Depends entirely on the person. You really have a tendency to group people and generalize.

guys: girls: 3578. Who looks better naked, men or woman? That depends on your preference. 3579. Do you sit in chairs or fall into them? I’m always sitting. 3580. Has anyone ever: screamed your name during sex? moaned your name during sex? 3581. Hershey's kisses: mint, almond, hugs, plain. other? Mint, plain, and the candy cane ones. 3582. What's the best slurpee flavor? I used to always get Coke and cherry together. I haven’t had a Slurpee in years, though. 3583. What are five movies that you think someone would have to be living under a rock in iceland to not have seen? The Marvel and DC movies, honestly. 3584. Of these words, which ones are funny: beets? cumquat? pit? Piss-capades? fuzzy? What are some other funny words? 3585. Do you give good massages? I’ve never given one. 3586. What songs have been 'stuck' in your head? Nothing at the moment. 3587. What don't most people know about your job? I don’t have a job. 3588. Is there anything you won't say unless someone else says it first? Initiate most conversations apart from my family. 3589. Do you need a little chrsitmas? I still have my decorations up in my room... ha. 3590. Fake or real tree? Real. 3591. Is your refridgerator running? Yeah. You know what to do. Nah, I don’t feel like running after it. 3592. How can you explain when there are few words you can choose? What. 3593. Who can it be now? I wonder who they’re talking about in that song. 3594. Where HAS Joe Dimaggio gone? *shrug* And why does our nation turn it's eys to him? 3595. How often do you get headaches? Maybe a handful a month. It varies. 3596. Have you ever woen fake eyelashes? Yeah. 3597. What could you spend 24 hours ina row doing? I don’t know. 3598. Is it Friday yet? It’s Sunday. 3599. Do you remember There was a time (ahaha) when people on the street were walking hand in hand in hand?/ 3600. Do you talk to inanimate objects? When they’re not functioning properly. Do you try to get them to answer you? ...No. Have they ever answered you? Uh, no. I’d be extremely freaked out if it did.