#so shouldn’t be a long lasting thing
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Obsessed with all your Kurt fics! Was wondering if maybe you could do something along the lines of watching a scary movie with him and rubbing against him accidentally in fear. Then it slowly turns into sex as he just moans and grinds against you? I hope that makes sense 😅 I see Kurt as a bottom but I think he could totally be a top rarely. Can this time be one of them?
Tysm cherub! I’m rly glad you like them haha!
Watching the horror film was already turning Kurt on a little. Not that he’d ever admit that to you. But you two lying on the couch like this to watch movies, with Kurt spooning you from behind as you both lay in the dark room, his arms around your body, and his crotch pressed up against your ass? Well this position usually caused a rise in Kurt down there. You, in general, always did.
You both usually enjoyed your horror film nights. But this movie you’d picked, was based around something you’d told Kurt you’d always been scared of. He thought you were so cool, for picking that one on purpose then. Kurt always thought you were cool.
Although it did give him an extra, unexpected, advantage. While Kurt sometimes would test rubbing himself against you in this position, this time, he didnt have to move first. Apparently you were finding this film that played on your personal fears scary, because every time you jumped, you launched yourself back straight into Kurt. And with no space at the back of the couch for him to go, you were bouncing against his already stiffening cock each and every time.
And then there were the moments you were waiting in anticipation for a jumpscare. Oh boy. Kurt felt you wriggling, writhing back into him, trying to push and squeeze and mould yourself as best you could into Kurt’s body, especially at this arched angle. Which meant the minute of you wriggling into him, preceded almost every thrust against his cock.
Not only was this immensely turning Kurt on. But it also made him feel protective of you, in a way. Or more so, like he should be your protector. It was really speaking to his dominant side.
“Baby, are you too scared?” Kurt asked in the quiet of the room, stroking your hair behind your head as he questioned you. Comforting you with his tucks, as he got to play with your hair, and see how scared you were in his arms right now. Just how much you needed him.
You thought his voice sounded flatter because he was tired, or unsure why you were scared, he could sometimes get like that when others were emotional in scenarios, he would seemingly be able to shove any emotions deep down for. Not that Kurt couldn’t get emotional in other ways. You didn’t quite catch the sultry hint in his voice, with the screaming in the forefront of your earshot. His touch did feel good though. You leant into Kurt more. “No. I’m enjoying it. Just hold me more Kurt please? I like that.” You rubbed your head into his hand, a bit like a cat, and you could feel his laughter bursting through his nose, as he rubbed your head. Seemingly finding it cute.
“Okay. I’m here. I’ll look after you.” Kurt responded, like something was funny. Still rubbing and petting your head. Giving you a kiss there though, humming against a vein in your skull, which was making your brain feel a bit weird, but you weren’t going to say anything in the hush.
That was until, you felt Kurt slamming his hips into you. His arms wrapped smoothly around your waist the second his hips dug in. No subtlety, and no grace or decorum. Just pounding his crotch straight into your flesh, looking down at it carnally.
“Kurt what’re you doing?!” You shriek a little, only because you’re caught off guard, you hardly notice your hand moving atop his, keeping his arm caged in around you.
You don’t realise how much your shriek helps your lover, especially with the bloody yelling from the tv screen. Kurt huffs against the back of your head, pushing you down a little as he focuses on his angle. Pressing your body into the sofa to rub himself extra hard against you, in just the right places. “You said you wanted me to look after you.” He replied simply, before flipping you over so you’re fully on your back.
And this time you can see his smirk, in between the way he licks at his lips, from your yelp at the sudden move. His hands managing to turn you over so easily. To move you about recklessly, at his will. And his eyes so amused, so hungry, at your surprised expression.
That greed soon took over his eyes though, and it was if as the tv screen flickered to a brighter colour in the room, you could tell Kurt’s eyes had somehow gotten darker.
Kurt’s hand lurched out to your clothed core. Cupping his palm around your heat and pressing there, as if to not let you go. You couldn’t help but buck up into his hand. Straight into the warmth of his palm, a small high pitched moan escaping you at the sudden touch.
“I can feel how needy you are for me here.” Kurt purred, rubbing over your cunt not like he does when he wants to serve and please you, but like he’s lewdly groping the piece of you he wants so bad. His whole aura was overpowering. And you couldn’t help but quieten down as Kurt glared above you. Your lips puckered ready for a kiss, even as your throat stopped with no words even wanting to come out. They weren’t necessary. Kurt’s dominant look persevered. “I said I was going to look after you.”
He spoke clearly, confidently, domineering. Kurt wasn’t saying this as a promise to you like one you’d asked him to keep. Kurt was saying it as a rule he had created, and would kill before letting anyone alter it, or stop him from following. Kurt would not be misunderstood, or made out to be any less powerful. This Kurt would not be called bossy, and stop tantrumming for what he wants by getting a hint of attention. You knew your Kurt. This was his time to shine, and really show off his dominant side in front of you.
Kurt shoved his hands behind your head. Accidentally getting his long digits tangled in your hair, but he moved them around until they were set locking you in from behind. He threw his leg over your body and you gasped as his weight came down, a sudden move that left you caught weak, and slightly stunned. That’s when Kurt started grinding into you. Dry humping you, even with both your clothes on, but being so close, so insanely covetous. And he was really pressing into you.
You were moaning quickly, body moving under him with each powerful thrust, as he pushed his clothed member into your mount. You could feel how rock hard Kurt was, even with all the layers. And he was resolute to shove that inside you. Masterfully unflinching. When he was like this, you always thought he’d be able to fuck you even with your clothes on. Rip a hole through both your goddamn pants with how hard he thrusts into you. Piercing the clothes from friction and stubbornness and his determination to fuck you so bad. Of course you knew it was impossible. But when he was in charge like this, you just knew to stay under him, let him work you both through it, and you simply moaned with the possibilities, of him being so good in control.
“Look at you. You’re getting all needy.” Kurt pants above you. And you know he’s talking about the fact you’re still fully dressed, but you’re digging your hands into his arms to even attempt at quietening down your whines. The fact he can probably feel how wet you are, even through those layers. Kurt was usually needy, but Kurt loved when you got needy back.
A scream filled the room, that wasn’t yours. And for just two seconds, escaping Kurt’s glowering gaze, you turned your head to the side, to see the tv. The rest of the room black, except for the glow illuminating you two in this salacious position, on the goddamn couch. Your eyes on the screen as a girl screamed at her killer.
“Don’t look at that.” Kurt snapped your attention back, hand going to your cheek after he spoke, just locking it there to cage you in even more. “Just look at me.”
You nodded, Kurt starting to move against you more again, quicker now. His hair bouncing over you as his head tilted back. A small “Fuck” leaving his lips breathlessly.
“Mmhm. Promise. I’ll look at you Kurt.” You said quietly, getting him to look back at you with a satisfied gaze in his eyes.
As Kurt’s head shot forward, you thought he was going to kiss you. But instead, he pressed his forehead against yours. Still sweet, in a way, even as you two were bouncing, and he was panting still, against your face. Kurt hummed, and you could feel his hips slowing down, thinking he was about ready to cum. But instead, Kurt pressed onto you one tiny kiss, poorly aimed to the side of your nose, before he dragged your thighs down, and started pulling your pants off you. You should’ve known Kurt in this mindset wouldn’t be done so quickly.
You helped him out, taking off your own shirt, while Kurt did his, although Kurt’s hands slapped onto your chest before you could remove your bra. You winced a little, he’d clearly been eager, but Kurt hummed as he rubbed over your breasts. Rolling them in his hands, as he kept rutting at you, this time into the back of your thigh, where he could more easily reach, instead of your cunt. Although he didn’t seem to mind either way.
Then Kurt’s mouth darted forward, and it was on your chest in an instant. He mouthed over your breasts noisily, humming in either content, or an earthly thirst for more. Kissing over them in wide open kisses, sucking the top of them into his mouth, scraping his teeth over them, biting them, flatly jamming his tongue against them. Whatever he could do, before he was ripping your bra off you.
Before you could complain with an actual shout, Kurt cut you off hastily by promising “I’ll buy you it again.” In fact, as his mouth moved down to sloppily kissing, and scraping his teeth over your bellybutton, in a feasting way simply hungry for more of your flesh, he promised to buy you five more.
Kurt managed to relieve your nipple of his mouth quickly enough, his hands aiming for his pants, and the zipper sound made a spark soar even greater between your legs. When your hands reached over to help him out his confines, he pushed them away however. Freeing himself, before moving back to press your hands together, into your chest. Kurt looked you up and down for a few seconds. Considering you, almost, as you gazed at him too. Until he finally spoke up, with a sharp “Mine.”
“Mmhm. All yours Kurt.” You promised him.
That seemed to slow down his movements a little. Soften him. And as you raised a hand to cup his cheek, you watched as his eyes shut closed, and he leaned into your touch. God he was so warm. But you didn’t get long to think, because his eyes were open again and, while slightly less steely, still very much in charge.
You watched his hand reach downwards, and you knew what he was doing. Relaxing into the couch, while Kurt started pushing himself inside you.
You could tell he was being still gentler as he did this. His hand went to your arm, supporting you, as he grazed just the tip inside. You extended your neck, tilting your chin upwards, hoping Kurt would get the message. And oh was he such a good boyfriend. He knew what you liked. Kurt immediately went in on your neck. Pressing kisses to your favourite spot of all time. Covering your neck and jaw in sloppy, nipping, deep bruising kisses. Nuzzling his mouth back and forth wildly into the crook of your neck, that made you whine right into his ear, as he pushed himself inside you. Enough so he could start fucking you, only pulling back from your neck when the wet slapping sounds of him fucking your hole began to become audible.
Kurt pressed down his bare chest on top of you, and you could feel how even, and how rugged, his breaths were, as his eyes focused in on you, fucking you like his life depended on it, on this couch. He only seemed to get this controlled when he’s dominant, and it was doing a lot for you. Raising your hand up to cup his cheek, while he just stares down at you, you feel him rocking hard against your walls, almost filling you to the point he can fuck that sensitive part deep inside, already. Kurt bites at your palm, and you only moan in response. Something that gets you bitten everywhere else.
He presses not just his chest, but his whole body weight on top of you. With you unable to tell if his eyes are lighting up or darkening, at the way your hands scratch marks into his back whenever he does so. Locking you in place with his thighs, hands creating shaped bruises into your flesh that are from passion alone. And you’re sure he’s going to be excitedly kissing all over later.
His cheek presses to the side of your head at one point. And maybe it’s just so you can feel his drool from his lips, and hear his rough breath in your ears, and stick to his sweat, all while he can so dirtily inhale at your neck, and make you feel like a piece of meat. Only increasing that feeling as his thumb presses jabs into your clit. Forceful, but not in an awkward painful way. Soon Kurt’s abusing your poor, swollen button. Swearing you off from cumming until he’s finshed fucking you. Until he says he’s filled you full with his cum, until he’s bred you properly. Stuffed so full it’ll be leaking out of you, and he won’t let anyone else touch you, since they’ll see how full of his cum you are. Kurt’s breeding kink always seemed to come more head on, when he was feeling dominant with you.
And as a woman screams, and red light fills the room from the blood splatter on screen, Kurt can feel himself unravelling as your moans turn into your own screams in unison. Your nails dig into his back as you start groaning into his shoulder, while you finally cum, with his grunted permission of “Go ahead. Fucking cum for me.”
Kurt smashes his lips into yours, and finally feels that release. Cumming so deep inside you, while he keeps thrusting his hips. Needing it all. Needing to feel your walls clench around him and keep him in tight, while you scream his name, and he gets to make you his even more by shooting his load inside you. His own pleased moans being swallowed by your lips, as he ravages yours back. Being able to fuck you through your orgasm as he keeps cumming deep inside your pussy, finally shaking on his arms a little, as he holds you, still. Finally feeling all of himself draining, and wanting nothing more than to just collapse on top of you, still inside, and finish the movie. Kurt can’t help but kiss you when he cums, even when he’s very dominant, a lot of the time. It’s just in Kurt’s nature now. Something his brain, and his heart, are just created to do.
But don’t worry. Kurt always gives such good aftercare to his baby. Once they’ve been shown how dominant he can be. He’ll make sure you know you’re his, you’re with him, for good reason! And he wants to make sure you’re feeling just as loved, actually more, than when you began. Anything you need, is yours, okay? Are you okay? He’s still so thankful for having you in his life, and so happy, in this instance, that he got to fuck you so good you nearly cried as a horror film played the score for your grand love scene :)
#I didn’t feel as good abt this one but maybe it’s bc I don’t write super dom men as much??#idm writing dom men at all but I usually do softer dom types (maybe it’s bc I dislike overpowering men irl 🤭 LMFAO)#i do still write dom men tho loads so idk maybe I just felt off today haha#also bc I’ve written a lot of Kurt smut recently sometimes I feel like if I try to change it up it’s not as good and gets worse the more#stuff I try to do/dif ways I try to describe it ig?#but I think that just comes with writing a lot of dif pieces with the same genre in a small time period bwaha#so shouldn’t be a long lasting thing#hope y’all still enjoy anyway!!#hope this was alright! :)#citrussy#kurt kunkle#spree 2020#anon#ask#kurt kunkle/reader#kurt kunkle x reader#kurt kunkle drabble
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I love this show and it means a lot to me,
and I feel disappointed and a little bit misled tbh by the choices they have made-
These are two thoughts that can coexist btw
#911 lone star#911 lone star season 5#like im not an idiot#okay i am but that’s not what this is#i was not expecting 20 minutes of emotional conversation#but bare minimum Tarlos is NOT a peck on the cheek with no actual dialogue#in the entire episode#bare minimum Tarlos used to be they would talk about things and it wouldn’t take that long#like this episode in context- this is like in season 3 is TK woke from the coma and the next scene was the 126 is going to be knocked down-#and we learn TK and Carlos moved in together form talking- we didn’t get the welcome home TK scene#this is like if in season two after TK stormed out after the farmers market- we never got the scene where he comes back#we see him storm out and the next episode they’re fine with nothing in between#this like is if the police station scene never happened - cause why do we need to see them talk about things?#TK storms out of Carlos’s place and the next we see they’re at darts-#cause we didn’t need any of that emotional bonding stuff right??#this is most like in season two when we see things get physical becuase Gabriel arrested Owen and no one knows why#and the next we see TK is coming home and we never saw them talk about it#although I would still argue this one is worse#look I’m not talking for anyone but myself here-#but the reason I know this should have been more is because those are the standards this show has set#these characters needed to have that talk-#in particular Carlos has gone through so much seemingly alone the last twenty four hours -#there’s no reason we shouldn’t have seen them have that talk#like forget the fandom for a minute- these make believe characters deserved a better conclusion to this arc than this#tarlos#carlos reyes#tk strand#okay im done#court dismissed - bring in the dancing lobsters
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If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.
I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.
#you can see why I’m restarting meds#my brain is constantly convincing me that my teeth are about to actually finish rotting out of my mouth and I probably have an abscess#already that is going to give me a jaw or heart infection#which is VERY unlikely#and that my dog is deeply sick and I should rehome her and give her to someone who’ll take proper care of her and isn’t me#yadda yadda#it’s been fucking miserable#the only good part is 1) I’m going to get the worst part over with (starting the process) and#2) even if I completely flee and refuse to go back I’ll have one dental cleaning at least helping with plaque buildup and stuff#this is so fucking EMBARRASSING it’s all so EMBARASSING#it shouldn’t be this hard for me and I know it’s irrational#I’m just so scared because it’s so triggering for me for NO REASON and#I KNOW that this time when we get to the multiple fillings and at least one root canal and also my impacted wisdom teeth that it’ll be#different and I won’t go un-numb or if I do again they’ll have better checks in place for when I panic lie to their faces#but it doesn’t help#and I’m so sure they’re gonna tell me I need three or more root canals because I’ve waited way way too long#and I STILL can’t consistently keep up with brushing and flossing#which is the most embarassing and shameful thing in the world and I KNOW#but I’m scared shitless of all of it and it’s all a sensory nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway I’m not going to be okay later this week and I’m not particularly okay now#so if I’m not around online much#that’s why#but I’m happy news Aoife and I are having some lovely walks this week and she’s very cute and snuggly and we played tug a lot of times yest#*yesterday and she also stayed sniffing a bush while a bike went past two feet away#instead of getting startled and needing to hop or bark at it and then calm down#I’m so proud of her#and I wouldn’t be able to do this at all without my very kind partner who spearheaded scheduling the dentist (and researching places)#after my jaw pain nervous breakdown last week#health#personal
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one thing you can count on is that i will be yapping in the group chat regardless of whether or not i’m getting responses
#my college’s yik yak had one day last year where a bunch of people started posting like we were in the omegaverse and of course i love a bit#so i joined in#and someone posted as an alpha saying omegas shouldn’t have jobs etc etc#and i decided my fate#and got into an over an hour long argument about omega rights#you don’t get to decide what you’d be in the omegaverse. sometimes that decision is made for you in an instant by the universe#this was the infamous conversation where i was told ‘go back to your nest’#a sentence which lives in my head and will stick with me forever#being told that sort of thing just melds into your soul#omegaverse#yes i’m omegaverse posting again. and what about it
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sometimes dreams are insightful. like the time i had a dream where i fell asleep on the shoulder of my former best friend and realized it was because i missed hugging her.
sometimes they’re stupid though and mean absolutely nothing. like the one i just had about a weird marionette doll and her frankenstein like husband having to flee their adams family style house to some random italian countryside to escape the police while trying to figure out how to be parents to their newborn child
#kiwi shares their thoughts#i had… a lot of dreams i remembered today#what i hate is that my favorite one was interrupted before it finished#but even before that it was like my dream psyched me out#i was waiting for something and then it fucking changed the subject#false hope in a dream is a sucker punch to the gut when you wake up#i’m just not gonna read too much into it because sometimes you shouldn’t put so much stalk in dreams#so even though it sucks to think about that dream when i’m awake#it’s still my favorite because it made me feel the best in the dream#what i’m learning though#is that i’m craving cuddles#cause two of my dreams were about that#and it was from different people so i think it’s just a general want and not from a specific person#i had i think four different distinct dreams i remember but all of them but one did that dream morph thing#where the plot/art style changed halfway through#so even though it was a continuous sequence of events theyre almost disconnected enough to count as separate dreams#but they were actually just one long semi-cohesive dream#what WAS super crazy though was in the last dream the art style literally changed#like it went from real people with weird old hollywood horror movie effects and quality#to an almost combo of adams family-stop motion-book of life-willoughbys type style#the visual representation changed as the character and plot and vibe of the story changed#yo but that was probably the most interesting dream of the four#it had insane plot and cool animation and even the very disturbing beginning part was cool if ur into things that are a little fucked up bu#overall wholesome
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Happy “panic attack at the thought of doing anything” season guys!!!🎉🎉🎉
#time change hits and BOOM everything is paralyzing and terrifying!!#it’s so fun!!#I’ll make sure I don’t push people away this year#that’ll make things worse#but UUUUUGH OMFG#Annoying#i feel very useless whenever I’m like this#and i constantly seek validation to prove to myself something i don’t know#I think I’m trying to prove that even like this I’m not completely useless#that people care even when im this pathetic#it’s annoying because I only started to feel better in like August?#getting broken up with definitely didn’t help but I hope this feeling doesn’t last that long again#bc it drives me crazy#yap yappity yap#I am so annoying!!! why do people like me!!! why can’t I just be normal!!! I wish I could be useful!!!#no one should look up to me or admire me like they do#I’m barely holding myself together why do people think highly of me#im pretty pathetic#but it’s fine I’ll be okay#there are people who love me a lot#even if I tell myself they shouldn’t they will love me anyway#things will be okay again. I don’t need to be strong I just need to push through#maybe there’s strength in that or maybe I’m just trying to make myself feel better#i just don’t know what to do with myself when doing anything brings that horrible weight on my chest#but I’ll persist. I always do and I will do so again
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the amount of surprised pika “wait people actually shave their arms?” comments on posts about body hair are so funny like I unironically am so happy for you that you weren’t laughed at by a classmate for having hairy arms “like a man” in like 4th grade this is why I wish body hair conversations would stop centering around armpit hair
#okay that’s the tldr but the way I actually remember it is that the classmate (a boy) pointed out my arm hair and ask why so hairy#and I genuinely was so confused I was just like idk??? and then later at home that day I asked my mom about it and she was like#It’s bc your dads side of the family is hairy so then I later talked to that guy again like ‘I take after my dad’ or whatever#And /then/ is when he laughed and was like ‘but you’re a girl’ about it#Granted I’m non-binary but like I didn’t know that in elementary#Plus I didn’t stop shaving until around mid 2010s and was still self conscious about it for years#Like I remember feeling embarrassed during college (2018ish) if I had to use the rest room and someone else was in there when I would roll#My sleeves up to wash my hands#Anyways I eventually stopped caring about it sometime within the last year or 2 but see how long that took? It really shouldnt#Like some of us just genetically have more darker thicker visible body hair than others and we shouldn’t be shamed for it#One thing at a time though because even I’m still working through leg hair shame#I don’t shave them anymore but I also haven’t worn shorts outside of my bedroom in years#I’ll literally switch into shorts if it’s too hot right before bed and switch back into pants before stepping out of my room in the morning#I’ve been feeling cute the past few days and it’s starting to warm up again plus also had a convo w mom recently so#I might change that soon but only within the house still bc baby steps <3#Anyways I’m just rambling now so I should stop. Good night !!
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I’m gonna be pathetic real quick,
#I miss her so much#dealing with a one sided crush on one of my closest friends no less has not been easy#we haven’t really hung out this year not bc of the feelings stuff but bc I was tired of always being the one to plan hang outs and outreach#this has always been our dynamic#she’s just not the initiator type#which was fine at first#but for me the more I put into a friendship the more I expect in return#so it was hard not to take it personally when things didn’t change after we talked abt it#anyway she graduated college today#and idk if it just really sunk in that this is very likely the last time we will ever be in proximity to each other#but something abt it just kinda hit me today#a part of me wishes she had reached out#but maybe this is for the best#I feel I shouldn’t have to ask for what I need every single time#the down side is that knowing that doesn’t cancel out the years of friendship#I’ve always had a hard time letting people go#a part of me almost always cares about them for a long time#it’s hard bc my college experience was largely knowing that while I had friends I likely wasn’t their top choice#or part of their larger group#I floated around a lot which was cool sometimes and lonely other times#but if there was any person who I would have expected or I guess even just wanted to put in more of an effort it was her#personal#rambles#vent#it is complicated navigating friend expectations vs crush yearning#but I like to think that I can be rational enough to distinguish between the two#and so not ask for anything that is outside the reasonable expectation for friends#idk man it’s been an emo day overall ig
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i do love my family very dearly but the internalized ableism the men in here struggle with is. so much
#marzi speaks#it’s worse with my brother but he’s doing more to actively work on improving that#my dad however has very subtle internalized ableism that i don’t think he recognizes is there#which is. fun#like earlier. either last night or this morning i don’t remember#i was talking to him about how while ideologically i have nothing against accepting needing help and things like that#in practice it’s very challenging to adjust to being disabled even temporarily. and that if i do end up with a diagnosis that’s gonna be#a lot to handle. both mentally and just with the lifestyle changes i’ll have to make#and he makes a bit of a face and goes ‘i wouldn’t quite call you disabled. i’d just say ‘ill’’#and i just sort of look at him. and i blink. and i go ‘i am physically Un-Able to do things i am normally able to do’#‘i can’t walk long distances at all. i can’t sit in chairs for too long without causing pain’#‘i’ve spent the last 24 hours staring longingly at my computer because i want to draw but am currently Not Able To’#he didn’t argue with me but i can tell he was still unnerved by the idea of picturing his daughter as disabled#also like . illness and disability are not mutually exclusive? several disabilities are or involve chronic illness#i shouldn’t be surprised though. i mentioned considering starting lexapro#and he went on his ‘you’re an adult and it’s your choice in the end but i wouldn’t recommend it’ spiel#(he’s anti-psychiatry bc he doesn’t like the idea of breaking the brain down into smth so purely physical)#(and also doesn’t like the idea of someone being dependent on pills their whole life)#(which i’m giving him some slack on rn bc he is a just-got-clean recovering opoid addict. so)#(btw before any of you say SHIT abt my dad he took his pills legally prescribed for chronic pain and did not abuse them)#(and even if he DID that would give nobody a right to make a moral judgement on him. ok cool)#i then reminded him that my mom takes anti-anxiety meds and they really really helped her#and he just goes ‘true.’ and moves on#king u got some shit to unpack#it’s fine if u didn’t want to start antidepressants when it was recommended to you meds aren’t for everyone#but like come on now. u don’t gotta be so fundamentally against it when literally ur own wife who you adore takes psych meds#anywho my mom handled me making the disability comment much better. she was basically just like ‘ur fear is totally understandable’#‘u have a good support system we’ll help you through it’#which. thanks mom 👍 that was very kind of her to say
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My sister is doing so well at the spa where she works as an LMT at 😭…
#she gets like over $100 in tips every time she works too I’m so happy#especially since she’d been struggling for a while because of her license taking forever to process and the other places that she’d been#working at had not been as reliable#she’d already passed her test back in like November or so and it shouldn’t have taken this long for her license to process they kept on#giving#her the run around#she was supposed to have gotten it by march bro#she’s just now getting it#the place that she’s at now had already hired her back then so it’s nice that she didn’t have to reapply because of so many months passing#by#maybe I should become an lmt they make bank 😭#I told her that I didn’t want to be a copy cat tho lol#maybe in the future#I still want to get my esthetician license first#and then get certified in both laser hair and tattoo removal since that is where the money is at#rambling#I’m so happy that trades are a thing because you really don’t need to go to college to become successful or make a decent living you could#just pick up a couple of trades or so#take the courses that’ll usually last from between 6-12 months and wala#it’s mostly ideal for to at least get your HS diploma though (PLEASE) or else you’ll be pretty much stuck in a rut unless you get lucky some#how#it’ll just cause you a lot of problems down the line tbh#and the GED process is also a hassle especially as you grow older since you tend to forget lots of things#now she can finally pay me back some money that she owes me because my ass is broke rn and I need a job lol#all of my funds (had quite a bit saved) are almost gone so I can’t really afford to sit around anymore since I have a phone bill to pay#and I want to get back to paying the rent and helping with groceries again/ my moms life insurance#my phone bill went down to like $133 tho so oh??? it was $146… smh
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fuck romeo and juliet i want what kane and kalani have
Thank you, have some more 👍👍
Also some misc. facts about them:
- Kain was the captain of the baseball team in highschool, his dream was to become a professional if he didn’t loose his leg
- Kalani did ballroom dancing in highschool with Val
- Kalani works for the government under the Council, her boss is Virgil who’s the Chancellor
- She lives in the capital but comes down to see Kain and the others on every other week on weekends/her days off
- they both like going bowling together with the girls
#I drew these two a long time ago so if there’s any differences that’s why 💀#I talked about Kain on the last one so I’ll talk a little about Kalani here#Val and Kalani went to the same boarding school#both of them were loners so they kinda just started talking and became friends#then they graduated and Kalani hadn’t seen Val since#(until like 2 years ago)#anyway like I said she got that bad burn on her face from saving Kain from that burning building#she had a lotta self esteem issues with it afterwards#Kain feels guilty for it too#but he tells her that it’s a scar of heroism#and that she shouldn’t be ashamed#he wouldn’t be alive without her#when Kain disappeared she decided to help his mom take care of the two girls he saved and adopted#and learned a lot about him from his mother#Kalani’s main thing though is that she wants to do some kind of good#she wants to prove that she’s a good person because she feels like she doesn’t deserve the kindness she gets#she knows Kain has some kind of feelings towards her#but she has a complex that she doesn’t deserve his love#because anyone could’ve saved him and he would’ve fallen for them anyway#she thinks that her role in the story can be easily replaced#which is total bullshit but poor girl’s been through it#anyway I ranted again sorry; 😞#retrograde ask#retrograde#haliai ask
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ourgejjg
#i am feeling so ill rn for no reason and i need to shower and wash my hair so bad but i can tell if i do it rn it’ll make the#lightheadedness ten times worse and there is a nonzero chance i will just pass out in there 😭#best guess is bc my period started today and yeah the first two days suck but they’re not usually This bad#personal#also this is the last thing i need rn it’s tech week and all rehearsals lately have been going/are going to go till 10 pm and i have no tim#to do all my assignments and my probability prof assigned a lab today that’s due TMRW AT MIDNIGHT? <- we usually get a class period btwn#it being assigned and the deadline and he’s not even giving us until the next class period to do it now like why is it due at midnight#instead of noon the next day… also i have not one but two exams immediately following this weekend and i really want to see my family for#easter but that sounds like such a bad idea im so unproductive at home and i’ll be busier than usual when i go home on top of that bc easte#and one of the exams is circuits for which exams are worth 90% of our grade and im averaging a 74% at the moment which is NOT#promising and. AAAAA#also have an exam this thursday which imnot nearly as worried abt but still. and i have to meet w someone abt a scholarship tmrw during my#free period so i Still can’t work on that stupid lab due tmrw night like. this sucks okay ‼️#the engineering chronicles#the music chronicles#i know it was only a matter of time before musical started stressing me out but 😭 please give me back the joys of saturday’s rehearsal…#oh also there’s ANOTHER probability lab due day after easter and same day as circuits exam and the prof is the same so he knows full well#what he’s doing like. why are you not giving us the usual period in btwn for these anymore fuck you <3#OH ALSO soldering qualification i need to do for like 3 hours wednesday the night before my thursday exam. nearly forgot abt that one i hat#it hereeee#soldering i could reschedule tho which i might do. but ive already pushed it back once so im like :/ do i really wanna do that#idk. still feel sick as fuck and still need to do physics prelab tonight 😭 it shouldn’t take long but i really don’t want to get up and#stare at my computer even more ifeel so awful rn#ANYWAY. sorry that was oversharing even for me i am just 😐 you know.
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the thing is. yeah kendall feels like his whole life now is worth nothing. the one thing he was always meant to do, since he was seven years old he now cannot do. he will never get to do it. so he might as well die, right? he might as well end it all but the thing is life is never that kind nor generous. so i think kendall will try and fail. and he’ll try again and again but the world will keep its grip on him and eventually he’ll just stop trying. and yeah maybe he’ll never be a whole person (we’re nothing) maybe he’ll take logan’s advice and collect sports cars or write a book or start a new company but either way he’ll be forced to start anew. kendall logan roy died it’s just kendall now. and this outcome in itself is generous in a way because circumstances out of his control have kind of forced him to hold some accountability for his own life finally instead of counting on broken promises his father made him at 7 years old. he’s actually being forced to Be instead of just living up to someone else’s name. and he actually has people around him who still undoubtedly care. he’s sick and horrible and twisted but he is still ultimately lovable. he is still a human being weeping on the dirty ground even though he has spent so long trying not to be. even though he recanted the very thing that made him Real. the world will simply not relinquish its hold on him! tragic but somewhat hopeful in a way
#like he’s never going to be happy. never ever. but being content or even ambivalent to your life is different than being happy and i truly#think kendall could get there at some point. something about the world forcing you to go on. i like how his last scene was surrounded by#earth and water. things that are Materially Real compared to kendall himself who is Not Real. like i think while some things can’t be#repaired it’s not too late for him to be a little bit involved in his kids lives. maybe a few years down the line. rava still cares about#him and offers him so much kindness even when she shouldn’t. he will have stewy forever like. stewy will love him forever. give roman a few#months. ultimately i think roman will push kendall away at first bc he spent this whole season maintaining his family out of Necessity and#i think kendall and roman have got to a place where it’s a bit sick. and roman will come around but he needs some time and so does kendall.#but ultimately they’ll be okay.#with shiv it’s like. well. god. like kendall will never ever be able to look tom in the eye ever. but i think they will not talk for years#maybe. but they’ll ache for each other a little bit. but also the resent and anger and hurt gets in the way. but i think give it like. 10#years or idk maybe even less but 10 seems good to me. and they’ll slowly start to let each other in again. i think the three of them will#grow old together like ultimately they’ll always be kids when they’re with each other ykwim.#but idk i think kenshiv will be okay in the end jus rn it’s bleak asf. i think at different times in the next few years they will Try with#each other but the other will be so resistant but there will be a time where they’re just both so Tired and when tom dies shiv will call#kendall first even though they maybe haven’t spoken for god knows how long and he will be with her on the phone. and when connor passes away#they will hold hands again and idk. they’ll be okay. broken but okay.#anyway. i’m so over this <- girl who will never ever be over it#kendall
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#had the worst day ever#last week things got a little better but today just destroyed all the progress i made#its so FRUSTRATING#how emotionally unstable i am 🫠#like idek if im just overly sensitive or ive really just been let down over and over again#and like bc of this i KNOW i shouldn’t expect ANYTHING at all not even human decency from others#but i still have hope unfortunately so i get crushed every time something goes wrong (all the time everyday)#today i woke up early to go run some errands and got home late at night#and the whole day i only had one piece of bread and iced tea#and like. i KNOW this is exactly why i feel awful and terrible and everything is shit#which is why its even more frustrating bc i can’t do anything about it when im this depressed rn…#and like . its really annoying that everything is just going so wrong that i give up on it all bc i just can’t deal with anything#i don’t even have my best friend anymore to complain to#i really really reallly can’t do this alone but ig this is how it’ll be for a long time#it’s been like this since early july… honestly i don’t even think things will get any better soon#seeing how even tho i made some progress last week i lost it all now and i will keep losing it over and over again#im going crazy really#and i wish my parents would stop making me feel guilty that im depressed#like genuinely what do you want me to do about it?????#you get annoyed at me when i don’t eat the food you make when u know im insane and paranoid and cannot eat this ive told u a million times#and the worst thing is that they KNOW what i like and eat but they don’t make it ever they keep making the food i can’t eat#like u can’t expect me to go inside the kitchen and make it myself bc i will literally pass out and die#im not kidding when i say this bc so many times i try and i really faint bc of the distress it makes me feel#i feel like this might sound extremely stupid to anyone who hasn’t experienced it but that’s just how it is here#anyway im gonna go to sleep now even tho im probably gonna die of frustration#i don’t think i’ll even wake tomorrow x_x my head feels like it might explode any second now#we have a family gathering tomorrow but im ditching them so ill probably just sleep until tuesday 😀 great#(i say this bc its 7am rn… by tomorrow i mean today but it’s tomorrow in my head bc im still up)
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day 2 and a half of being high. this just shouldn’t be physically possible is the thing.
#i feel like that one post that’s like things to tell your high friend. no one’s ever been this high i don’t think it’s ever gonna end#also just so we’re clear i’m 90% sure it’s not weed cus i only smoked a little bit i think it’s the other shit i took that. simply shouldn’t#be able to last this long but idk
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Hey guyssss
Just somehow managed to screw up a major, never-ever-going-to-get-back thing in an even more stupid way than i did the last time I fucked up with a one-chance-so-don’t-screw-it-up, never-going-to-get-back thing.
I can’t even BEGIN to explain what happened.
Didn’t hurt anyone this time, though, thankfully. Just myself :) /s
I just love shooting my chances point-blank in the most stupid ways by failing to use logical reasoning. What the hell is wrong with me.
#vent post#vent#personal vent#cw venting#I’ve honestly lost count of how many times my chronic stupidity has gotten in the way of an opportunity.#between the end of last school year and today.#I’m. so fucking tired of this.#why can’t I fucking THINK. This SHOULDN’T BE A PROBLEM.#this kind of thing has ruined pretty much EVERYTHING for me so far. it’s a goddamn TREND.#wonder what I’m gonna ruin next.#another friendship perhaps#maybe a college opportunity#who knows#sorry for the long vent#I’m going to go punch a wall now /nsrs
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