#sorry if you follow me for the bear metas

[invisiblerambler]

I want to just ramble about this so I'm not tagging it under the bear, but that is what this is going to be about.

The way this show defines and redefines and rips open ambition makes my heart hurt.

Yes this show is about a million and one things, but the portrayal of ambition is so singular.

I love the way that Carmy is past the point of even knowing why he wants what he wants, but he still wants it but almost every day he thinks about giving it up and doing anything else.

the innate pressure of being very good at the thing you want to make your career and not knowing how to handle that pressure. I could and have cried about it.

I think it's easy to write off the idea that there were high expectations for Carmy because he talked about not being good in school whatever, but to me he reads like someone that the second he showed talent in anything people we like wow this is the thing he's a genius.

He feels like a character that is incredibly intelligent that was not set up to succeed in the traditional school system, so anything else he showed interest in everyone jumped on.

There's a weird paradox of being the freaky genius child who no one can figure out why they're failing in school, not that I'm speaking from any level of experience.

I can't even fully explain the way that between Syd and Carmy the manifestations of my ambition feel so fully realized on this show.

I don't think either Carmy or Syd were given room to be anything except exceptional in their own ways. That is so much to put on a child, and their opposite reactions to that stress is amusing if it wasn't so sad.

It feels so overdone to talk about the pressure that puts on a kid, but this show feels like what happens when those kids don't burn out in adulthood. The thing they wanted continues to fuel them sometimes to their own detriment.

I have the most complicated relationship with ambition. Some days I want my dreams to come true so badly it already feels fully formed in front of me and other days I feel resentment for my own ambition so deep inside me I feel sick.

I came from a place where you weren't taught to want big things. I was encouraged just as much I was discouraged, and so much of the hopes and dreams of every adult around me rested on my tiny shoulders.

I felt it nearly every second of every day and I am still climbing out from that hole, trying to decide what I want and if I want it and negotiating with myself and losing nearly every second of every single day.

My dreams expanded when my world expanded, the possibilities grew as I realized that those who had encouraged me were right, their faith wasn't misplaced and I had something. Something I had to nurture, since letting it die felt like squandering something from the divine.

I'm still constantly uncomfortable with that gift. I fight screaming in my head as I attempt to nurture and squash out my gifts at the exact same time.

My intuition tells me that the discomfort I feel is because of the unknown. I am embarking on a path never set before. My trauma screams that this was all a waste, I dreamed too big, I set myself up for failure and the only way to remedy that is to return to my hometown in shame. A place I have no current ties to, but returning back to where I came from, in the year I have been away, feels like it would heal me, fix me, complete me.

Deep down I know it would actually just obscure the things I don't want to deal with. My trauma may have followed me across the country, but the perspective and clarity I have here is something that I have never possessed before.

There's a nakedness to being in a place where no one knows where you came from. You are an entirely new person here, and yet all of my trauma and shame and what feels like an inability to cope are louder here.

There is no geographical cure. I know moving back to the Midwest to self-sabotage over allowing for possible failure isn't a solution, it's a band-aid. Yet I want to welcome back the familiarity, I want to stand on the shores of a lake instead of an ocean, drive on two-lane highways instead of freeways.

I miss all the things I took for granted, I am happier here now, but the part of me I resented. The parts of me shaped by growing up there feel so present. I wonder sometimes if it's anything like withdrawal. I never understood homesickness growing up because I always resented the place I was supposed to call home, it was a slow poison. Now it feels like I would give anything for that poison.

Chappell Roan said once that she wrote The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess for all the people who knew they had to leave, but never wanted anything more than to be loved by the place they came from.

I haven't stopped thinking about it since I heard her say that because I had spent my whole life convinced I hated where I came from. That hating it was the only way I could ever live. Now I realize all I ever wanted was to be loved as much I loved it.

[elizabethemerald]

Son of the Red Hood: Reunions and First Meetings

Master Post

Jason was once again at the end of his rope. He had this wonderful, amazing kid in his life who could fly and float through walls, and influence his Pit Rage, and smiled like the sun, and all in all was still a kid. And sometimes kids threw fits. 

He had taken Danny to an abandoned and fenced off lot so the kid could get some practice with his powers where no one would see them. He hadn’t wanted Danny’s toys to be forgotten or dirtied in the lot, so he had made sure to leave behind his stuffed animals. Something Danny had taken incredible offense to. 

Of course the tyke hadn’t realized until they were in the abandoned lot, blocks away from Jason’s apartment that his toys had been left behind. And he was now bawling his eyes out, screaming at the top of his lungs for his toys. He was once again starkly reminded that Danny was a meta and many of his powers were tied to his emotions. Jason could only feel sympathy for what the Kents had to deal with when they were raising Clark. They even had to deal with a super powered toddler’s terrible twos. 

“I want my Jazztronaut! I want my Wonder Bear!” Danny screamed. 

Each scream rattled the walls around them and set off distant car alarms. Jason had brought his Red Hood gear so that if anyone saw them they wouldn’t recognize them and he was thankful he had as the sonic protections in the helmet activated and muffled his hearing. Though the fact that he could still hear his kid over the protections showed just how loud Danny could be. 

“I promise kiddo, we can go back and grab your bears! I’ll grab them as soon as I can, but you have to calm down.” Jason tried to reason, but one thing he knew from helping with the street kids in Crime Alley, sometimes a child just doesn’t want to be reasoned with. 

“I want Wonder Woman! I want Wonder Woman!” Danny shrieked even louder. 

Jason clamped his hands uselessly over the ear holes of his helmet as he staggered back. Holy shit this kid had a pair of pipes on him. If he didn’t have his helmet on he might be deaf now. 

“Danny, I’m sorry I forgot your bear.” Jason tried again, and Danny fell silent in surprise. He sniffed and his lip wobbled. What the hell was this kid’s life that someone apologizing to him got this kind of reaction? 

 “I’m sorry I yelled.” Danny whispered back, tears running down his face, though he was tense like he expected to be yelled at or worse. 

“Hey, it’s ok buddy.” Jason pulled his helmet off and he pulled the kid into his lap. “Sometimes your emotions can get too big for your body, I understand that. I really am sorry that I didn’t bring your bears. I’ll go get them soon, ok? But I can’t leave you alone to grab them.” 

“Perhaps I can be of some help?” 

Jason tensed as a woman’s voice sounded in the lot. He shifted Danny so he was protecting him with his body as a tall woman with black hair approached. She had greasy and sweat stained work out clothes, just like every other thug in the city, but she towered over him where he was sitting on the ground. He reached as subtly as he could for his gun, then paused as she stepped into the light. 

“Wait, Aunt Diana?” Jason asked, perplexed. 

“Hello, little Warrior.” Diana said with a small smile. Then she knelt down next to Danny. “And hello you too, little King.” 

Danny, his little devilish meta child, actually blushed at her attention. 

“I’m not a king yet.” He said softly. 

“I know. And yet I have followed your call for me and found you.” Diana said with all the gravitas she reserved for meeting foreign diplomats. 

“I thought I knew what was happening, but now I’m not so sure.” Jason said softly before he rose to his feet, lifting Danny onto his hip. 

“I’m not certain I can explain everything, but I can shed some light.” Diana said, standing as well, before addressing Danny. “Are you aware of someone by the name of Clockwork?” 

Danny’s eyes lit up and started glowing as he smiled. 

“Grandpa Clocky! He’s always tellin’ me boring things that I need to do and learn. But he keeps me safe and cares about me.” 

“Yes, well your grandfather has a few other grandchildren, one of which is me.” Diana held her hand out and shook Danny’s little, tiny hand. “Diana Prince. Some call me Wonder Woman.” 

Danny’s eyes glowed even brighter and he floated out of Jason’s arms. 

“So we’re like cousins! Or something!”

“Yes. Or something. And Clockwork sent me to find you, so you can be trained properly for when the crown is yours.” 

Jason genuinely couldn’t tell if Diana was being serious or if she was playing along, but either way he was grateful that she had appeared when she did and even more grateful that she seemed to be willing to help train Danny. 

“Thank you so much Aunt Diana.” Jason said with a smile. “Maybe you and I can talk about a training schedule together. In the meantime would you mind watching him while I go and grab the teddy bears that caused all this?”

“Of course. My cousin and I will get to know each other.” Diana said and gave Danny a warm smile. 

Jason pulled his grapple and left to return to his apartment, happy with the knowledge that Danny was safe with Diana. Though he had a lot of questions about why she had called him a king, and who the hell Clockwork was. 

.

Jazz had been on the move almost non stop ever since she had woken up yesterday. Her parents were dead. The portal in Amity was destroyed. Angela had said that Danny was killed by the blast too. But he wasn’t. She knew he wasn’t. She didn’t need the boo-merang to tell her that Danny was still out there somewhere. He was alive, and she would find him.

She had only stopped moving long enough to pass out in her car for a few hours during the drive to Gotham City. She was following a faint trail, a mere pressure in her mind that was leading her closer and closer to where her brother was. Whatever ecto contamination her parents had done to her over the years had given her a connection to her brother and she would follow that connection to the very jaws of hell itself if she had to.

She was running on fumes now. So was her car. She had made it into Gotham and the pull brought her to one of the poorer neighborhoods. In fact it looked like it was the poorest and most crime ridden part of the city. Graffiti covered every wall, and multiple burnt out wrecks of cars littered the sides of the streets.

Jazz slammed on the brakes and opened her car door. She was next to an abandoned and fenced off lot and her brother was here. She could feel him. She dashed tears and sweat from her eyes, slung her weapons over her shoulder and tied her hair back. When she left her car she left it with the door open and the key in the ignition. She doubted it would start again and she didn’t care enough, all she cared about was her brother.

She crouched next to the fence and leaped, putting her ectoplasmic strength into the jump as she easily cleared the twelve foot tall fence. She landed on the other side in another crouch, her eyes zeroing in on the woman standing in the middle of the lot.

The woman was easily as tall as Jazz and she was 6'8" thanks to the ectoplasm in her veins. The woman had long black hair and was built like an absolute tank. She was wearing work out clothes that showed off all of her muscles. If Jazz were in a better mental state she would be jealous.

But all she could focus on was the toddler just past the woman. The small, black haired, blue eyed boy that was her entire world. Danny. He was younger and smaller than he should be, but she would recognize him anywhere, and she had enough experience with ghostly shenanigans to recognize a simple deaging. She could deal with that later, now she just needed to recover her brother.

“Give him to me!” Jazz demanded as she stormed closer.

The beefy woman was between her and Danny, she couldn’t risk angering her, but all the words were trapped in her mind. All the deescalation techniques she learned, all the psychology she dedicated herself to, was all trapped and stuck. The woman turned to face her and Jazz pulled out her creep stick, her hands shaking.

“Give him to me.” She said again, the words feeling like nails dragging past her throat yet it was all she could say.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.” The woman said. She kept her hands open and spread apart. Some small part of Jazz’s mind said that she was trying to keep her body language open and friendly. But that part was overshadowed by her fear and her exhaustion.

“Give him to me!” She shrieked, wondering if she should be coughing up blood with how difficult the words were to drag out. She dashed forward and swung her creepstick. The woman blocked the blow with her forearm, but Jazz swung again and again. Each blow the woman either blocked or dodged without any visible effort.

“You have skills sister.” The woman said and she went on the attack.

Now Jazz was getting driven back across the lot. She was clearly out matched in every possible way, but she couldn’t back down. That was her brother. That was her brother. That was her brother. Danny. Danny. Danny.

The woman twisted her body and with a powerful kick the creepstick was sent flying across the yard. Jazz didn’t give her a moment to gloat at disarming her and instead pushed forward with her bare fists and legs, using all her skill with martial arts, managing to push the other woman back one step at a time. Still she looked calm and confident as if she did this every single day.

Jazz ducked under one of the woman’s blows and managed to pull her knife. She thrust the blade forward with all her might, putting her full ectoplasm enhanced strength behind the blow. And watched in horror as the blade shattered against the woman’s shoulder.

“Well struck!” The woman seemed genuinely impressed. Then she twisted and almost without effort threw Jazz to the ground.

Jazz gasped in air as she stared up at her, then passed her to where her brother hovered in the air, watching like this was all an exciting movie.

“Please.” She forced the word out, like broken glass down her throat. “Give him to me.”

She begged. Desperately. The woman startled and pulled a long rope from under her sweats. With a flick of her wrist the cord wrapped around Jazz’s body.

“We’ll soon find the truth of this. Why do you want the boy?”

The cord glowed around her and even past her pain and her fear and her exhaustion the words came.

“He’s my brother.”

She gasped the words out.

“He’s my brother.”

Her throat was closing and her breath was coming faster and faster. Her own fist collided with her forehead.

“He’s my brother.”

She sobbed the words out, her vision fading as she hit herself again. A high pitched keening noise pulled itself out of her, no more words were coming, just her raw expression of grief and longing and she hit herself again. She smacked her fist into her forehead and when she went to do it again, she felt a tiny hand wrap around her wrist.

“No Jazz! No hurting. No hurting.”

Danny’s little voice. Just like when he was first a child and would help her when she melted down. When her parents ignored her desire not to be touched, when they made her speak even when the words hurt like gargling acid, when the noise of the lab wouldn’t stop and pounded into her head like a jack hammer. He was always there for her, ever since he had understood what she was doing and why. 

She didn’t try to pull her arm out of his hand but she hit herself again with her other hand. She could hear Danny begging her to stop, but she couldn’t, she couldn’t, she couldn’t. She went to hit herself again and a strong, calloused hand grabbed her wrist, then just as gently as if she were something precious and valuable held her other hand to keep her from hurting herself.

“Now, young one, there is no call for that.”

“Jazz it’s ok.” Danny whispered, because he knew the loud voices bothered her. Then he started humming, so softly she could barely feel it, yet his humming vibrated with ectoplasm and carried down all the way to her infant ghost core.

He was hugging her and holding her and humming to her and slowly, muscle by muscle her tension unwound. She could think again, she didn’t think she would be able to speak yet, but at the very least she could pull her wrists from the gentle hold of the other woman and wrap her arms around her little brother.

She held her brother, her Danny and sobbed and sobbed. She had gone through too much. She had been told she had lost her parents and that everyone she loved, including her beloved brother were dead, her home destroyed. Then she had driven half way across the country following a desperate thread to try and find him only to be beaten by the first stranger she encountered. But at the very least, she had her brother back in her arms again. Just like she was supposed to.

.

Diana watched the young woman cry, raw grief tearing its way through her. Jason had asked her to watch over the little King, and she would do so. She couldn’t hand the child over to the obviously distressed woman who had demanded him. She had defended herself, just like she would do during any of the spars with her sisters on Themyscira. 

However, she had misjudged her opponent. This woman was not fighting with the relaxed energy of a friendly spar. She was desperately fighting, just as she had desperately begged for the boy. Lord Clockwork had not mentioned that the little King would have any siblings, but perhaps it merely showed that the Lord of Time still needed to learn the importance of  mortal lives. 

Even without the magic of the Lasso of Truth, Diana could see the love Danny had for his sister. She could see the way he knew exactly how to stop her from harming herself. How the young woman, the King had called her Jazz, didn’t risk harming the child when he held her wrist, instead using her other hand. 

Now she could see the love, almost like a physical aura off the two young ones. She had found her charge, the young King she was to train, she had found him with an able caretaker, and she had found him in time to see the reunion between the King and his sister. Maybe she would have another to train and to teach, and the young King would have a valiant protector. 

She turned at the sound of a grapple and Jason landed next to her, two teddy bears in his hand. One was dressed as an astronaut and the other was wearing a cloth version of Diana’s own armor. He was staring at the woman who was sobbing and holding Danny as if he were the most precious thing in the world. 

“What the hell did I miss?” 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for taking part in testing a stranger a few years ago?

Sounds worse than it is but I just want to ask. Long story bear with me. Fake names, all of us were 19-21 when it happened.

I'm in a very close friend group where we all share multiple fandoms, went through all kinds of discourse hell and fandom drama together for years. We're closeknit and we only get closer with time. One of the pillars of this group is Pearl who I deeply admire. Pearl is popular because she has good meta analysis and she's a vocal progressive just like everyone else in the group. All of us are popular to some degree but she's the most eloquent among us.

A few years ago we were hosting a group chat session to discuss a new show, Pearl was the host and she posted the invite for anyone to join. A new account named Ruby who was following some members of our group for a while, joined the chat along with a some other unknown people and a few mutuals. The chat had about 20 people, don't remember the exact number. So it was Pearl, her friends including me, some mutuals, some new people- all from Sauce fandom.

We were really happy to see so many Sauce fans like the new show. We were having fun until Pearl brought up shipwar from Sauce fandom for the sake of a mutual who was out of the loop. It was a mayo/ketchup vs ketchup/mustard drama and we were fans of mayo/ketchup. We were all shitting on the delulu ketchup/mustard shippers when Ruby said she was one of them. Pearl immediately showed her shitty takes from mustard fans, screenshots of anon hate Pearl got and some other things I can't remember. She asked for Ruby's opinion on those.

I admit Pearl was a little bit condescending, but at that time I was too busy agreeing with her and laughing about mustard/ketchup shippers' idiocy. I was giving more examples to support Pearl in case Ruby decided to counter. Ruby on the other hand laughed and said she also thought those anons were obnoxious and said she was only a casual fan. Pearl said she was relieved because these days you can't trust mustard/ketchup shippers to be normal. We went back to the original topic.

That was over, but I kept an eye on Ruby and I remember she unfollowed Pearl after a few days. I brought it up later a couple times when new members of our group became mutuals with Ruby. And one of them was outright making fun of her for being a little simpleton but we grew up and had other things to talk about.

Then I saw Ruby left Sauce fandom for Fruits fandom where she became a little more popular for meta discussions. She's still friends with a couple people from my group who are casual fans of Fruits. She sometimes shows up on my dash for general fiction takes I agree with. All good. But yesterday I saw her talking to her friends about something friendship and virtue signalling related, she said it was weird how many times she's been "tested" by fellow fans including people who she knew for years, and she thought maybe it was because she came off as dumb and oblivious. She implied She never needed to test anyone.

Now I don't know about other times Ruby was tested but I remembered the story from above when I was one of the strangers testing her and I'm wondering if it was a bad thing to do? I can see why she thought it was maybe rude. But it is true that many shippers happen to have dumb takes and I'd rather not waste my time, rival shipper or not. It's not even a big deal.

So Was I the asshole?

PS thank you for reading the full story and sorry I will not say the real names of Sauce fandom or its ships, none of us go there anymore.

What are these acronyms?

[offtorivendell]

I just recently finished the actors series and I was reading up on the mating bonds and I came across your post about Lucien and Elain’s mating bond from a few years ago and how it potentially could be wrong from the cauldron and I find it super interesting and have seen multiple theories on it! I do think that Azriel might be right and the cauldron made a mistake but that leads me to think about Nesta/Cassian so I was hoping you could help me understand their mating bond! Could this not be considered the same for them? Is their bond not considered made by the Cauldron when Nesta was thrown in as well or how does their bond differ from Elain/Luciens? I could be overlooking but the info on the bonds is also hard for me to wrap my head around 😂

Hi and thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read my nonsense!

I assume you are talking about this post from May 2021 - "What if the Cauldron was wrong?" - in which, to briefly sum up, I suggested that Elain and Azriel were actually meant to be mates, and that Lucien was chosen by the Cauldron as Elain's mate because Azriel was currently "dead" to its senses thanks to taking a poisoned ash arrow in his chest, and Lucien's true mate, Jesminda, had already died.

I know you sent this last week, I'm sorry about the wait - which, sadly, is not nearly the worst wait time for the asks I've been procrastinating on over the last couple of years lol, sorry to anyone who sent something I've flaked on - but funnily enough, there has been some renewed discourse this week.

In addition to this ask, I'd recommend checking out the following (bearing in mind that some may contain spoilers for the entire Maasverse):

The OP and my recent reblog of this post.

This similar ask I recently answered.

This thread and this thread by @silverlinedeyes.

This thread by @elriell.

This post by @icedflames.

This thread by @psychologynerd.

This thread by @wingedblooms.

This thread by @violetasteracademic.

These two posts, here (ACOTAR only) and here (with evidence from the Maasverse suggesting something might've happened to the Cauldron).

It's difficult to explain the entire (hypothesised) lore behind SJM's mating bonds without delving into the worlds of TOG and CC, so I'll attempt a very basic discussion about the Archeron sisters and bat boys (please note that all of these theories are due to a shared effort within the Elriel fandom, not limited to the accounts I tagged above); the following will be based on the theory that there are two types of bonds in Prythian: the original, mutual soul bonds, and offspring bonds for breeding purposes that may be a Cauldron-Made imitation of the original bonds.

In short, I believe Nesta and Cassian's bonus chapter from ACOMAF, and his behaviour towards her while everything was going wrong at Hybern, strongly suggested they already shared a mating bond that would have obviously predated Nesta being Made by the Cauldron at the end of the book; this would have been similar to Feyre and Rhys, who we know shared a bond that predated Feyre being Made by the High Lords. And not to make this Elriel, but for the sake of being complete, the first "family" dinner shared by all six brothers and sisters in the human lands appeared to show Azriel acting differently (in his own unique way) around Elain, just as Cassian was so obviously drawn to Nesta.

Lucien, on the other hand, didn't act in such a way that demonstrated, without any doubt, that he felt anything for Elain in particular before she went into the Cauldron at Hybern (which I discussed in my first mating bond meta that I linked above). Azriel, though? It's definitely murky, but imo his responses at Hybern, while downed with a poisoned arrow, could plausibly suggest he felt something for Elain, assuming SJM wants to go the "true bond" way. As Nesta, who could see through glamours as a human, said to Lucien right after he'd claimed Elain: "She is no such thing!"

Remember this passage between Feyre and Rhys, in the original trilogy?

“A mating bond can be rejected,” Rhys said mildly, eyes flickering in the mirror as he drank in every inch of bare skin I had on display. “There is choice. And sometimes, yes—the bond picks poorly. Sometimes, the bond is nothing more than some … preordained guesswork at who will provide the strongest offspring. At its basest level, it’s perhaps only that. Some natural function, not an indication of true, paired souls.” A smile at me—at the rareness, perhaps, of what we had. - ACOWAR, chapter 24

Rhys said that sometimes, the bond is nothing more than "preordained guesswork," which suggests that sometimes it is more than that. I (and many others, but definitely not everyone in the fandom) think that Feysand and Nessian have the "rarer" type of bond, between "true, paired souls," while Elucien does not. I guess there's always the possibility that Feysand and Nessian also share offspring bonds, but given what happened in ACOSF that would appear to be... unwise on the Cauldron's behalf. But who knows.

Anyway anon, I hope this response helps to clear the theory up for you. If you have read the rest of the Maasverse then the posts I linked above are a really good grounding in the theories behind why mating bonds may not all be created equal.

[hongluboobs]

tumblr user hong lu boobs have you played any of the new canto yet im very interested in your thoughts

Yes I do!!! I don't want to make a big post on Some Of The Stuff til the whole canto is up (if you are aware of this account and some of my recent postings it may become aware of what i am talking about) but ohhghghgh. This shit Re Awakened the naive cyanism in me!! I thought it was gone. I thought I was over Hong Lu! I haven't even been doing my dailies and weeklies as of late that's how out of it i've been. but NOPE!! We are sooooo limback babey!!

(i apologize for yapping about hong lu right off the bat. its not that guy's turn yet. it's don's world and we are all just living it, but with the way don's character is structured my brain goes more towards a "wait and see" approach for her. I know it'll be awesome and i Am invested but like. this is hong lu boobs dot tumblr dot com. I'm sorry women)

I'll put some basic stuff above the cut and then some more spoiler-y stuff below.

HUGE fan of the presentation this canto. PJM continues to get crazier with this stuff every canto and this is no exception.

In the light of that previous bullet, I am fully expecting some meta fuckery here. They've pulled some cool stuff at the ends of cantos 5 and 6 but. this is the sinner about delusion/unreality! I Live In Fear of whatever pm is cooking.

The setting is also REALLY fun. whenever I saw a new battle bg i was cheering and clapping. they're all so fun and whimsical and there's so much potential for interesting things

I really like seeing how people dress in the north of the city! We've had so many new factions/branches of factions thrown at us so far and I love a lot of the outfits! Will this still hold true when I try to draw them and get upset at the level of detail after drawing standard formalwear on pm characters for so long? Maybe!

The CGs have been really clean so far? As an artist I get worried about this stuff sometimes because it's a lot of work to get done but all the ones I've seen so far are really nice :)

If you aren't reading passives and status effects this canto. do that. my brain might be a little too small atm to comprehend some of the gimmicks w the main enemy type but some of the wording in the enemies passives may be hinting at things. Also some of them are really funny

this Might be my favorite direction they've taken the OST? Honestly it's so hard to pick because this ost NEVER misses but I've been typing this whole thing to that one boss's theme (you know the one)

If you've played through the first part of the canto, feel free to click through the read more for some of my thoughts that delve more into spoiler territory

I am so intimidated anytime the screen goes black and I have to deal with various colored text and Scary Voiceover. I cannot say much on it aside from just how scared i get whenever it happens. I'm pretty bad at identifying voices (especially if i don't understand the language) but these lines just get. so interesting

Here they are all together for my convenience (and potentially yours :) )

I don't have a ton to say on it especially because anything I say can be proven wrong Very Quickly and I am not a don quixote scholar but I think the "Please, please! I don't want an adventure, stop! Please!" line from (who i assume to me) second kindred don is VERY interesting. much to think about regardless!

UPDATE: while I was writing this my buddy lu-is-not-ok (follow him. if you like what I do you'll like what he does.) sent me this image.

Yep, we've got identity stuff going on. Yellow seems to be Our Don Quixote (It's her text color, at least, but back then she'd be the bloodfiend second kindred, hence being able to obliterate that bear immediately, and acting less in line with the DQ we know and love) while red is... maybe the original don quixote? The original owner of rocinate at least,("Your running shoes look like they could fetch a nice price...") who seems obsessed with justice and fixers like ours. I haven't read the book so I don't feel like I can add a ton more to this aside from flat speculation but I am very interested in how this develops.

Ok now I want to talk about Hong Lu stuff. Let's ignore the elephant in the room for just a second :)

I'm a big fan of the exchange between Dante, Verg, and Hong Lu. THERE IS SO MUCH CONCERNING FORESHADOWING IN HERE!!!!! OH MY GOG. I can't handle it.

the specific wording of "the most lucid one" is SO interesting to me. fully expecting these cantos to be a True Combo. I was already anticipating it because they both have so much to do with rules and the boundary of reality and delusion but with the familial hierarchy theme present in bloodfiends its Definitely happening. And the light in Hong Lu's left eye going dimmer??? with the water theming being used??? Gloom/sinking themed distortion Please Please Please. you're nothing. Theres some water connections from the book irt the land of illusion (near the end bao-yu's enlightenment is seen as realizing that everything is akin to moonlight mirrored in the water- it ultimately doesn't matter and everything predestined to happen will occur regardless) and this water theming is present in Hong Lu as well (base ego) but it's really interesting to see it Like This.\

And now. there's probably some other stuff I can talk about but I wanna say things about The Elephant In The Room. If you follow my stuff and are caught up on this canto you know what I'm talking about.

I have been compiling a diagram with every mention of Hong Lu's family across all his dialogue. (which you can see here if interested, though it's now outdated for obvious reasons) We only really get vague mentions, the only direct family appearance is Jia Huan, who shows up to say one line and then fucks off.

I was not expecting to get stuff on Hong Lu This Early. They've been giving us mostly crumbs and I was NOT expecting to get hit by All This. I have been surviving on scraps and I just had the Hong Lu lore equivalent of a rotisserie chicken thrown to me. I'm kind of rusty on DOTRC because I haven't touched up on it in a while and as such I cannot give too many details but it's very interesting to see Xichun.

I'm going to check up on Xichun's characterization in the source later because there's so many characters in that book and she wasn't really one I had that close an eye on during my read. From what I remember, she's one of Bao-yu's cousins who lives in the garden with him, and eventually runs away to become a nun when the family starts falling into decline. (mirroring Bao-yu running away to become a monk for the same reasons.) I'm probably missing stuff I'll catch when I go out to reread the book, but based on how she's depicted here it gives me more of an idea about what themes of dotrc they're pushing for canto 8.

They're for sure emphasizing the familial abuse and how fucked up the jia family is. It almost reads like all of the siblings are in competition with each other (building "factions"). and Hong Lu has said his siblings have attempted to kill him before.

Hong Lu has been like this, which lines up with his book equivalent of Bao-yu, who is notorious for being childish/naive and not necessarily working within the pre established rules and conventions set up by his family. I'm curious how he's managed to survive this long with the jias a lot more willing to Kill Eachother.

"My most amicable sibling" fucks me up so much. what the hell is this family's deal man. I'm really curious about this line, because xichun is not a sibling but a cousin in the book. I'm curious what's gonna happen with Bao-chai and Dai-yu in Limbus because it's very challenging to adapt this story without those two. Dai-yu in Dotrc is one of the characters Bao-yu feels most comfortable being himself around. Generally, the female characters in DOTRC are better people than the male ones, and Bao-yu spends most of his time with the girls as a result. I'm curious how/if they'll adapt this because it's a pretty big thing in the book and they serve as an escape for Bao-yu from dealing with the nightmare that is people like his father. I feel if it was happening, they'd probably write Xichun a little kinder, but I don't know nearly enough to make any sort of call yet. Absolutely TERRIFIED (positive. this is a good thing) for what PM is cooking.

I'm gonna have to cut this off here because i have A Lot of thoughts but i also have many assignments to finish and have been typing this for way too long! Thank you for asking the question anon I hope you enjoyed reading some of my thoughts :) !!

[drconstellation]

i'm sorry i'm a bit slow when it comes to reading comprehension...i thought crowley saves the goats because he doesn't want to kill them, not because they're associated with demons? or did i get that wrong? 🙈

Angelic Sheep and Demonic (Scape)Goats

[Just for reference, the question above was prompted by another meta: Goats, Crows and The Flood]

Thank you for the question. This gives me a chance to write up a sheep and goat meta at length - but I hope you're not going to regret asking it, because its not a simple answer. While I am always saying "it never is in the GOmens AU" I have to admit this one took off with a life of its own (the metas do that sometimes) and has ended up much longer than I thought it would and went to places I didn't expect it to go, but sometimes that is the joy of writing these.

Crowley doesn't want to kill them because he thinks they are innocent and blameless, just like the children of Job - and by extension, we are meant to see he thinks he was unfairly blamed and condemned to be a demon as well. That's it at its most simple level, but by understanding why there is an association between demons and goats will give you a much deeper insight into Crowley's story and why he would act this way. S2 of GOmens is like an onion, you need to peel that thin dry skin off and then slice through several more juicy layers to get the full depth of flavor into the complex meal that has been created for us. Its worth the tears that the chopping of the onion releases in the end. Are you brave enough to find out?

Take the conversation above, between Sitis and Bildad/Crawley. Sitis is a parallel-character to Aziraphale here, wearing the angel's signature teal green, and she questions the demon about the children being threatened with destruction. Then let us put these two parallel scenes side-by side: Sitis vs Bildad and Aziraphale vs Heaven

AZIRAPHALE: Oh. So just his worldly goods. MURIEL: Exactly. Oh, nothing important, no. Just his farm, his camels, his goat, his oxen, his children, his geese… AZIRAPHALE: His WHAT?! MURIEL: His geese. You know, big cross ducks.[flaps arms] AZIRAPHALE: His children?

So we have Sitis looking in horror at a demon at the potential death of her children, and then we have Aziraphale looking in horror at Heaven acting demon-like, not caring if children are destroyed in pursuit of victory over Satan. "Trust in God's plan, Aziraphale. Always," admonishes the shoulder-demon Gabriel (he is so often a shoulder demon - I have words to say about this! - in another meta) In other words, be a good sheep, Aziraphale, and have faith in the Almighty. Don't worry about the goats, or kids. They aren't important.

If you listen carefully during the Job minisode, A Companion to Owls, you'll notice Gabriel prefers to emphasize the number of sheep that will be returned to Job in the end. The Christian church is very big on the sheep imagery! Sheep are considered to be modest, humble, obedient (because they follow one another - you need to be a good follower!) and patient. They follow their shepherd's voice and goes where he directs. (Uh huh...) Followers are described as being part of a flock.

Goats, on the other hand (ah, yes, we'll talk about that in a moment) are considered to be a bit on the nose. Literally. A rutting billy goat is described as having a 'fetid' smell, they can be promiscuous, capricious, devious (wily?) and contrary. Their strong-mindedness, singleness of purpose and leadership qualities (!*) make them the opposite of sheep. While going your own independent way is frowned upon by Heaven, this leading quality of the goat is sometimes used to lead the sheep.

"There are three things that are stately in their stride, four that move with stately bearing: a lion, mighty among beasts, who retreats before nothing; a strutting rooster, a he-goat, and a king with his army around him." Proverbs 30: 29-31

Did you get a good whiff of that sinister archangel, Shax?

(oh boy, some of the stuff I found researching this for more detail...such as "going your own way creates disunity...this leads others astray..." wtf! Looking at this in context with the show makes it kind of, well, some things make more sense to me now? I guess that's a big reflection on the kind of culture I personally grew up in, because I know there are cultures where unity and togetherness is looked upon as happiness and harmony.)

In the tv show, we know the scene blocking - where the characters stand - has great importance. Standing on the right-hand shoulder of another character makes them a shoulder-angel (the dexter side), standing on the left a shoulder-demon (the sinister side.) By watching who stands where usually tells us what moral stance they are taking in that scene.

If we take the example from the Job minisode below, we can see quite an interesting dynamic from the scene blocking. On the left, we have Sitis and Job, who is crouching down. They are an Aziraphale-Crowley parallel-pair, and they are even colour-coded with their colours! Sitis, in Aziraphale's teal on the angelic right of yellow tunic-wearing Job, who's modelling Crowley's suffering for sin but without understanding why. Job has crouched down to highlight Crowley's entrance. On the right the glowing angels are arrayed - Michael on the angelic right shoulder, Gabriel in the middle (more often than not he stands on the demonic left) but this time Aziraphale is taking the far left demonic position, and we know why - he's about to lie like a demon! But even on a grander scale, Sitis, Job and Crowley all stand on the angelic RHS of the visiting angels, making the archangels and Aziraphale all collectively LHS demons in this scene. And Gabriel thought they'd won the bet...*snort*

You should all take a moment to appreciate this piece of Art. Go on. Do it.

Sheep and goats had this right- and left-handedness meted out to them long ago in the bible. The sheep belong to the morally righteous right-hand side, of course, the side of angels, and the goats to the demonic left.

But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. Before him all the nations will be gathered, and he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. Matthew 25:31-33

This passage and the following lines from Matthew describes how Jesus will judge the righteous from the sinners, and those who have been deemed good will be saved, but those who are deemed unworthy will be treated like goats: "Then he will say also to those on the left hand, 'Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire which is prepared for the the devil and his angels" Matthew 25:41

So we've established the link between goats being demons, and the left-hand side, so they have an affinity with Crowley. We can do a bit of humorous visual and word play between kids and children.

Children.

ah.

oh. OH. Hang on a minute...

Lets just take a step back to the beginning of the minisode, where Crawley delivers his short monologue to the assembled goats.

CRAWLEY: You should know why you're about to die. God has abandoned you. The God who claims to love you, who demands your praise, has given you up to be destroyed.

They're rather small goats, aren't they. The kind of size that makes you wonder if they are goat children or grown goats... you know, it doesn't matter - they are little, cute and innocent. You are meant to associate them with kids, now, and in the past. (Like, in the way, way back past. Like not just the Flood, but the Before the Beginning past.) What matters is Crawley's speech to them, because it sounds very much like him repeating his own experience about his Fall from Heaven. We already know from S1 there is a conflict around Crowley's Fall involving wanting to ask God questions. We get to explore this further several times in S2.

Then later, after emerging from Job's cellar, they witness God talking to Job.

AZIRAPHALE: I don't suppose he's getting any answers. CRAWLEY: No. But just to be able to ask the question.

We don't hear all the lines God speaks to Job, but we hear enough to them to understand that they come from the Book of Job 38 and 39. The context behind these two verses is...interesting. I was going to delve into them a little more but I think that will get us off track on this meta, so perhaps I should come back and revisit it separately, but we can note that several ops have pointed out that the lines we do hear God speak clearly to Job can be connected to Crowley. There are no coincidental accidents in S2.

But just look at Job in that last image - the light of God shining brightly down through a hole in the clouds, darkness all around...

Hmm. Remind you of anything. Like maybe... another Voice from above?

Who we've seen has shown a particular dislike for a certain demon, even though most certainly remembers what his name is.

METATRON: Ah, well, always did want to go his own way. Always asking damn fool questions, too.

Well, doesn't that sound just like a demon goat.

That withering look the Metatron gave Crowley in S2E6, the comment about asking "damn fool questions," - just about the only conclusion you can come to is that the Metatron had something to do with Crowley's Fall. What and how exactly is still unclear, but there are some clues in Gabriel's story, as Gabriel is acting as both a parallel and foil to Crowley in S2. At this point we should also talk about the scapegoat ritual that was widely practiced around the near Middle East regions for quite some time.

The scapegoat ritual involved two young goats being chosen for sacrifice, but one of them had the sins of the community spoken over them then set free to wander into the desert wilderness to die, while the other was sacrificed as a Burnt offering to God. This was a symbolic way of removing sins from the community.

It is also applied to the Passion of Jesus. When the gathered crowds are offered the choice between letting Jesus or Barabbas go free, they choose Barabbas. I've written at length how I see this applied to S2 in this meta here: The Passion of Jimbriel: Resurrection and while Gabriel and Crowley share the role of Jesus fairly equally throughout the Passion story line, there is one point it can be split and Gabriel becomes the Barabbas and the goat that was released into the wilderness and Crowley becomes Jesus on the cross - but he turns into the sacrificial lamb! Perhaps that needs to be changed to the burnt offering...

I know there are quite a few meta ops that are aware of the scapegoat ritual, and more often than not I see Aziraphale being suggested as the current scapegoat. But the way I see the ritual being used in GO is not so much in the present story but in the past, and Crowley was the unwilling scapegoat for the rebelling angels that fell.

OK, I think I've run out spoons on this meta, but seeing how its managed to be at least twice the size I initially envisioned it to be, and its since generated two more meta ideas in the writing of it on top of the ones I'm already trying to do, that isn't too bad.

I'll wrap it up by saying no matter who the scapegoat is, Aziraphale needs to let his inner lion out so he can be The GOAT in S3. I'm sure the original nanny-goat will applaud that.

*talking about that topic...I should have a meta out soon centered around Crowley and Gabriel that will cover this. I will probably come back and edit a link in to it.

[esther-dot]

I'm sorry, that's gonna be a really weird ask from one jonsa stan to another but I'm genuinely curious - is there any anti jonsa argument/claim that actually made sense to you? I'm really asking for the sake of, well, civilised discussion - because if there are arguments there ought to be reasonable counterarguments. And all that I see is the same tired old crap - "she's not his favourite sister" and "but they are relatives!" and all the other stuff. Given, of course I'm not hanging around jonry@ and jon@erys side of this fandom (dark things happen to any sansa and jonsa stans there) and have no idea if they have any reasonable metas. Or maybe if there was a moment that made you actually question possibility of jonsa happening in books? (once again - because I'm anxious like that - I'm not asking this to disprove something or make people question jonsa but because I wonder if you personally had this sort of experience).

Thank you and hope you're having a nice day!

No worries! I enjoy looking at things from different angles, so I don’t mind at all. Unfortunately, I haven’t read anti jonsa stuff that isn’t exactly what you described, so I can’t actually have the convo you want about this. I tried to go to some jonerys blogs but their anti tags weren’t what we’re looking for. There’s a blogger people view as neutral who other Sansa fans/Jonsas put on my dash, and a BNF who people I follow also reblog from, so I went over to their blogs to look around and they’re less rabid, but I can’t say they offered though-provoking pushback. I’ll share some snippets though, in case you’re interested.

There was the old "but their siblings" argument:

I, ah, I do not think Jon marries Sansa in any scenario. Regardless of biological relationship, they think of themselves as siblings. The people around them are also quite likely to consider them siblings or as good as, having been raised as such (see also Theon being accused of kinslaying over his apparent murder of Bran and Rickon). Nor do I think either would be in a rush to go back to the traditional “but the Targaryens practiced incest,” again considering that their society is strongly anti-incest. Jon and Sansa were raised together, in the same house, as brother and sister, and that makes a material difference.

But you know, raised as siblings and please nobody try the “but they weren’t close” with me, that’s so not true.

It’s interesting to see someone say they were close, that’s not something I’ve seen before. I suppose my biggest issue with this line of thought is that it feels true for a generic fantasy maybe, but hardly convincing when talking about ASOIAF? Martin wants to talk about incest. So far, we have all the bad, abusive variations covered. I think he’s gonna work some shades of grey into it the same way he tries to do with everything he discusses, and to pretend like he would never feels disingenuous to me. Even if he ultimately abandoned the initial draft, from the author’s mind came the idea of a Jon / Stark girl romance. He has entertained it. Secondly, Jon is a Targ and it’s reasonable to expect that to manifest somehow, or at least, for Jon to experience the fear that there’s something latent there. And third, if we’re gonna get a romance, I think Martin would write it with the complexity and inner struggle that he writes everything and fauxcest offers him that opportunity, not to mention all the parallels it would allow as well.

Let's see...I also saw that they object to the Beauty and the Beast reading of Jonsa:

And I've been searching but apparently I never posted the rest of my "Bear and the Maiden Fair" thoughts, but that's the in-world Beauty and the Beast story. Through that and looking at bears elsewhere in the story, you can track this idea of the beast not being a monster, but being perceived as one by society, an outcast, which is why the Hound, Tyrion, and Jon all fit the role/are related (in a way), and why Jon will be the final suitor or real bear/beast.

The next one, I’m just gonna post the whole thing:

I’m not sure if the best part is the implication that Jon/Dany (which they believe is inevitable) have what’s required to allow for “quick deep emotional connections” or if it’s reading the Hound insult and threaten and then finally put a knife to Sansa’s throat and deciding “romance! chivalry!” The Hound may be disillusioned, but the fandom has got to stop pretending like some of his espoused beliefs aren’t self-serving, a defense because he is a monster. We have Brienne and Jon showing us different versions of knights, true knights, so acting like the Hound is in the right is just bizarre.

Anyway, no, I’ve not read an anti argument that made me doubt it. I do doubt what Martin is aiming for at times, so I’ve vacillated between potential paths/endgames for them over the years, but the anti arguments generally are coming from a reading of characters and dynamics that’s disturbing to me which means I’m usually alienated, not compelled.

[ananke-xiii]

There's a line from s11e20 "Don't call me Shurley" that got stuck into my little nogging and it's when Chuck tells Metatron "You were just the closest angel to the door when I walked into the room".

Now assuming that Chuck is a lying liar who lies I still like this line because it says way more about Chuck than about Metatron. Then Chuck goes on and delivers his cheap shot: "There's nothing special about you, Metatron. Not then… not now".

(Little aside: AND THEN Amara comes in a few episodes later and calls Metatron "The secretary"?! I mean, how can people not love her? Yes, she might have eaten a few souls so what? Sue her! He brother has eliminated WORLDS because Dean wouldn't bend the knee to him, who's the crazy sibling, huh? *insert a meta about Dean only willing to bend the knee to Cas in Purgatory and all the entendres intended*).

Anyway, for all his pettiness and shrewdness (Metatron is a great villain and I will die on this hill), Metatron replies with surprising grace:

"And I don't care if I was just the angel nearest the door. You picked me. Your light shined on me – Me! Oh, and the warmth. But then you left me. You left all of us."

My little fragile heart trembled a little to these words because... well, it's like the OG trauma, isn't it? To be chosen by your parents, to be loved unconditionally, to be somebody's favorite person... Oh, the warmth.

And so it hit me, I finally saw why I love SPN's angels so much. They are ALL (Cas included) a bunch of children screaming and kicking their feet because they want to be loved, thinking that if they follow their orders, if they fulfill their duties they will be loved.

They are all Lucifer minus the action and the mark.

These are Chuck's words to soothe Lucifer in "We Happy Few": I did. I was supposed to love all creation equally. I wasn’t supposed to have favorites. But you… You were mine. I gave you the Mark because I loved you the most, because I thought you were strong enough to bear it. And when I saw that I was wrong… When I watched my choice devour my most cherished son, I hated myself, and so I punished you. And I am so sorry."

Yes, Chuck is a lying liar who lies. Maybe he chose Lucifer because he was the one closest to the door. Who knows? Chuck doesn't care. Every angel's deepest desire is to be loved by God, to be the chosen one, to be his favorite. Which is both sad and... human? I guess it's a tragedy from the human perspective but maybe the human perspective is limited.

I don't really like the finale with Jack as God for a variety of reasons but, conceptually, the idea of a half-angel and half-human (Kelly Kline you will NOT be forgotten) becoming god is not that bad (Hello Jesus!). Especially if the half-angel part is theoretically (well in pratice too but I mean biology what amirite?)Lucifer's. Because, as Sam says in "We Happy Few": I-I can’t believe I’m actually about to say this, but… um. Lucifer is right.

At the end of the day, SPN as a narrative, did, in a very convoluted and maybe unintentional way, agree with Lucifer.

Like, Lucifer was right. And I know that if we put on our morality glasses Lucifer is evil incarnate etc but honestly? By the same lensens, the whole heavenly host is kinda evil. They ALL (Cas included) did a lot of pretty horrible stuff. All the horror and the pain for a God that doesn't care.

So I guess what should have been explored in Dabb's era was not so much nurture vs nature but more "what does it mean to be half-angel?" 'Cause really, ALL angels are a little bit like Lucifer. And if no angel really represents "good" what are we, humans, left with? Does the question "nurture vs nature" even make sense?

There's really nothing SPECIAL about any of us, humans, angels, demons, monsters. We ALL want to just be chosen and loved unconditionally. It turns out angels are not that different from humans, aren't they?

[michelleelizabethtanner]

So obviously, we know that Beth and Rio hooked up a few times… sexually. But what do you think are your favourite non-sexual moments of tenderness between Beth and Rio?

Or whatever you find most meaningful coming from like a non-verbal or basically anything that’s not sexual standpoint. I find their communication so unique but I know a lot of it likely goes over my head.

I’ve sat on this for a bit, Anon. Sorry about that. It was in part because I was using all my Brio time to finish that dang fic I’ve been fighting with for over a year, but also because I feel like I need a rewatch and a refresh on all the details. I haven’t seen any part of the show since last October when I watched a few episodes while visiting a fandom friend (so we basically HAD to do it, amirite?), and I feel like I’m forgetting a lot of the details and just remember the general vibes. I agree, the magic of Brio is in the unspoken. Or rather, unverbalized. Sometimes they understand each other perfectly regardless, and sometimes they don’t (and someone gets shot on accident.)

I’ve named this scene before, but I really love their little discussion about Smurfing. I have more detail about why I love it in this post from a while back which tumblr for whatever reason isn’t letting me embed in a link so here is the whole entire thig https://www.tumblr.com/michelleelizabethtanner/704994865351622656/girl-i-love-all-your-analysis-and-meta-and?source=share

That post also has mention of some of my other favorite moments between them. Some sexual, some not. But always romantic.

If you think about it, they’ve had so few real interactions between them that almost all of them are laden with meaning. There are your obvious ones like “the dubby” and all of 4.08 and his broken little “you just didn’t choose me.” (Whyyyy can’t I link back to my old posts on these topics, this is so annoying!) But there’s also these quiet sideways little glances between them. The dropped eyes. The missed moments when one is pointedly ignoring that the other is watching them.

The “I’m worth it” when he finds out the feds made her an offer, followed by his little shoulder touch with an offer of the whole bottle of her bourbon as a thank you gift when he thought maybe she’d chosen him. So reminiscent of that empathetic little shoulder touch and an offer to drink on his tab from back before things went so bad between them, when she’d told him her husband took her children. That history! Their shared understanding and him showing her both times that he understood her position because maybe he’d been in both those positions himself before.

The quiet “how’d you get that?” when he shows up all embarrassed with his black eye which he’ll never tell her he got over her.

The hurt and bitter “you, me, we – it’s just business,” when he knows they’re nothing of the sort. When he’d killed a woman and made Beth watch to hurt her, and when he couldn’t bear to watch her cry afterwards. And the fact that she’d even sought him out to cry to him at all in that moment. She had no one else. Annie and Ruby both sought comfort in those they loved. And so did Beth, I suppose. She held it all in until Rio showed up and despite his anger she showed him her vulnerability and her tears. And he couldn’t even look at her.

I guess I’m kind of partial to the heavier moments tonight haha. Which ones do you like or that resonate with you most?

[ineffablenlghtingales]

So I've done it.

I've taken on a new fixation, and that's Good Omens.

I think all the fan art I've seen here is to blame for that, but I've officially started watching it and it's a thing now. That being said, this is the sideblog I've made for it because I'm gonna want to dump here all the lovely fan art, gifs and just other stuff I see about GO...and it's a place for me to gush about GO without flooding all of my moots with GO stuff when they follow me for HP stuff (sorry, folks! please bear with my constantly changing fixations!).

Frequently Used Tags and what they mean:

#ineffable husbands - any and all posts about Aziraphale and Crowley (also my catch-all Good Omens tag)

#GO recaps - my posts containing my reactions/thoughts/what-the-hell-just-happened-there stuff about S1 and S2 of Good Omens (because currently watching the show for the first time). You can find the links all in one organized place here

#night's musings - my thoughts/meta about GO and Aziracrow (this will come later because lol I've only just finished 1x01)

#ineffable idiots - memes and funny things I've found related to GO

. . . And probably more to come!

About Me

My name's Ella, and I'm 27 (28 at the end of next month, yay!), and I'm a fic writer (you can find my stuff here, but no Good Omens fics there, not yet), like to think I'm an artist and lover of reading.

If by some chance, you like Harry Potter (specifically Dramione), you'll find plenty of that on my main blog (inastarlesssky). This here is a side blog, so follow me if you like, but I can follow back from my main. If you happen to like Marvel, Spiderman, the Avengers, etc, I also have a Marvel sideblog where I'm posting fics, graphics (made by me) and other stuff. (peterpcrkcrs)

Here I'll probably just be reblogging stuff and sharing Thoughts™ about this wonderful new fixation. If you're interested in that, come say hi. My messages/asks are always open, and I like making new friends. C:

[thoughtfulchaos773]

Stick with me here. I want to talk about how Carmy's mother was introduced to Sydney unconsciously in 2x02 Pasta. Which matches the hidden theme of mothers the second season.

The order of things in Pasta and my interpretation:

1. Carmy tells Sydney she has to care about everything more than anything to get a star.

2. Sydney then talks about her mishap with Sheridan Road catering. But it wasn't really a failure. It shows that Sydney can stay cool, calm, and collected and use Hawaiian Rolls instead of Pasta.

3. Carmy asks about her mom (the topic of the script changes to the theme of mothers) and syd does not know how to mention her mom is deceased.

4. Then the lacto ferment incident happens. This is how Carmy introduces his mother unconsciously. He introduces the I'm sorry asl. He explains if they were angry it's their version of we'll talk about this later and it gets them through service.

This is the style of Carmy's family. They have a theme of let's say our "I love yous" and fight later. Remember Donna does not know how to say I'm sorry and Carmy says I'm sorry without the spoken words?

We see this style of fight later when Natalie the first season hugs Carmy and says "will you fight with me tomorrow?"

There's another version of this style when Mikey and Carmy start bickering and Mikey and Donna force carmy to say the words I love you as a way to get away from the real conflict.

This is a communication style from Carmys family (his mother) that's not a good thing to follow if the bear is going to be a rebirth. Doing the same(toxic) things over and over.

Cut to Natalie's scene when she shares with the audience and the plumber that she's pregnant.

"But then I think I can be good at this you know? But as adults we never try new things because it just becomes so easy to keep doing the exact same thing"

While we learn about Sydney's mom in the dinner scene and how we find out Carmy is a bit like his mother, syd is like her mom by trying to stay cool under stressful situations. **carmy asks 'your mom cool?'

Special shout out to @unlikelyjapan meta called 'Rebirth'

[aspoonofsugar]

Hello big brain, I wonder if you can help me figure something out about RWBY. I am trying to see more in Oscar, but the parts of his character that interest me the most are his background art and hints at the future, rather than any actions or dialogue he's had so far. The one exception is his conversation with Ruby about fear. I am down to clown with this show, I know and love the story of Tip and Ozma, but Oscar feels to me like sneak preview of something that hasn't aired yet. Who is this kid? What did I miss? How do I love the green boy?

Hi anon!

I am so sorry for this super late reply! I wanted to finish some longer meta first :)

Anyway, here are some of my metas on Oscar:

An overview on Oscar

Some thoughts on Oscar and Ruby

Some thoughts on the Wizard of Oz allusion

In general, I think that if you are not particularly interested in Oscar... there is really nothing to do :''')

In my opinion, Oscar is one of the best written characters in how his story is well integrated in the main plot and rather thightly written. His development is perfectly interwoven with the events and it does not feel that the narrative has to take away time to focus on him. On the other hand this might be why you feel you can't pintpoint him so well. He grows a lot, but his development happens so naturally you might arrive at the end of it and ask: "Wait, what happened?"

Anyway, about the things you say interest you the most:

I am confused about what you mean by background art. Do you mean Oscar's room art? In any case, I don't think Oscar's background is so important tbh. His story really starts when Oz appears and its focus is his relationship with the Wizard and how it influences his sense of self - identity :)

You are right about a climax still needing to happen for Oscar's arc. I think he and Ruby are among the characters who will take a rather large portion of the final section of the story

In general, Oscar's foiling with Ruby is a good way to look at his character. I am gonna give you a rather schematic and synthetic overview.

Parents and Children

The crux of Ruby and Oscar's arcs is the relationship with a parental figure, that they decline in opposite ways:

Ruby's story starts with Summer's sudden disappearence

Oscar's story starts with Ozpin's sudden appearence

This is why Ruby sets off on a journey to follow into Summer's footsteps, while Oscar sets off on a journey to find out who he really is. They both meet Oz and go to a Huntsman Academy (Beacon-Choice for Ruby and Haven-Knowledge for Oscar). Still, they do so driven by different motivations.

Ruby wants to save the world (the macrochosm), while Oscar wants to become his own person (the microchosm). This difference is well conveyed through Ruby and Oscar's major ongoing motif: outside/inside.

Ruby is focused on the outside, so that she can avoid looking inside.

Oscar is focused on the inside, so that he has trouble dealing with the outside.

Leader and Teammate

Mistral is the arc where Ruby fully becomes the leader, while Oscar fully integrates with the main group. This happens especially after Oz's disappearence in volume 6. Then is when Ruby and Oscar have to step up in different ways:

Ruby has to shoulder the group (team-leader)

Oscar has to shoulder who he is (team-member)

Once again Ruby has to take care of the macrochosm. She needs to make sure others are okay and to bear everyone's fears and doubts. Oscar instead has to deal with the microchosm. He needs to face crippling self-doubt and to decide who he wants to be on his own.

This struggle is solved in the fight against Cordovin. There:

Oscar comes up with the idea to destroy Cordovin's missile launcher by observing from outside:

Oscar: Right, but her missile launcher doesn’t lock in, it pops out! Without her shields, one well-placed shot could detonate the missiles while they’re still in the launcher!

Ruby executes the plan and defeats Cordovin by acting from inside:

Jaune: The missile launcher springs out… but the raw dust gets locked in!

Ruby still gets an active role and Oscar is still passive, but they are still progressing. Finally, they succeed at becoming a leader and a member of the group, respectively:

Ren: You (Ruby) petrified a Leviathan... after diving down the barrel of a cannon!

Ruby: I mean, Oscar made a successful crash landing! He's a fourteen-year-old farm hand!

This new-found identities are tested in Atlas, where Ruby and Oscar meet a strong foil: Ironwood.

A New Approach

Ruby and Oscar both foil Ironwood, in opposite ways:

Ruby foils Ironwood when it comes to leadership

Oscar foils Ironwood when it comes to self-identity

As a matter of fact Ironwood is struggling to cope with Ozpin's disappearence, just like the 2 kids are doing. Ruby and Oscar just happen to comment different parts of his arc:

Ruby like Ironwood has to step into a role of leadership and wants to find a new approach. This is why she is intrigued by the Amity project. She also has to struggle with trusting others.

Oscar like Ironwood has to grow into his own person without Ozpin's guidance. This is why they are shown training together and growing closer. The way Ironwood treats Oscar is symbolic of the progress of his personal journey. It is not by chance Ironwood grows when he listens to Oscar (not Oz). They are both trying to become the best versions of themselves.

And yet, Ironwood falls and symbolically he does so by giving up on the Amity Project and by shooting Oscar. Still, Ruby and Oscar push forward.

Ruby is the one who ends up using Amity to tell the world the truth. Oscar instead doesn't give up on trust or who he is because of a failure. He keeps on trusting himself and others, even enemies. In this way, he succeeds at guiding Ozpin, whereas Ironwood never could.

Once again, you see Ruby taking care of the macrochosm, while Oscar takes care of the microchosm. Ruby warns the world, while Oscar warns Salem's inner circle.

At the same time, Ruby and Oscar also make progress with the crux of their arcs:

What are you?

The Girl Who Fell Through The World

Oscar:  I thought the idea of falling through Remnant into a new world was exciting. I never understood why she was so sad when she finally made it back home. But now it makes more sense.

Ozpin: She wasn’t the same girl anymore.

Oscar is the one who introduces Alyx's story to the audience and he is the first character to relate to her. Oscar himself is like Alyx, after all. He left home and is changed by his journey. This makes so he is now not the same person as to when he left home.

Ruby goes through the same realization in volume 9, when she ends up specifically in the Ever After, the set of Alyx's story. She too is not the same happy child who left home to save Remnant. And she has to face this truth.

Once again, Ruby and Oscar are opposite and yet the same. They have similar fears and doubts, but face it differently:

Ruby is focused on the world and refuses to look inside, so she is forced by the narrative to make a deep dive into her own self. She falls in a world designed to challenge and eventually heal her.

Oscar is focused on the self and is definately one of the most introspective characters. I mean, he is literally the only one we hear the thoughts of thanks to his conversations with Ozpin. So, he doesn't need more introspection, but rather to act and to face challenges outside himself. This si why he doesn't fall, but is asked by the narrative to keep going even without Ruby to guide him.

In short, Ruby and Oscar have parallel arcs, but our Little Red is forced to go inside, while our Little Ozma has to wait outside.

Still, they are both asked to define who they are. This happens with some clear parallel scenes:

For example, Jaune lashes out on them, which sets them both off, but in the end their crisis has a positive resolution, since they both grow more into the people they need to be:

At the same time, they both fall:

But this fall ends with them successfully grabbing their weapons.

Grab your weapon! Get a hold of yourself!

Both Ruby and Oscar reach out to their weapons in parallel scenes. This happens because they are both getting a hold of themselves. Sure, their growth and journey is still not complete, but they are not lost. They are still themselves, despite all the changes. They are not the same children they were in the beginning, but they are still Ruby and Oscar. They are still Someones.

So, Ruby realizes she doesn't have to be Summer, but can be herself. Oscar instead realizes (well not really, but he is getting there) that he is still himself despite the merge with Ozpin.

About this it is interesting to notice how Ruby's wish is really Oscar's fear:

Ruby wants to become Summer

Oscar doesn't want to become Ozpin

The end result for both will be to realize they are their own people. Sure, they may grow similar to Summer and Ozpin and be influenced by them. Still, they are different people with ultimately different stories and destinies.

This is more or less where we are with Ruby and Oscar's story :)

Thank you for the wait and have a nice day!

[hungnitan]

PROJECT SEKAI ANTHOLOGY (DNA) VOL 2 CHAPTER 5

sorry for late translation ! If anyone follow my account, you must know that I still hooked on HSR vibe so I kinda gather my mood to finish the rest

From now it's just my rambling so you can skip it (lol) :

On HSR side I still scoop any gems for Danheng IL E1 if possible E2 and as I expected my IL pull lean on hard mode, I already on 70 pull and still not getting *5...

On Genshin side, then again I try CTG tournament but wow I guess most participant pretty desperate for freegems since even TCG newbies entered tournament only looking at list meta deck and dive head first (lol). If I gonna honest, I enter tournament only for fun and defeating those meta deck with my own deck but still fail (lol). Plus today I gonna C6 Tartaglia so just wait for my next post

This chapter is about Shinonome siblings which I really enjoy aside Kamikou chapter

Like always english and japanese aren't my things so bear with me

[goldenkamuyhunting]

It interesting to read your analysis or meta ( even though I read it 2 am while being stress ). I want to ask since I do remember you didnt really like how the story ended Ogata, so how do you think that it might be better ? The way it end he think that he always blessed feel weird for me but I do kinda like that what he do all those time it's just that he's thinking what broken person would do. Though this might contract about my first point about he always blessed, in the end what you become is always the choice is yours not always because the aspect from other people (I do found interesting fan comic what if Yuusaku and Ogata swap place). Sorry if it's going random or you actually the answer already in one of your post. Thank you once again 💖

Sorry for the late reply, I'm glad you enjoy my meta!

As usual WARNING as this is not a Noda praising fest.

Yes, I've ranted in the past about how I didn't like how Noda handled Ogata in his last 11 volumes but I don't mind repeating it.

The whole 'Ogata was ALWAYS blessed because maybe for a moment Hanazawa loved his mother' felt like very poorly constructed.

The ability to feel guilt isn't tied to your parents loving each other or not, but to plenty of other factors... and anyway it's pretty difficult to prove Hanazawa ever loved his mother and it wasn't just in Tome's head and he merely wanted her for sex.

We heard how Hanazawa spoke of her, without a shred of love.

I don't know if this is due to something in Japanese culture but to me, tying Ogata's ability to feel guilt to Hanazawa loving his mother feels like tying two completely unrelated things together, a leap in logic I can't follow.

I'm not sure how, at this point, the story could have handled Ogata. He was left useless for 10 volumes and then the last gave contraddicting info on his past and, basically, ends with a repeated the situation on Vol 19 only to have Ogata kill himself. At this point it was better to murder him on Vol 19 because... beyond the fact he was a popular character, the story had no need for him to survive (same as Vasily, really).

It's something I stated back then in Vol 19, I was interested in Ogata, I liked him as a character, because he was interesting. The moment Noda made him uninteresting because he gives 0 contribute in carrying on the plot, I see no point in having him in the story.

Not even his death affects the plot because in the end he murders himself on his own so the guilt for his death doesn't truly befall on Asirpa and whatever wound he gave to Sugimoto is of no consequence to the battle nor is his stalling them.

The most he did was to cause the drivers of the train to die (in the magazine version)/to escape (in the volume version).

Both moves feel stupid as he ends up on a train no one is driving when he could have just said he was one of Tsurumi's men and went aboard just the same (he's wearing an army uniform).

But Noda needed the drivers to get off so he used him to do so, though everything else would have been fine. They could have been distracted by the explosion and this would have allowed the bear to end up on the train and the bear could have caused them to escape.

It would have made more sense.

So my options to make the whole thing better are two: either write him off in Vol 19/20 or rewrite the last 11 volumes to give him a role in them. As the second option is way too complex and would end up creating a different GK I think the first one is the best one.

Let Ogata die in Vol 19/20, the story doesn't need him anymore and his faceoff with Asirpa back then had more impact than the last one.

His death could be used to push forward the discussion if it's all right to kill or not instead than... just happening.

And if Asirpa really need to show she's willing to kill someone to save Sugimoto she can shoot/try to shoot a arrow at Tsurumi instead than just aim at him and not shoot.

On a final note... GK wasn't a story about the importance of your choices but since this is still very discussed in the fandom, I want to toss in that the idea that we become what we chose is an over simplification.

What we become is the result of a combination of genetic, education, opportunities and personal choices.

We can make our choices solely among the opportunities we're offered, which might be plenty or just few or none at all, and we decide according to our physical/mental abilities and knowledge and understanding of the world.

Ogata had clearly a flawed understanding of the world due to the way he'd been raised, and a very limited number of choices due to his social and economical background.

His chances of becoming a second lieutenant like Yuusaku are so low they can as well not exist, his chances to get Hanazawa to love him are even less.

Ogata couldn't choose to become (someone like) Yuusaku, even if he wanted to. That choice was never on the table.

And, since his understanding of the world was flawed and he never managed to correct it, he took some objectively VERY BAD decisions to try to become someone he would never be allowed to become and, without even realizing, made his situation even worse instead than improving it.

GK though, wasn't the sort of story that was interested in this kind of aspect so, if you like stories that instead dig more into personal choices and their consequences, I recommend reading "Umineko no naku koro ni" (the manga as the anime is SO HORRIBLE they never finished it and the last chapter of the visual novel was poorly handled and Ryukishi basically rewrote it for the manga version).

Just keep in mind it's a mystery horror with some gruesome scenes... though since there are gruesome scenes in GK too, those might be not a problem.

Thank you for your ask and sorry again for the late reply!

[cherryys]

Hii, this is the anon ^^ thank you for answering!

Before saying anything I wanted to say that your reasons are pretty solid, and Yuuji's detention center death thing is one of the reasons that make my own waver a lot lol. I didn't even consider that Kenjaku's words could still apply despite them being technically separated (for now). And also that second-to-last paragraph made me tear up a little ngl.

Maybe my reasonings are tainted by me being an itafushi fan too lmao, but these are mainly the reasons that make me think they'll have the same fate:

Their cog mentality. Yuuji's is more prominent and repeated, but we see Megumi present it too in chapter 9 (a little fun fact is that Gege uses slightly different kanji for them, Megumi's 歯車 being more like a literal cog and Yuuji's 部品 more like "part/component"). Maybe this is more of a meta read from a reader's point of view, but imo having Gege give them such similar, low views of themselves and their roles in the story makes me believe they'll both end up looking in the same direction and come to the same conclusion (especially after that narration post-Choso's death and everything that's been building up for Megumi, with his own role and purpose being obliterated).

They're also taking each other's roles as the plot progresses. If Yuuji literally dooms himself for Megumi's sake (ch.1) and sacrifices himself for Megumi (ch.1/9), then it's Megumi's turn to put himself in danger for Yuuji's sake (ch.143-212). If Yuuji has to go through his own personal hell (Shibuya) by Sukuna's hands, then Megumi has to go through his own personal hell (Tsumiki) by Sukuna's hands. I also think it's important that it's been made a point to show this "whose turn it is to sacrifice himself to Sukuna" thing through the title of the chapters being the same in ch.9/212, when even Megumi himself had said in the detention center that "it seems our roles have been switched" (from who's going to die - Megumi thought it would be him this time).

Like, I don't really know how to express it better, but they've spent the entire story sacrificing themselves for the other, so I think the conclusion will be them putting an end to it by finding their own value through the other. There must be a reason Gege has been having them mirror each other's paths throughout the story. I just can't see one's conclusion without the other's, since this story started with them both. I don't see Wasuke's "curse" as the ending but more chapter 1 as a whole, which is about Megumi and Yuuji making sacrifices for the other until both of them have to bear the burden that is Sukuna.

Maybe "taking the burden together" means they'll both die with the King of Curses but the cycle will just repeat again years later as is humanity's nature, maybe it means they both will have to find a way to live after all this devastation in their lives, despite it all. And yes Yuuji is the MC so his own, personal curse from the start of the manga should take priority, but Megumi (and Sukuna) is so tied to him that I think they will have to either die or live together. What would it mean to Megumi if the one person he has decided to save dies for his sake? Or what would it mean for Yuuji that he has to follow the cruel fate he's decided/been given instead of managing to pull through and finding a reason to want to stay alive, selfishly (since saving Megumi is definitely not the sanest choice here)?

I yapped a lot sorry if this doesn't make much sense, but overall I think I just have a more optimistic(?) point of view, and of course I could just be very wrong. After all, jjk has tragedy in every of its corners and who better than the protagonist to put a nice, final bow to it lol. But tragedy can take many forms so I guess I just want to believe that jjk also wants to say that unwavering love/humanity CAN break even the biggest of curses and to keep on moving forward no matter how bleak everything is, and there's no one better to do that than the two guys who have been pulling through for each other from the very start (Megumi finding a reason to get stronger in Yuuji, Yuuji finding a reason to live in Megumi during the CG, etc).

(p.s.: here's my translation of Wasuke's last words from the og jp text, but i'm leaving the jp too in case you want to translate yourself ^^:

オマエは強いから - you're strong, so

人を助けろ - save people

手の届く範囲でいい - it's fine if it's those within your hand's reach

救える奴は救っとけ - save those who can be saved

迷っても感謝されなくても - even if you waver, even if you aren't thanked

とにかく助けてやれ - even then, save (people)

オマエは大勢に囲まれて死ね - die surrounded by many people

俺みたいにはなるなよ - don't end up like me)

You bring up very valid points! Yuuji and Megumi's fates are very intertwined so it's hard to see any conclusion of either character without the other intrinsically embedded in it.

An ending where they both die, effectively ridding the world of the King Of Curses since it's a burden they both shared would be pretty tragic in its own right imo but them both surviving and helping each other heal while trying to fix their mistakes would be a much more hopeful ending and would especially work with the theme of the younger generation breaking the cycle of the older generation, where Gojo & Geto made disasterous decisions and died before they could truly bear the consequences of it (Shibuya and Culling Games), Yuuji and Megumi will live on to bear the consequences, but this time together, where the burden will be much more easier on their shoulders.

Yes JJK is a tragedy, but it shouldn't be a depressing one all the way through. We see scenes of hope that things would turn out better this time (Megumi telling Yuuji to share the burden after Shibuya, unlike Gojo who told Geto that he alone should bear the burden of failing to protect Riko, thus driving them away from each other) (Jujutsu Sorcerers fighting together to stop Sukuna instead of the classic mentality of "Jujutsu Sorcerers die alone so they should fight alone) stuff like that.

I do think it would also be unnecessarily cruel if Yuuji were to die right after Megumi (assuming he gets up because of Yuuji eventually) starts believing in a person again right after he drowned in despair because he lost all the people he believed in lol but Gege is known for just putting Megumi through the wringer so it would unfortunately fall in line with what he's doing. Like that guy can never catch a break, holy shit. (People kept saying he hates Gojo, but look at what he's doing to Megumi 😭)

i'm not too hopeful that one won't bite the curb prematurely, but i would like it if they do live on

(Also thank you so much for the translation!!! Official translations can be so wacky and the original meaning always gets lost in translation(

[aidsyouinthinking]

Inktober drive

Subject: A letter, of purpose influx...

I do not need you,

If there is anything in relation to you, that I need;

It is the lack thereof–

But even so, I'm inclined,

all parts of me have an ideology– coinciding;

With the fact "you are useful".

I could journey for person new and pay them pretty penny too,

But we know what I'm going to do follow nose through fires true.

I suspect guilt- and fear you'll rue: tapestry built gives plenty clue,

But my circumstance, it accrue; willpower wakes– perverse in me.

I see glint in well.

We fear not being pulled in,

as shared webbing bind our souls with others above.

In well with wall made from sin, you sail down slow so you don't go–

Thinking "love... (kind of?)" :

No matter what parts think;

that sandwich,

it was eaten under extreme duress.

A stoic judgment must be met,

at bottom of the well where a window shattered lies,

But I admit; I do abet–

The concept; to confide: together all pried with eyes–

knowing all the keepsakes we kept;

A motivation intellectual bites bullet– dead; now lies.

Schrodinger's blank; Lies, Motivation....

The aim of this is to process: to ultimately assess:

Lonely surgeon can't operate on themselves,

So commits their surgeries to others;

One to burn judgmental books,

Another to fashion rhymes from flesh.

A Jazzy Metronome buzzes to blinding Blur,

As feet Follow, lefties swept off and concur!

A parasite clings to Coattails in own blood it stir;

As taken down a peg and leg and waist– it prefer!

A now pool of blood wishes your tempo-ed trampling to incur~

It's such a rowdy bunch you know?

And like mothers meeting…– in library,

to rightly complain of pressures underserved

Unrelenting; omni present and structural.

I desire to confide,

Even if I should be against it,

Mothers don't put their lambs on plate.

But mama bear does grow hungry.

We're confused, but not pained.

We fear not heaven nor hell, but limbo lacking.

We, nervous system, are. our. own. greatest enemy.

I want you, if you'll have me...

in accordance to our dewy decimal system.

If there's a chance –Without pain– to make this work,

Well all of me, (astoundingly) would feel amiss not to try.

Here's to phoenix cauterising lacerations

and bridges' ashes smoothing shards

on which I'll pace;

From, A moment slowly dying.

Subject: Ps side note

It must have been and continues to be, surreal...

To have a feed –though creatively distorted– of my ever frank externalised internal dialogue... like a neurology case study with a person missing their brain pan... I don't know why I feel no need to censor this format, regardless of your's and other's potential eyes.

But I'm glad, We censor ourselves too much – even from ourselves.

Subject: Pps More of the same

I am compassionate.

I wish you well.

But I don't have magic.

A Two time:

Beautiful poison or prickly friend.

A problem I need to defend.

Subject: ppps Limbo Lacking Lurks Lavishly | unread

Subject: pppps Nvm bad idea see you never | unread

Subject: ppppps Ae drunkard is sorry | unread

Subject: pppppps Omg philosophy tube!~ | unread

Subject: ppppppps Dw my poems are Über hyperbolic, you'll just have to talk to know my real thoughts | unread

Subject: pppppppps Also yes very meta of me | unread

Subject: ppppppppps I will tell you anything you need to know to just say yes or no, I suppose like me it is so; that forever this can go | unread, unread, unread, unread, unread, unread, unread unread

New Email!

Subject: It's becoming my life again, isn't it?

After further processing— thanks to poetry, I/We/me/myself now appreciate this “intellectual endeavour” as bacon wrapping the bullet, for the same puppy idolising potentialities of camaraderie, I fancied myself as Kim, but I’m much more a harry. Two of those a functional duo does not make, at least not likely. Perhaps this polarisation of the self would make good surgery, but best not do those in unsterilised room. I still need disinfecting since last.

At this point it is my issue, and I will do my best… sooo…

In for a pound, drop like a penny!

Heads or tails, you better hold steady >:}

Wait and see, emergency!

Break the glass, for choice bypass~

Drum roll

lacking toll

of pesky free will!

The crowd

they shout loud

with ambivalent shrill!

on floor what’s in store shows through that metal spill!

Pop goes the cherry weasel and coin!

Suppose we’re giving an honest go to rejoin.

Note: Of course, All over the place, makes sense...

Subject: Final one, ... I hope

I read your spilled writing. Please keep it up, it’s a really useful tool.

I've steeped myself in old playlists to remember how it all felt.

As much as I might feel I need someone who I can actually confide in about this.

I don't think you are a good candidate. We'd burden each other, it'd be helpless.

And I know half of me just wants to greedily learn every drop of what forged you,

to feel less alone as I've always and ever felt, Stuck with no company but myself.

I hope your luck holds true, but I will not let my ever-growing guilt from that five year old, puppeteer me into stringent dance on the fringes of the echo of the trail of spiders and company,

I don't know you, I'm not competent enough-- in-right-mind enough; for that or for any of this.

I'm a being of impulsivity a non-sensical wraith prowling for beggars to take coin from.

I will not block you, I should, but the coin, and so I will disregard it but pay it this favour.

The favour; the opportunity, to say after all that- trying to scare you away “we can still hang sure, yeah.”.

I wished to do better, I long for better, for the chance to know,

but these learned behaviours like webbing echo,

emotions estranged into void deep,

which gurgle and bellow; feelings creep,

unrequited but deserved.

You are a mirror and reminder that I am not whole- unfinished- fractured- overflowing- How ever anyone or everyone would put it!… I want you to know,

but It’d be talking to the blistering sun while coughing up the blistering cold.

This is bare truth, pay it in turn, pay it no mind, bloody hell, pay it disgust.

Signed by AIdan&Co