#because a lot of people seem to think that you can only be aro-ace and that these two cant be separate

[capoismail]

Is the aftg fandom ready to aknowledge that andrew is demiromantic or is it still too early

[drowninginredink]

(╹ -╹)? so what would your suggestions for writing an aplatonic character be?

Hmm... Okay well, maybe this is a bad point to start off on, because it involves me making an assumption about whoever is reading this, but I'm going to start with it anyway because it's what I thought about first. I figure that if you're asking this question, there's a pretty high chance you're some flavor of aspec. I think alloplatonic aces and/or aros are the ones most likely to want to give other aspecs representation. And if that is the case and you are somewhere on the a-spectrum, the biggest thing I can say is that if you ask me, all aspec experiences are the same. Like yes, the way society treats romance, sex, friendship, family, etc are all different and so being aro, ace, apl, afam, etc are all different, but so many of the basic experiences repeat.

You hear a lot of aces and aros talk about how they either picked someone at random to say was their crush as a kid, or they just picked the person who seemed nicest. They weren't aware that other people didn't choose one by some method, they had actual feelings for them they couldn't control. Similarly, when I ended up in different classes and a different lunch than all my friends in school and quickly discovered that if I didn't want to have lunch alone, I needed to make new friends, what did I do? I found a person who had a lot in common with me (at the time, being very good at school and coming from a conservative Christian background) and went "yeah, I should probably try and be her friend." There was absolutely no emotional desire—it was just logic.

And a lot of this applies to all queer identities, honestly. How many stories do we hear about someone coming out as bi, and their mom says "oh, I just thought everyone was interested in girls and boys?" We all just assume that our experiences are normal. So just as a trans person might have assumed that everyone feel disconnected from their bodies or an aromantic might assume that crushes are exaggerated to create drama in media, an aplatonic might assume that everyone only really cares about their friends when they're there and doesn't miss them when they're gone. They probably aren't going to understand why some people are so reluctant to try new things if they don't know anyone there, because to them, whether they're surrounded by strangers or friends doesn't make much difference. Etc.

So that's one thing I'll say. You can very much take your own experience of what queerness is like and map it onto the norms about friendship.

I think one thing that is important to mention is that if we are comparing to other aspec experiences, you'll see a lot of narratives, both in fiction and real life, where aro and ace characters have never been in those kinds of relationships because they never wanted them. That's almost impossible to have as an aplatonic. Even if you were the kid who was ostracized for one reason or another, there's always that one exception. People will try to adopt people who have no friends. People will declare themselves your friend even if you just see them as "that person I carpool with to rehearsal and talk to sometimes." It is almost never socially acceptable to say "no, actually I don't want to be friends." If you're a child, you'll often get punished for it; if you're an adult, you usually have to nod along to whatever they say and pretend to care and hope that eventually they notice that you'd prefer to be left alone. Obviously aplatonics with friends and who like having friends exist (hell, I'm one) but even those who don't tend to have someone just because it is extremely hard to be completely left alone if you participate in anything at all. And even if we might not consider the people we do hobbies with or talk to sometimes friends, that doesn't always go both ways.

And of course, you do need some kind of support network in the world. If you're alloromantic, aplatonic, and monogamous, you might want your partner to be the person who meets all of your needs and is everything for you... but that might not be practical. They might not like that. And if you're not in that kind of relationship, you may end up having friends for utility. It's easier to find a sexual partner if you can go along with also being their friend. Again, you might want someone to talk to about a hobby or shared interest, and in order to get that, you also have to perform the role of friendship.

The whole idea of friendship needing to have a purpose or reason or place is a big thing to me. Like, as a kid, I didn't make any friends in my dance classes for years, and I didn't care because in my eyes, I wasn't there for socialization, I was there because I liked to dance. So who cares? But meanwhile, at lunch in school? Friends have a purpose at lunch. You need a place to sit, and you need something to entertain you while you eat. So finding people to be with at lunch is important. Recess is the same way. At work? I have absolutely no interest in being friends with my coworkers. I'm at work to do work. Even if I have downtime, I still generally want to spend it on some other kind of "work" like writing. If I want to friend, that's a separate activity. I friend in my free time.

So to me, being aplatonic means I think about people's specific roles in my life and what they fill, instead of just the vague idea of friendship and that I like having people around. One friend is useful as a writing partner who I do writing sprints with. Another is nice because they're in a different time zone, so they're often awake and around during the part of work where I get bored and all my friends are asleep. Another has known me through all my mental health struggles and is generally a great listener, so they're useful to talk to about that stuff because they already have all the necessary context and immediately understand things. And yeah, as I mentioned before, another is just a really good lay, but we aren't going to only screw for twelve hours straight, so friendship does happen in the breaks in between.

And a final note — being aplatonic means I really don't mind leaving people behind. If someone moves away? I enjoyed them while it lasted, but I'm not going to be super inclined to keep things going. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. A play I'm in ends, so I won't be seeing that group of people every day anymore? Even though I really enjoyed working with them, I'm not going to mind or miss them especially. If someone actively ends a friendship with me? Well that's different. That's a form of rejection, and could be the result of me hurting them in some way or an argument that went badly. All of that is going to sting, if nothing else, because it's a form of failure. I did something wrong. But if circumstances change or we just grow apart? I'm not going to mind.

I've said this before, but that's the aplatonic story I'd really like to see. So many stories are about people who go on some big quest or adventure, and in the process it ends up creating these strong unbreakable bonds between them. They're closer than brothers now. They will never be separated again. You can see that everywhere from Lord of the Rings to Shrek and Donkey. I want to see the story where the group gets along well and they accomplish everything they set out to do, but at the end they all go their separate ways again. There aren't any hard feelings. If they run into each other again in their travels, they'll greet each other happily. They wouldn't mind working together again. But they aren't trying to stay together or stay in touch, either. It happened, and now it's over, and they're more than happy to move on.

... Shit that was long. Well I hope it was helpful!

[elexuscal]

Bi-Ace Laurence and Aro Roland

Okay so a few weeks ago I made a comment about viewing Jane Roland/Laurence as queer, and @sere-allwehaveisnowasked me to dig into it. This is a slightly cleaned up version of the ramble I gave on the Temeraire discord, just on the off-chance folks from the broader fandom might find it interesting!

So I can see how that description of Laurence/Roland might seem surprising at a first glance! They're an M/F pair, and obviously that lends itself to a very traditional heterosexual reading. But that's not the only possible reading, at all!

"Queer" is a catchall term and an umbrella term, which means there has been a lot of quibbling over what exactly 'counts' is queer. "Is X queer?" is a Discourse repeated ad nauseam; replace X with 'ace people', 'aro people', 'polyamorous people', 'kinksters', 'furries', etc.... It gets really hard to draw firm lines. Which is why I generally subscribe to te definition of queer as "anything which transgresses the social norms in the broadly overlapping space of sexuality, romance, and gender" So on a base level, you have the fact that in the time and setting of the Temeraire series, Jane Roland is breaking So Many gender norms. She's a soldier, masculine, heavier set and with facial scarring. Under some more flexible definitions of queer, almost any sexual and/or romantic relationship she entered into would be inherently queer due to how she transgresses the boundaries. That said, while I do find something compelling there, that alone isn't really why I see Jane/Will as queer, since while Roland might be transgression within the text, to the average 21st century reader, she's not nearly so shocking.

For me, it's much more about how Laurence/Roland fits much much more into broader queer readings of both their characters, notably the bi (and to a lesser extent, ace) experience for Laurence, and the aromantic reading for Roland.

I very much do read Laurence as a bisexual guy who never really realised he was bisexual, partly because his attraction genders were fairly equal, and both fairly low. In book one, he doesn't really seem personally that attracted to the idea of a traditional marriage-- it's just sort of What One Does, and he does like the idea of the companionship a marriage with offer. He's friends with Edith, their engagement makes sense, and he doesn't have any other option that's more appealing, so... Why not? But equally, while he's disappointing to lose that future, he's not heartbroken either.

Specifically, I think what attracts Laurence is military competence. (Or maybe not quite military per say, but certainly something adjacent. Being in the field, getting your hands dirty). And he'd never really twigged to that because... All the women he had met until then were Society Ladies(tm). They were divorced from that entire sphere. And sure, Laurence saw it in men, but he didn't read it as sexual attraction, he just read it as admiration. (It can be hard to untangle the difference!)

But then he meets Jane. Who is feminine while also masculine. A woman who displays all these elements of military competence that Laurence is foremost drawn to. And I really do think that's the Rosetta stone for realising his attraction to men.

I also think there's a really great ace reading of him getting back together with Jane for LoD? Not just that he apparently hadn't had any sex for the previous 3.5 books; that could equally be attributed to his depression and social isolation. But it's the way that encounter has less to do with him craving sex specifically, or craving romance, as him feeling the joy and relief of having regained Jane's trust.

As for Roland... Man I read her as aro, so bad. I can absolutely see the reading where she isn't inherently/naturally disinclined to romance, but basically taught herself to repress her desire for the sake of her career. And that's definitely compelling. But I see so much of someone who just doesn't really care about romance, doesn't really get what everyone else sees in it, and is just going to carry on without it.

And I just love that Roland/Laurence continues throughout the entire series, but doesn't end with them getting married and having kids or anything like that. They have this great fiends with benefits situation which is genuinely SO refreshing.

All of this I think dovetails deeper into my feelings about queerness in the Temeraire series as a whole. These books were published in a time where there was a huge push for greater gay representation (one we're still living through now), and I believe that was a big part of the analysis. And indeed, I think it's fair to examine and ask why there wasn't more of an explicit M/M representation in the story. But at the same time, a question I often grapple with as an a-spec person, is how do you depict the more 'subtle' queer identities? Especially ones like asexuality and aromanticism, which are defined by a lack of something? Especially in historical fiction, where it would be deeply weird to have the characters use modern terminology and bust out some pride flags. And I don't know if any of this was Novik's intentions or not; to a large extent, I don't care. But I do think there's a lot of stuff in this narrative that resonates with a lot of bi, asexual, and aromantic experiences, and that's really interesting to analyse.

[drdemonprince]

sorry if this is too long but i really appreciate your perspective and would love some advice

i have a mixed gender friend group irl, however i am the only transmasc in the group (the rest of the group is queer transfems, queer cis women, and our token cishet guy) and ive run into a little issue in that im quite close to one of the cis girls of the group, and we occasionally have deep chats about our queer identities (we're both aro, im ace, shes bi) . these chats are great and i really appreciate her as a friend but one thing shes always bringing up, even in unrealted conversations is how much she hates men .

im not a transandrobro so this isn't gonna be one of those "im one of the good ones" or "i feel guilty for being transmasc" asks dw. the issue came up when i was discussing how i was going to start T pretty soon (i pass decently well without it already but as more of a butch/androgynous type look) and as we were talking about the changes she was acting... genuinley scared and disgusted??

especially when i talked about how i will likely grow more body hair, and how T affects scent and stuff. she was almost horrified. "yeah but you dont want that right? youll shave it?" . i already dont shave my body hair (she does) and i cant help but feel scared that one of my closest friends is going to find me revolting once i start transitioning medically.

i didnt even mention bottom growth after that because i was so scared of what her reaction to that would be.

idk if you have any experience or advice for this? or any reading on the subject? ive found that its only the cis women in my friend group who are acting this way as well. i feel like maybe its because theyve secretly been viewing me as "just" a masculine woman this whole time. i id as nonbinary with the group, but secretly i really do think im a trans man, but based on the disgust with those things im reluctant to come out again.

Honestly this is a really common way that cis women microaggress against trans mascs! Those two identities have competing privilege/oppression intersections and a lot of really wild shit can play out as a result, as well as due to the projection that can happen because both groups have shared a social identity at some point (whether we liked it or not). It may not be fixable, but I think you need to set the tone that this kind of negative commentary on your transition and body is NOT acceptable, and to do so EARLY, so that you are establishing ground rules for how you will be treated.

Example conversation:

You: So I started getting some hair on my neck around my Adam's apple.

Her: Ewwwww, but you're going to shave it right?

You: (pause and look at her seriously). Gender transition is something I'm very excited about and that's very good for me, you know. I am happy about everything that's happening and I hope that as my friend you would be happy for me too.

Let's say that she continues to be somewhat shitty about your transition multiple times. Here is how you might escalate without totally blowing your lid.

Her: Wow, your [voice is so deep/your acne is getting so bad/your hair pattern is changing/whatever thing she is being shitty about].

You: (stop whatever task you're doing if any to give this full attention. lock eyes with her, maybe even sigh). I have told you multiple times not to comment on my appearance. It makes me very uncomfortable. I don't enjoy spending time with people who comment on how I look.

I think your focus should be not on correcting her feelings, which she needs to go like stare at a pond and reflect about on her own, but instead reign in her shitty commentary completely -- and if she won't do that for you, then you will need start ending conversations/walking away/not inviting her to things/whatever other boundary setting strategy you like. I would prioritize nipping the personal comments in the bud over the "men are so disgusting and evil" kind of commentary, because I think that matters more and seems to bother you more -- but if it were me? I would also be pissed that she wasn't including me in the category of "men" when she was talking about them, and would say things like "I'm a man too, you know." Or "Yeah, WE can be kind of annoying/boorish/smelly sometimes." This isn't some transandrobro NOT ALL MEN thing, it's an anti-transphobia don't misgender me thing. And perhaps by taking accountability for all that manhood is -- the good and the bad, the euphoric and the just neutral, you will influence her in a positive way to think about these things more neutrally. If not, well, that's her fuckin loss.

[genderqueerdykes]

Wow. Talk about having a shit experience. Why is people explicitly keep saying not to tag their aro or ace post as aroace.

Why why why am I not valid anymore? Can I really not be aro and ace anymore? Can I not open the tag and say "ahh aroace me is so related with this post" anymore? What is it??

It feels fucking shitty seeing community that barely get mention in big queer space like this. Gatekeeping their post and experience to the "right" identity only.

If you someone that do this please stop. I just want to see positive post about my aroace identity. Heck anything about Loveless Aplatonic Afamilial barely get talk about and they don't gatekeep their post from aroaces because what's the point?

this is a great ask, i really appreciate you taking the time to stop by & share your experience, anon. this is something i've noticed within the past few years and i've wanted to talk about it, so thank you for giving me a chance to do so

i've seen 2 excuses for this behavior and they're both terrible and only hurt other people and serve as a method to control strangers.

the first way people try to excuse this behavior is by saying "well I'M not aroace, therefore the post isn't for aroaces!!!!! it's ONLY for JUST aromantics or JUST asexuals not both!!!!!" i have gotten yelled at this before as well. like, profusely. over tags. i feel like people should NOT take a stranger's tags personally. even if they tagged it something you don't agree with or don't like... that's kinda not really your business. this particular behavior stems from people who neurotically check their reblogs/interactions, and it's not healthy.

if you find yourself scrutinizing every single interaction and reblog you get on this website, it might be a good idea to reduce the amount of time you spend on social media, because you quite literally cannot control what people do with a post once you post it. you're at the mercy of god at that point. like i cannot stress this enough: You CANNOT control what strangers do with a post once it's published. these are PUBLIC FORUMS. tumblr is not a private club where only the people you like interact with you. it's a public space. you gotta learn to cope with the fact that other people will interact with your posts in ways you don't like. i don't like it when rad fems interact with my posts, but i also can't stop them from doing so unless i already have them blocked, because they also have free will and a tumblr account.

the second excuse for this behavior i have seen is definitely the worse of the two. people will say that "aroaces get TOO much representation!" or things like "everyone ASSUMES you have to be aro if you're ace/ace if you're aro which isn't true and i take very personally which gives me an excuse to bully aroaces!!!!!!!!" like it legit comes from people thinking that somehow, aroaces are "over represented". the behavior stems from the OP feeling literally attacked by aroaces existing and feeling like they're somehow talking over aromantic people who experience sexual attraction, or like they're somehow talking over asexual people who experience romantic attraction.

people seem to have forgotten that aroace people are STILL ARO. THEY'RE STILL ACE. you can't sit here and go "well i'm mad that 'too many' people know about aroace people so i'm going to harrass aroace people like they're the ones making my life harder and not cisheternormative society." also it's disgusting because a lot of asexuals quite literally believe that aromanticism doesn't exist, and that the term came about to "rip off" asexuals. it's the "transandrophobia doesn't exist because it threatens trans women" argument but with aspectrum identities.

it legitimately causes you NO HARM if your post about just asexuality or just aromancitism is tagged as aroace. they are not saying YOU are aroace! they're tagging it that way for themselves, because they are aroace!!!!!!!!!!!! aroace people are aromantic! aroace people are asexual! stop with this weird gatekeeping and acting like posts tagged just aromantic or just asexual are for people who are ONLY aro or ONLY ace. this shit is hurting people. like i cannot get over the fact that aroace people are. aro. and. ace. and somehow people freak the ever loving fuck out about a mean nasty aroace making them feel bad for.... also being aromantic and asexual ?

like your experience matters. you don't deserve to be told that you can't interact with posts about aromanticism or asexuality because you're both of those things and somehow that's threatening aromantics and asexuals who aren't both. you are still aromantic. you are still asexual. you aren't hurting or threatening anyone. you deserve to be seen and heard, and you shouldn't have to specifically stick to JUST the "aroace" tag and nothing else. i DON'T understand this behavior.

honestly a lot of it smacks of arophobia on the behalf of asexuals and acephobia on the behalf of aromantics. it blows. it's not cool or cute or funny it's hurting people.

this attitude sucks. as the anon said, please stop this. it's unnecessary and petty infighting for no reason. aroace people are not a threat to other aromantic and asexual people. stop treating other people like shit for no reason other than you are insecure and angry about it. nobody is saying YOU are aroace if they tag your post about aromanticism or asexuality with "aroace". they're doing it for themselves. knock it off.

[contumacious-arcadia]

Hello! I'm aware there is a lot of discontent around shipping Alastor with anyone since it's been stated that he is an asexual character and I would also like to throw my two cents out into the void pertaining to the issue. I *really* like radioapple. My lizard brain spouted "they gon' fuck" as soon as I saw "Dad Beat Dad". I find it super charming and enemies-to-lovers is naturally hella entertaining in my opinion - so I started reading radioapple fics and **they may have actually taught me something about myself. ** I'm on the older side (37), and have always just referred to myself as bisexual. I never really considered anything else because when I was younger and learning my own identity, all of the super specified language just wasn't available to me. It didn't really cross my mind to reexamine those conclusions as time passed, because I was under the impression (as many others also seem to be) that asexual meant "ABSOLUTELY ZERO SEX OR SEX-ADJACENT THINGS FOREVER, NO, NYET, NINE" and aromantic meant "ABSOLUTELY DEATHLY ALLERGIC TO ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS, NEVER EVER, NOPE". ...I am definitely not the only one, as this does seem to be the sticking point people argue about when shipping Al with literally anyone. After reading many, many radioapple fics written by people within the asexual and aromantic spectrums, I feel like I've gotten a better handle on the categorization and shockingly (to me, at least) it seems *I* am actually also very aromantic and moderately touch averse (though I would not consider myself asexual). Who would have thunk that fanfic would teach me a very important fact about myself? It was like I was given a key to understanding why my relationships are always so troubled and why I seem to HATE being in relationships, despite repeatedly diving back into them. I literally give each new partner a whole-ass speech about how *incredibly* uncomfortable overly romantic crap makes me feel and how if they start badgering me/guilting me about the whole 'love' concept incessantly, I will likely freak out and end the relationship... and EVERY TIME they pull that crap and then try to guilt me by claiming that they "didn't think I was serious". If I had the language to explain I was aromantic and touch averse (when not specifically gettin' down), I think I could have avoided a lot of damage. Maybe. Anyway, I just wanted to state that shipping an ace or aro/ace character and writing fanfic that actually explains their thought process and feelings can be a SUPER beneficial thing. I don't know why it wasn't obvious to me that nothing is ever 100% black and white, but again, I don't seem to be the only person who believed that. I would gently urge some of the fans who are hardcore (and vocally) *against* shipping Al with anyone to read some of the fics and maybe it can help them adjust their perspective a bit too - just like it helped me. BUT - this *IS* the internet, so if you just want to shout angrily into the void, you can do that too! Two cents complete.

[cod-dump]

Do you have any sexuality headcanons for the characters???

For some. I’m no expert on official labels or whatnot, fair warning

———

Laswell: Lesbian or perhaps bi. Either way I think she started out dating men and had one evening with a woman and went "I'm gay now". Now she has a wife and is happily married. Definitely would sleep with her male friends if circumstances lead to it, but she’s very monogamous and wants her wife only.

Farah: She gives off a very woman loving bi but is dating Alex because he’s not like other guys she’s dealt with. The only other guy she would consider dating is Gaz, but she otherwise considers herself gay. Alex just happens to be the one type of guy she’s attracted to.

Valeria: This woman does not care about the gender of her bedmate. She’s very popular with the ladies and men think they can ‘sway’ her only for her to ruin them. She calls herself gay because she is not attracted to men in a straight way.

Alex: Straight, was so straight until he met Farah. Now he has no idea what he’s attracted to or who, just that suddenly a lot more people are attractive. Farah is his sexual awakening and he has no idea why or what she has done to him.

Ghost: Says he’s gay, proudly. Has slept with women before and will do so if circumstances lead to it, but he’s very gay. Closeted for a long time before he finally felt safe and comfortable enough to be himself.

Soap: Bisexual with a recent awakening. As soon as he realizes he’s attracted to men, he sees hot guys everywhere and is a mess. He’s a mess, can’t handle suddenly being attracted to almost everyone around him.

Gaz: He seems very straight at first but is actually very much pan. Attracted to every gender but just calls himself gay because he has more fun with it. Had an early realization and has had time to find himself and be confident. It’s no doubt he can charm anyone, he has done so unintentionally. No one is safe from his charms.

Price: He’s dated women in his past but he’s very attracted to men. Has had years to get himself together but can be downright embarrassing if he’s on friendly terms with someone he’s attracted to.

Alejandro: Bisexual, equally attracted to any gender. Once in an official relationship he’s loyal to a fault and possessive (in a tolerable manner). If he sees someone he’s attracted to, he’ll say it.

Rudy: Bisexual but leaning towards men. He’s very sweet towards people he’s attracted to but also is a blunt asshole to people he’s not. And when he’s very comfortable with someone he’s attracted to? Blunt asshole who can be a sweetheart.

Nik: He doesn’t care for labels. If he finds someone attractive, he finds them attractive. It’s that simple. He’ll sleep with pretty much anyone regardless of their gender identity. Calls himself gay just to satisfy people when they ask him what his sexuality is.

Graves: Gay with a very recent awakening. Always thought he was ace or aro or both in the beginning because he never was attracted to his women partners. Then he realized he was gay and now he’s insufferable. He understands now, and now he’s trying to get every experience he can as quick as he can.

[velvetvexations]

It's frustrating when any radical feminism is called out in trans circles, the whole thing is "well since I'm trans I can't be a TERF"!!! Like, transmisogyny is not the only thing TERFS and radical feminists preach?? Like if you're anti sex work, anti kink, anti bodily autonomy for any kind of transition or sex, think men (whoever the individual bigot defines as such) are genetically predisposed to evil, think women (whoever the individual bigot defines as such) are predisposed to good, and anti-ace/aro people, like one or two differences in opinion will not preclude you from radical feminism. Idk, out of the "trans inclusionary" radical feminists, I feel as though you either fall hard into transmisogyny or transandrophobia.

But a lot of the people who believe in all the same things as the normal strain of radical feminism but support trans women just,, only seem to think that transmisogyny is what TERFs preach?

Also like lowkey I never understood the Shinigami eyes extension because TERF dogwhistles are kinda easy to spot and easy to check. Like, overly judgmental of a random woman? Overly judgmental of a random man? Seems to think x kink is evil? Implying porn is disgusting and evil (without any actual criticisms of the industry, just talking about it inherently)? Weird about ace/aro people and their attraction or lack thereof? Wow! Probably a terf.

I think there is some issue with "OP is a TERF" that made shinigami eyes appealing for a lot of people. I once saw someone make a really good point about how a theater production that sexualizes nuns is not progressive for sexualizing women who don't want to be sexualized, but whoops, OP was a TERF. Often moral rationality is not an issue of logical reasoning as it is motivation. For instance, I also saw a tankie shitheel give a pretty good rundown of Chiquita's bullshit in Central and Southern America. In both cases, Bad Group A was opposed to Bad Group B, whether that be imperialism or the patriarchy, so they can call out legitimate issues when they want to before going right back to complete bullshit and supporting their own evil shit.

But absolutely no one actually knows what TERFs are anymore because they do think it's literally all just hating trans women and are incapable of connecting the dots between TERFs and second-wave feminism, and realizing that they have a whole suite of beliefs that goes beyond that. It's partly obscured nowadays for exactly the reason that they'll often be aimed at cis men, which TRFs simply don't count as evidence of them hating men because of course you should be against like, Cis Male Celebrity Getting #MeToo'd, as though the issue with TERFs isn't that they see that and trans people as being products of the same patriarchal system because their view of the entire world is warped.

Especially funny is the claim that you can't call TRFs TRFs because they don't self-identify as TRFs. I mean, even putting aside Talia Bhatt's book, we have a very famous meme of Sonic the Hedgehog telling TERFs to fuck off for using that exact same "that's just a slur to silence me" argument. Like, no! You may not recognize what you're saying is nearly identical to everything TERFs say just because you add "trans" behind "women," but that's a you problem!

[dr9com9ge-ix]

So in your sprunki AU...can you tell me what are all characters sexuality? In your own AU or head-canon if you don't mind to answer 👉👈

At this point- My headcanons and AU are kinddd of conjoined like a two-headed snake so! You’re technically getting BOTH (For the price of none!) + additional yapping- I’m going in rainbow order! (OCs included, VERY VERY Long post ahead and below the cut!)

Raddy: still figuring it out- He might be Asexual with a romantic preference for men but again, Not he’s not entirely sure but doesn’t think about it a-lot on account of “I gots THINGS ta do!!!!” and is too embarrassed to ask anyone because he thinks they’d laugh at him.

Oren: Bisexual with no real gender preference towards guys, gals or enbys. He thinks they’re all equally attractive. BUT… He thinks people with big ol’ ears and fluff are really cute! Which is why he was particularly interested in Pinki when Simon introduced her to him. (Also just thought she was really cool in general since well! She’s friends with his brother and he trusts Simon’s judgment!)

Glowe: Asexual and Aromantic, (But not opposed to being in romantic relationship) More concerned with whether or not the person interested in them likes theater and has a sense of whimsy!!!! Oblivious as hell though, has to told straight up that someone is interested in him.

Simon: Pansexual with some preference towards men / masc presenting people of any gender. Isn’t currently dating anyone.

Funbot / Felix: Aro-Ace because it’s a robot and also doesn’t really care about romance due to it’s programmed age being young (13) and he acts immature. Playfully goes “EWWW!!!” when people kiss eachother in movies and in public. (Including his parents.)

Garnold: Demisexual with no gender preference as he only had interest in Clukr after they became friends post- “I think your science fair project should have won instead of mine.” Otherwise was kind of uninterested in people before then.

OWAXCK / Ozwalt: Homosexual, Likes men- Though doesn’t really think he has a shot with anyone (Self esteem so low its underground combined with trust issues! Oof!) so he kindddd of hasn’t tried flirting with people, even if he does want to be in a romantic relationship— Needs to metaphorically be hit with a stick as motivation before he actually tries.

Vineria: Lesbian, She had a girlfriend in high school but broke up with her due to said girlfriend bullying people (Including her yet-to be best friend Clukr for only being able to attend the school they were in because of his scholarship). Hasn’t quite found anyone since— Mostly content with hanging out with her pals. Would hit Oz with a metaphorical stick of motivation. Also him and her are QPPs! (QueerPlatonic Partners)

Syno: Sapphic, Syn is into women… And Booze. Usually at the same time! Didn’t really have any long term relationships due to syn’s previous job of often being at sea. Mostly hung out with ladies at coastal taverns and had flings now and again.

Therman: Straight mostly, Greatly admires and has a crush on Glowe but is too shy to tell him or anyone else about that. Would rather focus on her work rather than ever confront her attraction to Glowe.

Sky: Aro-Ace with no uncertainty. Little guy does not care for romance even as an adult, he’s just more concerned with work and family.

Jevin: Homosexual but was very repressed for a long time due to how he was raised (In the Spire Cult) and the sort of taboo he felt he was committing by having romantic and sexual feelings at all. He might have had his taste in men shaped by basically being stuck with Black/Tenebrae- Or at the very least his own idealized perception of Tenebrae (A protector of sorts much stronger than he is— Jev kind of unfortunately disregarded alot of Tene being a bastard to him specifically.) Then Tunner showed up- Who befriended Jevin and Jevin started having feelings for him both because of his type and because Tunner is really nice in general and seems to care about him a-lot.

Mr. Fun computer/ Felicity: Lesbian, Utter fascination with women mostly because she identifies as one and generally thinks people are very interesting mechanically as they’re similar yet sooo very different from her (A robot). It also may be her programmed in care and emotional investment for the town’s residents influencing her fascination. Thus she kind of idolizes women in particular but she will try to be soo normal about it. I also think she’d think GladOS is pretty.

Durple: I’m gonna be honest I don’t know what to label him but all I know is that he would only be romantically and sexually attracted to someone he’d see on the same level as him but also simultaneously would feel threatened by said person. Also the nature of dragons doesn’t really lend itself to having a romantic relationship as they’re a very territorial species and don’t do bi-parental care, as only one parent (almost always the egg-laying one) chases their mate out their territory afterwards and raises the young until they’re big enough to fend for themselves… And also chases them out or eats them if they linger. But! It’s not impossible just- Unlikely.

Nymn: Bisexual with a preference for women and additionally would like someone who he could drag along with him on shenanigans- Also they gotta like animals- Person that hates em? Immediate nope! They have to be down with helping him throw rocks at people who poach animals.

Pinki: Bisexual with a preference for femme / androgynous presenting people, She didn’t really have alot of time for dating previously due to her pursuit of many crafts and hobbies- Though managed to meet Oren via Simon when she was invited to play a TTRPG with them and a few other people and hung out with the two even after the campaign ended. She started dating Oren after he confessed to her a little while afterwards.

Princey: Asexual Lesbian, She does prefer the company of women due to them being less likely to hit on her the way most men interested in her do- Which mostly just annoys her. Her taste in women are mostly the fancy elegant kind.

Taffy: Lesbian, she is incredibly shy (Actually- Its definitely social anxiety) and hasn’t really been with anyone and is maybe a little afraid of being in a relationship.

Laffy: Lesbian/sapphic as an adult- But probably joins Felix in the silly “Ewww!”-ing at people kissing for the meantime.

Brud: Mentally he’s about 12 and doesn’t really have a good grasp on romantic or sexual orientations. At most he can tell you about like… Medieval armor or some lore of a fantasy novel series he’s read and the characters in there’s relationships- But his own and actual people’s? No clue! He wants to talk about wizards!! Maybe throw in a few historical knight stories too.

Tunner: Homosexual, Polyamorous. He sort of didn’t understand his relationship with his two friends in the desert was definitely more than being friends (Dudes who literally survive horrors, start a revolution against the rich, adopting an entire fella after freeing him and kissing eachother goodnight kind of shenanigans.) Until it was too late that is… Only clue he had about his sexuality before then was not being interested in women despite some of their interest in him (Chalks it up to his younger self being oblivious.) And with Jevin’s arrival and his own initial concern about the guy’s well being budding into having feelings for him.

Gray: Unsure/ Questioning- He’s unsure and insecure of who or what he likes and kind of just keeps to himself… Feels safer that way to him.

Clukr: Homosexual, Had a one-sided rivalry with Garnold that eventually became a crush instead after Garn had complimented his science fair project back in high school.

Wenda: She will not tell us. She keeps deflecting the question!!! Assumedly very closeted.

Black / Tenebrae: Aro-Ace but is possessive of Jevin to the point of not being as replused towards the idea of intimacy with him, Though not really that enthusiastic about it either. He kind of doesn’t understand sex or romance emotionally, Mostly just understanding that it’s a way for a species to multiply and that sometimes is done for fun apparently? It’s also because he thinks very little of others/ believes they’re far below him and would serve as better meals than partners.

Mr. Tree: Does not remember his preferences and does not think about it all too much- Generally just happy to see people visiting him!

The Sun / Solatium: Asexual and unsure about romantic orientation, Has never really grown past the age he was ascended into godhood (12) and likely never will despite millenium passing. He’s too worried about the state of the sprunki race/ the ramifications of if he ever had a romantic partner (The fact he is the LITERAL sun, a god and would horrifyingly have the upper-hand in the power dynamic which he doesn’t want at all! Because that sounds terrible for the other person.)

The Moon / Imago: Aro-ace, Ditto with Sun. She’s also stuck at 12- And would rather be alone as she thinks any sort of relationship is terrifying and fears that it would mean she’d be easily manipulated in that situation, So she keeps herself hidden away from a majority of people. Only very rarely talking to Sun.

The Lighthouse / Luxia: Bisexual, Has had a mate and has had babies when her species was not extinct- Though raised said babies with another female of her kind. But unfortunately her calves didn’t make it very long and she ended up seeing sprunkis as her surrogate babies. As far as current day she has not since found any other creature her size that she sees as a potential partner and is more concerned about the well being of her babies that never seem to grow up ever. (aka The lighthouse keepers and the town’s residents.)

[bloggingboutburgers]

i hope that i'm not making any terrible cultural assumptions here, but i'm curious about your experiences as aro/ace in france in particular. the states are often very culturally conservative but especially when it comes to sex in particular. i don't know if it's just an incorrect cultural assumption on our part but the french are stereotyped as being a lot more open and in your face (?) about sex. is that true? does it make it harder for you to deal with people pushing the expectation of sex on you?

OK, so, I'm not sure I can 100% answer this one accurately because... Well, I've never properly LIVED in the States, only visited for a while each time, so I don't have a proper point of reference.

What I WILL say though is that most of our modern culture comes from us from the US. Movies, series, musicals, songs, social media conversations and stuff... And those ABSOLUTELY push the expectation of sex on people regardless of how conservative the States probably are on a daily basis.

I think it's like... The way I experience it, it kinda feels like the large majority of people regardless of the country or culture ARE kinda obsessed with sex anyway, so it's more about how overtly it's admitted in society or not. French people WILL definitely bring up sex in random conversations including at work or with people they've just literally met from the first time. (Depends on personality of course but... Yeah.) But I dunno. Maybe people in the US do that too. In terms of what I see in the exported culture though? The omnipresence of sex is definitely still felt. Heck, look at fandoms that are for a big part comprised of US people and how quickly they'll gravitate to shipping and sexual shipping or thirsting for a character too. That's definitely not just a thing I've observed in France.

The main difference I see is that most conversations of this type seem to start in the US and my country tends to "behind" in lots of ways, so it's definitely harder to talk about how you're an asexual in France still, at least I'd assume. Here we're still at the point where the odd mainstream media will write an article introducing asexuality as a revolutionary concept in a "can you believe this exists?" and "🫴🦋 is this a new trend?" kinda way. It's... A bit embarrassing, though it's way better than nothing at this point, progress is progress.

PS: The obsession with romance kinda seems to be everywhere in both cultures, so that at least doesn't make much of a difference. Except that I guess France being stereotyped as "the country of love" (read: ROMANTIC love ONLY) doesn't really help at all but meh.

[gutterclan-after-dark]

‼️‼️I am gay and transgender ‼️‼️ I am not criticizing anyone just mentioning some stuff I've noticed in a literary analysis sort of way I am not trying to start discourse‼️‼️

Anyway. One of my clangen cats just rolled as trans (yay) & it's got me thinking like.

What is it to write cats with gender variance in a world that is essentially post-gender (to the extent that any of us, having been raised from birth saturated in the unconscious stew of gendered thinking, can write something that is 'post-gender').

I've noticed that the vast majority of work in the warrior cats space does seem to strive to have complete equality between the sexes- and not just equality, but complete indistinguishably. I've even seen audiences routinely forget what gender a character even IS (which is kind of delightful). Toms raise litters, mollies become leaders, there is no friction, commentary, noticeable difference.

And that's fine- I'm more or less going that route with Gutterclan- but in a world where this is no social or material difference between the sexes- what does gender variance mean? How does it function? Where does it come from? What does being transgender mean in a world where gender identity does not really exist (or at least is not differentiated- there is One gender, and it is warrior cat*), and physical transition is not possible? Is it just a matter of pronouns?

What need for gender neutral pronouns in a world where essentially all things are already gender neutral? Is it just dysphoria? Do trans tortoiseshell toms hate their orange patches, or do trans mollies feel self conscious about their stud jowls? That's sort of miserable, if the only thing that being trans is, is having a problem with yourself that can't be solved.

And what does sexuality mean, when gender barely exists, and sex essentially doesn't? There is romance in warrior cats, for sure, but sex doesn't really... exist in most warrior cats works, and it definitely doesn't exist in the canon books. Which is absurd to say, because people are always having kittens, and accidental litters are a constant plot tangle, but there is never a sense of how these things occur. Being mates means you sit together at mealtimes and rub cheeks and get sad when the other person dies, and sometimes kittens appear after a timeskip.

This is of course due to the age range of the books, and because the main characters are animals. And I don't think it's a problem in need of changing, but it does make trying to conceive of sexuality strange in this world.

What does being asexual mean when no cats ever really display a sexual desire? What does being a lesbian mean where there functionally is no difference between mollies and toms? (Aros get to stay, the WC conception of romance ports more or less 1:1 from our world).

I do believe that sexuality and gender are to a certain extent innate, but they are also deeply, deeply shaped by our society's conceptions. Which is to say, eg, only desiring relationships with other women is perhaps innate, but the identity of Lesbian is constructed (which is not to say it isn't real- like, currency is a social construct, and we wouldn't say it's fake, or that it lacks power over us, etc). So what does it mean to have those labels in a world that- ostensibly- lacks much of the very human, very 21st century, very western, social baggage that creates them? And the answer is basically one of two things:

you do a lot of baroque gender worldbuilding. For your warrior cats fan work (which! Honestly kind of bangs and I would like to see).

People like to see themselves reflected in fiction, and the reason that we have pansexual cats and grey-ace cats and demi-boy cats is more or less because we have those things in real life, and we say the cats are those things and so they are, even if their history & context of gender and sexuality are completely different from ours, and likely wouldn't have created the same labels.

And there's nothing wrong with either of those approaches! I'm more or less going to go with approach 2 in Gutterclan, which just small switches in terminology, but I find it sort of... unsatisfying, the more I turn it over

*I put this question to my buddy Goose & he posited that the space that gender roles serve for us are, in warrior cats, essentially occupied by narrative roles. Leader, warrior, med cat, even things like villain or loner. I am nodding at this proposal very vigorously. In a world without gender, is the angst of a medicine cat apprentice longing to be a warrior not a sort of transgender longing to fit a different societal role than the one you are coercively assigned?

Anyway. I still don't know how to make my cat trans.

[antianakin]

Any thoughts on the Jedi and romantic relationships? I get that they're allowed to love/have feelings and such, but, idk, my understanding is that they generally prefer to have “selfless service to the Republic/Galaxy” as their only major commitment.

I think Jedi can HAVE romantic relationships but they'd look a lot different to what we normally conceive of as a romantic relationship. They'd likely end up feeling closer to a friends with benefits sort-of deal or maybe a queer platonic relationship (without the necessity of being queer, obviously). They can't HAVE a commitment to their partner beyond like... the basic compassion and respect they show to everybody, so the relationships would always end up relatively casual. A lot of people interpret the Jedi as being a basically aro/ace society, so I think that using aro/ace relationships as a basis to understand how they might approach romance is probably a good place to start. One of the things I really like about looking at romances from that perspective is that it really breaks down some of the expectations of what's necessary in order to qualify as a relationship, romantic or otherwise. Sex, intimacy, living together, etc. These are all things that often end up a dividing line between friendship and romance, but aro/ace relationships can blur those lines a lot. So while those things CAN define the difference between friendship and romance, they aren't the ONLY things that could do so and, for some people, might not qualify as a difference at all.

I think that Jedi in general are okay with the idea of relationships being ephemeral and ever-changing. A lot of relationships these days work on the concept that people are always growing and changing and so the perfect partner will grow and change WITH you over the years. But I think the Jedi would accept that that's not always possible and that it's entirely natural and normal for the relationship not to remain romantic forever, but that that doesn't make the relationship meaningless or that any friendship would have to be terminated along with the romantic relationship. Relationships aren't meaningful because they last, they're meaningful for any number of reasons the people involved in them might decide on. Maybe someone went through a difficult mission and what they needed from a partner was very different for that moment, but as they healed, their needs changed and the relationship ended but the fact that this person was there for them would still remain very meaningful and the relationship remains important regardless of whether the romantic/sexual portion of it stayed. Maybe certain people come in and out of romantic relationships with each other, and it's not a will-they-won't-they type of deal, it's just that they gravitate towards each other during different periods of their lives and they allow themselves to just... go where the Force leads them, but it's not what they need or want ALL the time.

I also imagine the Jedi are just impeccably good at long distance relationships because they don't put all of their happiness into a relationship with one person and the relationship is never their top priority anyway, so they can manage being away from someone for long periods of time without it negatively impacting the relationship itself and could probably start the relationship up again years later without it feeling like a big deal.

I personally headcanon that the Jedi don't even necessarily have specific labels for their relationships and there's a lot less of a firm line between things like friendships and romantic relationships for them. A romantic relationship is going to look very different for different people and all that matters is that the people involved in the relationship agree on what it is and what the boundaries are. So two people might be in a relationship that could seem like a romantic relationship but that both people insist is NOT romantic at all. Or the opposite, two people seem like there's nothing romantic between them from the outside but if you asked them they'd both confirm that that's exactly what it is. Labels like boyfriend, girlfriend, (romantic) partner, husband, wife, spouse, etc all tend to come with specific expectations attached to them that the Jedi would probably agree with on an ideological level and just plain be uncomfortable with on a personal level.

This opens the door for the Jedi to have any NUMBER of different kinds of relationships with different people that allow them to remain very fulfilled in their life without needing constant access to a romantic partner, hence being a lot better with the long distance relationships. Maybe they have one person they really like doing more romantic stuff with but there's someone else that they have a more friends with benefits style relationship with and tons of other people that are friends without romance or sexual additions to it that can run the gamut between being mentors, peers, or students of their own. I imagine they'd be pretty open to the concept of polyamory since they don't do major commitments to romantic partners, so the idea of having multiple romantic or sexual partners would be fairly normal and not that big of a deal.

I think Jedi relationships often end up seeming really complicated and difficult to people outside of the culture but, to them, it really is very simple. It's romantic if the people involved say it is and all you really owe your partner is respect and compassion. It's everyone else who has all of these labels and expectations and obligations that make relationships exceptionally complicated from their perspective. If you just open up a little and expand/loosen your definition of what romance or a romantic relationship might entail, there's plenty of ways for Jedi to have romantic relationships. I do think that these relationships end up generally less compatible with people outside of the Order who don't tend to have similar cultural concepts, which is likely what leads to misconceptions like that the Jedi don't allow love or relationships at all (something we see with Padme, who comes from Naboo which does seem to really emphasize familial relationships a lot as something vitally important if that's what you choose to pursue). It might even be easier for Jedi to simply tell people they don't do romantic relationships or to allow people to believe that than to try to explain their ways to people who are just unequipped or unwilling to understand it.

This is also where I think the clones tend to come in as some of the only people capable of truly understanding the way the Jedi choose to do relationships. The clones aren't allowed to form the kind of commitments everyone else would, they can't make promises to each other that they'll be together forever. And I imagine the clones end up prioritizing finding happiness and pleasure any place they can find it above being faithful to one relationship above anything else. Loving someone means wanting them to be happy and if you're able to give them that, even for a short amount of time, then that's what matters. They'd be forced to get really good at long distance relationships and accepting change is inevitable. And while all of this is coming from really awful circumstances, I do think it'd allow them to sort-of build cultural values that end up pretty similar to the Jedi's and would likely REMAIN fairly similar to the Jedi's even in a happy fix-it AU where they gain the freedom to explore more options. So while most non-Jedi have difficulty being in relationships with Jedi because of how different their cultural values towards romance end up being, the clones are actually a lot more able to adjust to that and I think some of them might even specifically PREFER relationships with Jedi to relationships with anyone else.

I'd love to see some sort of Star Wars media really explore this more. The two options that we end up seeing are Jedi who choose to break the rules in order to be in a relationship anyway or Jedi who choose to avoid romantic relationships entirely (either in a situation like Obi-Wan's where he FEELS romantic attraction and has to specifically walk away from the relationship or situations like Mace or Luminara where we simply never see them interested in romance at any point). We see them be friendly with each other and with other people, obviously, and we know from Lucas that they aren't celibate, so the opportunity is THERE to see Jedi in happy romantic or sexual relationships that are simply more casual, but no one's been interested in actually showing or exploring that yet. My aroace ass would LOVE more representation among the Jedi.

[the-indigo-symphony]

I have a bit of a silly question that I hope isn't overstepping. If it is, I just wish you a wonderful day!

But um. Is it possible to have been plural/a system? I may have just been over imaginative as a teen, but I tried so hard to fracture myself into an emotional self and a logical self (more to it than that, but in essence that was the case). Later on I crafted a... Disillusioned and cruel self that only really acted as a way to vocalize the insecurities and passive aggressive urges I felt.

I was always able to just. Be me (Emotion Self) and focus when something came up, and there were no blank spots in my memories. The others were little more than imaginary friends in most ways, so I really hesitate to define that fractured existence with any of these terms... Especially because at 19, we all agreed to accept the different facets and marge into one cohesive being. It was. A defining moment of my life. I won't say I never hated myself afterwards, but it was so, so very much less.

I still envision it sometimes. We're all standing, leaning our backs against a pillar, holding hands, asleep. The pillar is me, living on.

I hope this isn't uh. Rude. I don't by any means think anyone has to merge! It was right for me, that's all. But it leaves me feeling that same weird guilt I had about being ace and then experiencing sexual attraction. Like the sudden change now invalidated my lived experience for so many formative years of feeling broken and finding community to feel less alone, only for it to change and what if that was just another data point on ace people being late bloomers? What if my imagination was fake and my later merge is all a hit against the plural community?

Those both seem silly now. Sure I don't need ace resources as much anymore but they help me empathize and give words to my ace & aro friends. I guess I just wonder if I should even bring this up to systems as an avenue for empathy and understanding or if this is truly a different experience that would be offensive to compare?

Sorry, that was a lot. I'm half hoping Tumblr eats this. But it helps to get off my chest.

Anon, before I say anything else, please don't worry about being "just another data point against systems". Firstly, people who used to be plural but aren't anymore are still people that are important to the community and have a place here in their own ways, y'know? I know some queer communities expect you to cut all ties the second you find out you aren't x identity, and the plural community has problems in its attitudes towards former systems, but your experiences still matter and you have the right to speak up about them. Secondly, just like with ace people, it's not your fault if someone uses the fact that you're no longer x thing against the community. Your existence is not a problem, your personal change and journey through life is not a weapon, and it is not your fault if people want to be assholes – especially since they're also being assholes to you by doing this. You are not a data point against us; you are a person, and they are bigots objectifying you. Simple as that.

Moving on, yes, your experiences sound like plurality. The fact that you all agreed to merge and can envision your past selves stands out to me especially, since people who have been singlets their whole life typically don't need to go to the different "them"s inside their own head and say "hey should we all fuse together into a singular person". They'd just already be a singular person. It sounds like you might have been a created system for a time (or at least, something like intentional system creation played a part), then later decided that fusion would be better for you all, and so now you are a singlet. That's perfectly fine and I'm glad you're feeling better in your life!! Fusion is a legitimate option that can be great for some systems so long as its chosen out of their own free will. Due to how it often gets forced onto systems, fusion can be a touchy subject, but you're not a bad person for living a better life because of it. And you're definitely not hurting anyone by realizing your past experiences may have been (or been like) plurality! It's a wonderful thing that you found the words for something that was a part of your life and mattered (still matters, if this ask is anything to go off of) to you! This discovery is something to be celebrated, not ashamed of! Just because that chapter of your life is closed doesn't mean you have to completely divorce yourself from it. If systems and former systems did that, how would we ever get to bond over and grow/learn from our pasts? Being able to recontextualize the past and learn more about yourself through doing so is a great thing. You're not hurting anybody by realizing you were similar to, or one of, us.

I wish you a wonderful day, too, anon!

[walnut-thecat]

Aroace rep in the Hellaverse

I saw someone say recently that Alastor’s aroace-ness is queer baiting and it made me want to talk about ace rep in the Hellaverse as a whole.

There are 3 confirmed asexual characters across the two series, 1 in Hazbin: Alastor (who I’m pretty sure is aroace), and 2 in Helluva: Mammon and Octavia (both were confirmed via a pride month post).

First, let’s talk about Alastor: l hate to be an Alastor defender, but I don’t think he’s queer bait. In the show he’s never depicted as being interested in any type of romantic/sexual relationship ( only business relationships). He’s also the only one out of the three who’s identity is explicitly referenced in the actual show so far (even if it is a throwaway line). And the “radioapple merch” stuff is just isn’t true, people say that Alastor and Lucifer have “matching keychains” in the valentines merch which is false. They both got stand alone keychains, with Lucifer’s referencing Lilith and Alastor’s referencing himself. I feel like if you see too single people depicted next to a bunch of couples on Valentine’s Day and your first thought is that they must be involved with each other then that’s a you thing. And about that jacket or whatever it was, it was referencing a popular scene from a popular episode, it’s not teasing radioapple any more than the episode is. You know, the episode about them hating each other? Anyways as an aroace I think it would be nice to see more merch of Alastor with his actual friends (Rosie, Mimzy, Niffty, and maybe Husk), and some more explicitly aroace merch though the keychain is pretty neat (if you like Alastor). Now about shipping: in the pilot era, which is when Alastor’s aroace-ness began (before that he was depicted as infatuated with Mimzy), Viv said she doesn’t mind him getting shipped, which I’m pretty sure she said to keep her name out of shipping arguments, because there’s nothing anyone can do to stop shipping anyone with everyone. But I’m not trying to defend Vivzie here, there are still things wrong here. 1. Her most relevant asexual character is a heartless murderer and cannibal 2. (This one’s personal) I really hate Alastor and I don’t want to be associated with him just because I’m aroace, and I’m sure I’m not alone

Now let’s talk about Helluva boss’s asexual characters. Like I said both of these characters’ identities got revealed by a pride month post on social media and neither’s identities got referenced in the show (yet). Which is disappointing. But what’s more disappointing is that one of these characters is another heartless irredeemable villain in the form of Mammon sin of greed, and I wouldn’t have a problem with that if aro/ace identities weren’t given to heartless villains so much (both in canon and fanon stuff), 2/3 ace characters being horrible villains (even if they are loved by fans) isn’t a good look. Now, Mammon makes multiple references to sex and seems to be interested in Leviathan which is great to see, a lot of asexuals can relate to that (I might not one of them, but it’s still important and I’m happy to see it). It’s a shame that his asexuality is never actually mentioned. And finally Octavia. I have a lot of hope for this girl. Her sexuality is also never mentioned in the show, she is surrounded by purple a lot but she does have a galaxy theme. Unfortunately she does fall into a common stereotype for both aros and aces, which is that she is “broken”. But out of the three I have the most hope for her to be the best ace rep in the hellaverse (AKA she’s the only one out of the three who I wouldn’t be embarrassed to be associated with based on sexuality alone)

Edit: I did not know today was international asexuality day, but I guess this came out at the perfect time

[aspec-paradise]

Figuring out if you're grey-ace/aro/platonic

Notes: I am referring to grey- as the umbrella term. In addition this doesn't mean you have to identify as a grey- term like demi or -flux. This is just to help those who are struggling

Perhaps you're struggling because you do experience some level of attraction that feels "weaker" or different than what you'd expect with allos, or maybe you've noticed a potential pattern in which you experience attraction, but you're feeling doubts or confusion. It's completely normal to feel confused or anxious about this.

I won't tell you that labels don't matter so don't worry about it since that mindset doesn't work for everyone. I will say to take your time and allow yourself to breathe. There is no time limit in figuring things out and the beauty about being aspec is that you can easily just call yourself aspec, grey-, or unlabeled while you figure it out. You also never need to use any specific identities should you choose to use any labels. For example some people may be greysexual + aromantic, asexual +greyromtic, or grey for both and just call themselves aroace. Some people call themselves demi even if it's a bit more complicated than that.

"but how do I know if I experience attraction differently than someone who's allo?" It's a bit complicated but it boils down to asking yourself if it feels differently to you. Does it seem like your experiences don't really align with a lot of allos? Is your relationship with attraction complicated? Do you feel attraction but it's not a big deal to you, seems weak, or another circumstance that feels "different"? Then you're probably aspec.

As an allo-appearing aspec person, this is something I've struggled with, too. A lot of the reasons I identify as aspec is because of how my attraction usually forms and my own experiences compared to many allos. For example, while I do enjoy adult content, it's because of the mental fantasy aspects instead feeling attraction to the people shown. I don't feel comfortable with seeing sexual content without warning or consent..I don't relate to the desire to sleep with people I don't know well. I don't view platonic relationships in the typical way, in fact it's hard for me to form platonic attraction and then it's 0 or 100.

There's a lot of aspec identities out there, and aspec people CAN experience attraction strongly at times! -spike identities cover just that. You can feel attraction constantly to a specific person or specific people (like when you're demi).

And remember, it's okay to try a label and realize later that it's not quite right. You may think you're completely without attraction until suddenly you find a circumstance in which you do. You could be in such a long relationship that when it ends, that's when you realize you don't always experience attraction to people who are typically your "type", so on and so forth.

Aspecs can enjoy the form of intimacy associated to an attraction, aspecs can have attraction but not enjoy those things or only enjoy them sometimes. One piece of advice I have is to not focus too much on how much you do or do not like those things when you're in the early days of figuring this out. There are identities related to this, but in my opinion it's a bit less complicated when you focus on the attraction aspect first, and then your relationship with those acts later.

[dreamsy990]

my condolences for your robot Dreamsy. That sucks really bad that people are like that. Make sure you take care of yourself

shrug im not as upset about murderbot being in the polls as everyone else. there just was a lot of aphobia going around in the notes. so im using this ask as a place to ramble because self care to me is being a hater <3 /SILLY but i am gonna be sounding so pissed probably so be aware anon none of this is directed at you and you seem quite lovely so ty <333

the amount of allos in the notes saying things like "its not invalidating to think an asexual is sexy" just kind of bothers me. allos dont get to make the decision of whats okay to say about aces. i understand that its a fictional character, of course, but what people say DOES affect real people. when people are objectifying and invalidating towards an aroace character they normalize that for real people.

fandom en masse ignores asexual (and aromantic but the poll drama WAS about sexuality so ill keep the aro part quiet, but most of this applies to aros too) identities and brushes off criticism from actual aces so they can have their fun. and its like, if the character was anything else we would consider that disgusting. if, for example, you said even half the invalidating things that people say about ace characters about a character who was trans instead? people would hate you. but its alright when its aces.

when it comes to aphobia, i think a lot of allos tend not to realize what theyre saying is fucked up. to them asexuality isnt its own experience, its the lack of one. asexuality doesnt hold any value to them and so its not something worth caring about the representation of. so why are asexuals getting so mad over how they treat ace characters? theyre just having fun?

you can see a lot of that sentiment in the notes of that poll after aces came out being more genuinely upset. plenty of allos were acting like we were making too big of a deal about it. "free murderbot was a joke" one said. and yknow what, as one of the first people saying that, ill say it was a joke! at first. i wasnt that upset about it, because at first it was just a silly poll and murderbot fans relatively universally were laughing about it and chanting "free murderbot!". but then the polls went on, murderbot won via voter fraud, and then on the next poll people were far more blatantly saying invalidating and sexualizing things. thats when it started being genuine.

and of course what im saying isnt a blanket statement about how everyone involved in the free murderbot campaign felt or even how asexuals feel about sexualizing ace characters. some aces wont care about ace characters being treated poorly, some aces are fine with being sexualized, some just dont give a shit about any of this at all. but when it comes to sexualizing a character who is violently sex repulsed, and saying things like "haha i want to fuck the robot!" and "im voting for it out of spite because it would hate to be seen that way" (<- real things i saw in the notes), i can only see those and think that they probably wouldnt care all that much if it wasnt just a character.

nothing against the pollrunner, of course. the guy running it handled the issue well, apologized for murderbots involvement, and redid the poll because of the voter fraud. they probably didnt even know murderbot was asexual, considering that they dont even know its pronouns (used they/them in their apology). ive got no malice towards them or basically anyone else involved in the poll, unless they were being blatantly aphobic.

im doing alright though, thanks :> this isnt that big of a deal to me its just emblematic of a larger issue in fandom