#the book for PSYCHOLOGISTS is maybe MAYBE for people who understand it

[gamesweetdreaming]

Nuh uh I'm not here to be fighting someone else's fight, y'all need to sit down and talk. CALMLY.

[reidmarieprentiss]

Bridges to Belonging

Part One Part Two Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven

Summary: Penelope texts Y/n, Rossi has a dinner party, Y/n and Spencer meet

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: Fluff

Warnings/Includes: mentions of virginity and sex (16+), playing never have I ever, teasing from friends, consuming alcohol

Word count: 3.7k

a/n: i am cranking this story out it is going to be finished so fast dear goddd ,, hopefully y'all like it!!! probably like 5 ish more parts is my guess

main masterlist

Y/n was settling in for the night after a long shift at the hospital, kicking her feet up on her coffee table with a glass of wine in hand when her usually dead phone vibrated. 

Hey, Y/N! 😊 It's Penelope from the BAU. Hope you don't mind me texting! Just thought I'd check in and see how my favorite child psychologist is doing. 🌟

Hey, Penelope! Of course, I don't mind :) I’m doing well, just busy with work as usual. How about you?

Busy saving the world, one computer at a time! 🖥️💪 So, tell me, are you still too busy to date, or have you finally joined us mere mortals in the quest for love? 💘

Haha I guess we’re getting right into it. I suppose I am feeling ready to dip my toes back into the dating pool. But I’ve been avoiding it for a while 😅 Awkward first dates are terrifying!

Ooh, exciting! 🥳 But I totally get the fear. Blind dates can be the worst. You never know if you're going to meet Prince Charming or... well, not. 😬

Exactly! And I've been so focused on my career that I haven't really thought about dating in a while. Plus, all my undergrad flings made me a bit wary of anything serious.

Understandable. Sometimes you just need to have fun, right? But now that you’re settled, maybe it’s time for a change? 😉

Yeah, maybe you're right. I wouldn't mind meeting someone who shares my interests and gets my sense of humor.

OMG, that sounds like a dream. Let me know when you find them and send me one too. 💖

Ha! If I find one I will let you know. How does one even go about meeting new people nowadays?

Well… You remember Rossi, right? He’s having a pasta and wine night at his mansion this Friday at 8 pm!! 🎉

Pasta and wine?? Sounds perfect. Thanks, Penelope! I’ll be there, I appreciate you thinking of me :)

Anytime, Y/N! Can’t wait for you to meet the rest of the team. I’ve got a good feeling about this! 💖✨ 

—

The rest of the team? Y/n thought to herself. She had assumed she met everyone already when she went for drinks with Aaron and the team. Maybe they added a new member. Regardless, she's excited to do three of her favorite things, eat pasta, drink wine, and let rich people pay for everything. 

—

The evening sun dipped below the horizon, casting a soft glow over David Rossi’s expansive estate. Nestled in the Virginia countryside, the elegant home exuded both charm and sophistication, a perfect reflection of its owner. The team arrived one by one, greeted by the welcoming scent of freshly baked bread and simmering marinara sauce that wafted through the air, promising a feast of Italian delights.

As Y/n stepped into the house, they were embraced by the warm ambiance of the living room, where a crackling fire in the stone fireplace added a cozy touch. The room was tastefully decorated with leather-bound books, framed photographs, and art pieces that told stories of Rossi’s travels and experiences. Soft jazz music played in the background, the soothing melodies mingling with the lively chatter of the guests.

The dining room was a vision of elegance, with a long mahogany table set for the evening's festivities. Flickering candlelight danced across the table, casting a gentle glow on the polished silverware and delicate china. Each place setting was thoughtfully arranged, complete with fine crystal wine glasses waiting to be filled with Rossi’s carefully curated selection of wines.

On the far side of the room, a sideboard displayed an array of antipasti: olives, cured meats, marinated vegetables, and various cheeses artfully arranged on rustic wooden boards. A large bouquet of fresh flowers served as the centerpiece, adding a splash of color and vibrancy to the room.

The kitchen bustled with activity as Rossi, ever the gracious host, put the finishing touches on a variety of homemade pasta dishes. Large pots simmered on the stove, the fragrant aroma of garlic and herbs filling the air. A pan of lasagna bubbled in the oven, its cheese topping perfectly golden brown. Fresh basil and parsley were sprinkled generously over platters of spaghetti aglio e olio and creamy fettuccine alfredo, each dish a testament to Rossi’s culinary skills and passion for Italian cuisine.

In the adjoining patio, strings of fairy lights twinkled overhead, providing a magical canopy under which the team could relax and unwind. Comfortable seating areas were arranged to encourage conversation, and a small fire pit offered warmth as the evening grew cooler. The gentle rustle of leaves and the distant chirping of crickets added a serene backdrop to the lively gathering.

The evening at Rossi’s house was in full swing. The room was alive with laughter and conversation, and the clinking of glasses mingled with the soft strains of jazz music. The warm glow from the fireplace and the dim lighting created a cozy, inviting atmosphere that wrapped the team in a sense of comfort and camaraderie.

As the doorbell rang, David straightened his jacket and moved toward the entrance with a welcoming smile. He opened the door to reveal Y/N, who stood on the threshold, looking radiant in her deep green dress that highlighted her curves and complemented her confident demeanor.

“Y/N! Welcome!” Rossi exclaimed, stepping aside to usher her into the house. His voice was warm and genuine, filled with the kind of hospitality that made his guests feel immediately at home. “I’m so glad you could make it. We’ve been looking forward to this evening.”

Y/N’s face brightened with a warm smile as she stepped inside. “Thank you, David. I’m excited to be here. The house looks wonderful.”

Rossi gave a hearty laugh. “It’s all thanks to the amazing team I have. Let me introduce you to everyone.”

With a graceful wave of his hand, Rossi guided Y/N into the living room, where the BAU team had gathered. The room buzzed with the energy of friends reconnecting after a long day. Rossi’s arrival with Y/N caught the attention of the group, and they turned to greet her with friendly smiles and nods.

Spencer, who had been deep in a conversation with Derek about a recent case, felt a shift in the atmosphere. His gaze followed Rossi and Y/N as they entered, his attention abruptly captured.

Spencer’s breath hitched slightly as he took in Y/N’s presence. The warm lighting seemed to highlight her natural beauty, and the graceful way she moved across the room was both captivating and disorienting. The rest of the team offered her friendly waves and greetings, but Spencer was fixated on her, his curiosity piqued.

Hotch, noticing Spencer’s focused attention, decided it was time for introductions. He approached Spencer with a friendly, knowing smile and gestured toward Y/N.

“Spencer,” Hotch began, his tone calm and reassuring, “I’d like you to meet Y/N.”

Spencer turned to face Hotch, his heart racing a bit. Hotch continued, “Y/N, this is Spencer Reid. He’s one of our most brilliant team members here at the BAU.”

Y/N extended her hand with a warm, welcoming smile. “Hi, Spencer. It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

God, even her voice is beautiful. 

Spencer, momentarily taken aback, felt a flutter of nerves as he took her hand. “Hi, Y/N. It’s, uh, nice to meet you too. I’ve heard a lot about you as well,” he replied, his voice tinged with both shyness and genuine interest.

Y/N’s gaze was kind and her smile reassuring, making Spencer feel more at ease. “I hope it’s all been good,” she said with a playful glint in her eye.

Spencer managed a small, tight lipped smile, as he tucked his hair behind one ear and his nerves started to settle. “Definitely,” he replied, feeling a warmth that contrasted with his usual social anxiety.

Y/N leaned in slightly, her eyes meeting Spencer’s with a genuine curiosity. “So, Spencer,” she began, her tone light and engaging, “what’s one thing you’re passionate about outside of work?”

Spencer’s eyes lit up as he considered her question. “Well, I’m really into chess,” he admitted. “I’ve been playing since I was a kid. It’s a great way to exercise the mind and challenge myself.”

Y/N’s smile widened. “I didn’t know that. I used to play chess with my grandfather when I was younger. It’s a fascinating game. Do you have a favorite opening strategy?”

Spencer’s face brightened, and he leaned in a bit more, his enthusiasm evident. “Yes! I’m a big fan of the Queen’s Gambit. It’s a classic and very versatile. What about you?”

Y/N’s eyes sparkled as she shared her own chess experiences. The conversation continued, the two finding common ground and enjoying each other’s company.

Hotch observed the interaction with a pleased expression, satisfied with the introduction. He stepped back, allowing Spencer and Y/N to continue their conversation. The team resumed their chatter, though the undercurrent of excitement about the new connection was palpable.

The evening had progressed into a more relaxed phase as the team retreated to Rossi’s lush backyard. The gentle clinking of glasses and the murmur of conversation blended with the soft rustling of leaves in the warm night breeze. The group had moved outside after enjoying a sumptuous Italian feast prepared by Rossi and Penelope, and now they were settling into comfortable chairs and sofas, each with a glass of wine in hand.

Spencer, still a bit on edge but feeling slightly more at ease, had decided to join in on the wine, especially since Y/N had done the same. The rich, full-bodied wine paired perfectly with the after-dinner atmosphere, adding to the relaxed ambiance of the evening.

Derek, always the instigator of fun, leaned back in his chair with a mischievous grin. “Alright, everyone, I think it’s time for a game. How about a round of ‘Never Have I Ever’?” He looked around the circle with a gleam in his eye, clearly excited about the prospect of the game.

Emily raised an eyebrow playfully. “Oh, this should be interesting. Let’s see who’s willing to spill some secrets tonight.”

Y/N looked intrigued but a bit hesitant. “Sounds fun. I’m game.”

The group settled into a comfortable rhythm as Derek began the game. “Okay, I’ll start. Never have I ever... gone skydiving.”

A few people sipped their wine, including Emily and Rossi. “Guilty as charged,” Rossi said with a chuckle. “Skydiving is quite the adrenaline rush.”

Y/N, who had taken a sip, smiled and said, “I’ve always wanted to try it, but never had the chance.”

Spencer, still holding his glass, observed the interactions with a mix of curiosity and caution. He had never played this game before, not having ever been invited to parties in high school or college, and while he was intrigued, he wasn’t sure how much he was ready to reveal about himself.

JJ leaned forward, looking at Y/N with a grin. “Okay, your turn. What’s something we’d never expect from you?”

Y/N thought for a moment, then laughed softly. “Alright, never have I ever... been to a strip club.”

This time, the whole team, including Penelope, sipped their wine. “Oh, I mean we all have been on multiple occasions for a case,” Penelope admitted with a grin. “It’s a rite of passage.”

Spencer watched Y/N closely, noticing how easily she blended with the group, her laughter and easy demeanor making her approachable. He found himself feeling more comfortable, the game serving as a welcome distraction from his usual reservations.

As the game continued, Derek took his turn. “Never have I ever... gone on a blind date.”

Spencer, who had been carefully sipping his wine, hesitated for a moment before taking a sip. He caught Y/N’s eye and saw her smile warmly. “Well, that’s a new one for me,” she said, clearly amused.

Hotch, enjoying the playful banter, decided to chime in. “I think it’s safe to say that a lot of us have had some interesting experiences with blind dates.”

The game continued with a mix of laughter, surprises, and the occasional sip of wine. As it came around to Spencer’s turn, he took a deep breath, deciding to take a small risk. “Never have I ever... read all the books in a series before the final book was released.”

Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise, and she laughed. “Oh, I’m guilty of that too. I get too impatient for the next installment.”

Spencer felt a small spark of connection, his nerves easing as he realized they shared a common interest. “It’s the only way to avoid spoilers,” he said with a smile.

The conversation flowed easily as the game progressed, with everyone sharing stories and bonding over their revelations. Spencer found himself more relaxed, the warmth of the wine and the easygoing nature of the game creating an environment where he could be himself.

The group settled into their seats even more lubricated with wine, ready for the real revelations. Derek went first, his tone playful. “Never have I ever... been to a nightclub and partied until dawn.”

Y/N, Emily, Penelope and Derek took a sip, with Emily laughing. “Oh, I’ve done that more times than I can count. Nothing like a night out on the town to blow off some steam.”

Spencer seemed slightly more at ease with each revelation. “I’ve never been to one of those. It sounds like an experience.”

The game continued with more revealing questions. Emily, with a mischievous glint in her eye, asked, “Never have I ever... had a one-night stand.”

Spencer was visibly surprised when Y/N took a sip. Y/N gave a small, slightly embarrassed smile. “It’s a part of life’s experiences, but I guess I’ve been more focused on my career lately.”

Spencer nodded, a hint of understanding in his eyes. He was keenly aware of the fact that he was still a virgin, and while he wanted to connect with Y/N on a deeper level, he found himself struggling. She had undoubtedly had more romantic and physical experiences than he had. The thought that someone as stunning and sophisticated as Y/N would be interested in a novice like him seemed almost inconceivable. He was trying hard not to let his insecurities cloud his mood. The way she smelled—like a wet dream—was both intoxicating and overwhelming. Her laughter, so genuine and carefree, only accentuated the gulf between them. Spencer tried to shake off the discomfort, reminding himself to stay engaged.

Derek, sensing the shift in the conversation and relishing the opportunity to provoke more personal revelations, threw out another provocative prompt. “Never have I ever... gone on a vacation just for the sake of hooking up with someone.”

Penelope and Emily took a sip, with Penelope letting out a soft laugh. “Sometimes you just need to get away and see where the night takes you,” she said, a playful glint in her eye.

Y/N, now visibly more at ease and enjoying the shared camaraderie, leaned in slightly, her voice carrying a teasing edge. “I’ve always found travel is more about the sights than the romance. But I suppose the adventure can include a little... spontaneous connection,” she said, letting her words linger with a hint of allure. Her gaze flicked towards Spencer briefly, a subtle challenge in her eyes.

Spencer felt a slight flush creeping up his neck as he realized Y/N’s playful comment was not lost on him. The conversation had taken a decidedly more personal turn. “I’ve never really mixed vacation with... personal pursuits,” he admitted, his tone tinged with shyness. The idea of combining travel with romantic endeavors seemed foreign and somewhat intimidating.

As the game continued, the topics grew more intense and revealing. Rossi, with a knowing smile and a glint of mischief, asked, “Never have I ever... been in a relationship where both partners had different kinks.”

Everyone, even Hotch, took a sip, with Rossi adding, “Sometimes those differences can make things... particularly exciting.”

Y/N, engaging more openly with the group, nodded thoughtfully. Her eyes sparkled as she spoke. “It’s definitely something that can add a layer of complexity to a relationship,” she said, her voice taking on a more intimate tone. “It’s all about finding that balance and exploring what truly works for both partners.”

Spencer, taking a sip and feeling the warmth of the wine begin to loosen his nerves, found himself caught between curiosity and shyness. “It sounds like navigating those differences can be... challenging,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. His gaze remained fixed on Y/N, trying to read the subtle nuances in her expressions. The vulnerability she displayed in her words made her even more intriguing.

Y/N’s smile widened slightly, a mix of empathy and flirtation in her gaze. “It can be, but it’s also part of what makes relationships interesting,” she said, her voice soft but laced with a suggestive undertone. She met Spencer’s eyes with a confident yet gentle look, as if inviting him to share more of his thoughts.

Spencer swallowed hard, feeling a blend of attraction and apprehension. The way Y/N spoke, her casual yet intimate revelations, made him want to know more about her and, perhaps, reveal more about himself. The game had opened a door to a new level of connection, one that both excited and intimidated him.

The night had drifted into a mellow haze as the stars began to twinkle in the sky. The soft hum of conversation and clinking of glasses had subsided into a relaxed murmur as the team lingered in Rossi’s backyard, enjoying the cool night air. The rich aroma of the evening’s wine lingered in the air, adding a heady undertone to the tranquil setting.

Spencer had been engaged in a conversation with Rossi, but his mind kept drifting back to the playful exchanges he’d shared with Y/N. She had been captivating throughout the evening, her laughter and teasing remarks sticking in his mind. He found himself drawn to her energy, even as he struggled with his own insecurities.

As the night wore on, guests began to trickle out, and the ambiance of the backyard shifted to a quieter, more intimate atmosphere. Spencer watched as Y/N, her cheeks flushed with the warmth of the wine, made her way towards him. Her movements were graceful, and there was a certain confident allure in her stride that made Spencer’s heart skip a beat.

Y/N approached Spencer with a mix of determination and vulnerability. She cleared her throat gently, her eyes locking with his in a gaze that was both direct and inviting. The faint glow from the string lights above cast a warm halo around her, highlighting her striking features and the subtle sheen of her skin.

“Hey, Spencer,” she said, her voice soft but laden with an undeniable edge of sincerity. “Can we talk for a minute?”

Spencer, caught off guard, nodded. “Of course, Y/N. What’s up?”

Y/N led him a little away from the remaining guests, her hand brushing lightly against his as she guided him to a more secluded corner of the backyard. Spencer found he didn’t mind the contact too much, he might still wash his hands after. The quiet of the night enveloped them, the sounds of the party fading into the background.

She took a deep breath, her eyes searching his with a mix of hesitation and resolve. “I’ve really enjoyed talking with you tonight,” she began, her voice a touch more vulnerable than usual. “And I have to admit, I’ve been thinking... I’d like to see you again. Maybe for a coffee or dinner sometime? I’d love to get to know you better.”

Spencer’s heart raced as he took in her words. He felt a rush of warmth at the idea of spending more time with her, but the reality of his inexperience and his nerves threatened to overwhelm him. He managed a small, nervous smile, his mind racing through a whirlwind of thoughts.

“I’d like that,” Spencer said, his voice trembling slightly. “I’d really like that. I... I didn’t expect this, but I’m glad you asked.”

Y/N’s eyes softened, and she reached out to touch his arm, her fingers lingering for a moment. “Good,” she said, her tone taking on a more intimate quality. 

Spencer felt a surge of excitement mixed with his usual apprehension. The way Y/N looked at him, with that blend of confidence and genuine interest, made him feel like he was worthy of her attention.

“Absolutely,” he said, feeling more confident. “Let’s definitely make plans. I’d like that very much.”

Y/N’s smile widened, a mix of relief and satisfaction crossing her face. “Great. I’m looking forward to it.”

With that, she gave him a warm, lingering smile and a light touch on his arm before heading back towards the group to say her goodbyes. Spencer watched her go, with a brand new phone number in his pocket, feeling a renewed sense of hope and excitement. The evening had taken an unexpected turn, and he couldn’t wait to see where this new connection with Y/N might lead.

[rewritingcanon]

i’ve seen relationship therapists and psychologists analyse hermione and ron’s relationship and conclude that they wouldn’t work out in the long run. they’ve argued for hermione to be with harry, krum, even DRACO (don’t understand how a counsellor can vow for canon dramione but alright) as an alternative partner for hermione since ron is “too insecure” to be with her and match her intelligent prowess or what have you.

i seriously don’t understand this sentiment. ron and hermione genuinely seem (almost) perfect to me, maybe not in the movies (a common denominator of people who don’t like romione is that they always cite evidence from the movies, since the films took a lot away from ron’s character and his growth), but definitely in the books.

looking at ron’s insecurities, a lot of people dredge his inferiority complex up to toxic masculinity primarily, when it was more explored how it was an effect of his home life (not gonna argue toxic masculinity wasn’t a factor, they’re teenagers in the 90s written by a pretty misogynistic woman so…). he was the youngest son out of how many children? all of his older brothers were brilliant in some way. bill was an extremely gifted spellcaster, charlie was gifted with magical beasts, percy’s academic score was unmatched, and fred and george (despite their trouble) were entrepreneurial inventor-geniuses. ron, on the other hand, was quite literally born a disappointment to his mother, who conceived him specifically because she wanted a daughter, whilst ginny was born her favourite (though, even then, ginny was gifted at quidditch). ron was mediocre in every sense of the word, and his two best friends were harry (one of the most famous wizards) and hermione (the smartest witch of her age yada yada). and i’ve seen people argue that harry was more welcomed by molly into the weasley household than ron ever was. this isn’t even mentioning the amount of bullshit he copped for being poor (people always downplay the blow to confidence being in poverty can have on a person who is constantly surrounded by people who not only have more, but look down on him for simply being unlucky as to not have what they do).

so yeah, ron was an envious kid, but he was that way not because he was an evil patriarchal conception but because he was lowkey neglected. and even then he was overall an extremely devoted and loyal friend to both harry and hermione, because he did genuinely love them.

there were many moments of ron standing up for hermione that was cut from the films, not as a guy who was romantically interested in her, but as a friend. ron arguing with snape for making hermione cry is one of my fav scenes in the books ru kidding me, and in the movies he AGREED with snape RU KIDDING ME. not to mention how ron was a sobbing violent mess when hermione was getting tortured in the last book, whereas he wasn’t nearly as bothered in the films. and the films cut out harry being a dick to ron about his familial concerns (in dh), so when ron left it seemed like a random dickish move over his jealousy towards harry and hermione’s relationship.

there’s also a million moments where they minimised ron’s usefulness in the books for comedic purposes (forbidden forest with aragog, troll scene, devils snare scene) so ron seems dumber than he is. like, he’s actually smart and a really good spellcaster…. in the books.

so simply by stating this most of the arguments against romione become void. “he’s too stupid/weak for her” simply not true. “he’s a terrible friend who doesn’t stand up for her” also not true. “he’s too insecure to have made a move on her,” yes, but given the context i don’t think people would freak on about ron’s upbringing, i think many would be more understanding, especially considering his growth. even if he wasn’t insecure, hermione is beyond incredible and is bound to make anyone nervous when pursuing her (not an excuse for ron to act like a dick, but it does explain a lot where the movies don’t). “they argue too much” they bump heads, none of the arguments they have are actually super damning, with the exception of ron leaving in deathly hallows.

maybe i’ve covered everything (excluding the abhorrent amount of classism that clouds people’s judgments around how they view ron when harping about how hermione deserves better? hopefully).

now, i know people won’t like me mentioning the cursed child, but i’m going to considering we actually get an insight of their life as a longterm married couple there. a lot of ron stans hated how ron was the only character that wasn’t doing something incredible. harry was head of the aurors, ginny was a famous quidditch player retired to a famous journalist, neville was a hogwarts professor, hermione was quite literally minister on magic. and ron…. ran the joke shop with george.

and i think this was almost the perfect route to go down for ron. because he was average, and was perfectly fine with just being average. hello?? that speaks leagues of growth for his character. he’s supportive of hermione’s work, he grounds her when she gets too caught up in being the literal president of wizarding society, and he still viciously defends her, minister or not. in fact, he’s proud to simply be known as hermione’s husband because he doesn’t feel the need to prove to anyone else his worth. the people he loves most know his worth, hermione never downplays or underestimates him, they are complete equals in the relationship in every single way that matters. they kept ron’s best qualities whilst making him seem more of a healed person. they work so well as a married couple without it seeming like mischaracterisation (not to mention the cursed child literally shows how those two are in love in every reality, so there quite literally can’t be a better partner for hermione or ron according to canon).

so i really don’t understand how professional relationship counsellors can go online and denounce it. probs because they only watched the movies, but it’s 2023 and ron stans should not STILL be fighting for their lives trying to defend him from people who simply don’t consume media with as much depth (which is fine, but one should clarify if they’re talking about the movies because i’ve seen people state they’re talking about the hp BOOKS when it’s simply just…. the films). anyways. romione on top, thanks to coming to my ted talk.

[valorascult]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐒𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐈𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 / 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞 (𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝)

**disclaimer**

I am not against self improvement. Wanting to be the best version of yourself is your birthright. There are a lot of helpful books, ‘gurus’, articles, practices, etc; that are beneficial & have valuable information to share.

That being said, lets move forward.

Many start their ‘self improvement journey’ when they are at their lowest because that’s when you are most aware that something is ‘wrong’ - making you more vulnerable / susceptible to deception & addiction.

It usually starts by reading a book, watching a yt video, etc;. You watch / read one and then continue to consume more, because ‘maybe the next one will finally get me to where i need to be’ - not understanding that this is just another form of entertainment and procrastination.

There is satisfaction after immediately reading a self help book. You have a quick rush of ‘I’ve accomplished something’ (dopamine) - giving you the illusion of progress until you get stuck inside a cycle and realize, nothing has changed.

Sitting behind a screen is not the self improvement you think it is. Is there good knowledge shared? Yes, of course, but the real self improvement starts by actually DOING. Living life will give you more answers than binging content.

Action Faking - ‘the practice of confusing being 'busy' with making actual progress towards an intended goal and often involves a lot of over-analysing and planning, but very little meaningful action.’

Listening to someone talk about their own lives & share their own improvement stories is not going to help YOU. Gurus try to fit everyone into a mold when self improvement is not a ‘one size fits all’ & when something doesn’t work for someone after its worked for others, they usually see themselves as a ‘failure’ so they move onto the next thing that doesn’t fit them & this becomes a pattern, soon they start to build levels of guilt and shame.

Before consuming anything, you should know the specific problem you want to solve, if not, you are coming into something without a strong foundation, soon, you will start to believe there are 500 other things wrong. Don’t get sucked into a black hole.

Also, understand that many other these therapists, psychologists, content creators, etc; all thrive off of people who are at their lowest. It’s important to know when someone really wants to help vs when someone keeps wanting you to come back. The industry is worth billions.

Many have been accustomed to pacifying the silence. Always picking up the phone, turning the tv on, listening to music when there is downtime, instead of tapping into our bodies - their thoughts and feeling have now become distorted & influenced by ‘the noise’.

Fake positivity instead of facing reality is an issue within itself. These ‘positive’ messages / posts about encouragement and ‘never giving up’ convinces you that it’s ‘wrong’ to changes paths / passions in life & you then see yourself as a failure instead of a soul, growing.

With all of that being said, remove yourself from artificial motivation & start doing. I have nothing against self improvement, but I do have an issue with the addictive side of it that seems to only profit a select few.

xoxo,

valora

[haunting-jane]

Aang's grief

From the first time I've watched Avatar: The Last Airbender, I've always been really attached to Aang's character and deeply sympathized with his pain. One of the reasons for that, I muse, is the show's bittersweet ending that always made me sad. Sure, Ozai was defeated, Zuko is the new firelord, and all peoples are in peace at last. But when one looks at the cheering crowd, no airbenders are found.

Aang is the only person dressed in orange and yellow amidst a sea of red, green, and blue. He succeeded in his mission of uniting everyone, but there is no way of bringing back or fixing what was done a hundred years prior. And this aspect in specific, I think, is where lies one of Aang's most stinging pain: nobody but him knows what the Air Nation genocide represents.

Nobody truly understands him, because they simply aren't old enough to grieve in the same capacity as him. Toph, Sokka, Zuko, Suki and especially Katara are all amazing, empathetic and kind friends and companions, and they are definitely essential parts of his grief journey. But they just don't. get. it.

Katara and Sokka lost their mother to Fire Nation colonialism, Toph was disinherited and forsaken by her parents, and Zuko's traumas don't even have to be mentioned. However, and I believe this extends to the audience as well, they cannot wrap their minds around a loss as big as that. And in my opinion, that is why so many fans tend to gloss over Aang's trauma or not interpret correctly some of his trauma responses.

Aang lost everything. And everyone. He lost his childhood friends, his home, his old toys, his clothes, his favorite culinary recipes, his parental figures, his books, his drawings, his bed. The Air Nation people weren't just eliminated, their culture, poetry, history, art, cuisine, fashion, ALL of it was erased. And as Aang slept for a hundred years, time went on and took anyone who could remember the Air Nation as it once was.

Although the rest of the Gaang suffered a lot, their pain can still be understood and felt by other people who went through similar situations. Aang, however, is alone. Nobody can really understand what it feels like: to be the only survivor of a genocide, with no home to go back to and suddenly awake in a world strange and hostile to you. At 12, to top it all.

This kind of pain, of rushed trauma causes immense disassociation, and I think Aang didn't even process what actually happened until like season two. Maybe even later. How could he? He woke up and the weight of saving the whole world was thrown onto his shoulders. How could a child, at the same time as all of that was happening, truly comprehend that they are responsible for bringing back an entire nation and culture? That's why I think he was so cheerful and generally happy in the first two seasons, he hadn't actually understood what had happened.

The pain, nevertheless, was there. Maybe Aang didn't truly comprehend that he was the only survivor of a genocide and what was at stake, but he did grieve for his people. And boy, he was angry.

I'm not a psychologist, but I consider that Aang was lost in a haze of anger and denial after he found out what had happened. And, to be honest, I really liked to see those moments when anger came out. It felt cathartic, it felt like something he was entitled to. Don't get me wrong, I fell in love with him as a protagonist precisely because he's a sweetie and a cutie pie. And he definitely deserves to be happy and silly as any normal child. But sometimes I feel like his anger is not really understood, maybe not even by himself.

He wasn't angry just at Fire Nation, he was angry at the Airbender elders who forced him into fulfilling his role as avatar at 12, he was angry at Gyatso for not defending him (or as he erroneously thought), but most importantly, Aang was angry at himself. He was the avatar after all, why did he run and abandon his people to die?

Being a child who did not have time or the means to properly grieve, and was also going through immense pressure, self-blame surely did a number on him and his mental health. Of course he would give up on learning firebending after he accidentally burned Katara. There was no way Aang would ever accept being remotely similar to those who took everything from him (and who took Katara's mom).

Of course he would be initially salty and angry at the people living in the old Air temple, they were acting as if the airbenders never existed in the first place, at least that's how he saw it. He was right there! Maybe his culture was dead, but his tradition still deserved some respect! Still deserved a place in the world! Still deserved to be remembered!

Of course he would be angry at EVERYONE when Appa was captured. He loved Momo deeply, but the lemur wasn't there with him while it all was happening a hundred years ago. Appa was the only one who saw everything, who had lost as much as him. Losing Appa was like losing his last connection, his last piece of the Air Nation. Of course he would be unfair, grieving children do tend to act irrational in moments of anger, especially when they feel isolated from everybody else. It couldn't have been any different, really.

And honestly, I think those issues persisted into his very adulthood. Naturally, losing absolutely everything might be something one never gets over, but considering that Aang never went to therapy and never resolved his internal conflicts and understood his grief, it all persisted.

And obviously he wasn't a very good father. Aang spent his entire life trying to fix what could never be mended, trying to make up for the time he was away in the iceberg, trying to convince himself that he wasn't a failure.

It might be an unpopular opinion, but I do believe he and Katara kept trying until they got an Airbender, and I do not think it would be out of character. Some Aang defenders try really hard to state that he wasn't a bad father. But guys, there's no escaping facts: it's almost impossible to conciliate being the avatar and the responsibilities that come with it with being a good parent.

Of course he would try to repopulate the Air Nation if he never really got over the belief that he was responsible for its destruction in the first place. I know, when studying with that guru, Aang seemingly understandood that he couldn't keep blaming himself for something that he was never in control, but I don't think this kind of conviction can be so easily internalized. Especially when you're blinded by such poignant and isolating grief.

So he favored Tenzin. How could he bring his culture back if he didn't prioritize his little Airbender's upbringing? I wanna make it clear, though, that although I understand why Aang was the way that he was, I'm not justifying his actions. Bumi and Kya were after all emotionally neglected by their father, and that was also not fair.

But, in the end, grief rarely is. Grief kept Aang from truly participating in his two eldest children' childhoods and from seeing that his legacy wouldn't lie on just bringing the Airbenders back.

And I think grief also clouded Aang's eyes with guilt as he realized he could never give Tenzin what was given to him. His tattoo ceremony must have been so sad for Aang, as there was probably only himself, Tenzin, Katara, Bumi and Kya present. The elders were gone, the sky bison were gone, the instruments, the music, the speeches. The richness and culture. He could never give that to Tenzin.

This too, I believe, is also a huge pain Aang carried. The pain of the certainty that no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried on teaching Tenzin everything he knew, of trying to recuperate as much as humanly possible, the Air Nation he knew would never come back. He could find new Air acolytes, discover a new species of sky bison, sew their clothes as accurately as he could...The Air Nation technically would return, when Tenzin had children.

And he did, and Korra opened the portal and suddenly there were dozens of airbenders. But it would never be the same. They would never have the privilege that other nations had, of revisiting their own past, of having their history documented and culture preserved. No. That Air Nation would die with Aang, and there was nothing he could do to prevent it.

And due to the amount of pressure he put on himself, there was no way he wouldn't pass it on to Tenzin. Can you guys imagine how he felt after Aang passed? Now, he was the one responsible for the Air Nation, and he knew damn well that he was supposed to do it knowing he'd never be as good as Aang. He'd have to find a way to preserve tradition while never actually having known it. To fulfill his father's role and essentially, be him.

Tenzin's pains and traumas are certainly ignored too and deserve a post of their own, tbh. He most definitely compared himself to Aang all the time, and even though he spent most of his childhood with his father, I don't think it was necessarily easy.

Anyway. I'm not really sure how to conclude this. I don't consider Aang an ultimately tragic figure, he did live a happy life alongside his wife and his friends. But I don't think he ever stopped grieving. After all, he wasn't living in usual conditions prior avatars lived in. He had to take on so much responsibility, to grow up so fast, to witness so much chaos and death, only at 12.

In his soul, Aang was a gentle spirit, as Yangchen cleverly put, and a good person, in the raw sense of the word. It just wasn't fair. All that he went through.

Maybe there really isn't a moral of the story or a lesson here. Maybe things are just unfair and not fixable.

So yeah, although Avatar: The Last Airbender technically had a good ending, I can't help feeling blue every time it ends. Because I know Aang, my favorite character of the verse, never really, truly got a happy ending himself. And because I know he'd have to live the rest of his life carrying that pain and that grief.

It brings me a little comfort, however, of thinking that perhaps Aang was watching Jinora's tattoo ceremony. That he was seeing all those airbenders and he was seeing his little granddaughter becoming a master. And that maybe he smiled.

And that maybe, at last, he forgave himself.

[brokenbecquerel]

rambling: as of lately i wonder whether hybristophilia really is a very helpful framework at all. i was thinking about the origins of the term which hadn't crossed my mind before, the wikipedia article isn't very helpful, but turns out it was coined by dr john money. i didn't read the book he mentions it or any other papers but he originally defined it as a phenomenon exclusive to heterosexual women. does the "hybristophile community" adhere much to these academic definitions? to me it seems strange and unhelpful. by itself it often has a strong misogynistic implication of "women want to naturally heal and nurture them", or "women crave sexual dominance" (which the latter is statistically true but doesn't examine the sociocultural gendered implications of why this is). it makes me wonder if the term is good or accurate at all. at the same time i can kind of understand how it as a descriptor, in a sort of "reclaiming", has been productive to some in defining their feelings. probably just a hater but when im attracted to that sort of person i don't consider it hybristophilia, just attraction because they are, well, attractive, anything else is incidental

yeah, it is kind of a strange box to put yourself in. most psychologists who i've told about my paraphilia actually have never heard of it and have to do some research. of course they basically just end up on that short little wikipedia page.

i do think the phenomenon of hybristophilia is some sort of spectrum, and does almost entirely manifest as AFAB folks fixating on (almost always) cis men. in that way it's not a helpful framework, sure, because i can name plenty of people who might have mild hybristophilia in my day-to-day life. i guess for me i apply the label because it's more life-defining. all sexuality labels are a modern concept, imo. if they don't work for you, i don't think you should use them. i'm certainly not a puritan about labelling around here.

i do think hybristophilic urges follow the pattern of cultural learned misogyny quite rigidly (which is part of why i think it's so incredibly rare to see an AMAB hybristo). i would say you are right in seeing the misogynistic desires that hybristophilic women fantasize about. fixing the killer, saving the little boy inside, being dominated, etc. i personally fall prey to basically all the outlined fantasy patterns to different extents.

i think hybristophilia is a helpful label when you are genuinely attracted to the act of violence itself and the man attached is hinged on those actions. i would say personally in my opinion that it does not track the other way around. finding a man attractive while he happens to be a murderer to me is not indicative of hybristophilia. like for me the fact that Ted is handsome is purely incidental. i've thought it over often and if He was just a normal man who never raped or killed anyone (or maybe even to the extent He did; i like the extremism), i don't think i'd be attracted to Him. so i believe that's a fairly decent metric to gauge hybristophilia in oneself... would you be attracted to [person] if they didn't [crimes]?

[chaifootsteps]

Okay, so jumping here. I've been thinking and imo the 'Lilith' is Eve in disguise and Rosie is Lilith theory still holds true. This is brought to you by me going "We know Viv is a shitty writer, so from the writing already available, where would she lead the plot NOW?" and by my tinfoil hat.

We know Lilith is somewhere in Heaven (maybe even in Eden itself). Unless she pulls the weirdest explanation out of her hat for why she took a small vacay for 7 YEARS abandoning her daughter (with whom we know she had a good relationship with, IF that part of the pilot is still true. She never stopped to explain what parts of the pilot are still true, ffs.), Lilith would never. I don't even think she:

1) Would be allowed in Heaven, even by making a deal with Adam.

2) Adam's pride is too big for him to simply accept such a deal and Lilith's pride would be equally big imo. This interaction would never work.

So that has to be Eve. And Adam *has* to know that that's Eve. Or he doesn't, idc. Point is, it's far more likely by normal logic for that to be Eve. By Viv logic...? Not so much.

Which brings me to my second point! Rosie and her character. I did kind of feel the Mary Poppins vibes a bit, ngl. Horrible redesign, but oh well... The way she reacted to Charlie, her going "yeah, singing totes works here, in the *cannibal* colony!" and her giving that love advice + "we all did things we aren't proud of" + the fact that she's a "hellborn"? She has to be Lilith, sorry. Also also I feel like cannibalism isn't even such a big deal??? In the show I mean. It's literally so cartoonish it simply becomes a hellish quirk for some inhabitants. Sure Alastor, you're a cannibal, boo-hoo. I don't feel threatened by any of them, is what I mean. And even irl, I feel like yeah, it's gross and most likely getting yourself sick, but what makes cannibalism truly bad is the act of *killing* that person, ye know? In Viv's Hell that can't even happen, they'll just respawn, no problem.

And my final reason issss: Viv just ran so fast past 4 seasons worth of plot that imo she backed herself info a corner. The only things keeping the plot going are...Alastor's deal and who he made it with. It's probably Roo or Eve (or Lilith if Rosie is just Rosie), but I have a feeling like it can't be so simple with her, she has to pull a super complicated sayan explanation to make it seem like she just had us all guessing the wrong things, she's suuuuch a literary genius. And she loves musicals a bit too much (Adam is literally just Beetlejuice minus everything interesting about him), so pulling a Sweeney Todd sounds very in-character for her.

Now, speaking of Alastor....I haaaate how she destroyed his character with all the swearing and the petty edgelord-ness. She's not smart enough to write a smart chaotic presence/maybe potential villain. There, I said it. She should open a psychology book or some shit (she should've hired psychologists to coach her about writing about topics such as SA, addiction, sadistic/criminal personalities and so on, but we know she never put such thought into her work). Or at least a sensibility reader for her plot, smh. The overall tone of the show is jumping around faster than a bunny on electrolytes.

And as always, Alastor and Rosie have more chemistry than Charlie and Vaggie literally the "main" couple. They seem like a 30s married couple, tbh.

Also also super confused about Alastor's microphone and how she can hand it over to Charlie??? Why would he do that??? Are we supposed to understand he now cares about her? Handling his (presumably from the Adam fight) source of power to her just like that?? TWICE?!?

I understand his final lyrics are supposed to be "holy shit, I almost died for these people, what is wrong with me???" in a nutshell (+ that part about the contract), but we were never SHOWN how he became more attached to them??? We just have to believe him based on the talks with Rosie and Niffty respectively. What a joke. (Niffty got partially restored in my brain, at least).

-idk, Broadcast🎭 anon- (I know I DMed u, but yea)

Honestly? Even if this leak never comes true the way Viv planned it back then, I for one am having a great time speculating.

[chichihuahua1413]

intro post

Because I hated the old one (also, there was a typo, and that shit was embarrassing af). I will probably end up hating this one, too.

Hey, I'm Chichi (but you can call me anything you like, I genuinely don't care.)

I'm a MINOR. Just had to make that clear (Please don't send me freaky stuff in DMs and Asks. And I can't donate, so PLEASE DON'T ASK ME FOR DONATIONS. And DO NOT contact me personally if you're above 18 unless I interact first).

Okay, moving on-

I'm an INFP. I love observing and understanding people.

I'm bisexual. or maybe biromantic, because I'm probably somewhere on the ace spectrum (still trying to figure shit out).

I like books, fanfiction, coffee, women (and everyone who isn't an asshole), writing, and also my pet dog (she's so perfect, I love her more than I could ever love myself).

I'm a gifted kid burnout, and really fucking anxious about everything all the time.

My main fandoms are the Riordanverse (though I haven't read TKC yet), Six of Crows, Harry Potter, Brooklyn 99, Gravity Falls, Heartstopper (haven't watched the show yet because my parents are homohobic), and Marvel (I still have a lot of shows and movies left to watch, though). I'm also part of a few other fandoms, which I'm too tired to mention right now.

I like Taylor Swift, Conan Gray, Olivia Rodrigo, Cavetown, Mitski, Nirvana, and a few other artists (again, I'm too tired to mention them all).

Some other facts about me-

1. I have absolutely no idea how people perceive me (some people say I'm Personified Sunshine™, other people say i'm way too pessimistic. Some say I'm overemotional, while others say I seem really unemotional and apathetic).

2. I want to be either a Psychologist (could be Forensic or Clinical), or a Lawyer.

3. I am obsessed with Leo Valdez (I would marry that little shit without a second thought). To the point where my mom teases me about it.

4. Also, I question my existence a lot.

5. I don't know what else to mention, but I wanted five different points, so here

Anyway, I'm not good at intro posts, so I'm just gonna end this here

See ya, bitch

Bye <3

[elizabethemerald]

A Shade Darker than Red: Part 9

Danny and Jason hovered over Jazz’s bed in her apartment while she worked on her computer. She had been looking at opening a practice as a psychologist, and with all the conversation going around about the happenings in Gotham she was investigating how expensive an office in the city would be. Not too high, all things considered and she had saved quite a bit by being a partner for a practice in her current town, and having two other roommates helped her save on rent. Maybe after she had her own practice for a while she would be able to apply to Arkham and start to actually help the people there. 

The two ghosts were busy discussing how they wanted to make Jason’s presence known to his family. Jason had said that now that his first killer was dead and he wouldn’t have to worry about his family getting hurt by him, that he wanted to meet them again, let them know that even though he was dead didn’t mean he wouldn’t still be in their lives. 

“When I came back as Red Hood, I sent a first edition book to Alfred to let him know it was me.” Jason said. 

“Hmm. Usually when I get summoned by some cult or another, I really pull out all the stops, tentacles, supernovas exploding into forming stars, multiple eyes and mouths, the whole lot.” 

“Maybe you could carve my initials into a wall with ectoplasm! Or I could haunt a few of the rival crime lords who messed with Crime Alley!”

Jazz slammed her hands down her desk causing both of the boys to freeze and stare at her. She growled and snatched a magazine from her desk drawer and rolled it up into a tight tube. With a flick of her wrist as she turned, she infused the magazine with ectoplasm. Danny and Jason watched her in confusion for a few seconds as she stood there with the magazine, clearly going through a breathing exercise. 

“Are you ok, Jazz?” Danny asked. 

He got a rolled up magazine to the face for his trouble as Jazz began smacking both boys with her magazine. She smacked them both again and again as she berated them, all the while wrestling them to keep them within easy smacking distance. 

“Just fucking talk to them! I swear to the Ancients if you don’t cut all the unnecessary dramatics and just talk to them I will put both of you in a thermos for a month! The same thermos! By all that is holy and all the undead in the Realms, just fucking talk to people!” 

She continued her tirade and assault for a few minutes more before she settled back breathing heavily. 

“Danny, you will open a portal when they are all gathered together, introduce yourself, and swear an oath not to harm them. It won’t be perfect but it should hopefully keep the paranoia of the family down for a few minutes. Jason, you will come out of the portal next and you will sit down and explain, clearly and succinctly, that you are a ghost.” 

Both boys stared at her, more than a little fear on their faces in the face of her fury. 

“I understand vigilante types are allergic to healthy communication, but I swear, if you idiots just talked to each other, half of your problems would disappear.” She stepped back and sighed, running her free hand through her hair, though she still held the magazine and gestured to the boys with it. “Do you need me as a living person to be there to help calm down any misunderstandings?” 

“Yes Jazz, that would be great.” Dannny said with a small voice. “Also thank you.” 

“I know theatrics are part of being a hero and part of being a ghost, but please, please just communicate.” She finally set her magazine down causing the ghosts to breathe out sighs of relief. “We can go over talking points and common questions about the Realms so we can explain things in the least traumatizing way. And I’ll pick up a pizza or something and bring it to help destress.” 

“Yeah that would be best. I’m not sure when they will be all together, and if we’re just going with the ‘talk like a mentally healthy person’ plan, then it will probably be best to get them all done at once.” 

“I think I know someone who will be able to help us get them all together.” Danny said thoughtfully, then when Jazz’s hand strayed toward the magazine again he quickly clarified, “In a healthy communication and living person approved way.” 

“Good. You better.” 

.

Some time later, Jason and Danny emerged from a portal in the air over Gotham City. Jason followed as Danny began flying around searching the alleys for whoever it was that Danny was sure could get the remainder of the Batfamily back together. 

“Uh, do you know what you’re looking for? Cause I respect you as like the King of All Ghosts or whatever, but I fear your sister way more. And I do not want to spend a month stuck in a thermos with you if this doesn’t go off perfectly.” 

“It’ll be fine. Just give me a minute to- Ah! There we go!” 

Danny was off like a shot, Jason right behind him. The two of them shot into an alley that Jason distinctly remembered Bruce coming and laying flowers in multiple times during his time as Robin. This was the alley where Bruce’s parents had been killed. He paused, unsure if he should intrude. He had always tried to give Bruce his space when he had first been alive. 

“Come on in, Jason.” The voice that called to him wasn’t Danny’s. It was older. 

He hesitantly floated into the alley to see Danny standing next to two older looking ghosts, ones he recognized from their portrait in the manor. Thomas and Martha Wayne. Thomas had been the one to wave him in, while Martha was currently hugging Danny. As soon as she saw him, Martha broke away from Danny to pull Jason into a hug as well. 

Jason didn’t know how to react at first, hugs had been few and far between for most of his life, especially after the first time he came back. Danny and Jazz were always quick with physical affection, which was nice, but this was the first hug he had received outside of those two. After freezing for a moment, he wrapped his arms around Martha and hugged her back just as tightly. 

“It’s good to finally be able to meet my grandson again.” Martha said warmly, and Thomas also gave him a wide smile. 

Jason couldn’t help but look awkward at that, he wasn’t certain that he still counted as their grandson after what had happened, so he started to pull back from them. Martha’s face fell, but she still gave him a sad looking smile. 

“I know our boy hurt you, and we are so sorry that his mission got in the way of his relationships with the kids he’d taken in. We still love you and care for you, and if you’ll have us, we’ll still be your grandparents.” 

Jason whipped his tail in agitation for a second before he relaxed and allowed Thomas and Martha to pull him back into an even tighter hug. The hug with his grandparents was warm and safe in a way he hadn’t felt in such a long time. They both pulled back at the same time as a wave of power swamped the alley. 

The power was unlike anything he had felt before, yet it still felt familiar. It wasn’t the same as when Danny used his full power as King of All Ghosts to destroy the clown’s soul, but it still felt like it could match even some of the Ancients Danny had introduced him to. Maybe not Clockwork level but still. 

At the end of the alley the ghost of a woman appeared. She was beautiful in a way Jason struggled to describe. She wore an ivory flapper dress, under a long evening coat. She had brown skin and riotous curls forming a halo around her head. She was beauty and danger and safety and… home. She felt like home. She also felt horribly sick. Her aura almost drowned him in pain and the scent of rot. 

“Lady Gotham.” The Waynes bowed deeply to her and even Danny inclined his head to her though he did not bow. 

Jason did the only thing he could think to do at this moment. He knelt, falling to one knee in the rank alley they were in, his head bowed low. This was Lady Gotham, the city of spirit of his home. He didn’t feel worthy to be in her presence. He was just the failure Robin who had died too young and came back wrong only to die again. A gentle hand on his chin broke him from his spiraling thoughts. 

“My dear Knight.” Gotham said softly. “You don’t have to kneel before me.” 

He felt his breath catch in his throat even though he didn’t have to breathe as Gotham helped him to rise to his feet, her face filled with kindness and love. He swallowed with difficulty to try and clear his throat. 

“Am I really your knight anymore?” He asked, his voice breaking a little in the middle. 

“Oh, my dearest heart. You have been my Knight since you first put on that cape. And you will remain my Knight in my heart until this entire city has long crumbled to dust. I have watched over you since you were a babe in arms and I mourned you both times you died.” 

Jason took a shaky breath. Lady Gotham opened her arms and he went willingly into her hug. He held her tight and breathed in the smell of the city he loved. The city he was born into and had fought to keep safe. He took one last shuddering breath and stepped back, a weight removed from his shoulders to see how much the city he loved, loved him in return. 

“Will you really be able to get the rest of my family together?” Jason asked her. 

“Oh certainly. It is easy to guide my Knights to one location. However, there is something you must do for me.” 

“Anythi-” Jason stopped mid word as Danny put his hand on his shoulder. 

“You need to know what’s involved before you agree.” Danny no longer was his playful and sarcastic brother. Just like when he had faced the clown and dealt Jason’s revenge, there was a weight of responsibility and duty to the way he carried himself. This was Danny as the High King of Ghosts. “Gotham, the city and the spirit, are deeply cursed.” 

Jason wasn’t certain he could be less surprised to learn that. The air was filled with smog, the streets ran red with blood, and Gotham city was cursed. No one who had fought the crusade in the alleyways and warehouses for as long as Jason had could be surprised by that news. He kept himself from cracking a joke about the obviousness of the curse solely due to the gravitas that Danny was speaking. 

“I have fought the curses that have held sway over me for as long as I could.” Gotham said. “It is this curse that leaves the city shrouded in shadow no matter the hour or season. This curse that feeds the corruption of the power hungry, bends the mind of the cruel towards even greater cruelties, and leaves the victim broken and bleeding in the gutter.” 

“Are you saying it’s not the criminals’ fault? That this curse makes them commit crimes and hurt people?” Jason said, fury bubbling up inside him. 

“No. It merely twists and grows what is already in their hearts.” Gotham said and stepped back from him. “If I were not fighting this curse every single day, with every ounce of my strength it would corrupt even the kind and the good.” 

She opened her evening coat to reveal a gaping wound in her side. Blood and ectoplasm oozed from the wound, staining her dress. He could see the white of her ribs through the gore and the wound stank of rot and decay. 

“I cannot heal from this injury without the ectoplasm of the Infinite Realms, yet the curse binds me to this city, to the very bricks and stone. I cannot leave. I need you and your siblings to break and shatter the anchors that hold this curse in place so I can return to the Realms.”

“And that will end the curse?”

“If only it were so easy.” Gotham looked truly tired at this point, and he could imagine how much she had been fighting, every moment of every day to keep the curse at bay. 

Danny took over the explanation as Gotham recovered her injury. 

“Even without the anchors, the curse will linger, and with no one to fight it would continue to worsen and spread. In a way it is like radioactive decay. It could take eons for it to fully disappear and the entire time Gotham won’t be able to heal because she’s still fighting it.” 

Jason stopped to think about what they were saying. He hadn’t been Robin for years for nothing. He could be as good a detective as any of his brothers. 

“You need a powerful ghost to take on the role of Gotham’s spirit to keep fighting the curse and helping the people while you heal.” Gotham smiled and nodded at him. Jason turned to Danny. “Can you-”

“I can’t take the position.” Danny shook his head with a frown. “I am the King of the Infinite Realms. My responsibilities to the rest of the cosmos are too great for me to focus my time and energy on one single city.” 

Jason pondered the problem for a moment longer. 

“Who else is available?” Danny gave him a knowing look, while Gotham gave him one filled with pride. “Wait, me?” 

He had a hundred reasons why he couldn’t be the one to help protect his city, but it seemed that Gotham and Danny had discussed this already and were ready for him. 

“Jason, you were born of this city, love this city, and fought every day for years for this city.” 

“You already have such strength from fighting what you called your Pit Rage. Even with the worst of corrupted ectoplasm running through your veins you still tried to protect the people within your haunt.” 

“Even as a new ghost you have power and control that is almost unheard of. You bent the entirety of the Infinite Realms to call me to your side. You learned in months what took me years to master, what most ghosts take decades to understand.” 

“You have such a close connection with the defenders of this city, you could guide them and protect them as they continued the crusade to protect the people of my city.” 

Danny stepped forward and put a hand on Jason’s shoulder, looking closely into his eyes. 

“If you take on the role of city spirit, you could stay in Gotham, rather than having to live in the Infinite Realms. You could see your family whenever you wanted to. You could protect them from stray bullets and bend the shadows around them to keep them safe. You could guide them to those who are hurting, even those who would have been missed by the keen eyes of Gotham’s Knights.” 

Jason felt overwhelmed, but he knew Danny’s words were ringing with truth. He desperately wanted to make up for his family’s blood that he had on his hands, and if he could protect them, keep them safe, it would be worth any cost, any struggle. Though there was one concern. 

“What about you and Jazz?” He didn’t want to lose his new family any more than he wanted to lose his siblings. Danny gave him a smile. 

“Jazz is moving her practice here. I can open portals to her or you whenever I want. You’re not going to get rid of us that easily.” 

Jason nodded. Then nodded again more firmly. 

“I’ll do it. Though we’re going to need help from the others if we’re going to break those anchors.”

[athetos]

I finally (after years of putting it off) watched annihilation and honestly I was pleasantly surprised because while I don’t think it was superior to the book in any way, it served as a nice complement. It took the main themes and vibes and made something enjoyable and unsettling that can stand on its own. I think the metaphor about refraction was a really nice addition, and the many (so, so many) changes from the book were mostly born from necessity as it would be impossible to translate them to a visual medium. I’m glad it didn’t try to just copy the book’s plot and characterization because it would never hold a candle to Jeff vandermeer’s writing.

However, with all that said, there are two glaring detractions. Firstly, the ending was disappointing. If I had the ability to change just one detail, it would be to make it ambiguous as to whether the shimmer truly disappeared, or if it advanced to encompass the entire planet. That alone would be much more interesting. Obviously I don’t expect them to tackle questions like “what IS the shimmer” because even the novels don’t really answer that question (I mean there’s a 4th book in the works so MAYBE but c’mon it’s Jeff vandermeer he’s not going to give a definitive answer).

The second major criticism I have is that there’s no tower or crawler! I know they kind of merged the tower with the lighthouse but it’s a pretty weird omission to me since the tower is the most significant part of the first book and whenever I think about them, I always picture the tower and the nonsensical but chilling scripture first. I do understand why it might not have been included for budget and set purposes but I’m so distraught over this…

I guess the last two, smaller criticisms I have is that they had to throw in a contrived affair (why does every other movie feel the need to do this) and that they didn’t explain what annihilation meant. I won’t spoil it for people who haven’t read it but it has a very specific meaning that gave me chills when it was explained. I’m kind of surprised they didn’t mention the psychologist using any type of hypnotism or mind tricks on them at all. It adds a lot more to Ventress’ character even without the backstory for her we get in the other two books, and it would play way more into the “are we being manipulated to turn on each other” question that arose.

Other than that I think most of the changes made sense from a filmmaking perspective. Lena is ex-military so they can show her shooting big damn guns. They let them bring electronics into the shimmer because finding a videotape left behind is way more interesting to the audience than reading a journal entry. They gave the other survey members backstories to make the audience get more attached to them. They let Kane live because they needed another ‘changed’ person for the ending. Kane (presumably the original) committed suicide because it was a great way to show the plot twist. Etc etc

I also want to address that there is whitewashing in this movie but it seems to come from a place of genuine unawareness. The main character is Asian and the psychologist is indigenous in the books however they’re both white in the movie, but their races are never touched on until the second book, which was being written and cast at the time of the script’s writing (the rights for the film adaptation were acquired before the first book was even officially released!) I truly don’t think anyone involved was aware of this information, as it just wasn’t available. I don’t know enough about the filming process to know if they could have altered it after the second book came out or if it was too late in the process, so that’s all I have to say, but I don’t think it was done with malicious intent at all.

TLDR: it was a good movie and I recommend it but I recommend the books way harder go read them right now

[sophieinwonderland]

what do you and ghost and other alters each like? as in hobbies and interests :o)

Can I tell you a secret? I'm actually the most boring tulpa ever. My primary interest is plural stuff. 🤫

Okay, maybe that's only partially true. See, I've always been fascinated with human psychology since before I became self-aware. I liked knowing what made people tick. I liked understanding the human brain.

And I feel like people don't fully appreciate how incredible it is that such an advanced piece of computing hardware came about through countless permutations of life beginning billions of years ago. Everything about our ability to think and feel emotions and perceive the world is incredible!

And we still don't understand it! We've learned to send people to the moon, we've seen 13 billions year into the past. We've discovered the building blocks of all matter, and found particles even smaller than those.

But we don't know how our brains work or what makes us tick.

So when I became self-aware and learned what I was, it was something new to marvel at. Because no one... really knew. Like, "multiple personalities" had been studied for about a hundred years exclusively in the context of trauma. But there hasn't been much effort to connect that to other similar phenomena like spiritual possession or other forms of voice hearing. And what research does exist is hard to track down.

So there are times when, as I joke above, I feel kind of bad because my primary interest is in plural psychology...

But at the same time, I feel like... how could it not be? How could I not discover my existence and then want to unravel its mysteries so I can understand myself and those like me better? When I realized that I had been thinking for myself for months even as I had been convinced I was imaginary... How could I not be amazed at this incredible potential of the human mind I discovered?

And it feels like we're on the cutting edge of understanding things most actual psychologists haven't really pieced together yet.

One of my favorite posts that I've written is the Manifestations post. And I mean, I think most of the information there was already in the community, albeit scattered. I think most systems knew headmates could exist in the inner world, they could switch, and they could be in a state where they're in the head but without any form. And the tulpamancy community at least knew imposition was a thing, and a lot of other plurals have described similar experiences. I don't think headmates being able to manifest in objects through Inhabitation is quite common knowledge yet. (And I had to coin Inhabitation myself.)

But even for those who knew of these experiences separately, I've never seen anyone put it together in a model like this, saying "here are these five distinct states headmates can be in while conscious."

And so that's a post I feel really proud of, for trying to codify experiences in ways that I think can make them easier to understand.

And I love expanding my understanding of plural psychology and developing new ways to think about it.

...

Anyway, Ghost likes superheroes, Star Wars, card games and stuff. Also Brandon Sanderson books.🤷‍♀️

(Abby is our local artist. But we're not that good at art so she doesn't do it very much, and the others don't really front all that much to develop their own hobbies.)

We have other interests too, but they tend to be more fleeting and on rotation rather being consistent.

...

Oh, and we're not alters. We don't use that word. And I don't really like it because of the association with "alternate personality." (Although nobody seems to be able to agree what alter actually means or where it came from.) It feels to me like it just sort of boils headmates down to what we look like to singlets. Personalities that takeover the body. And it erases the rich diversity of plural experiences.

[creekfiend]

Re: my tags on the plurality post I just reblogged. I realize this may not be well known information so. Here is the You're Wrong About ep about "multiple personality disorder"

There is a very good transcript available on that page if you are not able to listen to the podcast.

The tl;dr is that the entire phenomenon of "MPD" as we conceptualize it popularly is extraordinarily closely linked to both the phenomena of "repressed childhood abuse memories" and, necessarily, the satanic panic. There is this idea of like, certain types of abuse which somehow cause the "self" to "shatter" in some objective way that can itself be used as concrete evidence OF that abuse... and that's pretty much from 1 book in the 70s that became a huge cultural phenomenon. There's a citation in the podcast transcript here for a book which picks that apart called Sybil Exposed by Debbie Nathan where you can learn more about that specific case. It's also worth mentioning that the "MPD as a result of childhood abuse/repressed memories of childhood abuse" thing actually became a significant issue in legal matters where psychologists were coercing people into inventing repressed abuse memories in order to provide "evidence" to incarcerate people. It was a whole thing.

Here is an excerpt from the transcript that I like:

Sarah: Yeah. And immediately, it becomes just a cultural phenomenon. The author gets bushels of letters, almost all of them from American women and girls. And a lot of them write about feeling like they don't have multiple personality disorder, but they feel like they have all these different selves and different people they are at different times. And it's like, yeah, because being a woman in 1973 means that you in a very obvious way, sociologically are being torn between all of these positions in society. It's like, you want to be a good daughter, but you want to have sex and you want to maybe have a job or stay home and iron a little, I don't know.  Mike: And probably a lot of unaddressed traumas too. I mean, probably a lot of the people had seen terrible things and we're still dealing with the trauma of it. And this gave them somewhat of a voice to their trauma or a lens through which to view their trauma that, you know, something happened to you that day and I'm still dealing with it because it's not like in 1973, society was great at being like, let's listen to people who say that they have trauma.

So like, none of this is to say that DID "isn't real" or that any way of framing having a lot of conflicting parts of oneself or different internal selves or whatever is bad or not useful. It is self evidently very useful for many people.

However. Our cultural understanding of what it means to have "other personalities" specifically AS A RESULT OF TRAUMA, as like, this objective THING that takes place inside your brain when something is DONE to you... is like a VERY culturally specific concept.

And obviously DID/plural/system stuff is often quite distinct from "MPD" style framing of multiple selves. Specifically the psychologist obsession with MPD often revolves around the "solving" or integration of selves, whereas plural/system people I know tend to decry that. Theres many other differences also. HOWEVER I think that learning about the history of how this has been framed and who invented a lot of the commonly accepted "facts" about it is like... really important. In terms of being able to control your own experience of conceptualizing your internal state. Regardless of what framing and models you find to be useful or true. Like... as people whose brains are constantly being pathologized and moralized we should ABSOLUTELY know about & be concerned about patterns of psychological abuse which may play into concepts we have of how our brains work. You know?

And because people are not good at taking posts like this in good faith: I know that people describing having multiple selves has been a thing in many places over many time periods, I think the experience of having more than one 'self' is real (I mean what is a self anyway, per my last reblog, right) and I have friends who are plural/systems/etc. I myself absolutely feel that I have many facets to my "self" which I do often find it helpful to conceptualize as discrete entities when I'm working through stuff. I don't personally find the framing of plurality or systemhood useful *for my self* but you know if you read this blog that means nothing in terms of whether I think it's useful or real for other people.

I just.

As a psych abuse survivor I really want us to be intentional and precise about these things and make sure we have all the information we need to make sure we aren't reinforcing some really narsty shit that's been used to hurt a lot of people.

And also to be like, whose word am I taking for this? What rules do I think this phenomenon follows and why do I think that has to be true? Like it is one thing to put words to an experience or a framework, right, and it is another to go "well the system blog I read says that one self has to be fronting at a given time so now I have to figure out which of my selves is doing that" or whatever like... with ALL frameworks for internal experiences ("diagnoses" lol) I think it's important to be like, am I taxonomizing this by describing how it is for me, or am I trying to sort my experiences into these boxes as described by someone else? And like, the latter is not good for people in general I don't think. And of course in any group or community you will get people who are prescriptive about who belongs in what categories and how your experience has to look in order to belong there or use whatever terminology. And that's not true. You can use whatever frameworks you want and if they don't fit later you can modify or discard them!

Wow I hope this is coherent. Anyway going to go ahead and make this puppy unrebloggable because lmao but I am happy to talk about it with people so please feel free to leave replies or asks as long as no one is yelling at me and accusing me of like, denying experiences. Because I am extremely not doing that. Ty

[eaglet-if]

(I'd call this a hot take if it weren't so lukewarm that it crosses the treshold into slightly cold)

"nowadays, everyone is suddenly getting diagnosed with autism or adhd or whatever"

no, people just used to not get diagnosed no matter how obvious it was

like, throughout my whole childhood people - including professionals - were like "huh, she's seriously strange, wonder what that's about", but nobody ever had the brilliant idea to just check

I mean, there was the assumption that I probably have adhd, but I was never tested nor did they do anything to help (except scolding me for not really participating in class, forgetting to bring things (sometimes my whole schoolbag) every single day, etc; I've never done homework in my entire life)

they did send me to speech therapy because I was really quiet unless talking about some special interest, then I wouldn't shut up until told to (my dearest adults always made sure to let me know how much they suffered from me talking to them <3); it was a semi-success - the therapist found that she couldn't do any exercises with me, but that I was happy and able to hold a normal conversation about the goals and methods of speech therapy (she ended up explaining her study books to me, and we just chatted about those for the whole therapy)

they also sent me to occupational therapy, but I spent the whole time rotating (literally just spinning in circles every session), so that didn't really help with anything either

so I had to suffer through many years of school (I skipped a grade, but changed schools a lot (I attended almost all school types in Germany lol), so I've been in school way longer than normal) always listening to teachers saying I had "the potential to always get perfect grades if she just... uuuh..." without ever managing to think of an actual solution, or even just suggesting we could maybe look for what's wrong with me

literally all my various schools ever did in that regard was sending me to take IQ tests, which led to one of the stupidest sentences I've ever heard (keep in mind it was an actual psychologist specialized in schoolchildren and responsible for the entire school who said this): "she's just so intelligent, we normal people will never understand her" - which was then used as justification to do absolutely nothing despite me having glaring problems in every single sector of (school) life

this whole thing also seriously set me back later - when I first learned about autism, I was like "no, everyone always told me how extremely weird I am, this would be way too easy of an explanation"; in the end, it took me three whole years of people learning about autism going "hey, that sounds like you!" (one school I was at specialized in social professions, so we learned about things like that as part of the curriculum), and people who lived with autists and autists themselves constantly assuming I was autistic and being really bewildered when I told them I wasn't, before I decided to go to diagnosis (surprise: the peer-reviewed status was officially confirmed)

but at that point, it didn't really help anymore - yes, getting closure was kinda nice, but when you're an adult, the little help that is available is only available if you take care of getting it yourself - which I absolutely can't, that's part of the problem in the first place.

so, in conclusion, I spent my entire life getting told how much potential I have by the very people who made sure to do nothing to actually help me achieve it (or just, you know, have a somewhat stable average performance, like everyone else)

tl;dr: I'm a massive disappointment to myself and everyone else, but at least I know it's not my fault. yay.

[quoigenicfromhell]

tbh that whole "prove yourself to me or else your identity is not valid" take is just... silly. I thought we were over this? I thought self determination, thought process and internal identity was more important than what an external observer can make out of our behaviour?

it's like. it's like saying to a gay person that they're not really gay until they've proved it. it's all about internal identity, attraction is identity, but attraction does not always equal action, it does not equal behaviour.

point is, an external observer can't know another better than they know themself. it feels like parents who say "I know everything about you!" and it's all facts from when you were 8

(now I know being gay and being plural are very different things alright. I'm not claiming they're the same, it's just a comparison between similar aspects of different things. I hope it doesn't come across like that but I need to specify lest someone takes it the worst way possible, ie the whole the future is plural shitshow that's going on with anti endos)

Y'all know how I feel about comparing lgbtq stuff to system stuff. It is that it's a perfectly normal thing to do considering both are an subjective internal non-transferable experience of the self lol

But yeah no it's a very strange preoccupation, I think. But also I understand it, I think.

The community is steeped in the history of DID and MPD, and for a long time, including up to today, there have been a lot of psychologists that have said that the diagnosis/illness doesn't exist, that it's a therapist's manipulations etc etc. There is a lot of skepticism about this disorder within the psychological field in a way there isn't for, say, clinical depression.

This sucks. Deeply!

Given a community that has been entrenched in the atmosphere surrounding this diagnosis (yes, including endogenic systems since the natural multiple movement split off from them), there's a lot of emphasis on asserting our existence. For good reason! The community at large has been on the defense since the diagnosis came on the books!

As a result I do think that recent studies that show DID does materially impact the brain are incredibly important to people who already feel defensive, and this needing proof in order to fend off the genuinely shitty psychologists and laymen, while understandable, has entrenched itself in some people's minds. Having proof is more...not 'important', but better maybe better ammo than personal feelings and observations when it comes to defending one's own existence. That mildly materialist viewpoint is then turned to offense against perceived enemies.

This is why I genuinely don't care about proof. I find scientific studies and I do want endogenic systems (and not just intentionally created ones) to be studied, but I do not feel the need to have a study claiming brain differences from singlets to wave around in order to assert that we're real. It would be cool, but in the end the experiences of endogenic systems are so varied that I'd worry it would create an attitude of thinking, okay, so *that* type of endogenic plurality is real, but *your* type isn't valid until I get another study!

None of this is to downplay the importance of studying people with DID, nor am I a sociologist. This is just my own speculation as to why it's like this. (It also doesn't apply to everyone; there are lots of people who have come around to the idea that internal experiences don't have to have proof, and that observed behavior and self-reporting is still a valuable form of data).

[pellucid-constellations]

To be fair, I don't think anyone can imagine themselves in Nesta's position even if they have siblings. Everyone says they can't imagine not going and giving everything to their siblings, but that's because there's always an abundance to give and in this modern time until there's an apocalypse, there's no need to hunt for food/water with the chance of dying. People have sympathsize and emphasize, but unless you're in actual poverty, there's no way for anyone to 'imagine' what it's truly like.

Anyway, I thought Nesta was a b*tch too and none of her behaviour is excused, even after reading ACOSF. But I think the point of the book was not to excuse her behaviour but to get context of her thoughts/motivations and her perspective of the environment she was raised in to understand her behaviour. The bonus was watching her character arc come to a peak where she wants to adone and be better. I'm hoping your degree and aspirations as a psychologist will have more insights if you decide to finish reading it!

To me, she's coded as those terrible characters who have or could have a redemption arc (zuko, draco, etc).

But I also attribute some of these problems to SJM's writing. I heard somewhere she hadn't really planned on making Nesta such a big character but then changed her direction. I kind of feel like for the ACOTAR series, SJM doesn't plan as far ahead and just does what she wants as it goes 😭 i don't like the direction she's taking with Azriel and would like to respectfully ignore it.

Yes, I completely agree! I also can’t imagine myself getting thrown into a cauldron and turned into fae so all of my opinions are with a grain of salt!! I think where I have some discrepancies is just in the difficulties in my upbringing and how that made me more protective of my siblings. But this is a work of fiction! And fantasy no less.

But I’m very glad silver flames gave insight and showed growth in Nesta!! I think her wanting to be better is the one thing that doesn’t make me completely give up on the book (and I’ve picked it up about 10 times at the point 😅). I know I need to actually read it to see that change, but as you mentioned I think this is a sjm problem.

It would honestly make so much sense for sjm to not have had this planned out 😭 I feel like if Nesta had been her plan from the start, maybe it would be easier for me to read!! Maybe she would have done a little bit to explain her motives more so that I could get excited for her book!! Because going into it is tough.

But yeah agree with Az 😔😔

[pandavalkyrie]

Kill the cop in your mind, yes, but also kill the psychologist. Kill the voice that wants to diagnose your friends and explain the actions of strangers.

Stop trying to rationalize people’s behaviors into one neat and tidy box that lets you explain away the quirks and actions that make you uncomfortable.

People who like monster romance tropes come to mind. I saw a tiktok where someone tried to explain that people like monster romance because they see themselves as the monster and want to believe they can be loved.

No. No, I want to fuck the werewolf.

“You want to forgive and feel love for the people who hurt you.” No fuck you, big monster who can consent hot. That’s it. It really isn’t that deep. Just because you can’t relate doesn’t mean there’s some deep trauma related reason for it.

It’s ok to admit you don’t understand and let live.

Stop assigning mental illnesses to mass shooters and white supremacists. Stop diagnosing your friends with personality disorders. Stop analyzing people’s body language. You are trying to put people into narrow definitions of behavior, and in doing so, are erasing an incredibly wide and varied experience of what it means to be human.

Maybe some people do fit that definition you’ve decided is correct in your head after reading one pop psychology book. But not everyone. And let’s be honest, you treat people differently once you’ve made up your mind about what they are. And that right there is the most dangerous part of all.