#social script

[positivelyqueer]

”Hi [name], just letting you know I’ve received your [email/message/text]. I’m [busy/fatigued/in a flare up/etc] at the moment and can’t respond right away. When is the latest you need a response by? Thanks.”

Copy paste social script for when you need to respond to a message but don’t have the energy at that moment. I found this works really well because it lets people know you value their time and their reaching out, that you’ve seen their message and intend to respond, and gives you a concrete deadline.

Sub out words to match your writing voice and the tone of the conversation- I use this for semi formal-formal messages like with sports coaches and landlords. Your landlord doesn’t need to know you are having a flare up but if it’s someone you have a closer but still acquaintance like relationship with you can tell them however much you’d like. Hope this is helpful.

[system-of-a-feather]

Sharing this apology script for anyone that struggles with them.

I am sorry that I [thing you did to show you undetstand what was wrong] and that [affect that your action had]. In the future [action to make amends, make up, and/prevent it from occuring again]. I hope you will forgive me but I understand if not.

[aspd-culture]

I resent outside parties judging how I treat my exceptions. It feels like they don't get how much more I feel for these people than anyone else, or what they mean to me, and like I'm being insulted when other friends have criticisms/"concerns" of how I'm treating those closest to me. How do I engage with this past an insulting view of me that I talk everyone out of agreeing with?

aspd-culture is

Honestly? People really like to shove their nose where it doesn't belong sometimes. There's some advice below on how I'd handle the convo with an Exception about this if you want to have one, but it's worth nothing that my policy is that if it's upsetting them then it's their job to come to me and talk to me about it, not for someone outside of our relationship/friendship/etc to stick their nose in and try and tell us how to live our lives, and that goes with anyone in my life regardless of the type of relationship.

If it were me, here's what I would do (and I have done this bc of this exact situation before): In a private, safe place where you know you won't be interrupted, set aside time with your Exception/s (do this individually if there are more than one) to talk about something you're concerned might be upsetting them. I'd phrase it like that so they don't get anxious or defensive thinking you're upset at them about something.

Then say "so and so keeps saying that this thing is upsetting you, and I've been assuming that they're wrong, but I'd like to double check". Explain what it is to the best of your understanding, and then remind them that there is no judgement if it is upsetting them, but that you need them to talk to you about it for you to know something needs to change.

*If* it is upsetting them, pause and take a second to really listen to them and try to control the anger you may have. ASPD tends to (at least in my case) take badly to finding out an outsider understood something about your Exception that you didn't. Remind yourself that they are being open with you and that lashing out in response to that will only increase the chance that they will hide more things from you in the future, causing a repeat of this situation.

I would ask them to get into what exactly is upsetting them about it and how it's making them feel. Once they're fully done explaining, the first thing is to validate and echo their sentiments. Prosocials tend to need proof that you heard and took in their side before moving past their piece of an emotional conversation. Be prepared with an apology script going into this, and be ready to make changes to the behavior. If you aren't prepared for that, don't invite this conversation and just continue as you are until either they bring it up or you're ready for it.

Then, once you've apologized and worked on a plan together on how to change things, confirm that there's nothing else bothering them and see if they feel any better after talking to you about it. Then feel free to express (in a gentle way) the frustration/hurt/any emotion you feel at having to have learned that someone close to you was hurt by something you were doing from someone else and not the person you care about. Remind them that the only way you can know something is wrong is if they talk to you and that without communication from them, you aren't going to keep letting other people tell you their emotions.

It's an ok time at this point to set a boundary of something along the lines of "I will not be taking outside perspectives as indication that something is wrong. If you're upset about something and choose to hide it or tell other people instead of me, then I will assume nothing is wrong. If and when you're ready to talk to me about things that are upsetting you, I'm willing to listen, but I will not be initiating conversations like this based off something anyone else tells me in the future." There's nothing wrong with saying you expect them to do their part in communicating their emotions.

I hope this helps!

[frangipani-wanderlust]

"Ask me again tomorrow." = I have absolutely given up on everything whatsoever because it's all terrible and none of it will get better in the forseeable future

[quixoticanarchy]

I didn’t miss that social cue I just thought it was stupid 

[fanaticalthings]

the muskification of twitter except it's lex luthor instead of elon lol

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[byjove-cannibalcove]

you have to be like 'oh that would make sense!' like you're really excited by their theory, even encourage them to tell you why they think that. sometimes the friend will forget you've already seen the movie if they are really into it and trying to solve the mystery themselves, so itll let the moment pass without you directly lying XD (though the trick for this method is you need to react similiarly to wrong guesses.)

but if they DO remember that you've seen it then you can say 'i gotta be honest, i dont super remember the ending/plot, i just remember (something flippant, like Bikini Babes, or some dudes short-shorts, or lightly elude to a jumpscare that happens soon).'

(is it obvious i only watch horror movies? XD but they usually have twists, so!!!)

this method is not gaslighting or lying about the twist (which i always hate personally, to be told my theory is wrong which ruins the mystery-solving element and my own engagement due to a now-impossible mystery), its ENCOURAGEMENT and DEFLECTION.

then at the end you can congratulate them like 'you got it SO FAST! I wanted to make sure you got to enjoy being right, it was so hard to stay quiet <3'

[foldingfittedsheets]

The Animorphs post where someone referenced their image of me as a child had me spiraling. I was questioning my wife about what their impression of me was as a kid to their increasing hilarity.

Honestly if anyone pictures me as anything other than a tiny feral goblin I have questions. I had moment of high charisma but was largely rabid and wild.

“Like did they get their impression of me from the time I lied about the frog erasers, or pretended I could read? Or when I started swearing? Or when I went feral on my best friend? Or bit that kid on the bus-“

“Wait-“ my beloved interrupted, “You bit a kid on the bus? I haven’t heard this one.”

“Oh.”

“What happened?”

“…I bit a kid. On the bus.” I paused before adding, “Also maybe I scratched him.”

“You scratched him?! How old were you?!”

“…too old.” They stared me down until I admitted, “At least over seven.”

“Jesus Christ, that’s how you get branded as the weird kid!”

I widened my eyes in outrage and opened my mouth in mute appalled fury as they laughed harder and harder. “What. In all our time together. Has ever. Made you think. I wasn’t. The weird kid? What possible story could I have told you that gave you the impression I wasn’t a little weirdo?! I made a kid bleed on the bus! I got blacklisted by several different parents! Of course I was a weird kid!!!”

“You made him bleed?!”

“I was fucking feral! He sat next to me and was mean so I attacked him!”

“Where did you bite him?”

“I have no way of knowing that! I was a barbarian as a child. I might still be, but now I don’t get into fights, so I don’t know. I do know I had to sit at the front of the bus all week.”

“Did your parents get mad?”

“I don’t think anyone told them. That kid sure didn’t. And the bus driver punished me, so.” I paused meditatively while they kept quietly laughing in horror. “No one else tried to sit with me though.”

“No shit! I wouldn’t have wanted to sit with a kid that bit and scratched people!”

“I at least hissed at him in warning before I did it.”

That made them laugh harder and hug my head to their chest. They finally managed to say, “My beautiful freak wife. My feral little goblin.”

[ruporas]

kisses of affirmation (ID in alt)

[incognitopolls]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[conceiteddemon]

Amity is snippy with Hunter not because she hates him or doesn’t trust him or doesn’t forgive him for eclipse lake, but because she has Also slotted him into a familial sibling role in her head and is the only one of the Hexsquad with experience prior to the start of the show with being a Little Sister. Like she saw him, clocked him as Gus and Luz’s older brother, and went ‘okay I got this I know how to interact with older brothers. HEY DIPSHIT YOUR OUTFIT SUCKS’

[casawio]

when i was in middle school i heard that autistic people use "social scripts" and i was like "oh that sounds helpful!" so my stupid ass made a google document

[yardsards]

the true lumity dynamic is just

(luz is the btw and amity is the tbh)

[libertarian-princess]

The best part is, they could google social scripts but they won't.

I feel like in the rush of “throw out etiquette who cares what fork you use or who gets introduced first” we actually lost a lot of social scripts that the younger generations are floundering without.

[femmesandhoney]

i think queer identity makes people boring and not the other way around. i come across so many women who are insightful and smart and funny who identify as some flavor of nonbinary or queer and its like once they remember "oh yeah i identify as those things" in the middle of a conversation it comes across as insincere and random and dull to whatever we were previously talking about. like when they're being themselves they're complex individuals, but once they remember they have to push an identify complex on themselves and have to make sure you know they don't feel like a woman 100% of the time or something all their personality suddenly tanks as they try to artificially craft themselves to you.