#even tho I have really good things in my life rn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

authenticcadence18 · 8 months ago

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I miss the person I was a year ago. two years ago. more social. happier. doing more creatively.

#ya girl is just sad today #yelling into the void bc idk where else to yell #I was so much happier this time last year #even tho I have really good things in my life rn #I just think about like #April 2023 me :(#or!#fall 2020 me #she was living in constant covid anxiety sure #but she was also having the time of her life writing phinbella romance and sharing it with friends #now I haven’t updated that fic in nearly two years #and there’s friends I just don’t see much of anymore #which is no one’s fault that is just how life is #but it just aches #I just feel so sad #or 2021 me #she was posting so much art!!! literally living it up!!!!!!!#now well I mean #my newest pnf piece has gotten close to 500 likes on instagram which has never happened with my pnf art before #so that’s really cool #but I just #ugh #at least I have TTPD #I feel so disconnected from people which is the true reason I post art or fic or whatever #even tho I have lovely friends who I adore!!! they just feel far away #which isn’t anyone’s fault it’s just how life is and my own weird perception of the world #anyway #all this to say I do have a chfil chapter in the works still #maybe finishing that will heal me lmao #cadence rambles

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vaguely-concerned · 1 month ago

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I don't know what I love more, the fact that as rook you can make a statement in NO uncertain terms that you are NOT responsible one way or the other for the theological implications of the shit you're discovering in the 'regrets of the dread wolf' memories. not my jurisdiction. quite simply none of my business. not my chantry circus not my chantry monkeys. irrelevant to the matter at hand here we'll kill that god if we get to him he can get in line. or if the best thing about it is seeing the lone little 'lucanis approves' that pops up right after choosing it. corvid with a knife about to commit deicide keeping it real and sensibly, pragmatically, wilfully agnostic with me here in this magical lighthouse today

#we do not see it. we cannot read all of a sudden.#rye having war flashbacks to watcher conferences and firmly going 'we are *not* getting derailed by the metaphysics here folks'#rare stern moderator/dad hat moment from ingellvar lol. he's Seen Some Shit in his time (debates that raged over the multiple #and not always concurrent life times of the participants involved. ain't no academic rivalry like watcher academic rivalry #because watcher academic rivalry doesn't stop even when everyone involved is dead. and the rest of us have to live with it)#I. do not think the way I'm getting this quest is how it's meant to be experienced so I'm a bit at a loss as to how to pace it out #I've been an annoying little completionist so I have ALL the statues and could just marathon it out #but that does not feel like the best way for the story and upcoming reveals to work. hm. how to do this #I'm supposed to go fail to save weisshaupt right around now I can't be having study group with all of you rn as much of a delight as it is #rye is nominally an andrastian as mainstream nevarrans generally are but as I gather is the case with many of the watchers #what he *actually* believes in is the grand necropolis itself haha #(and the philosophy of history memory death and relationship (as well as responsibility) between the past and the present #and indeed the future that it represents. we have a duty. to what has been to what is and to what will come after us. good shit)#the nevarran/mortalitasi element just makes their lack of care or respect for chantry orthodoxy *mwha* that extra bit special #the nevarran lack of concern bordering on quiet condescending disdain for official chantry doctrine and policy my beloved #dragon age #dragon age: the veilguard #dragon age: the veilguard spoilers #dragon age spoilers #poor harding really is living through the most relentless 'if this is the maker testing my faith he sure be testing me' gauntlet of all tim #good news: god might be real! bad news: god might not even be a real thing but more like a magical accident or vibration or something #honestly tho. if we could get full lovecraftian incomprehensible to human conception the maker -- He is a particle and a wave style --#that's the only way I'd be cool with him or them actually answering the question of his existence. that'd be kind of sick #'yes. but no. but maybe. depends on how you define god. and exist. and he. and does.' *ingellvar sets of the METAPHYSICS!! klaxon #that's a time out folks good game but easy on the jargon and navel-gazing definition of terms next round #rye and lucanis have some slightly differing views about at what exact stage of a problem murder becomes a valid solution #('well you just kill them and then I'm the one who has to deal with the next much longer part')#but they're surprisingly kind of vibing on a lot of other stuff lol. good for them <3 #oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar

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salsa-di-pomodoro · 2 years ago

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Ok but can we talk about the absolute horror of being watched and monitored 24/7 that the ancients must have had. The citizenship drones being like an Alexa that's constantly following and listening to you (except it's five pebbles and not Alexa lmao). The fucking OVERSEERS. THEY'RE CALLED THAT FOR A REASON. BECAUSE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THEIR CITIZENS AS WELL AS THE ENVIRONMENT ALL THE TIME. (I would talk about the fact that they all show arti fucking ads as well but honestly idk what else to say about that. Capitalism got yet another society 😔). That's some fucking nightmare fuel dystopian society settings we are being hinted at. You know the Big Brother Is Watching You thing. The book. Yeah that's what it reminds me of.

The Iterator Is Watching You.

#imagine not being able to escape being watched any second of your life #imagine being one of the first ancients who saw an iterator come into being #imagine being one of the first ancients who had to go live on top of them #imagine being one of the first amcients to be constantly scrutinized by the overseers #i bet they knew this wasn't really a good thing #no matter how religious they were. by the time of pebbles though they were far too religiously indoctrinated to realize this was bad #(as a society i mean. theres always some who disagree and figure out what's going on)#disclaimer i have never read the book i am talking about and only know it through references and pop culture. still tho yk what i mean #rain world #rainworld #rain world iterator #rw iterator #iterator #rw five pebbles #five pebbles #im tagging him too even tho hes only mentioned i wanna reach more ppl with this #pls i may not have said everything i wanted to say cause i cant get my thoughts straight rn but i want to hear what yall think about this #agh the whole situation is so fucked imagine being the Big Brother in this and not even having a choice in it.#imagine that everyone with critical thinking knows this and cant do anything about it.#not even mentioning the cataclysmic level rain the iterators brought. like dude who thought this was a good idea.#imagine all this + the end of the world and its ecosystem as you know it happening right before your eyes #and you cant even blame the person at fault that much bc they were literally fucking born into this #rw overseer #forgot this one #rw ancients

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nomidreams · 3 months ago

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god i finally watched new episodes my honest reaction is jgiwoaoKzmxmkwkakkak

#it kinda doesnt feel real for me idk why #like i do not actually process all of it??#tho I DO have ideas and thinking i did pay attention #maybe i've just had a wild day i guess #but also oh god vex'ahlia broke my heart #twice #first time were when scanlan was talking how he couldn't be at two places at the same time to help 'em and she said nobody gives a fuck #i feel so bad for scanlan rn i love him #haven't watched campaing to the bard's lament yet but oh fuck im too spoiled i do know what happens where (a little bit)#the second time was when she said she really cares for percy i started crying at that moment #also im a lil bit disappointed cuz i thought we would get percys death and vex's spech but we got “i open the door completly naked” scene ->#and im very happy we got it like oh wow i didn't expect that #but idk im just a girl and i love percahlia's slowburn #since i watched 64 eps of actual campaign it become hard for me to not compare campaign and tlovm cuz obviosly its very different #but with percahlia in tlovm we don't have hours and hours of campaign context #(we don't have percy making her arrows)#and i understand why cuz 100+ streams 3+ hours each is one thing and animated series with 12 eps of 25 minutes is another #but as i said previosly it is very hard for me to not compare it #by the way i do think changes in tlovm make sense #cuz like?? i think vex is more sharpy in tlovm than in campaign?? like #like she punced scanlan in first season and in campaign they are kinda good friends and i really love them??#*punched #and i think she's more ?? bossy i guess?? idk how to put it into words but in my head it makes sense “i open the door completly naked” ->#goes earlier than “i shouldve told you its yours” cuz shes playing pretend even more than in campaign???#acts like its casual when its actually isnt AT ALL #and im glad percy said “what is it i want” to vex cuz its kinda like that scene in campaign when percy talked to vax #when he called them all family for the first time and said he's trying to find what he wants in life #i love percy and vax dynamic btw #i wanted to write even more here but apparently i can do only 30 tags wtf #they want me to actually write posts oh no. hate to put it all in tags but im too nervous abt posting on the internet

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widevibratobitch · 8 months ago

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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee

#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time #and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again #have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind #ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her #that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right #to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel #that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week #and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes #'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like #i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying #a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again #because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it #i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao #oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour #pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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#aaaand that's 2 doctors that think i have bipolar ii 🙃#so the conceptualize rn would b that my mood is fucked but im using ocd to keep myself contained withing sorta normal parameters #which. i mean. that does kinda fit with observationally. i would create rules around: u arent allowed to get excited abt things u arent #allowed to enjoy things bc u cant handle it. u cant b normal abt how u enjoy things. or bc when i go to enjoy a thing #my mood is caped at being lightly miserable so its like well fuck being around ppl it makes me feel nothing #bc my focus and energy swing around like the light on a lighthouse. and in between that im miserable or feel nothing #and if its true that i am bipolar the reason i never noticed would b bc i very rarely experience euphoria. mostly i have high energy and #dont feel good. just fucking out of control. so mixed episodes i guess. but like idk. i guess i just think of bipolar as being extremely #destructive. and i mean r my mood issues a problem? yes. sometimes a really big problem. but idk. im still resistant to thr idea #lots of ppl get misdiagnosed as bipolar even tho the presentation is so specific. i guess i just doesn't wanna accept it and then have to #have been wrong if i was misdiagnosed. but i mean 2 doctors independently listened to me and thought hm sounds like bipolar so maybe im #just being stubborn. also no one else in my family thst i kno of is bipolar. ive got 2 uncles with adhd but not bipolar relatives #i dunno. i guess it doesn't matter so long as i can get it under control. im good at control. destructively good at control #unrelated #i guess its more that ive never done anything life ruining bc of my moods #mostly i just dont sleep much and make myself crazy. so ill probably die an early death or whatever lack og sleep causes rio #i meant rip lol

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hazlelnoot · 11 months ago

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#been really struggling lately because idk I guess now that I’m in therapy #I’m thinking extra about all the things that have made me this specific fucked up #and it really just boils down to feeling unwanted #I wasn’t supposed to be born my grandma told my mom to abort me #I spent my entire childhood hearing my mom say that she’s not parent material but I insisted on being born #like putting the responsibility on me even tho it was her choice???#and then they idk just didn’t take care of me good #like I had to have my teeth taken out at 17 because they were literally rotting out of my head and like coming out in chunks into #my food while I was eating #and when I finally got to the emergency dentist I had to pay for it #and I’m broke but I don’t want this job I just started I’m so scared #but we need money #I just feel like I can’t do it anymore I just want someone to take care of me #I want my life to mean something to someone #I can’t type what she said somewhat recently because I alresdy cried about it yesterday #but idk I just feel like dog shit and I can’t reach out to any of my friends because they’re all busy rn #but it’s been really really bad lately I won’t lie I don’t feel like I can keep going anymore

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yatiso · 2 years ago

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entering my mostly sober era fr this shit kindve rocks ngl

#🍒#i like to drink its fun but i drink too much and w out purpose. same goes for weed #i think if i didnt indulge in one or the other or both every night and only like once or twice a week. id be a lot happier :3 #alcoholism OVER pot head era OVER #cant do the things i love to do most when im drunk or high all the time and it finally seems like right place right time for me to realize #i can stay up and read tonight…. ive been pretty much only reading at work bc its the one time i cant be drunk or high all thru out #ok. like my world just got a little bit bigger #i need you guys to realize how big this is for me ive drank like every night for the past year #also not Indulging every night will make the times i do more enjoyable #this is like. basic common sense but its like a revelation ive been working up to like i was a teenage alcoholic and an adult achie haulic #alchie hydraulic… that was gona be my joke. dammit…#anyways it feels really good to not be high or drunk rn usually i loathe it and hate it but rn. it feels like sunshine :3 #uhm. this might be cringe but idc ! been obsessed w drugs and booze my whole damn life ! am finally realizing! having a moment here !#okay no more tumblr diary posts im gona. get some ice cream even tho its not my day off (when. i usually let myself have some) and im gona #read and have fun and eventually fall asleep very peacefully :3 good night tumblr

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phagodyke · 7 months ago

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ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(

#its not the end of the world like theyre not artists i LOVE love just ones i know and like a few tracks of #last year i had so much fun bc one of the artists there was an all time fave of mine. but yeah im not missing out on that this year #but its still a shame. i miss living there and being able to walk to gigs to easily like the music scene was so up my street!!#and i was kind of looking forward to it. but i shouldve planned it further in advance if i was serious abt going #i just didnt think theyd BOTH play so late???? i swear they had an earlier schedule last year #i guess i could just go and mill around some of the shows earlier in the day even tho ive skimmed most of them on spotify and theyre-#not rly my thing. sigh #im v tired + starting to feel quite sad this evening for some specific reasons i dont really want to think much about bc it is what it is #so its hard to imagine going out and having fun tomorrow. maybe ill just aim to get my chores done instead and see how i feel after that #i might fix my bike up and check the other local climbing gym out bc i havent visited that one before and itd be nice to mix it up #and i need to go out on the bike at some point this weekend so i dont build up anxiety abt it after yesterdays crash. hmm #man. its hard trying to do things solely for my own enjoyment sometimes. im usually pretty ok at making myself do it #and im grateful that i am! but i think im just feeling quite lonely. and not in a way where being around other people rly helps #like its more of a core thing. i feel kind of unseen by people in my life at the moment and that makes me feel like im not quite real #and i dont really know what to do about that. i think its why im still on my discord hiatus i just dont really have anything to say rn #ive felt this intermittently throughout a lot my life i think. but most of the time i can distract myself from it enough not to notice it #and i put the effort in socially regardless + usually when im in the moment it doesnt matter. but the stretches inbetween those moments..#its not unbearable and i dont feel that depressed at the moment either. just a bit lost i guess. i know itll pass eventually #but yeah it just keeps nudging up against me bc im feeling every little misunderstanding and slight quite keenly atm #ahh.. well its okay. ive never really needed much anyway im good at taking care of myself and thats enough to get by #ill do something nice for myself this weekend one way or another. im gonna go take a long shower rn i think and then read a bit #ah and i said i didn't rly want to think about it! but i guess i did... well i feel like i exist a little more for typing it out anyway #okay yes shower time now :-)#.diaries #maybe someday ill have ppl in my everyday life who i do feel seen + safe around. a girl can dream.. i have a lot of work to do before then

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ramudamemura · 1 year ago

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hi guys

looks at you like this

#look at this image it’s so image #don’t mind me i’m just stressing bc i go back to school tomorrow #i am kinda nervous for the spring semester #i actually think it’ll be better than last semester bc last semester was kinda ass but like #still nervous yk #fling posse save me fling posse #i think my hyperfixations (whatever they may be. rn it’s obviously hypmic) will become less aggressive once i go back tho #bc then i’ll have work and my social life AND school yk #which is kinda sad but kinda a good thing bc i am running out of fics to read and fanart to look at lmao 😭#i’m ab ready to start posting fling posse meta (don’t encourage me i have so many drafts)#it’s ok i really do think this semester will be better than last #the way i’m posting this while i’m supposed to be doing assignments 😭 goodbye #shut up diana #one of my professors is gonna b assigning daily quizzes #another one assigned an 84 question pre assessment to do before the first day of class #it was to let her know a baseline for our skill level which does make sense but i think 84 questions is a little excessive #like why are you being a try hard who r you trying to impress. the other professors?? 😭#rosho would be disappointed #anyway ik im being harsh and i shouldn’t be judging professors that i haven’t even met yet #but like. giving an 84 question pre assessment is giving that boy in middle school who tries way too hard in gym class and cries if he lose #like can you chill. pelase. please. chill lelkasepleazewi oh hmhod i am only one person i #i rlly wanna start this semester off right tho #like i’m gonna start drinking more water my goal is to finish my water bottle every day OUTSIDE of what i drink at meals #and i’m gonna go for walks more since they make me happy :)#and i’m NOT gonna be hard on myself when i can’t focus or procrastinate or take forever to do smth (hashtag adhd)#that’s gonna b a hard one tho #anyway sorry 4 spam if you r reading these tags ignore me #i just need somewhere to put this lmao #maybe i should get a diary or something #i can be like greg heffley

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themindelectricdemo4 · 1 year ago

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i dpnt know if this needs to be said but if anyone is coming to this account to milk drama out of a specific person to harass said person........ i dont support that & pls leave. this includes my main account too where we wrote up some cringe stuff (though i think its gone now, just cuz i didnt want that to be wat people saw when people checked our primary account . im sure screenshots exist somewhre, i took some before i took them down)

ya i dont like that person but...... i vent about that person sometimes & that person probably vents about me sometimes, but besides that, we r done interacting with each other... & if anyone here is looking for more reasons to hate the person which i doubt but just in case. stop harassing ppl u dont like just move on. u can vent but like. dont make it that persons problem ?? & this goes for...literally anyone u dislike. just leave ppl alone. if theyre a genuine criminal report them to the authorities & move on . fuckin internet warrior type beat

#ppl make dumb mistakes ok.#some people are really annoying #but like...that doesnt warrant bothering someone #just ignore #this is goood life advice for like 90% of the internet as well so if this isnt happening good. consider what i say tho nanyways #also idk if that person is having this problem but like 4 me poersonally when i felt like i was being poked n prodded (in my case by ppl #mocking stupid things i said) it made my psychosis a lot worse & even thoguh my delusion was the problem at the time #it made it worse. i dont know if thatshappening im not privy to that knowledge but im just trying 2 put my shoes into that situation #like its not fun for the receiver & i feel like to a point its not fun for the sender either. isnt that stressful? idk. just stop being #annoying theres literally BILLIONS of peopel on this planet #if u think theyre a horrible person cuz of some dumb shit someone did then why dont u focus on something more productive in this world #with ppl who are ruining other ppls lives with irreparable trauma thru horrible irredeemable actions or fuckgin!!!! u know!!! whatevers #happening in the world rn #if u have the determination to send hate ask afetr hate ask can u like #redirect that passion into something more positive for this world. :sob:#or maybe if someone needs to hear from someone that ALSO doesnt like this person that i think theyre being unreasonable with showing their #disapproval toward s that person? will that make them open their eyes & realize theyre being ridiculous...that this isnt the answer #idk lol .>_<#HOKO.EXE #10/18/2023 #GLOOMY.TXT

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unripe-lemon · 8 months ago

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Since i know no one will see this:

1 note and i will email my therapist

ok so for this one,, like since then i have emailed my therapist?? that counts right????? tbh i dont even know what to talk abt anymore, but i do have a session with her so dw

2 notes and ill put my laundry away

ugh….. stupid. internet.. making me do things that will make my life easier…. gugh yeah i put my laundry away!!!!! everyone clap now

5 notes and ill try to brush my teeth more often

ok so like for this one i found this video https://youtu.be/pvutTiPY7q8?si=PASnBmUXZ0xiHzWM imma sing this song to myself every tike i dont feel like brushing my teeth

youtube

6 notes and ill try to put on cream for my dermatitis (anxiety hives!!! yayyy!!!!) more often

just did it hehe :) tho it is getting a little worse and my kitten scratched me on top of it 😭

10 notes and ill attempt to learn my timestables

11 notes and ill study for my exams

my exams are over!!!! so idk what to do for this one? maybe ill go do my homework instead

20 notes and ill try to go one day without using my pc/phone

30 notes and ill vaccum (more bc we just adopted kittens) my room entirely

40 notes and ill try to explain my depression to my mom again

50 notes and ill clean my locker out at school

imma do this tmr!!!

i forgot 😭 someone remind me

80 notes and ill fix the posters that are falling off of my wall and are probably going to rip soon

doing this rn! taking dinner break

100 notes and ill REALLY unpack everything with my therapist

maybe tmr?

we talked about medication and kittens, also exams so like success??

200 notes and ill ask my mom if we can go to my go and get! me! medicated!

ill discuss w therapist tmr

discussed with therapist, we are now getting the conversation started with my mom and are going to see what my gp says after that!! :) ty to everyone in the notes rooting for meds

300 notes and ill re organise my bookshelf

400 notes and ill clean all of the mold off of my wall

damn 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ion wannaaaaaaaa

this is a weekend activity tbh, and idk if its even going to BE this weekend :P

500 notes and ill clean the mold off of my roof

600 notes and ill try sewing some new clothes

i crocheted a scarf!!! does that count?

700 notes and ill buy some new shoes

800 notes and ill check out dnd club at school (im scared)

900 notes and ill come up with more goals

edit: bro……. 😭

so im gonna take my time w these bc there is a lot to go thru!! i will try my best to remember to update!!! ty for notes :)

- random internet stranger

edit 2: WTF 1000 NOTES GUYS CHILL

ok so like i have to come up with more goals now???

1500 and ill start taking study notes with a study method (rb with study method that is your fav eg cornell method)

1700 and ill attempt to hype myself up enough to eat at school (long story, germs)

2000 notes and ill start whatever book wins this poll:

#funny #lol #meme #<- since i know no one will see this i may aswell give it a chance right?#dont make me get my life together im begginf 😭😭#Youtube

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noxtivagus · 2 years ago

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reading some short stories for literature rn n i'm just. in awe of life.

#🌙.rambles #it's certainly bittersweet growing up n thinking of how i won't ever experience this part of my life twice.#so i always try to live it to my fullest. it's.. overwhelming n hard having all these thoughts but.#i'd hate to live without this depth n complexity. fuck if life would be easier. i would be stronger for it.#one thing i love abt. growing up tho. is that i understand life even better. i can empathize even more with other people. i understand more #& yet.. it's bittersweet too ofc. of how ephemeral n fleeting it is. n the depth the complexity can really be too much at times #i can't really. see life very simply anymore. but i take my mind of its intricacies when i'm more focused on. more #routine n normal parts of my life? but god i don't know how to say it #i really don't know how to write it. of the suffocating pressure of knowing how fast time is. of wanting to hold on as much as i can #so when time goes by. this won't be lost. but much.. much already has been lost n #idk i have a lot of thoughts rn n it simultaneously distresses & comforts me n i don't know how to write it #i really just. want to learn n take in so much. perhaps too much for me #bcs ik i still can be too perfectionistic or systematic when it comes to.. success? or life in general #so much of it is also just irrational n unpredictable n. really just. human n. that escapes me at times #bcs i don't.. often feel like i really interact with the world in a social way. that's one thing i really lack but it's rlly a weakness #of mine. bcs it's so fleeting it's so unpredictable n it interests me so much i love the endless. mystery of life but #it's. also too much at times when i feel particularly emotional bcs it's. too.. human? i don't know how to write it #i was gna talk abt the stories i've been reading lmfao but i ended up rlly investing in them n trying to understand the authors #i really just want to understand n learn so much. maybe i can be too passionate n curious for my own good but. i can't help it?#..the thought of wishing to belong still persists. n i'm rather hopeless when it comes to it rn bcs i don't know how i'm meant to face it #i tell myself i know better but i rlly. think i need to get it through my thick skull that life really isn't about doing things right n #just. doing this or wtvr. i can.. let myself be human too n. yeah. yeah i'm about to cry noo my mind is a mess #but times where i feel like this is when i want to write the most bcs a part of me is still. restrained but. so vulnerable deep down #i hope one day i can let go of those chains. n even if it's through writing something just for myself. maybe.. a story w more form?#hdflajsdklf i'm too pressured tho to do it as quickly as i can bcs time is so fast.. but. i'll. just. be patient w myself. yeah.#i'll live however i can as time just goes by. n i'll find my peace in myself like that. yeah. YEAH.#sorry this is like a mess but my mind is srs a mess but i'm oddly distressed n at peace rn. but i'm fine. i know myself well.#i'll just do what i can tonight. life n time will go on but i'll rest tonight.#listening to music rn makes me think of how much i fucking love life despite. the pain. n then.. my love for fiction n. everything #just everything in the universe. my love for the universe as a whole can just be too much i'm crying it's all too much but i'm ok dw 😭

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windor-truffle · 4 months ago

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HOLY SHIT IT'S REAL

@windor-truffle graces remaster!!!!!!!!

#tales of graces f #i picked a good time to get back into graces i guess 😂 this is surreal #this is huge gonna get new fans gonna bring out old ones holy shit holy shit this is terrifying (positvie)#my unhinged screams might actually be heard by more people and i can't tell if that's a good thing or not 😅 still excited regardless #debating whether to preorder for pc or switch but i think i want switch for that seductive 'gaming whilst lying down' experience 😤#i'll probably buy another copy once it's on sale tho 😅 if i like a game i'll get it on as many consoles as i can so it's always accessible💜#it looks really good too since ive playing the original i can see the upgrade in art quality! it's cleaner like a fresh coat of paint #though admittedly i have very low standards for game graphics n64/gamecube games look fine too me they're charming 😅#it looks they're even adding some quality of life stuff like the desitnation icon on the map!#that'd be nice for me rn trying to find all of the parasites inside the rockgagong while the goal overlay just says 'keep moving :)'#the encounter skip is cool too ig but like. isnt that what holy bottles are for 😅 also i thought ppl loved the battle system more than plot #the DLC though!!!!! that's been inaccessible since the ps3 store closed so im excited to get the legacy costumes!!#does this mean i can finally have lelouch and hatusne miku in the party 😂#the list of the L&L arc as a bonus feature is kind of funny tho. no offense to bamco but i should THINK it's included it better stay free 😤#aaaaaaa man what should i do to celebrate i gotta make art for january and also the anniversary in december 💜💜💜💜💜#ecxuse me while i blast white wishes and cry a little 👍

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widevibratobitch · 9 months ago

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took a bunch of clothes to my mom's to wash them since my washing machine is still down and she said 'ill do it dw about it' and threw my favourite white top in with the colours. i no longer have a favourite white top :)

#and i cant even be mad at her because her husband is dead #lol and lmao #anyway the top is now the ugliest greyish minty colour and it looks horrible #normally i wouldnt mind. like there were two white tops and the other also got dyed and idc #but this one had a more unique idc shape? whatever you call that. and it was one of the very few crop tops #that really made me feel good about my body. like not even 'ok i guess i dont look like something that crawled out of a garbage bin'#but genuinely 'good'#and it feels so stupid to be this upset over such a small thing but i feel like ive been at the very limit for the last few days #with everyone fucking crying around me #that this genuinely feels like a tragedy to me rn lol #anyway im being nice and i keep saying its no big deal and nvm but ig you can see that im upset #so now SHE'S mad that I'M mad even tho im not even being a bitch about it im just Sad lol #kms #anyway i feel like shit and it all feels so overwhelming and to think that ill have to spend the long weekend in may here too #my dad and his gf will be at my place in wrocław going to concerts cause there's some sort of festival #all my friends will be chilling and having fun #and i cant even go to prague or vice versa because ill have to be here. having the time of my life with my mother and my grandpa #losing my mind and getting panick attacks in the bathroom lol

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unluckilyimnot · 7 months ago

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hiîi, can you write bllk chara tera introducing their gf to the press or the press somehow finding you that the players have a gf

idk if this makes sense but pleaseee write it I love your blog sm <3

The press found out about their relationship - Rin, Sae, Kaiser, Isagi, Karasu

m.list | rules

Note : hii ! Thank you sm for your request! I take some times to go through some of my requests before writing with another media I'm really into rn, sorry some will wait a bit mor

Same as the others ! There wasn't anyone mentioned but don't hesitate to ask for your fav if you want ♡

Rin

He's not fan of it

I guess he adapted to it quickly, you being bring on a lot the first few weeks and things like that

But he's so tensed about it you have to calm him down a lot at first

He's upset all the time You have to remind him that's it's not only a bad things

And that people's reactions has been relatively good, that's already a good point

He's more worried about you obviously but in the end you're the one taking care of him

He feels a bit bad but yeah, he appreciates it a lot

Don't expect a lot of changes tho, he doesn't want his love life all over the internet

Sae

He's annoyed when the press found out, to say the least

He wish it could've stay private and doesn't want people to be after you

He hates the fact that he's ask about it now and has to be even more cold in interview than before

He tries to be unbothered but knowing how it changed your life it's impossible

Behind closed door at first he can spend a lot of time with you so make it up

He's famous so I think people tried to know more about you and invade your personal space

I don't think it necessarily goes wrong on social media, it's just trending a lot for a few days

You have to moderate your account a lot cause there's always hater

He still doesn't talk about you bc you asked him to

but he feel less pressure if some pictures of you two end up in the internet

Kaiser

He's ANGRY

Don't get it wrong, he thought about revealing your relationship a few times and you were still talking about it

But this happening without his consent or yours drive him crazy at first

Yet on camera he's cocky about it, telling he doesn't mind and rumbling about how gorgeous you are

He takes the opportunity as it is and posy about you more on his social media, without hiding you so much

He has his lawer ready to anyone spitting shit at you on social media tho

Don't mess with his s/o, he'll take actions

Isagi

He's lost poor guy

If you cry about it he does his absolute best to comfort you before contacting his agent to see what he can do

Honestly He's use to it but if you're not used to the fame, he's careful so your anxiety don't go crazy

He's sad if that change your life a lot but he does his best to not change a thing in your routine

The good point is that, like Kaiser, he can pray a lot more with you than before and he's really happy about it !!

He likes to share with people I think so it open a lot of doors

Karasu

He acts cool in front of the camera but he's annoyed

It was early in your relationship and he's scared it's gonna fucked it up

You have to be the one comforting him

You're not the type to make promises if you're not sure of yourself, but you assure him that the press and people finding out didn't scared you

You'll stay with him as long as possible, you don't see yourself leaving because of this

He's probably needed this more than he would've admit cause after this, being on camera is easier again

He's not upset anymore if they ask about you since you gave him a green light

He feels even lighter than before, in fact

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