#they are very dick and wally coded

[stripetucker-tweak]

I need someone to draw Stan and Kyle as Robin and Kid Flash so badly!

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for dating Wally West

Wally West x reader

warnings:

a/n: i was debating whether or not y/n is on the team or not n for this im going for y/n being a regular civilian but now im debating making dating hcs for a hero too 🤭

prompt: anonymous: “But if you're still taking requests (and speaking of fast haha), I would absolutely love if you could do a lil' something about Wally West ♡. I love that track star to bits and we're entering my favorite season ever : spooky season (or autumn for people who aren't chronically online like me). So if you'd be tempted to write some fluff/domestic stuff in autumn with Wally, I would be over the moon! 🦊”

wally is so annoying (in the best way!!)

you aren’t too used to the whole idea of dating a metahuman, every day is like an adventure

and for a speedster? you’d be surprised how hard it is for him to find the time

but he makes time

*doorbell rings*

“you’re twenty minutes late” -you

“in flash-time that’s early” -wally, holding a half-eaten box of chocolates “i got a little hungry”

on his “days off,” you could usually find the two of you on the couch with a variety of snacks scattered across the coffee table and crumbs peppering the cushions and floor

“the dog will get them” -wally

“hate to break it to you, but i don’t have a dog” -you

“should i get you a dog?” -wally

he was always so goofy

and affectionate, very affectionate!

he loved to give you cheek and forehead kisses, so many so fast

“how many was that?” -you after noticing repeated pressure on your cheeks

“going on a hundred. i’m trying to beat my record!” -wally

it always ended up tickling and you’d laugh until you fell over

“wally!! wally, come on!!” -you

you’d always get bummed whenever he got called for a mission

especially because it always happened in the middle of something (dinner, a movie, study date, etc.)

then when he came home he’d be a wreck and then you’d be a wreck because you’d see him like that

then he’d have to calm you down and you’d have to help him feel better

“you dont have to do that, im fine! i swear!” -wally while you panic and try to take care of him

being invited to the cave!

meeting the team!

“just because youre meeting a half-kryptonian clone, a martian, an atlantean, some girl with a bow and arrow, and batman’s sidekick doesn’t mean you get to think any of them are cooler than me, kapeesh?” -wally

“oh yes, i know you’re the coolest” -you

the team loves you!!!

“wow, wally, thanks for proving your s/o isn’t imaginary” -artemis

“youre welcome” -wally

“do you want to come bake with me?!” -m’gaan

“please say yes, y/n. i’m so hungry. so so hungry” -wally

“let’s do it!” -you

starting to camp out at the cave while wally is on missions

also once some more dangerous people figured out wally’s identity, you got your own access code to the cave. EMERGENCIES ONLY

you used it to surprise wally once and got a stern talking to from batman. never again

you dont really spend too much time with the team, but you get invited to most of their friendly outings!

and you talk up a storm with the others trying to learn about their lives, which sometimes makes wally a liiiittle jealous

but you want to live vicariously through these interesting people bc ur life is a liiiittle boring

“can you tell me what atlantis is like? what it feels like to be underwater and how your fighting style differs on land?” “what’s your favorite dish to make on mars? do you like communicating this way or the telepathic way more?” “why do you always wear sunglasses, man?” (you know this one dick is like wally’s bestie) -all you

seeing wally less than usual when things start to heat up in his hero life :(

causes some strain and you get so so sad :(

but he always calls you when he can and tries to make up for it

and somewhere down the road when he retires you’re able to spend all your time with him and he makes up for lost time like he promised

ok i’ll stop there. happily ever after.

taglist: @ravenmoore14 // @summersimmerus // @azazel-nyx // @simsrecs // @xoxobabydolls // @ravenstrueluv // @cicatraize // @captainshazamerica // @bad4amficideas // @evilcr0ne // @thedarkqueenofavalon // @elenavampire21 // @jade-178 //

[wondersinwaynemanor]

Wally meeting Dick's brothers.

Jason

Dick enters the Teen Titans Tower's game room with a boy a few inches shorter than him, wearing a Wonder Woman shirt.

Dick: Kid Flasheroo!!! I'd like you to meet Little Wing, my brother, Jason.

Wally: OH MY GOSH, DICK!!!!! *drops the game console* YOU HAVE A BROTHER? AND YOU CALL HIM LITTLE WING????? That's so adorable!! That makes you Big Wing then?

Dick proudly smiles and brings Jason closer to him.

Wally: Aww. Hi, young man. I'm Wally, Dick's best friend. *he offers his hand and young Jason takes it*

Jason: Hi, Wally. *young Jason smiles brightly and Dick and Wally coo at him* Dick said you have a cool power. What is it?

Wally:*shows his powers by quickly (that doesn't even describe it) buying some pizzas* I got two kinds of pizzas cus I didn't know what you wanted, Little Wing.

Jason: *repeatedly blinks* WOAAAH. Sweet! Thank you, Wally.

Dick: Hey.... *playfully nudges Wally* I get to call him Little Wing. Hmmpf. *he points at his chest* Only. Me.

Wally: *salutes* Aye, aye, Captain. Of course, Robin-O. Your wish is my command. I need my spot in Teen Titans.

Dick: *rolls his eyes, smiling* I don't know what I'm gonna do without you in the group.

Dick and Wally don't even realize that Jason has started eating the pizzas.

Wally: WOAH. The kid is fast.

Dick: Watch out, Kid Flash. Little Wing is after your job.

after the three boys enjoy their pizzas, Wally cradles Dick on his arms while Dick cradles young Jason on his as they speed to the store to get some ice cream. and they go back to the Tower to play some games and read some books.

Tim

Wally: Genuis, hey! I know you're a genuis and all, but all you have to do is call me so I can let you in. *munches on some chips as he lays on the couch of his apartment* Don't do that Batman shit on me.

Dick: Guess what? I'm not the genuis one anymore. *smiling widely*

Wally: What you talking about? *about to stand up to get another bag of chips in the kitchen*

Dick: Presenting... *somersaults for dramatic effect* Tim, my brother.

A young boy with similar features with Dick and Jason, dark hair and blue eyes, enters the apartment.

Dick: Mostly known as Baby Bird. He figured out the code of your apartment and I didn't even tell him. How awesome, huh?

Wally is already beside Tim in less than a second.

Tim: Hi, Wally. *young Tim waves shyly* I know you. You're... *whispering* Kid Flash.

Dick: He figured mine and B's identities. Figured he knows yours too. *proudly says as he gently pats the top of Tim's hair*

Wally: MEGA AWESOME!!!! *he shakes Tim's hand* You're the new Genuis, huh. Can you tell me more secrets? Like what's Dick's favorite... No, wait. Second, no.. Hmmm. Sixth? *he counts with his fingers* Twelfth favorite place to visit? I've been trying to figure it out so I can take him there this year.

Tim: *looks at Dick* Hmm. I'm sure I'll figure it out with a few clues.

Wally: That's my man!! *he offers a high five and Tim tiptoes to hit Wally's palm*

Dick: *laughs* Hey, I'm right here.

they sit on Wally's couch as they enjoy some documentaries cus of course, Tim suggests it. Dick and Wally go along for the ride. Wally pleads for Dick to give a clue on his 12th favorite place in the entire world to visit.

Damian

Wally: Your cookies are still the very best I've had, Alfred. *says in between as he drowns his mouth for more cookies*

Alfred: *smiles as he cleans the kitchen at the Manor* Thank you, Mister West.

Ahem.

Damian: Excuse me. Aren't you supposed to be the new Flash?

Wally: OH MY GOSH!!! *he nearly jumps back from his seat and looks down at the small figure of a boy with a cat on his arms* Hi, little man. Yes, I am. I'm Wally. You are?

Damian: Tt. I thought you'd be able to quickly notice my approach. But when the stomach has a goal, you don't really pay much attention to your surroundings.

Wally: *opens his mouth and looks down at his stomach* Well, I'm always hungry.

Alfred: *warns from the kitchen* Master Damian.

Wally: Wait.. Damian?.... Aren't you Bruce's kid-

Dick: Dami! DAMI! *enters the kitchen and blinks at Wally then at Damian and then vice versa again* There you are, Dami. *approaches the two* Hey, Wally. Sorry to keep you waiting.

Wally: Hey, don't sweat on it, Dick. I can wait. Besides, I'm all comfortable here. *shoves another cookie on his mouth which earns a smile from Dick and a look of disgust from Damian*

Dick: Looks like you two have met already. Wally, this is Damian, my littlest brother. Dami, this is Wally, the Flash -

Damian: I know who he is. And don't use the word little on me, Grayson. *Dick and Wally watches Damian as he puts down the cat and grabs two cookies for himself* It's nice to meet you, West.

Wally: *looks at Damian's tiny hand and he thinks how much he wants to pinch his cheeks* Nice to meet you, Damian.

After Wally thanks Alfred for the cookies and pinches Damian's cheek gently, which earns a tt from the boy, he walks with Dick to his car parked outside of the Manor.

Wally: He has a few of Bruce's features. He's so cute!

Dick: Well, I'm lucky to have the cutest brothers.

Meanwhile in the kitchen.

Damian: Does Father know?

Alfred: About what, Master Damian?

Damian: About Grayson and West.

Alfred: He's a detective. I'm sure he knows.

Damian: I doubt it. *eats another cookie*

[goldenvulpine]

ok here is a helpful guide for Superman fans in Tumblr when referring to different eras of Superman:

Golden Age Superman: Kal-L. The Original. Very cocky. Very charismatic. Couldn’t fly as a kid. Has no solid code against killing. Chaotic Good. Can actually fly now. Has a disturbingly high kill count. Loves Toxic Women (Lois Literally Drugged him one time). Literal WW2 veteran. Not from Kansas. Smallville, East Coast (likely New York). Is now married to Lois. Head of the Daily Star (not Planet). Is Power Girl’s cousin. Is very aggressive. Still saved people from suicide canonically. Canonically religious (Married Lois in a Kryptonian Ceremony). “What trauma?” Seen everyone he loves die.

Silver Age Superman: Kal-El. The Most Popular. Speaks fluent Kryptonese. Total “50’s Dad”. The Strongest. Also the most conformist. Strict Code against killing. Lawful Good. From Smallville. Is canonically Religious (For Rao, his culture’s God). Has multiple cousins. From Smallville, East Coast (likely Maryland this time). Says he wouldn’t hit a woman. Probably has. Sneezed a Solar System Away. Somehow the WEIRDEST one. Also the biggest Prankster. Was Superboy. Was part of the Legion. Saw Pa die. Refuses to acknowledge his trauma. Needs a hug but won’t say it. Works for the Daily Planet. Alan Moore loves him.

Bronze Age Superman: Kal El. Actually just Silver Age Superman but “weaker”. Still the Strongest. Your favorite writer’s favorite Superman. Neutral Good. Originator of the Clex Drama. Met God. Is a pure scientist. Has Three Canon Endings. All of them are literal tragic endings. Is best bros with Batman. Is the Original Nightwing. His cousin is the Second Nightwing. Dick is actually the Third Nightwing. Loves his bro Jimmy Olsen. Smarter than Batman. Made a vow to protect life. Newscaster. Grant Morrison and Mark Waid love him.

Dark Age/Byrne Superman: Clark Kent (Kal El). Still moody. Weakest Superman. Thinks he’s Neutral Good, still Lawful Good. Doesn’t like Krypton. Designer Baby. Best Journalist. Canonically a Porn Star. Died. Came back. Most insecure Superman. Loves ‘Murica. Killed like three people one time. Strict code against killing. “Superman is what I do, Clark is who I am”. Legion who? Superboy who? Supergirl who? Football Star. Pure Sarcasm. Agnostic. People say they hate him but is the reason Smallville, Man of Steel and STAS exist. Literally wants to fuck Jimmy’s Mom. Triangle Era (90’s) Superman: Clark Kent (Kal-El). Is less moody now. Makes more Jokes. Still a drama queen. Smarter. Stronger. Wants to write a Novel. Married Lois. Jimmy is the Best Man. Good Leader. True Lawful Good. The Superman you probably think of the Most. Coolest guy. 90’s Superboy (the best) 90’s Supergirl (Matrix). Was once Gangbuster (Chaotic Neutral). Mind so strong, he killed a psychic in his sleep without knowing it. Christian (Married Lois in a Church). Still knows Kryptonian Kung Fu (Torquasm Vo/Rao). Dick Grayson’s 3rd Dad. Tim Drake’s 4th Dad. Slept with a Mermaid in Collage. Is fun.

Post-Crisis/2000’s Superman: Clark Kent (Kal El) Retcons out the ass. Kara comes back. Knows Boxing now. Knows Kung Fu. Held a Black Hole in his hand. Destroyed Moons. Agnostic. Still Lawful Good. Loves his wife. Loves his adopted son. Chris Kent. His son is Nightwing. His other son is also Nightwing. Walked the earth one time because of war crimes. Saves people from suicide again. Was a Kryptonian general one time. Literal Genius. Smarter than Batman. Is the GOAT. Hates the President.

New 52 Superman: Clark Kent (Kal-El) Very cocky. Very charismatic. Couldn’t fly as a kid. Has no solid code against killing. Chaotic Good to Neutral Good. Lower kill count than Post-Crisis. Loves Toxic Women (Loves the craziest version of Diana). Had a Mid-Life Crisis in his Mid-20’s. Was a Wrestler. Talks like Jason Todd/Wally West/Nightwing/Peter Parker/every mid-20’s white boi in the 90’s-00’s. Everyone hated him. Wasn’t as bad as they say. Is the Andrew Garfield/Spider-Man of Supermen. Killed off without good reason.

Rebirth Superman: Clark Kent (Kal-El). Is literally just Triangle Era Superman. With kids. No Chris tho. Still Lawful Good. Strongest of the Post-Crisis versions. Tries to be a good dad. Is a decent dad. Except for the time where he left Jon alone. So he’s a bad dad. I’m still not over that. Bendis loves him. Says please alot. Watches Anime. Kind of a dead beat. I miss Chris.

if you want summations of other Supermen I didn’t cover you are welcome to ask.

[crypttaphophobia]

I finally watched the first few episodes of Young Justice and this is my assumptions on the characters so far in it:

Robin/Dick Grayson: causes problems but for the right reasons, I have a feeling he hasn’t slept at all.

Kid Flash/Wally West: Him and Robin feed off each other’s energies. Chaotic good. A DORK

Aqualad/Kaldur: The more responsible one but still willing to do more risky thing. Seems to have a good moral code. He’s gonna end up done with everyone by the send of season one I feel it in my bones

Superboy/Conner: he had been awake for like 30 minutes and has decided he respects no authority, and I am all for it go off man. Very excited to see his development,

M’gann: Only finished the first 2 episode but I can tell she’s probably gonna be the brain cell. Gives the vibes she’s a sweetheart but could snap you in two.

[wanderingmind867]

I don't like making shipping posts often (as a recent rambly post of mine can attest to), but this post has to be made. Point Blank: it's harder to find good ships with DC comics, I think. Besides Barry Allen x Hal Jordan, there's very few ships I see lots of support or proof of. Marvel had lots of possible ships, though. And do you know why? It's because their characters aren't cardboard cutouts! The Avengers are all super distinct! The Justice League feels kind of generic sometimes. Marvel just cracked the characterization code quicker.

Think about it. Look at the X-Men vs The Teen Titans. The X-Men were all so distinct. Within three or four Issues, you're gonna know enough about each x-men member for them all to be distinct. I'm currently in Issue #15 of the Teen Titans, and so far I still see no differences between Aqualad and Kid Flash! The Teen Titans only had four or five main characters, but only Robin, Wonder Girl and maybe Speedy come off as super distinct. Kid Flash and Aqualad feel like the same character sometimes! It's infuriating! Marvel never had this problem! I could probably tell Cyclops from Iceman nd Angel from Beast instantly. I know Hawkeye from Hank Pym, and Tony Stark from Reed Richards. That's why ships with Marvel characters work so well! They're all so distinct that you never have to worry about confusing one character for another! Angel x Iceman, Quicksilver x Hawkeye, Vision x Scarlet Witch, Thor x Iron Man, Reed Richards x Sue Storm, Quicksilver x Cyclops, they all just work!

But I can't really tell Ray Palmer from Barry Allen or Garth from Wally West! DC doesn't understand how to nail characterization, and it always shows. Always, always, always. And I hate it. No wonder I can't seem to find many good ships for the original Teen Titans. If it doesn't involve Dick Grayson in some way, the original Teen Titans don't have to have that many ships. What about Garth x Roy? Wally x Garth? Wally x Roy!? Nothing. I'm speaking hyperbolically, but you get the point. It's unfair to DC's characters. I want more attention on the characters DC wrote off as bland! Give it back to me!

[dickgraysonwayne]

Figured Out

Ao3

Summary: Being Batman’s most trusted is not all it’s cracked up to be. Young Justice cartoon verse, season 1

@dickgraysonweek 2024, Day 4: Batman’s Most Trusted | Trauma Reveal | Reverse Robins

“Hey, Rob? Will you come see this?”

Wally’s voice sounds hesitant. Which usually means something extra bad is going down.

Dick makes a beeline past M’gann and Artemis on the couch, dodging Superboy right beside them. “Sorry!” He chants. “Sorry! Just gotta get to th—oh.”

Oh, man. This sure is extra bad.

Wally’s staring at the wall mounted TV, looking grim. It’s playing a news story, live from Gotham. Police cars surround City Hall, armored trucks stretched out at every direction. A group of men, armed to the teeth, stand at the entrance of City Hall, one of whom has stepped forward with a megaphone. Batman stands near the steps, arms up, staring coolly at the barrel of the gun aimed in his direction.

Scrolling text across the bottom of the screen proclaims: CITY HALL TAKEN HOSTAGE, BOMB FOUND IN UPPER FLOORS

The leader of the hostage takers raises his megaphone to his lips. “Batman,” He booms out. “You have the code we want. If you do not give it to us in a three hours’ time, then we blow up the building, and everyone in it.”

He taps the side of his head, where a gray metal box is infused to his temple. “And don’t think of lying to me. I can read your thoughts.”

“Here,” A piece of paper is placed in his hands. “This is a code. I need to keep it safe. Keep it on you and don’t lose sight of it, no matter what.”

Oh. Oh shit.

Dick turns instantly. “Where’s Kaldur?” He asks. “We should—I mean, I should…I should go. I need to help him. Batman, that is. I need to go help—”

“I’m here,” Kaldur says, running into the room. He’s already suited up. “Just saw the news. I’m going to go talk to Red Tornado, get this to the Justice League. If needed, we’re ready to provide backup, but Superman alone could help out…”

“And I thought I was fast,” Wally comments. Everyone ignores him.

Dick shakes his head. That’s a non starter. “Kaldur,” He says. “The League’s out on a space mission. Batman told me this morning.”

“Why?” He stares down at the paper in his hands. “What is this?”

“Aw, damn,” Wally mutters. M’gann covers her mouth with her hand.

“So, what does that mean?” Artemis asks, looking between them. “Does that mean we go in and handle this?”

“We gotta,” Dick says, a sinking feeling in his stomach. “I mean. I gotta. You guys don’t have to—”

“Don’t be stupid, Rob.” Wally says. Superboy nods in assent. “Of course we’re coming. It’s our job.” Wally looks at Kaldur, inclining his head. “Right?”

Kaldur hesitates. “I…” He says, conflicted. “I think we should. However, I need to make sure that we’re prepared, I don’t want anyone getting hurt on my watch.”

“C’mon Kaldur,” Dick pleads. “This is why we’re here, right? Sidekicks are around for when superheroes are doing something else, right? So let’s sidekick and…kick sides.”

Kaldur wants to go in too. Dick sees it in his eyes.

“I’ll probably go in anyway,” He warns. “Because, you know. Gotham business and all.”

This gets Kaldur. “Fine,” He sighs. “You’re right. We’re here to cover for anything the Justice League can’t handle. This very much falls in our purview.”

Dick nods. “Thanks, guys,” He says. “But. I mean. There’s kind of an extra element to this.”

“Just keep it,” Confused, he hides it in his pocket. “I’m trusting you to keep this safe. Do the right thing.”

“What do you mean?” M’gann asks. “Because it’s Batman?”

“I mean,” Dick says. “Sure. But there’s something else too. I’ll explain on the way, but we gotta go. We gotta go now.”

-

“So,” Artemis says, eyes locked on the world below the bio-ship. “You have what those guys are after, huh?”

“Yeah,” Dick says. His fingers clench inside his gloves. “At least, I think so? Batman gave it to me this morning. All casual-like too. I didn’t think it was something like this…he just handed me a piece of paper and told me to keep it safe. Why he didn’t put it in the cave instead, I have no idea—anyway. I’m literally the only person who had this info so I think I’m needed there right now.”

Wally gives a low whistle. “Well, damn,” He says, shaking his head. “Classic Batman, huh? His secrets have secrets.”

“Wally!” M’gann hisses, but Dick can only chuckle without humor.

“He’s not wrong,” Dick says, shrugging. “Everything’s need to know with him. Even if it’s something I need to know. Especially if it’s that.”

“He trusts you,” Superboy says, simple, direct. “He wouldn’t have given you that information if he didn’t.”

“Still,” Artemis says, hesitant. “Kind of a dick move. Sorry, Robin.”

Wally and Dick exchange quick, amused glances. “No arguments here,” Dick says. He frowns. “But, like. You guys know Batman. He always has a plan. He must’ve known he was gonna come handle this after I left to come here. So why did he give me this? What was his play here?”

Kaldur steps in here, ever analytical. “It is possible,” he begins. “That he gave it to you so you would return now. And he would have a plan that he needs you to complete.”

Well. That does sound like Bruce. “You think he’d warn me beforehand,” Dick muses. “Or not. I mean, look who I’m talking about right? Keeping me in the dark is probably part of whatever grand plan he has in mind.”

“If that’s the case,” M’gann says. “Then we should trust his process. Right?”

“Sure,” Dick says. He pictures the gun in his mind, pointed at Bruce’s head. He looks down at the ship. “Let’s go faster.”

-

The land the bio-ship in the park a couple blocks behind City Hall.

“Right,” Kaldur says. “Gather up, everyone,” He gestures at them all to huddle up. “Our goal is to get Robin to Batman. It’s us against a group of men with advanced weapons capability. We don’t have a lot of information about these guys, so be cautious. We might run into a surprise or two.”

“One of our missions? It’s guaranteed,” Artemis mutters

“Too right,” Wally mutters back.

“Shut up,” She says, rolling her eyes.

“Anyway,” Kaldur puts a pointed emphasis on the word. “Here’s our plan of attack. Artemis and Superboy are the first prong of attack: you guys need to draw fire and attention away from the doors to City Hall. Artemis, park yourself at a distance and fight ranged. Superboy…” He points at him. “Cause chaos.”

“Smash!” Wally says, enthused.

“Oh my god,” Artemis groans.

“Once you two draw some fire,” Kaldur continues. “M’gann, help us get in unnoticed. Then you and I will be prong 2, and we’ll engage anyone else inside the building.”

M’gann gives him a quick salute. “You got it!”

“And finally,” Kaldur turns to Dick and Wally. “Kid Flash. Grab Robin, and try to locate Batman as fast as possible. If needed, you can draw the fire of anyone else around him. That way, Robin’s path is free and clear. If you need backup,” He taps his forehead. “Let us know.”

Wally also salutes, but there’s a…less sincere quality to it. “I can do fast,” He says.

Kaldur turns to Dick. “Robin,” He says. “Link up with Batman. He’ll probably let you know how to proceed. If he can’t…use your own intuition. It’s better than you think. And be careful about that leader, his potential ‘mind-reading’ may be an issue.”

Dick nods. “Right,” He says. “Okay.”

-

“When are we going in?” Wally complains.

Kaldur gives him a look. “Soon,” He says. “The moment Artemis and Superboy are situated and get started, we move.”

“They’re taking forever,” Wally sighs. “Aren’t we on a time limit?”

“They know,” M’gann steps in, ever patient. “They’ll get it done. Just wait and see.”

Wally sighs again. “You ready to roll, Rob?” He asked turning to Dick.

Dick tries to give him a ready-to-roll smile. “Of course,” He says, stomach in knots.

It’s not like he hasn’t saved Bruce before: he has. It’s not even like he’s gone in on his own to save Bruce: he’s done that too. Hell, he’s doing it with a team now. It’s so much better than it was before.

But.

Bruce giving him the code nags at something inside his head. Why would he do that, and why wouldn’t he explain what it was? He can’t figure it out, can’t tell if this is the right thing to do, if this is what Bruce has been telling him without saying it out loud…

Sometimes, Dick thinks he can read Bruce better than anyone in the world. Other times…other times, he knows Bruce is inherently unreadable.

Wally must notice. “Hey,” He says, elbowing him lightly. “Dude. You good?”

Dick swallows. “Yeah,” He says. “Just, you know. Feeling the ‘over’ in the whelmed right now.”

“Rob,” Wally says, but before he can continue, they hear a commotion up near City Hall.

“Get ready!” Kaldur says, and Dick tenses instantly. “They’ve started!”

Kaldur holds an arm out, and they wait for his signal. “Okay…” He says. “They’re drawing them out. More have emerged…okay, now. Go!”

Dick runs, feeling more than seeing Wally hold himself back to keep pace with him. He follows the path Kaldur has chosen, ducking behind cars and items and people, before slipping to a side door and shutting it.

The GCPD quietly let them go through without comment.

“Alright,” Kaldur says, breathless. “Kid Flash. Can you run a quick check through-”

They’re interrupted by a shout, and Dick hears the pounding of footsteps coming in their direction. “Never mind,” Kaldur says, adopting a fighting stance. “Grab Robin and run. We’ll take care of this group here.”

“Aye aye, Captain!” Wally says, instantly grabbing Dick into a carry.

“Hey,” Dick says, a little embarrassed that Wally can carry him so easily. “What—”

“Hang on,” Wally says, and Dick slams his eyes shut before he’s hit with a burst of speed, and he can barely breathe. He hates this, he hates this so much, how can Wally stand feeling like this all the time…

Wally stops, and Dick almost passes out from the suddenness of it. “So I checked the building,” He whispers. “Twice over. There’s a group of guys guarding one particular door. We’re just around the corner from it. So that’s either the bomb, or Batman, or both. I’m gonna get you in there, okay? I’ll distract the guards and you can run in. Ready?”

Dick nods. “Ready,” He echoes.

“Okay,” Wally says. “Three, two, one.”

He zips forward, disappearing around the corner. “Hey, fellas,” Dick hears. “You know where to go for a building permit round here?”

“Get back!” A voice yells.

“It was just a question,” Wally huffs. “But fine. Got to go!”

“Get him!” He hears yelled back, followed by thundering footsteps.

He waits for them to subside, then peers around the corner. Only one guard is left outside the door.

Dick smiles to himself. Easy work.

He sidles up to the side, takes a breath, then pulls out a batarang. He lines it up, then tosses it. It makes a sound on the wall opposite, and the guard whirls around to look.

Dick moves, running up and grabbing a couple more batarangs from his belt. He flips onto the man’s back, delivering a kick to the face, then tossing the batarangs to knock him to the ground, unconscious.

He runs to the door, pulling out his lock pick and making quick work of it. He takes another breath, pushing it open slowly.

Don’t think his name, he tells himself sternly, remembering the leader’s mind reading. Think of him as Batman. Just Batman.

Behind the door is what is clearly some sort of large meeting space, largely empty except for Batman, who is chained to a chair in the middle of the room.

Dick gives a quick glance around the room and, seeing nothing, darts forward. “Batman,” He hisses, grabbing his lock pick again. “You okay?”

Batman looks up. “Robin,” He says, voice tight. “You—”

“Well,” A voice booms from a darkened corner of the room. “Look who we have here.”

-

Dick whirls around, grabs his batarangs from his belt. He prepares to toss them, and then freezes in place.

The leader’s gun is out, and pointed in the direction of B—Batman’s head. The gray box on his temple shines in the dim light.

His lips tighten. “Whoa,” He says, slowly putting his weapons back in his belt. “Okay. Let’s calm down here.”

The man raises his eyebrows. “I’m calm,” He says. “Now. Are you here for a specific purpose, or do we need to do something about this?”

Help, Dick thinks, trying to reach the rest of the team. “That depends,” He says. He glances at Batman (think Batman think Batman think Batman). “What exactly do you want here?”

“I made that pretty clear,” The man says. The safety clicks off. “I’m looking for a particular code. Since you’re Batman’s little sidekick, I’m assuming you have it?”

Dick keeps his eyes on Batman. “What is it for?” He asks. Batman doesn’t move a muscle.

The man raises an eyebrow. “The bomb, of course,” He says airily. “It’s experimental. Very powerful. It’s on a countdown at the moment. The code gives whoever inputs it control over when it explodes. So…” The gun light rests against the exposed part of Batman’s cheek. “Do you have it?”

Dick grits his teeth. He can’t give them the code. With this many people at stake, and an apparently accidental bomb? He can’t do it.

But…

He glances at Batman again. He can’t let him get hurt, either. But between Batman and a big block of Gotham? He knows what he should choose. He also knows what Batman what have him choose too.

“Ten seconds,” The man says, flat in tone. He starts a countdown. “Ten,”

Dick stares at Batman so hard his vision starts to blur. What do I do? He thinks frantically.

“Nine,”

Batman isn’t making eye contact with him. Give me something, Batman. He thinks, and then What if there’s something wrong with him? How was he caught just like that?

“If you tell him anything, Batman, he’s paying for it. Eight,”

Batman had given him the code. So he must have known something like this would happen. Which would also mean he needed something from him.

“Ah, so you do have it. Seven,”

Shit. Mind reader.

But what could it be? Did he want Dick to stay away from this completely with the codes? Is that why he gave them to him, why he didn’t tell him anything?

“Six,”

That didn’t make sense though. If he wanted Dick to stay away, he would’ve said so. Why did he tell him nothing? This means he needed to be here, right?

“Five,”

But if he’s needed here…what does Batman want him to do? Does he give them the code? And why would Batman want him to do that?

“You’re thinking quite hard there, sidekick. You don’t have much time left. Four,”

“Three,”

He’s out of time. He needs to make a choice, now. Batman stays silent and still.

“Two,” The man’s finger drifts towards the trigger.

Use your own intuition. It’s better than you think.

“O—”

“Stop.”

Dick’s voice is cracked, determined. “Fine,” He says, praying he’s making the right move. “Fine. I’ll give you the code. I have it right here.”

“Oh?” The man says. He keeps the gun trained on Batman. “Let’s hear it, then.”

Dick feels around in his pocket, pulling out the piece of paper. He unfolds it, then reads out the string of numbers. “39. 62. 40. 27. 14.” He pauses, then reads the final string. “84.”

Finally, finally, the man puts down the gun. He taps the side of his head “You’re telling the truth. I could hear it. Excellent,” He says. “Thank you most kindly.” He speaks into an earpiece. “You got that, fellas?”

Dick runs towards Batman. The man lets him do it. “Seems like your trust in the kid was misplaced, Batman.” The man says. “You’ll both be blown sky-high soon.”

Dick’s hands shake around the lock pick. “Sorry,” He chants, working to free Batman. “Sorry.”

He thinks he did the right thing. He thinks so. But he’s getting nothing from Batman, and the ominous feeling in his stomach grows…

The chains fall off, and Batman pounces.

He leaps, grabbing the gun from the man’s hand and tossing it away. “Robin!” He snaps. “Secure the gun!”

The man laughs. “It’s too late, Batman,” The man says. “We have the code. You can’t do anything about…”

He pauses, frowning. “What…”

Batman reaches a hand out, ripping the device from the man’s head. He screams, dropping to the floor. “No more of this,” He says. “You’re not reading anyone’s thoughts any longer.”

“Batman!” Dick runs up to him, gun tucked in his belt. “The code. He’s—”

“Nothing will happen,” Batm—Bruce says, whirling around to make his way out the room. “The code you have is a kill switch. The bombs are disarmed. All we need to do is clean up the scene now.”

Dick’s head spins. “What…”

“Get your team,” Bruce demands. “Reconvene and return with them. I’ll see you at the Batcave this evening for the debrief.”

He sweeps out of the room without another word.

Dick breathes in deeply one, twice. Then, only shaking a little, follows Bruce out of the room.

-

“What was that?” Dick demands.

He paces the floor in the Cave, running a hand through his hair. “Bruce? What was that?”

“You did well,” Bruce comments, stepping out of the Batmobile. “Your friends, too. You all handled yourselves exactly as you should.”

Dick gives a disbelieving laugh. “Okay. Thanks. Can you tell me what all that was? What happened?”

Bruce hooks his fingers under the cowl and removes it in one quick motion. “Simply put,” He says. “I’d been following this group’s activities for a while. And their experimentation with mind reading. And their attempts to get their hands on the bomb. So, I got there first, and got the kill switch.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dick asks. He peels off his domino mask. “I really should’ve known—”

“You couldn’t know,” Bruce says. He starts to make his way towards the Batcomputer. “Because of the mind reader. I needed to set this up so he thought he would win, so that he would reveal himself and use the kill switch on his own. And to do that, you had to believe what was happening at face value.”

Dick follows him. “Why?” He asks. “Because he would read my mind and find out?”

“Precisely,” Bruce says. He takes a seat in front of the computer, completely unbothered. “So, I gave you the code without explanation. I sent you on your way. I made sure Red Tornado turned the televisions on to Gotham News. I needed you to come in, ready to help, thinking you had the codes they needed. Therefore, when your mind would be read, they’d thing they would have exactly what they needed.”

“But wouldn’t they read your mind too?” Dick demands. “And know you were planning this?”

“Not if I keep the plan away from my surface thoughts,” Bruce says. He begins to type. “You’re not well versed in this yet. However, it requires concentration. So I needed someone else there who could handle the part with the code, and I’d take care of the rest.”

Dick collapses in the chair next to him. “So,” He says. “You were banking on me showing up there and knowing to give them the code? What if I hadn’t?”

Bruce nods. He still doesn’t look at him. “You would,” He says simply. “Because you would think it through and approach the answer logically. Which you did. I trusted you to do this, and as you can see, I was correct.”

Dick just sits there, mind whirring. He shouldn’t be upset about this (Bruce trusts him) and yet.

Yet…

“You always do this,” Dick says, frustrated. “Over and over again. When you tested my team. When you made us think we were in danger. When you,” And here he feels a phantom pain, somewhere deep in his tooth. “The owls,” He mutters to himself.

Here, Bruce’s typing pauses. “What?” He asks

Dick shakes his head. The pain subsides. “I—it’s nothing. You did it for a reason. But…” He crosses his arms. “I…I don’t want to be kept in the dark. We’re partners.”

Bruce gives him a weird look. “Yes,” He says. “That’s why I trusted you with this. Nobody else could’ve done it.”

Dick looks down at his lap. “I…I guess so,” He says.

“Good,” Bruce’s typing resumes. “Go get some rest. We’re heading out again later tonight.”

Dick hops off the chair, heading towards the exit. The sounds of typing follow him all the way to the door.

Trust, He thinks, trying his best to believe it. Trust.

[roobylavender]

i love ur critiques. what are 1 or 2 things per bat character (whether irt their fans, character, or comics) that you dont like?

(or if not every bat then just those u want <33)

thank you for the compliment! i'll do fan criticisms since that's always more fun

bruce

idk if it's an outright dislike but i feel like bruce fans who get up in arms about him killing simply do not take the time to understand his moral code across the span of his narrative.. bruce should never intentionally attempt to murder unless driven to absolute extremes and the few issues in which this idea was explored by mike w. barr the ultimate outcome was meant to demonstrate why bruce should never intentionally attempt to murder (e.g., in son of the demon his murder of qayin effectively amounts to nothing and leaves him bereft of talia's companionship and the start of their family together; in batman: full circle if he went through with the murder of the reaper another child would be left orphaned and that is not a reality bruce wants to facilitate). they are character studies and should be treated as such! however alternatively i do not think bruce has as concrete feelings about unintentional murder. if he's in a chaotic situation and he has to choose between saving a civilian and saving a supervillain, he will choose the civilian, and that's okay! sometimes you have to prioritize! and dick and cass are there to feel guilty for not being able to save everyone lol

dick

i am constantly confused with dick fans' simultaneous frustration over his permanent removal to batman editorial (valid, correct, etc.) and their desire to frame him as the omnipresent big brother figure to everyone in the bat family. like.. are these not contradictory to each other lmao. i've discussed it before but it feels like many of them want to combat the idea that he's a bad big brother even though he was realistically under no obligation to do anything for bruce's other wards/adoptees like mans had already left the house! he did not have a relationship with those kids and he doesn't have to. it doesn't make me think lesser of him at all

every dick fan should be required to read up on wally and garth outside of teen titans comics before even daring to speak on either of them idgaf

jason

i'm gna skip him because i feel like 70% of my account is dedicated to discussing what i don't like about most jason fans

tim

admittedly i have less context to clarify this confusion because my reading stops abruptly in like 2002 but i'm very confused with tim fans' simultaneous positioning of him as this boy scout representation of why batman will always need a robin! and their complete indulgence in his emo boy era. i still haven't read said emo era because again [see above] but i feel like a lonely place of dying can very clearly be read as the start to a tragedy because it's insane for any thirteen year old to think he has to be the one to make sure gotham's vigilante apparatus remains functioning. reading robin (1993) is jarring in the most effective way possible because it's these moments of tim trying to lead a normal, trivial, everyday life juxtaposed against moments where he's in an outright terror zone or seconds away from beating a man to death or throwing a temper tantrum because bruce didn't respect his privacy even though it was in the interest of reassuring stephanie that tim was okay. tim unfortunately comes from a place of privilege and is not in any sense emotionally equipped to deal with what he gets into and i don't know how people think that starts with jack's death in identity crisis and not years prior with the beginning of his stint

to the above end, i truly don't care about the debate over tim's various secret identities and out of all of the bat kids i think he is the one most desperately in need of permanent retirement. let him indulge his stalker tendencies and photography talents per some other means (investigative journalism) before he goes insane

stephanie

i'm sure batgirl (2009) is a cute book or whatever (aside from its characterization of damian..) but i'm never going to read it and the idea that the spoiler identity wasn't sufficient to explore stephanie as a character is just.. eternally stupid to me. like obv most people acknowledge that the decision to make her into robin was one intended to set her up for failure but i also don't know why she ever needed to become batgirl later on. spoiler is not an identity adjacent to the red hood wherein stephanie is using it as a crutch to deter herself from achieving closure with her trauma and the only reason editorial made her ditch it is because they hate anyone not fitting into the robin-batgirl dichotomy

do steph fans like timst*ph? idk. i'm anti romantic timst*ph but i like the idea of them remaining besties provided tim works through his plethora of issues and biases

damian

in the tim vs. damian debate i am squarely on tim's side lol.. if i was a fifteen year old who witnessed my dad, best friend, and girlfriend violently die within the span of like a year and then saw the one thing to which i had clung for the past three years of my life like a psychological lifeline ripped away from me for the sake of a random kid with severe attitude issues i too would develop into the most caustic teenager known to man. obv editorial racism has its part to play in this but i'm annoyed that people constantly opt to dogpile on tim and not the writers because frankly tim's reaction to the circumstances is completely predicated

i'm not interested in dialoguing with damian fans who want to maintain any part of talia's (and by extension bruce's) abusive parenting in canon. i don't care how crucial it is to his character origins and development. that's not my concern and new 52 should have wiped him out of existence or rebooted his character entirely from scratch if they wanted me to care

alfred

does this man even have fans

barbara

i'm never going to understand dickb*bs like not even from a ship war or dick is an asshole perspective i just genuinely don't think barbara would ever have given him the time of day in that regard. he was a kid she knew once who maybe had a crush on her at one point before he moved away to another city and developed his own life there. why should she care about that. as if she doesn't have her own life! i know barbara has not been afforded many options in terms of romance and that dick has been the overarching love interest she's portrayed alongside but idk i don't think we have to make concessions merely because something is canon. canon can suck and we can reject it because it sucks even if it's omnipresent

the brub*bs versus dickb*bs situation is kind of funny to me because like yes the execution of these relationships in the timmverse is obv horrid and gag inducing but also as i recall in the comics barbara originally did have a crush on the batman or she was at least fascinated by him lol.. like i don't support it obv and her crush on him was as much fleeting and childish as was dick's crush on her and i faaaaar prefer bruce and barbara's bestieship. but it's funny to me that people would ship one and condemn the other like pot meet kettle lol

standard disclaimer that i can't do cass and duke bc idk enough about either of them 😔

[belle-of-a-time]

Because the rot consumes here’s

Batfam-Soul Eater AU

Bruce is a weapon and he’s a gun. And he fucking hates it like Despises it

Talia turned him into a death scythe but lord death never makes him transform. He’s just a strategist and a teacher now.

Talia is a witch but she hid it until after she made Bruce a death scythe.

Also Bruce’s like honor code is a little different here since “no killing” is kinda silly when the only reason the academy exists is to kill kishins he thinks A: everyone is constantly teetering on the edge of madness all the time. And B: it is a moral failing if you succumb to the madness. Which is why he didn’t go after the joker after Jason, because doing so would have been giving in to the madness.

Dick is a meister

He bounced back and forth between Barbara who is a grappling hook and also a meister and Kori who is some sort of lava cannon or something.

Barbara got Severely hurt during a fight while wielding Jason and had to stop for a while. She’s back at it though, helping Bruce as a strategist and as like “Mission Control” Bruce is guiding her to take over for him someday.

Dick now fights with Wally who is his like electric escrima sticks because speedster=lightning in my mind.

Jason is also a gun but he thinks it’s Very cool. Barbara was with Jason when they were assigned to take down the joker who is a kishin egg. He killed Jason and severely injured Babs.

Jason was revived by Talia because obviously, using the black blood and he was overtaken by the madness for a while before being pulled back towards sanity by his friends.

Hes partnered with Roy now who Does have A daughter Lian. Teen pregnancy stuff. You get it.

Tim is a meister. He can resonate with anyone but he really struggled to find a weapon he really clicked with. So he fought by directing his soul wavelength for a while.

He met Bernard who is a bo staff and they clicked and are now partners.

Steph used to fight by herself using a non person weapon, no one is really sure where she got it. But now she and Cassandra are partners and No One but Steph and maybe Bruce and Barbara know what kind of weapon she is all anyone can tell is that she’s something small, she can also see soul wavelengths.

There’s a good chance though that when you see Steph alone that Cass is actually transformed and concealed somewhere on her person

Duke is a weapon who fights alone (like Justin law) I don’t know what kind of weapon but it’s something weird and COOL he’s got to be really super cool. It definitely glows and he can like “enchant” (not really the word I’m looking for but it works) it with his soul wavelength to like resonate/boost his own attacks.

Duke is the closest to becoming a death scythe of the batfam.

Damian is PISSED that he wasn’t born a weapon. He really really wants to be a death scythe, so it bums him out that he can’t.

I think it’s really funny if he Is actually a weapon but he’s even more repressed than Maka so literally no one knows.

That or Talia tried to ensure he’d be a witch and it backfired somehow and locked away his weapon transformation instead.

He’s partnered with Jon who is a sword

Damian is absolutely determined to make Jon into the youngest death scythe ever

Jon does not particularly care either way he definitely wants to become a death scythe but isn’t super bothered by timeline but if that’s what Damian wants god damnit he’s going to try his best!! Jon is very Tsubaki core to me. They are the tsu/blackstar combo of the batfam.

Back to Jason, Bruce understands Jason’s struggle with the madness and just really really wants his son to talk to him but he never ever gives ANY indication that he’d react well or even Want to talk to Jason about anything. Especially when he keeps reacting so high and mighty and preachy when Jason is Worse at dealing with the madness than anyone else.

Other—non batfam—headcanons

Clark and Lois are a death scythe/ meister combo In that order. They’re off doing shit constantly and Kon ends up basically taking care of Jon most of the time.

J’onn is a teacher (also a weapon) at the academy in my mind the like struggle with madness is split off onto Bruce but the like rest of stein is in J’onn mixed with Sid’s like dad energy.

J’onn is the teacher that Everyone goes to for advice about basically anything.

Also J’onn is a weapon who can change form like Tsubaki can but he’s got A Lot more forms. He can see wavelengths. And attack with his own wavelength. He’s basically super overpowered but he hardly ever has to fight.

Barry is a death scythe nuff said

All of the like magic users in the justice league including aquaman because… fish. Are witches

Zetanna’s witch form/animal form is a lion because she gives me ringmaster vibes? Idk.

Constantine’s animal form is the wettest saddest rat you’ve ever seen. It’s also huge. Also he is Literally trading off pieces of his soul and he looks SUPER freaky to anyone who can see souls

The main villain of the arc is the league of assassins. Run by witches. The academy and the justice league witches team up to take them down. They’re trying to turn the joker into a full blown kishin using the black blood which is a stand in for the Lazarus pits. I’m thinking like full on Pits of the stuff and everyone has to donate blood to the pits every time they walk past. All these assassins are Covered in self inflicted cuts so they can donate their blood.

When people displease Ra’s they get bled out into the black blood. Like draining an animal style. So ominously hanging over the pit by the ankles bleeding out into it are like a lot of bodies. And in the center in like a cage half submerged in the blood is the joker and they bring him all the souls after the people bleed to death.

They do kidnap J’onn at some point, also Tim, and Bernard, and idk Lian for the drama

So rescue mission! Also kill the joker! Is the main finale.

[garthofshayeris]

Hi! Was wondering if you could answer this for me …

I’m trying to get a better handle on Garth for a story I’m writing where he’ll pop up every once and a while, but I really don’t have time to read comics right now (writing this fic is already stretching it😬)

So anyways, my question is what exactly is Garth’s friendship and dynamic with the other titans as a adult? And who do you think he’s closest with?

Thanks!

Hello!! I’d happy to help, but it would also be helpful to know what role he will play exactly? If he’s a side character, I can’t imagine you’ll get into any of his personal struggles with his friendships lol

I would say, Garth believes he is closer to the Titans than they are to him. By that I mean that Garth doesn’t really have many friends other than the Titans — Aquaman is his friend, and all the other Atlanteans he knows are connected by Arthur (other than Letifos, who is a mermaid)

However, the Titans all have lives that do contain friendships. And they are very close with each other. Garth is like the friend you knew who moved away and you make time to hang out when he’s in town. But the deep connection is no longer there.

He is probably closest to Dick, because he has known him longer and tbh he doesn’t really like Wally as much. He doesn’t get along with Roy. And Donna is very mom-coded to him, so he likes her but they aren’t really shown interacting 1-on-1.

[riverdale-retread]

Riverdale S7 E 18 (Chapter 135) For a Better Tomorrow!

Jughead Jones is definitely established as a weird weirdo in this universe, yes, but the way he is doing his relationship with Veronica Lodge is very funny.  He says, as a boy person at his indisputable sexual peak, that one of the “distinct advantages” of dating a movie theater owner (the very sexy teen witch cosplayer Veronica Lodge) is being able to score free movie tickets for his friends.  On the one hand, Jughead is a true one, because despite getting a cool girlfriend he just hangs out with all his old dorky friends - I like this. On the other hand, how in the heck is getting to make out with THE Veronica Lodge one of the UNDIFFERENTIATED OR INDEFINITE advantages in life?  Que???

The makers of this show are doing the most, I suppose, in order to check all the possible boxes for what Jughead Jones’ sexuality could be.  We had the yearning homosexual Jughead (Jarchie - not canon), the clueless lesbian coded Jughead (with Bret Weston Wallis), monogamous romantic prince (Bughead), slutty famewhore who sleeps with his groupies, toxic failboyfriend (with the evil drug dealer girlfriend).    We now get Wide Eyed 50s Teen Boyfriend Jughead in the Jeronica relationship, but also asexual Jughead who has no reaction whatsoever to two people sloppily making out next to him as he happily tosses popcorn down his throat, bracketing the central Ethel and Ben couple with the Emasculated-By-Racism- Big-Dick Dilton on either side.  All FOUR of them are the only people not making out at this movie theater for this screening.

Ethel.  Ethel! If you want to get action you can’t be taking TWO hangers on with you to the movies!?

In any case I’m glad to see that Veronica’s movie theater  business is doing very well despite the immense number of movie tickets she seems intent on giving away for free. Is this like a Helena Rubinstein/Estee Lauder way of doing business, where you give away product in order to keep customers?  But isn’t she the only theater in town?  Veronica Lodge is an improbable creature - an ethical monopolist??

Jughead and Ethel are happily chatting, smiling about the movie they just watched.  As Jughead says they’re about to walk into their very own “science fiction tinged B-movie.” The screen goes to black and white.  The B&W episode referencing Chinatown was great, so I have high hopes for this one.

Segment One!  Jughead Jones In The Mysterious Melting Man!

A man walks towards Jughead as bits of skin boil painfully off of his body and face.  Jughead seems to have the most curious frozen response to this. He doesn’t scream, he doesn’t try to get away and he doesn’t even look particularly upset, to be honest. He just looks merely interested.   He also doesn’t do anything to rush to that man’s aid.  But then again, if confronted with such a sight I’m not sure what I would do either. 

The horrendous police force consisting of the extremely incompetent Sheriff Keller shoots this man from behind, but actually he’s aiming his gun IN THE DIRECTION of a crowd of theater goers that have just left the cinema.  The Americans of this time (or maybe now) are so desensitized to gun violence that they don’t seem to clock that a) cops or anyone do not have a supremely high marksmakship rate especially of a moving target and b) the gun was pointed directly at each of them during this entire time.  They just watch a man get gunned down by cops on a Saturday evening right in front of them in the open town square and don’t scream or blink or duct.  They just look a bit inconvenienced.  

Keller claims later that the man was a) a vagrant (who can be shot on sight apparently) and b) suffering from leprosy which is why he looked like that.  Except, Jughead supplies immediately, that Ethel recognizes what the man was wearing because it’s the uniform of the Blossom maple factory. 

Jughead decides that all this is bullshit so he takes it upon himself to hunt down the answers.

DOCTOR CURDLE JUNIOR IS BAAAACK !

HI MY FAVORITE LITTLE TALL GIANT MAN!!

So, Dr. Curdle (not Jr!) is all about gruesome comics, which Jughead still has copies of when he nicked them from his employer, and is now dealing like they’re some sort of hard street drug.  

“Worthy of a quid. Pro. Quo.” God I love the way Dr. Curdle talks. 

Jughead responds, “keen-o!”  Which I quite like. I tend to say Okedoke in an effort to not be offensively autistic when people give me unnecessary boring bits of information at work, and I think I might add “keen-O” to my roster.  Jughead wants to know about the “mysterious melting man.”  He didn’t actually have to say all three words, but he was very happy to be alliterative so he couldn’t pass that up. 

The answer is “acute radiation poisoning!”

Sadly, Curdle didn’t get to have a lot of time with the body, but it was Mayor Blossom who came to collect the body. Curdle confirms that the man was in fact an employee of the maple factory.  “That stinks like a rotten fish!”

Bright and early the next day, Betty bounces down the stairs to ask if Ethel wants to go to school with her.  Hal suggests that Betty permit Alice to drive them both, but Betty is firm in her rejection.    The cold war between mother and daughter post-slap seems to be something that is giving Hal indigestion.  Further, Betty apparently will just not eat breakfast unless her mother will make it for her, and then to up the ante it seems as though Alice is still making breakfast for everyone in the household who isn’t Betty - inclusive of Ethel.  It’s getting very complicated.  Anyway, Alice tells Hal that at some point the weather will be terrible because they’re in upstate New York that isn’t America, and Betty will “finally let me give her a ride.”  Betty remains just as pleasant in her hatefulness when she informs Alice that she will not ever be needing that ride from her mother because she’s taking Driver’s Ed at school and pretty soon she will be able to drive herself wherever she wants!

This is Segment 2:  BETTY COOPER IN DRIVER’S EDUCATION!

We’re suddenly in black and white again. 

Oops except we’re not. 

We’re in the Andrews’ kitchen as Frank smugly informs Reggie that he got into a really great basketball camp.  He’s being very nasty to Mary’s son right in front of Mary first thing in the morning, sneering at him about how there is no camp for poetry, and so Archie is without a fun set of summer plans to look forward to.  His sneering is very heavy handed.  He even calls Archie ‘Shakespeare’ in the most condescending tone of voice. It brings out the CAN YOU SPELL IT in me.

Segment 3 is going to be ARCHIE ANDREWS IN SHIPPING OUT!

Everything is in black and white again.  Mary is for once not being completely useless, which I can’t tell if it happened in the technicolor real-life of this season or is possible because it’s not real, just the B Movie version, because I don’t know yet what these black and white transitions mean.  Mary as I say isnt completely useless, only merely mostly useless.  She says that Archie can pick up a summer shift or two at Pop’s or come help his mother out at the dress shop. 

Frank doesn’t even respect Mary enough to look at her as he sneers about HER BUSINESS which is what he must have been LIVING OFF OF when he first moved to Riverdale with no job. What the fuck, Frank.  He brings all his patented boring ass toxic masculinity to the fore - oooh yer gonna be workin’ at your mom’s *dress* shoppe~~  I mean. You get to interact with all the pretty girls in their super tight body-con dresses at the dress shop.  What’s your problem?

Archie looks angry as he stomps off.

We switch to the Blossom household, where Julian is willing to give Cheryl a ride to school. He’s a dickhead though, because she’s walking RIGHT NEXT to him, clearly ready to go, and he’s still gotta voice the threat about how his “train is leaving with or without you.”  Hon, your schlong isn’t that big.  

On a brighter note, I do like how much white Cheryl has been wearing with her red ensembles.  I love the cherries on her shirt.  They both see a military someone salute their father. They smirk at each other about his ridiculous it is to see someone give Clifford Blossom a salute of any kind.  Julian wants to know if he’s enlisting.  Clifford hates both his children equally, apparently, because he calls them “asinine” and then says that this was a General Taylor from Washington who was “delivering unto me a gift.”  Then he brings them into his study to show them a cock-less Baphomet, whom he calls Moloch.  Seriously. Moloch is not hiding anything under that skirt. He has Barbie Genitals, you know he has.  Anyway, Clifford makes ridiculous statements about how this ancient deity can only be appeased by child sacrifice, and tells his very physically mature children that they should be frightened, implying he’d kill either or both of them “should you be inclined to give me any more grief.”

A pompous father who can’t take any sort of joke about himself so that he always responds to anything that isn’t flattery and obsequiousness with threats of violence?   Oh hey that was on my Riverdale is my life Bingo!

This is Segment Four!  CHERYL BLOSSOM IN PROJECT MOLOCH!

At school, Jughead approaches Ethel in the black and white world.  Jughead asks if Ethel’s father ever got sick.  She says he was a janitor at the maple factory, who had joint pain, stomach pain, and hair loss, all in a chronic way.  Far away, Dilton hears this list of symptoms. He looks very disturbed immediately.  Jughead thinks that the Blossoms are hiding something, because Ethel’s dad, the melting man and Brad Rayberry all being former workers at the maple factory dying very strange deaths is not a coincidence.  He wants to get everyone closure about what happened.  

Ethel shakes her head.  She wants to move on with her life.  She’s going to get her driver’s license, she is about to get the car from her Miss Teen Queen win (it’s still not clear to me if the prizes were OR or AND but I hope it was AND so she can get the car AND the scholarship AND the screen test).  She tells Jughead that she is also going steady with Ben, to which Jughead says “our Ben?” and doesn’t believe her.  He turns around to stare at Ben.

Why is this surprising to Jughead in a world where he’s going steady with Veronica Lodge EVEN AFTER the milk screeching incident and all the other weirdnesses of before?  

Ethel is trying not to be annoyed at this reaction of Jughead, so she just sums up, to say she is trying to put the bad events behind her, so he should take of. 

The teacher starts showing them a scary movie about what happens to people in an atomic blast. Some of this looks like it’s real period product.  All the students are freaking out together in the lounge  about the atomic explosion.  

Jughead is seated holding court at the big armchair, which is really weird because why is Cheryl permitting this?  That used to be HER seat?  

Oh because this is the B&W B movie universe of Jughead Jones in The Mysterious Melting Man.  Veronica is wearing her not great napkin=bikini ribbon floof dress again, perched like a good little housewife on the arm of the chair that Jughead is sitting in like a king which -=VERONICA WOULD NOT.  Behind them, in a weird echo, are Ben and Ethel,  leaning their butts against a table as they stand. 

Jughead states the obvious, that “in truth, most of us wouldn’t likely survive an atomic explosion.”

Archie has never heard of Japan, Nagasaki or Hiroshima. He did not understand that the atomic bomb would kill him. He wants Jughead to spell it out.  Veronica says that there is an underground CITY levels of basements at the Pembroke.  She invites Juggykins to come with her.  Jughead doesn’t seem to feel any better, but Cheryl is outright disgusted at this display of heterosexuality from Veronica Lodge.  The thing is, she also has a place to go in case the bomb hits - she thinks.  She’s going to go to the mines which have “stood strong since before the Revolutionary War.”  

I can’t remember anything anymore but wan’t there a caving in of those very same mines in S6, some half century after this conversation, in the other universe?  It doesn’t immediately occur to her to invite Toni, so Toni prompts her. (Oh and I forgot they are not out).

Reggie is going to go to Duck Creek to climb into the mines.   Archie is going to drive all the way to California (he’s very California fixated in this universe) while trusting that the Rockies will serve as a general kind of radiation shelter.  Ethel says wistfully that out west does sound nice, to which Ben agrees.

I don’t think any of the characters, nor the people making this, realize how very funny this is.  This is the most ridiculous display of  the American delusions of both exceptionalism and extreme individualism.  When something bad happens, they refuse to imagine a possibility that they will come up with a community solution because they don’t want to include certain people in that community (be it Catholics, Protestants, Mormons, Italians, Swedes, Germans, Asians of any stripe, or black people etc etc).  People coexist in America, apparently but they don’t live together.  This is funny especially because in Korea everyone assumes that if we get nuked by the evil fat boy up North (each generation has gotten one of its own for three generations) we all die, and then those that don’t die will have to suffer and rebuild, because we had something akin to a nuke level disaster happen in 1950 and that’s what we did.  We don’t coexist very well among ourselves (the viciousness of our press makes Fox vs CNN battles look trifling) but we do actually live together. 

The heartlessness of these announcements by these people in front of their friends, and the extremely calm, almost non-reactive responses to the heartlessness makes everybody sound psychotic.  They all say, more or less, I hope I don’t die, and I don’t care about what happens to any of you.

The surreal Americanness of this matches the cop pointing his gun in the general direction of children in the hopes of hitting the one person he wants to shoot dead in the street.

Anyway, Clay gets especially annoyed at Archie wanting to drive away from the imaginary nuke.  The fact that those who have means are only creating solitary survival plans doesn’t bother him at all, even though those plans seem just as silly to me as driving away from a bomb. 

Kevin takes the conversation to surreal heights by saying that the inside of a refrigerator is going to be a good bet to not die in a nuclear blast. Immediately, Toni and then Betty point out how dumb this is.   (“What would you do about food and water?”)  Kevin though has a funny enough answer that lightens the mood - “I’d be inside a refrigerator.”  

Fangs actually saves the day (what the heck?) by saying he doesn’t want to plan to hide from anything.  Clay mentions that there are communities in Nevada that have built nuclear bomb shelters, a “lead lined bunker,” in case of a nuclear war.  Betty tries to see if the small town she so wanted to burn to the ground last episode might have some redeeming qualities after all: Maybe it’s too insignificant to be the target of a bomb like that.   Jughead thinks that “an atomic drop could drop anywhere, even here, in Riverdale.”

Well yeah.

Later on, the gay boyfriends are trying to tie a sailor’s knot.   Because Frank was so heterosexually ugly to him that morning, Archie is wanting to hang out with the gays.  He shows them how to tie the knot, saying all this stuff about a rabbit and a tree and a hole.  Archie asks them why they want to tie knots, after he drops his competent one on the table.  They say that they want to join the Merchant Marines, which is not part of the US Navy but is instead a civilian job, where you are on merchant boats I guess and “travel around the world.”  Clay starts to recruit Archie to the Merchant Marines.

OK so Clay has a thing about white boys, I guess?  He spent a lot of the past couple episodes trying to ease Archie into the idea that fucking men didn’t mean you had to stop wanting to fuck women, for one, and also that fucking around in general is really great for writing material.  I am not at all sure about that but OK.  He drops the names Ginsberg and Kerouac as having both “done time on the Seven Seas.”   Too bad he doesn’t know Archie likes to jump into the (ahem) deep end so he lost his virginity on the same night that he also had a threesome and prostituted a woman plus he developed a taste for middle aged woman. 

Archie is very susceptible to specific, easy to understand suggestions, and is like this in every universe.  Recruiting pamphlets are designed for people like Archie Andrews to get themselves into trouble.  His priorities are first, to get away from Uncle fucking Frank, second, See The World, third, Have Adventures, fourth, enrich his writing, and uh finally, tie a lot of knots.  The recruiter is coming tomorrow.

Grundy is the driver’s ed teacher.  For some reason the driver’s ed class is fully gender segregated.  Why is this? Is this something to do with the laws?  I really like the cool desktop dashboard these girls all have. I want one of these just to have it.  They’re going to practice parallel parking tomorrow!  Grundy seems like a good teacher. 

At dinner, the three men including Frank are eating the food that I assume that Mary cooked. She is trying to make conversation within the very surreal seating arrangement.  She and Uncle Fucking Frank sit across from each other like they’re a married couple, with Reggie and Archie occupying the sides.  She wants to know if anything interesting happened at school.  Reggie  tells her that they were shown a video of what happens if you get nuked.  ARchie says he wants to join the merchant marines.  She wants him to finish high school. She also wants him to go to college. 

Frank is still on his Must Make Archie Stop Writing Grief Poetry About His Father bender, so he says that the merchant marines might be better than going to college to learn poetry writing like some sort of man who  has sex with other men. He doesn’t say this last part, of course.  Reggie searches Archie for his reaction.  Archie though does have a spine.  He tells Frank directly that he is considering going out to see expressly so he can pursue his poetry better.  He even name drops The Beats.  Then he actually takes a jab:

YOU WOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU EVER CRACKED OPEN A BOOK.

Well OKAY Archie Andrews!  Unleash that bitchiness!  Feeling bitchy makes you smarter! Embrace it!

Frank is not amused at having the tables turned on him, and yet again, Mary is not as useless as she used to be (but this is a fiction within a fiction, because in-universe actual Mary really is quite useless - case in point, FRANK STILL LIVES THERE).  Mary interrupts what’s clearly an attack that Frank is scrambling to put together against her son by saying, “No one is joining anything tonight.”

Meanwhile, Dilton has come to visit Jughead.  “You don’t have to worry Jughead.  [blah blah] If anything bad were to actually happen I’d take care of you. You’d be safe.”

This is as clear a declaration of love as I’ve ever heard anyone make in Riverdale short of Jughead’s I Love You Betty Cooper all the way back in Season 1.  But Jughead, in the same way that he did not pick up that he should date Ethel Muggs, doesn’t understand what Dilton is saying as a love confession.  Poor Dilton. 

Instead, Jughead wants to know what the hell Dilton means by “keep him safe.” 

Dilton takes Jughead Jones to THE BUNKER!

Hi Bunker, my old friend!

Jughead sounds like James Stewart from Mr. Smith Goes To Washington as he exclaims, “How does your family have a bunker!?!”  He sounds like he should be married to Katherine Hepburn in a movie.  He sounds like this a lot this season and I thoroughly enjoy it.  The tribute to Stars of Old is at the level of Josie McCoy being rendered an Eartha Kitt tribute character last episode, but much more subtle  and baked into the general character portrayal for this season. 

Anyway, Dilton is very proud of his dad. He grins like a little kid, excited because Jughead is excited, as he tells him that “we’re deep enough to survive an atomic blast, and any radiation after the blast.”

Jughead wants to know why the science teacher built this at all.  “What does your dad know that we don’t?” 

Dilton starts to unpack all the secrets, literally from his bag.  He hands a little chunk of palladium to Jughead from his knapsack, saying Mr. Muggs came to get this assessed by the elder Doiley saying that Clifford Blossom was doing something with palladium.  “Worth killing for?” asks Jughead.

Apparently, in its purest state, palladium could be “more volatile than plutonium,.... and more destructive than a hydrogen bomb.” 

Palladium is a highly useful narrative tool, that’s for sure. 

Jughead says reminds him of something, and then he is madly digging through his collection of comics.  Jughead seems to have a photographic memory of every comic he’s ever read. Not sure this talent will ever get him any money, but it is a talent.  The story he was thinking of was written by Rayberry, called The Palladium Incident!  “Had he seen or heard something while he worked there??

We cut to the science teacher bursting in to make the announcement, in a hysterical scream of unhelpfulness, about “This is the big one.”  In response, all the children in the class start freaking out too.  The only one with a slow response time is Jughead Jones.  Everyone else is hollering, on their feet, moving around, flapping their arms.  Jughead acts like he’s sleep walking.  Cheryl is the one that goes running to get him to some sort of safety. She is shouting at him to “Get away from the!!!” as he walks, fascinated, to the window which is getting brighter and brighter.  As the bomb explodes, Jughead still has this very ‘interested’ look on his face from when he was looking at the melting man get shot in the street.

This turns out to be a nightmare of Cheryl’s.  She had a dream about trying to save Jughead Jones when the bomb hit. I’m very moved, actually.  She curses his name before she goes to fetch herself some water.

On her way back to her room, she hears her parents having a discussion. IN RUSSIAN.  Clifford says that things are in readiness (apparently -  I really have no idea, and I have my suspicions about American/Canadian actors’ capacity to speak passable Russian) to which Penelope says that it’s unfortunate what happened to the man, but Clifford is fine with the state of Project Moloch.  Then they are going to return to the motherland.

Cheryl Blossom speaks … Russian?  She is understanding this? Clifford apparently has been promised something by the Soviets.  Penelope is a Russian spy!  Cheryl runs away.

At the recruitment presentation by the Merchant Marines, Archie wants to know if he gets to explore the places they can visit.  The answer he gets is very unkind - “This isn’t a pleasure cruise” plus “no one here is guaranteed a spot.”  Well, ok sir, but I thought the point of your visit was to RECRUIT.

In the hallway, Jughead is approaching Cheryl.  He actually does a little sing-songy “Hi Ho~~” which is very cute and again for some reason reminds me of Jimmy Stewart though I’m sure he’s never done that.  Who knows.  Cheryl is very annoyed to be approached by Jughead, which is not improved when he opens bluntly with this question:  Has anything weird been happening at your house lately?

He really doesn’t know what a can of worms he’s opened.   Cheryl is making a face at him like, oh you sweet clueless child, you have no idea what you’re about to unleash. What she says is, “Why do you care?”   Jughead says that he’s interested in the location of the mines she mentioned yesterday vis a vis the maple factor.  Cheryl confirms that the factory is built right on top of the mines.  Jughead says, going straight to the point, “I think you father is up to no good,” and then without even taking a break to let that settle in her mind he jumps right to accusation: “I think he is involved in the Milkman murders.”  Then he adds  the mines are palladium mines, plus not abandoned. 

This is a method that Jughead is pretty consistent about throughout the seasons - he gets a set of facts, intuits something, gets a clue or a hint that he might be on the right track, and then goes directly to the source to launch accusations.  The thing is, it WORKS this time because he went to Cheryl and not to Clifford Blossom, and even if she doesn’t like Jeronica, Cheryl definitely wouldn’t let Jughead just die if she could do something about it.   

As a sort of unintended test, perhaps, Cheryl brings up that she thinks her father might sacrifice her to the pagan god Moloch.  Jughead blinks about it but he doesn’t laugh or run away or attack her, so he passes this test.

As a result, Cheryl feels free to tell him forthwith (they’re being very forthright with each other here, which is great) that her parents were speaking in Russian with each other (she didn’t understand what they said, though, alas).  Jughead, having found a kindred spirit in an unexpected place, immediately asks her to “get in there and play gumshoe.”   At the thought of finding “something incriminating” against her parents, Cheryl looks bright eyed, bushy tailed, and inspired. She’s never looked at Jughead like that, ever. 

OUtside, in the parking lot, suspenseful music plays as the girls are gearing up for their first parallel parking lesson. The performance anxiety  of doing this in front of like A DOZEN PEOPLE is horrifying to me, but Ethel does a wonderful job.  They all passed the written and practical portions of the test!   Grundy is going to be taking all of them to the DMV to get their licenses!  She says that they must bring their birth certificates, because the DMV “needs to make sure none of you are Russian spies.”  She says it in a way that makes it clear she thinks it’s silly, but Ethel suddenly looks sad.  Oh dear. Does she not own a single valid form of ID??

Archie is working out using a rigged up rowing machine in the garage.  Uncle Fucking Frank of course has to investigate. I feel like there’s something off kilter about the way Frank keeps such close tabs on Archie. It’s most like Archie is a girl whose virginity is supposed to be safeguarded.   Apparently everyone rows at least an hour a day to stay in shape, so Archie is trying to get a head start.  

Frank has the temerity to give Archie  a man to man, I Know I’m Not Your Real Dad speech, unprompted.  Against all available evidence, Frank claims that he wants “what is best” for Archie, and that what he wants is “same as” what Fred would want. I was very worried for a second that he was going to sexually molest Archie, because this sounds like a sexual molestation set up.  But it isn’t.  Instead he gives Fred’s dog tags to Archie.  Then he tries to get Archie to enlist in the army.  

Fred apparently wasn’t drafted. He volunteered for the army.  This is supposed to make Archie feel better? I mean it makes ME like Fred a lot, because it’s MY democracy and MY freedom that people like Fred suffered and died so far from home, but I don’t see how Archie, who is so terribly wounded about his father’s death is supposed to feel better.  Also why oh why does Frank want Archie to die so badly, like WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?   “Drop this poetry nonsense and join the army!”  Turning that spooky sexual maniac look on Archie again from before (it’s the same face he made calling Betty a ripe peach - vomit, phlegm, poop, bile, all the vileness, FIE) he says that “the best part about joining the Army” is that he “doesn’t have to wait until graduation.”

I mean. OK so in th 1950s Americans weren’t all having to earn PhDs in order to get entry level jobs like they have had to recently, but this still strikes me as absolute shit advice, AND going expressly against Mary’s clearly stated wishes.  

Meanwhile, Cheryl is exploring her house using a three color candelabra at the dead of night. She is so dramatic omg I love her.  “Let’s see what you’re hiding, daddy,” she mutters to herself in an empty room like a totally sane girl.   She finds a hardhat in his desk with a lamp attached to the forehead portion. The candles react to a draft she wasn’t expecting to exist in this room, so she pursues the source of the airflow and finds a SECRET PASSAGE hidden behind a portrait!  

Oh my gosh I love Thornhill so much.

This hidden compartment reveals A DOZEN milkman costumes!!! Complete with full pristine sets of glass milk bottles!!!  Ooooh!

The next morning, Archie is being haunted by his dad’s dog tags which make his world tilt at a weird angle.  He wears the dog tags to breakfast, freaking Mary out. She’s innocently asking about how  many waffles he wants, but her world is about to implode. She wants to know why Frank gave those to Archie.

At the same time, Ethel wants to talk to Betty. She doesn’t have her birth certificate because it’s somewhere in her house.  Betty is so kind to Ethel, immediately offering to go get it for Ethel.  The document is probably inside Ethel’s mother’s crafting desk, which held all her important papers. 

At school, Cheryl sees Jughead coming towards her, so she grabs him firmly by the lapel to drag the physically head-and-half taller boy forcibly into the music room.  This is. uh. This is very hot to me even though I know Cheryl is a gold star lesbian in her heart.   Anyway this is a first time experience for Jughead, being grabbed and tossed by a girl. I bet he didn’t know that cheerleaders have good upper body strength and powerful grips. 

Immediately after, Jughead gets to have another new experience:  A person with no reason to be particularly nice or supportive of him telling him that You Were Right. He’s so flummoxed by this reaction that he seeks reconfirmation:  “About which part?”  The answer is ‘Everything!”

She brought one of the giant milk bottles in her purse, which did not look like it could fit something that big.  

Jughead has been saying an interesting series of oaths this episode (“Holy crapola!” in response to the bunker, “Holy Moley” about something else I forget) so he busts out Holy Toledo at the news that Cheryl’s father has sets of milk bottles and the uniforms that go with the milk bottles hidden in his study.   He concludes, “The Milkman must have been working for your father! Doing his bidding!”

And because he’s a sweetheart who reads a lot of scary fiction, Jughead immediately asks Cheryl, “Are you in danger?” to which Cheryl has the coolest like, pretty girl working as an agent of the Resistance during Vichy type answer, which is “No more than usual.”  She does look extremely worried.   Cheryl had an extremely busy night of investigating, because she is also able to confirm that the  mines a) do produce palladium and b) are not abandoned.  She demands that Jughead bring his camera to her family estate that very night. She further instructs that he “pray an atomic disaster doesn’t befall us all before then!” before she takes off.

Betty walks into the abandoned murder house to try to do a nice thing for Ethel Muggs. She’s very brave. I would not be able to do this.  She’s shifting through the desk, and finds a lockbox.  She opens it with her hairpin!  Her skirt pattern is very pretty.  She finds what look like a series of receipts - that Hal Cooper was paying the Muggs for.  And then she finds a photo of Hal Cooper HOLDING A BABY.  What?  What??

At dinner that night at the Andrews house, Mary has some things to say.  She informs Frank that Archie has told her about the whole thing with the dog tags. “You used his father … to try to manipulate my son into joining the army. How dare you Frank? Especially when you yourself never served.”

Frank tries to speak homophobia code to Mary:  “It’ll set him straight!” he says.

Mary however is too obtuse to pick up on it. She still thinks this is about Archie writing poetry.   She finally - FINALLLYYYYY - lays down the law.  That Archie can make whatever choices he wants with his life after he graduates high school.  That is non negotiable for Mary, this high school graduation.  Archie indicates with a nod that he gets the message. 

Then she says that she “can’t have Frank here anymore. It’s time for you to move out.”

You mean to say that she had the power all this time, to kick Frank out, and DID NOT? 

Then her sexist homophobic brother in law and her clueless sexist son have a dick measuring contest IN FRONT OF HER about who is going to be the man of the house.  Frank is an underhanded piece of shit too, reminding her that she’s the one who invited him to Riverdale to ‘help.’  (So really, Mary is doubly guilty, first for inviting him, and second for letting him punish Archie for existing like that).  Mary reminds them both that she’s the one who pays for the  mortgage which.. again… HOW? She doesn’t have a bank account, right? Or did she inherit Fred’s when he died?

Looking suddenly at peace, Frank says that he’s going to “shack up with my old pal Tom Keller.”  He makes a deeply inappropriate comparison between himself and Keller - Keller is being divorced by his wife of almost twenty years with whom he has a son.  This is not the same relationship that Frank has with Mary!  

Mary doesn’t care what Frank does as long as the “bullying uncle” is out of the house.  Frank was living rent free in this house, yet he was so desperate about Archie’s poetry that he was willing to make him drop out of high school to join the army!

Betty goes home to ask her parents why they were writing checks to the Muggs household.  Mrs Muggs was their housekeeper! is the first lie that Hal tries to tell.  Betty then wants to know who the baby is. It’s Ethel, so Betty has to cross examine her dad.  Hal says that it’s because he’s Ethel’s godfather.   Betty wants to know why she’s never heard of any of this. 

Alice stops Hal from telling any more lies.  

“You’re Ethel’s father, aren’t you?” Betty concludes.

Alice kicks Hal out of the house for a bit so she can share an alcoholic drink with her daughter.  the real story is that Mildred Muggs was their housekeeper before Betty was born. Alice suspected an affair between Mrs. Muggs and Hal which was confirmed when Ethel was born.  The reason they hid all this was because of the TV station.  Everything Alice says after that first thing is a lie - she doesn’t give a fuck about “us, our family.”  She wanted a tv career because Alice has always has had a career obsession. When she says she ‘had no choice’ she means there was no other way for her to have a career on television than to be married to Hal Cooper.   So the arrangement was that the Muggs would raise the girl ‘as their own’ (which she was, she was Mildred’s own) while the Coopers sent money every month for support (from Hal).  

Betty puts it together again.  That this is why Alice took Ethel in, but hated her, humiliated her, had her forcibly imprisoned in the child abuse nunnery and so on.  And that this is why she was on such a rampage about Betty coming to adulthood.  Except Betty doesn’t say that - she concludes that Alice didn’t “want what happened to you to happen to me.” What, your husband a middle class white man predating on a working class woman?  How would having Kevin pin Betty over Archie fix anything?  Kevin is much more likely to have impregnated a lot of women in his life if he’d not been able to actually come out at least to himself by Betty dumping him.  This doesn’t make sense, but then, Betty in S7 is really stupid, and so is her mother so I guess this explanation is enough for both of their levels of intellect.

Alice starts weeping about how she failed as a mother and she’s sorry, but like I said, I don’t believe that motherhood, her daughters with Hal or “doing what was right” was in any way part of Alice’s calculations.  She simply wanted to hold on to having a tv career above dignity, above her own sanity, above her sexual well being.   Betty says that she thinks Alice did the best she could, because Betty is a kind person, but this is categorically wrong. Alice has acted purely out of malice towards Ethel and sexual jealousy for Betty (in that Betty had youth and an unblemished future without any bad compromises spread out ahead of her). 

Betty says that they need to call Hal back home so they can all tell Ethel she is a Cooper.   I hope Ethel axes them all to death in their sleep. 

Meanwhile, Cheryl and Jughead are having their adventure in the dark of night.   Jughead takes a hugely flashing photo of the night guard at the mines, who is watching Oh Mija.  Then they sneak past him to the mines.  The cooperative bickering-affirming dynamic they have between them is truly great.  When Jughead wants to know why there aren’t more guards, Cheryl points out that secret projects should maybe not call “undue attention” upon themselves, which Jughead concedes immediately is a good point.  

Jughead even gets the mojo back to narrate for a bit, as he says that while Cheryl and he were on the verge of a major discovery, Ethel was “experiencing emotional shockwaves about learning the truth about her life.”

Ethel says that she always felt like her parents’ discord was her fault, and that there was a lot of discord.  “That explains things” is what she says, with so much dignity.  The Coopers offer to adopt her, to “make things right.”    Extremely elegantly, Ethel rejects their offer immediately.  She says that what she wants is to be happy, which you can’t possibly be with Hal and Alice Cooper as your parents in any capacity.  She wants nothing to do with these people.  Ethel is the only one with a brain cell in this entire community. Good for her, and her smarts.

Frank is finally leaving.   The little family is seeing him off. Reggie first.  Then Frank finagles a final invitation to a regular home cooked meal (“Sunday dinner”) from Mary, who apparently is wonderful at cooking as she is at dress-and-halloween-costume making.  She still invites him, which is a level of forgiveness that I don’t think I am capable of mustering, even to be polite.  As he says goodbye to Archie, Frank asks that Archie not “hold things against him.”  Archie tries to teach Frank that writing poetry is not an emasculating activity. He specifically says that men in trenches in the fields of war have written beautiful poems.  Maybe that’s my path, he says, and Mary shakes her head a FIRM FUCKIN’ NO about dying in war.  They send him off. They’re playing sentimental music over this, but I have to confess I do not understand why. He’s been hateful, overbearing and condescending to them the entire time he’s been here.  They had a big blowout fight after he tried to induce Archie to drop out of high school to join the army, which is both expressly against Mary’s wishes and without any consultation with her.  Why are they making nicey nice?

Can Frank please die now? I am tired of hating him (though the hate is still going very strong.)

In the photo development room, Cherly and Jughead are talking about what to do with the evidence they have found.  Cheryl wants to take these to Sheriff Keller. Jughead disagrees, saying Keller might be in on it too.  “He’s just a dimwitted small-town sheriff that’s in over his head,” is Cheryl’s fantastic little summary of the stupid father of the awful Kevin.  Jughead wants to make this federal, not local, and is going to tap Veronica’s contacts with the FBI from when they were investigated her father.   Cheryl is impressed that Jughead Jones is capable of this much serious, rational thought.  I also wonder if she likes the idea of getting the feds involved or not.  In any case she calls him, playfully, “Sherlock Jones” which is some Veronica level moniker coinage, I must say.

Cheryl now wants to know if Jughead and Veronica are “officially an item.”  She … 

I.

Cheryl and Jughead have actually friendly banter!  I am pleased as punch. They have really nice chemistry!  Cheryl says, gently teasing, that she suspects Jughead might be “in over his crown” in trying to be in a relationship with Veronica Lodge, to which Jughead snaps back, bringing some bravado to it, that he is “holding his own.”  

One of the photos they took is of Jughead leaning very suggestively up against the very phallic looking palladium bomb. 

Cut to the family meal at Thornhill when they get an unexpected banging on the door.  Cheryl leaps up, offering brightly to “go get it.”  Ooh ok so I was wrong. She was purely pleased about involving the feds in this.  She lets in Glen(!) and the other G-Men.  She apparently even summoned them at this exact time.   

Clifford’s full name is Clifford Marion Blossom, and Penelope’s name is 

Penelope Pavlina Novikov Blossom.

Which I am going to commit to memory immediately. 

However, point of order here - shouldn’t that be Pavlina NovikoVA Blossom??

The Blossoms are arrested for “treason, conspiracy, and advocating for the violent overthrow of the American government.”  Moreover, the FBI is going to shut down “Project Moloch” which makes Clifford jump with surprise. 

Cheryl manages to get the last word in:  “You did a bad thing, Daddy.”

She stole wholesale, all of Veronica Lodge’s bag from right under her. No conflicts of interest despite being the daughter, either.   Because Veronica always waffled over Hiram. Not Cheryl. My hero. MVP of Riverdale for real. 

Jughead sounds excited as he relays that the world eventually learned that the American capitalist had been seduced by a Russian sleeper agent,. The plan was thus: 

From the A-bomb to the H-bomb to the P-bomb! 

Clifford Blossom pretended to be developing the P Bomb for the US government but in fact was going to sell it to the Russians.  The FBI took credit for foiling this plan, which Jughead says was “fine by” him except it wasn’t because he’s setting the record straight here.  In any case, he says he did manage to “put the rest of the pieces together.”

Jughead still needs to worship a father figure, and fortunately for him FP doesn’t exist in this AU and Rayberry died, so he’s quite safe.  His hagiographic treatment of Rayberry is that even though all Rayberry did was use what he was worried about from his job at the maple factory to write obscure stories in an obscure comic book the “brilliant, terrifying” nature of these stories is enough to stand him in good stead.   The thing is, Rayberry apparently died directly because he fell in a sort of love with Jughead Jones.  When he invoked the First Amendment on Jughead’s behalf, he “spooked” the powers that be, which made Mayor Blossom sicc his hitman on him.   

By the same token, Mr Muggs somehow, as the janitor, obtaining proof positive that the Blossoms were sitting on top of a stockpile of palladium similarly made him a target.  We are shown Ethel pack up her bag to leave to go somewhere.  Her last meeting in town seems to be with Jughead, who really just does not really care what the plot was, because she paid all the prices for everyone’s secrets from day 1 to literally the moment when Alice Cooper decided to do a nice thing for Ethel purely (and I do mean PURELY) for the purposes of fucking Betty over. 

But Ethel is unendingly kind to Jughead who is very obtusely obsessed with telling her how bad it all was, when all she wants to do is LEAVE.  She tells him, with the same dignified graciousness she’s exhibited throughout, that all his crazy eyed efforts make her “hope for a better tomorrow.”  To his credit, Jughead seems very moved by her elegance, looking at her with misty eyes as she departs with Ben.

Ben calls her Lovebug!!!!!!

Alice is deeply resentful (because she is evil) of Ethel getting to leave Riverdale and for Hollywood, to get a real job at a real movie studio, based purely on her talents.  This is not a caliber of career that either of her daughters is ever going to achieve.  Of course she’s going to try to stop her.  As usual,  Veronica has taken care of everything like the generous queen that she is - gotten Ethel a job, a connection to a powerful person who will feel obligated to look in on Ethel and give her some protection while she figures out the ropes and a place to live.  

You know, Tabitha may be the Guardian Angel of Riverdale but Veronica is the patron saint of Riverdalian hopes and dreams.  “Give them hell Ethel!” Veronica says.  Betty says she wants to visit Ethel.    Jughead and Ethel hugfarewell.  “I’ll miss you. You always were the best partner in crime,” Jughead says.

Why do I still get the feeling that Ethel is just a little bit in love with Jughead Jones?  She pats him gently on the face, telling him not to be “too sad” because they will “always have Pep Comics.”  Jughead really does look very sad about her departure.  

Alice tells Ethel that she’s going to be just fine, and keeps touching Ethel and I wish she wouldn’t. Because I don’t trust Alice at all.  

Jughead says that Ethel was the first to leave Riverdale. (Ben Button is apparently going with her to California but is going to come right back? Or is he so irrelevant he doesn’t count?)  Ethel drives out to the tune of NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW! in her wonderful looking yellow car. I’m glad the pageant didn’t stiff her with the car.   Jughead has this to say:

“All of the pieces were falling into place, but it was just about time to find out if our little town would be avoiding an even greater cataclysm.”

I’m so glad Ethel got a great exit. I really am. I still think she should’ve gotten to fuck Jughead though, just to realize it isn’t all that.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

D&Dads but with DC Dads.

We can either have a Bruce who already has too many kids dealing with his three youngests Damian, Tim and Duke disapearing and maybe being the ones directly connected with the Doodler since Damian is very Oak-Garcia coded idc and Duke's bio dad is kindda of an eldrish figure. Or a Bruce who has no idea how to raise a kid and is emotionally repressed af wich is a problem because he just adopted young impressionable Dick that may be in danger after making his own vigilante gang in the Forgotten Realms to make his father proud.

Either Clark who is very close with his adorable son Jon but also has problems stabelishing boundaries (Louis does all the grouding) and while Jon is too good of a kid to use it to hurt others that means the kid is always putting himself in danger situations specially when he feels the responsability to be just like his dad. Or Arthur who just had the realization that since they've been raising the boy Garth IS his kid and him never telling Garth that might be causing self-esteem problems to the kid.

Either Ollie losing Connor and Mia in the Forgotten Realms when they were finally making progress in ther relationship. Or Ollie losing Roy just as he started having problems with his ideas of pareting being confusing and not the best. Or even Ollie lost Lian on the Forgotten Realm, his grandkid means a lot for him, not only that but it was his first time babysitting her in a year because he was finally fixing his relationship with Roy.

Either Barry losing the rambouchious twins Don and Dawn and also his uncle/kid Bart. The trio totally became a team in Fort Knights. Or Barry losing his nephew Wally when they were still trying to navegate the changes their relationship would have now that Barry had assumed a parent role instead of being a cool uncle.

[empressofthelibrary]

💭😊 - for bailey?

what is your oc's MBTI, enneagram, and/or other personality aspects (if known/interested in)?

...One sec, lemme google somethin real quick...

Okay, so Bailey turned up as INFP-T, though I hesitate to call her a 'mediator' of any sort.

She is introverted, and she's not great at understanding people. Most of the time, she feels like she has to fit a role to meet expectations and... Get a good score in the social interaction. But there are a few people she just clicks with -- Wally and Linda, Kyle, Dick... Ironically, she wears fewer masks once she becomes a superhero.

She's also very curious and loves learning. She has insomnia and nightmares, and spent countless nights surfing Wikipedia until sunrise. She does that less these days, but her brain is still stuffed full of useless trivia that nobody but her cares about.

She was also doing a double-major in college, until she dropped out after losing her older brother. This started out as Exocultural Studies and Art History, turned into Art History and Fine Arts, then Literature and Museum Studies... She has six half-finished degrees.

Bailey struggles with understanding how people feel at a glance. She has to stop and think about things from someone else's perspective. But once she realizes someone else is in pain, her big bleeding heart takes over. She's very emotionally driven, and her feelings run deep and strong. She just doesn't get why someone would do something that would hurt someone else, and she will yell at the guy she's arrested before she hands him over to the cops

She absolutely despises being told what to do, especially when she can't see the reason for it. She has zero automatic respect for authority and even less of a problem with saying so. As far as she's concerned, if you can't tell her why she ought to do something -- and phrase it politely -- she's just not gonna do it. There are exceptions, naturally, for people she trusts. But if someone hasn't earned her respect, faith, and loyalty, she will absolutely question their authority. This goes from everything to standard social rules (eg: discomfort with high society dress codes) to superheroic matters (eg: when Batman starts to give her an order, she looks to Nightwing or one of the other Titans for confirmation).

(No she and Bruce do not get along)

She is also a walking ball of anxiety, ultimately. She's constantly afraid she isn't pulling her weight among the other heroes, afraid she isn't doing enough. She wants to know she's earned her status as a Titan, as part of this big weird, complicated family she stumbled into. Wants to know she's good enough to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the people who save the world on a biweekly basis. Who, again and again, prove that there's a way forward. Who gave her courage, inspiration, and hope, when she didn't have any.

(She's got a little bit of imposter syndrome, yeah)

what are your oc's career/general life desires? what do they want to get the most out of life?

Bailey: "...I dunno, survive?"

Bales... Doesn't know what she wants, really. When she was in school, it seemed so clear.

Doule-major in Exocultural Studies and Art History

Join NASA

Become a Space Archeologist

Live out her "Star Trek meets Indiana Jones" fantasies

Kiss cute aliens

Then Bison City State canceled the ExoStudies program. She switched majors once, twice, three times... And then her brother passed, followed by her mom.

Bailey was pretty lost and directionless after that. And while she genuinely loves being Golden Eagle... She knows this isn't a profession people usually get old in. Jay and Ted and the senior JSA are exceptions, not the rule. And while she never really thought about it before, well...

Sometimes she sees Jay and Joan look at one another, and she starts to realize that growing old? It might not be so bad.

...Especially if she's not doing it alone.

But that means wanting something for herself, and letting herself want things for herself. It's selfish. It's greedy. It's not what she's supposed to do.

So she'll shove that hunger down until it dies. She'll keep her family and her world safe. Live in the present. That's all she has, and all she needs.

[kiragecko]

So if that's your yj swearing heacanons. What do you head for the titans? Who swears there?

Okay.

Wally has sworn 3 times. 2 were while hanging out with Dick, trying to be brave. 1 was while hanging out with Frances, feeling both uncomfortable and daring. All felt wrong, and he gave up.

Garth does not swear. Not even Atlantian vulgarities. He is a PRINCE. (And also a socially awkward nerd.)

Dick has periods where he uses foul language, periods where he doesn't, and periods where it's an occasional thing - both as Dick and as Nightwing. He reinvents himself a lot.

Donna usually uses Amazonian exclamations, but will let out the occasional, surprisingly vulgar, oath.

Roy went through a period where his language was SO FILTHY. He felt he had to prove what an awful person he was. It wasn't a good head-space, and it's much rarer now. Lian has picked up some language that ... she doesn't really have context for, though.

Vic ... look, I'm really uncomfortable with the race and class connotations around Vic's dialogue in the 80s (the period I know him best from). I don't want to exclude him from the fun, but when I try to imagine his voice, my brain replaces it with narration, instead. (Unless it's the Teen Titans (Go) version.) There's something here about code switching to fit in with his football team vs. the very academic language he was hearing at home, but as a deeply uncool white Canadian who never really tried to fit in, I don't know what it is.

Obviously, Teen Titans (Go) Cyborg never swears.

Kory swears a lot. Using every language she knows. It can be very cathartic to listen to her. Or disturbing, depending on what she's saying.

Raven doesn't know how. Sometimes she wishes she did. But she struggles to build up enough pressure to vent into a curse, and she doesn't speak casually enough to just drop them into a sentence.

(Comics) Gar swears, but self-consciously and often at awkward times. He tends towards sexually ... OKAY. No. We are not doing this. I do not like comics Gar, and this was going nowhere good. Lets start again.

No cartoon version of Gar swears. They are little boys, even as teenagers. Teen Titans (Go) Beast Boy has practiced in his bedroom a few times and thinks swearing is SO COOL. It has never occurred to Young Justice (TV) Gar to use foul language.

Joey swears for dramatic effect. He's got a sweet persona, and it amuses him a LOT to shock people with an unexpected explicit sign. He swore a lot in junior high, trying to emulate his cool older brother, and still swears more casually than a lot of the other Titans.

-

I also believe that the team has several explicit in-jokes that they say to each other casually. These don't count as foul language anymore. Even Wally can say them without a second thought. Most of the Titans have said one of these jokes in front of one of Dick's siblings while they were visiting the Tower, realized what they had just done, and prepared for death. On the occasions that DICK also realized what they had done, the death was swift.

(Dick has done it too. Tim was old enough by then to look at him with a confused and innocent expression and ask him what he meant, just to watch Dick cringe. And then turn to Roy, and ask him so very very nicely if HE could explain, since he'd done such a good job last time. Last time the confusion had been real, and so was Dick's retribution. This time? Chaos.)

[clockwayswrites]

AN: I blame @mokulule for encouraging this. Danny/Wally/Dick APPARENTLY. Brain wtf. Wally is such a bi disaster. And just wait till Dick sees Danny's fangs. It's all gone for him then. (Obviously did not do small teen, though Danny is maybe still 19 here and not large. Other two early 20s and Titans.)

Wally: Okay so

Wally had to pause there. He didn't know what to say. How did he explain: hey, I came over to Barry and Iris' place and there was this really cute guy asleep on the couch who had a panic attack and then I got him water and now I'm being cuddled?

Oh, and btw Barry said he came out of Captain Cold's gun and won't explain more than that!?

The guy, who had slowly been sliding down the cushion tipped over and slumped against Wally's shoulder.

Gsfhgfht t

Dick: You okay Wally?

Wally: No 😭 😳 😲 🥵 💀 🧊🔫

Wally fumbled his phone as it started ringing. He swiped answer as quickly as he could, hissing out a 'shush' as he brought it to his ear. He held his breath as the guy shifted and then slowly let it out as the other settled back down.

"Be quiet, you'll wake him up!" Wally whispered.

"Wake who up?" Dick asked, totally not being quiet.

"I don't know!" Wally said, gesturing with his arm not pinned down by the stranger.

"…so what are you having for dinner Wally?"

"Oh my God I do not need to use a code word! I don't need to be rescued! I'm at--" Wally cut himself off with a meep as the guy moved again. A very cold nose was nuzzled against Wally's arm before being tucked behind Wally's shoulder. Wally shifted to get the guy more room to burrow.

"I'm at home, not my home, but home, and he was just there asleep on the couch and now I'm being cuddled and Dick, he's so cute? But also I don't think he's well and I just want to scoop him up in a blanket and keep him warm," Wally whined.

Dick was laughing at him, the bastard. "Okay. Why don't you ask Barry or Iris who he is?"

"They don't know either!" Wally hissed. "Barry said he came out of Captain Cold's gun! What does that even mean, Dick? And am I a horrible person thinking he's cute when he obviously just went through some shit?!"

Dick just laughed harder. "No, okay, wait, I'm on my way. Just keep, you know, cuddling this mysterious stranger."

"Fuck off." Wally grumbled into the already dead line.

Dc x DP #34

Ice Core Danny getting injured badly and reverting into his core form where either Captain Cold or Mr. Freeze find and use for their inventions.

The mystery source is strong. And makes ice stronger than they could've imagined. So of course they use it to cause havoc wherever they go.

Fast forward to where the villain is defeated by their assigned hero and the hero takes the weapon apart. Starting with the core source.

Imagine their growing horror as the core their enemy used to wreak havoc transforms into a small teen that looks as if he's been through the wringer.

[robbed-ghost]

DC thoughts cause I have them

- Bruce canonically cannot cook to save his life, but he’d likely adapt and learn to make snacks for dummies (honey on crackers, apple slices, cereal, etc) and those become a lot of the batboys’ comfort foods

- Billy Batson always has his powers but when he’s in his real form/child body it’s proportionate to his size. So he has incredible endurance, strength, speed, and wisdom (and kind of always smells like rain/ozone) but only in relation to a 5th grader.

- Wisdom of Solomon does NOT mean common sense or intelligence. It means Shazam is perceptive and has good judgement based on knowledge he already has. Whether or not that wisdom is based on how wise king Solomon of antiquity was is unknown.

- Jason actually stole the wheels off the batmobile because he made a bet with Catwoman while he was homeless for $50, who 100% thought he was bluffing. She still has three of the wheels under her bed

- Poison Ivy has acne during spring—it’s her version of seasonal allergies

- When Damian was a kid he demanded servants to eat his food with him. His mother and grandfather took this as him being a natural born monarch being perceptive enough to know about poisons, but really he just didn’t want the servants to feel left out and didn’t want to eat alone.

- At least one member of the justice league is colorblind; that many aliens doesn’t make for a consistent amount of cones (the color perception in the eye, humans have 3) and the watchtower ALWAYS has to accommodate for this in some way. Like hell they’d ever leave someone without their proper accommodations for what could be considered a disability.

- Hawkgirl is incredibly farsighted and her mask/helmet doubles as reading glasses

- When Diana went to a salon for the first time. Oh boy. She didn’t leave that massage table for 3 days.

- Everyone can always tell when Clark just got off a call or back from a visit with his parents because his accent comes back. He can never hear it himself and its driven him crazy trying to get rid of it.

- After an incident involving time travel and meeting another version of Bruce—a very old version—learning the fact that Bruce has a risk of heart problems makes his kids ease up on the pranks and death defying feats. At least while in front of him. He doesn’t though.

- Dick and Wally have a secret code that they made based on Rock Paper Scissors. It looks exactly like Rock Paper Scissors except they move a finger or change angles to indicate what they’re talking about and it took Wally 6 months to get correct

- Every year for the Flash Day in Central City the Rogues decorate things with antlers and red noses without fail. Every year on Flash Day Wallace Rudolph West considers the ramifications of changing his middle name.

- Black Canary always has access to tea somewhere in the room. Any room. One time she pulled tea bags out of one of Batman’s pockets and he was stoically bewildered as she calmly made earl grey during an interrogation

- The amount of times Constantine has had to be escorted from the premises of a case is absurd

- Tim’s footsteps constantly fluctuate between being super loud and extremely quiet. Since he was at home alone so much he was used to being able to be loud, but quickly learned to be quiet after he realized he could be heard while following Batman and Robin, and got even better at it when he became a superhero. Whenever he gets loud, he knows it’s time to take a nap.

- Steph is terrible at chess but the best scrabble player you’ve ever seen. Cass is always in awe, because she’s the exact opposite.

- Barbara can still do a backflip paralyzed from the waist down. Her arms are enormous and she always finds a way.

- Duke HATES the Night Shift, his powers are annoying and near inert when literally everything is bathed in darkness. (He also sleeps with the hallway lights turned on so he can see footsteps under the door before they’re there. All the bats do.)

- Since he was born in the phantom zone, Chris Kent has a lot of problems that taught Clark about being a good father. He and Bruce don’t have many serious disagreements after Chris. He understands now.

- Every single lantern goes absolutely apeshit over Lego bricks, they can’t get enough of it. One time the league went on a mission that involved the lantern corps and there was a giant battle of Lego builds in willpower green that they had to break up.

- Lois Lane is face blind. She does not let this stop her. Clark took an entire class on body language just to try and keep his privacy under wraps because she can read people like a book. Why else do you think she’s such an amazing investigative reporter and can’t spot Superman’s big lovable face a cubicle away?

- (More)