#the metatron

[gleafer]

I may do a series on how many different ways Crowley can get rid of The Metatron.

[sighed-the-snake]

You know that moment when The Metatron was giving Crowley the death glare?

I just caught that Crowley was sneering right back at him.

This was the look on Crowley's face when the camera cuts back to him. It wasn't coming from just The Metatron, they were giving each other a prolonged look of very personal hatred.

[inafever]

Oh my god I've been so stupid

GIVE ME COFFEE OR GIVE ME DEATH

It was an outright goddamn death threat

You either take the coffee, or take the death

Metatron you nasty little piece of shit

[tampire]

♪ Everyday, it's a-getting closer ♪

♪ Going faster than a rollercoaster ♪

♪ Love like yours will ♪

♪ Surely come my way ♪

♪ A-hey, a-hey-hey ♪

Gabriel and Beelzebub eventually survive the consequences of The Metatron and Satan

Bonus:

[crowleysgirl56]

Something that I noticed during the conversation the Metatron has with Aziraphale.

He says de facto partnership. De facto partnership! Not just de facto, but adds partnership!

General definition of de facto partnership:

A couple who aren’t married but who live together as a domestic couple.

The Metatron isn’t just saying that he’s aware of the friendship Aziraphale and Crowley have formed, he’s full on implying that Heaven believes they are romantically linked. No wonder Aziraphale looks so pissed. He knows he’s being threatened in the highest degree.

I’m sure people have pointed that out before, but once again I’m over here getting my mind blown by things clicking into place.

[one-awesome-beetle]

[viceandmature]

Queens of plotting behind their Bosses' backs in elevators while their Cuntresses waits for them

[idreamofsleeping]

GOOD OMENS SPOILERS.

So I've been thinking a lot about Muriel. About how they're sweet and naive and sort of dumb, and they're a 37th class angel.

In fact, Muriel’s level of naivety is nearly the same as Jim-level naivety/dumbness. And Jim was supposed to be a 38th class angel, after being demoted from Supreme Archangel and having his memories removed.

And when this was revealed Muriel says 'I didn't know there was a class below me', what if Muriel is just a demoted angel? What if Heaven just keeps demoting any angel who goes against God’s (the Metatron’s) Plan and making a new, lower class for them? Instead of making them fall, they just keep taking memories and demoting angels so that there wont be a perceived ‘institutional problem’. Which there isn’t. Right?

[vroomvroomwee]

The way the Metatron uses food/drink to tempt Aziraphale. The same tactic Crowley uses when trying to convince him to do something.

Only Crowley always asks. And even when he doesn't, Crowley knows what Aziraphale likes. Sushi? Check. Crepes? Check. The Ritz? Check

He simply knows him.

Meanwhile, the Metatron gives him the coffee point blank. He didn't ask how he likes it or if he even likes it AT ALL.

Something about the Metatron using Crowley's method, that's born out of love and is always well intentioned, and turning it into something twisted. Turning it into a threat.

[saryasy]

#yet another manipulation tactic by the devil himself #i mean the metatron

[ilovemosss]

anyway obviously the metatron wants crowley out of the way and aziraphale under control. cant wait for s3 when this backfires with aziraphale constantly in the way and crowley completely out of control

[gleafer]

The ending we ALLLLLLL wanted.

[avoicebehindthestars]

Okay, but hear me out.

Aziraphale and the Metatron leave the lift, the Metatron leads them to an office, wordlessly and with a tight expression. Only once they are inside, door closed, the Voice of god deflates onto a chair, somewhat relieved. Aziraphale is pointed to another chair, sits at the edge, like a naughty student sent to the headteacher's office. 'Right, now listen carefully,' the Metatron says in a conspiratory voice. 'This room is fully warded, absolutely no one can listen in on our conversations here. Well, apart from the Almighty, of course, but I prefer to believe she's on our side. So! You don't want the world to end,' (Aziraphale stiffens at that), 'I don't want it to end either,' (wait, what?) 'Satan himself doesn't want it to end, what with his own kid still out there.' 'Satan?!' Aziraphale gasps, but his mind is sharp enough to process the implications immediately. 'You're in cahoots with Satan?!' 'Of course I'm in cahoots with Satan!' the Metatron puffs. 'The Supreme Archangel elopes with the Grand Duke of Hell, the chief guardian angel of humanity does what ever it is you've been doing with hell's plenipotentiary since the dawn of creation, the Archangel Michael has Dagon and Ligur on bloody speed-dial… What sort of situation did you think this was?' Aziraphale doesn't know which part of that to address first. 'I, uh…' 'Right,' the Metatron doesn't bother giving him room to speak. 'So! As far as I can tell, it isn't humanity being tested, it's us. Just like you said during Armageddon, it's all about the ineffable plan. The armies and the administrations want this war to happen so badly, they would impeach both me and Satan if we were to simply stop them, convinced that we're rebelling against god's word. But now that you're back in heaven, that miracle aptitude of yours will be just what we need!' 'What miracle aptitude?!' Aziraphale gasps. He's been feeling dizzy for a while now. 'Don't play coy with me,' the Voice rolls his eyes. 'Twenty five lazarii? If I were to perform a miracle of this magnitude, it would put me out of commission for half a millennium at least! And you, there you were prancing about your little street the very same day like it was nothing!' 'But it wasn't my miracle!' Aziraphale protests and his subconscious is already working out just how terribly things have gone wrong. 'It was mine and Crowley's! It was joint!' The Metatron freezes. Blinks several times while facts slot themselves into place and conclusions formulate. Finally, he groans and slams his forehead into his desk.

And the rest of the story is the Metatron playing the most awkward Cupid for Aziraphale to win Crowley back while they both try their best to delay Heaven and Hell's endevours to launch the Second Coming.

[ineffableigh]

Wait what the hell is Aziraphale mouthing here. Lip-readers sound off!!

This is RIGHT before "The Metatron! I don't think he's as bad a fellow - well I think I might have misjudged him."

His line was: "I, um... [mouthing something]" THEN the above line.

This can't be nothing. Can it? "We need to get out"??? Not sure. EDIT: I agree with @maximumpenguinpuppy here, I think he's saying

"WE NEED HELP."

Further deep dive on the most painful conversation I've ever seen:

Azi makes the most INTENSE EYE CONTACT I'VE EVER SEEN during "I think I might have misjudged him."

"PLEASE HEAR WHAT I AM SAYING TO YOU RIGHT NOW."

After a few intercuts with the flashbacks we get to the really painful bit.

"He said that I could appoint you... to be an angel." His voice is so strained and high pitched even for him, here.

"Like the old times, only even NICER!"

The super nice old times where you couldn't be together at all, eh?

Crowley starts his confession and we get the "What the blazes is he doing?" face as he starts to realize Crowley is NOT picking up on any of this. Azi's breathing heavily here, revealing how very stressed the fuck out he is.

After this point is when things get really hard to interpret. Aziraphale sounds so genuine about "Come with me!" and "We can make a difference, I'll run it and you'll be my second in command." It feels like Crowley starting his very real confession broke through the charade of 'The Metatron knows something and we're in fucking danger'.

He blathers about Angels and Doing Good before breaking again, letting the "I need you!" slip. We get this HALF A SECOND look of the most profound sadness right before the "I don't think you understand what I'm offering you."

"You idiot. We could have been us."

Azi looks like he can't believe just how badly this went. This is right before he looks away.

OH NO NOW I'VE SEEN CROWLEY'S FACE RIGHT WHEN HE STARTS TO GO OVER FOR THE KISS AH MY FEELS

Azi is not hiding his emotions well, right before the grab:

Then of course we get the I Forgive You, which sounds like his most bitter one yet. A flash of anger and resentment, frustration, immediately followed by remorse and grief.

Having seen all that, my best guess now is:

Metatron made the (barely) veiled De Facto Partnership threats, implying he knows about the body swap and, implicitly, threatening Crowley with Holy Water, at least to some extent.

Aziraphale tries his damnedest to communicate to Crowley that Something is Fucking Wrong and they Have to Go to Heaven to Fix It.

Crowley, having been primed by the various chats with Nina and then the 2v1 chat with Nina and Maggie RIGHT before this, clearly timed by the Metatron, fully misses all of this and takes it all at face value.

Crowley starts to give his confession and Aziraphale realizes what he's trying to say, tries to adjust his Heaven Pitch to hinge on staying together as a team to fix things."

"You cannot leave this bookshop." "Nothing lasts forever." Azi has chosen the worst way to make another attempt at saying he has no choice but to leave the bookshop. I don't think this is about the Second Coming, given his reaction to the info later.

Everything deteriorates from there as Aziraphale tries again to imply something is Fucking Wrong by going back to the "Angels! Doing good!" shtick, but it's too late. It's always too late.

"I don't think you understand what I'm offering you." He doesn't but Azi is also communicating it very badly, likely because the Metatron is indeed watching.

Crowley thinks this is all real so he gives his No Nightingales line, etc etc. Aziraphale can tell there's no fixing this, gives up.

Crowley swoops in with The Kiss as a last ditch effort to get Azi to listen. Azi WAS listening, but cannot respond other than in anger and frustration that Crowley, in his view, refuses to listen to him again, has called him an idiot again. This happens multiple times throughout the show so there's history to fuel that assumption.

This is the precise outcome the Metatron was vying for, to split them up and emotionally/psychologically weaken them, to ensure there was no chance of a united front as there was for Armageddidn't.

My heart hurts, ow.

[tampire]

"Give me Coffee or give me Death"

[vidavalor]

You all want me to believe that this The Metatron guy-- who could only get close to Armageddon the first time around by trying to trick the humans into destroying themselves via nuclear war-- is capable of erasing a being into a state of non-existence?

Why didn't he just use The Book of Life back at the end of S1 when Heaven and Hell had captured Crowley and Aziraphale?

Because it's not a thing. Crowley's memory was correct; it is an old wives' tale/ghost story that he and Beez made up when they were angels to reflect their frustrations with Heaven. It's anxiety.

The Metatron has allowed the rumor to continue to spread because it helps the angels and demons alike be more afraid of him than they should be. That fascist floating head cannot even talk to God, let alone erase anyone.

The threat of The Book of Life is not in the villain or the idea of the book itself but in what can happen when someone (a book) lets their fear and anxiety run unchecked and starts down a path to doing all the destroying (of their life) all on their own.