#“The only drama is the dilemma of how I could possibly get by without you all to myself!” (14) alice.... alice....

[witchinatree]

making a list of my favorite quote/ones that stuck with me from each season 1 episode because i feel like it

(i'm starting this after episode 4 but it will be a WHILE before i post it)

episode 1: "bones are a lie peddled by Big Milk" - alice

i love this one because it's a great introduction to alice i think. also it radiates spiral so i hope we get avatar alice not dead alice (isnt there a podcast called alice isnt dead?)

episode 2: "If I wanted to clear the canvas, I would have used turpentine." - statement

this one was just fucking powerful and caught me so off guard like 😶

episode 3: "What would I do without her?" - statement

the norris statement <3 it feels like martin asking what he would do without jon which makes mag200 a lot sadder and i love them

episode 4: "Perhaps you shall prove a stronger will than I, and will yet find it within yourself to destroy this hungry thing of wood and cat-gut." - statement

augustus sighting #1 and we immediately get jonah magnus expressing that it may be possible for gwen bouchard unknown family member to overcome the eye's hunger spooky violin

episode 5: "Voyeur needs to be seen to be believed." - statement

i feel like this one is pretty reflective of how the seasons gonna go? like if you explain the events of tma (mag200 specifically) no one's gonna believe you, it must be seen to be believed!! and also seen!! like the eye!!!

episode 6: "Not sca- This isn’t some poxy blood test, some little pinprick, this is hundreds, thousands of razor sharp points pushing into your flesh." - needles

i love needles so much and i thought this was really funny because it was like "you dont find me scary!! what the fuck!!!" just kind of toddler michael energy

episode 7: "It’s not like we’re wrestling with tape recorders and manila folders." - celia

STOP IT. celia you can't say that you just cannot!!!!!! you Know™ too much maam i cant with you

episode 8: "Pleasure to meet you both. I’m Gerry!"

RAGHHHHH OH MY GOD GERRY!!!! i love him so much and idk how to handle him being alive in the tmagp universe!! gertrude too but idk we got so much of her in tma and not nearly enough of gerry

episode 9: "And honestly, it’s kind of compelling by this point." - sam

they got him 😔😔 the horrors got sam 😔😔 also i found this to be an interesting contrast to jon's heavy resistance in season 1 like he was being compelled but he wasn't going to let anyone know that vs sam "its kinda compelling to trauma dump on this paperwork :]" how is he somehow even more victim material

episode 10: "Gosh you’re sexy, here’s a twenty for your trouble.” - alice

does this count as a quote if shes also quoting what she thinks sam should say? idk anyway i love her i would say that to her if given the chance and it was very silly. i will not be addressing bonzo i am scared.

episode 11: "...Thank you, Alice" - gwen

dyhard dyhard dyhard dyhard dyhard. okay also, the way she CRUMBLED at the idea of anyone doing anything nice for her please someone give her a hug and let it be ME. this series is tossing me back and forth between sam & alice (what is their ship name) and dyhard but this put me back to dyhard

episode 12: "You know it's rude to have absolutely no game?" - alice

she's so fucking funny i need her to be okay so badly!!!! i don't think even tim made me laugh as much as she makes me chuckle and this one really got me. it's hard to write such a comedic character in a podcast since you only have the voice but they really nailed it i adore her

episode 13: "Is it my fault?" - gwen

each of these episodes just reveal a little bit more about how loving and soft gwen is and idk i love her so unbelievably much so seeing that she felt guilt about the bonzo stuff just made her so much more real :(

episode 14: "Christ, they’re in the walls…" - statement

theyre in the walls!!! theyre in the goddamn walls!!!!! anyway that got me because i realized the hole before the statement said it. made more sad than scared tbh

episode 15: "Babies are cool!" - alice this entire interaction between her and sam & celia was so awkward, she is so obvious and i love her anyway

episode 16: "It’s not like I was holding doors open for Mr Bonzo or anything." - gwen my wife is so so so stupid but i adore her AND this gives room for character development. i wish she did not do that though. i love when characters are flawed and have depth but i struggled to get past THIS flaw of hers

episode 17: "Thanks, I guess. Not exactly the same, though, is it?" - celia shes talking TO JON IN THE COMPUTER. SHE KNOWS. i lost my damn mind i love her i love her. get the gay people out of the puter please queen

episode 18: "Why would I need to talk to you? Your work is satisfactory. Unless you have a work-related issue I could assist you with?" - lena solidified my opinion that lena is the best boss to ever have, i adore her and i would want to work for her if she wasn't the boss of Creepy Establishment #1

episode 19: "You’re going to throw it in the fishtank, aren’t you?" - alice colin's behavior is like really worrying BUT i'm glad he's back. i was not convinced he was still alive

episode 20: "I suppose it’s too late for remorse, isn’t it? And why should I be sorry? This is what I deserve!" - ink5oul/statement they reminded me of jon a lot, like especially his season 3/4 transformation when he doesn't quite know everything but he knows he isn't who he was in season 1 anymore, i hope we see more of their life and they can be helped :(

episode 21: [Tape Recorder Bites Ink5oul] - audio description i know it's not technically a quote but this is just so fucking funny. why does it have teeth. what does this mean for the lore. holy shit.

episode 22: "Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood" - celia. knawing at the walls of my enclosure i am so not okay. i'm not okay. wtf. wtf. wtf. they're real. wtf.

episode 23: "I had a favorite mug. It said “love you, bitch” and had a picture of a drunk dog on it." - alice. okay i just love this entire interaction because gwen got to open up a little bit and my dyhard heart is so full

episode 24: "I am told that children like me, and I’ve always held the opinion that the world would be a better place if everyone just thought more." - basira. once again this whole interaction was so fun but like idk i loved hearing basira somewhat happy and in a safe place :] my wife <3

episode 25: " I am trying to help, to save us from this goddamned fucking nightmare machine!" - colin. MAN I REALLY WAS ROOTING FOR YOU!!! I WAS SO CONFIDENT YOU WEREN'T GONNA DIE!!!! it's over

episode 26: "I was worrying for a moment that you were Magnussing." - alice. MAGNUSSING BEING CANON MADE ME SAY IT EVEN MORE I'VE SAID IT LIKE TWICE ALREADY

episode 27: "You didn’t tell me the room was labelled, “Archivist.”" - celia. oooooh somebody's got TRAUMAAAAA LMAO

episode 28: "So you’re telling me you know nothing about an OIAR external contract being found with the bodies of two tattooed thugs who met rather grisly ends?" - TREVOR HERBERT???? anyway. ink5oul mention!!!!! i hope they stop killing people it's really rude

episode 29: "Alice, er… we’ve got to talk. It’s important." - teddy. i knew it was over for him but i didn't think it was gonna be THIS bad??? bye babe i guess??? 😭

episode 30: how do i even pick. the whole fucking episode. i can't. i am in a state of shock. i need to lay down for 30 years.

[allpiesforourown]

Okay, okay, permanent-pregnancy for Shizun anon back again. I have read the worries people have, but have been too sick meanwhile to answer, but here it goes! Like, there is no reason to worry about the potential child, because you just have to decide what is your goal when making Shizun pregnant??? Children don't have to be involved at all!

Like, we know Shizuns love of the monstrous right?? What if he had a little accident when finding a new plant and after he is saved he finds it left a little something behind? And of course this plant is extremely rare so he couldn't possibly just let it's offspring die, no the only option is to carry it to term and then safely release it back into nature! He would be so cute and excited about learning about it, but also sooooooo shy, why did it have to be like this, oh, but he can't show that to the other lord's if they then decide to remove it, he is way too protective for that! So as his disciples it is of course our responsibility to make sure Shizuns is cared for and all his needs met while the little baby plant grows inside him!! (And if afterwards Shizuns realised this is the only way to keep the plant from dying out... Shizun is so kind and sometimes sacrifices have to be made)

But what if it is us breeding him that is the point? Well, I imagine Binghe and Shizun having shameless sex doing dual cultivation and as Binghe *AHEM* in Sizhun their cultivation mix and a new spirit is created. Something between demonic cultivation and human cultivation, something never seen before! Something only they could make together and now have to foster and grow! Since this isn't a normal pregnancy who knows how long it will last, just how it will affect sweet kind Shizun? Certainly, it is up to dear Binghe to make certain all Shizuns needs are met no matter what!!! (And if suddenly other cultivators want that new cultivation core and tries to kidnap Shizun? Well, then it is ours Binghes responsibility to save him each time which means Shizun would gladly reward us in any way we wanted!)

Okay, but what about some darker drama?? Shizun stuck in the Water Prison and Binghe can't have him running, what do he do? He finds an artifact that keeps Shizun pregnant and vulnerable (Not with actual child, it is just a curse), because how can he run when his feet hurt and stomach grows? How could he show himself to the rest of the world when he is like this? No, now he has to stay with Binghe and hopefully this will give Binghe time to prove himself for Shizun! And once they finally talk and clear the misunderstandings, then Binghe of course undoes the curse and they live happily ever after! (And if they keep the artifact for some... More adventurous evenings, that is between Binghe and Shizun)

And of course, what if you want to go full horror? Shizun becomes cursed without his knowledge and nothing we do can find the source or undo it! As he gets morning sickness, slowly grows larger, has all these weird cravings, there is no doubt what it is! But how could it be possible? Shizun knows he is a virgin, never even thought about the deed, how could this have happened? And he is a man, this shouldn't even be possible! He would be so scared and lost and we would be there to hold his hand and for him to have a shoulder to cry on as he shared all his worries and we would stay by his side during it all, so he never felt alone. Who knows what will happen, but we do know we will never leave Shizun! (And as long as he is like this... Then I suppose Shizun could never leave us...)

The point is, you need to ask yourself, what is the goal with the preggers Shizun kink?? None of these examples require an actual child to be involved, like we don't need to consider ethical dilemmas here! Do we want Shizun protecting the rare life growing inside of him? To we want to see him fill out with something we Binghe gave him, something created together? Do we want the drama of using the vulnerability against him until we finally understand each other? Or do we love the horror and a scared Shizun who can only go to us for support? So many different directions to go and each of them delicious in their own way! The wonders of fiction mean there are no limits of what we can put Shizun through OR how we save him <3

Sorry about my ramblings, just wanted to share my thoughts <3 Hopefully one or more of these scenarios will be written out soon, just have to write a few more chapters for my fic first!

Have a great day!

Op I am genuinely flabbergasted. I don't think anyone has ever out-horny'd me like this when it comes to shizun. I am listening and learning. Pondering all these mpreg alternatives. Thank you

[adolin]

director’s commentary for like a knife in my throat? 🙏🙏

omggg thank you for asking!

like a knife in my throat — (F1 RPF, Nico/fem!Lewis, Rule 63, 2015 F1 Season, Pregnancy, messy vibes all around <3)

“I don’t need you to hand me a championship,” he snaps. Lewis doesn’t say: You’ve been handed everything else.

This was called BABYTRAPPING FIC in my scrivener for weeks which. is exactly what the fic is about. shoutout to @antspaul who had never watched a vroom vroom before I speedran brocedes lore in their DMs so I could be like “These are the vibes now help me brainstorm the het version 🙏”

This was technically a kinkmeme fill but the prompt was quite broad ("brocedes but one of them is a woman") so I pretty much had free reign. My reasoning for the vibes of the ship was just... given the RL lore, if it was het, it would absolutely be a codependent relationship since teenage years kind of scenario. Mildly claustrophobic sort of relationship where they've never really looked at anyone else, never took time to step back and reassess their life without the other, and their lives are so intertwined and when it's good it's great! When it's bad it's suffocating.

the reasoning for making it Nico/fem!Lewis instead of the other way around was that I really wanted to write rancid pregnancy fic and characterisation-wise this felt easier

also, it's a dynamic that lets me make more of their dysfunctionality internal and not external; it kind of compounds their existing privilege disparities instead of offsetting themselves. I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself well but like — in this scenario they can be together. They're not going against established norms (which I think would be the case with Lewis/f!Nico to some extent even if it's het.) ALL the drama is coming from inside the house :3

(There's a lot to be explored in f!Nico/Lewis hetcedes fic and maybe one day I'll write that too but it's a whole different vibe)

Speaking of compounding existing privilege disparities: the whole crux of this fic is that f!Lewis can not deal with the thought of Nico beating her.

The only thing she really has going for her above him is that she's the undisputed better driver. If that changes, even once, she wouldn't be able to live with herself while being in a relationship with him. But she doesn't want to give up that relationship not really because they belong to each other. Hand in unlovable hand!!! also beating him turns her on. Nico's side of this is that he's like. Extremely possessive in return. I can't beat you but I will have you. Nobody else gets to have that but me.

Anyway. BABYTRAPPING. The natural solution to all their dilemmas. Because I choose to believe they're the kind of couple who've lowkey talked about having children at some point in the distant future, it's just that they can't really do it now, and it was always a fond hypothetical (and Nico was always way more into it than Lewis, bc ofc he wasn't the one who'd have to get pregnant you know) and now Lewis decides to jump the gun in the most toxic possible way. She's like, THIS is what we're gonna do. You get to win but it's on my terms. She's giving Nico everything he's ever wanted buuut it comes with a side of mind games and yanking his chain.

However. It's very important for me to note that this is not unilateral. Nico DOES get everything he's ever wanted. They ARE both into this.

and in the sequel that lives in my head, and maybe one day I will write, he's going to be the most inconvenient possible wag, like, he's going to be AROUND. He's going to be Tashi Duncan. He's going to make sure people know he's Supporting Lewis (she was the one who wanted to keep their relationship secret). He's going to put a huge rock on her finger and be like, Oh I'm so lucky I get to have her and it's all very possessive and unhinged. I was actually surprised by how some comments were like "Oh f!Lewis is sooo cold she's got Nico exactly where he wants him" and I'm like, but he's also a bit nasty!!! It's very important to me that the rancid is twofold.

Fic title is from this verse by Sonya Vatomsky

When I finished writing this fic I had to to show Carp a lot of irl-Nico lore bc I felt bad for character assassinating him in the fanfictions. Like btw he's actually a #feministdad who respects the women in his life! And then unfortunately fell into the trap of finding a 40yo millionaire venture capitalist cute. I'm still there. Somebody rescue me

anyway thank u for letting me go on and on and on about this fic I genuinely loved writing it :D

[fanfic writers director’s cut meme!]

[arlecchinos-enlightened]

My TMAGP 14 Thoughts! (with spoilers ahead of course)

I thought it was silly when Alice hit Celia with the whole "the only drama is the dilemma of how I could possibly get by without you all to myself" when Celia asked if there was gonna be drama because of her dating Sam, and how Celia started with such a serious response only for Alice to shut it all down with a joke. People are going to bite down on that moment and keep fighting for the polyprotocol or protocule or whatever people call it

Also snakes? that many snakes? why so many snakes

Oh, it could be any institute, Sam you silly sausage we all know it's the magnus one

[akaikali]

TMAGP EP 14 REACTION (SPOILERS)

Oh dear GOD we're starting with awkward okay here we go.

ALICE ACTING LIKE SHE DOESNT CARE ABIUT THE DATE. also Celia's hesitation when she said good.

Wait wasn't CELIA the one who brought up work???

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME CELIA AND ALICE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE THE POLYCULE PLEASE

why do I feel like Celia might actually like Alice too help me I'm horrible at reading into these things but the way she says "Alice..." when Alice says "The only drama is the dilemma of how I could possibly get by without you all to myself!" Celia doesn't sound tired or worried. She sounds SURPRISED.

Gwen???? Babygirl are you OKAY????

Chester statement!!

OH GOD PESTS. NO. WE'RE GETTING BUGS AREN'T WE. JANE??? MY LADY PRENTISS IS THAT. IS THAT YOU.

Wait. Not bugs. Reptiles???? MOSQUITOS???? OH MY GOD WAIT. IS IT THE MURDER MOSSIES????

Oh no the case giver is screwed. She got scratched. She's done for.

God I hate this ep I do not like bugs have I ever mentioned I don't like bugs. I really hate bugs.

Holy shit.

Holy shit what the fuck. Snakes???? So we're going down the reptile road????

IS SHE PLAYING FNAF IRL THEY SAID CCTV OFFICE IN THE CLOSET LMFAO

Is the shopkeeper also one of the Things, like Needles and Ink5oul??? It seems like it.

OH GOD YEAH THIS IS SO GROSS BLEHHHH body horror with creatures inside the body is not something I like. At all.

HEY WHAT. THE SHOPKEEPER WAS ALSO REJECTED FROM THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE???? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???? THIS IS SO WERD SEEING AS GERRY WAS ACTUALLY ACCEPTED. BUT IT SEEMS LIKE SHOPKEEPER WASNT???? AND HE BECAME A WEIRD AVATAR THING???? SAM SWEETIE I HAVE CONCERNS FOR YOU

Oh Sam sweetie :((( I'm sorry no one is listening to you except Celia. I wonder if that's part of it too. He likes her because she listens and doesn't shut down his ideas. I love Alice but it must hurt Sam when he's so invested to keep having his friend shut it down and not even tell him why. And then with Gwen too, their interaction at the end really reminded me of Jon and Tim.

It's also kind of sad to me that Gwen doesn't seem to MEAN for her words to hurt Sam, she was just stating a fact. He wouldn't understand. And she's right, I mean, the only reason SHE understands is because she had to fucking meet Mr. Bonzo herself. When she says "That's not-" it seems like she wanted to explain herself but realized it's not worth it. It wouldn't change what he though of her. Gwen my autistic babygirl. You gotta communicate.

Anyways yeah I'll post more if I come up with anything but for now, nothing new.

[quackle]

How would you rank the first 8 episodes of season 2 if you had to?

hmmmm, i'd have to go in this order, from best to worst: 7, 4, 2, 3, 1, 5, 6, 8. long rambling reasonings below cut:

7: because holy shit this ep was so fucking funny for no reason. definitely a perfect ep. to me. we got mkulia looking soooo real here. we got peak damien finding the immunity idol. we got a hilarious challenge with that whole hilarious ass hunger games-esque segment. we got ripaxel (and lost them, which... pfft sorry i laughed a little even though i also felt bad). and we got OWEN!!!!! like.... idc this has been the best ep by farrrrrr.

4: hated the elimination so much but everything else was kinda sorta really perfect. the challenge gives this ep soooo many bonus points like i LOVED learning character lore. and that cheating plot? the internal struggle within team skunk butt?? especially bowie's internal struggle after lying to his boyfriend??? CHEF'S KISS. also ripaxel made me cry laughing so there's that.

2: i also really loved this challenge. like when julia joined the clogged toilet with raj, wayne, and bowie, and she was like "SOMEBODY. HELPPPP ☹️" or every time someone hit the damn basketball rim. or wayne's laugh at julia's scream. or when chris counted the bear as a point for team skunk butt, just because. ugh it was soooo total drama. i love this show.

3: ok the rat faces + that whole ripaxel moment were admittedly less interesting here to me, but i loved the cheat vs no cheat side of skunk butts. it was SO enjoyable to watch this unstable ass team, and the intro to bowie's dilemma was sooooo good. and those mkulia moments... ugh fun fun fun!!!! (also nichelle ladonna slayed and my fav rare pair duo damichelle was born sooooooo yippee!!!)

1: this ep was a nice intro to the season. drama was at an all time high. granny ax was an absolute icon. nichelle ladonna GAGGED EVERYONE. so fun. (also i'm personally biased to this ep because i'm always thinking about the short lived parallel between scary girl and nichelle in particular, but that's a topic i can ramble about elsewhere lol)

5: FUCK THIS ELIMINATION (hashtag i'm biased). otherwise an okay ep. team rat face was sooooo found family here. to me. and the cheating plot was once again fun to see unfold. and this was quite possibly the only time we got to see ripper participate with his team without axel as a distraction and... i kinda wish we got to see that more from him? but alas.

6: i... personally don't care much for the priya/caleb plot? and a lot of this ep had that. so. eh. damien got immunity tho and that whole "juliaaaaaa, i'm your partnerrrrr 😈" bit from wayne had me rolling and that rajbow moment where they carried the canoe was sooooo cute. so it gets a bonus point for all that (hashtag i'm biased).

8: i... didn't really care for this challenge at all actually. and once again, a lot of priya/caleb. like. most of this ep had me going "oh. miscommunication incoming. how fun. 🫤" did i wish caleb went home instead of zee? uh. yes actually, if only to escape miscommunication! if i could cut a plot point this season, that would be number one. but that's another ramble for another time.

[thequietmanno1]

Thelreads, Vigilantes 77, Replies Part 1

1) “Time for Vigilantes, which, again, I was asked to warn will be getting a bit heavier from now onward, which can mean anything from someone licking vomit to sexual assault being passed as joke. Such is the inner world of Furuhashi.”-Spot-on, minus the joking part. This is serious time now, for Koichi, Pop, and all individuals wrapped up in this ongoing drama. That means if they’re gonna imply Nomura took advantage of Pop’s current situation for that, then they’ll damm well imply it, and let the thought stew in our heads. 2) “Oh, there he is, bringing forth his inner spidey, oh I missed you, you fucking dumbass(affectionate)”- Izuku has the webs, Koichi has the clinginess, together, they are the Incredible Spider boys! 3) “Shooting practice, I see. Well, if he`s gonna snipe a bee from the sky then he better get ready to shot a lot farther than that. 20 meters is insultingly close, no way Pop is gonna let him get that close.”- Well, like Soga says, it’s also limited to being inside their current private training grounds in case anybody witnesses them training outside, but getting Koichi to get the hang of shooting a target with pinpoint accuracy has to start from somewhere, and whilst they’ve got a lot more advantages than they did without Knuckle’s cache before, they’re still not running on an official hero budget here. Gotta make do with what they have. 4) “Again, we will discuss names later on, alright? For now, just visualize a spiky hair on that target in front of you.”-Well, if he shortens it to SGKB, it actually goes sound a lot more gun-like and ‘official’ as an attack name. 5) “I didn`t expected that much spread. Sure, all the target you trained on were closer, but even so, I was expecting a bit more accuracy, although you didn`t ever had to push the power that much those past three years, so, kinda understandable.

Kinda.”- He actually hit the non-human targets straight in the bullseye, but because of his subconscious mental roadblock, he intentionally aims any harmful blows away from humanoid targets…which in fact, indicates how precise his control actually is when you think about it. Unleashing a rapid-fire blast like that straight out in a quick-draw motion and aiming every single round that might hurt a human away from them, whilst precisely hitting the others dead-on, indicates Koichi’s got quite the dead-eye on him.

6) “Alright, so the problem is a mental barrier preventing him from hitting her. Now that`s bullshit, but we`ll let it slide because I want to see my kid growing since the last two years had none of that. “- It might be because I recently saw Trigun: Stampede, but Koichi’s issues here remind me of Vash’s main dilemma throughout the series. Like Koichi, Vash has an insanely nice demeanour even in a world that rewards his kindness with cruelty, only he has a more proactive stance towards the conflicts that erupt around him – namely, that whilst he abhors violence and refuses to kill another person, he will draw and fire for non-lethal attacks in order to incapacitate his opponents if the situation starts escalating and people won’t be talked down from possibly hurting others. To do this, he’s cultivated some crazy reflexes and shooting skills to be capable of defusing any kind of violent shootout without killing or letting his opponents kill. I see Koichi’s struggles here as him starting to come closer to being that archetype- somebody who dislikes hurting others and always wants to avoid violence, but is deceptively competent at it when it comes down to throwing hands, precisely because he doesn’t want to hurt the opponent more than necessary

7) “And I think that problem could be solved if Koichi managed to get up close to Pop, that way he wouldn`t have a chance of missing, and he could unleash it at full power. You know, like he did with the Octo Nomu three years before?”- He hasn’t quite gotten round to the mentality of unleashing a machine-gun blast of SGKBs yet. He can do it with the regular, non-lethal rounds just fine, but like he says, those are too slow and won’t keep up with Pop’s mobility like his new, actually-lethal move. Instead, he’s got a small, roughly 6-round shooting stance he can pull off, but can’t keep that state of mine for too long, or push it too hard, in part because some part of him knows how dangerous it is and really doesn’t want to let it hurt anybody even those he’s aiming it against. It’s fine for non-human targets, but against Pop, Koichi likely could kill or even cripple her with a single stray shot, so whilst it’s far easier to take her down with it, he can’t get himself into the mentality to actually do that.

8) “ Oh? so my idea of getting up-close to her before hitting her with full power is up? Hell yeah, time to see the cockroach chase the bee around, that`s gonna be fun”- A drive-by shooter on a motorcycle vs a drone pilot with guided missiles. Let the chase commence.

9) “Also, I think that training how to dodge would be better if they had like, a paintball gun, because projectiles are faster and would force him to make quicker moves than two dumbasses with melee weapons.”- You think Knuckle keeps any namby-pampy paintball guns in here? It’s real lead that goes into these weapons only, to be use with maximum overkill on any punks still littering up his streets.

10) “Now this is what I wanted to see- Well, not them being buddies and even sleeping on the same bed, but koichi showing his determination to become a hero for the people that matter, and pushing himself to the limit.”- Also becoming competent by doing what Izuku does for a habit and relentlessly training himself to achieve his goals, though in this case it helps that Koichi now actually has a goal to strive for.

11) “C`mon Koichi, you can carry more than that, put a bit more weight on that back. You see, by now Midoriya had already dragged a 90-kilos fridge across a beach, and he didn`t even had a sliding quirk to help him!”- True, but on the other hand, because he didn’t have a quirk to take some of the load off, Izuku is by now demonstrably more buff than Koichi. Even Knuckles, whose Quirk was speed-based, pumped some serious iron to keep himself in fighting form even without his main power. Understandably, Koichi’s not really the punching type, but I still expect him to start gaining some definition now he’s actually starting to become a true-blue hero in training.

12) “You see, this was the years that Uraraka`s family business was at its peak, but alas, Koichi had to stop the fun and prevent them from earning their honest money. What a monster that Koichi boy is”- Actually, another factor in Vash’s issues with being a ‘nice guy’ in a relentlessly cynical world is that his efforts to avoid killing caused a lot of collateral damage, to the point he’s widely known as a walking disaster. I’m just saying, if Koichi’s arc takes him on a similar path, business is going to be booming for people like Uraraka’s folks.

13) “Heroes on patrol on a hero society? Shut your mouth at such absurd concept, it is impossible for such an event to take place!”- Well, likely a higher-than-average number of heroes patrolling this lower section of the city at least. There’s a difference between cops being spread out over an entire city-state and being concentrated around a single neighbourhood.

14) “Which is a shame that she was brainwashed, it would`ve been so much more fun if she was actually corrupted into the dark side and choose to blow shit up, but then again, Furuhashi letting a female character have agency? Preposterous.”- Honestly, whilst that would have been more engaging, I’d have had a harder time rooting for Koichi to save Pop if that was the case. It’s hard to balance the extreme destruction Pop caused, and thus escalated the stakes to a point of no return, against keeping her character sympathetic, especially if she’s doing it of her own violation. Pop losing her agency and being forced into this role is bad, but on the other hand, it’d have been too much of a 180 from her previous nice self, built up over the manga’s storyline thus far, for her to still be saved and deserved to be protected from the repercussions of this. Looking at Toga, for example, shows that she can be sympathetic, maybe even convinced to not fight the heroes, but she does not deserve to get away scot-free after she’s gleefully killed and hurt others to sate her own wants and needs at the expense of their wellbeing. It’s tragic that she just doesn’t get that hurting others is wrong, and maybe she could be convinced not to do it if somebody else sees her perspective on events- somebody that won’t enable her violent tendencies like the rest of the league did, even if they meant well by it- but it’d be equally unfair to the victims and surviving family members and loved ones of those she hurt if she wasn’t made to face the consequences. Pop getting possessed and forced to do these bombings against her will means she’s more sympathetic, if lacking agency to affect events herself, but it also means we root more for Koichi to help her even if it means going up against official heroes and becoming a target himself.

15) “Uhhhh, okay? That`s your analysis of it? Okaaaay… I have no idea how you came to this conclusion with the current evidences presented, but sure, since you`re an example of high perception towards other`s feelings and all that.”-Well, he does have personal experience with not being able to tell when he’s going too far with his actions- beyond the point of recovery, depending on your perspective. But apparently Furuhashi decided that was enough to upgrade him to the group’s psychiatrist, alongside their analyst.

16) “Now what`s the hurry Koichi? She just blew up a few buildings, let her have a bit more fun, ignore what that jackass there said. Jesus, god forbid women do anything in this world.”- Well, the larger and more frequent the incidents and the more destruction happens, the more the chances of All Might getting involved go up, and if Koichi ends up going against him, then it’s game over man. @thelreads

[beels-burger-babe]

Hi! I saw that requests are open, if it's not a problem could i request Satan reacting to MC coming to him with new books every time they hang out because they want him to read them out loud since they have a short attention span? Like, Satan would be reading said book while MC is drawing or doing something else.

I have adhd and reading books that are not digital is a nightmare for me, so him reading out loud would be pretty relaxing.

Btw it's up to you if you wanna do headcanons or a oneshot!

ABSOLUTELY!!! So this is actually my first request and I'm super excited because as someone who also has ADHD I can totally relate! I hope you like it!

Too Still, Too Quiet

GN!MC with ADHD Summary: Satan notices that MC seems to have a hard time hanging out with him; he's determined to get to the bottom of the issue and find a solution.

After living in the House of Lamentation for nearly a year, you've grown accustomed to the many quirks that came with living with the seven Lords of the Devildom. You had gotten close to the brothers, and as they picked up on your symptoms for your ADHD, they each found their own ways of being helpful. Lucifer had always known, as it was written on your file, and made a point of sending you subtle reminders throughout the day to keep you organized and on task. He brushed it off saying that it merely prevented him from having to go after you later on if you forgot or did something incorrectly.  Mammon was no stranger to having a hard time prioritizing and staying focused and took pride in lending you some of the different tools he used to fidget with. After all, his human deserved the best, and you couldn’t get any better than using something that belonged to the great Mammon. Leviathan’s room provided a relaxing atmosphere with just enough stimulation to keep your brain satisfied enough to focus on your school work and tasks. The sounds of the aquarium provided a fantastic back ground noise, and Levi always took caution in wearing his headphones when he gamed if you were working in his room to not add to the distractions around you.  Asmodeus had a good eye for when you were growing too frustrated by the regular chaos that tended to fill the House of Lamentation and would pull you aside to his room for some self-care to help calm you down. There was nothing like a head message and face mask from Asmo as he happily gossiped about the latest drama in The Fall to help ground you.  Beelzebub, on the other hand, was great at noticing when you were starting to grow restless. In those moments, he’d not-so-subtly state that he was heading to the gym and it’d sure be nice if he had someone to join in before very obviously making eye contact with you. At first you had a hard time figuring out a good balance between a work out that satisfied Beel while also not killing you. But now the two of you easily worked with each other until you were both sweating, smiling, and happy. He also made sure to remind you to eat through out the day whenever you went to a round of hyper-fixation on something. Belphegore wasn’t particularly helpful when it came to your forgetful spells or disorganization as, being the Avatar of Sloth, he would normally encourage such behavior. Instead, he did what he did best, and helped put your wandering mind to ease whenever you were trying to sleep.  The only person, and not for a lack of trying, that you just couldn’t seem to find a flow with was Satan. 

He was too quiet and organized for you to be able to stand being around him for long periods of time. You had tried hanging out with him a couple of times, but after a few minutes of him silently reading or him explaining whichever text he was currently studying, you would grow restless and distracted.  Which brought you to your current situation.  Satan had invited you to come relax in his room with him, as the rest of his brothers were dealing with the aftermath of their most recent dilemma. It wasn’t so bad at first, some light conversation here, some banter there, but soon your mind started to wander off to the spines of the endless books around you as you pondered on what might be inside them.  “MC?”  Your attention snapped back onto Satan, who stood frowning at you. You blushed and scratched the back of your neck. “Oh, I’m sorry. I got a little distracted. What were you saying?”  Satan sighed as his frown deepened.  “I’ve noticed that tends to happen a lot with you. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!” He quickly amended raising his hands in defense. “But it seems particularly bad when you’re with me. You get quite jittery and I don’t think you’ve ever stayed in my room longer than ten minutes,” for a second his eyes almost looked sad as he looked over at you, “Is it something I’m doing? Do I make you uncomfortable?”  “No! Satan, no, it’s not you I promise!” You quickly reassured moving closer to him. “It’s just well I have a hard time staying still and focusing on things and when it gets too quiet it bothers me because then my brain is like hyper fixating on the smallest noises in the room, even though I’m supposed to be focusing on what you’re saying or my work, and it’s like, is that a page a turning or a something scratching at the door and then I start wondering about what kind of things could be in here and-”  “MC.” Satan cut off, though he didn’t seem annoyed. In fact, his eyes now gleamed with a sense of understanding. “Do you happen to have ADHD?”  “Yeah, I thought you all knew? Lucifer told all of you when I arrived right? That’s why everyone is so-” you moved your hand in a vague gesture that even you weren’t entirely sure what it was meant to symbolize.  Satan huffed and shook his head. “Lucifer did no such thing. I imagine he would’ve told us if it came to be a big enough problem. But you know him. He takes pride in being the only one to know certain things. “  You frowned and tilted your head in confusion. “But then what about the others? They’ve all been helping me out for months now.”  Satan placed a hand under his chin in thought, “They most likely took note of individual symptoms and decided to help. Belphegore, and possibly even Leviathan and Asmodeus may have put two and two together, but the rest probably think you’re just forgetful or that you’re restless,” he smiled reassuringly at you, “but that’s besides the point. Now that I know, I can help make you feel more at ease when you’re with me. What’s the main issue that you-” “It’s too quiet!” You quickly cut off, causing Satan to raise an eyebrow. “When we’re in here relaxing and you’re just reading and I’m supposed to be reading too, it’s too quiet. I try to focus on the book, but my mind keeps jumping around to other things. And I want to read all those books you’ve recommended to me, I really do, but I start feeling bored after a little while and next thing I know I jumping sentences without noticing and then I’ve gone an entire chapter with no recollection of what I’ve just read because I wasn’t really paying attention to the words at all I was just flipping pages without realizing it, so I have to go back and re-read the whole thing all over again!” You throw your hands in the air in frustration. “Is exhausting and makes me feel dumb, so I get up and do something else instead.”  Satan nodded, taking in every word carefully. “Well first of all,” you yelped as he flicked your forehead.  “Ouch! What was that for?!”  The demon smirked and crossed his arms over his chest. “For calling yourself dumb. Just because you have more difficulty with literature than others, does not mean you’re dumb. You simply require a different reading strategy than what most consider “usual”, and I believe I have a solution that would suit both of us,” you perked up at his words. “I recommended those books to you because I greatly enjoyed them myself. How about, when you’re here, you can choose a book you want to read, and I will read it out loud for you? That should help, yes?”  A light airy warmth filled your chest at just how accommodating Satan was willing to be. “But what about the books that you were reading?”  The demon shrugged, “I can always read them in my spare time.” He moved closer to take your hands into his, silently demanding your full attention. “I want to spend more time with you and get to know you better. I want you to be comfortable and be able to be yourself when you’re around me without feeling stressed. This is honestly the least I could do for you, MC.”  Blushed rushed to your cheeks as you felt your heart flutter in your chest. You awkwardly cleared your throat and took your hands back, rubbing them on your legs as you noted how clammy they were. “I think I-I would like that a lot” The grin on Satan’s face widened as he took one of your hands and lead you deeper into the bookshelves of his room. “Splendid! Then why don’t we get try right away? Take you pick, MC, I will be your narrator for the evening and for as long as you wish.”  ***** I hope this was something along the lines of what you were looking for! It is a little short, but I hope you like it. Thank you so much for the request, I loved it! Requests are OPEN and I would definitely love to complete some more if anyone has any ideas or prompts that they’d like me to complete. Just send in an ask and, if I feel comfortable with it, I’ll do my best to make a fic for it!

[theehcneypot]

CHAPTER TWO:  MARRY ME?

PAIRING: Seijuro Akashi x OC (Kasumi Hashimoto)

TYPE: Drama, Angst, contract marriage AU

WORD COUNT: 888

WARNING(S) FOR THIS CHAPTER: Swearing, 

A/N: Honestly I didn’t get a chance to edit it so if there are any errors I’m sorry in advance. 

Akashi continued to stand there, as the group resumed their conversation. Kasumi still embarrassed from earlier excused herself and made a beeline to the guest room. Pitying the female and her current situation reminded him of his own dilemma and the reason he originally came to Aomine’s house. Getting Midorima’s attention, the red head signal for the male to follow out to the back patio. While no one paid attention to the male, Midorima slipped out without the others noticing him.

Glancing back as he heard footsteps, watching as Midorima stood only a few feet from him, leaning against the siding of the house he turned his gaze back to the glistening moon “you know they say the saddest thing about betrayal...is that it never comes from your enemies” he quoted as he ran his fingertips lightly brushed over Kaori’s rose bush. It stung to know that the woman who he thought he would spend the rest of his life with would betray him but he took this as a lesson learn, “so she betrayed you” Midorima stated instead of asking, already having an idea of what took place. “Wow, didn’t see that coming” he spoke sarcastically, the first time Midorima met Ichika, he knew then she wasn’t no good, everyone in their circle of friends could see Ichika for what she really was a lying, backstabbing, gold digging bitch except for Akashi who was evidently blinded by love and wouldn’t listen to reason.

Releasing a sigh the green haired male took a seat at the nearby patio table “so what’s the plan now?” he questioned, hoping that the male had come to some logical solution for this mess. “Well the first solution was to humiliate her publicly by breaking the engagement off on national television and the second option was to find someone else to marry so she wouldn’t be entitled to any of mines or my family assets” he answered. Thinking of the two options that Akashi presented, Midorima weighed in on the pros and cons of each option “with the first option if you did that you would be adding fuel to the fire and she’d probably try to get revenge for humiliating her like that, but the other isn’t bad the only problem is who would you get to marry you, that you can trust?” he asked.

Although Midorima was leaning more toward option two, he was also worry for Akashi and his mental and emotional wellbeing not wanting Akashi to convert back to the old Akashi. and knowing just how important trust was for him. He didn’t want Akashi taking his hurt and anger out on whoever he choose to wed. Grabbing his phone out of his pocket Midorima went to the Oha Asa horoscopes app to check on Akashi love horoscope.

There are strong chances that Sagittarius men may meet a perfect partner in 2022. So, if you are a Sagittarius, you may be fortunate in love in 2022. Nonetheless, you should be cautious about who you pick. Once in a while, Sagittarius’ hunger for experience can construct or destroy his relationship. This is why it is important to find all the possible outcomes before choosing a partner and then proceeding with it. The concise relationships can be intriguing, and you may prompt disappointment. Therefore, it is prescribed for Sagittarius to zero in on heartfelt exercises that additionally acquire benefits the since a long time ago run.

Sagittarius 2022 relationship horoscope says that the year 2022 works with marriage. Concerning weddings, it ought to be an important occasion. 2022 is the ideal year to stop chastity. The couples who are as of now living separately may come together to make an ultimate peace of joy. It is likewise sure that in 2022, the young couple will try and purchase their own home.

Single Sagittarius need not be worried as there will be chances to meet your dream partner. It may not lead to marriage sometimes, but you can count on them as your ever-loving partner for life. Nonetheless, you can begin marriage proceedings in June, July, November, or December month.

Pushing his glasses up he release a sigh of relief after reading the horoscope, due to the horoscope there was at least a fifty fifty chance that the fake marriage idea could actually work out for both parties instead of being a disaster. “I think option two would be the better option the only thing finding someone in such a short time” he spoke, listening to Midorima Akashi couldn’t help but agree sitting down in deep thought, as he tried to consider who he could ask to marry him.

Shortly after the two males heard a noise near the kitchen, quickly getting up to investigate the sound. Akashi stumble upon Kasumi in the kitchen gapping at the startled female, an idea came to Akashi, a bright idea that could possibly benefit the both of them and before she knew it she was face to face with Akashi who intense stare cause her to become flustered wondering why he was gazing at her like that. “Do I have something on my face?” she questioned, as she began to wipe off any imaginary crumbs, still in a dazed and not paying much attention to Kasumi’s question without a hesitation Akashi blurted out “Marry me?!”

@vespersposts​ , @sailewhoremoon​

[dragynkeep]

The thing that really gets me about RWBY is that before Volumes 7 and 8, it was still salvageable. If the writers had had any of the self-awareness that their characters lack, they could've fixed it. They could've completely popped the bubble with "actually, these characters are heavily flawed and need a wake-up call to the realities of their world, they are not all-powerful, they are not always right, and they must realize that." Of course, it would've needed better writing and foresight than the show gets (and possibly more runtime), so it probably never would've happened.

Anyway, don't even get me started on how bad the writing is going to be wrt all the Atlas refugees in V9. That is, if they're even mentioned after the first episode or two.

I have negative faith that they will handle the refugee crisis with any tact or competence, let's just throw that out here.

And like, the show absolutely could've been better, because V7 despite all it's flaws, was a step in the right direction. I liked the idea of Ruby questioning whether she was any different from Ozpin, maybe leading up to the point where she realised just how difficult his position is now that she's thrown herself into it. I thought Tyrian and Watts were far better villains than Cordovin and Adam in the last volume.

The moral dilemma between leaving with Atlas or staying to protect Mantle was great, because for that episode there was no right answer. You could understand why both parties wanted to do either option, and you could see just how dire the situation was with Ironwood breaking down and losing his trust in Team RWBY.

The only issue was that it was bogged down with the election storyline that went nowhere, useless characters in Robyn and the Happy Huntresses, as well as the council, Weiss' poor conclusion to her seven year arc, and how dumb the fight between RWBY and the Ace Ops were.

Even Penny being brought back could've worked if they put some stakes in it. If she had to come back, make her a different Penny, have it that Ruby ahs to learn to let go of the Penny she knew and to embrace the individuality of this Penny, someone who can't live up to a lost soul despite having the same face. The Winter Maiden going to Penny is a good idea to validate her humanity without removing Penny's identity, even if I prefer Winter having her arc in choosing the powers for herself, rather than for Ironwood or Atlas.

Also just remove the Renora drama. We didn't need it, Nora became wholly unlikeable because of it, and V8 just made it even worse. Get rid of it. Also, they could've easily confirmed Bees that volume and just decided not to, like this is getting ridiculous, we all know it's gonna happen now MKEK, let's go.

[tartagilicious]

Hi, I've got a bit of a weird request for MLQC. What would be different with an MC who was a player of the game before somehow getting pulled into the first chapter of it? They don't have to have played through everything, but definitely at least up to ch 13, after Lucien's reveal. Which of the guys would notice MC acting weird? Would MC ever tell them? How would they react? How does this mess with the plotline?

😳 wait when I tell you I used to think about this on a daily basis- I’ve never gone into much depth with it though, so I guess now is a better time than ever! let’s say that for drama’s sake, this person has played up to chapter 29, since I think that’s the last chapter she reunites with them after being gone for 6 months.

Lucien:

- In my eyes, this always starts with the MC waking up confused in her apartment. She recognises the area around her based now what she’s seen in the game and is familiar with though she obviously thinks it’s a dream. Until, that it is, there are texts from in game characters that come from the phone on the bedside table. She’s more unsure then.

- She explores the apartment briefly and is freaked out when she recognises the kitchen, but decides that she should try visiting some other places she remembers from the game to try and confirm what’s going on. On the way out, she runs into Lucien, who’s leaving his apartment at the same time. 

- By chapter 29, the last we’ve seen of Lucien is when you’re reunited and he confesses those things to you while he thinks you’re asleep. Because of this, and also because of outside sources, this person understands his situation and his personality much more. There’s a lot less hesitancy, but she isn’t sure what Lucien knows at this point. At the very least, it’s comforting to her that she has the upper hand when he’s not quite smitten for her yet.

- I always end up confiding in Lucien because I’m biased, though normally, that’s obviously not a good idea T-T

- Though of course, early Lucien is very far from a threat, so he notices how bewildered she is to see him and is more concerned than anything. It’s hard to know what to say without completely revealing everything, but I can imagine she’d be struggling either way. She would probably slip up once, maybe referring to something personal between them that hasn’t happened yet out of nerves

- He’d be polite about it, not even a bit wary because I don’t even think the MC knew she had an evol yet, and he’d know that. It’d be better just to assume that she’s spewing nonsense than actually looking very deep into it.

- I have a feeling that this would end up messing with the plot pretty badly, actually. She knows a version of him that doesn’t exist yet, and this would be a singular issue imo. His personality is night and day when comparing to the beginning to how he is currently. It would get her into a lot of trouble either way, but could possibly also force Lucien go undergo development much much earlier

- I can imagine her trying to curve his betrayal. he tells her to meet him at the place he tells her his real motives (the news station?? that skinny and tall building idk ;-;) and she just flat out says no. you can’t leave me if I don’t let you >:)

Victor:

- this!!!!! I have such a soft spot for victor and it shows in how this plays out in my head. Without a doubt, the only person that I would trust with the information that I was pulled into the game is Victor. Throughout most of the game, mostly later chapters, Victor is kind of like her partner — she learns to trust him with almost everything, and they work through the situations they can together. They save each other’s lives countless times. This is a lot for one person to carry while the other is clueless of any of that ever happening.

- Next, I feel like it’s reasonable that she would try to seek out everyone else, and where better to find Victor at this point than LFG? Conveniently, once she gets in the office, Goldman hunts her down to tell her that Victor’s waiting for her in his office to discuss the final terms of investment. talk about nostalgia lol

- personally. I’d feel panicked going up to his office. Victor is a very intimidating guy when you aren’t close to him, and acting as you normally would around him will not only be possibly humiliating but also just not effective at all.

- she would devise a plan in her head and as they talk, would slip in small details that kind of further the plot without revealing too much. so for example, mention how the investment is so important to her because she was an orphan and wants to make a name and prove that anyone can do what they dream to. he’d probably try asking more about that, but if not, she could always go into further detail like how she was injured pretty badly trying to save someone else around that time, but doesn’t really remember why and wants to find this person to see if they’re doing okay. This would advance their relationship like 10 chapters, but it would be pretty hasty. This would just be to let him know who she is and what kind of things the future will contain

- Once he figures out what she’s doing, he’d ask what her purpose is — why did she seek him out? to this, she’d most likely reveal her dilemma, and how she was pulled into this world from hers, and knows what will happen for months in the future because of the circumstances

- whether or not he’d retain this affection that he has for the MC when knowing that she isn’t technically who he’s looking for is up for debate, but regardless, something like that is definitely too good to pass up. he’s always been connected to black swan, and knowing her and enlisting her help would most likely come in handy.

Gavin:

- I think I’ve implied that these events take place somewhere in the first few chapters rather than the first so :( I’ll just continue with that. that might even work better, because it gives them at least a bit of a connection to this person. I don’t really remember what happens in the first few chapters, ngl, but I think it’s pretty calm. 

- Gavin!!!! whether he’s your favourite or not, you can’t deny that this man is a literal pilar of support. he’s the knight in their dynamic, whereas she’s the queen. she knows he’s not as intimidating as he seems, and her immediate friendliness might throw him off a bit, but I think it’d be a good thing. 

- part of the reason he backs off so much in the earlier chapters is so he doesn’t overwhelm her with all of these sudden developments (like coming back to be her personal guard, about black swan, etc) In the original plot, Gavin knows much more than he lets on, always more than the mc does at the very least. 

- this would probably change their relationship a lot. I mean, obviously, whoever this is that’s been pulled into the game is bound to have a different personality to the normal mc. she’s more joking and doesn’t hesitate so much, and obviously is a lot smarter and confident due to knowing the future. she doesn’t have to rely on Gavin for information like the original mc does. instead, she acts with him. 

- this literally takes 27 chapters in the game. when she meets Gavin in that evol institution in ch27, that’s the first time they fight comfortably side by side. 

- Gavin would definitely notice such a drastic change in personality from the shy and kind girl he knew in high school. he might comment on it a few times, but I feel like a personality change is a bit easier to justify, especially since it’d been a few years. she technically has the mc’s memories, so it’s not suspicious or anything. he’d probably eventually let it go.

- though, I think it’s pretty plausible that he’d find out you’re not actually the mc he knows later, maybe by mistake or by you telling him. but by then, he’s also grown attached to this new version of her and doesn’t mind as much.

Kiro:

- you wouldn’t have to tell him you were pulled into the game. he’d know.

-  with his connections as Helios and also just his general memory of the mc, it wouldn’t take very long for him to figure out that she’s not the person he’s been chasing for years. and the mf would probably point it out too, scaring her half to death.

- of course, he doesn’t know how she appeared, just that she did, replacing the actual mc. but, despite how he’s very honest about knowing she isn’t who she says she are, he’s empathetic. it’s hard not to be when she has the mc’s face.

- she’d tell him what happened and how she appeared, partly because she wants to trust him and partly because he seems a bit threatening, but either way, I see him as an eventual ally. she knows the inner workings of everything and would be a great help to him in messing with black swan. they’d pretty much be an unstoppable duo with their combined knowledge.

- as they get closer, she feels it’s necessary to tell him that he doesn’t have to leave to protect her. she can handle herself, and him ever leaving would only cause more grief and make things complicated. he would probably tell her not to worry, that he wouldn’t just leave unprompted. 

- when he ends up leaving anyway, it stings more than it did watching it on a screen. 

- though, that also makes the reunion more memorable, and it would probably go differently as well. maybe kiro is this mc’s LI?? that would be cool asf

[cathrrrine]

RUN | Pietro x Reader

Originally from my Wattpad

CHAPTER 17 - SPEED DIAL

———

"I'm about to do something really stupid." Steve put his hands on his hips and stared at the entrance before him, as if he was still contemplating whether or not it was worth it.

"What is it?" Pietro followed the Captain's gaze, both of them eyeing the doorway. It took him a while to figure it out, but once he connected Steve's nervous stance to his reason to standing in front of the room where Y/N was being held, he felt stupid for not knowing immediately. "Oh. That's very stupid."

"I know."

"You're really going in there?"

"Seems like it."

Pietro wondered if he should explain his own situation with Y/N to Steve, but decided against it. There was enough drama going on for the man, especially when the possible key to unlocking his best friend's whereabouts were just a few feet away. Steve could live without knowing Pietro's dilemma.

"Good luck then." He gave the Captain a brief nod, smirking a little when Steve did nothing in response. Pietro watched as he entered the passcode for the door to open, backing away as Steve began to enter.

———

Just as I thought I would be alone again — and this time more willingly — someone else stepped inside. The familiar muscular figure strode across the room, his boots clacking on the floor as if to announce his arrival.

I sighed and stayed laying down on the bed, not bothering to sit up and give him any sort of greeting. First the speedster, now him? What was he going to do, tell me the values of a great American?

"Jokes on you, I'm not even American." I mumbled to myself in response to my mental rambling.

"Huh?"

I groaned, putting an arm over my eyes to block the light. "What are you doing here, Captain?"

He cleared his throat. I could hear him shifting from one foot to the other in discomfort. Was he...nervous? That was definitely intriguing. What the hell is wrong with these Avengers? They were more complicated than I thought they would be.

"I came here to ask you for something."

I put down the arm I had over my eyes and shifted my weight onto my elbows, propping myself up so I could get a better look at my uninvited visitor. "Another deal?"

"Something like that." His lips stretched out into a thin line, his arms raising from his sides so he could cross them in front of his chest. "It's an offer. If you want it, take it. If you don't-"

"You'll kill me."

The Captain's eyebrows met together furiously, "That wasn't what I was going to say. If you don't want to take my offer, then it's up to Fury to decide what to do with you."

"So...no difference, then. He'll kill me."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to." I shrugged. I swung my legs over the bed and stood up so I was exactly across him. "So, what's this life-changing opportunity you've got in store?"

His shoulders immediately sagged, telling me how much he dreaded what he was going to say. I stood in anticipation, slowly taking small steps forward.

"You knew him." Steve blinked. "You knew Bucky."

"Who?"

"James." He sighed again, like the weight of the world was sitting on his windpipe. "Or...the Winter Sold-"

"Stop right there." I put a hand up, my palm facing the son of a bitch. "If I hear that name one more time, I'll rip your organs out through your mouth and shove them back in through your ass."

I hated how he said his name, his actual name, with such fondness and nonchalance like he was anything more than a torture machine who made my life a living hell. Steve tilted his head, stretching his neck. I could see the muscles of his jaw flexing even from where I was standing. It was almost impossible how his teeth were still intact to this day, with all that tension in his jaw and the stress-grinding.

"I just need you to help me track him down."

I couldn't help but chuckle. Hell, laugh even. That finally broke the dam that I tried to hold up and all hell was breaking loose right this moment. Steve Rogers, everybody! The world's greatest comedian! Round of applause!

"Track him down? You think I have his phone number on speed dial? What do you want me to do? Call him up and say, 'Hey, bestie! What's up? Wanna go shopping for knives? Maybe kill some people on the way? Oh, how about we get some ice cream and reminisce the time when you tried to kill me but I ran away and I've been running ever since? Good times!' HA!"

"I'm not asking you to make friendship bracelets, I'm just asking for information that only you could possibly know."

"Are you crazy, Rogers?" I yelled so loudly that my breath fogged up the glass I was basically pressed up upon. "You'll never track him down. He's under Hydra's thumb 24/7. Even if we do manage to get to him, what do you think will happen? You're the face of the enemy. He'll kill you on the spot. He's not your best friend anymore, Rogers. He's a weapon bound to blow up in your face."

"Wait, what?" He uncrossed his arms and replaced them on his hips. He pointed to me, "Why do you think Hydra's still watching him?"

"I said don't make me say his name again-"

"No, no- you think he's-" he cut off abruptly. "You don't know, do you?"

The hand he had been using to point at me moved towards his face to stroke his chin. "The Winter Soldier escaped Hydra not too long ago, when S.H.I.E.L.D was compromised."

What? I felt my body go numb. It was like the world was caving in on me, trying to crush my body with it's cruel, cruel walls. How did I not know that? "What? No. You're lying."

He shook his head, "That's why I want you to help me track him down. I can't leave him alone out there."

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. Hearing Steve talk about him like he was referring to a friend, humanising him...felt so wrong and disgusting that it left a bad taste in my mouth. I wanted to throw up.

"No."

I walked away from the front of the cell and turned my back to him, wanting nothing more to do with the conversation. Everything I thought was true turned out to be a rotting corpse of a lie. There was nothing else to revive, not even the remains of hell that I blew away a lifetime ago. There was no phoenix that would suddenly rise. Just cold, painful and numbing reality, hitting me in the face.

I should be glad, right? The knowledge that he was no longer who he used to be should be enough to send me dancing for joy and painting the town or whatever it is that happy, liberated people do. But instead I was scared. He was out there, blending in with civilians as if he wasn't a total monster. I was confused too—the sole reason I'd handed myself over to S.H.I.E.L.D was because I was running from him.

Then, the gears of my brain suddenly hit the brakes.

"You're lying." I said, with my back still turned to the glass. "He's not out there. He's still with them. I heard him, the day Hydra raided this place!"

"I thought you might bring that up. I'm not lying, Y/N."

Something told me I should turn around, and so I did. He was taking something out of his pocket. A small, metallic black, oval device that resembled an earpiece, with a wire attached to it. At the end of the wire was a tiny cube. "We found this on one of the Hydra agents' bodies, it was attached to his ear and his neck. We examined it immediately."

He held the thing up for me to see, the cube dangling from the wire. "Advanced technology."

He didn't need to say the words. I already knew what was coming.

"A voice modifier."

I chewed the inside of my cheek to keep myself from doing something stupid–the range was vast–and took a deep breath. Today was a day of revelations, it seemed. This cell is a feelings brothel.

"They knew, didn't they?" I scoffed, smirking despite my own conscience. "They wanted me to be scared."

Steve shoved the horror device back into his pocket, nodding once and staying silent, a gesture for me to continue. I dared myself to meet his eyes.

"This doesn't change anything." I heard myself saying. "I'm not helping you find him either way."

He sighed, shaking his head as if in disbelief. "I thought you might say that."

I didn't know what to say. But then suddenly, I heard the sound of a click and felt a sudden rush of air behind me. I whipped my head around to see the door hanging slightly ajar.

"Advanced technology."

Life was getting stranger by the second for me. I was just starting to figure out all the ways I could escape seamlessly, but then he stopped me.

"I'm not done yet." What now? "You can get out of here, on one condition. You help me find him. Then you're free to go wherever you want to go after."

Deals after deals after deals. My life was a joke. Everything I do involves a gamble.

"That's it?"

"Listen here, Y/N." The Captain's voice dropped an octave, a threat waiting to ignite. "I'm doing this on my own accord. If you help me, I'll be more than glad to return the favour, but only if you swear not to show up on anyone's radar for at least a year or they'll find you. Do this and you can forget about everything. I'm offering you a clean slate."

It was the negotiation of the century. But I sensed there was more. "And?"

"And, if you so much as step a foot out of line, I won't be the law abiding Captain you know me to be, kid."

I smirked. "Huh. I like you more like this, Cap. Suits you."

"So, what's it gonna be?"

I let the thought of it marinate for a while, weighing all the pros and cons. Pros? I get to get out of here and forget about ever 'pledging my loyalty' to this freak show. Cons? I had to actively and consciously search for the man whom I'd been running from forever.

"Deal. But I have one condition."

He raised an eyebrow lazily, as if surprised but also not at the same time. I was becoming way too predictable for these people. "What would that be?"

I couldn't go alone, not with just the walking flag, and I still had some unanswered questions to deal with. Plus, truth be told, I had a feeling he was the only person I could truly trust, especially on a rogue mission.

"Pietro has to come along."

[laroseme]

I finished My Name two weeks ago and I'm still obsessed with it!? I've tried other dramas but I can't find anything as intense and complex as the relationship between Moo Jin and Ji Woo and it sucks! So I also wanted to thank you for your fanfiction Up In Smoke because it helped to fiil the void that I feel in my heart.

I think that's the thing a lot of people enjoyed the show for the most. It's complex and yet so many things are vague they leave you feeling empty, you can't define them but they feel a little too precious and valuable. The only other show that ever felt this complex and this heavy to me was My Mister. It was the same exact dilemma because people didn't know how to define their connection but it felt so special you knew there was something so deep there between them even they would be too scared to explore because of how potent and how overwhelmingly good but chaotic it can turn out to be! I'm really glad to hear that Up In Smoke can fill in some of that void because in a way I feel like I write it for that same reason. It helps me live out that emptiness and find some comfort and joy in such a potential that was never explored. In a way I think we're all wishing for at least a second season where he lives and maybe things are left open for us to hope that maybe just maybe things do get better at some point but I'm not sure how that would downplay the heaviness they intended for each of their characters because they weren't meant to be shown as good people (not with drugs and murder involved) or without sins so the intention of things getting better was never there in the story. Still, maybe showing how that could crumble down and people can choose a more simplistic path would be worth it, just like how that monk from the temple chose to let go of many things. Maybe the price would be too high and maybe the pain would linger but maybe we'd take that open ending of there being a possibility of things getting better over the ending of Mujin dying and Jiwoo living like that.

[sly-merlin]

KILLING ME -11 |N.Y

pairing : law student!reader + yuta

genre :    angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au.

warnings of this chapter : cursing, explanatory mention of a pistol!

words :: ~5k

summary : “life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”                                  

or              

“  curiousity got the cat hitched”

taglist :: @kpop-choco​ @moon-yuta​ @kawaiiayasan​ @btm-taeyong​ @exfolitae​ @lanadreamie​ @cheersskznct​ @hyuckiesgf​ @theworld-accordingtocasey​  @yiyi4657​ @sorrywonwoo​ @sillywinnergladiator​ @suhweo @minejungwoo​ @leesalts​  @mal-nakamoto23​ @ro2424​ @itlittlefangirl​​ @nctzens-world​​ @bl--ankhaeji​​ @simplybree​​

 networks :: @kafenetwork​ @neowritingsnet​  @nct-writers​

K.M masterlist

K.M 10     next

a/n :: header was made with detailed instructions from lovely @cirrus-lily​ (thank you so much for your patience).

Previous night , taeyong’s office.

The thick, heavy unnatural silence was breached by the phone call. Taeil’s muffled words didn’t reach anyone’s ears but taeyong’s reaction was enough for an estimate!

“what did taeil say?”

Taeyong glanced at yuta’s hopeful yet helpless face. Taeil's order was far from what yuta's eyes sought. The past ten minutes were spent listening to the unsynchronized ticking of the clocks and some random whispering of the younger ones from the living room. And now, several pairs of eyes were asking for the answers.

“you will be stationed in nice, f-for two months.”

Yuta’s face hardened at his words. He gulped and opened his mouth to say something but stopped. The words stuck on his tongue would not be able to convey what he wanted to, he thought.

“with johnny?" Jaehyun uttered.

“no yuta is replacing him" taeyong mumbled, hiding his face in his hands.

Yuta snickered , “ as expected.” as much as he didnt want to sound bitter, his senses were not cooperating with him too much.

“this is not about you or johnny. It’s better if you both stay away fr-

“did taeil tell her the truth?” yuta coldly cut him off.

“i don't know about that!"

“then I'll have to do it myself." Yuta stood up, alerting everyone.

“do not stretch this yuta. This can end right here. Your absence woul-

“you got it wrong taeyong!” yuta cackled , “I'm dying to leave this place but don't you think she deserves to know that she's wrong here.”

“please yuta. For last time. trust taeil. this is the last thing I’m asking from you. You’d get the chance to explain. Ju-just not yet.” Yuta scowled at taeyong’s hollow pleading.

He inched forward slamming his palms on the table , “ since when did you start playing with wrong players taeyong? you are supposed to be the smarter one here. Who are you fooling here? you think I don’t know why she’s here or jaemin, jeno, jungwoo, chenle, jisung, mark, they don’t have a hint?” taeyong eyes danced around the room avoiding any contact as yuta continued, “Don't stretch this taeyong. this can end right here. without hurting another one and right before they can get attached. I hope when i come back , you would have sorted this mess out or you won’t have time to regret this time”

Scoffing at taeyong’s hunched figure, he smacked the table once before leaving the room.

Doyoung  followed soon , leaving Jaehyun and Taeyong alone.

Panic engulfed jaehyun’s entire being as he pondered over yuta’s words.

“he’s right. You saw her today. She’s getting worked up over a stupid misunderstanding and you saw the way taeil is acting! This was never the plan. She’s not timid. You cannot possibly make her agree to anything at all. Taeil would never let that happen. Heck! Yuta’s getting weirder these days. Let her go. We can wait unt-

“We. Can’t .wait. I know my limits, Jaehyun and two months are enough..” Taeyong whisper yelled “ I care about her more than you’d ever do so get the fuck out of here. You don't get to tell me what I should be doing.”

Jaehyun leered at the older man, muscles in his jaw twitching at his words  “you have lost it taeyong. if we fail this time, you’d be the one to blame.”

Perfectly ironed shirts were wrinkled as yuta threw them into the case. doyoung was ready to accompany but he refused all the assistance proposed to him. He left nothing. from t-shirts and pants to jumpers, he packed as if he was going for a one way trip to france.

He groaned , jumping on the suitcase, trying to bury the clothes deeper into the case so he could zip it. Once finished,he pushed the cases out of the room and into the hall. locking the door, his running and hurried eyes fell on the opposite room. It was bare of any presence. This was his first time peeking into your room. He was merely looking from afar but the very next second he found himself going through the album resting on the bed covers. a perfect normal photo album was calming enough to subside his inner turmoil.  

yuta scrunched his nose at the small girl who was either frowning or crying in most of the pictures. the family of three looked quite happy. But the girl didn't seem to resemble any of the adults. He almost let out a laugh at your wailing form in every other photo. Just looking at the pictures, anyone with two eyes could tell that you were a spoiled kid. No wonder you were full of attitude and ego, he thought.

closing it, he glanced at the room, simple and plain. Not that his own wasn’t but he couldn’t find anything that had prompted you to lock your door for the whole day. He left the room to lock his own but when he pocketed his keys, they met with something at the end of his pants pocket.

A grunt left his throat at the sight of the screws. He had placed them in his pocket to follow your fuming body, the reason of which he didn’t know back then. He was about to throw them on the bed when the album caught his eyes again. He cursed at himself for being so indecisive. Pacing back and forth , he noticed how composed he had suddenly become. He wasn’t feeling anger, just some traces of irritation for the whole drama that had unfolded.

Before he could convince himself otherwise, he took a paper from your desk, scribbled with a trembling hand and left it on the counter.

All while hoping taeil was actually being reasonable , just this once.

12:30 p.m

Looking through the power window, you stared at taeil’s arriving form, hands full with brown food bags. He hit the car door with his one knee prompting you to open the door from inside.

“when I say you are no better than others ,I really mean you are NO better than them!” taeil chortled as he shoved a bag into your lap.

“what did I do this time?” you rolled your eyes as you anticipated another moral lecture from him.

“nothing. you are making an old man to get food for you!”

“and I had suggested the said old man to enter the drive thru!”

“and drive thru is no fun, duh! The vintage the better!”

“just like someone I know! you exclaimed chewing the burger.

“very funny. You know highway stops are all about breathing in fresh air while stretching your arms, yawning so widely that you have to hide your face in your stretched arm to save yourself from the embarrassment. The first step out of the car after hours of driving feels like restoration of something that was denied to you for such a long time. and the second phase of happiness comes at the engine purring, the feeling is like no other, I’m telling you. but someone lost their chance to experience it .”

“you sound poetic taeil but you lack facts. The fresh air you just inhaled is what we consider a polluted one.I’ll prefer to sit inside and miss all that instead of going out and dying. So let go of the  fancy peace thoughts and develop your perceptions according to the changing world. The sound of this vintage engine is a source of headache and not happiness.Now lemme eat. IN PEACE”

“we’ll see whose perception changes” taeil mumbled munching on the fries.

You both ate in silence for 20 minutes. As the drive continued ,the stilled milieu took you back to the uncertainties you were trying so hard to suppress. When taeil had knocked at the door in the morning, which was beyond expectation at first, he gave you the liberty to question his actions but you had passed that opportunity, precisely to show that you weren’t that greedy. But you were! The endless queries were now making you anxious. Why did taeil come with you? what was the reason behind his pleasant behaviour, how could yuta agree to go like that? sure he liked your presence not more than you did but was he the kind to bow down so easily! Or was he designing something under the colour of acceptance. taken together ,you ended up being the ruthless one here. But the leading one was why did yesterday happen! Multiple stolen glances at Taeil were fairly noticeable; you were waiting for him to just start something. And he perhaps was waiting for you to initiate. Dilemma remained unsolved and you arrived in seoul just like you had left it, but visiting your parents had lessened the encumbrances weighing you down.

You were about to retreat after thanking him when he finally spoke up,

“b.n at 6! No exemption. And instead of racking your brain, just ask. it’s simpler than you make it to be y/n.”

Slamming the door shut , you dragged your feet for the apartment, shaking your head at the man.

Of course he knows everything! And maybe could ask him someday to get your own answers.

10 days later

The gun went off with a bang which if it hadn’t been for the ear protectors and the noiseless sheets, would have deafen your ears. Fingers pointed at the target, eyes coloured with impatience, jungwoo didn’t move. After he was done with his dramatic action, the glass shield slid and he entered inside.

“this is target A. this one is B” he asked for a confirmation with his wide eyes which you nodded at.

“right. so!” he walked circling the dry grass to stand between two targets, “so when I say hit at A, you should be firing at A, precisely aiming anywhere in this space.” he explained again, hand moving in front of the said space.

“I hit at the center jungwoo! The fucking center! For the first time in two weeks.”

“yes. You did hit the core but of the wrong target.”

“how does it matter? It's a perfect shoot”

Jungwoo blinked multiple times focusing on your puzzled face. He wasn’t sure if you were purposely trying to annoy him or you seriously lacked a few braincells to understand where you were wrong!

“at the wrong target.” he pressed.

“but I still hit-

“Ok. listen to me carefully now. Lets assume A is taeil hyung and B is a killer. If i shout to you that kill B and you mistakenly shoot A instead then you’d end up killing taeil hyung instead of the killer and then you’d be a killer yourself and even if the shot was perfect it was targeted wrongly thats why when i say hit A, hit A and when i say B, hit B. understood now?” dumbfounded, you stared at him bobbing your head a few times to indicate you understood. But you really hadn’t.

“You are not lying right?”

“Dont accuse me of lying!”

“Oh! So you still don-

“hey beautiful!”

Your heads jerked towards the owner of the voice who had just interrupted the bickering.

“johnny” you whispered.

“I meant jungwoo y/n.” jungwoo sticked his tongue out at you as he jumped forward to hug johnny.

“When did you come back?”

“just now. I flew directly to Japan from nice. didn’t he inform you all? And why is nobody at home?”

a small smile graced your face while jungwoo started explaining to him about some business event. You felt like jungwoo won’t shut up anytime soon so you turned around from the scene and made yourself busy with the magazine. As you were counting the rubber bullets to fill the magazine, a pair of arms touched your both shoulders.

“wh-

“how are you y/n.”

“you done talking to your prince.”

Jungwoo groaned approaching you with a stern look.

“you’ll have plenty of time to chatter. Focus on your job instead!”

“ugh. You are so annoying. I’m done for the day.” You announced handing the pistol to him.

“wait! what am I missing here.” Johnny's eyes shifted , not knowing what was going on in his absence.

“yuta hyu-

“I know all that. I’m asking about the bullets!”

“Taeil told me to learn some basics to defend myself and jungwoo is my assigned teacher who don’t seem to appreciate my skills at all”

“liar!” Jungwoo screeched and continued, “she’s poor at shooting, hits anywhere but the point I’m indicating at an-and she never listens to me.”

Snorting dramatically at the end, he glares at you. you welcomed his complaining speech with a toothy grin which seemed to annoy him more. One thing you had learnt in the past two weeks had been that jungwoo was frustrating when he was hungry and during the time he was supposed to teach you, no food was allowed in the basement, making him a hunger monster.. Johnny watched the exchange with an amused smile, just like you were doing a few minutes ago.

“alright. You both need to chill. Jungwoo, she's not a professional so go easy on her and you! you should listen to him. or if you want I can be your tutor instead!”

“don’t hijack here. she's my student and I was chosen because I am the softest and the sweeter one her-

“who is a second away from having a breakdown!”

“no go out. You are not invited anymore. nobody is allowed here from 6 to 7:30 .” Jungwoo announced as he started pushing Johnny out the door.

‘”yaa! Jungwoo. I’m go- don’t push me you rascal. I am going. Bye y/n. I’ll be waiting upstairs.” He shouted and waved in the air which you, for no reason, found yourself returning even if he wasn't going to see it.

As johnny was gone, jungwoo pressed the switch again to close the partition. Coming behind you, his arms embraced you and he placed the gun in your hand as he ducked himself to reach your height with another try to improve the hand-eye coordination. Occupied with each other, you both missed the pair of eyes watching you both  in a very unpleasant manner.  

“how’s your research going?” johnny asked with a mouthful of meatballs.

“it’s meh! The library is under construction so I can't properly look through books and besides minjun is too whiny to let me do anything. I can’t leave that kid alone so we're always hanging out after 1. I’ve some resources saved so I’m fine for now” you replied.

“seems like that minjun guy makes you very happy. Is he the one?” jaehyun took your attention as he pinched his neck. You narrowed your eyes at his unnecessary remark.

“my happy pill is not minjun but you jaehyun dear. I haven’t seen you in like 5 days i guess? So that eliminated all the reasons for my unhappiness. Your absence is my elixir jae. ” You grinned. Jaheyun pointed his chopstick at you but before he could utter anything, taeyong spoke up.

“woah. Don’t you two start now.” he cried.

“he��s the one that starts everything! I just continue his shit for it-

“well I won't initiate if its not for that stinky tongue o-

“Shut up before I lock both of you in a room.”

Hearing several snickers, it seemed like taeyong was the only one getting annoyed, everyone else seemed to be enjoying it.

Just when you were about to pour more juice, everything else finished and left the table. it seemed strange as how fast they were done with their dinner.

“how can you all eat so quickly?” doyoung seemed to be more perplexed as he asked taeyong.

“don’t you both know?” you settled your chopsticks on the plate as taeyong proceeded, “the last two to finish cleans the dishes.”

You instantly scanned the whole dining table and the instant regret of eating like a sloth washed over your face. There were only three left and next second there were only two. Jungwoo shot up from seat with his stuffed mouth, waved and left. Taeyong didn’t waste any time before he also scurried away.

“this was a conspiracy y/n.” doyoung murmured.

“I know right. they knew it. w-we have to wash for 14 people.”

“look at the brighter side, we don’t have to hurry now.”

You shrugged at his words, filling your glass with juice again.

“you should not be drinking juice at nighttime.” He lectured

“then why is it on the table?”

“aish! You are impossible.”

“so are you.”

You continued bickering with doyoung until both of you were finished. Like everyone else, you too had started to find joy while annoying doyoung. The responses from him were always a treat. He was also awfully similar to you. the nit-picking in almost everything, forever sceptical body language and lastly the  identical frown you both wore all the time. but you were not the one that detected the similarities, it was doyoung himself.

It was not just doyoung! With exception of jaehyun, it seemed like everyone was trying to make you a part of their daily lives. The day after the incident, you had hesitated to knock the door, scared of their reactions towards you but the dark cloud of worry had floated away with the warmest hug jungwoo had welcomed you with. You detected no rejection, no unpleasant remarks, instead you were strictly instructed to not to leave the premises without having dinner. And that one day became two and two a routine. You were confused as you were the reason someone dear to them was somewhere he wasn't meant to be at the moment and yet they treated you like you were their own! For first few days you were at edge, the affection not digestible. Feeding your suspicions , you tried to choke something out of mark who was also your designated driver but all he unveiled was his endless jokes and contagious giggles weaved with the various stories. Each day he recited a new one, sowing the seeds of intimacy with his family which, you couldn’t deny, were sprouting into something unprecedented. However vague it was, you liked it. You liked this unsought acceptance, being included like a family, taking you back in the time. But you never had the luxury of an easy life. Was this worth trusting? Were you ready to return their affection by placing them on the pedestal as same as jungkook and yugyeom. But this house wasn no more reeking of any resentment and you were more than fine with that for now.

"Stack the glasses, I'll pick up the plates"

"This is so tiring" you complained while scraping the sauce on the plates.

"You'll get used to it." Doyoung deadpanned.

"Tell me why i agreed to this!"

"You know the rules. And don’t you remember because of you, I washed for 20 people that day! You deserve the suffering woman!”

You chuckled at the memory. A few days ago, You, doyoung and hyuck were the last ones remaining.  And you had won the rock paper scissors. Though the last two were the supposed cleaners, hyuck had ditched the poor boy, leaving him with extra load.

"You carry some heavy dark clouds on your head man. I don't know how you manage to end up with dirty utensils!every fucking single time" Doyoung glared at your remark and you both continued washing and wiping the dishes side by side.

"Where are the spoons?"

"On the table. Wait , I'll be back in 2 minutes!"

Carrying the cutlery you made your way back to the kitchen but chanting of a familiar name froze you in your steps.

"He's acting like a child johnny! Had he called you after you left?" It was taeyong speaking in a hushed manner, but he was not doing a very good job in whispering.

"Nope. He just took names and contacts of all the whistleblowers and that's it. But i can’t understand the need for that taeyong! I had everything in control. What do you wanna achieve with your stupidity!”

"Jaemin, hyuck and jisung are in constant contact  with him but only to receive the codes he's sending. He's just unreachable and I'm not just talking about his cell network johnny. I'm losing him. He- taeil thought it’s for the best. They won’t see each others face for sometime an-

“And everything would be fine? Right? Sounds very legit. Goodluck with daydreaming princess.”

Hearing some shuffling, you trudged for the kitchen, not wanting them to be aware of your eavesdropping.

Stretching the hem of your knee length skirt with your hands, you kicked your feet in the air to get the non existing elasticity to work. chances were not less but anybody could see you so while cursing at chelin for the tight skirt you made your way inside the office. Your bag made contact with your right hip as you walked into the office corridors. You entered the security doors through the pass that was generated online for first day entry.You never wanted to enter this side of the famous company but with minimum options available you had no choice but to associate yourself with this branch, infamous for saving culprits of money laundering, false accusations and what not.

“ms. y/n?” a receptionist shifted your attention to her tall frame. You affirmed with a nod and she extended her hand asking for the documents.

“I’ll place your original documents in our custody room. No need to worry, this is a mere formality as we don’t make interns sign confidentiality papers. As you already know , you can end your internship with a three weeks prior notice and when we receive that application, your document would be handed back. And in case, you become an associate, and that would depend on your performance, you’ll get them at the promotion.”

You followed her steps as she stopped at a desk and gave you the papers back.

“change the folder to a chois file. And sign this receipt. I’ll give you a copy and don’t lose it if you want your degree back.” You blinked drinking each and every word she said. You again nodded like  a lost child and completed the formalities. After a few minutes you were shown to your small desk that was decorated with a pyramid of legal files.

“do I have to work on these” you voiced your fear. Even if it was a stipend based internship, nobody would take up that work load.

“oh no! actually I forgot that you were joining but I’ll get it cleaned in the evening so you can adjust for today right?” before you could respond the sound of her heels faded away in the distance.

“Welcome to the great chois y/n” you mumbled to yourself, picking up a random file to pass the time until further orders.

A week later

To keep your mind off the distasteful look painted all over mr. kwang’s face, you chose to look at his new assistant. The clicking or rather banging of the keys of the computer combined with the occasional scratch of her nails was highly uncomfortable but not more than the man sitting beside her. Your professor didn’t find it amusing that his favourite free fund student was asking for her permitted leave.

“how much have you progressed with the thesis?” he scoffed, respectfully dumping the application  on the table.

“I’ll be working half day. I’m not supposed to accompany them to the hearings so I’ll be back in the university in the late afternoon to research on that.”

He sighed, clearly not satisfied by the answer, “you want to skip lectures for an assistant job!”

“I would be promoted shortly so it’s acceptable sir.” A lie slipped out before you could stop yourself.

“what about getting distinction in thesis?”

“I’ll be surrounded with experts so it’s not a big deal sir.  I’m getting late. I’ll see you in Friday’s lecture.” In sync with his eyeballs, he rolled his chair to face the other way. Picking up the paper you bowed to his back and left the staffroom , a grin of content bedazzling your face.

"He did what?" Johnny tried hard to control his laughter but the scenario you were narrating was too humorous for him to keep his hands stable on the wheel.

"I'm not kidding John. Yugyeom seriously forgot kook  at Busan. But he did go back to get him though but I won't blame gyeom for this error!"

"Oh yeah! Just because jungkook slept in the gym doesn't justify his mistake girl. The driver should count the passengers before taking the wheel. Look at me, i never forget anyone no matter what!"

"Stop blowing your own trumpet. Don't forget you are driving a stolen car!"

Johnny rolled his eyes at the comment , "no, borrowed from mark so I can spend more time with you. stop lawyering and tell me what you did in the break. Apart from flirting with jungwoo of course."  

You shook your head at him as he repeated the same you-flirt-with-jungwoo mantra again but this time decided to follow the lead , "so what if we flirt! He's teaching me to save myself from predators , abductors and he’s very gentle with me. Have you seen his eyes! I want to drown myself in the depth of those brown sea-

"Oh my god I'm so sorry! I'm never mentioning that again but please stop. You are awful with words." His laughed again, you joining him soon. " Now seriously tell me how were your holidays"

"Umm nothing new except that everyone was on university funded trips leaving me with minjun , his camera and the plants. We explored botanies and flower shops an-

He had lied. You were not sounding awful but he just hated how quickly his heart beat at someone else's mention from your lips. He consumed each and every word like he could be tested on the said information later on. His eyes were glued to the road and his ears to your voice. He wanted nothing more than to be the only one you’d see. He wanted nothing more than to be subject of your talking but the voice in the back of his mind said fuck it johnny, you are already asking for too much. He hated how he lost control over his senses whenever you were near him but he was slowly getting used to the dilemma. But the trance he was trapped in quickly broke down when you mentioned something. Abruptly stopping the car by the trees, he faced you to confirm.

"You are doing what?"

"I'm interning. Don't look at me like I stole your candy John. I need money." You innocently replied not aware of the reason behind his sudden dumbfounded expression.

"Shouldn't you be focusing on masters!n yuta is supposed to pay for you so why do y-

" I can work for my money johnny." Frustration made its way to your face as you continued,"drop me home johnny!" You weren't sure whether it was for his mention or him questioning your ability to feed yourself but you were offended.

"Yeah I'm sorry. I won't mention that again" a hollow apology and the car sailed again.

Hiding himself in his car seat, Johnny's fingers hovered over various contacts. Taeyong, taeil, Yuta, jaehyun! He wasn't sure what he wanted to do or whose side he wanted to take. He just wanted to be with you and no one else! but he couldnt do that !

Kicking harshly at the brakes, he screamed. The voice reaching no one’s ears but his own.

Was he asking for too much?

i wanted to add more to this chapter but i dont find enough time to write due to some commitments! but i’ll update one more chapter before this beautiful year ends. and all the smut chapters would be uploaded again sans the adult stuff for the minor readers! and there are few more chapters left. masterlist says 12 chapters bcs i’m lazy（￣︶￣）↗　

HAPPY DECEMBER EVERYONE. HAPPY HANUKKAH AND MARRY CHRISTMAS. BE THE SANTA OF YOUR LIFE AND SPREAD HAPPINESS!!

[cantillat-moved]

I should be writing drafts, but I had a series of distractions and I saw a post that made me want to write some meta. It is also something that always bothered me: how people bash Saber and people also talking nonsense about how Shirou treats Saber.

On a meta level, Nasu always expressed some regret on how he wrote Shirou’s treatment of Saber. Let’s take a few things into consideration: at the time Nasu was fresh out of high school and had published his first success, Tsukihime. It is famous how many routes and ideas were cut from Fate/Stay Night due to time restraints, so it isn’t hard to assume that the drafts had fewer passes than Nasu wished to. Moreover, the first anime adaptation, the DEEN studios one, was HORRID when treating Shirou. He looked like a little misogynist in places, specially as it lacked the internal dialogue and the adaptation was in itself very VERY bad. I remember how much hate Shirou used to get here on tumblr when this anime was released and it was the main reason why I didn’t try my hand at rping him at the time.

The main focus on Shirou’s and Saber’s relationships is how their lives were parallels. Dedicating themselves to become the embodiment of an ideal that can’t be attained. How both of them discard their humanity in order to serve people without asking for recognition or even gratitude, only because it is what they believe they wish to do. This is why Archer’s lecture at the shed in UBW hits both Saber and Shirou so hard – and Saber can tell it was also directed to her after realizing Archer’s identity. And watching Shirou in that route she also had her answer.

To be the Hero of Justice is to always be facing the one dilemma: to sacrifice the one for the wellbeing of the many. Saber had to remove herself from emotions and make painful decisions sometimes, to the point that Tristan left the Round Table with the haunting words "Our king does not understand the human heart." – which was the farthest thing from the truth, because it hurt her so much that she had to make the decisions. Shirou, however, decided that the one to be sacrificed for the good of everybody else was himself. He was to be the sacrifice. And because of their mindsets being so alike, they got angry at each other for doing the stupid thing.

Shirou was also a deeply traumatized individual that lacked coping mechanisms. He could conceal his PTSD and was always aware that he was messed up and traumatized, but bottled everything to fit in. Everything he knew as a kid ended overnight: his biological family, possibly even the school he used to attend and his classmates, teachers, neighbors, everybody in his world was gone. His relatives never even seemed to bother to try to adopt him. Then he got adopted by his savior, someone whom he adored deeply, and gave him a sense of stability and safety. Shirou wanted to be just like Kiritsugu. … Except that Kiritsugu died, and the boy became an orphan for the second time. Sure, he had Raiga to fall back, and Taiga was his legal guardian and always present, but it wasn’t the same thing as having a “family”. For a very long time he vented his frustrations doing the high jump at the track team and failing miserably until sundown, but eventually got some more direction after getting a part time job, but he never really could work his fear of losing his fear of abandonment, of someone he loved dying. When he met Saber, she quickly became someone he adored. The idea of losing her was excruciating. Hence the “But you are a girl!” It wasn’t anything about sexism. It was the tip of the iceberg. I don’t recall if it was in a drama CD or in the game, or if I’m just imagining it, but Kiritsugu would say something like “A guy who makes a girl cry is the worst kind of man” and Shirou would seriously take it to his heart – coating his own trauma with a layer of “I’m a guy, so I must protect girls”.

Along the same lines, Saber could recognize in Shirou that he would go down the same way she did, and possibly having an upsetting end. Sure, at first she was offended that he saw her as a “girl” when he should be seeing her as a “king”, but it wasn’t the case: he saw her as a “person”, the “girl” thing was his awkward and rather immature way to try to express something that he couldn’t fully grasp. I’m pretty sure that Saber RPers have different views of it or how it would go, but it is clear that they saw reflections of themselves on one another and wished them to be happy.

I have seen so many people talking crap about Saber over the years, and it is easy to tell it is mostly from people who haven’t read the VN or try to find justifications and twist them a bit. If you don’t like her or like another route, sure. I love all the girls and have criticisms on all the routes. But if you need to demean one to validate the other, then maybe your ship isn’t so solid as you think.

[dorminchu]

Insult to Injury: The Director’s Cut — Chapter 03

Fandom: James Bond Characters: Madeleine Swann, Lyutsifer Safin, OC(s) Relationships: Madeleine Swann & Lyutsifer Safin Warnings: PTSD, moderate language. Rating: M Genre: Crime/Drama Summary: A troubled psychologist desperate to escape her past criminal ties finds herself drawn into a far more insidious schism. [Post-Skyfall]

[Ao3 | FFNet]

— Episode III: HEDGEHOG’S DILEMMA —

  Over the next hour, Madeleine’s initial animosity dissipated into tacit acceptance of the situation. Apart from the two unnamed associates, her and Safin, there were no other passengers. On paper, their route was straightforward. They'd stop at Genève, switch trains, be on their way to Sion. A five hour commute in total. Leaving roughly four hours to glean as much information as possible about her primary source of information.

At a glance she placed Safin somewhere in his early-to-mid-thirties. He had a soft face chipped away through years of ruthlessness—you could see it in his eyes, this kind of cold reticence that needed no introduction. The scarring threw off her estimate by a slight margin. He was dressed smartly, darker colours, blending in easily with any other first-class commuter except for the gloves. Madeleine, in a white blouse, grey wool cardigan to match her shoes.

“I'm curious. When you contacted the HR office and informed them I wouldn't be coming in, how did they take it?”

“They were surprised that you came in when you did, but ultimately sympathetic, given the nature of the situation. Your secretary mentioned that you're not one to take time off without prior notice.”

“Of course she would.”

“Would you like to know what they thought of you?”

As he spoke he watched her closely. “Diligent and well-mannered when it came to clientele. Aloof outside of an office setting. After graduating from two prestigious universities, you were still working at a public clinic. Your office and equipment were particularly sparse for a twenty-six year-old in the modern era. I imagine they thought you were in an inordinate amount of debt or else eccentric.”

Madeleine chewed on that for a few seconds. “That’s all well and good, but you cannot get all the nuances about a person from simple inference, or a background check.” Safin remained unreadable. “It was the secretary who told you all this?”

“In this profession, people provide me a lot of information I don’t ask for. I’ve learnt not to take it personally. You’d know what that is like, I’m sure.”

“I suppose so.”

Sunlight beamed on the side of her head, warming her past the point of languid ease. Should've picked the aisle seat. Trapped by her handbag at her ankles; burner phone, wallet, spare cosmetics, and a custom holster for a gun she hadn't touched since moving in with Arnaud. 

Three years ago, what was on her mind? Fresh out of Oxford, too cynical to be starry-eyed. Volunteering still gave her a false sense of self-importance, rather than existential exhaustion. Carving out her altruistic identity through deeds, not the blood money she had to take advantage of. Still believing in a world governed by monetary prowess and tacit favours. That somehow, she'd make up for inherited sins in sheer time and effort.

On her own, she just ended pulling up roots and moving on every couple years, leaving behind very little of herself. Taking some perverse pride in the impossibility of knowing an enigma but each year she noticed the empty space, the quiet of the flat, more encompassing. Lines on her face. Still young but not forever.

Maybe she needed some change in her life. Company, but not for the sake of matrimony. Living with Arnaud in Paris had made it easier to accept the façade of a charmed life, even if their relationship was one of social convenience. It got her father off her case. Her colleagues finally stopped speculating that she'd gone frigid and switched to wondering when she and Arnaud were going to move on or get hitched. Never to her face. Always to the secretary, who passed along the information with the same enthusiasm as commentary on the window dressings. 

Marriage crossed her mind, once or twice, in abstract. A last resort to keep up the veneer of normalcy. She could change her name. Become another unassuming face among thousands. Settle down while she was young. She wasn't a company man like her father. Maybe, for a year or two, before her past knocked her back into reality. Keeping her family life and professional life separate was paramount. The events of this morning proved as much.  

An attendant came over smelling of artificial vanilla and enquired if they would need anything. Stench recalled the low-lit bathroom in Conakry; a rush of saliva flooded Madeleine’s mouth as before vomiting. She shook her head. The attendant looked over at her in concern.

“Everything's fine, thank you,” said Safin. 

Madeleine threw him a bitter look as the attendant continued down the aisle. The sentiment was not reciprocated. Taken up by a need for conversation, if only to get out of her own head into someone else's for a while, she began, “So—” cleared her throat “—so, you head your own team?”

“That's correct.”

“How long have you been operating?”

“Fourteen years.”

“That’s quite a long time. I cannot say I'm familiar with the detail.”

“Our operations tend to stray away from the public eye. The situation in Conakry was an exception.”

Madeleine nodded primly. Still grasping for a conversation topic that wouldn’t completely sabotage her own intentions. What the hell could she do if he was one of SPECTRE? Second-guessing all his responses wouldn't get her anywhere. She simpered.

“I understand that this is not an ideal location to talk in-depth. But it wouldn’t hurt to know why my father saw fit to bother with me after all this time.”

“He has never discussed his business with you?”

“He made sure to keep me abreast of most of it. But I always knew where the money came from.” Madeleine frowned slightly. “There was an incident in Bolivia, back in 2008. I was volunteering on behalf of the IDPs and civilians affected by the water crisis. Dominic Greene, the famous entrepreneur, lost his life and the organisation QUANTUM shut down. But the gas explosion at the La Perla de las Dunas, that was all over the news. At the time it was deemed a political assault because several key members of the Bolivian military were rumoured to be involved.”

“On the news, do you recall ever hearing of a man named Luiz Medrano?”

“Medrano? As in, the exiled dictator?”

Safin nodded. “General Medrano cut a deal with Greene. Undisputed access to a seemingly useless piece of land in the Atacama Desert. It was, in fact, the site of an underground dam. Greene would have a monopoly over Bolivia's water, and Medrano and his coup would seize control of the country.” A particularly cold smile crossed Safin’s face but didn’t reach his eyes. “Not all of their subordinates were loyal. Someone from the outside must have intercepted at the hotel. Even so, their claim over the dam might have stayed out of the public eye if not for the amount of military figures found complicit in that political handover.” He paused. “QUANTUM's disbandment was not made public at the time. How would you know of this?”

Madeleine lowered her voice. “QUANTUM was my father's company, and Mr Greene was one of his associates. Besides, I never knew Greene personally. I don't think my father mentioned him to me more than twice in my life. I just put two-and-two together. He'd never let me see his shame directly.”

“I presume your father was acting in the interest of your protection.”

“He's always been meddling in my affairs! Even when I was a little girl. It's funny, you know. He was too busy to raise me so it fell to my mother. And then, once I got older, he decided to come back into my life. I would stay with him for a few months and go back to whichever school he put me through for the rest of the year. We stopped talking once I went off to Oxford.”

“And your mother?”

Madeleine froze. Averted her face towards the window. “She passed on when I was younger.”

Something indecipherable surfaced in his expression. “My apologies.”

“No, it’s all right. I’ve had time to mourn.” She scowled at nothing in particular. “I hope you realise I don’t have much on me.”

“Your personal affairs have been collected from the flat. You will have access to them once we reach our destination.”

“And that was decided by him, or you?” Safin held her gaze. “Well, you are doing this on his behalf, are you not?”

No answer. Back to silence until the attendant passed by again, accompanied by the scent of faux-vanilla. Madeleine couldn’t stand to sit another minute.

“Where do you think you’re going?” asked Safin without looking up.

“Dining car. I haven’t eaten since this morning.”

Safin made eye-contact with the associate on his side, nodded. The man got up and followed her into the next car without a word.

The attendant and passengers became nonentities while Madeleine ordered a sandwich and coffee. The associate didn't order anything, scanning the car. Just a pair of commuters, to the untrained eye.

“Welcome back, Dr Swann,” said Safin. “How was the dining car?”

“Uneventful.”

Safin glanced at the associate who was now sitting a few rows down. “I’m glad there were no complications.”

“I would certainly hope not,” Madeleine muttered. Every sentence that left her mouth gave him more ammunition. Ill-advised to put up a haughty front for the rest of the train ride. Tolerating the situation without being happy about it. Best get a grip before she made a bigger fool of herself. 

“I’m not one of your patients, Dr Swann. There's no need to try and figure me out.”

“I am not trying to do anything of the sort.” Terse, reflexive. Safin drew a quiet breath. Madeleine glanced over at him and of course, he initiated:

“Do you enjoy your work?”

“Psychology?”

“Yes.”

It was such an ordinary question that Madeleine forgot to be indignant. “I… well, truthfully there are a lot of days where it is not very glamourous. But, if the alternative is to sit by and do nothing while others are suffering, I wouldn't give up for the world.” Shrugging off her lingering bad mood with a white lie. “And you?”

“I have no complaints about my work.”

A little brisk, compared to his previous responses. But she hardly knew the man well enough to start parsing for tells. In his position she'd probably have answered the same way.

On the second train heading from Genève to Sion, Madeleine was out of conversation topics. Not that Safin was one for talking anyway. She'd settled into the pattern of being scrutinised and returning the scrutiny. Just like her father to send a highly-trained watchdog in lieu of an apology.

Once again, they had the car to themselves. The afternoon sun beaming in through the window imprinted on her retinas until she pulled down the blinds. 

The passing attendant did not address her beyond a glance and a small, terse smile. Probably just itching to get to the end of his shift and go see his friends for drinks. In his absence, her eyes kept flickering over empty rows, scanning, rescanning, fruitlessly.

“Dr Swann,” said Safin quietly, “is there a reason you keep looking over at the door?”

Madeleine purposefully relaxed her shoulders. “I wasn't aware that my father owned property in Sion. It's uncommon.”

“It's an architect’s villa located in Pont-de-la-Morge. Built in 1950, refurbished in 2008. You’ll have your pick of rooms on the second floor, if that makes any difference.”

Madeleine nodded. Running his sentence through in her head a few more times. She looked up sharply. “You’ll be staying there as well?”

“Given what occurred in Guinea and France, I would say it is in your best interest to have someone watching your back for a while.”

“You might have mentioned this before.”

“My job is to keep you alive. That’s as much reassurance as I can offer.”

⁂

Arrival at the station. Ushered into another black car. The sky overhead threatening rain as the car pulled into the drive. The perimeter of the house was flanked by several men not dissimilar from the two who’d collected Madeleine from her office. They did not speak. A couple of them nodded to Safin before bidding them entry.

An abundance of glass doors and aesthetically pleasing windows. The kitchen; wood panelling and stainless-steel. A fireplace in the living room with glass doors directly adjacent that led out to a terrace. The lawn watered itself. There were three bathrooms and bedrooms respectively.

Her own room was up the stairs, on the right. Far less claustrophobic or lived-in than Arnaud’s apartment. A fitted wardrobe, a stiff-looking bed. Mahogany sofa that wasn’t really her style but could be worked around. Light on the westernmost wall. Another set of glass doors that led out to a balcony, flanked by maroon curtains. She turned on the light, drew the curtains shut. Opening the wardrobe, she found the clothes she'd left in Arnaud's apartment that morning. She parsed through the fabric, unsure whether to find this latter aspect convenient or invasive. Some of these clothes she hadn’t worn in a season or two. 

Arnaud's last conversation came to mind. Had he come back to the flat after she left in order to apologise, or collect her things? If they hadn’t argued that morning he might still be alive. Worried enough, perhaps, to ask around and get himself in a lot of trouble before he was silenced.

Madeleine shut the wardrobe forcefully. A change of style the first step to reinventing herself.

Over the balcony she caught sight of Safin and his associates. He looked over as she came down the stairs. “The room is fine,” she began, “but, if I'm going to be here a week I'll need some things in the morning.”

Safin nodded. “Once we work out an itinerary, that shouldn't be an issue. You recall the two men who accompanied you?” The first nodded; the second smiled politely. “Simply inform one of them and they will transport you as needed.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” said Madeleine. No chance of giving these men the slip and expecting to survive.

⁂

That night she buried herself under rough wool blankets. Dreamless sleep the most precious amenity of all. She couldn’t start drinking and risk a hangover. If she started taking pills she'd draw attention to herself pretty quickly.

Normally she could manage to sleep. Restless but consistent enough to scrape by unnoticed.

Waking up half-fevered. Unfamiliar ceiling. Sion, not France. Waiting for the initial swell of terror to pass, as it always did. Regulating her breathing. Just a trauma response. Laying still, unsure if it was midnight or five in the morning. 

Back in Ermatige, the waves of terror and relief used to crash down, shake her apart. Twenty-six year-old Madeleine chewed her lip. Sitting up, wrapping her arms around herself. A dull throbbing behind her eyes, in the base of her skull. Heavy scent of petrichor invading her nostrils.

About to get up when she heard the creak of floorboards. Movement from the hall towards the stairs, descending. Someone was up and around. A few seconds later, Safin’s voice, indistinct.

Oh, God.

She hadn’t disturbed him, had she?

She could lay back down and feign sleep until her headache became too much to ignore. Or she could go on with her day. Checked the time. 06:21.

Technically still too early for her to be up and about.

The warmth of the sheets became cloying. She stood up, barefoot on varnished wood, creeping over to the balcony. Reaching out to touch the pane. Cool glass kissing her naked palm. In a month or two the ground would be laden with snow.

Opening the door. Stepping out onto the balcony, gripping the rail. Quieting her breath to hear the whisper of water on grass. Taking fresh air into her lungs until she was shivering. Soles of her feet smarted.

The men surrounding the premises did not move. But they must see her up there. She stepped back indoors.

Silvery glint in her peripherals. The old television reflecting the light from outside.

Combing around the drawers for a remote. She clicked it on. Quickly hit the mute button. Squinting at the harsh colours that only reignited her headache. Flitting through channels for news. Poring over the headlines.

Not a word about the MSF. It had only been a month since she came back to Europe. Next week was October.

She sat there for a while letting the colours wash over the room. Clicked it off. Stumbling into the bathroom. Bags under her eyes more pronounced than the day before.

Madeleine had a shower, trying to piece together the dream. Hazier than in her youth. She discarded it. Only a dream. Drying off, dressing for the day. Contenting herself with the solidity of wool and linen, she went downstairs to have breakfast.

Safin, hovering by the glass doors in the living-room area. Dressed as if for another commute. “Dr Swann,” he said as way of greeting.

“Morning,” she replied. It was seven forty AM. No job to distract her from this newfound sense of nihilism. She rifled through the pantry looking for some cereal and saw an expensive-looking bottle of alcohol towards the back—liquor. Madeleine took the cereal, fixed herself a bowl and some coffee.

Caffeine counteracted her torpor, but the headache remained. “I don’t suppose this safehouse has any painkillers?” Safin looked over. She was already going through cabinets. “It’s my head. Just the weather, really.”

“Did you sleep?”

“Well enough.” She met his gaze with more confidence than she could back up. Safin’s attention diverted to the side of her head.

“On your right.”

She took two with her coffee. Ate in silence. Waiting a week in the hope her father might have an excuse was a truly miserable proposition. What would she say? Hello, Papa. I’m still alive. Did you pick this location to remind me of your home in Austria? No, that wouldn’t get her anywhere. Easier to approach her father in the same context as her job.

“Who do I speak to when I’m ready to leave?”

Safin glanced over at one of the associates.

⁂

The spotter gave her the run down on the way. In terms of travel she couldn’t go beyond the canton of Valais and she could not contact anyone else outside of Kerberos to confer information about her father’s whereabouts. But aside from that she could pretty much go anywhere.

First, clothing. That took her to Bottega Veneta. In Flagranti’s Business Acumen playing over the intercom. Madeleine's hackles raised. The painkillers in effect. Caffeine wearing off. She started parsing out signs. She hadn't really thought about what she needed beyond a change.

So accustomed to the life of a disconnected middle-class that its opposite became seductive. Perusing the aisles in a daze. Selecting whatever pulled at her heart in a perverse reminder of home. Nothing too extravagant. A new raincoat and a couple pairs of shoes. Navy scarf for the winter months. Spare lipstick. A few more shirts and dress pants in monochrome. Spare underwear, socks.

Spent half an hour trying it all on. Avoiding the eyes of the woman in the glass. Most of it fit but she didn't feel any different. The raincoat especially gave her a funereal look. She already had a reputation for being severe. What did it matter? She was always severe and the rest of the world could just bite the bullet.

Shit. The spotter was waiting for her. He probably didn't care either way. They hadn't talked much and she wasn't about to humanise him. She'd only let her guard down faster.

She parsed him out. They made brief eye-contact. Unimportant banter between her and the cashier during the transaction. Taking her bags. Walking over rain-slicked asphalt. Back into the car. The beat of raindrops on the window lulling her into a false sense of security.

Snapping herself out of it when the car stopped. “I’ll get it,” she insisted. The associate didn’t protest.

Treading up the stairs, down the hall. Pulling old clothes out of drawers, off hangers. Substituting her purchased goods. It wasn’t enough to fill the wardrobe, but she would have time to buy new clothes. Set aside the old stuff to be dealt with.

Shambling downstairs. Hungry without any real appetite. Safin nowhere to be seen. It took all the strength she had just to stand. Moving over to the sofa. Slumping into it. Closing her eyes. Only for a second.

The sound of a car pulling in mixed up with the sharp staccato of rifle fire tearing apart a wooden door.

Papa's gun in the cabinet, next to the bleach.

Heavy footsteps on wood.

No matter how fast she bolted she’d never get there in time.

Gloved hand on her shoulder.

Jerking awake with a guttural hitch, like she'd been sucker-punched.

Breathing hard. Her face damp.

“Dr Swann?”

Face-to-face with the last person she wanted to justify herself to. She averted her eyes. “Oh God, it's just—I’m sorry. It was just a nightmare.”

“About Conakry?”

She swallowed dryly. “Look, it’s nothing, I’m—”

“Don’t tell me that it is nothing.” His tone suddenly sharper. “You were in significant distress, now and early this morning. Nightmares are a common response in post-traumatic—”

“—I am familiar with the definition!” Ringing silence. She hadn’t meant to raise her voice. “Your concern is not unfounded, I know that it looks very bad. But I know how to deal with this. Please, just leave me be.”

“Just now, you said, don't come any closer, I'll kill you. Does that mean anything to you?”

Her hackles raised. “It's meaningless.”

“Depriving yourself of sleep won't do you any favours when Mr White shows up. If you want to be stubborn, I'll have no option but to keep you locked down until you have recuperated. In the meantime, think over what you must do to get some proper sleep. I'm not your therapist.”

He left her to sit, bitter and confused. He hadn’t reacted this way in Guinea and she'd been close to catatonic. So, what was this about?

⁂

For the next three days the Kerberos team confined her to the safehouse. Letting her out only to walk her around the premises for twenty minute intervals like a high-strung pet. If she were to take sleeping pills she was monitored. Resentment outweighed by desperation to regain her agency. 

She learnt to recognise Safin's gait back and forth down the hall. Through the glass doors that led out onto the balcony, she could always see the figures silhouetted in the light from the terrace, blending into the shadows. 

Even with all of this, sleep was no easier. Waking up half-fevered, clawing away the sheets. Expecting to see her stomach torn open, entrails and blood over the sheets not unlike brain matter and bone fragments against a hot car window. Finding unbroken skin sheened in sweat. The stress of the situation in Guinea and the extreme nature of the attack would inevitably recall some previous triggers.

It didn't explain away the nightmares about Altaussee. Hadn't she put that behind her years ago? Minor variations, each time. The setting was more indistinct than in childhood but the visceral details heightened. Sometimes the gunman would shoot her on sight before she stepped outside. Most often now, she'd run over to find no gun in the cabinet, and he shot her anyway. As a child she'd lacked the mental capacity to conceptualise how it would feel to die this way; now she dreaded what she'd see when she closed her eyes.

On day four, she was finally able to get some rest on account of exhaustion rather than effort. She woke up to the sun streaming into her face. Once she left her room, the two associates got her out of the house, into the car. They drove around Valais for roughly an hour and brought her back. Upon her return to the safehouse there were men checking over the rooms and furniture. Only so much protocol she could stomach, on top of all the scrutiny.

“I don’t want them in my room when I come in,” she told Safin. “Around the premises if necessary, but that’s all. If they must check all the rooms, fine, I don’t care, I just don’t want to see it.”

Childish to her own ears. Too beaten-down to think better. But he just said: “That can be arranged.”

⁂

The nights here were getting colder. Madeleine bundled up. She had never cared much for the autumnal season. All the decay covered beneath the snow to be unearthed come spring. Upcoming holiday meant throngs of people. Indifferent towards Christmas.

Safin was rarely around. In passing, he would acknowledge her in passing with a curt nod, and after day five he was more-or-less in the background. Every now and again, she'd catch him hovering in a room, just observing. Sometimes, if she turned, she imagined a flicker of something unfamiliar trapped behind his reserved countenance. But he never stuck around long enough for her to ask.

With an abundance of free time, she was unable to let herself to fall into the illusion of normalcy. Inevitable, then, that her thoughts would stray back to the MSF. Conducting research on her own, in the mornings and evenings; parsing through official news sites on her laptop, then underground articles, statistics, and anything else she could scrounge up. 

The Guinean military had been busy quelling unrest for the last four weeks, but there were few details. Several key figures in the MSF were currently under investigation, tarnishing the reputation of the organisation. That stuck around the headlines, right next to some lesser story in the corner about various pharmaceutical companies cooperating in tandem with the Red Cross and clean MSF figures to ensure there was no repeat affliction throughout the rest of Africa. Madeleine didn’t see her face or any mention of a Psychosocial Unit mentioned anywhere.

The nightmares weren't any better. But at least she had something to point her energy towards rather than direct it inwards.

On day six, Safin was lurking about the living area when she came down. He didn't wish her good morning. “I'll say this once, for your own good. Forget about what happened in Guinea.”

A week ago Madeleine would've been indignant. Arrogant enough to question this. She said: “There has been nothing short of a civil outbreak, and all the other parties walked away more or less unscathed. And you expect me to ignore that?”

“You accepted that mission knowing that there was the possibility there would be casualties.”

“Casualties? It was a worst-case scenario.”

He looked over at her. “The situation escalated far beyond any one party's control. There's no sense in blaming yourself. You did the best you could.”

Always wearing gloves. What the hell had happened to him? And why, succeeding that, would one choose security as their preferred occupation?

“Are you going to ask if it’s genetic?”

Madeleine balked. For the first time in a long time embarrassed rather than unnerved. “I didn't mean to offend you.” 

He shrugged. “No offence taken.” His tone was off, like trying for sharpness without credence. “It was a long time ago.” Cordial, but not openly genial. While their conversations topics didn't leave much room for trust or even camaraderie, at the very least they were not glowering at each other anymore. “There's been a slight change of plans. Your father should be arriving later this evening.

“Well, that's convenient.”

“I'm sure you would like to ask him a few questions about your situation.”

“There's no telling he will give me a straight answer.” Safin said nothing. Madeleine exhaled, looked over at him. “Irrespective of how I might feel about your employer, you’ve given me no reason to distrust you.”

“Very well, Dr Swann.”

Madeleine smiled. “Please, just call me Madeleine. I'm not working right now.”

A beat.

“All right. Madeleine.”