#stupid batman

[ducky-the-mucky]

I feel like the software department in the Watchtower is small, supper small. Like, so small that anyone who doesn't interact with them thinks the hiring process is extremely rigorous, and you have to be extremely professional and above Player-level skills to even think about getting in, let alone work with the Entire Justice League's software. And no one ever sees them, so one one ever asks about them.

But that's not it. At all.

You see, they get new employees every couple of months, all who barely ever last more than a week.

Why, you ask? Because Batman and the other heroes (but mostly Batman and his stupid batclan) don't communicate with the department when adding to and updating the software. Despite the fact there is a department to do and help with that.

So yeah, only a special kind of person can deal with having to make uncommenting code (with no clear purpose!!!) mesh with other code, having to go through and find unfinished code to either finish or get rid of (stupid batman coding off of 1 hour of sleep from the past two days), and still having to do collabs and stuff with the other departments.

All while waiting on HR to do something about it because they've all already given multiple complaints about it and HR is just sitting there, unsure what to do because not only is it their employers that are the problem but ITS SPECIFICALLY BATMAN.

The Software Department is the middle child of the Watchtower.

[sunriseovergotham]

characters have to be a little bit awful in ways that you cant defend. its good for the ecosystem. your honor he did do that. He did in fact do that

[everwalldigan]

Bruce: who are you? A new crime lord?

Jason: *takes off his helmet*

Bruce: *squints suspiciously* a new crime lord who looks like a grown up version of my dead son?

Jason: *sighs in annoyance and forces a bright smile*

Bruce: JASON THE NEW CRIME LORD???

[daydreamerwonderkid]

RIP to Bruce. Can't get a single night to himself smh

[violent138]

Dick spent so much time climbing, hanging off things, or solving problems upside down that it became a joke with the Titans that Robins think better like that. Fast forward a couple of years and Jason threatens to shoot the next person who flips him upside down when he's scheming (Artemis gets Bizarro to do it). Tim nearly kicks Kon in the face for flipping him over. Kara does it when Stephanie's being annoying, but mercifully by the time Damian's there, no one does it to him. Still, occasionally one of the Bats will be upside down because they got caught like that or fell through a vent and have a Eureka moment and everyone will feel vindicated and it starts up all over again.

[ochibrochi]

the first and last time he'll let his brothers pick him up from school (wishful thinking 🙄!)

[onnahu]

I want a batfam fic where Jason dissapears, so Steph and Cass break into his place to investigate, and all they find is a note like that:

I got married and am now on a space honeymoon, where we get married at every single planet we can.

Xoxo

Jay

Ps.

Whoever found it - Get everybody's (especially B's) reactions on camera and give to me as the best wed gift in the world, and you'll be my favourite forever.

If you're B - Fuck you, you always ruin my fun, and you're not allowed at my place, so if it's you I hate you. Fuck you, B.

Is it a joke? Did he really eloped? And with who? Because he sure as hell didn't tell anyone. Like, WAS HE EVEN DATING?

Anyway, Steph and Cass have a blast out of it.

[ikiprian]

Mr. Fenton is a competent teacher. Almost too competent.

If Mr. Daniel Fenton had any more than a BS (with a minor in education), Tim would’ve flagged his profile as a potential Rogue. That’s the way of most charismatic academics, at least in Gotham. (Got a PhD? Instant watchlist.) Instead, he’s Gotham Academy’s newest celebrity, as a young, passionate, out-of-towner substitute while the chemistry teacher’s on maternity leave.

Tim gets the hype. Fenton seems to genuinely love teaching, and is invested in the welfare of the student body. He hands out bananas during exam week, hosts a “study habits seminar” each month to coach effective learning strategies, and the third time Tim falls asleep in his class, he even pulls Tim aside to ask if he’s doing okay. With all the late work he accepts and the protein bars he sneaks Tim, he’s every teen vigilante’s dream teacher. He could’ve been Tim’s favorite.

In fact, Mr. Fenton was Tim’s favorite. Up until Tim walks into Mr. Fenton’s chemistry classroom for a forgotten textbook, an hour after the final bell.

On the board where tallied scores for today’s review game had been kept, “THE CHEMISTRY BEHIND DR. CRANE’S FEAR GAS: ANXIOGENICS, NERI’S, & YOU,” is now scrawled. A detailed diagram of the human endocrine system projects in front of a small crowd of adoring and attentive students.

Fenton is wrist-deep in the skull cavity of an anatomical model. A short tug, and out pops the brain.

It’s plastic. It’s fake.

Tim identifies the nearest emergency exit.

Fenton turns to the door, and in the dark classroom with the projector illuminating half his face, his eyes almost seem to flash red. “What’s up, Tim?” he asks. His friendly grin is too big for his face. “I didn’t know you wanted to join the Just Science League!”

[OR: Danny’s a science teacher at Tim’s school. Gotham’s a pretty wild place, even for someone who grew up a superhero in a ghost-infested town, so he takes it upon himself to start a club teaching kids how to manage themselves in the event of a crisis. These Gothamites are pretty hardy, but a little extra training never hurt anybody! And he suspects one of his students might be a teen vigilante, like he’d been, back in the day. As a senior super, it's Danny’s duty look out for him! Surely, this is the subtlest and most appropriate way to give the kid pointers.]

[Tim immediately assumes supervillain.]

[haveihitanerve]

Everyone knows Batman using Brucie Wayne’s voice while in the cowl, I give you Brucie Wayne using the Batman voice. 

Brucie Wayne, wearing a half open very elaborate expensive tailored suit suddenly going ‘Step away from the fountain’ in the deepest voice anyone has ever heard in the entire world and his kids immediately drop what they’re doing and jump away so fast it’s almost comical and the girl and guy in Brucie’s lap just look at him in bafflement and the entire Gala falls quiet. Then Brucie goes ‘ohhh emmmmm ggggggg! Why’d everyone stopped tawwlking!!!” And they continue on like nothing happened but it goes down in history.

[mossycobblestonewrites]

DC X DP PROMPT #8

Danny is a Justice League member as Phantom. They know about ghosts and stuff, as Danny has taught them things.

Danny, Dani, and Dan are all relatively grown. In their human forms (Dan inhabits a clone body) they all look VERY similar. The Ghost forms of the D's don't exactly look the same, per se, but they do look very similar and it's not because they are all technically clones (though that helps)

There are more than a few days where Danny doesn't want to do JL stuff, and he figures, the JL know about his operations outside the JL, they should know about his siblings, right? Right? Wrong.

Dan, Danny, and Dani constantly swap out for JL activities and no one has noticed. They all think either A. Danny is gender fluid, B. Danny has mood swing and or multiple personalities, or C. Nothing is wrong, what are you guys talking about everyone has their off days!

The Dannies find out and OBVIOUSLY have to make a game out of it because I mean - how does the JUSTICE LEAGUE of all people not notice the difference between THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE

[bat-nest-doodles]

A Night off for Jason Todd and Tim Drake- courtesy of Roy and Conner taking over their patrol

The first of hopefully lots of dc art (and art in general) that I will be posting!!! 🦇

[deadsetobsessions]

“Did this place pick up a ghost when I was dead or something?”

Tim whipped his head towards Jason, who looked mildly perturbed.

“You too?!” Tim demanded.

“What?”

“The ghost! I kept thinking it was a hallucination, you know? But even when I laid off of the caffeine, there’d be a fucking shadow at the edge of my vision! At night! You saw it too, right?” Tim rambled, increasingly agitated. “It even moves the fucking coffee mugs! I know where I left my favorite mug, and it sure as hell wasn’t in the sink!”

Jason blinked at him, face morphing into concern.

“Replacement, when was the last time you got some sleep?”

Tim inhaled. “Jason, I swear to god I will replace all of the shampoo in your twenty six safe houses with glitter glue if you don’t tell me whether you saw it or not.”

Jason nodded immediately. In his defense, Tim grew up to be a scary motherfucker. Diabolical little shit would have been a fucking terrifying villain.

“I knew it.”

——

Danny hummed. Tim was going to freak when he found his cowl three inches to the left.

He merrily avoided all of the set up cameras by simply going invisible and intangible, save for his arms that he uses to sweep the cowl to the side.

He could hear the static on the cameras. Danny grinned. Operation Gaslight, Ghostkeep, Girlboss is on.

——

“Tim-” Dick started, only to be cut short by Tim whirling around and jabbing a painful finger into his chest.

“You owe me this, for that Arkham comment when B went missing.”

Dick raised his hands in surrender, guilt flaring.

“Drake, what kind of pointless scheme are you getting us in, now?”

“Not now, demon brat.” Jason elbows the kid. “Just go along with it.”

“Look.”

“Well. I guess we were right, yeah, Tim?” Duke muttered, eyeing the moved cowl. “My ghost-sight isn’t seeing anything. Not even wind movement.”

“What’s going on, boys?”

“B, there’s a ghost in the manor.”

“He’s freaking out because it moved his coffee mug like three times.” Steph chimed in.

——

“Danny?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you seen anything weird, lately?”

Danny tilted his head. “No…?”

“Not even in the house?” Jason asked.

“Shadows? Anything?” Dick asked, eye bags prominent on the normally exuberant man. Danny snickered inwardly. They’ve been up for three days trying to “catch” the ghost.

“Uh. I mean the floorboards creak sometimes? But in terms of shadows… I think I saw them outside? Kind of looked like Batman, actually. But my eyesight gets bad at night. Why?”

Danny could see in the dark just fine.

“Nothing! Let me know if you see anything, okay?”

“Uh. Sure? Maybe you guys should… get some sleep?”

“Uh-huh.”

The bats file out of his room.

——

Danny locked glowing green eyes with Tim and Dick. He did some quick thinking and contorted his ectoplasm into something more grotesque.

“Kkkhggggghkkkkeeee!!!” He screeched.

“AHHHHHHHHHH!” The two of them screamed, both bolting and throwing things at him. It was impressive how fast they backpedaled.

“That was close,” Danny muttered. He quickly scribbled on Damian’s whiteboard with conspiracy theories and dipped before the rest of the bats came thundering.

He fell into a light sleep just as Stephanie checked up on him, work done.

[violent138]

Dick: "Oh hang on, before we go out I just need to check something."

Jason, annoyed, leaning over his shoulder: "Are you hacking Blüdhaven PD? You know you can just go to work tomorrow and log in right?"

Dick: "Shut up for a second. I need to focus."

Jason: "Are you-- are you destroying evidence related to Nightwing??"

Dick, ignoring him resolutely as he finishes up.

Jason, cackling: "Oh my God, wait 'till Batman finds out you're a corrupt cop."

[ochibrochi]

guilty conscience 😬 (i watched legion of superheroes movie)

[not-another-robin]

Alfred and Leslie pretend to be bitterly, scandalously divorced at parties for no apparent reason. They have never been married or attracted to each other in any fashion. They try to see who can get the most people on their side by the end of the party. At the end they shake and say 'good game'.

[boozereblog]

One of my favorite Damijon headcanons is that, because they've been friends for so long, they've normalized dark humor between them to the point where Jon doesn't even consider it inappropriate, because "It's Damian he's obviously joking" and he's usually right. But then Damian says something super insulting and the only sound in the room full of people (possibly the titans) is Jon trying not to lose his shit and failing.