#it’s oh we get each other bc we approach this thing in a similar way

[ohtobeleah]

Hi,girlll!!

I can’t seem to find anything for Jack Abbot that is like the reader getting jealous of him interacting with Samira (bc we all saw that) and she gets angst and they end up admitting feeling for each other, so of course I’m running to you <3

This is like nothing to go off of, so I’m not asking for a fic unless you really want to, but do you have any recommendations that you know of that are maybe similar to this??

with love!

To me it’s giving chameleon!reader. You hear about it as word travels of some…not so standard of care procedures. It drives you insane because you shouldn’t be feeling this way…not when you were the one that left. It was for your own sanity, safety and self respect.

But non of that stuff seamed to matter as Jack approached his car in the parking garage. The one you stood leaning against with a fed up expression smeared across your face.

“Look, I’m sorry about that hair—it looks good, really—“ Jack started on one of his tangents, the ones he gets on when he’s nervous. “I just didn’t recognise you and that’s why it—“

“If you’re going to flirt with someone, can you make sure it’s, at the very least, with the woman you’re legally married to?” You cut Jack off. Anger was present in every word that came out of your mouth.

He doesn’t immediately respond. Jack lets your question hang heavy around the both of you as the night encapsulates you both.

“I thought you didn’t like me?” Jack questions with a frown. “You know, you can’t call dibs on someone you tossed away like some stale bread.”

“That’s not what any of this is and you know that,” You sighed heavily, love prominent in your heart for a man who constantly broke yours. “And..I don’t hate you, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Jack smirks. He’ll take what he can get as he comes to lean against his car beside you.

“For what’s its worth, yes, I did push some boundaries I maybe shouldn’t have in there.” Jack admits.

It burns your chest.

“But I only did it because she had it, she needed to know she was in charge of that situation like a pro.”

“You could have done that without looking at her like you were about to stick your tongue down her throat.” It was the eye roll that gave you away more than anything else.

Ah…You were jealous.

“You know what?” Jack knows he could push your buttons right now. He knows he could run with this and use it to keep you from falling out of love with him…But he doesn’t. “You’re right.”

“Sorry?” You nearly choke on your own saliva. “What!?”

“I could have done that better, I’m sorry, you’re right.”

“Why are you patronising me?”

“I’m not! No! No—you’re right, I should be flirting with my wife.”

Oh…oh fuck what have you done.

“No, god—Jack no, that’s not what I meant, all I said was that you can’t be flirting with residents while you’re wearing a wedding band and on the brink of—“

“Don’t say it,” Jack cuts you off with a plea. “Please, don’t say it.” It’s like he’s begging you not to say it out loud. If he heard you say it…then it was real. It was something he couldn’t ignore.

“I can’t hear about you doing things like that,” You admit softly, all the while keeping your eyes set of into the distance. “I can’t will myself to love you any less than everything, so when I hear about the way you act, the flirting, the banter, the affection I never knew you knew how to give, it all takes a-bit of me.”

Jack doesn’t speak. He listens and he processes and he lets you soak in the quiet. Until he responds.

“Why did you dye your hair?” He asks, looking at you with envy at whatever was lucky enough to have your attention. Your eyes were still off in the distance.

“To get your attention.”

[trying-to-get-somewhere-real]

really feel like fandom needs to get more comfortable with ambiguous dynamics, and how that ambiguity can be a feature not a bug! i notice this everywhere in fandom now, but this post is about sydcarmy the bear cause that is my current hyperfixation lol. sitting with ambiguity is the lifeblood of so many (all?) queer ships (also, importantly, my real-life queer experience) but i think it’s often relevant for straight ships too. no one is making sydcarmy antis ship them but to say ABSOLUTELY NOT because the nature of their relationship at this very moment is not easily defined is missing so much that is rich and interesting and sexy about figuring out what the dynamic is. *especially* for fan content (which is what a lot of us are here for actually!) using fic and meta to explore what certain words, body language, editing choices, music choices, etc mean is what makes our brains light up! (mine at least)

tension between two characters is the sexiest thing and ambiguity heightens that tension imo! whatever happens or does not happen with them in the future, at this very moment in time the undefinable quality of their relationship creates the space for shipping. this used to be a rather basic concept in fandom that seems to have gotten lost in the past however many years. i guess the primary anti response to this would be that the dynamic is *not* ambiguous—it is platonic—but like, i am with @eatandsleepwell who just included the following in this excellent post today:

and the thing about syd and carm being friends is that. they’re not. or at least not yet. or at least they need more to be friends. friends know your mom is dead, they know what your relationship with your parents is like. friends can easily hang out with each other after work. friends can be apart without the sense that the separation is akin to devastation. 

i don’t really think they’re friends! they are a weird third thing that is so delicious to me, and every single day right now very brilliant people are writing hundreds of words on this website attempting to interpret what that thing is or could be. this is the lifeblood of fandom! and the demand or expectation that ships have neon signs above them that say ROMANTIC to be valid romantic ships is just very odd to me. syd and carmy are weird and intense about each other in a way that is not easy to parse but once you decide to try and parse it, it’s such a satisfying experience as a fan. they had some major blow ups in s1, and in s2 managed to largely avoid them with the asl sorry but clearly were in unspokenish conflict much of the time (that they managed to diffuse just barely; mostly by syd walking away!) besties is not the word i would use to describe them at all. besties do not struggle this much to communicate. there are so many wonderful complicated bonkers things going on there and the purpose of this post isn’t to get into them but just to point out that they’re there.

anyone who thinks it’s easy to reduce them to any one given thing right now isn’t paying enough attention. and not being able to categorize them easily isn’t a bad thing for me. it’s the constant thrum of what is this? what is this? what is this??? that makes fandom great and i wish that didn’t feel like a hot take right now.

[theeoriginals]

Ok so how about a cat and mouse!reader x elijah follow up where she’s back in town and they haven’t seen each other since their last meeting, and she’s caught by him taking something but he’s just happy to see her again so he lets her get away with it bc she’s charming and he loves the chase and banter and flirting 😩

hard to forget | elijah mikaelson

author's note; someone else asked for part 2 to cat and mouse, so here is a small little thing for them :)

warnings; witch!female!reader, elijah is astronomically down bad, fluff, mention of stealing but it's fine, reader is flirty and confident. no use of y/n!

"We've got to stop meeting like this."

"I quite like seeing you like this," She turns with a smile, wicked and sharp, but a genuine happiness shines in her eyes, especially when she sees the smile Elijah fights off at the sight of her. "You're so sexy when you're being all righteous."

Elijah huffs, ignoring the fact that she can make him feel like a blushing boy again. "You're insatiable. And you told me you were going to leave this here when I caught you trying to take it the first time I brought you here."

She purses her lips in a pout when he plucks the figurine of the black cat from her hands, setting it back on the shelf it'd been collecting dust on in the touristy museum tucked into an old building in the Quarter.

"Can a girl not have a hobby anymore?" She nearly whines the words as he approaches her, lifting her hands to drag her nails along his waist, catching on the fabric of his buttoned shirt. "I got bored, baby,"

He hums, looking at her with some twisted mix of reprimand and amusement. "Most people read a book when they get bored. Or go on a walk."

"Both of those sound absolutely mind-numbing."

He huffs out a laugh, unable stop it even though he knows it will just enable her further.

Her answering grin proves that point immediately.

"I do it for us, Elijah,"

"Oh, really? And how, exactly, does this benefit us?"

She straightens her shoulders, meeting his gaze unwaveringly confident. "I get bored and I go looking for things to entertain me, and you ultimately find out and follow me, and then we get to play our fun little game that I know you love. One way or another, it ends up with us in a similar position to this and we're both happy."

Elijah's smile grows more fond as she goes on, and he shakes his head with poorly feigned exasperation. "Darling–"

"I know, I know," She groans, rolling her eyes. "Let's just go. I'll have to find something else to entertain me, I suppose. Maybe I'll ask Klaus if he needs something done,"

"I almost hate that option more. You've only just returned from his last errand, I'd at least like to share a meal with you before you're running off again."

She throws him a wink as she turns him around, pushing him towards the door.

"Don't worry, I won't let him send me far so soon again," She reassures him, fingers skating along the shelf as she follows him out the door back outside into the throngs of people. "I've missed you, you know. I don't like running off to every corner of the country."

Elijah spares her a glance, trying and failing to not look pleased with her words. "You do like it," He corrects her softly.

"Alright, I do," She concedes easily, earning a light chuckle from him. "But I don't like being away from you."

"Does your flattery ever end?"

"You wanna find out, beautiful?" She raises her brows pointedly, earning a ragged noise from him that's choked off as he adjusts his tie, and the flustered action sends her off into a laughing fit that echoes over the noise of the Quarter and has him smiling in spite of himself.

He follows after her swift pace like a loyal dog, hands tucked in his pockets as they slowly weed out from the crowds and make their way towards the compound that's much less populated these days.

As they reach the courtyard, Elijah reaches for her elbow, tugging her back towards him, earning a slightly surprised noise from her as she catches herself with her palms flat on his chest. "How much joy does it bring you to render a thousand year old vampire speechless?"

"I don't think I could accurately describe it, even if I spent the next hundred years trying,"

He shakes his head and finally, finally, leans his head down to press his lips to hers and she hums into the kiss, satisfied with the outcome of all of her teasing.

She was right, after all. They always end up here.

Elijah pulls away after a moment, resenting the need for air in favor of tasting the sweet warmth of her skin again. He's silent for a moment, head tilting just enough to be noticeable, and then he lets out a long sigh. "Niklaus would like to speak to you,"

"I know, I'm ignoring him."

Elijah relishes in his brother's faint, outraged noise, but knows that he won't come disturb them just yet. "Don't let him send you off just yet. I would like to see you again tonight, at least."

"I won't, I promise. We'll have dinner, and a drink or two. I'd also love to end the night in your room, if that's alright with you,"

Heat floods his cheeks and he briefly looks away from her, just to shake himself of her flirtations. "Whatever you want, darling."

She smiles like he's just given her the keys to the city.

Hours later, after their dinner, after their drinks, after they end the night and start the next day with whatever she wanted, Elijah wakes long after she's left on another of Klaus's errands, keeping to her promise of not going far.

When he turns over, his eyes catch on the small, black cat figurine sitting on the table beside his bed. Elijah falls back onto the bed, laughing to himself. Utterly, absolutely besotted with the woman.

[sonkitty]

The Food Curse

Here is my currently forming head canon based on little clues from the Good Omens story of seasons 1 and 2.

Crowley either does not eat food at all or Crowley is never allowed to be seen eating on camera.

There's more to it than that because he can eat indirectly, but that's the core thing I'm going to ramble on about in this post. It's going to sound like one of my theories, but that's force of habit from how I come up with questions and check my own theories.

I'll acknowledge that I've seen more than one Good Omens fan post about food being equal to sex in Good Omens and say that you're not going to find that kind of discussion here. It's my head canon, and I prefer my incoming approach to it.

I don't talk about my religious background much because it's personal, so you'll have to make do with me saying I have learned the following from reading Good Omens posts and not being well-versed in biblical references already. I don't remember if any sources I read this information from expressed a similar theory or head canon though you would think that's where I got the idea.

I'm under the impression the GO universe favors the New King James Version of the Bible, and according to a quick Google search, that one says of God addressing the serpent who tempted Eve:

Because you have done this, You are cursed more than all cattle, And more than every beast of the field; On your belly you shall go, And you shall eat dust All the days of your life.

...

An interpretation of this curse is that it means the Serpent of Eden cannot eat food, or, if he does, it will turn to dust.

Let's examine the clues provided by the story, for fun and/or curiosity.

In season 2, episode 1, during Before the Beginning, we see Crowley's wings are graying, indicating to us that his Fall was a process. It was not an instant thing. It started with this questioning and frustration at learning the fate of the universe ending in a mere 6,000 years.

In season 1, episode 5, Crowley is found getting drunk and talking about his Fall. One of his remarks is, "Oh, hey, the food hadn't been that good lately."

These described events would be from before the temptation that caused this curse, but I noticed them all the same because I'm looking for such things.

We catch glimpses of other supernatural beings describing events before the Fall, but I don't think any of them ever mention food for that time period.

From the scenes we have of Eden in the first two seasons, the story skips over God saying such a curse exists to the serpent. We see Crawley slithering on his belly and then able to rise, transforming into a man-shaped demon with black-feathered wings. He's not eating dust.

Well, even though we never see God curse the Serpent of Eden, the story leaves clues that something resembling this curse is active with Crowley. You know, in case you want to form a head canon about it.

In 2500 BC, Crowley successfully tempts Aziraphale into eating food, and he looks very pleased with himself at his success.

My head canon at this point goes that Crowley himself is feeding off the success of his temptation. Crowley feeds off Aziraphale when Aziraphale eats. This feeding does not last for only this one session. It can and does happen from that point onward. Crowley feeds off Aziraphale this way at least when the two are near each other by some unknown distance.

In Rome, 8 years after 33 AD, Crowley says he's never eaten an oyster. Aziraphale quickly goes into saying something about letting him tempt Crowley into...oh wait, that's Crowley's job. Crowley was successful at this job with Eve and later Aziraphale, for getting each of them to eat something while he himself did not visibly eat anything.

In 1601, Crowley shows up while Aziraphale is ordering food at the Globe Theater. The two have a conversation, and Crowley, as usual, expresses no interest in eating the food himself. He can still be feeding off Aziraphale eating.

On and on it goes. In season 1, episode 1, Crowley and Aziraphale reference Paris, 1793. Aziraphale says, "We had crepes." Well, if Aziraphale ate the crepes, and Crowley fed off Aziraphale eating the crepes, that's a way they had crepes. Aziraphale doesn't feel the need to rephrase it in that way. It's a thing they did together nonetheless.

Crowley plans a heist in 1967 at the Dirty Donkey. No one is having food at that meeting. The other three with him are all humans.

When Crowley meets up with Hastur and Ligur at the graveyard for the "11 years ago" of season 1, episode 1, Crowley departs, saying, "Ciao." Ligur asks what that means, and Hastur answers, "food." No one ate food of course, but since we're looking at Crowley with a possible food curse, it's a curious thing to be there, just like him mentioning "food" when drunkenly talking about his Fall.

When Crowley convinces Aziraphale to go with him to the Ritz for the "11 years ago" time period, Crowley does not have a plate of food. He has a cup with a spoon a saucer, presumably for a drink. He strokes his chin to show him enjoying himself, feeding off Aziraphale eating.

In season 1, episode 2, Crowley and Aziraphale go to a cafe. Crowley is not shown to be enjoying himself feeding off Aziraphale eating, but Crowley's side of the table definitely lacks a plate while having a cup. That indicates he's fine with drinking something, not bothering with eating something, just like when they went to the Ritz 11 years ago.

In season 1, episode 3, Crowley meets up with Shadwell at a diner. Crowley has no drink and no food while they meet. Neither does Shadwell.

In season 1, episode 4, Crowley is found mostly alone in a theater with a container of popcorn. We never see him eat the popcorn, but we at least know he was holding it, and Aziraphale is not around. That could be for show since he considers it part of the human experience being in a theater. I could just be wrong, it's just a head canon after all. He may have done it anyway and just eaten the dust that formed once it went into his mouth. Or, maybe he can eat, but the silly rules of the Good Omens story are that he's never allowed to be seen eating on camera due to his food curse.

In season 1, episode 6, Aziraphale, while pretending to be Crowley, orders them some ice cream and passes one to Crowley, while Crowley is pretending to be Aziraphale. We don't see what became of Crowley's ice cream, but it disappears from the framing very quickly once the camera moves away from him, then back to him. During the actual kidnapping, his mouth is even taped shut. Much like the popcorn in the theater, the ice cream could have been for show. He may have endured eating the dust. He may have devoured it very quickly when the camera wasn't looking.

Later in the same episode, at the Ritz, the table has plenty of food though actually both Crowley's and Aziraphale's main plates where you would expect food to be are empty.

Whatever happened to that plate of Eccles cakes in season 2, episode 1? I don't know. We may never know, but this head canon offers something.

Aziraphale is implied to have ordered those Eccles cakes for Crowley in the hope that they will calm Crowley down with the news about Gabriel being in the bookshop. We know that those Eccles cakes are shown untouched and uneaten before Crowley stormed out.

Crowley is shown to angrily walk away in the street after shooting out lightning that traps Maggie and Nina in the coffee shop. Then a scene in Heaven happens. By the time we get back to Earth, Crowley has calmed down. He's still upset, he's tired, but he's calmed down. So, maybe, very very big maybe, Aziraphale ate those Eccles cakes, Crowley fed off it or felt it, and calmed down. Even if that's true, that suggests some allowable distance with thresholds between them for this magic to work.

Obviously, things happen to get Crowley worked up again with being summoned to Hell, but he had calmed down. When Crowley returns to the bookshop, the plate of Eccles cakes is no longer there.

Over the course of season 2, we don't see Aziraphale eating as much as what we saw in season 1. To my recollection, he only visibly eats one time during the present day storyline, and it's a travel sweet while driving Crowley's car. We learn that Crowley can feel his car despite the distance between them. He can feel quite specifically that Aziraphale eats during that drive and even what Aziraphale is eating. My head canon figures that's part of Crowley's demonic power able to feed off Aziraphale when Aziraphale eats.

In season 2, episode 5, Aziraphale passes a platter to Crowley saying, "Have a vol-au-vent." Crowley is left speechless and eventually drops the platter in annoyance, never shown to have eaten any of the food on it.

Aziraphale sometimes seems aware of this curse and sometimes doesn't. That would be part of the curse's own magic. The more caught up Aziraphale is in what he is wanting or doing, the less aware he is of the curse itself being there.

Another thing about this curse is that if Crowley touches food or the container holding the food, it's usually a bad omen for him. When he has the popcorn in hand, Hastur shows up on the screen to threaten him. When he's holding the ice cream, he is kidnapped. With the plate of Eccles cakes, he is confronted with Gabriel being n the bookshop. For the vol-au-vent platter, that one's a little different since a threat is already known with him on alert, and it takes a longer amount of time for something as dramatic as the brick through the window.

So, with all these little clues that Crowley can feed off Aziraphale eating food, the next question for a silly fangirl like myself is, "What does that mean for all of humanity?"

Crowley tempted Eve into eating the apple. Did he feed off that? Does he feed off humans whenever they eat anything or just apples or just giving into temptation?

Well, the story doesn't say so much as it leaves room for something to be imagined. If Crowley is on screen, humans might be seen drinking and they might have food near them, but I am yet to find any scene of them putting actual food into their mouths to confirm that they can and will clearly eat when the camera is watching as Crowley is on screen with them.

So, what do I imagine?

Well, my instinct is that Crowley himself would flicker in visibility if the camera were watching since we're not allowed to ever see it.

That's just my instinct.

From there, I just go with what I like of fantasizing him as a powerful demon. He feels it. It affects him. And yes, he feeds off it. We're not allowed to see it happen, but he does. He is a very well fed demon.

...

Oh, and another little oddity with this idea is that during the big food fight for Warlock's birthday, party, the food definitely does not land on Crowley, even if it gets on the kids, on Aziraphale, and some of the other wait staff. That could be Crowley's own magic in guarding himself, just not wanting to get messy, as some other explanation, if I wanted to venture that way with this head canon. I'll stick to it being part of this food curse since it's part of the broader group of little clues.

...

I have a generally good memory of events in the show by now, but things still slip between trying to remember it all. So, if I remember something worth adding or noting or correcting, I will do whatever seems best for those options.

Edit: I now have a Food Curse Part 2.

[daisyjonesgf]

the lakes (5) // finnick odair x f. reader

summary: it's supposed to be over, you and Finnick are supposed to spend the rest of your lives helping each other heal. living as peacefully as possible, but the the third quarter quell throws a wrench in your domestic bliss.

previous chapter / next chapter

masterlist

2.3k words

warnings: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, mentions of alcoholism bc haymitch is there, brief drinking, allusions to death and violence, rebellion planning, allusions of trafficking/sexual trauma, wanting children, mentions of birth control and class divide, terms of endearment, mental illness, manipulation of someone's feelings, self-hatred, mentions of nausea and allusions to puking, reader being utterly enamored by Finnick, unedited, no use of Y/N

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Harsh wind made your body shake and Finnick immediately wrapped his arms around you. How he always felt like a furnace was something you'd accepted you'd never have the answer to and you gratefully relaxed into him.

“Oh look, I just happened to run into you two on the roof, a happy couple just relaxing while they still can." Haymitch's voice pierced the air billowing around you.

“What a coincidence.” Finnick took a step closer to where Haymitch was approaching.

"Gives us a perfect chance to talk about allies though.” Your voice was loud enough that if anyone was listening they would be sure to hear your completely pure intentions with a mentor right before everyone's voices conveniently took the octave and pitch down.

“After this there's not opting out, so I need to know that you're 100% on board. You could be killed if this gets found out." Haymitch fiddled with his flask.

“We're already going to be killed, at least this way there's a chance we can stay together and end all of this." He stood close enough now that your soft voice could only be heard within the earshot. Finnick squeezed your hand softly.

Haymitch nodded, “Beetee is in on it too, so is Wiress, but who knows how much of a help she'll be. Plutarch can give us insight into small things before the Games start, but the main point will be finding away for enough chaos to happen that we can get Katniss out of there.”

“So our job is to get her to trust us, protect her and Peeta so she sticks to the plan that will get her out." Subconsciously Finnick began tapping his fingers on your waist and you rubbed your thumb in circles across his hand to try and soothe whatever it was his mind was running on about.

“Yes and we might need to find a way to force that because you weren't doing a great job on that, darling. I can't blame you though, she can be quite difficult.” Haymitch took a swig from the flask, you could only imagine how burning cold the metal must have been. Then he was pointing at you, "The princess here might actually have more luck since in an ever so contradictory way she's less gaudy.” Finnick scoffed. "She'll just have to get over preconceived notions first which isn't usually easy. Going over tributes though the problem would be you as a package deal, so we might have to find a way to force her to ally with everyone anyways.”

Slowly, Finnick nodded, “We should tell Johanna, she'll definitely be determined even if she doesn't get Katniss’ trust right away."

Haymitch laughed slightly, “Oh I think she's already left quite the impression." You could only imagine what Johanna had done and you smiled, her blunt attitude had immediately drawn you to her and it helped that her strategy was slightly similar to yours as far as the tears went.

“You go, it'll look like you're trying to figure out alliances and not be as suspicious, if they are watching." You kissed Finnick's cheek and reluctantly pushed away from his comforting arms.

"Okay, I'll be back soon. Don't miss me too bad.” He began stepping away so slowly as if he wanted to stay too, which you couldn't imagine why you had to have made his internal heater freeze with every touch.

“Oh I already do." He smirked and you walked over the cement bench, patting on it as Haymitch sat down by you. He held his arm out, offering the flask he was holding. You thought about it for a second, but accepted the offer. Earlier assumptions were correct, the metal was so cold it burned the lips right before the alcohol did. “What is that?" You scrunched your nose, handing it back to him.

Haymitch chuckled, shaking his head. “One of their wild, Capitol creations." He shrugged slightly, the idea of carrying a drink around that you couldn't even name just to numb the pain made your head ache for the victor. “So you tied the knot away from all the pomp and pageantry?"

"They can't have all of me.” Even if they have most of me, went unsaid into the crisp night air. Your body, your tears, what you could give, the raw, violent parts of you forever memorialized for eternity. Now parts of the private ceremony would be exploited, but the moment could never, only the parts you chose to reveal. It was yours.

“Good for you." He took another drink. “They can only take so much from us, they have to know this was bound to happen." You hummed a yes and reached your hand out which he filled with the cold flask, you took another drink that stung your throat before returning it.

“I don't know how people can have kids when the world is like this." You muttered, looking out at the city below. So badly you wanted a family, Finnick would be a great father, but it seemed impossible to fathom when at any second, for years on end they could be ripped away to be publicly executed for entertainment. If they even managed to survive, horrors lay beyond that, you would never wish for your children to live in a world where they went through what you did.

He shook his head, “Desperation, extra hands, not everyone has fancy Capitol provided ways to prevent pregnancy, Princess."

"Yeah.” You were all too familiar with that. Rich men rarely wanted the possibility of a kid running around with a second-class being even if she was a victor and you took every precaution possible as the fear ate you up inside. They could steal away your body, your intimacy, how you felt with yourself, but if you did escape all of this the only kids you would be having would be yours and Finnick. You wouldn't let them own you in that aspect too. “She's lucky she and Peeta came off as such a strong case of star crossed lovers, it's saved her in and out of the arena. Saved both of them.” Blankly staring at the stars, too beautiful to shine on such a cruel world.

“That she is. My so-called defiance lost me everything, everyone and she managed to be so popular that they couldn't do that. It's why we stand a chance, princess.”

You stood up, "I'd wish you a goodnight, but that rarely happens.” You smiled, sadness tainting your eyes.

Haymitch shook the flask, "If it works right, I won't remember a thing.” He said it so sardonically it weighed down your very being. This is what the Capitol did to its child winners, fractured them into being blackout drunk to dodge the nights full of horror.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

You sat on the hallway floor, it's carpet itching your skin as you sat there, head on Conway’s shoulder.

“The outfits were so ridiculous, dressing us like prize pigs." He seethed, “Not you I mean though, you didn't look like a pig, the blue looked nice on you-" Conway started rambling to make up for his initial words and you pressed a finger to his soft lips.

"I know what you mean.” You smiled, so softly it looked enamored with his stumbling. It was cute, but not like your Finnick's sureness in all he said. No, not your Finnick, not anymore he was just Finnick, the mentor, the guy from the past. Oh, how you craved his touch, the smell of his salty skin, the sound of his honey like voice. You scolded yourself, now wasn't the time, it couldn't be. You couldn't risk Conway being able to tell if you were thinking about the other man, as if he could somehow read your mind, nevertheless it was too risky.

“Thank you for always understanding me, you've always been so sweet since we were children, it's what made me want to be your friend in the first place and then-" He paused, then your lover is what he was holding back. You knew this, his sister had told you once back when you were with Finnick, how jealousy was eating Conway’s sweet soul alive. “Then made my family love you too."

It was like an arrow in your heart, you weren't sweet, it was more harrowing that he thought so. Your brain encouraged you to persist even though the echoes muttered back how much you should loathe yourself. “No, you're the sweet one. Always covering for me." You shook your head, keeping the smile glued on your face. His hand was suddenly on your chin, trying to guide you in. His fingers were slightly calloused but there were no sparks, like when Finnick even brushed his atoms into the same vicinity as yours. You leaned in slightly, eyes searching him as if you wanted to know if he really wanted this, of course you knew the answer though. His lips pressed themselves to yours, he tasted just as he sounded, like strawberries and you did like strawberries of course, but not as much as a raw honeycomb.

Just as quickly he pulled away, “I'm sorry." Conway’s voice spilled out, “I don't know what I was thinking, I know you still have him and all, I just I don't know." He shook his head, rubbing his face with his hands, combing them through his hair anxiously.

“He's a jerk." He was, but in the best and worst way. “I don't know what I saw in him." You shook your head, sadly staring at the carpet. Urging the tears to present themselves to help cover your lies because you knew exactly what you still saw in him, his humor, his protection, the warmth, and the absolute love and care he exuded with each look, each graze of his fingertips. “Especially when-" You acted like you were getting choked up on your confession, you disgusted yourself.

Conway’s fingertips were tilting your head back up to him once again, “Really?" His eyes were eager, so innocent. You had to stop your resilience from breaking, from halting the whole operation. “Do you really mean that because I have for so long and please be honest?"

You were nauseous. Trying not to start gagging on nothing as you nodded. "Of course I do, I just didn't see what's been right in front of me.” He kissed you again and it was overwhelming your senses. Not in the way Finnick did which made you buzz, in a way that made you want to run. When he finally pulled away you forced yourself to let out a sly smile as you began standing. "I'll see you in the morning, we should sleep before all the training tomorrow, making impressions with the other tributes.”

His smile was shy and his eyes were basically begging you to stay with him another night, to hold you. It would certainly help your plan, but you couldn't. It was already too much and you needed senses knocked back into you before you broke. "Goodnight, sleep well." Conway whispered, slowly letting his fingers part from yours as he turned down the hallway. You'd been just outside of your room so you walked to it and opened it right before closing it to make it sound like you'd gone in before making a beeline in the opposite direction for Finnick's. Vainly trying to hold back the dry heaving.

Ever so softly your fists knocked on the door and almost instantly it was open, like he was waiting, like he knew you would be coming. Before another second could pass you'd thrown yourself into the protection of his arms and were weeping.

“I'm a terrible person." You choked out as he carefully shut the door with his foot, wrapping his arms around you even tighter like a blanket.

“No you're not an angel, it's survival of the fittest." He kissed the top of your forehead burying himself in it.

"Oh God, I'm gonna be sick.” He instantly led you to the bathroom where you were in fact. He didn't leave you though, he pulled out some medicine to soothe your stomach and head. Handing you a glass of water as he soothingly had his hand on the top of your head, stroking your hair. Once you've finished he was brushing your teeth for you.

It should be pathetic to have someone doing that for you, but not when it was him just trying to keep you secure. “Gotta open wider, angel." He was diligent and precise before helping pull you up from the edge of the tub to the sink. “Okay now spit. Let's get you into bed, sweet girl."

“Thank you, I'm sorry." You muttered out, voice raspy.

“Don't ever be." His warm hands tilted your chin up in a way that melted you into his touch like sugar in tea. “Look at me. You're doing what it takes to survive, which you deserve to do, I'm just doing what you deserve." Your Finnick could make you fall into tears every time, healing the patches of the broken heart you had from the way you were using Conway. “Let's get you to bed." He began to walk out of the bathroom and you softly put your hand on the one trailing away.

"Finnick.” Your voice was tender but the air was so stagnant it felt booming to your ears. He turned to look at you, worry evident. "Can I stay? Please?” Finnick smiled so sympathetically it made your head feel better, like it would float away instead.

"Of course, my love, you can always stay with me, I'll always stay with you.” As you crawled into the sheets that he'd of course emanated his soothing heat onto you knew it was true. Just as you knew you'd always stay with him.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

thank you so much for reading! literally y'all's comments make my heart so happy and my passion for continuing to write this skyrockets, you are all so incredibly kind and supportive 💕 as always if you enjoyed feedback, likes, reblogs, comments are all so appreciated and my asks are open bc I think about this series all the time. I love you guys and thank you again sm 💋

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[when-noodles-form-words]

One Myphai/Phaidei AU (Library and Romance flavor) For the Counter

I lied, this one is bugging my head and refused to stop so I release it to the world and let it roam free and pester yall instead. Y'all get two today.

*i say that like I have a following but it's just one person (hi there random person I love u <3)*

The Meal:

Phainon and Mydei meet in the library often and they start checking out books before each other to get the other’s attention (yes this is very whisper of the heart coded but in my opinion they started it with the whole 'visit my library thing' so what am I supposed to do, hm?)

Phainon ( i really wanna give him the nickname kelvin instead of kevin if he's a chemistry or science major, but I'll restrain myself) and Mydei recognize that there's a cute guy who always checks books out (Phainon prefers some occasional apocalyptic or sci-fi genres alongside his school mandated text books, while Mydei is a sucker for historical and historical fiction and refuses to elaborate on why he also sneaks in a few cookbooks into the pile too) and wants to get the others attention.

You can choose (probably Mydei with his subtle anonymous romantics but Phainon is always bold as well so who knows) who makes the first move, but they start checking out other genres of books before the other in an attempt to catch their attention. Soon, though, they start leaving sticky notes since that didn't work. It started one time (on accident, totally not on purpose)when Phainon checked a book out and accidentally left one in, but then Mydei saw and wrote a little message on it hoping that maybe Phainon would make sure to get it back. When Phainon remembered he left a sticky note in his book (or the librarian reminded him to stop putting notes in his book) he went to look for the book only to find the sticky note inside with a note and another book to check out.

They start a back and forth, learning about each other (Mydei always finds a way to reply bc hes probably the librarian assistant) and it keeps going until the end of the school year, when the final note one of them leaves is a phone number (or if it’s both of them leaving their number and a place / message saying they want to meet up) and then they hit it off from there and rediscover a lot about each other.

Sides:

Phainon keeps talking about the hot guy he always sees in the library and is always like ‘yea u can’t be as hot as him’ kinda thing and Mydei just is so confused until Phainon gives a description of the guy and Mydei is like "oh no he’s so whipped for me…..now we can tease him" so he starts insulting himself (the guy Phainon is talking about) and Phainon just starts defending the guy and it escalates to Mydei daring Phainon to go up and talk to him, saying he assumed Phainon hasn’t even spoken to the guy, and Phainon is just a mess trying to keep checking out these books when he approaches Mydei all cool and tries to talk and strike up conversation with this stoic librarian helper (or however you wanna put it).

Mydei makes Phainon check out awkward books along with what’s going to help him in his courses, and Phainon is trying not to look awkward in front of this guy checking out his books (and trying to be subtle while checking him out as well lol) and Mydei just keeps making note of what gets a reaction out of Phainon so that he can keep teasing him after he officially introduces himself beyond their little book talks.

Phainon makes Mydei check out books that he also likes so that if they ever meet they can talk about all the books together, hoping that Mydei likes them too (based on how it takes a while for him to spot the books on the shelves again even after they talk, Mydei probably does read those books. And if Phainon sees him looking around at other books to read similar to what Phainon makes him check out, he'll keep that to himself.)

Hyacine and the other chrysos heirs just watch from the sidelines and have a running chat on how the endeavor is going from both sides (since these two are practically the most eligible bachelors on campus or smthn) and castorice finds it so romantic that she keeps giving Mydei little romance novel recommendations that he reads through and sticks his note onto one of the sweetest /cringiest/ smuttiest parts that Phainon has to get stuck with seeing. One time he found a manga book and *accidentally* asked castorice for a copy of her 18+ doujins and put it inside it (idk how it works but it would work for the power of plot) and Phainon, being overeager and trusting, opened the book up in the middle of class to find the note, and now rumors are spreading that he's into yaoi which he isnt (it's a lie if people say the book was never found again, he swears it was in the library system He's below stealing from public property. Private, however, is a different story)

Thought of this as like a 'message in a bottle' kinda thing but instead of a bottle its a book, and I'm a sucker for anonymous identities and all that as well as a little cliche romance. Feel free to tweak or write what you want from this, I think I actually thought of adding different books from aeons as the authors (or other prominent hsr characters) and it made me crack up that I could title a book as being written by Zagreus and Aha and I actually liked it so much.

Anyways hope yall liked it, lemme know if you bounce more ideas off of this I'd love to see what y'all think up or write. I know hsr and the phaidei ship is blowing up rn (fanfic writers pls keep writing i love you guys mwah) and I'm a big lover of this ship too. I have a few more ideas that I may hold off on for now but enjoy this in the meantime!

Happy writing and plot bunny managing (say hi to them for me) and make sure to keep yourself safe and hydrated and fed and know that ur loved~

[bluepluto03]

Branch Sacrifices himself for Floyd AU

Summary: in which Branch sees Floyd getting the life sucked out of him and gets freaked enough to make a really bad decision

———————————————————————

“I have a proposition for you. A trade.”

“Branch no!” Floyd yells

“Trade for what?”

“For me. You free Floyd, and you can use me instead.”

“Branch, leave, please.” Floyd begs.

Branch ignores him resolutely

Velvet seems to be considering. “Why should I trade?”

“Um… I won't die as fast?” Branch offers, caught off guard. He didn’t expect he’d need to convince her to kidnap him.

(Full mini/bullet fic under the cut)

———————————————————————

Note: this is a cross between a actual fic and a bullet fic bc I have Other Projects I’m supposed to be working on and I’m trying to limit myself from going all out on trolls, but if people like this maybe I’ll try to clean it up some more and put it on ao3

Branch gets the bait letter sometime before the wedding. He panics badly, barely stops to leave a note for Poppy before running off to mt rageous.

JD has already spoken with Floyd and left to collect everyone

At first their Reunion is pretty similar to cannon with a bit more confusion and worry

Branch starts trying to get the cover off the vents so he can take Floyd with him- he doesn’t want to leave him there. But It’s a huge metal grate over a vent and he’s one tiny troll there’s only so much he can do

Floyd hears Velvet and Veneer approaching and tells Branch to run. Branch argues against him, keeps trying to open the stupid grate, ignoring Floyd’s pleas for him to run

In the hallway the voices of Velvet and Veneer go quiet but the trolls are too frantic to notice

Floyd points out Branch can’t help him if they’re both caught, and Branch reluctantly agrees to hide

Velvet, who’s been listening at the door, bursts in. She lunges at Branch but he escapes into the vents where she can’t reach him

Vaneer whines they’ll never be able to find him now

Velvet is like hmm… picks up Floyd’s crystal, Floyd seems scared, looking back up at her

“Such a shame. Im not sure this one will last until the next one shows up.” She says loudly

Her voice rattles around the vents and shakes the ground Branch is trying to stand on and he he grits his teeth against it

“Oh im sure another one will show up soon enough, but we have half a dozen shows in the next few days. This one’s getting pretty weak.” she shakes Floyd. “With two, well theres one for each of us! Right veneer?”

“R-right?”

“Im sure two would be able to make it much longer…”

Branch knows what she’s doing. He knows she’s just trying to bait him out. The stupidest thing in the world he could do would be to go down there right now.

But all he can see is how pale floyd is getting, and the terrifying translucence of the tips of his fingers, and-

And. if he goes down there he’ll be useless to save floyd.

He’ll have to just figure out some other way to get floyd out

“We’ll have to keep him with us now, i guess, since theres some little critters running around. We don’t want them bothering our little guest”

Anxiety starts to choke Branch and he tries to push it down. Okay, that complicates things, but it’s fine. It’ll be fine. He’ll still manage to save Floyd. Before it’s too late

He can’t pull himself away from the edge of the vent. He realizes he’s been edging closer and closer on his stomach, out of the shadows, desperate just to see Floyd for a moment longer

Velvet looks around. She sees a shadow in the vent and grins to herself

“Well we’ve gotta get going to our next show. Time for a quick spritz”

She sprays herself

Floyd lifts up from the force of it, eyes rolling back in pain. His body shudders once with the wave, then goes boneless as he drops to the bottom of the bottle

“NO-“ the scream rips through Branch’s throat before he can catch it. Velvet looks at the vent with a predatory look in her eye. Floyd looks dazed and terrified on Branch’s behalf

Velvet takes one predatory step forward and instinctively Branch yells “DON’T MOVE”

Velvet stops, seemingly more out of surprise than anything else. She laghs. “Why should i troll? What’re you gonna do? Sing at me?”

“I’ll disappear into the vents” Branch says with much more confidence than he feels. “By the time you get to me, i can be deep enough that you won’t be able to grab me.”

Velvet frowns, eyes scanning the distance between them, but she dosn’t move forward

“Why not just run off then?” Veneer asks, though it sounds more genuinely confused, lacking his sister’s mocking undertone

Floyd is looking at him with a furrowed brow, confusion evident on his face as he struggles to figure out what branch is doing, even as he leans limply against the side of the bottle

“I have a proposition for you. A trade.”

“Branch, no!” Floyd yells as he figures it out

“Trade for what?”

“For me. You free Floyd, and you can use me instead.”

“Branch, leave, please.” Floyd begs.

Branch ignores him, resolutely pushing down the fear in his chest

Velvet seems to be considering. “Why should I trade?”

“Um… I won't die as fast?” Branch offers, caught off guard. He didn’t expect he’d need to convince her to kidnap him.

“Maybe, but pinkie here is pretty powerful. How do I know you’ll be anywhere near as strong?”

Branch hesitates then forces himself move forward “I’m stronger.”

“No he’s not! He’s terrible!” Floyd insists

“Excuse me?” Branch shoots back, indigent and caught off guard

But Floyd’s not looking at him hes talking to velvet. “He’s awful. If you use him you’ll sound like-” he grasps for how to convince them ”like a broken chalkboard, or nails in a clock, or- or a crying bird!”

“You’re mixing metaphors, babe” Veneer tells him

“Or something! It’ll be bad, okay??” floyd insists desperately

branch feels irrationally a bit hurt because he knows floyd is only saying that to protect him. He takes a deep breath, pushing down all the fear and hurt

“No it won’t. I have the voice of an angel.

Velvet raises an eyebrow. “Prove it.”

He sings a few bars

“Deal.” Velvet agrees to the trade

Now there’s the problem of actually doing the trade

They tell him to come down, he says no you’ll take us both, gimme floyd and then ill come down, they accuse him of the same thing, they agree on branch standing on the edge of the vent and them putting floyd next to him as they pick him up

They do it and branch tries not to shake in fear

They let Branch help Floyd into the vent because he’s so weak, but both Velvet and Veneer are hovering so close and they’ve figured out how to shut some of the vents so even if he wanted to leave he couldn’t

As floyd is placed down he beggs branch “branch please don’t do this, please.”

Branch can’t look at him. He wishes he had something, anything to say

Floyd’s hair wraps around his wrist weakly, it’s all Floyd can manage. Branch just gently takes it off and keeps going

As he steps into velvets hand he tries his best for a comforting smile. “I’ll be back. I promise.”

This time, when one of them walks away, they both know he’s lying

Note: that’s what I have so far! Cue very sick Floyd watching his brother suffer and desperately trying to save him while so weak.

Maybe I’ll continue if ppl like this maybe I’ll finish editing this into something a bit cleaner but we’ll see! Honestly depends if people are interested bc I have other stuff I really should be working on but the trolls hyperfixation hit me with a frying pan and dragged me into the fandom in a burlap sack.

[smallnico]

I gotta know because I'm having a blast with her in my party: would Minthara and Esper get along well or would they hate each other?

🥺💕

asking me about esper.. on a random weekday..... oh i am so blessed thank u so much

to answer your question though!! it's complicated. i've played 2 full games as esper, one before you could save minthara without killing the tieflings and one after, because i wanted to find out the answer to this very question (among other things).

the short answer is that they hate each other, lol. but there's nuance to that, so! under the cut bc it's long!

from a character perspective, the most in-character thing for esper to do is kill her -- they're half-drow, so the first thing she said to them was a comment about their impure blood, which they did NOT care for, and then she immediately started talking about slaughtering those druids and putting those tieflings that our new allies wyll and karlach care about in harm's way. she gave them basically nothing but green lights that it was okay to kill her, and generally speaking, esper doesn't need much of an excuse (they struggled with recruiting karlach for a bit and they were disappointed they didn't get to kill kagha, for instance), so not only were they forced to kill her, they were pretty excited to kill her.

(sidenote: part of that excitement is a pavlovian response from their childhood. one thing their matron did to help esper channel their urges while she was training them to be an assassin was fully endorse them practicing their skills on anyone they caught questioning their half-human parentage or gender, so long as they could do it well enough to get away with it. this means they react to people being racist toward them with excitement, because it means This Is An Acceptable Murder And I Am Going To Do It Fuck Yes. they racked up a pretty extensive kill count after they got to baldur's gate for this reason, too.)

all this to say, the first time around i didn't get to know minthara and her dynamic with esper much. the second time around, she was a bit glitchy, since the ability to save her had only just been implemented -- a lot of her banter with other party members wouldn't trigger, she was completely naked for the entire span of time between meeting ketheric and rescuing her from the prison, and i think i only got to ask her like 2 questions to get to know her? -- so that didn't help much, but from what i did learn about her dynamic with esper was that oh my god they both hate each other so fucking much. they just cannot stand each other. they have so much in common but the things that are different are enormous dealbreakers for both of them and it's almost hilarious. esper couldn't get through one in character conversation with minthara without her disapproving of Something they said. she wants so badly to enable the behaviours they're actively working to stop cycling through. the funniest fucking glitch i got with her was after we saved her from orin, the narrator demanded on her behalf that i literally pay her so she wouldn't walk away, that was how bad their relationship was. i'm Sure that was a glitch but it was wild.

zooming out from the game though, i mean it when i say esper and minthara have a lot in common (even if esper doesn't quite remember a lot of it). they both grew up in menzoberranzan, both of their earliest childhood memories are of surviving murder attempts, they both trained in combat academies (minth in tier breche, probably melee-magthere, and esper in the hidden academy at house auvy'rae), they were both forced to abandon lolth and the underdark by the dead three, they were both mutilated by orin, they were both forced to live for a period committing atrocities on behalf of a quasi-deity who sapped them both of their will to resist. esper and minthara have similar approaches to violence -- seeing it as necessary and enjoyable, but something to be used sparingly to best effect -- though they disagree on when it should be used. they even have similar senses of humour -- minthara likes a bit of cruel irony, and we all know the line about the man who married a drider, while esper is deadpan with a secret love for stupid jokes and mischief.

where they differ the most is on the matter of power. minthara, as we all know, is a properly power-hungry person who takes great joy in accruing and showing off power. she's completely on board with using the tadpoles, she wants her allies to have the most power they could have, whatever the fallout is for them personally (thinking specifically about astarion's ascension, which she's totally on board with, and dj shadowheart, where she says something to the effect of "shadowheart absolutely shouldn't go through with this ritual, shar is a poisonous influence, but it would be better for Us if she did"). she encourages esper to take over the cult of the absolute -- something i know for a fact astarion does too, but for some reason that line never triggered for either esper game -- and she wants them to take back the cult of bhaal, too. all that runs pretty completely contrary to the way that esper wants to live. esper rejects the tadpoles outright because they find the idea of injecting another squirming alien consciousness into their brain (when they already have the urges and the voice of bhaal and the incomprehensible flashes of emotions and memories from a past they can't remember), especially one that lets other people poke around in their thoughts, completely revolting and terrifying. the power is Not worth it to them, they just want to be left alone for once in their life. they didn't even want to run the cult of bhaal when they actually were in charge of it -- they liked the menial aspects of it, things like bookkeeping and arranging rituals and planning murders and getting their hands dirty, but they hated being the center of attention. weird for a bard, but they were trained to work unseen and listen and manipulate subtly more than anything, so they're extremely out of their comfort zone when a lot of emphasis is put on them. as far as they're concerned, visible and showy power makes a person helpless and a target (one of the other reasons i decided to play again was because i accidentally let gale ascend in the first run, and esper also hated that and thought he was an idiot. and tara got mad at me and that made me sad. sorry tara i'll do anything for you).

minthara seeks power and esper rejects power. she respects shows of power, and they only show off their actual power to people who are about to die, so they can keep the element of surprise wherever possible. so many of their core conflicts would occur because she thinks they're weak-willed and they think she's foolish, and because she thinks they're weak, she tries to control them, which makes esper start snarling and biting, and the game didn't really let me resolve that. it only gets worse when you start getting into things like drow race and gender politics -- bhaal created esper to have as bad of a time as possible in menzoberranzan as both a half-human and a redundant male child that killed their mother in childbirth -- and especially class politics -- since minthara is a baenre, she is (or was) a member of menzo's top house, and esper is an auvy'rae, a member (born into, disowned, and adopted back into) of a house known for purposefully cultivating an uncompetitive and nonthreatening public reputation (so they can focus on hidden intrigue, information brokering, and pulling the strings away from public scrutiny). minthara may not be aligned with lolth anymore, but 300 years of drow politics is hard as fuck to unlearn, and every time she addresses esper like they're a surfacer (which she does, because in-game that's how half-drow are classified -- surfacer by underdark races, underdark by surfacer races) they feel the urge to kill her again, even though they don't have their Concrete memories to contradict her.

then of course there's the fact that they're trying so hard to resist the urge to do violence. esper has no problem with normal violence, but they try to manage their internal drive toward Cruelty by focusing those impulses on people who really deserve it. bhaal's influence makes them feel a deep and disorienting loss of control during moments of violence and cruelty, so they go from "yes violence good let's do violence" at the beginning of the game to "i'm really good at killing and it feels so fucking good to do but i can't, i don't want to be ruled by the drive to do harm just because i can justify my focus on it because i'm good at it, i want to learn how to be something else, something that hasn't been tainted by my terrible past. so i'll try very hard to kill only when it's appropriate and i'll try to rely on my friends to tell me when that is". smash cut to minthara telling them to cut off a child's hand for pickpocketing lmao,

so, yeah. i love minthara, but esper really doesn't lol. i think she just provokes the Old Esper to come out of them way too often for their comfort -- they want their memories back, but they'd like to be in control of the process. i've tried to write party banter between esper and minthara and it always comes out extremely hostile and unpleasant. unfortunately, the most in-character thing for esper to do is kill her and really enjoy doing it. if they had the ability to understand each other's core approaches to power and violence, though, i think they could be pretty good friends, especially seeing as astarion has a lot of the same issues as minthara does vis a vis power and violence in contrast to esper, and esper is closer to astarion than anyone else in the party.

i have another durge run going where i'm going to try and be evil to get to know a different side of minthara, though! i might change the answer depending on what i can learn there.

[cloverwood]

Hi!! I’m a Therian who is questioning fairykin. Do you have any signs I may be one? I feel really connected to them and nature. (I always just assumed it was bc of my theriantropy). I’m apart of the so called “fairy-tok” and the more I’ve gotten into it the more really felt connected to fairies. Walking on my toes to feel as if I’m frying, having dreams where I can fly, feeling right when I’m wearing wings, pretending to do magic as it feels like I should be able to. It all feels right but I’m not sure? What things would you recommend me to look for to know I’m a fairy kin?

hi hi friend! this...ended up longer than expected apologies in advance (^_^")

well for starters, anyone who knows me or who has been in my discord will know that I am very against "deciding" someone else's kintype for them or the idea that you have to have exact specific experiences to identify as anything. So the only person who can find this out for you is yourself BUT! I will share some thoughts that could help you and others with similar feelings.

For starters, what experiences would equate one person to be a kin of something could be entirely opposite to another's experiences of the exact same kintype. even more so with fairies with how broad of a concept we are. The 'little humanoid figure with wings' concept of a fairy for example (of which i am one also) is very unique to folkore of only the last couple hundred years or so and modern media (tho i believe modern media counts as just modern folklore. pixie hollow fairies are as valid as the sidhe.) But it means one persons "fairy wings and flying" fairy would be another's "troll tail and three fingers on each hand" fairy. Just something to keep in mind in regards to "signs" and why its very much up to your own personal interpretations and feelings.

However that isnt to say that comparing experiences can't be useful and it can certainly be joyous. I've def had some people open up to the idea of possibly being fairykin without ever them considering it before bc they described some experience i was like 'oh thats similar to how i feel as a fairy' and they go 'REALLY!?' bc many folks just don't know that much abt fairies or some other reason. But again its more about finding connection less than finding 'signs'.

Secondly it never hurts to just dive into some research. Learn about all the different kinds of fair folk throughout history and cultures. Different fairy media as well if you're more modern inclined (Brian Froud is a big influence on me). Fairies are very very broad and it may help to try find different ideas and concepts you're drawn to and help you specify ur feelings, tho def not necessary.

And thirdly, my advice to anyone questioning a kin (even tho i need to start taking this advice myself XD). Just try it! Just call yourself that even if you arent 100% sure yet, plop the label on urself for a while and if it it sticks? great! if it doesnt? oh well! now you know! It's really the easiest approach. Because theres literally no harm in being wrong here. it can feel a bit embarrassing or weird after but its hurts noone, truly.

hope this ramble made any sense at all lol. again i have strong feelings about trying to confirm kins using other people or looking for specific "signs" because theres really no sign other than "i feel this". At the most it gets tricky when knowing you feel a way towards a 'type but not the exact relationship (ie where i am with homo-cladotherian rn, not sure if its kin or hearted or a more complex relationship) and that one is a pickle but again just rly smth only u can figure out with lots of time and introspection. It's not a race.

I can't remember who said this, but I once heard "Your kintype is an identity, not a diagnosis." and it very strongly aligns with how i feel about approaching this kinda thing.

[frogs-in3-hills]

oh i meant to put together like one post with all my theories and observations before i start the answer arcs but i obviously didn't do that and now i'm being impatient so i'm gonna wordvomit a little bit while i still have the chance to record my probably hilariously wrong theories ok. so first of all in case i haven't made clear my stance on whether magic is real i'm kind of approaching the gameboard sections from the perspective that it isn't real, i'm convinced there is a mystery to solve for how everything happens in each episode, bc as fantastical as it is no magic presented so far has been actively incoherent with reality. example i think with ange's show of magic at the end of ch4 being obv very symbolically significant and a part of how she enters the metanarrative/purgatorio, it's also implied she dies in the "real world" either by jumping from the building or getting shot i actually forgot my bad. that does not erase at all the meaning to her emotional journey, which is why while i do think magic is "not real" it also, like, is definitely real, and the implicit question within the question is actually "what is real" and that's what the game is working with. just by way of being presented to the audience, the magic becomes real. thinking about it this way i'm predicting that this tension can't be resolved by opening thw catbox, bc maybe it isn't even possible to open the catbox, we are just forced as humans to look at it from the outside or the inside wherever we are and turn it around and try to figure out what's on the other side. magic is just a mechanic of the story literalized within itself and it can be used to misdirect or to guide us to the truth just as any other element can in a story, esp a mystery

as this pertains to beatrice ermm i don't reslly know i just want to learn more about her. we saw this duality in her at the end of ch4 that we've seen in almost every other character, which i've been thinking about in terms of splitting identities but that terminology may be a little misleading, it's more the different facets of ourselves being personified to heighten and position HOW the ideas about those facets can/will be conveyed. i don't claim to understand the deal but it's very clear to me at least that beatrice's dual selves is a form of self protection, which ties a lot into my thoughts on witchhood-as-scapegoating where the witch is like an evil christ figure lol who shoulders the blame of our sins. or maybe i just played higurashi.

connected to that is the recurring ideas of wish fulfillment which appear more and more obviously in hindsight which leads me to think natsuhi is the/a culprit in the first ep. she is absent from the 12am role call before the first twilight and honestly had reasonable opportunity to do it, she allegedly saw evidence of the gold, she allegedly was told by totally alive kinzo that shes a true and awesome ushiromiya with a remark about "if only you were born a man" which reads as just her deeply deeply repressed desires to me (god it's so good.), and she goes off with the servants a lot and we don't know what she's doing. i think it makes sense esp as she's the last adult to die. what happened to the kids you say I SDINT KNOW LEAVE ME ALONE. in a way i think she is potentially experiencing something similar to eva where we get this externalization of her innermost trauma driven feelings thru the witch character but they are still the same people. right. like with rosa, she's still the same mama in the end

i don'tknow i also think nanjo is sus because you can get around the red regarding kanon's death if you presume that nanjo is actually the one who killed him intentionally or out of negligence. AMONGST OTHER THINGS. i do not trust him. iirc he was the one who pulled the key out of the pocket in the linked locked rooms and he was one of the only people who could have locked the window if you assume george jumped out the window to go to the mansion. if he's an accomplice that does open up some possibilities for breaking eva beatrice's web of red truth i don't know tgem yet but. there are possibilitie s there. the way he is actually so central to the formulation of a lot of the occult aspects of the mysteries has me thinking he could absolutely be helping to create the illusion that they are impossible without magic.

worth noting i have no idea what to expect regarding battler's sin idk if it's something i can figure out now or not. during the whole battler isn't real thing i stewed up a theory that battler was like kinzo's furniture/homunculus baby (??) which is why people keep going "oh yeah you totally remind me of the master when he was your age" and why beato is suddenly so interested in battler's qualification for being her opponent. which WOULD have like actually really fucked up implications with her getting drunk and talking about her and kinzo's probably non consensual bdsm sex and how battler should totally uh own her and make her his sex toy basically, or alternatively make her his wife which in this context is functionally like the same thing ??? (the oppressive structure of marriage and family and what have you. you know the drill) and i think it would be interesting if battler WAS not real on this level of magic metaphor where beato is trying to use him to conquer her trauma.

i'm not married to this theory but it's kind of interesting to think about esp knowing that the narrative can choose to represent the magic or the human interpretation for any given moment/plot beat, so if we accept things like kanon lazer sword as a metaphor for him like kicking some guy's ass regular style or even battling his internal demons (idk it seems context dependent), we can also think about how the human things we see could be represented with magic. so when beato is like battler you're not even real that works because the magic interpretation is being imposed on top of the human presentation, so when i'm sure we'll get more big moments of "it turns out so and so is actually a big floating crystal in the sky" or whatever that's not evidence of magic it's saying "hey we're making this a metaphor now even though we already showed you the thing the metaphor is representing like this is some sort of um like a metaphor narrative, a meta-narrative if you wi;;"

[inchidentally]

https://x.com/landosparadise/status/1747644657398419506?s=20

I'm starting to believe in the power of your essays because in a strange way they reflect reality :)

landosparadise twitter

oh babe listen, the fact that I cannot contain myself is not that I'm trying to infect others I promise <3 what anyone can take from quotes like these is that it isn't wrong to take all of the concrete things we've seen and read about Lando and Oscar's partnership and decide that a whole lot of mutual respect and even fondness is clearly there. and that they communicate pretty damn well and that's helped not a little by being basically the same age and sharing a lot of similarities as people. and by not leaping to the whole bromance thing and having to maintain that image, and neither of them being typical "alpha" types, there's a solid hope for their partnership not turning sour. those are very sweet conclusions that can be drawn without me writing any kind of parasocial essays! that's the best part for me, that I can have my fun and everything but truly at it's core there's a reason why the Lando and Oscar partnership is so exciting to every kind of McLaren fan.

.

.

BUT SINCE YOU SEEMED TO BE EVEN REMOTELY ASKING… (comedic trombone sound)

this part especially drives me insane.

when asked whether he was able to learn anything from his rookie teammate. "Keeping calm and being yourself, it's good to be reminded of that."

bc Lando loves and respects specific things about all of his F1 buddies. and it was a no-brainer that he learned a lot from his older, more established teammates (esp Carlos who basically found Lando in a basket outside his driver's room door). but all of those guys have either been his friends for years or he's known of them/interacted with them for years. but then Oscar arrives as this unknown and he's so mature for his age and doesn't seem easily fazed. and not only does he not demand that Lando help him out he also doesn't try to ingratiate himself with Lando to help out his own image (and remember, Oscar was enemy number one with McLaren, Alpine and Daniel Ricciardo fans - and still is for some of them). didn't try to launch a bromance the way most of these partnerships do (with varying success).

he did the most jarring, unlikely thing ever: he stepped back, fully embraced his role as the number 2 driver, accepted whoever Lando decided to be, and let Lando determine the relationship. he showed up and celebrated every high Lando had without fail. Lando was handed unconditional respect and he got it from a teammate who himself has refused to pander or be insincere. Oscar risks looking boring or withdrawn rather than dance. and he's shown nothing but respect - and fondness! - for the kaleidoscope of personality that Lando is.

because!

Oscar was a Lando fanboy for 8 years! Oscar knew Lando before meeting Lando in a way no one else in racing has! Oscar is not Just a Guy he watches, he listens, he cares! Oscar doesn't seem to have a lick of toxic masculinity about him and all of the F1 elders who know him say what an old soul he is and how mature he is!

and we know already that Lando felt he learned things from Oscar in a racing sense. so for Lando to go so far as to say that his rookie teammate helped remind him how to stay true to himself is just !! especially considering that their personalities have equally been a source of being misunderstood in ways that are often extremely infuriating.

also, Oscar complements so much about Lando in terms of how they approach their careers and media duties and racing and I think in a lot of ways Lando doesn't fully know how to feel about that? bc Lando's someone who can blur the lines between a person being helpful to him and someone he needs in his life. each year we get that adorable dinner photo of all the people who've supported Lando's career for the past 10 years. so to find himself pinging back and forth so well with Oscar's approach to all those things, there's got to be a concern of "am I going to start needing this guy in my life too?" it's way too early for that to be a major concern of course but I feel like it could be there.

"better than I feel like I remember I was when I started" "I think that is something that I've gotten a lot better with over the years - I know how to deal with all of these things much better myself now. I have a lot of respect for Oscar in how he was able to stay so calm in a new environment, in Formula 1, on the big stage."

okay this part !! bc I remember the anon I got who meticulously pointed out how Lando has been doing for Oscar what he remembers wishing he'd had for himself when he started out in F1. and that as Alex Albon said it's not really the natural M.O. of a more experienced driver to mentor a competitor or a teammate. it's not team sports - each driver is there to beat everyone else, esp their teammate as they're essentially driving the same car. but Lando's soft heart !! Lando's not like everyone else!

and that's the thing I always make sure to state is that while Carlos and Daniel were both definitely overwhelmed at times over how much Lando needs to have that tender connection with the men in his life - and have it above all else - they weren't doing him wrong at all by placing their own performance in F1 above him. they're what honestly every other guy in F1 is. and Alex is honestly probably one of the most empathetic, soft-hearted guys on the current grid so for him to say it's not in his responsibilities to nurture another driver is pretty definitive as a rule - especially bc he ended up doing that to some degree with Logan (the 'seeing myself in him' explains that a lot). but yeah, Lando's warm soft heart overruling his racing driver head is extremely unusual in F1. like basically unheard of.

and while it's so much healthier that Carlos and Daniel became the good friends that they did and specifically NOT Lando's teammates, I wrote this whole thing about how Lando went into the partnership with Oscar unusually guarded. not only was he clearly unsure about the idea of being the older and experienced teammate, he definitely wasn't interested in leaping into another bromance only to discover that the other guy has the exact same bromance with about five other dudes in his life.

Lando doesn't at all seem do that - at least from a fandom distance, he seems to form unique friendships with each person in his life. he may be a will-o-wisp person and be difficult to pin down and get hold of sometimes, but the people he decides to form a relationship with are locked into that for good (from what we can tell). he'll do the bromance bit with Carlos and Daniel that they want but he also demanded that he have some specific definition among all their other friends.

Lando is a ✧Me✧ and if you don't want to respect that then you don't get to have his time. I think it's even why he has a joking "rivalry" with some of his friends' girlfriends. bc - and I emphasize this is all humorous and not serious - there's a little bit of a rivalry for attention there! Lando seem to kinda end up making men in love with him in some way (paternal, brotherly, friendship, confused and horny, etc). he meets them and they're kinda fucked up about him forever in some way. dudes especially tend to clump their friends by category and hang out in groups apart from maybe one super close best friend. but it seems like Lando can't be lumped in with anybody else. he's almost like the unattainable hot girl who's a model and also independently wealthy and also a gamer and also F1 superstar that guys just desperately want to orbit as closely as they're allowed. if she says 'wanna hang out' they'd leave their grandma's funeral and rush over.

so like, all of Lando's complexities and the uniqueness of his career and his weird and usually frenetic personal journey considered - I'm just slightly insane over the fact that he said Oscar helped him remember to just be himself and to try to find calm out in the circus. what a wonderful thing to say about someone you've only known for a year and who hasn't in any way pushed for a relationship beyond what you want from them.

[gayleviticus]

something i often think abt re intra-religious dialogue (and also inter-religious, as well as applicable to other issues of diversity of thought, belief, opinion etc, but I'm mainly thinking abt intra-Christian discourse where power dynamics arent as dicey) is that people are really really bad at

a) disagreeing

b) over things they think are super important

c) while still choosing to be in unity and harmony with one another.

90% of the time people have to knock one of these off. get rid of A and we're no longer disagreeing, oh good. get rid of B and it's OK we're disagreeing because none of this really matters in the end and it's all a bit silly. get rid of C and we can start burning each other at the stake for heresy.

and i get why this is the case, bc it's kind of self-perpetuating. people can't find ways to disagree over important things peacefully and so it sometimes becomes a matter of personal safety or social harmony to downplay disagreements.

for instance, i often find myself defending the idea that Abrahamics all worship the same God against evangelical Christians who argue the opposite as a way of denigrating and stereotyping Islam, and i do think we have commonalities that we should celebrate. but at the same time, this also smooths over the very real differences between us that complicate the question significantly beyond polemic. Do Jews and Muslims feel comfortable with 'same God' language when Christians worship a crucified human being as part of that God?

you get similar talking points within religions too; theologically liberal Christians who reject supernaturalism often say stuff like 'no problem with believing in Jesus' resurrection, but it shouldn't be the core of faith, it should be following Jesus'. you note the similar kind of trend - difference is acceptable and celebrated, but it needs to be downplayed. we need to minimise differences in the name of inclusion.

and i think that at its core, this approach to religious dialogue is unsatisfying and kind of just kicks the can down the road, because it doesn't address the fundamental issue of 'can we live in peace and harmony despite deeply significant differences of belief?', and instead it becomes 'we can live in peace if we're willing to downplay what we believe as not that important.'

i feel like it just gives credence to the idea that we aren't allowed to seriously disagree. like, it almost betrays this sense that we need to do everything in our power not to have serious disagreements, bc then we would have to be enemies. but i just dont think that's the case!

we need to accept our differences of belief are significant and have implications that matter for our lives - but also that it shouldn't necessarily be a barrier to friendship and dialogue or even unity. we need to actually agree to disagree, and in fact even hold our disagreement over fundamentals as a valuable thing in itself. we kind of paradoxically have to accept we dont agree on certain fundamentals so that we appreciate all the more those on which we do.

[i-mybrunettelady]

question that came up bc of the fic talk: where do your other char's perceptions of nyra differ drastically / what biases and preconceptions affect their view of her and her actions? what do you always keep in mind when writing her from a different pov, so that despite their different opinions, her 'nyra-ness' still shines through easily?

(i know this is a lot for all of your ocs so feel free to cherry pick, i just love the way you make different narrations work and unique character voices are one of your big strengths in writing imo <3 and nyra's just such an interesting character for different view points bc she has such a big commanding divisive personality!)

(also bonus: same questions for cass if you want?)

BRO THIS MADE ME SMILE SO FUCKING WIDE THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU LIKE SEROTONIN GO BRRRR

Like you made my evening ;;;;;

But to actually answer the question! As is to be expected, not everyone likes her. I take extra care to not go 'oh charismatic lady whomst is universally adored' because I find that approach to be limiting in a lot of ways. I like to read/write character driven stories, so it's actually good if not everyone likes each other. Please don't all like each other.

So here's a little choice that I will exclude Siona, Ren, Sanne and Liv from - Siona because she genuinely doesn't have a concrete opinion of Nyra beyond the fact she's a good commander and ally to the sylvari as Trahearne's girlfriend, Ren because we see it in fic and because she rejects preconceived notions as much as she can, Sanne and Liv because I need to refine those (aka write more about her from their pov.)

El - He obviously dislikes her. They're the two sides of the same coin in a lot of ways, they're too similar to get along, and they're equals in a lot of regards as well. But things really went to shit when she killed Trahearne, which he can't forgive her for, and he faulted her for his grief for a long, long time (he did try to kill her in Maguuma. He would've tried to kill her if she came to see him when he was trying to resurrect him.) And in true El fashion, if he hates you, nothing you do can ever really be good - or if you do one (1) thing right, he won't ever tell you. They're on marginally better terms now, not really at each other's throats, but not really friends either. They can work together at least and there's a lot of spark that can easily turn into a housefire between them still but they're getting better at it.

Mirka - She met Nyra back when she was an adventurer and the two had a brief fwb situation. She saw the instinct to chase her legend, to put it in norn terms, in Nyra from the get-go and envied her for it; it was what Mirka herself forced herself to like because all norn do it, until she had Kov and settled in her homestead. I really think she was kinda jealous of Nyra for that, but she didn't have it in her to actually dislike her for it. No, she fell for the charisma, but wasn't as easily swayed because she too is a strong presence, only less explosive and more stable. It was this understanding that makes her have a hella lot of respect for Nyra; she's successful at something Mirka herself tried to do and failed and she doesn't have an ego to be butthurt over it. She's gotta respect that.

But what I always keep in mind when writing about her from another beeb's pov - Nyra will always, always take center stage. You can't miss her; she will try, by virtue of being herself, to dominate the scene. Some kids match/fight her on it - Ceasefire comes to mind for it, as we're talking Nyra and El there; some go take it in stride - this Mirka and Nyra fic comes to mind (which is funny bc this is not a fic centered on her, she just opened her mouth and took up the first portion of the thing.) That's her ego working, for better or for worse.

And she absolutely is a divisive figure. She's the type of person you are most likely to have strong opinions on. Ruby and I recently theorised she has Leo somewhere in her chart.

But also. Nyra, Cass and El make up my 'big personality' triumvirate so here is....

Cassposting on main

I'll be more vague here than I was with Nyra as my extended verse is still a WIP. But I have written a few fics where he is perceived. Firstly, my joke that he's every rare gene in one man absolutely stays. He's someone you can't really miss in a crowd. But what surprised me was how a lot of the time, he doesn't strike you visually first; he's loud, and you first hear him then you see him, if that makes sense?

He spent a lot of his childhood and teen years hiding so now he takes up space, a lot of it, even if his self-esteem doesn't let him see it for what it is a lot of the time. There's a certain discord between how he perceives himself and how he's seen by other people. He has deep insecurities, sure, but I wouldn't say he's faking confidence to cover them up either? His cover is sarcasm, refusing to take things seriously and verbal aggression/conflict, not confidence, which is genuine.

(You could say he's his mother's son there in a way as well.)

As to preconceptions, it's a bit of a complicated issue given the reputation Wayfarers have, and he's a proud Wayfarer. He's also generally a bastard, so that gives people an idea of him that negates his gentler, kinder side. Because he is capable of great kindness and loves deeply, he loves taking care of people, he's very protective over them, very affectionate and considerate, and a lot of people don't get to see this bc he has a hard time trusting people and because he behaves like an absolute asshole 80% of the time.

I have spoken a bit about the Red Wayfarer persona before, but this is exactly what this is. A persona, part of him but not the entirety of him, something he constructed to as a defense mechanism, even if it can be harmful to himself.

He's genuinely funny and entertaining, though, so that one stays.

As to what I keep in mind when writing him from others' pov, one thing I always keep in mind is that 1) he will talk, and 2) that he will say random shit. I mean talk a lot. He likes the sound of his voice too much. And the randomness of what he says is just you not expecting him to say it in this particular moment.

It's things like this:

“Turns out he also hates Wayfarers on principle so he got cursed water from a Wayfarer’s gods-damned hair fall down from the sky right on his small fucking head. Woooosh. He’s angry about it, of course, but he can choke on a crab for all I care. I’m having fun.”

I swear that line took me out when I was writing it. Writing him is a lot of fun actually. He also tends to speak in hyperbole a lot, so that's part of the fun.

[agent-troi]

i have soooo many thoughts and idk if i'll be able to eloquently form all of them but first i wanna talk about codependency bc that's one of the first things the book talks about (it's called attached by amir levine and rachel heller btw) and since everyone is always talking about how codependent mulder and scully are i think that's super important:

they go on to talk about how we're actually biologically inclined to depend on one another and it's actually normal and a good thing, and also about the "dependency paradox" wherein the more dependent two people become on one another the more secure they feel and the more courage they actually have to go out into the world independently and try new things and stuff (aka the "secure base", which has been observed in experiments with mothers and their babies, and it's theorized that adults approach their relationships with one another in a similar way as parents/children)

anyway i guess my point with this was we tease msr about being codependent and some people talk about it like it's a bad thing but it's literally not, we've seen countless times over the course of the show how they lean on each other and draw strength from each other and their codependency is actually an asset (which scully seems to realize at the end of how the ghosts stole christmas- "maybe i really did want to be out there with you")

so where was i? oh right, attachment styles. so there are four:

i would probably put scully in the secure corner, but closer to the high end of the avoidance scale. she grew up with a mostly secure base with parents who loved her albeit a father who could be emotionally distant at times (a product of his generation not bc he didn't have any love or approval to give) so when she approaches relationships as an adult she's been conditioned to expect her love to be returned, and when a relationship turns out to not be good for her she is able to leave it (jack willis, daniel waterston) but we've also seen that she has a tendency to avoid or run away when things get hard (in never again she can't or won't express her needs to mulder directly, in fight the future she considers leaving bc she thinks she can't be what mulder needs and if things can't be the way they used to be between them she might as well cut ties and move on, and we don't have as much information about the pre-revival breakup but i think we can safely assume that scully would only have left mulder if she believed staying would have made him worse, and so she concluded the only way he could get better was if she wasn't holding him back) so overall i'd say she's mostly secure but her life experiences have led her to acquire a certain degree of avoidance.

now mulder is obviously somewhat more fucked up, he did have a relatively normal childhood prior to samantha's abduction (except for the shadow of the syndicate hovering over them, which mulder couldn't have been consciously aware of but i do think he had a vague inkling that things weren't as perfect as they appeared, if his admittedly unreliable recollections in demons are any indication) but after samantha is taken his parents become increasingly distant, he blames himself and they do nothing to alleviate that and sometimes even encourage it. in the two canon relationships that we know of, we know he was manipulated emotionally (phoebe was more overt about it vs the more nefarious subtlety of diana).

i would need to do a lot more thinking to figure out phoebe's and diana's attachment styles (given that we really don't know all that much about either of them it might be difficult lol) but i think it's safe to say that mulder is some combination of anxious and avoidant; he simultaneously craves intimacy while pushing it away (calling scully repeatedly during chinga, running away from her overtures in detour, begging her to stay with him but later insisting she should leave in fight the future, and his attitude in never again can pretty much be summed up as "you want to leave? well you should leave. please don't leave me. i don't know what i'd do without you. you'd be better off without me.")

i haven't gotten to the chapter about anxious-avoidant people yet and i'm sure i'll have more thoughts then, but mulder's seemingly contradictory behavior seems to me like that's the style that would describe him best.

edit: i think phoebe and diana are both avoidant, considering they way they drop mulder and move on with ease only to come back when they need something from him

have you ever made a meta post about mulder’s and scully’s attachment styles? my mom got me a book for my birthday about the different attachment styles (secure, anxious, avoidant, and anxious-avoidant) and how to recognize them in yourself and others, and i keep going back and forth on what scully and mulder would be. i think scully’s mostly secure but with a bit of avoidance, and mulder is probably anxious-avoidant (idk i haven’t gotten to that chapter of the book yet and also one’s attachment style can apparently change over time and revival mulder is definitely a lot more secure) anyway i’ve started rambling lol but have you ever written or thought about that

I haven't-- BUUUUUUT I did think about that just the other day! Is it a sign? o.0

Your assessment sounds accurate though now I'm curious what the technical dividing line between all of them are, what their expressions are, and why they aren't. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

If you have more thoughts, share share share because my brain is super duper curious now. XDD

[paperbooart]

i LOVED hearing your thoughts about togiri!! i love all the thought you put into thinking about how they would interact after the 5th trial bc, while it makes sense for the pov to be from makoto's, its a shame we missed out on byakuya and kyokos potential interactions. if i may add i think a nice detail would be for kyoko to take off her glove and extend a hand to byakuya, silently asking for his trust while exposing herself. byakuya obviously recognizes this as big feat and is the main reason why he comes around to her. i also think it would be cool if they had a more explcit rivalry/competitiveness with each other. theyre so similar to a point where they even have the same flaws, and i can imagine it would be pretty annoying to see how ugly your flaws really are when you see them on someone else. sorry if this was a lot but i just love what you wrote ! :3

oh my god imagine if we actually got a temporary pov switch to kyoko like the temporary nagito pov in dr2 PLEASE that’d be so cool 

you understand… you understand. i flip my shit for kyoko taking off her gloves at significant moments (the one moment in dr3 that immediately made me glad i watched it)

HAVE TO READMORE AGAIN BECAUSE I'M INSANE

i was also thinking it’d be funny if the way kyoko approaches byakuya post-trial is she just busts into his room using the master key because i don’t remember if he ever learned that her having that key was the lie makoto ignored, but that would be a funny way for him to find out, like HOW did you get in here ma’am 

YES I WANT SO MUCH MORE OF THEM AS RIVALS getting in each others way because they think of things at the same time, when they’re talking to makoto he’s like ‘haha byakuya said exactly the same thing’ and kyoko’s like what the hell. get him out of my brain. and vice versa like remember when byakuya was like ‘a dead body is just an object’ and kyoko’s like ‘he’s out of line but he’s right’ i bet she’s just like a little grossed out that she doesn’t feel much different than him. he’s just louder about it. 

i feel like all we really got of them as ‘rivals’ was byakuya making weird demands and kyoko very mysteriously accepting them. like him taking her key. from a personal pride standpoint that is a wild thing to agree to. or in chapter 4 when he straight up was like ‘youre annoying. you guard the body.’ LIKE GIRL WHY ARE YOU NOT THROWING HANDS. i bet even byakuya is unsettled by her total non-reaction to everything he says to her. 

nabbing this tag from my post because it is relevant thank you clown-chaoticz

like byakuya wants them to be cool rivals so bad but kyoko is far too calm and collected and he is an angry little man. any time he thinks he’s won an interaction with her, like when he calls her out in front of everyone and demands she explain herself or hand over her room key, she pulls some weird shit and is not even the slightest bit ruffled. 

i’m so glad you enjoyed what i wrote btw yall are enabling my madness AHDJGH i literally have a word doc i add to almost daily, of just scattered thoughts about danganronpa, so any opportunity i get to spill them (if it’s a topic i have already thought about, like anything to do with naegirigami for example) i’m like OH BOY 

[romulussy]

Do you have any theories on the dynamics of Logan & Gerri's relationship? And how much of it do you think plays into her relationship with Roman?

ahhhh logan and gerri, my elusive little avocation. i wish i had more to give you but the truth is that their dynamic is like a chipped tooth to me. i can't help but poke at it and yet poking at it never gets me anywhere good. i can't get a definitive read.

i do kind of think the ambiguity is the point. i mean, there's clearly history there, and history, on this show, as we know, is all made up. but the bits they include just.... it paints a very paradoxical picture, and it's funny, because it goes both ways. like, gerri’s “loyal”, she "loves" logan, but she's willing to fuck him over if she thinks it's a definite win. logan "needs" gerri, but he loses all respect for her once he gives her (what he considers) real power. she's expendable but also, is she? really? he says he doesn’t want her hanging around like frozen piss and yet he's screaming for her the next day. it’s all very contradictory. 

i think the reason it's so hard to get a clear read of their dynamic is because there's a lot of question marks around gerri in general, even at just, like. a base level. i mean, you have to wonder how she made it to the c-suite at waystar "no women above the fourth floor" royco, because i don't imagine it was easy. and it's not like logan's misogyny would've been better in the 80s, so how the hell did she gets his respect? his trust? i remember when i first watched 2x8 and connor suggested gerri was once "the new thing" my immediate reaction was like oh, ew, yuck. i know that made roman's tummy hurt bc it made mine do a little flip. but now it kind of haunts me. like the more i think about it, the more im like, well, maybe….. 

i just think there are multiple plausible realities. like, did she ignore his interest and turn him down? did she play the flirtation game to climb the ladder but ultimately decline to fuck him? did she fuck her way to the top? i know the last one seems a bit :/ but there's the laurie thing, so i feel like you can't really rule it out as ooc. in my heart of hearts, though, i lean toward somewhere between scenarios one and two. i'm of the opinion that while gerri is a freak, she's also a fairly repressed and reserved. i don't see her behaviour with roman as common, it's more impulsive to me; like the kind of thing you get swept up in & then by the time you realise it maybe wasn't a good idea, well. you're in deep now. so i don't actually imagine gerri thinking sleeping with logan is a smart business move, and i don't see her falling for any kind of romance line, either, especially not considering he would've been married to caroline when gerri was "new". and then there's the fact that i just don't think logan would've kept her around if that had been the case.

ultimately i think their relationship is built on foundations of familiarity and longevity. like to me, gerri is more constant than she is loyal, but i think logan views it as the same thing, or at least finds it equally reassuring. there’s a level of trust, i think, that comes with knowing each other so long, and it means they’re fairly comfortable with each other, at least up to an extent. i mean:

i think they're kind of similar, too, at least in their business approach. like imo there’s a shared no nonsense, business is business mindset that makes them compatible work partners. one gerri parallel i love to think about is the vote of no confidence in s1 and the ‘how does it serve my interests?’ in s3. like, she sides with kendall in 1x6 bc she “works for waystar, not logan roy”, and it’s the same reason she turns roman down in all the bells say. if the sibs could prove the value of their plan i think she would’ve sided with them, though maybe not with logan in the room, but now im just getting off topic. what i mean is like, where roman takes the ‘betrayal’ to heart, i think if gerri hadn’t backtracked in 1x6 logan would’ve treated her the same way he did frank, which is just fuck off until i need you again. it’s not necessarily personal. 

i think they’re similarly self-serving which contributes to that contradictory nature of their dynamic. i do think logan is a bit blind to it in gerri, but as far as she’s concerned, i think there’s an understanding that logan won’t hesitate to throw her overboard if it suits his interests, which is why i think there’s always a certain degree of separation with her. but i think there’s definitely a level of respect or trust or, at the very least, understanding that’s born from that similarity.

if we’re talking outside of waystar, then do i think their relationship is pretty hollow. like the amiability is definitely relative to their business relationship. 

imo a key difference between them is that logan’s NRPI mentality for people outside of his family/immediate circle means that he really just doesn’t care about the harm his company’s done, whereas i think gerri compartmentalises to save her conscience (i talked about that more here). i feel like if gerri really let herself think about it, she’d find parts of herself that are repulsed by logan, but at the same time, there’d be parts that probably genuinely like him, even parts that admire him. but also, despite all that, i don’t think she’d care if he dropped dead. see what i mean by paradoxical? and in a sense it’s the same for logan: he values her so long as she acts in a way he likes. if she’s not under his thumb or if she’s got a bit of real power, then the respect gets thrown out the window. that’s just business, right?

as for how any of this fits into her relationship with roman…. i don’t know. i think roman’s relationship with logan was a contributing factor to romangerri (see this post) but i don’t know if i’d say the logangerri relationship plays into it much, at least not in a way that’s entirely unique. i mean, on roman’s part it definitely amplifies the ~wrongness of it all, which is a bonus for him, but i think for gerri the only significance it has is that it kind of proves roman’s assessment right. she’s clever and competent and people are happy to have her around, but she’s not valued, not really. i mean:

i think logan’s treatment of her is a contributing factor to that kind of itchy desire she has to be seen, which is what i think really draws her to roman. aside from that, i think the l/g dynamic is a deterrent more than anything else. i think she would’ve been worried about being found out, and like. who can fault her for that? we all watched 3x8. 

on that note, though, i do think the l/g dynamic factors into logan’s disgust at roman’s attraction to gerri. like it’s not just that she’s “a million years old”, i think it’s also that there’s history there, possible past attraction, even. like i guess you could say it adds to the wrongness the same way it does for roman, except this time no one is horny (lmao.) also i need to say that i think it’d be both hilarious and a fatal blow to his ego if gerri “the new thing” kellman turned him down years ago but is (in his head anyway) willing to fuck roman. like. good god. dead on the spot.

anyway. i’m cutting this off now because i’ve already gone on long enough but i hope this is in the realm of what you were hoping for <3