#tags just in case I post more about them later

[aerialworms]

Several people have pointed out my tags, but I forgot there was a tag limit and tumblr deleted a bunch of info (and I wasn't expecting people to read them! Whoops!), so I've written them up into a more coherent form for you all (with links to more angst!)

First off, a disclaimer: While I did do a shitton of maths to get this as accurate as I could, I was also cribbing from headcanon and guesstimates and dubiously canon novels, and then took artistic license with the diagram anyway. I do not claim this to be 100% accurate, I was just Overcome By Emotion and needed to get it out. Feel free to let me know if I've missed something, but please note this art was more about representation than wholly accurate data. (Sorry, Spock!)

I drew this after watching the short film Unification that came out last year. I don't usually acknowledge Generations for the sake of my own sanity (if I think about it for too long I will cry) but the short film made me think about both Jim AND Spock's deaths (and also the fact that Bones wasn't there, which I am. so cool and fine with. Not.) and that sent me into a little spiral at 4am (pictured below).

I scribbled this in my planner in the faint glimmer of moonlight, half-hanging out of my bed, looking up dates and becoming more and more distraught as my cat looked on in bemusement. My initial thoughts were as follows:

Hang on, how old was Jim when he died?

EXCUSE ME??

How old were Spock and Bones when they bit it??

WHAT??

How long did they all actually know each other for???

WHAT THE FUCK??????

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY WERE ONLY TOGETHER* FOR 25 YEARS?????

THAT CAN'T BE FUCKING RIGHT.

And then I cried for a good while. And eventually slept. And then woke up and did even more maths.

My calculations were as follows:

Jim was 32 at the start of the 5ym, Spock was 35, and Bones was 38. According to the dates on the Memory Alpha Wiki (death date minus birth year, counting all canon time travel etc as negligible since it's only a few months difference at most afaik), Jim lived to be 60 (not including his time in the Nexus, since that's more like the afterlife to me), Bones lived to be 141, and Spock lived to be 161 (that's a little confusing if you look at the wiki, since he died in the alternate universe and the stardates over there are different, but trust me). Bones lived for 75 years after Jim disappeared, and Spock lived for 98 (23 of those after Bones died, too). Almost an entire century. :)

They were only together as a trio for ~25 years. Jim took command of the Enterprise in 2265, and went into the Nexus in 2293. That's 28 years, minus 3 for the post-5YM/pre-TMP estrangement. Twenty five years. That's all. That's. Not fucking fair. That's less than half Jim's life. He lived over half his life before meeting Spock, and having his two best friends - his heart and mind - actually with him. And then. And then…

He did know Bones for longer. I headcanon that Jim and Bones were friends, or at least friendly acquaintances for ~11 years before Bones becomes CMO (and thus meets Spock), so that's their overlap on the diagram - of course, there was probably some time together without Spock later on but not enough to change that amount drastically. Plus, most of their friendship before Bones became CMO was likely long-distance and intermittent, given that they weren't (afaik) ever stationed together (and I tend to think Bones didn't even join the fleet till shortly before he became CMO). So that means they were together for 36 years at most (just over half Jim's life).

Jim and Spock have the smallest overlap. I think I factored in SNW and estimated it at about 5 years cumulative (the years they know each other in SNW + a bit extra just in case). So that gives them 30 years total together (exactly half Jim's life!)

And then there's Spock and Bones. Hoo fucking boy. They met because of Jim. They lived 25 years of their life with him. The three of them, working so well together, balancing each other out. And then Jim is gone. By my estimate, it was just the two of them for 75 years. Three times the amount of time they were all together. And all of this post-Jim's disappearance. They knew each other far longer than either of them ever knew Jim, and their relationship after his disappearance must have been altered by his absence, but they did stay good friends - and then there's also the fact that Spock could feel Jim was 'alive' somewhere, but had no idea where or how to get to him. Just that he was happy. Without them. If I think about that too much I will start biting.

And also. I really can't get over the fact that Bones lived so long. I expected Spock to outlive him by a wide margin (and I bet they all expected him to), but no. Both Bones and Spock lived for well over double Jim's lifespan, and lived without him for triple (nearly quadruple, in Spock's case) the time they knew him. Jim dying at 60 is young, they could have had so many more years together - they probably thought they would, after cheating death so many times and still coming back together! But Jim dies, and Spock must have, on some level, expected to outlive him, but not so soon. For a Vulcan, he has a remarkably short life, and Bones was alive for so long and they were together but without Jim, and then - even worse! - Bones dies and Spock leaves for Romulus (and ultimately another fucking universe) because there's no one left for him anymore. And he takes that pendant of Jim with him, and (I like to think) still has an impression of Bones in his head from the katra-sharing, and he lives 23 more years without them with him, not really, but they're still a fundamental part of him. Even though they were only really all together for 25 years and it's been almost a century since he last saw Jim, his Jim. Twenty five years. That's all they get.

*when I say together, I mean on friendly terms, in fairly regular contact - essentially that they were in each other's lives. That's why I'm not counting the pre-Motion Picture divorce era, and why my numbers for their one-on-one time are hazy, since I imagine they might have had other falling-outs or time alone, and Bones and Jim especially might have gone long stretches without communicating before Bones became CMO, since they weren't living near each other - and I think it's likely Spock and Bones did so post-Jim, too, especially since Spock became an ambassador and likely moved around a lot. At least they had their post-katra-sharing mind link, though.

That's what I was trying to articulate with this art - how lifespans can overlap, and how you can never match your life up perfectly to someone else's, and you'll always end up leaving or being left behind, eventually, even if you all want to stay together. I was thinking about my parents as I drew this, and how I will, most likely, outlive them by a wide margin. I have no idea how long I'll live without my current friends, too. It's bittersweet, to me. I know it's impossible to keep even one person close for your entire life, but I still wish I could.

Spock outlived both his best friends, and both he and Bones far outlived Jim. The three of them were together for those precious 25 years. It's at once so long, and not nearly long enough.

Lifespans.

(ID under cut)

[Image ID: A three-way venn diagram floating against a starfield. The circles are coloured; one yellow, one light blue, one a darker shade of blue. The yellow is the smallest, the two blue ones over double its size, with the darker blue the biggest. The yellow is half covered by the two blue circles, while it takes up a small amount of the two blues. The centre overlap between all three is labelled "the precious few years we three were together".

There is very little overlap between the yellow and the darker blue without the lighter blue.

The work is digned 'aerialworms'./End ID]

[dreamyblanket]

Here is allllll the canon and non cannon thoughts I have about Caramel arrow put into a neat little post ^^

Also, thanky @speadrunner for prompting me this was high quality enrichment for me brain.

Allright!

To start we're only going on cannon stuff and there's actually alot to work with compared to the usual bg character im obsessed with! We have the main story and beast yeast. [last cookie standing too if you consider that cannon. I personally don't]

🔲 Canon 🔳

🤎She's very passionate.

We've seen how heated she gets when defending herself or just talking about other people she likes even if it gets her in trouble at times.

🤎 she's very loyal

Her loyalty to the dark cacao kingdom and dc himself is stated many times. I don't think I need to defend that ^^u but there's also her loyalty to her comrades! It's shown really well in the scene with the alter of the fallen where she takes time to light an incense for them before heading to the citadel.

🤎she works extremely hard

I would say she overworked herself but we've really only really seen her in stressful times tbh. [Other than in the cookie kingdom too]

Buuuutt! We also know that during her banishment she made her own arrows, gave her rations to the villages near by, traveled between them, was implied to be protecting them I'm pretty sure, oh! and was hunting for herself [and probably the villages] during her banishment which was around 4 weeks or so [based her saying "a moon has passed"] so she's no stranger to working hard! [Becoming first watcher also is a big achievement so add that to our list!]

🤎she's close to dc and knew dark choco

For her being close to dark cacao, it's implied in the first story but really comes out in beast yeast.

1] She can read his fighting style from the scene where they are lost in the fog

2] She quickly clocked that he was uneasy about something when his sword was acting up.

Not to mention the end scene where he held hers and crunchy chips hands [that was so sweet ;.;] he clearly cares about them just as much.

Now with being close to dark choco! They have dialoge in the kingdom where they talk about training together again and she says she knew him when he was a general in the citadel. So yea ^^

🤎oh! and obviously Boba is her favorite drink. It's literally in her ideal animation and often shown in official art of her.

Fun fact! Her name isn't actually Caramel arrow in other translations! It's brown sugar ^^ but I like Caramel arrow more tbh it fits her design better.

🔳less cannon but I have circumstantial evidence 🤓 🔲

🤎she uses work to avoid her emotions

I know the opening scene with her saying "no more tears" can absolutely be taken as "i have work to do, we can cry later" but the fact she starts listing all the stuff she has to do after helps my case.

She also tends to stay relatively calm in comparison to others during stressful times which can also be interpreted as her working hard to avoid her feelings.

🤎she's not someone who holds grudges often

Ok so, obviously affogato is a whole other story. I think you would also hold a grudge if that happend to you but she doesn't give any "on sight" energy to dark choco, infact she wanted to spend time with him again in their kingdom dialoge.

She hasn't really shown that much anger toward anyone other than affogato tbh.

🤎 her and crunchy chip have a sibling relationship

You can obviously say they just banter or "are friends" but as a person with siblings, those two are siblings.

🔲Head cannons 🔳

Cannon has left to go buy milk and wont be coming back ^^

🤎she likes to do wood carving ^^ on long nights it's something readily available to keep her busy

🤎she has alot of scars on her hands and legs just from exsploreing, fighting, and crunchy chip being a fucking menace.

🤎she's got a pretty stong stomach and started to eat deer crackers during her banishment I elaborate in the tags about this here ->[https://www.tumblr.com/dreamyblanket/778323584757137408/sorry-guys-wafer-on-the-brain-its-terminal-uu?source=share] [note, I dont recommend eating them yourself have a little nibble if your so inclined but you will probably give yourself a stomach ache if you do]

🤎she has a hard time accepting anything beyond familial love [yes, I am talking about this in relation to wafer]

🤎she's really good at hands on learning but as soon as a book is infront of her she checks out, please for the love of witches don't tell her to write anything other than a work report she will hate it.

🤎on that note! she's good at visual maths but not written math. Her skills are mostly practical. [Again, please don't giver her a math test she will cry.]

🤎has tried dog treats before, mostly because crunchy chip eats them [assume they all eat weird stuff ok?] She thought they were ok.

🤎has never left the dark cacao kingdom and has no desire to other than for work, it's her home she knows it inside and out.

🤎because she has deer crackers on her 24/7 the wild deer know her usual walking routes.

🤎doesn't like fizzy drinks or sour things.

🤎fucking loves sweet drinks, her order at Starbucks would make most people sick. [Whatever your thinking go sweeter.]

🤎also! big fan of cool rocks, one time she accidentally cracked a geode and picked up a book about rocks willingly for the first time in her life! She promptly put it down after learning about geodes but still impressive for her!

🤎her and affogato have never got along so during the time he was working his way into the advisory position she was his #1 opp

Yayyayayyyyy 🎊 🎊 🎊 you made it to the end!!

I hope this is readable, I went over it 3 times but if anything is weird please do tell me^^

Anywho, this is the end for now >:] I plan on updating this with her like, childhood and relationship with wafer soon but that's going to be a separate post because this is allready freakishly long and that's like 2x long ///^^u///

Uh, I like her a normal amount.

[appsartstash]

Been having varying levels of Rain World brain rot for the last while, so a good chunk of what I've been drawing lately are slugcats. Most of these are my own ideas because I've gotten more attached than I intended. I'll yell about them under the cut.

First is an attempt at a Hunter design featuring a slugpup I've been calling the Squire. My main idea is that before the end of Hunter's campaign, they leave Squire with Gourmand's colony, and Squire ends up acting as a guard there when they're older.

The second image is of the Cathode (green) and the Chameleon (black and white). They're both purposed organisms from a different group of iterators than those in-game. Cathode is resistant to electricity and can store electric charges to stun attackers, and they were made to help maintain a damaged iterator can. Chameleon is the obligatory part-lizard scug, being made with white lizard traits by a different iterator than Cathode. Chameleon was frequently overshadowed by their creator's other slugcat, though, so they end up leaving and being taken in by Cathode's creator. I imagine Cathode and Chameleon end up as a bonded pair and are pretty much inseparable after the Chameleon arrives.

The last is the Scholar (or at least my take on that idea, I've seen the title used by others). They'd be post-Saint, purposed by an iterator to investigate why communications have gone quiet. Design-wise, they'd be closer to Gourmand's build but very fluffy, and the darker fur around the eyes was meant to resemble glasses, but I realized it looked a bit like a raccoon's mask, resulting in the tail stripes.

[thirstkanaphan]

@karmacharmeleon18 thank you for adding your thoughts! Everything you wrote is so interesting to me as someone who only got into Ateez last year and wasn't around to witness the shifting dynamics within the group. I want to nibble on some your notes here, mostly just to "yes, and..." the conversation!

I think you are spot-on about Yunho being an internal regulator of the fanservice (not sure I'd go so far as to say he polices fanservice). I know we joke about him always being at the scene of the crime, but recently I am fascinated by how much he's been the primary orchestrator of fanservice moments within the group. Especially on the Europe tour, nearly every viral moment happened because of Yunho. Yungi aside, he was gong on dates with Yeosang; posting multiple flirty/cute/suggestive reels with Seonghwa; holding hands with San every night on stage; and instigating some VERY shippy moments with Wooyoung during their performance.

I agree with you that Yunho is keenly aware of how far the team can push fanservice; I also think control-freak/dance-leader Yunho needs to choreograph it (see what I did there?) so he can manage it. You are right to point out that Yunho's first reaction to seeing the WooSan moment is panic and then he is able to get himself under control and laugh it off.

(@storkmuffin is developing a dark!yunho thesis that will undoubtedly cause irrevocable damage to my psyche, so I'm tagging them in case they have additional thoughts later on)

I am sure there are multiple factors for why WooSan distanced themselves/were distanced after Bouncy-era (cue Oprah voice "were you silent? or were you silenced?"), and I do think some of that has to do with the meteoric rise of Ateez after Bouncy. I think all of them were savvy enough to realize that they could promote the group on more than just being yaoiteez, and San's skyrocketing fame contributed to that shift too, along with Wooyoung's own self-described internal character arc away from being the "sexy" member towards someone with more mystery and maturity.

I do really like your meta read of the different unit songs for FIN!

The Yeosang of it all is so interesting to me! I feel terrible for how he's treated by certain factions within the fandom. I have multiple, overlapping, and somewhat conflicting thoughts about the role Yeosang plays in the group with regard to fan-service, which I'll briefly sketch out below:

Not sure I completely accept the claim that San pivoted to Yeosang in the wake of the WooSan ship "sinking." I think that when WooSan was at their peak, they so completely dominated our attention that we perhaps failed to notice existing and deep bonds between SanSang/MinSang/JongSang (all of them are very handsy with Yeosang). My hypothesis is not that these interactions started happening recently, it's just that the fandom recently became more aware of them because WooSan wasn't there to steal the oxygen in the room.

I do think that San's performative favoritism towards Yeosang can come off to some as unwelcome and aggressive, but I also think that San is a very physically demonstrative person and he may prefer to have a target of affection when he is in public as a means of controlling and redirecting attention. This is also the same man who brought his stuffed animal to an amusement park and makes felt dolls. I think he is drawn to cute things and Yeosang is the cutest.

Yeosang has addressed his own instinctive response (trauma-informed?!) to physical affection from any of the members, but San in particular. Here's a transcription from their Off The Record interview:

San: There's something I want to ask you. Did anything I did upset you?

Yeosang: Actually, for me, instead of being upset, I feel more like I owe you an apology. Because for example, when you say things like "I love you", you show your love and affection, for me it's not easy to reciprocate, so I feel like I owe you an apology. Sometimes, when you try to kiss me... how can I say it... my body's reaction to avoid it is automatic.

And when San replies that Yeosang has done nothing to upset him, Yeosang continues, unprompted:

Yeosang: Nothing upsets you... Thinking about it another way, this feeling of being upset, I don't think it's entirely negative. I feel like the closer the person is, It's easier to get upset about something. I often wonder if I'm not doing enough (also about taking care of San). It's a bit of a stretch to say something like "I'm going to do something to upset you," but I'm going to do my best to do it.

I think a more cynical person could read this exchange as Yeosang apologizes for not giving back enough to their fanservice, but as with the unusually candid and frankly upsetting conversation with Jongho and Wooyoung, I think Yeosang admitted more than he intended to about his real feelings: he wants to be an active participant in his relationship with San. He wants to be able to genuinely upset San, which he sees as a marker of close friendship. While there is still a part of him that remains uneasy with San's excessive physical affection, he wants to be more to San than just a pretty doll to play with. (Interestingly, this is how Jongho described his relationship with Wooyoung earlier in the ep “am I an accessory to you?”) I don't think for one second that San feels anything less for Yeosang than intense care and adoration.

With MinSang, I was also there when they were unusually handsy and the fandom was having a blast with their interactions. I am less inclined to think that Yunho had a hand in distancing them, mostly because I think it's in Mingi's personality to have periods where he gets intensely into other members and then cools off. I recall Jongho making this observation about Mingi when the members were discussing Transit Love:

*Jongho clocking the tea*

I will admit it's INTERESTING that Jongho attributes Mingi’s bouts of closeness to the current status of his relationship with Yunho (maybe I'm proving your point lol)

Not sure what people are referring to by Yunho's "disgusted" face when San was getting sappy about Yeosang. Perhaps they're talking about this exchange?

I read this moment as Yunho not being prepared for San to launch into an elaborate bit and reacting to San the way he seems to always react to San when San acts weird. Remember this is how he reacted to San's story about his bald spot?

My final observation is that there is a Yeosang that we almost never see and that we glimpsed once in a cute exchange between him and Mingi that was being filmed by the members. It's implied that Mingi and Yeosang forgot they were being filmed and Yeosang spoke differently than he normally does on camera.

He sounds extra sweet and soft and if that's how he is at home, no wonder he inspires so much cuteness aggression in the members.

Anyway, thanks for responding! This got off topic but the best tumblr conversations usually do. Feel free to keep going!

I've never seen this clip in its entirety; only the kiss/not kiss and San backing away in shock. It's REALLY something. And the aftermath! Wooyoung wiggling from the audacity of what he just pulled off on stage at a fanmeeting; San buffering; Yunho the Yaoi God holding back a smile.

I want to study this like an ancient text because THIS is the moment many WooSan shippers point to as the turning point...apparently Bouncy-era WooSan flew too close to the fan-service sun and haven't been paired up as a unit since (unless you count an OT3 with Yeosang for It's You).

[haaam-guuuurl]

Love the flavor of soulmates that is a main m/f partnership dynamic that's mostly platonic but also romantic but also dysfunctional and yet completely essential - like these characters would not work without each other, but they barely work with each other, and most importantly they know each other carnally better than anyone else, but it's also not about sex at all it's about the partnership and navigating the highs and lows of intimacy and letting someone in, but also maybe they do fuck, but also maybe don't, but also...

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

[skeletalheartattack]

i haven't played minecraft in years, but with the armadillo winning the vote, i think about how wolves don't really have much going on in terms of their utility. like anytime i tame a wolf, i end up just kinda keeping them sitting at home.

i think if mojang really does feel like wolves are deserving of armour, with the addition of armadillos, they really need to update wolves to be more useful as companion mobs, because personally... i never feel the urge to bring a wolf with me when im going out to do things, especially if it involves combat.

like, what do dogs do best? fetching stuff and digging, right? like i wish that i could just mill about with a wolf and they track a scent or something and start digging into the dirt and then proceed to bring you that item. like it could range from rarely digging up iron nuggets to digging up vegetables or whatever, yknow. combine the fetching stuff with combat and you wouldn't have to manually pick up stray arrows or items from mobs your wolf kills.

the only other thing i wish you could do with wolves is automate their health in some way, like give more utility to the bowl item so you can place it down for them to eat from so you don't have to constantly manage their health by looking at their tail. just minor quality of life stuff i guess.

idk, that's just my thoughts. i do like wolves in minecraft, they just feel rather lacking with the way some new mobs have so much going on, like the sniffer and allay and so on.

[reminiscentrainclouds]

You guys ever feel trapped? Yea I'm well-acquainted with the feeling of being trapped.

[torchickentacos]

[byanyan]

i love when people like ur promo and then don't even give u a full day to take a look at their blog so u can decide whether u want to follow them or not... when they're the ones who don't provide mobile friendly info options

[sciencegeniusgirlshowdown]

Can we submit Genderfluid Science Geniuses?

I'd say my stance is that, if a character wouldn't mind being referred to as a girl at least part of the time, they're definitely permitted! Speaking from the perspective of a nonbinary person (though not specifically a genderfluid person) I know I wouldn't be the most comfortable if I myself was submitted to an explicitly gendered poll like this, but I know that that take won't be the same for everyone! So if a character is generally comfortable with being lumped in with women then I wouldn't have an issue with it at all! If their preference when it comes to how they're acknowledged is vague, I may open up a preliminary asking for voters familiar with them their thoughts on whether it'd be respectful to the character for them to be included.

I will add that, with the current number of unique submissions already nearing the 128 limit with the submission period still having a ways to go, there's a chance that they may be one of the characters that doesn't make the cut in the end. If they don't, please know that it's not because of any phobic sentiments on mod's part! While I'd love to include every character sent to me, at the end of the day some will be facing the chopping block. If I do decide to run another SGGShowdown bracket sometime after this one ends, I'm like, 99% sure that I'll make it so characters that were solely rejected from the first bracket due to being at capacity would take up the first however many slots of the second bracket.

With all that being said, I'd definitely submit them if you think they wouldn't mind being a part of something like this! I'm worried it may sound like I'm already planning on rejecting them, but I promise that's not the case! I haven't decided exactly how I'll be picking which valid submissions get to be in the limited number of slots and which don't yet, so I just wanted to get that little disclaimer out of the way!

[waywardsalt]

.

[cherrygirlfriend]

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ pilates princess

pairing: sunshine!reader x bf!rafe synopsis: rafe catches reader working out tags / warnings: fluff, smut (no actual sex but graphic descriptions of fantasies) wc: 900 a/n; this is for the pilates princesses (also originally this fic wasn't in the sunshineverse but it is now... mwahahahaha) originally posted 10/12/2024

rafe was knocking on your door impatiently, wanting to see you more than anything after the day he had, finding out that the development he had been busting his ass for for months had been delayed, but you weren't answering the door or even his texts telling you to open the door; that didn't stop him, the man knowing where your parents kept the spare key, getting it out of a pot of asterias, opening the door. you'd told him he could only use it 'only in case of emergencies', but to him, this constituted as an emergency.

rafe didn't bother to put the key back as he walked further into the house, hearing the noise of the television coming from your living room. he made his way to the living room, his eyes widening slightly when he saw exactly what had you so busy.

you were splayed on the floor, a pink workout mat underneath you, watching some workout video on your tv while your headphones were on, wearing a pair of pink fitness shorts that made your ass look so good he was almost drooling, along with a white sports bra, turned away from him, one of your hands splayed on the ground while the other one was bent on your head, one of your knees on the mat while your other was reaching up.

"jesus christ." he mumbled as he stared at you, the curve of your ass in those pink shorts causing his dick to stir in his shorts.

only a few seconds later, you moved to sit down on the mat, only to be startled by your boyfriend shamelessly ogling you, letting out a small gasp as you basically fell on your ass on the mat, your eyes widening.

you took off your headphones, throwing them onto the couch behind you, and even though your face was already warm and flushed, it seemed to get worse when you noticed him staring at you. "rafe!" you exclaimed as you stood up, his eyes now locked onto your hardened nipples under the sports bra, your tits almost pressed together, a sheen of sweat running down your cleavage.

"jesus fucking christ." he said, licking his lips slightly as you took your pink zip-up jacket and put it on, yet the way it clung to your body and the small sliver of your sports bra did almost nothing to hide how delicious you looked. "no, no, baby, don't stop on my accord." rafe grinned, his hands on your waist, aware that he was sporting a pretty obvious hard-on as he pulled you closer.

"i don't want you to see me all gross and sweaty." you pouted, and the way you sucked your lip in made nothing to calm down the obvious tent in his shorts.

"you look so fucking sexy right now." he said, pulling you closer to him, and you could feel his hard-on press against your abdomen, the blonde letting out a small groan from only that contact. "literally, i've never... jesus."

"i'm not sexy right now." you roll your eyes, pushing away a stray hair that had stuck to your cheek, trying to look down in embarrassment.

"you're kidding, right?" rafe snorted, his hand going lower and lower, almost going to the curve to your ass. "i think you can feel how sexy you look, huh?" he took hold of your chin with his fingers, and lifted it up, making you look up at him. "if you didn't want to wait longer, do you know the things i'd do to you?"

"w-what?" you asked in a way that was almost a whisper, biting your lower lip as you looked at him through your lashes.

"fuck, i'd just rip that cute little set off and take you right here on the couch. i'd make you ride me, give you a workout that's much better than this crap you're doing, your tits bouncing in my face, my hands gripping those pretty thighs... shit, i might cum just thinking about it."

you softly smacked him in the chest, feeling a warmth in your abdomen only he managed to cause, sure that you'd never blushed so hard in your life. "raafee..."

he brings your face up to his, bringing your lips to his as he bent down slightly, the kiss much more heated than any other kiss that you'd shared, his hand now on the curve of your ass, squeezing it in a way that made you gasp against his lips, his other hand now in your hair.

after a moment, you pulled away breathlessly, his erection had somehow gotten even worse than before, your lips swollen and a doe-eyed look in your eyes. "we should... uh, we should stop, since, you know..."

"yeah, i know baby." he rolled his eyes exasperatedly, before chuckling softly. "god, i'm not gonna forget this little outfit in a while. lemme take a pic of it?"

"noo, i look gross!"

"don't talk about my girl like that." he tsked, taking hold of your jaw. "come on, i need something to get myself off to later."

"alright, fine." you scoffed and rolled your eyes, before letting out a small chuckle as you started unzipping your jacket.

[itsraceweekbitches]

NAPKIN CONTRACTS

summary: You and Charles signed a contract as kids to get married at the age of 28 in case you’re both single. Charles makes a joke, but his messages with you get leaked and now everyone believes you’re getting married for real. Luckily, Max comes to the rescue. ✤ pairing: Max Verstappen x reader ✤ wc: 2.3k ✤ tags: fem!reader, childhood promises, marriage talks, fake relationship

215 days left until our 🎂 & 💍!

It’s supposed to be a simple, harmless countdown to your birthday, a happy and exciting celebration, but that ring emoji at the end equals a vicious threat in your mind. 

The whole thing began fifteen years ago, when you and Charles were playing video games in his room during one of your family’s annual extended stay in Monaco. He told you about a movie he saw, where the main characters made a promise to get married if they’re both alone when they’re thirty. 

“I wouldn’t wait that long, though. Thirty is… meh, every movie uses that age,” he began the explanation with a roll of his eyes. “Twenty-nine is too close. Twenty-eight, though–that’s good.”

All you managed to say was a confused “Huh?” before he paused the game and jumped up to run out of the room. After only a minute or two, he returned with two napkins that he put on his desk, then picked out a pen from the drawer.

When you walked over to him to see what he was doing, he glanced up at you with a grin. “I’m writing a contract. If neither of us is married when we turn twenty-eight, we get married,” he stated as if it was something you had both agreed to do.

But you hadn’t, you only listened to his train of thought when he picked the age. “Why on a napkin?” you asked curiously as you looked over his shoulder.

Charles let out a quiet chuckle as he shrugged. “That was the first thing I found.”

You signed it, believing it was nothing more but a game. 

Yet, a decade and a half later, here you are in Australia, looking at the countdown he has just sent you. Sure, there have been occasional jokes about this agreement after breakups, but now it seems to be more than just a joke.

It’s more like a promise. 

Being born on the same day, in the same hospital, brought your families together, and it inevitably led to the two of you becoming best friends. Whenever you were in the same city, you were inseparable, and your close friendship often raised questions about whether or not there was more to the story. 

The internet was full of articles, social media posts and edits that tried to prove the two of you were together, but you both learned to ignore them for your mental health’s sake. At first, of course, his team tried to stop the rumors, but then you just simply gave up. 

A loud banging on your door snaps you out of your thoughts, and your watch begins to vibrate on your wrist too, telling you Charles is calling. With a groan, you pick up your phone and accept the call.

“Geez, calm down, I’m coming,” you tell him with an exasperated sigh.

You jump off the couch and put the device on the coffee table before heading to the door. It’s free practice day, but you weren’t planning on going to the track just yet, the deal was a visit on Sunday. 

The only reason why you came to Australia was to talk to Nicole, who you had met at a race last year. She’s funny, the mother of your best friend’s jokingly-adopted child, it’s only natural to try and be friends with her. 

Before you can open the door, your watch notifies you of another call from Charles, which makes you wonder what’s so important. The moment you open the door, you take a deep breath and start a speech about how he should learn to be patient at his age.

But it’s not Charles that’s standing in the door. It’s a very confused-looking Max. 

“Mmm, okay?” he says slowly. “What did Charles do this time?” 

With a groan, you step aside to let him in. Since he and your best friend get along, you don’t have to pretend like you hated him too, but before that, you followed the Monegasque’s lead in this matter whenever they didn’t get along. Well, officially. Unofficially you’ve been friends with Max since your teenage years without a break.

He climbs over the back of the couch to sit down, then turns to you with a grin you can’t really place. “The countdown?” he suddenly asks.

When you hear his question, you’re mortified, because you definitely did not want anyone to know about your silly little agreement. Once you sit down too, you rest your elbows on your thighs and bury your face into your hands,

“Okay, it is about the countdown,” Max begins, dragging out each word as if he had to think about what to say. “Hey, just because you made some promise as kids, and because you both happen to be single in the year of the deadline–”

“You know about the deal?! How?”

Letting out a laugh, Max nonchalantly waves with his hand. “He told me when we were drunk at a party, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that maybe it’s not such a bad thing. You have absolutely no luck when it comes to relationships, he’s also been single for a good month now,” he explains. 

“Wow, thanks. So?”

“So, you might as well double down and get married sooner,” he suggests with a shrug. A shrug that’s a little too casual to your liking. 

You want to respond, you want to say something—anything, really—but no words come to your mind. You definitely do not want to marry your best friend, it would be too weird, too cliché, yet you have absolutely no idea how to tell him that if he’s serious. 

Meanwhile the always observant Max notices your hesitation and puts the puzzle pieces together. “You don’t want to do it,” he says flatly, his head slightly tilted to the side as he watches you. 

When you nod, he lets out a sigh and leans back and rests his arm on the back of the couch.

“Look, I was just teasing you with the idea of getting married right now. If you ask me, that deal is more like a joke, I’m sure Charles isn’t serious about getting married. He’s just messing with you.”

“You think so?” 

“Yeah, absolutely. But if you’d rather avoid him just to be sure, or you feel like staying away from him, you know you’re always welcome at RBR,” he says with a warm smile.

Drawing in a deep breath, you lean back too and look at the ceiling. You probably just overreacted, that’s all. 

Charles doesn’t want to get married anytime soon, he said it himself last year when he was still in a serious relationship, so nothing pointed in the direction of a change of his mind.

Maybe Max is onto something with that avoiding him solution, maybe some time is what you need to let the panic go. Because you did start to spiral at the thought, which usually didn’t happen to you.

The comfortable silence between you is interrupted by a knock on the door, and you both turn around to look in that direction, as if you could see through the wood. Not a cell in your body is ready to talk to yet another human being, in fact you’re thinking about gently asking Max to leave too. 

But the knocking is followed by the notifications of an incoming call, and Charles’s name flashes on the screens. You let out a tired sigh, which is followed by a thoughtful hum from Max. 

“You’re not gonna answer? He’s probably the one knocking,” he says eventually. 

“Maybe I should,” you respond, yet you can’t get yourself to move.

Rolling his eyes, Max decides to take matters into his own hands and walks over to the door himself. You hear a hushed conversation, but you can’t make out the words, although you can imagine what it’s about.

And sure enough, you can see Charles shake his head as he mutters something under his breath before heading inside. “That was supposed to be a joke, don’t worry,” he announces while he walks around the couch to stand in front of you. 

Meanwhile Max caught up with him and stopped on his side. “That’s exactly what I told her.” You give him a pointed look that draws an exasperated sigh out of him. “Oh, come on, don’t give me that look.”

“It’s a good joke if it stays between us, but if you keep telling about this to random people you meet—”

“Random?” Max scoffs with his hands on his hips. “Thanks.”

“How do we know who else he told this about? Does Pierre know?” you ask, turning to your best friend.

Charles nods in response, but it’s painfully obvious that the accusation hurt him. “But he’s the only one. Beside Max, obviously. And maybe Lorenzo also knows. He found the contract back in the day,” he admits with a sheepish grin.

There’s nothing you could say to that, so you blow out the air you’ve been holding, then lean your head back to look at the ceiling. “Anyone else?” He holds up his hand in an attempt to prove to you he swears there’s no one else. “Good.”

“Buuuuuut—” 

This elongated but grabs your attention immediately, because he usually says it this way when there’s something you definitely do not want to hear. So, you look back at him with a questioning look, your fingertips nervously tapping on your thighs.

“Well, maybe you should see this,” he begins as he opens an app on his phone, then hands the device to you. 

You look into his green eyes, waiting to hear some kind of hint to know what this is about, but he says nothing, only tears his gaze away. With a sigh, you look down at the screen and your brain stops functioning for a second when you read the title of the article. 

CHARLES LECLERC’S SECRET COUNTDOWN

Oh, fuck. 

The article is about what you expected it to be. In a leaked chat conversation Ferrari’s golden boy sent a countdown to his best friend—you, obviously—and the end date is their shared birthday. And what makes it so special is the ring emoji at the end of the event’s name, followed by a message that explicitly says he’s excited and can’t wait.

So, long story short, Charles and you will get married according to this gossip site. Which normally wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t the kind that’s usually reliable. 

“How bad is it?” you hesitantly ask as you give him back the device.

Charles lets out a low, humming sound. “It spread like wildfire,” he then admits. When he sees the mortified look on your face, he sits next to you and wraps an arm around your shoulder. “My team is already working on a way to fix this.”

You don’t say anything, mostly because you have absolutely no idea what you could possibly say in this situation. Meanwhile Max snatches the still unlocked phone from Charles’ hand to take a look at the article he has just shown you. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you see that shit-eating grin on his face that always annoyed you. “What’s so funny?” you ask him.

Finally, he sits on the edge of the coffee table in front of you, and casually throws the phone to Charles before speaking up. “You have no choice but to spend the weekend with me,” he announces. 

“Ooooor, I’m not going at all. I’ll order some snacks and watch the race from here.”

“What? No,” your best friend protests immediately. “I mean, we want to discuss what to do now.”

Max lets out a laugh, seemingly enjoying this way too much. But the laughter is clearly meant for Charles, and your suspicion is confirmed when he speaks up. “What’s there to talk about? We all know you and Alex got back together like… two weeks after the breakup. You’re taken, mate.”

When you look at your friend in disbelief, you see him shake his head with a pained groan. “Thanks, she didn’t know,” he admits before turning to you. “Listen, I didn’t know how to tell you. I know you like her, but I guess I was afraid I’d screw it up again. I didn’t need a speech.”

“Awkward,” Max mutters as he tears his gaze away to look at the TV on the wall.

Both you and Charles give him a pointed look at this, then you turn back to explain to the Monegasque that you would have been happy to be there if he ever had doubts. You’re not scolding him, you’re just being nice. 

Once you both fall silent, Max lets out a sigh. “Do you have a recent photo with Alex?” he asks, earning a nod in response. “Ask her if you can post it, then post it. And you,” he begins as he turns to you, “need a boyfriend. It can be a fake relationship, and you know what? I volunteer.”

“What?” you and Charles ask in unison.

That you weren’t expecting. A fake relationship with Max? This would be big. Like, social media would explode in seconds, kind of big. You’re not sure if you would be ready for something like this.

Seeing your hesitation, he decides to explain the plan. “We will break up after your birthday. Or not, maybe by that time there will be a real proposal,” he adds with a grin and a wink.

“God, no,” you protest, and he makes a face of exaggerated hurt. “Max, this is sweet and nice, but I can’t do this.”

He shrugs. “It’s your decision, but think it through. There’s no other way.”

The boys leave eventually to head to the track, while you stay behind to think. As painful as it is to admit it, reading the comments and posts only make you realize that Max was onto something. There’s no other way. You have to start a fake relationship with him.

Well, fuck. 

That wasn’t part of the plan for this year. 

note: Thanks for reading. I wanted to keep a kinda open ending for two reasons. One, I want everyone to have their own version of the ending. Two, I have absolutely no idea how this fake relationship would end (breakup? engagement?)

[kaffeebaby]

What kinda stuff are you writing about!!

Most of the stuff I'm writing right now are better call saul fanfics. I've always been more of a fanfic writer as opposed to making original characters and worlds.

A lot of my fanfic ideas are the "What if this happened instead?" genre. Like what if Gus rehired Gale and made him work with both Walt and Jesse? That would change a lot of stuff, and I had explored some ideas months ago, but I kinda stopped thinking about it as much as other ideas that were more interesting to me started crowding my mind. I don't want this post to get too long but also >:3c

Lately, I've been trying to come up with ideas for a fic where Chuck forgets to cancel his appointment when he's having his last breakdown, so he misses his appointment and his therapist shows up at his house concerned. And she ends up getting him to a hospital where he can be treated before he has the chance to do anything worse than tear his house apart. That event would completely change everything else that happens in the show, and would even impact the stuff that happens in BrBa, so it's been a lot to think about. I basically have to figure out a way for Chuck's life to become livable for him, plus I have to figure out how Saul can still happen if Chuck is still there and Kim doesn't divorce him due to Howard and Lalo never happening, and. Many other things.

But I have a rough outline of different things that need to happen, and I'm the type of person that daydreams or fantasizes a lot throughout the day, especially at night, so it's nice to have a pet project that has some interesting challenges. I get to justify thinking about blorbos all day because it goes back to something I want to write about.

The one wip I mentioned in my tags was a Chuck and Howard smut that I was writing during January this year. I planned to have it finished and posted on Valentine's Day, but I got the stomach flu like two weeks before that which completely ruined any ability to write people having sex. I tried to keep writing after I wasn't sick anymore, but it was kinda done for at that point, since the deadline was actually really motivating me. I've thought about trying to write more on it again, and I've even considered posting it in its half finished state with an author's note that it's not done. There are very few Chuck and Howard fics, and I only ship them recreationally, so at first I wasn't so upset and not finishing and posting the work. But the more time drags on, the more I feel like there are people who would actually like to read my rarepair fanfic, even if I posted it unfinished with a warning and the possibility I'd finish it later. It works where it is right now, but it's very much not as long as I wanted it to be and there's a lot more stuff I wanted to add that I just don't feel the motivation for at this point. But also that doesn't mean I should keep it locked up forever.

I have some other fic ideas that I've been floating around, but my brain has been consumed by my Chuck Lives AU for a while and it's kinda hard to focus on other stuff. I do have a google doc of all my fic ideas though, and I visit it every now and then when I'm in the mood to write or want to refresh what all of my ideas are. I've been a lot better lately at actually writing down ideas as they come to me so that I don't forget them later.

[kaysungshine]

Redamancy ['red-a-man-sE] noun ;a love returned in full

Part II out now!

{ Pairing } - idol!bangchan x staff!afab.reader (with a hint of bestfriend!jisung?)

{ Genre } - NSFW, the trifecta (s/a/f), frenimies to friends to lovers? idk but we'll get there in the end

{ Synopsis } - Han Jisung is your new bestie & technical colleague, of course you befriended the rest of his members. Group nights became a tradition, & tonight involves liquor and drinking games for the first time. Truth or drink?

{ WC } - 6.7k

{ Warnings & tags } - 18+ MDNI, NSFW, smut, angst, fluff, drinking, breath play (choking), swearing, dry humping, use of 'babygirl', mention of wet dream, talk of edging, talk of domming, talk of choking, talk of exhibitionism, all of ot8 is suggestive af when they drink, reader and jisung are PLATONIC I promise they're just touchy, they're all giggly drunks so overuse of laughing chuckling and giggling, chan is kinda dumb in this he just... is in denial land but we'll find out more about that later, unrealistic work scenarios, unrealistic dorm setup? idk lol

{ Disclaimer } - This work is in no way associated with the actual skz, and is a fictional piece. I DO NOT own Stray Kids, this fic is just influenced by them!

{ A/N } - Okay I know I took forever to post & this intro is hella long & I'm sorry! Once again, I will say this is my first skz fic. I come from the world of AO3 & dramione. I am out of my comfort zone lol. First time posting stories on tumblr too! So if I missed anything please let me know <3 there will be a part 2, I've already started writing it! The plot is weak af, but gimme a few more stories and I'll find my groove. Promise! Unbeta'd, be gentle with me ♡

It was supposed to be a relatively chill Saturday night, so you were excited. You just got off work, and had arrived at Jisung's. He swung the door open smiling and pulled you inside, into an immediate hug. Everyone said their greetings, and then Jisung went immediately to whining.

"Finally, what kept you so late?"

You took your shoes, mask, sunglasses, and hat off, letting your curls fall down your back. Then you unzipped your sweatshirt, shrugging it off your shoulders and exposing your fitted white tee. You gave your jacket and bag to Ji so he could put them away. You always arrived in 'disguise', in baggy clothing so that no one suspected anything. Though you thought it was ridiculous. It doesn't matter how baggy the sweat pants or hoodie is, there's no hiding the curve of your ass.

You were a content editor at JYPE, and had become really good friends with Han Jisung. Friendships between idols and staff certainly aren't forbidden, in fact they're encouraged to an extent... as long as no lines are crossed. But it's pretty much an ignored rule. Anyways, you were a small 'behind-the-scenes' employee, not a manager or assistant or makeup artist. Not anyone directly involved with any idols. No one off the street knew who you were. Still, over the last almost year or so, you and him became besties. You frequently shared meals together at work, had sleepovers, you even went camping. You were basically glued to each other. It could easily be taken the wrong way by the media and fans. Hell, it gets taken the wrong way by co-workers, other idols, and even his group members. Although they've mostly accepted that's not the case. It's a given with the way you two act though.

Your relationship is definitely platonic, confirming pretty early on that neither of you felt anything more than friendly love for each other. But you both love teasing the other suggestively. You suppose that's partly why you two got so close so quickly. Your personalities are so similar, it's like you share the same singular brain cell sometimes.

"Editing, per usual." You finally reply with a sigh, "We had to cut A LOT out of nexz's new video. They're so high energy, they slip up a lot, especially with the swearing, but nothing we can't handle."

"Gotta love kids." Chan snorts while sipping a beer.

You smile awkwardly in response and look around the room. Everyone is here, all with their preferred beverages, and chatting away or scrolling.

Ji comes back with a drink for you, he knows you're partial to tequila and always keeps it on deck. Normally, you spend every weekend you can together, which sometimes is not as often as either of you would like. Sometimes you'd both head back to your place, and just have all nighters, binge watching anime and gorging yourselves on junk food. More recently, like tonight, you get invited over to hang with him and the rest of the boys.

It usually results in a few drinks and a movie, or talk about work. Sometimes you just play music and talk and vibe, or try to cook food together when you get the munchies... Which more than likely results in Minho taking over because he just can't help himself. However the nights play out, they're always fun, and you're gradually getting closer to the rest of the members too. Although no one can compare to the bond you have with your Jiji.

"I don't wanna watch a movie tonight, my eyes hurt too much." He starts complaining.

"Poor baby." You tease and run your fingers through his hair, laughing.

"When are you two just going to come out with the fact that you're in love?" Seungmin asks.

You roll your eyes, "When dwaekki's fly."

"I can easily make that happen." Changbin laughs.

"We could play a game?" Felix suggests, already looking flushed from the alcohol.

Jeongin gets excited, "Let's do a drinking game! It's been a while."

"I don't believe I've ever played a drinking game with y'all."

Hyunjin hums, "Mm, you haven't. Mostly because we get crazy, we've never brought up the idea."

This piqued your interest, "More crazy than I've already seen? I don't think that's possible."

Minho chimes in this time, "You forget we're a group of men sometimes, I swear. Mix alcohol and suggestive games, it definitely gets 'crazier' than you've seen, inappropriately crazy."

You level him with a smirk, "I'm down."

"That's my y/n!" Ji says, while pulling you to sit in his lap, "Fearless."

You giggle and lean into him while Minho just narrows his eyes at you and purses his lips. Something tells you he's up to something, but you're ready for any challenge.

"Fine. Then we'll play something easy, truth or drink. If someone refuses to answer, they drink. Whoever finishes their drink first loses." Minho says.

"What does the loser have to do?" You ask.

"Pay for everyone's lunch every day for a month!" Changbin says.

"Deal." You say. 

You're an open book, Ji knows this. There's no question you won't answer.

Everyone is up now, getting new drinks & refills before the game starts. You can't help but notice that Chan didn't get up, he looks a little nervous for some reason. He was always the most worried about you being around so much. In the beginning it definitely came across like he didn't like you. Now you know that's not the case... you think. He tolerates you now to say the least. You couldn't blame him too much, he was just protective of his boys. You actually found it incredibly sweet, or maybe it's just that stupid soft spot you have for him.

He always tried to keep you at arms length from the group. Not wanting anyone to get too close to you. Until Jisung put him in his place, as best he could anyways.

You were in Ji's lap, watching Spirited Away. He was drawing imaginary lines and shapes on your back, while you rested your head on his shoulder, facing the tv. His head was resting on top of yours as well, and a blanket covered you both.

Chan walked in seeing this, and nearly had a stroke. He said we were being inappropriate. And specifically made it a point to tell you to be more professional as a member of the staff. Short version: know your fucking place, you're overstepping. 

You scoffed at him, prepared to confront him about his growing disdain towards you. Let him know he's the one being inappropriate, downright childish. But Ji nudged you onto the couch and got to him first.

It was kind of cute watching him standing there, ears becoming red and getting in Chan's face. Cute in the way that it was like a maltese puppy trying to stand up to a doberman. Then he proceeded to yell at him about how he was way out of line. Saying he was being flat out disrespectful and that he was done with the ridiculous way he has been acting about you. The last thing he said was that he didn't know what got into him, and that he'd never seen this side of Chan before. 

Chan was silent, looking intensely into Jisungs eyes. But he never backed down, so Chan poked his tongue to his cheek, then retreated to his room for the whole night. You had to scoop Ji off the floor right afterwards. He had let his knees buckle, and fell to the floor once Chan was gone. Citing that he wasn't sure he was going to live through the night to see the morning sun. Typical dramatic fashion for your best friend. But you soothed him, fluffing up his ego about 'defending your honor'. His words, not yours.

As that night went on though, the tiniest bit of worry coursed through you. Chan hadn't come back out. Not even when the other members came home, trying to knock on his door to greet him. Or when the food was ready to be served, you had even given knocking a try. Only after Hyunjin begged you to, because 'He already doesn't take care of himself. He needs to eat.' No, you didn't see him again that night until you had already walked out the front door. He slipped out behind you shortly after, grabbing you by the wrist and stopping you. 

You thought he was going to continue the argument for a moment, but no, he was apologizing. Not much more was said afterwards, but his apology was genuine and heartfelt, so you accepted it. You two ended up hugging it out, and thank goodness no one saw that, because it was incredibly cringeworthy. He had no more major issues after that. But he was still unexplainably awkward around you, but it's not like you were any better. You two simply didn't know how to interact with each other for longer than 30 seconds. And that was pushing it. You suspected that might not ever go away. He likes to keep his walls high and strong, and you're stubborn at times.

But of course,  despite that stubbornness. You developed some sort of feelings towards him. Feelings you refused to acknowledge, well tried to refuse. You would push those feelings down deep within your heart, put them in a little box, and tape it shut trying to forget it's there. There was no need to pine over the man, he had stay to do that for him, and who knows who else in his life. Somehow that box always ended up ripped open again.

There was never a reason to act on these feelings. Not to mention, you think you'd be breaking SO MANY rules. Putting your job, his job, hell everyone's job at risk. Or worse, making a fool of yourself when he would downright reject you.

You keep watching him, now he's shaking his leg up and down, seeming agitated. Maybe he just doesn't want everyone getting into a vulnerable state of mind while playing? Maybe he's worried somebody will say or do something wrong? That someone will cross a line, as he loves to say?

Trying to ease his negative feelings, and extend yet another olive branch. You toss a throw pillow at him, hitting him in the chest and pulling him out of his thoughts.

He looks at you, eyebrows wrinkled in confusion, and you just chuckle nervously at him saying, "Don't worry, it's like Vegas. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

"God how fuckin' corny was that?" Ji teases you, poking your side making you giggle more.

To your relief, Chan is laughing with you, and shaking his head, "I just want them to behave."

"Oh relax, we're all grown. We're all friends. So we'll get to know each other more intimately, big whoop." You shrug.

"Mmm..." He replied, before raising his voice so everyone could hear him, "Whatever is spoken about tonight, doesn't leave this room."

"I swear you're the one with anxiety sometimes, not me." Ji mumbles.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... dad." Hyunjin says as he sits next to you and Ji.

"As if that announcement even had to be made, I swear, and you wonder why we call you old." Seungmin comments.

Once everyone is settled in with their drinks, Minho directs Chan to start the game.

"Jisung, when was the last time you cried?"

He laughed, "You're trying to embarrass me because you know it was this morning, but I am confident and secure in the fact that I am a sensitive man."

He said the last bit with his hand over his heart, and his eyes closed, effectively making everyone chuckle.

"My poor baby, why were you crying?" You question teasingly.

"Please don't bring it up, he'll start blubbering all over again. Stupid, sad, dog rescue videos." Seungmin mumbles.

"Minho!" Ji shouts, pointing at him dramatically, "This question is for you. If you had to kiss someone in this room on the cheek, who would it be?"

"Hyunjin." He said bluntly, making you and everyone else laugh while Hyune just rolled his eyes.

"Would you kiss me back?" He asked him, eyes full of hope and bottom lip jutted out and pouting, trying to act cute. And succeeding, honestly.

Hyunjin acted like he was pondering the question, but ultimately was the first to take a sip from his glass, "I decline to answer."

He looked to you next, a suggestive smirk on his face, making you the next victim, "Y/niiieee..."

"Oi, be respectful." Chan scolds immediately, not liking the look at all.

"All I was going to do was repeat the question!" He said defensively, "Y/n, if you had to choose, who would you kiss on the cheek?"

You tried hard to keep your eyes from trailing over to Chan, a tingly feeling spreading across your skin at the mere thought of innocently kissing his cheek. Instead you chose the easy answer, because it wasn't a lie. You'd also kiss your best friend on the cheek any time.

"My Jiji of course," And you took his face in one hand, squeezing his cheeks between your middle finger and thumb, and plant a loud smooch on each of them, "he probably only asked because he wanted one anyways."

He just chuckles, letting you baby him and Seungmin fake gags.

"Minnieee..." You pause trying to come up with a question, "when you dye your hair next, what color would you want?"

"Green, my entire head green."

"That would look interesting." You laugh.

You all go 'round in circles for a few rounds, completely forgetting about the rules of the game. Having now finished your glasses from casually sipping throughout the game, most of you have switched to occasional shots. You're starting to feel warm and tipsy. Of course the more you all drank, the more the questions started to get more... amorous. Which is exactly how you all assumed this game would go. No wonder Chan was so anxious.

However looking over to him now, he's definitely having a good time. Like every other person, he loosens up while drinking, but tonight he seems even more so.

"Y/n," Chan starts with a sly look making your skin buzz again. Among all of you, he is 100% the most inebriated right now, "when was your first kiss?"

"Yah! He tells us to be respectful, but look how he is after a few drinks!" Changbin yells laughing.

Chan loses it, "You're right Binnie, you don't have to answer or drink." He says in between fits of squeaky laughter. 

You think you could listen to him laugh all day.

You shake your head and snort, "I've answered worse questions playing this game before. I was 13 when I had my first kiss."

Hyunjin nearly spits his drink out, because again, no one is drinking just as punishment anymore, "13?!"

"Well, yeah, it's a pretty normal age in America... I think..." you started to blush, "why, how old were you?" you ask Hyunjin.

He hesitates, but eventually he spoke, "I was 18."

The rest chime in saying they were also 18 or 19. With the exception of Felix who said he was 16.

Without even thinking you start to say, "Aaah, see I was 18 when I-" and you're abruptly stopped with Ji's hand slapping over your mouth.

Your eyes go wide, caught off guard, but understanding as you almost blurted out unnecessary information. Nothing that Ji hadn't known obviously, it's just that everyone else doesn't really know you on that level. 

"Jagi, you only had to answer the one question, adding extra info, that's not how you play the gaaaaame." He says in a sing-song voice, "Hyunjin it's your turn to ask someone."

"No no no no! What was she going to say?" Chan chuckles.

When you looked at him, he winked at you, and you had to stop yourself from going limp in Ji's arms. He knew damn well what you were going to say. Why is he teasing, no torturing you like this?

You peel Ji's hand off your mouth to respond "It's not your turn, you'll have to wait to ask me that."

The group starts laughing and shouting, teasing Chan who is ignoring it all, just staring at you with curious eyes and his tongue in his cheek. Does he know how hot he looks doing that?

"Okay, so then I'll ask you. What were you going to say?" Hyunjin asks calmly, trying to fight the smile off his face.

You pour yet another shot, and knock it back thinking, what the hell, "I was going to say I was 18 when I first hooked up with a man."

Some members looked surprised, the game taking an obvious turn. However Hyunjin, Felix, and Chan started laughing again.

"I knew that's what you were going to say." Felix slurred. 

"Yeah I was definitely teasing you on that, because I knew." Chan followed.

"Mmm, well judging from the shocked faces of everyone else, you two seem to be the only psychics." You try to joke, wanting the attention off of you suddenly.

"No, don't get us wrong, not all of us are as innocent as you think." Seungmin says defensively.

"Oh really now?" You respond, one brow quirking up.

Seungmin just turned red, and sat back in his seat. To which Chan started laughing, yet again. He's a giggly drunk, and you love it.

"Don't tease my puppy, babe." Ji slurred, trying to reach his arm to console Seungmin, but ultimately failing.

"I mean I was 18 too, with the same girl I first kissed." Hyunjin shrugged.

"But what do you mean 'to a man'?" Jeongin asked with a shit eating grin on his face. 

You promptly turned into a tomato, and started choking on air.

"You're not that slow pabo, obviously it means she's been with women too." Ji says, rather loudly and speaking freely, all while patting your back.

You're quiet. It's not like it's a secret, you've never hidden your sexuality. But it never came up in conversation with anyone here, except Jisung.

Wanting to ease the tone, Felix speaks up, "Well I was 18 when I first hooked up with a dude."

"I was 21, but everyone already knows that story." Ji slurred.

The whole conversation triggers another group laughing fit. Except for Chan, who is looking at you with those dark eyes again. And... is he blushing? Or is that the alcohol? He eventually snaps out of whatever daze he was in, and slowly smiles at you reassuringly.

You mentally kick yourself for getting your hopes up, of course he couldn't ever think of you like that. You're imagining things.

"But then, how old were you when you first hooked up with a girl?" Jeongin asked again, genuinely curious.

"A lot younger than 18..." You trailed off laughing, "I'll just say in high school."

"The air is different outside of Korea." Changbin says suddenly, sounding thoughtful.

Hyunjin nearly collapsed laughing, slapping Minho on the knee repeatedly, despite the glare he was shooting him.

"Well I just answered a bunch of questions in a row so that means I get to ask two people a question. And the second person I ask gets the next turn." You say, making up new rules. 

"So... Chan." He looks at you with his eyebrows raised and you just smirk, knowing you're trying to get back at him, "How old were YOU when you lost your virginity?"

He gulps and looks around at the group before answering, "I... was 18."

"Chan-hyung, you never answered us when we would ask you! Why answer her?" Jisung whines.

"I honestly don't know, maybe it's the liquor. None of you ever asked me drunk." He starts giggling.

"Okay so question 2... Binnie!" He gulps and looks at you with wide eyes, "Are you more of a boob guy?" You say grabbing your own, not even really thinking about it, "Or an ass guy?"

Changbin started laughing and answered, "Definitely ass, but I appreciate boobs too, equality."

"I am just learning so much about my fellow members lately." Seungmin whispers.

"Is that a bad thing?" You giggle.

"Not at all, it feels strangely comforting, letting loose like this." He replies and smiles softly at me, "It's been a while."

"It's freeing!" Jeongin yells abruptly, throwing his hands in the air.

"Aye, my question is for you then Min. Have you ever had a wet dream?" Changbin asks.

"... what guy hasn't? Don't all guys get them?" He asks looking around.

Then you chime in again frankly, "Girls can get them too you know."

Why does it feel like you've opened pandora's box on your sex life, in every single aspect?

Ji starts laughing, nodding his head vigorously and you know where this is about to go.

"Really now?" Felix says, mimicking your exact tone from earlier, "What was it about?"

"Mmmm... it's not your turn to ask," Then you turn to Seungmin, "And if you ask me, I will absolutely drink and not answer. No way I'm explaining a sex dream right now."

Seungmin just rolls his eyes and huffs out a laugh.

"But I wanna knooooooow," Jisung whines, "You looked so cute having one last weekend, you never told me what it was about."

Everyone was watching you two closely now, waiting to hear how he knew what you looked like in that situation.

You turned around and smacked his arm, "We weren't going to mention that ever again! Remember?!" You attempt to be angry, but you can't help it and end up smiling.

"Okay, well now I'm curious since you two are bringing this up." Minho says with a glint in his eye.

"Y/n may or may not have had one when I slept over, and I woke up to her moaning and hump--"

This time it was your turn to slap a hand over his mouth, "Jiji, Sungie, my love, my sweet sweet SWEET best friend. I don't want to kill you, but I will." You say in a dulcet tone.

He raised his hands, eyes wide and nodded his head. You couldn't help but laugh, apparently you're a giggly drunk too.

Out of the corner of your eye, you swore you saw Chan adjusting himself in his pants. But then you reminded yourself that it was just wishful thinking and an alcohol induced hallucination. Horny hallucination. God you needed to get over him and under someone else. This unrequited shit wasn't for you.

"I'm so never going to drop this you know, I wanna know what the hell happened." Minho smirked at you, to which you flipped him off jokingly.

It's Seungmin's turn next, and he's just staring at Jeongin with a blank face, "Have you ever had a one night stand?"

He pauses for a moment and then finally answers, "No, I haven't."

He looked at you now, asking his question, "You know what I have to ask now, right?"

"Go ahead." You challenge, fully prepared to choke down another shot and not answer his question, and he smiles.

"What's one of your kinks?"

You were unprepared for that question. And how could you know he would ask that, these men like to fuck around with your head.

"Relax, I just wanted to see your reaction." He says before chuckling.

You glared at him for a moment, halfheartedly. They think they can just retract questions when they get scared that they went too far. Screw that, you're answering.

"I guess the most simple one I have is edging." You shrug.

"The most simple one?!" Hyunjin asked.

"What are you a masochist? Edging is the worst, feels like torture to me." Ji says.

"But the build up is so delicious, and the end result is so worth it. It's so intense." Felix chimes in, "Choking too, that can be intense." 

"Hm, breath play might actually be my favorite." You admit.

"Damn y/n." Ji says, eyeing you with a smile, "You're full of surprises, even to this day." 

You shrug again, "Everyone has different kinks... What's one of yours?" You ask him.

He ponders for a moment, "I like being dommed sometimes."

"Big surprise." Minho says and you all laugh.

"Good one though," You nod, "That's one of mine too."

"I think I'm an exhibitionist, to an extent of course." Hyunjin says next.

"That's also not a surprise." Minho replies.

You can't help but let your eyes wander over to Chan again, while everyone else is sharing different things they're into in bed. The liquor has everyone speaking loosely. But Chan doesn't seem to care about it anymore.

You find him staring right back at you, that same look in his eyes from earlier, and you feel heat spread in your stomach, and wetness starts to pool in your panties. Maybe you weren't imagining things.

But you don't notice that Ji's observing both of you in his drunken haze. Not too faded to ignore you and Chan eye-fucking each other.

Your heart starts racing the longer you hold eye contact, and you start shifting uncomfortably on his lap, before looking away and deciding to get up.

"Alright... I need some bread to soak up this alcohol, and then I need to get home because it's already 2 in the morning." You say with a shaky breath.

"Yeah, I'm wasted right now," Jeongin says and stands, "Bed's a good idea. Goodnight everyone." And he leaves to his room.

Ji grabs your wrist, preventing you from moving, "You're not going anywhere. We're all drunk, you can't drive and no one can bring you back home."

"Fiiiiiiine," You say, "but I still want bread."

"You and your bread fixation whenever you drink." Minho mumbles, heading to the kitchen anyways to grab you some.

When he comes back he hands it to you and you start munching away happily, doing a little dance.

Meanwhile, Felix is trying to tug Chan's arms to make him stand up, but he's fighting him on it and whining. Clearly he exceeded his limit tonight drinking. He probably won't even remember the looks he was giving you, you think.

"I don't wanna go to bed." Chan whines.

Felix finally succeeds in pulling him up, "C'mon mate, you definitely need to sleep this off. You'll be miserable tomorrow. Let's get you some water too, hmm?"

Chan reluctantly holds his arm, and follows him down the hall, stumbling over his own two feet along the way. You can't help but laugh at the sight.

More of the boys say goodnight and head off to their rooms, but Ji and Minho stay with you in the living room, chatting a little longer before bed.

Ji starts going through his bags, determined that you left some pajamas here from when you slept over previously, and he kept them in a bag to give back to you. He pulls out the nightie, that you honestly forgot you brought here. But you see why you didn't ever wear it at the time. It's dark green, spaghetti straps and has lace along the bust line. It also has slits on each side of your thigh, and only covers you to the middle of your thighs. Your go to sleepware was always nighties or large tees, they're comfortable and sometimes you get hot at night. Mix in the fact that you were drinking tonight? You're already feeling overheated. But wearing this?

"Jiiiiiii, don't you have any t-shirts I can wear?" You whine.

He's already under the covers, fighting sleep, "Sorry babe... haven't done laundry... Nothing clean..."

You whine again before taking it and heading across the hall into one of the bathrooms. It was this or sleep in your sweats, and that idea sounded entirely too suffocating to you.

You slip the nightie on and brush your teeth with your designated toothbrush you had there. Jisungs idea, after you had too much tequila one night and he diligently held your hair back as you got sick.

You sigh as you're leaving, and make your way towards Ji's room. Before you reach the door though, Chan walks out of his room. He's in a black tank top, and red boxer briefs... your eyes immediately trail down and go wide. His outline clear as day. But you change your view quickly, hopefully before he notices.

It doesn't help though, now all you're doing is eyeing his arms, the muscles cut throughout them. The veins that trail all the way down to his hands. God, his hands... What wouldn't you let those hands do to you...

He scratches the back of his head, and the movement snaps you out of your gaze. You find him staring back at you for a second before answering, "Sorry, I'll just..."

You start to shake your head, "No, no. No reason to apologize." You chuckle and start shifting on your feet. You feel the skirt of your nightie swaying with you. It opened the slit wider, and Chan immediately looked down at your exposed thigh. He inhaled quietly, sucking in air through his nose.

Any other day, you'd be scrambling to cover yourself. Feeling insecure and too bare. You don't know if it was the liquor in you, but tonight? Being on display? It turned you on.

You clenched your thighs together, almost involuntarily, and Chan didn't miss that.

Time seemed to be moving too slow. He stepped towards you, nearly closing the gap between you. He's only inches away, and looking down on you. His eyes have that dark, smoldery look again. He raised his hand and brushed the curls off your face and behind your ear. When he rests his palm against your cheek, your eyes flutter shut and you lean into his touch. It's so warm, and comforting. As if it was always meant for you.

When you open your eyes, you can clearly see the lust in his is only growing. He's not holding it back anymore, biting his lip as he stares at you. You almost whimper in anticipation.

"This is your opportunity to walk away if you're not okay with me kissing you." He says lowly.

You closed your eyes, and his lips met yours. The first few seconds were sweet and soft. Almost too innocent for the heat of the moment, but then he deepened it. He was pulling you by the waist into him, running his hands down and resting them on your ass. You could easily feel how hard he was for you, even through the thin fabrics. This time you let the whimper out, and he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth. When you tried to do the same, he didn't give you the chance. Instead he slipped his tongue in. It was like he was lost in desire, and greedy for more. You couldn't help it when your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer.

He groaned and started backing you into the wall, his lips never leaving yours. He grabbed your thighs in each hand, and hoisted you up, slotting himself between them. Your legs naturally wrapped around him, and he started rocking his length against you. His pace was achingly slow, but still delicious.

You moaned and slipped a hand up to the nape of his neck, grabbing a fistful of hair. He breaks the kiss and throws his head back with his eyes closed. He half hisses, half groans, and you can't help but rock your hips against him harder, hoping to hear more. He grips your thigh tighter, and leans down to press a quick kiss to your neck, before licking and sucking on it. He's meeting each roll of your hips with rough thrusts. And even clothed, you feel how perfectly he's rubbing your clit.

Your head is so clouded with need. Need to be touched. Need to touch him. Need to feel him inside of you. You don't even think twice when he glides his hand up your stomach, and over your breasts. He gives one a light squeeze before moving up to wrap his fingers around your neck, and your brain loses all sense for a moment.

He's just resting his hand there, but you wish he'd do more. You're not sure if this man knows just how pliant you are for him right now.

Then he brings his lips to your ear and whispers, "Can I touch you?"

His warm breath gives you chills, and you nod your head as best as you can. But that doesn't suffice him, he stops his movements against you and his grip around your throat tightens. You think you could probably get off on it if he tightens his fingers just a bit more, but he doesn't, instead he says, "I'm going to need words, babygirl."

Your hips buck into him, and you breathe out a quiet "Yes. Please..."

With that, he yanks your face closer to his by your neck. He's squeezing ever so slightly tighter around your throat. He bites your lip and you groan. But he's quick to silence you with his tongue.

Letting go, he trailed his hand back down your body and to your core. Slowly he started to rub you through the thin lace. You were so sensitive, that when he found your clit and pressed a circle into it. You couldn't help but breathe out his name. He pushed your panties to the side, and when he felt you for the first time you felt him smile against your lips.

"Babygirl... fuck, you're so wet for me." 

And as he whispered that, he slipped a finger in you. He set a steady pace, dragging against your walls with a curl. Each pump hitting your sweet spot, and the heel of his hand creating delightful friction against your swollen bud. His breathing was heavy in your ear, breaking through all your helpless whimpering. When he added a second finger, you couldn't hold back anymore.

"Chan..." You moaned louder this time, while simultaneously letting your head drop against the wall with a thud.

He pulled his lips off of you, eyes wide when he met yours. He started blinking as if he was coming back to reality. When he looked into your eyes again, he looked startled.

"What's wrong?" You pant, feeling hot and dizzy, wishing he would keep moving his hands.

Instead, he quickly slips his fingers out of you, and sets your feet on the floor. Then he backs away.

"I'm sorry, y/n... I don't know what came over me, that was incredibly inappropriate and out of character." Chan mumbled.

Your heart sinks, as you feel the sting of rejection. Tears threatened to well in your eyes, and you immediately felt the oncoming headache from holding them back. You shouldn't feel so emotional and upset. This was all spur of the moment. But you do, you feel devastated.

Regardless, you clear your throat, "I understand." You force an unsettling chuckle out, when a sob threatens to escape instead.

He puts on a blank face that feels so cold, and responds with "Don't forget to drink some water, stay hydrated... I'll be heading to bed now, you should too."

All you really want to say is don't leave, because you want to finish what was started. Because you've wanted this for so long. Because the box you kept away in the depths of your heart had ripped open once again. And all the languished emotions were here, front and center, aching to bear it all to him. To let him see. Confess. But that would be selfish, he's clearly uncomfortable with it all. He probably regrets it. An alcohol induced affair. In his eyes, a complete mistake. 

So instead you say, "Okay."

Because that's all you can muster before the tears start to fall. You turn away,  going back to facing Ji's door. 

"Goodnight y/n... Sleep well." He says, and puts a tentative hand on your shoulder.

You shrug it off, and escape to Ji's bedroom. To your surprise he's sitting up in bed, and ushering you come to him with his arms open and bottom lip pouted out.

You run to him, a bit dramatically and fall a part in his arms. But you can't help it, you sealed these emotions away for too long. You were too hurt at the moment to even try pushing them back down.

Jisung is your life saver, he's comforting you, rubbing his fingers on your scalp and rocking you back and forth to try and calm you. He gives you time before you have to explain why exactly you're having a melt down.

"Chan's an idiot." He finally says.

And you lean back to look at him, confused on how quickly he's put two and two together.

"Well you weren't exactly quiet. Between your exaggerated moans and his animalistic grunting right outside my door, of course I heard it." He rolled his eyes jokingly and that earned a laugh from you.

You smacked him lightly, "I was lost in the moment... don't judge me."

"Jagi..." He says, and wipes the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs, "You've liked him for so much longer than a moment."

Your heart starts pounding faster again. How could he know that. It's the one thing you've kept from him, from everyone, hell you even denied it to yourself for as long as possible. Was it that obvious? Who else knows? You go to speak, fear written across your face.

"No. You were not obvious, in fact you're an amazing actor. I'm sure none of the other members noticed, and definitely no one else at work knew." He answers before you can even get words out.

You nod slowly, "So then, how'd you know?"

He smiled proudly, "I'm a people watcher, I see all."

You smack him again, a little harder this time.

"Alright, alright, but I really did see all the looks you'd give him when no one else was watching... I know what longing looks like, and..." he trailed off.

You knew that wasn't all, "And?"

"Aaaaand... maybe that night you had that wet dream. You were moaning his name while humping the pillow..."

"You never told me that!" You shoved your head into your hands, distraught.

"Well I didn't want to embarrass you! I honestly didn't think you looked at any of us that way until then. Like I said, a good actor. I figured you'd tell me when you were ready to."

You sighed, "I'm sorry. It's just a stupid crush, it'll pass."

"You're grown, you don't have to apologize to anyone for liking someone. But y/n," He cupped your cheek forcing you to look at him again, "this isn't just a simple crush, is it?"

With that question, you felt the tears spilling all over again. He pulled you to lay down with him, holding you tight against him and letting you cry it all out. Somewhere between his low humming, and your quiet weeping, you fell asleep.

When you blink the sleep away from your eyes the next morning, you're still entangled with Ji. He's literally wrapped around you like a koala.

You snort out a laugh and go to check the time on your phone. 7:30 am, entirely too early. You decide to try and fall back asleep, but last night's events rush back to you. Dread fills your chest, and your fight or flight kicks in. You're trying to gently escape Ji's hold, and not hyperventilate. The latter is more difficult but, since that man can sleep through anything, you were able to succeed.

You get changed back into your clothes, and leave a note for him saying that you're leaving and you'll text him when you get home. You can't bear to face Chan, let alone anyone else who might've heard you two last night. So you decide to skip out on the usual coffee and breakfast routine. You all have that tradition after a drunken night, but you know Ji will cover for you with everyone anyways.

You're rushing down the hall, wanting to grab your things and head for the door. Panic is starting to bubble over, and you're haphazardly covering yourself up to be unnoticeable. As you're slipping the mask over your face, a voice stops you.

"Morning... don't you want to stay for breakfast?"

You can't bring yourself to look at Chan, those words only setting the box of emotions in your heart on fire. You know he only means it in the way that it is an unbroken tradition. No matter how sick one of you gets, group breakfast is a must for recuperation. No one has skipped it in the months you've been doing it. We all take care of each other. But the idea makes your mouth bitter, because you wish it was just you two. Alone. Making breakfast the morning after earth shattering sex. And the fact he doesn't mean it in that way in the slightest makes tears prick back into your eyes.

Yes, you know you're being petty. You should stick it through for your friends. Take a page from Chan and act like nothing ever happened. You just can't find it inside you to care, you need to go home and lick your wounds before facing anyone here again. Call it childish, but you didn't care.

You're struggling to find words and just blurt out, "No thanks." And rush out the door, heading to the safety of your car.

You left Chan standing there. Unbeknownst to you, hurting just as much.

Special thank you to @jeonginsleftcheek who encouraged me through finishing this! I had finished it, and then accidentally deleted the entire ending. But in turn, that was a good thing I think... because now there'll be a part 2! If you'd like to be added to a taglist, let me know and I'll start one! Feedback is always cherished, but be gentle pleeeeeeeease ♡