#rickmorty

[metrolist]

[grandpa-boyfriend]

good evening rickmorty nation. nsfw thoughts ahead.

okay so we basically know rick has a god complex. it's been established in several episodes, but especially during the toxic episode where toxic rick literally says "if there is a god, it's fucking ME" like. the man loves to be seen as all powerful.

so do you ever think he and morty just start fucking and morty's like "god, please..." when it feels good, but rick's, like, obviously drunk and is like "is he calling me that?? is he calling me GOD??"

like even when he realizes a moment later that morty just means it in the expletive sense, i still think he would be like. mmorty. morty. can you call me that again.

[100loudreams]

100 loud dreams - season one timeline read on ao3

The printable booklet version is available on my gumroad for one dollar

[garmanarnarr]

Rickorty Week Day 3: Caught

1.2k | secretly married | warning for language

@rickortyweek

“Jesus Christ, Jerry, go get the accountant, would you?” 

Beth’s hands shake around the tax filer. She taps the sheaf of papers against the desk to try and straighten them but it ends up just making things worse, sheets fumbling out into her lap. W-2s. Proof of health insurance. Unemployment papers for Jerry. And that’s just last year’s; she’s pulled their last seven returns, which she keeps in big binders in a filing cabinet in the home office, like they always suggest. 

She can tell her husband is making a face without even looking at him. 

“He said he charged,” Jerry pauses, “what, two thousand flurbos an—”

“FILING ERROR. FILING ERROR,” the big stone head in the middle of the office says, again, thumping the ground for emphasis. 

“I don’t care. Call him,” Beth says. 

“We don’t know the conversion rate!” 

“I know that if we don’t file these correctly beyond a shadow of a doubt, our bodies, and our children’s, are going to get repo’d. That’s what I know, Jerry.” 

“Alright,” Jerry says. “Fine.” Shoulders slumped, he shuffles out of the room. The intergalactic equivalent of the IRS manages to be equally drab as its US counterpart– or maybe worse. Beth had no idea there even was an intergalactic equivalent of the IRS you could be audited by until she was pulled right out of her living room and into space like how cows got sucked up into flying saucers in movies. She’d had a nasty looking gun pointed in her face by an alien and ten minutes to gather ‘the needed tax-related materials’ to ‘rectify a filing error.” She didn’t even have time to finish her glass of wine. 

Now she’s stuck in this office under threat of losing her own bodily autonomy. With a lot of paperwork. And a big stone head in the middle of the floor thundering “FILING ERROR. FILING ERROR.” as it pounds on the ground like the Easter Island equivalent of a Turbotax fuckup. 

She has no clue what’s wrong. Maybe something lingering from the divorce? Unless Jerry has some bank accounts in Turks and Caicos he hasn’t told her about, she’s pretty much fresh out of ideas. She leans over in her chair, twisting her hands in her hair, wishing she had a glass of wine. Perhaps several. 

As she stares at her bare feet (she hadn’t had time to grab shoes) she hears Jerry come into the room, followed by small, light footsteps. When she looks up, a nerdy alien in a polo shirt and khakis is sitting down across the desk from her. He has weakly wavering gray antennae, like everyone else that works here, and a laptop under his arm. 

“Hello, Mrs. Smith. Sounds like there’s a problem you’d like my help with?”

“FILING ERROR. FILING ERROR,” agrees the stone head, loudly. Beth is starting to get a really bad headache and she knows it isn’t from the Cab Sav. 

“I think something is wrong with my previous tax returns? Or something?” she says, pushing her stack of papers towards the accountant, which the accountant eyes, twirling one of his antennae between his fingers. 

“What planet?”

“Uh. Earth?”

“Ah, I see. Earth tends to be a particularly tricky one. You humans can never make up your minds. Makes keeping accurate records a pain.”

“Frankly, sir, I have no fucking clue what’s going on. Pardon my language. This has never been a problem for us before.” 

“Well, Mrs. Smith, if you’re willing to go line by line with me…”

“For the last seven years?”

“I’m paid to be thorough.” 

Beth’s going to pull her hair out. 

“Isn’t there anything you can do to just, like, make it faster? Please.” 

The accountant does some sort of equivalent of pursing his lips that might translate more clearly with different mouth anatomy. 

“Alright. Let me check my system for any inconsistencies.” 

He opens up his laptop and begins typing away. 

Gingerly, Jerry rests a hand on Beth’s back. “See, honey? Look at him go. I knew he was worth it.” 

Her phone rings, inexplicably. But of course, anything is explicable, considering what her father is capable of. She picks up on the second ring. 

“Beth.”

“Dad?” she asks, as if it could be anyone else. She watches as the accountant pulls a small device out of his pants pocket and starts scanning some of the papers with it, seemingly at random. 

“B-Beth, sweetie, tell me something. Are your personal taxes being audited by the intergalactic equivalent of the IRS right now?”

“How do you know?” she asks, instantly, then winces, then hates herself for wincing. This is obviously some Dad shit. There are antennas and strange electronic devices and angry space bureaucrats, which means it has Rick Sanchez written all over it. 

“Ah, jeez, fuck, okay.” Her father sounds oddly panicked, voice strained.  “L-listen, don’t. Don’t tell those squares anything, just wait until I get there–”

The accountant looks up. “I’ve found something, Mrs. Smith.”

“Ooooh, he’s found something, Beth!” Jerry echoes excitedly. 

Beth takes her phone away from her ear and rests it against her shoulder. 

“Yeah?’ 

“You seem to have some kind of error with the status of a family member’s filing.”

“What do you mean?” Faintly, she can hear her father saying Beth? Sweetie? on the other end of the line. 

“Mortimer Smith is listed as a dependent, here.” He points at a line on his laptop screen that’s highlighted in red. 

“Yes, of his mother.” She shoots a look at Jerry, who’s gone quiet.  

“Hmmm,” says the accountant, squinting at his screen. Beth’s stomach feels strange. 

“He’s seventeen. He’s my son.” 

“According to our records, he’s been filing with Rick Sanchez since 2016.”

Two years ago. Beth’s stomach drops. “You mean, he’s like, what, Rick’s dependent now? Like Rick fucking adopted him?”  

Suddenly scenarios of Rick whisking Morty away for real, forever, without her knowing, are flashing through her head. Taking him away on an adventure that he’d never come back from, far away from her. Who knew what he could do. How he could make her sign papers and forget she’d ever done it. Her forehead and armpits start to break out in clammy sweat and she wipes her suddenly damp hands on her pant legs. 

“No, jointly filing,” the accountant says coolly, as if it is nothing. As if it is the most normal thing in the world. “As a spouse.” 

In a flash, a slimy green disk opens in the middle of the room. Beth watches as one long, long, knobby leg steps through, then another. The ratty edge of a lab coat and one gray hand holding a portal gun. 

“First of fucking all,” her father says, as soon as his head bursts through, “let it be known, I didn’t– I didn’t want you to find out like this, Beth . This is pretty m-messed up, even by my standards. Second of all, fuck the government and all the little snitching bitch peons that work for it. Third of all, before you aAAUGGHsk, it’s not, it’s not legal on Earth. So don’t worry about that, sweetie.” 

Beth is very still. 

“CORRECTION ACCEPTED,” says the head, mouth clacking. It had stopped shaking the table with its movement. It seems smug, in fact. 

“See, Beth? Not legal on earth,” Jerry echoes, cheerfully. His face falls.  

“Wait. What?”

[unclefesterdraws]

"you like that, morty?"

"yes, rick, i do."

[grandpaluvr69]

real reason rick asked morty to meta marry him was so he could fix a problem he's had for the last 14 years (beth taking jerry's last name so the kids also have his last name) (he should have been morty sanchez)

[loverorgrandpa]

People be like as long as it’s not a ship it’s fine but this is the official art. Technically they’re right- shipping is fanon. This shit’s canon.

[grimalkinmessor]

Rewatching Rick and Morty (C137cest for the WIN Summer understands me) and yeah I know it's not that deep but I really think that Rick was kinder to Morty in the earliest days because he fucking adored the wide-eyed innocence that Morty displayed then, the open admiration, the simple worldview, because despite what he claims Rick envies early Morty's naivety—he then proceeds to ruin it because his intellect tells him that his partner needs to be at least somewhat learned if he wants Morty to stay alive, and Rick proceeds to ruin that naivety with what he sees as nonchalant relish but in reality he knows is just a natural consequence of being around Rick Sanchez. He's like poison gas and everything good and pure and happy rots and wilts into cynicism and violence if he hangs around it long enough, because Unity was right; Rick is better at shaping people into his own mold than a literal hivemind could ever be. And even as Morty grows jaded and he loses that precious ignorance Rick is still dependent on him because Morty has now been molded so perfectly to be at Rick's side that he's become another limb, one that Rick both sees as a nuisance and also knows that he can't bear to be without even as they hurt each other and abandon each other only to circle right the hell back into the same cycle of codependence they've been rocking since Rick first dragged Morty by his ankle into a spaceship. Rick treats Morty like shit more and more as time goes on because he knows he can take it, and Rick hates Morty for succumbing to a Rick-centric worldview almost as much as he hates himself for forcing it on him.

[fanbun]

RickBot's death in 6.10

[urfavoritemistake]

i had a normal one today

[positively-pro]

PLEASE FOLLOW THIS LINK to sign petitions and send your representatives letters about stopping KOPA!

The law could be severely misused and is open enough to interpretation that it seems like it could be used to take down sites like Ao3 and Tumblr for being LGBTQIA+ safe places. It would also likely require age verification for EVERY internet user, which would not protect kids, it would just give the gvmnt more possibilities to restrict and police our internet use.

It took me less than 5 minutes to sign literally all of these that I can right now. ♡

I saw another post about this, but they didn't want proshippers to interact, so I'm making my own.

[grandpa-boyfriend]

rickorty energy posts from funny to serious

[unclefesterdraws]

ok so i think i saw a text post a long time ago of jessica wearing rick's lab coat and idk if anyone's drawn it, so here

[gothmorty]

I can’t believe he would upload this

[grandpaluvr69]

Untitled, very suggestive ficlet based on this;

Violence, incest, dddne: it's exactly what's on the tin

We take requests

⬇️

The stupid fucking thing was supposed to remain unconscious until they could get it contained in his ship. Of course, rarely do things not go completely tits up halfway through any adventure. Rick and Morty were eventually caught off guard by a large shapeshifting mass of fleshy growth that tackled Morty down to the ground mid-transformation. Oh fuck this.

Rick stepped back out of reach of flailing limbs as the creature shifted it's form into a seemingly perfect copy of his grandson while grappling with the real deal. He made a frustrated grunting noise, watching with rapt attention now as the identical sets of gangly arms and legs swung and clawed at each other. As much as he enjoyed watching the fourteen year old get all his teen rage out on something that wasn't him, he begrudgingly reached out and ripped the two bodies apart from each other and dropped them a couple feet apart. He smoothly reached into his lab coat and pulled out a sleek looking gun that lit up blue along the barrel as it charged up.

Both Mortys stood up in mirrored movements, almost disorientating to watch. When they both noticed the gun in Rick's hand and the almost silent whine it was emitting- ready to fire at any second- he watched with delight as fear washed over one face and then the other. Just a fraction off beat.

"Okay, I'm n-ough-t playing the blame game, th-that shit's annoying me without h-having t-urrp-to even start." Rick gestured between them both using the gun, eyeing the one to his left that just barely shivered.

"R-rick this- this is g-getting out of h-hand-" "-th-this is starting t-to really freak me out Rick!" They almost talked over each other, the grating whine doubled, and Rick shot the floor between them and made both boys jump.

"Sh-uuuugh-ut up, I got this dude."

He reached into his coat again and dug around a little before producing a little red remote engulfed in his long fingers. The Morty on the left started to turn pink in the face while the one on the right began to grow confused.

"W-w-w-ait Rick m-maybe there's a b-b-better w-aAAAY-" Morty on the left doubled over and fell to his knees when Rick twisted a dial on the remote with his thumb alllll the way over with one motion. A sharp grin twisted his lips up as Morty moaned loudly, utterly pleased with the vile display of the boy writhing on the ground now. The muffled sound of something buzzing away filled the air, and the shapeshifter contorted Morty's face into one of disgust as it turned to look up at Rick.

"I thought that was your grandson, you sick fuck, what the hell is wrong with you!?" It dropped all pretense of being a wimpy high school freshman, it's voice warping out of Morty's obnoxious trill. It was struggling to keep from looking at the whimpering whining body next to it.

"Lotta things, l-like the need to- like how I just g-gotta take care of his cute needy little ass a-after ourhp- after we're done here." Rick's attention was waning now, so before he let his eyes snap back to Morty on the ground panting like a whore, he aimed his gun between the shapeshifter's big brown eyes and felt something twist with arousal in his gut as he blew it's brains out with a very forceful shot. Nice and easy, he let out a breath to cool the smoke off the tip and slid it back into his coat.

Rick finally let his gaze drift down, giving the Morty-shaped shifter corpse a once over as his eyes settled on his grandson. Popping a squat and listening to his knees crack, he watched Morty raise his head up. Tears and drool streaked his young face, and it started rolling something heavy in Rick's groin as the old man finally brought the remote up to fiddle with it. The buzzing sound quieted and Morty made a wheezing gasping sound as he was granted reprieve from the onslaught, bleary brown eyes raising up to lock with cheerful steel ones.

"Y-ouugh-ou did great buddy," Rick clamped a large hand down on Morty's shoulder and squeezed before helping the boy up to his feet, making sure to support him when he stumbled.

"F-fuck you man, that was h-humiliating." There wasn't any bite in the bark there, so Rick just laughed at him. It wasn't a mean laugh either, at least not in the way he laughed when he was making fun of the little guy.

"H-hows about Gr-aagh-grandpa make it- make it u-up to you then?" His smile made Morty shiver, something he watched gleefully before grabbing the corpse by the familiar brown curls. He didn't miss the way Morty's eyes followed all the rough movements of his grandfather manhandling the dead body that looked just like him.

"What? I can st-still use it."

"Y-you're not "m-making it up to me" w-w-with that in the ship." The firmness in his tone was set deep.

"Booooo! Yyyou're no, you're no fun Morty." Rick slung his free arm around the shaking teenager and guided him the rest of the way to the ship, dragging the cooling corpse behind him.

[grimalkinmessor]

Jesus I forgot how canon this shit was 😭