#struggling in the spectrum

[chronicallynat]

24.08.2024

So I don't really know how to classify today.

I did exercise (pilates is crazy), but I got out of bed at 2 pm. I ate a healthy lunch but I went out with friends and had fast food for dinner. In my defense it was the only option I had but it still doesn't feel good. I did my makeup but didn't do my skincare in the morning (because I was asleep, embarrassing). I did cry a bit because my wounds are finally healing, and I was told I don't need to go to the hospital until the 6th. I decided today was a special day. I even messaged people back and wrote on the group chat.

INCOMING RAMBLE ABOUT SOCIAL SITUATIONS

There was a moment where they started playing card games. I am fully aware that I sound like an asshole when I say that I hate most card games, it's not my choice, I just get so bored it makes me lowkey angry. I like some card games though. However, they weren't playing those, and I was having this whole existential moment where I was questioning whether or not I'm a terrible, selfish person for opting not to play.

If that wasn't enough, someone told me that I was going to the bathroom to avoid playing and I immediately said "I don't need excuses to not play, I already said I do not want to. And peeing has nothing to do with cards" and it is only now that I'm realizing how BAD it sounded. I didn't mean anything by it, I was just being honest. I promise that I'm not one of those people that say that they're honest as an excuse to be a literal villain, I just truly didn't think about it until now.

Why do I always realize I sound like an asshole hours after I do stuff like this? (I know why) (Also, in my opinion I wasn't, but that doesn't really matter)

ANYWAYS

Trying as usual.

I'm working on a recipes pdf that hopefully will help me a lot, since planning meals is the most difficult part of cooking for me.

I'm also thinking on what to do to impress my tutor in the internship, and I can't think of anything and that's depressing. So there's that I guess.

[caffeinewitchcraft]

I don't think it's talked about enough how truly buck wild our level/speed of communication is. We didn't have this 100 years ago! And even then it's only been in the last 20-30 we really embraced technology and our global stage.

Our communities are still experiencing huge upheavals around this and we don't acknowledge it because of all the benefits being wired in brings. You can find jobs and resources and entertainment, sure, but you also have to have accounts here, here and here to access healthcare or a rent portal or TV.

On one end we have an elderly class that is overwhelmed. They learned complex systems already! Taxes, licensing, registration. They know where the offices are - right down the street. Why the change? "Because this site simplifies it." Does it? Does it really? Is it really more simple when someone has to have reliable access to a computer, the wherewithal to make/check an email, and the ability to navigate ten different sites to access the one they want? Why can't they go meet their doctor in person when that's the way it's been since they were children? Why did they learn to make eye contact and shake hands if not for this?

On the other, we have a younger generation that has been tasked with absorbing a huge amount of information since day one. Their brains have to work differently because the tools given to them are different than the ones older generations received. Of course they can find a primary care physician. The site operates like the one they were forced to learn in high school to turn in assignments! And why should they know how to do taxes or balance a checkbook? They were tasked with learning how to navigate the internet - they know where the information is. In a sea of "right now" demands and "this shouldn't take long because you can Google it" assignments, they have to be selective in what takes their attention.

We are currently between a time of "trust the process" and "immediately." So many people feel unheard or ignored because of this. The elderly feel isolated, helpless, and stonewalled. The youth feel anxious, mocked, and bullied.

The world changed and it happened invisibly.

[seweage-monster]

All of you complain about overstimulation and sensory overload

We need to talk about under stimulation. I’m not saying I want to be overloaded with information. No I mean when I get panic attacks because there is not enough self stimulation in a situation. I have to walk out of meetings to pace around and think to calm myself down because my fight or flight response has activated from being not being able to stim.

I get so anxious when I cannot listen to music or have something playing in the background because I need stimulation that I choose to have and which I have control over

It physically hurts my brain.

[beenovel]

Pro tip for people looking for meds or diagnosis. DO NOT MASK in front of a psychiatrist. I went in for an evaluation with a new psychiatrist this week with the goal of getting meds and I was just fully myself during the interview like bouncing my knees, only looking at him occasionally, breaking off mid-sentence to ask about the room decor (“were you in the Air Force? That’s a really cool chess set. Is that a Star Wars tie????”). And he did not even hesitate when I told him I was there to get adderall or another med he was just like “yup makes sense, let’s talk about your options”.

In the past I’ve always really struggled (and still do!) with masking around other people especially if they’re new, and this has sometimes made it difficult to get meds because I mask so well that sometimes professionals haven’t believed me when I said I was struggling because I looked fine.

Edit: I’ve seen a lot of people saying “it’s so hard to unmask though!” and yeah, it is. For me it was physically painful and nearly impossible. So I faked it. I bounced my leg, I wouldn’t look the provider in the face, I interrupted myself, I rubbed my palms on my legs and none of it was natural. I faked it all. And I did that over and over and over until it was real. Until I was comfortable enough with being odd to actually unmask

[immabebaby]

How come whenever ppl make arguments about Ace ppl being valid, they're always centered around fucking. It's all "they fuck too y'know" and "they don't have to fuck to be valid" and all that shit. But it's never about kissing.

I'm ace, I've known that, I've known that I don't want an explicit relationship, and that it's ok bc that's what ppl validate in ace peeps, but never about kissing

I always thought "well I might not put out but kissing is fine" and then it almost happens. And then I get asked for a "proper kiss" and I don't

I don't want that, the kiss feels wrong, I feel wrong

People always talk about not have sexual urges as feeling broken, but what about not even "being able to handle a kiss"? Huh? What about that?

What about always thinking kissing's fine and then you realize it's just as off the table as sex, and it feels wrong.

And I know it's not wrong, that I'm not broken for that, but it doesn't feel that way when ur world view is so drastically shifted, when ur feelings of wrongness aren't nearly as addressed as the general idea of what feelings should be wrong

Because people assume kissing is still fine. Oh you don't go all the way? That's fine as long as we can still make out. Oh we can't kiss? Are you sure? You know that's not the same thing?

I just want to feel validated and understood. Is that too much to ask?

[scarlct-vvitch]

i know i attract more ace followers than anything else lmao so y'all better show up for this one

[pompomtheprincess05]

Types of responses you get when you say that you're autistic

Hmmmm, no I don't think so.

You don't look autistic.

But you seem normal!

But you make eye contact!

But you're so smart!

But you can talk!

Are you sure you're autistic and not just a *insert personality type*?

Let me guess, self diagnosed.

So you were vaccinated?

So your mother was an alcaholic?

Aww you poor thing!

Aww I hope you get cured!

Aww that must be so hard for you!

Wow, I feel bad for your parents, must be hard raising an autistic.

Yeah I knew you were pretty weird

Umm, my cousin is autistic and you're nothing like him!

[neptune-scythe]

I bring a certain repulsed aroace vibe to the fandom that most people don't appreciate

[solryo]

Is the aftg fandom ready to aknowledge that andrew is demiromantic or is it still too early

[thediamondarcher]

"love is love", "you just haven't found the right person yet", "you're too young to be sure", "i could never be aroace", "love is human", "aroace people aren't actually queer", " *aroace representation* omg look at this ACE rep", "how do you even live without romance/sex", "y'all are just inhumane", "what if you fall in love", "the a on lgbtia is for allies", *ships aroace character with another character*

yeah no obviously, aphobia isn't normalized at all /s

this post is not directed to other queer people. the "love is love" slogan is used by many companies and that slogan doesn't include aro and trans people which are part of the community. I'm fucking tired of all of these aphobes who already called me a homophobe, telling me I'm not queer or creep around on my posts. STOP.

[doctor-mccoys-sanity]

autism and strong emotion just be like… SHAKE! SHAKE SO HARD! BUT FEEL TRAPPED BY THE PRISON OF YOUR BONES *screams*

[pilkofi]

a kith

[bullywugprincess]

As an autistic person, I think some autistic people (and neurotypicals attempting to be good allies) are sometimes doing more harm than good with how insistent we are that autistic people are as capable of achievements as anyone else.

I’m feeling quite tired right now and writing this first go without thinking too much about how I’m wording it, so please bear with me while I explain how I mean that. Basically I just saw a post of a father saying his son is autistic and has struggled to get a job because of it, but he was a really polite, sweet young man, and because of his personality one employer overlooked his struggles and gave him his first job. The post was him showing pride in his sons hood personality and spirit, and half the comments were autistic people saying it was patronising and “of course he can get a job, autistic people can do normal things and achieve things like everyone else.”

And look. I get it. We’re tired of being treated like children. We’re tired of being the subject of “inspo porn”. We’re tired of people acting like we can’t do things just because we’re autistic. But I think a lot of autistic people who are more well adapted and low-needs (again please excuse my terming, I know we don’t use low functioning/high functioning labels anymore but I don’t know what the alternative is) get offended by people acknowledging that some autistic people DO struggle, whether it’s with making friends or academically or with getting and keeping a job. Statistically speaking 3 in 10 autistic adults are in full time employment, compared to 8 in 10 non-disabled adults. And yeah that statistics probably off because of how many people go through life undiagnosed, but the point still stands. Because of learning difficulties, problems with socialisation or being unable to cope in a work environment due to sensory and other issues, many autistic people are unable to work. I don’t know the situation of the son from the post, but it is clearly something he’s struggled with, and the dad is not being patronising by acknowledging that struggle and praising him for overcoming it. By responding to a post like that by saying “of course autistic people can get jobs”, you are doing what ableists do. You are implying that people who can’t work because of their autism are actually just not trying. You are making autistic people who feel really proud of themselves for getting a job despite the difficulties they face seem stupid for it. And, if you’re not careful, you become someone’s excuse to claim autistic people don’t deserve accommodation or disability allowance/benefits because “they don’t need it, autistic people are perfectly capable of getting jobs.”

Another thing to consider: think about that person who said “you’re autistic? But you don’t behave like my 7 year old nephew? That’s not what autism is.” By saying autistic people can do something because YOU can do it is setting a rigid view of What Autism Is. Which like. We’ve all established is bad.

Again I’d like to apologise for how badly worded and ramble-y this is but autism is a disability, and it effects everyone with it differently. Let’s not diminish other people’s struggles

[circusinarun]

Welp... Just some time ago I realized that this is not what neurotypicals feel...

Bonus:

Yeah...I gotcha Don 😞

And yeah, small headcanon that Splinter was not aware of such a thing as neurodivergence, so he made a lot of bad decisions towards his sons, (despite the fact that he is the same... Come on, am I the only one who thinks so?). Therefore, for at least half of his life, Donnie (and his bros) suffered from not knowing what was happening to him and tried to be “normal”... Sad, but very realistic

Don't be afraid, Donnie gave Splinter a lecture and now he understands his fuck ups

[candlesnuff404]

We’re inbetween hyper fixations so we’re kinda bored and sad all the time

[signanothername]

When it’s foolish for others to trust you, maybe it’s even more foolish for you to trust yourself

I will literally die for them they’re the besties ever