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subcultureblues · 2 days ago
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Don’t You Want Me (Baby?) Pt 1
Steve and Eddie have been hooking up and are about as bad at keeping a secret as they are dealing with their feelings. (Dustin POV)
———
“For the record, I still think this is dumb.” Lucas said over the wind.
“Yeah, well, you’re dumb.” Mike said, sharp witted as always.
“Got you there.” Will grinned, sidling up beside him on his bike. Mike shot him a look, vaguely betrayed. Will shrugged innocently and kept peddling.
“Alright, alright, let the court record reflect you’re both morons.” Dustin sighed, peddling between the bickerer’s bikes and cutting ahead.
All four boys skirted to a stop outside the trailer park. Dustin wiped at his forehead under his cap, the humidity creeping back up on them as soon as the air stopped it’s rushing by.
“Dude, if Eddie wasn’t picking up the phone, well, there’s probably a reason for that.” Lucas said, in that tone of his. The demeaning one.
Dustin just shook his head. Name one good reason to ignore your party? One good reason. Dustin certainly couldn’t!
He started walking his bike up through the dusty lot, leaving the rest with little choice but to march ever onward.
“Maybe he’s still sleeping.” Will said, lingering a bit behind the pack.
“At 1 in the afternoon?” Lucas rolled his eyes.
“What? He does, like,” Mike’s voice dropped to a paranoid whisper. “weed, right? Jonathan’s always sleeping in?” Mike looked behind them at Will, who shrugged.
“Eddie,” Dustin said his name rather uncharitably but he’s at his limit here, really, he is “has been dodgy weeks now. Doesn’t answer the phone, he’s never free on the weekend, never hangs out after Hellfire anymore - I’m telling you guys, somethings up.”
“Or maybe - he’s finally graduated after the third try and he’s tired of hanging around high schoolers all the time.” Lucas rolled his eyes.
Dustin shook his head at Lucas, because that can’t be it. Eddie loves them. Well, he loves Dustin and likes the rest of Hellfire’s fresh meat well enough. They bonded, alright? - after everything they went through in the Upside Down. Hell, they’re practically brothers. And it’s not just Dustin who thinks that, Eddie had said it first. Well, he called him ‘the little brother I never wanted’ but had said so sarcastically. Obviously, he’d meant the opposite.
Hard to feel wanted right now though, considering as of circa maybe a month ago, Eddie’s been MIA. He still shows up to Hellfire, obviously. But that was about it.
After stopping the clock on the apocalypse and banding together to clear Eddie’s good name, it kind of become a thing - Eddie taking them out to get slushies after a game. Calling up Eddie to tell him, not ask, but tell him they were all going to the arcade. He’d even gone to Eddie’s trailer a few times so he could help Dustin homebrew his subclass!
Steve had started tagging along too, usually. Him and Eddie even getting started to get less awkward around each other after a while. Not best friends or anything, Not like Dustin was hoping. But friendly. It had been totally awesome! And totally annoying that he had mysteriously gone to ground.
It’s possible Dustin’s being, well he doesn’t want to say needy...
It’s just, Steve started picking up extra shifts at work and spending a whole lot of time with Robin. Not that Dustin didn’t support their relationship. Steve’s been single so long, it hadn’t started verging on pathetic exactly, but it was a near thing.
It’s just hard for a guy not to feel neglected.
The four boys had almost reached the trailer when they heard it. At first Dustin dismissed it, surely the trailer next doors’ doing. But no, that music definitely coming from Eddie’s.
That in and of itself, wouldn’t be unusual. Eddie is likely the loudest human being on the planet. No, the weird part is it’s not thrashy, garbage can lid, Eddie-music but goddamn…
“Is that - “ Mike said, trailing off from sheer befuddlement.
“Culture Club.” Lucas could barely hide the cackle in his voice.
“What in the -“ Dustin muttered, throwing his bike in the grass and wandering up to the door like it was a gate to another dimension. For all he knows, it might just be.
“Eddie?” He knocked on the door. Nothing. He tried again. Obviously, someone’s home.
Dustin’s only met the man briefly but he didn’t take Munson Sr for being the bubblegum pop type.
Besides, Mr. Munson certainly wouldn’t be playing anything this loud unless those late nights at the plant had him going deaf. Dustin peeked through the window into the living room. More nothing.
“Oh man.” Lucas shoved him to press his face against the glass too. There was a slow smile creeping across his face, like he was suddenly overjoyed they had come to the trailer park after all. Lucas wasn’t gonna let their DM live this one down, not any time soon. “I thought he was supposed to be cool.”
“He is cool.” Mike said.
Dustin just sighed, threw his hands up, and started rounding the corner of the RV. Eddie’s van was here, ergo Eddie. Dustin was sure he’d be lurking around here somewhere. The rest of the boys followed, their previous hesitation now nowhere to be seen.
“Come on.” He gestured towards the window. They all leaned in and Dustin was already furiously rapping on the window. “Ed - “
Dustin’s eyes went wide. And maybe his face a bit pink.
Eddie was here alright.
He was laying in bed. Very much not alone. There were two of them, lying in bed together. They were under the covers but Eddie was sprawled out on top of someone, a thick curtain of hair hanging over both faces. Clearly, ew, kissing, based on, and Dustin might be scarred for life here, a hand gripping Eddie’s hair at the base of his neck.
As for the tunes, the obvious culprit was in the corner of the room. Eddie’s little cassette stereo.
“Eddie?” Dustin blanched before he could stop himself. And it was of course, in that exact moment Culture Club decided to betray them and the tape cut out.
Will went to shush him, grabbing his shoulder to drag him away but oh no, Eddie definitely heard something. The guy squawked and jolted up in bed, swooping the covers up to hide them both in their immodesty. Eddie’s eyes peaked over his elbow like a vampire leering over his cloak. He gaped at the window, clearly rather horrified.
The boys all threw themselves out of the frame, Dustin pressing up against the back of the trailer.
“What the fuck - “ he heard Eddie say. “What the fuck.” He sounded almost angry but closer to panicked. There was a vague whispering match, but whispering was never really Eddie’s strong suit, so they heard him just fine.
“Relax.” Eddie said, though he did not himself sound relaxed. “No, it’s fine. We’re cool. You need to - I need you cool right now.”
They heard something like a grown man crashing off the bed and gracelessly hit the floor.
“I know, I know, I know. I know! Christ, I’m sorry, ok? I didn’t - I’ll deal with it. Just - “
The boys were already turning tail and scurrying back to their bikes. Gone entirely red in the face.
“I told you this was a bad idea.” Mike said, the hypocrite bastard.
“No you did not!” Dustin huffed.
The front door swung open with a bang and Eddie came spilling out towards them as he, oh gross, scrambled to get into his jeans. He was still shirtless and sweaty, hair fluffed up like an angry cat. Looking rather frantic.
“It’s not what it looks like!” He actually looked properly pissed, hands shaking with it as he did up his fly.
“We didn’t see anything.” Lucas put his hands up, but the guilty way he refused to meet Eddie’s eyes kind of gave up the game.
“Nothing!” Will squeaked, beet red and squeezing his eyes closed tight. Just in case they hadn’t made themselves look incriminating enough.
“God, of all the shit fucking timing -“ Eddie’s fist clenched up in front of him and he let out a frustrated noise, eyes darting around the trailer park. “Look I can explain. If you just, ergh, give me a minute to think of something.”
“No need! We didn’t see anything, promise.” Mike assured him again, his voice nearly steady. Good for him.
“Right so. I guess, did I mention I’ve take up recently taken up semi pro Grecian wrestling - “
“Do you have a girlfriend?” Dustin couldn’t help interrupting him. Lucas smacked him. He gave Lucas a face, which was returned, so Dustin did it again even harder. But fuck Lucas cause it may have been the right thing to say. Eddie stopped fluttering, looked right at him. Squinted, scanning his face.
“You know you can just tell us. If you did. You could have just told us in the first place.” Dustin didn’t get why Eddie wouldn’t. Did Eddie think this kind of thing was too ‘grown up’ for them. They were high school freshman for Christ sake! The only one of their little crew who didn’t have a girlfriend was Will. And I guess Steve.
Allegedly.
Of course, Dustin didn’t believe that for a second.
“I - what?” Eddie perked up.
“If you had a girlfriend. Do you? Is that - “
Eddie huffed out a hysterical laugh. It was weird. But then, Eddie wasn’t exactly the poster child for Normal. Dustin crossed his arms.
“Sure. Yeah.” He took a big breath as he looked behind him back into the trailer. “I have a... my girlfriend.”
“Sorry. For coming over.” Will said, timid like a mouse.
“It was Dustin’s idea.” He took Mike for many things but never a rat. Dustin sputtered indignantly, throwing up his hands.
“And we didn’t even see anything, really! So if you’re worried about your girlfriend’s modesty, like - we didn’t see anything, we swear! Right guys?.” Lucas insisted. Mike and Will bobbleheaded in agreement.
“What the hell are you squirts doing here, anyways?” Eddie said, scrubbing roughly at his forehead.
“I needed to get my binder.” Dustin said flatly. And maybe to remind Eddie that hey, he’s still here too. Like, right here.
“Your fucking - “ Eddie said in disbelief, and then he laughed. “Your binder.”
“You weren’t answering the phone.”
“Yeah well I was busy.” Eddie said, eyes wide and awfully antagonistic.
“Busy getting busy.”
Eddie turned his wild eyes on Lucas
“Thin ice, Sinclair. Thin fucking ice.”
That just made him chuckle again. At least he half tried to hide it behind his hand. But Lucas always was the least cowed by Eddie.
“Is this why you haven’t been hanging around anymore, like all month.”
“Jesus. Henderson, I’m sorry, ok? Hard as it is to believe, I do have a fucking life outside the game.” Yeah, Dustin thought, it was pretty hard to believe. “Look, just give me a second.”
“I’ll be quick - “ Dustin made a move to come inside.
“No.” Eddie firmly hip checked him out of the way.
Eddie slipped back into the trailer. Through the open door Dustin could just barely make out the words.
“False alarm. No - actually. I’m being serious. They think - “
They think what? Think they have a right to be here at Eddie’s trailer. Taking up space in Eddie’s life. Well they do. The party almost died saving the world side by side with Eddie, they had more right to be here than that - Dustin just grumbled. He wouldn’t call her a harlot. But only because Susie’s voice was already in the back of his head, admonishing the thought.
Eddie came back and pushed the binder hard into Dustin’s chest. He was stumbled back a step. “Now scram.” He said, not leaving room for Dustin to get a word in edgewise.
“Look, I’m sorry I haven’t been around but I… See you at Hellfire, ok?” Eddie slammed the door in their faces.
“How great could this even chick be?” Dustin frowned. Great enough to edge the party out of Eddie’s life it seems like.
The other boys just shrugged. They all picked up their bikes.
“I mean, why can’t he just like, bring her along when we hang out or something.”
“I told you, maybe he just wants to hang out with someone his own age for once.” Lucas said.
Maybe Eddie’s too cool to bring his new girlfriend around his dorky freshmen friends. Is he embarrassed to introduce them to her or something.
“Come on.” Will said. “We should get back to Mike’s.”
“Yeah. Yeah whatever.” Dustin said.
———
“So our parents said me and Mike and Lucas could go to the arcade for an hour before it gets dark.” Dustin said to Eddie as they walked through the empty school hallway after Hellfire.
“No can do, compadre. Fight the good fight against those Space Invaders in my steed, yeah?” Eddie grinned down at him over the few boxes of mini in his hands.
Dustin huffed.
“What? Too busy hanging out with your girlfriend? Dustin said petulantly. “Just bring her along if your - “
The three most senior PC’s in Hellfire skid to a stop in front of them. Dustin and Eddie nearly walked straight into the wall of them. It was almost comical the way all their heads swiveled around to oogle at him. Jeff only just managed to choke back a chortle.
Dustin was honestly offended on Eddie’s behalf. Sure, dude was a drug dealing, super duper senior nerd/freak/metalhead combo who had been semi-recently accused of ritualistic dismemberment - but certainly someone was into that.
“My -? Oh yeah my, my - that.” Eddie winced, avoiding many, many eyes.
“Oh, and you have a girlfriend now do you?” Gareth huffed a laugh, in clear disbelief. Eddie glared daggers at him.
Dustin really didn’t see why it was that hard to believe. Eddie was like, really cool. It was an indisputable fact. If all of them could see it, why couldn’t some weird, off the wall alt girl see it too.
“I don’t want to hear a fucking word from you. Any one of you.” Pointing rapidly at all three of them, like he was warding off the words waiting right at the tip of their tongues.
“So who’s the lucky lady, Munson?” Jared said, like he had ‘held action, Vicious Mockery’ and simply couldn’t help himself. He was fighting a positively delighted smile. Eddie flushed.
“The DM giveth and the DM taketh away, and you would be very wise to remember that, Ser Elias.” Eddie said loudly, still jabbing his finger about like it made him more authoritative.
“Sorry man, just joking around.” Jeff grinned good naturedly.
“Yeah, I mean, good for you dude.” Gareth said, with a genuine smile. He tapped Eddie on the chest who childishly batted Gareth’s hand away.
“No, don’t do that. I - seriously guys, we’re not - it’s not like that. I’m not ‘dating’ anyone.” Eddie deflated, looking uncomfortable. The unflappable Eddie, looking all too flappable after all. He tucked a piece of hair behind his ear and huffed. “Just someone I’ve been screwing around with alright.”
Eddie walked past them. Dustin almost felt bad for bringing it up. Almost.
He turned to Gareth.
“So you guys don’t have any idea who it is?”
The guys looked around at each other, all of them shrugging.
“Who knows.” Jared shrugged again, this one still no more helpful than the last.
“Unless,” Gareth straight up giggles, “it’s that suburban mom Eddie’s been swooning over since sophomore year.”
“Yeah right.” Jared chuckled, shoving Gareth forward. They all continued walking.
“That… doesn’t seem like his type.” Dustin said, suddenly confused and perturbed and feeling like he doesn’t know Eddie Munson at all.
“You’d be surprised.” Jared grinned and clapped a hand on his shoulder.
They exited the school just in time to see Steve getting out of the car. Usually after Hellfire he didn’t bother. He just wanted to get the kids rounded up and out of the parking lot as quickly as he could ever really manage. Not today though. Eddie walked to Steve’s Beemer, parked in the stall next to his van.
“Munson.” He said with a small smile. He grabbed one of a few boxes of minis out of Eddie’s arms.
“Uh, Harrington.” Eddie gave a hesitant smile, before bowing his head with predictable theatrically.
“Hi, Steve.” Dustin said from behind. Steve gave him a fond nod before looking back up to the DM.
“So, uh, how was the session?” He said kind of awkwardly.
“Bordering on child abuse.” Eddie beamed.
“I got knocked out, twice.” Lucas windged, holding up two fingers.
“Whatever keeps you humble.” Steve shrugged. He turned back to Eddie. “So. Uh. Any plans for this weekend?”
Eddie blinked, then he raised his eyebrows with a haughty grin. “Dunno, had a few things in mind.” He shrugged.
“Cool. That’s cool. I did too. But uh, then my parents came home from their trip early.” Steve scratched the back of his neck. “So, you know, guess there go my plans for the weekend.”
“Huh.” Eddie frowned. “Bummer.”
“Shotgun!” Dustin decided, throwing open the passenger side door.
Mike, Lucas, and Will who also couldn’t care less about their inane small talk, were already piling into Steve’s car. Steve was lingering though, helping Eddie load his stuff into the van. Dustin’s glad they’re making an effort to be friendly acquaintances, especially since he’s pretty sure it’s mostly for his own sake. But come on, it was like, 3 small boxes. They had space invasions to thwart.
And of course, Lucas was still bitching at Dustin about his failure to come through with a healing spell.
“I’m a bard, what did you want me to do?” Dustin rolled his eyes.
“You have healing word!” Lucas said, to which Dustin roll his eyes. Again.
“Which does like, 2D-nothing!” He looked out the window, wishing Steve would hurry the hell up already. Him and Eddie were still talking? What the hell did those two even have to talk about? Eddie was giving Steve an optimistic grin, but Steve was just shaking his head.
“Cute wounds than!” Lucas groused.
“Well, then you should have thought about that before you went down thirty-five feet away.”
“You could have dashed.” Lucas crossed his arms.
“Ugh. That would have defeated the whole - ugh!” Dustin rolled the window down impatiently. “Steve is it cool if I eat in your car?“ Dustin hollered. He wasn’t actually gonna, he just knew how to get the man’s attention.
“Absolutely not! You know the rules.”
“Don’t worry, it’s just a granola bar! Nature Valley.” Dustin shouted back.
“Don’t even think about it Henderson!” Steve said, already rounding the car. Eddie laughed brightly.
“Harrington?” He said.
“I - Yeah. Fine. Fine, alright.” Steve said to which Eddie smiled triumphantly. That better mean they were done with their little pow-wow.
Eddie climbed into his own vehicle. Steve opened the Beemer’s drivers side door but he didn’t get in yet. Instead he stood there running his hand through his hair muttering something to himself.
“See ya, nerds!” Eddie called out, lowering his own window. There was a chorus of goodbyes from the Beemer. “And Harrington -“ He started the van and a blast of guitar poured out. He smiled that Eddie smile. “You worry too much.” He said. And then he swept out of the parking lot with the sound of his obnoxious music on the wind.
“Yeah. Sure.” Steve said sarcastically. He got behind the wheel, Dustin’s threat of snacking seemingly forgotten.
“What was that about?”
Steve just waved him off and started the car.
Dustin eyed Steve skeptically. So what, were Steve and Eddie like, actually friends now or something?
Maybe he knows.
After a few minutes, Dustin finally broke and asked.
“Soooo, do you know who Eddie’s been seeing?”
“What?” Steve says, nearly swerving over the line.
“Jesus!” Lucas swore from the back.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Steve chuckled awkwardly, eyes now, thankfully, firmly fixed on the road.
“Of course he’s not gonna tell Steve.” Mike grumbled.
Dustin stroked an imaginary beard. The fog of mystery only grew thicker and thicker.
“His secret girlfriend.” Mike said, like a little know it all.
Steve just huffed a, sure.
“I bet she’s like, some badass metal chick.” Mike said reverently, looking out the window. “She probably has like face piercings and crazy dyed hair. Or like a shaved head or something cool like that.”
Dustin sighed. She probably was badass. Way cooler than they were. Way too cool to bring around the dork squad.
“Does that sound like anyone you’ve seen around here?” Lucas said skeptically.
“Yeah, I dunno. Gareth said he was into like… suburban moms.” Dustin grimaced.
“Excuse me?” Steve sputtered.
Will made a disgusted noise.
“I know.” Dustin shivered.
“Better watch out for your mom then.” Lucas snickered. Dustin shot him a dirty look.
“Yeah, no way.” Mike shook his head. “He had to be messing with you or something. Eddie probably has like, groupies and stuff.”
“Please. That man has no game.” Lucas said. Steve snorted but played it off like a cough.
“That man runs the game.” Dustin said defensively.
“You know that’s not what that means.” Lucas said.
“The real question is, how long has this little dalliance been going on for?” Dustin pondered.
“Hey, you nosey little twerps. I really don’t think this is like, any of your business.”
“At least a few weeks right?” Lucas spoke up.
“And how do you know that?” Mike said.
“Cause that’s how long it’s been that Eddie’s been using the phrase ‘busy’ to get out of stuff. I mean he’s a jobless, drug peddling hobo, I don’t think I’ve seen Eddie be busy like, ever.” Lucas said, scratching his chin. “Until a few weeks ago that is.”
Dustin grinned widely. “It’s elementary, my dear Watson.”
“It’s invasive is what it is.” Steve grumbled. “Also, he’s not a hobo. He has a house.”
“Well, I guess, technically it’s a trailer.” Will said, rather pedantically.
“Well, it’s got four walls. And he lives inside them. Ergo…”
“He’s also been a lot nicer.” Will said thoughtfully.
“Huh?” Dustin and Steve said, and looked at him in unison.
“The last couple weeks, don’t you think?” Will said, smiling faintly. “He’s been nicer than usual. Or happier. I guess.”
“I guess.” Dustin said.
“You think?” Steve said.
“Okay,” Dustin should have a houndstooth cap and a pipe. “We have our timeline. Now, we need to root out suspects.”
“Alright, this, whatever this is, stops here. You nosey little twerps need to mind your own business.”
“But - “
“I don’t want to hear it. No buts.”
And that was the end of that. For now at least.
Tag List : @reading-archieves @homoerotictangerine @bingbongsupremacy @aroseandherthorns @wheneverfeasible @travelingtwentysomething @ineffable-monster-romancer @laughingphantoms @gregre369
(Stayed tuned for emotional immaturity! Reply to be added to the tag list!)
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deepspaceballet · 3 months ago
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tag game! thanks for tagging me @spockblanket 🫶🏻
tag 9 people you want to get to know better!
last song: how did it end by taylor swift
favorite color: lavender, pink and black
currently reading: how to kill a guy in ten ways by eve kellman
currently watching: bones (just felt like it today specifically), but more consistently rewatching the x-files
last movie: fresh, directed by mimi cave
sweet, spicy or savory: savory probably
relationship status: it’s a no from me
current obsession: i’ve been hyperfixated on hannibal (and related media) for a few months now. it’s slowed down some recently but it’s still there. also vinted (side eye @ sister).
tea or coffee: coffee all the way
last thing i googled: the rocky horror picture show
tagging: @thesongofvillains @prettylittlelifeforms @castielsbees @kingof-the-crossroads & anyone else who wants to do it! no pressure to participate though <3
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juvian · 3 months ago
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What I think shiny Vaporeon, Jolteon & Espeon should look like ✨
Do not repost!
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paimonial-rage · 1 month ago
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another random writing event
So I am currently in avoidance mode with my wips and i do t wanna look at them, so i decided to have another random writing event. Below I have a list of 40 random words. If you're interested, please feel free to send in a word and a character and I'll do my best to write a short fic centered around it! If there are any words that are not on the list, feel free to send in one of your own! I may not get to everyone's but I will do as many as I can.
Begrudging
Untruths
Opposites
Trembling
Expectations
Testing
Hypothesis
Indulgence
Recoil
Repose
Brazen
Consequence
Facade
Fragment
Echo
Contradiction
Skeptic
Enthralled
Ambivalence
Dissonance
Subterfuge
Glimmer
Obscured
Nostalgia
Fleeting
Desolate
Revelation
Intrigue
Zenith
Perplexity
Fathom
Resilience
Turbulence
Labored
Solace
Transitory
Temperament
Sway
Frivolity
Nonsense
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wiseatom · 2 years ago
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can i just like. say something.
i think this community can be really fun at times! i also think it can be toxic! that said, a lot of — not all, but a lot — the toxicity comes from people actively opening themselves up to harmful situations.
the cool thing about online spaces is that you have so much control in curating them! you can block someone whose opinions or posts you don’t agree with without ever having to interact with them. you can ignore or delete hateful anonymous messages, or even disable the feature entirely. you can privately message someone if you want to talk to them without an audience watching the entire thing.
the point of this isn’t to say that you shouldn’t engage in discourse, that being petty and dramatic isn’t fun, that responding to anon hate with a one-liner isn’t funny and cool. the point is to say that i think it’s kind of silly to complain about drama and negativity and hate when you also invite 300,000+ people to say some nasty shit to you with zero consequences on their end but a whole lot of satisfaction out of the reaction they get from you.
this isn’t directed at any one person in particular, and it’s not an attack. it’s simply a gentle reminder that you literally have the power to make this space a positive one. please stop letting strangers on the internet take that away from you.
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sammygender · 5 months ago
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im new here- is dean abusive?
imo yeah. smarter people than me have written dissections of the way he treats sam & others (he’s also Awful to his psuedo-son jack, but i haven’t gotten to that season yet), i’ve probably reblogged a bunch of them.
he certainly doesn’t mean to be & i don’t say it to condemn him as a person or as a character & i’m still very attached to him & he loves sam very much (not that that makes a difference in whether u abuse someone or not) - but the way he treats sam a lot/some of the time is emotionally abusive and sam is clearly badly impacted. s4 and s8 come to mind as his worst moments also ofc moc era - after that there’s less interpersonal conflict (up to where i am at least) but that’s because sam mostly stops disagreeing with dean not because dean actually gets much better <3 spn is cycles of abuse show after all. family is hell. dean’s learnt pretty much everything about how to behave from his abusive father and as a result. well. cycle continues
#anon i wonder which way ur approaching this from - having not considered that dean treats sam badly or having never thought of it as Abusiv#mutuals pls feel free to chime in with ur opinions#wrote a bunch of more detailed responses to this but none of them felt right so i was just like. eh#narrative portrays dean as right like All Of The Time bc the shows morality is deans morality its fucked up so that makes it harder for#fandom to see how awful he is sometimes#but i think a lot of people see his awful behaviour but just wouldn’t call it abusive and rather toxic etc because abusive#is such a ‘strong word’ and people have a lot of personal connotations with it#i don’t often even actually use the word abusive to describe him. but he is! and i’ve been watching s4 and he’s just So awful and it’s been#reminding me hugely#dean crit#<- i guess#spn#oliver talks#asks#it’s more than just like. being awful sometimes. bc it’s this systemic pattern of eradicating sam’s sense of identity outside of him#and punishing sam for ‘disobeying’ him (like s4/8)#dean winchester#supernatural#Also when you start recognising dean as abusive the show becomes a legitimate horror story because fucking hell!!!!#narrative just. sides with him most of the time!!!!#if u wanna think abt it for urself id say make sure u know what abuse actually Is and how it can present & then look at a lot of sam and#dean conflicts. do they seem equal? r both parties being as awful to each other? whats the context?#look away from the view the show is trying to get you to take via like. ending shots and closeups. and look at what theyre actually saying#to each other and what has actually happened#<- i feel like this sounds patronising i dont mean to be😭#if u already think sam&dean r fucked up and had just never defined it as abusive before then feel free to ignore me#there r probably posts in my dean winchester tag much better than this#<- okay apparently i had a lot to say actually. sorry for doing it in the tags
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dont-hug-me-its-yuri · 6 months ago
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Im running into the stage banging the floor demanding to know about the band au as you speak /hj
reveal yourself band au anon, I wish to know who you are cause you’ve allowed me to ramble
I haven’t figure it all out so this is kinda just spitballing ideas lol
Warning long ass post holy moly
So the band au is kinda written like Clone high, I treat it like one of those really serious romance dramas, except the band au is more just relationship focused instead of strictly romance, also there’s a lot of drama
I’ve come up with four main bands at the moment :3
The Grim Reapers - an underground goth band with Coffin as the bassist and Tissue box as the (main) vocalist, they’re most well known for their songs being about pretty grim subject matter, though they’re probably the least popular out the four main bands
Electric Current - A pop-punk family band with Electracey on the electric guitar, Elevator Speaker on the Bass guitar, Laptop on Drums, and Colin on vocals, they have a very futuristic theme and are by far the most popular band out of the four
Malcolm’s Angels - a band started by Shrignold the head of a love “organization” to help spread the gospel of Malcolm, their music is mostly folk type music, with Unicorn on the harp, Frog boy on the flute, Rabbit boy on the mandolin, and Shrignold on guitar and vocals, the other members of the “organization” are also there, to they just aren’t part of the band, but some of them are on the marketing team
Fly To The Stars - i also refer to them as “the rejects”, an obviously space themed rock band, with Gilbert on guitar, Solar system on the keyboard, Magnet on bass guitar, and Lamp as the lead guitarist
there’s also other characters that aren’t in bands but are still pretty important to the main story like
sketchbook - A young college student, currently studying art, she’s a big fan of Electric Current with her favorite member being Electracey, she’s also roomies with Tony
Tony “Anthony” Clock - An older college student studying history, roomies with Sketch and also a small solo music artist in his spare time (hehe)
saxophone - A music artists who’s songs are usually canoe related, has gained a small cult following due to this
Warren W. Eagle - Local homeless person, usually spotted around dumpsters, can play a pretty mean keyboard solo though
there’s more important characters but I these are the ones I’ve currently planned out (Saxophone isn’t really important though, I just found the concept I had for him funny)
and finally, some miscellaneous facts that I can’t fit anywhere else in this incoherent ramble
The two main locations are Clayhill and Mullhoven, though Mullhoven in this au has become a bigger city, well Clayhill has kept its gated community status
The main three do have a minor role in this au, with them being know as the “weird” residents in town, some situation always seems to be happening to them wether that be their house burning down or finding their pillowcases full of ham
Electracey and Sketchbook are both college age with them both being 17
Laptop on the other hand is a highschooler, being 15 years old
All the characters are humanoids, they basically have human proportion’s but still have some of their weird puppet feaures
Lesley is Electric Current’s manager, though it’s not her only job according to her, she won’t tell much about herself, she likes the game of mystery
Electracey’s name in this au is just Tracey, Laptop’s is Lapis, and Elevator Speakers is Alexa
Colin, Laptop, and Electracey are all siblings, Colin being oldest, Tracey being middle, and Laptop being youngest, well Elevator Speaker is their cousin
Tissue box is fine with her and Coffins band being pretty unknown, but Coffin wish’s they could be as popular as some of the others, and he will do anything to make that happen
Laptop is a big fan of Hatsune Miku and and makes references to her in some of Electric Currents songs when it’s her turn to write one
uh that’s it for now :3 *disappears in a cloud of misty smoke*
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the-abyssal-system · 11 months ago
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Stuck in a constant loop of ‘wants to be more open about being a system and maybe make system friends’ and ‘no one needs to know anything about us and if we start talking about ourselves we will shake like a dog who’s existence is an affront to god’
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iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 8 months ago
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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muekyn · 11 months ago
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today was. not a good day
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dogearedheart · 7 months ago
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Thank you so much for tagging me @bozuri !
Last song: women's jeans by xambassors (made me go fucking insane ngl)
Favourite color: green
Currently watching: supernatural s5 (I'm rewatching the show with my sister who, on the other hand, has never seen it)
Last movie: my darling clementine
Sweet/savory/spicy: savoury (even tho I would never say no to my mother's apple pie)
Current obsession: probably leaving everything behind to move and start working on a farm or something (I'm kidding....or am I), my best friend dean and his mirrors (i wish i was kidding), music (I really want to start collecting cds again, I used to burn them myself but that's another story), films, east of eden (always on my mind)
I'm tagging: @turtles-on-turts , @brucefuckingspringsteen , @professuntothelord, @dykeydean and @letmeblued (feel free to ignore this tho!)
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louieshalo · 2 months ago
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stunie · 4 months ago
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ok so i hit 30 tags pretty early so i wanted to add extra thoughts under here i am SOOO SORRY OMFG ITS SO MUCH 😭😭 GOD
attempt 1 at reading - thoughts:
i love how you wrote the nervousness and hesitation of both reader and atsumu ): this relationship feels so genuine and realistic, like every thought is so real and complex and it all just plays out soooo vividly in my head. i can literally feel every single thing in MY SOUL. it got me holding my breath, my heart racing, my stomach churning
the kiss . the first kiss where mr suna interrupted . when i tell you i read it like this >//////< EXCEPT MY HAND WAS CLASPED SO TIGHTLY OVER MY MIUTH. oh my god the reaction i had. it really felt like a first kiss all over again, i was genuinely WARM and all blushy
attempt 2 at reading - thoughts:
i loved how u wrote out the tension again .. and your characterization for all of them ?? kita being all observant? osamu being all curious ?
the emotional rollercoaster i am on in this chapter is crazy. i took my first break after suna interrupted (the kiss killed me), and im taking my second break right after atsumu confesssd (i was killed a second time). i was irritated during the cafe bc WHY r u avoiding me, and then the next second i’m like squealing 😭 the way that u write yue !! the way that u write . i am such a mess right now give me another moment
attempt 3 at reading - thoughts:
holy shit this scene . the kissing ? THE AAY YOU DESCDIBED IT from the first kiss ?? this one made my stomach FLIP omfg .
oh god the neck kisses . the .. the everything . my left leg has goosebumps idk why it’s only my left leg am i okay yue ? am i okay what’s wrong with me
i have a little ways to go i’m almost done but i need yet another break holy shit i have been reduced to a dizzy lil mess what have i become
attempt 4 at reading - thoughts:
oh my god ): oh my god ): what am i even supposed to say here. i love how u wrote the smut part ?? it feels like actual love ? he is so sweet pls
osamu interrupting had me jolting upright BECAUSE SUNA FIRST NOW OSAMU ? is kita the next victim ?? poor baby
AGHHH THE ENDING IS SO CUTE i fr feel like im in an anime ): i feel so pretty and so lovely THIS WAS SO LOVELYYY TYSMMM YUE FOR WRITING THIS
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v. MISUNDERSTANDINGS
miya atsumu x f!reader
── next: vi. Epilogue: Sakura sweetness | series masterlist
synopsis: A drunken conversation with Atsumu leads to a cascade of events that has your mind practically exploding with endless questions, and with the way Atsumu has been acting, you want clear answers, and you’ll get them one way or another—even if it meant arguing in the twins’ shared apartment on a late Thursday afternoon.
chapter content warning: college au, mentions of alcohol use, intoxicated characters, cockblocker suna (rip), angst, hurt/comfort, awkward tension, atsumu & reader are dumbasses, arguing, light smut (mdni; nothing too explicit), nsfw, implied unprotected s*x, fluff towards the end yay, kita graduates from uni!, mutual pining, slow burn, requited unrequited love, friends to lovers, not beta read.
word count: 6.1k
notes: AAACKKKK last chapter!! also happy 1 month to this series !! i’m surprised i got to finish this in less than 2 months lmao considering how slow i am w writing :< divider: cafekitsune.
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Light. Everything felt light—your head, body, voice, heart.
It felt like all the weight of your shoulders had been lifted, and you could be as carefree as a bird soaring through cerulean skies to be one with the wind. Because right this very moment, nothing mattered at all, not even the fact that you stood before the person you’ve been trying to avoid since the new year rolled around.
Tucked neatly at the back of your mind like a silent reminder, you knew you shouldn’t trust your intoxicated self right now—whether it be your thoughts or feelings but the urge to stop wasn’t there, and you felt extremely optimistic about this—all thanks to the burning alcohol that clouded every bit of your judgement.
Everything felt right.
As you met his caramel gaze, your vision tunnelled, everyone, and everything that surrounded both of you slowly turned into nothing but a mix of hazy hues, upbeat music that spilled from the speakers fading into the distance as you, and Atsumu entered your own world—even the orange-haired male with the bright, doe eyes melted away from your view.
Just you, and Atsumu, exactly how it was supposed to be.
With a bated breath, Atsumu wordlessly nodded, and awaited your next move, as if shackled in a hazy trance. He was fully aware of the thundering heartbeat that rang in his ears, the way his slender fingers ever so slightly dug into the scarlet plastic cup in his hand, cheeks burning with unexplainable emotions.
“Let’s talk somewhere else.”
It took all the effort for Atsumu to ignore the feeling of your bare skin against his, the searing touch of your fingers around his wrist as you hurriedly whisked him away into the intimate space of their kitchen, as if to shield you both from everyone else’s prying eyes. Despite a stained judgement, the blonde was sure no one gave a single damn if you were to talk it out in the living room, everyone was in their own buzz anyway.
Nonetheless, Atsumu let you take the lead, whatever you wanted, he obliged. As though he was floating on cloud nine, his body became lighter with each step taken, head lightly spinning, warmth that radiated from your palm seeped into his flushed skin, prickly, miniature kisses engulfing his body.
“I’m okay now.” Resting your lower back against the ivory granite countertops, you stare up at Atsumu through your lashes, not noticing your lingering fingers curled around his wrist. For a brief moment, your breath hitched, stomach churning at the sight before you. The lighting behind Atsumu made him look like absolute heaven, flaxen strands glowing like the first rays beneath the warm illuminant, casting an ethereal halo at the back of his head. It didn’t help how he stared down as if your eyes held the cosmos in them, completely awestruck.
Whatever, you chalked it up to his intoxicated state. What else could it have been?
For a brief moment, Atsumu wracked his brain for context behind your words, and as the invisible lightbulb atop his head switched on, he was reminded of the situation at hand. It definitely pulled his consciousness into sobriety. Just a tad bit.
“A-are y’sure?” A breathless, almost dainty whisper slipped past his rosy lips. He took note of the way your gaze shifted ever so slightly downwards, eyes crudely lingering on the plush of his bottom lip as his tongue briefly swiped against it.
Atsumu’s Adam’s apple bobbed at your not-so-subtle stare, stomach churning with want. He knew this feeling all too well—it visited him whenever he was alone in his room, mind wandering over to thoughts of you which filled every corner of his mind; sometimes the feeling was too strong, other times he could bear it. Tonight, though, Atsumu wasn’t sure if he was immune to this feeling, let alone erase any impulsive thoughts from his intoxicated mind.
What pulled you into this decision was something you’d never figure out; maybe it was the fact that your yearning heart grew tired of the icy distance between the two of you or maybe you’ve truly come to terms with his unreciprocated feelings—you didn’t know. All you knew was that nothing good ever came out of inebriated conversations, especially when it involved feelings. But this could be an exception, right?
“So . . Does that mean we can be friends again?”
It was weird. Atsumu’s voice brimmed with a sense of hope—as if he’s been waiting for this very moment for the past two weeks—but the strange glint in his caramel eyes betrayed the blonde entirely.
Despite your better judgement, you chalked it up to the warm light that casted a soft shadow upon his features; maybe you were too dizzy to see things clearly, or maybe you were looking too deep into Atsumu’s expression—hoping to find some sort of sadness upon hearing your decision to move on, and accept his rejection.
Atsumu watched as your eyes traced his features, closely observing them as if to find some kind of answer; as selfish as it seemed, the intensity in your eyes gave him a tinge of hope that perhaps you could let yourself pine over him just a little longer because he wasn’t sure what he’d do with the knowledge that your heart would no longer yearn for him.
The situation was a double-edged sword, really.
You let out a puff of breath, “Yeah, of course. We’re friends again.” Friends. That word should have given you more relief than sorrow but could you really blame yourself? It felt like a bitter reminder of cold rejection which resembled salt pressed against an unhealed wound, a searing itch that left your skin feverish.
Even if it meant selling yourself short.
Avoiding his eye contact, you swiftly unwound your fingers from his wrist, mentally cursing yourself for not noticing any sooner. A cold embrace engulfed Atsumu’s wrist, where your fingers were mere seconds ago, he tried his best to ignore how his body yearned for your warmth. He gave a small smile, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
For a moment, you stood in each other’s silence like two predators sizing up one another, eagerly waiting for one’s move before pouncing, the silent hum of the fridge making up for the lack of conversation between one another.
How strange, this agreement should have cleared the unsettled air between you, and Atsumu but why did it feel like the complete opposite? As if the air turned into something more uncertain. You both knew you could feel the uncanny tension rising up, up, up but not one dared to address it.
Swiftly burying it under the rug, Atsumu spoke, thinly slicing through your trance, “You’ll find someone better.”
God, he must’ve really matured this new year because he didn’t know how he was able to say that straight to your face. Being one to wear his heart on his sleeve, this was completely foreign for Atsumu—or maybe he just got better at masking his true emotions.
You closed your eyes upon hearing his response, as if doing so would help you brave the weight of his words. It didn’t. That was the last thing you wanted Atsumu to say to you, ‘someone better’, it was brazen of him to think so poorly of himself, as though he wasn’t that certain someone. It was entirely unfair on your end because who was Atsumu to determine which person was for you?
Even just thinking about it had you fuming, rejection was one thing but completely disregarding the reason behind your feelings for him was another because in your eyes, Miya Atsumu was that ‘someone better’; he was the one who understood you the most, the one who always looked out for you, the one you fucking wanted.
And despite your mind telling you to nod along, and suck it up, the alcohol in your body was stronger; so, you opened your eyes, and furrowed your brows at him,
Nothing good ever came out of inebriated conversations.
“But I don’t want anyone better, Tsumu. I want you.”
Atsumu’s eyes widened, the desperation in your voice was something he hadn't heard before, it definitely pulled at his heart, guilt gnawing at his skin for being the sole reason for your drunken actions. He may be drunk but he wasn’t stupid, Atsumu knew you should’ve kept that one to yourself, he could practically see you brimming with temerity but he’d be lying to himself if he said his heart didn’t skip a beat or two.
I want you, too. God, he wanted to say it back badly. The words were lodged in his throat, unable to slip past his lips despite the best efforts to do so.
It dawned on him—right then, and there—the severity of your feelings for him, the immense weight of it. Now, guilt really ate him away; he could only imagine how the past two weeks were for you. Did you cry while thinking about him?
That was the last thing Atsumu wanted.
Though, amidst the guilt, something else blossomed in his chest, it made him feel like he stood upon the highest pedestal. Atsumu didn’t know whether it was pride or greed; as fucked up as it was, he couldn’t bring himself to push the impulsiveness away as though you’ve infected him with your own. His heart hammered at a thought that formed in his mind, even just thinking about it stirred his chest.
Despite Atsumu’s better judgement, he held onto the feeling with a tight grip, and opened his mouth, tongue nervously swiping at the bottom lip,
Nothing good ever came out of inebriated conversations.
“Is . . Is it bad that I really want to kiss you right now?”
You sucked in a breath, heart pounding at Atsumu’s sudden confession. If you were sober, you’d have a million thoughts racing through your mind right now, questioning the feelings he really had for you but unfortunately, only one thing was on your mind—how badly you wanted to kiss Atsumu too.
Dragging yourself further down, down, down the void of uncertainty, you shook your head in a daze,
Nothing good ever came out of inebriated conversations.
“What if I say I want to kiss you, too?” 
Barely audible but Atsumu heard it just fine over the pounding of his heart, over the incoherent conversations beyond this kitchen, over the muted bass music because as long as it's you, he’d always listen, even if it meant drowning out the entire world.
Then, there was a heartbeat, a passing second, a dip of a finger to test undisturbed waters; the funny thing was that even a minute disturbance could cause a ripple effect for miles, and miles, awakening the dormant creatures that lay beyond the azure surface.
It was swift, as though Atsumu had been waiting for this very moment to happen—one second you were locked in a trance, the next his lips were pressed against your own, a shared warmth of intimacy searing both bodies in an eternal blaze like a blue flame that dangerously destroyed everything in its path.
Shy. Warm. Soft. Rosy. Like it was meant to be. The list could go on, and on but it was as though your thoughts came quickly before your mind could register them, leaving you in a white, empty haze. With the plastic cups long forgotten on the counter behind, you closed your eyes as Atsumu’s body eagerly pressed against yours, strong arms coming up to rest on the granite countertop behind you, fingers digging into the material to ground himself.
For a moment, everything was still, lips unmoving against each other, a time to bask in this newfound intimacy—the foreignness of one another’s body. The earth felt like it spun on its axis way faster than usual, as if day, and night merged to become one; hues of late dusk, and early dawn intertwined like your bodies.
Bitterness from Atsumu’s rosy lips lingered on your own; you never liked the taste of beer but oddly enough, you didn’t mind it at all.
Your hands cupped Atsumu’s jaw, fingers gently digging onto his soft skin, eager for more as your lips moulded together. Slowly moving his mouth against your own, you followed suit to match the sensual pace he had set, falling deeper, and deeper between the hazy boundaries of friendship, and something a little more. Low whimpers slipped past between each feverish kiss as a drunken greed gradually controlled your bodies.
The initial softness of the kiss dissipated as each second passed, slowly turning into something more carnal, and passionate—breaths becoming heavier, and faces eagerly pressed against one another, angled in a way to grant more access.
Was this what cloud nine felt like? Exhilarating? Euphoric? As though there was no one else—
“Oh!—Holy shit. Did I interrupt?”
A familiar voice violently pulled you, and Atsumu back into reality, swiftly jumping away from each other’s hold, and looking over to the owner of the voice. Suna. The brunette stared at both of you—looking like a deer caught in headlights, chests heaving—his expression was unreadable, almost like a mix of shock, and amusement. You, and Atsumu kissing in the kitchen was absolutely not in his new year bingo card.
Well, this encounter certainly was enough to strip you into sobriety.
Your head spun a little, lungs severely deprived of oxygen. Shame, and realisation settled deep in your bones—shame because Suna just caught you, and Atsumu almost sucking the soul out of each other, and realisation because everything about this whole situation was so wrong; a million questions formulated in your mind as each awkward second passed.
On the other hand, Atsumu was equally as horrified, albeit annoyed that he didn’t have the chance to kiss you longer. The thrumming of his heart pounded in his ears, his mind trying to come up with anything to say just to stop the thoughts formulating in Suna’s mind—oh, he knows that look on his friend’s face very well.
Your view became obstructed by the expanse of Atsumu’s back, a subtle attempt to block you from the brunette’s gaze.
“W-what the hell, Suna?! Don’t jus’ barge into the kitchen, ya scrub!” Atsumu tried his best to act tough but miserably failed with the shakiness in his voice betraying him.
As if to make matters worse, Suna didn’t back down, a smug look painted on his flushed face as the blonde shamelessly blamed him,
“Well, how was I supposed to know that you two were sucking each other’s faces in the kitchen?!”
Did he have to word it like that?
Atsumu opened, and closed his mouth, trying to think of ways to deny Suna’s accusations but his mind went blank, even with just the brunette mentioning your kiss had him blushing like a mad man. Silence yet again occupied the kitchen, low bass music spilled from the speakers, and incoherent chatters from beyond the space making up for the lack of conversation.
Before the situation could get even more awkward, you spoke up, “I . . think I’m just going to go . . ” This gained both their attention, carefully watching as you navigated past Atsumu, and out the kitchen.
The blonde watched as you staggered past him, and Suna; he wanted to go after you, and talk about what just happened but the soles of his feet stayed rooted on the ground, too heavy to lift, even the words he wanted to say were lodged in his throat.
So, Atsumu decided it was best to let you go.
Monday. 
Everyone’s enemy but also a day to gather around the campus coffee shop with friends, and be productive for a while. The calming aroma of coffee engulfed your senses; low chatter from other customers, faint jazz music, and the occasional hum of the coffee machine filled the table from the lack of conversation. Despite the café’s light ambience, it didn’t do much to hide the growing tension that surrounded the group, specifically you, Atsumu, and Suna.
Kita was the first to notice the subtle shift of aura that emanated from you three, especially after catching a glimpse of Suna’s narrow eyes trailing from you to Atsumu over his laptop screen; though, he had much more things to worry about than to indulge himself in whatever tomfoolery this was. He’d ask questions later.
On the other hand, Osamu was more than curious, especially after his older twin started acting out of character—Atsumu wasn’t one to engulf himself in thoughts to the point where he’d be staring at an inanimate object, in a complete daze but lately, Osamu has seen him behave as such.
The latter could practically feel the weight of awkwardness pressing against his skin as he subtly watched the three of you. Of course, he did his best to pry off information from the blonde only to no avail; Osamu didn’t know why Suna was even caught up in this but he suspected it was from the party a few days ago.
He remembered seeing you stumble out of the kitchen when he was on his way to grab more drinks from their fridge, the younger twin thought nothing of it until he was met with Suna, and Atsumu awkwardly standing in the kitchen. Normally, Osamu would’ve asked questions that night but the alcohol in him couldn’t care less about the situation.
Staring at the untouched document pulled up on your laptop, you ducked behind your screen to avoid Suna’s wandering gaze, and Osamu’s not-so-subtle curiosity. This was hell. You didn’t even know why you decided to turn up today after that shit show at the party—maybe because you thought you could shove down that memory especially after telling Atsumu that you were fine or maybe you craved the closeness you two once had, and now you were here to rebuild that.
As easy as it sounded, you feared it might not be so with the way Atsumu has been avoiding you like the plague. First, it started when you walked into the café at the same time as the twins, Osamu greeted you at the door before heading inside leaving you, and Atsumu outside. Now, that would’ve been fine if the latter didn’t make a show of taking a couple of steps back to let you go first as though you carried some kind of incurable disease.
The second time was when Atsumu realised the only vacant seat was next to your own, thus, asking to swap with Osamu just so he could sit farthest away from you. And the third was when you had asked him if he was alright while waiting in line to order only to be met with a mindless nod before returning to his phone in his hand.
You tried your very best to ignore the blooming pain in your chest; sure, being sad about Atsumu possibly avoiding you was reasonable but then again, you were the one who told him you were okay now—how Atsumu decided to act after the party was beyond your control.
God but it pissed you off. Swallowing one’s pride, and making effort to rekindle a cold friendship was not an easy feat when the other doesn’t do the same. It shouldn’t work you up this much but it did, and now you were second guessing yourself that maybe it was an irrational decision to abruptly tell Atsumu that you’ve come to terms with moving on.
That night at the party, were you lying to yourself just so you could be around him again?
Whatever. It was too late to take it back anyway.
The days ahead were monotonous, and boring; you, and Atsumu remained orbiting around one another, careful not to get into each other’s path of trajectory but it was tiring. Not only did it feel like navigating through eggshells while he was around but the constant questions from your friends tested your limits. Though, it wasn’t their fault for simply being curious, and getting left in the dark about the whole situation but the prying felt like endless jabs of sharp needles along your skin.
From their point of view, you, and Atsumu were stubborn about the whole situation. None dared to speak up about it, acting as though everything was fine, so your friends were left with very little to work with.
It felt like a game of cat, and mouse where you were the feline chasing Atsumu around. The longer the days dragged on, the more thoughts formulated in your mind, and they all involved the blonde in some way or another. And just like everyone else, you had your limits too; you were tired of Atsumu acting like a stubborn idiot.
When you confessed to Atsumu, sure, you expected an awkward phase but this was even worse. There wasn’t just distance between the two of you, it felt like you were strangers.
He was known for brashly saying the sharp truth, so why couldn’t he be straightforward with you? Was he disgusted by the kiss, and deeply regretted it? Did he think you were weird? You didn’t know, but you were bound to find out even if it meant knocking at the twin’s apartment door at 5:45 PM on a cold, rainy Thursday.
With the sun hidden behind the looming grey clouds, the late winter afternoon was even darker; the roads were packed with vehicles while the sidewalks occupied students, and company workers alike trying their best to shield themselves from the heavy downpour. Despite the streets being illuminated with a tinge of warm yellow from cars, and streetlights, it did nothing to brighten up the gloomy day.
Funny, it was as though the universe knew how you felt today.
“If yer lookin’ for ‘Samu, he won’t be back until 8 PM.” Greeted with Atsumu’s shocked face as the ivory door to their apartment opened, you couldn’t help but visibly roll your eyes at his stubbornness. Yeah, like you’d be here at their apartment looking for Osamu—you knew each of their timetables like the back of your hand.
Flaxen strands that sat atop his head were unruly, a sign that he must’ve been taking a nap sometime ago. Atsumu donned a light blue hoodie paired with black sweats; you tried your best not to ogle the man, after all, you were here for a sensible talk.
“I’m here for you, Miya.”
Atsumu gripped the metal handle a little tighter, the coolness of it seeping into the warmth of his skin. He tried not to flinch at the sudden formality of the conversation. Nonetheless, the blonde pulled the door wider, a wordless invite to their humble space. Giving him a small smile before walking inside, you tried not to think about the last time you were here, and how you found yourself drunkenly kissing Atsumu in their kitchen.
The sound of the door closing shut behind Atsumu reverberated throughout the walls of their apartment, followed by a deafening silence. Met with his honeyed stare, you awkwardly coughed, and played with the hem of your jacket, “I’m not going to take up too much of your time . . but I do just have one question.”
There was a momentary silence as Atsumu waited for you to proceed; he had so many questions running through his mind right now, and it took all his willpower to hold them back, and let you speak instead. It was getting harder, and harder to focus as each second passed with the pounding of his heart—Atsumu didn’t know what to expect.
“Did you—Did you regret that kiss . . ?”
Your skin burned as the question lingered in the air, a beat or two before Atsumu finally spoke up, “. . N-no, why’d ya ask?”
Sighing, impatience prickled your feverish skin. ‘Why’d you ask?’  What the hell does he mean by why would I ask? We made out for fuck sake, that’s something friends don’t do! Why is he acting so casual about it? 
“God, this just made it a lot worse. I have so many fucking questions that my mind wants to explode right now,” Pinching the bridge of your nose, you slowly paced back, and forth, the floors beneath silently creaking with each step. So, Atsumu didn’t regret the kiss but he’s acting like you’re strangers—fucking hell, why did he even kiss you in the first place?!
Your mind was a complete mess.
Trying to calm yourself down with slow, deep breaths, you decided to address the elephant in the room first, “Then why have you been avoiding me, Atsumu?—I’m sorry but I’m the one who got rejected, I cannot think of any reason why you should be avoiding me like this.” Atsumu hated that look on your face—the desperation, the sadness, the frustration. He never thought that he’d be the one making you feel all these negative emotions, and it pained him as much as it pained you.
Atsumu let out a sigh, carefully formulating the right words into a coherent sentence, “I’m just . . trying to be careful, okay?” His stomach dropped as your face contorted with more confusion.
Did he say something wrong?
“Careful about what, Atsumu?! You—ugh! It’s so hard to talk to you when you’re giving me all these stupidly vague answers! I’ve already told you I was fine. I don’t care anymore that you don’t like me back. I just want us to be back to normal again.”
Now, it was Atsumu’s turn to be upset. He couldn’t bear the thought of you moving on so quickly, and that’s why he’s been acting distant lately; it annoyed him how easy it was for you to talk to him like nothing happened but Atsumu knew he couldn’t tell you the reason—why couldn’t you just try, and understand his situation? Rejecting wasn’t an easy task to do, especially if it was the person he had been hopelessly pining for.
“Well—maybe things aren’t meant ta back ta normal!”
What?
You stared at him for a second, brows furrowed as you tried to comprehend his words that lingered in the cold air of their apartment. Silence engulfed the two of you, the distant sounds of Hyōgo’s late afternoon rain seeping through the slightly opened window.
“Do you feel uncomfortable around me after knowing the fact that I have feelings for you? Is that it?” “God, no—I could never feel that way.”
It took all of Atsumu’s patience not to wrap his arms around you—he wanted to hold you against him badly; that defeated look on your face broke his heart but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. Maybe Atsumu was the coward after all.
“Then tell me what’s wrong, ‘Tsumu!”
“It’s hard f’me as well, y’know?!” “What is?”
Atsumu closed his eyes, the words he’s been wanting to scream at the top of his lungs lodged in his throat, threatening to slip out. A wave of adrenaline rush coursed through his veins, heart pounding like crazy with this newfound high, it made him feel as though he was invincible—as if he could say anything, and everything without a care for its consequences.
Fuck it.
“Fuck—It’s because I like ya back, okay?! I always have! And rejectin’ ya was so goddamn hard f’me because I’m still not over ya. God, I think about ya every single second, and it pains me so much because yer already movin’ on, and ‘m still stuck here.”
What?
Flabbergasted, you stared at Atsumu all wide-eyed, the thrumming of your heart becoming increasingly loud against your ears as each slow second passed. Did he just say he liked you back? As though mother nature was watching, the rain outside poured harder; sounds of droplets of heavy water against the roof filled the silent apartment, pulling you back into reality.
“Then why—If you feel the same way then why did you reject me?”
When you knocked on the door to the twins’ apartment, you expected a sincere conversation with Atsumu, not him confessing his feelings out of the blue. You were absolutely speechless—you didn’t know whether to jump for joy because he actually does like you back or whether to massage your temples from pure confusion.
“Back then during the trip, ya told me ya weren’t ready for a relationship yet, and that ya only wanted ta confess ta get rejected n’ move on. I wanted ta respect yer decision, so . .”
Flashbacks of said conversation from the trip quickly came into mind, and how you told Atsumu about not being ready for a relationship yet.
Oh.
Oh.
The weight of frustration from your shoulders slowly dissipated, the pent up annoyance you held in your heart was gone too. Suddenly, you weren’t so frustrated anymore after learning about the whole truth behind the situation. You were able to breathe better with the bad air finally cleared between you, and Atsumu.
Looking at it now, you felt absolutely silly. The whole situation turned out to be one big misunderstanding, it was almost laughable—now, you truly understood the essence of communication is key.
You let out a humourless laugh, “You’re so stupid, you know that?” Taking a few steps toward the blonde, you leaned your forehead against his chest, a hand coming up to curl into a fist to lightly hit it; a faint scent of his musky cologne lingered on the fabric of his hoodie, effectively invading your senses. Atsumu didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around your torso, pulling your body flush against his before resting his chin on the crown of your head.
For a beat or two, you, and Atsumu remained in each other’s hold, basking in the cosy atmosphere. 
“Would I be more stupid if I tell ya I want ta pick up where we left off at the party?”
Before you knew it your lips were sealed in a searing kiss—this time, it felt raw, all things passionate, and eager. Hands impatiently roaming each other’s unexplored bodies, sounds of wet kisses slowly filling up the apartment. The atmosphere shifted from cosy to something more sensual, light groans, and moans slipping in between each kiss.
Your hands rested on Atsumu’s golden strands, fingers gently tugging at it as he worked his lips down the column of your neck, teeth lightly nipping at the feverish skin. Atsumu focused on a certain spot just below your ear, nipping, and sucking at it which pulled a dainty whine from your lips.
“‘T-Tsumu—Ah!” You gasped, his tongue leaving trails of goosebumps beneath its sinful licks against your skin. He cursed under his breath, the dizzying tone of your voice awakening the slumbering carnal beast that resided in his core. With each dulcet moan that slipped past your swollen lips, Atsumu became greedier, he wasn’t going to settle for mere kisses on your skin—he needed to hear more.
Pulling away from your intoxicating scent, Atsumu looked down at you with parted lips, and hooded eyes, caramel gaze clouded with nothing but pure desire. “I think we should take this ta my room.” He panted.
Nodding at his proposal, hurried footsteps padded over to his room as though each second wasted was crucial. As soon as the door behind Atsumu slammed shut, his lips were on yours once again, strong hands deftly working on the layers of clothing you wore, slowly slipping them off of you one by one; Atsumu could practically feel himself shaking with nervousness, and excitement.
Discarding your top on the wooden floor beneath, Atsumu stared wide-eyed at your torso, both hands coming up to cup your breasts through the fabric of your bra, earning a low moan from you. The air of the room felt cold against your skin but Atsumu’s touch was enough to ignite you.
“So beautiful . .” He absent-mindedly gasped, a lovestruck look in his honeyed eyes.
Hands eagerly tugging at the hem of his hoodie, Atsumu swiftly pulled the fabric off his torso in one movement, golden strands tousled from the action. Goosebumps formed upon his sun kissed skin, bare torso met with the cold winter air; your eyes raked Atsumu’s physique up, and down, shamelessly ogling his muscled chest in all its naked glory. God, you used to just fantasise about this, and now it was served right in front of you on a silver platter.
You decorated each other’s skin with endless love bites, sinful hues of dark red, and purple peppered along your chest, and neck. Atsumu took his sweet time to savour every bit of you—your taste, your scent, your sounds, everything. He made sure to bask in your serene beauty, the gentle glow of your bare figure before utterly devouring you like a starved animal, ravaging your purity with carnal desire.
Atsumu let himself go at the raw intimacy of your bodies, the feeling of your sweet warmth brought tears of pleasure in his eyes as he pushed, and pushed towards the newfound ecstasy you both shared. The chant of his name slipped past your lips like a sinful melody, mere fuel to the relentless drive of his hips. But Atsumu held you dearly against his naked body through it all, fingers intertwined with your own as he keenly chased both your pleasures, choked out moans of your name whispered hotly against your sensitive skin.
And as you both tipped over the edge, Atsumu didn’t fail to tell you how much he loved you in between each pathetic moan as he painted your insides white, the dizzying pleasure contorting his handsome face in pure ecstasy. You held him in your arms, nails digging crescent-shaped marks on his skin, whispering saccharine praises to him as you let go, and emptied the words of your heart.
As the gentle aftermath of the passionate exchange rolled around, Atsumu held you in his arms, hearts beating as one, and lulling you both to sleep. The last thing you heard was a faint ‘I love you’ before passing out from exhaustion.
“‘Tsumu, what did ya want for—Oh my god! What the fuck?!” 
A familiar voice abruptly pulled you, and Atsumu out of your sleep, followed by the loud bang of his door slamming shut. Muffled expletives from outside the room could be heard as you both stirred beneath the ivory sheets. “‘Tsumu, what the hell?! Ya should’ve warned me before I went into yer room!” Osamu yelled from the other side of the door.
Atsumu groaned, rubbing his face before turning to the door, “Shut yer trap! Ya should’ve knocked!” At his twin’s silence, he let out a sigh, and slung a heavy arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his naked body before closing his eyes once again.
You let out a soft chuckle, “We really need to stop getting caught. First, Suna, and now Osamu.” Atsumu hummed in response, too sleepy to even think or form a coherent sentence. Snuggling closer to him, you closed your eyes, and went back to sleep as well.
Oh, you could get used to this.
Winter slowly turned into spring as March rolled around—the end of the academic year.
Trees that were once bare slowly blossomed with flowers, hues of yellows, and browns were replaced with endless greenery, and frigid air became more welcoming like a warm embrace. Most importantly, the cold distance between you, and Atsumu no longer existed, instead, it was replaced by fluttering heartbeats, and fluffy moments that hinted at a sweet forevermore.
“There he is! How does it feel to be a fresh graduate!” Suna whistled as Kita walked over to the group, clad in a black academic gown with a matching trencher propped neatly on his head, the golden tassel on the cap swayed with every step taken; he donned a warm smile, one hand holding his well-deserved degree.
The buzz of excitement outside the venue was high, the graduation ceremony having finished just a few minutes ago. You were all surrounded by graduands, all with heartfelt smiles on their faces as they conversed with family, and friends alike. 
As your friends fell into a merry conversation, a warm hand interlaced with your own, giving your hand a comfortable squeeze. Atsumu. Looking up at your boyfriend, he cheekily leaned into your ear, whispering an ‘I love you’ before slowly blinking at you, mirroring a cat’s action. You let out a small laugh, shaking your head at his antics.
“Are you two lovebirds done, now?” Suna coughed, pulling you back into reality.
Met with amused expressions plastered on your friends’ faces, you, and Atsumu returned a sheepish smile before joining in their conversation. “Anyway, we were talkin’ about how we should celebrate Kita’s graduation. It can also serve as a treat for us for makin’ it through another academic year.” Osamu explained, earning a hum of approval from you, and Atsumu.
“How about a spring trip to Kyoto?” —
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© atsumou 2024 | don’t plagiarise, repost or steal my header.
#.recs#s.haikyuu#this is going to be a LONG set of tags bc i know ima have sm to say. i did reread the last ch to put myself in tears again to fit the mood#vision tunneling when atsumu is there is so cute btw ): everything becoming background noise when he’s there ? also u write so pretty.#‘it took all the effort for atsumu to ignore the feeling of ur bare skin against his’ THAT ENTIRE SENTENCE FUUCK pretty ))):#‘so .. does that mean we can be friends again?’ no. date me . DATe. MEEEEEE. PLEASEEEEE#‘a searing itch that left your skin feverish’ yes i remember being in tears last chapter i remember it so vividly . my heart was shattered#ok the small smile after we move our fingers from his actually made me physically react idk why i pictured that 1 so clearly in my head but#‘i want you.’ ‘did you cry thinking about him?’ YEAH. YEAH I WAS CRYING IM TEARING UP RN JUST THINKING ABIUT CRYING PLS DATE ME PLS 😭😭😭😭😭PL#THE WAY I JJST GOT SHIVERS AG THE KISS. OH HOW IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT. IM ACTUALLY LIKE D: W A HORRENDOUS BLUSH RN OMG IM So WARM#god FUCKING DAMMIT SUNA FUUUUUCKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU#ok atsumu shielding us makes me feel some kinda way but also suna u asshole ‘how was i supposed to know u two were sucking each other’s fac#kita ? tomfoolery?? that’s so silly that made me giggle hehe 😭 he’s such a mood btw i love him#ATSUMU. u want to sit the FURTHEST AWAY FROM ME ? what do u think i have cooties ???? i kissed YOU so that means u have cooties too u GOOF#the gloomy rainy day. tying that in to how we feel. god yue you know to make my head explode (compliment)#‘if you’re looking for samu’ ???? did i hear you correctly ?? did i ??????? i don’t think so. u are testing me mr atsumu#‘miya.’ YEAH TELL HIM WHATS UP !!! (i am also ogling . sweats .. messy hair …. geez….)#atsumu you. YOU. you didn’t regret it !? so why r we not kissing rn . why am i calling you miya rn if u didn’t regret it. U TEL#YOU TELL ME. omg he did tell me. oh my eyes r in fact widening oh i am in fact blushing oh this is really something omg omg omg :’)#LIGHT GROANS AND MOANS SLIPPING? This is .. THIS IS … YUE … IM SO !!!! IM#THE TEETH NIPPING AT THE NECKKK GOD I AM ACTUALKY FEVERISH IM ACTUALKY TURNING ON MY FAN RN WTFFFF WTF WTF WTFMSMS#MOANING HIS NAME AND TYHEN HIM CURSING HNDER HIS BREATH PLS I JJST GOT ANITHER SHIVER DOWN MY SPINE#OGLING HIS MUSCLED CHEST YES I AM WHHHWEWWWWWWWW GOD#a faint i love you before falling asleep pls this is so soft. also this scene killed me i am a mess now i have no words#OSAMU ? THe door Slamming SHUT LMAO? OMFGGG WE KEEO GETTING CAUGHT FR#replaced by fluttering heartbeats ): oh no more tears for me yay!!! i can finally experience happiness now#YAYY CONGRATS KITA. omfg the last sentence yue this was fr so perfect i love you so much how am i reading this for free#oh i am so in love with this series oh my god ?? every chapter was so beautifully written im just in awe#the pacing the everything was so perfect . it all felt#i literally love them all. i love every part of this sm i mean it :’( this was such an awesome read fuck what do i do now (i hit 30 tags☹️)
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hypocritic-trash-baby · 9 months ago
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If somehow you haven’t seen by now, while the Super Bowl is being aired, Israel is striking Rafah.
The people of Palestine had been told to go there, they were promised it was safe.
And while this is happening, even though earlier several tags on Palestine were trending, only one or two are now.
I haven’t written any posts personally on Palestine myself. I didn’t feel I had anything to add here aside from reblogging and boosting whatever I can but please. We can’t forget Palestine or its people especially now.
This has gone on too long and gone much much too far MANY times and now is when we need to push harder.
Many of the heads of Western countries are either beating around the bush and wasting time, or outright denying the things the Palestinian people don’t have the privilege to ignore. They don’t have the choice to look away from their pain, or the pain of friends, family, neighbors, their country. And even through all of this they’re still trying their damn hardest just to live. And we all need to listen.
So now, especially if you live in a western country like I do, now we step it up a notch. Now is the time if you haven’t already to read up on Palestinian history. Listen to what the people of Palestine are saying. Hold firm on the boycott like never before. Any and every way you can donate, do it. eSIMs, aid, anything that will reach. Save as much evidence as you can. Videos, articles. Don’t let Zionists pretend all of this never happened.
Even if you think there’s nothing you can do, I’m telling you, keep going. Even if you feel you can only give a little, if we all give a little together it becomes much more.
Hit imperialism where it hurts. In the wallet. Follow the BDS instructions, find protests in your area if you can, boost as much information about Palestine as you can find, call your reps, and do not lose hope. The people of Palestine are not dead. They are holding on even through all this and we all owe it to them to do the same.
A Free Palestine will happen in our lifetimes. But it will be hard fought. So go out there and fight hard! The governments can’t hide from their own people forever. The companies can’t bleed cash forever. The people will win. So push until we do. Do not look away. Free Palestine
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thecompletebookworm · 1 year ago
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A fanfic author I loved posted something that I know I shouldn’t read for mental health reasons and I’m oddly proud of myself for not reading it. Is this what maturity feels like?
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nymphoniah · 1 month ago
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mercy, mercy me | logan howlett
pairing: old man!logan x younger!reader
AN: lordddd i can’t stop thinking about old man!logan and younger!reader. literally had to pace my room and smoke a cig just thinking about how i need him to baby me.
content/tags: old man!logan, implied age gap (reader is in their 20’s), angst, pet names (doll, princess, etc.), logan can’t say no to you, you make him an absolute mess!
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he knows it’s wrong to be with you—he has a terrible, gut wrenching feeling about it, but logan ignores it all. you have him wrapped around your finger.
you’re his doll, his everything.
logan can’t wrap his mind around the fact that a sweet little thing like you loves a flawed man like him. he’s rough around the edges, a man who’s lost his way, but you seem to look past that.
your innocence clashes with his abrasive, standoffish demeanor. he hurts the people he loves, and manages to push them away before they get too close.
but you’re stubborn, it’s almost childish. you love him at his worst, and always will. nothing can deter you from being with logan, even if it’s himself.
“i’m too old for you, doll,” he coos, pressing a chaste kiss to the back of your hand, intertwined with his own, his skin rugged from all the fights of the past. “i don’t deserve you.”
you pout, tightening your grip around him. “don’t push me away, logan”, you murmur, pressing your face against his chest, burrowing yourself as close to him as possible.
“you don’t know what you’re sayin’,” he quips, his words sounding bitter, but his body showing otherwise. logan’s free hand moves to the back of your head, rubbing slow, soft circles that soothes you.
“i know what i want,” you whine into his chest, cheeks turning red from a combination of frustration and neediness.
“i want you, logan. i want to be with you,” you add hastily. and the heat of the moment finally gets to you, and you feel tears forming.
you stain his white button down with splotches of a faint gray; tears flowing endlessly as you continue to sob.
you’re lost in your own mind, uttering complete nonsense. don’t do this, i know what i want. i know you want this too, don’t deny it. don’t deny me.
logan’s heart completely shatters at your words. he’s silent for a brief moment, unsure how to respond.
you’re absolutely right—he wants to continue this relationship, it’s the only thing he’s got going for himself. he doesn’t want to let you go. if he did, he’d be letting a part of himself go.
he pulls you into a tight embrace, his muscular arms caging you in. logan presses a kiss against your temple, one hand pushing you further into his chest, and the other finding purchase at your hips, giving you a comforting squeeze.
“if whatever we have is wrong,” you barely manage to whimper out between your sobs, “then i don’t wanna be right.”
logan lets out a small chuckle, and you can feel his chest vibrating against you. the moment is bittersweet, but you can feel him ease up.
his mind’s now set on one thing, and he knows for certain— it’s you. and he’ll do absolutely anything for you.
“don’t worry, princess,” he lulls, leaning back so he’s able to wipe the tears away from your face.
“i’ve got you.”
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