#things are pretty okay generally
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sometimes people need more support than one person can give.
#having feelings™️#it was so very good but every time i remember certain parts i feel ill#sometimes#and hear me out#i wish i fell apart more in front of people#watching nick during the party scene with tao caused within me a visceral panic#i want to express my emotions!!!!#i want to connect with other peope during highly emotional times!!!!!!#i want to cry and have someone hold me!!!!#oh and yes i’m having my yearly panic about over whether or not im aromantic#because yall.#the *concept* of having a significant other is looking rather appealing#anyways#i’ll be 21 in two days#things are pretty okay generally#i love you#heartstopper
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ngl, I'm beginning to take issue with how in conversations about anti-intellectualism almost automatically, the face of girls and women will be slapped on the problem.
#'all those tiktok girls who only like marvel films and' - why do you always say girls and women? are the guys filling opera halls instead?#'women in their mid 20s who still only read YA novels' okay sure that's an example and relevant discussions can be had#but it reminds me of the mocking tone in which people speak of 'chick-lit' to use women's interest as an indicator of lower value#while in fact women are reading more than men in EVERY single genre of fiction. Women are doing a lot of (often unpaid) labour#supporting libaries supporting theatres supporting cultural events#meanwhile there is a pretty big overlap between toxic masculinity and anti-intellectualism#(especially misogyny and homophobia)#especially when it comes to things like ballet or opera or musical or generally dance#in fact it is often the female investment in specific things that makes them less 'valuable' in general consciousness#for thousands of years the theatre was well-respected and a high form of art - and now it's a 'wife-thing'#the father who will teach his son that theatre and dance are for girls - how is that never an example for anti-intellectualism
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#yyyYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH#WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I LOVE THIIIIIIIIIIS THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII#IIIIIIIIIIIIIIING#wooloo#MY FUNNY LITTLE FUCKIGN CCREATURE. jSJFLKHALFASJHFSALJ:DAb.#okay hi. this thing was my icon on tumblr for a while after it was revealed before gen 8 came out#pretty much every generation that comes out there's just that One pokémon that makes me go ouoouhruhhghuoHRUOgHOURGHO#and this was that one for swsh. for hisui it was growlithe. and for sv it was fidough#but this thing. oooooooohohohohohoho this thing#i liked this thing through some. strange identity parts of my life where i was still figuring out who i even Was#and it's gonna stick with me because of that#if only it was like. good. to use. in-game. and also. was in sv. i think it was only ever in swsh and never anything else#yeah it was only ever in swsh. which is sad! for me‚ specifically. and the other wooloo fans out there who may or may not exist#but it's fine if you don't because i have enough love for wooloo to go around for all of us
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red giant starlo au doodles
#red giant starlo au#red giant star#astronomy#starlo uty#uty starlo#starlo#ceroba ketsukane#ceroba uty#uty ceroba#orion uty#uty orion#undertale#undertale yellow#uty#digital art#doodles#generally i think orion is pretty avoidant of touch and stuff but like. if his brother is like dying or something#he’ll give him a solid pat on the back if he’s the one of the only ones who can do it#oh and ceroba isn’t happy about this either btw. she has a LOT to deal with already and this is just another thing#imo all he wants is her company. to help him feel a lil better. and also to make sure she’s okay LMAO#i think the feisty five….. try and take care of him
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very much not a youtuber fanart person but the end of hermitcraft season 9 really got to me so here's ya boy grain.
#cringefail minecraft fanart I KNOW OKAY#IM SICK ALL I CAN DO IS SIT IN BED AND DRAW#grian#grian fanart#hermitcraft#secret life#life series smp#hermitcraft smp#my holiday season kinda sucks okay give me this one#its wild how long ive watched hermitcraft tho its very much my no thoughts head empty watch while eating thing#but i remember watching like. season 3 when it came out?#which i think was like a decade ago#jesus.#also like. gaming youtube is pretty nuts i have a general rule not to go near any content that like#doesnt get that their main audience is 12#like if they swear im taking it as a red flag#and so far have not been proven wrong#Bitter Content#fanart#digital art#no one look at me okay im too tired
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I just had a realisation
#okay but for real though#if you don’t even bother to get their hooked noses in then what even are you doing#the fact that both Wolfwood and Haurchefant have hooked noses but are drawn/modelled in a way that still makes them attractive#is part of what also makes their faces unique#one of the things that made me really mad about Trigun Stampede is how they completely flattened Wolfwood’s hooked nose#and gave him a pretty much generic face#when it was those kinds of features that made him unique#and then of course that was carried over to fanart#thank goodness haurchie didn’t get the Tristamp treatment#but the thing is#seeing him drawn without his hooked nose reminds me too much of that *shudders*#like honestly#*sees haurchie fanart without his hooked nose* eww get away from me you white bread milquetoast dollar store kindom hearts looking twink#but honestly though#any ffxiv girlies here who are also Trigun girlies would get me#final fantasy#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#trigun#ffxiv haurchefant#haurchefant greystone#trigun wolfwood#nicholas d wolfwood#meme
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My cat always scratches at doors at random times in the night. Usually around 2, 4, and 6am. That's because this little bitch doesn't have a regular sleeping pattern and takes power naps, and gets a little concerned when she wakes up at night and everyone else is just. Not there??? We're not walking around, we're not talking, we're in our rooms alone and we're sleeping??? My cat cannot comprehend it.
And you know who else takes power naps instead of sleeping at night? You know who I snatched that headcanon from? (Pretty sure it was Dark)
Dust.
Dust literally saves everyone from Killer's cats scratching at doors and waking them up in the middle of the night. His sleeping patterns coincidentally matched up with the cats. So when a cat is wandering around, it would usually just scratch into Dust's room and calm down. Bonus if Dust and Killer actually share a room, and when they go to sleep all the cats are with Killer and when they wake up they're all with Dust. (Upsets Killer to no end.)
Okay, from here cw/tw? for schizophrenia and a semi-detailed hallucination episode
With my headcanon that Dust has schizophrenia, this would be an absolute nightmare for him.
A symptom of schizophrenia is hearing voices and sounds that aren't there. His main hallucination would be Phantom, and I've read that the voices schizophrenic people hear are usually far away. Like they are literally in the walls/srs.
Now imagine Dust hallucinating Phantom, while also hearing cats scratch at his door. Do you know how badly it would fuck with him. He would hear a voice from the wall, and assume that someone is trying to crawl into his room and scratch open the walls. So he just sits on his bed and hyperventilates. Bonus if the episode would involve physical hallucinations, with hands roaming on his face, head, shoulders, neck. And then with the sound of the scratching his brain would automatically make him feel nails scraping at his arms and legs.
#ceask rambles#utmv#undertale#undertale au#killer sans#dust sans#phantom papyrus#schizophrenia#cats#holy fuck I went dark for a moment#it was supposed to be a fluffy headcanon that Dust just attracts the cats with his sleeping schedule#how did this#what#okay I guess#I literally know about schizophrenia because me and my friends made a high school au#and I added Dust having schizophrenia#because its generally a big misconception/headcanon in the russian utmv community#i got it from there#and I made a ton of research to make Dust's teenage schizophrenia as accurate as possible#I even have a document with things I pasted from a pretty much trusted website#there was this interview with a schizophrenic woman and she was talking about an episode of hers she had#she thought her arm was gone#was pretty interesting to read abour#shes also the one who mentioned voices being in the walls rather than in your head or next to you#shit is crazy#sighs I should rewrite Cross from my hsau hes low key shit and just pining over Killer#anyway
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ghuuhh..... important.... announcement i must make.....................
I have an Etsy shop now!!! :DDD I just got it finished up and actually opened last night, so I still need to add like a custom pfp and banner to my shop, but I officially have oneeee single listing of a bulkhead pin on there 😼😼😼 if you are at all interested in checking this out I would mighty appreciate it gang!! :DD https://www.etsy.com/listing/1734745938/the-bulkpin
I'll be getting my shop more customized and pretty looking very soon, and eventually have more than just one single pin listed. So stay tuned !!!! ^^ <33 I love you guyzzzz bai bai!! runs away really fast cartoon skittering sfx
#sorry if anything sounds a bit odd the way i worded anything here#im feelin a wee bit sheepish siiigghhh#maybe when I get things customized and stuff I will feel a little more professingnallllll#need a pretty pfp!!!!!!!!! a cool banner!!!!!!!!1#oouwwhhggg wobbles around like jelly falls over.#if you have any general advice about etsy stuff at all im always always open to learning more shtuff btw!! :D#this is a brand new endeavor for me i wanna make sure i do wellllll#i am done with my rambling okay baii baii byeee bye bye baiiiiiiii explodes into a billion pieces#my art#etsy#transformers#maccadam#transformers animated#tfa#bulkhead#tfa bulkhead#my etsy#i suppose that shall become a tag neowwww#heart
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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And they're engaged!
Beginning of Lemon Gen // Previous // Next
#spoiler alert: in the usual sol-gray fashion#it would take years for them to realize they have yet to actually marry each other#but it's okay#they're pretty chill about the marriage thing#they love each other#is that not enough?#it's not that they forgot about it or they didn't schedule it on their calendars or something#it's more like it wasn't important enough for them#what mattered to them most was that they had reaffirmed their love for each other#or as they argued to ashton - the ever rational yet dramatic brother who could not process the fact that these are still not married#soleil arcoberry#grayson finley#arcoberry legacy#nsb lemon#generation 3 lemon#ts4 story#ts4 legacy#sims 4 legacy#legacy challenge#not so berry#sims 4#not so berry challenge#ts4 not so berry
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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Splatoon oc headshots!!! Mainly drew this so they could match pfps on ToyHouse..
#i also want the tupper pfps to match art styles somewhat so :)#i might make one for val later#im planning on remaking all my splat4 refs in general#i might not do anth bc the ref she has now is pretty good but i think im still gonna i wanna experiment with her octo/inkling features#shes very inkling looking rn i think i wanna make it even ambiguous which one she is(secret third thing)#Normans ref is also okay but i think i improve on it#val and side order au solace tho definitely need redos i don't like how those refs look</3#it'll be fun >:3#Splatoon#Splatoon oc#octoling#inkling#might have stolen the spikey lashes from when fransu drew anthozoa. it's cannon and real now#☆Anthozoa☆#☆Solace☆#☆Norman☆
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2024 reads / storygraph
Lord of the Empty Isles
sci-fi/fantasy
set on a supposedly utopian planet recovering from a climate crisis, where bonds between people are able to be seen and manipulated (by some people)
follows a young man whose brother was cursed and killed by an infamous outlaw 5 years ago, and he’s finally able to curse him back - but it rebounds, as he’s somehow fatebound to the outlaw
to find a cure and save them both they have to team up, and he quickly finds out that the resources the outlaw is stealing go to the thousands of people neglected on prison planets, and he has to go against what he thought was right to help them
no romance, aroace MC, focus on platonic relationships
arc from netgalley, out june 6
#Lord of the Empty Isles#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#I enjoyed this quite a bit! But I think it could have gone a bit further in places.#It has some interesting concepts and a great cast of characters and yay no romance#I do have a lot of thoughts and little critiques...#it's p obvious where the plot is going and what's going to happen#There’s clearly a lot gone into developing this bond system but to be honest I still don’t entirely get it?#It seems to emphasise that the bonds just reflect connections between people rather than predetermine anything; but also the plot kind of#hinges on Remy and Idrian having a predetermined bond? There are a lot of explanations of intricacies but a lot of it didn’t sink in idk#It’s promoted as QP but to me it reads as a general platonic relationship. I generally expect a depiction of a QPR to have like..#some form of acknowledgement/depiction of the form of their relationship being a particular (undefinable?) kind#with some specific level of commitment? I’m being picky maybe they mean queerplatonic themes/vibes rather than saying it’s a qpr#specifically. the centred platonic relationship is good! it doesn't seem like a qpr to me; at most what could one day be that#also things are solved quite quickly and easily in the end - both the curse and the downfall of the bad guy.#I feared it would go down the route of blaming things on the person in charge rather than emphasising systemic issues which it kinda does….#It’s impossible to ignore right now just how deeply people are willing to believe dehumanising propaganda - and how 'telling the truth'#and exposing the person in power as bad doesn’t actually do anything so that happening here made me go…… oh okay. well.#there is room for a sequel that maybe will explore this tho. idk#complaints aside - I do recommend this! It was fun and pretty unique.#aroace books#no romance
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#altaria#here it is… the bird that turns into a dragon-type because reasons…#i still don't think just from looking at this thing that they should be a dragon-type. i feel like it still seems out-of-place given their#design but HONESTLY i like it. i think it's a cool like. subversion. type thing. i would not look at swablu and be like Yeah that evolves#into a dragon-type. and apparently a really good one at that? i believe i've heard good things about altaria#ugh. good things. got a selection of GOOD THINGS on sale‚ stranger… my brain does that sometimes#when i hear or say innocuous phrases it's like HEY that's the same thing this OTHER guy said in this QUOTE you've heard before#dunno WHY but. it happens. and it just happened there. but altaria i dunno it's a dragon-type and that's awesome. i don't remember what i#said i was gonna talk about on the swablu post yesterday wrt altaria and i am too lazy to look back at those tags to remember#hi it's me morning of this posting at like 7 AM. i remembered bc i just looked. i was gonna ask if they were good competitively#and. i'm pretty sure they are. ALRIGHT LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SMOGON#ah okay not busted but generally good i guess. latest information states RU in gen 9 but UU in a lot of other gens. NU and PU in there too#bounced around a lot i guess. but here's my question. why? do i care#it's cute. and i don't care if they're strong or not… because they're cute…
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Not aiming this at anyone specifically, but I’m genuinely so disappointed & annoyed at the fact no one in my real life circles bothered to reach out to me to check up on me regarding the recent Liam Payne/One Direction news.
#ignore if you want I’m just gonna vent a minute#it’s been over 3 days now & almost nothing#They know I was/am a fan of at least 1d or could take a pretty good educated guess if nothing else#& yet not one person who knows me personally bothered to ask if I was alright#And honestly… I’m not#I’m fucking struggling#it’s just so complex n confusing & I’m having a really hard time coming to terms with everything#I get it people are busy and have their own things going#& they probably don’t think it’s a big deal losing Liam as it was just a silly little boyband to them#but to me n to everyone who was there for those years it feels so so strangely personal#like a longtime distant friend has just been ripped away so tragically#& not only the tragic death of a person but the death of your adolescence & all the innocence of that time#the end of an era that had so much joy n significance in your life#& I know it’s probably not easy to tell I’m upset bc I keep my emotions pretty much exclusively to myself (thanks autism)#but honestly it’s just so invalidating and isolating to not have anyone to talk to#I already feel so completely alone in general bc no one ever checks in with me n stuff like this just solidifies that#I just don’t think it would have been so difficult just to drop a quick message to say ‘hope you’re okay’ or ‘thinking of you’ at least#it would have made a difference#& I know this post isn’t gonna matter to anyone but I just had to get my frustrations out somewhere bc it’s weighing on me a lot#anyway if you got to here thanks for your time n I hope you’re doing okay!!#feel free to reach out to me if you ever want/need to ❤️❤️❤️#wow that was a lot#personal#Kirsty talks#my posts#my stuff#1d#Liam Payne#one direction
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oh yeah i watched the new ii and it was pretty wack. my only two thoughts are
i love cabby
they had to neutralize clover?????? hello?????????
#melonposting#ii spoilers#clover continues to be one of the only good people here. like hello thank you for saying that cabby didn't do anything wrong#(though at this point ae's probably just kinda backpedalling after the ableism allegations so. yeah. anyway it's really the bare minimum)#also it made me so angry to see nickel again. nooooo we just got rid of him!!!!!!!!!! boo tomato tomato tomato#i did find it funny that they were gonna have the dumb fantube-bot family thing and then blueberry interrupted it. ha ha ha. ha#yeah about the other thing. now i'm worried that any victory cabby gets out of this will only be a result of ae backpedalling#it's already pretty weird that the show's general perception of cabby did a complete 180 out of nowhere#i dunno. everyone ganging up on mephone was kinda strange#like okay springy and walkie talkie have their beef with him. but the cameras? zoetrope??#forgive me if i'm being dumb but i can't remember anything so horrible mephone did to them to warrant (gesturing vaguely) all of this#i dunno it's just kind of silly to have the big-bad be 'all of these random guys mephone kinda annoyed'#like huh. huh?#idk i'll see where they'll go with this. hopefully cabby doesn't get screwed over <3 that's really all i'm hoping for haha
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