#that's about that i'm really sorry i am just scared
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first sorry it took me so long to read this life is hectic and i wanted to really sit down and enjoy it anyways im so excited to read this i love ari and i love apple orchards
âLift your skirt for me, darling,â he implored, his eyes dropping to where your thighs were still spread, the flimsy fabric of your dress barely hiding your core. âShow daddy what you have under your pretty little skirt.â I'm already screaming
You fell back into your seat with a soft âoomph,â the breath rushing from your lungs when you looked into Ariâs eyes. His blue gaze was softer than youâd ever seen it, and there was something in depths of his eyes that you couldnât quite placeâaffection or fondness maybe. is that love I'm sensing maybe
âDo you trust me, darling?â Ari asked, cupping your face and leaning across the carâs console to press his forehead to yours. His thumb stroked gently over your cheek, matching the sweeping of his other thumb against the back of your hand ok this is where i start swooning asking about the trust the whole forehead touching this is whole part is so sweet
he asked softly, planting his other hand on the hood of his car, i cant be the only one who thinks its hot when a guy does this can i (maybe i am) (also couldn't find a gif)
âShould I go back for another basketâor a crate?â Ari asked, a grin in his tone. this part is so fluffy and sweet like ari is just so sweet in this
Good girl,â Ari murmured, taking the apple from your hands and pulling away to set it on top of the pile in your basket im now melting
my god the quickie in the orchid is so hot i think im dead
âYou know youâre special to me, donât you, honey?â he asked, using the new pet name that you knew was shortened from âhoneycrispâ. and we are back to swooning and sweetness
ok so i absolutely loved this it was a perfect mix of sweet and fluff and spice and then they realization that its wasn't ari that was making the boundaries and they reader was just scared to let ari in and how patient he is and there is just so much details in here the way you describe stuff makes me able to really see the story in my head but yeah this was amazing and i love it
sweet as honeycrisp
pairing: sugar daddy!ari levinson x sugar baby!female reader
summary: your sugar daddy takes you on an autumn-themed date to the apple orchard, and what starts off as a fun and flirty day unfolds into a meaningful turning point in your relationship.
warnings: 18+ content (minors dni!!!), established sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship, smut, unprotected sex, semi-public sex, piv sex, outdoor sex, creampie, oral sex (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), finger sucking, biting, brief cockwarming, exhibitionism, light bdsm, dirty talk, daddy kink, praise kink, very light degradation, lots of teasing, pet names (darling, honey), aftercare, happy ending, so much fluff
word count: 14.5k
a/n: whew i've been working on this for like two weeks now, and i'm so happy to finally be able to post it!!! i was struggling a bit with the emotional throughline of this fic, and i only decided on it very late in the editing game so if some things don't make sense, just ignore it!!! if you can believe it, i originally just wanted to write about a quickie in the apple orchard and it turned into this 𫣠anyway, i hope y'all enjoy!!!
âKiss.â
The warm, playful voice of your sugar daddy, Ari Levinson, met your ears as you lowered yourself into the passenger seat of his Lexus, greeting you in the way he always did. When you closed the car door behind you, the sounds of the Manhattan street were silenced, leaving you in the relative quiet with Ari.
Eagerly, you twisted on the sumptuous seat of the expensive car to lean over the center console, brushing a teasing kiss to Ariâs scruffy cheek, your lips grazing the edge of his full beard. His skin was warm and inviting, and you lingered for a moment, breathing in the the familiar scent of Ariâs cologne, smelling of vetiver and leather.Â
When you pulled back, Ariâs blue eyes were glittering with a hint of mischief that made your heart thump with excitement, a warmth blooming in your core despite the cool air of the carâs air conditioning brushing your legs. It was a warm September day, the last remnants of summer clinging in the air as if it protested giving up its seat to autumn.Â
The thought crossed your mind that if any man looked like the embodiment of summer, it was Ari Levinson. His skin was golden with a perpetual tan, and his brown hair had sun-kissed blond highlights that shimmered in the daylight, though they were dimmed a bit in the shadow of his car.Â
Still, as he grinned at you, showing off his pearly whites framed by his dark beard, you couldnât help but feel like the summer sun had taken a liking to you and sat beside you. When he looked at you like that, with that smile and those blue eyes shining like the sun off the ocean waves, you wondered what it would be like to have his attention all the timeâto be more than just the sugar baby he took on occasional dates when he wanted to have fun.
Pushing those bothersome romantic notions aside, you raked your eyes down Ariâs form, noticing that heâd dressed down for your date. He wore a soft denim, long-sleeved button-up over a simple white t-shirt and tailored slacks. Casual loafers and sunglasses perched on top of his head completed the look. Even in such a simple outfit, he looked good.Â
âShow me.âÂ
His voice was a deep rumble that pulsed between your thighs, and you flicked your gaze back up to his face, finding heat in his expression, the same mischievousness in his eyes thatâd been there since you got in the car. The corner of Ariâs mouth was curved in a smirk, and you felt another throb of warmth in your core.
Your lips curled at the edges, a wicked smile curving your mouth as the energy in the car crackled around you, spurring your heart to beat a little faster. You knew exactly what Ari wanted you to show him, and you knew it was naughtyâbut that was part of why you liked spending time with your sugar daddy.Â
Ari was always urging you to be a little daring, to do something that made your heart race and your breath come a little faster. He didnât push you, so much as guide you down the path to depravity, and you followed him willingly. You never felt more alive than when you were with Ari.
So while you smiled at him, you spread your legs on the leather seat of his Lexus, the short skirt of your dress falling between your parting thighs. Ariâs smirk deepened with satisfaction as he watched your movements with rapt attention. Your fingers toyed with the edge of your dress, the fabric having ridden up quite high on your thighs.Â
But before you could reveal what was beneath your skirt, you looked away from Ari, and it crashed over you that you sat in a car in the middle of a busy Manhattan street surrounded by other people. There were folks driving in their cars just outside your window and others walking by on the sidewalk beside where Ari was parked. There were even people filling up the buildings that overlooked the street. They were everywhere around you.
âDarling, look at me,â Ari murmured, his tone entreating enough to call your attention back to him.Â
You noticed his sparkling eyes had lost some of their mischief when you looked back at him. But the steadiness of his gaze had you relaxing when you hadnât even realized youâd tensed up, and the corners of your mouth flickered in an uncertain smile.
âDo you trust me?â Ari asked simply. His face was open, no hint of pressure in his tone or voice.Â
For a brief moment, you considered his question, then you nodded your head. You watched as warmth flooded into his gaze, and it made you feel a little more sure.Â
âLift your skirt for me, darling,â he implored, his eyes dropping to where your thighs were still spread, the flimsy fabric of your dress barely hiding your core. âShow daddy what you have under your pretty little skirt.â
You gathered every ounce of braveness in your body and pulled up the hem of your skirt. There, nestled between your spread thighs, was your bare pussy. The air in the car seemed to heat by a few degrees when you heard Ari suck in a sharp breath.
It had been Ariâs idea for you to go without panties on your date, and youâd agreed, the idea sending excited thrills through your body. Walking through the halls and the lobby of the Manhattan high-rise you called home, youâd felt like you had a secret that only Ari knew, and it gave you a delicious kind of satisfaction showing your sugar daddy how youâd gone without panties, your pussy fully exposed beneath your dress.
âYou have such a pretty cunt, darling,â Ari groaned, his hand sliding up your thigh until the tips of his fingers teased the top of your slit.Â
You bit back a gasp and squirmed in your seat, trying to hold your hips back from thrusting into his touch.Â
âI never get tired of seeing this pussy, and how wet she gets for me.âÂ
His fingers spread your lower lips and he brushed ever so gently over the tip of your clit, making you twitch in your seat, your legs shaking with the effort it took not to close them on his hand and trap him against your heated core.
âAnd the way your thighs tremble for me,â Ari rumbled, pulling away from your quickly dampening slit to grope roughly at your plush softness, his grip possessive in a way your sugar daddy rarely was.Â
âAri.â His name was a breathy exhale, an undercurrent of admonishment in your tone as his touches stoked the blazing fire in your core, making you squirm even more on the seat. A sliver of worry wormed into your mind as you remembered the leather you sat on, which would surely stain if he kept touching you, and you gasped, âThe seat.â
Ari only chuckled, the sound cavalier in a way that made butterflies take flight in your belly, but before you could chide him again, his hand was slipping back between your thighs. Ari dragged a finger from the bottom of your slit all the way to the top, flicking your clit and wringing a moan from your lips as your thighs trembled on the seat.
Then he was pulling his hand away, leaving you to drop your skirt to cover yourself, and popping his finger into his mouth. Your sugar daddy made a show of savoring the taste of you, and your head fell back against the headrest. You watched him suck your taste from his skin, your breaths heavy in your chest while Ariâs eyes sparkled with mischief.Â
âMm, sweet as apple pie,â he praised, making heat rush to your face while you shook your head and rolled your eyesâeven as your chest warmed at the compliment. Ari was grinning shamelessly at you when he grabbed your face gently and pulled you gently across the car toward him. âCâmere, darling, see how sweet you taste,â he murmured against your lips before kissing you.
The musky flavor of your body made you moan into Ariâs mouth, your sugar daddy devouring every little noise you made while he kissed you thoroughly. You sank into him, reveling in the smooth glide of his lips and the possessive exploration of his tongue. Your fingers curled around the collar of his denim shirt and you clung to him, feeling the edge of something more in the way he kissed you. It left you breathless when you finally pulled away.
You fell back into your seat with a soft âoomph,â the breath rushing from your lungs when you looked into Ariâs eyes. His blue gaze was softer than youâd ever seen it, and there was something in depths of his eyes that you couldnât quite placeâaffection or fondness maybe.Â
A small, uncertain smile curled your lips, your heart thumping in your chest as you wondered if thatâs how Ari looked at someone he truly cared about. Someone special to him, who had a more permanent place in his life than the sugar baby he called when he wanted to have some no-strings-attached fun.Â
For the briefest of moments, you could pretend Ari was more than your sugar daddy, and you were more than his sugar baby.Â
But then the moment ended, and Ari cleared his throat as he looked away, focusing on the wheel and gear shift of his car to put it in drive. A silent sigh of disappointment gusted from you, and you turned toward the passenger side window, intent on watching the city fly by once Ari eased into traffic.
To your surprise, Ariâs hand slipped into one of yours, his palm pressing against yours while he laced your fingers together. Your breath hitched with uncertainty even as the corners of your mouth flickered in a smile. It took you a moment to get used to the feeling of his hand in yours, turning it over to trace the veins on the back gently while he maneuvered his Lexus through the Manhattan streets.
It had only been a few months since youâd started seeing Ari, and while his touches were often greedy when you were fooling around, he hadnât been prone to physical displays of affection since the first few dates you went on with him. Back then, heâd reached for your hand a few times, but after a point heâd stopped.
Truthfully, it had been a relief. One of your greatest fears was falling for a sugar daddy who didnât return your feelings, and considering how handsome Ari was, youâd known it was a serious risk getting into a relationship with him. But heâd been so charming and carefree, you didnât think it would be a problem to keep your heart out of things. He didnât seem like he was looking for anything serious anyway.
So youâd focused on having fun, and that had been easy. Ari took you to expensive restaurants with delicious food in New York City, or heâd fly you somewhere else if he was itching to get away for a little bit. During meals, youâd chat about trivial things, then fall into bed together as soon as you were back in whatever hotel room Ari had booked for the night.Â
You didnât quite know why your conversations didnât go deeper than the shallow things you talked about, but you didnât question it. It made everything so much easier if you didnât truly know Ariâif he didnât know you either. So you just stuck to safe topics, like planning dates and having sex.Â
Your relationship with Ari was a nice change of pace for you. He was far from your first sugar daddy, and youâd learned some hard lessons in your past relationships. Too often, sugar daddies wanted to know things you werenât comfortable sharing, but Ari had never pried. Heâd set boundaries and didnât push them. You were grateful for that.
But another part of you, a part that started off small and was growing with every date you went on with Ari, yearned to know more about your sugar daddy. You wanted to know what he liked to do when he wasnât working or taking you on dates. You wanted to know if he had any family, if he celebrated the holidays with them. You wanted to know if heâd ever had his heart broken.Â
Tamping down on those curious thoughts, you focused on the presentâthe music that was playing gently in the car, and the scenery passing by your window. The skyscrapers and high-rises of Manhattan had given way to the tightly-packed homes of the suburbs.Â
Biting your tongue against all the questions you wanted to ask, not even sure how youâd begin to try to get to know your sugar daddy betterâlet alone whether it was a good ideaâyou sat in silence with Ari. The suburbs eventually gave way to the lush forests and hilly countryside of the Hudson Valley, giving you something prettier to look at.
It was too early in September for the leaves to be changing yet, but there were glimpses of golden yellows and warm oranges among the green foliage. A hint of what was to come. Autumn was inevitable and you found comfort in the changing seasons.Â
Cozy weather was right around the corner, and you couldnât wait for it. Hot apple cider and pumpkin pie, butterscotch cookies and mulled wineâyou were a glutton for all the food and beverages associated with the autumn months. And you liked to make them yourself from scratch whenever possible.Â
It was part of the reason youâd wanted Ari to take you apple picking, though he didnât know that. Heâd just accepted the request and planned the date.Â
After a little while more of driving, Ari pulled off the paved road and onto a dirt track. There was a sign for Brothersâ Apple Orchard fixed to a worn, wooden fence, though dense trees hid the farm from view.Â
A little ways down the dirt road, the trees opened up into a large parking lot that was already packed with families and groups of friends going apple picking on the warm September afternoon. The sight and sounds of all the people had nerves twisting in your stomach, and you wondered if it had been a smart idea to go without panties to a place that was meant for wholesome fun.
Youâd long since learned that Ari had an exhibitionist streak, and that day wasnât the first time heâd told you to show up to one of your dates without panties. Youâd always enjoyed the excitement in the inherent risk of wearing a dress without anything underneath, but heâd never taken you somewhere with so many families before. The consequences of getting caught seemed so much worse than they ever had before.
Ari mustâve felt your fingers tense in his because he gave you a comforting squeeze as he pulled his Lexus into an empty space and put the car in park. Once done, he looked to you, his smile faltering when he took in the way your brows were pinched and the corners of your mouth were turned down in an uncertain frown.
âDo you trust me, darling?â Ari asked, cupping your face and leaning across the carâs console to press his forehead to yours. His thumb stroked gently over your cheek, matching the sweeping of his other thumb against the back of your hand.Â
You were quiet for a moment, nibbling on your lower lip as you thought about his questionâreally thought about it.
It weighed on you a little that you didnât know Ari very well, especially since a part of you desperately wanted to, but that didnât mean you didnât know his character. Ari had never pushed you to do something you didnât want to do, and he always checked in with you when you were together, making sure you were comfortable and having fun. So while you didnât know his favorite color, you did trust him.Â
Exhaling slowly, you nodded, your forehead shifting against Ariâs. âI trust you, Ari,â you said, your voice little more than a whisper, like you were telling him a secret in the privacy afforded by the enclosed space of his car.Â
To your surprise, Ari sighed in relief at your words, the exhale so short and quiet, you wondered if youâd heard correctly. But you didnât have time to analyze it because Ari was pressing a quick kiss to your lips and then pulling back to open his door and step out into the September sunshine.
You watched as Ari rounded the front of the Lexus, a charming grin on his face as he winked at you over the hood of his car. It was only because you were alone that you allowed yourself a silly little giggle, your mouth spreading across your face in a wide smile. He opened your door and offered you a hand to help you out.
âCareful, darling, wouldnât want to give anyone a free show,â Ari murmured teasingly while you slid your hand into his, feeling the roughness of his palm against the pads of your fingertips.Â
A zing of thrill went straight to your core at his words, joining the sparks you felt when you touched him. The fingers of your other hand played with the hem of your dress as you stepped one foot out of the car. You darted a look around, finding you had some relative privacy between Ariâs Lexus and the next car over, and pretended to rearrange your skirt.Â
In reality, you flashed your bare slit for your sugar daddy, biting your lip and ducking your head when you heard his sharp inhale. Ari made a low, tortured sound and squeezed your fingers, practically pulling you out of the car before pinning you against the side.
âNaughty girl,â Ari growled in your ear, pressing his big body against yours so you were trapped between his hard muscles and the warm metal of the Lexus at your back. âYouâre going to get us in trouble if you keep flashing that pretty pussy at me, darling.âÂ
A breathless, disbelieving laugh gusted past your lips before you could stop it, even as your head went a little fuzzy from the familiar scent of Ariâs cologne filling your senses. It felt like the vetiver and leather on his skin was embedded in your mind as a reminder of all the pleasure heâd given you, and with his body pressed against yours, it took you a moment to respond.
âYouâre the one who told me not to wear panties to our apple picking date, daddy,â you reminded him, gripping the soft cotton of Ariâs t-shirt beneath his denim shirt, your fingers brushing against the sides of his tapered waist. You pushed yourself up onto your tiptoes to whisper in his ear, brushing your body against his firm form enticingly while your lips grazed along his scruffy cheek. âMaybe you shouldnât have done that if you didnât want me to show you my achy, needy cunt.â
A low growl rumbled in Ariâs chest and he pressed you harder against the side of his car, his body impossibly warm and hard through the thin fabric of your dress. You could feel every firm line of him against your soft curves, including the thick bulge digging into your stomach.Â
Then, as if that wasnât bad enough, Ariâs hands skimmed down your sides and dove beneath the hem of your skirt, palming your ass and kneading your soft flesh with firm, possessive fingers.
âDarling, if you keep saying such filthy things, youâre gonna end up in the back of my car with my cock buried in your achy, needy cunt,â he purred, a threat in his tone that he punctuated by nipping at your ear, making you gasp and arch into him, pressing your tits against his solid chest. âYouâre gonna get us banned from the orchard because you wonât be able to stop screaming while I pound your pussyâis that what you want?â
It was on the tip of your tongue to say yes.Â
In the short time since youâd stepped out of the car, Ari had you feeling wet and aching and empty. Warmth flooded your body that had nothing to do with the sun shining brightly above your heads, and you wanted badly for Ari to free his cock from his slacks and slide it inside you.
But then the shrieking laughter of children punctured the bubble of lust surrounding you, and you remembered exactly where you were. Shaking your head, you dropped your gaze to the edge of Ariâs jaw while you sucked in a deep breath, focusing on the fresh air beyond the scent of your sugar daddyâs cologne.Â
Ariâs big body eased back, giving you more room to breathe and you ignored the pang of disappointment at the loss of him. Instead, you let the crisp autumn breeze brushing against your cheeks and dancing between your thighs cool you down.Â
After giving you a moment, Ari curled a finger beneath your chin and tipped your face up to look at him. His brows were lowered and his eyes looked at you questioningly.
âDo you still want to go apple picking?â he asked softly, planting his other hand on the hood of his car, as if he needed to force himself not to touch you so you could answer his question. The thought made you smile, and his eyes dropped to your lips, his thumb brushing quickly over the bottom one.Â
âI do,â you said in a light, breathless voice, a smile teasing around the edges of your mouth. On a whim, you nipped at Ariâs thumb, giving him a smirk when his eyes darkened. âIf you think you can keep it in your pants until later, daddy,â you taunted him, pushing your hips forward so his bulge pressed into your belly.
âYouâre such fucking trouble,â Ari growled before his mouth captured yours in a searing kiss. One of his hands grabbed your waist, pulling you into him while the other cradled your head gently, holding you exactly where he wanted you while he devoured your mouth, his tongue sweeping possessively past your lips until you were moaning softly into him.
A loud, clearing throat had you finally breaking apart. Both you and Ari turned your heads toward the sound, finding a blonde woman raising an eyebrow at the two of you before cutting her eyes pointedly to the children beside her. Your cheeks heated and you buried your face in Ariâs neck to muffle a cackling laugh.Â
âApologies, maâam,â Ari called gruffly, raising a hand in a repentant wave.Â
The woman huffed and rolled her eyes, which only made you laugh harder, pressing your face deeper into the warm curve of Ariâs shoulder as you tried to stay quiet. When the woman and her family were finally gone, you leaned back, giving Ari a cheeky grin.Â
âThink sheâs gonna complain about us and get us banned?â you asked teasingly, sliding your hands up Ariâs chest until they rested on his shoulders, trying not to think about how easy it was to touch your sugar daddy so casually. âTell them we were acting indecently in the parking lot?â
Ari laughed, chucking you under your chin gently before ducking down for a quick kiss. âIf she does, Iâll just buy the farm,â Ari murmured against your mouth. âThey canât ban us if I own them.â
Your breath caught in your lungs at Ariâs pronouncement, surprise making your heart leap in your chest. Your sugar daddy had bought you plenty of expensive gifts since youâd started seeing him, but buying a farm so you could go apple picking in peace was on another level entirely. You had to wonder if Ari was serious, but the look in his eye was genuine when he pulled back.Â
âDonât give me that look, darling,â he rumbled, his heated gaze raking over your face, taking in your wide eyes and parted lips. His thumb stroked over your bottom lip, pulling on it ever so slightly to the side, sending a little thrill through your body. âOr we arenât making it into the orchard.â
You closed your mouth, swallowing thickly and bobbed your head in a nod. Then, you slid away from Ari, slipping from between his big body and the car and taking a deep, steadying breath.
Even with the warm September sun shining down on your shoulders, you felt a little cold without Ariâs heat and shivered. But you told yourself you were being ridiculous, shaking off the shiver and turning back to your sugar daddy.
Ari was standing with both hands planted on the hood of the car, his head hanging between them while he took deep breaths. He mustâve felt your attention on him because he lifted his head and gave you a charming smile.Â
âJust gimme a sec, darling,â he said, shooting you a wink before he straightened and dropped his hands to the bulge in his slacks.Â
You tried not to ogle your sugar daddy as he adjusted himself to make his hard length less prominent in his pants, but you knew what was hiding beneath his clothes and you knew how good his cock felt sliding inside you.
A sizzling, delicious warmth cascaded through your body, and you let yourself watch Ariâs big hands adjusting his bulge for a moment before tearing your eyes away and taking deep breaths of the fresh air to clear your head as much as possible.
A moment later, Ari slung his arm around your shoulders and together the two of you walked toward the entrance to the orchard.
It took effort, but you managed not to look down at the front of his pants, sure that if you did, neither of you would make it any further. And you did want to go apple picking. You had so many things you wanted to bake with the apples you were going to pick.Â
Keeping your chin up and your gaze forward, you and Ari walked to the small, squat red building that served as the entryway to the orchard. One side was for folks heading into the field of apple trees, and you joined the line while scrutinizing the size of baskets and crates you could get for picking.Â
Ari let you choose the size, and you picked a decent size wooden basket, thinking that would give you plenty of apples to use for baking. A farm worker explained that your apples would be weighed when you were done, and you paid per pound. Then they handed Ari a map that specified where each apple variety could be found, and the two of you were set free into the orchard.Â
âWhat kind of apples are we picking today?â Ari asked, peering at the paper in his hand while he snagged the basket from you.Â
You leaned into his side so you could read the map, and pointed when you found what you wanted. âHoneycrisp, honeycrisp!â you chanted, letting your excitement overtake you.Â
Ari chuckled, folding the map and tucking it into his pocket before giving you one of his charming grins. âHoneycrisp it is, honeycrisp,â he teased, smoothing his hand down your arm to lace his fingers with yours before he began walking into the orchard.
A shiver of delight raced down your spine at Ariâs gentle, familiar touch and the sweet new nickname. Heâd only ever called you âdarlingâ before, and while you liked the pet name, âhoneycrispâ made you feel closer to your sugar daddy because it was meant for only you. It was something people in a real romantic relationship did, wasnât it?
Your feet stumbled a little before you fell into step beside Ari. Out of the corner of your eye, you looked up at him consideringly, wonderingânot for the first timeâwhat he thought of you. If he thought you were someone worth caring aboutâif he thought of you at all when you werenât together.Â
Your sugar daddy flashed an easy smile at you, and you couldnât help but return the gesture, even as you thought about how difficult he was to read. He was always charming and easygoing, and it made it hard to figure out what he was really thinking, let alone what he was really feeling.
You did your best to push those pondering thoughts from your mind and simply enjoy the walk through the orchard with Ari. You reminded yourself that heâd made it clear he just wanted to have fun with you, so thatâs what you were determined to do: Enjoy the warm day and pick some apples with your handsome sugar daddy.
The honeycrisp section of the orchard ended up being quite busy, with families and groups of friends forming small crowds around all the trees closest to the entrance of the field. You paused for a moment, your face falling in a small frown.
Ari mustâve seen your expression because he tugged on your hand and led you past the crowds, strolling down a long row of apple trees to go deeper into the orchard. The excited chatter of other people faded until you could barely hear them and the farm grew peaceful. Finally, you came to the edge of the orchard, and Ari pulled you to a stop at the end of a row of honeycrisp trees.Â
âWow, thatâs a lot of apples,â you said, peering up at the trees around you. They were bigger and taller than the ones youâd passed that were being picked over by the crowds. Their branches were practically bursting with ripe, red apples, the color swirling with yellow and green as it often did with that particular variety.Â
It seemed no one else had thought to escape the crowds and venture deeper into the orchard, because you couldnât hear anyone else around. It was just you, your sugar daddy and the apple trees.Â
It was so perfect you couldnât stifle the beaming grin that spread across your face.
âShould I go back for another basketâor a crate?â Ari asked, a grin in his tone.Â
When you finally tore your eyes away from the trees and their bounty, you found him staring at you, something like fondness in his gaze. It struck you that Ari had no idea why you wanted applesâyouâd never told him you liked to bake or what you planned to do with the ones you pickedâbut heâd planned the date and was offering to help you pick as many apples as you wanted.Â
A warmth started in your chest, feeling as though it were wrapping around your heart and filling you up with a dizzying amount of sunshine, until your ribs were nearly bursting with it. Your cheeks felt warm, and your face ached a little from how wide you were smiling.Â
When you realized that you were staring back at Ari with just as much, if not more, affection than was in his gaze, you tried to tamp it down, forcing yourself to scoff lightly at his question.Â
âI think one will be plenty,â you said dryly, turning back to the trees and trying to calculate how many apples would fit into the basket Ari carried. Would it be enough for the apple crisp cheesecake recipe youâd been dying to try? You decided it would have to be.Â
âWhatâs going on in that pretty head of yours, honeycrisp?â Ari asked softly, curling a finger beneath your chin and tipping your face to look up at him. He eased your bodies toward each other and your arms wrapped naturally around his waist.Â
It wasnât until youâd pressed your hands to Ariâs back, your hands settling against the solid muscle of him, that you even realized what you were doing. When you did, you froze, feeling a little spooked by how easy it was becoming to sink into Ariâs casual touches and return them. It felt like there was a growing intimacy between the two of you, and you didnât know quite yet how you felt about it.Â
âHoneycrisp?â you asked, latching on to the one thing you could think to say that would delay you needing to answer Ariâs question.Â
Heâd never asked you what you were thinking before. When he checked in with you, his questions were always more direct, and more specific about what you were doing. You didnât know if he really wanted to know, so you hoped a distraction might work.
Ariâs grin turned a little mischievous, like he knew what you were doing, and he wrapped his arms around you, hauling you up against his large, firm body. He ducked his head and nudged your nose with his, tickling your cheek with his beard until you laughed softly into his scruff.
âIt fits, doesnât it?â he asked in a low, rumbly voice that sent warmth dancing through your body. âYouâre sweet as honey and as delicious as an apple crisp.â He kissed your lower lip, sucking on its plumpness with a slow, deliberate drag that had you nearly moaning into his mouth.
âYeah, I like it,â you murmured when he released your lip, your voice obscenely breathy as your eyes fluttered open. You couldnât remember closing them. Being so close to Ari, having his arms around you and his lips on you, was rattling your brain a little.
âNow, darling honeycrisp, tell daddy what had you thinking so hard about those apples,â Ari rumbled, his voice sweetly coaxing as he brushed butterfly kisses along your jaw. His lips were soft and his beard was coarse, and the contrast of the sensations had you sighing softly and melting further into his arms. âUnless you donât want to tell me?â
There was a thread of uncertainty in Ariâs tone as he voiced the question, like he wasnât sure if he was pushing too hard by asking you to tell him what youâd been thinking about.Â
It was so different to how other sugar daddiesâother men in generalâhad treated you. Theyâd always demanded you tell them whatever they wanted to know, as if they had a right to every part of you.Â
But Ari wasnât like that. Heâd never been like that, and it didnât surprise you that the first time he asked something even remotely personal, he was still giving you the opportunity to sidestep the question if you didnât want to answer. It made you want to tell him all the more.
âI was thinking about what I want to bake with the apples we pick,â you answered, a smile teasing around the edges of your mouth. âAnd trying to make sure one basket would be enough.â
Ari brushed a kiss to the apple of your cheek, as if thanking you for telling him. Pulling back a bit so he could look at you, he tilted his head to the side in curiosity.
âYou like to bake?â
You felt a little shy in the moment, ducking your head under the weight of his sparkling blue eyes, and nodded. âYeah,â you said shrugging as if it was no big deal. Then, when Ari didnât reply right away, you went on, filling the silence by answering a question he hadnât asked. âI donât usually tell sugar daddiesâthe one time I did, he got weird.â
Biting your lip to stem the flow of words from your mouth, you winced. You werenât sure if Ari had known youâd had other sugar daddies before him, but it felt awkward to acknowledge the fact even if you werenât ashamed of it. Besides, something inside you rebelled against the idea of lumping Ari in with all your other sugar daddiesâhe truly wasnât like anyone else youâd been with.Â
âWeird how?â Ari asked in a tone gentler than any youâd heard him use before. One of his hands cupped the back of your neck, but he didnât try to make you look at him, just stroked your skin with his thumb. The gesture was so profoundly comforting that you lay your head on his shoulder and gave a sigh of relief.Â
âOnce he knew I liked to bake, he expected me to bake for him,â you explained slowly, choosing your words carefully. âBut not just bakeâhe bought me an apron and skimpy little dresses to wear underneath it with these ridiculous heels. He wanted me to bake for him andâŚservice him.âÂ
You pressed your face into Ariâs shoulder, remembering the experience and cringing over what youâd let that man talk you into. He was a major reason you appreciated Ariâs boundaries so much. You felt safer, like things couldnât spiral out of your control, with the boundaries your sugar daddy had set in place.
After youâd answered his question, Ari stayed quiet, just holding you, his thumb stroking soothingly over the back of your neck. His big arms felt so steady around you that you couldnât help but take comfort in them, and you went on, feeling safe enough to tell Ari the rest.
âHe took all the joy out of baking,â you said in a small voice. âI stopped seeing him soon after, but he wasnât happy about it.â
Ari exhaled a sharp breath and he squeezed you in his arms, holding you tight for a long moment before he eased up a little.Â
âThank you for telling me,â he murmured, brushing a kiss to your forehead. âI would love to try your baking, but only if you wantâhell, you can come over today and use my kitchen and bake in one of my shirts if you want.â
A relieved laugh gusted out of you, and you were so glad Ari understood that it took you a moment to realize heâd invited you to his apartment.Â
Youâd never seen where he livedâand even though he paid for it, heâd never been inside your apartment either. Ari had always gotten hotel rooms, even for dates in in the city.Â
You hadnât thought much about it beyond appreciating the fact that Ari didnât act entitled to be in your space because he paid for it. But now he was inviting you to his apartment, his space, and you didnât know what to make of it.
Pulling back, you gave him a curious look.Â
âAre you sure?â
Ari leveled you with a look of his own, and though his gaze was serious, there was a hint of amusement in the curve of his mouth. âAre you sure?â he countered, his voice going low and rumbly as he went on. âIf you start baking in my kitchen wearing only my shirt, thereâs a very good chance Iâll eat more of you than whatever you make.â He raised his eyebrows, as if to drive home the lewd insinuation of his statement.Â
But despite his dirty warningâor perhaps because of itâyou only warmed to the idea of baking in Ariâs apartment. It sounded fun in a way it hadnât been with your past sugar daddy and you bounced on the balls of your feet as excitement flooded through you.Â
âDonât threaten me with a good time, daddy,â you sassed, shifting your arms to wind around Ariâs neck. You used your hold on him to keep your balance as you pushed up onto your tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his scruffy cheek. âI already know what I want to make.â
Ari chuckled, giving you a quick kiss before pulling out his phone and telling you to pull up the recipe so that he could forward it to his assistant to make sure his apartment had everything youâd need. You did as he asked and handed his phone back to him, watching for his reaction to the recipe youâd chosen.
To your delight, Ari groaned like he was being tortured, his thumb flicking over the screen as he scrolled through the recipe to look at all the pictures.
âYouâre gonna make this?â he asked, before reading out the title, âAn Apple crisp cheesecake?â He made another agonized sound before looking to you for confirmation.
You couldnât help but laugh at his reaction, knowing he was excited despite the miserable noises he was making, and nodded eagerly to answer his question.
Ari shook his head with a disbelieving look on his face and tapped out a message on his phone before pocketing it again. Then he grabbed you around the waist and hauled you against him again.
âYouâre trouble for my pants, honeycrisp,â he muttered, dropping a too-brief kiss to your lips. âFirst you make me hard enough I feel like Iâm gonna pop my zipper.â He trailed kisses along your jaw and down your neck in between his words, his mouth and beard tickling your skin while you melted into his arms. âNext youâre gonna fill me up with apple crisp cheesecake until my button breaks.âÂ
You made a sound that was half-laugh, half-moan as you tipped your head to the side, giving him more access to nip and lick at your neck while you clung to his shoulders, your knees going weak from your sugar daddyâs attention.Â
âYou donât need to eat that much cheesecake, Ari,â you wheezed in between bouts of laughter, giggling harder when he nipped playfully at your ear.
âIf itâs as delicious as you, I donât know how Iâll be able to stop myself,â he flirted, kissing the spot just beneath your ear that had you shivering in his arms.Â
âAri,â you said his name on a breathy exhale, and it was a good thing his lips captured yours in a searing kiss, because you didnât have any hope of responding to his compliment. Instead, you showed him how much you appreciated it by kissing him back hard, your fingers tangling in his soft brown hair as you clung to your sugar daddy and made out in the apple orchard.
By the time Ari pulled away to let you get some air, you were breathless and happier than youâd been in a long time. To your own surprise, you felt good about opening up to Ari and telling him about your past bad experience. Heâd made you feel heard and cared for, all while giving you reason to believe heâd never do anything like that to you. He made you feel safe in a way you hadnât with any of your other sugar daddies.Â
Because of all that, you were actually excited to finally see his apartment. It felt like an important step, the beginning of something new, perhaps something deeper, and though there was an undercurrent of anxiety in your belly, you were more excited than anything else.Â
And if you werenât mistaken, Ari looked excited, too. His eyes were looking at you with affection in their depths, and his mouth was curved into a genuine smile.Â
As he grinned down at you, Ari let his hands slide down from your lower back to your ass, groping you through your dress before swatting the soft cheeks lightly.Â
âAlright, honeycrisp, these apples wonât pick themselves,â he teased good-naturedly. âAnd Iâve got a craving for some apple crisp cheesecake now.â He waggled his eyebrows at you, making you laugh.
But you forced a serious expression onto your face and gave him a mocking salute. âYes, sir,â you said in a deeper voice, trying to tamp down on the smile that wanted to break free.
You lost the battle when Ari gave a loud laugh, his head tipping back and the sun shining down on his golden face while he gave into your silliness. He recovered quickly, though, looking back down at you fondly as he rumbled, âThatâs âyes, daddyâ, to you, honeycrisp.â Then he slapped your ass a little harder to urge you to get a move on before he finally, reluctantly, pulled away and turned in the direction of the apple trees.
To ease some of the disappointment you both felt, Ari gave you a salacious wink that had your cheeks warming again. You couldnât even blame the September sun on the heat in your face. Your sugar daddy was just so hot, it was hardly even fair.
To distract yourself from wanting to curl up in Ariâs arms and say to hell with apple picking, you snatched up the basket heâd dropped, arching your back and popping your ass to give him a peek at your pussy, then straightened and skipped to the nearest apple tree to start picking.Â
When you chanced a glance over your shoulder, you saw Ariâs eyes were heated and staring at the way your skirt fluttered around your ass, his big hand palming his bulge in his pants. You wiggled your ass for him, turning back around to hide your laughter when his long-suffering groan met your ears.Â
But you couldnât keep your eyes off Ari and you turned your head to watch him out of the corner of your eye, catching him swiping a hand down over his face while he shook his head. Something about the gesture sent your heart pitter-pattering in your chestâwhich only got worse when Ari caught you looking and winked while he adjusted himself in his pants.
You felt giddy as you refocused on the tree in front of you, your breaths coming in soft little gasps as excitement and desire swirled in your core. It took you a long moment to gather your thoughts and remind yourself that you could not jump your sugar daddy in the middle of an apple orchard that was open to the publicâno matter how much you desperately wanted to.Â
With slightly shaking fingers, you began to pick apples, doing your best to pay attention to what you were doing and make sure you were selecting the best fruit you could find. If Ari was going to try your baking for the first time, you wanted your apple crisp cheesecake to be the best that it could possibly be.Â
Ari came to stand beside you, and though you wanted him to put his hands on you, you were happy to see him dedicate himself to the task of picking apples, even reaching up to the branches that were too high for you. In turn, you showed Ari how to check for bruises and other unwanted things in the fruit before adding them to the basket at your feet.
Between the two of you picking apples, it wasnât long before the basket was nearly overflowing, but you were having so much fun, you didnât want it to end. So when Ari asked if you still needed more, you gave him a shy smile and said just a few. You didnât want him to go get another basketâbecause, really, you didnât need that many applesâbut you didnât want the apple picking part of your date to end just yet.
Your sugar daddy seemed to understand your desire to linger because he didnât call you out on the fact that your basket could barely hold any more apples. Instead, he flashed you an indulgent grin and nodded, joining you under the apple tree where youâd been picking.Â
But rather than moving beside you, as heâd stood while youâd worked together, he came up behind you so that his chest was brushing against your back. His hands settled lightly on your waist, loosely caging you in beneath the apple tree with your body facing the trunk.Â
He ducked down so his scruffy, bearded cheek was pressed to yours and pointed to a cluster of apples just out of your reach. âWhy donât you grab one of those?â he suggested, the practiced innocence in his tone nearly making you snort with laughter.Â
You knew Ari was playing a game, you could feel it in the mischievous tension crackling in the air, and you were almost certain it would lead to some sort of naughtiness in the orchard. But your body was wound tight, and you wanted to get up to a little mischief with your sugar daddy, so you decided to play along.Â
âI canât reach, daddy,â you simpered, proving your point by reaching your hand up to show that the apples were too high up, your fingertips only barely grazing the fruit. You used the movement to deliberately push your ass back into Ariâs lap and you had to smother a giggle when you felt the hard ridge of him in his pants.
âLet me help, honeycrisp,â Ari rumbled, and though you couldnât see his grin, you knew it was there by the warmth in his voice. You bit your lip against your own wide smile.
Ariâs hand slid down your side, all the way to the back of your thigh, before he gently grabbed your leg behind your knee to lift it until your foot was planted on a low branch. Then he guided your hips deeper into his lap, where you could feel the long, stiff length of his cock wedging between your ass cheeks through your thin dress.
âCâmon, honeycrisp, reach a little bit more,â he urged, tilting your hips and bending his knees so that his hard bulge was pressed against your bare slit. Then he surged forward, lifting you just a little off the ground while he dragged the thick length of his cock against your weeping pussy.Â
You fell helplessly against the trunk of the tree, the apples forgotten as a low moan slipped past your lips. Ari teased you with his clothed cock, and your spine arched to bare more of yourself to his hard bulge. Craning your neck to catch Ariâs eye over your shoulder, you gave him a desperate, pleading look.Â
âDaddy, please,â you begged on a whine, pushing back into his lap and wiggling your ass side to side to try to entice him into giving you something more. Youâd been teasing each other all day, and you were hitting a breaking point. You needed him to give you something.
Ari chuckled, burying his face in the side of your neck, his deep laughter rolling deliciously down your spine and settling between your thighs, until you were pulsing with desire. He curled around your body until he was surrounding you, your smaller form fitting perfectly within the cage of his arms.Â
He reached above you and easily plucked the apple heâd directed you to pick from the spot you hadnât been able to reach and presented it to you. At the same time, his other hand began to wander, groping your soft tits until you moaned prettily again for him.Â
âDoes it pass your inspection, darling?â he asked, urging you to focus on the apple he held in front of you.Â
Truthfully, you didnât care anymore about picking applesâyou had plenty of them in the basket at your feetâbut you did your best to look it over. You turned it over in your trembling fingers, checking for bruises and bugs. Finding it to be perfect, you nodded.Â
âYes, daddy.â
âGood girl,â Ari murmured, taking the apple from your hands and pulling away to set it on top of the pile in your basket.Â
You had to bite back a whine at the loss of him, but he was back against you a moment later, his warmth surrounding you as his arms curled around your body. His hands slid up your sides and cupped your tits, kneading them in his big, strong hands until your head fell back against his shoulder and you let out a soft whimper of need.
âNow is that enough apples, honeycrisp?â he asked, a hint of teasing in his tone.
âYuh huh,â you mumbled, nodding weakly as you arched your spine and pushed your chest into Ariâs hands. He rewarded you by pinching and plucking your nipples through the soft cotton of your dress, wringing a weak whine from your lips. âPlenty.âÂ
âGood,â Ari rumbled, pressing his face into the side of your neck, his mouth licking and nipping at your skin like you tasted as sweet as the fruit youâd been picking, his rough beard making you shiver in his hold. âBecause if I had to see your pretty pussy winking at me from beneath your skirt one more time while you were bending over or reaching for some apples, it was going to drive me fucking wild.â
A low moan slipped free from your lips while one of Ariâs hands skimmed down your front, sliding under the hem of your dress and cupping you between your thighs. His big hand covered your entire mound, which was sticky with your juices.Â
He growled when he felt just how wet you were, the sound reverberating down your spine and making your pussy spasm, more wetness dripping from your slit and into his palm.
âFuck,â Ari ground out through gritted teeth, his voice rough with his own barely leashed desire. âYouâre soaking wet for me, honeycrispâI gotta feel you,â he said, an urgency in his voice as he sank two fingers into your drenched hole, pulling another moan from you. His hips were grinding his bulge against your ass so hard, you could feel him throbbing. âGotta feel this tight warm cunt on my cock, âm not gonna make it back to the carâneed you now.â
âAri,â you whispered harshly, trying to sound angry, but the two syllables of his name came out dipped in desire and you felt your sugar daddy shudder against your back, his fingers working harder inside your sopping cunt, his palm making soft slapping sounds every time he bottomed out. âWe shouldnât.âÂ
Despite your weak protest, you rolled your head to the side on Ariâs shoulder, peering through the branches of the tree toward where youâd left the crowds of other apple pickers. They were still so distant you couldnât hear them over your soft, gasping breaths, but there was no telling when someone might stray from the others. They could stumble upon you at any moment.Â
The only protection you had from wandering eyes were the branches of the apple tree. Thankfully, they were close enough and the leaves dense enough that you couldnât see much beyond Ariâs big body, but if someone came close enough, theyâd no doubt hear you or Ari, and then youâd be caught.
âWeâre going to get arrested,â you scolded in a hushed tone before turning your head to bury your face in Ariâs beard and stifle the moan on the tip of your tongue. He hadnât stopped fucking you with his fingers and your reluctance was ebbing from your body just as surely as your desire was leaking into his hand.Â
Instead of responding to your statement with the seriousness you felt it deserved, Ari simply chuckled against your cheek and used his thumb to circle your clit, making your hips jerk into his hand, your body wordlessly begging him for more while you muffled a whine into the underside of his jaw.Â
âWeâll be fine, honeycrisp,â Ari soothed in a placating tone that made you growl like a feral kitten into his throat, so he switched tactics, his voice going low and rough. âDonât you wanna feel me, honey?â He asked, grinding his hard length into your soft ass until you mewled pathetically. âDonât you wanna drip your sweet juices all over daddyâs cock like a good girl?âÂ
It was on the tip of your tongue to give in. You knew you shouldnât. You knew there was a very real possibility that you could get caught, and it was only your fear of the potential consequences that held your words at bay. But Ari was well acquainted with the fear that held you back, and he knew exactly how to help you break through it.Â
âJust the tip,â he murmured, his voice so warm you could hear the smile in it. âJust take the tip, and stay quiet, and weâll be golden.â He nuzzled your face, his beard rasping over your soft skin and sending tingles of delight all through your body.Â
You knew it was a ploy. You knew that Ari knew that youâd never be able to settle for just the tip of his cockâafter all, you never had before. But it was easier to pretend you could settle for just the tip than to say yes to Ari fucking you in the middle of the apple orchard when there were people not too far away. It was the small step you needed to break free from your fear.
Lifting your head, you looked around. There was nothing to see except dense branches and leaves and endless apples. Ariâs body hid you entirely from sight, and you still couldnât hear anyone else close by, so if you stayed quiet, you really could get away with a quickie in the orchard.Â
A wicked smile spread across your face and you turned your head to catch Ariâs eye over your shoulder.
âJust the tip?â you asked, you voice laced with suggestion. You knew Ari was going to end up sinking much more of his cock into you, but you wanted to play along for a little bit. âPromise, daddy?â Your question was meant to sound innocent, but you couldnât help the way the corners of your lips wavered in an eager grin.
Ari chuckled and kissed the corner of your mouth, because he knew exactly what you were doing. âI promise, darlingâŚâ he said, trailing off as he pulled his fingers from your pussy with an embarrassingly wet sound that made him grin. âUnless, of course, you beg me like a good girl.âÂ
âHurry, daddy,â you cooed, wiggling your ass against Ariâs bulge, a teasing smile on your lips as you watched him over your shoulder.Â
Ariâs eyes darkened and then he was using his clean hand to fumble with his belt and fly while he swatted your pussy playfully with his drenched fingers. You gasped and twitched, trying to stay quiet and failing miserably as desperate keening sound slipped from your mouth.
At your urging, Ari wasted no time, shoving his pants open and pulling out his cock, pushing your dress up over your ass and rubbing the tip through your drenched folds. Both of you groaned, Ariâs face falling forward against your shoulder while you grabbed onto the trunk of the tree in front of you, trying to stay upright while your knees trembled.Â
Then Ari was pushing inside, the head of his cock sinking into the warmth of your pussy. The stretch of him was too delicious, and you moaned louder than was wise, but you couldnât help yourself. He felt too good.Â
âWhatâd I say about staying quiet?â Ari rumbled in your ear, right before he shoved his fingers in your mouth. The tart taste of your wetness mixed with apples burst on your tongue and you moaned again, licking wildly at his fingers to get as much of it as you could. âMm, thatâs it, clean up your mess, honeycrispâshow daddy what a good girl you can be.â
Ariâs other hand gripped your hip, holding you steady while he fucked you with just the tip of his cock, pushing into your tight hole and pulling free until the tease of it drove you wild.Â
âMm-oah, mm-oah,â you begged around Ariâs fingers, trying to push back on Ariâs stiff length and take more of him, but he held you still, forcing you to take only what he gave you. You bounced impatiently, the foot that was still lifted on one of the branches shaking it so furiously, the leaves rattled and a few apples dropped to the ground.
âOh, did you want something, honey?â Ari asked, his tone filled with mocking innocence as he pulled his fingers from your mouth. You shot him a half-hearted glare over your shoulder, pouting.Â
âI need more, daddy, please,â you begged, giving him your best desperate, pleading look while you pushed back against his hold, reveling in the way he didnât let you move to take him further. âPlease split me open with your thick cock, daddyâI need it.â
Ari blew out a sharp breath. âFuck, I wanna tease you some more, but I canâtâneed you too bad, honey,â Ari rasped, squeezing your hip while his other arm wrapped loosely around the front of your throat, so the bulge of his bicep was just beneath your chin.Â
âRemember, stay quiet.â His hushed words were your only warning before Ari slammed into you, shoving every inch of his hard cock into your wet, needy cunt.Â
A scream welled up inside your chest, your mouth dropping open as it clawed its way up your throat, but at the last second before it was set free, you managed to bury your face in Ariâs bicep. Your teeth sank into his warm, golden skin and you bit your sugar daddy while you screamed into his arm.Â
His tortured groan was loud, but only because it poured directly into your ear, the sound dripping in pleasure as your inner walls squeezed his hard cock and made room for the thick length of him in the depths of your body.
Bliss consumed you, the stinging edge of Ari pushing inside you so fast and stretching you so suddenly making your body burn all the hotter. Already, your cunt was pulsing around Ariâs cock like you wanted him to stay buried inside you for a long time and you sighed happily, pulling your teeth from your sugar daddyâs arm.Â
While Ari gave you a moment to adjust, his hand kneading the plush softness of your hip, you kissed and licked at the indents your teeth had left in his skin. He chuckled, brushing a kiss against your temple, an acceptance of your wordless apology.Â
âReady, honey?â Ari asked softly, nuzzling your cheek while he rolled his hips, grinding his cock into you in a way that had you moaning again. âThis is gonna be hard and fast. I canâtâI gotta pound your pretty pussy,â he rumbled, his tone almost apologetic with the urgency in it. âGotta feel you dripping around me, squeezing me, milking me.â
His hand shifted from your hip to slip between your thighs, his fingers finding your slippery clit and rubbing the puffy pearl. He grunted when you clenched around him, his fingers stroking you harder and winding your pleasure higher while he rolled his hips, fucking you in short, sharp thrusts.
âFuck, honey, fuck,â he bit out, his breaths heavy in between every word. âTell me youâre ready for me to move.â
âPlease, yes, move,â you cried propping your chin on Ariâs bicep while your nails dug into the trunk of the tree in front of you. You used your grip to brace yourself and push back on Ariâs cock, taking him deeper with every thrust. âNeed you, daddy, please, please, please,â you babbled, your voice coming out strained with the effort to keep it quiet.
âFucking right you need meâjust like I need you,â Ari growled, pulling his hips back and slamming forward, driving into you with so much force, you could hear the soft sound of your ass slapping against his thighs. âYou have the sweetest, tightest pussy Iâve ever hadâbest fucking pussy in the world. I dream about it when Iâm not with you,â he confessed, his words rough like heâd pulled them from the depths of his soul. âDream about pumping you full of my come until your bellyâs bulging with me, honey.â
Your mind reeled at Ariâs confession even as your body sank deeper into his hold. You were still trying to catch up on processing his words but your pussy was clenching around his cock greedily, as if begging for him to come inside you already.Â
In that moment, a singular truth crystalized in your mind: Youâd been deluding yourself into thinking you didnât care for Ariâthat he didnât care for you. It was very clear that Ari did care about you, and you cared about him.
All those boundaries in your relationship, you realized youâd been the one creating them, not Ari. Ari had been patient, chipping away at the walls youâd built around yourself until heâd somehow found his way in. Heâd dreamed about you, and youâd thought he was just another sugar daddy looking to have some fun. Youâd been so wrong about him.
At the weight of your realization, you nearly collapsed against the tree, but managed to hold yourself up, sobbing with pleasure and emotion. Ari seemed to sense the shift in your mood and he slowed his movements, as if he was going to stop, but you shook your head, feeling feral with your need for him.Â
âPlease, daddy,â you cried softly, your voice hoarse with the flood of affection filling your heart. It was emphasized by the feeling of Ari inside you, surrounding you, your body cradled in his arms while he fuckd you like he wanted you to never forget the feel of him. âFill me up, make me your perfect little cumslut, daddy, just keep meâkeep me.âÂ
âAlways,â he rasped, his lips at your temple. The promise in that single word buried deep in your heart, taking root.Â
Something changed between you and Ari, and you knew he felt it too because he started fucking you faster than before, his hips snapping harder against your ass so he could push deep into your cunt with every thrust.
âFuck, honey, âm almost there, are you close?â he rasped, his tone desperate.Â
Your head bobbed in a nod.Â
âUh huh, âm close, just need a little moreâŚâ you trailed off in a whine, trying to push back on his cock and grind your clit against his stroking fingers at the same time.
Thankfully, Ari understood what you were begging for, and he rubbed you harder, his fingers relentless in his pursuit of your pleasure while he rutted into your cunt.
âCâmon, honey, come on daddyâs cock,â he rumbled in your ear, his voice deliciously deep to match his dirty words and push you closer to the edge. âBe a good little cumslut and milk my cock, make me fill your sweet pussy with all my come, honey.âÂ
You buried your face into Ariâs bicep again, your teeth sinking into his skin as you screamed your release. Wave after wave of pleasure pulsed through your body, until your limbs were trembling and your fingers were shaking against the outside of Ariâs arm, having forgotten when youâd let go of the tree to cling to him.
With a grunt, Ariâs cock twitched inside you, reacting to the sting of your bite and the merciless grasping of your inner walls around his hard length. His hips stuttered, then he started fucking into you wildly, his thrusts falling out of rhythm while he chased his own release.Â
âGood girl, honey, so good, feel so fucking good milking daddyâs cock,â he muttered, cutting off on a deep groan while his cock throbbed inside you.
Ari spilled himself deep in your cunt and you moaned weakly, pulling back from his arm and licking his golden skin to sooth the indents your teeth had left behind. He tasted like salty skin and sweet apples and you hummed in pleasure as you rode out the remainder of your release with your bodies writhing together.
After a few long moments basking in the glorious afterglow of coming together, Ari took a deep breath and shifted his arm, chuckling lowly when you whimpered at the loss of his bicep to lick and kiss. He made it up to you by turning your head and capturing your lips in a sweet kiss, pouring all the affection you finally knew he felt for you into the way his mouth moved against yours.Â
When he pulled away, leaving you slightly breathless, Ari leveled you with a serious look.Â
âYou know youâre special to me, donât you, honey?â he asked, using the new pet name that you knew was shortened from âhoneycrispâ.Â
Youâd been too wrapped up in your own head to notice the way it rolled off his tongueâit was an endearment for someone Ari cared about, someone who was special to him, as he said.
Biting your kiss-swollen lower lip, feeling a little abashed that it had taken you so long to realize what Ari felt for you, you nodded. You could feel your cheeks warming, and tried to duck your head, but Ari only chuckled and caught your lips in another kiss, though it was briefer.
When heâd kissed away your anxiety, Ari set about extricating himself from you, pulling free from your body and helping you down from the tree. He quickly stuffed his softening cock back into his pants and then helped smooth your dress back over your hips before doing up his slacks. You turned to him, brushing his hair back from his face and warming at the way he was smiling down at you.Â
Ari had an infectious grin on his face, and you couldnât help but return it, your heart feeling warm and cozy in your chest.Â
The two of you smiled goofily as you helped right each otherâs appearances. Once youâd fixed yourselves as much as possible, Ari stooped down to pick up the basket of apples youâd picked, then grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers together and planting a kiss on the back of your palm before heading off back to the farm stand.
As you walked past all the crowds of people, you were certain everyone knew what you and Ari had gotten up to in the orchard, but no one stopped or stared or said anything. They were all too focused on their own friends and families and the task of apple picking to notice you and Ari, or your big, silly smiles.
At the farm stand, Ari paid for the apples, then loaded them into his Lexus before helping you into the passenger seat. He dropped a kiss to your forehead, then rounded the front of the car and slid into his own seat.
You were quiet on the drive back to the city, your mind ruminating over the beginning of your relationship with Ari. When you thought back to your first few dates, you realized youâd been the one who was hesitant to answer any personal questions from your sugar daddyâand youâd never asked any of him. Youâd also been the one to balk at the idea of either going back to his place or your apartment, leading him to get hotel rooms.Â
Ari had been the one to respect your boundaries, even as heâd tried to get to know you better. Heâd tried to ask you questions you felt comfortable answeringâit was how heâd found out you liked apple picking, because youâd chosen it as a fall-themed date. Heâd been so careful with you, it made your heart hurt a little that youâd kept him at armâs length for so long.
Turning from the scenery of the foliage fading into the cityscape of New York, you ran your eyes over Ariâs profile. His expression was easy, relaxed and open, the hint of a smile on his face. Youâd thought he just always looked like that, but you realized it was because he was with you.Â
Reaching across the center console, you scooped up Ariâs hand and laced your fingers through his before settling your joined hands on your thigh. He glanced at you, shooting you a quick smile and squeezing your fingers, before turning back to the road.
By the time the car pulled into the underground parking garage of the high-rise on the Upper West Side where Ari lived, you were resolved to try to let your guard down a little more around him. Ari had shown you he could be trusted with your heart just as much as your body, and you were determined to show him you trusted him with all of you.Â
Still, it was a little intimidating walking into his apartment for the first time, the anxiety that he was only bringing you there because he wanted something from youâsomething you didnât want to giveâwas a knot in your stomach. But then you looked at Ari and you realized heâd never do that to you. He was bringing you to his home because he wanted to, not because he wanted something from you.Â
Ariâs penthouse was warm and cozy, decorated in dark brown wood and warm golden tones, with hints of blue that reminded you of the ocean. You realized you knew Ari was a fan of the beach, because so many of the trips heâd taken you on had been close to the water. Walking into his home felt like walking into a reflection of his heart, and you didnât take that for granted.
After setting down the apples on a table next to the door and stepping out of your shoes, Ari took you on a tour of his apartment, both the upstairs and the downstairs (because it was big enough to have two floors!). He showed you every room, including his bedroom and his study, tugging you into each by your joined hands when you seemed hesitant to enter his spaces.
Ari left the kitchen for last, but the two of you lingered in the living room, standing in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked Central Park. Ari wrapped his arms around you from behind, swaying you lightly from side to side, almost like you were dancing.Â
âYou have a beautiful home, Ari,â you said, looking out over the city and appreciating the way the buildings and treetops were cast in the warm, yellow glow of afternoon sunshine. An errant thought crossed your mind, that you could get used to the view from Ariâs apartment. It was stunning.
âThank you, honey,â Ari murmured, dropping a kiss to the base of your throat while his arms squeezed you tighter. He buried his face in your neck, so his words were a little muffled when he said, âI always hoped youâd like it enough to want to come over again and⌠again.â
You could hear in the pause of his words where heâd stopped himself from saying something different, and you wondered over it. But you knew yourself well enough not to ask. If just walking into his apartment felt like a big step, you knew asking him what heâd meant to say might spook you a bit too much, and you didnât want that. So you just hummed in response.
Ari chuckled, like he somehow knew it was taking effort for you to be in his apartment, and he thought it was cute how difficult it was for you. His mouth trailed up your neck, effectively distracting you from your thoughts, before nipping at the edge of your jaw.Â
âWant to see the kitchen now?âÂ
Nodding so eagerly, you nearly head-butted him, you turned in his hold and looked up at him with expectant eyes. Ari gave you an affectionate smile, then grabbed your hand and led the way to the kitchen.
Heâd saved it for last, and when you stepped inside, you understood why. A gasp slipped from your lips as you took in the beautiful space. The color scheme of the apartment carried over to the kitchen, with dark brown cabinets and lighter wood countertops. There was a pop of blue in the backsplash, and all kinds of expensive gadgetry.Â
You were so busy taking everything in, it took you a moment to spot the brand-new stand mixer sitting on the counter in a color that matched the rest of the room. Beside it were some of the ingredients youâd need for the apple crisp cheesecake youâd told Ari you wanted to make and you realized his assistant mustâve already come and gone.Â
Walking over and running your fingers over the sleek mixer, tears welled up in your eyes. It took effort to blink them away, and you shook your head slightly at yourself. It seemed silly to be crying over a stand mixer, but it felt bigger than that, like it was a sign of Ari making room in his life for you. He wanted you there, he wanted to keep you, like youâd begged him to.Â
âEverything ok, honey?â Ari asked, coming to stand behind you, but not touching you, giving you some space while you processed everything youâd realized that day.
âYeah,â you said, your voice thick, no doubt giving away the emotion you were feeling. Before you could overthink it, you spun around and threw your arms around Ariâs shoulders, launching yourself at him for a tight hug. âYou bought a mixer,â you stated, as if that was explanation enough.Â
A soft laugh rumbled in Ariâs chest and he swept a hand down your spine, comforting you while a few tears leaked down your cheeks and into the collar of his denim shirt.
âWell, yeah,â he responded good-naturedly, a smile in his voice. âI did say I wanted you to want to come back, didnât I?âÂ
âUh huh,â you mumbled, laughing a little at his comment. Then you murmured, in a small voice, âThank you.â
âAnytime,â Ari said, sounding genuine.Â
For a long moment, you hugged him, and then you pulled away, swiping at your cheeks to clear away any tears or makeup.Â
âIs the offer still open to bake while wearing only your shirt?â you asked, tipping your head back to smile shyly at Ari while your fingers played with the collar of his button-up. Â
A grin spread across his face while shrugged out of the denim shirt. Then, to your surprise, he yanked his t-shirt off over his head, asking you which one you wanted.Â
You took the denim one with fumbling fingers, your eyes raking over his bare chest while warmth bloomed deep in your core. It wasnât the first time youâd seen Ari shirtless, of course, but you never got tired of looking at the expanse of his golden skin, dusted with dark brown hair that you wanted to rake your nails through.Â
Ari let you look for a moment, using your distraction to help you slip out of your dress. Then he eased your arms into the denim shirt and buttoned it up, his big hands pausing briefly to grope your soft body every few moments.Â
There was a glimmer of deep satisfaction in his blue eyes when he stepped back to look at you in his shirt.Â
âMm, you look so pretty, honey,â he rasped, taking one last look before crowding you into the counter at your back. His gaze darkened as he stared down at you, his grin turning wolfish when he rumbled, âI think I need a snack before you start baking.â
That was your only warning. You shrieked with surprised laughter when Ari hauled you back into the living room and tossed you down on one of his leather couches. Your giggles cut off abruptly in a moan when Ari descended on you, burying his face between your thighs and feasting on you like he was starving.
Your fingers twisted in Ariâs brown hair while he ate your pussy, encouraging you to scream your pleasure in the comfort of his home while he made you come against his mouth. You shattered apart with a loud cry while he fucked you with his tongue, his mouth greedily devouring your release, and the come heâd buried inside you earlier, like he hadnât eaten in days.Â
When he finally pulled away, Ariâs beard was soaked in your juices and he grinned up your body while you lay limply on the couch, your chest heaving as you caught your breath. Chuckling at the sight of you sprawled out on his couch, Ari pressed wet kisses to the inside of your thighs, licking the traces of your release from your skin.
âFuck, honey, I canât get enough of you,â he rumbled, his big hands kneading your plush thighs and hips, proving his point since it seemed like he couldnât stop touching you. The blatant need and desire in his voice sent a shiver racing down your spine.
âIf you keep going, I wonât have the strength to bake,â you warned him in a breathless voice, managing to lift your head enough to give him a stern look.Â
Ari laughed into your thigh, pressing one last kiss to your skin before he raised up and gave you a wink. âCanât have that,â he quipped, grabbing your hands and helping you up off the couch. You stumbled a little, your legs weak from your orgasm, but Ari caught you easily, wrapping his arm around your waist while he led you into the kitchen.Â
Once you were propped up against the counter near the stand mixer, Ari left to retrieve the apples from the entryway. When he returned, you noticed he carried a pair of slippers that matched the ones heâd put on. Without saying a word, he set them on the floor next to your bare feet and carried on to start washing the fruit in the sink.Â
You stepped into the slippers, your heart warming when you realized they were a perfect fit. For a long moment, you stared at Ariâs bare shoulders and broad back, wondering how youâd ever kept such a thoughtful man at armâs length. Well, you decided, once again, you wouldnât be doing that anymore.Â
Turning back to the stand mixer and the ingredients, you organized everything on the counter, going to the fridge to pull out everything else youâd need.Â
To your surprise, you and Ari worked well together in the kitchen. Once he was done cleaning all the apples youâd picked, he asked what he could do next, and you put him to work peeling and coring the fruit while you worked on the other elements of the cheesecake.Â
When it came time to bake, Ari took the pan from your hands and popped it into the oven while you set a timer. Tension crackled between the two of you after the oven had snapped closed, and you came together in a flurry of limbs. Ari guided you back into the living room while he kissed you, his hands making quick work of removing all your remaining clothes.
You rode Ari to another orgasm while the sweet treat baked, the golden glow of the New York City sunset keeping the apartment awash in warm hues that made you feel cozyâlike you were home.Â
Once you were both sated, you collapsed on top of Ariâs chest, burying your face in his neck and nuzzling into his beard. You inhaled the familiar scent of his cologne, vetiver and leather, with a little bit of cinnamon from baking, and melted against him. You wanted to breathe in nothing but that scent for the rest of your lifeâand you refused to let that thought scare you.
Ari pulled a flannel blanket off of the back of his couch and wrapped it around you both, your pussy keeping his cock warm while you cuddled together until the timer went off.Â
You couldnât help but laugh as you watched Ari take the baking pan out of the oven wearing only an oven mitt on his hand. You, meanwhile, stood off to the side with the flannel blanket wrapped around your shoulders. Heâd told you the blanket was highly flammable and insisted you stay clear of the oven with a stern look that made your insides go all gooey.
The two of you made out in the kitchen and made dinner while the cheesecake cooled. All the while, you kept thinking how easy it was to be with Ari, how you could see what your life would be like together. And you liked how it looked. You liked kissing him whenever you wanted and asking him about what movies he liked and what was the last book he read.
After dinner, you ate a slice of cheesecake together, and you couldnât keep your eyes off of Ariâs face, enjoying every little groan and expression of pleasure he made. It was erotic enough that you left the last bite for him, getting to your feet to walk around the table and straddle his lap.Â
He fucked you to another, blisteringly hot orgasm, and laughed only a little when you fell against his chest with an exhausted, but satisfied, sigh.Â
In a soft voice, Ari asked if youâd stay the night, and the hope in his tone made your heart warm enough that you ignored the brief flicker of anxiety the question prompted. You shushed the worry inside you and said yes.Â
Together, you cleaned up the kitchen and then Ari led you upstairs to the bedroom, pausing every few minutes to kiss you, like he wanted to remind himself you were still there.Â
He gave you some of his clothes to wear to bed and showed you where everything was in his bathroom. You couldnât help but notice that he had all of your favorite products, and a spare toothbrush for you. You smiled as you got ready for bed and slipped under the covers with him.
âDid you have a good day, honey?â Ari asked, pulling you into his body and wrapping you up in his arms. You were wearing one of his t-shirtsâa clean oneâwhile he had on a pair of boxer briefs. You hummed happily when your legs tangled together, enjoying the feel of his warm skin and tickling hair against you.Â
âMm, I had the best day, Ari,â you murmured sleepily, the comfort and warmth of his bed making it easy to let your exhaustion creep in. âKiss,â you said, turning your head and repeating the greeting Ari had given you when heâd picked you up.
Your sugar daddy chuckled, the sound rumbling down your spine and making your heart flutter with delight. Your eyes were already closed, but you could feel his smile when he pressed a sweet, lingering kiss to your lips.Â
âDonât worry, honey, Iâll still be here in the morning,â he promised, his words assuaging a fear you hadnât realized youâd felt, and you sighed in contentment.
Everything had changed between you and Ari, and you couldnât help but think it was for the better. You were still a little anxious about opening yourself up to someone, especially a sugar daddy, but Ari had shown you that you could trust himâreally trust him, with all your heartâand you were determined to do just that.
âGânight, Ari,â you whispered into the pillow that smelled like him, a hint of a smile in the curve of your mouth as sleep claimed you.Â
âGood night, honey,â Ari crooned in your ear, his voice gentle and soft and oh so affectionate. âMy sweet, sweet honeycrisp.â
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FWB
Part two Logan Howlett x fem!reader Series masterlist
You and Logan avoid each other for as long as you can. If you know he's in the kitchen or in the simulation room, you will go around the entire mansion just so you don't run into him. If he hears or smells you're in a room he's about to go into, he won't. He'll leave and wait until you go somewhere else.
A few weeks come and go like this. You and Logan don't even look at each other and it's all fine.
Until you go on a mission. There's no avoiding each other now.
It's not even necessary for the two of you to go. Most likely, Storm could handle it on her own. But she needs backup and Scott is too out of it, so you both have to go with her.
You understand Scott. Really, you do. But you kinda wish he'd be in condition to go with Storm and Logan so you wouldn't have to.
That's the only thought that adds bitterness to your day as you get in the jet. And then you see Logan, sitting in his seat, and your mind goes blank.
You remember him, lying in his bed, hard cock in his hand, precum on the tip. You blush at the memory and glance away.
Flustered, you rush to your seat, sit and buckle up and make a point out of staring out the window. You can feel Logan's eyes on you, but you refuse to react at all. Last thing you need is him getting the wrong idea.
But what is the wrong idea? You can't deny that you felt strangely flattered, and also extremely turned on. You'd had to touch yourself that night before you even considered getting any sleep.
You try not to think about it as Storm takes the jet into the air.
The thing is, you and Logan work together and if things go too far, it'll either end real good or real bad.
Most likely, real bad.
You push the idea away and instead try to focus on the mission at hand. You're supposed to find a group of mutants gone astray, wreaking havoc around a small town. Supposedly, their headquarters is in a warehouse, the remnants of an abandoned factor in a long-since forgotten part of the woods. It's in the middle of nowhere.
Storm lands the jet far from where the warehouse is located and glances back at the two of you. âWe'll camp here for tonight. We'll move in on them tomorrow morning, the earlier the better,â she says.
You each get to work, setting up your tents, readying your suits, preparing yourself mentally for the coming day.
Night falls. You're in your tent, reading by the light of a flashlight, when you hear something outside. At first, you worry that maybe the trouble-making mutants have found you, but then Logan's head pops in through the flap of your tent.
-
He'd spent hours debating on whether or not to approach you. He knew it would be easier to let the whole thing blow over, but you two wouldn't be able to work if this doesn't get resolved.
So. What better way to resolve things than by sneaking into your tent long after he knows Storm is asleep?
He didn't think it through. He realizes that when he sees the look on your face at his sudden appearance.
âYou scared me,â you tell him, huffing softly.
âSorry,â he mumbles sheepishly as he crawls into the tent, zipping the flaps closed. He sits across from you, awkward both because he's a rather large man in a tent and also because of the situation. âDidn't mean to scare ya. I just...wanted t'talk.â
âOh,â you say quietly, a soft blush rising on your cheeks. âYeah. I guess we...we do have to talk.â
He nods. âOkay. I'm...Look. I'm sorry. Really. About...the other night. I didn't meanâIt was disrespectful of me. And I definitely didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I really am sorry. And, for what it's worth, I think you're gorgeous, in case that wasn't, y'know, evident.â
You hold his gaze for a moment before laughing softly. âIt's okay. It's...Yeah, it's alright. I guess I should've knocked too, I just didn't imagine you'd be...doing...that.â You nod softly, another blush covering your cheeks.
âSo we're...good?â he asks softly.
You nod. âWe're good.â
He hums, a weight lifted off his shoulders. He glances at his lap before looking up to meet your gaze. He studies your face, your soft lips, your beautiful eyes, the perfect curve of your nose...
He's gawking without realizing it. He only comes to his senses when you laugh and bashfully ask, âWhat?â
He shakes his head, somewhat embarrassed, and says, âNothin'. Just...you really are gorgeous.â
You giggle, a soft smile on your lips, and before he can stop himself, he reaches for you, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.
You slowly fall silent, your eyes on his.
Logan takes a soft breath. âLet me kiss you, bub. Please, you have no idea how much I need it,â he whispers, his gaze falling to your plump lips.
You open your mouth to refuse, to remind him that you two work together and to tell him that you donât want things to get weird. Instead, you hear yourself plafully say, âOnly if you promise to never tell.â
Logan smirks and before you can proces your own fucking answer, heâs tugging you a little closer. âI promise,â he whispers before his lips crash onto yours.
He kisses you hungrily and demanding, his mind whirling from the taste of you.
He knows it's a bad idea. You know it's a bad idea. But the way he kisses you, the way his hands grab onto your body and tug you closerâŚ
How are you supposed to resist?
He shamelessly shows you he wants you in the way his hands trace your body, the way he's basically panting.
He licks your neck, kisses it softly before sucking to leave a hickey. And you let him. God, you let him. How could you not? He's everything a girl could ever want.
He maneuvers you with ease, laying you down on the thin mattress before crawling on top of you. His fingers trace the skin of your waist, your hip, while his other hand holds him above you.
âThis okay?â he asks you as his hand slips inside your pants, rubbing at your cunt through your panties.
You nod, breathing hitching. âYeah.â
ââf you wanna stop, just lemme know,â he says, his mouth focusing on your neck as his fingers work your pussy until you've soaked through your underwear.
He's grinding his hips against your thigh meanwhile, his cock aching for more.
He pulls away for a moment to pull your pants off, then your panties. His eyes fall on your cunt, all slick with arousal, and his cock twitches.
Your scent is so sweet, so strong. He runs two fingers up through your folds, gathering the wetness before bringing them to his lips. He tastes you on his digits and loses whatever was left of his rational mind.
His head is between your thighs in a second, his mouth devouring your cunt like he's never gonna eat again.
You gasp, back arching, pretty mouth open in ecstasy, and Logan just has to watch.
He groans, his large hands moving your thighs to rest on his shoulders as his tongue slips up to your clit, flicking it a couple of times before replacing it with his nose. His tongue traces your entrance, licking up all your slick arousal.
Your fingers tangle in his hair and you don't pull at first, afraid of hurting him. But the more the pressure builds in your womb, the more you lose awareness of being gentle and pull his head where you want it.
Logan groans as you tug on his hair, his fingers digging into your thighs. He traces your clit with his teeth, relishing in the tremor that washes over you.
Smirking slightly, he does it again and again and again until you're pushing him away, moaning as you come on his mouth.
He helps you down from your high before pulling away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
âYou good, bub?â he questions, hand gently caressing your thigh.
You nod, breathing heavy, body boneless from your orgasm. ââm fine.â
Logan adjusts his hard cock in his pants, his breath hitching at the little bit of friction. He's never wanted it this badâŚ
He stares at you, all spread out, half-naked, blissed out, and he loses it.
âLemme fuck ya, bub,â he begs, eyes wild, pupils dilated. âNeed to put my cock in that pretty cunt âf yours.â
You hold his gaze, cheeks flushed a pretty pink. âDo you have a condom?â
He grins. âYou bought some fâr me, remember?â
You giggle softly. âIâYeah, I did, huh?â
He licks his lower lip. âDoes that mean I can fuck ya?â
You nod. âYes.â
He almost growls in relief, his hands quickly undoing his pants. He tosses them aside, then grabs a condom from the pocket of his jacket. He takes the jacket off as well, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths.
He rolls the condom onto himself, his cock hard, the tip an angry red as precum drips from it.
He kneels in front of you, grabbing your legs and tugging you closer to him, making you gasp. His eyes darken at the sound and he jerks himself once, twice, before aligning his cock with your sopping entrance.
âYou tell me if you want me to stop,â he says firmly.
âOkay,â you reply, breathless.
He holds your gaze for a moment before he thrusts into you, filling your sweet pussy smoothly.
You cry out, gasping, eyes fluttering shut.
He grunts as you clench around him tightly, his eyes rolling back. âFuuuuuck, bub. Such a good pussy.â
He glances down as he starts thrusting, watching your cunt stretch to fit him. He grabs one of your legs and moves it onto his shoulder, allowing him to go deeper.
You squeal, eyes wide. âFuck! Fuck!â
He fucks you hard and deep, the sound of skin on skin loud. He's grunting and groaning like an animal, his dog tags clinking with each thrust.
âLook at ya, bub. So pretty. Such a good girl for me,â he says, voice low and rough. âLook at that cunt. She's so greedy, look how she clenches around me.â
You whine, tears of ecstasy in the corners of your eyes. âL-Logan! Logan!â you moan, thighs quaking.
He chuckles. âSuch a pretty slut fâr me. You enjoying yourself, bub?â
You whine, eyes rolling into the back of your head. âLogan!â you squeal.
His hand slips between you, thumb finding your clit and rubbing it in messy circles. He laughs lowly when your pussy tightens around him in response.
âYeah, you're enjoying yourself.â He smirks, proud of himself, and he fucks you harder.
You begin to mumble, blubbering incoherently, unable to form words. You're just a gasping, sobbing, moaning mess and he's loving it.
âGonna come already?â he mocks. âI just started with ya. Has no one ever fucked you this good?â
You squeal, gasping. All he can make out is a chorus of please please please please please that you repeat over and over again.
Eventually, he caves. âYeah, alright. Go on, bub, you can come.â
His words are the final straw. Your orgasm hits you with so much force that you're left seeing starts for a minute or two. Your ears are ringing and your body is weak.
Logan wasn't prepared for how gorgeous you looked as you came. The sight of you along with the way you tightened around him sent him over the edge beforehand, making him gasp and grunt as he spills into the condom.
âFuck,â he gasps, body shaking as he recovers from the climax. He glances down at you, watching you regain your breath.
Slowly, he lowers your leg from his shoulder before pulling out of you gently.
âYou alright there?â he asks you, his knuckles rubbing your cheek tenderly.
You manage a weak nod and he smiles. âCan you talk, bub?â
You open your mouth to try and decide you cannot. You shake your head and he chuckles.
âFucked dumb. âm gonna have a lotta fun with ya, bub. A lotta fun.â
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Hey Jelly! May I request a Drabble for your Fall/Autumn Flufftober event?
It involves Miguel OâHara and [Reader] [Gender Neutral] experiencing a âhaunted houseâ as part of their date. Miguel would especially be protective of [Reader] throughout the attraction, despite being aware theyâre just props and scare actors doing their jobs. While doing so, Miguel is âholding handsâ with [Reader] to not lose one another at the house.
SWIFT!! OFC this is such a cute idea đđđđ so sorry it took me forever but hey spooky season isn't over til I say so đđ¤đ thank you for requesting đ
a haunted house with miguel đď¸đ¤đ
Warnings: xGN!READER , fluff, crack, joking reference to monsterfucking.
Words 1.5k
The shivering bite of October nighttime was starting to get to you, but with Miguel close by, it made the seconds more tolerable as you stood outside the haunted attraction.
Michael Myers' theme music blasted in speakers with green and purple flashing lights, the smoke from the bonfire in front and the chalky smell from the fog machines joined together to make a spooky concoction that filled your nostrils while the distant shrieks from other guests made your stomach twist with the anticipation of what ghoulish tricks awaited you inside. Â
"Ready for this?" Your boyfriend, Miguel, asks with his charming lopsided smile, one of his arms around you pulling you into his gray hoodie that blessed you with sandalwood every time he brought you closer.Â
You smile at him from where your chin is lightly resting against his chest. "I mean I'm ready, I don't know about you though."
"I'm ready." Miguel answers, raising his eyebrow at a thrift store looking Leatherface targeting a group of 14 year olds with his fake chainsaw. "Seems a little intense."Â
"For $80, I sure hope so." You hummed, tsking your teeth, all the while you hoped your phony nonchalantness wasn't betraying you. "They better kill us for that price."Â
"Don't say that." Miguel nudges you. "Then I won't know if Melissa was really set up by Teresa and Kim D. or if Teresa was innocent."Â
"Oh my God, you're more invested in that freaking show than I am." You fake offense and poke playfully at Miguel's stomach of steel while his hands followed yours, defending against your attacks. "Not even concerned that I'd be dead, just mad your ass can't watch the ending of Real Housewives of New Jersey!"
"Haha, yeahhh cause we'd both be dead, genius." Miguel shakes his head, finally spinning you around and nudging you forward as the line drew closer to the entrance. "They don't have streaming services in heaven."Â
"Oh I don't think we're going to heaven, sir." You examine your nails. "I mean, I am, I dunno about you though, it's a lil toasty where you're headed.."Â
"Oye, watch your step." Miguel chides as you almost trip over your own feet.Â
"Greeeeetings, mortals! Party of two?" The worker dressed as the bride of Frankenstein inquires, fake vampire teeth practically falling out of her mouth.Â
"Yeah." Miguel clears his throat as he looks at you sideways.Â
The worker goes off on her spiel, 'don't touch the actors and they won't touch you, stay on the designated path, take note of the emergency exits should you need to exit the haunt early but beware there is no reentry upon leaving, most of all be safe, have fun, hope you make it out alive or some sort of painful joke at the end', blah blah blah
Your attention is snapped back to Earth when she gives you and Miguel the green light to go ahead, and the invisible magnets in your hands find and seize one another as you clasped each other's hands in the dark as you sauntered cautiously forward.Â
"Having fun already?" Miguel teases. "Your hand is sweaty like you've run a marathon and we're not even two minutes in."Â
"Man, shut up, I am not-aaaAAHH!" You jump and cling to Miguel at a loud thump on the wall from one of the actors behind you.Â
Miguel chuckles. "This is gonna be a long ride."Â
-----
"Oh helllllll nah."Â
You start to turn around at the sight of the giant clown sitting in a chair at the end of the dark stuffy hallway holding an axe.Â
"Baby, this was your idea." Miguel halted you in your tracks, spinning you around to face the front.Â
You gulped as you studied the menace, pinstripes with an eerie grin and all. "That thing is gonna jump, just watch."Â
"I'm pretty sure it's stuffed."Â
"No, babe, that is a living breathing killer clown from outer space."Â
"For the love...just get behind me." Miguel inches down the hallway, his broad back obscuring your view.
"Mig, what's happening? I can't see shit." You turn to your right and at that very moment lock eyes with Chucky, letting out an unholy scream which makes you smack into Miguel which causes him to nearly fall on top of the clown.
The teen underneath the clown mask saw all 15 years of his life flash before his eyes at the 6'9 tank about to crush him, realizing his final thoughts would be that the $7.25 an hour for this gig truly wasn't worth it.Â
"Jesus!" Miguel gains his bearings, flustered as he turns to you. "You alright?"Â
"Yeah, course I am." You lie.Â
Miguel takes your clammy hand again. "Alright this time, don't let go of my hand."Â
"Right."Â
You two make the rest of your way through the haunted circus, the black light illuminating your clothes with the neon paint splatter on the walls, navigating through the eclectic fun house atmosphere with the unsettling music box tunes blaring overhead.Â
Miguel remains stoic for the most part. Although you try to thug it out, every now and then a sudden noise or bang or obnoxious cackle behind you will make you jump. Miguel responds by bringing you closer protectively, cracking a joke to make you feel more at ease.Â
"This man thinks he's Pennywise but he's really Krusty the clown." He nods in the direction of another menacing clown with sharp teeth that tries to get all up in your face. You burst out laughing and the guy underneath the mask low-key feels his hopes and dreams get crushed in the same sentence.Â
The rest of the haunted house isn't so daunting with your protective boyfriend guiding every step. You get scary dog privilege without even trying, as most of the actors are intimidated by Miguel's large size alone, if not his sarcastic quips everytime they get too close.Â
"Welllllllcome to my shop of horrors!" A butcher covered in fake blood with a crazy look in his eyes and a leather apron tries to get you to eat his human brain casserole.Â
Miguel looks unimpressed. "I burn water but I can make a lasagna more edible than that."Â
You cackle as Miguel leads you away, leaving the butcher equal parts baffled and clutching his invisible pearls.Â
---
You come to a part of the haunted house that leads back outdoors, with fog all around you and a werewolf that comes running up to you on all fours, snarling and foaming at the mouth.Â
You startle for just a moment then smirk as you turn to Miguel,Â
"Hear me out..."Â
"Absolutely not." Miguel figures he's gonna have you lay off the dark romance novels for a bit as he drags you away.Â
-----
Once you get to the final section with the vampires, your fears have all but disappeared, playing along and smiling when Dracula with his cult of vampire wives waltzes up to you and asks to suck your blood.Â
"Just warning you, Vladdy, I'm anemic." You flirt as you take his arm.Â
"Alright, that's it." Miguel grumbles as he drags you away yet again. At first you were scared of the monsters, now he has to stop you from banging them.Â
"But he's hot, and he has fangs!" You protest, giggling as Dracula dramatically bids you farewell, inviting you back to Transylvania anytime while Miguel carries you to the exit.Â
"We have fangs at home." Miguel reminds you with a smirk before flashing his prominent canines at you. You have to stifle a giggle as you lay your head on his chest.Â
 ----
"Well that was fun." You cuddle next to Miguel a short time later on the couch in your shared apartment, sighing as you lean forward, using your sweater as heat pads to pick up your mug of hot cocoa while he peruses for a Halloween movie to watch.Â
"It was fun." Miguel hums. "But we're not doing it again."Â
"Why not?!"Â
"I'm not paying nearly a hundred dollars for you to practically leave me for Edward and Jacob from Twilight."Â
"Oh my God, you actually got their names right!"Â
"In other news, the movie's starting, so..."
"Baby, you're not really jealous are you?" You get closer and plop in his lap, Miguel letting out an overdramatic pained grunt. "Oh, stop it, you."Â
Miguel doesn't crack at first, remaining tight-lipped while you shower him with little pecks. "You know I could never leave you, Migs."Â
Miguel finally reveals a smile, "Oh, I know, I just like hearing you say it." He pulls the blanket over your shoulders as Coraline begins playing.
"Man, all you had to do was ask!"Â
"Ssshhhh....Coraline's on." Miguel winks as he silences you once more.Â
"Mhmm, love you too."Â
You grin and feel any cold from earlier disappear altogether as Miguel's prescence warms you from the inside out as you watch the movie together, hot chocolate in hand, cookies in the oven, candles lit, all the while the chill of outside remains where it belongs in the October night in Nueva York.Â
#from my trees . Ë đ§ˇ ÂˇđĽ ° . âĄ#miguel o'hara x reader#miguel x reader#spiderman 2099 x reader#miguel o'hara fluff#miguel x you#flufftober
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HELLO I AM SORRY TO COME SLITHER INTO UR ASKS LIKE THIS BUT I SAW U LIKE AD ASTRA (YK THE SCI FI BOOK) AND I HAVE BEEN GOING FERAL OVER IT SO PLEASE DO TALK ABT UR FAV THEMES IN IT
(if u like ofc no pressure <3)
Never apologize for asking me about AdAstra or event horizon in general. I will go feral about it all day every day any day of the week month or year I have playlists I have theories I have spinoff ideas I HAVE EVERYTHING YOU CAN HAVE WITHOUT BEING INVOLVED WITH THE CREATION OF SOMETHING OKAY
Favorite themes I mean you do spend a lot of time with Ranboo and his concerning amounts of generational trauma and depression however I am a very biased Tubbo content enjoyer so just all of Tubbo's themes from the self hatred to the guilt to the trauma and everything in between
But my all time favorite is probably the way that Ranboo sees Tubbo throughout De Terra, even though originally I didn't even notice and it was my friend who pointed it out.
Because it takes chapter 3 for Ranboo to ever even acknowledge that Tubbo can act like an ass, but even after that and ESPECIALLY in chapters 1 and 2 he just holds Tubbo on this imaginary pedestal where Tubbo can basically do no wrong like he's fucking Beatrice from Dante's Divine Comedy (I've come to really like that comparison actually). An it's so interesting for me to think about WHY Ranboo thinks like that
From Tubbo's pov, especially because we see it first, we know he's a fuck up. That he tries his best, but he's not perfect, because nobody is, duh. But Ranboo thinks he is, despite having firsthand experience of the opposite (Tubbo screaming at him after finding the Irillian codex). He is basically incapable of constructive criticism towards Tubbo and again it takes chapter 3 of De Terra for him to even consider it.
And for the explanation I'm thinking of, which again I had no part in any of the creation of the fic so it's just me having fun by speculating and anything I say should be taken that way, I'm gonna keep the comparisons to the Divine Comedy because I can and I'm unhinged. Because Ranboo has basically gone through hell (Voidfall) and when he joins the Syndicate, he subconsciously expects to now go through heaven with Beatrice (Tubbo). Except that doesn't happen and he's still fucked up because duh that's how healing works. But he's scared because it's not getting better, which we see directly on screen. And yet he's still holding onto this idea of normalcy and perfection and the person who embodies that for him is Tubbo, because he's the one who took Ranboo away from the traumatizing shitfest that was Voidfall. So Ranboo then tries to keep his own problems from Tubbo and either doesn't realize or doesn't think about the fact he can't fucking do that forever when they literally live and work together and yeah I could go on for so long -.-
#âyk-â of course i do#OF FUCKING COURSE I DO#i am feral about them okay#absolutely unhinged#i do not have my marbles together#my marbles have been scattered in between the chapters and they stayed there#textpost.bzzt#horizonverse.bzzt
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hey idk if this is creepy or not đ I'm really new to tblr so I tried to respond kindly, but I found this really weird (I'm a m1nor btw for context)
idk I found this weird and maybe their intentions weren't bad? maybe I'm just overreacting? I'm so so sorry for wasting ur time if I am
i'm going to be so brutally honest, if you can read this and think "maybe their intentions weren't bad" after confessing to dating a minor in spite of how illegal. what the hell- dude
looking through their blog it is all about the movie "lolita", a film adaptation from the book lolita. a book about hebephilia meaning "feeling attraction to 11-14 year olds"
upon translating his posts he talks about loving "small bodies"
how he would want to find a girl who's broken so she'll be dependant on him
which makes me so SCARED FOR THIS GIRLFRIEND HE SAYS HE HAS
good god-
thank you so much for bringing this to my attention
and know this. you will find men like this all over the place
if something feels wrong, it probably is
be careful when a guy DMs you first
everyone please block â @giostisapolias
(i might email tumblr's safety team themselves after that one cos god damn reading through their blog made me feel ill)
#whoop whoop!!#34t1ng d1s0rd3r#3d f4st#tw 3d vent#tw ana bløg#3d not sheeran#tw ana rant#ed but not ed sheeran#tw ed ana#light as a feather#@na motivation
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TWD X Tumblr Chapter Four: Disoriented
TW: Somewhat suggested abuse, but its pretty plain of tw's today
A/n: I'm really sorry for how late this is, family shit, but it's here. It's also short, but that just means more chapters in season one
Previous Chapter // Next Chapter
"Disoriented."
The fire crackles in the middle of the circle of people, crickets chirping off in the distance.
Rick has Lori and Lily either side of him and Carl laying on his lap.
"I guess that comes closest." Rick continues, glancing around the group as rubs Carl's head.
"Disoriented. Fear, confusion; all those things but disoriented comes closest."
Thunder rolls in the distance as the group listens to his tired voice, explaining the journey he went through to find his family.
Dale sets down his mug of soup, "Words can be meagre things. Sometimes they fall short."
He glances around the group as well.
"I felt like I'd been ripped out of my life and put somewhere else." Rick continues, "For a while I thought I was trapped. Trapped in some coma dream. Something I might not wake up from ever."
Carl pulls himself closer to Rick, tilting his head back to look up at him.
There's a soft sparkle in his eyes, as he listens to his strong and brave dad.
"Mom said you died." He whispers softly.
He sounds like he's almost about to fall asleep, cuddled up with his family.
There's another momentary silence withing the group.
Lori opens her mouth to explain, but Rick interupts, his voice soft like silk.
"She had every reason to believe that...don't you ever doubt it."
Lori looks over at Shane, who's sitting with Delilah and Kayden snuggled up next to him. They lock eyes, almost communicating.
Finally, Lori speaks.
"When things started to get really bad, they told me at the hospital that they were going to medevac you and the other patients to Atlanta and it never happened."
"Probably for the best." Lily whispers.
"Yeah, probably for the best." Lori smiles down at her.
"And, I'm not surprised, after Atlanta fell." Rick adds.
Shane tosses a twig into the warmth of the fire.
A few "yeah"s are murmered around the group.
"And from the look of that hospital, it got overrun." "...yeah, looks don't decieve." Shane adds, "I barely got them out. You know?"Â
He gestures to Lori, Carl and LIly then Kayden and Delilah.
Rick looks over at Shane, "I can't tell you how grateful I am to you, Shane. I can't begin to express it."
There's a sudden tension spike between the group.
"There go those words falling short again." Dale jokes, trying to lighten the mood.
Glenn moves from the fire, with his cup of soup, sitting down next to Delilah and Kayden, offering a sip of his soup to Delilah. She shakes her head at the offer.
Kayden's eyes stay on Carl. She wants to be cuddled up with him, but she can't interrupt his family moment.
"Paltry things." Dale adds, directed at the lack of ability to express oneself purely through words.
Lori grips Rick even tighter, going into deep thought about something.
Rick rubs her arm, soothing her, as he thinks she's still recovering form the shock of him coming back.
Someone steps up. Ed Peletier. Here comes some drama.
He throws a chopped log into the fire, making it bigger. The fire crackles loudly and Ed sits back down.
"Hey, Ed, you want to rethink that log?" Shane asks, his patience obviously barely existent for this man.
Ed just throws his head back and says, "It's cold, man."
The groups throws glances at each other, each one showing a different combination of emotions, ranging from annoyance to... yeah basically all annoyance.
"The cold don't change the rules, does it?" Shane says to Ed, waiting for him to get the hint, "Keep our fires low, just embers, so we can't be seen from a distance, right?"
Everyone hopes that Ed will just listen and take the log out. But their wishes go unanswered.
"I said it's cold." Ed hardens his voice, as if he could scare Shane into letting him rule the roost, "You should mind your own business for once."
Shane lets out a groan, before standing, deciding if he wants it done, Ed ain't gonna do it.
"Hey Ed." Shane mumbles as he passes Ed, giving him two pats on his shoulder as he stands next to him, "You sure you want to have this conversation, man?"
Ed looks up at Shane from his seat, thinking for a moment, weighing his options.
"Go on. Pull the damn thing out." He says after a few seconds.
Shane just stands there. He's not Ed's dog, he's not doing it for him.
"Go on!" Ed raises his voice.
Carol stands, laying her shawl on her chair next to Sophia, as she stands to take the log out.
Shane looks between Ed and the fire before pulling out the log, just so Carol doesn't have to and so he doesn't have to put up with Ed's 'Lead Cheerleader Complex'.
He tosses the burning log to the ground and stops out the flames on it.
Shane then crouches next to Carol and Sophia, "Hey, carol, Sophia, how are ya'll this evening?"
Sophia stays looking at the fire, silently, but Carol turns to Shane and answers him.
"Fine. We're just fine." "Okay." Shane says, obviously questioning her.
Ed glares the the three of them from across the fire.
"I'm sorry about the fire." Carol adds.
"No, no, no, no. No apology needed." Shane assures, "Ya'll have a good night, okay?"
They both nod and Carol whispers a "Thank you".
Shane stands again, before saying to Ed in particular, "I appreciate the cooperation."Â
The underlying sarcasm can be noted in his tone.
Shane walks back to his spot on the ground, the group watching him move.
"Have you given any thought to Daryl Dixon? He won't be happy to hear his brother was left behind." Dale asks.
"I'll tell him."T-Dog declares, "I dropped the key. It's on me."
"I cuffed him. That makes it mine." Rick counters.
"Guys, it's not a competition." Delilah says, Glenn rubs his thumb over her knuckle, his other hand holfing his now empty mug.
"I don't mean to sound racist when I say this but it might sound better coming froma white guy." Glenn adds.
"...I did what I did. hell if I'm gonna hide from him." T-Dog says firmly.
"We could lie." Amy suggests.
"Or tell the truth." Andrea says, leaving no room for argument, "Merle was out of control. Something had to be done, or he would've gotten us killed."
Andrea turns to Lori, "Your husband did what was necessary. And if Merle got left behind, it is nobody's fault but Merle's."
"And that's what we tell Daryl?" Dale asks with concern, "I don't see a rational discussion to be had from that, do you?"
Andrea shakes her head.
"Word to the wise," Dale continues, "We're gonna have our hands full when he gets back from his hunt."
"I was scared and I ran." T-Dog starts, "I'm not ashamed of it." "We were all scared. We all ran. What's your point?" Andrea asks.
"I stopped long enough to chain that door. Staircase is narrow. Maybe half a dozen geeks can squeeze against it at any one time. It's not enough to break through that. Not that chain, not that padlock. My point: Dixon's alive."
Taglist:
@kookiekult @smutinlove @far-cry-from-finality @zomb-1-egutzz
@shadowybasementmiracle @vaniniweenie @sleep-queen
@frankcastleautism @hisdahlia @carlslvr @zzombiegirl
@lunarnightt @carlmipololo @herrera2k @txrasbae
@a-vampire-bat @coveofthesiren @deathswrld
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Tags rant
no general theme i just want to yell about stuff
will delete later i think
Upd. I am doing better but won't delete it because archiving purposes and I like to reread stuff like that as diary entries and think "haha what a feeble minded fool i was"
#i think i am now extremely unhappy with my art#all i do is doodle or draw stuff for college that i don't really like#and i mean#it's fun and all#but i don't feel like it's art#and i think i started dreading doing full rendered art#because it will take so long and i need to make sh*t in 5 minutes#i don't know if it's an adhd thing or i'm just impatient i don't know i don't#and i'm sad my faith hyperfixation is fading away because it was so fun#i want to draw john but i don't know what to do w him anymore#i was never good with fanart#fanart is so freaking difficult how do people come up with good ideas all the time#all i can think about is oc stuff but it's almost never pretty and#i don't knowwwwww i am dreading i'll have to work with art#why did i think being a designer is a good idea i want nothing to do w it#i am so afraid of the future i am afraid i will have to work till the day i die#it's scary i am scared i want to do nothing i am tired for no reason at all#i have no idea where to even... live?#i should save up and try to leave this God forsaken country#but i am mortified of living on my own#i am just#i'll be fine i'll cry for a bit and everything will get better#but i am not very happy rn i'm sorry#that's about that i'm really sorry i am just scared#I WANT TO FEEL GOOD FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES AT A TIME PLEASE
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Crazy issues that come up when a character is written a little too well
#yay story time comic nobody asked for#funnily enough i will NEVER play undertale on the computer because of this#my first exposure to undertale was jacksepticeye and i am glad i didn't opt to play the game myself at the time#flowey closing the game and then the broken start up cutscene was bad enough just WATCHING it#and i STILL have to watch that chara thing at the end with a far distance from my screen and the volume down#not because of the scary face but because of the violin noise that sounds like its a repeating tone rather than a loop#and then of course the window hopping around#am also very glad i was spoiled about the spamton mercy win before i tried it myself#am slightly worried about future deltarune chapters but at least now i'm anticipating it#anyway remember when i tagged that one post ''i'm scared of computers and it's a monkey's fault''#now you know :3#i really wanted this done on thursday#and apparently dawn's brain says friday doesn't happen until after i fall asleep#so now i am awake and it is 4:30 and i hear birds chirping so nighty night#((or good morning))#yay comic :D i was right this did help a lot with getting some program familiarity#it's not the greatest paneling in the world but it's good for now#idk if i should really tag him or not#but uh#spamton#deltarune#spamton enjoyers i am so sorry#i am terrified of him only because he does his job in the story very well
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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making a list of my favorite quote/ones that stuck with me from each season 1 episode because i feel like it
(i'm starting this after episode 4 but it will be a WHILE before i post it)
episode 1: "bones are a lie peddled by Big Milk" - alice
i love this one because it's a great introduction to alice i think. also it radiates spiral so i hope we get avatar alice not dead alice (isnt there a podcast called alice isnt dead?)
episode 2: "If I wanted to clear the canvas, I would have used turpentine." - statement
this one was just fucking powerful and caught me so off guard like đś
episode 3: "What would I do without her?" - statement
the norris statement <3 it feels like martin asking what he would do without jon which makes mag200 a lot sadder and i love them
episode 4: "Perhaps you shall prove a stronger will than I, and will yet find it within yourself to destroy this hungry thing of wood and cat-gut." - statement
augustus sighting #1 and we immediately get jonah magnus expressing that it may be possible for gwen bouchard unknown family member to overcome the eye's hunger spooky violin
episode 5: "Voyeur needs to be seen to be believed." - statement
i feel like this one is pretty reflective of how the seasons gonna go? like if you explain the events of tma (mag200 specifically) no one's gonna believe you, it must be seen to be believed!! and also seen!! like the eye!!!
episode 6: "Not sca- This isnât some poxy blood test, some little pinprick, this is hundreds, thousands of razor sharp points pushing into your flesh." - needles
i love needles so much and i thought this was really funny because it was like "you dont find me scary!! what the fuck!!!" just kind of toddler michael energy
episode 7: "Itâs not like weâre wrestling with tape recorders and manila folders." - celia
STOP IT. celia you can't say that you just cannot!!!!!! you Know⢠too much maam i cant with you
episode 8: "Pleasure to meet you both. Iâm Gerry!"
RAGHHHHH OH MY GOD GERRY!!!! i love him so much and idk how to handle him being alive in the tmagp universe!! gertrude too but idk we got so much of her in tma and not nearly enough of gerry
episode 9: "And honestly, itâs kind of compelling by this point." - sam
they got him đđ the horrors got sam đđ also i found this to be an interesting contrast to jon's heavy resistance in season 1 like he was being compelled but he wasn't going to let anyone know that vs sam "its kinda compelling to trauma dump on this paperwork :]" how is he somehow even more victim material
episode 10: "Gosh youâre sexy, hereâs a twenty for your trouble.â - alice
does this count as a quote if shes also quoting what she thinks sam should say? idk anyway i love her i would say that to her if given the chance and it was very silly. i will not be addressing bonzo i am scared.
episode 11: "...Thank you, Alice" - gwen
dyhard dyhard dyhard dyhard dyhard. okay also, the way she CRUMBLED at the idea of anyone doing anything nice for her please someone give her a hug and let it be ME. this series is tossing me back and forth between sam & alice (what is their ship name) and dyhard but this put me back to dyhard
episode 12: "You know it's rude to have absolutely no game?" - alice
she's so fucking funny i need her to be okay so badly!!!! i don't think even tim made me laugh as much as she makes me chuckle and this one really got me. it's hard to write such a comedic character in a podcast since you only have the voice but they really nailed it i adore her
episode 13: "Is it my fault?" - gwen
each of these episodes just reveal a little bit more about how loving and soft gwen is and idk i love her so unbelievably much so seeing that she felt guilt about the bonzo stuff just made her so much more real :(
episode 14: "Christ, theyâre in the wallsâŚ" - statement
theyre in the walls!!! theyre in the goddamn walls!!!!! anyway that got me because i realized the hole before the statement said it. made more sad than scared tbh
episode 15: "Babies are cool!" - alice this entire interaction between her and sam & celia was so awkward, she is so obvious and i love her anyway
episode 16: "Itâs not like I was holding doors open for Mr Bonzo or anything." - gwen my wife is so so so stupid but i adore her AND this gives room for character development. i wish she did not do that though. i love when characters are flawed and have depth but i struggled to get past THIS flaw of hers
episode 17: "Thanks, I guess. Not exactly the same, though, is it?" - celia shes talking TO JON IN THE COMPUTER. SHE KNOWS. i lost my damn mind i love her i love her. get the gay people out of the puter please queen
episode 18: "Why would I need to talk to you? Your work is satisfactory. Unless you have a work-related issue I could assist you with?" - lena solidified my opinion that lena is the best boss to ever have, i adore her and i would want to work for her if she wasn't the boss of Creepy Establishment #1
episode 19: "Youâre going to throw it in the fishtank, arenât you?" - alice colin's behavior is like really worrying BUT i'm glad he's back. i was not convinced he was still alive
episode 20: "I suppose itâs too late for remorse, isnât it? And why should I be sorry? This is what IÂ deserve!" - ink5oul/statement they reminded me of jon a lot, like especially his season 3/4 transformation when he doesn't quite know everything but he knows he isn't who he was in season 1 anymore, i hope we see more of their life and they can be helped :(
episode 21: [Tape Recorder Bites Ink5oul] - audio description i know it's not technically a quote but this is just so fucking funny. why does it have teeth. what does this mean for the lore. holy shit.
episode 22: "Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood" - celia. knawing at the walls of my enclosure i am so not okay. i'm not okay. wtf. wtf. wtf. they're real. wtf.
episode 23: "I had a favorite mug. It said âlove you, bitchâ and had a picture of a drunk dog on it." - alice. okay i just love this entire interaction because gwen got to open up a little bit and my dyhard heart is so full
episode 24: "I am told that children like me, and Iâve always held the opinion that the world would be a better place if everyone just thought more." - basira. once again this whole interaction was so fun but like idk i loved hearing basira somewhat happy and in a safe place :] my wife <3
episode 25: " I am trying to help, to save us from this goddamned fucking nightmare machine!" - colin. MAN I REALLY WAS ROOTING FOR YOU!!! I WAS SO CONFIDENT YOU WEREN'T GONNA DIE!!!! it's over
episode 26: "I was worrying for a moment that you were Magnussing." - alice. MAGNUSSING BEING CANON MADE ME SAY IT EVEN MORE I'VE SAID IT LIKE TWICE ALREADY
episode 27: "You didnât tell me the room was labelled, âArchivist.â" - celia. oooooh somebody's got TRAUMAAAAA LMAO
episode 28: "So youâre telling me you know nothing about an OIAR external contract being found with the bodies of two tattooed thugs who met rather grisly ends?" - TREVOR HERBERT???? anyway. ink5oul mention!!!!! i hope they stop killing people it's really rude
episode 29: "Alice, er⌠weâve got to talk. Itâs important." - teddy. i knew it was over for him but i didn't think it was gonna be THIS bad??? bye babe i guess??? đ
episode 30: how do i even pick. the whole fucking episode. i can't. i am in a state of shock. i need to lay down for 30 years.
#honorable mentions:#âcanaries should stay above groundâ because holy shit (1)#âi donât scare so easy these daysâ because oh my god its our celia (7)#âi like themâ/âof course you doâ because weeping weeping weeping (8)#âoh no not again! oh the horrors! noooooâ that one was just really funny and not exactly part of the episode (9)#âcan he read?â (10) bc it enforces the gwen/jon parallels (âyou dont sound?? russian??â)#âthe deep will care for his bonesâ (11) it creeped me out and i loved it#âthe cover had this awful comic sans title 'mr. bonzo's on his way'â (12) comic sans font was so funny it almost made it not horrific#âI have a baby. Jack. Heâs just over a year old now.â (13) like BARNABAS. i know him.#âThe only drama is the dilemma of how I could possibly get by without you all to myself!â (14) alice.... alice....#âOh no! Who keeps taking Georgieâs face?!â (18) SHE'S BACKKKKKKK#''I swear if I hear one more word about Trevor-bloody-Herbert MP I am going to blow up Parliament.'' (27) because WHAT LMAO??? WHATTT#''when I first awoke I knew nothing nothing but the dream of things that sliced my who from me with claws like scalpels'' (30) i cried#''Theyâre gone Alice. Theyâre gone.'' (30) tweaking#''What happens now? You push me? Stab me? Or do I need to jump in myself? Come on whatâs stopping you?'' (30)#can i just put the whole episode in honorable mentions too atp.#''We are the hilltop. It is me and I am it and we are. We areâŚ'' (30)#''Yeah sure. Sorry to bother you. Goodbye Alice.'' (30)#okay i'm done#i can't i .. i ..#the magnus protocol#tmagp#magnus protocol#tmagp spoilers#tmagp season 1#the magnus pod
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What am I gonna do when croissant finishes the game their journey... TT_TT I don't wanna say goodbye to them!!
I don't know buddy I've been wondering the same thing :') Let's not think about it-
#Real talk despite knowing very little about the ending I DO have a small handful of comics I'd like to make about post-game depending on-#-how things go#I also have a slew of breadweave comics that weren't in-game events I'd like to make too#Regardless I don't think I'll just drop Croissant like a hot potato once we're finished with the game!#I love them and still really enjoy the BG3 community#but I think I will take a little break from comics for a short period#It's been....a lot of work. And a lot of the /same/ work - for months. haha#.......I am however considering making a short (non-bg3) graphic novel with a writer friend bc as it turns out making comics IS fun#We'll see!#Ok I'm done sorry for rambling ngjfkdlnsjkh#asks#Wait I'm not done one more thing: not wanting to say goodbye to Croissant is also why I STILL haven't finished the game T____T#I'm getting really close and I am SCARED
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#some thoughts incoming idk if i should share but i need to put them somewhere#it's hard being in the yr fandom since the finale when you don't share the same vision and opinion as the rest#and people make future wilmon posts or write post s3 fics (which many exist now) they just don't align with your idea at all#and they're not exciting to me at all and the whole concept just makes me upset#i don't wanna imagine Wille as a 'normal' person (not that that's ever possible anyway which the show loves to ignore)#like I'm sorry but i didn't come to the show to watch an ordinary love story and have them lead an ordinary life#the idea of Wille being a future king and them navigating that royal life together is so much more interesting#i hate that that isn't canon anymore and when ppl make posts about them it's not about that or that would only be seen as a negative thing#i don't wanna imagine a life where they are 'normal' that isn't appealing to me at all and it sucks seeing everyone embrace it#and it's like you're not allowed to want something else or think differently bc that makes you the bad person and you're just wrong#i can't be excited about their future (also bc i don't really see them going strong in the future with how they messed them up in s3)#(i also didn't want to know what could possibly happen in the future i wanted that to stay open and just be in the present)#and seeing everyone else excited and happy about it makes you feel horrible and very alone and disconnected in the fandom#i don't wanna take it away from them but i also would love to see other takes but that's basically impossible now#am i the only person who feels this way or are there any other who can relate? pls let me know#i already feel like ppl are gonna attack me for this but it's been hard especially now with Simon's month and seeing so many interpretation#navigating ao3 has also become difficult now#it's hard finding fics to read where wille stays crown prince and you don't have to be scared for that to change#i just can't read any canon compliant fics anymore and i hate it bc i hate to disagree with canon#i normally don't do that bc canon is important to me and i don't want to reject it and create my own fantasy#and that's what's upsetting#anyway sorry i had to write this#personal
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every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
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sometimes it drives me literally insane to see romance requests that are like
--I want a romance wherein it's basically the happy epilogue throughout the book
--I want a romance that has great communication and they never withhold anything from each other ever
--no "miscommunication trope"
The last thing is just a general gripe about how so many of the things people say are tropes are not tropes, and it's pedantic and snobby but like. Miscommunication is so broad. It's not a trope. People are miscommunicating. WHAT are they miscommunicating about? Is one of them keeping a secret identity from their partner? Because a secret identity romance iS a trope. Is one of them withholding their feelings out of fear of rejection?
Because people DO miscommunicate. Often writers do write it clumsily. If people miscommunicate for no reason, sure, whatever. But if they miscommunicate BECAUSE of a REASON--like, often it's not even miscommunication lol. It's the hero keeping his dire supernatural secret from his wife because she'll die if she finds out (honestly, valid to me, but whatever). It's the heroine finding it difficult to trust the hero with her heart because her dad left when she was young (maybe cliche in theory, but actually a very real thing that happens).
If all you want is plotless nothing wherein everyone is happy and nobody makes mistakes, I personally have a hard time thinking of it as a book, because there is no story. It's just vibes. And essentially EVERY time, people have to mess up and make mistakes in order for there to be a plot.
I just don't understand the point.
#romance novel blogging#if all you want is pure vibes what you want is a short form story or fanfic sorry#you don't want a book#and i'm not saying every writer does miscommunication right--romance has a lot of clumsy writers who just shove it in#(lmao)#but miscommunication is often a backbone in its most broad form of conflict#'i cannot tell you this thing because i am scared for you'#'i cannot tell you this thing because i'm scared of what you'll think of me'#'i can't tell you how i really feel bc i frankly need therapy'#these are all forms of miscommunication and the thing is that when a writer does it well you don't even call it 'miscommunication trope'#but you'll still dismiss miscommunication as bad#the long game by rachel reid is a great example#generally a really well-received book!#ilya gets distant with shane and shane doesn't take ilya's feelings as much as he should#bc ilya has depression and is not telling shane about it#and there is NO REASON for ilya to do this other than internalized shame and a tendency to hide his pain to keep others happy#this is miscommunication!!! they are not communicating well!!! and people still like the book bc rachel reid is a good writer#who knows how to convey this in a way that isn't annoying and is relatable#lol ofc all of this is also symptomatic of the fact that people can't read nuance anymore apparently#and 'character behaves badly = book bad'#(for the record ilya and shane miscommunicate a lot in both books but those books are widely loved bc again rachel is a good writer)
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Between
2x08 S: "As long as I'm doing something to help out a friend, I don't mind what it is! I just want to be there for 'em when they need me. Because at the end of the day, helping my friends is more important than anything in the world!"
3x03 Mei: "So wait, how did you get your gold vision back again?" MK: "I don't know! The same way I got them in the first place I guess. Every time I learned a new ability, it was because there was something I NEEDED to do, when there was no other way. Against the gold fish guy I NEEDED to do something to save my friends!" P: "Yeah, friends that YOU put in danger on purpose!"
3x10 MK: "NO! Mei is my best friend, Iâd never abandon her when she needs me. Weâre heroes! Itâs what we do!",
3x14 MK: "A perfect world is what you make it. So as long as I have my friends by my side...this world! Is! Perfect!â
4x01 MK: "Honestly? Iâm kinda liking the world as it is, right now. So...if it could just stay like this, forever? That would be awesome." SWK: "Yeah well...foreverâs a long time bud...trust me."
4x02 AL: "Itâs too late to save them! We canât risk unleashing the curse into the world." MK: âYou donât know! Weâd risk it for sure! I wonât abandon them when they need us."
4x07 IMK: "You can see it, can't you? This is your fate. Your friends will turn on you, seeing you for the monster you will become. They will destroy you, harbinger of chaos."
4x11 MK: "We have to try, he'd do the sameâfor any of us." and
4x14 YT: "I know full well what would happen should Azure fail. But- but he is my brother. I owe him my life." S: "We get it! I'd do anything to help my friends. But at the cost of the world?" P: "I'm sorry pal, but NOTHING worth that price!"
I'm like, really worried scoob.
#''Oh haha tdp may get into the life of one person VS the life of the world and CHET may definitely happen but at least I'm safe in LMK-''#''-what do you mean one friend isn't worth the cost of the world. WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE WON'T ABANDON THEM WHEN THEY NEED HIM.''#MK IS LITERALLY GOING TO TRADE THE WORLD FOR HIS FRIEND'S LIVES. FUCK ME. I CAN'T ESCAPE ANYTHING#Actually no. NO NO WAIT IT COULD BE WORSE.#It might legitimately come down to destroying MK or destroying the world. Or a choice that seems like those are the only two outcomes#''They will destroy you harbinger of chaos'' OH MAN. WE'RE SO FUCKED.#Nothing is off the table anymore. Azure died painfully on screen. s4 was the worst thing ever. IT'S OVER#Good thing s4 was all about false dichotomies right hahahahahaha#This comes down to: would pigsy sandy and tang really not pay that price for someone they care about.#This isn't about Mei I know SHE would. She'd do literally anything for her friends. BUT THE OTHER THREE.#SANDY CONTRADICTS HIMSELF IN 2x08 AND 4x14. I'M SCARED SCOOB#WHY MUST EXCHANGE AS A THEME BE IN EVERYTHING I LOVE#sorry if this is hard to read/incomprehensible lol#I am just like. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#lmk#lmk rant#lmk parallels#lego monkie kid#monkie kid
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it's been a month since we moved into the new apartment -
I'm so stressed. everything is stressful. we're still not done building the kitchen but it's getting there (slowly). mostly we just need to wait until we get a couple parts that weren't in stock when we ordered the rest. I'm hoping it'll be done by next weekend.
some of it is very frustrating with my brain specifically. I'm so bothered by all the tiny little things that no one else would even notice - like, some of the handles on the drawers are very slightly crooked (as in, less than a millimeter higher on one side) - but for me it's so obvious that it's impossible to ignore. my husband didn't even know what I meant when I pointed it out to him. there's also been a few slightly bigger issues, but we've solved them now (I think).
my eye has been twitching for like three to four weeks. not all the time obviously, but every few minutes. it's very, very annoying.
we still have no new info about when we'll have internet finally. it could take a while still.
on Monday a guy has to replace something in the electric roller shutters in one room - but we don't know which one yet. so either I'll have to let him into my room (awful, uncomfortable, will have to tidy up tomorrow so he could even get to the window), or I'll have to get both our cats into their carrier if it's the one in my husband's room (awful, difficult, one of them doesn't like that so he'll be scared and I'll feel bad).
also on Monday the electrician will install our stove (if he has time). then we're getting two ikea deliveries. and I've got an appointment with my (new) GP because I need a prescription, and I'm very (verrry) nervous about it.
I miss watching TV. I miss tumblr and YouTube and messaging my friends whenever I want and sending them photos all the time. I miss order and structure and (some level of) routine. I miss using real cutlery (we still haven't found ours lol).
when I was finally starting to get used to the noises in this place, the family above us moved in with their baby that cries all the time very very loudly and most of the time right above my room. so now everything is different again and I'm not adjusting well and once again I can't sleep.
but, I've listened to 14 audiobooks since we moved! that's been nice. it was the same way when we moved the last time (just over a year ago..). my favourite by far was The Thursday Murder Club. I've got the other ones in the series but I'm trying not to listen to them too quickly, so I'm gonna listen to three other books first (one is done already, so I should get there on Monday or Tuesday hopefully).
#long rambly post sorry#I miss talking about the random uninteresting shit that happens in my life on here all the time#I've got data on my phone again now at least so that's good. but the phone signal is still awful indoors so it's not that useful#but anyway.... logically I know I'm doing an okay job with unpacking and everything but it doesn't feel like it#also I'm probably gonna have to try to find at least a part time job pretty soon and I'm really really really scared. terrified.#not just of trying to find something and interviews and all that#but that I won't be able to handle it. physically and mentally. again.#I've only had one full time job (an apprenticeship actually) and I lasted 3 months.#and at my part time job I only lasted a month#like. I can barely get anything done in a day as it is. I have so little energy. everything is so fucking hard and exhausting#I truly don't understand how everyone does it. I don't understand how it's possible.#but if I don't find something we won't have money for food next month sooooo it is sort of kind of important#it sucks so fucking much. I can't stand or walk for long periods of time. can't do too much with my hands. I'm not good at dealing with#people/customers. I panic and can't think when I get nervous (which is most of the time). I can't remember shit.#so like. what job am I supposed to do??? everything hurts all the time already and I'm always tired and I'm barely keeping it together#fuuuuck this#đ#personal
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