#or don’t it’s your life
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Stuck in a constant loop of ‘wants to be more open about being a system and maybe make system friends’ and ‘no one needs to know anything about us and if we start talking about ourselves we will shake like a dog who’s existence is an affront to god’
#and by be more open I mean to a few people (at least when it comes to people we know irl)#because most people don’t need to know that shit and never will#also that last part may seem a bit specific but I���ll have you know it is accurate#we do just start shaking#also how the fuck do you tag posts like this#I’m new to the system side of tumblr#I’ve got no clue what I’m doing#so I’m just gonna put some tags here and hopefully I did it right#(trying to get a good grade in tumblr something that is normal to want and possible to achieve)#if anyone sees this feel free to ignore all that#or don’t it’s your life#system#pdid#pdid system#did osdd#actually dissociative#did#osdd
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5 years ago, I was in Rehab.
10 years ago, I was watching my Potential and Opportunities dissolve and evaporate in an ocean of cheap gin and expensive whiskey.
But 5 years ago, I was in Rehab.
One of the exercises they had us perform was to imagine ourselves happy, 5 years in the future.
Many of us in that room had forgotten how to imagine nice things happening to them. A few snorted (well, I snorted), finding the notion that we’d even still be around in 5 years grimly humorous.
For about half of us, it was the last stop on the way down.
But I indulged the therapist. I was there, after all, because I did not want to die. So, I imagined myself, 5 years hence.
Happy.
It came to me all at once; an artistic remix on Norman Rockwell’s Freedom From Want, reframed with myself placing food at the table.
Sunday Dinner At My Place, I answered, when it came my turn to share my fantasy. I was asked what food I imagined eating.
It’s not the meal itself, I said, it’s the implications framed around it. Sunday Dinner At My Place means that I have a Place. It means that I have Family that will actually speak to me and friends who actually want to see me. It means money enough not just to feed myself but others too. It means having the time to spare to take the time preparing the meal.
A lot of nodding heads all around me. A struck chord. Many people with no Place, in that place. Nowhere that would lament their leaving.
5 years hence, as I lay down to sleep in my Home, with my Wife and my Son, surrounded by my Art and my Flowers, I reflect.
It was a long road. It was hard. We lost people. So many people. There were long days and long nights and hospital stays. Angry arguments with ghosts. I changed, in ways I never hoped for, or expected. Good ways, finally, for once. Slowly, against the backdrop of a world in chaos, I found my mind.
Sometimes, My Wife wondered aloud, what she did to deserve me. After some stumbling with my feelings, I eventually settled on an answer.
I’m a Rescue.
She gave me a Home.
And, so, I gave her a Family.
It seemed fair
This Sunday, my folks, which whom I have not had a shouting match in years, will come over for dinner. We will cook and eat together. My Friend became My Wife, and she took a piece of me and with it she made Our Son. There will be many hugs, and no violence. Good Things Happened.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t know what the future holds.
don’t give up yet, ok?
It could get good, even.
#troglodyte thoughts#tales from Real Life#cw addiction#cw alcohol#sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train#run#fight#hide#SURVIVE#do not go into the light#there are unpet dogs#and unhugged children#and unseen sunsets#and maybe even love#even for a wretch like me#the best part of your life might be old age#you don’t know
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why is religious Christmas imagery all so joyful and pleasant? where is the inherent horror of the birth of Christ? A mother is handed her newborn child, wailing and innocent. Her hands come away sticky. Red. Simply by giving her son life she has already killed him. He is doomed from the beginning. Her love will not save him from suffering. Because the thing cradled in her arms is not a baby, it is a sacrifice: born amongst the other bleating animals whose blood will one day be spilled in the name of what demands it. the night is silent with anticipation. Mary, did you know? That your womb was also a grave?
#instant conversation enders for my multiple youth pastor cousins#don’t say it (I’m gonna say it)#The Child is The Price#but i mean come on#as someone who isn't actually even christian the real-life historical version of this is still cursed as fuck#i mean we know that jesus was a person who existed. whatever circumstances he was born in#its terrifyingly ominous to imagine being so unaware of the affect your child will have on the future of humanity#time itself will one day be counted around your birth of him#and all because he will suffer an excruciatingly painful death that you will not be able to prevent#not only that. but regardless of his or your intentions#regardless of whether there is a god#for millenea unfathomable millions will have blood spilled and will spill blood in his name#atrocities will be committed that you cannot even conceive of#and all on his and your behalf#you love your child. its beautiful. but there's horror in what you've done. because everyone else will love him too#and what's more dangerous than that?
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I think they left the stove on
#don’t you hate it when you go shopping and come back to your house in flames#ethoslab#smallishbeans#boat boys#smalletho#trafficblr#life series#double life#my art#kyu art
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people when trauma victims act traumatized especially in a way that is unpalatable to them because it involves lashing out and unpredictable moods and having boundary issues rather than just being demure, sad, and consumable
#the surprise at unpredictability is always so fucking baffling to me. this is someone who’s been under extreme stress/duress#for ages. Do you think you can just bounce back. regulate everything immediately. when you’ve been in Survival Mode your whole#fucking life. LOL#you don’t just fucking Know how to be a human being. magically. because you’re out of the situation now. like.
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Oh, oh.
Yes.
My favourite “Merlin?” Very underrated moment, in my opinion.
#arthur had no reason to call HIS MANSERVANT LIKE THAT#WHAT WAS THE REASON?!!#the sweet ‘r’ rolling between his tongue and teeth LIKE PLEASE#arthur had just said to him there were no limits to his intelligence and then he sweetly calls him like that?#yes it was to apologise#NO I DON’T MAKE THE RULES MY MAN ARTHUR HERE IS SMITTEN#TOTALLY AND IRREVERSIBLY#and merlin doesn’t react AT ALL to THAT arthur’s tone of voice#so yeah#your honour the jury the president and annis’ kingdom#it’s not the first time arthur calls merlin like that#oh i’m so weak ARRRGGGGHHH I NEED TO SHAKE THEM#TO CRADLE THEM IN MY ARMS AND TELL THEM TO JUST SNOG AND SHAG THE LIFE OUT OF EACH OTHER’S#OH THIS IS SICK#*cough*#okay i’m fine#NO I’M NOT#merthur#merlin bbc#merlin#arthur pendragon#bbc merlin
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Aventurine just got comfortable and the doctor decides to throw a bomb at him??? This is rude and unacceptable. He loves it he's just... Confused.
Merventurine from @havanillas’ AU I can’t get them out of my head aughxzfdzfxh-
#aventurine hsr#rinrin#aventurine#merventurine au#honkai star rail#I don’t even know how fishes see colors#but I hope they do see the ful spectrum and more#cause they should be able to appreciate their beauty#toast if you see this#your art is amazing#thanks for sharing it with us gzjshs#gengdraws#staysafe and have a nice life 💛🌻
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Prompt:
It’s not that Jason forgot, per se.
But between smuggling a toddler out of the League of Assassins, trekking halfway across the world, and finding a suitable hiding place that’s also child friendly… well, it kind of slipped his mind that he’s supposed to be… dead.
Something that comes back to bite him in the ass when he takes Dami out for some ice cream and just so happens to run into non other than Brucie-fucking-Wayne
#look I’ve found a new fave trope and it’s Brucie Wayne having to keep up his act while internally LOSING HIS SHIT#Jason isn’t very into the whole revenge thing here#his mind is 85 parts ‘keep Dami safe’ 5 parts ‘kill joker asap’ and 10 parts ‘avoid bats at any cost’#Jason doesn’t know who Damian’s father is#dealer’s choice if Jason establishes himself as Dami’s dad or older brother#his build certainly makes him look old enough#if you don’t look at his baby face lol#Jason runs into Brucie and goes straight into survival mode#Damian who is very observant for a toddler immediately clocks Brucie as THREAT based on Jason’s reaction#Brucie blue screens and desperately tries not to lose Jason in the crowd#jason is absolutely trying to lose Brucie in the crowd#while clutching Damian like his life depends on it#for all he knows it does#the visceral terror that your pseudo dad will take away your little brother/baby#Bruce who just wants to know if he’s hallucinating again: W A I T#jason who is terrified of being put in Arkham for killing people: no FUCKING WAY#hm maybe Jason plays the ‘I’m not Jason’ game again#it’s not gonna hold for long#but Bruce absolutely thinks that Damian is Jason’s bio child for a while and he’s on the WARPATH#Jason was sixteen when he died and never showed any interest in dating so literally every red flag is waving in brucie’s mind simultaneousl#or maybe Jason manages to get away and all Brucie is left with is the memory of his supposedly dead son#running away from him#and clutching a tiny kid#prompts#jason todd#batfamily#Damian wayne#batdad#brucie wayne
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something something moths and sunflowers, and how they follow light something something
#mcyt fanart#trafficblr#secret life smp#gtwscar#gtws fanart#picking up your gtws and taking him away for he’s so silly i just must hope you don’t mindddd#goodtimeswithscar#sl scar#they watch him closely like one watches an encaged bug#they put the spotlight on him and he thrives for light is what he has always chased#moth symbolism#buggsxp art tag
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i feel like social media has warped people’s perception of conflict in relationships by making you think that any minor fuck up is the end of the world and everyone is secretly a narcissist manipulator with sinister motives, because actually in real life you just say “i’m sorry, that was a bad thing, i shouldn’t have done that” and the other person says “thank you for apologising” and then that’s the end of it
#ramble#i hate that it took until my 20s to realise that i can’t go through my life just trying not to hurt people. because it will happen#it just does happen sometimes#and you have to drop out of the tiktok school of ‘i’m incapable of doing anything wrong ever and everyone else is the problem’#and get comfortable with making mistakes and learning from them#you’re fine. it’s fine#disclaimer obviously this doesn’t mean you don’t have to try to be kind or considerate anymore as long as you apologise. use your brain
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Steve Has Older Siblings AU: Robin Edition
In an ideal world, Steve’s family life is completely separate from everything important. But in an ideal world, monsters don’t exist so, you know.
1. Technically the first of Steve’s siblings that Robin meets is Jason because he came into Scoops Ahoy to be an asshole. Robin liked to see King Steve knocked down a peg or two more than the next person but not by a forty year old (he’s 32) loser who has nothing better to do on a Tuesday afternoon. Robin sees him knock Steve’s hat off his head and then informs him that they had a zero tolerance harassment policy (they don’t) and they can and are denying him service. “So leave, now.”
2. The first time she is aware that she’s meeting one of Steve’s siblings is after Starcourt burns down. They were drugged, tired, and Russians took Steve’s car keys so it felt like a good idea to just lay back on the hood of the Beemer and watch the smoke swirl in the air until they come up with what to do.
They never think of anything, and she is startled awake the next morning hungover and dehydrated by someone laying on their horn. Robin looks at the car and then at Steve, and then asks, “Is that your dad?”
Steve - looking somehow worse than yesterday - just blinks in the direction of the car like, “Richie?”
“Get in the car,” Richie practically seethes, barely lets them get in before he starts asking questions like, what the fuck and are you high, right now?”
“I don’t dooo drugs, Dad,” Steve spat out annoyed and Robin, in the backseat, felt compelled to adds, “Drugs do me.”
They both start giggling and can’t stop even when Richie tries to lecture them.
3. Robin meets Jason again when he attacks her.
She doesn’t remember much about the car ride back to Loch Nora or how Steve convinced Richie not to take them to the hospital, but she remembers flopping face first onto Steve’s cloud of a bed. She remembers him taking her shoes off for her and pulling the covers up.
Then she is rudely woken up by a hand yanking her out of bed and big arms wrapping around her head. They’re barely there before Steve is shoving them off her like, “Fuck off, Jason.”
“Carver?” She asks but, no. It’s the dick from the mall. She is ignored while Jason prattles on about how it’s not his fault that Steve looks so much like a girl that he confused him with one. Then he’s whistling about how Steve has a girl in his bed and how surprising that is to them considering they all thought he was a queer.
Robin stiffens beside him. New queer ally, Steve Harrington, not wanting her to be uncomfortable, blurts out, “What if I am?”
And the room goes quiet. Steve’s quiet. Jason’s frozen. Richie, coming in through the door, wasn’t moving. This family doesn’t really paint a picture of unconditional love and acceptance so Robin throws her entire (unsuccessful) theater career into use and slugs Steve in the arm with a snort like, “Yeah, right. With all the girls you flirt with? Ha!”
And everything comes back to life. The hospital conversation comes up and morphs into an argument immediately. Robin is just happy to fade into the background and observe.
4. Robin probably should’ve met Claire that day too but the hospital was an apparent disaster. She actually meets Claire randomly at Family Video.
She sees a woman who’s kinda cute come in and peruse the shelves. She comes to the counter where Robin is on register and Steve is stocking candy right next to her.
She’s carrying The Muppet Movie and makes small talk about watching it with her kids, and never looks twice in Steve’s directly. She’s not in the system and just laughs, “It’s probably under my maiden name, Harrington.”
Robin gives her a tight smile and finishes the transaction. Claire leaves with barely a ‘bye’ to her brother and Robin decides right there that she hates them all.
#Robin makes Steve sit down and actually tell her what is up with his family. he begrudgingly does#robin: wow. screw them. I’m your family now. no arguments#Steve feeling like he could cry: okay#Richie woke up to news that the mall burnt down and then couldn’t get ahold of Steve#he called Jason and they set out on a search and then painfully ran into the fact that they don’t know anything about Steve’s life#because Tommy and Carol told them that they weren’t friends with Steve and then#ted wheeler said that he didn’t think that Steve was dating kid daughter anymore#and also he no idea where his kids were#steve harrington#robin buckley#Steve has older siblings Au
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Happy Birthday, old man!!!
#don’t tell me that this man in his 60s wouldn’t be the fuck of your whole life#sirius black#my art#gilf sirius black#hi daddy#sorry i couldn’t be bothered to clean up the lineart lol#i had to get this out quick
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Instead of writing a fanfic like a normal person this oneshot turned into two separate, contextless things,
#sorry it’s how my brain works (sometimes can only see things in terms of tv scene-)#tumblr exclusive video fancy…#dcmk#my art#(quietly coughing and spluttering) OK alright I can feel the creative brain explosion slowing down. geez#coughs.#nyways. weird that there hasn’t really been a main case where poison is involved in a certain way#If I watch my own scribbled boards for too long im gonna get too embarrassed to post. Send post#Subarus hair is still infuriating by the way like take that off your normal hair is easier. The beanie is easier#you like Have to have the side corners on this haircut or it doesn’t look right#anyways. shiho ptsd moments I think she kind of gets irritated that shinichi doesn’t react the same so when he does she gets like#weirded out and vindicated and a little protective. Like woah wait. Love that you understand me rn don’t like that you feel bad I am going…#to…………. ssssssssssit here about it…………………………….. uhhhh. do you want. a rubix cube to get your mind off it#I don’t want to talk about my feelings I just want you to get it. you don’t wanna talk about your feelings either which is……………. Hmmmmmm#I like her. love of my life miyano shiho#masumi sera#conan edogawa#ai haibara#akai shuichi#let conan swear. HE SWEARS A LOT BUT LET HIM SWEAR IN ENGLISH I KNOW HE KNOWS THEM#man needs his emotional support akai family they like him#rigorous trials to being approved by the akai matriarch but everyone else likes him already and have already picked him up multiple times#and shuichi would let him swear
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happy birthday to one of the greatest fics of all time <3 ( @bisexuallsokka , thank you for writing this masterpiece.)
#atla#zukka#zuko x sokka#zukka fanart#atla fanart#tangled au#now that i see you#now that i see you fanart#fic fanart#so. this fic…#I know I’ve talked about it like. two or three times in the past#but I’m so serious about it#genuinely it is one of the greatest fics I’ve ever read not even exclusive to this fandom#it’s so well written and thought out and carefully crafted#(much like the rest of Jo’s work but I don’t want these tags to be overly long)#so if you are a tangled fan and anyone with a brain#please give this fic a read#literally? it will change your life#anyway happy birthday to this masterclass beautiful extraordinary masterpiece
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So uh. How about that time skip huh. (Corvus composing and performing the best track in the show was so hot of him btw if you care)
#sorvus#I need Corvus backstory now you can’t just play cello on screen like that and not tell me your life story#dragon prince#the dragon prince#does he KNOW he played the best track in the show over one of the most incredible moments of the show??. I don’t think he knows#Soren writes poetry about him btw#and takes him to see that fucking hollow tree he talked about in Changing Of The Guard#go read it if u haven’t I’m literally insane#Yknow that feeling when it means a lot. to ezran.#to the king. mhm.#soren tdp#Corvus tdp#the dragon prince soren#the dragon prince Corvus
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🌴⌛️🐚🌊
#the willpower it took not to write ‘they will shrimply krill you’#god they really do have hunger games careers vibes don’t they#limited life#mean gills#my art#inthelittlewood#smajor1995#scott smajor#what is the tag for him istg#you give ONE dude some sharp lookin teeth and suddenly your boyfriend’s like ‘both of them clearly eat people’ sure man#also listen. i told you guys i wasn’t going to make them actually kiss you can’t be mad#anyway everyone pls appreciate the hourglass fishing lure thanks
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