#someone hold me im emotional
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im a child of divorce
#the bit is over when i say its over and even when its so joever for these two its not over for me!!! (once again i am on heavy copium)#anyway. thoughts behind the spoiler tags#gempearl#shiny duo#wild life smp#life series spoilers#wild life spoilers#i feel like. i actually was expecting that#no but its so funny the one time the negative consequences of something does actually get acknowledged its the SL finale ‘betrayal’/j#like cmon fuck me i guess/j (BIG EMPHASIS. ON THE SLASH J. OKAY.)#but honestly though i did expect Gem to hold a grudge over the 2v1 in SL. and. its good that there are consequences???#it IS a ‘betrayal’ in Gem’s eyes. they were friends. they were murder besties for the last two sessions and then Pearl chose Scar over her#and its awesome man. [through gritted teeth] this is awesome man this will be good for character development ok ok ok. ok?#its also got something to do with Pearl having the red creep in. i think#because during SL Gem was like. nearly idolising the Scarlet Pearl persona while vaguely aware that her own reputation has a similar effect#and yknow. the horrors. the fact that their image is so heavily built on what others deem them to be and they can only play into it#but by the end of SL Gem gets ‘betrayed’ by this persona that she looked up to#and also her own ‘GeminiSlay’ intimidating image is also starting to fall apart. partly of her own will#and now shes watching Pearl slowly turn red again. and this time she knows its not good for her or Pearl#so shes distancing herself from it. shes ‘trying to fix her reputation’. she sees Pearl falling into it again and just. no. i dont love you#you betrayed me last season#but on Pearl’s end of things she’s already deep into the idea that as long as you say you ‘forgive’ someone then everything thats happened#in the past doesn’t matter and they can all be friends. and nooo absolutely no grudges will be held. no emotional repression here#so. because thats happened to her in her own team she thinks the same can happen with her and Gem#and thats so. im going to blow myself up now
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#windscream#starblade#humanformers#maccadam#i designed them the way i would want to get with both so dont @ me#dude i cant find my old transformers sketchbook#im so mad because i already had human windscream designs#let me be lazy pleaaaaaaaaaaase#whatever its ok its ok i have 3 designs for human starscream and 1 for human windblade.#hes high maintenance#starscream#windblade#wait so now that ive drawn this can i get another fellow shipper to hold my hand when i reread TAAO for this year? its time for annual read#i cry about it for days. i need emotional support. or at least someone else to cry with me#i like to specifically read until TAAO and then stop#and then i rot in bed daydreaming about post-canon fix-its. where i dont fix shit. theyre both in extreme pain#but right now yknow what i want? i want ss locked up in wbs house. bro has good mental health. gains a little happy weight#and i want wb re-elected again and again and cybertron in the golden again. arts and culture thriving. many institutes for higher education#the titans are chilling and not ruining wbs life. much luck and prosperity to them both#hitting my head against a wall. why cant i have this#ok brb time to read hurt/comfort fanfic of wbss
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has anyone connected this, does anyone hear me
willpower of steel, fluidity of emotions, knowledge from the past, something like that
#pokemas#lance pokemon#cynthia pokemon#steven pokemon#im not in the state to go off the rails but you see it. you understand#i honestly dont have much for steven but the other two like#cynthia's an archeologist she finds answers from the literal ghosts of the past#lance to me is someone who has to keep his emotions steeled for his image and to be a role model#so when there IS something he feels very strongly he cant express it for whatever reason. associate with gyarados' natural rage if you will#now had a thought for steven since i think you would need some sort of willpower to hold onto your values when you inherit a whole company
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest
#not art#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit#kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it#until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it#until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her#but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs#she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying#probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone#lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear#Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!!#and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked#but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now#yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc#man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet#and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out#lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help#it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around#but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever#its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous#its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot#yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry#doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it#ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking
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Ma'am you are making me think so hard about my highschool/college situationship. I really should've just kissed her hard after pinning her to the bed. She used to fiddle with my clothes. I used to keep her warm. I could've wrestled her down. I could've scared off her cheating boyfriend sooner and taken his place. I got some frustrations to work out, wish I had a stress toy of a femme to pin...
God I'm unwell haha! Don't mind me.
anon i regret to inform you this ask is giving me a STRONG urge to rile you up and flirt and coax you into pinning me down…. need you to grit your teeth about it a little bit and grab me hard enough to leave marks….
but also horniness aside tell me why does almost every butch i’ve met have a story like this. she fiddled with your clothes???? you kept her warm??? and she chose her CHEATING boyfriend????? i s2g if i was ever put in a room with one of these fools i’d end up in jail
#clarke answers#straightfixing#i think i really do need to roleplay this w someone and then hold them afterward and stroke their hair and coo over them#sorry im really weird abt strong emotional roleplay like this 🤧 it gets me soooo bad
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i was rereading the story dialog for the sephirah while ago (upper layer so far considering i have a doc to contain all of my ramblings and thoughts once looking it over and getting actual lines to be able to know exactly what was said to base my feelings off of rather than the pure unfiltered pain or i suppose somewhat shock at first and those garbled memories of what happened) and after reading tiphereth's and then going to netzach's again it's just.
imagine you have to see what is deemed your other half, the person keeping you sane, your only companion you actually love and like, your literal ‘twin’ have to get crushed but some bum that never does his job and can easily be seen as 'not meeting standards' does get the same treatment at all when your own brother had been destroyed for less like spiraling into some dangerous stains of thoughts (thought be fair he did end up not as respondent and at that point already had what i'll inadequately describe as 'memory leakage' . But from the general idea of the side of tiphereth). he'll be more better than that drug addict ever will be in her eyes, someone who can't even do a report on time and even then is half assed to where at that point they'd just do it themself in the first place. he'll be way better, someone who is quite literally her family. yet why is her brother the only one that needs to suffer through that constant degradation of the soul? the constant wiping of the self? the memories made and lost? why the hell is someone that should deserve it in her eyes, someone so unmotivated and lazy, someone who she deems as a person not able to do a single thing right, not having that happen to them? why is it the person she loves so dearly, so close to her that she wishes would've stayed instead of some now hollow husk and imitation of imprinted memories when that hasn't happened to Any One Else? why does she have to go through all of that, having to see someone that she used to know and adore turn into a hollow husk and imitation of what once was - having to feel as if shes already looking at a walking corpse with memories shoved inside - just for someone like Netzach to not end up crushed to pieces.
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#tiphereth#lobotomy corp ramblings#netzach#i suppose so? im not quite sure but it does reference him#JUST SO YOU KNOW i adore him and dont hate him for feeling as if he has to depend on substances to even get through the day or exist#or to 'survive' in a situation when he was unwillingly even put into the position of hopelessly having to be in charge of people's lives#it's a bit odd because i tend to switch to 'you' when writing from a purely emotional standpoint when trying to get into a mindset#so it might seem like i agree. NO . NO?? just trying to maybe understand what she couldve felt at that moment#im not that clear with my words sometimes and i dont want them to be taken in a wrong way....... i hope it communicates what i wish it to#its not pure animosity. but for someone who is already grieving another who is standing right next to her she likely--#-- holds some amount of hate and distaste towards him. in lobcorp already considering his work ethic and having to do a job#OH THEY REMIND ME OF ADAM AND EVE FROM NIER AUTOMATA#one wanting to try and ascertain a 'reason' or 'truth' of existence while the other one just wants them to stay By Their Side.#not caring for that 'deeper meaning' or if there is any 'meaning' at all. their 'meaning' was their love. their life was the two of them#together. side by side. wanting the other and that was good enough for them.#not EXACTLY the same but the idea of loss and two siblings . with generally the same idea yk.#lobotomy corp spoilers#ALMOST FORGOT THAT yeah spoilers.#PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if you feel a different way or see it in another way tell me i want to understand more#lobotomy corporation spoilers
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guys i miss the teens so bad im gonna cry (could easily just relisten to the podcast)
#this podcast has me sick and diseased#picture me shivering and sniffling in a sad little bundle in my bed#im emotional rn someone hold me#siren says
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Art I did during my break but don't wanna post on main but you know what. I like Levi and Richard (and Arienne the redhead).
Basically, Levi and Richard go to school together, Richard decides to go by the name Richard and the only person to without question go along with "I'm a boy now" is Levi who calls him Dick. And then gets into fist fights with boys that don't call him Richard. So Richard falls pretty much in love in school then his parents divorce and he moves away.
Many years later (10+) Richard meets Levi again and it's very much nothing grand. Levi overhears Richard introducing himself to someone and is like "lmao Dick? You work here now? Sucks to be you" and Richard is immediately 'I love him so much I hate myself for how easily I give up all dignity for him' but yeah. They work in different departments so Levi does more behind the scenes stuff while Richard talks to clients and is very social.
And their coworkers in both departments love Richard because he's such a nice guy and Levi's department hates Levi a lot cause he's an asshole. (then stuff happens that would require a tw blah blah blah) So after a month of Levi not being at work he returns and Richard immediately goes over to the department to check on him and he's just. Incredibly mellow. No cussing and no cockiness and worst of all, he's being called Richard which is very much not correct from Levi. So he points it out that no one else calls him Dick and if he had a problem with it he would have said something by now so hey, maybe don't suddenly change the entire friendship on your own. (So Levi texts him later to say "sorry for being a dick, Dick" and Richard is v happy and content with that turn out)
Richard is honestly tragically created out of spite for the fact I saw a name IRL and I know that the state that I live in would in fact NOT have someone that intentionally funny and trans so I have to make my own funny trans guy to fill the void.
#a redemption arc from the sidelines#look im sorry but the guy who my mom and i voted for as one of our constables cannot be as genuinely funny as he is in my head#the guy has ruined my life with his billboard election thing and the fact my mom even REMEMBERS the billboard for his campaign?#yeah it was obnoxiously yellow and red and also he uses his nickname on the campaign#which youd think is fine or cringe normally but when you look at it and realize his firstname nickname lastname all have slang meanings#id like to point out though that not only did he have the funniest campaign billboard but no one even ran against him it was just him#i actually made a trans oc because the funniest name ive ever seen irl inspired me#theres a lot of trauma and cute interactions between levi and richard in my head but i dont think everyone cares#but i think its very funny that i told someone extensive stories from my thoughts about them#and she would go thats so cute WAIT NO HOLD ON OUCH#and then i told someone else haha so i have been telling someone stuff about my ocs and its been whiplash to her C:#and told oh its probably fine she's probably enjoying hearing it#so i said an example and it was oh thats cute followed by (lying down emote)#fwiw i dont actually know what their job is i just want them at the same company but different areas of expertise#thats literally all i got im sorry
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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I finally finished watching Lost for the first time this morning. Holy fuck. That has to be one of the greatest shows I’ve ever seen. I was literally bawling my eyes out so hard during the final couple second seeing everybody in the church and Jack walking through the island slowly dying while “Moving on” played in the background (The song tugged at my heartstrings every time they used it and would always get emotional) gave me chills. I’m happy they’re all together again but I’m also sad af with this empty feeling. Before starting the series the only thing I knew about Lost was it being about a plane crashing on an island. I honestly didn’t know where the story was going but the experience was unbelievable. There were moments where I laughed, cried, and shocked me. I’m sitting here speechless. If I had been a teenager in 2004 instead of a kid, I would of watched this faithfully every week when it first aired like everybody else
I almost forgot: The battle between Jack and fake Locke on the cliff in the rain had me at the edge of my seat holding my breath
#lost 2004#lost tv series#lost tv show#im sad af#speechless#wow#old shows#2000s#wild ride#lost#im crying#i feel empty#someone hold me#final episode#its only the morning#why am i like this#i dont know what to do#mixed emotions#why did they do that
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Oh you should ABSOLUTELY watch Shame when you don't have something else to focus on lmao. I just watched it the other day and it's good!! More emotional than I was expecting and warning it does have some suicide stuff, but overall very good and you see his whole naked body just so fast. They wanted you to know what you were getting into immediately lmao
IVE BEEN WANTING TO WATCH IT FOR A WHILE SOOO BAD im just terribly easily susceptible to distractions 🙃..... good to know the movie starts strong tho get that right out the way 😩
#snap chats#im usually a professional at binging an actor's filmography as soon as the worms settle in but ive been everywhere this semester#at the very least i got to watch The Snowman. it was ok like damn that 5/10 aint lying it was a very OK movie#ive gen been interested in watchin this since readin the description tho it SOUNDS like it could be an emotional watch#i live for drama and unhealthy relationships with. Anything tbh but sex is esp interestin. maybe its cause im indifferent to it personally.#but i just said id watch something else this weekend on my other blog im gonna throw up. there are multiple days in a weekend actually !!#idk we'll see. we'll see.... ILL WATCH IT THIS WEEKEND THO someone hold me to that. or dont its ok
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sometimes people need more support than one person can give.
#having feelings™️#it was so very good but every time i remember certain parts i feel ill#sometimes#and hear me out#i wish i fell apart more in front of people#watching nick during the party scene with tao caused within me a visceral panic#i want to express my emotions!!!!#i want to connect with other peope during highly emotional times!!!!!!#i want to cry and have someone hold me!!!!#oh and yes i’m having my yearly panic about over whether or not im aromantic#because yall.#the *concept* of having a significant other is looking rather appealing#anyways#i’ll be 21 in two days#things are pretty okay generally#i love you#heartstopper
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imagine having to shot at the love of ur life then having to act like it didn't fundamentally shift ur world view and make u want to cling to ur angel and never ever let go i would've killed myself
#crowley's god strongest soldiers for enduring that shit i would've turned the gun on myself#THE FUCKING TRUST IN AZIRAPHALES THO???? KILLED ME DEAD MURDERED ME RIGHT THERE#the fucking agony on crowley's face will stay w me forever#someone hold my hand im feeling an emotion#good omens#good omens s2#azicrow#crowley#aziraphale#aziracrow#ineffable spouses#good omens 1941
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small ramble about a game ive been playing/beat recently ,, oh my GOD i love bug fables SOOOOOOOOOO much dude. like the characters are developed SO fucking well, even side characters you see like. one time ever. have like full fledged backgrounds, they all very clearly have their own personalities built into them too. it feels so much less like an NPC and more like, just a genuine person with their own life outside of your mission. the way the game progresses too, everything just ties together so well. i have been absolutely ENTHRALLED into the story since i bought the game (after a friend rec'd it to me i Had to indulge). and. ohhh my GOD it did NOT disappoint. the foreshadowing is A tier and just. GODDDDDDD everything about this game is SOOOO GOOOOOOD RAAHHHHHHHHHHHH i love the soundtrack as well, everything fits and has so much care put into it and it's the type of ost that doesn't get annoying; the kind i'd go out of my way to listen to. the backgrounds are so fun, i love the gamecube esque to it and it's so well optimized that my shitass laptop can run it full graphics. AND THE PAPER MARIO STYLE!! it was so worth putting my time into my GODDDDDD RAAAAAAAAAAUGH the protagonists all develop in their own beautiful ways, i swear i cried to like most lore drops LMFAO. and theres a ton of tiny ways to get more story snipbits as well, from little books to kabbu just speaking in the different areas you go to. watching the story unfold is just ,, this game has got to be one of my all time favorites by now. i love the fighting mechanics i love the logbook i love how every detail is worth looking into i just love this game so fucking much it is. so. GOOD.
i would gladly rant more but it appears ive already text walled LMFAO but. anywho. go play bug fables you will not regret.
#GOD this game is so good#it was so worth the purchase#ive put 50 hours into it and im still wrapping it up#it got so emotional in some parts how fucking dare this game make me feel GUTTED over a fictional moth#bug fables#fucking love this game........#someone hold me back before i send another essay
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thinking about mtt literally physically dragging eachother down and being restrained to eachother because theyre genuinely that fucking ass for eachother but then it means i'd have to decide which of them to humiliate by putting a collar on them. and i can't choose. if they dont all equally suffer than whats the point man 🙁🙁🙁
#i think they'd all have interesting reactions to it 2#like a permanent collar that cant be taken off. to make even more gruesome what if it were like built into the BONE????#or it could just be something less extreme like bone carvings. killer would absolutely do that shit#anyways i think horror would be the most reactive to it. anger is the most intriguing emotion#and also dog horror real. anyways he'd hate to be demeaned and disrespected like that. he has an ego and honor man and this is cutting it#dust drags him around constantly. killer pets him and disregards his boundaries. like a fucking DOG#because horror hates kist enough that he'd never let them get vulnerable enough. not that it stops killer LMAO#dust thinks some of horrors hatred towards them is a projection of his own self hatred (and hed lowkey be right)#loser. dust i think would be unique because to me he'd be a bit fine with it#i mean i think itd be hidden under paps scarf so it wouldn't be a constant reminder of horror n killer#but he lets the two hold the leash at least a bit. give him an eensy bit of touch and let a few insults slide#but the second he decides that even the smallest thing is enough he gets ticked off and then yk. someone has to put bunny back in his place#because dust is chill enough to let normal things in his eyes pass. he's not very reactionary or the type to immediately bite back#(since dust would just avoid horror and killer if he did meet them. means he has some sort of tolerance for them. keeping his peace fr)#but the moment hes reminded that god these two do suck and i shouldn't be letting this happen all of the held back anger comes out#killer would seek out the force and stuff. horror would treat him like shit because it makes himself feel good and killer look like an idio#dust doesn't even glance at him though and it pisses killer off. both of their actions do actually#like WTF DUST you guys literally put this on me. treat me like the piece of shit i know you think i am#but also STOP HORROR!!!! dont pull me around and demean me im not a pet i dont want to be treated that way even tho i say it do#yeah hes caught in a standstill. AND SO AM I do you see my issue. cannot pick one specific#all the trio would have such interesting reactions i cant just choose one to solely suffer......... anyways mttpoly am i right#should i tag this. like majority of the interesting stuff is in tags. but also i didnt post today i have a duty#dust sans#killer sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule rant#this just ended up being me thinking about mtt with collars. maaan what about handcuffs and chains and other restrictive things#having them have restraining relationship isnt enough i need them to PHYSICALLY RESTRAIN EACHOTHER
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