#good omens crack

[dupert-writing]

Absolutely Tickiety-boo

[Ineffable Husbands]

• CW: Terrorism?

• Genre: Crackfic, fix-it

Summary: Aziraphale had a plan

Or

The Angelic Revolution and its consequences could have been disaster for the human race. Fortunately, it did not happen.

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58050382

Polish version

Crowley was powerless. He couldn't do anything but watch as his best friend, the love of his life slowly walks away.

He knew it was wrong, that it would probably result in another apocalypse, which this time, could not be prevented. However, he couldn't do much.

The elevator doors closed behind them, they were gone, there was nothing to wait for, but his legs refused to move. He should have gotten into his car, driven as far away from Soho as possible and never even thought about this place again, but instead he just stood there, unable to do anything, unable to move or even breath.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nina's sympathetic expression as she watched him from behind the café counter, as if she had guessed what had happened. She didn't really know shit, Crowley thought. She doesn't know what it's like to love for hundreds, no, thousands of damn years.

The sudden loud bang jolted him and the people in the street. Everyone looked around in terror as a series of crashes, bangs, and explosions echoed around them. Crowley removed his glasses, noticing that the source of the sound seemed to be coming from above, and that the sky was becoming more cloudy by the moment, as if it were suddenly about to rain. Had they really started the apocalypse already? Or were they hurting Aziraphale now? Maybe this was his way of trying to call for help? People in the street began to run in panic as the ground shook, and flashes of light began to appear in the clouds.

The demon watched the sky with a frown, completely ignoring the commotion going on around him. The air was stifling and Crowley could smell the faint scent of ozone and geosmin, as if a storm was about to break out. He felt an unpleasant knot in his stomach, knowing full well that something was wrong and that he should run after his angel, do something, and stop whatever was happening now.

There was another loud bang, accompanied by a flash of light from above, and suddenly everything went quiet. The dark clouds, as quickly as they had appeared, began to give way to a clear blue sky, and the air became fresh again. Confused passersby looked around again, this time surprised by the sudden cessation of the terrifying anomaly. An old man shouted that this was the heralding of the apocalypse, and Crowley feared he would have to agree with him.

He ran towards the elevator, not caring how Metatron and the rest of those heavenly assholes would react when he appeared there. His shaking hand reached for the button, but before he could press it, he heard the unmistakable ping indicating that someone had just descended to the ground. His heart was beating like crazy, and the doors were opening unbearably slowly as he waited with wide eyes for what he was about to see. Would it be just an empty, yet ruined elevator? What if he saw the body of his friend, or a retinue of an angelic army?

"A- Ang- Aziraphale?" He had barely managed to get it out of his mouth when he saw the angel, standing there as if nothing had happened; brushing the dust off his cloak with a blissful smile on his lips.

"I'm glad you waited for me, my dear," Aziraphale said calmly.

"What are you - What happened - It got dark, and there were these flashes and bang bang," Crowley stuttered, gesticulating wildly with his hands.

"I blw them up." He replied calmly, as if he were talking about the weather, or a book he had recently read.

"You blew them up?!"

The angel nodded, looking incredibly pleased with himself.

"You blew them up?" The redhead repeated, incredulous at the grotesqueness of their current situation. "What? How?!"

"Well, with a bomb, of course. Several, actually. And grenades." He explained. "That was the plan all along, that's why I wanted to take you with me."

Crowley sighed, pacing next to his friend, who had apparently now decided to become an unabomber. He held his head, unable to believe all this, now having his own little nervous breakdown. He crouched down, letting out a groan, trying to cope with the information. "Where did you even get that idea?" He looked at the white-haired angel.

"First of all - Metatron threatened me, and more importantly, he threatened you." He shrugged. "There was no other way to stop him."

"So you just went there and killed everyone?!" He stood up, almost jumping to look at his friend more closely.

"Oh, love, don't be stupid." He cooed. "Not everyone, just a few. Lesser angels will still be needed to rebuild a new, better Heaven."

Crowley's legs almost buckled at the words the angel called him, while he stared at him blankly, as if the angel had begun speaking to him in Enochian.

"Where did you get the bombs? Ones that can kill angels?" he mumbled quietly, processing everything in his head.

"From Gabriel." He replied.

"Where did he get that?!"

Aziraphale shrugged, still wearing that blissful smile.

Crowley only moaned quiet "mhm". He continued to look at the angel, speechless, his mouth agape in silent shock.

"Where did we end?" The angel said suddenly. "Ah, yes, I remember now." He grabbed the demon by the lapels of his jacket and pulled him closer, connecting their lips in a passionate kiss, trying to express the millennia of hidden love in it. Crowley was shocked, but he did not stay in debt, after a moment returning the tenderness, pulling the other even closer, not wanting to let him go ever again. Aziraphale's hand sank into the red locks, and his tongue slipped between Crowley's lips, deepening the kiss.

"Woah," Crowley gasped when they pulled away from each other, looking into each other's eyes. Aziraphale smiled at him sweetly and happily, and only now did Crowley notice how lovingly his blue eyes shine. His smile was for the demon, like the first rays of sunlight after an all-night storm. "Now let's go, we've got Heaven to fix, a few thousand years to make up, and all the time in the world." The angel grabbed his hand and pulled him into the elevator.

[naegleria-nfowleri]

Picnic gone wrong

(This came to me in a vision)

[nonightingalesinberkelysquare]

HER.

[goodomens-girlie]

I actually need Mrs. Sandwich and Crowley to be besties in s3

[angie-words]

Well I accidentally made an Aziraphale special today! Could this be because I identify so strongly with his autistic-coded (to me) ass? Who can say? Also, fic update: I actually got the first draft of my Human AU fic into beta! Now I just need to write the rest...

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[carrythatwayt]

He's been in love for somewhere between 82-13 billion years.

More Aziraphale: Babygirl / Smitten / Help him

[liliumsdoe]

Fellas, is it homosexual sin if you raise a toast 'to the world' but end up drowning in the eyes of your 6,000-year-old situationship—because, let’s be real, they’re the only world that’s ever mattered?

Just asking for a couple of friends...

[wearecrowley]

good omens crack 2 of ∞

[diavalkitty]

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

[avoicebehindthestars]

Okay, but hear me out.

Aziraphale and the Metatron leave the lift, the Metatron leads them to an office, wordlessly and with a tight expression. Only once they are inside, door closed, the Voice of god deflates onto a chair, somewhat relieved. Aziraphale is pointed to another chair, sits at the edge, like a naughty student sent to the headteacher's office. 'Right, now listen carefully,' the Metatron says in a conspiratory voice. 'This room is fully warded, absolutely no one can listen in on our conversations here. Well, apart from the Almighty, of course, but I prefer to believe she's on our side. So! You don't want the world to end,' (Aziraphale stiffens at that), 'I don't want it to end either,' (wait, what?) 'Satan himself doesn't want it to end, what with his own kid still out there.' 'Satan?!' Aziraphale gasps, but his mind is sharp enough to process the implications immediately. 'You're in cahoots with Satan?!' 'Of course I'm in cahoots with Satan!' the Metatron puffs. 'The Supreme Archangel elopes with the Grand Duke of Hell, the chief guardian angel of humanity does what ever it is you've been doing with hell's plenipotentiary since the dawn of creation, the Archangel Michael has Dagon and Ligur on bloody speed-dial… What sort of situation did you think this was?' Aziraphale doesn't know which part of that to address first. 'I, uh…' 'Right,' the Metatron doesn't bother giving him room to speak. 'So! As far as I can tell, it isn't humanity being tested, it's us. Just like you said during Armageddon, it's all about the ineffable plan. The armies and the administrations want this war to happen so badly, they would impeach both me and Satan if we were to simply stop them, convinced that we're rebelling against god's word. But now that you're back in heaven, that miracle aptitude of yours will be just what we need!' 'What miracle aptitude?!' Aziraphale gasps. He's been feeling dizzy for a while now. 'Don't play coy with me,' the Voice rolls his eyes. 'Twenty five lazarii? If I were to perform a miracle of this magnitude, it would put me out of commission for half a millennium at least! And you, there you were prancing about your little street the very same day like it was nothing!' 'But it wasn't my miracle!' Aziraphale protests and his subconscious is already working out just how terribly things have gone wrong. 'It was mine and Crowley's! It was joint!' The Metatron freezes. Blinks several times while facts slot themselves into place and conclusions formulate. Finally, he groans and slams his forehead into his desk.

And the rest of the story is the Metatron playing the most awkward Cupid for Aziraphale to win Crowley back while they both try their best to delay Heaven and Hell's endevours to launch the Second Coming.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Muriel: Maybe you shouldn't use pick-up lines for Mr Crowley.

Aziraphale *stops highlighting 101 Pick-Up Lines*: I beg your pardon, my dear?

Muriel: I've been reading more about humans, they usually advise a 'more personalised approach'.

Aziraphale:

[later that day]

Crowley: Hey angel could you hand me the wine bo--

Aziraphale: I may not have Azira-fallen from heaven...

Crowley:

Aziraphale: ...but I sure Azira-fell for you.

[mrclairdycat]

FUCK YOUR ANGSTY GOOD OMENS HEADCANONS!!

This is supposed to be a comedy series so consider this: Crowley has sleep walking problems and has an incredibly stretchy body since he's a snake and shit. This culminates in the fact you'll always find him sleeping the weirdest positions and places.

Ladies, gentlemen and gentlepeople, here's a compilation of positions I think Aziraphale has found Crowley sleeping in:

[goodomensafterdark]

WingZ Magazine - Issue 02 (SwimZ!) has arrived!

It's finally here! Just in time for the end of Summer! (shhh...)

We did it again, folks! We produced an absolute banger of a magazine!

Read here:

WingZ Magazine Issue 02 - SwimZ!

Links to the previous issue:

Moblie Friendly WingZ - 01 | Print Quality WingZ - 01

Please follow and support these amazing creators - there were so many wonderful goblins who helped put this extraordinary effort together! Congratulations and thanks to everyone!

Credits below the cut:

Art from @ineffablecrankshaft @and-his-hands-were-24-crows @afterdarkchef @trebol-negro @isiaiowin

@theonewiththeshippinggoogles @the-comfy-witch @theonevoice @orangejuiceinmyshoe @c0smicdisaster

@onedappercat @commentdismal @kiripin-art @christophjpg @bilaudad

@daneecastle @vavoom-sorted-art @thescholarlystrumpet as well as u/Blue_McFly, u/BJs4Bildad and u/catartkd from the GoodOmensAfterDark subreddit!

Writing from @theravenmuse @tipofthehat665 @sixbynine-da @kneelbeforeyourdogbabylon @onedappercat

@bentley-after-dark @floscrap-blog @doonarose @whatareyou42 @its-unapologetic-apathy

@fuzzygoblin @ineffablyruined @depressedpenguin2 @featheredboaconstrictor @thenerdalert

@lemon-tart-221 as well as u/NegotiationReal6508 and u/Busy24-7 from the GoodOmensAfterDark subreddit!

Final layout, wrangling, and recruiting by the editorial staff @saucysmutpigeon @nosferatini and u/soggyfritter from the GoodOmensAfterDark subreddit!

If you'd like a chance to participate in future issues of WingZ Magazine, come join the fun on at GoodOmensAfterDark on Reddit!

[thescholarlystrumpet]

When Making Plans with Witches (always read the fine print) Rated Mature (NSFW art embedded) Words: 1,153

Featuring Art (cropped here) by the always brilliant @gleafer!!

When the Coven decides to Summon over an old friend... they get more than anyone bargained for!

(Cracky ficlet for GOAD's first Streek Week! Prompt: accidental nudity.)

@goodomensafterdark @fuckyeahgoodomens

[angie-words]

Happy Monday! And a reminder: it's always a good day to make your existence everyone's problem

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