#so idk. maybe that means i Do have feelings of romance

[that-smallinjured-bowylamb]

For @water-blue 's request!! (Mb I lost the previous draft)

🪽Heart of compassion, loyalty🪽

Gender Neutral

Summary: You are Loud and boisterous, yet you are kind, caring and incredibly loyal. Sometimes you say things as a slip-up, but you've always apologized first, you were even willing to help those even if they're cruel, you were forgiving, willing to understand others, and even stand your ground if things were too much for you. Don't worry, no one is going to take your heart of gold for granted.

Characters: Riddle Rosehearts, Leona Kingscholar, Azul Ashengrotto, Jamil Viper, Vil Scheonheit, Idia Shroud, Malleus Draconia

Genre: platonic or Romantic nothing rlly matters

Warning ⚠️: There might be angst (although not much), fluff, if you see a speck of romance then I'm srry it's just I'm still practicing for platonic readers!!), Gender neutral, OOC(?), use of "you" and "prefect", flashbacks and childhood talks, and the rest!! (Idk what to add anymore), slight cussy (on Leona's and Vil's part), no crack (unfortunately 😤), spoilers for overblots?? Idk if you guys want that, vague implications of Chuichide (Jamil's part),

A/n: I lost my other one :((( BUT ITS OKAYYY I CAN MAKE ANOTHER ONE :D

Riddle Rosehearts

Before overblot:

•At first he thought you were annoying, even after when you called out his rules, "unnecessary"...

•In what world was his superior rules unnecessary?

So when it was the unbirthday party event, Ace comes up with the tart, a chestnut tart, and had the audacity to apologize by breaking another rule? And THEN snapping at him? Telling him he's WRONG? a TYRANT? He almost lost it. Especially when you were backing up the troublemaker. What made you think you were in the right?

•Why, did your parents taught you magic? What good did YOUR family do? This wasn't fair, his rules are absolute! If he followed them to a T, like his mother had said. Then, there would be no way, at any universe would he fail. But, what was the point if he didn't get to see what he was hoping from his mom? What did any of it mean, if the rules were pointless? His mom? Making him suffer for the rules, but in the end it meant nothing? Why? Why did she do it? What reason? Why? If he suffered for nothing, what was his life meant to be? Why couldn't anyone save him? Why-

•"You've worn a shoe size too big for you, Riddle. But I'll help you find yourself."

•You..? Him...? Find, himself.

•He broke down, this wasn't supposed to happen, it shouldn't have. Yet, here he was, eyes pouring out unspoken feelings, it all hurt, it shouldn't have, but it did. Nothing hurts, until it did. But, he was hurting all this time, wasn't he? So, why do you know better than him? What was he so deserving of, from you?

•Until you offered him a hand. He had Trey, he had Che'nya, and most of all, his dormmates who he could've treated better than before.

•He just wanted to be guided the right way, where he could feel joy and decide on his own. Not someone controlling, it didn't feel right, it never did.

•He thought, that maybe, he could be saved and correct his errors. With everyone supporting him and staying by his side.

After overblot:

•He really admired how loyal you were, how kind you were, how you were willing to understand others, he truly did.

•You even stood up for him whenever trouble came up, it was never a bother, not anymore. He appreciated what you've given him, even apologizing after a slip of a tongue, never wavering. You were so upportive and caring to him and others, even those who doesn't deserve that kindness.

•Your wish for others to be happy with their lives gave him respect for you, even if they were cruel to you. You still reached out and never back down. And only stepping your foot down whenever someone tried to harm you or your loved ones, he couldn't ask for more. You, whose heart was made of gold and carved by the gods with so much love and care, he wondered how you managed in this world.

•From then on, he'll be the one to look after you next and give himself reminders, that he's a person and that matters. Not the extreme rules, not his etiquette, just him. It felt like him.

•He wishes to have the same strength as you, for you whose never shown weakness, sure. You have kindness, but it isn't really weak if it's your strongest trait. You've made connections with others and that's great. He wishes you for the best as he and the others stay by your side as well.

Leona Kingscholar

Before overblot:

•You were a bitch in his mind

•Listen, you've stepped on his tail, proceed to stand your ground and then he got interuppted by a certain Hyena.

•What do you know that he can't understand? You weren't superior, he knows that.

•But when his plans failed he couldn't help but feel like he had already lost. He lashed out. There was no point if that lizard still won and was well. Why can't he just be number one? Why is this happening to him? Why is everything against him? Why isn't anybody looking at him? Why isn't he a better option? Why can't they just see him, no matter what he does? This empty pit, can not be filled when it's bottomless. And he just fell into it. Why couldn't he be better than his brother? From age? Status as first prince? His brother, was everything he wanted to be. He didn't need a wish to become him, he wanted to do it in his own way. But that failed, and this failed too.

•Where was the point, if he can't set his eyes elsewhere? He had eyes for something he couldn't get, now it's happening here, no matter how much he ran, it followed. There was no point to begin with, just false hope was all he met.

•He couldn't believe it, you. Another herbivore from who knows where, had won hearts of many in one dorm to the other, even capturing one of his freshmans' loyalty. What a bunch'a hopeless fawns. Why was he the target? Why couldn't he catch a break? It was bad when he felt this overwhelming sense of pain, where he felt like nothing could erase what was done, when his eyes stung and blurred his vision, where his throat tied a barb wire in it so he couldn't speak but blabber about his failure and burden, where his hands would tremble in frustration as his brother gets all the praises instead of him, where his eyes would feel empty and unblinking, where his escape would only be to sleep and hope he wouldn't wake up forever.

•He just wanted someone to acknowledge him, to encourage his hard work, for a praise, anything, really. He just needs the words and motivation, doing it himself.-

•"So let me do it for you. What you want, you've asked, wished, it's here. You can't set your eyes on something that didn't belong to you in the first place."... This herbivore-

•But then again, how long was it when he couldn't get the attention he wanted? How long was it when somebody asked, "Are you okay?", how long was it when he was in the shadow of his brother? This place, had given him power, his needs, control. He could've asked what he wanted, but it wasn't easy. Not when it showed weakness in him, vulnerability wasn't his thing, it never was.

•Then you reached out. Hand stuck out like you're giving him some light, he needed space and that's alright. What he needed was time to reflect, no need for a fast process. Just take his time.

•For once, he felt seen. He didn't need to be a Kingscholar, just Leona. A man who just wanted motivation and reminders of his importance in life. Even if he couldn't realize it that way, but he'll try. No promises though, herbivore.

After overblot:

•He didn't care about what you did. He respected you and that told enough. You cared, you encouraged, and you stayed. Long enough for his heart's content. This was enough, he had members in his dorm that cared about him, that listened to his every whims, didn't leave, and had yet to grow under his knowledge he'd throw at them.

•He didn't know why you were so caring, though.

•You were kind, too kind. And you cared a lot for the others as well. You were loud, you were flamboyant. You stood out besides Kalim, but you were also willing to help and understand people. There wasn't much to say about you besides your boisterous persona. He didn't mind as long as you've stayed. He wouldn't need to feel second anymore.

•Watch your back, herbivore. Or else he'll do it for ya. Not that he wanted to, tch. Don't be delusional, he's not sending out his dormmates to look out for you, it comes naturally for them. So ignore it.

•He dgaf when you sleep on him, even if your a loud sleeper that snores a lot, or suddenly placing your entire leg on his torso, he doesn't care. What man would he be if he treated you horribly despite everything you've given- ahem. Yeah. He doesn't care.

....

...

..

.

•Totally.

Azul Ashengrotto

Before overblot:

•When he first met you, he straight up thought on how he should take profit from you, though, you weren't much of anything useful for his plans. So he didn't even bother you, but you were loud and a tad too confident despite being in a school where you don't belong. Or world?

•Imagine his surprise after hearing two overblots and they involved you. Who knew, that you attract so much trouble in this school? But, you were staying in that Ramshackle dormitory. So, he wanted to take that advantage. To extend the branch

•He didn't know you could be enigmatic. You were so caring and loyal and kind to your friends and whoever. Then, you're standing your ground demanding he should let go of your friends and everyone else in this forced labor. How amusing.

•that is, until you've completely done it. Ruining his plans, his hardwork, his efforts to get to the top, by managing to get Leona on your side?

•How. How could this happen to him? He- he's going to be seen as pathetic again! That silly loser, that small octo-twerp, that- that weak, slow, fat, ugly, octo-mer.

•No, not again. He doesn't want it to happen again, not this time- No. It shouldn't- it can't- but it did- and he doesn't want it to. Why? Why do this to him? How does this benefit you? YOU? Who cared a lot for others, why must you DO this to him? Why? This can't- you're RUINING EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. ALL HIS HARDWORK. CRUMBLED. All because of YOU and your BACK-UPS. WHY? He's going to get bullied again, you guys are teasing him like those annoying bullies he'd had before- its repeating the same thing, over, over, over, and over again. He just wants to feel okay- he wants to feel loved- he wants to love himself but he couldnt- it hurts. Everything. All this hurts because it reminds him, everything does not always go according to plan.

•So you've helped. You did. Not out of obligation but for him. You did it for him. No other reason, just him. So he could feel love not from any other reason, but to exist.

•He... he just needs a little more confidence in himself to love.

After overblot:

•Nothing big had changed really. Just the twins going back to their usual selves while Azul kept making deals, a fair one sure. But some, exceptions, for the ones you've had unpleasant encounters with. He respected and admired you. You've had every dorm vying for you. You had everyone's support incase you fall. And you had their backs too, with all that kindness and unusual amount of loyalty. Especially for him, too.

•He never thought, you'd be the one guiding him step-by-step. He always thought that this is how his life is gonna go. Being a shady business man. And all he could do, is make others distrust him. But, you helped. You tried to understand him, little by little.

•And you did.

•He was honored to have you as his, until the day your gone. He'll wait.

Jamil Viper

Before overblot:

•Sigh.

•Kalim 2.0? Again, with another loud, confident, flashy grin. Another student he should avoid dealing with. And no, he doesn't want grey hairs at the age of 17. Don't do this to him please. He's tired

•Tired of revolving his life around someone and not his own. Tired of the small practices he had to do to protect someone of higher status than him. Tired of everything being about Kalim. Tired of everything that had been placed onto Kalim's lap and never owning anything for himself. Tired of having to put himself into harm's way for someone else that knew no better. Tired of everyone having to tell him to stay in line behind Kalim. Tired of not being able to show off his full potential, his competency, his talents. Tired of letting Kalim outshine him every way when he holds back. Tired- just, exhausted.

•So when his plans failed? When his plans to overthrow Kalim had failed? Because of some magicless person that clearly didn't belong, had managed to bring back-ups? This was his last resort. He didn't care if it was his final moment or how this is where his life ends, he has had everything taken away, nothing could erase that. So when he overblotted, the only thing that made him feel free was afterlife.

•And then that had done nothing on him. Since that failed too. What was the point on doing anything to serve some boy who couldn't even take care of himself? Why was he born in a family of servitude? He hated his background, being a Viper. A servant to the Al-Asim. It was unfair, all of it was unfair. He couldn't do anything to outshine Kalim because of consequences. He really couldn't, but now-

•"No one is here to stop you. Just let loose every once a while." Is what you'd say along those lines.

•You noticed? And yet to understand his situation. But you noticed anyway. Despite being flamboyant and loud, you knew how to care and when to stop when it's necessary. You've helped, you've reached out. Something meant for him.

After overblot:

•After the entire incident everything, mostly went to normal (but there were DIY rains that often occurred whenever Kalim went outside in the middle of the night), you've helped everyone (and maybe Kalim, poor boy-) and mostly, him. Your kindness kinda got to him, not that he'll admit. Your loyalty is like no other, and it was most likely because you were willing to give. So, sometimes whenever he's free he makes your favorite dish and gives it to you as a gift as both of you hangout.

•He never felt like this, he didn't need to feel like a servant or a Viper. Just Jamil, someone who feels like him, not needing expectations of who he doesn't want to be, but the freedom of knowing he's himself whenever he wants to be.

•He's grateful you've helped him. Even when he tells you not to. He needed it, and you knew it.

•He'll watch your back when the time comes to dire situations. Even if you're annoying. Worry not, prefect.

Vil Scheonheit

Before overblot:

•When he first saw your flashy grin and heard your loud voice, he thought, 'Great, another Kalim in the list' it didn't mean he dint like your confidence, though. And maybe slightly envied you as others flocked towards you.

•The few months (days?) Staying in this school he and heard about your... encounters. You were troublesome in his mind, you never seem to catch a break. So, at the VDC, your group (+Kalim and Jamil) was chosen, so while they were practicing you got a bit too loud and Vil had to fcking bitch-slap you to shut up, cause' mf aged 10 years listening to your loud-ass voice that broke the maximum volume.

•So when the VDC incident happened he couldn't understand why he wasn't perfect again. Why he couldn't be the fairest of them all, why their opinions of him are expectant, taking roles of a villain, lines, the stage was not meant for him, but for that boy. That Naive, stupid, too sweet boy. All describe him as love itself. It wasn't fair to him. Why isn't he number one!? WHY are they looking at Neige's performance as a more LIKEABLE much more FAIRER one? Why couldn't he be noticed as number one? Why can't they just get it? He hates this boy. Growing and manifesting envy, raising it to the high skies. His resentment is palpable. He despised, his heart grew ugly, black splattered around, oozing from his magic, a blot monster shaped as a figure behind him, the manifestation of envy. His heart poisoned with every bit of his hate and jealousy, the mocking crown on top of his head, veil on the back of his head, revealing a pale white face. Something he considered to be beautiful. He wanted perfection and be perfection itself. His veil at the back of his head symbolizing the unraveling truth, the veil he wore kept hidden his true nature, from behind all the cameras and stage-plays, Vil Scheonheit is the villain. Scheonheit takes the role of a bad-guy. Vil is bad. Vil is a villain. Vil is beautiful but comes 2nd to Leblanche. Neige this, Neige that- E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G was about N.E.I.G.E. He HATED all of them, all those relating to Neige. All the topic, the conversation, the top- Just Neige.

•Why couldn't he be the fairest one of all?- "You may not be the fairest of the world, but you are the fairest in their eyes. The ones who've stayed with you, the ones who've followed you. They see you as their fairest queen. You'll just need to accept that perfection has its flaws, that'll include you, Vil."....

•You really think so? Thinking he is perfect without the world's validation? To just believe his loved ones and the people that loves him, is enough?

•He'll try. He thought to himself, bringing back his senses, cries of a child who wanted success, who viewed his life as a never-ending tragic movie.

After overblot:

•He felt slightly bitter. That's all there is to it, he isn't forcing much on Epel but keeps it to a limited amount, he'd sometimes correct your posture or bring you clothes since your closet is lacking. Feeling warm and slightly proud whenever you stand up for him from the haters, it wasn't really necessary but he let you be

•He admires your kindness and care. Your willingness to understand others gives him respect for you

•He'll not have this in any other way, you've done your best. And that's all he ever asks of you.

•Anyway you have to fix your hair-

End.

I'm suuupperrr sorry but I think I'll continue Idia And malleus in the next part like bro- my emotions hurt so much (yes in the writing I've imagined myself in their shoes and then feel the emotions and write it down to my very best descripture. And it depleted my energy somehow I'm not joking this time).

[pressplay-if]

I think maybe what the anon was getting at was that it sometimes seems like you...... I guess, resent or dislike IF readers as a whole? Like, at first you were like "guys stop asking me about the story, you'll see" and then "guys stop talking to me about romance, that's all IF readers like" and then it was like "guys all you want is smut and that's not what I want."

I LOVE your story for so much - how it deals with mental illness, the format, the MC, the platonic bonds between the characters - and I can't wait to (hopefully!) pay for the whole thing one day. And it also seems like you appreciate individual readers who appreciate that stuff too, which is totally fair.

But for IF readership overall...... Idk. I can see how some readers feel discouraged about sharing what interests them about your story.

I don't know; maybe I did develop some resentment, given I have in fact received more weird, passive aggressive and outright rude asks than I care to count. Most of the time I just delete them and move on.

Aside from those very negative things, I appreciate my readers and I try to maintain a healthy way of interacting with my readers, which is why I try to be upfront about what I don't appreciate, you know?

I feel like, with the amount of asks I'm getting, I can't have been too discouraging. It's just that I really don't need to hear people's fantasies revolving around the ROs 24/7, so I hope you guys understand why I'm tired of it. I don't want to think of Press Play as a romance either, it really makes me sad. It has a lot of that but to me, it's a drama and a music story first and foremost. I don't want people to go into it expecting differently. And I mean, the romance-debate is old news, this is about the smut thing. My feelings on this are way more complex than "eww you guys are perverts".

I try to manage the attention I get, that's all I can do. I want to share my work, but I don't want to lose my joy in it. So I tell people what I value and what I don't value in terms of the messages they send me. I really don't want to be an asshole, but I'm still trying to have a good time with all of this.

I'm discovering a lot about myself as I'm writing this story. That I'm uneasy about smut is one of those things. I can't help it when a bump in the road comes along, but I'm not going to act like it's nothing.

I try to explain my standpoints as best I can. When I perceive an ask as demanding, I take the liberty of saying so. I dunno, I guess there's not much else to say about this.

[calyptramoths]

having a lot of thoughts about aromanticism and how that interacts with my idea of friendship vs romance

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i posted abt this on my tiktok story but i need to rant more so im putting it here 😭😭 the way a lot of mikosai shippers (on tiktok, pinterest, reddit, etc) are is such a big reminder to me of why i hate the strictly romantic soulmates trope with every fiber of my being 😭😭😭 people who interpret soulmates as "that means theyre canonically together" regardless of how the characters actually feel about each other and if they ACTUALLY get together is so fucking gross to me oh my god its so fucking gross i hate forced romance so bad 😭😭 someone cant just say "hey, we're soulmates so you HAVE to date me and its literally weird and impossible for you to like anyone else because i said so!!" and also aiura WOULDNT do that anyway ???? HELLOOO???

you have no idea how many people ive seen call all saiki ships with anyone other than aiura "problematic ships" just because "theyre soulmates"

[authenticcadence18]

I miss the person I was a year ago. two years ago. more social. happier. doing more creatively.

[widevibratobitch]

something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.

[slayerdurge]

having played a decent amount of bg3 now i can say with absolute certainty that i'm going to durgetash hell

[fingertipsmp3]

The problem with cash is I literally convince myself that no one can see me spending it and therefore it’s not real money and can’t get me. And then I spend £48 on books

[ceramicbeetle]

working on another I Like You Too fic btw. i got distracted by the whole HRT wait but Im back at it again :3

[waywardsalt]

tbh i might go ahead and put dungeons in as a part of the bellum x linebeck fic's plot since like. 1) struggling to actually figure out a main plot and having dungeons as sort of bit points to hit and be little bits of fitting exploration and bonding and 2) i do kinda want to do dungeons. i like thinking of them and again i do think its fitting.

[sarah-sandwich-writes]

HOLD ON WAIT UP HOLD THE PHONE

I KNOW I WAS GONE FOR A FEW MONTHS THERE BUT HAS BLUE LIKE DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME ALWAYS BEEN A PART OF A SERIES OR IS THAT A NEW DEVELOPMENT???

I FEEL LIKE ITS CHRISTMAS ALL OVER AGAIN FUCK Y E A H

Okay so

I...

have been cooking

by which I mean illusions of grandeur and

schemes

And I have not been forthcoming lol Everyone kind of disappeared all at the same time so I kind of stopped talking about what I'm doing but I have been biding my time, quietly putting mechanisms into motion and plotting and occasionally cackling over my cauldron.

I finished the first draft of Blue like don't forget about me and didn't like it so I cut out all the sci-fi fantasy stuff (bye bye aliens farewell superpowers) and in November wrote a new first draft that's all contemporary romance babeee and I'm so in love with it I'm turning it into a little 3-part (possibly 4 if I can't control myself) series.

The original childhood years have been split off into a prequel novella called Red like my bleeding heart in your hand. Then Blue like don't forget about me will take place 20 years later. Nash works at Cherished Hope Nursing Home

“And what is it you do? At the nursing home, I mean.” I wipe shit off of old people. And Teddy’s a hockey player. What’s Luke, an underwear model? He shouldn’t have come.

Teddy comes back to town for a funeral and

Teddy looks at him for the first time in twenty years and every ounce of warmth leaves his expression. Message received. He should not have come.

OKAY SO AND THEN the next book will be Jo's POV and is called Violet like these delights. and MAYBE there will be a 4th from Luke's POV bc he gets to live this time by the grace of god (me) but it'll depend on how Violet goes (its current state is mostly vibes and a single overarching theme so, stand by).

Red needs a clean-up round of edits to snip out the few little threads that connected it to OG blue. And rewritten blue is basically done. I've done the major revisions and am about to start line edits and after those are done I'm sending it out to beta readers (lmk if you're interested).

There are concise actual summaries in my pinned post btw lol

WHICH REMINDS ME

The series title is Wildflowers of Deliverance. Which I'm extremely proud of. Did you notice did you notice how each title incorporates a wildflower did you did you? and the town they grew up in where Nash and Teddy first met is called Deliverance!!! It's okay I know I'm a genius.

And this brings us to the meal okay? because like I said I've been Cooking™ quietly but steadily for a few months now. ANd what have I been cooking? PLOTS and PLANS

I've decided on a pen name: Sarah B. Elisa

I've created a(nother) side blog for it that will be exclusively centered on my og writing and geared more toward readers rather than writers like this blog is: @sarahbe-writing

I'm going to create a website (as soon as I convince myself to spend money)

and a newsletter (as soon as I convince myself to spend money and do work)

I'm still waffling between trad publishing and DIY. I really like all my hats and it would be a shame to have to share them but oh my god I don't want to do all the marketing but trad pub seems hit or miss on how well they market you so I might get half of my hats taken away and still have to do the marketing bullshit UGH

anyway

OH YEAH and the OG draft I wrote for Blue? I'm going to spin it back to its OG OG roots [parkner, naturally--Return of The childhood friends to estranged almost lovers to super-powered rivals to reluctant allies to friends to lovers finally wip!!! AKA: We Were Gods (we were kids)] and that will fix all the things that went wrong and I didn't like 😌 so it's basically like double Christmas I think

[crazyw3irdo]

been asked if i’ll make a hamlet version of my uquiz and truly like i get why you’d want me to do that but why would i do that when rosencrantz & guildenstern are dead exists

[guinevereslancelot]

i am unknowable and incapable of love goodnight <3

[nymphelle]

Really wanna know why i cant sleep at night, i think its because i'm lonely honestly and the fact that i feel so disatisfied and unhappy with my life that i just am restless and cant feel calm idk

[caruliaa]

omitb spoilerss but before the season 3 finale i want to say and get out there tht i think tobert is involved in the murder some way, i do think tht donna(or maybe cliff) was involved but i also think tobert is part of it either the murder itself or covering it up

[xenteaart]

the hard way

pairing: vampire!chris x to be vampire!reader genre/warnings: dark romance, mean chris, angst? kinda dead dove, mentions of death, blood and a lil gore (not too graphic tho imo), it's okay in the end??? and they're in love plot: reader is getting turned into a vampire and it's not as cool as she imagined author’s note: obvsly heavily inspired by railway and that SPITTING SCENE. idk it's prolly gonna flop but i wanted to picture that process and a not so hot side of it

“no.” “why not?!” “because i told you so a million times already. we’re not discussing this.” chris spits out and furrows, growing more agitated with each passing second.

“what, you don’t want me to be equal to you?” you ponder desperately while your mind searches for any, any reason at all as to why chris won’t turn you. it’s been getting to you for the last couple of months, and you’re sure you’ve gone through every possible explanation your troubled brain could come up with: he doesn’t love you. he doesn’t wanna spend eternity with you. or maybe it’s a power thing. or, or, or...? this endless cycle of worry and uncertainty has been keeping you on edge for way too long to think clearly now. “gosh, it has nothing to do with equality,” he rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “what is it then?” “drop it.” you snap. “we’ll have to find out the hard way, then.”

you grab the nearest kitchen knife, and it turns out to be the one you use for cutting meat, a chef’s knife as they call it. how fitting. chris barely has enough time to catch up with your madness infused impulse, and when he turns his gaze back to you, the knife is already deep in your guts.

you thought it was gonna be romantic or somewhat dramatic at least. something from the movies where he sinks his vampire teeth into your neck, and just like magic — your eyes flash bright red, announcing the beginning of a new life.

“you dumb bitch,” he exhales shakily and somehow manages to catch you in time because the sharp pain in your stomach makes you lose your balance instantly. you’re still bitter and angry in the heat of the argument and you expect him to be the same way, but when you glance up, chris looks nothing but panicked. “that’s a new look on him,” you think, and it confuses you.

chris growls and sinks to his knees, carefully holding you and trying to move as fast as possible. what you don’t know is that turning can only be done in around thirty seconds since fatal injury. that might explain the rushing and chris’s pure bambi eyes panic but your consciousness is already starting to drift away to hold onto that train of thought.

chris bites into his wrist with unmasked fury, tearing and ripping his own veins even though using a knife would have been much cleaner. probably less painful, too. “swallow. now! come on, don’t you fall asleep on me now, focus!” he grabs your face and presses hard on the jaw joints, making you open your mouth like a puppet doll.

the sickly metallic taste of your own blood at the back of your throat from the internal bleeding mixes up with chris’s thick blood that he generously spits into your mouth, and you want to throw up. your head feels dizzy as your eyelids are getting heavier, your hearing suddenly fails completely as if someone turned the volume down from ten to zero. limbs are falling weak, and the pins and needles in them are so, so far from pleasant.

the thing about turning is... you actually have to die first. be fully, completely gone to be able to come back changed and corrupted, turned to the extent of your DNA having been violently rewritten. that you did not think through enough. the muscles in your throat contract almost on reflex, swallowing and gagging on the gooey salty substance, making your chest heave while coughing strangles you further. the tingles and nausea are so overwhelming and all consuming you actually catch yourself thinking dying would be a relief now. and then it follows as you wished.

you doze off for god knows how long but, by the looks of it, it can’t have been more than a few minutes because as you regain consciousness, chris is still looming over you, his own blood fresh on his lips. he’s blurry, though, everything is.

“come on, suck on me. c’mon, baby, there we go,” he coos as he brings his wrist to your lips, forcefully pressing it into your mouth and leaving you with little to no choice. the phrasing, unlike usual, doesn’t sound dirty or hot now, more like a life-saving command while you’re still so out it. it feels good, though, chris’s blood.

it doesn’t taste so metallic and gross anymore, and the texture feels almost soothing on your dry throat, like hot honey milk on a friday evening. suck, gulp, suck, gulp, suck, it almost lulls you back into serenity, some primal instinct of being attached to your only life line, finding comfort in someone’s warmth and touch and taste.

you wonder how much you’ve drunk already and whether chris will have anything left but you’re so, so thirsty you can’t even bring yourself to care.

what finally makes you stop is the sudden sharp ache in your gums. it feels so piercing the aftershocks are almost reaching your brain and eye sockets, and as you feel your old teeth fall out, a pair of longer fangs cuts through and settles into the upper teeth row. hot tears are stinging your eyes and you whine like a wounded deer, still unable to speak properly. it’s all too much, and you start to regret what you’ve done, and maybe, just maybe that’s why chris so passionately refused to put you through it. this kind of hunger and the animalistic, blood thirst driven rage were never something he wanted to inflict upon you.

your entire body is shaking but it’s not really a fearful tremor, more like restlessness, a new sort of “itch” somewhere deep, deep inside that you’ve never experienced before, the feeling so intense and soul wrenching you simply can’t disobey it. it makes you want to jump up and run.

“don’t worry, i’ll teach you how to handle it.” chris cups your face after taking off his leather gloves so you can feel the comfort of his actual skin. the touch is calming, but barely enough compared to that growing desire and need to satisfy the itch. “you stupid crazy cunt, why do you never listen,” he whispers into your forehead, his lips lightly brushing over your cold sweat covered skin, as he holds you closer, squeezing you against his chest in a protective manner, though the real danger to yourself is now planted within you.