#the struggle

[gcu-sovereign]

Lack of romantic fulfillment is incontestably the top of my 'absence of someone I've never had'. In moments of reflection on the dedication I have poured into some hobby, or compliments paid to me for some measure of patience or compassion I'd extended to someone, I'm struck by alienation from myself. Like the world has been counterfactually robbed of the effort I ought to have been pouring into someone else, whether that was thoughtful gifts to a partner on anniversaries or evenings spent keeping a dog happy and busy.

This has blended into grief for what could not have been at points, especially when I was pouring MAXIMUM EFFORT into the various dating apps and getting nothing for it.

Loss of someone who is still living has DOMINATED my dreaming hours though.

Grief for what could have been has a lot of potential answers, obviously, but at the moment there's nothing that jumps out at me as a narrowly defined counterfactual. There's not a dream job that I just missed the cut for, or a class I didn't get to take. The thing that does sometimes snap at me from the might-have-beens is with the layoffs my company did in 2020, where I stayed. If I'd been laid off, the lack of human challenge trials to volunteer for developing the COVID vaccines would have eaten me ALIVE. The anecdotes about the immediate aftermath of 9/11 come to mind, where people were lined up round the block, a charitable riot, to donate blood or help rescue efforts in any way they could. But because I kept my job, I had something to keep me working instead of dying of moral guilt.

I suppose the other, specific grief that has dogged my steps is about the lack of traction in my working life, failing to clear specific educational attainment hurdles or advance within a company to an appreciable level. Even just not feeling challenged enough by a given job even when the pay is acceptable.

Four words, barely audible indeed, but they sank to the core for me instantly.

We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.

[worm-on-my-way]

hc that danny just sees wanda and cosmo's true forms

[scarlct-vvitch]

i know i attract more ace followers than anything else lmao so y'all better show up for this one

[theegh0st]

do you take art requests? if you do would you perhaps do anything with Four? he's the best <3

he is the best.

[caemidraws]

et nos cedamus amori 

[imagine-darksiders]

Heading off to another cousin's wedding, wish me luck.

[I'll be in a church with over 150 relatives + friends at a wedding and I'm aro-ace]

[blusthings]

Feel, don't act.

Now on Webtoons and Tapas.

[rememberwren]

Hoping next year I write a ton of the filthiest smut of my life 🩶✨

[turnthefriggingfrogsgay]

When its your first time watching The Terror:

[scratchandplaster]

Pulling up to tumblr.com's search bar like it's my personal whump drive-through:

Yeah, lemme get the fucking uuuuuuuuhhhhhh...

[gomzdrawfr]

"why do you always draw chibi Ghost?" "have you tried drawing Ghost in other styles?"

because its hard and i dont fucking know how to draw Ghost!! GRRR!! HE'S SO!! HES SO BBG BUT IM SO BAD AT DRAWING HIM!! GODDAMMIT!! HE EITHER LOOKS LIKE A SHRIVELED UP PRUNE LOOKING ASS GHOST OR A FUCKING THUMB!!

if you want to have this as your profile or whatever

no need to credit me, cuz its bad enough LMAO

[queen-of-hawkins-why-ler]

When your family asks if you want to rewatch Stranger Things season 4 and you know you're about to spend all week defending gay Mike against the GAest of the GA to ever GA

[snazzydwarf]

*Starts reading Trash/Lout of the counts family* Oh wow this is a bit... long, I guess I can read something small on the side to keep me focused :)

I heard Lord of the mysteries is good so let's read tha- IT'S 1432 CHAPTERS?.... AND THERE'S ANOTHER BOOK- okay okay uhh let's find another one!

Oh! I heard Shadow Slave was good! Maybe that one is more reasonable of course it bigger then book 1 of LOTM

Fuck okay then Return of the Mount Hua Sect is.... 700 and ongoing- why can't there be any LIGHT light novels?!?!?

UH UH WHAT ABOUT S-CLASS?? okay whew only in the 200's I can manage that on the side

[conceptofjoy]

lbr how many times as a trans/gnc person have you been like ok is this something i really dont want for myself OR am i perpetuating gender roles and this is internalized transphobia and or misogyny.

[finzphoenix]

A big thanks to @toxic-toon who commissioned his OC, Damon, to be drawn in a ruin-like setting and thus helped with the fundraising! You're the best! 🖤🤍

Damon, OC (c) Toxic-toon Art (c) FinzPhoenix