#that's about that i'm really sorry i am just scared
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Part two Logan Howlett x fem!reader Series masterlist
You and Logan avoid each other for as long as you can. If you know he's in the kitchen or in the simulation room, you will go around the entire mansion just so you don't run into him. If he hears or smells you're in a room he's about to go into, he won't. He'll leave and wait until you go somewhere else.
A few weeks come and go like this. You and Logan don't even look at each other and it's all fine.
Until you go on a mission. There's no avoiding each other now.
It's not even necessary for the two of you to go. Most likely, Storm could handle it on her own. But she needs backup and Scott is too out of it, so you both have to go with her.
You understand Scott. Really, you do. But you kinda wish he'd be in condition to go with Storm and Logan so you wouldn't have to.
That's the only thought that adds bitterness to your day as you get in the jet. And then you see Logan, sitting in his seat, and your mind goes blank.
You remember him, lying in his bed, hard cock in his hand, precum on the tip. You blush at the memory and glance away.
Flustered, you rush to your seat, sit and buckle up and make a point out of staring out the window. You can feel Logan's eyes on you, but you refuse to react at all. Last thing you need is him getting the wrong idea.
But what is the wrong idea? You can't deny that you felt strangely flattered, and also extremely turned on. You'd had to touch yourself that night before you even considered getting any sleep.
You try not to think about it as Storm takes the jet into the air.
The thing is, you and Logan work together and if things go too far, it'll either end real good or real bad.
Most likely, real bad.
You push the idea away and instead try to focus on the mission at hand. You're supposed to find a group of mutants gone astray, wreaking havoc around a small town. Supposedly, their headquarters is in a warehouse, the remnants of an abandoned factor in a long-since forgotten part of the woods. It's in the middle of nowhere.
Storm lands the jet far from where the warehouse is located and glances back at the two of you. “We'll camp here for tonight. We'll move in on them tomorrow morning, the earlier the better,” she says.
You each get to work, setting up your tents, readying your suits, preparing yourself mentally for the coming day.
Night falls. You're in your tent, reading by the light of a flashlight, when you hear something outside. At first, you worry that maybe the trouble-making mutants have found you, but then Logan's head pops in through the flap of your tent.
-
He'd spent hours debating on whether or not to approach you. He knew it would be easier to let the whole thing blow over, but you two wouldn't be able to work if this doesn't get resolved.
So. What better way to resolve things than by sneaking into your tent long after he knows Storm is asleep?
He didn't think it through. He realizes that when he sees the look on your face at his sudden appearance.
“You scared me,” you tell him, huffing softly.
“Sorry,” he mumbles sheepishly as he crawls into the tent, zipping the flaps closed. He sits across from you, awkward both because he's a rather large man in a tent and also because of the situation. “Didn't mean to scare ya. I just...wanted t'talk.”
“Oh,” you say quietly, a soft blush rising on your cheeks. “Yeah. I guess we...we do have to talk.”
He nods. “Okay. I'm...Look. I'm sorry. Really. About...the other night. I didn't mean—It was disrespectful of me. And I definitely didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I really am sorry. And, for what it's worth, I think you're gorgeous, in case that wasn't, y'know, evident.”
You hold his gaze for a moment before laughing softly. “It's okay. It's...Yeah, it's alright. I guess I should've knocked too, I just didn't imagine you'd be...doing...that.” You nod softly, another blush covering your cheeks.
“So we're...good?” he asks softly.
You nod. “We're good.”
He hums, a weight lifted off his shoulders. He glances at his lap before looking up to meet your gaze. He studies your face, your soft lips, your beautiful eyes, the perfect curve of your nose...
He's gawking without realizing it. He only comes to his senses when you laugh and bashfully ask, “What?”
He shakes his head, somewhat embarrassed, and says, “Nothin'. Just...you really are gorgeous.”
You giggle, a soft smile on your lips, and before he can stop himself, he reaches for you, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.
You slowly fall silent, your eyes on his.
Logan takes a soft breath. “Let me kiss you, bub. Please, you have no idea how much I need it,” he whispers, his gaze falling to your plump lips.
You open your mouth to refuse, to remind him that you two work together and to tell him that you don’t want things to get weird. Instead, you hear yourself plafully say, “Only if you promise to never tell.”
Logan smirks and before you can proces your own fucking answer, he’s tugging you a little closer. “I promise,” he whispers before his lips crash onto yours.
He kisses you hungrily and demanding, his mind whirling from the taste of you.
He knows it's a bad idea. You know it's a bad idea. But the way he kisses you, the way his hands grab onto your body and tug you closer…
How are you supposed to resist?
He shamelessly shows you he wants you in the way his hands trace your body, the way he's basically panting.
He licks your neck, kisses it softly before sucking to leave a hickey. And you let him. God, you let him. How could you not? He's everything a girl could ever want.
He maneuvers you with ease, laying you down on the thin mattress before crawling on top of you. His fingers trace the skin of your waist, your hip, while his other hand holds him above you.
“This okay?” he asks you as his hand slips inside your pants, rubbing at your cunt through your panties.
You nod, breathing hitching. “Yeah.”
“’f you wanna stop, just lemme know,” he says, his mouth focusing on your neck as his fingers work your pussy until you've soaked through your underwear.
He's grinding his hips against your thigh meanwhile, his cock aching for more.
He pulls away for a moment to pull your pants off, then your panties. His eyes fall on your cunt, all slick with arousal, and his cock twitches.
Your scent is so sweet, so strong. He runs two fingers up through your folds, gathering the wetness before bringing them to his lips. He tastes you on his digits and loses whatever was left of his rational mind.
His head is between your thighs in a second, his mouth devouring your cunt like he's never gonna eat again.
You gasp, back arching, pretty mouth open in ecstasy, and Logan just has to watch.
He groans, his large hands moving your thighs to rest on his shoulders as his tongue slips up to your clit, flicking it a couple of times before replacing it with his nose. His tongue traces your entrance, licking up all your slick arousal.
Your fingers tangle in his hair and you don't pull at first, afraid of hurting him. But the more the pressure builds in your womb, the more you lose awareness of being gentle and pull his head where you want it.
Logan groans as you tug on his hair, his fingers digging into your thighs. He traces your clit with his teeth, relishing in the tremor that washes over you.
Smirking slightly, he does it again and again and again until you're pushing him away, moaning as you come on his mouth.
He helps you down from your high before pulling away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“You good, bub?” he questions, hand gently caressing your thigh.
You nod, breathing heavy, body boneless from your orgasm. “’m fine.”
Logan adjusts his hard cock in his pants, his breath hitching at the little bit of friction. He's never wanted it this bad…
He stares at you, all spread out, half-naked, blissed out, and he loses it.
“Lemme fuck ya, bub,” he begs, eyes wild, pupils dilated. “Need to put my cock in that pretty cunt ‘f yours.”
You hold his gaze, cheeks flushed a pretty pink. “Do you have a condom?”
He grins. “You bought some f’r me, remember?”
You giggle softly. “I—Yeah, I did, huh?”
He licks his lower lip. “Does that mean I can fuck ya?”
You nod. “Yes.”
He almost growls in relief, his hands quickly undoing his pants. He tosses them aside, then grabs a condom from the pocket of his jacket. He takes the jacket off as well, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths.
He rolls the condom onto himself, his cock hard, the tip an angry red as precum drips from it.
He kneels in front of you, grabbing your legs and tugging you closer to him, making you gasp. His eyes darken at the sound and he jerks himself once, twice, before aligning his cock with your sopping entrance.
“You tell me if you want me to stop,” he says firmly.
“Okay,” you reply, breathless.
He holds your gaze for a moment before he thrusts into you, filling your sweet pussy smoothly.
You cry out, gasping, eyes fluttering shut.
He grunts as you clench around him tightly, his eyes rolling back. “Fuuuuuck, bub. Such a good pussy.”
He glances down as he starts thrusting, watching your cunt stretch to fit him. He grabs one of your legs and moves it onto his shoulder, allowing him to go deeper.
You squeal, eyes wide. “Fuck! Fuck!”
He fucks you hard and deep, the sound of skin on skin loud. He's grunting and groaning like an animal, his dog tags clinking with each thrust.
“Look at ya, bub. So pretty. Such a good girl for me,” he says, voice low and rough. “Look at that cunt. She's so greedy, look how she clenches around me.”
You whine, tears of ecstasy in the corners of your eyes. “L-Logan! Logan!” you moan, thighs quaking.
He chuckles. “Such a pretty slut f’r me. You enjoying yourself, bub?”
You whine, eyes rolling into the back of your head. “Logan!” you squeal.
His hand slips between you, thumb finding your clit and rubbing it in messy circles. He laughs lowly when your pussy tightens around him in response.
“Yeah, you're enjoying yourself.” He smirks, proud of himself, and he fucks you harder.
You begin to mumble, blubbering incoherently, unable to form words. You're just a gasping, sobbing, moaning mess and he's loving it.
“Gonna come already?” he mocks. “I just started with ya. Has no one ever fucked you this good?”
You squeal, gasping. All he can make out is a chorus of please please please please please that you repeat over and over again.
Eventually, he caves. “Yeah, alright. Go on, bub, you can come.”
His words are the final straw. Your orgasm hits you with so much force that you're left seeing starts for a minute or two. Your ears are ringing and your body is weak.
Logan wasn't prepared for how gorgeous you looked as you came. The sight of you along with the way you tightened around him sent him over the edge beforehand, making him gasp and grunt as he spills into the condom.
“Fuck,” he gasps, body shaking as he recovers from the climax. He glances down at you, watching you regain your breath.
Slowly, he lowers your leg from his shoulder before pulling out of you gently.
“You alright there?” he asks you, his knuckles rubbing your cheek tenderly.
You manage a weak nod and he smiles. “Can you talk, bub?”
You open your mouth to try and decide you cannot. You shake your head and he chuckles.
“Fucked dumb. ‘m gonna have a lotta fun with ya, bub. A lotta fun.”
---
Taglist
@nerrivm @rosiahills22 @d3vils-adv0c8 @thychuvaluswife @18lkpeters @daddy333 @e-nonsense @ch3rryblossms @ayamenimthiriel @thesecretlifeofmo @simming4sims @raideaters-blog @1cam8 @angelicbbsblog @giuliahowlett @lemonsquaredd @meadow-field @secretpandaconnoisseur @givenoutlaw @wunder-blunder @aredheadednerd @fictionalmen-dilflover @insanesociopath @m1cky-y-y @fictional-hooman
---
Blog masterlist
#logan howlett#logan howlett smut#logan howlett x fem!reader#logan howlett x you#logan smut#logan wolverine#logan howlett x reader#wolverine smut#wolverine#logan howlet x reader#logan howlet smut#logan howlett angst#james logan howlett x reader#logan howlett fic#wolverine angst
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Hey Jelly! May I request a Drabble for your Fall/Autumn Flufftober event?
It involves Miguel O’Hara and [Reader] [Gender Neutral] experiencing a “haunted house” as part of their date. Miguel would especially be protective of [Reader] throughout the attraction, despite being aware they’re just props and scare actors doing their jobs. While doing so, Miguel is “holding hands” with [Reader] to not lose one another at the house.
SWIFT!! OFC this is such a cute idea 😭😭💕💕 so sorry it took me forever but hey spooky season isn't over til I say so 😁🖤🎃 thank you for requesting 💕
a haunted house with miguel 🏚️🖤🎃
Warnings: xGN!READER , fluff, crack, joking reference to monsterfucking.
Words 1.5k
The shivering bite of October nighttime was starting to get to you, but with Miguel close by, it made the seconds more tolerable as you stood outside the haunted attraction.
Michael Myers' theme music blasted in speakers with green and purple flashing lights, the smoke from the bonfire in front and the chalky smell from the fog machines joined together to make a spooky concoction that filled your nostrils while the distant shrieks from other guests made your stomach twist with the anticipation of what ghoulish tricks awaited you inside.
"Ready for this?" Your boyfriend, Miguel, asks with his charming lopsided smile, one of his arms around you pulling you into his gray hoodie that blessed you with sandalwood every time he brought you closer.
You smile at him from where your chin is lightly resting against his chest. "I mean I'm ready, I don't know about you though."
"I'm ready." Miguel answers, raising his eyebrow at a thrift store looking Leatherface targeting a group of 14 year olds with his fake chainsaw. "Seems a little intense."
"For $80, I sure hope so." You hummed, tsking your teeth, all the while you hoped your phony nonchalantness wasn't betraying you. "They better kill us for that price."
"Don't say that." Miguel nudges you. "Then I won't know if Melissa was really set up by Teresa and Kim D. or if Teresa was innocent."
"Oh my God, you're more invested in that freaking show than I am." You fake offense and poke playfully at Miguel's stomach of steel while his hands followed yours, defending against your attacks. "Not even concerned that I'd be dead, just mad your ass can't watch the ending of Real Housewives of New Jersey!"
"Haha, yeahhh cause we'd both be dead, genius." Miguel shakes his head, finally spinning you around and nudging you forward as the line drew closer to the entrance. "They don't have streaming services in heaven."
"Oh I don't think we're going to heaven, sir." You examine your nails. "I mean, I am, I dunno about you though, it's a lil toasty where you're headed.."
"Oye, watch your step." Miguel chides as you almost trip over your own feet.
"Greeeeetings, mortals! Party of two?" The worker dressed as the bride of Frankenstein inquires, fake vampire teeth practically falling out of her mouth.
"Yeah." Miguel clears his throat as he looks at you sideways.
The worker goes off on her spiel, 'don't touch the actors and they won't touch you, stay on the designated path, take note of the emergency exits should you need to exit the haunt early but beware there is no reentry upon leaving, most of all be safe, have fun, hope you make it out alive or some sort of painful joke at the end', blah blah blah
Your attention is snapped back to Earth when she gives you and Miguel the green light to go ahead, and the invisible magnets in your hands find and seize one another as you clasped each other's hands in the dark as you sauntered cautiously forward.
"Having fun already?" Miguel teases. "Your hand is sweaty like you've run a marathon and we're not even two minutes in."
"Man, shut up, I am not-aaaAAHH!" You jump and cling to Miguel at a loud thump on the wall from one of the actors behind you.
Miguel chuckles. "This is gonna be a long ride."
-----
"Oh helllllll nah."
You start to turn around at the sight of the giant clown sitting in a chair at the end of the dark stuffy hallway holding an axe.
"Baby, this was your idea." Miguel halted you in your tracks, spinning you around to face the front.
You gulped as you studied the menace, pinstripes with an eerie grin and all. "That thing is gonna jump, just watch."
"I'm pretty sure it's stuffed."
"No, babe, that is a living breathing killer clown from outer space."
"For the love...just get behind me." Miguel inches down the hallway, his broad back obscuring your view.
"Mig, what's happening? I can't see shit." You turn to your right and at that very moment lock eyes with Chucky, letting out an unholy scream which makes you smack into Miguel which causes him to nearly fall on top of the clown.
The teen underneath the clown mask saw all 15 years of his life flash before his eyes at the 6'9 tank about to crush him, realizing his final thoughts would be that the $7.25 an hour for this gig truly wasn't worth it.
"Jesus!" Miguel gains his bearings, flustered as he turns to you. "You alright?"
"Yeah, course I am." You lie.
Miguel takes your clammy hand again. "Alright this time, don't let go of my hand."
"Right."
You two make the rest of your way through the haunted circus, the black light illuminating your clothes with the neon paint splatter on the walls, navigating through the eclectic fun house atmosphere with the unsettling music box tunes blaring overhead.
Miguel remains stoic for the most part. Although you try to thug it out, every now and then a sudden noise or bang or obnoxious cackle behind you will make you jump. Miguel responds by bringing you closer protectively, cracking a joke to make you feel more at ease.
"This man thinks he's Pennywise but he's really Krusty the clown." He nods in the direction of another menacing clown with sharp teeth that tries to get all up in your face. You burst out laughing and the guy underneath the mask low-key feels his hopes and dreams get crushed in the same sentence.
The rest of the haunted house isn't so daunting with your protective boyfriend guiding every step. You get scary dog privilege without even trying, as most of the actors are intimidated by Miguel's large size alone, if not his sarcastic quips everytime they get too close.
"Welllllllcome to my shop of horrors!" A butcher covered in fake blood with a crazy look in his eyes and a leather apron tries to get you to eat his human brain casserole.
Miguel looks unimpressed. "I burn water but I can make a lasagna more edible than that."
You cackle as Miguel leads you away, leaving the butcher equal parts baffled and clutching his invisible pearls.
---
You come to a part of the haunted house that leads back outdoors, with fog all around you and a werewolf that comes running up to you on all fours, snarling and foaming at the mouth.
You startle for just a moment then smirk as you turn to Miguel,
"Hear me out..."
"Absolutely not." Miguel figures he's gonna have you lay off the dark romance novels for a bit as he drags you away.
-----
Once you get to the final section with the vampires, your fears have all but disappeared, playing along and smiling when Dracula with his cult of vampire wives waltzes up to you and asks to suck your blood.
"Just warning you, Vladdy, I'm anemic." You flirt as you take his arm.
"Alright, that's it." Miguel grumbles as he drags you away yet again. At first you were scared of the monsters, now he has to stop you from banging them.
"But he's hot, and he has fangs!" You protest, giggling as Dracula dramatically bids you farewell, inviting you back to Transylvania anytime while Miguel carries you to the exit.
"We have fangs at home." Miguel reminds you with a smirk before flashing his prominent canines at you. You have to stifle a giggle as you lay your head on his chest.
----
"Well that was fun." You cuddle next to Miguel a short time later on the couch in your shared apartment, sighing as you lean forward, using your sweater as heat pads to pick up your mug of hot cocoa while he peruses for a Halloween movie to watch.
"It was fun." Miguel hums. "But we're not doing it again."
"Why not?!"
"I'm not paying nearly a hundred dollars for you to practically leave me for Edward and Jacob from Twilight."
"Oh my God, you actually got their names right!"
"In other news, the movie's starting, so..."
"Baby, you're not really jealous are you?" You get closer and plop in his lap, Miguel letting out an overdramatic pained grunt. "Oh, stop it, you."
Miguel doesn't crack at first, remaining tight-lipped while you shower him with little pecks. "You know I could never leave you, Migs."
Miguel finally reveals a smile, "Oh, I know, I just like hearing you say it." He pulls the blanket over your shoulders as Coraline begins playing.
"Man, all you had to do was ask!"
"Ssshhhh....Coraline's on." Miguel winks as he silences you once more.
"Mhmm, love you too."
You grin and feel any cold from earlier disappear altogether as Miguel's prescence warms you from the inside out as you watch the movie together, hot chocolate in hand, cookies in the oven, candles lit, all the while the chill of outside remains where it belongs in the October night in Nueva York.
#from my trees . ˚ 𖧷 ·𓇥 ° . ♡#miguel o'hara x reader#miguel x reader#spiderman 2099 x reader#miguel o'hara fluff#miguel x you#flufftober
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TWD X Tumblr Chapter Four: Disoriented
TW: Somewhat suggested abuse, but its pretty plain of tw's today
A/n: I'm really sorry for how late this is, family shit, but it's here. It's also short, but that just means more chapters in season one
Previous Chapter // Next Chapter
"Disoriented."
The fire crackles in the middle of the circle of people, crickets chirping off in the distance.
Rick has Lori and Lily either side of him and Carl laying on his lap.
"I guess that comes closest." Rick continues, glancing around the group as rubs Carl's head.
"Disoriented. Fear, confusion; all those things but disoriented comes closest."
Thunder rolls in the distance as the group listens to his tired voice, explaining the journey he went through to find his family.
Dale sets down his mug of soup, "Words can be meagre things. Sometimes they fall short."
He glances around the group as well.
"I felt like I'd been ripped out of my life and put somewhere else." Rick continues, "For a while I thought I was trapped. Trapped in some coma dream. Something I might not wake up from ever."
Carl pulls himself closer to Rick, tilting his head back to look up at him.
There's a soft sparkle in his eyes, as he listens to his strong and brave dad.
"Mom said you died." He whispers softly.
He sounds like he's almost about to fall asleep, cuddled up with his family.
There's another momentary silence withing the group.
Lori opens her mouth to explain, but Rick interupts, his voice soft like silk.
"She had every reason to believe that...don't you ever doubt it."
Lori looks over at Shane, who's sitting with Delilah and Kayden snuggled up next to him. They lock eyes, almost communicating.
Finally, Lori speaks.
"When things started to get really bad, they told me at the hospital that they were going to medevac you and the other patients to Atlanta and it never happened."
"Probably for the best." Lily whispers.
"Yeah, probably for the best." Lori smiles down at her.
"And, I'm not surprised, after Atlanta fell." Rick adds.
Shane tosses a twig into the warmth of the fire.
A few "yeah"s are murmered around the group.
"And from the look of that hospital, it got overrun." "...yeah, looks don't decieve." Shane adds, "I barely got them out. You know?"
He gestures to Lori, Carl and LIly then Kayden and Delilah.
Rick looks over at Shane, "I can't tell you how grateful I am to you, Shane. I can't begin to express it."
There's a sudden tension spike between the group.
"There go those words falling short again." Dale jokes, trying to lighten the mood.
Glenn moves from the fire, with his cup of soup, sitting down next to Delilah and Kayden, offering a sip of his soup to Delilah. She shakes her head at the offer.
Kayden's eyes stay on Carl. She wants to be cuddled up with him, but she can't interrupt his family moment.
"Paltry things." Dale adds, directed at the lack of ability to express oneself purely through words.
Lori grips Rick even tighter, going into deep thought about something.
Rick rubs her arm, soothing her, as he thinks she's still recovering form the shock of him coming back.
Someone steps up. Ed Peletier. Here comes some drama.
He throws a chopped log into the fire, making it bigger. The fire crackles loudly and Ed sits back down.
"Hey, Ed, you want to rethink that log?" Shane asks, his patience obviously barely existent for this man.
Ed just throws his head back and says, "It's cold, man."
The groups throws glances at each other, each one showing a different combination of emotions, ranging from annoyance to... yeah basically all annoyance.
"The cold don't change the rules, does it?" Shane says to Ed, waiting for him to get the hint, "Keep our fires low, just embers, so we can't be seen from a distance, right?"
Everyone hopes that Ed will just listen and take the log out. But their wishes go unanswered.
"I said it's cold." Ed hardens his voice, as if he could scare Shane into letting him rule the roost, "You should mind your own business for once."
Shane lets out a groan, before standing, deciding if he wants it done, Ed ain't gonna do it.
"Hey Ed." Shane mumbles as he passes Ed, giving him two pats on his shoulder as he stands next to him, "You sure you want to have this conversation, man?"
Ed looks up at Shane from his seat, thinking for a moment, weighing his options.
"Go on. Pull the damn thing out." He says after a few seconds.
Shane just stands there. He's not Ed's dog, he's not doing it for him.
"Go on!" Ed raises his voice.
Carol stands, laying her shawl on her chair next to Sophia, as she stands to take the log out.
Shane looks between Ed and the fire before pulling out the log, just so Carol doesn't have to and so he doesn't have to put up with Ed's 'Lead Cheerleader Complex'.
He tosses the burning log to the ground and stops out the flames on it.
Shane then crouches next to Carol and Sophia, "Hey, carol, Sophia, how are ya'll this evening?"
Sophia stays looking at the fire, silently, but Carol turns to Shane and answers him.
"Fine. We're just fine." "Okay." Shane says, obviously questioning her.
Ed glares the the three of them from across the fire.
"I'm sorry about the fire." Carol adds.
"No, no, no, no. No apology needed." Shane assures, "Ya'll have a good night, okay?"
They both nod and Carol whispers a "Thank you".
Shane stands again, before saying to Ed in particular, "I appreciate the cooperation."
The underlying sarcasm can be noted in his tone.
Shane walks back to his spot on the ground, the group watching him move.
"Have you given any thought to Daryl Dixon? He won't be happy to hear his brother was left behind." Dale asks.
"I'll tell him."T-Dog declares, "I dropped the key. It's on me."
"I cuffed him. That makes it mine." Rick counters.
"Guys, it's not a competition." Delilah says, Glenn rubs his thumb over her knuckle, his other hand holfing his now empty mug.
"I don't mean to sound racist when I say this but it might sound better coming froma white guy." Glenn adds.
"...I did what I did. hell if I'm gonna hide from him." T-Dog says firmly.
"We could lie." Amy suggests.
"Or tell the truth." Andrea says, leaving no room for argument, "Merle was out of control. Something had to be done, or he would've gotten us killed."
Andrea turns to Lori, "Your husband did what was necessary. And if Merle got left behind, it is nobody's fault but Merle's."
"And that's what we tell Daryl?" Dale asks with concern, "I don't see a rational discussion to be had from that, do you?"
Andrea shakes her head.
"Word to the wise," Dale continues, "We're gonna have our hands full when he gets back from his hunt."
"I was scared and I ran." T-Dog starts, "I'm not ashamed of it." "We were all scared. We all ran. What's your point?" Andrea asks.
"I stopped long enough to chain that door. Staircase is narrow. Maybe half a dozen geeks can squeeze against it at any one time. It's not enough to break through that. Not that chain, not that padlock. My point: Dixon's alive."
Taglist:
@kookiekult @smutinlove @far-cry-from-finality @zomb-1-egutzz
@shadowybasementmiracle @vaniniweenie @sleep-queen
@frankcastleautism @hisdahlia @carlslvr @zzombiegirl
@lunarnightt @carlmipololo @herrera2k @txrasbae
@a-vampire-bat @coveofthesiren @deathswrld
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hey idk if this is creepy or not 😭 I'm really new to tblr so I tried to respond kindly, but I found this really weird (I'm a m1nor btw for context)
idk I found this weird and maybe their intentions weren't bad? maybe I'm just overreacting? I'm so so sorry for wasting ur time if I am
i'm going to be so brutally honest, if you can read this and think "maybe their intentions weren't bad" after confessing to dating a minor in spite of how illegal. what the hell- dude
looking through their blog it is all about the movie "lolita", a film adaptation from the book lolita. a book about hebephilia meaning "feeling attraction to 11-14 year olds"
upon translating his posts he talks about loving "small bodies"
how he would want to find a girl who's broken so she'll be dependant on him
which makes me so SCARED FOR THIS GIRLFRIEND HE SAYS HE HAS
good god-
thank you so much for bringing this to my attention
and know this. you will find men like this all over the place
if something feels wrong, it probably is
be careful when a guy DMs you first
everyone please block — @giostisapolias
(i might email tumblr's safety team themselves after that one cos god damn reading through their blog made me feel ill)
#whoop whoop!!#34t1ng d1s0rd3r#3d f4st#tw 3d vent#tw ana bløg#3d not sheeran#tw ana rant#ed but not ed sheeran#tw ed ana#light as a feather#@na motivation
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Only Fools Rush In
"So what? You've blown a fuse
Well, that happens to us all
Well, I come with great news
The day could change~"
Just A Cloud Away - Pharell Williams
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"Y-Y/N!? What-what the hell are you doing here?"
"H-Hello Lucifer, it's lovely to see you again."
The room was deathly quiet, you could hear the tiniest of pins drop. Everybody was staring at the King of Hell and the angel, their eyes wide and mouths agape. Even Alastor was surprised.
The two stared at each other from across the dining room table. He hadn't changed much since Y/N last saw him, all those eons ago. He still had the same fierce glint in his eye, and he still carried himself the same way, with that combination of elegance and danger that seemed impossible to pull off when you were in a place like Heaven.
But there he was, still the fallen angel that Heaven decided was too dangerous and unpredictable.
A troublemaker.
"You, you two know each other?" Charlie asked, surprise very evident in her voice.
"Yes, we were....acquaintances before he fell," Y/N replied, keeping her voice calm and steady.
"Acquaintances is an understatement" Lucifer said under his breath. "I didn't think they'd actually send someone down here, let alone you."
"Yes, well there is a first time for everything," Y/N shot back, still keeping her voice calm and steady.
Lucifer laughed dryly. "Out of all the angels, they send you? I didn't know Heaven was feeling so...generous."
Y/N forced herself to take a deep breath. She had a job to do, and whatever ancient history that was lingering between her and Lucifer was as relevant as an old scar.
"I am here on Heaven's orders," she replied crisply. "Nothing more."
“Orders.” Lucifer repeated the word with a quiet, almost pitying chuckle. “They’ve sent one of Heaven’s own to monitor me, then? How very…quaint.”
"Still as prideful as ever, I seem," Y/N said, coming out a bit more coldly than intentioned. "Unless you're running this hotel directly, my business here does not involve you."
"Doesn't involve me?" he laughed. "I might not be managing day-to-day, and unless you forgot that my daughter owns this hotel. I'm here to keep my eye on things and support her."
"Okay, um maybe we should move on to dessert," Charlie intervened. "Niffty made a really good apple pie an-"
"Are you sure Heaven didn't send you here to see if Hell's changed me?" Lucifer interrupted, a smirk on his face
"From what I've seen, you're still the same arrogant troublemaker that doesn't care about anybody but himself," Y/N said, getting angry.
"That's rich coming from you," Lucifer sneered. "Tell me, do you enjoy being Heaven's little watchdog? It must be scary being down here all by yourself."
"Do not say such things about me!" Y/N yelled, finally tired of Lucifer and his remarks. She stood up from her chair so fast that her chair fell over.
Everybody stared at Y/N, including Lucifer. They weren't prepared to see the proper and poised angel get so angry. And normally, Y/N wouldn't allow herself to get this angry, but she had had enough of Lucifer and his insults.
"I am not scared of you, and I am not scared of being here in Hell!" Y/N snapped. "I am not a watchdog, and I am certainly not here for you! So don't you dare say anything different! You know nothing about me, so stop pretending that you do!"
Y/N huffed and looked around the room at everyone, now starting to feel embarrassed for her outburst.
"I apologize for my outburst," Y/N said, looking down. "I'm terribly sorry Charlie, but I don't think I'm hungry for dessert."
"Oh no that's fine, you don't have to apologize!" Charlie immediately said. "I'll make sure to save you a slice."
"I appreciate that, thank you," Y/N said. "I think I'll be heading to bed now. Again, I apologize for my rudeness."
Y/N turned to walk out of the dining room after she picked up the chair off the floor.
"Goodnight, everyone," she said as she walked out of the room.
Walking out of the room, tears began to prick at her eyes.
This wasn't how she imagined seeing Lucifer again.
She thought it would be more heartfelt and lovely.
But, she was wrong.
And she wouldn't make that mistake in assuming something like that again.
Especially when it came to someone like Lucifer Morningstar.
im thinking about doing one of those notes things
what do you think??
stay safe and drink lots of water <33
xoxo, Izzy
#character x reader#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#x reader#lucifer morningstar#lucifer magne#lucifer#lucifer morningstar x reader#lucifer magne x reader#lucifer x reader#angel dust#charlie#charlie morningstar#charlie magne#vaggie#cherri bomb#alastor#alastor altruist#husk#husker#niffty
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HELLO I AM SORRY TO COME SLITHER INTO UR ASKS LIKE THIS BUT I SAW U LIKE AD ASTRA (YK THE SCI FI BOOK) AND I HAVE BEEN GOING FERAL OVER IT SO PLEASE DO TALK ABT UR FAV THEMES IN IT
(if u like ofc no pressure <3)
Never apologize for asking me about AdAstra or event horizon in general. I will go feral about it all day every day any day of the week month or year I have playlists I have theories I have spinoff ideas I HAVE EVERYTHING YOU CAN HAVE WITHOUT BEING INVOLVED WITH THE CREATION OF SOMETHING OKAY
Favorite themes I mean you do spend a lot of time with Ranboo and his concerning amounts of generational trauma and depression however I am a very biased Tubbo content enjoyer so just all of Tubbo's themes from the self hatred to the guilt to the trauma and everything in between
But my all time favorite is probably the way that Ranboo sees Tubbo throughout De Terra, even though originally I didn't even notice and it was my friend who pointed it out.
Because it takes chapter 3 for Ranboo to ever even acknowledge that Tubbo can act like an ass, but even after that and ESPECIALLY in chapters 1 and 2 he just holds Tubbo on this imaginary pedestal where Tubbo can basically do no wrong like he's fucking Beatrice from Dante's Divine Comedy (I've come to really like that comparison actually). An it's so interesting for me to think about WHY Ranboo thinks like that
From Tubbo's pov, especially because we see it first, we know he's a fuck up. That he tries his best, but he's not perfect, because nobody is, duh. But Ranboo thinks he is, despite having firsthand experience of the opposite (Tubbo screaming at him after finding the Irillian codex). He is basically incapable of constructive criticism towards Tubbo and again it takes chapter 3 of De Terra for him to even consider it.
And for the explanation I'm thinking of, which again I had no part in any of the creation of the fic so it's just me having fun by speculating and anything I say should be taken that way, I'm gonna keep the comparisons to the Divine Comedy because I can and I'm unhinged. Because Ranboo has basically gone through hell (Voidfall) and when he joins the Syndicate, he subconsciously expects to now go through heaven with Beatrice (Tubbo). Except that doesn't happen and he's still fucked up because duh that's how healing works. But he's scared because it's not getting better, which we see directly on screen. And yet he's still holding onto this idea of normalcy and perfection and the person who embodies that for him is Tubbo, because he's the one who took Ranboo away from the traumatizing shitfest that was Voidfall. So Ranboo then tries to keep his own problems from Tubbo and either doesn't realize or doesn't think about the fact he can't fucking do that forever when they literally live and work together and yeah I could go on for so long -.-
#“yk-” of course i do#OF FUCKING COURSE I DO#i am feral about them okay#absolutely unhinged#i do not have my marbles together#my marbles have been scattered in between the chapters and they stayed there#textpost.bzzt#horizonverse.bzzt
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Tags rant
no general theme i just want to yell about stuff
will delete later i think
Upd. I am doing better but won't delete it because archiving purposes and I like to reread stuff like that as diary entries and think "haha what a feeble minded fool i was"
#i think i am now extremely unhappy with my art#all i do is doodle or draw stuff for college that i don't really like#and i mean#it's fun and all#but i don't feel like it's art#and i think i started dreading doing full rendered art#because it will take so long and i need to make sh*t in 5 minutes#i don't know if it's an adhd thing or i'm just impatient i don't know i don't#and i'm sad my faith hyperfixation is fading away because it was so fun#i want to draw john but i don't know what to do w him anymore#i was never good with fanart#fanart is so freaking difficult how do people come up with good ideas all the time#all i can think about is oc stuff but it's almost never pretty and#i don't knowwwwww i am dreading i'll have to work with art#why did i think being a designer is a good idea i want nothing to do w it#i am so afraid of the future i am afraid i will have to work till the day i die#it's scary i am scared i want to do nothing i am tired for no reason at all#i have no idea where to even... live?#i should save up and try to leave this God forsaken country#but i am mortified of living on my own#i am just#i'll be fine i'll cry for a bit and everything will get better#but i am not very happy rn i'm sorry#that's about that i'm really sorry i am just scared#I WANT TO FEEL GOOD FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES AT A TIME PLEASE
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Crazy issues that come up when a character is written a little too well
#yay story time comic nobody asked for#funnily enough i will NEVER play undertale on the computer because of this#my first exposure to undertale was jacksepticeye and i am glad i didn't opt to play the game myself at the time#flowey closing the game and then the broken start up cutscene was bad enough just WATCHING it#and i STILL have to watch that chara thing at the end with a far distance from my screen and the volume down#not because of the scary face but because of the violin noise that sounds like its a repeating tone rather than a loop#and then of course the window hopping around#am also very glad i was spoiled about the spamton mercy win before i tried it myself#am slightly worried about future deltarune chapters but at least now i'm anticipating it#anyway remember when i tagged that one post ''i'm scared of computers and it's a monkey's fault''#now you know :3#i really wanted this done on thursday#and apparently dawn's brain says friday doesn't happen until after i fall asleep#so now i am awake and it is 4:30 and i hear birds chirping so nighty night#((or good morning))#yay comic :D i was right this did help a lot with getting some program familiarity#it's not the greatest paneling in the world but it's good for now#idk if i should really tag him or not#but uh#spamton#deltarune#spamton enjoyers i am so sorry#i am terrified of him only because he does his job in the story very well
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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making a list of my favorite quote/ones that stuck with me from each season 1 episode because i feel like it
(i'm starting this after episode 4 but it will be a WHILE before i post it)
episode 1: "bones are a lie peddled by Big Milk" - alice
i love this one because it's a great introduction to alice i think. also it radiates spiral so i hope we get avatar alice not dead alice (isnt there a podcast called alice isnt dead?)
episode 2: "If I wanted to clear the canvas, I would have used turpentine." - statement
this one was just fucking powerful and caught me so off guard like 😶
episode 3: "What would I do without her?" - statement
the norris statement <3 it feels like martin asking what he would do without jon which makes mag200 a lot sadder and i love them
episode 4: "Perhaps you shall prove a stronger will than I, and will yet find it within yourself to destroy this hungry thing of wood and cat-gut." - statement
augustus sighting #1 and we immediately get jonah magnus expressing that it may be possible for gwen bouchard unknown family member to overcome the eye's hunger spooky violin
episode 5: "Voyeur needs to be seen to be believed." - statement
i feel like this one is pretty reflective of how the seasons gonna go? like if you explain the events of tma (mag200 specifically) no one's gonna believe you, it must be seen to be believed!! and also seen!! like the eye!!!
episode 6: "Not sca- This isn’t some poxy blood test, some little pinprick, this is hundreds, thousands of razor sharp points pushing into your flesh." - needles
i love needles so much and i thought this was really funny because it was like "you dont find me scary!! what the fuck!!!" just kind of toddler michael energy
episode 7: "It’s not like we’re wrestling with tape recorders and manila folders." - celia
STOP IT. celia you can't say that you just cannot!!!!!! you Know™ too much maam i cant with you
episode 8: "Pleasure to meet you both. I’m Gerry!"
RAGHHHHH OH MY GOD GERRY!!!! i love him so much and idk how to handle him being alive in the tmagp universe!! gertrude too but idk we got so much of her in tma and not nearly enough of gerry
episode 9: "And honestly, it’s kind of compelling by this point." - sam
they got him 😔😔 the horrors got sam 😔😔 also i found this to be an interesting contrast to jon's heavy resistance in season 1 like he was being compelled but he wasn't going to let anyone know that vs sam "its kinda compelling to trauma dump on this paperwork :]" how is he somehow even more victim material
episode 10: "Gosh you’re sexy, here’s a twenty for your trouble.” - alice
does this count as a quote if shes also quoting what she thinks sam should say? idk anyway i love her i would say that to her if given the chance and it was very silly. i will not be addressing bonzo i am scared.
episode 11: "...Thank you, Alice" - gwen
dyhard dyhard dyhard dyhard dyhard. okay also, the way she CRUMBLED at the idea of anyone doing anything nice for her please someone give her a hug and let it be ME. this series is tossing me back and forth between sam & alice (what is their ship name) and dyhard but this put me back to dyhard
episode 12: "You know it's rude to have absolutely no game?" - alice
she's so fucking funny i need her to be okay so badly!!!! i don't think even tim made me laugh as much as she makes me chuckle and this one really got me. it's hard to write such a comedic character in a podcast since you only have the voice but they really nailed it i adore her
episode 13: "Is it my fault?" - gwen
each of these episodes just reveal a little bit more about how loving and soft gwen is and idk i love her so unbelievably much so seeing that she felt guilt about the bonzo stuff just made her so much more real :(
episode 14: "Christ, they’re in the walls…" - statement
theyre in the walls!!! theyre in the goddamn walls!!!!! anyway that got me because i realized the hole before the statement said it. made more sad than scared tbh
episode 15: "Babies are cool!" - alice this entire interaction between her and sam & celia was so awkward, she is so obvious and i love her anyway
episode 16: "It’s not like I was holding doors open for Mr Bonzo or anything." - gwen my wife is so so so stupid but i adore her AND this gives room for character development. i wish she did not do that though. i love when characters are flawed and have depth but i struggled to get past THIS flaw of hers
episode 17: "Thanks, I guess. Not exactly the same, though, is it?" - celia shes talking TO JON IN THE COMPUTER. SHE KNOWS. i lost my damn mind i love her i love her. get the gay people out of the puter please queen
episode 18: "Why would I need to talk to you? Your work is satisfactory. Unless you have a work-related issue I could assist you with?" - lena solidified my opinion that lena is the best boss to ever have, i adore her and i would want to work for her if she wasn't the boss of Creepy Establishment #1
episode 19: "You’re going to throw it in the fishtank, aren’t you?" - alice colin's behavior is like really worrying BUT i'm glad he's back. i was not convinced he was still alive
episode 20: "I suppose it’s too late for remorse, isn’t it? And why should I be sorry? This is what I deserve!" - ink5oul/statement they reminded me of jon a lot, like especially his season 3/4 transformation when he doesn't quite know everything but he knows he isn't who he was in season 1 anymore, i hope we see more of their life and they can be helped :(
episode 21: [Tape Recorder Bites Ink5oul] - audio description i know it's not technically a quote but this is just so fucking funny. why does it have teeth. what does this mean for the lore. holy shit.
episode 22: "Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood" - celia. knawing at the walls of my enclosure i am so not okay. i'm not okay. wtf. wtf. wtf. they're real. wtf.
episode 23: "I had a favorite mug. It said “love you, bitch” and had a picture of a drunk dog on it." - alice. okay i just love this entire interaction because gwen got to open up a little bit and my dyhard heart is so full
episode 24: "I am told that children like me, and I’ve always held the opinion that the world would be a better place if everyone just thought more." - basira. once again this whole interaction was so fun but like idk i loved hearing basira somewhat happy and in a safe place :] my wife <3
episode 25: " I am trying to help, to save us from this goddamned fucking nightmare machine!" - colin. MAN I REALLY WAS ROOTING FOR YOU!!! I WAS SO CONFIDENT YOU WEREN'T GONNA DIE!!!! it's over
episode 26: "I was worrying for a moment that you were Magnussing." - alice. MAGNUSSING BEING CANON MADE ME SAY IT EVEN MORE I'VE SAID IT LIKE TWICE ALREADY
episode 27: "You didn’t tell me the room was labelled, “Archivist.”" - celia. oooooh somebody's got TRAUMAAAAA LMAO
episode 28: "So you’re telling me you know nothing about an OIAR external contract being found with the bodies of two tattooed thugs who met rather grisly ends?" - TREVOR HERBERT???? anyway. ink5oul mention!!!!! i hope they stop killing people it's really rude
episode 29: "Alice, er… we’ve got to talk. It’s important." - teddy. i knew it was over for him but i didn't think it was gonna be THIS bad??? bye babe i guess??? 😭
episode 30: how do i even pick. the whole fucking episode. i can't. i am in a state of shock. i need to lay down for 30 years.
#honorable mentions:#“canaries should stay above ground” because holy shit (1)#“i don’t scare so easy these days” because oh my god its our celia (7)#“i like them”/“of course you do” because weeping weeping weeping (8)#“oh no not again! oh the horrors! nooooo” that one was just really funny and not exactly part of the episode (9)#“can he read?” (10) bc it enforces the gwen/jon parallels (“you dont sound?? russian??”)#“the deep will care for his bones” (11) it creeped me out and i loved it#“the cover had this awful comic sans title 'mr. bonzo's on his way'” (12) comic sans font was so funny it almost made it not horrific#“I have a baby. Jack. He’s just over a year old now.” (13) like BARNABAS. i know him.#“The only drama is the dilemma of how I could possibly get by without you all to myself!” (14) alice.... alice....#“Oh no! Who keeps taking Georgie’s face?!” (18) SHE'S BACKKKKKKK#''I swear if I hear one more word about Trevor-bloody-Herbert MP I am going to blow up Parliament.'' (27) because WHAT LMAO??? WHATTT#''when I first awoke I knew nothing nothing but the dream of things that sliced my who from me with claws like scalpels'' (30) i cried#''They’re gone Alice. They’re gone.'' (30) tweaking#''What happens now? You push me? Stab me? Or do I need to jump in myself? Come on what’s stopping you?'' (30)#can i just put the whole episode in honorable mentions too atp.#''We are the hilltop. It is me and I am it and we are. We are…'' (30)#''Yeah sure. Sorry to bother you. Goodbye Alice.'' (30)#okay i'm done#i can't i .. i ..#the magnus protocol#tmagp#magnus protocol#tmagp spoilers#tmagp season 1#the magnus pod
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What am I gonna do when croissant finishes the game their journey... TT_TT I don't wanna say goodbye to them!!
I don't know buddy I've been wondering the same thing :') Let's not think about it-
#Real talk despite knowing very little about the ending I DO have a small handful of comics I'd like to make about post-game depending on-#-how things go#I also have a slew of breadweave comics that weren't in-game events I'd like to make too#Regardless I don't think I'll just drop Croissant like a hot potato once we're finished with the game!#I love them and still really enjoy the BG3 community#but I think I will take a little break from comics for a short period#It's been....a lot of work. And a lot of the /same/ work - for months. haha#.......I am however considering making a short (non-bg3) graphic novel with a writer friend bc as it turns out making comics IS fun#We'll see!#Ok I'm done sorry for rambling ngjfkdlnsjkh#asks#Wait I'm not done one more thing: not wanting to say goodbye to Croissant is also why I STILL haven't finished the game T____T#I'm getting really close and I am SCARED
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#some thoughts incoming idk if i should share but i need to put them somewhere#it's hard being in the yr fandom since the finale when you don't share the same vision and opinion as the rest#and people make future wilmon posts or write post s3 fics (which many exist now) they just don't align with your idea at all#and they're not exciting to me at all and the whole concept just makes me upset#i don't wanna imagine Wille as a 'normal' person (not that that's ever possible anyway which the show loves to ignore)#like I'm sorry but i didn't come to the show to watch an ordinary love story and have them lead an ordinary life#the idea of Wille being a future king and them navigating that royal life together is so much more interesting#i hate that that isn't canon anymore and when ppl make posts about them it's not about that or that would only be seen as a negative thing#i don't wanna imagine a life where they are 'normal' that isn't appealing to me at all and it sucks seeing everyone embrace it#and it's like you're not allowed to want something else or think differently bc that makes you the bad person and you're just wrong#i can't be excited about their future (also bc i don't really see them going strong in the future with how they messed them up in s3)#(i also didn't want to know what could possibly happen in the future i wanted that to stay open and just be in the present)#and seeing everyone else excited and happy about it makes you feel horrible and very alone and disconnected in the fandom#i don't wanna take it away from them but i also would love to see other takes but that's basically impossible now#am i the only person who feels this way or are there any other who can relate? pls let me know#i already feel like ppl are gonna attack me for this but it's been hard especially now with Simon's month and seeing so many interpretation#navigating ao3 has also become difficult now#it's hard finding fics to read where wille stays crown prince and you don't have to be scared for that to change#i just can't read any canon compliant fics anymore and i hate it bc i hate to disagree with canon#i normally don't do that bc canon is important to me and i don't want to reject it and create my own fantasy#and that's what's upsetting#anyway sorry i had to write this#personal
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every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
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sometimes it drives me literally insane to see romance requests that are like
--I want a romance wherein it's basically the happy epilogue throughout the book
--I want a romance that has great communication and they never withhold anything from each other ever
--no "miscommunication trope"
The last thing is just a general gripe about how so many of the things people say are tropes are not tropes, and it's pedantic and snobby but like. Miscommunication is so broad. It's not a trope. People are miscommunicating. WHAT are they miscommunicating about? Is one of them keeping a secret identity from their partner? Because a secret identity romance iS a trope. Is one of them withholding their feelings out of fear of rejection?
Because people DO miscommunicate. Often writers do write it clumsily. If people miscommunicate for no reason, sure, whatever. But if they miscommunicate BECAUSE of a REASON--like, often it's not even miscommunication lol. It's the hero keeping his dire supernatural secret from his wife because she'll die if she finds out (honestly, valid to me, but whatever). It's the heroine finding it difficult to trust the hero with her heart because her dad left when she was young (maybe cliche in theory, but actually a very real thing that happens).
If all you want is plotless nothing wherein everyone is happy and nobody makes mistakes, I personally have a hard time thinking of it as a book, because there is no story. It's just vibes. And essentially EVERY time, people have to mess up and make mistakes in order for there to be a plot.
I just don't understand the point.
#romance novel blogging#if all you want is pure vibes what you want is a short form story or fanfic sorry#you don't want a book#and i'm not saying every writer does miscommunication right--romance has a lot of clumsy writers who just shove it in#(lmao)#but miscommunication is often a backbone in its most broad form of conflict#'i cannot tell you this thing because i am scared for you'#'i cannot tell you this thing because i'm scared of what you'll think of me'#'i can't tell you how i really feel bc i frankly need therapy'#these are all forms of miscommunication and the thing is that when a writer does it well you don't even call it 'miscommunication trope'#but you'll still dismiss miscommunication as bad#the long game by rachel reid is a great example#generally a really well-received book!#ilya gets distant with shane and shane doesn't take ilya's feelings as much as he should#bc ilya has depression and is not telling shane about it#and there is NO REASON for ilya to do this other than internalized shame and a tendency to hide his pain to keep others happy#this is miscommunication!!! they are not communicating well!!! and people still like the book bc rachel reid is a good writer#who knows how to convey this in a way that isn't annoying and is relatable#lol ofc all of this is also symptomatic of the fact that people can't read nuance anymore apparently#and 'character behaves badly = book bad'#(for the record ilya and shane miscommunicate a lot in both books but those books are widely loved bc again rachel is a good writer)
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Between
2x08 S: "As long as I'm doing something to help out a friend, I don't mind what it is! I just want to be there for 'em when they need me. Because at the end of the day, helping my friends is more important than anything in the world!"
3x03 Mei: "So wait, how did you get your gold vision back again?" MK: "I don't know! The same way I got them in the first place I guess. Every time I learned a new ability, it was because there was something I NEEDED to do, when there was no other way. Against the gold fish guy I NEEDED to do something to save my friends!" P: "Yeah, friends that YOU put in danger on purpose!"
3x10 MK: "NO! Mei is my best friend, I’d never abandon her when she needs me. We’re heroes! It’s what we do!",
3x14 MK: "A perfect world is what you make it. So as long as I have my friends by my side...this world! Is! Perfect!”
4x01 MK: "Honestly? I’m kinda liking the world as it is, right now. So...if it could just stay like this, forever? That would be awesome." SWK: "Yeah well...forever’s a long time bud...trust me."
4x02 AL: "It’s too late to save them! We can’t risk unleashing the curse into the world." MK: “You don’t know! We’d risk it for sure! I won’t abandon them when they need us."
4x07 IMK: "You can see it, can't you? This is your fate. Your friends will turn on you, seeing you for the monster you will become. They will destroy you, harbinger of chaos."
4x11 MK: "We have to try, he'd do the same—for any of us." and
4x14 YT: "I know full well what would happen should Azure fail. But- but he is my brother. I owe him my life." S: "We get it! I'd do anything to help my friends. But at the cost of the world?" P: "I'm sorry pal, but NOTHING worth that price!"
I'm like, really worried scoob.
#''Oh haha tdp may get into the life of one person VS the life of the world and CHET may definitely happen but at least I'm safe in LMK-''#''-what do you mean one friend isn't worth the cost of the world. WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE WON'T ABANDON THEM WHEN THEY NEED HIM.''#MK IS LITERALLY GOING TO TRADE THE WORLD FOR HIS FRIEND'S LIVES. FUCK ME. I CAN'T ESCAPE ANYTHING#Actually no. NO NO WAIT IT COULD BE WORSE.#It might legitimately come down to destroying MK or destroying the world. Or a choice that seems like those are the only two outcomes#''They will destroy you harbinger of chaos'' OH MAN. WE'RE SO FUCKED.#Nothing is off the table anymore. Azure died painfully on screen. s4 was the worst thing ever. IT'S OVER#Good thing s4 was all about false dichotomies right hahahahahaha#This comes down to: would pigsy sandy and tang really not pay that price for someone they care about.#This isn't about Mei I know SHE would. She'd do literally anything for her friends. BUT THE OTHER THREE.#SANDY CONTRADICTS HIMSELF IN 2x08 AND 4x14. I'M SCARED SCOOB#WHY MUST EXCHANGE AS A THEME BE IN EVERYTHING I LOVE#sorry if this is hard to read/incomprehensible lol#I am just like. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#lmk#lmk rant#lmk parallels#lego monkie kid#monkie kid
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it's been a month since we moved into the new apartment -
I'm so stressed. everything is stressful. we're still not done building the kitchen but it's getting there (slowly). mostly we just need to wait until we get a couple parts that weren't in stock when we ordered the rest. I'm hoping it'll be done by next weekend.
some of it is very frustrating with my brain specifically. I'm so bothered by all the tiny little things that no one else would even notice - like, some of the handles on the drawers are very slightly crooked (as in, less than a millimeter higher on one side) - but for me it's so obvious that it's impossible to ignore. my husband didn't even know what I meant when I pointed it out to him. there's also been a few slightly bigger issues, but we've solved them now (I think).
my eye has been twitching for like three to four weeks. not all the time obviously, but every few minutes. it's very, very annoying.
we still have no new info about when we'll have internet finally. it could take a while still.
on Monday a guy has to replace something in the electric roller shutters in one room - but we don't know which one yet. so either I'll have to let him into my room (awful, uncomfortable, will have to tidy up tomorrow so he could even get to the window), or I'll have to get both our cats into their carrier if it's the one in my husband's room (awful, difficult, one of them doesn't like that so he'll be scared and I'll feel bad).
also on Monday the electrician will install our stove (if he has time). then we're getting two ikea deliveries. and I've got an appointment with my (new) GP because I need a prescription, and I'm very (verrry) nervous about it.
I miss watching TV. I miss tumblr and YouTube and messaging my friends whenever I want and sending them photos all the time. I miss order and structure and (some level of) routine. I miss using real cutlery (we still haven't found ours lol).
when I was finally starting to get used to the noises in this place, the family above us moved in with their baby that cries all the time very very loudly and most of the time right above my room. so now everything is different again and I'm not adjusting well and once again I can't sleep.
but, I've listened to 14 audiobooks since we moved! that's been nice. it was the same way when we moved the last time (just over a year ago..). my favourite by far was The Thursday Murder Club. I've got the other ones in the series but I'm trying not to listen to them too quickly, so I'm gonna listen to three other books first (one is done already, so I should get there on Monday or Tuesday hopefully).
#long rambly post sorry#I miss talking about the random uninteresting shit that happens in my life on here all the time#I've got data on my phone again now at least so that's good. but the phone signal is still awful indoors so it's not that useful#but anyway.... logically I know I'm doing an okay job with unpacking and everything but it doesn't feel like it#also I'm probably gonna have to try to find at least a part time job pretty soon and I'm really really really scared. terrified.#not just of trying to find something and interviews and all that#but that I won't be able to handle it. physically and mentally. again.#I've only had one full time job (an apprenticeship actually) and I lasted 3 months.#and at my part time job I only lasted a month#like. I can barely get anything done in a day as it is. I have so little energy. everything is so fucking hard and exhausting#I truly don't understand how everyone does it. I don't understand how it's possible.#but if I don't find something we won't have money for food next month sooooo it is sort of kind of important#it sucks so fucking much. I can't stand or walk for long periods of time. can't do too much with my hands. I'm not good at dealing with#people/customers. I panic and can't think when I get nervous (which is most of the time). I can't remember shit.#so like. what job am I supposed to do??? everything hurts all the time already and I'm always tired and I'm barely keeping it together#fuuuuck this#😭#personal
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